June 19, 2025 • 22 mins
Jana Kramer is joined by her husband Allan to deep dive into topics they've never talked about before!
Was Allan scared of Jana's "baggage"? When they first hooked up - who did they tell after the fact? Was Allan's athletic career a red flag for Jana?
This I Do Part 2 couple is spilling all the tea!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
It's I Do Part two and I'm one of your hosts.
It's Jana Kramer. And most of the time I'm on
this podcast, I'm talking with celebrities or people that want
to share their divorce stories. But I'm kind of excited
because today my guest is none other than my husband,
Alan Russell. Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
So today we're going to dive into some questions maybe
we haven't answered before, give our listeners a little more
insight to who we are as a couple. You know,
we share on my you know, wind down and adult
education podcast that we do some things about our relationship,
and I feel like we've opened up about, you know,
(00:54):
certain things, whether it's parenting or our marriage.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
But we're going to get a little deeper so to give.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
People a little backstory that don't really know our relationship.
Alan is from Alabama. He's got a beautiful Southern accent,
right then, I do, yeah, yeah, he's he's from Glasgow, Scotland.
And we have been together all right, beib how many
(01:26):
years have we been together for? How many long, long,
long years?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Nearly three, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
So we've been almost together for three We've been married
for almost a year or year anniversaries coming up on
July thirteenth, and we have a nineteen month old baby.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
This is technically our fourth years together because we met
in twenty two three ago, twenty four together and there's
twenty five, so we're in our fourth, fourth year of
knowing each other.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Can you do it like that?
Speaker 2 (02:02):
You can do it how you funny?
Speaker 3 (02:03):
How you make the numbers work for you, you.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Know, one way if you want it to work the
other way. You minus like, oh, we were just you know,
a few short months manpulation.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
So when I was.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Single, this basically how we met, because that's one of
the things that people ask us all the time. So
when I was when I was single, obviously I got
a d M from Alan. He slid into my DMS
very respectfully.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
It's just you always use the world slid.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Well, what would you like to call it? Jump? You
jumped in you.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
SLID's such like a creepy, horrible way of describe as
I've mentioned manythings.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Okay, how would you like to describe it?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Then? Respectfully and politely.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
And entered that sounds that sounds I entered the premises.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Okay, yeah, I d M you Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
And so so that was so that was that. A
few thoughts starters though on this just in general about
when we started dating. You know, because I have been married,
so obviously you googled me. I mean you had to,
that's it.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
I would not, but not like, not like any sort
of I knew you were. I knew you were an
actress in a single, but that was kind of that
was kind of really I kind of left it that
you knew I was a mom. You knew more than that,
I know, mom. Yeah, I didn't. In no way did
I had a deep dive into your career, your your
(03:54):
writing career, your singing career, your past.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Nothing like that.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
I don't know if I have a hard time believing
that because just I mean, you flew from another country
to meet me, and that was that's the little research
you did.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
I'm not saying I did little research, but I didn't
do a deep dive into because people's people's past as
the past, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
But I think your past tells a lot though about
who that person is.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
It does it?
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Does it tells you the experiences they've had? Mm hmm,
it doesn't. And I always said this to you from
the very beginning. It tells me what your past was,
but do does not define what your future is. And
I've always said that to you, right. But I didn't
have to do a deep dive because I knew that
(04:46):
you're respected in your industry. You were clearly a really
great mum. So it's not like there was I wasn't
out there digging and searching for all things.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
I just wanted to get to know you.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
I think girls definitely do a more of a deep dive,
although it was a little harder to deep dive yours
because you had a private Instagram. Things were a little
bit more tight liped on your side. Yeah, I knew
you kicked the ball around because you were a professional athlete,
professional soccer player, sorry, football player, and then you were
coaching when I met you. Yeah, so when you found
(05:23):
out because I mean obviously when then you did on
your search. I mean it's right there on the Google page.
