April 11, 2022 • 43 mins
Serena Pitt from Matt James’ season and Bachelor in Paradise joins Dean and Jared to catch up on her romance with Grocery Store Joe! She spills everything about how their relationship has changed since moving to New York together and we find out why they might be getting married sooner than you think!
Plus, Serena tells us the REAL story of why she sent herself home on Matt’s season.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
I Suck At Dating with Dengler and Jared Haven and
I heard radio podcast. Hey, welcome to an all new
episode of Help I Suck At Dating. Jared Haven here,
obviously joined by Dean Angler. We have a very special
guest co host this week. You know her from Bachelor
in Paradise where she's with the one and only grocery
(00:24):
store Joe. In fact, her zoom is called the Grocer.
It is Serena Pitt Serena. How the hell are you?
I'm good, Jared, how's it going. I'm on Joe's like
computer with all his podcasting set up, and yeah, he
named his account to grocer. You just gotta lean into it.
I wish Dean's was Deanie Babies just lean right into it,
and might would be Mr Ashley. I. I love how
(00:48):
our guest co host this week has a far superior
podcasting set up to probably both of us. I know
what's going on. We got chords on your headphones, Jared, Yeah,
what a loser? All right, this is not about my
podcast equipment from two thousand and nine. All right, listen,
I just opened up a business. I'm trying to sell bagels.
I'm saving money here. Uh, Serena. It's a little awkward
(01:10):
because we're a dating podcast and you're sitting right next
to your significant other, but we're going to talk about
them a little bit. We're gonna talk about your relationship
a little bit, because you know, this is what we
do on a dating podcast. So first of all, how
are you? How is Chicago? Uh? And uh, how's your
mental state? I'm good, I'm good. Life's pretty crazy right now. Um,
(01:30):
Chicago is good. We're actually not there anymore. Um, we
just kind of sort of Joe moved to New York
is kind of the narrative right now, because I'm still
waiting on a visa, so I'm here right now, but
like technically don't live here officially, but hopefully when that
comes through this week is the plan, then all ship
(01:51):
all my stuff out and like officially move here. But yeah,
we're in Chelsea, New York. The place is a disaster
right now, other than this like one corner that I'm
filming in just because moving is stressful, but it's been good.
My mental state's good. Joe and I are excited kinda
to take the next step. Wait, Chelsea, New York, that's
a pretty good area, right that's kind of that's like
(02:12):
Hutson Yards sort of right. Yeah, so we didn't really um, like,
we originally were looking at Williamsburg in Brooklyn just because
we really love that area. And then we did do
a day looking at Upper West and one of the
apartments we saw was in Chelsea, which is actually where
our realtor lives, who's like a friend of ours. UM,
And we just loved the area. I mean, there's just
(02:32):
so many really good restaurants. Were like right below Hudson Yards,
like West Chelsea, it's like two blocks up is like
the big mall with the vessel and all that, um,
and then it's like a ten minute walk down to
the meatpacking district. So it's a really good spot. We
like it. What made you guys choose New York Neutral territory? Yeah,
neutral territory. Um, Like, I love Toronto, all my friends
(02:54):
and family are there. Staying with him for Chicago, so
we did do the backend for and then it just
became a lot like traveling back and forth, Like even
if we definitely talked about getting a place in each city,
but even doing that and then flying back constantly just
it became super draining. UM and Yeah, He's always wanted
to live in New York. He like loves New York.
(03:16):
He's a big city dude, so this is like his
dream come true, which I think is probably like news
to a lot of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm very confused.
I granted, all right, listen, I've had a kid, started business, boat,
a house, like a lot going on, so I've been
keeping up. So you guys moved to New York and
(03:37):
Joel it was like, oh yeah, oh yeah, Joe is
like the biggest New York fan. Like I probably had
a harder time leaving Toronto than he did, not that
he didn't have. He's like a Chicago boy right like
through and through. His family's out there, all of that
good stuff. But yeah, he loves New York. He knee
(04:00):
like hustle, bustle energy. He's a big city guy. He
wants to try like every restaurant on every block here.
He's lived in Chicago his whole life, so like he's
turning thirty six next week and he's like, I've been
here for my whole life. He was like so ready
for a change, Like he was sad to leave his
family and friends, but like so excited for the move
(04:21):
and so excited to live in New York. Whereas obviously
I'm really excited. Like a big portion of that is, yes,
I love New York and like I see our future
being good here and I'm really excited to move in
with him. But like, leaving Toronto was definitely like a challenge,
but I'm really happy that we did it. But yeah,
I think a lot of people were like, why are
you leaving Chicago? Like we did not see this coming.
(04:42):
I think people probably think that like I pulled him
out of Chicago. No, I feel like New York is
a good compromise, and I obviously guys discussed it quite
a bit and like, who am I to say that?
But I feel like you guys found the right place
because it's, uh, it's close enough to both Chicago and Toronto, right,
and it's like a new place, but it's like New
York is like I feel like, in my opinion too,
I've always wanted to live in l a New York
(05:04):
and like London at some point in my life, right
just to like see if you like it, just do
it for a year. That way you can look back
and be like, yeah, we lived in this place for
however long, it was a great experience whatever it is. Um,
So I'm super happy for you guys. It sounds like
you obviously are doing great. You said his birthday is
coming up next week. What what do you have plan
for him? Yes, his birthday is on Tuesday. Um. I
(05:26):
just told him last night that I got uspressos at
don Angie's a yet. Um. And then I ordered him
like a really beautiful coffee machine from DeLonge and it
got here before I did, but I ordered it specifically
off Amazon so that it wouldn't come in any branded
box thing. Well, little did I know, it like still
(05:46):
comes from the same warehouse. And he's like, did you
get me a coffee machine for my birthday? Because one
just showed up at our apartment. So and then yeah,
my parents come in the next day for a few days.
So it's been busy. Nice thirty six man, that's he's
getting up there. Yeah, don't tell him that. Well, I
think you would probably gonna get there one day, alright. Well,
(06:08):
I I only asked because I'm turning thirty one on Sunday.
This is the following Sunday, So Joe and I are
both aries babies. There you go, I wish Caylin had
got me like a fancy coffee maker. I don't know
what she's going to do for me yet. But do
you find it difficult to shop for him? Because Caylin
always says that I'm the hardest person to shop for.
He's impossible to shop for so hard. I mean he
(06:29):
literally got the coffee machine and was like, this is
way better than your Christmas gift. Like you're improving, so
good job your Christmas gift. I got him a bunch
of stuff. No, Christmas was good too, but like this
is definitely a better gift. But I got him like
a there a gun, which she's addicted to. And then
like pillow slides. I think on him like a Kashmir scarf.
He is so bougie, like he just loves like high end,
(06:54):
expensive bougie guest out of my wheelhouse. Oh he is
a boogie but one hundred percent through and throw so
like and that's not me, so like shopping for that
stuff is like so in in my comfort zone. And
then he's picky, Like he's really picky. He's worse than me,
like you would think that. I feel like the sterrative
is the girl in the relationship. I'm like, so much
(07:16):
easier shop for I feel like than him. M yeah,
I was gonna say it sounds like your flip flop
of Kaitlin and I because she's very picky and very
I wouldn't call Kaylin bougie, but she's like likes the
high end stuff, you know, and I could care less
about all that kind of stuff. So it's basically I
just foregone buying her clothing and jewelry because every I mean,
she would appreciate it, sure, but I don't think that
she would ever really wear anything. Like I got her
(07:37):
rent and stimpy shirt and she's worn it like maybe once,
maybe twice, I guess, and I just lives in the
bottom of the closet. I'm like, I spent twenty five
dollars on this thing, You're not gonna wear it? Come on, Um,
that's funny that you guys is the the episode because I
would have guessed the otherwise. I find that I'm Ashley
tells me I'm the easiest person to shop for, and
I couldn't agree more. She got me a Superman and
(07:59):
Batman post or for Christmas, and I was losing my mother.
Oh yeah, anything to do with Boston Sports Brady or
like Superman. I'm in You're set well. Joe posted a
photo a few weeks ago. I think it was a
Jack Nicholson photo of him like smoking a cigarette or something,
and he called me and was like, Okay, so I
(08:21):
want you to get this for me, but not for
my birthday because all like it won't be a surprise,
So like, just remember and then for Christmas get it
for me so that I'll have forgotten that I told
you to t Is that his Twitter profile picture. Probably
every time I see this picture of Jack Nicholson, I'm like,
who is this. I'm like, oh, yeah, that's right. Joe,
(08:41):
Like every time I see I'm like, who is this?
Who do I follow? Tell him that because I'm like,
you're my fiance and I see your teeths pop up
and I don't even know who they are, but here. Okay.
So here's my issue with gifts, uh, And this is
why Kylen absolutely hates getting me gifts is because um,
we have already so much stuff, and Kylin especially receives
(09:03):
a lot of like gifting from brands. I'm sure certain
that you do too, and so our house is just
always cluttered with like boxes, empty boxes and like crap
that we don't really use very much, but it's nice
to have. And so I always tell her, I'm like,
I don't want anything, because, ay, we already have weight,
Like we have a hundred thirty percent capacity of stuff
in our house right now. Um, and be like, if
(09:25):
I really wanted it that bad, I would just go
out on my own and buy it for myself. And
so like, there's nothing you could get me that I
don't already have that I actually want, you know what
I mean. So she she hates it because she never
knows what to get me. And so what we've resorted
to doing, or what we're like in the process of
resorting to doing now, is instead of getting like a
(09:45):
object for that person, well, like like you're doing like
take them to dinner or go on a trip somewhere
or like you know, like those types of things that
you don't necessarily collect. But it's more like an experience,
I guess. And that's kind of the train that we've
been on lately, solely because of the insane amount of
clutter in our house and we just can't put anything
else anywhere else, you know, And I'm sure in New York,
(10:07):
Like you guys probably have a smaller apartment too, so
it's going to be very clutter there as well, I
would imagine. Well, my birthday was in October, and yeah,
I was getting it was like right when Paradise pended,
so like I was getting so many things in the
mail and which is great, but like then it's like
I don't want to add on top of that, I'm
already trying to organize what I have. So I literally
told all my family because they were like, we want
(10:28):
to get you something, and I was like, I don't
need things, like just get me like playing gift cards
like air Canada United. Just get me like a gift
an airline because I was traveling back and forth so
much to Chicago. Still, I was like, this is something
that I will use and it's not going to take
up any space. Yeah, that's a good idea of the
gift cards for the airlines. That's nice. And then I
(10:49):
always say, like I don't know, I hate I hate
the concept of giving gifts. I want like I would
rather received gifts on like a random day in a
random month for no reason at all than to like
receive a gift on Christmas or birthday or Easter or
something like that, you know what I mean, like an
awkward interaction. I find giving on like specific holidays is
a very uncomfortable interact for both parties because you're opening
(11:12):
it being like, hopefully I don't have to pretend that
I like this, and they're giving it to being like
hopefully they like this I've had. And also it's like
we'll fall on fights with cousins about gifts because like
I'll get them something and they're like, why did you
get me something? I didn't get you anything for Christmas?
