August 28, 2020 • 59 mins
In this edition of What a Girl Wants, Bachelor fan favorites Raven Gates and Alexis Waters take over!
Alexis is having a ROUGH day, filled with tears,
but we have an expert to help her open up about her struggles for the first time EVER.
Raven gives us an update on wedding planning after having to postpone so many times she lost count!
Alexis tells us the one accessory you should ALWAYS wear on a Zoom date!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
What is up? Suck Army Faithful, how great of you
to join us on this week's episode of What a
Girl Wants. We know you love help I Suck you
Dating every Monday, and we love even more that you
guys are tuning in for the What a Girl Wants
special every Thursday. We took a couple of weeks off,
but we were back in full force this week. We
have Raven and Alexis and they are going to take
(00:21):
it away from here. What a Girl Wants Help I
Sucking Dating spin off and then I am a radio podcast.
Hello everybody, and welcome to What a Girl Wants with Alexis,
what Us and a Raven Games. So I have my
(00:41):
sunglasses on because I had a mental breakdown this morning.
I had serious anxiety. Like if you look at my eyes,
I am not well. But I mean just the anxiety
got the best of me. I was crying during our
(01:01):
podcast this morning. It was just anxiety field. I basically
had a panic attack for no reason. I think I
was just so I have so much going on and
just so excited for things. And it's so weird because
when we were in quarantine, there was no excitement, and
(01:21):
then I feel like now there's just so much excitement
that I have that I don't know where to put it,
and I get overwhelmed, and then my anxiety just takes
over me. And then when I get anxiety, I just
cry because I never cry. Andre were such a good
friend to meet Raven. I was literally like when you
(01:41):
needed me and like during quarantine. That's what it's all about.
Like we have to be there for each other emotionally,
be there for a family and friends emotionally, because we
can't always be with people physically. And like everyone is
feeling or will feel the way you're feeling, So it's
completely relatable and completely normal to feel the way you're
feeling today. Yeah, I'm gonna try to not think about
(02:05):
it or talk about it because like I already have
the lump in my throat where I'm about to cry again.
So Alexis waters get it together and I might take
a shot at tequila just to you know, take the
edge off. Because Okay, while you do that, I'm going
to tell them a little bit about me and you.
Um we were on Nick Vile season of the Bachelor.
(02:26):
We both have tois bag just kidding. We both have
found love and both of our your boyfriend and my
fiance live here in Dallas, and we have our own
podcast together now called Girls Night Out. Oh No, Girls
Night Oh my God, Girl's Night with Braven Alexis. And
so we've been super excited. We're super excited to talk today.
(02:50):
And I mean we started off this podcast saying the
struggle is real here in quarantine. Yeah, because you're feeling
it today, Yeah, you're. First of all, my relationship with Tyler,
I'm of the fun. He's one percent, maybe even point
five percent. But when he gets mad at me, I
(03:14):
get scared. And usually it should be the other way
around because I have such a bigger personality. But I
remember so during quarantine, right when quarantine hit, I was
in Mexico and Trump shut the borders down, and Tyler
(03:34):
and I got into a fight the night before we
were leaving to America. So when I got back to America,
we had to quarantine, so there was nowhere to go.
So I'm like, I'm stuck in this house with this asshole.
And it was my birthday and he he literally stayed
downstairs the whole day, and the border was closing, So
(03:55):
like so many things are happening. That's anxiety, okay, but
it was still my birthday. Like he literally could have
like gave me birthday sex or like a present, and
I didn't get anything. And so we fought the night,
the last night into loom, and then all of a sudden,
Trump was like, boarders are shutting down, so we had
to get back to America or we're going to be
(04:16):
stuck in Mexico. Honestly, I probably should have just stayed
in Mexico and not dealt with his asked. But when
we got back to our house, there was no nowhere
to go because I go, like to the other bedroom.
That's all you can do. Yeah, but I it was
my birthday and he was literally being I don't even
(04:40):
want to get into the details of the fight because
I can't go there. But whatever, he was a douche lord,
and it was just how did you resolve it? Well?
It was also good because right when the right when
COVID hit as well, we started our Girls Night podcast.
It was so therapeutic. Talking to of friends is therapeutic
(05:01):
in in quarantine because you need that emotional support from
a woman that's like I have your back and understand
what you're going through, and like seeing your point of view,
it's so important, like you literally, I don't know what
I would do without you, because also we would do
the podcast. And then I didn't want to go home
(05:23):
and hang out Tyler because I've been hanging out with
him for three months. So it's like going to Raven's
house was like my escape because she has a backyard,
She's able to go outside. Like I live in a
town home, so like I was legit. I felt like
I was in a cubicowl and I have a nice
size town home, but I still felt like just like trapped.
And then like if he just came in the like
(05:45):
I would lock the door if he wanted to try
to come in. It was getting to that point. That's
kind of like when Adam and I get into an argument.
I try to squash it before it gets way too big.
But there are some things you just you're over the
top heated that you cannot squash it in a short
amount of time. Like I tried to abide by the
rule of never going to bed angry. I don't understand
(06:08):
that rule. It's just because you don't want to start
your day waking up mad. But I feel like when
I wake up, I forget about it so I can
go to sleep. Man, Tyler, whatever I want, I don't
get Yeah, but you don't want like unresolved issues, you know.
So I try to do that, but it don't. It
doesn't always work out that way because you get heated.
You know, you have passionate about whatever you're arguing about.
(06:30):
So it's hard to say, okay, handshake, let's call it
even and let's go to bed together. It's hard to
do that. So I tried to squash it before it
gets to that point. But sometimes when it's there, I
just have to walk away. I just have to say,
you get on that side of the house, let me
get on this side of the house. Let's like calm
(06:52):
down and then we can come back together. You know.
I feel like tylerized issues are literally so stupid to like,
if we go to bed bed at each other, it's
really not that big of a deal because I'm just like,
take your clothes out of the dryer because I'm not putting.
I'm not I will fold them and put him in
the draw, but I'm not putting them to take him
out of the dryer, Like those are our fights. Yeah, well,
(07:13):
our just thing about this quarantine is I've learned with
me and Adam is like traveling was our way to
reconnect because we both work so much, especially Adam, that
traveling was like our honeymoon, Like that's when we got
to love each other, That's when we got to enjoy
each other and say, how are you doing? What's going
on with you in your day? Now that that's completely
(07:35):
off the table, we had to navigate how are we
going to reconnect now? Because Adam works such long hours.
I've already eaten my dinner for the day, I've already
wound down and gone to bed, and he's just getting home.
He's watering the one. Adam is literally a dad and
(07:55):
he but he's going to be the best at ever.
But it's just so crazy because Tyler and I are
com total opposites. But people don't know that you and
Adam are complete opposite opposite. Says well, like, yeah, and
it's working, so it's all good. But I will say
the solution for us right now is I've been cooking
(08:18):
dinner not just for Adam. This isn't like a housewap
thing that I'm doing just for him. I'm doing it
for us. And where we sit down and we eat
the mill, no matter what time, you can fall down,
phone down, eat the mill. How are you today? And
I made it a role. Every time he comes in
the door, he has to give me a hug and
a kiss. Yes, I like, I won't leave the house
(08:43):
until Tyler says you look beautiful, like if we're going out,
I mean, which we have it in a while, but
like I will just stands there and he knows. Is
your love language words of information. That's why you need
to be told you're beautiful. My love language is a
physical touch. So that twanny to hug and a kiss
and he walks in the door. Yes, Tyler was trying
to cuddle with me this morning and I was like,
(09:04):
get off me now. But oh, let's talk about zoom
dating since we're on a zoom. Since we're on a zoom,
I mean, honestly, I think girls should wear no makeup
during a zoom just to show your full blown self,
like this is who I am. This is quarantine. I
(09:25):
don't take me as I am, Like this is you
don't have me at my worst. You can't have me
as much, sister. So I were hoops every single day.
I literally have hoops on when I go in the shower,
when I sleep, when I go to the gym. It's
just also one thing I must say. Always wear hoops
(09:45):
during a zoom date. And if you are a little
crazy cuckoo like me, I used to when I was
in the dating scene, I would leave a hoop on
my like whoever I was having sexed with on the dresser,
like on purpose, so that no, so that I would
(10:11):
text him and be like, hey, I left my hoops
there so I would see him again. I thought it
was like you you were marking your territory, like leaving
your hoop there, so if there was another girl around,
she would see your hoop. No, I wouldn't. I would
leave it and be like, hey, I left my hoops.
They're like can I come swing bye to like see
him again? Because I was crazy, but I wouldn't leave
(10:32):
my hoops about it like if you have like a
micro penis and like it just didn't work out like that. Okay, Well,
I think going kind of the opposite direction. I think
when girls are on like a zoom date, they should
wear something um simple like a body suit or like
basically what you're wearing. Basically you looked so beautiful and
(10:55):
I look like I literally I also think just some makeup,
just a little bit of makeup, a little bit of
um something in your hair, just to make you feel good,
because if you feel good, it's like bringing everything to
the table without like stressing yourself out. Like you feel good,
(11:16):
you look good, you're confident, and you're going into the
date knowing like I'm bringing my best self. No that
I I do agree with you on that one. I
just feel like today's like the day that I just
feel like really a piece of ship and just I'm
just having one of those days today where I'm like
(11:37):
pushing through the day and I can cry on command.
So so if I really did have a Zoom date,
I would definitely put makeup on and probably put perfume on,
even though they can't smell me through the camera. But
if you did have a Zoom date today, you'd probably postpone.
You're not feeling good, You've got to feel good. Yeah,
(11:57):
I'm not feeling good, everybody. Okay, before we get to
Ravens wedding postponed, We're going to take a little breaks.
(12:18):
You know, what makes me happy, My best friend is
going to the chapel and jeez, gonna get maded. Okay,
that was probably not enjoyable for anybody. I feel like
I'm a great singer. Okay, well that's your opinion. Um. Anyway,
(12:39):
I speaking of weddings and like just the whole anyone
who's a bride right now I feel for because I'm
also a bride and I have postponed my wedding not once,
not twice, but three times. And you know what, we
even had to change a fourth day. But we didn't
even send invitations out for that. But it's just been
(12:59):
really crazy because we had this master grand plan that
we were going to get married in May, that we
were going to travel the world this summer, and then
when fall hit, we were going to sort of family.
So I kind of have this you cannot start a
family without me because I need my to kill a partner.
