June 8, 2020 • 51 mins
Dean and Jared catch up with Tayshia Adams and she shares her thoughts on the state of the country right now. She shares her experience growing up with biracial parents and we hear about how dating is going for her… even in quarantine.
Plus Dean and Jared talk about the new rules for safe sex: wearing masks!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hell I Suck It Dating with Dengler and Jared Haven
and I Heard Radio Podcast. Welcome back to an all
new episode of Help I Suck It Dating. We're coming
at you from different parts of the world, just like
we have been for the past few months, in the
(00:21):
wake of our last episode where we got to speak
with dr Ish and Jubilie. If you haven't had the
chance to check that one out, be sure to tune
tune into that one. It's it's definitely worth your list,
and they're both incredibly insightful. We got a great episode
for everyone today. We are going to be talking with
Tasia Adams, one of our recurring wonderful guests. Later on
in the show, Jared also discovered a few interesting articles
(00:44):
regarding the novel Coronavirus that I think he wants to
run over with us as well. Jared, what do you got? Hello, Dean?
How are you? Oh? I'm so sorry. I didn't even
ask how you are. I'm great, Thank you so much
for you don't have to Oh no, no, I didn't
mean it that way. My bad. That came off. I
was just saying hello as if like, how are you?
Because you're recording from your van and so you're like
(01:04):
back in van life. Now. Can you see me glistening?
Because I know I'm sweating right now. I got the
fan on full blast, but it's not helping too much.
How's your like feeling? It's funny you ask, because I
just right before filming recording this podcast, I walked into
a gas station to get some ice cold water, and
I was limping the whole time because it's just I
went on like a long hike today and it's just
(01:24):
really painful now. But other than that's good. Do you
wear a mask on the hike now? I didn't not
the hike the when you went to the gas station? Oh,
I wear a mask. I actually hiked with a mask
yesterday too. I I definitely wear the mask more often
than not. It's funny too, because I don't want to
take away from your your your article you want to
(01:46):
get to, but I just want to share this real quick.
Is I've been kind of driving around a little bit lately.
Like you know, I saw my brother in South Dakota, uh,
and now I'm in Utah and I've been driving through
these states like Utah, Wyoming, South Dakota, and no one
seems to care about coronavirus, Like, especially in Los Angeles,
I feel like we're, um, we we are being much
(02:09):
more protective and I guess I don't know the word
but safe than from what I've experienced other parts of
the country where you know, I walked into a gas
station like a week ago, and there was like a
like a twelve year old baseball team, like just finished
playing a baseball game. None of them are wearing masks.
They're all like high five in and like hugging and stuff.
And I was like this, it was kind of crazy
(02:29):
to see how the rest of the not the rest,
but other parts of the country are handling the situation. Yeah,
that sounds terrifying. It is crazy. Uh. And there is
one article that I really want to talk about where
it talks about having sex with someone while wearing a mask.
And before before we dive into that one, I just
want to say, uh, because of everything that's going on
(02:51):
in the world right now, we're gonna be talking about uh,
current events and our thoughts on it because it's a
conversation we want to continue having from last week's pod cast,
but we also want to talk about dating topics as well,
because we're dating podcasts and so we just want to
make sure that everybody knows that this isn't us telling
you what we think is important. It's more of just
a production decision that we want to talk about dating
(03:14):
as well, because after all, we are help. I suck
at dating, which is interesting that the name came from Dean.
It's so funny, Dean, that everybody thought you sucked at dating.
You don't suck at dating. I definitely suck at dating. Yeah,
I don't know anyway. So there's a there's a couple.
One article caught my eye. It's from The Independent, and
(03:34):
so it's titled Couples should have sex wearing a mask
to reduce risk of transmitting coronavirus. Study suggests, first of all,
what are your thoughts, Dean about wearing a master and sex.
It's gotta be the dumbest thing I've ever heard in
my life, And so I kind of a great Couples
should have sex while wearing face master reduced the risk
(03:55):
of transmitting COVID nineteen to one another. On May, researchers
at Harvard published a study in the Urnal of Anals
of Internal Medicine on the safest ways to have sex
during the coronavirus outbreak. On Monday, new laws were implemented
in England that made it illegal for couples who live
in different homes to have sex indoors and stay overnight.
(04:15):
That I find really unfair. So you're telling me that
if you're single right now, you're lonely. Uh, You're you're
you're probably in a depressed state because you don't have
any human interaction. You've been quarantined for three months. There's
a lot of things that are happening in the world
that are overwhelming. Dean. What are your thoughts about making
it illegal for someone to have and not be able
(04:37):
to have sex, uh with someone who's not in their house. Well,
a couple of things. If you if you read the
fine print of that article that you just shared, at
least the way that you ordered, it said it's illegal
to have sex indoors with someone from another household, which
means all you gotta do is go outside and have
sex outside somewhere about it being bought a boom, You
cheat the system. You're still getting the thing that you
(04:58):
want most. Yeah, just go to the world, have a
quickie behind the tree, and you'll be fine. Exactly. I
don't know, I don't understand how you could put a
police that just it's I just don't understand how that
can be policed. Like they catch someone on the on
the Walk of Shame home or something like that, and
they're like, hey, what were you doing? Uh, and they
do like a a vaginal swab or something. You just
(05:19):
had sex. You're going to prison because that's against the law.
I just don't understand. I think that's crazy. I don't
understand the masks while having sex either, because like you're
already in close proximity, your mucous membranes down stairs are
interacting with one another. Uh, it doesn't matter what's a
(05:39):
masking to do. You're gonna not breathe on each other,
but you're still interacting in ways that are able to
transfer the virus. I don't want to call Harvard stupid
because it's Harvard, but that article is stupid and it
doesn't make sense to me, and because of that, I
rebuke it as fact. Yeah, man, there's gonna come a
point throughout this entire thing where Austin as human beings,
(06:01):
we're just gonna have to start taking Its going to
be an early wave of adopters in a late wave
of adopters for that, and you can already kind of
see it happening where it's like people are slowly going
back to their normal life. Going to the beach is more,
meeting up with small groups of friends, just going outside
more I'm driving, um, Whereas for the two months prior,
(06:22):
I was, you know, self conquarantined with Kalin in the
apartment and in Los Angeles. So I think you just
get like a way of early adopters that are willing
to i don't know, like risk it but not really
risk it, but then also have to handle the social
repercussions of it. Um. Like for me, for instance, in
(06:43):
my van, I actually kind of went back and forth
a lot about this because so my brother was rock
climbing in South Dakota a few weeks ago, while the
same week that he was supposed to be having his
wedding down in Mexico, and I was like, well, I
really want to see my brother and his fiance, especially
during this time whether they're supposed to be getting married,
but is it appropriate for me to be tryed raveling
that far? And I was like okay, yeah, Like I'm
in my van. There's literally no difference for me taking
(07:05):
my van from l A to South Dakota as it
is staying in the apartment with Kaylin, Like I'm still
the only interaction of having with people are in the
grocery store when I go to get the food that
we're going to prepare in the van, or at the
gas station when I'm filling up, which I don't even
interact with people. So it's like my my interpersonal interaction
is still the same, if not less. I would say
when I'm driving in on the road, like I've been
(07:27):
on the road for two and a half three weeks now,
when I have been in isolation by myself for the
past week, and I like I try to avoid people,
whereas back home I would like hang out with a
friend everyone like once a week, or um go for
a walk where I'm passing by people in Los Angeles.
So it's like, I don't know, there's gonna be early
(07:48):
adoptors and light adoptors in my opinion, Jared, what do
you think I was surprised to hear you say something
like that, because if I had a guess, I would
think that you're gonna be a late adopter. No, I'm
just trying to give this thing with common sense. I
take coronavirus very seriously. I wear a mask everywhere I go.
I tried to avoid crowds. Um. I always try to
(08:11):
stay outside most of the time. Um like, um, you know,
we had a friend come over and we had a
fire outside and they stay. It was it was truly
didn't feeling differently because they were six ft away and
we were outside and listen, at some point, we're just
gonna have to start going back to normal life, Like
(08:32):
we can't what you're supposed to tell someone who's quarantined
by themselves inside their home and they're probably depressed and
lonely and not working right now, and you're telling them
that what they're supposed to just do this for however
long until we get a vaccine in one. That's ridiculous.
It's impossible. Hey, I'm surprised to hear you say that,
because you, uh, borderline hypochondriac. In my opinion, you like
(08:55):
you but you yeah, not way, but you're like you
definitely like to think of the consequences of your actions
and the possible repercussions for them a lot more than
than some people. Which it's it's good and bad in
certain ways a lot more than Ashley. I can tell
you that um to the whole reason for self quarantine
(09:18):
and can correct me if I'm wrong here. It was
never to stay inside until we found a vaccine. It
was to flatten the curve, to have open beds for uh,
for for COVID patients, right. I agree, man, Like, especially
in the dating world, so you're supposed to have sex
(09:38):
now with with a mask on. I mean, it just
takes out all human uh intimacy. If you're not able
to kiss someone, um, if you're not able to see
their face fully, you know there's there's an intimacy there
that that would be missing. And man, we've grown so
apart because of because of the Internet and social media, um,
(10:00):
and we've we've come to a state where we don't
even need to be in the same room as somebody.
We don't need to touch anybody anymore. And I'm just
I'm I'm concerned about that because I think it's human beings.
We need touch, we need human interaction, we need to
be in a relationship with another human being. I was
actually watching this thing on Netflix last night. It was
History one on one, and they're like twenty minute episodes
(10:22):
and one of them was about robots and there was
like they did a study, uh, and there was like
of this study and this was in Japan said they'd
rather be in a relationship with a robot than a
real person. And this is like futuristic Blade Runner type
stuff that concerns me. To bring it back to that article,
(10:46):
are you guys telling me there's never been a time
where you've had sex where maybe there wasn't a lot
of there was little to no kissing, Yeah, but they
were still kissing. I've never had sex with someone and
not kissing. Let's say there's like those rounds where maybe
you don't have you kiss as much as always, what's
minus a few and you just have sex. Like that's
(11:07):
kind of what it is with the face mask. Is
it really that we give an issue? I think so,
because I think for me, it's more escalation. It's like,
first it's a face mask, and now we're outlawing sex
with somebody who's not in your household. And that's what
concerns me, is that we're just getting to this state
where we're just we're gonna be isolated in our own
(11:28):
homes because we're gonna be scared of everything, and now
we're we're in master and sex and I don't know.
I mean, I see your point totally. I just feel
like if it's short term, everyone could just throw in
a mask. There's gonna There's been a few, quite a
few times somebody has had sex with people in a
club where there's not a lot of kissing. You're in
(11:48):
the bathroom, you get it done, and you walk out
like kind of how to get and it's not gonna
be for forever. Yeah, it all depends I guess on
who it is. Is it it's a stranger, Like I,
I don't want to have sex with a stranger with
a mask on. I don't know. The whole thing is weird.