And I'm like, I don't need anything. I wanted to
give you something, and they're like, well, I feel like
it told right now, and I'm like, we'll just take
the damn gift, and like I don't want the gift.
(11:32):
I'm like, well, I bought it, I'm not gonna return it.
Just take the gift. You don't have to get me anything.
They're like, well, now I'm gonna get you something next
week and I'm like, well, I'm not going to accept
it if you get me something in return, because I
already gifted you something you didn't think of me in
the first place, which is totally fine. You don't have to,
but just take the gift. And then it turns into
like a fistfight. Dared, take a breath, man, take it
just like one quick breath. Um. No, you're absolutely right,
You're absolutely right. And then it's like if you guys
(11:53):
are exchanging gifts, one gift might be worth like twenty
bucks and the other one'd be worth like a hunter bucks,
and then the one that the gift is upset. You
know what the worst type of person is is the
person who you are part of a secret santo with
and it says, don't spend more than and it's the
person that spends like seventy bucks on a gift and
you're like, just get the hell out of here, nobody
wants your gift anymore. No, No, I hate that too,
(12:26):
serring it besides the birthday and besides the move, what
else is going on in your guys life? I don't know.
I mean, I feel like the move has been so
all consuming because we literally came to New York like
last month, picked the place, like Joe signed it, and
like moved in two weeks later. So like it has
been so consuming of like packing, like I was just
(12:47):
in l A, which like was terrible timing because I
had already committed to an event out there, so like
he had to basically move in here alone. But yeah,
I mean, now life is just going to be us
exploring and a city, and like he's got the podcast
and the sauce brand. I'm doing influencer stuff, So don't
you have a podcast as well? No, so I filled
(13:08):
in Tasha left um Happy Hour, and then I filled
in her spot for Clayton season on Bachelor Happy Hour,
and then Michelle just jumped on Um, who was like
it was always the plan of like I leave after
Clayton season and she's now the new like full time
host with Becca Nice. Well they're missing out because I mean,
come on, they got the great host right here. I
know with the podcast I've ready to Go, which already
(13:32):
is superior to Dean and mind podcast equipment. I have
a question. It's like a two part question. One what
happens if your visa doesn't come back? So so that's
kind of why we've been like sketchy. I mean, obviously
I'm disclosing all this on the podcast, but like I
haven't been posting about it on social media just because
I feel like I can't give like a holistic explanation
(13:53):
of like all the scenarios that could go down until
I have it, but hypothetically of next week it comes through.
So story I applied. I paid like an expedited fee
to have it in fifteen days. So I've been working
on this since November. It's like a crazy like lawn
process of labor time job. So you apply fifth. I
knew I was going to get it here within fifteen
days because I paid like an expedited fee, and they
(14:15):
came back and had like requested more evidence. So they
basically said, like, hey, we received your application, like what
you have looks good, but we need X y Z
to be submitted to like I don't know, just for
like a bigger picture of like what I'm going to
be contributing to the economy in the US. So that
took an extra like five days and me putting together documents,
sending it off, and now we've reset. So I hear
(14:35):
by next Wednesday and if they come back and say
like sorry, like decline you can't be here, um, then
we'll reassess. But I mean he signed the lease here,
so like we're in this place for a year. I
just can then only be in the States for six
months out of the year, so we'll have to go
back to doing back and forth. And I still also
can't work here, so like any appearances or opportunities like that,
(14:59):
like I'm doing for no money, and any like influencer
campaigns that have to be shot in Canada, I've got
I've got a question. I'm sure you guys have talked
about this too. So you guys, for the for the uninformed,
you guys got engaged on the last season of bachelorom Paradise. Yeah,
so you're engaged to get married, why don't you just
like do the paperwork part of the marriage and then
(15:20):
just like you know, piggyback onto his citizenship and then
like do whatever you want to do later on. Yeah,
why expedite the visa when you can just expedite the marriage. Honestly,
we did think about it, like it was an option
on the table of like let's just maybe just go
to the court and we'll just get married. But I
was already so deep into the visa process at this point,
I'm like, let's just ride this out. I would personally
(15:41):
much rather like not just like get married under the
table for a visa. I mean, I think my parents
had a difficult enough time with me getting married to
a stranger on television. Um, for me to then take
away the opportunity of like sharing me getting married with
my family and friends would kind of be a bummer. Um,
So like we're really fingers crossed. They variable with applying
(16:03):
for visas, like I'm applying for an O one, which
is an entertainer's visa, And they could come back and
say like, yep, like you've been given the visa for
the three year period, which is the maximum time you
can receive it for, which in that case is great
because we're gonna get married in that three years, no problem.
And then I'll just apply for my green card and
switch that over. But they could also come back and
be like, Okay, so you've been approved for one month.
(16:25):
So like there's just so many variables on the table
right now. Um, but yeah, we'll find out next week
and then if it's not the three year, we'll just
reassess and adjust. I mean, there's not much else to do,
I guess, and then maybe get married sooner than we expected.
That's that's so crappy that that even has to be
a thing. But I guess you probably. Okay, so let's
(16:45):
let's go back to that when you were on the
Bachelor and you were on Matt's season of The Bachelor, right, yeah,
and you were living on you were living in Toronto
when you were cast for that show. Yeah, so you
already kind of knew that in the best case scenario,
you'd have to be only with all this anyways. Yeah,
I mean, I think going on the Bachelor like is
one thing because like I mean I didn't really like
(17:08):
picture myself like, oh, like, yeah, I'm gonna be married
to an American. But then definitely, like as I got
further into the season and developed feelings for him, I
was like independently like okay, Like I wouldn't have gone
on the show to date an American if I wasn't
willing to make a move for someone I loved. Like,
but yeah, I remember thinking like, if I end up
with this guy, like we have to figure ou where
(17:29):
we're gonna live and if that's not Toronto or if
it is Toronto, Like either way, there's like a viewsa
involved for someone. So when you get out of nowhere,
right right, you kind of have like a boss moment
too with Bachelor, right you you like worked out near
the end and you're like, I'm at it here right, yes, yeah,
I did some of them home after hometowns. Okay, gotcha,
(17:50):
got you? I was. I just didn't want to misremember
that yet. You had a moment where you were like,
you know what, I'm not into this, and that was
That's awesome. I feel like to go that long and
then like be like I'm not feeling this. It's it
doesn't happen often enough, and so when it does. I
think she takes some pride in that thank you, thank you. Yeah.
I mean, like I it was a hard moment, so
(18:13):
like I like I definitely had like friends and family
being like we're proud of you. I think I feel
like I was like so deep in it to be
like okay, but like it also sucked, like it was
a breakup, like I hurt someone in the process, but
I mean it all clearly worked out the way I
was supposed to. Like he's so happy with Rachel, like
I'm with Joe, so like it always the right decision.
But yeah, it's definitely hard, I think on the show
(18:34):
for people to feel like they have the freedom to
make their own decisions like about their fate. Like, I
feel like it's so consuming that once you get in it,
you kind of feel like you're like on this ride
that you can't get off of until someone gives you
permission to get off of it. So like I just
remember being like, I don't have to be here if
I don't want to be here, Like I don't have
to fall in love with this person if I'm not
(18:56):
falling in love with this person. Power Born in Canada,
engaged in Mexico, and married in the United States. What
a story. Yeah, we've done it all at all. Yeah,
that's a good way of looking at it. True, you're
really covering all your bases there. Yeah. I guess we'll
have to go get married in Europe or something just
to round that out. No, you have to get married
(19:16):
in the States and then live in Europe for at
least a year. Uh. My second question was because Chicago
is so ingrained in Joe or do you ever think
that He's like, do you guys see yourself in New
York for a long time or do you think that
like you're ultimately going to end back in Chicago or
possibly someplace else. I mean, this is definitely like a
(19:42):
trial year just because neither of us have lived in
New York. I think the tone is if we love
it here, this could be like definitely a long term
location for us. Um. We definitely didn't move here with
any sort of like agreement of like we are going
to live here, but like we're settling back down in
Chicago or like we are settling back down in Toronto. Um.
(20:05):
So yeah, I think this year is going to definitely
determine a lot because obviously when you have kids involved
and stuff like being close to family, there is a
benefit to that. As someone going through right now, it
is a huge benefit. Obviously do what you guys want,
but like it's a game changer. Oh yeah, a hundred percent,
Like being down the street and being able to like
like Joe has a lot of friends that have young
(20:25):
kids and like I see how they basically are just like, yeah,
I dropped my child off like at my parents for
the day and like go do what I needs. Like,
if we were to raise kids in New York where
we don't have family, like, we would definitely have to
know we have a really strong support system here. Um,
and like I love Toronto, I would raise kids in
Toronto in a heartbeat. I just think the challenge is
(20:46):
like his businesses in Chicago and like in reality, like
there's more business opportunity in the States for me as
well than there would be in Toronto at this time
in our lives. Who know, So you guys have had
the conversations about kids there? Oh yeah, I said on
our or state like if you don't want kids, like,
let's just call it now, Like it's like a deal
record for me for sure, gotcha? And so how many
(21:07):
kids do you want? Two? Okay, it's a good number.
