August 12, 2025 • 27 mins
Brian writes into Amy and T.J.’s weekly Yahoo advice column and says he constantly gets told “You’re so nice, I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” He wants to know how he can keep putting himself out there when, despite his accomplishments, he just can’t find a relationship.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey there, folks. One of our listeners, Brian, he wrote
in Josh with a dating dilemma. See, even though he
seems to have all his issue together, he keeps getting
friend zoned time and time again by women he's interested in.
So what should he do? My first thought was, hey man,
hang in there, robox. First thought, confidence is sexy. You
(00:26):
should get some And welcome to this Ask Amy and
DJ edition of Amy and TJ.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Rose.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
This was a I don't know. This was one that
my my heart sank a little bit just in hearing
what he was describing.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
That has to suck, that's right. He sounded like he's
a nice guy who has a good job and is
ready for a partner and he just can't find the
right woman who is attracted to him. He said, they
all want to be his friend, they just don't want
to date him, and it's been devastating to him.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
All right, And this was the question the came into
us and we answered on our weekly Yahoo dot com
column that you can find in the life section get
the Ask Amy and TJ column where we give all
kinds of folks just relationship advice. It doesn't have to
be romantic relationship, but a friendship, for a relationship with
a family member, whatever. Maybe, but this was a new
one that came in this week. Do you think can
(01:19):
I ask this before we get into his full question?
Does it sound familiar?
Speaker 2 (01:23):
I guess?
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Would this be the same for a man and a woman?
Do women? Women say it differently? Or they say I
don't get friend zoned, I can't find a man, I
can't find a good man. It sounds different with women.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I think when the way, Yeah, I don't hear women
saying they get friendzoned. I hear women saying that they
can't attract the right guy. They say they can't attract
a loyal man. They say they keep getting cheated on
or broken up with. So it's more like that where
they're being duped. They believe the relationship is one thing
(01:57):
and it actually wasn't as important to their partners they
as it was to them. So it's similar but characterized
slightly differently. They're the victims, and I think a lot
of it that's true, and the men just feel like
they never get to the level they want to get
to with the woman.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
So I think I heard you right. Women have options,
they don't like what they have and men can't get
what they want.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Yeah, that might be a good way to put it,
because I'm thinking about.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
The way you put it in thinking about Brian here,
but we should give the full context in his full
question to us.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
All Right, here was Brian's question to us Amy and TJ.
I try to attract a partner, but I'm always told
you're so nice. I don't want to ruin our friendship. Oof.
I own a few cars, I run a music store,
and I play live music frequently. I'd like to think
I have it together and that would be attractive, but
there's been no prospect for romance since college. Until recently.
(02:53):
I met a woman who seemed amazing. She was in
my city to get her PhD. And we played music together.
But she'd look for greener pastures, and she did off
she went after graduating. Despite my accomplishments, my love life
is always lacking. I'm trying, but it's hard when every
time I seek out love, the world just strikes back.
(03:16):
How do I keep putting myself out there? Brian?
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Okay, you went through comments that so far we're getting
from readers. Do you have before we get into what
we think and before we actually need to break this
down and his question almost line by line. What's the
general sense of the responses in the reaction people were
having to his question.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Well, a lot of some people, a lot of guys
were writing and saying, hey, hang in there, and all
these women who are rejecting you will be divorced in
their forties and you'll be able to reject them back.
So that I saw a lot of that. I saw
some people questioning whether or not he had good hygiene,
or whether or not he took care of himself physically enough.
Maybe he needs to lose weight, Maybe he needs to
(03:59):
see dentist. I mean, people were trying to say that
maybe physically he's lacking. So I saw a lot of that,
and then I just probably some of the best advice
I thought was to change his attitude. And it's kind
of like what you have said before. Don't chase attract basically,
don't be so nice. Don't maybe don't return a text
(04:21):
the second you get one. Maybe string them along a
little play a little bit of a game, be a
little bit of a bad boy.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Some of that was recommended.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yes advice, Okay, yes, okay, I.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Will admit that now I am seeing this differently because
when we usually give our answers, we're sitting with someone
and producer. We don't get a chance to necessarily just
look and study the question and read the lines over
and over. Okay, I'm looking at this differently now. The
way he starts out, I'm trying to attract a part
in a front. Fie, fie, don't want to ruin our friendship,
is what the usually say. The first thing he lists
(04:54):
as an attribute, a good characteristic, something positive. I want
you to know about.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Myself is I own a few cars.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
That's not a good sign, baby, for what reason? What
anybody who is pitching themselves to someone to be a
good mate with starts with I own a few cars.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
I guess he's trying to say he has decent money.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Okay, who starts with I own a few cars.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
That's a good point, sweetheart.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
There's no one you would ever meet to say, hey,
I'm I'm TJ. Hey that's going on. I'm doing well?
You know, I own a few cars. This is how
he's introducing himself to us.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
At least, he's trying to pitch himself that to us
and to the readers that he's got his life together.
Enough where he owns more than one car. I think
he's trying to say that's part of his value or
what he could offer some.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Okay, you just said something important part of his value.
I think this guy might not be valuing.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Himself the right way exactly.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
It's and that leads to a lot of the problem.
I am stuck right now, sweetheart, nothing more than I
own a few cars.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
He might be thinking of this now at this point
because he's frustrated as transactional, give you that, and so
he's putting out what he can offer someone based on
something that the world or society values, which is money,
wealth status. He has a good job, he doesn't just
own it. He runs a music store, he says, and
(06:23):
he plays music, so he's got talent. He has money,
but something's missing and he doesn't know what.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Okay, so now let's go to the next thing. To
your point, it seemed more natural to say I play
live music frequently. That sounds like a cooler part of
his personality in the fact he owns a few cars.
He moves on to say I'd like to think I
have it together and that that would be attractive.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Meaning he doesn't think he's attractive.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Okay, we are breaking this down in his words, we
don't know this guy. This is all we're working with.
But to those two things sting and actually break your
heart a little more than some of what he's explaining.