(13:22):
I think we're we're also in the nursery where the
baby will be. That's true, we're sitting in by the
way future nursery. But I kind of I don't I
have not even told you this yet, but I kind
of have a little bit of sadness that you're not
gonna have a baby right now. Is that weird? Because
it's like, I know you have a plan. You had
(13:43):
a plan and obviously happened, so now that it's like
it's about to be fall I'm just kind of like
sad because I had this master plan that I was
going to get pregnant right away. We were going to
try and then like you know, just in we're going
to have a baby. But it that's not the case.
Well let's look at it positively. You have Adam got Chock,
(14:07):
who is literally the perfect ad So if you left
the baby with Adam, you would feel safe and secure.
If I left the baby with Tyler, I would I
don't think I would ever leave the baby alone with Tyler.
But also, but is that weird that I feel that way? No,
(14:27):
it's no, because you had a plan and like the
COVID up. But at the same time, like you and
you already know that your life is planned out, you
know what's going to happen. Just saying that when we
make plans, God laughs, And I feel like that kind
of hit me, and which so weird. Alexis I haven't
not cried about the wedding except one Tom because I
(14:51):
hated it in you But anyway, but I have not
cried or been upset about the wedding one time. I've
been upset about not starting a family. But do you
understand how many people have canceled their weddings this year?
And it's not I'm telling you, you are the best
person that I've like handled it so well because everybody
(15:17):
else is like, no, I wanted to have it. It's
like that's kind of being a little selfish because nobody
has money right now. People lost jobs, Like so, I mean,
it's gonna happen. You're gonna have a baby, You're gonna
have Adam for life. So and it just like we
sent out invitations twice. If we were to send out
invitations the third tim and have to uninvite people that
(15:39):
we've already invited twice, that's so I for me, yeah exactly.
And like you have this beautiful new house that I
literally basically lived, and I should probably start paying rents.
But I just think that you have to look at
it in a positive way because I'm so lucky to
have Adam, and at them is the sweetest soul and
(16:02):
bachelor nation guys no offense that except a few but
them are uh not marriage material, marriage material? Marriage want
(16:23):
to get married or want to get married. Um, what
are some things that you think you were dating before
Tyler that just wasn't working? Meadheads and people on steroids
in Jersey. So everything that I dated is the opposite
(16:44):
of what I have now, and that's what I need.
Like I had a boyfriend, well my first boyfriend. We're
both aries, so that's like fire and fire. He likes
used to like beat me up and it's funny, but
like it kind of is. Yeah, I mean it's not funny.
It's not funny at all, but like, yeah, it happened whatever.
(17:07):
I feel like that's like a lifetime ago. Whatever. Little
God always like like a hundred he's probably like five
pounds right now. But anyways, Um no, we were areas
in areas, but that was like my first love. And
then I met this guy Matt, who was the biggest
asshole in the tower world, but I just turned twenty one.
(17:28):
He like got tables and like bottles, and then like
I was in that party phase and but he was
always sliding into d m s. He was like into
girls CDMs, always following new girls while we were together,
and then I go to his house. We're dating for
eight months, and his mom goes, what's your name again?
(17:51):
That's when I knew. I was like what am I
doing with my life? And I just he just brought
me down so much like he would oh, and like
I lost myself in that relationship, like I didn't know
who I was, Like I lost my relationships. You lose
yourself in this relationship and you're trying to prove yourself
like yeah, like I would walk on eggshells and like
(18:11):
I wasn't myself and I was I lost my confidence.
I was just not I was mean to people, yeah,
because mean to other people because I was so miserable. Yeah, No,
I wasn't mean. I was just like kind of just
crazy on the low, like yeah, Like I would literally
look at his Instagram and he would be like messaging
(18:36):
girls on the comments like thanks cutie, but we were together.
Isn't it so nice to be with someone you don't
have to pick up their phone? Oh yeah, I would
check through it because every boyfriend I had before Adam,
I would pick up their phone and like see and
I would find something everything too. And then when Adam
and I started dating, he like was on his phone
(18:59):
or whatever and would be like, give me your phone
because I was so jaded from the past, and he
would give it to me. He's like, my past code
is like blah blah blah, and I would just I
he was a good person, the person I've been looking for.
I had been trying to make these other guys Adam
and they were never going to be Adam. Yeah, and you,
but Adam loves you for who you are, and Tyler
(19:22):
loves me for probably nine of who I am. But anyways,
like I just feel like then I had so I
dated two assholes literally back to back, royd Heads, meat head,
they're on steroids, so angry. And then I met this
one guy who was like not attractive at all. I
(19:43):
don't know why I dated him, but he just treated
me like a queen and I was the best thing
in the world. Like he took me, he wined and
dined me, like paid for everything. And I'm not saying
that it's like guys needs to pay for an a thing.
I mean, my mom basically is a gold digger, so
(20:05):
she definitely taught me like guys have to pay for everything.
But I mean I just had like my dad always
took care of me, so I always have that thought
in my head that God should take care of you,
like my money is my money and Tyler's money's money
my money. But but that guy like made you so
the gods what you wanted. Yeah, he I mean he
(20:26):
was not cute. I knew I wasn't going to marry him,
but he proved to me and you are as amazing
as well, and gave me back that confidence. And I
knew like it wasn't going anywhere. It was kind of
just a summer fling. But like I feel like everybody
comes into your life for a reason, the season or
a lifetime or a lifetime, and Tyler is my lifetime.
(20:49):
I love that. Do you think you have like big
insecurities in your relationship with Tyler when you first started
dating that like past relationships brought into In the beginning,
I would talk to Tyler like when I would fight,
I would go zero to a like hothead central, like
(21:10):
I was sorry, I'm saying like so much, like oh
my god, okay, let me throw up all the legs. Okay.
Tyler is so calm, so a man of few words,
calm spirit. He is my anchor because I'm always up here.
(21:33):
But when we first started dating, I would flip out
on him so much, just because that's what I was
used to. It was normal for like me and my
boyfriend to be fighting physically and verbally loud and scary.
(21:56):
But obviously that's not a healthy relationship. So when I'm
at Tyler, he's never ever ever raised his voice to me,
but I in the beginning would and he sat me down.
He was like, I am not dealing with this, and
I was scared. Yeah, like he's not putting up with
that type of behavior. You witnessed when Adam put me
(22:19):
in my place because my past insecurity was just my
boyfriend had who Tama. I lost my virginity too. I
moved in with like I lost my virginity super late
in life, so like this guy was really what you
go through when you're younger. Yeah, I was going through
that with him while I was like in law school
(22:40):
and all. I mean, my my dad had lung cancer
and all this crazy stuff. So I latched onto him
so much. And he was just a serial cheater. So
when I got in this relationship Adam, yeah I know
each other so well. But when I got into this
relationship with Adam and I was really started to care
out him I was scared because I this is the
(23:03):
first guy I really cared about and since my past
cheetor boyfriend, so I would always check him to see
are you talking to because yeah, and then you tell this.
So when we were in Dominican Republic, is that does
it right? Yeah? I think I had too many shots. Okay,
So when we were in to make a Republic, Raven
(23:24):
was being a little a little sassy brat and she
was like to Adam, uh, you said like something like
like yeah, whatever, like you're probably texting other girls or
something exactly what I said, You're probably texting other girls.
We have been dating for like a month at that point,
you're probably texting other girls. Yeah, And Adam dead ass
(23:48):
was like and we were I thought, I mean I
thought we were always said, but then I Adam had
a very calm force and it was like very he
was very sober. I think he grabbed me by the
hand and was like Raven, I will never ever ever
do anything to hurt you, and like I want to
(24:08):
be with you and only you. And I was so
drunk here I was like, do not say these things
because I would never ever Yeah, And I was so drunk.
I was like, oh my god, this is like this
is like the real deal, because you know, like when
you're when you come off Bachelor in Paradise, you're in
a bubble in the paradise, so when you come off
(24:32):
the show, it's kind of like, oh, you don't know,
like what's really Yeah, but Adam was so serious. He
was like, Raven, I want you and only you, and
I will never do anything to hurt you. And here
we out there there and then and she's got that ring. Okay,
(24:53):
what are some deal breakers for you now that maybe
weren't a priority when you were younger? Kind of like
how your day that god that did bottle service and
all this stuff and that was fun for you, Like
that's not really on your list of things now. No,
So like what right now is different than when you
were younger. So deal breaker was obviously when I was
(25:15):
dating that one guy that was a piece like pieces
and annoying and I hated him. I don't think I
was even in love with him. I think it was
the game. It was the games that I liked. But
I was so young. I was twenty one and he
was getting tables at in New Jersey and I was like,
oh my god, like, I'm so cool, but he literally was.
(25:38):
His penis was so big, huge, huge, But that's probably
why he was such an asshole, because he knew he
had a big penis. But no, now I love that
Tyler is so motivated. Yeah, he's a hustler. You don't
think about their job or like like trying to do
(26:00):
with their life and like what they see for themselves
or their family. You don't really think about that when
you're younger. Yeah, we were thinking about like what DJ
was coming next week, and like now super hot you
want to be with? Yeah, and Tyler now is so
motivated and just plans for our future and Just is
such a hustler, Like he motivates me and then he
(26:24):
also pushes me to be the best version of myself
that I can be. Yeah, what did he tell you
today when you were crying an upset when I had
an anxiety attack this morning? Um, be a champion. You're
a champion and champions of Just And I'm like, no,
like you don't know newstand I get my anxieties in
(26:45):
my throat. Yeah it was really bad. Yeah, I could
not stop crying. So literally, No, he didn't really call
me down. You did more so, thank you. That's what
girlfriends are for. Ye. With all your ex by friends,
have you ever envisioned yourself marrying them? I always had
(27:06):
like wishful thinking, but deep down, you're orn intuition told
me it wasn't going to happen, you know what I mean.
Tyler was like the only one that I ever saw
myself walking down the aisle with. I never pictured myself
marrying anybody else. Yeah, I never pictured like my wedding
(27:27):
or anything. But I have, like I have only dated
to marry the person. So that's kind of like the
place I was coming from. I didn't just like casually date,
and honestly, I wish I would have. If I could
go back in time, I wish I would have done
more casual dating because I spent a lot of my
(27:48):
youth trying to link up with people that weren't wrought
for me. And I was like envisioning a wedding with
that was never going to happen. And I wish I
could get a little bit of my youth back. But
you're still so young, no, I know. But now I'm
getting married now, I'm like, I'm like, you still have time. Yeah,
now I dream I'm sorry. I would if when I
(28:11):
have a daughter, I want her to experience things and
date around and see what's good for her, what's wrought
for her, and not worry about getting in a relationship
brought off the bad and like just just enjoy it
and when that person, when you found the person, you
found the person, enjoy the whole years because they are
(28:34):
the best years. I mean, I after Matt, who had
the really big soul siege. I had to go after
every person, micro keenness, every single person ruined it. So
it's like, great, this is so frustrating because I'm never
(28:58):
going to get over him. Like I was so pissed.