How many times I've been married, like you have to
have been? Like, uh, I would? I mean I judged
my past all the time. No I used to, I
don't anymore, but I mean on paper, it looks being terrible.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
Yeah, I'm also it looks terrible but you can tell
the you made chessy decisions when it wasn't because like
I think like one of your monitors was like a
week or somebody even though, yeah, so you can see that, Okay,
it might like married four times, but when you actually
look at it, it's like, Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Well.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
One of them was probably a real long term profile
marriage and the rest of them were maybe just decisions
that weren't wise when you were when you were younger,
which everyone does.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
M So it wasn't a turn off, No.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
Not so all I've ever made you feel like it,
like it was a ton of things.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I told you I would never judge you on your past.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
No, and I love that.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
I mean, I think one of the reasons why I
it was hard and it was hard for me to
date post because I'll never forget a date that I
was on when someone brought that up and said, my
sister doesn't want me to date you because of how
many times you've been married, and so immediately it was like, oh,
there's a shame around that, like it's you know, this
is bad, and no one will then will want to
(06:56):
date me, And so.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
Yeah, I think I think i've And again it goes
back to things that I've always said to you, right,
And I've always wanted you feel like I would never
shame you because you because it's shameful things that I've
done in my past. And then maybe not it's public
because as things has maybe happened to you. But I
would never want to be judged or shamed or that
(07:21):
to be called out just because I've made prap decisions
in my past. Everyone makes them. You've made pretty poor
ones with your marriage either, but I've made pretty poor
ones when in certain phases of my life through anger
or or too much to drink or whatever whatever it
may be, that that's at that stage. And I would
(07:43):
never want you to feel shamed, and I would never
judge you, which is why I've never done that. I
don't think I've ever once brought up the fact that
you are married four times, even in an argument or.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
No, well, because it's so to me. I mean it's
kind of I don't say, irrelevant, but it's been dealt with, right, Yeah,
were you nervous about dating a woman with baggage?
Speaker 4 (08:09):
The fine baggage like everyone befoty years old, bit everyone's
got baggage.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
I mean, I would say with you know, you're right,
like what I feel like once you once, if you're
dating in your mid thirties, someone's either most likely been
married or kids, got kids, or has been through something
in their life that has shaped them, has.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Abused, has been abused, has.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Those Yeah, and so I actually don't like the word baggage.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
No poof if you know it sounds like a damaged well.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Yeah, and that's where I don't like it. It's like
we've all been through things and it's kind of it's
very it's a very shaming word to put on someone.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
Yeah, well, what's your baggage? You have kids, baggage, that's life.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Yeah, that's actually beautiful. You're a mom and you're a father.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
Previous is you have previous marriages like either therefore you
learn from them and you become better. I think baggage
just another world for You've you've lived life a little
bit and you've experienced life.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Yeah, I think baggage is such just sounds so negative.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
Okay, So I'll get a question for you. With me
being a professional athlete and then being a professional coach
and being involved in the professional sport world, that gets
that gets a certain reputation like I remember dating some
people and they're like, well, my friends have told me
not today because you've been a professional football and you're
(09:51):
a professional coach. Because so there's a stigma attacks to
professional athletes, some justified and some not. Yeah, was that
the reason?
Speaker 3 (10:03):
I don't think you're gonna like my answer. You're actually
gonna hate my answer.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Either raise the flag or it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Well, but the answer is is the I've never dated
a soccer player as an athlete.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Okay, I've dated all the other ones, but every day
you so I didn't know about the soccer wor like
I know, like he's.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
A professional athlete. They have, they have reputations, right.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
And you know some are some they say are worse
than others.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Like, but I don't.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
I don't think it comes down to the sports that
they play, even though some people will say otherwise, It
all comes down back to the person. But yeah, of course,
I mean there's the stigma for a reason. There's there's
the stats for a reason. Looked at the starts, Well
that's just there, like professional athletes cheating, Like there's you know,
what's the stat and that it's a lot higher than
(11:08):
someone that's a teacher.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Yeah, of course, So yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
You weren't.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
I think what was helpful is that you weren't an
active player at the time. I think if you were
a player still, it would have maybe swayed my flag
to being more cautious. I think since you're out of
that world, in that arena, then it didn't make me
(11:36):
feel as nervous about it. But you know the coaching aspect,
there are you know, players in that too.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Yeah. Absolutely, yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
So again I think it just goes back to and
you could say the same thing about actresses, right, you know,
with being with people and actresses and dating co stars.
