On Matters of Sex

Dean is back from the land down under, and he’s ready to talk all about everyone’s favorite subject… SEX. Dr Chris Donaghue, author of the book "Rebel Love", stops by to clear up some misconceptions about sex, including a MAJOR misunderstanding Dean has about the female anatomy.  We answer your burning questions, and some of them get REALLY down and dirty. 

Then, we find out something about one of Dean’s exes that left him shook. 

Plus, we find out if Dean or Vanessa had a New Year’s kiss!

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh, Hi, suck good dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
and I heard radio podcast. Hello, Hello podcast listeners, Welcome
to a new year. Thank you for joining us on
help I suck at dating bringing in two thousand nineteen.
Not entirely in full force. Here, it's just me and
Vanessa on the Mikes today, sparing you some Jared, but

(00:23):
Vanessa say, Hi, Hi everyone, Happy New Year, Happy happy
twenty nineteen. So this is mine Vanessa's first time talking
since what December, December one or something like last year. Yeah,
it feels like we've been off. Well, we've been off
for like a month or a little bit under a month,
So it's nice to reconnect. It's nice to see that
you're back in North America. Weren't you just where were you?

(00:43):
I can't keep up with weird with your travels. I
flew in from Australia this morning at eight am. No
are you jell I have I wasn't able to sleep
on the airplane, so I've been awake for thirty six
hours struggling. Oh, I remember when I got back from Bali.
I'm remember telling myself I could never do a long
trip like that again because it took me. At least
like two or three days, I was crying myself on

(01:05):
the couch to sleep because I just couldn't. I was
either oversleeping or undersleeping, and I couldn't adjust to the
time difference back in Montreal. Um, but I'm glad to
see that you're well, even if you've been lacking sleep,
and you look so good. You're glowing. Oh, I'm super tan.
There's no os in layer in Australia, so you tanning
like twenty seconds standing out and son, it's pretty nice.
I really like your color. Yeah, thank you, it's a nice.

(01:26):
It's nice. What would we call this maybe like a
golden a golden local brains to Phillis in on what
you did over the holidays for Christmas New Year? Um,
so I was. I got the flu Montreal. It was
like an epidemic back in Montreal. Everyone I know either
had pneumonia or bronchitis or got the flu or had

(01:46):
gastro and I got hit with the flu for ten
days right after Christmas. Um. I spend the holidays with
my family, so it's like like if you saw my
hometown date, that's basically what the holidays are for me.
I'm with my family every Sunday in the holidays. It's
not any different. We just decided to go to my house,
this time in the old Port of Montreal, so everyone
came over. We had dinner here, so that was a

(02:07):
little bit of a change. It was nice to host
everyone at my place. Really stressful, spend quite a bit
of money on food into core because I didn't have anything,
because I just basically moved into my place. Um well
not basically about a couple of months ago. So you
hosted your whole family. Yeah, So I had all the
kids over. During the day, we went out, we went
for a walk, and then at night, I my grandparents,

(02:27):
my mom, her man, my sister, my nephew and her husband,
um all came over. So that was my No, it's
not that big at all. It's really not that big
at all. But I split it into so during the
day the kids were together. And then for New Year's
I want to hear about your New Year's because you
were in Australia, right, Well, yeah, but it sounds like

(02:49):
you were on a roll there. Figure finish it, Okay,
So for New Years I was sick. Um, I was
in and out of the clinic. Couldn't figure out what
I had. At one point they wanted me to go
in for X rays to see if I had bronchitis
or whatever. But I managed to like not have fever
for longer than a week, so it was fine. Um,
And I was super excited about this really sparkly dress
and I wanted to get dressed up because I feel like,

(03:10):
if you look at my closet now, I don't know
about you, but ever since I've been I guess a
freelancer or not going into a nine to five job.
Like my wardrobe hideous track pants and boyfriend tops. Not
because I'm like just like baggy, Like look what I look.
How I'm dressed right now? I'm not any more pants. No,
it's really it's hideous, Like I just don't know how

(03:31):
to dress anymore. So I got super excited for New
Year's was going to get all dolled up, and then
I got fever. Um. But I did have a midnight kiss.
So was that with a human? It was with a human,
this time a male, but this one was a male.

(03:52):
Was it spontaneous? Was it was it premeditated? It was
premeditated while I was sick. It's it was it just
you two like hanging out. You weren't at like a
party or anything. Oh Um, I feel like New Year's
is a little bit over rated. You spend money and
New Year's everyone over hypes it. You have these big
expectations and then you just go end up waiting in

(04:12):
line paying to enter into a club that you don't
even want to be in the first place. Imagine if
you're doing that in minus three degree weather in Montreal.
Not the greatest, No, it comes miserable. Oh and I
got to see fireworks from my balcony, so at midnight
there were fireworks and we're watching the countdown on my laptops.
I don't own a TV. It was it was one

(04:33):
of my favorite New Years. It was since I got
a kiss off to a great start for you, Vanessa.
That's amazing. How okay, So that's that's my little So
you spent Christmas with the fam at your apartment and
then you had a nice, little sick New Years kiss
from your apartment on New Years. That's great. And I
didn't even contaminate him. So he's got some great antibodies. Wow,

(04:55):
it sounds like you got yourself a keep it. We
have to figure out what we're going to dive in
a little bit more on on him, I guess obviously
on a later episode, maybe next week when you're in
Los Angeles. That's right, super excited to see you three
dimensionally from what What's what happened with you the end
of How was that for you? Well, I was so
I jumped on an airplane on the night of and

(05:16):
I got off of that airplane on the morning of.
So I did not have a Christmas. I literally just
didn't have a day of Christmas, which was an interesting thing.
I guess I never really knew. I did never really
knew that was a possibility. I'm not a big Christmas fan.
I think I made that clear before Christmas fan. No,
It's like it's kind of hard when there are these
holidays that bring people's fadays together and I'm like, Okay, well,

(05:37):
I guess I'll just go hang on my friends or
something like that. Um, and my mom's birthday is Christmas Day,
and so it's just like it kind of more more,
you know, emotions, all that kind of stuff. UM, And
both my brothers, so December typically as a kid, it
was a pretty busy month for us. But so I
don't really have a Christmas. Um I, what did I
do on the airplane? I I slept. I didn't really

(05:57):
like celebrate. I didn't really drink anything. They didn't give
us like special cake or anything like that, but really
didn't announce like I guess, I don't think I remember
the the the flight attendants were all dressed very festively.
But yeah, and then for New Year's what did we do? So?
I have a lot of not a lot. I have
like four or five friends that live in Sydney and
and we're traveling through Sydney that are from America. So

(06:20):
it was nice to kind of like meet up with
them and catch up with them. Um I was not sick.
I got all dapper. I wore a button up shirt,
which is very rare for me. Um I instead of
going out and like getting drunk at a club, I
decided to try to try to take my drone out
and like fly my drone over the fireworks on the
Harbor Bridge. But that kind of ended up that ended

(06:42):
up being a mess because there's like drone blockers or
something like that, and it kept blocking the signals. I
kept like losing my drone, so I was like looking
around this like thousand dollar plus drone all night long
and I didn't even get the shot that I wanted to.
So I was kind of bummed by that. But um,
I had a New Year kiss just like you. Wait,
is that the story that you wanted? You said you

(07:03):
had a story to tell? Was that the story? No,
I do have a story to tell, but I just
I think that I'm gonna not tell it. Are you
not going to tell it at all? Or are you
gonna be like me and waited out for a couple episodes?
I think, I don't. I don't know. I don't know.
It was a story that I was informed of about

(07:24):
you know, it's about an X and it just kind
of really has been just plaguing my mind. Do you
want to talk about it? I do want to talk
about it with you off air. We don't have to
name names or you don't have to give the whole story.
But okay, well it sounds like you had a really

(07:44):
good time in Australia put that story. Like like I
said this, I was just like informed of some things
and it really just like kind of ate away at me.
Was it something that you found out that happened while
you were in a relationship with this person or oh
yeah stuff. First of all, Okay, well I want to
get into this, and I don't want to get into

(08:04):
your story. I want to get into is there a
point in knowing useless information if you're not in that
relationship anymore? Um, you know, I would say no. But
it's funny because I was told this news, I sold
this information, and I was like, oh, I don't care.
And then I found myself thinking about like an hour later,
and then like a day later, and then a week later,
and I was like, wow, I actually I have like
this really is affecting me a lot more than I

(08:25):
thought it was going to. Was it affecting you because
it was your ego for I don't know what the
story is, but I'm assuming your ego was bruised. Um,
I don't know, because I don't really have Do I
have an ego? I don't know. Yeah, everyone has an ego.
It was a lot of frustration. I think that's what
it really boiled down to. And I don't really get
frustrated and annoyance. I was very annoyed and frustrated, and

(08:47):
then my mind was like elsewhere, I'm like trying to
enjoy the Gold Coast of Australia, like one of the
most beautiful places in the world. And I'm like stressing
myself out and like I have anxiety and all this
kind of stuff because of that, which is kind of
a bummer. I'm glad that I know it. I feel
like I'm glad that I have the information like in
my brain. Now. I guess if that's that's your point.
I actually have a quote that I want to read

(09:07):
to you so and I have it on my desktop.
If you suffer, it is because of you. If you
feel blissful, it is because of you. Nobody else is responsible,
only you and you alone, you or your hell and
your heaven too. And that's so true. Like, and that
applies to basically when I was talking about Abraham Hicks
and getting into your vortex and getting to basically your

