June 30, 2022 • 24 mins
Dean and Jared meet the REAL 40 year old virgin! Tommy Lee shares his story of trying to get laid with the help of his friend, comedian and pro athlete Nem Stankovic.
The friends share that Tommy’s journey to losing his virginity transformed into finding his adulthood and learning confidence and self-esteem.
And, Jared opens up about Ashley’s experience as a virgin at 27 years old.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hell I Suck At Dating with Dengler and Dared Haven
and I heard radio podcast. Hey, welcome to an all
new episode of Help I Suck At Dating our special
Thursday episode, and we have two very special guests from
the documentary My Friend Tommy. We have Tommy Lee and
(00:23):
we have Nem Stankovic. Am I saying that properly? Stank
I'm so dude, I'm so bad at pronouncing names. It's terrible.
But gentlemen, thank you so much for joining us on
the podcast. Oh, thank you for having us guys. Oh,
of course, of course. So I want to talk about
(00:46):
the documentary My Friend Tommy. So you guys talk about
a particular subject on here that doesn't get talked about
a lot. And I think it's really great that you
guys are open about it, because I feel like two
gentlemen who are in your position would feel certainly feel
insecure about talking about So let's start with you, Tommy.
(01:08):
I mean the documentaries called My Friend Tommy. So tell
us a little bit about it. Yes, So basically, uh,
member of Santrovich and myself. Well, we're on a quest
as a real life four year o virgin and uh,
there was a quest to uh, you know, find a girlfriend,
(01:29):
get laid. That was the quest originally. But during the
process the journey, I find out more about my adulthood,
more about myself, and in that same process a bond
starts to form between myself and them and the rest
of the crew in the cast, we start to really
bond together, grow together. As the journey continued throughout the
(01:50):
US and basically hit up the U. S. Cities, New
York City, Miami, uh, San Francisco, Las Vegas, and l
A and I believe we are in Death Valley as
well in other spots. And yeah, it was just you know,
in the beginning, you know them, I needed help with
the ladies and uh and then was there to come
(02:11):
in and say, I'll help you with the ladies. Let's
go on this historic journey. And that's what we did.
But in the process of me trying to find that
the right um, right woman in my life, I found
out more about myself and I grew more into adulthood
during the journey. So it was the most amazing experience.
(02:33):
I believe I can't speak on behalf of them and
the crew, but one of the most amazing experience I've
ever had so well, so so Tom or or them.
I guess you can answer this too. How did this
whole thing come about? Where did like, how did you
guys meet? How did you get this idea to make
a documentary about it? Uh? I mean I mean and
then I looked real quick after this like yeah, basically
(02:53):
yeah he Uh. Then I was like, hey, I'm gonna
help you out with the ladies because I said, then
help me with the ladies. Helping with the ladies man
back and we were in college and then being the
best friend of me, he was like, yeah, okay, let's go, Bubble,
go on this journey find that lady for you and
gave me challenges along the way. But yeah, that's how
(03:14):
it came about in college. He just came up and
he's like, you know, I'll help you with the ladies,
but let's go on this historic journey. And then have
you been a bit of a ladies man your whole life? Well?
I guess not my whole life, but being six ft
nine and being a professional basketball player definitely helped me
as I transitioned into becoming a comedian. I think it
(03:38):
just kind of I've had my foot in a in
a number of you know, industries, starting with sports and
then entertainment, comedy. Then I became a rapper, which was
completely out of left field and random because I started
doing parody songs and it became, you know, a career
on the side. Um. But I so basically, I was
(04:00):
playing basketball in the States. I was playing in Chicago
and Tennessee. Then I played pro briefly. I had a
had an injury. I came back home to Toronto and
went to went back to film school to finish my degree.
In the Furst day of school, I see this dude
who's like, hey, guys, come by. We're doing a karaoke
(04:21):
night on Thursday. And I'm like, oh cool, it's a
young professor inviting students out um to karaoke night or
a t A. And then I went it was like
a movie. I wish I got this in the movie.
I went to get a drink at the water fountain
and it was like I was bent over and he's like,
hey bro. I'm like I turned around, like he's like,
(04:42):
do you play for the Rams. I'm like yeah, man.
He's like, oh I always want to be a basketball player.
And I'm like, oh cool, are you professor? Here a
t A. He's like, oh, no, first your student, first student.
I'm like, okay, man cool. So basically, like Tommy was
at our school because Tommy is an on their sports
personality and his dream is to be kind of like
(05:03):
Thenard War sports, and I was a former athlete, you know,
studying film and television to get into comedy. And basically
that's how it started. Like our connections started over basketball. Um,
we would spend many nights together in these computer labs
working on these assignments. All these students would and uh
(05:25):
the students would stay until five am, and Tommy would
leave at eleven pm sharp every night. And I'm like, dude,
they have a beer, smoke a j chill out or
doing the same assignments we're staying up all night in
And then after seeing him leave every night at eleven sharp,
I'm like, yo, bro, like what's going on? Like, like
(05:45):
why do you always leave it eleven sharp? He's like, oh,
you know all Asian And I'm just like, oh, no,
I don't know how old are you, bro? And he's like,
uh six, and I'm just say oh. And then I
started any more and more we became close friends and
I'm like you're a virgin oright, and he's like no,
I'm like, yeah, you are, Like okay, but don't tell anyone.