I mean it's that's possibly a flag somewhere thrown around
in there too, But I think it just goes back
to the person. I think there are some incredible, I know,
some very incredible athletes that you know, are married, that
(12:13):
are good men, that are you know, good Christian men,
that are family men. So it's like it's not fair
to put that stigma on every athlete that they're going
to cheat for I agree, So no, I don't think
I think it helped that you weren't playing though.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Yeah, okay when we first met, yep, were you thinking
marriage or was it or was it that?
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Even?
Speaker 1 (12:41):
I mean for for me, I I'm not. I've never
been one to like to date to just date. So
it's like, all right, if I want to date it
and then see if there's am I gonna What is
the point of of just dating to date? I mean,
actually see the point? And I did for a minute there,
just to see what I wanted, because I was like,
I don't even know what I like because I'm always
(13:03):
constantly asking other people do you think they're cool? Do
you think they're cute? Do you think they're this? And
I'm like I never and then I would maybe start
stay dating with the person because I'm like, oh, well,
they think he's cute or they think he's X, Y
and Z. Like I never went with my own opinion
or gut with things. So with us at that stage
(13:27):
in my life, especially having you know, the two kids
and stuff, I was always like, yeah, I want you know,
I wanted to get married again. I know it sounds crazy,
but I am the like hopeless romantic with I got
it wrong one two couple times, and I still believe
that my the right one was out there. And I
(13:49):
know you were too, because when we had our first
few dates, which, by the way, this could this could
look a little love bomby, but it wasn't because I
think we're on the same page. But like you sent
me when you were flying back to England, you sent
(14:10):
a picture of a ring. But like anybody else, I'd
be like, oh girl, they are love bombing you run.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
Yeah, but it was like we just knew, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
But yeah, anybody else i'd be like, that is a
massive red flag.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
And that when it was evident to me, I.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Think, and I think that's one of the things.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
Have been married before and being through the dacing side
of it and being through these experiences. Now we're in
my foot as you know you don't want and you
know what you want. Yeah, so therefore your decision making
becomes a lot clearer, a lot easier. I say, it's
always right, but you know what you want. And then
(14:52):
that comes along then like I knew straight away that
we'd get married.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
When we had sex, Who did you tell?
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Hm?
Speaker 3 (15:02):
Who did you.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Call my brother?
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (15:08):
Well I didn't call him and say, oh, we had sex.
We spoke the next day and he asked about what
had been how things had been gone.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
Yeah, So what you mean then what you said?
Speaker 2 (15:22):
What if city on my I phone phoned my mom,
I phone my dad?
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Well that's even grosser. But I'm just like, like, not
a friend. You didn't phone a friend?
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Yes, usable like my best friend.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
That's true. Did you tell me? How down? Alan?
Speaker 4 (15:39):
It's not like like my brother is like I speak
to him mostly like he's my uh huh okay?
Speaker 3 (15:47):
And but who did you tell my best friends? Almost
the difference, it's just way different?
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Is your best friends friends?
Speaker 3 (15:57):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Queendom. What did you say though with your brother? Because
it was cute? I mean I know what you said,
but you know what I said?
Speaker 3 (16:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:05):
What did I say?
Speaker 3 (16:06):
You say like I'm screwed or something?
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Basically for people who are dating long distance in their
chapter two or three like we did, how do you
suggest people keep it spicy when they're far apart?