We're just getting into uncharted territory and I have no
(12:10):
idea what the right answer is. But I'm also concerned
of escalation, like we talked about. Okay, what about this
Jared and Dean? If Dean is still alive out there
in Utah right now, you guys have kids, right now,
Let's just imagine that you both you have a kid
and who's a teenager? Are you going to tell and
you know they're sexually active at this point, are you
(12:30):
going to tell your kid, Hey, grab the condom and
the face mask. Would you tell them you're not allowed
to go hang out with kids or would you tell
them go for it, go build out immune system. What
would be your advice to the teenagers, the young college kids?
What do you do? I probably just tell them that,
I mean, well, that's a tough question. Hypothetically, i'd say
(12:54):
right now that they I'd probably keep him at home
right now. But that's also my kid, you know, like
the government is not my dad. Um, And I'm gonna
listen to what they have to say. And I want
to listen to health experts, and and I'm gonna wear
a mask everywhere I go, and I'm gonna try to
avoid crowds and take this as seriously as possible. But
you know, I'm lucky where I'm married and my significant
(13:16):
other I live with. But like Tori, like you're a
single right now, you're by yourself. What if the government
told you it is illegal for you to have someone
over or to go over their house. It would make
me ten times more promiscuous. Yeah, you want what you
(13:37):
can't happen to you? Now, I'm gonna go do it.
So I wonder what their numbers. Would you look like now?
That man was like, okay, we're jokes on you and
then they go out. Would would you have sex with
with a mask on? I don't know. It's not an
easy question. Kissing is it's very intimate and I'm not
even just talking about liplock, but like you o your
(14:01):
lips and your tongue and there's you know, not to
get to graphic here, but you know what I mean.
Um and UM, I'm gonna ask you another personal question
which you don't have to answer, but have you hung
out with anybody during quarantine? I mean, you're single, it's
been oh what three months now? Have you resisted the
urge to hang out with a friend. Yeah. I've been
(14:24):
quarantined pretty much this whole time, either with my roommates
or by myself or with my family. I haven't even
really like said, hey, come on over all right, Well,
we want to hear what you guys have to say
about it. What do you think about wearing a mastering sex?
Do you think it's right that England is making it
illegal for people to not be able to hang out
(14:45):
with other people outside their household? Email us at is
suck at dating at iHeart media dot com. And we
also have Tasia Adams on thelan right now and we're
gonna talk to her right after this short break. All right,
(15:07):
welcome back to help I suck at dating. Dean is
in his van and he apparently his computer keeps overheating,
so he's very spotty right now. So I'm hoping he
joins this this conversation sooner rather than later. But we
have the wonderful, the amazing Tasha Adams who's joining us. Tasha,
thank you so much for being here. How are you doing?
Of course I that's how am I doing. It's a
(15:28):
loaded question, but to be um short, I'm okay, You're okay? Um. Obviously, Now,
Dean and I had a jubilee and uh dr each
major from marriage boot camp on last week, and we
talked a lot about what's going on in the world
right now. But I also want to get your take
(15:50):
about everything that's transpired over the past week. Um, how
are you feeling? Um, To be quite honest with you,
right here right now, as I'm sitting in my heart,
I had like this anxious pit in my stomach, and UM,
I can't specifically say as to what that is being
(16:11):
caused by because there's just a lot going on. But um,
I it's just it's heavy. It's heavy, everything's heavy. I'm
I'm really happy it's all happening. To be quite honest
with you, Um, it's a lot, it's a lot unpack. No,
but I agree with you. I mean, it was I
(16:32):
think as uh as a white person. Uh, you know,
I always knew I had white privilege, but I don't
think I realized the level of privilege that I had
because I don't think ever came to my head that, Um,
you know, when the cops show up, I feel safe,
(16:54):
and that's a privilege that I have. And it's sad.
It's sad to say that, but it's true, and it's unfortunate.
It's it sucks, it's it's it's horrible that there you
know that the black community can't feel the same way.
And so, yeah, you're right, it was time. It was
time to wake people up, to open their eyes, to
realize what was happening in the world. And um, it's
(17:15):
sad that it had to take the life of George
Floyd in a video to come out on Twitter for
it to happen. But like you said, I'm glad it's happening. Yeah,
it just I just hate that things have to go
so far in order for it to get any type
of like acknowledgement, you know what I mean, as if
(17:39):
like this has not happened in the past, as if
this is like the first time it's ever happened, or
a movement like this has ever happened. Um to shine
light on something that's all around us, um, in order
for there to be a change. So um, I am
a mixed baby. My mom is actually Mexican. So what
(18:00):
was that dynamic? Like, it's always been great. There's just
been a lot of culture in my home. I guess,
like I used to go to Mexico for summers at
a time, and I would come back only speaking Spanish
like as a kid, you know what I mean. So
I have always been a diverse home. But I will
say I grew up as one of the only black
(18:24):
kids in my class. So, um, this is kind of
like it's kind of crazy because I'm starting to realize
things that I never realized growing up, you know. Like, um,
so I posted a clip the other day about Ruby Bridges.
I don't know if you know a Ruby Bridges, um,
(18:44):
but she Okay, So after um Brown versus the Board
of Education, there was basically a breakthrough saying that, um,
we're not going to have segregated schools anymore. And it
took about six years in order for there actually to
be any action, um making, you know, an integration in
(19:07):
the schools. And there was six children that were basically
like the subjects to integrade schools, and Ruby Bridges was
one of them. And she was six years old, and um,
she basically was escorted, um by tons of police officers
to even walk into this school because just the idea
of her going to this school created huge controversy. Um
(19:31):
it's it's it's really fascinating. I really really highly recommend
to watch their actually a Disney movie on Ruby Bridges.
But um, basically the second she entered that school, there
was about five kids parents that walk into that school,
grabbed their child and left just because Ruby was going
to that school. And being young, I remember like Disney channels,
(19:52):
like Disney Channel, so of course I watched all movies
on Disney. But that movie came out and I remember
being in my room and watching that move and feeling
just like, oh my god, I don't know why I'm
gonna cry, but I just feel so overwhelmed because I
actually identified with her. I I didn't know if I
(20:13):
don't know, just being like the only black kid, but
I never felt like people were Um I don't know
if people got taken out of school because of me.
I didn't you know what mean, Like there was just
so much you don't see and you don't know as
a child that then it made me like think, like
do people think this way? Have me kind of thing?
And I remember just crying and watching it and and
wanting to be someone with that that shined basically that
(20:39):
wanted to have an impact on people. And so, um,
when I shared that the other day, it was actually
insane how many d M s I got people saying
they had no idea that that was even like a thing,
or that they struggled to even go to school like that.
And um, yeah, so there's things like that that I've
kind of like have like revisited in my mind. Um
(21:01):
there's things like, uh, people asking, um, if I have
the same parents as my siblings, because I guess it's
just like kind of assumed that if you new siblings
don't look necessarily alike, that you have two different parents,
you have different parents, And someone was in my d
(21:23):
MS because I addressed it the other day because I
posted about my family and my people were kept asking
do you and your sister have the same mom? And
when I posted, like as it kind of being like
I never really thought about it, but I posted to
all the people that are asking if we have the
same mom, of course we do, like my parents have
been together since they were sixteen and eighteen. And then
when I was getting the d MS of people being like,
(21:43):
I cannot believe how stupid that question is, like why
would anybody even ask that? And thinking back, I'm like,
I never took any offense to that. I've been asked
that since the day I was I don't know since
I was wrong, but I didn't realize and someone told me,
they're like, you never you would never ask a white
person do you come from the same parents? What I mean,
(22:04):
you would never ask like a white child that, And
it's so true, like and no mixed person would ever
really asked another mixed child you have the same parents.
Like I've never thought that in my mind and I
never realized like this whole time, it's it's just kind
of like that's true. It's just like a it's a
funny remark in itself, you know, Yeah, it's a it's
(22:26):
a very invasive question for strangers to be asking. You, Like,
I never thought twice about it. That's how I was.
I was brought into all white people and I never
really thought twice about it. And the friends to it. Yeah,
I mean, I I think for me, I haven't thought
twice about a lot of things. But you realize, you know,
I mean, the civil rights movement was seventy years ago.
(22:48):
I mean, that's it's not that long ago at all,
and I forget that, you know, I forget that it
was only seventy years ago, and it you know, certainly, Uh,
I mean this is a you know, I'd like to
think that things have gotten better, but there are still
so much prejudice, in so much racist racism in this country.
(23:11):
I mean to the point where right now, if you
post something that says black lives matter, you get you know,
people like all lives matter, and it's like, no, that's
not the point. You're missing the point right now. And
I feel like just a lot of people are having
trouble listening. Um. You know, it was like I remember
last week when the protests started beginning, and and and
then the looting started and people were saying, you know, see,
(23:33):
look what, look, what's happening. It's like, no, you have
to you have to listen. There are peaceful protests happening
right now. And then yes, there are there there are
people looting, and that's wrong, but what what The positivity
that's coming from these protests greatly outweighs what's happening with
all these people looting and rioting. Um. And then I
think back. I mentioned last week the Colin Kaepernick situation
(23:56):
about how he was taking a knee. He was doing
a peaceful protest against brutality, uh, with against police brutality
against the black community, and people immediately associated that with him,
uh you know, saying the military sucks. And it's like
no, no no, no, no, no, that's not you have to listen.
You have to listen to what people are saying. Um. People,
(24:18):
I feel like everybody has a hard time doing that,
you know, like they kind of just want to hear
if they want to hear, not to the whole sentence.
You're not listening to the entire idea. You can't just
say I don't know you can't just like want a
cake and put all the ingredients in the thing and like, hey,
there's a fam cake, Like no, you have to stir
(24:38):
it up, you have to bake it. There's there's there's
a process to everything. You don't just get what you
want right away. And you can't just even say like, well,
this is what it's supposed to be, is what you
told me to do? Like no, you can put in
work to like unpack it all and do what you
need to do. It's just it's it's a lot. And
I understand the whole calling Kapnick thing of like I
posted something about that too, like y'all wanted like peaceful
(25:01):
things and like someone just kneeled on their knee and
that was pretty peaceful. But I get it. It It was
like a like regarding that when it was done the nationalism,
but like in my mind, it's just like the national anthem,
like it's for like freedom rings and like it's about
what are America is based on? And to be quit
(25:21):
honest with you, there's a there's a flaw in the system.
There's a problem with it. It's not it's broken. So
him doing that was just basically showing that there's something
wrong here, and I needed to pay attention to it.
But it was all twisted and all that craft. I
know it was he was he was looking for a platform,
you know. But yeah, we don't have to die fully
(25:42):
into the NFL. Now that's a whole different conversation. Yeah,
you guys want to have an embarrassing story? Hi tissue?
By the way, Oh my god, look who it is.
How's everyone doing? Yeah, we're good. How's the desert? It's
very hot? Um? Do you guys want to hear a story?
(26:02):
Whether it's embarrassing or funny or it's just playing stupid
is up to I guess the listener's discussion. So um,
and he Actually the reason I'm bringing up is because
I'm just curious to hear what you think about it,
because I just I'm curious, and Jared go as well.