I was literally just dating carrot snack sized carrot penises
and I was just like great, But it was good
to just date around after just to learn what I
liked what I didn't like. And I think for girls
that are coming out of a relationship, if they write
(29:21):
down their pros and cons, like what they want and
what they don't want, and just know exactly what you
want and never settle for anything less than what you deserve,
and don't try to fit someone into what you want
them to be. Because I am like I used to
do that all the time with guys like I. Even
(29:42):
I did that. I made a list of things that
I wanted in a man that mom when I was
like twelve years old, and my mom gave it to
Adam when we got engaged so he could have it
for a wedding false or whatever. It was just super sad, sappy,
but I love Racy Gates. Shout out to Chasing. I
would try to make all these different guys that I
wanted to have a future with fit the criteria that
(30:05):
I had set for myself, but they were never gonna fit.
It's like one of those little kid toys that have
the shapes cut out in the toy and you're trying
to fit the y. Yes, you're trying to fit the
block in the different holes, and I was like trying
to fit a star into a circle. I got Mr
Potato Head for a second. No, no, but yeah, I
(30:27):
get what you mean, Like you don't want you're forcing.
You were forcing things when it just wasn't. And that's
the thing. When we were on the Bachelor with Nick,
I didn't get upset when I got kicked off because
I was a hundred percent myself and if he didn't
like me for myself then I didn't care. It wasn't
(30:50):
the end of the world, right. That's how I felt
when Nick broke up with me, Thank god, because we
would not be sitting here right now drinking thank you
na um. But that's how I felt. And a lot
of people were like, you didn't really cry like when
I was with him or anything. And it was like
(31:11):
when he broke up with me, I was like washing
my hands of it. It was done. There was not
I was not gonna beg for him. I had given
him my best self. I knew I was worth something exactable,
and if he did not want me in that moment,
he was never gonna want me, and I was never
gonna want him back because I don't want someone who
(31:33):
doesn't want me. I'm tired of that. I played that
game for years of trying to like make someone want me,
and I'm worthy of your love. You're literally the most
amazing woman on the planet and for Nick, and the
best line ever. I feel like I'm the Bachelor, even
though I haven't watched like all the seasons. But Nick
(31:56):
is crying when he breaks up with you, and he
goes I'm going to miss you and you girl. I
know I knew. I knew he's going to miss me. There.
That was a boss bit. There's a lot to miss
and you know, I mean I wasn't wrong. Yeah, he's
still hitting us up, like he's literally sliding into our
dams and we're like nick, like we're we literally a boyfriends,
(32:18):
Like relax, I'm engaged. No, I'm just kidding, he's really not.
I'm engaged to. Um. What's really sad for you, Lexi
is that how do we not have this quarantine? I
think you would have gotten engaged. Like I almost feel
more sad for the women that would have gotten engaged
in than the broads. Me being a brad because I
(32:41):
have the promise that we're going to get married, like
it's going to happen. But like for someone who's thinking
about getting engaged or was going to get proposed to
and they wanted they had this dream, like they want
their whole family there and they want pictures and all
that stuff, Like you can't do that right now, so
unless you do very in timately, which is very very sweet,
(33:02):
but you know, it just kind of puts a damper
on engagement plans. Yeah, but also I think that I'm
trying to get it the positive. He had this whole
year to make more money so that I have more
carrots in the ring. So that's just something that I
think about. But obviously our relationships are not perfect. Nobody's
(33:26):
relationship is perfect. So we're so excited to have Shari
Healy come on and help us with our issues because
we got we got a lot of them. Okay. We
(33:50):
are super excited to talk to Shari because we have
some issues we're gonna work out, but we are going
to get it done today. Shari is a possibilitary and
she helps leaders get what they want so they can
change the world. She will help you develop your personal brand,
get you an allament with who you are and while
you're here, and become your highest self. I love it,
(34:13):
I love it. I love you already. Oh my god,
so glad to be here. Women, we have a lot
of issues. Hey, we're going to sort them out. Okay,
So sure, are you going to go first? You want
me to go first? Yeah? You go? Okay. So today
is literally not the best day for me. I had
(34:34):
a full blow and anxiety attack this morning. I think
because I've been so overwhelmed and excited because Raven and
I are taking our podcast at the next level and
we're going to make six figures. In my head, but
I just get like so overwhelmed that my creative juices
start flowing really late at night, so I can't turn
(34:58):
my brain off. And so this morning, literally we had
a podcast at two or even was banging on my
door at to thirty. So I've been having the worst
anxiety all day, and I just I know you have
like the anxiety thing. I don't know if you can
(35:18):
help me with that. That's just like a personal problem
that I have to deal with. But I was crying
all day. This is why I looked like this, But
can you help me with my anxiety? Yeah, because the
the whole thing that I do is really, um, I'll
help you get what you want. And I don't think
anybody wants anxiety. Yeah, I do feel good and it
(35:42):
gets in the way. And I think the first thing
that I thought of when you said that you were
anxious all days, are you really anxious to make six figures?
Because there was a part of you that's like, oh,
I know, we're taking this to the next level and
it's going to be so exciting. And it's gonna be successful.
So what are you anxious about? He needed to tell
her the whole story. What's the story? She I'll chum in.
(36:06):
I shouldn't chum in, but I will help her tell
this story. UM. Today, she had planned UM this podcast.
She had planned our podcast. She's been so exciting, I
mean all weeks, she's been so excited about it, preparing,
she has so many notes and everything going on, and
she was so excited. She stayed up all night last
(36:29):
she couldn't get her brain to turn off. It was
anxiety but excitement. And then this morning she overslept and
had me scary. I think I convinced everyone she's dead.
I knew how excited she was for today, and I
knew how excited she has been all week for today,
So for her not to show up was just so
(36:51):
out of character for her. And then once I found her,
I was alive, and she was alive, and I calmed
down own. She was so disappointed in herself, even though
she didn't ruin anything. I mean, we still did our podcast,
we're still here today, but she was so disappointed in
(37:12):
herself that it's like her anxiety took over after that
and she hasn't been able to really calm down, and
like she's struggling. I mean the tequila's helping, but overall,
like I just I when I put my mind to something,
I go a hundred miles an hour, and I think
(37:36):
I overworked myself. And I just have so many ideas,
Like if you had my brain for two minutes, you'd
be like, I don't want to like give it take
it back. So I just I have a lot of
a lot of irritated at Taller was I Oh, yeah,
I was mad at Tyler too, my boyfriend. But yeah, no.
(37:59):
So I struggle anxiety. I mean not all the time,
just when exciting things are happening. I just get like
I don't know how to explain it. Do you know
what I mean? I do those with the fear that
might be under there, because anxiety is really fear. It
feels very much like excitement. They're the same. But there's
(38:21):
this good saying like fear is just excitement without the breath, yeah,
you know, like and the going so fast. I feel
like it is the way that you deal with it.
You know, it's good because it makes you a super
achiever and you get all the stuff done. You know,
but the quality of the getting it done is no fun.
It's irritable, you're afraid and all that, but you just
(38:41):
took a giant, deep breath. So right there, there's a
thing that's called soul pace, which is moving about life
at the pace that you feel most in your power
and most connected to everyone else, Like Tyler, everybody right,
I think you're going beyond your soul pace. You're going
too fast and the brains too fast, right, It's just
(39:04):
not your norm. But you're doing it, I think because
underneath it all there's some fear. So tell me, what
do you right with this podcast? Today? I'm gonna cry again? Okay, okay,
because it'll run through you know, you'll get it through.
(39:25):
I literally during our podcast before this, I was like, okay,
I'm good, I got it. Like I don't even know.
I think just maybe like I want to be so
successful so bad, like not even not even like famous
or anything, Like I just want to I just want
(39:46):
to be able to like support my my dad, my mom.
Like I don't know, like I just feel so I
don't know how to explain it. Like I feel like
I have something inside me that is so unique that
like I can do amazing things, and I want to
(40:08):
do them so bad that I get like anxiety over
Does that make sense? It's beautiful, Yeah, but guess what
you just said. It is you're focused on failing or
not being good when you can just shift your focus
over to what you just said was so beautiful. I
want to be able to take care of my dad.
I want to be able to to do good things.
(40:30):
There's so much good under there that you're is so
excited for that. That's all. That's the answer to the
anxiety is go into the love right there. Yeah, and
maybe just like I'm the youngest set of five girls,
so I was never I was always super independent, Like
(40:50):
after college, I moved to Miami dead alone, Like would
go out to clubs dead alone. I've been always so
independent and I feel like I always need that word
of it, like I'm proud of you, like because I'm
always like, but I do so much and I just
(41:14):
want to be so success little. I don't even know
how to spell success, so I don't know what I'm
talking about, but I want to just I have such
a fire in me that I know that I'm going
to be so successful. I'm gonna take care of my dad.
I'm gonna like I'm gonna pay off my sister's student loans,
like all my nieces and nephews. And I just felt
(41:36):
like since even growing up, I had four older sisters,
one is ten years older than me, and I just
felt like my mom, not my mom, I'm gonna blame
this on my mom. She just kind of was like
by the by the fifth child, it was like figure
it out. Like I came out of the room and
(41:58):
there was like, this is lifeigure it out. So I
just have kind of just this something weighing on my
shoulder that I need people to be proud of me
and I want to do something I want to be
So I don't know, I don't know what I'm saying. Today.
You acted like you had messed, like ruined the day
(42:23):
when you had it. And I think your fear of
like ruining this day that you have planned for and
set up and worked so hard for you couldn't. It
was like the anxiety as if you missed all that
dropped the ball. But everything worked out, everything worked out,
anxieties still as if it didn't work out, you know
(42:44):
right right, Well, this is why I asked you in
the beginning, like, are you really anxious about being successful?
Because your focus was on not so excited that I'm
going to take care of my dad, I'm gonna pay
off student loans, and I'm gonna make six figures. And
that's the vibe that you come in of this podcast
or at anything with the excitement that it's already here.