I am pitching myself. Guys, there's nothing wrong with me.
I own cars, I have it together, and wouldn't that
be attractive? Yes, yes, yes, yes is the answer. Absolutely.
(07:14):
But you make a point robes throughout the article and
saying man confidence is a big deal.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
It really is. And I think, look, I also don't
know what kind of women he is going after or
who he is attracted to. I think sometimes maybe we
don't know, but maybe he's being unrealistic about who he
is attracted to versus who he might actually be be attracting.
(07:41):
So there might be a disparity between the two. I
hate to even make it sound like that, but oftentimes
he might want something he might be not playing in
the field he should be playing. And if that makes
any sense to you, like he might want someone who
is unattainable, like his friends might go you don't have
a shot with her or whatever. I don't know where
(08:03):
he's putting him.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Sound like he's sound like you're trying to be nice
about something that people talk about openly in private but
never openly in public.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Right?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Right? Was the thing you see a really hot girl
with an okay guy where they say he outkicked his coverage.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Oh, I would say most people would say he must
be wealthy.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Okay, But I'm saying if you're looking at a guy
and you're saying take the wealth out of it. If
you're looking at someone you don't think they are physically
matched because one is more attractive generally speaking than the other,
you do you then question, well, what is his value?
Or he must be rich, is what you're saying. I
don't know what this guy. Of course, we don't know
(08:42):
what this guy looks like, but he is talking to
us in a way that makes it seem like he's
not confident in what he looks like, which makes him
then not confident in who he actually is, which makes
him then what put more value in the wrong damn thing? Yeah,
you ain't attracting nothing. You pull up in the dopest
car ever with no confidence in thinking that she likes
(09:04):
you because of that car. Even I've seen the rom
com where that doesn't.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Work exactly exactly. And my advice to him was to
work on himself, to stop trying to find a woman
or attract a person, or get someone to like him,
but instead this sounds really cheesy, but to like himself,
to lean into what he likes about himself, he loves
to perform. Really, just get into that and find your
(09:29):
strength and your value in that and how you treat
other people and who you are as a human. And
when you start actually investing in those beautiful things about yourself,
you are a more beautiful human and that is attractive. Period.
And so instead of thinking about what he has, or
maybe even what he doesn't have, if he invests in
who he is, how he treats people, what his talents are,
(09:50):
what he does offer the world, not just someone in
a transactional way in a relationship, but actually just as
a valuable human being, the right woman will actually acknowledge
that and not just accept it, but appreciate it and
love him for it. And that is I know it sounds,
perhaps you know, aspirational, but I think that's actually true.
(10:11):
I think that's actually a truth. Confidence is sexy. Confidence
for the right reasons, not confidence because of what you drive,
or confidence because how much money you have, but confidence
in who you are as a person and how you
treat yourself and other people.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
The world strikes back. That's a tough line in there
as well. And again, I'm looking at this so differently, and
now that we're able to see it in front of
him and read it over and over and over, the
world strikes back when he tries to seek out love.
This sounds like a guy who's had real disappointment Like
this sounds like a genuine dude who's gone through it.
I just hate not say it to you all the
time that people don't realize how close they are to
(10:46):
success when they decided to quit, and that's why you're
a failure. I just don't want this guy to just
say the hell with it, or maybe let himself go,
or maybe who knows what kind of destructive spiral he
could get into if he thinks he's being reach constantly.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
The hope would be that he could do the opposite,
that he could start taking this time instead of searching
and seeking and chasing and frustrat like and wondering, just
to stop all of it, to stop looking and to
start investing in yourself. And when you do that, that's
when good things happen. That's when beautiful things happen, when
things come to you.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
How do you ever have the difficult conversation about I mean,
I know some people joked here. We can into some
of their comments joking, but only half jokingly. Is he
putting his best foot forward? Is he taking care of
himself and presenting himself publicly in a way that would
cause people to notice for the right reasons. Again, I
know people always want to say, be who I am.
You're not gonna acceect me. Okay, that's fine, but you're
(11:42):
also going to attract what you're putting out. And if
you're putting out a slovenly person who doesn't care about
taking care of themselves or hygiene your problem, you might
attract that same person back.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Yeah, I think instead of you know, an obvious and
easy thing to do is to blame everyone else. Oh,
everyone's friend zoning me, every no one likes me, everyone's mean,
everyone's judge. Just that will get you nowhere. It all
could be true, But the only power you have is
building yourself up and putting out your best version of yourself,
and that requires work, physical work, sometimes mental work, spiritual work.
(12:15):
All of that is and this is an opportunity. I
know it feels frustrating. He might feel like he's kind
of reached rock bottom, but that's the moment in which
you say, what can I do? What's in my power?
And those are the things that are in your power.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Well, some of that is our advice, that's our counsel
to Brian, but there are a bunch of folks out
there that had their own words of advice. Some of
it's harsh, some of it's heartwarming, some of it's hilarious.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Welcome back everyone to this edition of Amy and TJ
where we are talking about Brian. Brian wrote into us
on our Yahoo to us in our Yahoo Relationship Advice Colum.
It comes out every Monday. By the way, if you
want to check it out in the Yahoo Life section,
click on ask Amy and TJ. You will find a
weekly question from our readers. And Brian has asked why
(13:15):
he can't attract the right person, why he's always friend zoned.
He says, the world just strikes back every time he
thinks he might be getting into a relationship. The woman says,
you're so nice. I just don't want to ruin our friendship,
and so we gave our advice to Brian, but we
wanted to share with our listeners some of what you
had to say to Brian. So Jay wrote in I
(13:35):
always as more men than women. Oh yeah, definitely more
than women. Again always it's so interesting. Although Jay, I
don't know who Jay is, but no, no, it is
a man because of his comment. Yes, Jay, Jay wrote
in the comment sections, sometimes being placed in the friend
zone is a real blessing in disguise. I really dodged
the bullet with a few girls, although I didn't realize
(13:57):
it at the time. Anyway, it's sort of fun. Need
to see what a mess they turned in two years later.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
If nothing else, Brian, that should comfort you. Yes, my
man's rejection is God's protection sometimes. And maybe whoever that
was who played instruments with you and left town, who knows?