And Joe's okay with that. Joe said, too, is his
like hard number? Yeah? I feel like, yeah, I think
he'll be a good dad too. He like he has
a lot of friends with the young kids, but I
feel like he hasn't had like a ton of experience
like with kids, But he'll be a good dad. Jared,
(21:30):
what were you like around kids love before you had children? Yeah? Yeah,
I just because my cousins who were like my brothers
and sisters have had kids. And then also I used
to volunteer at a children's hospital for about eight years,
so I dealt with a lot of babies up till
about eight years old, so I've had a lot of experiences.
(21:51):
But you guys were talking about like having one or
two kids because Ashes dead set on having another one. Okay,
which listen, of course, I want my son to have
a sibling. I want to, you know, have a brother
or sister. Having said that, the idea of literally doing
exactly what we've done for the past year and just
(22:11):
doing it all over again, especially for Ash, I mean
with another case, that's what I mean. I don't think
she realizes that. Like when you know, if everything knock
on wood, everything goes well, and Dawson is a year
year and a half, when she gets pregnant again, it's like, damn, yeah,
but what do you think would be better? Do you
think could be better to like have a bit of
a gap between him, or do you think it'd be
(22:32):
better to have him both like in the same phase
of life at the same time. That way, you're just
fully focused on that, you know, I have no idea.
I mean, it's so hard because this is our first kid,
so I don't really know what the future has in store.
Because I've heard so many people, so many people give
you different advice. They're like, oh, the first six months
is the hardest, and then other people will be like no,
when he starts, you know, crawling and walking, it becomes
(22:55):
much harder because then you can't just like PLoP him
in bed and he'll be fine. So I've heard it
all over the place, So it's just gonna be kind
of a trial by error and see, like what happens,
how we how it goes with Dawson. Do you have
a little boy? Yeah, so we have a little boys
named Dawson. He's ten weeks. He's gonna be ten weeks
on Monday. He's awesome. Like everybody who scares you about parenthood,
(23:19):
they shouldn't. I mean, listen, it is stressful. I can
like even Ashley and I it adds tension to the relationship.
To just be completely frank, I mean it does. Oh
I bet the lack of sleep like adds tension to anything.
Lack of sleep and then you know, especially I think
us starting a business has really heard us as well,
(23:39):
because it just consumes a lot of my time. So
I'm away from home a lot. So when I come home,
she's like, Okay, here's the kid, and I'm like, all right,
well I'm really tired, and she's like well, I've been
with him all time, all day, and I'm really tired
and so and then of course just like we miss
each other, and then like last night we even have
a conversation, and you know, I feel it's just tough because,
especially with a kid, the romance is thrown out the
(24:01):
window right now. There's no time for just ash and I.
So she's like, I feel like we're just friends right now.
We're not husband and wife. And it's like, no, of
course we're husband wife, but it's just, you know, we're
kind of like grinding through right now, getting done what
we need to get done and focusing on Dawson and
the business. And we're we just bought a house and
we might have to buy another one. It's a long story.
So um, you know, there's just like we don't go
(24:21):
on dates anymore. There's no time. It's never just Ashley
and I anymore. It's always Ashley, me and Dawson, which
is wonderful in so many different aspects. But obviously when
like we sit down in Dawson's in bed, it's like,
all right, good night, good night, Like we don't even
talk anybody. Do you guys ever have any like major
disputes about parenting styles, not as of right now. Uh
(24:44):
it it will be interesting. You know, obviously everybody has
their own ways of doing things. Uh, not just with
Ash and I, but grandparents, Uh, you know, siblings, aunts
and uncles, so like everybody kind of you know, it's
the first grandkids, so everybody's like kind of you know,
very eager to be like, oh, what about this or
what about that? But as of right now, no, Ash
(25:05):
and I have been really on the same page about
our parents' house. Did you guys tell anyone the name
before the baby was born? Oh? Yeah, have you met?
I don't know if you've met Ashley. I was being funny,
but they live streamed on Amazon when we live stream,
and to Ashley can't hold anything in so she was like,
I'm pretty my cousin was like that. She she told
(25:26):
like everyone the name, but like it is funny because
I do, like I feel like people sometimes don't because
then you get like all of the feedback from the family.
Like everyone feels like they can have like an opinion,
even if it's negative, because it's like, well, maybe they'll
change it. Oh, I get so defensive. Now. I had
somebody coming in to the coffee shop the other day
and they're like, oh, what's your son's name? And I
go Dawson and they go oh, And I want to
(25:50):
go do that mean? And she was like not in
a negative way, but she didn't react overly excited. You
want them to be like, oh my god, that's the
cutest name ever and your baby is a sweet angel
and that's the only appropriate reaction. Oh god, I'm not dad.
Now you have an idea for a baby number two?
His name? Uh no, because if it's a boy, I
(26:13):
have no idea, and then if it's a girl, I
have no idea. Ashley wanted arena girl. That makes sense.
That's no idea for either my point arena like if
like a stadium arena, and I was like, that is beautiful.
I like Serena better though I like the s arena.
It just makes me It's just like she's stadium. Yeah,
(26:36):
She's like concerts has been such a you know, a
huge part of my life. And I like, ash I'm
spelling with an eye like a yeah, I can't do that.
Instead of like a r irena, isn't that the IRENA's name?
And me myself and I me myself and Irene. That
was the name of the movie. I don't know, but Arena,
(26:58):
I don't know. Hey, I'm not a fan of it,
but I do appreciate the creativity, and I'll learn to
love it. If she does decide to name them the
first baby, you would always call it Arena for sure,
just R, E and A. I don't like any of
the above. Okay, so hard fast. Um, well, you guys,
let's take a quick break. We went a little over
on time there, so let's say a quick break and
(27:20):
we'll come right back and get to some emails and
some of our hot topics for the day. So stay tuned,
all right, So we have two emails coming up. Well,
we were going to do hot topics, but I think
(27:41):
we had such a great time talking to each other,
we're not gonna do hot topics today. Instead, we're gonna
jump right into emails. Yeah, let's get to the juicy stuff,
the good stuff, Dean, I'll read the first email. It's
from Sienna. Great name. Uh, this is a question for everybody.
When was the moment you knew you were in love?
If you were a significant other, do you remember that
(28:02):
specific moment when it happened. I want to ask you
Serena first, because was Joe even on your radar in Paradise?
I can't remember did you know who Joe was when
you first met him down in Paradise? So I knew
who he was. I watched back in season, and so
I do remember the whole like grocery store Joe Twitter explosion, um,
(28:24):
but like I didn't follow him on Instagram or anything.
I didn't even really watch the season of Paradise. I
think I watched like maybe two or three episodes, and
then I was never on click Bait. It's like we
never met or anything. Like I know a couple of
the girls from my season to click Bait and they
were like, oh, yeah, I'm microstotore Joe. Um. But I
didn't know he was going to be there, Like I
think everyone goes through like past cast members of like
(28:45):
who might be there, and I think I asked one
of the producers if he would be like one time,
and obviously the answer is like, I don't know, you
have to see, and then kind of like forgot about it.
So yeah, I remember walking down I was like, what
the hell grocers are Joe's here? So rand him um,
and then we just totally headed off, like right out
of the gate obviously. UM, I'm trying to think of
(29:07):
like when, because I remember when I told him I
loved him, But I don't know if I remember the
moment that I was like, I'm in love with this guy.
Oh I do. I do remember, because I was like
crying an interview. Um, it was the night this, So
I don't think I knew I was in love with
him at this point, but like looking back, I definitely
(29:29):
was because I was like really emotional, beyond belief. But
they had me do a chat with Wells and like
I hadn't expressed my feelings for him at all, really, um,
just because it's so not my comfort zone. And he
was like, you have to tell him how you feel.
And I was like sweating, like freaking out, like totally panicking.
And then they took me into interview and they were
obviously having me recap a lot of this stuff that
(29:51):
was going on with his ex and like talking about that,
which was hard, and I just remember like getting super
emotional and literally talking to my producer. He was like,
I'm very close with her, I'm very comfortable with her,
and I was like, I'm freaking out, and I started crying.
I was like, I'm freaking out. I'm honestly having a
total panic attack, Like I have never felt this way
for anyone before, Like I don't know what to do,
(30:13):
Like I'm in a super vulnerable position right now, where
like there's a lot going on in his personal life
on this beach, like I don't know what the to
do um And she was like, oh my god, are
you okay? I was like I'm not. I'm really not okay.
And then that was the night that I decided to
tell him that I was falling in love with him.
But like looking back, like I'm pretty sure that I
(30:33):
was already in love with him, but like I just
wasn't ready to like jump that step, right, you like
protected yourself with the verbit. Yeah, I was like, let's
see if he's even gonna say it back first, and
then like down the line. But like I'm glad I
did that because I think when I said that I
loved him, like I was so much more certain and
it just like felt so much better than if I
had like ten days and been like I love you,
(30:56):
and then like I think I would have questioned if
I actually meant it, Whereas like when I said it later,
I was like I really know I feel this way
and I mean it. So there wasn't like one defining
moment where he like like cut his steak a certain
way and you're like I love this guy. No, but
I do remember after Fantasy Suites they had me like
stand there and they had him walk down the beach
like away before the whole final rose. And I remember
(31:19):
as he was walking away, because I had me stand
there for like about ten minutes, I had the like,
oh my god, like I'm going to marry this guy,
like this is my husband, Like this is it. I
know it, like I know he's the one. Like I
was just like wow, like I'm that was the like
I can picture and remember that moment so clearly as
like a holy like I just found my husband kind
of thing. But the falling in love thing, I think
(31:41):
was like gradual and over time and definitely like blurred
with all within all the chaos that we were going through. Yeah,
did you guys watch Paradise or have rewatched it all?
Since we watched Paradise together. Um, I mean he lived it,
but he obviously had to because he does one of
the batchination pot it's like I need to really know
what's going on, um, and like we wanted to watch it.
(32:02):
There was definitely like for the most part moments, everything
was pretty good to watch. I mean, there was some
tough stuff, but we've rewatched the proposal, I think, like
once or twice, just like a sentiment nice, that's cute. Jared,
what about you? How did you know or when did
you know that you? Uh, it took a lot longer
for you than did first Sona obviously to uh know
(32:22):
that you were in love with Ashley? I agree with
By the way, uh I relate to Serena where it
was like one big buller, you know what I mean.