(06:07):
I'm like everybody got kind of already knows. But like,
and he was always like helping with the ladies, helping
with the ladies. And I'm like, I mean, I think
at the time, I was in a relationship with like
sociopathic narcissist and I was just like, all right, let's
go for a road trip. Man, let's um like my
(06:28):
relationship was ending. I was just like, let's let's get
it started out as a browthing. I'm like, let's get
you laid. But then I realized, like he still had
a curfew with his Christian Grean parents, he had never
cooked the meal, he had never made his bed, And
I'm like, yo, this is bigger than sex. This is
like this is this begs the question like what does
(06:49):
it mean to be an adult? So like that's how
it started, and we decided to take our time with it.
And it took years and years to finish. And you know,
the film him as a quest for Tommy to rediscover
his adulthood. Uh, and you know he's at the time,
he's like a real life four year old virgin. He's
(07:10):
about to term forty in the movie and he's trying
to figure it out and in every city we throw
him and then you adult challenge. So the first day
was like, you gotta get a phone number and like
to for reference. He had never even told a girl
that he liked her, and basically, uh, like he was
(07:31):
seeing these girls like passed by on Facebook life passed
by before him, and like they were having kids and
families and getting married. So like the first day were like,
get a phone and he's like, it's like we asked
him a murder someone. So it was like it was wild,
but that's how I started. Yeah, sometimes I gotta ask you.
(08:04):
Then it sounds like them was saying, how uh at
first you weren't willing to admit that you hadn't had
sex with with anyone, but then you eventually came into it, right,
So was it something you were always not like embarrassed by,
but just didn't admit freely and then you kind of
grew into that that's like being able to talk about it. Yeah,
great question. Uh, absolutely absolutely, I was at that time
(08:26):
ashamed to admit um I was a virgin at that time.
And I also ashamed that, you know, about my age
as well, because I was older than them, and the
other classmates of mine there were more younger than I was.
So yeah, thought there's this like stereotype still to this
day that um, it's it's shameful to say you were
a burden in public, especially when you're in a university
(08:49):
with thousands of kids like them, and I graduated from
one of the biggest universities in Canada. Uh So it
was basically, yeah, it was just being a shame aimed
and it's just tough for a young, um adolescent male
or female to be like, oh, you know, I can't
I'm just so ashamed being a virgin, Like it's just
(09:09):
so uncool. But that's another thing that uh, this movie
will we want them and I want to bring out
that message that you know, ten years from now, when
we have kids and our kids are growing up there
walking the hallways and their high schools, our kids are
in college, walking the campuses, and they won't be ashamed
to admit that, you know, hey, I'm proud to be
(09:29):
a virgin. Hopefully at that time twenty three years from all,
to be rock and our virgin shirts at that our kids,
but and our grandkids. But yeah, what we want to
do change it. I'll tell you what. I think it's
awesome that you're even having a conversation about it. I
think you opening up and sharing your story is only
gonna make other people that it may be, are in
a similar situation feel more seen, more heard, and less like,
(09:53):
you know, ostracized, I guess from the other people. So
I think it's I think it's really great what you
guys are doing. And um, Tommy, obviously it takes a
lot of courage to to stand up say it and
and have a documentary filmed about your experience. So uh,
really cool. I'm really impressed that you guys are able
to do that for sure. Yeah, and Tommy, I don't
think you're alone, you know. I think there's a lot
of people out there, even if they're not virgins. There's
(10:15):
a lot of guys out there who have difficulty you know,
talking to people they are attracted to and or you know,
for lack of a better word, like having sex with girls.
You know, Like I remember even in my you know,
adolescent years before my wife, Um, because my wife was
very open about her virginity. Um, you know, when we
(10:37):
first met, she was twenties seven, um, and a virgin
and was very open and honest about it. And I
do think that there is a difference between when a
woman amidst that she's a virgin and a guy, because
it just seems like, you know, guys are supposed to
like that, Like it's just like this thing of like
there's a lot of I think misconceptions with men and sex.
(10:58):
One it's like, oh, guys have sex all the time
with girls and they just like bring anything home or
even like during the act of sex. It's like, oh,
guys are supposed to just like be able to have
sex any minute of every day, like they're always ready
to go. And it's like, oh, that's just not the case.
I hate to break the news to you. Um. So
I love that you're doing this. I love that you
guys are rocking the virgin shirts to really like, you know,
make it known that like this is the thing that
(11:20):
that a lot of people go through and it's just
not you, Tommy, It's it's tons of people. And so
I think it's great what you're doing. So, Tommy, how
is this experience? Uh, you know, you say that you
learned a lot about not only you know, relationships, but
about yourself. So I guess what is like one of
the things that you're gonna take with you from going
(11:41):
on this experience and having them challenge you in different ways. Wow,
you guys are coming up with the hard hitting questions. Well,
I appreciate the beasts in the game. That's the job.
This is not our first rodeo, absolutely not, absolutely not.