So before going to Paradise this this season, Before going
to Paradise season six, um, I like found at the
(26:25):
thrift store a Malcolm X shirt with him holding the
fist up and then under it said by any means necessary.
And I was like, WHOA, this shirt is so sick? Uh?
And then so I like bought the shirt. I started
like listening to Malcolm X like rhetoric and some of
the speeches, and I was like, Wow, this dude is
so like the things you were saying. It was saying,
we're so like, uh enlightening and like just just playing smart. Um.
(26:50):
And then the night before I was supposed to leave, Oh,
I'm sorry, sorry, I skipped. I skipped the step. So
I found the shirt right, and I like basically knew
that me going to Paradise this time around. Um, like
I I just wanted to I don't know, I wanted
to maybe make a statement. And so what I thought
about doing was wearing this shirt, the shirt with Malcolm
(27:11):
X and the slogan by any Means Necessary on it,
which was the slogan of was I don't know if
it was the Black Panthers or if it was just
the Malcolm X movement, but um, I was gonna wear
that shirt every single day while I was on Bachelor
in Paradise and that was gonna be my like silent,
peaceful protest against racial injustice. And I thought it was
(27:33):
like the most genius idea of where I was like,
I love this idea. I think it's fantastic. Anyways, passed
forward to the day before we were supposed to or
I was supposed to be shipped out to Bachelor in
Paradise down to Mexico. We highly got dinner with a
bunch of my friends. Um, and one of my best
friends is is His father is black and his mother's white.
And I was like, I was like Jackson, like this
is what I'm thinking about doing. What what is your
(27:55):
take on this idea that I have? And he was like, deing,
whatever you do, do not where that shirt every day?
Because I guess I didn't realize at the time that
the Malcolm X kind of stood up for uh not
necessarily a violent approach, but he wasn't as peaceful as
as Dr Martin Luther King was. But what if I
showed up on the beach that first day some some bland,
(28:17):
vanilla white dude wearing a Malcolm X T shirt that said,
by any means necessary, would you take is that? Like that?
Would you take offense to that? I was like, my
argument was like, my heart's in the right place, like
I'm trying to do something good here. But I could
also see the flip side of it, where um, it's
just maybe a little inappropriate, don't forget he'd also be
(28:38):
walking down with the mustache. UM. I don't think I
would think about it too much at first, but I
think that just it would have broke me a wrong way,
because like, do you know that even represents right? And
I think that's kind of what that was his thing too.
Although I had listened to like a lot of the
speeches and stuff, he was like, Dean, like, you have
(28:59):
to be read, need to like fully understand exactly what
they're representing and and speaking on and about before you're
you're even close to being able to representent. Sure, And
I was like, you're right, I don't know enough about
it to go down there and have like an intelligent
conversation with someone. So ultimately I decided not to do
it um And I think I think I shouldn't have
(29:19):
done it, obviously, but I do. Like I said, I
listened to a lot of his um, like his his
speeches and and read some of his literature and stuff,
and he makes some good points. And it's funny because
we don't really get taught much Malcolm X in school.
When we learn about American history, it's all like Dr
King um and and basically that's it as far as
black history goes, you know, um, as far as at
(29:42):
least the education I got. No, I agree with you,
and I think it's probably just because his approach is
a little bit more, you know, like how you said
a little bit. I wouldn't necessarily say aggressive, but it's
more it is more intense, you know. Um So I
think above all personally trying to approach every with peace
and gracefully and um no, respectfully. But the next step,
(30:07):
which is riots and protests that kind of help are
seeing it right now. But it's kind of funny because
I feel like we're in that shirt could have just
been like what people are doing and saying like, you know,
well I like Kobe. I like Kobe Kobe's this is
like nitpicking now, Okay, so clearly I'm not like a racist.
(30:29):
I like black people, like you know what I mean,
Like I listen to hip hop, you know what I mean.
It's just like I voted for Obama. Yeah, it's just
like okay, but like that's great. I know you identify
with that to some degree, But do you really know
like the backstory behind everything else, you know what I mean?
Like I said, I wasn't sure whether it be embarrassing
(30:52):
or just playing stupid, and I honestly think it's all
those things. I'm glad that you actually asked the perspective
before doing things. That's one thing you do do, you know,
I will say, as like off the charges you are,
sometimes you do kind of ask the people's opinions far
before you do things. I'm very blessed to have a
lot of intelligent friends in my life, Tasha. You're one
of them, and so of course I'm going to lean
(31:12):
on them for information every once in a while. Well, well, Dean,
you're also very caring. That's that's one of the reasons
why you asked, because this isn't this isn't about me
right now. Anyways. Another another interesting thing that I wanted
to bring up with Tassia was being as you are
bi racial. Um, I have a friend as well who is,
(31:36):
like I said, he's bi racial. He actually got the
DNA test and and his DNA test came back that
he's like fifty five percent Caucasian. But you meet you meet,
you meet this guy, and the first thing anyone sees
is a black person. It's just so interesting to me
that even though he's you know, I guess technically like
thirty five black. He's more white than he is black,
(32:00):
and yet people still see a black man when he
when they're introduced to him, or like if he gets
pulled over, he's still going to be, you know, unfortunately
treated as a black man gets treated during you know,
a routine traffic stoff. Do you ever feel like you
are identified more with being a black woman or because
your mother is Mexican? Do you do you feel like
you're do you identify more as a black woman or
(32:20):
a Mexican woman. It's so funny, um identify with bot.
I don't know, I've never really like picked and choose.
I think, what's what? It is really funny? Do you
know what when you're filling out all those questionnaires like
testing or even like I was just registering the vote
and all that stuff, and ask you for your ethnicity
always with this and it always says black slash no
(32:45):
Hispanic descent, And I'm like, well that kind of sex
because I'm kind of so isn't that funny? It's like
it is an actual line item, so it's like it's
one and one. I don't like, I don't I always
used to as to like, how do I identify with
this because I'm both, so I don't know what to
say with you, but it would say pick and choose.
That's what they would tell me, pick and choose, which
(33:06):
is kind of unfortunately. I guess you have to pick
and choose because you want to be able to celebrate
both of your heritages. But do you ever find it
difficult with dating? I know, like obviously the only dating
exposure we have with you is Colton and then uh
Bachelor in Paradise as well. But have you ever had
any like maybe good or bad issues arise from your
by racial nous? I will say no, but I guess
(33:33):
I have always second thought if I'm going to be
someone's cup of tea because I am not white, blonde haired,
blue eyes, and that's the community that I live in.
Uh and um, yeah, I have always second guest myself
in that aspect and like, oh that's cool, but like
does he like mixed girls? Like you know what I mean? Like,
(33:55):
and that's funny that like people even think that way,
that you have to think that way, and it's fine
if you don't are not into it, just like for me,
like I guess I've been brought up around here and
maybe that's why I have dated certain type of guys,
you know what I mean. Um So I'm not saying
that having a taste or whatever you fancy is bad.
(34:19):
I'm just standing like it is something that goes through
my mind every single time I do introduce myself to somebody. Yeah,
but I'm sure everybody does that to an extent, you
know what I mean? Does she like tall guys are
ball guys. It's like athletic guys are skinny guys, you
know what I mean. Like everybody kind of has that.
But I hate that, Like race is a thing that,
like you kind of cut the line. We kind of
(34:40):
touched last week on Race and the Bachelor franchise a
little bit with Jubilie, who had some pretty insightful things
to say. Do you feel like, I mean, obviously there's
a clear discriptancy. It's like every season you have, like
you said, a bunch of white, blonde, blue eyed both
man and women on whether it's Bachelor, bachelorret h and
there is not much representation not just for even not
(35:00):
just for black men and women, but for you know,
other cultures as well. Do you think do you see
that ever changing or do you when you were on
the show, did you ever notice it being like an
issue of any sort. I can't say that I felt
an issue. Um, I don't, And I will actually say
(35:23):
Colton never made me think twice about that, which is amazing. Um.
But I will say I have seen lots of comments
and being like, well there has to be a token
black chat, like a black person in the top four,
you know what I mean, Like that's her, that's you
know what I mean? So I kind of second like
I started second guessing myself. I guess like when everything
(35:44):
was starting the air and I was like, holy sh it,
like do you think that that's what it was? And
I absolutely second guessed everything, and you can get guarantee.
I went to producers and been like was that me? Um?
And I hate it that's even like a thing? Um yeah.
And then you started saying absolutely, I say, I started
(36:05):
second guessing everything like it was there even really like
a thing that you know what I mean? And it
sucks to feel that way. Um. You Also, I've always
said it, I hate that. As much as I love
the fact that Rachel Lindsay was the first black bachelorette,
I do hate that that was like her glory lacking,
just as just like Colton was a virgin, like okay,
(36:27):
like ghetto it. Well. I know what's interesting is when
I was being cast for that season, for Rachel season
I was. I began the casting process after she had
already been announced for the bachelorrette because she had ever
been anced early. And I think almost at every stage
of the casting process, they were like, Hey, we just
want to let you know, like the Bachelor that's black,
Are you okay with that? And every time I was like, yeah,
(36:48):
I don't care what you like, why are you Why
are you asking this question? And I can only imagine
they asked that question to other people and they were
getting negative responses to which it's just crazy to think about.
People were like, you know what, I'm gonna sit this
season out, you know, And again I I can't. I
can't just I can't confirm that. I'm just assuming. But um,
(37:10):
the fact that they were asking me that question made
me feel like other people were, you know, getting I
guess up in arms about the potential to be on
the show with a black right, But like I feel
like always like when you highlight something, it makes it
a big deal, It makes it a bigger deal than
it is. It's as simple as that, And like, I
think it's an amazing accomplishment for her. Absolutely they're not.
(37:31):
But the fact that that's an accomplishment, right, it's just
it's it's it's funny to me. But then I guess
on the flip side of it, you can argue by
kind of like being hush hush about it, it might
make it. Like the fact that you can the fact
that we're even having this conversation, I think is is
uh a step forward in the right direction, you know what,
(37:53):
you know what I mean, versus where it's like if
you're being quiet about it, maybe it's just I can
see what you're trying to say. I could definitely see
what you're trying to say, Like if you didn't, if
you do didn't, if you don't write yeah, because it
was you know, it was a big deal because it
was the first black lead, you know, and and take Sue,
(38:13):
You're right, it sucks that it was a big deal
because it should have happened a long time ago, but
it hadn't. And The Bachelor, I think even recognizes that.
I remember Chris Harrison saying something about it a few
months ago. About the lack of diversity in the show,
and so hopefully that's something that changes in the future.
Would be there's like I'm just saying, I mean, I
guess Rachel and Ryan is a biracial couple, right, Yeah.
(38:36):
And Jubilee brought up something interesting last week where it
doesn't you know, it doesn't even have to be a
black lead, but just cast someone who wants to date
black people. Because she was talking about how she was
on the season of Ben and this was not a
bad thing. You know, she wasn't saying anything bad about Ben,
but she just said, like she knew Ben probably wasn't
into her, and you know he's you know, he has
(38:57):
a type, right, And so she what Jubilee wants to see.