(09:29):
zone and not allowing other people to affect the way
that you're feeling or thinking or the way that you
view yourself and allow people to influence all that. Um.
I've been trying to do that in the last couple
of years because I was I'm a very emotional person
and I feel like throughout the years I've been getting
a lot better at just being able to receive that

(09:52):
information and let it affect me for a shorter period
of time instead of just letting it consume my day
in my week or my month, or you not allowing
myself to be present like you were. Look, I get that,
agree with that, Like everything starts and finishes with you
and your mindset. But it just so hard to to
like shake stuff like that, you know, like it's it's
it's so much easier than but I want, I wish
I knew what it was. Well, you'll know in an

(10:13):
hour when we're done recording this episode. And I you're
gonna be pissed, am I? You might, you might be more,
You might be more angry than I am. Am I involved? No,
why did you? Why did you hesitate for it? Well,
and like a weird I'm involved, which means you're kind
of involved, right, Like obviously our friendship involves you a

(10:36):
little bit. Oh listen, I got your back. But that's
what I'm saying. My happiness is your happiness is contingent
upon my happiness and vice versa. So in that sense,
you're involved. Um, all right, well let's move on. So
what kind of Newyears resolutions have you set for yourself.
So I since I was like said back a little bit.
I was sick for ten days. I didn't really get

(10:57):
to do much. Literally sat on my bed and on
my couch and uh, I was drinking fluids and didn't
get a chance to organize my life. So a couple
of days ago, when I started to feel a little
bit better, I was really anxious, and I'm like, oh,
I haven't been anxious like this in a while. Why
am I anxious? And I started to realize it's because
I haven't been productive and and I haven't been doing

(11:18):
much with my life for the last ten days. So
I bought myself this massive white board that goes on
top of where my printer is and that's where my compute,
my um my TV would would have gone, but I
don't have a TV. So I just wrote down everything
that I needed to do. And I feel for en.
I just want to be more productive, more organized, um
and I want to set myself better financial goals. I

(11:43):
feel like I'm I'm I'm like really old right now
talking like that, like, oh, I want to learn how
to budget and I want to learn how to save money,
but I do I want to I mean, I've always
been really good at saving money. I just want to
learn how to invest properly. I want to learn how
to I have so many different ideas. I don't know
if you have this issue too, because as someone who
doesn't have like a nine to five, you have like
all these cool ideas, and we always talk about like, oh,

(12:05):
we should do a live podcast, we should do this
so that we have all these cool ideas, but then
we don't follow through with it. And so I've been
wanting to start this YouTube channel, and I have like
a couple of videos that I put together, but they're
not up on my channel yet. So I put down
like all like the deadlines that I want to UM
that I want to hit and all the different ideas
that I want to do from my channel. So I
think visually for me having a visual chart of everything

(12:27):
that I need to do with within the month and
within the year, UM, I really want to start getting
organized like that. That's really smart and I feel like
I'm we're all kind of afflicted by that too, where
it's like you kind of have like a paradox of
choice where there's so many things that you want to
do that you don't even know where to start because
you want to do them all the same time. Yeah,
and if you don't get it done in that day,

(12:49):
it's like, oh, well I didn't get it done, so
move on on to the next one, move on to
next week, your next month, or something like that. Exactly
what's your resolution. I don't really believe in the year's resolutions. Um,
I agree. Yeah, I don't believe a New Year's resolution.
I believe in and I had. I was recording a
podcast with Tae this morning. I like to reset my
week every Sunday. So if I feel like had a week,

(13:11):
I'm like, okay, well Sunday's coming. A Sunday is going
to start a new week for me. How do I
want to kick off this week? And that's my form
of resolution, not like, oh well I'm gonna wait till
twenty now to start eating healthy. No, yeah, no, I agree.
I think that's kind of stilly to like wait for
a day or like a deadline to like make you
take change, make change of some something that you want

(13:32):
to work on. So it's like, well, why would you
need like going from December thirty one January one to
be like, Okay, now I'm gonna start doing this thing.
So it's kind of for me. It's just continuously evolving
and it's kind of dynamic. But I mean I would
like to This is gonna sound silly, but I would
like to travel more. Um, Okay, what countries do you
want to travel too? Because it'd be pretty it would

(13:54):
be pretty cool to hit all seven continents in a year.
That might be that might be on the list. Listen,
do it? You're not married, you have no kids? Well, yeah,
and that's the thing too. I've been thinking about moving
out of my house and buying like a like a
van and living in a van for a while, maybe
like a year or so. You know what. Yeah, when
I was in Seattle, I saw this guy living in

(14:15):
a van with his dog, and he looked like the happiest.
Let me ask you, Let me paint a hypothetical picture
for you. So, so you go out to the bar,
you meet a lovely guy, handsome, articulate, kind, um, all
the good stuff, conversational, whatever it is. But then you've
come to find out he lives in a van. Would
you still consider going on a date with a second

(14:37):
date with him or going back to his house his
van that night? Oh? I wouldn't go back to his
van that night. Well, okay, you're not that kind of
girl like at that, but well I wouldn't go back
to his I would go back. A van is a
little bit sketch because it's like, what if he drives
off and like takes anyway somewhere that stuff. Yeah, that
is scary. But I wouldn't necessarily, Um, I wouldn't. Not,

(14:59):
I wouldn't, I would. I can't. I can't phrase this. Yes,
I would go on a seconday with him, because I
want to know why a van like I feel like
people who have like these luxurious cars in these big
houses and whatever, they live beyond their means, so they
may have a penny in their savings account and a
ton of debt. I don't want to be with someone

(15:19):
like that. I'd rather live a minimalistic lifestyle and have
way more money, way more cash I'm sitting on And
maybe this guy that's living in a van has way
more savings and wants to like spend his money in
different types of ways. I would give him a chance.
And you always do make fun of me for having
my check engine light on in my car, so well,
because because you have me in the car. I'm like,
what if this thing blows up and we're like in

(15:40):
the middle of freaking highway, Well, then I guess we're
both going down. Um. So that's what I'm thinking about
doing this this year too, as the nineteen is transitioning
into that, I've kind of I've I've theorized a system
that would be beneficial. I think is if I were
to move out of my room in my house with
my three friends, I could move into a van and
then whenever I'm in Los Angeles, I could just ark

(16:00):
the van in the front yard or something, and essentially
that's like a fourth room in the house. So I
would just live in that as my bedroom and then
just use like the common areas, the bathroom, all that
kind of stuff. So would you pay less rent? Heck yeah,
I'd pay less rent, like that half of what you're
paying now, I would say, even maybe a third of
what I'm paying now. And that's that's part of the
incentive as well. It's like what stinks about Like, for

(16:20):
what the past two trips of Australia and South America,
I have been gone um five out of the past
six weeks, and it's like, well, I'm still paying a
month for a room that I'm not even sleeping in,
which is always just kind of a bummer. But I
don't know. That's so that's like, that's what I at
least have on the horizon. I do have a couple
of fun things coming up for two thousand nineteen that
i've been that I'm super super excited about. I was

(16:42):
going to keep it a secret, well not really secret,
but I wanted to surprise, like travel plans, yeah, kind
of travel plans, um. I think I texted in the
group chat the other day. I'm getting my skydive license
this weekend, which is something I wanted to do since
I was literally ten years old. So that's like a
bucket listing I can finally. Well, if I don't die,
that's like what bucket listing I can try. I've heard
there's no one that's ever died from skydiving. Well that's

(17:02):
the falsest thing I've ever heard. No one's ever died
I mean from like died from the parachute, not um
opening opening. Let you have like a backup and all
that kind of stuff. It'll be interesting because it's terrifying,
But like I said, it's something I've always wanted to do,
so that'd be fun. Um. I have like a Mexico
trip coming up with some friends for a birthday, and
then I go into Japan for a ski trip later

(17:23):
in February. So I've got a lot of fun things
on the horizon. Wow, already you're ready. Yeah, Well I'm not.
I'm planning for the next those next trips. Well, February
is coming up, that's next month I'm gonna start. I'm
going to start a hashtag van life Instagram profile. Well,
I have a question for you. So you travel a
lot um do you how do you save or do

(17:47):
you keep like a list of like budgets? Because now
I'm like in budget mode. Do you say like, Okay,
I'm gonna spend x money, X amount of money on food,
X amount of money on hotels and give yourself a budget? No,
not really, it's kind of I just kind of I
just kind of go and do it. That's the thing too,
I'm gonna start writing about it a little bit more. Um,
I want to start like like keeping track of my

(18:09):
expenses publicly, because I feel like people could benefit from
knowing how much a real person is spending on these
types of trips like to Australia to South America. Someone's like, oh,
we spent two thousand dollars in two weeks in South America. Like,
I know that I can spend somewhere around that same amount,
So I'm gonna start doing that more. I think, Um again,
that's that's kind of what you just we're talking about earlier. Though.
It's like we have all these ideas and you want
to do them and then eventually you have to put

(18:30):
them in action. If you don't, then they're just like
putting them put off to the next day. Um. I
don't really budget that well. But it's like I am
just kind of I'm a cheap traveler in a sense,
like I don't need expensive accommodations. I can like stay
in hostiles, I can eat McDonald's every day. It's like
when I travel with my friends, my friends are all
bougie and they're like, let's stay in this five star
hotel and go to this or Michelin star restaurant. And
it's like, Okay, well, I can't spend six dollars a

(18:53):
day on food. And I'm just I'm just speaking on
my but I don't know what I'm saying we went
Cooper and it was like three star Michelin. Um, okay, yeah,
I think that'd be a great idea because I look
at your travels and my holy shit, how much money
easy spending, just like on flights alone, especially if you're
going across to like Australia, that's very expensive, very expensive.