Speaker 2 (14:15):
That was the kinder version Jay right there, because like
I said, other people were saying things like, oh, just
wait until they're divorced and forty and you know, need
something man, and you're gonna be like too bad, so sad.
So yes, they were all kind of talking about all
these women who were passing him up or passing him
over will be running back, flocking back when their relationships
fail and they realize they actually do need a nice guy.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Hopefully that doesn't cross his mind. Hopefully, because that's just me.
You should be Oh, we were just talking about this
the other day with Halle Berry and her ex David.
Thirty years later, he is still getting stuff all his
chest about the divorce. You shouldn't hold it.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
She's the one who wanted me. I wasn't sure about her.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Yes, gotta let that go in years. So what if
she's divorced and not doing well. You shouldn't look at
that and take.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Joy, right. Yeah, that's not winning. No, that's not winning.
So I liked the way Jay put it. He just said,
consider the folks or the women who have passed you
up as you dodging a bullet. They weren't meant for
you anyway. So I do appreciate that, all right, Barry?
This one is so interesting because I actually felt like
I wanted to address this. Barry wrote this in the
comment section. Wait, so women like confidence and not being needy,
(15:24):
but they want us to be needy and chase them down,
begging not to leave. I'm confused. So he was obviously
basing that off of my advice, which was to be confident,
to build yourself up, and then that will be attractive
to women. All right, these are two different things. Barry,
just want to point this out from my female perspective. Yes,
(15:45):
women do like confidence. They do want a man who
knows what he wants and knows how to get it
and believes in himself and all of that. But that
same confidence is knowing that if a woman's upset or
maybe is acting emotional, has the common con is to
recognize that and comfort So it's not about a man
being needy and chasing after a woman. It's actually, I
(16:06):
think about a man, it's extra attractive for him to say,
you know what, even though she might be rejecting me
right now, or is pretending to reject me or pretend
or actually is really upset, I am going to have
enough confidence to know that I can comfort her or
that I can be there for her even when she's
making it hard. That's what that is.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
I'm gonna let you and Bary have it. But anytime
we talk in relationship and the word needy obviously trying,
but it's not needy. Nobody's being needy in this situation necessarily,
he went off one.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Well, he was going off on that confidence is sexy,
that we want men to be confident and needy at
the same time.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
But you can be confident and not arrogant. But you
can be confident you can see somebody. That's why can't
you be both things? Why can't I be a confident
guy and still chasing my woman dead exactly begging her
to stay.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
That's what I think. That's confident and sexiest. Please because
you are facing rejection. You know that that woman could
be like like hell no, and you still say I
want you. That is so confident because you know that
you could be rejected and you're still putting your heart
out there anyway. It's all confident, confused, courage and confidence.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
It's not a lack of fear. It's facing the fear
and doing it anyway, and scared to death that she
might reject me publicly at this airport as I'm chasing her,
still do it anyway.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
If that was before, that's when we could get to
the gates. Those were even better. You could run through security.
There was no security. You could just go to the gate, yes,
but anyway, And the truth is nobody likes. Nobody is
attracted to I should say, a needy person, men and
women alike. You are not attracted to a needy person.
And we all have needy moments and they're not attractive moments.
(17:49):
They just aren't, but there are. They are a part
of life. Ashley, we got a woman. Yeah, you want
to read Ashley's con.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
I'm enjoying listening to you for the first time, hearing
for the first time.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Okay, all right, so I'll let you listen to what
Ashley wrote in For similar guys, just tell women that
you're working on yourself and you want to be friends
for a while. We should all be whole people seeking
a partner, not two halves. Self improvement is super attractive. Yay, Ashley.
I agree. Make up fun and interesting things to invite
(18:21):
them to embrace your natural beauty and style. Just my opinion.
Make a move like handholding or a simple kiss, but
ask first. That's a green light for sure. I love that.
I like that he could go into a relationship telling
the woman first, Hey, just want to be friends. I'm
working on myself right now. That'll make you attractive right
then and there, because you're not asking something of her
(18:42):
You're not requiring her to be attracted to you. You're
just saying, hey, I'm all on a journey. I'm working
on myself, not looking for anything serious right now. That
makes somebody want you right then, that's actually almost really intelligent,
not that you're trying to be manipulative, but that is
actually really intelligent psychology.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
I don't have to take your word on that one.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
What do you think about advice?
Speaker 1 (19:03):
How do you get to the I guess who do
you need to declare that to other than someone who
already has an understanding or possibility that you all are dating.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Maybe you just declare it to yourself, even maybe if
you tell maybe if Brian tells himself, I'm not going
to be seeking out Well, that's helpful solely to have
a romantic or sexual relationship with them, but I am
actually just going to look at this as a friendship
and I'm not going to put any pressure on the woman.
I think that also can lead a woman to say, oh,
(19:31):
I just want to be friends if she feels and
believe me, we can sense it immediately that there's some
pressure for more. If he can actually even tell himself
that I'm working on myself, if I meet somebody, I'm
not going to necessarily assume that this is going anywhere.
I'm just going to keep working on myself, and self
improvement is absolutely sexy.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
How many more do you got?
Speaker 2 (19:50):
All right, I've got two more. I'll get through these
because a couple of these. This one's funny, John m.
Men can't figure out women, period. Stop trying. Always be
dating at least two women. Three is better, four is
too much. Always have a backup plan, so when one
of the women starts acting strange, ghosting you, or whatever,
(20:11):
you don't have to fret. You have a backup plan.
When you show zero concern about a woman who is
trying some crazy manipulation, etc. This will bring her back quickly.
Always have a backup plan. Society doesn't support this concept,
but it works women's sense. When a man has a
side gig, you become much more attractive to them and
they will throw you a lot less grief and crazy behavior.