My love for Ashley really blossomed over time, and it's
hard to pinpoint like the moment where I was, you know,
obviously I always go back to the charity event which
happened after our first season in Paradise, were like I
(32:43):
had a moment to myself thinking I'm an idiot, But
like the real love that I have for my wife
now really blossomed over time after learning more about her
and our relationship and our connection and chemistry and who
she is and what she represents and um, you know
it really just you know, it was It's hard to
like pinpoint a moment where I was like, this is
(33:05):
this is when I know I'm in love with Ashley.
But when I told her I was in love with her,
it was that weekend when we went the stage coach.
I know what a place of teller in the desert,
but it just we were in bed together and we
were talking and just felt like the right moment. So uh,
but yeah, that's that's my story. Nice um and for me,
(33:25):
thank you guys for asking. Uh. It took me a
lot longer than Kalen too, I guess fall in love.
I was way more guarded and I one of my
biggest pet peeves I've learned in recent years is when
people are in a relationship for a couple of days,
certain you kind of alluded to this and they're just
like they just started blurching blurning out I love you
like they you don't mean it, you don't know what
(33:47):
love is, and you're just telling this person you love them.
It means nothing because you've known this person for four days, um,
and you're saying without meaning it or like knowing how
it feels. And so I like, I like made a
point to like, wait as long as I possibly could
just say it, to the point where like almost became
a thorn in our side of our relationship because Calin
has had said it quite a few times and I
like refused to say it because I'm a coward. I
(34:09):
guess you could say that. But there was one trip
that I went on specifically. It's it's funny because the
moment that I knew that I was in love with her,
she wasn't even there for it. So I went on
an expedition essentially um with a bunch of friends and
we were like way up in the mountains. It was
like six days long, uh, and there's like no cell
phone service. And I noticed that every night when I
(34:29):
was going to sleep, before I would go to sleep,
I would like scroll through my photo album of photos
of Kalin uh, and then it like put me It
gave me comfort and like put me at ease and stuff.
And so then I came back from that trip and
I was like, yeah, I'm in love with this girl.
So it wasn't even like a moment where she did anything.
It was just like a realization I guess that I
had to come to eventually, that's a great story, that's
a great moment, and I agree I would. I think
(34:52):
your way of doing a Dean with so much better.
You read of the way and know before you say
it rather than just blurt it out, because I'm sure
you guys can relate as well. You've had friends that
have told each other that they love like You've had
a friend tell someone else that they love them and
you're like, I don't think you're in love with them.
I think you're just saying this to say it. And
I've even said I mean, we've all seen it in
Bachelor to where people say these things and you're like, you,
(35:12):
I don't think you're really in love, but I guess
we'll find out and then they break up and then hindsight,
I've talked to so many people where they're like, I
maybe I wasn't in love. Maybe maybe maybe it wasn't
real love, So Dan, I think you're away from it. Yeah. Yeah,
well I've done that too with the Bachelor relationship, where
I said that the L word way too soon and
I definitely didn't feel it. I think I was just
(35:34):
saying it because I thought it's what I was supposed
to be saying and I was obviously way wrong. And
also like it's it's cool to know, um where like
I I really didn't want to fall in love and
it still happened anyway, So like that's a cool feeling,
you know, like this, despite my all my efforts to
not let it happen, it still happened. It just makes
it feel a little bit more comfortable, I guess for me.
(35:55):
But everyone's got their own story. Like just because obviously
we have ours, doesn't mean there's any right or wrong
way to fall in love. I just think that sometimes
people uh express their feelings before they've fully been able
to like understand that, and that gets people in trouble sometimes.
You know what's funny those my parents have like both
sides to this coin because they met and basically spent
(36:18):
like two weeks together right into the gate, like we're
very into each other immediately, and after two weeks, my
mom told my dad that she was in love with him,
and my dad was basically like, you don't know what
you're talking about, Like I've known you for two weeks,
Like what are you talking about? Like how do you know?
And she was just like I know, Like I just
know that I'm in love with you, and he was
just basically extremely skeptical, and she was like, you're an idiot.
(36:42):
We're gonna end up together. And so like, I'm more
like my dad in these situations on a present, but
like I respect my mom because she's like, yeah, look,
we've been together for twenty five years. Like, obviously I
was right, Yeah, it's not a sound science. Well, after
twenty five years, it's it's definitely funny to look back
and be like, yeah, I knew that I was talking about.
But how many of those, you know, end after three months?
But exception, she's the exception. That's great. That's great. And
(37:05):
your dad sounds like like a who as well. He
sounds like my kind of guy. Um, all right, let's
get to this last email from Emily. I'll read it
this since Jared read the first one. Emily says, I
just found out that my husband of five years, we've
been together for nine had an affair with a woman
for the past two years. I am so heartbroken, angry,
and confused, but know that I love this man more
than anything. I know. There are a lot of couples
(37:26):
who get over something like this, go to therapy and
make it work. But I don't know what to do.
My question is would this be something you could get
over with your significant other? What do you guys think
or sreenaw? Okay, uh, Listen, two years a long time
to have an affair. This is not like he cheated.
(37:48):
It was one night thing he regrets it still obviously
not right, but there's different levels of wrong, and so
the fact that he was intentionally cheating on you with
an another woman for two years of your five year
marriage is tough. Like, listen, Emily, you could probably get
past it if you guys work hard, and you would
(38:09):
have to have a lot of forgiveness in your heart,
but also at the same time, you might hold it
against him for the rest of your life. So I
don't I mean, I'm not sure. If there's kids involved,
obviously that changes the conversation as well, but it I
don't know, it's gonna be tough because Emily, even if
(38:29):
you guys get past this, I feel like, in you know,
in a year, he's gonna be like, I'm going out
with my friends, and in the back of your mind
you're gonna be like, is he And you're gonna have
to live with that for the rest of your life,
and I'm not sure if it's worth it. So that's
you can get past it, but it's not going to
be easy, and it really just kind of depends on
you have to decide on your level of comfort and
your how much happiness you want your relationship, because unfortunately,
(38:51):
I think it's gonna be a part of it. This
will be a part of the conversation of your relationship
for forever. M I'm curiously for a woman's perspective, Uh yeah,
I have. Joe and I both have very strong like
stances on cheating, like that would be an absolutely dear
break or I'd be gone immediately. But I mean that
doesn't mean I don't have sympathy for like how hard
(39:13):
it would be to leave someone that you're in love with.
I think there's a difference between wanting to get past
something and actually know when you'll be able to get
past it. Anyone that I know that's been cheated on,
it's like if they stay with that person, it's out
of desire to get past it. And once the breakup happens,
whether it's like a year or two later about the
affair or about something else, like it always comes to
(39:34):
fruition that like it was always in the back of
their mind, which I think it would be for me,
Like I would never be able to fully rebuild that
trust with someone. And like, yeah, like you said, Jared,
if it was a one night stand, he came home
next morning and immediately confessed to it. Like that's not
to say that that's like a good thing, but like
I think that there's more honesty in that, whereas like
(39:55):
a two year affair, Like that's two years of like
lying and broken trust and honesty, and like that's hard
to come back from. You might love him, but like
he's not loving you the way that you're loving him,
and like that's not something that anyone deserves. That's and
it's just so crazy to think about. They've been married
five years and fort of that time he was simultaneously
(40:16):
dating another woman, Like I that's crazy to me. I agree,
Like there is different I guess levels to it. Like
you said, Jared and Srina, one night stand still would
suck and it was still probably like puts a big
thor on your side. But the fact that this person
was with a girl for two years while you were married,
Like that's crazy and everyone's different and some people can
get over it and work through it. Um I don't
(40:39):
think I could be that person, but I mean maybe,
but maybe, Like I don't know, like certain circumstances, like
you said, if there's kids, or if you guys really
love each other, if you really feel like he's sorry.
But yeah, like you guys said, I think that will
always be in the back of your head. Um about
like you know, let's say he's on his phone. Well,
I was gonna say, this is also the girl we
know about. I mean, if he's been cheating for two years,
(41:03):
like one of the odds that this is the only one.
And like, you guys are gonna be like sitting on
the couch and he's gonna be on his phone and
you're gonna be like in the kitchen and he's gonna
be You're gonna be like looking at him like who
the hell is he texting right now? Like what is
he on his phone doing? And you're gonna have that
feeling probably for the rest of the time that you
guys are together. So you don't want that kind of uncomfortability. Um.
I I personally couldn't do it. I don't think any
(41:24):
three of us could do it. But I think to
like you're like, this person has been lying to your
face for every day for two years, like that is
a very and to know that they were capable of
doing that, like, in my mind, means they're probably capable
of doing it again. And I just think, like a
lot of people think that love is enough to save
a relationship, it's not in my opinion. So just because
(41:47):
you love this person and they claim to love you,
does not mean you're going to be able to get
past this and salvage the relationship. But it actually doesn't
mean you should. It probably isn't healthy to begin with.
I want to know. I want to know how she
found out. That would really interesting. Um So, Emily, if
you're listening and you feel okay divulging that information and
(42:07):
like the email us again, please email us and let
us know how the whole situation went down, because we're
all three of us are pretty invested right now, and
you can email. What's our email address, It's I suck
at Dating at I heart media dot com. Baby, I'm impressed. Man,
here's a podcasting and you finally got the email right
for the first time, finally learned how to scroll to
(42:28):
the top of the rundown and read the emailat you
still don't know it off the top of your head.
It's uh, I Suck a Dating at I heeart media
dot com. Uh so, please keep emailing us, Sienna and Emily.
Thank you so much. Emily. We're our hearts go out
to you. We wish you nothing but the best. Um
and once again we would love to hear from you more.
Uh and that's gonna do it. For this week's episode
(42:49):
of help I Suck a Dating. Thank you to everybody
who's listening. Serena, thank you so much for joining us.
Please give our love to Joe. Uh and uh, everybody listening.
Please tune in next week, where hopefully we all suck
just a little less. Hey, Jared, you forgot to plug
our next episode this same week, where we've got contestants
from Netflix. Is the ultimatum, Mary or move on joining us.
(43:09):
Oh my god, I just heard about this show and
I need to watch it. It sounds absolutely chaotic. Well,
you're in luck because in a couple of well you're
gonna be part of the interview with them as well.