And I think it's a good idea is to not
only cast more diverse leads, but cast people who are
more open and wanting to date diverse people. Absolutely, that's interesting.
It could be it could be any culture. We just
(39:17):
mean culture. That's the thing, you know. And I will say,
with all this stuff, it makes me, you want to know,
what makes me really uncomfortable is addressing people as its
being like, dear white people. I also am uncomfortable with
as funny as it is is saying black lives matter.
(39:38):
Why am I uncomfortable because it just feels like, again,
it's like segregation in a way, but also it's like
it's not even that black lives matter. I just wish
as they added one more word to the end of that.
I think it was if it was black lives matter too,
it would just like just stop so much from rising up.
(40:01):
Like everyone's saying, like, all lives matter, that's great, but
black lives matter too, in addition to everyone. No, totally
the actually the Rock uh, Dwayne Johnson, he posted an
eight minute speech about Um. He was specifically talking about
the president, but he said, uh, you know, he was like,
of course, all lives matter, like every single life matters
(40:23):
because as Americans, we believe in equality, we believe in inclusion,
and we believe in all these great things. And he's like,
but that's not the point right now. Right now, you
also have to say the words black lives matter. And
it was pretty, uh, pretty powerful and impactful. So it's
an interesting time. I'm glad that the protests are happening. UM.
(40:45):
I hope everybody just stay safe. I hope you stay safe.
I hope you're doing well. I mean, we are a
dating podcast, so I guess are you dating anybody? No?
You all. I've been in quarantine, okay, know how the
heck you'll expect me to date right now unless I'm
getting the mailman. I really haven't seen really anybody, and
no one's been coming up. So have you been. Have
(41:09):
you been like starting to brave out? How is it
in Orange County? What's a lockdown situation? There? Are you
guys starting to like phase into normal room? So as
of like last week, restaurants started to like really really
open up. Some Memorial Day weekend, they got like the
notice that like midnight you can open up tomorrow. So
it took some time, but restaurants are starting to open up.
It honestly seems very normal down here to me. Um,
(41:35):
but the beach, our beach was always open and we
really didn't have many cases here, and I feel like
everyone really did take a lot of the safety precautions
and we'll like doing pretty well down here. So I
don't really think like it ever got too crazy bad
like sterilized down here? Did you? Uh? Um? So have
you been just out of curiosity because you're single? Dean
(41:56):
and I are both the relationships. So I'd love to
hear have you been talking on to people virtually? Have
you been going on any FaceTime days? And I have
to say, okay. So I made a conscious decision about
two weeks prior to Quarantine that I was ready to date. Okay,
Like I talked to my grandfriends and I'm like, I'm
ready for this, like we're going out tonight and they're like,
(42:18):
what going out? And I was The're like okay. So
we went out and I started meeting people, and I
will tell you prior to Quarantine, like, yeah, I had
met some cool dudes. But I had to say, Quarantine
kind of killed my vibe. Okay, I can only talk. Oh,
it does give you the chance now to get to
know them through conversation, see how they are texting. Yeah,
(42:41):
but aldo at the same time, I felt that way
at first, I'm like, you have nothing else to do,
so like we should be able to talk. But also
if you don't really have like any incentive of seeing
person in the new near future, like like what's the point,
Like it's not what you can go on a date,
It's not like we can even see if there's like chemistry,
(43:02):
you know what I mean, or like how fun you
would have like doing anything like thought you're talking about
like sex. No, no, I'm just staying like you know, No,
I know, I know, I'm just busting your jobs. I
get it. I mean, it's it's it's but I mean,
(43:22):
because you're down there, you're with your you're living with
your parents right down in Orange County, or you're staying
with them at the moment. No oh, I thought you were.
I thought you were quarantined with them. No, I'm quarantined
by myself. Oh my gosh, that's horrible. I was gonna say,
at least have your parents around to keep you company
about fifteen minutes down the highway. They're like twenty minutes
on the highway. So I have been fortunate enough to
(43:43):
just kind of, um go down the highlight and see
them every weekend or so. But I can find myself,
which I don't know how you guys are doing, because
I like Katie more In for instance, she's living by herself.
She's got her puppy dog. But the living by yourself, Tori,
the producer of this podcat, Well, no, she's got roommates,
but she's been staying inside a lot. But I don't know,
like I'm going crazy enough just having Kaylin to talk
(44:04):
to on a regular basis. But I can't imagine like
just being alone. And I thought, what's funny is I
thought that all this isolation would like make me more
willing to like jump on the phone and talk to
my friends. But it's actually kind of the reverse effect.
Like if a friend calls me, I'm like, I'm just
gonna go ahead and screen that call and maybe just
text them later. You're kidding, I'm the worst. But it's
(44:25):
like why, It's like why I can't. Why can't I
be using this time to like, uh strengthen my friendships
or you know, jump on the phone and FaceTime my
buddies for an hour. I just I guess I'm just
not that person. Well, no, I agree. I've become much
more of a homebody, and I'm actually really outside of
being at home and not talking to anyone. I mean,
I have been into a crazy plant lady, and I
(44:47):
do talk to my plans old day every day. They
all have. Yeah, I mean Coco is the best. I mean,
he's growing, he's thriving. I talked on every single morning. Um,
Kamila just has been looming like crazy. She's she's she's
a saint, and herman he's growing. So that's that's my past.
But baby willing to jump on the podcast at any
point and give their hi. They're shy. I feel like
(45:15):
you're turning into Tom Hanks from Castaway and like the
plants are your Wilson. I'm not even kidding you, guys.
I literally go up to them, I say I love them,
I kissed them. I'm like, I love you, like as
if it's a dog or something. I straight up have issues,
Like it's not okay, Like help me. You're gonna start
bringing cocoa to your dates. You're like, oh, hi, how
are you on? Tasha? This is my friend Coco. He'll
(45:35):
be joining us tonight. You don't even know. I'm my
mom called one of my plants Albert the other day.
I was like, who the hell is Albert? His name
is herman? Mom like, get it together. That's awesome. Well, Tashia,
thank you so much for joining us. Uh you are
saying you're lovely and amazing. We wish you nothing but
the best. Do you have any anything else? Do you
(45:56):
want to say before we get going? You know, I
just want to say number one, thank you, but also
I have never I've never felt different around you guys,
So thank you. I appreciate it. There's no need to
thank us. Thank you. Okay, so thanks for coming on
the podcast for the best. Thanks guys, have a good one. Bye.
(46:29):
Tasia Adams. The the Pinnacle of Grace and Excellence. Yeah, yeah,
when when I think about it, you're right. I think
grace graceful is a great way to do. I agree,
and just just a bubble energy, which is gonnatastic too. Um.
You want to know what's funny is at the top
of this podcast because I know that Nick shared his
(46:49):
getting arrested story on his podcast the second Best podcast,
this being the first, of course, and I was like, oh,
I think it would be interesting for me to share
my like arrest three and compare it to well, I
guess I don't know if that's insensitive, to compare it
to what it would be like, you know, hypothetically, if
I were a black man, if things would have gone differently,
which you know, you can only kind of assume that
(47:10):
they would, but yeah, I don't know what. So Nick
on his podcast shared a story about how I didn't listen.
I gotta be honest, but I saw the Instagram. Yeah,
that's that's all I saw too. Uh. And I was
just gonna say that at the top of this episode,
I was, you know, considering sharing if if there was time,
which we obviously just didn't have time for. I was
going to share my run ins with the law as
(47:32):
a white person. And it's like as a white person
when I was you know, I only got arrested before
I turned twenty one, and they were mostly they were
actually all alcohol related defenses. But for how like, uh,
I rate you know, emotional and like angry that I
was when I was getting arrested those times as like
a twenty as a nineteen twenty eighteen year old white boy.
(47:55):
I can only imagine how much worse it would have
gone had I not been white, and had I been
a black person or you know, hispanic or or whatever. Um.
And I I hadn't really ever thought of that until
just recently. And it's crazy. I guess, like, you know,
you keep seeing like this is privileged. Your your privileged.
If this, like I just saw a thing, you're privileged
(48:17):
if you're learning about racism instead of having to experience racism,
and I guess that's kind of the same situation right now,
where it's like, yeah, holy like I've no, I'm no.
I know, I've been privileged my whole life just for
being a white Like I always used to tell myself
that I had the genetic jackpot where I'm a tall
white man, I have like every Both you and me,
(48:37):
Jared are like afforded every privilege that life in America
can be handed to us because we're tall white men.
Well you're you're five nine, which is call me, you're
you're above the national average. But you understand what I'm saying.
It's like we've gone through life, just me and you.
We've gone through life without having to worry about so much,
(48:59):
and it's just it's it's great to be able to
talk to our friends like Tasia, Jubilee, dr Ish and
and the other ones that we're talking to off air,
and uh kind of understand that our life isn't the
norm for a lot of people in America, for a
lot of people over the world. Yeah, I agree. I
think not only just understanding, but like reaffirming it. You know,
(49:22):
I think it's always good to remind yourself, Hey, you're pretty,
you're pretty lucky. Don't ever forget that, don't ever take
it for granted, um, because like you said that, not
everybody in this world can say that, which sucks, and
it's what we're trying to change right now. So thank
you for everybody for listening as always, Suck Army. You
guys are the best. We really Please keep your emails coming,
and I promise, I promise, I promise next week we
(49:44):
will get to them. Thank you, Tasha Adams of course
for joining us, the ever graceful Tasha Adams, uh dean,
thank you for joining us for half the podcast. Sorry
computer is overheating, but you know next time don't record
from the h of course, Jared and I promised next
week we'll get to some of those emails as well.
I know how much you love does and I guess
the listeners out there that are listening to this episode
(50:05):
right now suck Army. Yes, sucks, sucks suck H. If
you are just sitting at home, you're in between making
lunch and dinner for yourself, go ahead and jump on
Apple Podcasts and give us a five star rating, because
you know, we've kind of gotten away from urging people
to do that, and well, we're not telling you what
to do. It would certainly be nice of you to do.
Even a four start helps, Yeah, it definitely helps. Anything
(50:27):
above four. Please and again you roast us. You know
if you give us a five star review, roast us,
you can roast me. You can call me whatever you want,
a Patrick n Muggs, a cotton headed Ninni mug an.
You gotta read some literature anyways. It's like I don't
(50:49):
It's like carry Potter. But honestly, but before before you
you send it off to you. And I do want
to say, as I was busting your balls about you
recording in the van, it feels good that you're in
the van. It feels like almost a small return to normalcy.
It's like a breath of fresh air. But like, oh,
Dean's back in the van. I'm glad you feel, because
(51:10):
you know, I feel the best I felt in a
long time. All Right, Well that'll do it, suck Army,
Thank you so much for listening. Um good. Yeah, like
Jared said, keep sending us emails. I second dating at
i heeart media dot com. We just had so much
talk about lately. We haven't had time to get to them,
but we will get to them next week. Tune in then,
where maybe we will suck just a little bit less.