(19:14):
But anyways, so we have a special episode today. I
guess we were so excited kind of get into a
little bit. Um, we love to talking about sex. We
love talking about sex. When's the last time you at sex? Vanessa?
Why when's the last time? Bad? I was actually gonna

(19:39):
answer that. Then I'm like, I don't know, maybe my
mom is listening to this episode, but no, I do
have a ton of questions. Um, are we interviewed for
Chris Donna Hue? Right? Is that as me thet YEP
Dr Chris Donna Hue, who is a sex therapist. As
Vanessa just said, Um, I want to talk to you

(20:00):
guys real quick about ZIP Recruiter and ZIP Recruiter has
a very purse, very close personal connection to me because
I have a lot of friends that work. They're actually
their office is right down the street from my house
here in Los Angeles, so I know how great of
a company they are inside and out. Um. If you
are looking to hire for your company, be sure check
out zip recruiter. They have a powerful matching technology that
scans thousands of resumes to identify people with the right skills, education,

(20:22):
and experience and actively invites them to apply to your job.
So you get qualified candidates, and you get them fast.
That's why zip recruiter is rated number one by employers
in the US. The rating comes from hiring sites on
trust Pilot with over one thousand reviews. Right now, all
of the listeners of this amazing podcast help I Suck
at Dating can get zip recruiter for free at this

(20:42):
exclusive website. I'm gonna give it to you guys right
now already zip recruiter dot com slash date. It's so easy.
All you have to do is go to zip recruiter
dot com slash dates if you love the show date
not date, date date exactly, just one date, because all
we really want is for you to go on one date,
fall in love, and never have last first date again.
Zip recruiter dot com slash date. Check it out if

(21:04):
you're looking to hire employees, Like we said, zip recruiter
is the number one rated website for employers to hire
new um talent. So check them out. What are your
roommates do they're in sales? Like, do they? Oh, they
get people to use zip Recruiter. They're doing exactly what
I'm doing right now, but they make phone calls instead
of and they know that zip recruiter goes through the
resumes and finds like the best people for you to hire.

(21:25):
Oh well, what's funny too is a lot of my
friends will come back from their jobs and complain about
how crappy the product is. But every one of my
friends that works as zip recruiter lives it, loves it,
and swears by it. They come home and they say
that it's obviously is one of the best companies to
work for because their product is so great. So check
them out. Zip recruiter dot com, slash date um. It's
the smartest way to hire, as simple as that. I
want to talk about step number because I was just

(21:48):
talking raving about how much I love things that are
customizable right um, and so I have a match just
right now that's basically customizable for one person. So if
someone is sleeping next to me, they can't really adjust
to like the firmness of the mattress that they desire,
that they need. But Sleep Number can do that. Umdan,

(22:11):
do you know about Sleep Number? Well, yeah, Sleep Number
is fantastic. I don't think anyone doesn't know about Sleep Number.
It's like literally probably the most well known mattress brand
out there. What's great about Sleep Number is you can
set your setting. So I I'm weird because I like
to go back and forth between hard and soft on
what I sleep on. I guess be the mattress for
you then, because you can just change it in the

(22:32):
middle of the night of the night exactly. I I
can't make my mind up in life, and I can't
make my mind up even when I'm sleeping. That's what's
great about Sleep Number is you can set the firmness.
You can set one side soft, you can set one
side firm. It's up to you, really, um They're so smart.
They sense you every move and they automatically adjust to you,
which is fantastic as well because it keeps you sleeping
comfortably throughout the night. You know, like it detects whether
or not you're moving and then it adjusts to like

(22:53):
your position in bed soft and I'm constantly soft mattress?
Are hard mattress? Did you like get softer hard? Like?
I like it soft when I'm lying down on my
back and you like it hard hard? Yeah, I definitely
need harder when I'm lying down on my stomach. So
they actually right now they're having a January savings event,
which is amazing because I mean, you're spending so much

(23:15):
money over the holidays. So come in during the January
savings event and save up to five dollars on select
Sleep Number three sixty smart beds. Sleep Number is the
official sleep and wellness partner of the NFL. So you
know that big football player can take one of these mattresses,
so can you. I don't know if you guys know
this either, Vanessa? Did you? Sleep Number was the highest

(23:37):
ranked in customer satisfaction with mattresses by JD Power. For
I had a wonderful experience when I bought my Sleep
number bed like. It was a total pleasure, easy and
then there it was and they delivered it and set
it up and it was good to go. And you
used uh, you went to sleep number dot com slash
Dean and you saved up to five didn't you. Yeah,
sure did No. I actually went into the store. But

(23:59):
you know they can mend should ask when they go
when you go in the store too. There you go. Um,
so there you go. For the listeners out there, be
sure to visit sleep number dot com slash dean to
find the nearest sleep number store near you. That is
sleep number s l E E P n U M
b e R dot com slash d e A n
to find the nearest Sleep number two. You um, go

(24:19):
in there, check it out. Promise you're not going to
regret it, because it honestly is one of the best
mattresses you'll ever sleep on. So Chris just walked into
the studio. Um, okay, Chris, why don't you feel the
listeners in a little bit more about you in your
background and then we can kind of jump into some
questions and all right, So I host a podcast with
Amber Rose called the Dr Chris namber Ros Show, and
I do Love Line. Took level Line over from Dr

(24:40):
Drift twenty years and I do that as a nightly
radio show over k Rock. Love Line. Okay, back, and
my book, Actually, I'm here to talk about my book,
Rebel Love. It comes out tomorrow, tomorrow. I keep forgetting
I have a book to promote. I promote everything but
the book. But this isn't your first book, is it. No,
it's book number two. I have so much to say.
I can't stop writing books. It's right at a radio show,

(25:01):
I can't start. I have a clinical practice as a
sex therapist psychologist, so it's like talk talk talk. He
it's good to know you're staying busy. Thanks man. You
must have a lot of important things people struggle dude,
the love sex people struggle with in l A. I
would say the top three things are number one, Um,
we're not having sex anymore. Help, We're not help. We're
not having sex. But yet we have like five kids,

(25:21):
five houses, and I can't go anywhere. Um, Like in
like a relationship, yeah, which you know, long term relationships
tend the number one issue tends to like the death
of sex. I mean even in my year long relationships,
you can see a steady decline as the as the
time moves forward. Oh yeah, it's like an evil trap.
I tell people, whoever sex is the first couple of months,
don't don't base anything on that. That's not like the

(25:43):
long term, sustainable barometer. So so what's the good number
one on average if you're in a relationship, a long
term relationship a year or two three years, what's the
average amount of times for having sex a week? Okay,
so my answer is going to horrify you. But then
I'll break it down in some form every single day
because here's the thing. Well we know that's what always say, like,

(26:06):
let me break it down a bit. So I mean,
you have to do something every single day, something romantic, sensual, affectionate,
or erotic. And it could be it could be a
hand holding, it could be a flirt, it can be
a kiss, it can be a sex that could be
a note. But people tend to think that like once
you're my boyfriend girlfriend were married, like the boxes checked
and then I don't have to court you anymore, or
a tract you you have to keep like going through
that cycle. What are you thinking I'm sending like a

(26:30):
sexy nude to the guy, a guy that I'm dating
for like two or three years, that checks off as
being I did something sexual today. Yeah, because we tend
to think that, like you don't want them to be
your best friend, and people say that that's adorable, like
my husband's best friends. Like, that's horrible. They're not and
you don't want them to be. They're your romantic partners,
so keep it romantic. It's great that you guys have
a friendship, but romanticize it constantly. So I say, every day,

(26:54):
I'm trying to process all of this. Okay, I have
I have so many questions for you, Chris, Okay, porn.
Porn is like a billion I'm proporn to hell. Yeah,
but I'm not pro porn if you're doing it individually
and you're in a relationship, and I'll explain why, and
I'll explain why I'm I'm like, I'm a very um, open, curious,

(27:17):
versatile human being, and I want there to be openness
in the relationship in the bedroom. So I don't want
to if I'm away from the person that i'm dating
for like a couple of days or whatever. Um Like,
obviously I'm gonna want to please myself, but I want
to let them know that I did please myself without
their presence. Um. However, once you start, because I've heard

(27:43):
so many horror stories of relationships where men tend to
it's so easy, Like you go in front of a
computer and they start like front. But I know, I
mean I heard stories about this for women. I think
like we want to romanticize, at least for me. I
want to romanticize relationships and I want to romanticize like
some Well here's the way really quickly. Though. That's some
because I work with a lot of women that are

(28:05):
heavy users of porn. Um of the people that watch
gay porn or women man on man gay porn women,
there's a multitude of women that are watching porn. Okay,
So do you think that if someone who is quote
unquote addicted to watching porn or a heavy user um,
that will translate poorly into the bedroom, because then our
expectations are that much more like no erotic. I mean,

(28:28):
I'm not the expert, but I don't think so good.
I followed up, why do you say no? Wait, so
you're saying that heavy user of porn is gonna have
different expectations getting against like the real thing. Yeah, like
golden showers. I I don't want to. I love that
as your go to, like a golden shower, I'll use
the search bar and and like search some weird stuff

(28:48):
every once in a while is go out and do it.
And that's what's that's what's the most powerful. So what
we what we think about in our fantasy life isn't
always what we want to do in real time, and
it's safe and fantasy, right, Like, part of porn's purpose
is to give us access to set squality that we
wouldn't necessarily have in our real life because it's it smells,
because we can't find fifteen partners to rail us because
whatever it is. And so I know, I'm sorry you

(29:10):
had to horrify you with that. But the part of
porn's purpose is to, oh, sorry, sorry, I think I'm
that I'm on love line right now. Porn's job is
kind of fill in those gaps and always remind people
there's partnered sexuality and then there's solo sex, and like
you get to determine what happens in your solo sex,
just like when you're home alone, you choose what you
listen to, what TV you want from, would you eat?
Like that's for yourself. So you're saying you can be

(29:31):
in a healthy relationship can consist of self service, is
what you're saying. Yes, absolutely, it should. It should. It
reminds you it's body autonomy, especially with women right now,
female sexual empowerment is really important that women are masturbating
remind themselves that, like, my sexuality isn't owned by my partner. Yeah,
I'm all for Like I always say, I don't need
a man to please myself. I can please myself probably better.