Uh yeah, well I would like to take from this
just um a couple of quick things is uh, basically
(12:04):
I would like to take of course, like I'm more
confident now, like when approaching uh woman, I'm more confident
in myself, uh, in my own uh, in my own skin,
and I'm not afraid to you know, talk with them
to you know, ask them if you know they want
to go off for coffee, they want to go out
for a movie. Not fear of rejection either. Like man,
(12:27):
before I met them, guys, I always like I would
always be sensitive like, oh, why uh why isn't this
uh you know this so lady talking to me, like
why did she just walk away with a snarky face
on her right? And I get sensitive about that? Now
don't care? Move on? To the next. If if someone
else doesn't like you or whatever, like, who cares? So
(12:48):
I take that one with me more confident in myself
approaching woman. Uh. Secondly is basically, um, you know they'll
like on them knows this. Basically I learned more about
know this pertains to the topic, but learn more about
how important family is, how family it's definitely important. While
I was in this journey with them and the crew
(13:10):
and the cast, I basically, you know, he started to
h M, your family realized how important family is. You
only have one mom, you have only have one dad,
You only have one sibling in the world that will
back you up. So I mean it's weird in no way, Like, yeah,
my quest was to get laid, But what I found
out most is that after this, family is so important.
So I mean the relationship. When I came back, I
(13:31):
just got stronger with my parents and my brother, especially
my dad. I wasn't so great when I was in
high school. I played a role too. I wasn't the
best high school son in the world. But um, when
I came back, I was just changed. Man. Dad actually
thought I was a mutant that got abducted by an
alien and sent him back and sent me back here
(13:52):
because I was just so nice to him when I
came back from the dad, Thanks, everyone's a mutant, my
mutant son. Oh you big mutant boy. Uh yeah, we're
both mutants, that's for sure. And his dad's defense. Then
I could see six nine guy walking in and he
(14:13):
would I could see why he would say that. But
and then I got a question for you. Do you
have any experience with this type of like filming or
creating films or anything like that before this? Yeah? Uh well,
I you know, my biggest influences there seth Rogan, Key
and Peel, Jim Carey, Tom Greene. Um. So I yeah,
that's why I was there. I was there to become
(14:34):
a filmmaker. Um. I was also stand up comedian at
the time for about three and a half years. I
was kind of transitioning out of my sports life. So
I I did have experience doing short films here and there. Um,
you know, this film took years and years. Most most
filmmakers start out by doing like, I don't know, five
(14:55):
to ten shorts before their feature film. I took five
to ten years making one epic documentary about my best friend.
And you can see it when you watched it. But
I wasn't gonna touch on what you guys were talking
about with like relatability to men and like healthy masculinity,
(15:15):
UM and sexuality for men, because this, you know, this
started like and like I said, it started out as
a kind of like a funny thing because I was
trying to trying to be a filmmaker, but I was
also trying to help my friend. Um. But through that
process it became something much bigger and much deeper, and
(15:37):
you know, I had to do my research. And doing
my research, I found out a lot of crazy information,
really important information that there are hundreds of millions of
adult virgins in the world. Um, they're the largest silence
demographic in the world. They spent across geography or race, religion, creed, um,
and basically they're everywhere, and they're hundreds of different sub
(16:01):
communities within the adult virginity. You have the adult virgin community, sorry,
and basically it spans from people who you know, I
grew up in religious or strict conservative households and didn't
develop the adult skills. Usually the virginity is not the
main aspect of it. It's it's just an outcome of
(16:22):
something bigger. Um. Some people grew up in secular homes
that are traumatic, and you know, they weren't able to
develop as adults. Other people, basically they choose to be virgins,
whether they're secular or religious, they just choose to be
virgins for the whatever their reason is. Usually they want
to find the right person. And uh, it's it's about
(16:44):
one and twenty people in North America, it's about one
in ten in Asia, and it's rapidly growing because you know,
we have our phones and apps and technology that's supposed
to bring us together, but ironically it's isolating us in
terms of divel other being, face to face personal skills. Um.
So this is like a topic that we want to
(17:08):
be the trailblazers of and kind of bring this conversation
to light because there's so many guys and women, Like
you said your wife was a virgin at twenty seven.
I have like a few bombshell female friends who are
also twenty seven and their virgins, and they're like, this
movie is for me. These are my people, and like
it's just like you wouldn't expect it, but like adult
(17:29):
virgins are everywhere, and you know they they've been kind
of uh, voiceless because obviously there's a degree of shame
to adult adult virginity. Basically, like you don't go to
a bar and say, by the way, I'm a thirty
seven year old virgin or I'm a fifty two year
old virgin. If you're even going to the bar, you
(17:50):
keep that to yourself because society still has kind of
like that high school mentality like yo, bro, this guy
is still a virgin. Bro, come on, bro, come out
with me. I'll get to lef or like girls are like,
oh my god, she just needs to get that over with.
Like there's still meant that mentality and nobody even knows
they exist. So I'm like, it's what it's a It's like,
(18:11):
we got to talk about this, and we we chose
to talk about it through Tommy story. I mean, we're
not a social commentary film by any means, but we
we choose to bring that social commentary through the film
and through Tommy's story and bring light kind of like
a voice to the voiceless and normalize and destigmatize this conversation.