Follow help by suck at Dating on I Heart Radio
(51:33):
or wherever you listen to podcast
Hell I Suck It Dating with Dengler and Jared Haven
and I Heard Radio Podcast. Welcome back to an all
new episode of Help I Suck It Dating. We're coming
at you from different parts of the world, just like
we have been for the past few months, in the
(00:21):
wake of our last episode where we got to speak
with dr Ish and Jubilie. If you haven't had the
chance to check that one out, be sure to tune
tune into that one. It's it's definitely worth your list,
and they're both incredibly insightful. We got a great episode
for everyone today. We are going to be talking with
Tasia Adams, one of our recurring wonderful guests. Later on
in the show, Jared also discovered a few interesting articles
(00:44):
regarding the novel Coronavirus that I think he wants to
run over with us as well. Jared, what do you got? Hello, Dean?
How are you? Oh? I'm so sorry. I didn't even
ask how you are. I'm great, Thank you so much
for you don't have to Oh no, no, I didn't
mean it that way. My bad. That came off. I
was just saying hello as if like, how are you?
Because you're recording from your van and so you're like
(01:04):
back in van life. Now. Can you see me glistening?
Because I know I'm sweating right now. I got the
fan on full blast, but it's not helping too much.
How's your like feeling? It's funny you ask, because I
just right before filming recording this podcast, I walked into
a gas station to get some ice cold water, and
I was limping the whole time because it's just I
went on like a long hike today and it's just
(01:24):
really painful now. But other than that's good. Do you
wear a mask on the hike now? I didn't not
the hike the when you went to the gas station? Oh,
I wear a mask. I actually hiked with a mask
yesterday too. I I definitely wear the mask more often
than not. It's funny too, because I don't want to
take away from your your your article you want to
(01:46):
get to, but I just want to share this real quick.
Is I've been kind of driving around a little bit lately.
Like you know, I saw my brother in South Dakota, uh,
and now I'm in Utah and I've been driving through
these states like Utah, Wyoming, South Dakota, and no one
seems to care about coronavirus, Like, especially in Los Angeles,
I feel like we're, um, we we are being much
(02:09):
more protective and I guess I don't know the word
but safe than from what I've experienced other parts of
the country where you know, I walked into a gas
station like a week ago, and there was like a
like a twelve year old baseball team, like just finished
playing a baseball game. None of them are wearing masks.
They're all like high five in and like hugging and stuff.
And I was like this, it was kind of crazy
(02:29):
to see how the rest of the not the rest,
but other parts of the country are handling the situation. Yeah,
that sounds terrifying. It is crazy. Uh. And there is
one article that I really want to talk about where
it talks about having sex with someone while wearing a mask.
And before before we dive into that one, I just
want to say, uh, because of everything that's going on
(02:51):
in the world right now, we're gonna be talking about uh,
current events and our thoughts on it because it's a
conversation we want to continue having from last week's pod cast,
but we also want to talk about dating topics as well,
because we're dating podcasts and so we just want to
make sure that everybody knows that this isn't us telling
you what we think is important. It's more of just
a production decision that we want to talk about dating
(03:14):
as well, because after all, we are help. I suck
at dating, which is interesting that the name came from Dean.
It's so funny, Dean, that everybody thought you sucked at dating.
You don't suck at dating. I definitely suck at dating. Yeah,
I don't know anyway. So there's a there's a couple.
One article caught my eye. It's from The Independent, and
(03:34):
so it's titled Couples should have sex wearing a mask
to reduce risk of transmitting coronavirus. Study suggests, first of all,
what are your thoughts, Dean about wearing a master and sex.
It's gotta be the dumbest thing I've ever heard in
my life, And so I kind of a great Couples
should have sex while wearing face master reduced the risk
(03:55):
of transmitting COVID nineteen to one another. On May, researchers
at Harvard published a study in the Urnal of Anals
of Internal Medicine on the safest ways to have sex
during the coronavirus outbreak. On Monday, new laws were implemented
in England that made it illegal for couples who live
in different homes to have sex indoors and stay overnight.
(04:15):
That I find really unfair. So you're telling me that
if you're single right now, you're lonely. Uh, You're you're
you're probably in a depressed state because you don't have
any human interaction. You've been quarantined for three months. There's
a lot of things that are happening in the world
that are overwhelming. Dean. What are your thoughts about making
it illegal for someone to have and not be able
(04:37):
to have sex, uh with someone who's not in their house. Well,
a couple of things. If you if you read the
fine print of that article that you just shared, at
least the way that you ordered, it said it's illegal
to have sex indoors with someone from another household, which
means all you gotta do is go outside and have
sex outside somewhere about it being bought a boom, You
cheat the system. You're still getting the thing that you
(04:58):
want most. Yeah, just go to the world, have a
quickie behind the tree, and you'll be fine. Exactly. I
don't know, I don't understand how you could put a
police that just it's I just don't understand how that
can be policed. Like they catch someone on the on
the Walk of Shame home or something like that, and
they're like, hey, what were you doing? Uh, and they
do like a a vaginal swab or something. You just
(05:19):
had sex. You're going to prison because that's against the law.
I just don't understand. I think that's crazy. I don't
understand the masks while having sex either, because like you're
already in close proximity, your mucous membranes down stairs are
interacting with one another. Uh, it doesn't matter what's a
(05:39):
masking to do. You're gonna not breathe on each other,
but you're still interacting in ways that are able to
transfer the virus. I don't want to call Harvard stupid
because it's Harvard, but that article is stupid and it
doesn't make sense to me, and because of that, I
rebuke it as fact. Yeah, man, there's gonna come a
point throughout this entire thing where Austin as human beings,
(06:01):
we're just gonna have to start taking Its going to
be an early wave of adopters in a late wave
of adopters for that, and you can already kind of
see it happening where it's like people are slowly going
back to their normal life. Going to the beach is more,
meeting up with small groups of friends, just going outside
more I'm driving, um, Whereas for the two months prior,
(06:22):
I was, you know, self conquarantined with Kalin in the
apartment and in Los Angeles. So I think you just
get like a way of early adopters that are willing
to i don't know, like risk it but not really
risk it, but then also have to handle the social
repercussions of it. Um. Like for me, for instance, in
(06:43):
my van, I actually kind of went back and forth
a lot about this because so my brother was rock
climbing in South Dakota a few weeks ago, while the
same week that he was supposed to be having his
wedding down in Mexico, and I was like, well, I
really want to see my brother and his fiance, especially
during this time whether they're supposed to be getting married,
but is it appropriate for me to be tryed raveling
that far? And I was like okay, yeah, Like I'm
in my van. There's literally no difference for me taking
(07:05):
my van from l A to South Dakota as it
is staying in the apartment with Kaylin, Like I'm still
the only interaction of having with people are in the
grocery store when I go to get the food that
we're going to prepare in the van, or at the
gas station when I'm filling up, which I don't even
interact with people. So it's like my my interpersonal interaction
is still the same, if not less. I would say
when I'm driving in on the road, like I've been
(07:27):
on the road for two and a half three weeks now,
when I have been in isolation by myself for the
past week, and I like I try to avoid people,
whereas back home I would like hang out with a
friend everyone like once a week, or um go for
a walk where I'm passing by people in Los Angeles.
So it's like, I don't know, there's gonna be early
(07:48):
adoptors and light adoptors in my opinion, Jared, what do
you think I was surprised to hear you say something
like that, because if I had a guess, I would
think that you're gonna be a late adopter. No, I'm
just trying to give this thing with common sense. I
take coronavirus very seriously. I wear a mask everywhere I go.
I tried to avoid crowds. Um. I always try to
(08:11):
stay outside most of the time. Um like, um, you know,
we had a friend come over and we had a
fire outside and they stay. It was it was truly
didn't feeling differently because they were six ft away and
we were outside and listen, at some point, we're just
gonna have to start going back to normal life, Like
(08:32):
we can't what you're supposed to tell someone who's quarantined
by themselves inside their home and they're probably depressed and
lonely and not working right now, and you're telling them
that what they're supposed to just do this for however
long until we get a vaccine in one. That's ridiculous.
It's impossible. Hey, I'm surprised to hear you say that,
because you, uh, borderline hypochondriac. In my opinion, you like
(08:55):
you but you yeah, not way, but you're like you
definitely like to think of the consequences of your actions
and the possible repercussions for them a lot more than
than some people. Which it's it's good and bad in
certain ways a lot more than Ashley. I can tell
you that um to the whole reason for self quarantine
(09:18):
and can correct me if I'm wrong here. It was
never to stay inside until we found a vaccine. It
was to flatten the curve, to have open beds for uh,
for for COVID patients, right. I agree, man, Like, especially
in the dating world, so you're supposed to have sex
(09:38):
now with with a mask on. I mean, it just
takes out all human uh intimacy. If you're not able
to kiss someone, um, if you're not able to see
their face fully, you know there's there's an intimacy there
that that would be missing. And man, we've grown so
apart because of because of the Internet and social media, um,
(10:00):
and we've we've come to a state where we don't
even need to be in the same room as somebody.
We don't need to touch anybody anymore. And I'm just
I'm I'm concerned about that because I think it's human beings.
We need touch, we need human interaction, we need to
be in a relationship with another human being. I was
actually watching this thing on Netflix last night. It was
History one on one, and they're like twenty minute episodes
(10:22):
and one of them was about robots and there was
like they did a study, uh, and there was like
of this study and this was in Japan said they'd
rather be in a relationship with a robot than a
real person. And this is like futuristic Blade Runner type
stuff that concerns me. To bring it back to that article,
(10:46):
are you guys telling me there's never been a time
where you've had sex where maybe there wasn't a lot
of there was little to no kissing, Yeah, but they
were still kissing. I've never had sex with someone and
not kissing. Let's say there's like those rounds where maybe
you don't have you kiss as much as always, what's
minus a few and you just have sex. Like that's
(11:07):
kind of what it is with the face mask. Is
it really that we give an issue? I think so,
because I think for me, it's more escalation. It's like,
first it's a face mask, and now we're outlawing sex
with somebody who's not in your household. And that's what
concerns me, is that we're just getting to this state
where we're just we're gonna be isolated in our own
(11:28):
homes because we're gonna be scared of everything, and now
we're we're in master and sex and I don't know.
I mean, I see your point totally. I just feel
like if it's short term, everyone could just throw in
a mask. There's gonna There's been a few, quite a
few times somebody has had sex with people in a
club where there's not a lot of kissing. You're in
(11:48):
the bathroom, you get it done, and you walk out
like kind of how to get and it's not gonna
be for forever. Yeah, it all depends I guess on
who it is. Is it it's a stranger, Like I,
I don't want to have sex with a stranger with
a mask on. I don't know. The whole thing is weird.