(20:33):
You listen to a song that also suggests this, Uh,
that is.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Because the song is fun. It's just a joke.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Okay, it's a joke.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
You're not supposed to take.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
This no seriously, but I just wanted to actually have
that in the comment section, because this is a bit
of advice that a reader is giving. Brien, I think
he is. The way he wrote this, he put things
in all caps. He really this must be working for him,
by the way. Just want to put in like you
(21:04):
can put introduce sense. But as a woman, John M. Yeah,
that is not attractive at all.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Okay, Well that gave you with all the men can't
figure out women periods. Stop trying. We haven't attempted to.
We haven't. We've given up. And I think that's the fraud.
Frustration between men and women oftentimes is that you all
are trying to get us to understand something. We quit.
We gave up long time ago trying. All of our
dads told us us very early on, you're never going
(21:33):
to figure out a woman. Don't waste time on doing so.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Every time I say you understand what I'm saying, what
do you say in response?
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Hardly ever?
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Every time, hardly ever. And that's okay.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
We see the world, we see things, we see relationships,
we see dilemmas, we see fights, we see it all differently.
That's okay, But we haven't. It's not trying to figure
out women women. That's a fool's errand always be dating
at least two women. No, don't, don't. Don't reckon at all.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
It's expensive, it's exhausting.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
It's exhausting, it is very stressful. Now, if you are
not looking for a relationship, knock yourself out. Go ahead, dude,
they do whatever you want to do. Three is better,
calm down. Four too much, pump the breakshit time. Always
have a backup plan. So when one of the women
starts acting strange, ghosting you, or whatever, you don't have
to fret. You have a backup plan. You can view
(22:23):
women and relationships that way. It might be where you are.
But that sounds to me like someone who is not
very comfortable with themselves because they're so afraid of rejection
that I actually need to make sure I give myself
an ego in a confidence boost to No, I got
a backup plan. So if that person hurts me, acting strange,
(22:43):
ghosting you, or whatever, you're protecting yourself from being hurt.
I've been through all these things. You could see. I'm
actually annoyed by this just a little bit.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
I like hearing this, but yes, because it's a fool's
errand to try that this somehow is going to give
you comfort. This somehow is going to protect you from
hurt feelings. This somehow is going to protect you from
being alone or lonely.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Show zero concern about a woman who's trying some crazy manipulation.
This will bring her back quickly through my manipulation. Correct,
this is just not fun, it's not healthy, it's not mature.
That's fine. This is where some people are. But don't
We can't do.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
This exactly, all right, So I wanted to end on
a high note, and I liked what Mark had to
say to Brian. Brian, I have felt your pain in
the past. Then I learned that people want what they
don't have. Make her have to work a bit for you,
then she'll be much more likely to want you. Simple
but true. I actually think I know this is still
(23:39):
a form of manipulation. But I think his point is.
Mark's point is that if you give too much, too early,
too soon, you're putting it all out there. That's that's
not attractive to a lot of women. They get scared,
they back away. It's too much. So he's saying, hey,
make her work a little bit for you, like pull
back a little. You don't always have to text right back.
(24:02):
You don't always have to say yes, go ahead and
have a little mystery. Have it be a little bit
like have a little game. Have a little game, I think,
is what Mark is saying.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
And you know, I hate that.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
I know you do.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
I hate it. I hate it. I would never recommend it.
I get what people are saying. I think this is
saying Brian, calm down a little bit, which is fine,
and that's good advice. But anytime you try to think
or overthink or manipulate, or how soon before I text back,
or how soon before I all these things where you're
playing games, we're I don't know how old Brian is.
Well what I always say, I'm a grown ass man.
(24:37):
If I like you, you like me. We're adults. We
should be able to sit and have that conversation. When
I leave our lunch and I get on the train.
If I feel the urge to say something to that woman,
I'm gonna text her right now instead of going, you
know what, I'm gonna give it two days and make
her sweat it out.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
I just would not hear it. I hear you, I
hear you. That's stuff I have told myself multiple times
because there is is a tendency to want to do that.
It's a power grab. It's trying to make yourself feel
like you've got the reins basically in the relationship, and
that's not a healthy relationship period. But I have actually
told myself if I think something loving or kind or
(25:14):
I feeling, I should express it or I should let
him know without being like obviously, there is such a
thing as too much. But I do think that it's
beautiful when it's authentic, it's real, and it's whenever that
feeling comes, you should If you have something nice to say,
you should say it. I do think that I do think,
and we.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
End okay, we got to stop because I could go on,
because did we end up in the other It works
negative in the other way if you have to think
a lot about okay, what should I say?
Speaker 2 (25:41):
And everyone does that, babe, especially early on when you're younger,
in early relationships, everyone does that.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
So if you're sitting there wondering what to say and
then wondering when you should say it and how long
you should delay before you say the next thing, that's
too much. How do you have time for butterflies and
love and authentic If you're doing.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
All that, So guys don't do that, because girls do that.
I have helped. I have helped many you guys. I
have helped many a girlfriend craft attacks and then helped
her decide when she should send it. Oh, I have
to okay, just being fully honest.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
I was the only one sitting around the table screaming,
uh yeah, write them now, and all the girls.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
That they no, you can't you getta wait?
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Oh my god stop. Look folks, Brian especially brother, love you,
good luck. Please follow up with us. We would love
to hear how things go. But look, the heart goes
out to you, and I think you were being sincere. Yeah,
and if you are trying, and by writing into us,
you are trying something. So I would just say stick at.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
It, Yeah, stick at it, and and work on yourself.
That's the best thing you can do for a future
relationship is to be the best version of yourself when
not when the right girl finally does show up. So
we wish you well and we thank you for writing in.