(18:32):
And we shouldn't be judging people, you know, by their
body count or like their political or sexual orientations. We
should be judging each other based on our characters and
our hearts, and that's kind of like what we stand for.
(18:55):
I'm on the website right now and I see this
quote here where it says Tom is a real deal
version of many things now just the act of sex.
And I think that's really interesting too, because and I'm
sure you guys could expand on a little bit more,
but it seems like the film outlines many other things
other than just the quest for like you said, uh,
body count, I guess right. So so Tom, how has
(19:15):
that been for you? Do you still live at home? Um?
Do you find yourself being more independent nowadays post post
documentary and everything? Uh? Yeah, absolutely, Well, first off, you
guys gotta watch the movie. Yeah, but uh but what
I can't answer is, uh yeah, more more and definitely
more independent on myself. Uh And as I stayed before,
(19:37):
the confidence level uh within myself has skyrocket. It's since
uh finishing up the journey with them and all my
friends and the crew and the cast. But yeah, it's
just uh yeah, once again, like you know, like them
has been saying basically, he saw the change in me
from the beginning to the end. Since we started this journey,
(20:01):
So I mean, yeah, confidence is there, and I just
I really want people to take from this movie as well.
I'm sure them is too. Um, if he agrees with me,
is that you know, yeah, oh wow, he's on the
quest to get laid. But basically from this movie, like
like we were talking about, like how you know, people
will perceive the word virgin a different, more positive light
(20:24):
after watching this movie. And also from this movie, it's
not just about my quest to get late. It's about
a journey that a group of friends take together and
how they grow together on the screens. Just a beautiful
thing to see. So that's why absolutely, um, both of
you guys and everyone l a and just you know,
(20:46):
hopefully down the road the world will will watch it.
It's a it's a beautiful thing. It's just how it's
the one and present. It's just amazing. You get to
see him do laundry for the first time, and it's beautiful,
including cooking and humbles you. By the way, I was
gonna ask, and based off of those two stories and
the screen grab I see from the film, there's gotta
(21:07):
be a lot of comedic moments in it, right, Like
I would say that's gotta be the underlying tone more
or less. Oh yeah, if I could go quick now, man,
we had just at this chemistry like I mean, I
don't know if you guys know the legendary long before
our time, Laurel and Hardy like they were like a
legendary comedic due never knows who they are. I mean
we had that. We always have that presence out like
(21:30):
but we're not filming where we're best friends, so we
always have that comedic. I think you can ask our
friends that hang out with us. But like all this, yeah,
I was, I was like, wow, we have this chemistry that.
I was really shocked. It was funny. It was funny comedy.
I don't know if it was funny for us at
that time because you know, me and then being brothers
we get into dust ups, but I mean watching it,
I was like, wow, like, man, we have that Laurel Hardy,
(21:56):
uh you know, comedic duol or whatever other look like
Jackie and Chris Tucker community duel there. But yeah, I
was surprising to see, uh the magic there. Yeah, well,
I'm not gonna I was gonna ask how because I
was very curious Tommy, A lot of people I feel
like are can relate to you about how they feel
insecure talking to people at bars, or trying to hit
(22:17):
on women um or women hit on men, or men
hit on men, so on and so forth, like just
hitting on people that you're attracted to. And I wanted
to ask exactly how you got to the point you're
at now, which is more secure in yourself, more confident.
But instead of asking you that and having answer it,
I'd rather just tell everybody who's listening to this podcast
to go watch My Friend Tommy. Now. You guys just
(22:40):
premiered at the Dances with Films Festival. I believe it
was so congratulations first and foremost on that. So how
are people going to be able to watch this documentary?
So right now we're in the festival circuit before we
go to distribution, so you'll see it somewhere probably during
the fall on a on a streamer or a different
(23:03):
distribution platform. Definitely keep tabs with us on our Instagram.
That that's probably our biggest kind of hub. Our Instagram
is m f T movie, like My Friend Tommy movie,
so m FT movie, and we also a Facebook page.
But to touch on Dean quickly, like yeah, this movie
(23:25):
is absolutely hilarious. It's like absurd. Um. I put all
my influences in it. So if you like Seth Rogan,
if you like Kem Peel and Jim Carey and even
Tom Green, I mean, with an original hip hop soundtrack
with some of the biggest up and coming artists from
North America, Asia and Europe, you'll definitely enjoy it. So
(23:47):
it's it's got an absurd touch, but it's you know,
it's heartwarming because we're actual best friends and you kind
of forget that it's real because it feels like you're
watching kind of like a Blockbuster comedy and then it
slaps you in the face and it's like, oh, this
is real. So it's kind of like it's a little
bit meta, and uh yeah, it's it's funny, it's heartwarming,
(24:10):
and you're watching someone's life change in real time, which
is exciting and uh introspective, definitely relatable. Sweet, but we're
excited to see. Yeah, we'll have to follow along on
the Instagram and keep track of it until we are
able to watch it for ourselves. But you guys, thank
you so much for joining us. We appreciate it. Thanks
for giving some insight. Uh you both seem like great guys.
(24:32):
And and Tom, I'm excited to watch man. I want
to see the progression and the growth and everything. So
we'll keep we'll keep an eye up for it. Thank you,
so thank you, James. Yeah, oh my god, of course.