We're just getting into uncharted territory and I have no
(12:10):
idea what the right answer is. But I'm also concerned
of escalation, like we talked about. Okay, what about this
Jared and Dean? If Dean is still alive out there
in Utah right now, you guys have kids, right now,
Let's just imagine that you both you have a kid
and who's a teenager? Are you going to tell and
you know they're sexually active at this point, are you
(12:30):
going to tell your kid, Hey, grab the condom and
the face mask. Would you tell them you're not allowed
to go hang out with kids or would you tell
them go for it, go build out immune system. What
would be your advice to the teenagers, the young college kids?
What do you do? I probably just tell them that,
I mean, well, that's a tough question. Hypothetically, i'd say
(12:54):
right now that they I'd probably keep him at home
right now. But that's also my kid, you know, like
the government is not my dad. Um, And I'm gonna
listen to what they have to say. And I want
to listen to health experts, and and I'm gonna wear
a mask everywhere I go, and I'm gonna try to
avoid crowds and take this as seriously as possible. But
you know, I'm lucky where I'm married and my significant
(13:16):
other I live with. But like Tori, like you're a
single right now, you're by yourself. What if the government
told you it is illegal for you to have someone
over or to go over their house. It would make
me ten times more promiscuous. Yeah, you want what you
(13:37):
can't happen to you? Now, I'm gonna go do it.
So I wonder what their numbers. Would you look like now?
That man was like, okay, we're jokes on you and
then they go out. Would would you have sex with
with a mask on? I don't know. It's not an
easy question. Kissing is it's very intimate and I'm not
even just talking about liplock, but like you o your
(14:01):
lips and your tongue and there's you know, not to
get to graphic here, but you know what I mean.
Um and UM, I'm gonna ask you another personal question
which you don't have to answer, but have you hung
out with anybody during quarantine? I mean, you're single, it's
been oh what three months now? Have you resisted the
urge to hang out with a friend. Yeah. I've been
(14:24):
quarantined pretty much this whole time, either with my roommates
or by myself or with my family. I haven't even
really like said, hey, come on over all right, Well,
we want to hear what you guys have to say
about it. What do you think about wearing a mastering sex?
Do you think it's right that England is making it
illegal for people to not be able to hang out
(14:45):
with other people outside their household? Email us at is
suck at dating at iHeart media dot com. And we
also have Tasia Adams on thelan right now and we're
gonna talk to her right after this short break. All right,
(15:07):
welcome back to help I suck at dating. Dean is
in his van and he apparently his computer keeps overheating,
so he's very spotty right now. So I'm hoping he
joins this this conversation sooner rather than later. But we
have the wonderful, the amazing Tasha Adams who's joining us. Tasha,
thank you so much for being here. How are you doing?
Of course I that's how am I doing. It's a
(15:28):
loaded question, but to be um short, I'm okay, You're okay? Um. Obviously, Now,
Dean and I had a jubilee and uh dr each
major from marriage boot camp on last week, and we
talked a lot about what's going on in the world
right now. But I also want to get your take
(15:50):
about everything that's transpired over the past week. Um, how
are you feeling? Um, To be quite honest with you,
right here right now, as I'm sitting in my heart,
I had like this anxious pit in my stomach, and UM,
I can't specifically say as to what that is being
(16:11):
caused by because there's just a lot going on. But um,
I it's just it's heavy. It's heavy, everything's heavy. I'm
I'm really happy it's all happening. To be quite honest
with you, Um, it's a lot, it's a lot unpack. No,
but I agree with you. I mean, it was I
(16:32):
think as uh as a white person. Uh, you know,
I always knew I had white privilege, but I don't
think I realized the level of privilege that I had
because I don't think ever came to my head that, Um,
you know, when the cops show up, I feel safe,
(16:54):
and that's a privilege that I have. And it's sad.
It's sad to say that, but it's true, and it's unfortunate.
It's it sucks, it's it's it's horrible that there you
know that the black community can't feel the same way.
And so, yeah, you're right, it was time. It was
time to wake people up, to open their eyes, to
realize what was happening in the world. And um, it's
(17:15):
sad that it had to take the life of George
Floyd in a video to come out on Twitter for
it to happen. But like you said, I'm glad it's happening. Yeah,
it just I just hate that things have to go
so far in order for it to get any type
of like acknowledgement, you know what I mean, as if
(17:39):
like this has not happened in the past, as if
this is like the first time it's ever happened, or
a movement like this has ever happened. Um to shine
light on something that's all around us, um, in order
for there to be a change. So um, I am
a mixed baby. My mom is actually Mexican. So what
(18:00):
was that dynamic? Like, it's always been great. There's just
been a lot of culture in my home. I guess,
like I used to go to Mexico for summers at
a time, and I would come back only speaking Spanish
like as a kid, you know what I mean. So
I have always been a diverse home. But I will
say I grew up as one of the only black
(18:24):
kids in my class. So, um, this is kind of
like it's kind of crazy because I'm starting to realize
things that I never realized growing up, you know. Like, um,
so I posted a clip the other day about Ruby Bridges.
I don't know if you know a Ruby Bridges, um,
(18:44):
but she Okay, So after um Brown versus the Board
of Education, there was basically a breakthrough saying that, um,
we're not going to have segregated schools anymore. And it
took about six years in order for there actually to
be any action, um making, you know, an integration in
(19:07):
the schools. And there was six children that were basically
like the subjects to integrade schools, and Ruby Bridges was
one of them. And she was six years old, and um,
she basically was escorted, um by tons of police officers
to even walk into this school because just the idea
of her going to this school created huge controversy. Um
(19:31):
it's it's it's really fascinating. I really really highly recommend
to watch their actually a Disney movie on Ruby Bridges.
But um, basically the second she entered that school, there
was about five kids parents that walk into that school,
grabbed their child and left just because Ruby was going
to that school. And being young, I remember like Disney channels,
(19:52):
like Disney Channel, so of course I watched all movies
on Disney. But that movie came out and I remember
being in my room and watching that move and feeling
just like, oh my god, I don't know why I'm
gonna cry, but I just feel so overwhelmed because I
actually identified with her. I I didn't know if I
(20:13):
don't know, just being like the only black kid, but
I never felt like people were Um I don't know
if people got taken out of school because of me.
I didn't you know what mean, Like there was just
so much you don't see and you don't know as
a child that then it made me like think, like
do people think this way? Have me kind of thing?
And I remember just crying and watching it and and
wanting to be someone with that that shined basically that
(20:39):
wanted to have an impact on people. And so, um,
when I shared that the other day, it was actually
insane how many d M s I got people saying
they had no idea that that was even like a thing,
or that they struggled to even go to school like that.
And um, yeah, so there's things like that that I've
kind of like have like revisited in my mind. Um
(21:01):
there's things like, uh, people asking, um, if I have
the same parents as my siblings, because I guess it's
just like kind of assumed that if you new siblings
don't look necessarily alike, that you have two different parents,
you have different parents, And someone was in my d
(21:23):
MS because I addressed it the other day because I
posted about my family and my people were kept asking
do you and your sister have the same mom? And
when I posted, like as it kind of being like
I never really thought about it, but I posted to
all the people that are asking if we have the
same mom, of course we do, like my parents have
been together since they were sixteen and eighteen. And then
when I was getting the d MS of people being like,
(21:43):
I cannot believe how stupid that question is, like why
would anybody even ask that? And thinking back, I'm like,
I never took any offense to that. I've been asked
that since the day I was I don't know since
I was wrong, but I didn't realize and someone told me,
they're like, you never you would never ask a white
person do you come from the same parents? What I mean,
(22:04):
you would never ask like a white child that, And
it's so true, like and no mixed person would ever
really asked another mixed child you have the same parents.
Like I've never thought that in my mind and I
never realized like this whole time, it's it's just kind
of like that's true. It's just like a it's a
funny remark in itself, you know, Yeah, it's a it's
(22:26):
a very invasive question for strangers to be asking. You, Like,
I never thought twice about it. That's how I was.
I was brought into all white people and I never
really thought twice about it. And the friends to it. Yeah,
I mean, I I think for me, I haven't thought
twice about a lot of things. But you realize, you know,
I mean, the civil rights movement was seventy years ago.
(22:48):
I mean, that's it's not that long ago at all,
and I forget that, you know, I forget that it
was only seventy years ago, and it you know, certainly, Uh,
I mean this is a you know, I'd like to
think that things have gotten better, but there are still
so much prejudice, in so much racist racism in this country.
(23:11):
I mean to the point where right now, if you
post something that says black lives matter, you get you know,
people like all lives matter, and it's like, no, that's
not the point. You're missing the point right now. And
I feel like just a lot of people are having
trouble listening. Um. You know, it was like I remember
last week when the protests started beginning, and and and
then the looting started and people were saying, you know, see,
(23:33):
look what, look, what's happening. It's like, no, you have
to you have to listen. There are peaceful protests happening
right now. And then yes, there are there there are
people looting, and that's wrong, but what what The positivity
that's coming from these protests greatly outweighs what's happening with
all these people looting and rioting. Um. And then I
think back. I mentioned last week the Colin Kaepernick situation
(23:56):
about how he was taking a knee. He was doing
a peaceful protest against brutality, uh, with against police brutality
against the black community, and people immediately associated that with him,
uh you know, saying the military sucks. And it's like
no, no no, no, no, no, that's not you have to listen.
You have to listen to what people are saying. Um. People,
(24:18):
I feel like everybody has a hard time doing that,
you know, like they kind of just want to hear
if they want to hear, not to the whole sentence.
You're not listening to the entire idea. You can't just
say I don't know you can't just like want a
cake and put all the ingredients in the thing and like, hey,
there's a fam cake, Like no, you have to stir
(24:38):
it up, you have to bake it. There's there's there's
a process to everything. You don't just get what you
want right away. And you can't just even say like, well,
this is what it's supposed to be, is what you
told me to do? Like no, you can put in
work to like unpack it all and do what you
need to do. It's just it's it's a lot. And
I understand the whole calling Kapnick thing of like I
posted something about that too, like y'all wanted like peaceful
(25:01):
things and like someone just kneeled on their knee and
that was pretty peaceful. But I get it. It It was
like a like regarding that when it was done the nationalism,
but like in my mind, it's just like the national anthem,
like it's for like freedom rings and like it's about
what are America is based on? And to be quit
(25:21):
honest with you, there's a there's a flaw in the system.
There's a problem with it. It's not it's broken. So
him doing that was just basically showing that there's something
wrong here, and I needed to pay attention to it.
But it was all twisted and all that craft. I
know it was he was he was looking for a platform,
you know. But yeah, we don't have to die fully
(25:42):
into the NFL. Now that's a whole different conversation. Yeah,
you guys want to have an embarrassing story? Hi tissue?
By the way, Oh my god, look who it is.
How's everyone doing? Yeah, we're good. How's the desert? It's
very hot? Um? Do you guys want to hear a story?
(26:02):
Whether it's embarrassing or funny or it's just playing stupid
is up to I guess the listener's discussion. So um,
and he Actually the reason I'm bringing up is because
I'm just curious to hear what you think about it,
because I just I'm curious, and Jared go as well.
So before going to Paradise this this season, Before going
to Paradise season six, um, I like found at the
(26:25):
thrift store a Malcolm X shirt with him holding the
fist up and then under it said by any means necessary.