But the listeners are in luck because in a couple
of days that episode will hit Spotify, I hit Radio
or podcasts, so stay tuned for that. Uh be sure
tune and then, because then maybe we'll suck just a
(43:32):
little bit less. Follow help by suck at Dating on
I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast
I Suck At Dating with Dengler and Jared Haven and
I heard radio podcast. Hey, welcome to an all new
episode of Help I Suck At Dating. Jared Haven here,
obviously joined by Dean Angler. We have a very special
guest co host this week. You know her from Bachelor
in Paradise where she's with the one and only grocery
(00:24):
store Joe. In fact, her zoom is called the Grocer.
It is Serena Pitt Serena. How the hell are you?
I'm good, Jared, how's it going. I'm on Joe's like
computer with all his podcasting set up, and yeah, he
named his account to grocer. You just gotta lean into it.
I wish Dean's was Deanie Babies just lean right into it,
and might would be Mr Ashley. I. I love how
(00:48):
our guest co host this week has a far superior
podcasting set up to probably both of us. I know
what's going on. We got chords on your headphones, Jared, Yeah,
what a loser? All right, this is not about my
podcast equipment from two thousand and nine. All right, listen,
I just opened up a business. I'm trying to sell bagels.
I'm saving money here. Uh, Serena. It's a little awkward
(01:10):
because we're a dating podcast and you're sitting right next
to your significant other, but we're going to talk about
them a little bit. We're gonna talk about your relationship
a little bit, because you know, this is what we
do on a dating podcast. So first of all, how
are you? How is Chicago? Uh? And uh, how's your
mental state? I'm good, I'm good. Life's pretty crazy right now. Um,
(01:30):
Chicago is good. We're actually not there anymore. Um, we
just kind of sort of Joe moved to New York
is kind of the narrative right now, because I'm still
waiting on a visa, so I'm here right now, but
like technically don't live here officially, but hopefully when that
comes through this week is the plan, then all ship
(01:51):
all my stuff out and like officially move here. But yeah,
we're in Chelsea, New York. The place is a disaster
right now, other than this like one corner that I'm
filming in just because moving is stressful, but it's been good.
My mental state's good. Joe and I are excited kinda
to take the next step. Wait, Chelsea, New York, that's
a pretty good area, right that's kind of that's like
(02:12):
Hutson Yards sort of right. Yeah, so we didn't really um, like,
we originally were looking at Williamsburg in Brooklyn just because
we really love that area. And then we did do
a day looking at Upper West and one of the
apartments we saw was in Chelsea, which is actually where
our realtor lives, who's like a friend of ours. UM,
And we just loved the area. I mean, there's just
(02:32):
so many really good restaurants. Were like right below Hudson Yards,
like West Chelsea, it's like two blocks up is like
the big mall with the vessel and all that, um,
and then it's like a ten minute walk down to
the meatpacking district. So it's a really good spot. We
like it. What made you guys choose New York Neutral territory? Yeah,
neutral territory. Um, Like, I love Toronto, all my friends
(02:54):
and family are there. Staying with him for Chicago, so
we did do the backend for and then it just
became a lot like traveling back and forth, Like even
if we definitely talked about getting a place in each city,
but even doing that and then flying back constantly just
it became super draining. UM and Yeah, He's always wanted
to live in New York. He like loves New York.
(03:16):
He's a big city dude, so this is like his
dream come true, which I think is probably like news
to a lot of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm very confused.
I granted, all right, listen, I've had a kid, started business, boat,
a house, like a lot going on, so I've been
keeping up. So you guys moved to New York and
(03:37):
Joel it was like, oh yeah, oh yeah, Joe is
like the biggest New York fan. Like I probably had
a harder time leaving Toronto than he did, not that
he didn't have. He's like a Chicago boy right like
through and through. His family's out there, all of that
good stuff. But yeah, he loves New York. He knee
(04:00):
like hustle, bustle energy. He's a big city guy. He
wants to try like every restaurant on every block here.
He's lived in Chicago his whole life, so like he's
turning thirty six next week and he's like, I've been
here for my whole life. He was like so ready
for a change, Like he was sad to leave his
family and friends, but like so excited for the move
(04:21):
and so excited to live in New York. Whereas obviously
I'm really excited. Like a big portion of that is, yes,
I love New York and like I see our future
being good here and I'm really excited to move in
with him. But like, leaving Toronto was definitely like a challenge,
but I'm really happy that we did it. But yeah,
I think a lot of people were like, why are
you leaving Chicago? Like we did not see this coming.
(04:42):
I think people probably think that like I pulled him
out of Chicago. No, I feel like New York is
a good compromise, and I obviously guys discussed it quite
a bit and like, who am I to say that?
But I feel like you guys found the right place
because it's, uh, it's close enough to both Chicago and Toronto, right,
and it's like a new place, but it's like New
York is like I feel like, in my opinion too,
I've always wanted to live in l a New York
(05:04):
and like London at some point in my life, right
just to like see if you like it, just do
it for a year. That way you can look back
and be like, yeah, we lived in this place for
however long, it was a great experience whatever it is. Um,
So I'm super happy for you guys. It sounds like
you obviously are doing great. You said his birthday is
coming up next week. What what do you have plan
for him? Yes, his birthday is on Tuesday. Um. I
(05:26):
just told him last night that I got uspressos at
don Angie's a yet. Um. And then I ordered him
like a really beautiful coffee machine from DeLonge and it
got here before I did, but I ordered it specifically
off Amazon so that it wouldn't come in any branded
box thing. Well, little did I know, it like still
(05:46):
comes from the same warehouse. And he's like, did you
get me a coffee machine for my birthday? Because one
just showed up at our apartment. So and then yeah,
my parents come in the next day for a few days.
So it's been busy. Nice thirty six man, that's he's
getting up there. Yeah, don't tell him that. Well, I
think you would probably gonna get there one day, alright. Well,
(06:08):
I I only asked because I'm turning thirty one on Sunday.
This is the following Sunday, So Joe and I are
both aries babies. There you go, I wish Caylin had
got me like a fancy coffee maker. I don't know
what she's going to do for me yet. But do
you find it difficult to shop for him? Because Caylin
always says that I'm the hardest person to shop for.
He's impossible to shop for so hard. I mean he
(06:29):
literally got the coffee machine and was like, this is
way better than your Christmas gift. Like you're improving, so
good job your Christmas gift. I got him a bunch
of stuff. No, Christmas was good too, but like this
is definitely a better gift. But I got him like
a there a gun, which she's addicted to. And then
like pillow slides. I think on him like a Kashmir scarf.
He is so bougie, like he just loves like high end,
(06:54):
expensive bougie guest out of my wheelhouse. Oh he is
a boogie but one hundred percent through and throw so
like and that's not me, so like shopping for that
stuff is like so in in my comfort zone. And
then he's picky, Like he's really picky. He's worse than me,
like you would think that. I feel like the sterrative
is the girl in the relationship. I'm like, so much
(07:16):
easier shop for I feel like than him. M yeah,
I was gonna say it sounds like your flip flop
of Kaitlin and I because she's very picky and very
I wouldn't call Kaylin bougie, but she's like likes the
high end stuff, you know, and I could care less
about all that kind of stuff. So it's basically I
just foregone buying her clothing and jewelry because every I mean,
she would appreciate it, sure, but I don't think that
she would ever really wear anything. Like I got her
(07:37):
rent and stimpy shirt and she's worn it like maybe once,
maybe twice, I guess, and I just lives in the
bottom of the closet. I'm like, I spent twenty five
dollars on this thing, You're not gonna wear it? Come on, Um,
that's funny that you guys is the the episode because I
would have guessed the otherwise. I find that I'm Ashley
tells me I'm the easiest person to shop for, and
I couldn't agree more. She got me a Superman and
(07:59):
Batman post or for Christmas, and I was losing my mother.
Oh yeah, anything to do with Boston Sports Brady or
like Superman. I'm in You're set well. Joe posted a
photo a few weeks ago. I think it was a
Jack Nicholson photo of him like smoking a cigarette or something,
and he called me and was like, Okay, so I
(08:21):
want you to get this for me, but not for
my birthday because all like it won't be a surprise,
So like, just remember and then for Christmas get it
for me so that I'll have forgotten that I told
you to t Is that his Twitter profile picture. Probably
every time I see this picture of Jack Nicholson, I'm like,
who is this. I'm like, oh, yeah, that's right. Joe,
(08:41):
Like every time I see I'm like, who is this?
Who do I follow? Tell him that because I'm like,
you're my fiance and I see your teeths pop up
and I don't even know who they are, but here. Okay.
So here's my issue with gifts, uh, And this is
why Kylen absolutely hates getting me gifts is because um,
we have already so much stuff, and Kylin especially receives
(09:03):
a lot of like gifting from brands. I'm sure certain
that you do too, and so our house is just
always cluttered with like boxes, empty boxes and like crap
that we don't really use very much, but it's nice
to have. And so I always tell her, I'm like,
I don't want anything, because, ay, we already have weight,
Like we have a hundred thirty percent capacity of stuff
in our house right now. Um, and be like, if
(09:25):
I really wanted it that bad, I would just go
out on my own and buy it for myself. And
so like, there's nothing you could get me that I
don't already have that I actually want, you know what
I mean. So she she hates it because she never
knows what to get me. And so what we've resorted
to doing, or what we're like in the process of
resorting to doing now, is instead of getting like a
(09:45):
object for that person, well, like like you're doing like
take them to dinner or go on a trip somewhere
or like you know, like those types of things that
you don't necessarily collect. But it's more like an experience,
I guess. And that's kind of the train that we've
been on lately, solely because of the insane amount of
clutter in our house and we just can't put anything
else anywhere else, you know, And I'm sure in New York,
(10:07):
Like you guys probably have a smaller apartment too, so
it's going to be very clutter there as well, I
would imagine. Well, my birthday was in October, and yeah,
I was getting it was like right when Paradise pended,
so like I was getting so many things in the
mail and which is great, but like then it's like
I don't want to add on top of that, I'm
already trying to organize what I have. So I literally
told all my family because they were like, we want
(10:28):
to get you something, and I was like, I don't
need things, like just get me like playing gift cards
like air Canada United. Just get me like a gift
an airline because I was traveling back and forth so
much to Chicago. Still, I was like, this is something
that I will use and it's not going to take
up any space. Yeah, that's a good idea of the
gift cards for the airlines. That's nice. And then I
(10:49):
always say, like I don't know, I hate I hate
the concept of giving gifts. I want like I would
rather received gifts on like a random day in a
random month for no reason at all than to like
receive a gift on Christmas or birthday or Easter or
something like that, you know what I mean, like an
awkward interaction. I find giving on like specific holidays is
a very uncomfortable interact for both parties because you're opening
(11:12):
it being like, hopefully I don't have to pretend that
I like this, and they're giving it to being like
hopefully they like this I've had. And also it's like
we'll fall on fights with cousins about gifts because like
I'll get them something and they're like, why did you
get me something? I didn't get you anything for Christmas?