Thank you for all the comments. We find them to
be very thought provoking and colorful, and we appreciate them,
and yeah, keep them coming. We appreciate, Thank you. For
(27:00):
listening to us today, and please again check out our
column each and every Monday on the Yahoo page at
the life section. But in the meantime, we hope you
guys have a wonderful day today. I'm Amy Roebach alongside
my partner T. J. Holmes. Thank you, as always for
listening
Hey there, folks. One of our listeners, Brian, he wrote
in Josh with a dating dilemma. See, even though he
seems to have all his issue together, he keeps getting
friend zoned time and time again by women he's interested in.
So what should he do? My first thought was, hey man,
hang in there, robox. First thought, confidence is sexy. You
(00:26):
should get some And welcome to this Ask Amy and
DJ edition of Amy and TJ.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Rose.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
This was a I don't know. This was one that
my my heart sank a little bit just in hearing
what he was describing.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
That has to suck, that's right. He sounded like he's
a nice guy who has a good job and is
ready for a partner and he just can't find the
right woman who is attracted to him. He said, they
all want to be his friend, they just don't want
to date him, and it's been devastating to him.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
All right, And this was the question the came into
us and we answered on our weekly Yahoo dot com
column that you can find in the life section get
the Ask Amy and TJ column where we give all
kinds of folks just relationship advice. It doesn't have to
be romantic relationship, but a friendship, for a relationship with
a family member, whatever. Maybe, but this was a new
one that came in this week. Do you think can
(01:19):
I ask this before we get into his full question?
Does it sound familiar?
Speaker 2 (01:23):
I guess?
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Would this be the same for a man and a woman?
Do women? Women say it differently? Or they say I
don't get friend zoned, I can't find a man, I
can't find a good man. It sounds different with women.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I think when the way, Yeah, I don't hear women
saying they get friendzoned. I hear women saying that they
can't attract the right guy. They say they can't attract
a loyal man. They say they keep getting cheated on
or broken up with. So it's more like that where
they're being duped. They believe the relationship is one thing
(01:57):
and it actually wasn't as important to their partners they
as it was to them. So it's similar but characterized
slightly differently. They're the victims, and I think a lot
of it that's true, and the men just feel like
they never get to the level they want to get
to with the woman.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
So I think I heard you right. Women have options,
they don't like what they have and men can't get
what they want.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Yeah, that might be a good way to put it,
because I'm thinking about.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
The way you put it in thinking about Brian here,
but we should give the full context in his full
question to us.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
All Right, here was Brian's question to us Amy and TJ.
I try to attract a partner, but I'm always told
you're so nice. I don't want to ruin our friendship. Oof.
I own a few cars, I run a music store,
and I play live music frequently. I'd like to think
I have it together and that would be attractive, but
there's been no prospect for romance since college. Until recently.
(02:53):
I met a woman who seemed amazing. She was in
my city to get her PhD. And we played music together.
But she'd look for greener pastures, and she did off
she went after graduating. Despite my accomplishments, my love life
is always lacking. I'm trying, but it's hard when every
time I seek out love, the world just strikes back.
(03:16):
How do I keep putting myself out there? Brian?
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Okay, you went through comments that so far we're getting
from readers. Do you have before we get into what
we think and before we actually need to break this
down and his question almost line by line. What's the
general sense of the responses in the reaction people were
having to his question.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Well, a lot of some people, a lot of guys
were writing and saying, hey, hang in there, and all
these women who are rejecting you will be divorced in
their forties and you'll be able to reject them back.
So that I saw a lot of that. I saw
some people questioning whether or not he had good hygiene,
or whether or not he took care of himself physically enough.
Maybe he needs to lose weight, Maybe he needs to
(03:59):
see dentist. I mean, people were trying to say that
maybe physically he's lacking. So I saw a lot of that,
and then I just probably some of the best advice
I thought was to change his attitude. And it's kind
of like what you have said before. Don't chase attract basically,
don't be so nice. Don't maybe don't return a text
(04:21):
the second you get one. Maybe string them along a
little play a little bit of a game, be a
little bit of a bad boy.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Some of that was recommended.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yes advice, Okay, yes, okay, I.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Will admit that now I am seeing this differently because
when we usually give our answers, we're sitting with someone
and producer. We don't get a chance to necessarily just
look and study the question and read the lines over
and over. Okay, I'm looking at this differently now. The
way he starts out, I'm trying to attract a part
in a front. Fie, fie, don't want to ruin our friendship,
is what the usually say. The first thing he lists
(04:54):
as an attribute, a good characteristic, something positive. I want
you to know about.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Myself is I own a few cars.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
That's not a good sign, baby, for what reason? What
anybody who is pitching themselves to someone to be a
good mate with starts with I own a few cars.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
I guess he's trying to say he has decent money.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Okay, who starts with I own a few cars.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
That's a good point, sweetheart.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
There's no one you would ever meet to say, hey,
I'm I'm TJ. Hey that's going on. I'm doing well?
You know, I own a few cars. This is how
he's introducing himself to us.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
At least, he's trying to pitch himself that to us
and to the readers that he's got his life together.
Enough where he owns more than one car. I think
he's trying to say that's part of his value or
what he could offer some.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Okay, you just said something important part of his value.
I think this guy might not be valuing.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Himself the right way exactly.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
It's and that leads to a lot of the problem.
I am stuck right now, sweetheart, nothing more than I
own a few cars.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
He might be thinking of this now at this point
because he's frustrated as transactional, give you that, and so
he's putting out what he can offer someone based on
something that the world or society values, which is money,
wealth status. He has a good job, he doesn't just
own it. He runs a music store, he says, and
(06:23):
he plays music, so he's got talent. He has money,
but something's missing and he doesn't know what.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Okay, so now let's go to the next thing. To
your point, it seemed more natural to say I play
live music frequently. That sounds like a cooler part of
his personality in the fact he owns a few cars.
He moves on to say I'd like to think I
have it together and that that would be attractive.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Meaning he doesn't think he's attractive.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Okay, we are breaking this down in his words, we
don't know this guy. This is all we're working with.
But to those two things sting and actually break your
heart a little more than some of what he's explaining.
I am pitching myself. Guys, there's nothing wrong with me.