Speaker 2 (16:22):
We spens for that long.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
October November December January February, five months long distance.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
But we weren't like that. We've seen each other sexy
kind of person.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
No, it's quite cheap, but I mean there's times we've
done it. Have we that sex? No? I think the
forre sex.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
I don't have we were done.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
That things will have been kind of played with that
a little bit.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
But like no situation.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Right, but with never no.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
I think the spiciest thing is just communicating how old
do I sound? But like sending cute picks and a
little flirty picks. I think that keeps it spicy.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
Yeah, And I think it's also good to be honest
and how much that you mess someone like yeah, like
I was craving you when you were in there, I was,
I really missed you, so it was important that I
told you that.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
What did family members anything they say after we met
them for the first time.
Speaker 4 (17:31):
My mom loved you, my dad loved you, my brother
loved you, my son loved you.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
So that was there was zero negativity.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
My family just couldn't understand you. But I loved you
when you and I met.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
I already had a podcast where I talk about, you know,
my relationship history. Part of you know, being in my
life is also about sharing that aspect and being open.
You know, what did you think about that early on?
And then do you think about that today?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Very good question.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
It wasn't something that I'm used to, like being a
professional coach, I'm used to keeping things as private as
possible because it normally will come back and bite you
in the ass in the professional world. So I remember
the first time we went on the I went on
the podcast and the producer I think kind of prodide
a little bit, remember, and I didn't like it.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
So, yeah, I found that it was way out.
Speaker 4 (18:30):
Of my my remit and what I normally.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Do on a daily basis of how I apply myself.
So I found it. I found it quite tough.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
But I've grown I know there's listen, there's a business aspect,
there's there's so many different aspects to it that it
has a lot of intelligence, and there's a lot of
reasons why it's good to be less private on things.
So I think I've grown to I've grown to almost
(19:02):
normalize it over the last two and a half years,
three years and see the benefits. It will not always
be beneficial. It will have its downfalls, it's at some points,
But early on it was it was tough because I'm like,
like you would ask things, I'm like, I don't want
to talk about that. I don't feel that's right speak
about that. That doesn't sit well with me, or and
(19:26):
you could probably see it in my face whereas I'm
probably still a little bit like that because my default
was always to go private. But I think I've become
better at opening up and seeing because a lot of
the stuff that you do that is private stuff helps people.
I'm not saying anything that comes out of my mouth
is going to help anyone on that level, but yeah,
(19:50):
I've got better at recognizing that those benefits to sharing
your experiences and not keeping them locked up.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
I mean, I think there was a part in our
relationship early on where I would post something or say
something and you'd be like, why did you say that? Yeah,
And it wouldn't have even been about us. It was
like my my past or my past relationships, Like why
did you say that?
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Why?
Speaker 1 (20:12):
I was like, because it's this is my life, Like
I I want to help other people. I want to
share these things in hopes and efforts to help other
people if they're going through a parenting or cheating or
trauma or DV or any any of those aspects. And
I think that was and I was like, please, like,
don't make me feel like what I'm sharing is or
(20:34):
that I that I need to like stop that, because
I was like that that was the piece for me.
I was like, this is this is my life too,
and this is how I've chosen to live it. I
think I went through this to them be able to
share it and help people, right, And I think you've
definitely gotten better with You've never you haven't said that
to me in a long time about anything that I'm
most say yeah, yeah, And then I know our boundaries
(20:57):
of what we share, like on our adult education podcast,
and you know all that, so I know, and it's
it's important not to and it's important to respect your
boundaries around it too and meet in the middle and
be like, all right, I got to Instagram. This is
a part of this world that I've created that I
(21:19):
you know, I do enjoy showing my family in you
and I mean people were obsessed with the stuff with
you and Jolie the other day and seeing y'all's relationship,
and you know, I think that's important to weave in.
Like who wants to watch someone's page that's just ad
ad ad ad ad. It's like no one would come
to the page. It's like you have to you have
to bring people in share life with them to then
(21:43):
you know, you can't just be selling stuff.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
Twenty four to.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Seven Absolutely not, you know.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Yeah, So I'm glad you came full circle on that one. Wait,
I have so many questions that we still need to
to get through, and then I kind of want to know.