(43:05):
You're here, we're having the podcast, Like the definition for
success can't be something in the future. Yeah, I'll give
myself that I'm proud or I'll get that when you
got to feel it, like right now, And I'm sitting
here watching a girl who's the fifth of a family
who didn't really get parented. Who who is saying I
(43:28):
still want to give to everybody. I just want to
use my success to take care of everybody. In my
definition of success, you're already gold because your mom, i'd
be like, I did so good. Look at Oh no, yeah,
my mom's a little obsessed with me. But I just yeah,
it's it's I mean, my dad, my dad and my
mom raised me. Obviously good. It's just like I think,
(43:49):
just with it. I think I'm just having a bad day. Well,
but you said the anxiety is a thing in life. Yeah, no,
it definitely is a thing. But I just have I'm
so motivated and and I've always been though, just like
a hustler, just everything. And I don't do the podcast
just for money. I do it because I like I
(44:12):
have and that's the thing. I have a jewelry company
that I'm so passionate about and so involved with, and
then Raven and I have our podcast that I put
so much energy and creativity in. So when I'm working
so hard for two things and then when I got
like today, I like, it's so disappointed in myself, and
(44:37):
then I the anxiety just starts coming change. Like you
could tell, like, I'm kind of like have hives right now.
So it's fine, totally. You're ruled, though, for success is
screwing you up, right, because when every single day I
(44:57):
show up, I'm so brave, I'm here. You're cutting yourself
up with such strict rules for success that are also
out there in the future that of course there's going
to be anxiety. You gotta I think maybe I'm sorry
friends interrupting that. Maybe just because I'm from the I'm
from Jersey, so it's very fast paced. So that's just
(45:19):
how I am quarantine, and then with quarantine, slow slow
about work, about business. It's just it's just everyone's anxiety
is hot and too just because it's the quarantine. Tom. Yeah,
but when I have a vision for something I want,
like get so excited because I know anything that I
(45:44):
touch is gonna be great. Kid. Anywait, that was it?
That was it right there? Then that's your definition. That's
what you focus on. Is anything I touch is going
to be great, even if I show up late, even
if I sleep in, because that's what you know about yourself,
that's what you were able to raise yourself get to
this point in life. Anything you focus on, anything you
(46:08):
touch is going to be great. That's that's going to
be your antidote to anxiety. My or day is probably
somebody's best day. It's true, you know. Is that that's
to say no, it means you're in the gold and
you've got your eye on failure that hasn't even happened.
(46:30):
It's likely not to happen because that's not how you roll. Yeah.
I really am super positive. I've I have such a
strong mindset with everything, but I do have days like
this work, which is God. I think this is God's plan.
I never talked to a therapist in my life, and
(46:50):
here here we are. I've been telling her therapist literally
the day that I have a mental breakdown, I'm talking
to a therapist. Yeah, yes, let's get super practical to
something you can hold onto. You didn't sleep well, Yeah,
you probably aren't totally hydrated. You didn't get like some
(47:12):
of them right, Yeah, So I can't copy your game
and be able to rise above anxiety and stuff if
you aren't getting basic human needs to which we're all
like you brought up quarantine struggling with because human connection
is not there and so many other things that we
So the more you want to give, the more you
(47:34):
need is the thing to know and you want to lead,
you want to have a podcast, you want to be successful,
The more you need, Yeah, the more I need? What?
What like water? I drink a lot of water, I
work out or today. I think it's just I think
it's just my my vision for Raven and I is
(47:56):
just so I just feel like we're amazing and all
we want to do is bring joy and happiness into
other people's lives and made people laugh and just spread positivity,
and like that's all I want for us to so
(48:17):
when I come up and I'm not a dent, I'm
not doing my job. I'm not spreading that positivity. I'm crying.
I'm like, I want to go back to bed. I
hate myself. I'm ugly, you know, even though I'm actually
a natural beauty, a natural beauty, and I'm getting so
(48:37):
I'm so excited. We can't even do that stuff. Everything
is still shut down. But since you guys are here
for the samission I am. I'm here to cause an
epidemic of joy. The formula for happiness would be very
helpful for you. There is literally a very simple formula,
and you you got out of it today just slightly.
(48:59):
So gonna tell it to you, and I'll tell you
the formula for unhappiness and then you can constantly bring
yourself back. The formula for happiness is when your life
conditions equal your blueprint. You can say like LC equals VP,
and that means that reality equals your expectations. Right. So
(49:20):
what I think is success, or what I think is
doing good, or what I think is what would make
somebody proud of me? Is that actually happening? What happens
when it's not? When the life conditions don't equal the
blueprint anymore, and you sleep late or you aren't on
top of your game. Then said your formula unhappiness. And
(49:42):
then there's an even worse formula, which is the formula
for suffering, which is when life conditions don't equal the blueprint,
so they're out of balance and you feel helpless to
change it. You feel stuck, which is never actually true.
Why I stand for the possibilitarian thing is we're not
We are very powerful people. Everybody has inner power. You
(50:04):
can always change things, so you don't ever have to
feel like you're in that suffering category truly, if you
just get creative about either adjusting one side or the
other of the equation and to change my life conditions,
like I gotta sleep more, or I have to have
other things happen for me to be successful, or I
need to change the other side of the equation and
be like a whole lot kinder to myself and change
(50:24):
the rules for what really showing up and doing a
good good job are so that they're always in balance.
So you just look at one side or the other
of the equation and play with it so that you
can actually feel good. Because girls who are here to
cause happiness and joy should be in that yeah more
often than not. Right, we really we we really are happy.
(50:45):
But I mean I never talked to a therapist before,
so this is the first for the year. Pop in
my charry. So I am just I'm kind of like
in shock. My therapy is usually watching Real Housewives and
going to the gym. But I'm really enjoying this, and
(51:05):
I think that I'm in shock that I am enjoying this.
I've ven is so pro therapy, but I am too,
but in different ways, Like working out gets my head clear,
watching Real Housewives brings me joy, different perspective. You can't,
(51:28):
I mean she made me cry already, So you want man, Yeah,
you you can't. You said you were really independent, and
I think everybody that I work with is we're all
leaders achiever, is trying to do great things in the world.
But that's why I said, the more you want to give,
you more you need, because if you really want to
cause a change in the world for people, then you've
(51:51):
got to ask for help. And relying on me for
even a second to give you some tools or some
different ways of looking at things. Is that? Yeah? I
love that. I love it. I feel so much better.
I think my anxiety is gone. I'm not even lying
like I feel like I feel like it lost like
ten pounds. Ah, it was really good to be Do
(52:16):
you have any issues socially? I UM, my fiance and
are of different faiths and when we've we've been together
for over three years going on for but it was
really a road we had to navigate on our own,
(52:38):
like without family input. We had to decide what we
wanted and then go from there, and it was a
struggle and so UM, but we made it. On the
other side, everything is really good. We have a great
understanding of where he is where I am spiritually, and
great respect for each other's religion and that came through
(53:01):
interfaith counseling that we attended together UM and we plan
to do more counseling in the future. But my question
for you is do you have any tools. I feel
like with our wedding, we have worked out all the
wrinkles and crinkles of what our wedding ceremony would look
like with our um interfaith relationship, and I've also feel
(53:24):
like our individual paths and also being a couple has
been worked out and like what our roles are with
each other when it comes to faith have been worked out.
But one thing that we have both been thinking about
and we don't know even how to begin, is what
we're going to teach our children. How we navigate that
(53:46):
and you know, what's important to him and what's important
to me, and how we find the middle ground. Because um,
the wedding and how we individually and as a couple
come together is is great, But when you bring a
child along and into the equation, you know, we may
(54:07):
feel differently than what we do now, or we may
you know, our families have completely different viewpoints. So we
want to make sure our child is you know, loved
and cultured and has respects for both religions. So what if, boss,
do you have for me saying all that to navigate
(54:30):
children being inter faith parents. I just have to honor
you first, so wholeheartedly for being so on top of
this now before the wedding. I mean, what nobody does this?
You know that they would sort out all these big
questions and concerns in advance, and even your roles and
(54:50):
how you're going to play them together as a couple.
You're gonna be so great. You already so lucky no, really, truly.
I mean, this babe is going to be the luckiest
because I've studied all the religions and all the paths.
I was really um a big seeker as a kid,
trying to figure out the truth of this life. And
(55:12):
what I think is true of all the paths is
there's some shared values in them that they all stand
for love, you know, they all stand for some goodness
that I think would be so interesting. And this little
baby is going to be so lucky because the baby
will get exposed to two choices and all kinds of
(55:37):
ways of expressing these values and living these values, and
that baby will likely be able to choose what he
or she wants either or or maybe even something new.
But I think good parents provide a platform of some sort,
some kind of value that we share, that we stand for.
(55:57):
So if you two could distill, you know, what it
is that's in common with both of these paths that
are shared, you know, for the baby to be marinated
in by both sides, you know, and that there's this
message that you're doubly lucky, or or maybe even more
than that, because some kids will not grow up with
(56:19):
any path and they'll have to find their own, you know,
but to to I take families and couples through a
process of designing the family. That maybe something you do
where you sit down and you look at what's the vision,
like how do we want to live? What do we
stand for as a family in the world, and these
two paths support us in that, and then what are
(56:40):
our shared values and how do we live those so
that it doesn't come down to like arguments about which
religion or which path is right. But if we stand
for love and we get into an argument or there's
a choice to be made, it's like, let's go to that.
Let's go to what would love? Do? You know? So good?
(57:00):
And I think that's so good too, that like both
of you don't make one religion, Like my religion is
better than yours, Like they're very equal on it. And
that's what I love. But that's thank you so much,
Like you've literally cast it a spell on me, and
my anxiety is gone. I feel so much better. I'm
(57:23):
sorry for you did it girl, I'm sorry, honey, I
had no apologies. I'm sorry. So I have the radio
that I talked for forty five minutes about my anxiety.
But you know, I got sorry today, and I was
one lucky gal oh Man. Everybody has anxiety right now.
(57:45):
It's the common theme of what our world is going
through right now. So you gave everybody a big gift
by being vulnerable and real and sharing it, because everybody
will be able to relate. Yeah, let's hope so or
they'll be like, shut up and crying, bitch, don't worry.
I get those there's the axis. There's people that are dying.
(58:07):
I know. God. We thank you, guys, thank you, thank
you so much, thank you absolutely okay, taking care to
bye bye. Wow wow Wow. How therapeutic was that I
(58:28):
never spoke to a therapist and today it was the
day that I needed to the most, and God want
me to worry. I felt like she put a spell
on me and my anxiety went away. Yeah, it made
me feel a lot better because I had a full
blowing panic attack today. And she gave some great advice. Hope.
(58:49):
We gave you great advice on relationships hauling around. And
we also just want to say thank you so I
Hear Radio for having us as host for What a
Girl Wants. We also have our own podcast school It's
Girls Night with Raven and Alexis so boo checking out
(59:11):
and buy some bloop earrings who nationed by alexis the
best hoops around and Shockray s Wade because Raven is
your fashion Misa baby. Thank you guys, and thank you too.