I own cars, I have it together, and wouldn't that
be attractive? Yes, yes, yes, yes is the answer. Absolutely.
(07:14):
But you make a point robes throughout the article and
saying man confidence is a big deal.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
It really is. And I think, look, I also don't
know what kind of women he is going after or
who he is attracted to. I think sometimes maybe we
don't know, but maybe he's being unrealistic about who he
is attracted to versus who he might actually be be attracting.
(07:41):
So there might be a disparity between the two. I
hate to even make it sound like that, but oftentimes
he might want something he might be not playing in
the field he should be playing. And if that makes
any sense to you, like he might want someone who
is unattainable, like his friends might go you don't have
a shot with her or whatever. I don't know where
(08:03):
he's putting him.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Sound like he's sound like you're trying to be nice
about something that people talk about openly in private but
never openly in public.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Right?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Right? Was the thing you see a really hot girl
with an okay guy where they say he outkicked his coverage.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Oh, I would say most people would say he must
be wealthy.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Okay, But I'm saying if you're looking at a guy
and you're saying take the wealth out of it. If
you're looking at someone you don't think they are physically
matched because one is more attractive generally speaking than the other,
you do you then question, well, what is his value?
Or he must be rich, is what you're saying. I
don't know what this guy. Of course, we don't know
(08:42):
what this guy looks like, but he is talking to
us in a way that makes it seem like he's
not confident in what he looks like, which makes him
then not confident in who he actually is, which makes
him then what put more value in the wrong damn thing? Yeah,
you ain't attracting nothing. You pull up in the dopest
car ever with no confidence in thinking that she likes
(09:04):
you because of that car. Even I've seen the rom
com where that doesn't.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Work exactly exactly. And my advice to him was to
work on himself, to stop trying to find a woman
or attract a person, or get someone to like him,
but instead this sounds really cheesy, but to like himself,
to lean into what he likes about himself, he loves
to perform. Really, just get into that and find your
(09:29):
strength and your value in that and how you treat
other people and who you are as a human. And
when you start actually investing in those beautiful things about yourself,
you are a more beautiful human and that is attractive. Period.
And so instead of thinking about what he has, or
maybe even what he doesn't have, if he invests in
who he is, how he treats people, what his talents are,
(09:50):
what he does offer the world, not just someone in
a transactional way in a relationship, but actually just as
a valuable human being, the right woman will actually acknowledge
that and not just accept it, but appreciate it and
love him for it. And that is I know it sounds,
perhaps you know, aspirational, but I think that's actually true.
(10:11):
I think that's actually a truth. Confidence is sexy. Confidence
for the right reasons, not confidence because of what you drive,
or confidence because how much money you have, but confidence
in who you are as a person and how you
treat yourself and other people.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
The world strikes back. That's a tough line in there
as well. And again, I'm looking at this so differently, and
now that we're able to see it in front of
him and read it over and over and over, the
world strikes back when he tries to seek out love.
This sounds like a guy who's had real disappointment Like
this sounds like a genuine dude who's gone through it.
I just hate not say it to you all the
time that people don't realize how close they are to
(10:46):
success when they decided to quit, and that's why you're
a failure. I just don't want this guy to just
say the hell with it, or maybe let himself go,
or maybe who knows what kind of destructive spiral he
could get into if he thinks he's being reach constantly.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
The hope would be that he could do the opposite,
that he could start taking this time instead of searching
and seeking and chasing and frustrat like and wondering, just
to stop all of it, to stop looking and to
start investing in yourself. And when you do that, that's
when good things happen. That's when beautiful things happen, when
things come to you.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
How do you ever have the difficult conversation about I mean,
I know some people joked here. We can into some
of their comments joking, but only half jokingly. Is he
putting his best foot forward? Is he taking care of
himself and presenting himself publicly in a way that would
cause people to notice for the right reasons. Again, I
know people always want to say, be who I am.
You're not gonna acceect me. Okay, that's fine, but you're
(11:42):
also going to attract what you're putting out. And if
you're putting out a slovenly person who doesn't care about
taking care of themselves or hygiene your problem, you might
attract that same person back.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Yeah, I think instead of you know, an obvious and
easy thing to do is to blame everyone else. Oh,
everyone's friend zoning me, every no one likes me, everyone's mean,
everyone's judge. Just that will get you nowhere. It all
could be true, But the only power you have is
building yourself up and putting out your best version of yourself,
and that requires work, physical work, sometimes mental work, spiritual work.
(12:15):
All of that is and this is an opportunity. I
know it feels frustrating. He might feel like he's kind
of reached rock bottom, but that's the moment in which
you say, what can I do? What's in my power?
And those are the things that are in your power.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Well, some of that is our advice, that's our counsel
to Brian, but there are a bunch of folks out
there that had their own words of advice. Some of
it's harsh, some of it's heartwarming, some of it's hilarious.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Welcome back everyone to this edition of Amy and TJ
where we are talking about Brian. Brian wrote into us
on our Yahoo to us in our Yahoo Relationship Advice Colum.
It comes out every Monday. By the way, if you
want to check it out in the Yahoo Life section,
click on ask Amy and TJ. You will find a
weekly question from our readers. And Brian has asked why
(13:15):
he can't attract the right person, why he's always friend zoned.
He says, the world just strikes back every time he
thinks he might be getting into a relationship. The woman says,
you're so nice. I just don't want to ruin our friendship,
and so we gave our advice to Brian, but we
wanted to share with our listeners some of what you
had to say to Brian. So Jay wrote in I
(13:35):
always as more men than women. Oh yeah, definitely more
than women. Again always it's so interesting. Although Jay, I
don't know who Jay is, but no, no, it is
a man because of his comment. Yes, Jay, Jay wrote
in the comment sections, sometimes being placed in the friend
zone is a real blessing in disguise. I really dodged
the bullet with a few girls, although I didn't realize
(13:57):
it at the time. Anyway, it's sort of fun. Need
to see what a mess they turned in two years later.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
If nothing else, Brian, that should comfort you. Yes, my
man's rejection is God's protection sometimes. And maybe whoever that
was who played instruments with you and left town, who knows?