So how about we take a break and then come
back for another episode.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
Sweet
It's I Do Part two and I'm one of your hosts.
It's Jana Kramer. And most of the time I'm on
this podcast, I'm talking with celebrities or people that want
to share their divorce stories. But I'm kind of excited
because today my guest is none other than my husband,
Alan Russell. Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
So today we're going to dive into some questions maybe
we haven't answered before, give our listeners a little more
insight to who we are as a couple. You know,
we share on my you know, wind down and adult
education podcast that we do some things about our relationship,
and I feel like we've opened up about, you know,
(00:54):
certain things, whether it's parenting or our marriage.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
But we're going to get a little deeper so to give.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
People a little backstory that don't really know our relationship.
Alan is from Alabama. He's got a beautiful Southern accent,
right then, I do, yeah, yeah, he's he's from Glasgow, Scotland.
And we have been together all right, beib how many
(01:26):
years have we been together for? How many long, long,
long years?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Nearly three, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
So we've been almost together for three We've been married
for almost a year or year anniversaries coming up on
July thirteenth, and we have a nineteen month old baby.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
This is technically our fourth years together because we met
in twenty two three ago, twenty four together and there's
twenty five, so we're in our fourth, fourth year of
knowing each other.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Can you do it like that?
Speaker 2 (02:02):
You can do it how you funny?
Speaker 3 (02:03):
How you make the numbers work for you, you.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Know, one way if you want it to work the
other way. You minus like, oh, we were just you know,
a few short months manpulation.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
So when I was.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Single, this basically how we met, because that's one of
the things that people ask us all the time. So
when I was when I was single, obviously I got
a d M from Alan. He slid into my DMS
very respectfully.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
It's just you always use the world slid.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Well, what would you like to call it? Jump? You
jumped in you.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
SLID's such like a creepy, horrible way of describe as
I've mentioned manythings.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Okay, how would you like to describe it?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Then? Respectfully and politely.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
And entered that sounds that sounds I entered the premises.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Okay, yeah, I d M you Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
And so so that was so that was that. A
few thoughts starters though on this just in general about
when we started dating. You know, because I have been married,
so obviously you googled me. I mean you had to,
that's it.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
I would not, but not like, not like any sort
of I knew you were. I knew you were an
actress in a single, but that was kind of that
was kind of really I kind of left it that
you knew I was a mom. You knew more than that,
I know, mom. Yeah, I didn't. In no way did
I had a deep dive into your career, your your
(03:54):
writing career, your singing career, your past.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Nothing like that.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
I don't know if I have a hard time believing
that because just I mean, you flew from another country
to meet me, and that was that's the little research
you did.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
I'm not saying I did little research, but I didn't
do a deep dive into because people's people's past as
the past, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
But I think your past tells a lot though about
who that person is.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
It does it?
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Does it tells you the experiences they've had? Mm hmm,
it doesn't. And I always said this to you from
the very beginning. It tells me what your past was,
but do does not define what your future is. And
I've always said that to you, right. But I didn't
have to do a deep dive because I knew that
(04:46):
you're respected in your industry. You were clearly a really
great mum. So it's not like there was I wasn't
out there digging and searching for all things.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
I just wanted to get to know you.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
I think girls definitely do a more of a deep dive,
although it was a little harder to deep dive yours
because you had a private Instagram. Things were a little
bit more tight liped on your side. Yeah, I knew
you kicked the ball around because you were a professional athlete,
professional soccer player, sorry, football player, and then you were
coaching when I met you. Yeah, so when you found
(05:23):
out because I mean obviously when then you did on
your search. I mean it's right there on the Google page.