And I was like, WHOA, this shirt is so sick? Uh?
And then so I like bought the shirt. I started
like listening to Malcolm X like rhetoric and some of
the speeches, and I was like, Wow, this dude is
so like the things you were saying. It was saying,
we're so like, uh enlightening and like just just playing smart. Um.
(26:50):
And then the night before I was supposed to leave, Oh,
I'm sorry, sorry, I skipped. I skipped the step. So
I found the shirt right, and I like basically knew
that me going to Paradise this time around. Um, like
I I just wanted to I don't know, I wanted
to maybe make a statement. And so what I thought
about doing was wearing this shirt, the shirt with Malcolm
(27:11):
X and the slogan by any Means Necessary on it,
which was the slogan of was I don't know if
it was the Black Panthers or if it was just
the Malcolm X movement, but um, I was gonna wear
that shirt every single day while I was on Bachelor
in Paradise and that was gonna be my like silent,
peaceful protest against racial injustice. And I thought it was
(27:33):
like the most genius idea of where I was like,
I love this idea. I think it's fantastic. Anyways, passed
forward to the day before we were supposed to or
I was supposed to be shipped out to Bachelor in
Paradise down to Mexico. We highly got dinner with a
bunch of my friends. Um, and one of my best
friends is is His father is black and his mother's white.
And I was like, I was like Jackson, like this
is what I'm thinking about doing. What what is your
(27:55):
take on this idea that I have? And he was like, deing,
whatever you do, do not where that shirt every day?
Because I guess I didn't realize at the time that
the Malcolm X kind of stood up for uh not
necessarily a violent approach, but he wasn't as peaceful as
as Dr Martin Luther King was. But what if I
showed up on the beach that first day some some bland,
(28:17):
vanilla white dude wearing a Malcolm X T shirt that said,
by any means necessary, would you take is that? Like that?
Would you take offense to that? I was like, my
argument was like, my heart's in the right place, like
I'm trying to do something good here. But I could
also see the flip side of it, where um, it's
just maybe a little inappropriate, don't forget he'd also be
(28:38):
walking down with the mustache. UM. I don't think I
would think about it too much at first, but I
think that just it would have broke me a wrong way,
because like, do you know that even represents right? And
I think that's kind of what that was his thing too.
Although I had listened to like a lot of the
speeches and stuff, he was like, Dean, like, you have
(28:59):
to be read, need to like fully understand exactly what
they're representing and and speaking on and about before you're
you're even close to being able to representent. Sure, And
I was like, you're right, I don't know enough about
it to go down there and have like an intelligent
conversation with someone. So ultimately I decided not to do
it um And I think I think I shouldn't have
(29:19):
done it, obviously, but I do. Like I said, I
listened to a lot of his um, like his his
speeches and and read some of his literature and stuff,
and he makes some good points. And it's funny because
we don't really get taught much Malcolm X in school.
When we learn about American history, it's all like Dr
King um and and basically that's it as far as
black history goes, you know, um, as far as at
(29:42):
least the education I got. No, I agree with you,
and I think it's probably just because his approach is
a little bit more, you know, like how you said
a little bit. I wouldn't necessarily say aggressive, but it's
more it is more intense, you know. Um So I
think above all personally trying to approach every with peace
and gracefully and um no, respectfully. But the next step,
(30:07):
which is riots and protests that kind of help are
seeing it right now. But it's kind of funny because
I feel like we're in that shirt could have just
been like what people are doing and saying like, you know,
well I like Kobe. I like Kobe Kobe's this is
like nitpicking now, Okay, so clearly I'm not like a racist.
(30:29):
I like black people, like you know what I mean,
Like I listen to hip hop, you know what I mean.
It's just like I voted for Obama. Yeah, it's just
like okay, but like that's great. I know you identify
with that to some degree, But do you really know
like the backstory behind everything else, you know what I mean?
Like I said, I wasn't sure whether it be embarrassing
(30:52):
or just playing stupid, and I honestly think it's all
those things. I'm glad that you actually asked the perspective
before doing things. That's one thing you do do, you know,
I will say, as like off the charges you are,
sometimes you do kind of ask the people's opinions far
before you do things. I'm very blessed to have a
lot of intelligent friends in my life, Tasha. You're one
of them, and so of course I'm going to lean
(31:12):
on them for information every once in a while. Well, well, Dean,
you're also very caring. That's that's one of the reasons
why you asked, because this isn't this isn't about me
right now. Anyways. Another another interesting thing that I wanted
to bring up with Tassia was being as you are
bi racial. Um, I have a friend as well who is,
(31:36):
like I said, he's bi racial. He actually got the
DNA test and and his DNA test came back that
he's like fifty five percent Caucasian. But you meet you meet,
you meet this guy, and the first thing anyone sees
is a black person. It's just so interesting to me
that even though he's you know, I guess technically like
thirty five black. He's more white than he is black,
(32:00):
and yet people still see a black man when he
when they're introduced to him, or like if he gets
pulled over, he's still going to be, you know, unfortunately
treated as a black man gets treated during you know,
a routine traffic stoff. Do you ever feel like you
are identified more with being a black woman or because
your mother is Mexican? Do you do you feel like
you're do you identify more as a black woman or
(32:20):
a Mexican woman. It's so funny, um identify with bot.
I don't know, I've never really like picked and choose.
I think, what's what? It is really funny? Do you
know what when you're filling out all those questionnaires like
testing or even like I was just registering the vote
and all that stuff, and ask you for your ethnicity
always with this and it always says black slash no
(32:45):
Hispanic descent, And I'm like, well that kind of sex
because I'm kind of so isn't that funny? It's like
it is an actual line item, so it's like it's
one and one. I don't like, I don't I always
used to as to like, how do I identify with
this because I'm both, so I don't know what to
say with you, but it would say pick and choose.
That's what they would tell me, pick and choose, which
(33:06):
is kind of unfortunately. I guess you have to pick
and choose because you want to be able to celebrate
both of your heritages. But do you ever find it
difficult with dating? I know, like obviously the only dating
exposure we have with you is Colton and then uh
Bachelor in Paradise as well. But have you ever had
any like maybe good or bad issues arise from your
by racial nous? I will say no, but I guess
(33:33):
I have always second thought if I'm going to be
someone's cup of tea because I am not white, blonde haired,
blue eyes, and that's the community that I live in.
Uh and um, yeah, I have always second guest myself
in that aspect and like, oh that's cool, but like
does he like mixed girls? Like you know what I mean? Like,
(33:55):
and that's funny that like people even think that way,
that you have to think that way, and it's fine
if you don't are not into it, just like for me,
like I guess I've been brought up around here and
maybe that's why I have dated certain type of guys,
you know what I mean. Um So I'm not saying
that having a taste or whatever you fancy is bad.
(34:19):
I'm just standing like it is something that goes through
my mind every single time I do introduce myself to somebody. Yeah,
but I'm sure everybody does that to an extent, you
know what I mean? Does she like tall guys are
ball guys. It's like athletic guys are skinny guys, you
know what I mean. Like everybody kind of has that.
But I hate that, Like race is a thing that,
like you kind of cut the line. We kind of
(34:40):
touched last week on Race and the Bachelor franchise a
little bit with Jubilie, who had some pretty insightful things
to say. Do you feel like, I mean, obviously there's
a clear discriptancy. It's like every season you have, like
you said, a bunch of white, blonde, blue eyed both
man and women on whether it's Bachelor, bachelorret h and
there is not much representation not just for even not
(35:00):
just for black men and women, but for you know,
other cultures as well. Do you think do you see
that ever changing or do you when you were on
the show, did you ever notice it being like an
issue of any sort. I can't say that I felt
an issue. Um, I don't, And I will actually say
(35:23):
Colton never made me think twice about that, which is amazing. Um.
But I will say I have seen lots of comments
and being like, well there has to be a token
black chat, like a black person in the top four,
you know what I mean, Like that's her, that's you
know what I mean? So I kind of second like
I started second guessing myself. I guess like when everything
(35:44):
was starting the air and I was like, holy sh it,
like do you think that that's what it was? And
I absolutely second guessed everything, and you can get guarantee.
I went to producers and been like was that me? Um?
And I hate it that's even like a thing? Um yeah.
And then you started saying absolutely, I say, I started
(36:05):
second guessing everything like it was there even really like
a thing that you know what I mean? And it
sucks to feel that way. Um. You Also, I've always
said it, I hate that. As much as I love
the fact that Rachel Lindsay was the first black bachelorette,
I do hate that that was like her glory lacking,
just as just like Colton was a virgin, like okay,
(36:27):
like ghetto it. Well. I know what's interesting is when
I was being cast for that season, for Rachel season
I was. I began the casting process after she had
already been announced for the bachelorrette because she had ever
been anced early. And I think almost at every stage
of the casting process, they were like, Hey, we just
want to let you know, like the Bachelor that's black,
Are you okay with that? And every time I was like, yeah,
(36:48):
I don't care what you like, why are you Why
are you asking this question? And I can only imagine
they asked that question to other people and they were
getting negative responses to which it's just crazy to think about.
People were like, you know what, I'm gonna sit this
season out, you know, And again I I can't. I
can't just I can't confirm that. I'm just assuming. But um,
(37:10):
the fact that they were asking me that question made
me feel like other people were, you know, getting I
guess up in arms about the potential to be on
the show with a black right, But like I feel
like always like when you highlight something, it makes it
a big deal, It makes it a bigger deal than
it is. It's as simple as that, And like, I
think it's an amazing accomplishment for her. Absolutely they're not.
(37:31):
But the fact that that's an accomplishment, right, it's just
it's it's it's funny to me. But then I guess
on the flip side of it, you can argue by
kind of like being hush hush about it, it might
make it. Like the fact that you can the fact
that we're even having this conversation, I think is is
uh a step forward in the right direction, you know what,
(37:53):
you know what I mean, versus where it's like if
you're being quiet about it, maybe it's just I can
see what you're trying to say. I could definitely see
what you're trying to say, Like if you didn't, if
you do didn't, if you don't write yeah, because it
was you know, it was a big deal because it
was the first black lead, you know, and and take Sue,
(38:13):
You're right, it sucks that it was a big deal
because it should have happened a long time ago, but
it hadn't. And The Bachelor, I think even recognizes that.
I remember Chris Harrison saying something about it a few
months ago. About the lack of diversity in the show,
and so hopefully that's something that changes in the future.
Would be there's like I'm just saying, I mean, I
guess Rachel and Ryan is a biracial couple, right, Yeah.
(38:36):
And Jubilee brought up something interesting last week where it
doesn't you know, it doesn't even have to be a
black lead, but just cast someone who wants to date
black people. Because she was talking about how she was
on the season of Ben and this was not a
bad thing. You know, she wasn't saying anything bad about Ben,
but she just said, like she knew Ben probably wasn't
into her, and you know he's you know, he has
(38:57):
a type, right, And so she what Jubilee wants to see.