Speaker 2 (14:15):
That was the kinder version Jay right there, because like
I said, other people were saying things like, oh, just
wait until they're divorced and forty and you know, need
something man, and you're gonna be like too bad, so sad.
So yes, they were all kind of talking about all
these women who were passing him up or passing him
over will be running back, flocking back when their relationships
fail and they realize they actually do need a nice guy.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Hopefully that doesn't cross his mind. Hopefully, because that's just me.
You should be Oh, we were just talking about this
the other day with Halle Berry and her ex David.
Thirty years later, he is still getting stuff all his
chest about the divorce. You shouldn't hold it.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
She's the one who wanted me. I wasn't sure about her.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Yes, gotta let that go in years. So what if
she's divorced and not doing well. You shouldn't look at
that and take.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Joy, right. Yeah, that's not winning. No, that's not winning.
So I liked the way Jay put it. He just said,
consider the folks or the women who have passed you
up as you dodging a bullet. They weren't meant for
you anyway. So I do appreciate that, all right, Barry?
This one is so interesting because I actually felt like
I wanted to address this. Barry wrote this in the
comment section. Wait, so women like confidence and not being needy,
(15:24):
but they want us to be needy and chase them down,
begging not to leave. I'm confused. So he was obviously
basing that off of my advice, which was to be confident,
to build yourself up, and then that will be attractive
to women. All right, these are two different things. Barry,
just want to point this out from my female perspective. Yes,
(15:45):
women do like confidence. They do want a man who
knows what he wants and knows how to get it
and believes in himself and all of that. But that
same confidence is knowing that if a woman's upset or
maybe is acting emotional, has the common con is to
recognize that and comfort So it's not about a man
being needy and chasing after a woman. It's actually, I
(16:06):
think about a man, it's extra attractive for him to say,
you know what, even though she might be rejecting me
right now, or is pretending to reject me or pretend
or actually is really upset, I am going to have
enough confidence to know that I can comfort her or
that I can be there for her even when she's
making it hard. That's what that is.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
I'm gonna let you and Bary have it. But anytime
we talk in relationship and the word needy obviously trying,
but it's not needy. Nobody's being needy in this situation necessarily,
he went off one.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Well, he was going off on that confidence is sexy,
that we want men to be confident and needy at
the same time.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
But you can be confident and not arrogant. But you
can be confident you can see somebody. That's why can't
you be both things? Why can't I be a confident
guy and still chasing my woman dead exactly begging her
to stay.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
That's what I think. That's confident and sexiest. Please because
you are facing rejection. You know that that woman could
be like like hell no, and you still say I
want you. That is so confident because you know that
you could be rejected and you're still putting your heart
out there anyway. It's all confident, confused, courage and confidence.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
It's not a lack of fear. It's facing the fear
and doing it anyway, and scared to death that she
might reject me publicly at this airport as I'm chasing her,
still do it anyway.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
If that was before, that's when we could get to
the gates. Those were even better. You could run through security.
There was no security. You could just go to the gate, yes,
but anyway, And the truth is nobody likes. Nobody is
attracted to I should say, a needy person, men and
women alike. You are not attracted to a needy person.
And we all have needy moments and they're not attractive moments.
(17:49):
They just aren't, but there are. They are a part
of life. Ashley, we got a woman. Yeah, you want
to read Ashley's con.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
I'm enjoying listening to you for the first time, hearing
for the first time.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Okay, all right, so I'll let you listen to what
Ashley wrote in For similar guys, just tell women that
you're working on yourself and you want to be friends
for a while. We should all be whole people seeking
a partner, not two halves. Self improvement is super attractive. Yay, Ashley.
I agree. Make up fun and interesting things to invite
(18:21):
them to embrace your natural beauty and style. Just my opinion.
Make a move like handholding or a simple kiss, but
ask first. That's a green light for sure. I love that.
I like that he could go into a relationship telling
the woman first, Hey, just want to be friends. I'm
working on myself right now. That'll make you attractive right
then and there, because you're not asking something of her
(18:42):
You're not requiring her to be attracted to you. You're
just saying, hey, I'm all on a journey. I'm working
on myself, not looking for anything serious right now. That
makes somebody want you right then, that's actually almost really intelligent,
not that you're trying to be manipulative, but that is
actually really intelligent psychology.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
I don't have to take your word on that one.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
What do you think about advice?
Speaker 1 (19:03):
How do you get to the I guess who do
you need to declare that to other than someone who
already has an understanding or possibility that you all are dating.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Maybe you just declare it to yourself, even maybe if
you tell maybe if Brian tells himself, I'm not going
to be seeking out Well, that's helpful solely to have
a romantic or sexual relationship with them, but I am
actually just going to look at this as a friendship
and I'm not going to put any pressure on the woman.
I think that also can lead a woman to say, oh,
(19:31):
I just want to be friends if she feels and
believe me, we can sense it immediately that there's some
pressure for more. If he can actually even tell himself
that I'm working on myself, if I meet somebody, I'm
not going to necessarily assume that this is going anywhere.
I'm just going to keep working on myself, and self
improvement is absolutely sexy.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
How many more do you got?
Speaker 2 (19:50):
All right, I've got two more. I'll get through these
because a couple of these. This one's funny, John m.
Men can't figure out women, period. Stop trying. Always be
dating at least two women. Three is better, four is
too much. Always have a backup plan, so when one
of the women starts acting strange, ghosting you, or whatever,
(20:11):
you don't have to fret. You have a backup plan.
When you show zero concern about a woman who is
trying some crazy manipulation, etc. This will bring her back quickly.
Always have a backup plan. Society doesn't support this concept,
but it works women's sense. When a man has a
side gig, you become much more attractive to them and
they will throw you a lot less grief and crazy behavior.