How many times I've been married, like you have to
have been? Like, uh, I would? I mean I judged
my past all the time. No I used to, I
don't anymore, but I mean on paper, it looks being terrible.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
Yeah, I'm also it looks terrible but you can tell
the you made chessy decisions when it wasn't because like
I think like one of your monitors was like a
week or somebody even though, yeah, so you can see that, Okay,
it might like married four times, but when you actually
look at it, it's like, Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Well.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
One of them was probably a real long term profile
marriage and the rest of them were maybe just decisions
that weren't wise when you were when you were younger,
which everyone does.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
M So it wasn't a turn off, No.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
Not so all I've ever made you feel like it,
like it was a ton of things.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I told you I would never judge you on your past.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
No, and I love that.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
I mean, I think one of the reasons why I
it was hard and it was hard for me to
date post because I'll never forget a date that I
was on when someone brought that up and said, my
sister doesn't want me to date you because of how
many times you've been married, and so immediately it was like, oh,
there's a shame around that, like it's you know, this
is bad, and no one will then will want to
(06:56):
date me, And so.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
Yeah, I think I think i've And again it goes
back to things that I've always said to you, right,
And I've always wanted you feel like I would never
shame you because you because it's shameful things that I've
done in my past. And then maybe not it's public
because as things has maybe happened to you. But I
would never want to be judged or shamed or that
(07:21):
to be called out just because I've made prap decisions
in my past. Everyone makes them. You've made pretty poor
ones with your marriage either, but I've made pretty poor
ones when in certain phases of my life through anger
or or too much to drink or whatever whatever it
may be, that that's at that stage. And I would
(07:43):
never want you to feel shamed, and I would never
judge you, which is why I've never done that. I
don't think I've ever once brought up the fact that
you are married four times, even in an argument or.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
No, well, because it's so to me. I mean it's
kind of I don't say, irrelevant, but it's been dealt with, right, Yeah,
were you nervous about dating a woman with baggage?
Speaker 4 (08:09):
The fine baggage like everyone befoty years old, bit everyone's
got baggage.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
I mean, I would say with you know, you're right,
like what I feel like once you once, if you're
dating in your mid thirties, someone's either most likely been
married or kids, got kids, or has been through something
in their life that has shaped them, has.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Abused, has been abused, has.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Those Yeah, and so I actually don't like the word baggage.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
No poof if you know it sounds like a damaged well.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Yeah, and that's where I don't like it. It's like
we've all been through things and it's kind of it's
very it's a very shaming word to put on someone.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
Yeah, well, what's your baggage? You have kids, baggage, that's life.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Yeah, that's actually beautiful. You're a mom and you're a father.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
Previous is you have previous marriages like either therefore you
learn from them and you become better. I think baggage
just another world for You've you've lived life a little
bit and you've experienced life.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Yeah, I think baggage is such just sounds so negative.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
Okay, So I'll get a question for you. With me
being a professional athlete and then being a professional coach
and being involved in the professional sport world, that gets
that gets a certain reputation like I remember dating some
people and they're like, well, my friends have told me
not today because you've been a professional football and you're
(09:51):
a professional coach. Because so there's a stigma attacks to
professional athletes, some justified and some not. Yeah, was that
the reason?
Speaker 3 (10:03):
I don't think you're gonna like my answer. You're actually
gonna hate my answer.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Either raise the flag or it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Well, but the answer is is the I've never dated
a soccer player as an athlete.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Okay, I've dated all the other ones, but every day
you so I didn't know about the soccer wor like
I know, like he's.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
A professional athlete. They have, they have reputations, right.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
And you know some are some they say are worse
than others.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Like, but I don't.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
I don't think it comes down to the sports that
they play, even though some people will say otherwise, It
all comes down back to the person. But yeah, of course,
I mean there's the stigma for a reason. There's there's
the stats for a reason. Looked at the starts, Well
that's just there, like professional athletes cheating, Like there's you know,
what's the stat and that it's a lot higher than
(11:08):
someone that's a teacher.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Yeah, of course, So yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
You weren't.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
I think what was helpful is that you weren't an
active player at the time. I think if you were
a player still, it would have maybe swayed my flag
to being more cautious. I think since you're out of
that world, in that arena, then it didn't make me
(11:36):
feel as nervous about it. But you know the coaching aspect,
there are you know, players in that too.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Yeah. Absolutely, yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
So again I think it just goes back to and
you could say the same thing about actresses, right, you know,
with being with people and actresses and dating co stars.