And I'm like, I don't need anything. I wanted to
give you something, and they're like, well, I feel like
it told right now, and I'm like, we'll just take
the damn gift, and like I don't want the gift.
(11:32):
I'm like, well, I bought it, I'm not gonna return it.
Just take the gift. You don't have to get me anything.
They're like, well, now I'm gonna get you something next
week and I'm like, well, I'm not going to accept
it if you get me something in return, because I
already gifted you something you didn't think of me in
the first place, which is totally fine. You don't have to,
but just take the gift. And then it turns into
like a fistfight. Dared, take a breath, man, take it
just like one quick breath. Um. No, you're absolutely right,
You're absolutely right. And then it's like if you guys
(11:53):
are exchanging gifts, one gift might be worth like twenty
bucks and the other one'd be worth like a hunter bucks,
and then the one that the gift is upset. You
know what the worst type of person is is the
person who you are part of a secret santo with
and it says, don't spend more than and it's the
person that spends like seventy bucks on a gift and
you're like, just get the hell out of here, nobody
wants your gift anymore. No, No, I hate that too,
(12:26):
serring it besides the birthday and besides the move, what
else is going on in your guys life? I don't know.
I mean, I feel like the move has been so
all consuming because we literally came to New York like
last month, picked the place, like Joe signed it, and
like moved in two weeks later. So like it has
been so consuming of like packing, like I was just
(12:47):
in l A, which like was terrible timing because I
had already committed to an event out there, so like
he had to basically move in here alone. But yeah,
I mean, now life is just going to be us
exploring and a city, and like he's got the podcast
and the sauce brand. I'm doing influencer stuff, So don't
you have a podcast as well? No, so I filled
(13:08):
in Tasha left um Happy Hour, and then I filled
in her spot for Clayton season on Bachelor Happy Hour,
and then Michelle just jumped on Um, who was like
it was always the plan of like I leave after
Clayton season and she's now the new like full time
host with Becca Nice. Well they're missing out because I mean,
come on, they got the great host right here. I
know with the podcast I've ready to Go, which already
(13:32):
is superior to Dean and mind podcast equipment. I have
a question. It's like a two part question. One what
happens if your visa doesn't come back? So so that's
kind of why we've been like sketchy. I mean, obviously
I'm disclosing all this on the podcast, but like I
haven't been posting about it on social media just because
I feel like I can't give like a holistic explanation
(13:53):
of like all the scenarios that could go down until
I have it, but hypothetically of next week it comes through.
So story I applied. I paid like an expedited fee
to have it in fifteen days. So I've been working
on this since November. It's like a crazy like lawn
process of labor time job. So you apply fifth. I
knew I was going to get it here within fifteen
days because I paid like an expedited fee, and they
(14:15):
came back and had like requested more evidence. So they
basically said, like, hey, we received your application, like what
you have looks good, but we need X y Z
to be submitted to like I don't know, just for
like a bigger picture of like what I'm going to
be contributing to the economy in the US. So that
took an extra like five days and me putting together documents,
sending it off, and now we've reset. So I hear
(14:35):
by next Wednesday and if they come back and say
like sorry, like decline you can't be here, um, then
we'll reassess. But I mean he signed the lease here,
so like we're in this place for a year. I
just can then only be in the States for six
months out of the year, so we'll have to go
back to doing back and forth. And I still also
can't work here, so like any appearances or opportunities like that,
(14:59):
like I'm doing for no money, and any like influencer
campaigns that have to be shot in Canada, I've got
I've got a question. I'm sure you guys have talked
about this too. So you guys, for the for the uninformed,
you guys got engaged on the last season of bachelorom Paradise. Yeah,
so you're engaged to get married, why don't you just
like do the paperwork part of the marriage and then
(15:20):
just like you know, piggyback onto his citizenship and then
like do whatever you want to do later on. Yeah,
why expedite the visa when you can just expedite the marriage. Honestly,
we did think about it, like it was an option
on the table of like let's just maybe just go
to the court and we'll just get married. But I
was already so deep into the visa process at this point,
I'm like, let's just ride this out. I would personally
(15:41):
much rather like not just like get married under the
table for a visa. I mean, I think my parents
had a difficult enough time with me getting married to
a stranger on television. Um, for me to then take
away the opportunity of like sharing me getting married with
my family and friends would kind of be a bummer. Um,
So like we're really fingers crossed. They variable with applying
(16:03):
for visas, like I'm applying for an O one, which
is an entertainer's visa, And they could come back and
say like, yep, like you've been given the visa for
the three year period, which is the maximum time you
can receive it for, which in that case is great
because we're gonna get married in that three years, no problem.
And then I'll just apply for my green card and
switch that over. But they could also come back and
be like, Okay, so you've been approved for one month.
(16:25):
So like there's just so many variables on the table
right now. Um, but yeah, we'll find out next week
and then if it's not the three year, we'll just
reassess and adjust. I mean, there's not much else to do,
I guess, and then maybe get married sooner than we expected.
That's that's so crappy that that even has to be
a thing. But I guess you probably. Okay, so let's
(16:45):
let's go back to that when you were on the
Bachelor and you were on Matt's season of The Bachelor, right, yeah,
and you were living on you were living in Toronto
when you were cast for that show. Yeah, so you
already kind of knew that in the best case scenario,
you'd have to be only with all this anyways. Yeah,
I mean, I think going on the Bachelor like is
one thing because like I mean I didn't really like
(17:08):
picture myself like, oh, like, yeah, I'm gonna be married
to an American. But then definitely, like as I got
further into the season and developed feelings for him, I
was like independently like okay, Like I wouldn't have gone
on the show to date an American if I wasn't
willing to make a move for someone I loved. Like,
but yeah, I remember thinking like, if I end up
with this guy, like we have to figure ou where
(17:29):
we're gonna live and if that's not Toronto or if
it is Toronto, Like either way, there's like a viewsa
involved for someone. So when you get out of nowhere,
right right, you kind of have like a boss moment
too with Bachelor, right you you like worked out near
the end and you're like, I'm at it here right, yes, yeah,
I did some of them home after hometowns. Okay, gotcha,
(17:50):
got you? I was. I just didn't want to misremember
that yet. You had a moment where you were like,
you know what, I'm not into this, and that was
That's awesome. I feel like to go that long and
then like be like I'm not feeling this. It's it
doesn't happen often enough, and so when it does. I
think she takes some pride in that thank you, thank you. Yeah.
I mean, like I it was a hard moment, so
(18:13):
like I like I definitely had like friends and family
being like we're proud of you. I think I feel
like I was like so deep in it to be
like okay, but like it also sucked, like it was
a breakup, like I hurt someone in the process, but
I mean it all clearly worked out the way I
was supposed to. Like he's so happy with Rachel, like
I'm with Joe, so like it always the right decision.
But yeah, it's definitely hard, I think on the show
(18:34):
for people to feel like they have the freedom to
make their own decisions like about their fate. Like, I
feel like it's so consuming that once you get in it,
you kind of feel like you're like on this ride
that you can't get off of until someone gives you
permission to get off of it. So like I just
remember being like, I don't have to be here if
I don't want to be here, Like I don't have
to fall in love with this person if I'm not
(18:56):
falling in love with this person. Power Born in Canada,
engaged in Mexico, and married in the United States. What
a story. Yeah, we've done it all at all. Yeah,
that's a good way of looking at it. True, you're
really covering all your bases there. Yeah. I guess we'll
have to go get married in Europe or something just
to round that out. No, you have to get married
(19:16):
in the States and then live in Europe for at
least a year. Uh. My second question was because Chicago
is so ingrained in Joe or do you ever think
that He's like, do you guys see yourself in New
York for a long time or do you think that
like you're ultimately going to end back in Chicago or
possibly someplace else. I mean, this is definitely like a
(19:42):
trial year just because neither of us have lived in
New York. I think the tone is if we love
it here, this could be like definitely a long term
location for us. Um. We definitely didn't move here with
any sort of like agreement of like we are going
to live here, but like we're settling back down in
Chicago or like we are settling back down in Toronto. Um.
(20:05):
So yeah, I think this year is going to definitely
determine a lot because obviously when you have kids involved
and stuff like being close to family, there is a
benefit to that. As someone going through right now, it
is a huge benefit. Obviously do what you guys want,
but like it's a game changer. Oh yeah, a hundred percent,
Like being down the street and being able to like
like Joe has a lot of friends that have young
(20:25):
kids and like I see how they basically are just like, yeah,
I dropped my child off like at my parents for
the day and like go do what I needs. Like,
if we were to raise kids in New York where
we don't have family, like, we would definitely have to
know we have a really strong support system here. Um,
and like I love Toronto, I would raise kids in
Toronto in a heartbeat. I just think the challenge is
(20:46):
like his businesses in Chicago and like in reality, like
there's more business opportunity in the States for me as
well than there would be in Toronto at this time
in our lives. Who know, So you guys have had
the conversations about kids there? Oh yeah, I said on
our or state like if you don't want kids, like,
let's just call it now, Like it's like a deal
record for me for sure, gotcha? And so how many
(21:07):
kids do you want? Two? Okay, it's a good number.
And Joe's okay with that. Joe said, too, is his
like hard number? Yeah? I feel like, yeah, I think
he'll be a good dad too. He like he has
a lot of friends with the young kids, but I
feel like he hasn't had like a ton of experience
like with kids, But he'll be a good dad. Jared,
(21:30):
what were you like around kids love before you had children? Yeah? Yeah,
I just because my cousins who were like my brothers
and sisters have had kids. And then also I used
to volunteer at a children's hospital for about eight years,
so I dealt with a lot of babies up till
about eight years old, so I've had a lot of experiences.