And I think it's a good idea is to not
only cast more diverse leads, but cast people who are
more open and wanting to date diverse people. Absolutely, that's interesting.
It could be it could be any culture. We just
(39:17):
mean culture. That's the thing, you know. And I will say,
with all this stuff, it makes me, you want to know,
what makes me really uncomfortable is addressing people as its
being like, dear white people. I also am uncomfortable with
as funny as it is is saying black lives matter.
(39:38):
Why am I uncomfortable because it just feels like, again,
it's like segregation in a way, but also it's like
it's not even that black lives matter. I just wish
as they added one more word to the end of that.
I think it was if it was black lives matter too,
it would just like just stop so much from rising up.
(40:01):
Like everyone's saying, like, all lives matter, that's great, but
black lives matter too, in addition to everyone. No, totally
the actually the Rock uh, Dwayne Johnson, he posted an
eight minute speech about Um. He was specifically talking about
the president, but he said, uh, you know, he was like,
of course, all lives matter, like every single life matters
(40:23):
because as Americans, we believe in equality, we believe in inclusion,
and we believe in all these great things. And he's like,
but that's not the point right now. Right now, you
also have to say the words black lives matter. And
it was pretty, uh, pretty powerful and impactful. So it's
an interesting time. I'm glad that the protests are happening. UM.
(40:45):
I hope everybody just stay safe. I hope you stay safe.
I hope you're doing well. I mean, we are a
dating podcast, so I guess are you dating anybody? No?
You all. I've been in quarantine, okay, know how the
heck you'll expect me to date right now unless I'm
getting the mailman. I really haven't seen really anybody, and
no one's been coming up. So have you been. Have
(41:09):
you been like starting to brave out? How is it
in Orange County? What's a lockdown situation? There? Are you
guys starting to like phase into normal room? So as
of like last week, restaurants started to like really really
open up. Some Memorial Day weekend, they got like the
notice that like midnight you can open up tomorrow. So
it took some time, but restaurants are starting to open up.
It honestly seems very normal down here to me. Um,
(41:35):
but the beach, our beach was always open and we
really didn't have many cases here, and I feel like
everyone really did take a lot of the safety precautions
and we'll like doing pretty well down here. So I
don't really think like it ever got too crazy bad
like sterilized down here? Did you? Uh? Um? So have
you been just out of curiosity because you're single? Dean
(41:56):
and I are both the relationships. So I'd love to
hear have you been talking on to people virtually? Have
you been going on any FaceTime days? And I have
to say, okay. So I made a conscious decision about
two weeks prior to Quarantine that I was ready to date. Okay,
Like I talked to my grandfriends and I'm like, I'm
ready for this, like we're going out tonight and they're like,
(42:18):
what going out? And I was The're like okay. So
we went out and I started meeting people, and I
will tell you prior to Quarantine, like, yeah, I had
met some cool dudes. But I had to say, Quarantine
kind of killed my vibe. Okay, I can only talk. Oh,
it does give you the chance now to get to
know them through conversation, see how they are texting. Yeah,
(42:41):
but aldo at the same time, I felt that way
at first, I'm like, you have nothing else to do,
so like we should be able to talk. But also
if you don't really have like any incentive of seeing
person in the new near future, like like what's the point,
Like it's not what you can go on a date,
It's not like we can even see if there's like chemistry,
(43:02):
you know what I mean, or like how fun you
would have like doing anything like thought you're talking about
like sex. No, no, I'm just staying like you know, No,
I know, I know, I'm just busting your jobs. I
get it. I mean, it's it's it's but I mean,
(43:22):
because you're down there, you're with your you're living with
your parents right down in Orange County, or you're staying
with them at the moment. No oh, I thought you were.
I thought you were quarantined with them. No, I'm quarantined
by myself. Oh my gosh, that's horrible. I was gonna say,
at least have your parents around to keep you company
about fifteen minutes down the highway. They're like twenty minutes
on the highway. So I have been fortunate enough to
(43:43):
just kind of, um go down the highlight and see
them every weekend or so. But I can find myself,
which I don't know how you guys are doing, because
I like Katie more In for instance, she's living by herself.
She's got her puppy dog. But the living by yourself, Tori,
the producer of this podcat, Well, no, she's got roommates,
but she's been staying inside a lot. But I don't know,
like I'm going crazy enough just having Kaylin to talk
(44:04):
to on a regular basis. But I can't imagine like
just being alone. And I thought, what's funny is I
thought that all this isolation would like make me more
willing to like jump on the phone and talk to
my friends. But it's actually kind of the reverse effect.
Like if a friend calls me, I'm like, I'm just
gonna go ahead and screen that call and maybe just
text them later. You're kidding, I'm the worst. But it's
(44:25):
like why, It's like why I can't. Why can't I
be using this time to like, uh strengthen my friendships
or you know, jump on the phone and FaceTime my
buddies for an hour. I just I guess I'm just
not that person. Well, no, I agree. I've become much
more of a homebody, and I'm actually really outside of
being at home and not talking to anyone. I mean,
I have been into a crazy plant lady, and I
(44:47):
do talk to my plans old day every day. They
all have. Yeah, I mean Coco is the best. I mean,
he's growing, he's thriving. I talked on every single morning. Um,
Kamila just has been looming like crazy. She's she's she's
a saint, and herman he's growing. So that's that's my past.
But baby willing to jump on the podcast at any
point and give their hi. They're shy. I feel like
(45:15):
you're turning into Tom Hanks from Castaway and like the
plants are your Wilson. I'm not even kidding you, guys.
I literally go up to them, I say I love them,
I kissed them. I'm like, I love you, like as
if it's a dog or something. I straight up have issues,
Like it's not okay, Like help me. You're gonna start
bringing cocoa to your dates. You're like, oh, hi, how
are you on? Tasha? This is my friend Coco. He'll
(45:35):
be joining us tonight. You don't even know. I'm my
mom called one of my plants Albert the other day.
I was like, who the hell is Albert? His name
is herman? Mom like, get it together. That's awesome. Well, Tashia,
thank you so much for joining us. Uh you are
saying you're lovely and amazing. We wish you nothing but
the best. Do you have any anything else? Do you
(45:56):
want to say before we get going? You know, I
just want to say number one, thank you, but also
I have never I've never felt different around you guys,
So thank you. I appreciate it. There's no need to
thank us. Thank you. Okay, so thanks for coming on
the podcast for the best. Thanks guys, have a good one. Bye.
(46:29):
Tasia Adams. The the Pinnacle of Grace and Excellence. Yeah, yeah,
when when I think about it, you're right. I think
grace graceful is a great way to do. I agree,
and just just a bubble energy, which is gonnatastic too. Um.
You want to know what's funny is at the top
of this podcast because I know that Nick shared his
(46:49):
getting arrested story on his podcast the second Best podcast,
this being the first, of course, and I was like, oh,
I think it would be interesting for me to share
my like arrest three and compare it to well, I
guess I don't know if that's insensitive, to compare it
to what it would be like, you know, hypothetically, if
I were a black man, if things would have gone differently,
which you know, you can only kind of assume that
(47:10):
they would, but yeah, I don't know what. So Nick
on his podcast shared a story about how I didn't listen.
I gotta be honest, but I saw the Instagram. Yeah,
that's that's all I saw too. Uh. And I was
just gonna say that at the top of this episode,
I was, you know, considering sharing if if there was time,
which we obviously just didn't have time for. I was
going to share my run ins with the law as
(47:32):
a white person. And it's like as a white person
when I was you know, I only got arrested before
I turned twenty one, and they were mostly they were
actually all alcohol related defenses. But for how like, uh,
I rate you know, emotional and like angry that I
was when I was getting arrested those times as like
a twenty as a nineteen twenty eighteen year old white boy.
(47:55):
I can only imagine how much worse it would have
gone had I not been white, and had I been
a black person or you know, hispanic or or whatever. Um.
And I I hadn't really ever thought of that until
just recently. And it's crazy. I guess, like, you know,
you keep seeing like this is privileged. Your your privileged.
If this, like I just saw a thing, you're privileged
(48:17):
if you're learning about racism instead of having to experience racism,
and I guess that's kind of the same situation right now,
where it's like, yeah, holy like I've no, I'm no.
I know, I've been privileged my whole life just for
being a white Like I always used to tell myself
that I had the genetic jackpot where I'm a tall
white man, I have like every Both you and me,
(48:37):
Jared are like afforded every privilege that life in America
can be handed to us because we're tall white men.
Well you're you're five nine, which is call me, you're
you're above the national average. But you understand what I'm saying.
It's like we've gone through life, just me and you.
We've gone through life without having to worry about so much,
(48:59):
and it's just it's it's great to be able to
talk to our friends like Tasia, Jubilee, dr Ish and
and the other ones that we're talking to off air,
and uh kind of understand that our life isn't the
norm for a lot of people in America, for a
lot of people over the world. Yeah, I agree. I
think not only just understanding, but like reaffirming it. You know,
(49:22):
I think it's always good to remind yourself, Hey, you're pretty,
you're pretty lucky. Don't ever forget that, don't ever take
it for granted, um, because like you said that, not
everybody in this world can say that, which sucks, and
it's what we're trying to change right now. So thank
you for everybody for listening as always, Suck Army. You
guys are the best. We really Please keep your emails coming,
and I promise, I promise, I promise next week we
(49:44):
will get to them. Thank you, Tasha Adams of course
for joining us, the ever graceful Tasha Adams, uh dean,
thank you for joining us for half the podcast. Sorry
computer is overheating, but you know next time don't record
from the h of course, Jared and I promised next
week we'll get to some of those emails as well.
I know how much you love does and I guess
the listeners out there that are listening to this episode
(50:05):
right now suck Army. Yes, sucks, sucks suck H. If
you are just sitting at home, you're in between making
lunch and dinner for yourself, go ahead and jump on
Apple Podcasts and give us a five star rating, because
you know, we've kind of gotten away from urging people
to do that, and well, we're not telling you what
to do. It would certainly be nice of you to do.
Even a four start helps, Yeah, it definitely helps. Anything
(50:27):
above four. Please and again you roast us. You know
if you give us a five star review, roast us,
you can roast me. You can call me whatever you want,
a Patrick n Muggs, a cotton headed Ninni mug an.
You gotta read some literature anyways. It's like I don't
(50:49):
It's like carry Potter. But honestly, but before before you
you send it off to you. And I do want
to say, as I was busting your balls about you
recording in the van, it feels good that you're in
the van. It feels like almost a small return to normalcy.
It's like a breath of fresh air. But like, oh,
Dean's back in the van. I'm glad you feel, because
(51:10):
you know, I feel the best I felt in a
long time. All Right, Well that'll do it, suck Army,
Thank you so much for listening. Um good. Yeah, like
Jared said, keep sending us emails. I second dating at
i heeart media dot com. We just had so much
talk about lately. We haven't had time to get to them,
but we will get to them next week. Tune in then,
where maybe we will suck just a little bit less.
Follow help by suck at Dating on I Heart Radio
(51:33):
or wherever you listen to podcast
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