I mean it's that's possibly a flag somewhere thrown around
in there too, But I think it just goes back
to the person. I think there are some incredible, I know,
some very incredible athletes that you know, are married, that
(12:13):
are good men, that are you know, good Christian men,
that are family men. So it's like it's not fair
to put that stigma on every athlete that they're going
to cheat for I agree, So no, I don't think
I think it helped that you weren't playing though.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Yeah, okay when we first met, yep, were you thinking
marriage or was it or was it that?
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Even?
Speaker 1 (12:41):
I mean for for me, I I'm not. I've never
been one to like to date to just date. So
it's like, all right, if I want to date it
and then see if there's am I gonna What is
the point of of just dating to date? I mean,
actually see the point? And I did for a minute there,
just to see what I wanted, because I was like,
I don't even know what I like because I'm always
(13:03):
constantly asking other people do you think they're cool? Do
you think they're cute? Do you think they're this? And
I'm like I never and then I would maybe start
stay dating with the person because I'm like, oh, well,
they think he's cute or they think he's X, Y
and Z. Like I never went with my own opinion
or gut with things. So with us at that stage
(13:27):
in my life, especially having you know, the two kids
and stuff, I was always like, yeah, I want you know,
I wanted to get married again. I know it sounds crazy,
but I am the like hopeless romantic with I got
it wrong one two couple times, and I still believe
that my the right one was out there. And I
(13:49):
know you were too, because when we had our first
few dates, which, by the way, this could this could
look a little love bomby, but it wasn't because I
think we're on the same page. But like you sent
me when you were flying back to England, you sent
(14:10):
a picture of a ring. But like anybody else, I'd
be like, oh girl, they are love bombing you run.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
Yeah, but it was like we just knew, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
But yeah, anybody else i'd be like, that is a
massive red flag.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
And that when it was evident to me, I.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Think, and I think that's one of the things.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
Have been married before and being through the dacing side
of it and being through these experiences. Now we're in
my foot as you know you don't want and you
know what you want. Yeah, so therefore your decision making
becomes a lot clearer, a lot easier. I say, it's
always right, but you know what you want. And then
(14:52):
that comes along then like I knew straight away that
we'd get married.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
When we had sex, Who did you tell?
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Hm?
Speaker 3 (15:02):
Who did you.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Call my brother?
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (15:08):
Well I didn't call him and say, oh, we had sex.
We spoke the next day and he asked about what
had been how things had been gone.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
Yeah, So what you mean then what you said?
Speaker 2 (15:22):
What if city on my I phone phoned my mom,
I phone my dad?
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Well that's even grosser. But I'm just like, like, not
a friend. You didn't phone a friend?
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Yes, usable like my best friend.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
That's true. Did you tell me? How down? Alan?
Speaker 4 (15:39):
It's not like like my brother is like I speak
to him mostly like he's my uh huh okay?
Speaker 3 (15:47):
And but who did you tell my best friends? Almost
the difference, it's just way different?
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Is your best friends friends?
Speaker 3 (15:57):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Queendom. What did you say though with your brother? Because
it was cute? I mean I know what you said,
but you know what I said?
Speaker 3 (16:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:05):
What did I say?
Speaker 3 (16:06):
You say like I'm screwed or something?
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Basically for people who are dating long distance in their
chapter two or three like we did, how do you
suggest people keep it spicy when they're far apart?