She read she was amazing and I like, I want
to put her in my pocket. And we encourage everyone
(59:35):
to go see a lot coach at therapist and we
hope you are surviving in this quarantine and like we
always say, stay safe and stay happy, fine, Love you
What is up? Suck Army Faithful, how great of you
to join us on this week's episode of What a
Girl Wants. We know you love help I Suck you
Dating every Monday, and we love even more that you
guys are tuning in for the What a Girl Wants
special every Thursday. We took a couple of weeks off,
but we were back in full force this week. We
have Raven and Alexis and they are going to take
(00:21):
it away from here. What a Girl Wants Help I
Sucking Dating spin off and then I am a radio podcast.
Hello everybody, and welcome to What a Girl Wants with Alexis,
what Us and a Raven Games. So I have my
(00:41):
sunglasses on because I had a mental breakdown this morning.
I had serious anxiety. Like if you look at my eyes,
I am not well. But I mean just the anxiety
got the best of me. I was crying during our
(01:01):
podcast this morning. It was just anxiety field. I basically
had a panic attack for no reason. I think I
was just so I have so much going on and
just so excited for things. And it's so weird because
when we were in quarantine, there was no excitement, and
(01:21):
then I feel like now there's just so much excitement
that I have that I don't know where to put it,
and I get overwhelmed, and then my anxiety just takes
over me. And then when I get anxiety, I just
cry because I never cry. Andre were such a good
friend to meet Raven. I was literally like when you
(01:41):
needed me and like during quarantine. That's what it's all about.
Like we have to be there for each other emotionally,
be there for a family and friends emotionally, because we
can't always be with people physically. And like everyone is
feeling or will feel the way you're feeling, So it's
completely relatable and completely normal to feel the way you're
feeling today. Yeah, I'm gonna try to not think about
(02:05):
it or talk about it because like I already have
the lump in my throat where I'm about to cry again.
So Alexis waters get it together and I might take
a shot at tequila just to you know, take the
edge off. Because Okay, while you do that, I'm going
to tell them a little bit about me and you.
Um we were on Nick Vile season of the Bachelor.
(02:26):
We both have tois bag just kidding. We both have
found love and both of our your boyfriend and my
fiance live here in Dallas, and we have our own
podcast together now called Girls Night Out. Oh No, Girls
Night Oh my God, Girl's Night with Braven Alexis. And
so we've been super excited. We're super excited to talk today.
(02:50):
And I mean we started off this podcast saying the
struggle is real here in quarantine. Yeah, because you're feeling
it today, Yeah, you're. First of all, my relationship with Tyler,
I'm of the fun. He's one percent, maybe even point
five percent. But when he gets mad at me, I
(03:14):
get scared. And usually it should be the other way
around because I have such a bigger personality. But I
remember so during quarantine, right when quarantine hit, I was
in Mexico and Trump shut the borders down, and Tyler
(03:34):
and I got into a fight the night before we
were leaving to America. So when I got back to America,
we had to quarantine, so there was nowhere to go.
So I'm like, I'm stuck in this house with this asshole.
And it was my birthday and he he literally stayed
downstairs the whole day, and the border was closing, So
(03:55):
like so many things are happening. That's anxiety, okay, but
it was still my birthday. Like he literally could have
like gave me birthday sex or like a present, and
I didn't get anything. And so we fought the night,
the last night into loom, and then all of a sudden,
Trump was like, boarders are shutting down, so we had
to get back to America or we're going to be
(04:16):
stuck in Mexico. Honestly, I probably should have just stayed
in Mexico and not dealt with his asked. But when
we got back to our house, there was no nowhere
to go because I go, like to the other bedroom.
That's all you can do. Yeah, but I it was
my birthday and he was literally being I don't even
(04:40):
want to get into the details of the fight because
I can't go there. But whatever, he was a douche lord,
and it was just how did you resolve it? Well?
It was also good because right when the right when
COVID hit as well, we started our Girls Night podcast.
It was so therapeutic. Talking to of friends is therapeutic
(05:01):
in in quarantine because you need that emotional support from
a woman that's like I have your back and understand
what you're going through, and like seeing your point of view,
it's so important, like you literally, I don't know what
I would do without you, because also we would do
the podcast. And then I didn't want to go home
(05:23):
and hang out Tyler because I've been hanging out with
him for three months. So it's like going to Raven's
house was like my escape because she has a backyard,
She's able to go outside. Like I live in a
town home, so like I was legit. I felt like
I was in a cubicowl and I have a nice
size town home, but I still felt like just like trapped.
And then like if he just came in the like
(05:45):
I would lock the door if he wanted to try
to come in. It was getting to that point. That's
kind of like when Adam and I get into an argument.
I try to squash it before it gets way too big.
But there are some things you just you're over the
top heated that you cannot squash it in a short
amount of time. Like I tried to abide by the
rule of never going to bed angry. I don't understand
(06:08):
that rule. It's just because you don't want to start
your day waking up mad. But I feel like when
I wake up, I forget about it so I can
go to sleep. Man, Tyler, whatever I want, I don't
get Yeah, but you don't want like unresolved issues, you know.
So I try to do that, but it don't. It
doesn't always work out that way because you get heated.
You know, you have passionate about whatever you're arguing about.
(06:30):
So it's hard to say, okay, handshake, let's call it
even and let's go to bed together. It's hard to
do that. So I tried to squash it before it
gets to that point. But sometimes when it's there, I
just have to walk away. I just have to say,
you get on that side of the house, let me
get on this side of the house. Let's like calm
(06:52):
down and then we can come back together. You know.
I feel like tylerized issues are literally so stupid to like,
if we go to bed bed at each other, it's
really not that big of a deal because I'm just like,
take your clothes out of the dryer because I'm not putting.
I'm not I will fold them and put him in
the draw, but I'm not putting them to take him
out of the dryer, Like those are our fights. Yeah, well,
(07:13):
our just thing about this quarantine is I've learned with
me and Adam is like traveling was our way to
reconnect because we both work so much, especially Adam, that
traveling was like our honeymoon, Like that's when we got
to love each other, That's when we got to enjoy
each other and say, how are you doing? What's going
on with you in your day? Now that that's completely
(07:35):
off the table, we had to navigate how are we
going to reconnect now? Because Adam works such long hours.
I've already eaten my dinner for the day, I've already
wound down and gone to bed, and he's just getting home.
He's watering the one. Adam is literally a dad and
(07:55):
he but he's going to be the best at ever.
But it's just so crazy because Tyler and I are
com total opposites. But people don't know that you and
Adam are complete opposite opposite. Says well, like, yeah, and
it's working, so it's all good. But I will say
the solution for us right now is I've been cooking
(08:18):
dinner not just for Adam. This isn't like a housewap
thing that I'm doing just for him. I'm doing it
for us. And where we sit down and we eat
the mill, no matter what time, you can fall down,
phone down, eat the mill. How are you today? And
I made it a role. Every time he comes in
the door, he has to give me a hug and
a kiss. Yes, I like, I won't leave the house
(08:43):
until Tyler says you look beautiful, like if we're going out,
I mean, which we have it in a while, but
like I will just stands there and he knows. Is
your love language words of information. That's why you need
to be told you're beautiful. My love language is a
physical touch. So that twanny to hug and a kiss
and he walks in the door. Yes, Tyler was trying
to cuddle with me this morning and I was like,
(09:04):
get off me now. But oh, let's talk about zoom
dating since we're on a zoom. Since we're on a zoom,
I mean, honestly, I think girls should wear no makeup
during a zoom just to show your full blown self,
like this is who I am. This is quarantine. I
(09:25):
don't take me as I am, Like this is you
don't have me at my worst. You can't have me
as much, sister. So I were hoops every single day.
I literally have hoops on when I go in the shower,
when I sleep, when I go to the gym. It's
just also one thing I must say. Always wear hoops
(09:45):
during a zoom date. And if you are a little
crazy cuckoo like me, I used to when I was
in the dating scene, I would leave a hoop on
my like whoever I was having sexed with on the dresser,
like on purpose, so that no, so that I would
(10:11):
text him and be like, hey, I left my hoops
there so I would see him again. I thought it
was like you you were marking your territory, like leaving
your hoop there, so if there was another girl around,
she would see your hoop. No, I wouldn't. I would
leave it and be like, hey, I left my hoops.
They're like can I come swing bye to like see
him again? Because I was crazy, but I wouldn't leave
(10:32):
my hoops about it like if you have like a
micro penis and like it just didn't work out like that. Okay, Well,
I think going kind of the opposite direction. I think
when girls are on like a zoom date, they should
wear something um simple like a body suit or like
basically what you're wearing. Basically you looked so beautiful and
(10:55):
I look like I literally I also think just some makeup,
just a little bit of makeup, a little bit of
um something in your hair, just to make you feel good,
because if you feel good, it's like bringing everything to
the table without like stressing yourself out. Like you feel good,
(11:16):
you look good, you're confident, and you're going into the
date knowing like I'm bringing my best self. No that
I I do agree with you on that one. I
just feel like today's like the day that I just
feel like really a piece of ship and just I'm
just having one of those days today where I'm like
(11:37):
pushing through the day and I can cry on command.
So so if I really did have a Zoom date,
I would definitely put makeup on and probably put perfume on,
even though they can't smell me through the camera. But
if you did have a Zoom date today, you'd probably postpone.
You're not feeling good, You've got to feel good. Yeah,
(11:57):
I'm not feeling good, everybody. Okay, before we get to
Ravens wedding postponed, We're going to take a little breaks.
(12:18):
You know, what makes me happy, My best friend is
going to the chapel and jeez, gonna get maded. Okay,
that was probably not enjoyable for anybody. I feel like
I'm a great singer. Okay, well that's your opinion. Um. Anyway,
(12:39):
I speaking of weddings and like just the whole anyone
who's a bride right now I feel for because I'm
also a bride and I have postponed my wedding not once,
not twice, but three times. And you know what, we
even had to change a fourth day. But we didn't
even send invitations out for that. But it's just been
(12:59):
really crazy because we had this master grand plan that
we were going to get married in May, that we
were going to travel the world this summer, and then
when fall hit, we were going to sort of family.
So I kind of have this you cannot start a
family without me because I need my to kill a partner.
(13:22):
I think we're we're also in the nursery where the
baby will be. That's true, we're sitting in by the
way future nursery. But I kind of I don't I
have not even told you this yet, but I kind
of have a little bit of sadness that you're not
gonna have a baby right now. Is that weird? Because
it's like, I know you have a plan. You had
(13:43):
a plan and obviously happened, so now that it's like
it's about to be fall I'm just kind of like
sad because I had this master plan that I was
going to get pregnant right away. We were going to
try and then like you know, just in we're going
to have a baby. But it that's not the case.