(29:51):
Um but so what, so what is your take on? Um?
Uh introduced toois so dil dos and vibrators and um,
I love you're just getting into it today, vanessaast I
literally look at this. I have a list of questions

(30:12):
because I'm like so exciting, Vanessa. I'm a doctor, so
everything we're talking about confidential. No one's listening out there
to words, just me doing the room. Um So do
you think because I've heard and this is this is
why I'm not against it. But I don't like using
um vibrators because I'm scared it's going to desensitize me. Right,

(30:34):
it's possible, you know. I tell people, Yeah, make sure
that the way you masturbate is transferable to a partner,
because you can condition your body to need a certain
level of pressure, speed, or whatever it is to orgasm.
So diversify for sure. I was someone was telling me
the other day about how kids these days well, I
guess kids have any any days. They grow up and

(30:55):
like they have to kind of like rush their master
but tory time. And so then when they often get
into the bedroom and become sexual with like a partner,
then they feel like they have to rush and like
and just go as quick as possible get it over with,
because like that's kind of how they developed. We have
to one of the number one things I tell people
slow down, Yeah, slow down and use your entire body.
And this is news to me. I've been sexually active

(31:16):
for what twelve years now when I heard this a
month ago, So step up. What was that point eight
percent of my sexual life I've I've just thought you faster,
this is better. Yeah, no, it's about slower and also
full body. We tend to see the roging zones is
like the genitals only, but our entire body has the
capacity to lead us to orgasm and pleasure, and so

(31:38):
we have like expanded. Is it true that a sneeze
is one eighth of an orgasm? Potentially? Yeah, what happens
if you sneeze at the same time of having a
normal orgasm, you explode fantastic. So um, I was thinking,
you know, my longest. My longest relationship is two years

(32:00):
and a half, and it was two years and a
half of strong passionate love, UM and and and spunts,
being spontaneous in the bedroom and like outside of the bedroom,
and just now that was my longest relationship. People who
have been married for ten years. It's like you know
when you're cooking and you're constantly thinking of, like what
am I going to make tonight? I can't be more

(32:21):
creative anymore? Like all these different recipes, I've tried them all.
I feel like sometimes can you feel like that in
the bedroom? Like whatever position can I try? Or what
else can I introduce into the bedroom marriage. That's one
of my favorite parts of like when I do true
sex therapy, And that's actually where I wrote the book,
is not everyone has access or can afford a sex
therapist in the entire world. There's only five certified, right,

(32:43):
so we're limited and it's responsible for certifying the sex um.
There's an organization called a SECT there an international board,
and it took me about five years to get all
the need of training. It's a true specialty. But um,
that's whe the number one things is like we fall
in the patterns like if you literally pay attention to
how you both masturbate and have sex with a partner,
it's the same step one, step two, step three, Uh,
in the same way, in the same day, maybe even

(33:05):
in the same room. And so the work is about
expanding outside of that for sure. But yeah, people get
into patterns and patterns. That's what leads to the boardline
and sex. Yeah, because the hottest thing sexually is newness
and novelty. And so I'll tell people whatever you end
on start there, almost imagine that like you're taking all
the behaviors, like first we koss, don't I touch your boobs?
Then we like throw that out of whack and do
it all. Looks she's writing it down. But so for

(33:33):
the listeners, then Chris, what do you think is the
appropriate amount of time from say like a first day
then that courting process. I know you you're kind of
like an advocate for just say go for it and
whenever it feels right. Yeah, how soon should you have sex? Yeah?
So my answer is as soon as possible. And the
reason why I say that is because, uh, number one,
too many people form an attachment and move forward thinking

(33:54):
that if you're hot enough, and I like you enough
sex will just work out, and that's not accurate. And
then number two, I'm all about dates like I go
on them, but you can only learn so much over coffee,
where it's within sex that we actually learned, like how
much intimacy you want, how much intimacy you can tolerate,
body esteem, self esteem after sex, how you if you
stick around, if you want to talk to me, if
you want to touch me, Like all these things really
tell you what someone's interested in, something powerful. And to

(34:15):
that point, it's funny because looking back on my romantic life,
there's this girl who I was just obsessed with for
like years and years, and we were like friends in college,
like pretty good friends, and we had all these classes
together that kind of stuff. Um, after like four years
of friendship, we decided to try to date each other,
and I was like obsessed with this girl. I was like,
once we start dating, I'm gonna marry her. We're gonna
spend our rest of our lives together and be happy.

(34:36):
And then we we slept with each other and it
just wasn't It didn't live up to the expectation. It's
its own level of chemistry and compatibility. We were not
we're not sexually compatible at all. And it was weird
too because I was like, in my head, I was like,
this is my person, this is my person, and then
in the bedroom it just didn't necessarily stack up. And
so we dated for maybe like nine months, ten months,
and I would say we probably had sex a total

(34:56):
of ten times. Yeah, that's tough your relationships. That's in
a day. Okay. Can we go to like some Facebook
sex questions that we have? Can we do we name them? Yeah?
I name them? Okay. So Tiffany asks, how do you
tell a guy without offending him that his favorite position
just doesn't do anything for you? How do you tell

(35:17):
a guy that his favorite position does nothing for you? Yeah?
Well number one. Always remind people like, when you're having
conversations about sex, you're talking about something really private and personal.
It's like a core of our self esteem. So just
be very loving with the way you frame it, but
openly and honestly. And if someone's telling you that, the
first answer is like, thank you, because that's a sign
that they care about and they like you and they
want to make it work. So and someone says, like

(35:38):
I gotta say something really hard to hear, you know
the sex we're having isn't working. The first thing is
like hard to hear, but like, thank you for caring,
but how about or how about Yeah? Honestly absolutely, And
I feel like the more you you prolong it, the
more you prolong the conversation, the more he's going to
think like, oh, yeah, she's loving this, she's doing this.
So I think maybe during that sex position, like guide him. Yeah,

(35:59):
because here's things silence tells people. All's well yeah, And
I work with far too many men and women that
come in and they're like, how do I tell my
husband after five years that I don't orgasm from any
of the things he does with positions that's painful? That
breaks my heart? Right? Uh? So, like you said, I
think the best thing to do is why you're having sex.
When someone say things like that feels really good, keep
doing that or hey, like here totally totally him, like

(36:21):
a high five or something, or you can high five.
What's your favorite position? Have you covered this one yet?
My favorite position? Yeah? Why do we keep asking me
all these questions? It's fun to see a clamp up
because I actually do answer them. I'm not going to
answer that one. But speaking of orgasms. Jessica asks, can

(36:42):
we please talk about women's orgasms please? And thank you? Okay,
So I was actually watching this documentary on I don't
know if it was on Netflix or whatever, and they
were talking about like the percentage of women that are
able to orgasm through through vaginal stimulation versus women who
orgasm through a um getting stimulated through their clitus. Correct

(37:04):
very low percentage. I was surprised to see how low
the percentage was through vaginal stimulations about one third one
third women can orgasm just through vaginal penetration. Yes, it's
just like how the body is made up well, because
the main female sex organ is the clotaurus, and so
you get to remember this when we are when we
are born, when we're in utero, it's all this It's

(37:25):
called undifferentiated tissue. What what forms our penis. It's the
same tissues that form a woman's anatomy. So a woman's
clutorus is like the penis head are scrowed them is
very much like some of the internal parts of the vagina.
And so it helps men understand like does it feel
going someone's poking your scrowed them? Not as much as
when they're stimulating your penis. And so that's why I

(37:46):
tell guys like, guys just think sex is penetration, and
that's actually not the case. I'm learning so much right now,
we're the same thing. No good, I'm gonna say, we
gotta have a big talk after the show. What's my
favorite position? I don't know. I guess just a girl
on tops pretty, it's a classic. You guys get a

(38:07):
control of pace and and kind of do what's good
for you, because everything is good for me anyway, So
I might as well just let you kind of take
their reins. Right, well done. I don't know. Wait, why
are you quiet all? But when she gets quiet, get nervous?
I actually us and I keep seeing so Vanessa on

(38:28):
the TV next to you is the Bachelor previews. You
obviously can't see it. So do you know about the Bachelor?
He's a virgin. He's a virgin r So how do
you feel about that? Then, because obviously sex is such
a big part of a relationship, how do you feel
about someone that's twenty six that's inevitably gonna get engaged
to a girl obviously hopefully sleep with her at some point? Yeah,
I would say, don't make any major commitments or purchases

(38:50):
or decisions or moves until you've had sex, Because, as
you beautifully said in your story, no matter how interested
do you think you are in someone you know, sexuality
doesn't just fall into place. But props to him. I mean, look,
I'm about being sex positive, which means having the sex
that makes sense to you, and for some people that
means delaying it or or waiting or not having it.
But he's missing out on some really powerful developmental milestones
by not having sex. So we learned about our body,