(20:33):
You listen to a song that also suggests this, Uh,
that is.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Because the song is fun. It's just a joke.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Okay, it's a joke.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
You're not supposed to take.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
This no seriously, but I just wanted to actually have
that in the comment section, because this is a bit
of advice that a reader is giving. Brien, I think
he is. The way he wrote this, he put things
in all caps. He really this must be working for him,
by the way. Just want to put in like you
(21:04):
can put introduce sense. But as a woman, John M. Yeah,
that is not attractive at all.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Okay, Well that gave you with all the men can't
figure out women periods. Stop trying. We haven't attempted to.
We haven't. We've given up. And I think that's the fraud.
Frustration between men and women oftentimes is that you all
are trying to get us to understand something. We quit.
We gave up long time ago trying. All of our
dads told us us very early on, you're never going
(21:33):
to figure out a woman. Don't waste time on doing so.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Every time I say you understand what I'm saying, what
do you say in response?
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Hardly ever?
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Every time, hardly ever. And that's okay.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
We see the world, we see things, we see relationships,
we see dilemmas, we see fights, we see it all differently.
That's okay, But we haven't. It's not trying to figure
out women women. That's a fool's errand always be dating
at least two women. No, don't, don't. Don't reckon at all.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
It's expensive, it's exhausting.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
It's exhausting, it is very stressful. Now, if you are
not looking for a relationship, knock yourself out. Go ahead, dude,
they do whatever you want to do. Three is better,
calm down. Four too much, pump the breakshit time. Always
have a backup plan. So when one of the women
starts acting strange, ghosting you, or whatever, you don't have
to fret. You have a backup plan. You can view
(22:23):
women and relationships that way. It might be where you are.
But that sounds to me like someone who is not
very comfortable with themselves because they're so afraid of rejection
that I actually need to make sure I give myself
an ego in a confidence boost to No, I got
a backup plan. So if that person hurts me, acting strange,
(22:43):
ghosting you, or whatever, you're protecting yourself from being hurt.
I've been through all these things. You could see. I'm
actually annoyed by this just a little bit.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
I like hearing this, but yes, because it's a fool's
errand to try that this somehow is going to give
you comfort. This somehow is going to protect you from
hurt feelings. This somehow is going to protect you from
being alone or lonely.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Show zero concern about a woman who's trying some crazy manipulation.
This will bring her back quickly through my manipulation. Correct,
this is just not fun, it's not healthy, it's not mature.
That's fine. This is where some people are. But don't
We can't do.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
This exactly, all right, So I wanted to end on
a high note, and I liked what Mark had to
say to Brian. Brian, I have felt your pain in
the past. Then I learned that people want what they
don't have. Make her have to work a bit for you,
then she'll be much more likely to want you. Simple
but true. I actually think I know this is still
(23:39):
a form of manipulation. But I think his point is.
Mark's point is that if you give too much, too early,
too soon, you're putting it all out there. That's that's
not attractive to a lot of women. They get scared,
they back away. It's too much. So he's saying, hey,
make her work a little bit for you, like pull
back a little. You don't always have to text right back.
(24:02):
You don't always have to say yes, go ahead and
have a little mystery. Have it be a little bit
like have a little game. Have a little game, I think,
is what Mark is saying.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
And you know, I hate that.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
I know you do.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
I hate it. I hate it. I would never recommend it.
I get what people are saying. I think this is
saying Brian, calm down a little bit, which is fine,
and that's good advice. But anytime you try to think
or overthink or manipulate, or how soon before I text back,
or how soon before I all these things where you're
playing games, we're I don't know how old Brian is.
Well what I always say, I'm a grown ass man.
(24:37):
If I like you, you like me. We're adults. We
should be able to sit and have that conversation. When
I leave our lunch and I get on the train.
If I feel the urge to say something to that woman,
I'm gonna text her right now instead of going, you
know what, I'm gonna give it two days and make
her sweat it out.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
I just would not hear it. I hear you, I
hear you. That's stuff I have told myself multiple times
because there is is a tendency to want to do that.
It's a power grab. It's trying to make yourself feel
like you've got the reins basically in the relationship, and
that's not a healthy relationship period. But I have actually
told myself if I think something loving or kind or
(25:14):
I feeling, I should express it or I should let
him know without being like obviously, there is such a
thing as too much. But I do think that it's
beautiful when it's authentic, it's real, and it's whenever that
feeling comes, you should If you have something nice to say,
you should say it. I do think that I do think,
and we.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
End okay, we got to stop because I could go on,
because did we end up in the other It works
negative in the other way if you have to think
a lot about okay, what should I say?
Speaker 2 (25:41):
And everyone does that, babe, especially early on when you're younger,
in early relationships, everyone does that.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
So if you're sitting there wondering what to say and
then wondering when you should say it and how long
you should delay before you say the next thing, that's
too much. How do you have time for butterflies and
love and authentic If you're doing.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
All that, So guys don't do that, because girls do that.
I have helped. I have helped many you guys. I
have helped many a girlfriend craft attacks and then helped
her decide when she should send it. Oh, I have
to okay, just being fully honest.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
I was the only one sitting around the table screaming,
uh yeah, write them now, and all the girls.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
That they no, you can't you getta wait?
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Oh my god stop. Look folks, Brian especially brother, love you,
good luck. Please follow up with us. We would love
to hear how things go. But look, the heart goes
out to you, and I think you were being sincere. Yeah,
and if you are trying, and by writing into us,
you are trying something. So I would just say stick at.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
It, Yeah, stick at it, and and work on yourself.
That's the best thing you can do for a future
relationship is to be the best version of yourself when
not when the right girl finally does show up. So
we wish you well and we thank you for writing in.
Thank you for all the comments. We find them to
be very thought provoking and colorful, and we appreciate them,
and yeah, keep them coming. We appreciate, Thank you. For
(27:00):
listening to us today, and please again check out our
column each and every Monday on the Yahoo page at
the life section. But in the meantime, we hope you
guys have a wonderful day today. I'm Amy Roebach alongside
my partner T. J. Holmes. Thank you, as always for
listening
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