Well let's look at it positively. You have Adam got Chock,
(14:07):
who is literally the perfect ad So if you left
the baby with Adam, you would feel safe and secure.
If I left the baby with Tyler, I would I
don't think I would ever leave the baby alone with Tyler.
But also, but is that weird that I feel that way? No,
(14:27):
it's no, because you had a plan and like the
COVID up. But at the same time, like you and
you already know that your life is planned out, you
know what's going to happen. Just saying that when we
make plans, God laughs, And I feel like that kind
of hit me, and which so weird. Alexis I haven't
not cried about the wedding except one Tom because I
(14:51):
hated it in you But anyway, but I have not
cried or been upset about the wedding one time. I've
been upset about not starting a family. But do you
understand how many people have canceled their weddings this year?
And it's not I'm telling you, you are the best
person that I've like handled it so well because everybody
(15:17):
else is like, no, I wanted to have it. It's
like that's kind of being a little selfish because nobody
has money right now. People lost jobs, Like so, I mean,
it's gonna happen. You're gonna have a baby, You're gonna
have Adam for life. So and it just like we
sent out invitations twice. If we were to send out
invitations the third tim and have to uninvite people that
(15:39):
we've already invited twice, that's so I for me, yeah exactly.
And like you have this beautiful new house that I
literally basically lived, and I should probably start paying rents.
But I just think that you have to look at
it in a positive way because I'm so lucky to
have Adam, and at them is the sweetest soul and
(16:02):
bachelor nation guys no offense that except a few but
them are uh not marriage material, marriage material? Marriage want
(16:23):
to get married or want to get married. Um, what
are some things that you think you were dating before
Tyler that just wasn't working? Meadheads and people on steroids
in Jersey. So everything that I dated is the opposite
(16:44):
of what I have now, and that's what I need.
Like I had a boyfriend, well my first boyfriend. We're
both aries, so that's like fire and fire. He likes
used to like beat me up and it's funny, but
like it kind of is. Yeah, I mean it's not funny.
It's not funny at all, but like, yeah, it happened whatever.
(17:07):
I feel like that's like a lifetime ago. Whatever. Little
God always like like a hundred he's probably like five
pounds right now. But anyways, Um no, we were areas
in areas, but that was like my first love. And
then I met this guy Matt, who was the biggest
asshole in the tower world, but I just turned twenty one.
(17:28):
He like got tables and like bottles, and then like
I was in that party phase and but he was
always sliding into d m s. He was like into
girls CDMs, always following new girls while we were together,
and then I go to his house. We're dating for
eight months, and his mom goes, what's your name again?
(17:51):
That's when I knew. I was like what am I
doing with my life? And I just he just brought
me down so much like he would oh, and like
I lost myself in that relationship, like I didn't know
who I was, Like I lost my relationships. You lose
yourself in this relationship and you're trying to prove yourself
like yeah, like I would walk on eggshells and like
(18:11):
I wasn't myself and I was I lost my confidence.
I was just not I was mean to people, yeah,
because mean to other people because I was so miserable. Yeah, No,
I wasn't mean. I was just like kind of just
crazy on the low, like yeah, Like I would literally
look at his Instagram and he would be like messaging
(18:36):
girls on the comments like thanks cutie, but we were together.
Isn't it so nice to be with someone you don't
have to pick up their phone? Oh yeah, I would
check through it because every boyfriend I had before Adam,
I would pick up their phone and like see and
I would find something everything too. And then when Adam
and I started dating, he like was on his phone
(18:59):
or whatever and would be like, give me your phone
because I was so jaded from the past, and he
would give it to me. He's like, my past code
is like blah blah blah, and I would just I
he was a good person, the person I've been looking for.
I had been trying to make these other guys Adam
and they were never going to be Adam. Yeah, and you,
but Adam loves you for who you are, and Tyler
(19:22):
loves me for probably nine of who I am. But anyways,
like I just feel like then I had so I
dated two assholes literally back to back, royd Heads, meat head,
they're on steroids, so angry. And then I met this
one guy who was like not attractive at all. I
(19:43):
don't know why I dated him, but he just treated
me like a queen and I was the best thing
in the world. Like he took me, he wined and
dined me, like paid for everything. And I'm not saying
that it's like guys needs to pay for an a thing.
I mean, my mom basically is a gold digger, so
(20:05):
she definitely taught me like guys have to pay for everything.
But I mean I just had like my dad always
took care of me, so I always have that thought
in my head that God should take care of you,
like my money is my money and Tyler's money's money
my money. But but that guy like made you so
the gods what you wanted. Yeah, he I mean he
(20:26):
was not cute. I knew I wasn't going to marry him,
but he proved to me and you are as amazing
as well, and gave me back that confidence. And I
knew like it wasn't going anywhere. It was kind of
just a summer fling. But like I feel like everybody
comes into your life for a reason, the season or
a lifetime or a lifetime, and Tyler is my lifetime.
(20:49):
I love that. Do you think you have like big
insecurities in your relationship with Tyler when you first started
dating that like past relationships brought into In the beginning,
I would talk to Tyler like when I would fight,
I would go zero to a like hothead central, like
(21:10):
I was sorry, I'm saying like so much, like oh
my god, okay, let me throw up all the legs. Okay.
Tyler is so calm, so a man of few words,
calm spirit. He is my anchor because I'm always up here.
(21:33):
But when we first started dating, I would flip out
on him so much, just because that's what I was
used to. It was normal for like me and my
boyfriend to be fighting physically and verbally loud and scary.
(21:56):
But obviously that's not a healthy relationship. So when I'm
at Tyler, he's never ever ever raised his voice to me,
but I in the beginning would and he sat me down.
He was like, I am not dealing with this, and
I was scared. Yeah, like he's not putting up with
that type of behavior. You witnessed when Adam put me
(22:19):
in my place because my past insecurity was just my
boyfriend had who Tama. I lost my virginity too. I
moved in with like I lost my virginity super late
in life, so like this guy was really what you
go through when you're younger. Yeah, I was going through
that with him while I was like in law school
(22:40):
and all. I mean, my my dad had lung cancer
and all this crazy stuff. So I latched onto him
so much. And he was just a serial cheater. So
when I got in this relationship Adam, yeah I know
each other so well. But when I got into this
relationship with Adam and I was really started to care
out him I was scared because I this is the
(23:03):
first guy I really cared about and since my past
cheetor boyfriend, so I would always check him to see
are you talking to because yeah, and then you tell this.
So when we were in Dominican Republic, is that does
it right? Yeah? I think I had too many shots. Okay,
So when we were in to make a Republic, Raven
(23:24):
was being a little a little sassy brat and she
was like to Adam, uh, you said like something like
like yeah, whatever, like you're probably texting other girls or
something exactly what I said, You're probably texting other girls.
We have been dating for like a month at that point,
you're probably texting other girls. Yeah, And Adam dead ass
(23:48):
was like and we were I thought, I mean I
thought we were always said, but then I Adam had
a very calm force and it was like very he
was very sober. I think he grabbed me by the
hand and was like Raven, I will never ever ever
do anything to hurt you, and like I want to
(24:08):
be with you and only you. And I was so
drunk here I was like, do not say these things
because I would never ever Yeah, And I was so drunk.
I was like, oh my god, this is like this
is like the real deal, because you know, like when
you're when you come off Bachelor in Paradise, you're in
a bubble in the paradise, so when you come off
(24:32):
the show, it's kind of like, oh, you don't know,
like what's really Yeah, but Adam was so serious. He
was like, Raven, I want you and only you, and
I will never do anything to hurt you. And here
we out there there and then and she's got that ring. Okay,
(24:53):
what are some deal breakers for you now that maybe
weren't a priority when you were younger? Kind of like
how your day that god that did bottle service and
all this stuff and that was fun for you, Like
that's not really on your list of things now. No,
So like what right now is different than when you
were younger. So deal breaker was obviously when I was
(25:15):
dating that one guy that was a piece like pieces
and annoying and I hated him. I don't think I
was even in love with him. I think it was
the game. It was the games that I liked. But
I was so young. I was twenty one and he
was getting tables at in New Jersey and I was like,
oh my god, like, I'm so cool, but he literally was.
(25:38):
His penis was so big, huge, huge, But that's probably
why he was such an asshole, because he knew he
had a big penis. But no, now I love that
Tyler is so motivated. Yeah, he's a hustler. You don't
think about their job or like like trying to do
(26:00):
with their life and like what they see for themselves
or their family. You don't really think about that when
you're younger. Yeah, we were thinking about like what DJ
was coming next week, and like now super hot you
want to be with? Yeah, and Tyler now is so
motivated and just plans for our future and Just is
such a hustler, Like he motivates me and then he
(26:24):
also pushes me to be the best version of myself
that I can be. Yeah, what did he tell you
today when you were crying an upset when I had
an anxiety attack this morning? Um, be a champion. You're
a champion and champions of Just And I'm like, no,
like you don't know newstand I get my anxieties in
(26:45):
my throat. Yeah it was really bad. Yeah, I could
not stop crying. So literally, No, he didn't really call
me down. You did more so, thank you. That's what
girlfriends are for. Ye. With all your ex by friends,
have you ever envisioned yourself marrying them? I always had
(27:06):
like wishful thinking, but deep down, you're orn intuition told
me it wasn't going to happen, you know what I mean.
Tyler was like the only one that I ever saw
myself walking down the aisle with. I never pictured myself
marrying anybody else. Yeah, I never pictured like my wedding
(27:27):
or anything. But I have, like I have only dated
to marry the person. So that's kind of like the
place I was coming from. I didn't just like casually date,
and honestly, I wish I would have. If I could
go back in time, I wish I would have done
more casual dating because I spent a lot of my
(27:48):
youth trying to link up with people that weren't wrought
for me. And I was like envisioning a wedding with
that was never going to happen. And I wish I
could get a little bit of my youth back. But
you're still so young, no, I know. But now I'm
getting married now, I'm like, I'm like, you still have time. Yeah,
now I dream I'm sorry. I would if when I
(28:11):
have a daughter, I want her to experience things and
date around and see what's good for her, what's wrought
for her, and not worry about getting in a relationship
brought off the bad and like just just enjoy it
and when that person, when you found the person, you
found the person, enjoy the whole years because they are
(28:34):
the best years. I mean, I after Matt, who had
the really big soul siege. I had to go after
every person, micro keenness, every single person ruined it. So
it's like, great, this is so frustrating because I'm never
(28:58):
going to get over him. Like I was so pissed.