Thanks guys, Thanks guys. I'll talk to you later. Thank you, guys.
Follow hell by suck at Dating on I Heart Radio
or wherever you listen to podcast.
Hell I Suck At Dating with Dengler and Dared Haven
and I heard radio podcast. Hey, welcome to an all
new episode of Help I Suck At Dating our special
Thursday episode, and we have two very special guests from
the documentary My Friend Tommy. We have Tommy Lee and
(00:23):
we have Nem Stankovic. Am I saying that properly? Stank
I'm so dude, I'm so bad at pronouncing names. It's terrible.
But gentlemen, thank you so much for joining us on
the podcast. Oh, thank you for having us guys. Oh,
of course, of course. So I want to talk about
(00:46):
the documentary My Friend Tommy. So you guys talk about
a particular subject on here that doesn't get talked about
a lot. And I think it's really great that you
guys are open about it, because I feel like two
gentlemen who are in your position would feel certainly feel
insecure about talking about So let's start with you, Tommy.
(01:08):
I mean the documentaries called My Friend Tommy. So tell
us a little bit about it. Yes, So basically, uh,
member of Santrovich and myself. Well, we're on a quest
as a real life four year o virgin and uh,
there was a quest to uh, you know, find a girlfriend,
(01:29):
get laid. That was the quest originally. But during the
process the journey, I find out more about my adulthood,
more about myself, and in that same process a bond
starts to form between myself and them and the rest
of the crew in the cast, we start to really
bond together, grow together. As the journey continued throughout the
(01:50):
US and basically hit up the U. S. Cities, New
York City, Miami, uh, San Francisco, Las Vegas, and l
A and I believe we are in Death Valley as
well in other spots. And yeah, it was just you know,
in the beginning, you know them, I needed help with
the ladies and uh and then was there to come
(02:11):
in and say, I'll help you with the ladies. Let's
go on this historic journey. And that's what we did.
But in the process of me trying to find that
the right um, right woman in my life, I found
out more about myself and I grew more into adulthood
during the journey. So it was the most amazing experience.
(02:33):
I believe I can't speak on behalf of them and
the crew, but one of the most amazing experience I've
ever had so well, so so Tom or or them.
I guess you can answer this too. How did this
whole thing come about? Where did like, how did you
guys meet? How did you get this idea to make
a documentary about it? Uh? I mean I mean and
then I looked real quick after this like yeah, basically
(02:53):
yeah he Uh. Then I was like, hey, I'm gonna
help you out with the ladies because I said, then
help me with the ladies. Helping with the ladies man
back and we were in college and then being the
best friend of me, he was like, yeah, okay, let's go, Bubble,
go on this journey find that lady for you and
gave me challenges along the way. But yeah, that's how
(03:14):
it came about in college. He just came up and
he's like, you know, I'll help you with the ladies,
but let's go on this historic journey. And then have
you been a bit of a ladies man your whole life? Well?
I guess not my whole life, but being six ft
nine and being a professional basketball player definitely helped me
as I transitioned into becoming a comedian. I think it
(03:38):
just kind of I've had my foot in a in
a number of you know, industries, starting with sports and
then entertainment, comedy. Then I became a rapper, which was
completely out of left field and random because I started
doing parody songs and it became, you know, a career
on the side. Um. But I so basically, I was
(04:00):
playing basketball in the States. I was playing in Chicago
and Tennessee. Then I played pro briefly. I had a
had an injury. I came back home to Toronto and
went to went back to film school to finish my degree.
In the Furst day of school, I see this dude
who's like, hey, guys, come by. We're doing a karaoke
(04:21):
night on Thursday. And I'm like, oh cool, it's a
young professor inviting students out um to karaoke night or
a t A. And then I went it was like
a movie. I wish I got this in the movie.
I went to get a drink at the water fountain
and it was like I was bent over and he's like,
hey bro. I'm like I turned around, like he's like,
(04:42):
do you play for the Rams. I'm like yeah, man.
He's like, oh I always want to be a basketball player.
And I'm like, oh cool, are you professor? Here a
t A. He's like, oh, no, first your student, first student.
I'm like, okay, man cool. So basically, like Tommy was
at our school because Tommy is an on their sports
personality and his dream is to be kind of like
(05:03):
Thenard War sports, and I was a former athlete, you know,
studying film and television to get into comedy. And basically
that's how it started. Like our connections started over basketball. Um,
we would spend many nights together in these computer labs
working on these assignments. All these students would and uh
(05:25):
the students would stay until five am, and Tommy would
leave at eleven pm sharp every night. And I'm like, dude,
they have a beer, smoke a j chill out or
doing the same assignments we're staying up all night in
And then after seeing him leave every night at eleven sharp,
I'm like, yo, bro, like what's going on? Like, like
(05:45):
why do you always leave it eleven sharp? He's like, oh,
you know all Asian And I'm just like, oh, no,
I don't know how old are you, bro? And he's like,
uh six, and I'm just say oh. And then I
started any more and more we became close friends and
I'm like you're a virgin oright, and he's like no,
I'm like, yeah, you are, Like okay, but don't tell anyone.