Speaker 2 (16:22):
We spens for that long.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
October November December January February, five months long distance.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
But we weren't like that. We've seen each other sexy
kind of person.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
No, it's quite cheap, but I mean there's times we've
done it. Have we that sex? No? I think the
forre sex.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
I don't have we were done.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
That things will have been kind of played with that
a little bit.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
But like no situation.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Right, but with never no.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
I think the spiciest thing is just communicating how old
do I sound? But like sending cute picks and a
little flirty picks. I think that keeps it spicy.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
Yeah, And I think it's also good to be honest
and how much that you mess someone like yeah, like
I was craving you when you were in there, I was,
I really missed you, so it was important that I
told you that.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
What did family members anything they say after we met
them for the first time.
Speaker 4 (17:31):
My mom loved you, my dad loved you, my brother
loved you, my son loved you.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
So that was there was zero negativity.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
My family just couldn't understand you. But I loved you
when you and I met.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
I already had a podcast where I talk about, you know,
my relationship history. Part of you know, being in my
life is also about sharing that aspect and being open.
You know, what did you think about that early on?
And then do you think about that today?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Very good question.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
It wasn't something that I'm used to, like being a
professional coach, I'm used to keeping things as private as
possible because it normally will come back and bite you
in the ass in the professional world. So I remember
the first time we went on the I went on
the podcast and the producer I think kind of prodide
a little bit, remember, and I didn't like it.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
So, yeah, I found that it was way out.
Speaker 4 (18:30):
Of my my remit and what I normally.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Do on a daily basis of how I apply myself.
So I found it. I found it quite tough.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
But I've grown I know there's listen, there's a business aspect,
there's there's so many different aspects to it that it
has a lot of intelligence, and there's a lot of
reasons why it's good to be less private on things.
So I think I've grown to I've grown to almost
(19:02):
normalize it over the last two and a half years,
three years and see the benefits. It will not always
be beneficial. It will have its downfalls, it's at some points,
But early on it was it was tough because I'm like,
like you would ask things, I'm like, I don't want
to talk about that. I don't feel that's right speak
about that. That doesn't sit well with me, or and
(19:26):
you could probably see it in my face whereas I'm
probably still a little bit like that because my default
was always to go private. But I think I've become
better at opening up and seeing because a lot of
the stuff that you do that is private stuff helps people.
I'm not saying anything that comes out of my mouth
is going to help anyone on that level, but yeah,
(19:50):
I've got better at recognizing that those benefits to sharing
your experiences and not keeping them locked up.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
I mean, I think there was a part in our
relationship early on where I would post something or say
something and you'd be like, why did you say that? Yeah,
And it wouldn't have even been about us. It was
like my my past or my past relationships, Like why
did you say that?
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Why?
Speaker 1 (20:12):
I was like, because it's this is my life, Like
I I want to help other people. I want to
share these things in hopes and efforts to help other
people if they're going through a parenting or cheating or
trauma or DV or any any of those aspects. And
I think that was and I was like, please, like,
don't make me feel like what I'm sharing is or
(20:34):
that I that I need to like stop that, because
I was like that that was the piece for me.
I was like, this is this is my life too,
and this is how I've chosen to live it. I
think I went through this to them be able to
share it and help people, right, And I think you've
definitely gotten better with You've never you haven't said that
to me in a long time about anything that I'm
most say yeah, yeah, And then I know our boundaries
(20:57):
of what we share, like on our adult education podcast,
and you know all that, so I know, and it's
it's important not to and it's important to respect your
boundaries around it too and meet in the middle and
be like, all right, I got to Instagram. This is
a part of this world that I've created that I
(21:19):
you know, I do enjoy showing my family in you
and I mean people were obsessed with the stuff with
you and Jolie the other day and seeing y'all's relationship,
and you know, I think that's important to weave in.
Like who wants to watch someone's page that's just ad
ad ad ad ad. It's like no one would come
to the page. It's like you have to you have
to bring people in share life with them to then
(21:43):
you know, you can't just be selling stuff.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
Twenty four to.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Seven Absolutely not, you know.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Yeah, So I'm glad you came full circle on that one. Wait,
I have so many questions that we still need to
to get through, and then I kind of want to know.
So how about we take a break and then come
back for another episode.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
Sweet
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