(21:51):
But you guys were talking about like having one or
two kids because Ashes dead set on having another one. Okay,
which listen, of course, I want my son to have
a sibling. I want to, you know, have a brother
or sister. Having said that, the idea of literally doing
exactly what we've done for the past year and just
(22:11):
doing it all over again, especially for Ash, I mean
with another case, that's what I mean. I don't think
she realizes that. Like when you know, if everything knock
on wood, everything goes well, and Dawson is a year
year and a half, when she gets pregnant again, it's like, damn, yeah,
but what do you think would be better? Do you
think could be better to like have a bit of
a gap between him, or do you think it'd be
(22:32):
better to have him both like in the same phase
of life at the same time. That way, you're just
fully focused on that, you know, I have no idea.
I mean, it's so hard because this is our first kid,
so I don't really know what the future has in store.
Because I've heard so many people, so many people give
you different advice. They're like, oh, the first six months
is the hardest, and then other people will be like no,
when he starts, you know, crawling and walking, it becomes
(22:55):
much harder because then you can't just like PLoP him
in bed and he'll be fine. So I've heard it
all over the place, So it's just gonna be kind
of a trial by error and see, like what happens,
how we how it goes with Dawson. Do you have
a little boy? Yeah, so we have a little boys
named Dawson. He's ten weeks. He's gonna be ten weeks
on Monday. He's awesome. Like everybody who scares you about parenthood,
(23:19):
they shouldn't. I mean, listen, it is stressful. I can
like even Ashley and I it adds tension to the relationship.
To just be completely frank, I mean it does. Oh
I bet the lack of sleep like adds tension to anything.
Lack of sleep and then you know, especially I think
us starting a business has really heard us as well,
(23:39):
because it just consumes a lot of my time. So
I'm away from home a lot. So when I come home,
she's like, Okay, here's the kid, and I'm like, all right,
well I'm really tired, and she's like well, I've been
with him all time, all day, and I'm really tired
and so and then of course just like we miss
each other, and then like last night we even have
a conversation, and you know, I feel it's just tough because,
especially with a kid, the romance is thrown out the
(24:01):
window right now. There's no time for just ash and I.
So she's like, I feel like we're just friends right now.
We're not husband and wife. And it's like, no, of
course we're husband wife, but it's just, you know, we're
kind of like grinding through right now, getting done what
we need to get done and focusing on Dawson and
the business. And we're we just bought a house and
we might have to buy another one. It's a long story.
So um, you know, there's just like we don't go
(24:21):
on dates anymore. There's no time. It's never just Ashley
and I anymore. It's always Ashley, me and Dawson, which
is wonderful in so many different aspects. But obviously when
like we sit down in Dawson's in bed, it's like,
all right, good night, good night, Like we don't even
talk anybody. Do you guys ever have any like major
disputes about parenting styles, not as of right now. Uh
(24:44):
it it will be interesting. You know, obviously everybody has
their own ways of doing things. Uh, not just with
Ash and I, but grandparents, Uh, you know, siblings, aunts
and uncles, so like everybody kind of you know, it's
the first grandkids, so everybody's like kind of you know,
very eager to be like, oh, what about this or
what about that? But as of right now, no, Ash
(25:05):
and I have been really on the same page about
our parents' house. Did you guys tell anyone the name
before the baby was born? Oh? Yeah, have you met?
I don't know if you've met Ashley. I was being funny,
but they live streamed on Amazon when we live stream,
and to Ashley can't hold anything in so she was like,
I'm pretty my cousin was like that. She she told
(25:26):
like everyone the name, but like it is funny because
I do, like I feel like people sometimes don't because
then you get like all of the feedback from the family.
Like everyone feels like they can have like an opinion,
even if it's negative, because it's like, well, maybe they'll
change it. Oh, I get so defensive. Now. I had
somebody coming in to the coffee shop the other day
and they're like, oh, what's your son's name? And I
go Dawson and they go oh, And I want to
(25:50):
go do that mean? And she was like not in
a negative way, but she didn't react overly excited. You
want them to be like, oh my god, that's the
cutest name ever and your baby is a sweet angel
and that's the only appropriate reaction. Oh god, I'm not dad.
Now you have an idea for a baby number two?
His name? Uh no, because if it's a boy, I
(26:13):
have no idea, and then if it's a girl, I
have no idea. Ashley wanted arena girl. That makes sense.
That's no idea for either my point arena like if
like a stadium arena, and I was like, that is beautiful.
I like Serena better though I like the s arena.
It just makes me It's just like she's stadium. Yeah,
(26:36):
She's like concerts has been such a you know, a
huge part of my life. And I like, ash I'm
spelling with an eye like a yeah, I can't do that.
Instead of like a r irena, isn't that the IRENA's name?
And me myself and I me myself and Irene. That
was the name of the movie. I don't know, but Arena,
(26:58):
I don't know. Hey, I'm not a fan of it,
but I do appreciate the creativity, and I'll learn to
love it. If she does decide to name them the
first baby, you would always call it Arena for sure,
just R, E and A. I don't like any of
the above. Okay, so hard fast. Um, well, you guys,
let's take a quick break. We went a little over
on time there, so let's say a quick break and
(27:20):
we'll come right back and get to some emails and
some of our hot topics for the day. So stay tuned,
all right, So we have two emails coming up. Well,
we were going to do hot topics, but I think
(27:41):
we had such a great time talking to each other,
we're not gonna do hot topics today. Instead, we're gonna
jump right into emails. Yeah, let's get to the juicy stuff,
the good stuff, Dean, I'll read the first email. It's
from Sienna. Great name. Uh, this is a question for everybody.
When was the moment you knew you were in love?
If you were a significant other, do you remember that
(28:02):
specific moment when it happened. I want to ask you
Serena first, because was Joe even on your radar in Paradise?
I can't remember did you know who Joe was when
you first met him down in Paradise? So I knew
who he was. I watched back in season, and so
I do remember the whole like grocery store Joe Twitter explosion, um,
(28:24):
but like I didn't follow him on Instagram or anything.
I didn't even really watch the season of Paradise. I
think I watched like maybe two or three episodes, and
then I was never on click Bait. It's like we
never met or anything. Like I know a couple of
the girls from my season to click Bait and they
were like, oh, yeah, I'm microstotore Joe. Um. But I
didn't know he was going to be there, Like I
think everyone goes through like past cast members of like
(28:45):
who might be there, and I think I asked one
of the producers if he would be like one time,
and obviously the answer is like, I don't know, you
have to see, and then kind of like forgot about it.
So yeah, I remember walking down I was like, what
the hell grocers are Joe's here? So rand him um,
and then we just totally headed off, like right out
of the gate obviously. UM, I'm trying to think of
(29:07):
like when, because I remember when I told him I
loved him, But I don't know if I remember the
moment that I was like, I'm in love with this guy.
Oh I do. I do remember, because I was like
crying an interview. Um, it was the night this, So
I don't think I knew I was in love with
him at this point, but like looking back, I definitely
(29:29):
was because I was like really emotional, beyond belief. But
they had me do a chat with Wells and like
I hadn't expressed my feelings for him at all, really, um,
just because it's so not my comfort zone. And he
was like, you have to tell him how you feel.
And I was like sweating, like freaking out, like totally panicking.
And then they took me into interview and they were
obviously having me recap a lot of this stuff that
(29:51):
was going on with his ex and like talking about that,
which was hard, and I just remember like getting super
emotional and literally talking to my producer. He was like,
I'm very close with her, I'm very comfortable with her,
and I was like, I'm freaking out, and I started crying.
I was like, I'm freaking out. I'm honestly having a
total panic attack, Like I have never felt this way
for anyone before, Like I don't know what to do,
(30:13):
Like I'm in a super vulnerable position right now, where
like there's a lot going on in his personal life
on this beach, like I don't know what the to
do um And she was like, oh my god, are
you okay? I was like I'm not. I'm really not okay.
And then that was the night that I decided to
tell him that I was falling in love with him.
But like looking back, like I'm pretty sure that I
(30:33):
was already in love with him, but like I just
wasn't ready to like jump that step, right, you like
protected yourself with the verbit. Yeah, I was like, let's
see if he's even gonna say it back first, and
then like down the line. But like I'm glad I
did that because I think when I said that I
loved him, like I was so much more certain and
it just like felt so much better than if I
had like ten days and been like I love you,
(30:56):
and then like I think I would have questioned if
I actually meant it, Whereas like when I said it later,
I was like I really know I feel this way
and I mean it. So there wasn't like one defining
moment where he like like cut his steak a certain
way and you're like I love this guy. No, but
I do remember after Fantasy Suites they had me like
stand there and they had him walk down the beach
like away before the whole final rose. And I remember
(31:19):
as he was walking away, because I had me stand
there for like about ten minutes, I had the like,
oh my god, like I'm going to marry this guy,
like this is my husband, Like this is it. I
know it, like I know he's the one. Like I
was just like wow, like I'm that was the like
I can picture and remember that moment so clearly as
like a holy like I just found my husband kind
of thing. But the falling in love thing, I think
(31:41):
was like gradual and over time and definitely like blurred
with all within all the chaos that we were going through. Yeah,
did you guys watch Paradise or have rewatched it all?
Since we watched Paradise together. Um, I mean he lived it,
but he obviously had to because he does one of
the batchination pot it's like I need to really know
what's going on, um, and like we wanted to watch it.
(32:02):
There was definitely like for the most part moments, everything
was pretty good to watch. I mean, there was some
tough stuff, but we've rewatched the proposal, I think, like
once or twice, just like a sentiment nice, that's cute. Jared,
what about you? How did you know or when did
you know that you? Uh, it took a lot longer
for you than did first Sona obviously to uh know
(32:22):
that you were in love with Ashley? I agree with
By the way, uh I relate to Serena where it
was like one big buller, you know what I mean.
My love for Ashley really blossomed over time, and it's
hard to pinpoint like the moment where I was, you know,
obviously I always go back to the charity event which
happened after our first season in Paradise, were like I
(32:43):
had a moment to myself thinking I'm an idiot, But
like the real love that I have for my wife
now really blossomed over time after learning more about her
and our relationship and our connection and chemistry and who
she is and what she represents and um, you know
it really just you know, it was It's hard to
like pinpoint a moment where I was like, this is
(33:05):
this is when I know I'm in love with Ashley.