(06:07):
I'm like everybody got kind of already knows. But like,
and he was always like helping with the ladies, helping
with the ladies. And I'm like, I mean, I think
at the time, I was in a relationship with like
sociopathic narcissist and I was just like, all right, let's
go for a road trip. Man, let's um like my
(06:28):
relationship was ending. I was just like, let's let's get
it started out as a browthing. I'm like, let's get
you laid. But then I realized, like he still had
a curfew with his Christian Grean parents, he had never
cooked the meal, he had never made his bed, And
I'm like, yo, this is bigger than sex. This is
like this is this begs the question like what does
(06:49):
it mean to be an adult? So like that's how
it started, and we decided to take our time with it.
And it took years and years to finish. And you know,
the film him as a quest for Tommy to rediscover
his adulthood. Uh, and you know he's at the time,
he's like a real life four year old virgin. He's
(07:10):
about to term forty in the movie and he's trying
to figure it out and in every city we throw
him and then you adult challenge. So the first day
was like, you gotta get a phone number and like
to for reference. He had never even told a girl
that he liked her, and basically, uh, like he was
(07:31):
seeing these girls like passed by on Facebook life passed
by before him, and like they were having kids and
families and getting married. So like the first day were like,
get a phone and he's like, it's like we asked
him a murder someone. So it was like it was wild,
but that's how I started. Yeah, sometimes I gotta ask you.
(08:04):
Then it sounds like them was saying, how uh at
first you weren't willing to admit that you hadn't had
sex with with anyone, but then you eventually came into it, right,
So was it something you were always not like embarrassed by,
but just didn't admit freely and then you kind of
grew into that that's like being able to talk about it. Yeah,
great question. Uh, absolutely absolutely, I was at that time
(08:26):
ashamed to admit um I was a virgin at that time.
And I also ashamed that, you know, about my age
as well, because I was older than them, and the
other classmates of mine there were more younger than I was.
So yeah, thought there's this like stereotype still to this
day that um, it's it's shameful to say you were
a burden in public, especially when you're in a university
(08:49):
with thousands of kids like them, and I graduated from
one of the biggest universities in Canada. Uh So it
was basically, yeah, it was just being a shame aimed
and it's just tough for a young, um adolescent male
or female to be like, oh, you know, I can't
I'm just so ashamed being a virgin, Like it's just
(09:09):
so uncool. But that's another thing that uh, this movie
will we want them and I want to bring out
that message that you know, ten years from now, when
we have kids and our kids are growing up there
walking the hallways and their high schools, our kids are
in college, walking the campuses, and they won't be ashamed
to admit that, you know, hey, I'm proud to be
(09:29):
a virgin. Hopefully at that time twenty three years from all,
to be rock and our virgin shirts at that our kids,
but and our grandkids. But yeah, what we want to
do change it. I'll tell you what. I think it's
awesome that you're even having a conversation about it. I
think you opening up and sharing your story is only
gonna make other people that it may be, are in
a similar situation feel more seen, more heard, and less like,
(09:53):
you know, ostracized, I guess from the other people. So
I think it's I think it's really great what you
guys are doing. And um, Tommy, obviously it takes a
lot of courage to to stand up say it and
and have a documentary filmed about your experience. So uh,
really cool. I'm really impressed that you guys are able
to do that for sure. Yeah, and Tommy, I don't
think you're alone, you know. I think there's a lot
of people out there, even if they're not virgins. There's
(10:15):
a lot of guys out there who have difficulty you know,
talking to people they are attracted to and or you know,
for lack of a better word, like having sex with girls.
You know, Like I remember even in my you know,
adolescent years before my wife, Um, because my wife was
very open about her virginity. Um, you know, when we
(10:37):
first met, she was twenties seven, um, and a virgin
and was very open and honest about it. And I
do think that there is a difference between when a
woman amidst that she's a virgin and a guy, because
it just seems like, you know, guys are supposed to
like that, Like it's just like this thing of like
there's a lot of I think misconceptions with men and sex.
(10:58):
One it's like, oh, guys have sex all the time
with girls and they just like bring anything home or
even like during the act of sex. It's like, oh,
guys are supposed to just like be able to have
sex any minute of every day, like they're always ready
to go. And it's like, oh, that's just not the case.
I hate to break the news to you. Um. So
I love that you're doing this. I love that you
guys are rocking the virgin shirts to really like, you know,
make it known that like this is the thing that
(11:20):
that a lot of people go through and it's just
not you, Tommy, It's it's tons of people. And so
I think it's great what you're doing. So, Tommy, how
is this experience? Uh, you know, you say that you
learned a lot about not only you know, relationships, but
about yourself. So I guess what is like one of
the things that you're gonna take with you from going
(11:41):
on this experience and having them challenge you in different ways. Wow,
you guys are coming up with the hard hitting questions. Well,
I appreciate the beasts in the game. That's the job.
This is not our first rodeo, absolutely not, absolutely not.