(39:11):
other people's bodies, boundaries, consent, So there's a loss in
that psychological. Do you think it's semi unhealthy to go
through life with one partner? Uh? Yeah, I think you're
missing out on again learning about yourself, others, the world,
your body, sexuality. I think it's important to have a
lot of sex partners to date a lot of people.
Is there such a thing as too many sexual partners?
Uh no, I would never. Yeah, yeah, as long as

(39:34):
you're safe and it's got consent and compassion in game
on well, speaking of safe, safety and consent safe words
in the bedroom, at what point did you have the
conversation because some people want to be a little bit
more exploratory, I know, is that is that a word
like they want to explore, you know, different things in
the bedroom, but certain things can become a little bit

(39:57):
maybe psychologically draining for a person. Um, So at what
point do you introduce safe words? Okay, do your homework first,
And that wasn't to you, that is to whoever is
attempting to do like some B D s M. Some
kinky stuff someone might have seen, like fifty shades, and
they're all in, do your homework first, because some people
rush into that stuff too quickly. But if you're gonna
do something that involves you possibly being bound or unable

(40:19):
to free yourself, you do want to have a preplanned
safe word, and a safe word that isn't something that's common.
So it isn't the word don't say like yeah exactly,
or microwave or zucchini. But it can't be like stop
or you know, because some people want that to be
part of the play, right unless your role playing and
stop is part of one of the role playing. Yeah, yeah,
I've definitely never done anything like that. That's where that's

(40:41):
what I didn't know. I can't either. I think I
used handcuffs once when I was like seventeen. I was
still a virgin at seventeen for you. Yeah, I was
a virgin until I was twenty one, and not because
I was like on waiting until I get married. Um.
I just didn't feel it with anyone. I guess um
that I was dating and I had like serious relationships

(41:03):
that with people who are very respectful of me. Um.
And so yeah, when I decided to do it, to
do it, um, it was I was. I was I.
It was a conscious decision and there was consent of course.
How do you how do you move into this career path? Yeah,
it's a good question, right. I stumbled into it. I

(41:26):
was just studying general psychology. I actually found a kind
of boring. I was just having sex one day. I thought,
why don't I get paid for this? Uh, And I
just started working with people that were struggling sexuality and
went and got the training. You know, it's it's an
interesting area of study that's getting more tension and more
people are coming to the field. It's often ignored, but
it's never boring. I telling you, it's fun stuff. It's

(41:48):
just weird, especially because today's society is becoming more and
more open to discussing it, but it's still is taboo
and we're hyper obsessed and also afraid of at the
same time. Yeah, why is that so weird? Um? I
think it's because, you know, we'll allow ourselves to see
it and talk about it in some ways, but we
don't do it in a really honest, open way, and
so we're not able to really go all in. It's

(42:09):
always like you always say this joking. If you're like
the supermarket and you bump your elbow, you'll be like, oh,
I bumped my elbow. But if you bump your crotch,
you're not gonna say that loud. You'll talk about any
conversation loudly on your phone in the supermarket. But if
it's sexual, you what drop your tongue to the words.
That doesn't allow us to have a really honest relationship
to sex. It implies that there's something wrong about it.
Do you think that if we were more vocal about

(42:31):
it and it was it became more of like our
standard routine, do you think it would kind of lose
it less there a little bit, like it would become
less exciting. No. And I love that you bring that
up because people say like, if I plan sex will
be boring, and it's like, well, no, we'll We'll go
all in and plan the most amazing vacation. Choose with
the restaurants by these packages. It's still fun, Like good
sex is still good when you're doing it, even if
it's been planned. I was, do you guys know cure

(42:51):
cure is? I don't know how to say anything like
this weird website where people like ask questions and then
other people like give answers. Um, there's as really one
this morning because I was born in the flight and
it was h like, how did you know when your
wife was cheating on you? Or something like that. His
response was, the sex got insane, like it was the
best sex we've ever had in years and years, because um,
I guess the wife was like having sex with the

(43:11):
husband like it was the last time because potentially she
could get caught from her husband about the cheating like
that kind of stuff. Um, I would say, you don't,
you don't need to go to that at length to
spice it up in your That's taken it pretty far.
But I don't do that. But that that I mean,
that is a good point that you brought up because
if you plan sex, I mean, I don't. I don't
think I've ever done that in my life, but I
could see what I mean. It's still is a very

(43:33):
enjoyable experience, still still have fun. But some people have
such busy, busy schedules that they have to do that,
and that that's a little bit a heartbreaker too. What's
your take on sex education in schools. It's absolutely horrifying.
It's not honest, it's not real. It's so centered around
just it's actually it's not sex education, it's sex fear.
That's what I was going to tell you. So I'm

(43:55):
so fearful of any words that are really or any
like terms related to S T I S. Because I'm like,
I hear and I'm like, I automatically start panicking because
they instilled so much fear in me when high school
and then I even did a class in university and
it was I didn't go to some of the classes
when they were talking about S T I S because
I was like, oh my god, if I sit on

(44:16):
a toilet, bl what if I get something like It
got to that point where it became an extremist when
it came to thinking I could contract something, Yeah, I would.
I always tell people that be more worried about like
sick babies and door knobs, because you're coming in contact
more with more viruses based on door knobs and airplanes
and you know, public restaurants than you are through sex.

(44:37):
And also if you're if you're sexually active, you've come
in contact with a multitude of STDs. Like when you
look at the numbers of people, you know, I know,
let's not we'll pivot away from this conferenation, but you know,
like you, yeah, well, the population has herpies type one
and they've gotten it from a primary caregiver while they

(44:58):
were a child. And you're not gonna you're gonna be asymptomatic. Um,
it's possibly gonna stay dormant most of your life. And
so those are the ones people worry about. But the
minor STDs, I'm not saying go get them, but you
literally get a shot in the button, a pill, and
you're back to life in an hour. Where the general
flu you're at home on the couch for a week,
pooping your pants with crap coming out of your nose.
That's far grosser, more problematic. So I'm like, be more

(45:20):
worried about that the common cold, But I think it's
also the importance of letting people know to get tested
because if a woman does have a form, I think
if it's gone to read or something, it can ruin
their chances of fertility. Yes, absolutely HPV. And the thing is,
until we're more willing to accept STDs as part of sex,

(45:41):
people are not going to have the confidence to go
get tested because the number one thing that comes to
my office around that is how do I tell a
partner that I've contracted something? Or how do I tell
a part of that in positives? And there's so much
shaming going on. You have a lot of clients that
won't get tested because they'd rather not know, because they
don't want to have have to disclose interesting especially online dating,
it's harsh. Yeah, yeah, well, especially if you sleep with

(46:01):
someone and you don't know them that well and then
you get tested and you have something like what do
I do? That's right? Yeah, people are afraid to make
those calls. Speaking of online um, social media. So I
feel like we've entered an age now where what laughing
we're just moving at now Because I was actually thinking
about this the other day. I've been off of social

(46:22):
media for like ten days because I had the flu
and I wasn't on social media. Was actually like, what's
funny is I was creeping your instagram before I came here.
I was like, this hasn't posted in like a long time, Yeah,
since December twenty something. And it felt so good to
not like be a part of that world for a
little bit and just detalks from it. And I think
we don't realize how much um influence it has and

(46:43):
how much it impacts our self esteem and the way
that we see ourselves, and then the way that we
see ourselves, we project that into society, and then that's
how society sees us, right, And so I think that
when we see like these like idealistic well we think
is an ideal body to your what Instagram is showing
us as an ideal body? Or like ideal relationships or

(47:04):
there's so many like high standards that I want people
to understand that's not real life. Yeah, you're so good
to not be to be actually in real life with
like my friends and my family for those ten days. Yeah,
social media is the number one socializer and people's currently
you know, especially the millennials, they're they're self worth and
self esteem and confidence in their bodies and in the

(47:26):
world is all based on what they're following. So I
tell people, if your social media of what you're seeing
is making you feel bad or not think you're good
enough for whatever it is, unfollow that because you're buried
in it all day long and you want to have
things reflecting back that, like your body is okay, you
are desirable whatever it is. Yeah, there was a as
any like early twenties, guy, I feel like on Instagram,

(47:47):
all of my friends and I had, like, you know,
you'd follow like thirty bikini models on Instagram as like
every other picture is the most beautiful woman you ever
seen in your entire life. And then they said, like
it's that's like a beauty standard that you're just never
going to be able to like follow or live up to.
I guess even just in women. I remember like every
guy at one point, like when maybe twenty three is
like you just like have this epiphany where you're like,
what am I doing? I'm just gonna unfollow all these

(48:07):
accounts because there's no reason for me to be just
googling these girls? Did you unfollow? I personally don't follow
any okay, there's one I follow Alexus around on Instagram
and she's she's my guilty Oh she was, she was
on Dancing with the Stars. Right, Yeah, you're like, I'm
not giving that she's my guilty pleasure. Um, but but yeah,
it's it's it's funny to sit that you say that
because on Instagram especially it's but a lot of women

(48:29):
follow those accounts as well, and I tell them, don't.
Don't follow other women that aren't reflecting back the kind
of body you have or the way you want to
feel about your body, because you know, I work with
people that are working really hard to feel desirable and
acceptable in the body they have, and they do not
have a fitness body. Yeah, it doesn't even mean See
I think I had. I did this interview where people
are like, oh, it's socially acceptable to tell someone, hey,

(48:51):
you lost weight. I don't want to hear that. In
my culture. I don't want to be too thin, like
an Italian culture, I should be ten pounds heavier, and
like I do struggle with like knowing that I have
to gain a couple of extra pounds to be like
socially accepted and like that people say to me, like,
you look like you put on muscle. I'm like, okay,
maybe you look like you lost weight, and it's like

(49:12):
that stinks I was trying to put on you know.
And the more people say you look great, it tells
you I need to keep looking great and doing whatever
I'm doing to by people. And so I remember like
when I would and I would tell people like, that's
not am that's not a compliment for me, like just
don't ever, don't ever comment on someone's body image. And
what I've started to do is like put my blinds

(49:34):
down and just walk around my house snaked, have a
full length mirror, and I just admire parts of my
body that I either didn't like before or that I
never do. You smiling ear to year heavy because he's
imagined that and it's and it allows me to just
love myself. And that translated translates into the bedroom as well.