But when I told her I was in love with her,
it was that weekend when we went the stage coach.
I know what a place of teller in the desert,
but it just we were in bed together and we
were talking and just felt like the right moment. So uh,
but yeah, that's that's my story. Nice um and for me,
(33:25):
thank you guys for asking. Uh. It took me a
lot longer than Kalen too, I guess fall in love.
I was way more guarded and I one of my
biggest pet peeves I've learned in recent years is when
people are in a relationship for a couple of days,
certain you kind of alluded to this and they're just
like they just started blurching blurning out I love you
like they you don't mean it, you don't know what
(33:47):
love is, and you're just telling this person you love them.
It means nothing because you've known this person for four days, um,
and you're saying without meaning it or like knowing how
it feels. And so I like, I like made a
point to like, wait as long as I possibly could
just say it, to the point where like almost became
a thorn in our side of our relationship because Calin
has had said it quite a few times and I
like refused to say it because I'm a coward. I
(34:09):
guess you could say that. But there was one trip
that I went on specifically. It's it's funny because the
moment that I knew that I was in love with her,
she wasn't even there for it. So I went on
an expedition essentially um with a bunch of friends and
we were like way up in the mountains. It was
like six days long, uh, and there's like no cell
phone service. And I noticed that every night when I
(34:29):
was going to sleep, before I would go to sleep,
I would like scroll through my photo album of photos
of Kalin uh, and then it like put me It
gave me comfort and like put me at ease and stuff.
And so then I came back from that trip and
I was like, yeah, I'm in love with this girl.
So it wasn't even like a moment where she did anything.
It was just like a realization I guess that I
had to come to eventually, that's a great story, that's
a great moment, and I agree I would. I think
(34:52):
your way of doing a Dean with so much better.
You read of the way and know before you say
it rather than just blurt it out, because I'm sure
you guys can relate as well. You've had friends that
have told each other that they love like You've had
a friend tell someone else that they love them and
you're like, I don't think you're in love with them.
I think you're just saying this to say it. And
I've even said I mean, we've all seen it in
Bachelor to where people say these things and you're like, you,
(35:12):
I don't think you're really in love, but I guess
we'll find out and then they break up and then hindsight,
I've talked to so many people where they're like, I
maybe I wasn't in love. Maybe maybe maybe it wasn't
real love, So Dan, I think you're away from it. Yeah. Yeah,
well I've done that too with the Bachelor relationship, where
I said that the L word way too soon and
I definitely didn't feel it. I think I was just
(35:34):
saying it because I thought it's what I was supposed
to be saying and I was obviously way wrong. And
also like it's it's cool to know, um where like
I I really didn't want to fall in love and
it still happened anyway, So like that's a cool feeling,
you know, like this, despite my all my efforts to
not let it happen, it still happened. It just makes
it feel a little bit more comfortable, I guess for me.
(35:55):
But everyone's got their own story. Like just because obviously
we have ours, doesn't mean there's any right or wrong
way to fall in love. I just think that sometimes
people uh express their feelings before they've fully been able
to like understand that, and that gets people in trouble sometimes.
You know what's funny those my parents have like both
sides to this coin because they met and basically spent
(36:18):
like two weeks together right into the gate, like we're
very into each other immediately, and after two weeks, my
mom told my dad that she was in love with him,
and my dad was basically like, you don't know what
you're talking about, Like I've known you for two weeks,
Like what are you talking about? Like how do you know?
And she was just like I know, Like I just
know that I'm in love with you, and he was
just basically extremely skeptical, and she was like, you're an idiot.
(36:42):
We're gonna end up together. And so like, I'm more
like my dad in these situations on a present, but
like I respect my mom because she's like, yeah, look,
we've been together for twenty five years. Like, obviously I
was right, Yeah, it's not a sound science. Well, after
twenty five years, it's it's definitely funny to look back
and be like, yeah, I knew that I was talking about.
But how many of those, you know, end after three months?
But exception, she's the exception. That's great. That's great. And
(37:05):
your dad sounds like like a who as well. He
sounds like my kind of guy. Um, all right, let's
get to this last email from Emily. I'll read it
this since Jared read the first one. Emily says, I
just found out that my husband of five years, we've
been together for nine had an affair with a woman
for the past two years. I am so heartbroken, angry,
and confused, but know that I love this man more
than anything. I know. There are a lot of couples
(37:26):
who get over something like this, go to therapy and
make it work. But I don't know what to do.
My question is would this be something you could get
over with your significant other? What do you guys think
or sreenaw? Okay, uh, Listen, two years a long time
to have an affair. This is not like he cheated.
(37:48):
It was one night thing he regrets it still obviously
not right, but there's different levels of wrong, and so
the fact that he was intentionally cheating on you with
an another woman for two years of your five year
marriage is tough. Like, listen, Emily, you could probably get
past it if you guys work hard, and you would
(38:09):
have to have a lot of forgiveness in your heart,
but also at the same time, you might hold it
against him for the rest of your life. So I
don't I mean, I'm not sure. If there's kids involved,
obviously that changes the conversation as well, but it I
don't know, it's gonna be tough because Emily, even if
(38:29):
you guys get past this, I feel like, in you know,
in a year, he's gonna be like, I'm going out
with my friends, and in the back of your mind
you're gonna be like, is he And you're gonna have
to live with that for the rest of your life,
and I'm not sure if it's worth it. So that's
you can get past it, but it's not going to
be easy, and it really just kind of depends on
you have to decide on your level of comfort and
your how much happiness you want your relationship, because unfortunately,
(38:51):
I think it's gonna be a part of it. This
will be a part of the conversation of your relationship
for forever. M I'm curiously for a woman's perspective, Uh yeah,
I have. Joe and I both have very strong like
stances on cheating, like that would be an absolutely dear
break or I'd be gone immediately. But I mean that
doesn't mean I don't have sympathy for like how hard
(39:13):
it would be to leave someone that you're in love with.
I think there's a difference between wanting to get past
something and actually know when you'll be able to get
past it. Anyone that I know that's been cheated on,
it's like if they stay with that person, it's out
of desire to get past it. And once the breakup happens,
whether it's like a year or two later about the
affair or about something else, like it always comes to
(39:34):
fruition that like it was always in the back of
their mind, which I think it would be for me,
Like I would never be able to fully rebuild that
trust with someone. And like, yeah, like you said, Jared,
if it was a one night stand, he came home
next morning and immediately confessed to it. Like that's not
to say that that's like a good thing, but like
I think that there's more honesty in that, whereas like
(39:55):
a two year affair, Like that's two years of like
lying and broken trust and honesty, and like that's hard
to come back from. You might love him, but like
he's not loving you the way that you're loving him,
and like that's not something that anyone deserves. That's and
it's just so crazy to think about. They've been married
five years and fort of that time he was simultaneously
(40:16):
dating another woman, Like I that's crazy to me. I agree,
Like there is different I guess levels to it. Like
you said, Jared and Srina, one night stand still would
suck and it was still probably like puts a big
thor on your side. But the fact that this person
was with a girl for two years while you were married,
Like that's crazy and everyone's different and some people can
get over it and work through it. Um I don't
(40:39):
think I could be that person, but I mean maybe,
but maybe, Like I don't know, like certain circumstances, like
you said, if there's kids, or if you guys really
love each other, if you really feel like he's sorry.
But yeah, like you guys said, I think that will
always be in the back of your head. Um about
like you know, let's say he's on his phone. Well,
I was gonna say, this is also the girl we
know about. I mean, if he's been cheating for two years,
(41:03):
like one of the odds that this is the only one.
And like, you guys are gonna be like sitting on
the couch and he's gonna be on his phone and
you're gonna be like in the kitchen and he's gonna
be You're gonna be like looking at him like who
the hell is he texting right now? Like what is
he on his phone doing? And you're gonna have that
feeling probably for the rest of the time that you
guys are together. So you don't want that kind of uncomfortability. Um.
I I personally couldn't do it. I don't think any
(41:24):
three of us could do it. But I think to
like you're like, this person has been lying to your
face for every day for two years, like that is
a very and to know that they were capable of
doing that, like, in my mind, means they're probably capable
of doing it again. And I just think, like a
lot of people think that love is enough to save
a relationship, it's not in my opinion. So just because
(41:47):
you love this person and they claim to love you,
does not mean you're going to be able to get
past this and salvage the relationship. But it actually doesn't
mean you should. It probably isn't healthy to begin with.
I want to know. I want to know how she
found out. That would really interesting. Um So, Emily, if
you're listening and you feel okay divulging that information and
(42:07):
like the email us again, please email us and let
us know how the whole situation went down, because we're
all three of us are pretty invested right now, and
you can email. What's our email address, It's I suck
at Dating at I heart media dot com. Baby, I'm impressed. Man,
here's a podcasting and you finally got the email right
for the first time, finally learned how to scroll to
(42:28):
the top of the rundown and read the emailat you
still don't know it off the top of your head.
It's uh, I Suck a Dating at I heeart media
dot com. Uh so, please keep emailing us, Sienna and Emily.
Thank you so much. Emily. We're our hearts go out
to you. We wish you nothing but the best. Um
and once again we would love to hear from you more.
Uh and that's gonna do it. For this week's episode
(42:49):
of help I Suck a Dating. Thank you to everybody
who's listening. Serena, thank you so much for joining us.
Please give our love to Joe. Uh and uh, everybody listening.
Please tune in next week, where hopefully we all suck
just a little less. Hey, Jared, you forgot to plug
our next episode this same week, where we've got contestants
from Netflix. Is the ultimatum, Mary or move on joining us.
(43:09):
Oh my god, I just heard about this show and
I need to watch it. It sounds absolutely chaotic. Well,
you're in luck because in a couple of well you're
gonna be part of the interview with them as well.
But the listeners are in luck because in a couple
of days that episode will hit Spotify, I hit Radio
or podcasts, so stay tuned for that. Uh be sure
tune and then, because then maybe we'll suck just a
(43:32):
little bit less. Follow help by suck at Dating on
I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast
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