Uh yeah, well I would like to take from this
just um a couple of quick things is uh, basically
(12:04):
I would like to take of course, like I'm more
confident now, like when approaching uh woman, I'm more confident
in myself, uh, in my own uh, in my own skin,
and I'm not afraid to you know, talk with them
to you know, ask them if you know they want
to go off for coffee, they want to go out
for a movie. Not fear of rejection either. Like man,
(12:27):
before I met them, guys, I always like I would
always be sensitive like, oh, why uh why isn't this
uh you know this so lady talking to me, like
why did she just walk away with a snarky face
on her right? And I get sensitive about that? Now
don't care? Move on? To the next. If if someone
else doesn't like you or whatever, like, who cares? So
(12:48):
I take that one with me more confident in myself
approaching woman. Uh. Secondly is basically, um, you know they'll
like on them knows this. Basically I learned more about
know this pertains to the topic, but learn more about
how important family is, how family it's definitely important. While
I was in this journey with them and the crew
(13:10):
and the cast, I basically, you know, he started to
h M, your family realized how important family is. You
only have one mom, you have only have one dad,
You only have one sibling in the world that will
back you up. So I mean it's weird in no way, Like, yeah,
my quest was to get laid, But what I found
out most is that after this, family is so important.
So I mean the relationship. When I came back, I
(13:31):
just got stronger with my parents and my brother, especially
my dad. I wasn't so great when I was in
high school. I played a role too. I wasn't the
best high school son in the world. But um, when
I came back, I was just changed. Man. Dad actually
thought I was a mutant that got abducted by an
alien and sent him back and sent me back here
(13:52):
because I was just so nice to him when I
came back from the dad, Thanks, everyone's a mutant, my
mutant son. Oh you big mutant boy. Uh yeah, we're
both mutants, that's for sure. And his dad's defense. Then
I could see six nine guy walking in and he
(14:13):
would I could see why he would say that. But
and then I got a question for you. Do you
have any experience with this type of like filming or
creating films or anything like that before this? Yeah? Uh well,
I you know, my biggest influences there seth Rogan, Key
and Peel, Jim Carey, Tom Greene. Um. So I yeah,
that's why I was there. I was there to become
(14:34):
a filmmaker. Um. I was also stand up comedian at
the time for about three and a half years. I
was kind of transitioning out of my sports life. So
I I did have experience doing short films here and there. Um,
you know, this film took years and years. Most most
filmmakers start out by doing like, I don't know, five
(14:55):
to ten shorts before their feature film. I took five
to ten years making one epic documentary about my best friend.
And you can see it when you watched it. But
I wasn't gonna touch on what you guys were talking
about with like relatability to men and like healthy masculinity,
(15:15):
UM and sexuality for men, because this, you know, this
started like and like I said, it started out as
a kind of like a funny thing because I was
trying to trying to be a filmmaker, but I was
also trying to help my friend. Um. But through that
process it became something much bigger and much deeper, and
(15:37):
you know, I had to do my research. And doing
my research, I found out a lot of crazy information,
really important information that there are hundreds of millions of
adult virgins in the world. Um, they're the largest silence
demographic in the world. They spent across geography or race, religion, creed, um,
and basically they're everywhere, and they're hundreds of different sub
(16:01):
communities within the adult virginity. You have the adult virgin community, sorry,
and basically it spans from people who you know, I
grew up in religious or strict conservative households and didn't
develop the adult skills. Usually the virginity is not the
main aspect of it. It's it's just an outcome of
(16:22):
something bigger. Um. Some people grew up in secular homes
that are traumatic, and you know, they weren't able to
develop as adults. Other people, basically they choose to be virgins,
whether they're secular or religious, they just choose to be
virgins for the whatever their reason is. Usually they want
to find the right person. And uh, it's it's about
(16:44):
one and twenty people in North America, it's about one
in ten in Asia, and it's rapidly growing because you know,
we have our phones and apps and technology that's supposed
to bring us together, but ironically it's isolating us in
terms of divel other being, face to face personal skills. Um.
So this is like a topic that we want to
(17:08):
be the trailblazers of and kind of bring this conversation
to light because there's so many guys and women, Like
you said your wife was a virgin at twenty seven.
I have like a few bombshell female friends who are
also twenty seven and their virgins, and they're like, this
movie is for me. These are my people, and like
it's just like you wouldn't expect it, but like adult
(17:29):
virgins are everywhere, and you know they they've been kind
of uh, voiceless because obviously there's a degree of shame
to adult adult virginity. Basically, like you don't go to
a bar and say, by the way, I'm a thirty
seven year old virgin or I'm a fifty two year
old virgin. If you're even going to the bar, you
(17:50):
keep that to yourself because society still has kind of
like that high school mentality like yo, bro, this guy
is still a virgin. Bro, come on, bro, come out
with me. I'll get to lef or like girls are like,
oh my god, she just needs to get that over with.
Like there's still meant that mentality and nobody even knows
they exist. So I'm like, it's what it's a It's like,
(18:11):
we got to talk about this, and we we chose
to talk about it through Tommy story. I mean, we're
not a social commentary film by any means, but we
we choose to bring that social commentary through the film
and through Tommy's story and bring light kind of like
a voice to the voiceless and normalize and destigmatize this conversation.
(18:32):
And we shouldn't be judging people, you know, by their
body count or like their political or sexual orientations. We
should be judging each other based on our characters and
our hearts, and that's kind of like what we stand for.