(49:59):
You killed it. I think that's I think that's really powerful.
I think I think A yeah, I think people shouldn't
use compliments that are based on someone's body, because even
if they have the body they think they should have
or or want, you're keeping them trapped and needing to
maintain that. The number two I agree with you. Very
few people haven't actually taken the time to look at themselves.
It's a powerful power, full length. I need to get back.

(50:22):
I mean, that's well, we're on the topic. I'm getting
out of shape, so I need to get back in
the gym. Um, what else do we want to talk about?
Tell us more about rebel love. Yeah, So basically, there's
so many books out there on sex and dating. A
lot of them are just not only dated, but they're
problematic and the kinds of things that they recommend. A
lot of them talk about playing games, and they set
it up as though your role in dating are going

(50:42):
on a date is to just get someone, and that's
backwards because the dates about assessing compatibility. And so I
say to people, show up as yourself. Don't don't show
up based on what these books say you need to
do or what you need to say, or you need
to take someone so they like you. Then that's that's
like a hostage situation, rights some manipulation. So I say
to people, goes yourself. A dating is about being no,
not being liked, and a successful date might mean that
didn't go they don't like me, and I showed up

(51:04):
as myself and we figured that out. So don't like
fake date for a whole bunch of you know. That's
why if I go on a date with someone, I'm
gonna go to myself. I'm not gonna dress up and
take out expensive restaurant. That's not what I do. And
I don't love that you said that. I always say
the first couple of days. People are auditioning to try
to be someone that they think that you want them
to be, and so I show up as being like
I could be obnoxious. I'm going to talk about like

(51:26):
all this weird crap, and if you can't handle it
on the first date, I don't want to date you.
A freaking man that is me on my first date too.
I'm letting I'm letting it all out like within reason,
but I'm not trying to get you to like me, right,
I'm just saying if we match, and so I'm gonna
be dressed really casual, because dressed casually, we're gonna go
to somewhere really chill and we're gonna sit and talk
and I'm not gonna try to win you. That's something
I've only done started. That's something I've only started doing

(51:48):
recently as well, as even just as short as like
two years ago, I was going on dates and I
was like, hello, warrior. I mean, I still like that courteous,
all that kind of stuff, but you definitely like put
on maybe a different face like that more proper version
of yourself. But um, that's why I wrote the book
to just help guide people away from manipulation and game play,
because everything you're doing with dating is either authentic and
honest or it's game playing. And I'm like, go to

(52:09):
the authentic because right, because if you're game playing, that's
just gonna everyone gets strewed over in the end of that. Yeah,
and this book is out tomorrow. Where can people buy it?
Rebel Love comes out tomorrow. You can buy anywhere. Books
are sold Amazon dot Com everywhere. And I read this one.
I didn't read. I didn't read my first book, and
it's read by some God bless whoever it is, but

(52:31):
some like Shakespearean actor, it's painful to hear. So this
one I read, so you're gonna hear like it? Okay.
So um, I keep getting so many questions about my hair,
my hair length, my hair strength, and how I keep
it so like luxurious and so but I've been the
one thing I've been struggling with is finding like really
good shampoo and conditioner, especially because I travel so much,

(52:51):
I hate using the shampoo conditions that they have in
the hotel rooms. And I stumbled upon this amazing company
called Function of Beauty. And what I love most about
this this shampoo company is you get to customize the
color of the shampoo that you want and the specific needs.
So right now in my profile, I put wavy, medium,

(53:11):
and normal hair, and my goals from my hair is volume,
thermal protection, strengthen, anti aging, and nourished roots. And for fragrance,
I put eucalyptus. And my conditioner is blue and my
um my shampoo is purple and it's super cute. I
love eucalyptus. I think the thing too, is if you

(53:32):
live with someone, you can have your customized shampoo in
a certain color, like Vanessa and Dean, if you guys
lived together in a shower, you can have air color,
she can have verse, or like if you know you're
gonna wear your hair curly one day, you can have
a shampoo that fits that better than if you're going
to blow it dry your hair. You need it. Yeah, absolutely,

(53:53):
I'm gonna start using it every day. I think, are
you using any shampoo's in conditions? I'm gonna start using beauty.
So now, well, I'm growing my hair out, and I know,
one you get longer hair, you have to kind of
maintain it a little bit better. So I'm glad that
function of Beauty came into my life at the time
that it has, because I'm gonna freaking use it for sure,
And you have to also be careful. I'm in twenty nineteen,
I'm going like more on the healthy route, So you
have to be careful with the chemicals that you're putting

(54:14):
into your body. And even with shampoos and stuff, there's
like a bunch of garbage that we don't know about, um,
And so function of beauty it's safe. There's natural ingredients. Um.
They never use sulfates or parabins, um mineral orals or
any other harmful ingredients that go into your hair and
that actually like go onto your skin and if you
open your mouth, it might go in your mouth. So
Function of Beauty is vegan and cruelty free, which I love. Yeah, Um,

(54:39):
I love that's cruelty free. So the sad reality of
it is that most major drugstore brands test on animals.
But Function of Beauty is a vegan and cruelty free
UM and it's safe to use. They don't use parabins
and sulfates and all those like nasty things that UM
other shampoos and conditioners might have. And so I received
mine maybe a couple of weeks ago. It's I opened

(55:00):
up the bottles and it just smelled like a spa.
The colors of it. I actually want to bring it in,
but the colors of it are so magical. It looks
it's like Instagram buble. It's your hair looks. Yeah, thank
you so much, Dean. And actually, so I took the quiz.
I selected heat protection to nourish the roots and volume
eyes because I do have thinner hair. We'll have I

(55:20):
don't have thin hair. I think I have fine hair.
That's what it's called to have fine hair UM. And
I was able to pick out the color, like I said,
but you can mix and match and pick any cent
that you want, and I picked eucalyptus, which has a
hundred percent essential oil blend of eucalyptus, lavender, rusemary, and peppermint.
When we all know that I suffer from migraines, so
peppermint is a great from my migraines. So this is

(55:42):
a great deal. Right now, our listeners will receive off
their first custom formula. That's a huge chunk. You have
to do is go to function of Beauty dot com
now and take the quiz. It's only a two minute
quiz for your hair profile is to design your undred
percent unique shampoo and condition of formulas and use cone.

(56:05):
Let me tell them, let me tell them to code.
I want to tell them the code. This is how
I get all of the pleasure in my life. Use
code Dean at checkout to get that off. That's Dean
D e A and at checkout for off Function of
Beauty dot Com. Again, code Dean D e a n
at checkout for off your very first order at function

(56:28):
of beauty dot com. Have as beautiful You're gonna love it.
Have as beautiful hair as Vanessa. That's that's her secret
and as I soon well too, as soon as I
start using all of their products, which its definitely well
because I have any you think customizable, Like, we're all
unique people, right, We're snowflakes, So why would we want
something that someone else is usually if we have different
skin or hair types or whatever. This girl, this is wonderful. Hey,

(56:53):
what's up. I'm Stephanie Pratt. You may know me from
the Hills and I'm well as Adams from Bathroom Paradise.
We've got a new show on I Heart Radio that's
the perfect blend of The Hills, bachelor's drama secrets. It's
everything you're into. It's called prad Cast and we're giving
you behind the scenes look into the new season of
The Hills that you can't get anywhere else. And you

(57:16):
never know who's gonna stop by. They've locked us into
a freaking studio together and won't let us out until
we have your new favorite obsessions. So subscribed to pratt
Cast after you finished this episode, or just do it
right now. You won't regret it? Should we do it together? Yeah? Yeah? Okay?
On three? One to three? You won't regret it. Okay,

(57:40):
I don't know what immediately, Okay, do like you? Okay,
ready one too. You won't regret it. No, seriously, you
won't regret it, like you really really won't. Just go
just go down with it right like whatever. You're listening
to her now, how you're listening to this do it?
Do it five stars? Please, it's great. You promise you
you will of it. You'll tell your mom about it.

(58:01):
You're going to be on it if you if you
sub gide it, we will put you on our show.
That's what desperate I am. Okay, tell us more about
this anonymous sex? What about it? I don't know, anonymous sex?
What could be a relationship in and of itself? One
night stands? Oh yeah, it's just again, like I'm always
trying to tell people to bring more heart and compassion

(58:21):
into things. That's we're in even the most random anonymous
hook up fling where I don't know your name, even
getting see your faces in a dark alley, still remember that, Like,
every time you have sex with someone, you're impacting them.
They're walking away feeling better about themselves in the world.
And yes, there's good people out there, and I feel
desirable with the opposite. So just bring care into it.
That's why I tell people, even if someone says they

(58:41):
want to have sex, like bring another layer of like
how will this impact them? How will this impact means?
It's still a good idea, Like more care? Are you
encouraging me to have one night stands. I'm saying one
night stands are fair, they're honest. Have them, there's nothing
wrong with them, There's nothing bad with them. It's part
of the process. Um not. Sex doesn't have to be
about building towards dating a relationship, but just be honest
about what you're looking for. Care, have care in there.