I was literally just dating carrot snack sized carrot penises
and I was just like great, But it was good
to just date around after just to learn what I
liked what I didn't like. And I think for girls
that are coming out of a relationship, if they write
(29:21):
down their pros and cons, like what they want and
what they don't want, and just know exactly what you
want and never settle for anything less than what you deserve,
and don't try to fit someone into what you want
them to be. Because I am like I used to
do that all the time with guys like I. Even
(29:42):
I did that. I made a list of things that
I wanted in a man that mom when I was
like twelve years old, and my mom gave it to
Adam when we got engaged so he could have it
for a wedding false or whatever. It was just super sad, sappy,
but I love Racy Gates. Shout out to Chasing. I
would try to make all these different guys that I
wanted to have a future with fit the criteria that
(30:05):
I had set for myself, but they were never gonna fit.
It's like one of those little kid toys that have
the shapes cut out in the toy and you're trying
to fit the y. Yes, you're trying to fit the
block in the different holes, and I was like trying
to fit a star into a circle. I got Mr
Potato Head for a second. No, no, but yeah, I
(30:27):
get what you mean, Like you don't want you're forcing.
You were forcing things when it just wasn't. And that's
the thing. When we were on the Bachelor with Nick,
I didn't get upset when I got kicked off because
I was a hundred percent myself and if he didn't
like me for myself then I didn't care. It wasn't
(30:50):
the end of the world, right. That's how I felt
when Nick broke up with me, Thank god, because we
would not be sitting here right now drinking thank you
na um. But that's how I felt. And a lot
of people were like, you didn't really cry like when
I was with him or anything. And it was like
(31:11):
when he broke up with me, I was like washing
my hands of it. It was done. There was not
I was not gonna beg for him. I had given
him my best self. I knew I was worth something exactable,
and if he did not want me in that moment,
he was never gonna want me, and I was never
gonna want him back because I don't want someone who
(31:33):
doesn't want me. I'm tired of that. I played that
game for years of trying to like make someone want me,
and I'm worthy of your love. You're literally the most
amazing woman on the planet and for Nick, and the
best line ever. I feel like I'm the Bachelor, even
though I haven't watched like all the seasons. But Nick
(31:56):
is crying when he breaks up with you, and he
goes I'm going to miss you and you girl. I
know I knew. I knew he's going to miss me. There.
That was a boss bit. There's a lot to miss
and you know, I mean I wasn't wrong. Yeah, he's
still hitting us up, like he's literally sliding into our
dams and we're like nick, like we're we literally a boyfriends,
(32:18):
Like relax, I'm engaged. No, I'm just kidding, he's really not.
I'm engaged to. Um. What's really sad for you, Lexi
is that how do we not have this quarantine? I
think you would have gotten engaged. Like I almost feel
more sad for the women that would have gotten engaged
in than the broads. Me being a brad because I
(32:41):
have the promise that we're going to get married, like
it's going to happen. But like for someone who's thinking
about getting engaged or was going to get proposed to
and they wanted they had this dream, like they want
their whole family there and they want pictures and all
that stuff, Like you can't do that right now, so
unless you do very in timately, which is very very sweet,
(33:02):
but you know, it just kind of puts a damper
on engagement plans. Yeah, but also I think that I'm
trying to get it the positive. He had this whole
year to make more money so that I have more
carrots in the ring. So that's just something that I
think about. But obviously our relationships are not perfect. Nobody's
(33:26):
relationship is perfect. So we're so excited to have Shari
Healy come on and help us with our issues because
we got we got a lot of them. Okay. We
(33:50):
are super excited to talk to Shari because we have
some issues we're gonna work out, but we are going
to get it done today. Shari is a possibilitary and
she helps leaders get what they want so they can
change the world. She will help you develop your personal brand,
get you an allament with who you are and while
you're here, and become your highest self. I love it,
(34:13):
I love it. I love you already. Oh my god,
so glad to be here. Women, we have a lot
of issues. Hey, we're going to sort them out. Okay,
So sure, are you going to go first? You want
me to go first? Yeah? You go? Okay. So today
is literally not the best day for me. I had
(34:34):
a full blow and anxiety attack this morning. I think
because I've been so overwhelmed and excited because Raven and
I are taking our podcast at the next level and
we're going to make six figures. In my head, but
I just get like so overwhelmed that my creative juices
start flowing really late at night, so I can't turn
(34:58):
my brain off. And so this morning, literally we had
a podcast at two or even was banging on my
door at to thirty. So I've been having the worst
anxiety all day, and I just I know you have
like the anxiety thing. I don't know if you can
(35:18):
help me with that. That's just like a personal problem
that I have to deal with. But I was crying
all day. This is why I looked like this, But
can you help me with my anxiety? Yeah, because the
the whole thing that I do is really, um, I'll
help you get what you want. And I don't think
anybody wants anxiety. Yeah, I do feel good and it
(35:42):
gets in the way. And I think the first thing
that I thought of when you said that you were
anxious all days, are you really anxious to make six figures?
Because there was a part of you that's like, oh,
I know, we're taking this to the next level and
it's going to be so exciting. And it's gonna be successful.
So what are you anxious about? He needed to tell
her the whole story. What's the story? She I'll chum in.
(36:06):
I shouldn't chum in, but I will help her tell
this story. UM. Today, she had planned UM this podcast.
She had planned our podcast. She's been so exciting, I
mean all weeks, she's been so excited about it, preparing,
she has so many notes and everything going on, and
she was so excited. She stayed up all night last
(36:29):
she couldn't get her brain to turn off. It was
anxiety but excitement. And then this morning she overslept and
had me scary. I think I convinced everyone she's dead.
I knew how excited she was for today, and I
knew how excited she has been all week for today,
So for her not to show up was just so
(36:51):
out of character for her. And then once I found her,
I was alive, and she was alive, and I calmed
down own. She was so disappointed in herself, even though
she didn't ruin anything. I mean, we still did our podcast,
we're still here today, but she was so disappointed in
(37:12):
herself that it's like her anxiety took over after that
and she hasn't been able to really calm down, and
like she's struggling. I mean the tequila's helping, but overall,
like I just I when I put my mind to something,
I go a hundred miles an hour, and I think
(37:36):
I overworked myself. And I just have so many ideas,
Like if you had my brain for two minutes, you'd
be like, I don't want to like give it take
it back. So I just I have a lot of
a lot of irritated at Taller was I Oh, yeah,
I was mad at Tyler too, my boyfriend. But yeah, no.
(37:59):
So I struggle anxiety. I mean not all the time,
just when exciting things are happening. I just get like
I don't know how to explain it. Do you know
what I mean? I do those with the fear that
might be under there, because anxiety is really fear. It
feels very much like excitement. They're the same. But there's
(38:21):
this good saying like fear is just excitement without the breath, yeah,
you know, like and the going so fast. I feel
like it is the way that you deal with it.
You know, it's good because it makes you a super
achiever and you get all the stuff done. You know,
but the quality of the getting it done is no fun.
It's irritable, you're afraid and all that, but you just
(38:41):
took a giant, deep breath. So right there, there's a
thing that's called soul pace, which is moving about life
at the pace that you feel most in your power
and most connected to everyone else, Like Tyler, everybody right,
I think you're going beyond your soul pace. You're going
too fast and the brains too fast, right, It's just
(39:04):
not your norm. But you're doing it, I think because
underneath it all there's some fear. So tell me, what
do you right with this podcast? Today? I'm gonna cry again? Okay, okay,
because it'll run through you know, you'll get it through.
(39:25):
I literally during our podcast before this, I was like, okay,
I'm good, I got it. Like I don't even know.
I think just maybe like I want to be so
successful so bad, like not even not even like famous
or anything, Like I just want to I just want
(39:46):
to be able to like support my my dad, my mom.
Like I don't know, like I just feel so I
don't know how to explain it. Like I feel like
I have something inside me that is so unique that
like I can do amazing things, and I want to
(40:08):
do them so bad that I get like anxiety over
Does that make sense? It's beautiful, Yeah, but guess what
you just said. It is you're focused on failing or
not being good when you can just shift your focus
over to what you just said was so beautiful. I
want to be able to take care of my dad.
I want to be able to to do good things.
(40:30):
There's so much good under there that you're is so
excited for that. That's all. That's the answer to the
anxiety is go into the love right there. Yeah, and
maybe just like I'm the youngest set of five girls,
so I was never I was always super independent, Like
(40:50):
after college, I moved to Miami dead alone, Like would
go out to clubs dead alone. I've been always so
independent and I feel like I always need that word
of it, like I'm proud of you, like because I'm
always like, but I do so much and I just
(41:14):
want to be so success little. I don't even know
how to spell success, so I don't know what I'm
talking about, but I want to just I have such
a fire in me that I know that I'm going
to be so successful. I'm gonna take care of my dad.
I'm gonna like I'm gonna pay off my sister's student loans,
like all my nieces and nephews. And I just felt
(41:36):
like since even growing up, I had four older sisters,
one is ten years older than me, and I just
felt like my mom, not my mom, I'm gonna blame
this on my mom. She just kind of was like
by the by the fifth child, it was like figure
it out. Like I came out of the room and
(41:58):
there was like, this is lifeigure it out. So I
just have kind of just this something weighing on my
shoulder that I need people to be proud of me
and I want to do something I want to be
So I don't know, I don't know what I'm saying. Today.
You acted like you had messed, like ruined the day
(42:23):
when you had it. And I think your fear of
like ruining this day that you have planned for and
set up and worked so hard for you couldn't. It
was like the anxiety as if you missed all that
dropped the ball. But everything worked out, everything worked out,
anxieties still as if it didn't work out, you know
(42:44):
right right, Well, this is why I asked you in
the beginning, like, are you really anxious about being successful?
Because your focus was on not so excited that I'm
going to take care of my dad, I'm gonna pay
off student loans, and I'm gonna make six figures. And
that's the vibe that you come in of this podcast
or at anything with the excitement that it's already here.
(43:05):
You're here, we're having the podcast, Like the definition for
success can't be something in the future. Yeah, I'll give
myself that I'm proud or I'll get that when you
got to feel it, like right now, And I'm sitting
here watching a girl who's the fifth of a family
who didn't really get parented. Who who is saying I
(43:28):
still want to give to everybody. I just want to
use my success to take care of everybody. In my
definition of success, you're already gold because your mom, i'd
be like, I did so good. Look at Oh no, yeah,
my mom's a little obsessed with me. But I just yeah,
it's it's I mean, my dad, my dad and my
mom raised me. Obviously good. It's just like I think,
(43:49):
just with it. I think I'm just having a bad day. Well,
but you said the anxiety is a thing in life. Yeah, no,
it definitely is a thing. But I just have I'm
so motivated and and I've always been though, just like
a hustler, just everything. And I don't do the podcast
just for money. I do it because I like I
(44:12):
have and that's the thing. I have a jewelry company
that I'm so passionate about and so involved with, and
then Raven and I have our podcast that I put
so much energy and creativity in. So when I'm working
so hard for two things and then when I got
like today, I like, it's so disappointed in myself, and
(44:37):
then I the anxiety just starts coming change. Like you
could tell, like, I'm kind of like have hives right now.