(18:55):
I'm on the website right now and I see this
quote here where it says Tom is a real deal
version of many things now just the act of sex.
And I think that's really interesting too, because and I'm
sure you guys could expand on a little bit more,
but it seems like the film outlines many other things
other than just the quest for like you said, uh,
body count, I guess right. So so Tom, how has
(19:15):
that been for you? Do you still live at home? Um?
Do you find yourself being more independent nowadays post post
documentary and everything? Uh? Yeah, absolutely, Well, first off, you
guys gotta watch the movie. Yeah, but uh but what
I can't answer is, uh yeah, more more and definitely
more independent on myself. Uh And as I stayed before,
(19:37):
the confidence level uh within myself has skyrocket. It's since
uh finishing up the journey with them and all my
friends and the crew and the cast. But yeah, it's
just uh yeah, once again, like you know, like them
has been saying basically, he saw the change in me
from the beginning to the end. Since we started this journey,
(20:01):
So I mean, yeah, confidence is there, and I just
I really want people to take from this movie as well.
I'm sure them is too. Um, if he agrees with me,
is that you know, yeah, oh wow, he's on the
quest to get laid. But basically from this movie, like
like we were talking about, like how you know, people
will perceive the word virgin a different, more positive light
(20:24):
after watching this movie. And also from this movie, it's
not just about my quest to get late. It's about
a journey that a group of friends take together and
how they grow together on the screens. Just a beautiful
thing to see. So that's why absolutely, um, both of
you guys and everyone l a and just you know,
(20:46):
hopefully down the road the world will will watch it.
It's a it's a beautiful thing. It's just how it's
the one and present. It's just amazing. You get to
see him do laundry for the first time, and it's beautiful,
including cooking and humbles you. By the way, I was
gonna ask, and based off of those two stories and
the screen grab I see from the film, there's gotta
(21:07):
be a lot of comedic moments in it, right, Like
I would say that's gotta be the underlying tone more
or less. Oh yeah, if I could go quick now, man,
we had just at this chemistry like I mean, I
don't know if you guys know the legendary long before
our time, Laurel and Hardy like they were like a
legendary comedic due never knows who they are. I mean
we had that. We always have that presence out like
(21:30):
but we're not filming where we're best friends, so we
always have that comedic. I think you can ask our
friends that hang out with us. But like all this, yeah,
I was, I was like, wow, we have this chemistry that.
I was really shocked. It was funny. It was funny comedy.
I don't know if it was funny for us at
that time because you know, me and then being brothers
we get into dust ups, but I mean watching it,
I was like, wow, like, man, we have that Laurel Hardy,
(21:56):
uh you know, comedic duol or whatever other look like
Jackie and Chris Tucker community duel there. But yeah, I
was surprising to see, uh the magic there. Yeah, well,
I'm not gonna I was gonna ask how because I
was very curious Tommy, A lot of people I feel
like are can relate to you about how they feel
insecure talking to people at bars, or trying to hit
(22:17):
on women um or women hit on men, or men
hit on men, so on and so forth, like just
hitting on people that you're attracted to. And I wanted
to ask exactly how you got to the point you're
at now, which is more secure in yourself, more confident.
But instead of asking you that and having answer it,
I'd rather just tell everybody who's listening to this podcast
to go watch My Friend Tommy. Now. You guys just
(22:40):
premiered at the Dances with Films Festival. I believe it
was so congratulations first and foremost on that. So how
are people going to be able to watch this documentary?
So right now we're in the festival circuit before we
go to distribution, so you'll see it somewhere probably during
the fall on a on a streamer or a different
(23:03):
distribution platform. Definitely keep tabs with us on our Instagram.
That that's probably our biggest kind of hub. Our Instagram
is m f T movie, like My Friend Tommy movie,
so m FT movie, and we also a Facebook page.
But to touch on Dean quickly, like yeah, this movie
(23:25):
is absolutely hilarious. It's like absurd. Um. I put all
my influences in it. So if you like Seth Rogan,
if you like Kem Peel and Jim Carey and even
Tom Green, I mean, with an original hip hop soundtrack
with some of the biggest up and coming artists from
North America, Asia and Europe, you'll definitely enjoy it. So
(23:47):
it's it's got an absurd touch, but it's you know,
it's heartwarming because we're actual best friends and you kind
of forget that it's real because it feels like you're
watching kind of like a Blockbuster comedy and then it
slaps you in the face and it's like, oh, this
is real. So it's kind of like it's a little
bit meta, and uh yeah, it's it's funny, it's heartwarming,
(24:10):
and you're watching someone's life change in real time, which
is exciting and uh introspective, definitely relatable. Sweet, but we're
excited to see. Yeah, we'll have to follow along on
the Instagram and keep track of it until we are
able to watch it for ourselves. But you guys, thank
you so much for joining us. We appreciate it. Thanks
for giving some insight. Uh you both seem like great guys.
(24:32):
And and Tom, I'm excited to watch man. I want
to see the progression and the growth and everything. So
we'll keep we'll keep an eye up for it. Thank you,
so thank you, James. Yeah, oh my god, of course.
Thanks guys, Thanks guys. I'll talk to you later. Thank you, guys.
Follow hell by suck at Dating on I Heart Radio
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