(59:03):
And I think it all depends on how we're wired too, right,
Like if you're not, I'm not wired to just have
a one night stand. I wish I was, so I
can explore that part of that kind of relationship and
interpersonal like um connection. Um, but yeah, I can change
hold space for the possibility of it changing. If we're
really honest with ourselves, our sexuality should shift as our

(59:26):
live shift, our health shifts, our job shift. Like I
used to be a big proponent of myself. I was
a big participant of hookup culture, but for whatever reason,
after my last relationship, I now am very relationally driven
where I don't want to have sex unless it's someone
I've gotten to know on other levels and then we
kind of fold that in. So I'm with you, I'm
not hooking up right now either. What's your advice for
someone that doesn't want to be in a relationship, don't

(59:47):
be in one? Do you still go on dates? Oh?
I think? I think in our culture and we have
to think about like what are people thinking in these terms?
Most people see dating as you being open to possibly
building something more. And so I would say not that
you're not allowed going dates, but you should be honest
that I'm just looking to casually date and if and
if that, if that change is cool, but like just

(01:00:08):
trying to be That's what I tell everyone I meet.
Now it's like, listen, hey, you don't want to date me.
Why do you say that? I don't want to be
in early? Why do you say the first part? Oh,
I know you're a big on self love, and so
you might what's up with Why do you think he
just loves to self like that's my thing? Yeah? That
bumps me out. Why do you feel that way by yourself? Well?
I feel like if you're hard on yourself, then it

(01:00:29):
allows you to kind of like build and work on
the things. That is that? Is that happening? Yeah? Okay,
I'm better now that I was yesterday in a week before.
It's so fascinating because you look at a guy like
Dean and he's like super charming, so good looking, so
easy to go on with, so funny, and he will
never list any of those things as his qualities. Yeah,

(01:00:50):
it's unfortunate. We started off this podcast by saying, I
got some bad news recently and that made me decide
that my f boyery is going to can to you
and definitely oh man, Yeah, I don't have to an sex.
I don't know. I just like I just can't trust
anyone anymore. I feel like that's not true. Come on,
you're talking to someone whose engagement ended, who's like constantly

(01:01:10):
getting heartbroken, who constantly puts herself out there, and that
never ends up having like a successful well I wouldn't
say successful, but doesn't end up having like a long
term relationship. Like I should be in those shoes too,
I should be thinking that that same way too. We
talked about a little on the on the front end
of the podcast. Give us the one sentence I learned

(01:01:32):
recently that X was unfaithful. I suppose one that I
very trusted, very deeply, right, and so hearing that just
really sucks. But that's why that's why I'm trying to
get people to take more responsibility for the impact people like,
I'm sorry that happened, and it's understandable that this person
has shook your ability to trust and let people in.

(01:01:52):
So I want people like your ex to listen and
to be like, if you want to cheat, tell someone
it's not wording anymore. We need a different kind of
sex or I want an open relationship, Like we have
to stop wounding people via sex and dating. That's so horrible,
But I would say this take take some time. Like
if you if you're feeling is they're like, I'm really wounded,
and I might drag that into a current relationship. It's
cool for you to chill a little bit, yeah, because

(01:02:13):
I don't want you to drag that in and ruin
someone else's life because you're getting triggered or whatever it is.
But the way it really work through relational conflict, in
trauma and all that is through relationship. So until you
get back into something and practice trusting and you're showing
that you can trust, it's gonna sit there waiting for you.
I think it's gonna void it all together where that
I'll just never date again and you're fine, But then
you avoid doing that work. Read my book Dead seriously.

(01:02:35):
Read the book Can I just get like a signed
copy from you or something you can There's one question
from Brittany Um, and I think it's a question that
a lot of females or males or who we think of.
How do you not offend partners when you don't feel
like having sex that night? I always feel so bad
turning him down, and he says it's okay in respects

(01:02:56):
that it's hard for me to feel sexy. Want to
come home from working a full time job, then school
at night until ten pm, and don't get a chance
to shower. Okay, beautiful question. Here's my answer. Um, if
you're not interested in having whatever kind of sexual partners
looking for offer something, they're making a bid for your
attention to connect, to build intimacy. They might have missed you.
Maybe they just do want to get off, So I
tell them that's cool, honor that. Um. No, I don't

(01:03:17):
want to have penetrative sex, but came here and lay
on my lap when I hold you. Or No, I
don't want to have sex, but I'll watch you masturbate. No,
I don't have sex, but I'll go down and you
know I don't want to have sex, but let's hold hands.
Go for a walk, do something that's connecting, something that's romantic.
I have two questions here that I think would be
good to carry says, have any of you experienced lit
libido and if so, why do you think it was
What do you think it was from? For the expert?
How kind of woman help improve her libido? Yeah, it's

(01:03:39):
it's a it's really powerful one. So number one, I
would say, make sure you're having the kind of section
you want to have. Sometimes lit libido is us not
acknowledging on board with my partner the sex we're having,
and I either need to talk to my partner about
changing things up or maybe I need to leave this relationship. Also,
check in on how you feel about yourself. Our own
self esteem and body steam is gonna impact how we
feel about like being sexual and really letting go open. Well,

(01:04:00):
thats to cycle back earlier about of me saying I
haven't really been working out very much. I noticed that
when I go to the gym consistently, my sex drive
is much higher, But not just because of the more
the higher levels of test house from from working out. Right,
you just feel better about yourself and so you're you
feel better like presenting yourself, you feel better being seen touched. Yeah,
for sure, there's definitely a direct correlation. Um, so what

(01:04:21):
about for a for a female, the same thing like
checking onto my feeling okay about my body, my feeling
okay about my relationship? Is this someone that's safety even
be sexual with? Am I having the kind of sex
I want? We're like you said earlier, you know, our
first sexual experience is masturbation, and we're trained to do
it quietly, privately, quickly. So I say to people like,
are you making noises? And what do you mean? I'm like, well,
honest sex, you'd be making the noises you want to make,

(01:04:42):
you'd be letting your body to all sorts of things.
Good sex is messy, like let the body fluids come out,
like just open um. That's right, So Madison says, isn't
necessarily a bad thing to be having less sex after
being in a relationship for a while. Do we go
through phases more or less sex relationships? And when should
you be worried about having less sex? And she's asking

(01:05:03):
for like statistics if you have Yeah, you know, again,
be open to the idea that the amount of sex
we want to have and the kind of sex we
want to have will change as our live shift based
on medication, depression, loss of the job, how we feel
about our bodies, all these things. So don't be scared
when ship when sex drops. But I always tell people,
if you do what I said earlier, which is really
prioritized the fact that my partner is not my best friend,

(01:05:24):
so it's not friends stuff. There my romantic partner. And
if every day, like I said, you sexualize them or
flirt with them or do something romantic, it keeps sex
closer and more accessible, because the longer you go without
having sex, the harder to get back to it. So
kind of be open to that. There's no right number.
Some couples don't have any sex and they're both okay
with that. It's like high five. What if you just
like genuinely lose attraction to your partner um, then it's

(01:05:45):
then you either a more than the loss of having
an amazing sex life for your entire life, or it's
time for transition into truly just being friends and maybe
being romantic with somebody else. Is it possible to go
back to that relationship and go back to that forming
that connection. Yeah, you'll never know, but it's possible, It
can happen. That's why people come to see me as
a sex therapist when I do that piece of work,

(01:06:06):
because I do marital couples therapy too, But they'll come
in for that, like how can we get back to that,
and we'll talk about new forms of sexuality, doing some
work on fantasy, Like what are some of the things
that you think about that maybe you haven't tried, so
there's ways to work back in. What are your thoughts
on Like monogamy versus monogamy versus polyamory. I think both
are legit forms of relationality as long as they're both honest.

(01:06:28):
Just like I want to know why you want to
be polyamorous, and that takes a lot of work. I
also want to know why you want monogamy, because we
all assume like that's the healthy, right answer. No, I
want to know why because for some people it's coming
from a really problematic place. I'm anxious. I want to
own you, I want control. I want you off all
the apps immediately. We've only got on one date, but
I need you know yeah, because I haven't. I don't.

(01:06:49):
There's like a lot of fundamental issues with monogamy. I
feel like like it's derivative from like a lot of
things that are very antiquated and like totally sexism, capitalism, ownership,
and religious practical prop total kind of stuff, and it fails.
We have a like a six failure rate of monogamy,
which means we have to do it at least differently.
And I have a chapter in my book about if
you're gonna be monogamous, awesome, but do it differently because

(01:07:10):
right now it's failing the way we're doing. But that's
the crazy thing about it is it fails so often,
and we know it fails so often, and yet that's
the standards totally, and yet we blame people for for
successfully failing at what they're supposed to fail out. It's
it's we get to blame monogamy, not the people, but
we keep blaming the people. You're right, we keep doing it.
And that's why my book is is there, Like I
talked about all the possible ways we can have relationships

(01:07:31):
and scares people to have someone come home and go, hey, honey,
I just read this book and I realized maybe we
should talk about an open relationship, having a three way sometimes,
or maybe we should be polyamorous or maybe whatever it
is that's adulthood. But if you're condoning a polyamorous relationship,
how do you suggest you structure it? You have like
a like a like a priority or like a main person.
Isn't how that kind of work? It depends on two forms.