So it's fine, totally. You're ruled, though, for success is
screwing you up, right, because when every single day I
(44:57):
show up, I'm so brave, I'm here. You're cutting yourself
up with such strict rules for success that are also
out there in the future that of course there's going
to be anxiety. You gotta I think maybe I'm sorry
friends interrupting that. Maybe just because I'm from the I'm
from Jersey, so it's very fast paced. So that's just
(45:19):
how I am quarantine, and then with quarantine, slow slow
about work, about business. It's just it's just everyone's anxiety
is hot and too just because it's the quarantine. Tom. Yeah,
but when I have a vision for something I want,
like get so excited because I know anything that I
(45:44):
touch is gonna be great. Kid. Anywait, that was it?
That was it right there? Then that's your definition. That's
what you focus on. Is anything I touch is going
to be great, even if I show up late, even
if I sleep in, because that's what you know about yourself,
that's what you were able to raise yourself get to
this point in life. Anything you focus on, anything you
(46:08):
touch is going to be great. That's that's going to
be your antidote to anxiety. My or day is probably
somebody's best day. It's true, you know. Is that that's
to say no, it means you're in the gold and
you've got your eye on failure that hasn't even happened.
(46:30):
It's likely not to happen because that's not how you roll. Yeah.
I really am super positive. I've I have such a
strong mindset with everything, but I do have days like
this work, which is God. I think this is God's plan.
I never talked to a therapist in my life, and
(46:50):
here here we are. I've been telling her therapist literally
the day that I have a mental breakdown, I'm talking
to a therapist. Yeah, yes, let's get super practical to
something you can hold onto. You didn't sleep well, Yeah,
you probably aren't totally hydrated. You didn't get like some
(47:12):
of them right, Yeah, So I can't copy your game
and be able to rise above anxiety and stuff if
you aren't getting basic human needs to which we're all
like you brought up quarantine struggling with because human connection
is not there and so many other things that we
So the more you want to give, the more you
(47:34):
need is the thing to know and you want to lead,
you want to have a podcast, you want to be successful,
The more you need, Yeah, the more I need? What?
What like water? I drink a lot of water, I
work out or today. I think it's just I think
it's just my my vision for Raven and I is
(47:56):
just so I just feel like we're amazing and all
we want to do is bring joy and happiness into
other people's lives and made people laugh and just spread positivity,
and like that's all I want for us to so
(48:17):
when I come up and I'm not a dent, I'm
not doing my job. I'm not spreading that positivity. I'm crying.
I'm like, I want to go back to bed. I
hate myself. I'm ugly, you know, even though I'm actually
a natural beauty, a natural beauty, and I'm getting so
(48:37):
I'm so excited. We can't even do that stuff. Everything
is still shut down. But since you guys are here
for the samission I am. I'm here to cause an
epidemic of joy. The formula for happiness would be very
helpful for you. There is literally a very simple formula,
and you you got out of it today just slightly.
(48:59):
So gonna tell it to you, and I'll tell you
the formula for unhappiness and then you can constantly bring
yourself back. The formula for happiness is when your life
conditions equal your blueprint. You can say like LC equals VP,
and that means that reality equals your expectations. Right. So
(49:20):
what I think is success, or what I think is
doing good, or what I think is what would make
somebody proud of me? Is that actually happening? What happens
when it's not? When the life conditions don't equal the
blueprint anymore, and you sleep late or you aren't on
top of your game. Then said your formula unhappiness. And
(49:42):
then there's an even worse formula, which is the formula
for suffering, which is when life conditions don't equal the blueprint,
so they're out of balance and you feel helpless to
change it. You feel stuck, which is never actually true.
Why I stand for the possibilitarian thing is we're not
We are very powerful people. Everybody has inner power. You
(50:04):
can always change things, so you don't ever have to
feel like you're in that suffering category truly, if you
just get creative about either adjusting one side or the
other of the equation and to change my life conditions,
like I gotta sleep more, or I have to have
other things happen for me to be successful, or I
need to change the other side of the equation and
be like a whole lot kinder to myself and change
(50:24):
the rules for what really showing up and doing a
good good job are so that they're always in balance.
So you just look at one side or the other
of the equation and play with it so that you
can actually feel good. Because girls who are here to
cause happiness and joy should be in that yeah more
often than not. Right, we really we we really are happy.
(50:45):
But I mean I never talked to a therapist before,
so this is the first for the year. Pop in
my charry. So I am just I'm kind of like
in shock. My therapy is usually watching Real Housewives and
going to the gym. But I'm really enjoying this, and
(51:05):
I think that I'm in shock that I am enjoying this.
I've ven is so pro therapy, but I am too,
but in different ways, Like working out gets my head clear,
watching Real Housewives brings me joy, different perspective. You can't,
(51:28):
I mean she made me cry already, So you want man, Yeah,
you you can't. You said you were really independent, and
I think everybody that I work with is we're all
leaders achiever, is trying to do great things in the world.
But that's why I said, the more you want to give,
you more you need, because if you really want to
cause a change in the world for people, then you've
(51:51):
got to ask for help. And relying on me for
even a second to give you some tools or some
different ways of looking at things. Is that? Yeah? I
love that. I love it. I feel so much better.
I think my anxiety is gone. I'm not even lying
like I feel like I feel like it lost like
ten pounds. Ah, it was really good to be Do
(52:16):
you have any issues socially? I UM, my fiance and
are of different faiths and when we've we've been together
for over three years going on for but it was
really a road we had to navigate on our own,
(52:38):
like without family input. We had to decide what we
wanted and then go from there, and it was a
struggle and so UM, but we made it. On the
other side, everything is really good. We have a great
understanding of where he is where I am spiritually, and
great respect for each other's religion and that came through
(53:01):
interfaith counseling that we attended together UM and we plan
to do more counseling in the future. But my question
for you is do you have any tools. I feel
like with our wedding, we have worked out all the
wrinkles and crinkles of what our wedding ceremony would look
like with our um interfaith relationship, and I've also feel
(53:24):
like our individual paths and also being a couple has
been worked out and like what our roles are with
each other when it comes to faith have been worked out.
But one thing that we have both been thinking about
and we don't know even how to begin, is what
we're going to teach our children. How we navigate that
(53:46):
and you know, what's important to him and what's important
to me, and how we find the middle ground. Because um,
the wedding and how we individually and as a couple
come together is is great, But when you bring a
child along and into the equation, you know, we may
(54:07):
feel differently than what we do now, or we may
you know, our families have completely different viewpoints. So we
want to make sure our child is you know, loved
and cultured and has respects for both religions. So what if, boss,
do you have for me saying all that to navigate
(54:30):
children being inter faith parents. I just have to honor
you first, so wholeheartedly for being so on top of
this now before the wedding. I mean, what nobody does this?
You know that they would sort out all these big
questions and concerns in advance, and even your roles and
(54:50):
how you're going to play them together as a couple.
You're gonna be so great. You already so lucky no, really, truly.
I mean, this babe is going to be the luckiest
because I've studied all the religions and all the paths.
I was really um a big seeker as a kid,
trying to figure out the truth of this life. And
(55:12):
what I think is true of all the paths is
there's some shared values in them that they all stand
for love, you know, they all stand for some goodness
that I think would be so interesting. And this little
baby is going to be so lucky because the baby
will get exposed to two choices and all kinds of
(55:37):
ways of expressing these values and living these values, and
that baby will likely be able to choose what he
or she wants either or or maybe even something new.
But I think good parents provide a platform of some sort,
some kind of value that we share, that we stand for.
(55:57):
So if you two could distill, you know, what it
is that's in common with both of these paths that
are shared, you know, for the baby to be marinated
in by both sides, you know, and that there's this
message that you're doubly lucky, or or maybe even more
than that, because some kids will not grow up with
(56:19):
any path and they'll have to find their own, you know,
but to to I take families and couples through a
process of designing the family. That maybe something you do
where you sit down and you look at what's the vision,
like how do we want to live? What do we
stand for as a family in the world, and these
two paths support us in that, and then what are
(56:40):
our shared values and how do we live those so
that it doesn't come down to like arguments about which
religion or which path is right. But if we stand
for love and we get into an argument or there's
a choice to be made, it's like, let's go to that.
Let's go to what would love? Do? You know? So good?
(57:00):
And I think that's so good too, that like both
of you don't make one religion, Like my religion is
better than yours, Like they're very equal on it. And
that's what I love. But that's thank you so much,
Like you've literally cast it a spell on me, and
my anxiety is gone. I feel so much better. I'm
(57:23):
sorry for you did it girl, I'm sorry, honey, I
had no apologies. I'm sorry. So I have the radio
that I talked for forty five minutes about my anxiety.
But you know, I got sorry today, and I was
one lucky gal oh Man. Everybody has anxiety right now.
(57:45):
It's the common theme of what our world is going
through right now. So you gave everybody a big gift
by being vulnerable and real and sharing it, because everybody
will be able to relate. Yeah, let's hope so or
they'll be like, shut up and crying, bitch, don't worry.
I get those there's the axis. There's people that are dying.
(58:07):
I know. God. We thank you, guys, thank you, thank
you so much, thank you absolutely okay, taking care to
bye bye. Wow wow Wow. How therapeutic was that I
(58:28):
never spoke to a therapist and today it was the
day that I needed to the most, and God want
me to worry. I felt like she put a spell
on me and my anxiety went away. Yeah, it made
me feel a lot better because I had a full
blowing panic attack today. And she gave some great advice. Hope.
(58:49):
We gave you great advice on relationships hauling around. And
we also just want to say thank you so I
Hear Radio for having us as host for What a
Girl Wants. We also have our own podcast school It's
Girls Night with Raven and Alexis so boo checking out
(59:11):
and buy some bloop earrings who nationed by alexis the
best hoops around and Shockray s Wade because Raven is
your fashion Misa baby. Thank you guys, and thank you too.
She read she was amazing and I like, I want
to put her in my pocket. And we encourage everyone
(59:35):
to go see a lot coach at therapist and we
hope you are surviving in this quarantine and like we
always say, stay safe and stay happy, fine, Love you
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