(01:07:51):
There's where you have one primary and everyone else in
secondary comes after and other ones. They do what they
call either relational anarchy or a non hierarchical which means
we all have the same amount of we're in control
and prodization all of you. It's a lot of work, though.
You gotta get your calendar out because you're there. You go,
You're ready, You're ready. Um. One last thing you touch
on sexual fluidity. So how you say, how do you

(01:08:14):
identify now? Isn't necessarily how you will identify for the
rest of your life. Is that like something that you
tend to kind of like scream from the mountaintops or yeah,
I tried to. You know, people are a little too
confident in their sexual orientation. And what I'll say to
people is, so let's let's use you for a second.
You identify as Okay, So when you watch porn, is
it a man and a woman or two women or
woman alone. Um, I would say time it's a man

(01:08:36):
and a woman. Okay, so yeah, So my point is
not that you're gay. My point is that that is
a little more flu There's got to be a penis
in there. It's like, well, why does the penis need
to be present? That is not heterosexuality. That's a little
movement and so people give themselves permission to try things
and to think about that, and what you know, we
realize we are far more diversified. And I had to

(01:08:57):
go through that journey, like I've identified as every at
different point of my life. Now I goes sexually fluid
because like having sex with all genders. But when I'm
with gay dudes, they're not like you'll remember being with
a woman, have you tried that again? And with them
with straight dud they're not like, yo, when's the last
time you're with the dude? Right, So we don't get
a lot of support around. You're both looking at me
like styling. I'm confused. I'm confused. Are you saying being
gender fluid is sexually fluid? Sexually sorry, sexually fluid is

(01:09:21):
being open to all all gender correct? Not like right,
I'd have sex with both of you. That's what it means.
Let's do it. Yeah, right now, sure I have time.
I have a little more time hanging in there. That's
quick flight um. And it's funny too because that is
kind of looked down upon as well on her for sure.
I've asked this, so you know, one of the the most

(01:09:43):
powerful conversation I had my my podcast co host is
Amber Rose and I one center, would you date someone
who's bisexual? Like, would you date someone like me? And
she's like, no way, She's like, that scares me. I
don't want to compete with guys and girls. And I
was like, well, if you trust someone, then there's nothing
to worry about it just because like all genders, doesn't
mean you have no trust or boundaries. But it scares people.
I asked that question of a lot of women, like
would you date someone who also has been with guys?

(01:10:03):
And most of them will say no. There's a lot
of biophobia. And that's also why a lot of straight
guys won't really explore or talk about bringing another dude
and another girl can come in. But like you said,
you'll watch porn and you want that penis in there.
There's there's something about that, well, it's what there's a puppy,
Hey puppy. One of the one of the things that people,

(01:10:24):
I guess criticize me for us not the right word,
but people often comment on my Instagram or like, uh, like,
oh are you gay? Or like are you buy like
that type of stuff? What are you doing? I'm just
comfortable enough with myself. But and then they turn it
around to make it seem like it's a negative thing.
Where's like maybe if I am, like, who cares? If
I like, it shouldn't matter. I reread the whole You
shouldn't be asked that question, just like you said, don't

(01:10:45):
talk about people's bodies because you don't know what they're want,
how they're wanting to look, we gain or weight loss.
We really shouldn't talk abou peoples sexuality like that. If
you like me, ask me out, but don't be digging
around trying to figure out by photos. I always I
always make this argument whenever I go on dates all
the time, and I always get the weirdest whenever I
make it. I always say, like, if you grow up
your entire life never having eaten pizza in your life,
you can't say whether or not you like eating pizza.

(01:11:07):
I've personally never sucked a penis, so I don't know
whether I like it or not. Okay, well, that's on
your homework. I'm giving you each homework and that's on
your lips, so I'm probably not gonna do it. To it,
I'm not gonna do it. But here's I can't objectively
say that I'm straight, right, and it isn't unfortunate. We
live in a culture that you wouldn't be confident trying
it just to try it, because there's this idea if

(01:11:28):
I tried it, what does that mean about me? And
kind of circle back, Yeah, and the answer should be,
of course you can. I mean, I will say in
my private time, I've never clicked on the gay tab
on like porn Hub or something like that, So I
think I think that tells me all I need to know.
I don't know. Again, if we lived in a different world,
we'd all be a little different. So we're we're a
little confined by those things. But yeah, um, yeah, I

(01:11:49):
don't know. I think we talked about this last week.
I've had one threesome in my life. It wasn't really
a threesome though, it was two guys and a girl.
I don't know if I don't know if I got
into that much detail about it, but yeah, that's how
it was. Why is it not really a threesome though?
I mean, I don't know. It was two three people
sucking up with each other. So no, I thought, Okay,
the two guys that hook up, it was just we're

(01:12:11):
getting maybe too deep here. Not really you guys were
You guys were just more sharing together but not not
engaging each other. Yeah, the guys were not engaged for
we were nineteen and pretty drunk. So that's my that's
my that's my little asterix on that story there. All right, well, Chris,
thank you so much for thanks for having me. Be
sure to check out the book Rebel Love on shelves tomorrow,
that's right, and Love Line Um on Radio dot com

(01:12:34):
Money through Thursday, and my podcast with Amber Rose on
Podcast one. What's your social Oh yeah, my social Instagram
is at Dr Donny Hue n a g h Q
and my Twitter is at Chris Donny Hue perfect check
him out. Thank you so much for coming so much.
It's always nice having experts come in because you just
talk until the cows come home. We have no idea
what we're talking about. We need you all right, Chris, Well,

(01:12:57):
thanks again. I actually have a question for you because
I was thinking about this right now might be t
M I but the time of the month for me,
and I'm like, why am I spending money on tampons
and pads? War shouldn't this be free for women? Because
it's not, because if we have a choice to have
our periods. Yeah, but like clean X isn't free and
we don't have a choice to like get a cold.
Life is hard. You have to eat and you need

(01:13:19):
to pay for the food that you eat, right right?
Is it tax in the States tampons and sanitary Yeah,
like sales tax, sales tax in Canada it's not, or
at least in once it's not. Why are you? What
are you? What's your question? Your point? No? I was
just thinking of, like, uh, I didn't even want to
get into it, but I was thinking of, like, you
know how some men and some women might find it

(01:13:44):
the five days that a woman is on their period
where it's like a high go into hiatus for sex
And I'm like, no, you just go for it. Yeah,
there's it's Yeah, that's a whole show. We could do
a show on that the whole thing. Well's shelf that
one for maybe next week when you're in studio. We
can talk all about p m S NG sex, PMSX.

(01:14:07):
Well that's before that. Dean doesn't know what he's talking about.
We're going to have to help him through it. But
let's bring like an anatomy doctor in one day or
something like that. This is the Yeah, what is it?
I don't know, you're asking the wrong person. Anyways, these
sex episodes are always there. There's such a there's such
a hurdle for us. For me, I guess because like

(01:14:28):
part of me wants to like keep something secretive andy thing.
The other part of me is like, I don't care
this is this has happened to me. I'm not kind
of you know. So I find I I think that
way too, But then I get so many people writing
me saying, thank you so much for opening up about
so and so. I'm going through the exact same thing.
And so I think we have the responsibility of just
obviously sharing things that we feel comfortable sharing about, but

(01:14:51):
also being open. You know, That's why we do it.
We do it so people can connect with us and
understand what we're going through. I think sometimes I'm just
a little ashamed about my slidiness. You know, you're such
a liar. You keep saying that you're a prude. Well
you can be both, they're not mutually. Yeah, maybe we
need to address your shame issues too. Yeah. Well, it's

(01:15:11):
just society places me, society salt and something my fault.
We have a lot to dig into next week. Yeah, sure,
we have a lot to dig into next week. We
have Vanessa coming into studio, being in studio for the
first time. What since no October October. Sure, it's gonna
be great to have you in here. I don't Jared's
gonna be back, right, I think so, it'll be nice

(01:15:31):
to be a crowded studio. Maybe I'll sack the week off.
I've earned it, right. We're going on a little date,
you and I. Yeah, we've got the podcast Towards which
I literally didn't know about until yes sinuntil yesterday, which
is great to wear matching outfit. I'm wearing a plumb
tuxedo jacket. If you'd like to match me, Okay, I'll
find a plumb dress. Okay, fantastic. We're gonna be the
most attracted people there. Um, thank you guys so much

(01:15:53):
for listening to this week's episode of Help I Suck
at Dating. Big thank you to Dr Chris for coming
in and and telling us all about sex and I'll
at the clatorus and and the vagin that bit of vagina?
Is that how you say it? Um? Big thank you
to our sponsors, Zip Recruiter. Be sure to go to
Zip recruiter dot com slash date to try them out.
Big thank you to Function of Beauty. Be sure to

(01:16:13):
go to function of Beauty dot com and use code
Dean to get an extra off your very first order.
And a big big thank you to Sleep Number. Be
sure to check out sleep number dot com slash deem
to find the nearest sleep Number store near you. Um,
as always, Vanessa, big thank you to you for just
being an incredible human being. Thank you to you for

(01:16:33):
being so open and willing to talk about things that
made you a little uncomfortable today. Yeah, I still got
some more sex stories I'm just willing to unravel as
we get to know each other at Anyways, next week's episode,
we'll have Vanessa and Jared in studio. So that's this
very It's like it's like a solar eclipse. It doesn't
happen very often, but when it does, you want to

(01:16:54):
make sure you miss catch it. Don't miss it, don't
miss it. That's what I'm talking about anyway. Thank you
Agains for tuning into this week's episode of Help I
Suck At Dating. Maybe next week will suck a little
bit less. Follow Help I Suck At Dating with Dean,
Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you
listen to podcast