Almost Famous In Depth: Matt James Returns

Ben and Ashley reconnect with season 25 Bachelor Matt James for an update on his life and his mindset since we last talked to him. We go IN DEPTH to hear how things are going with Rachael Kirkconnell, and he reveals the crucial off-camera moment during his finale that completely changed their relationship.
 
Find out the biggest challenges they face and how his friendships have changed since being with Rachael.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous in Depth.
We've got Matt James on the Almost Famous podcast. He's
here to talk about his new book coming out Tuesday
May third, called First Impressions. We're also here to talk
about everything going on in Matt's life. It's a lot.
I follow him on Instagram. I'm probably one of his
biggest supporters on Instagram. I don't think I miss a story.

(00:23):
The only thing is I feel like I also can
never figure out where in the world he is or
where in the world he is going. Uh. Matt, thanks
for joining us, Thank you for having me. Uh. I
feel like there's since I've talked last talk to you both,
so much has changed. I mean, Ashley's had a son,
You've gotten married, your your beard is infringing on my

(00:46):
beard now. Um, it's a lot more patchy, buddy, a
lot more. Let's let's start there with that beard. Were
you offended at all that people wanted you to shave
it so bad? Um? No, Because you know, people get
comfortable with things like like once you look a certain
type of way, or you getting a routine, and then

(01:06):
you change it on people, it throws it off. And
there was a lot that went into like me growing
that beard and just being you know, my own person
outside of like this person who I felt like everyone
wanted me to be and expected me to be. So
like that beard was a representation of just like I'm
living my life outside of like how it's been supposed

(01:31):
to go through this experience, like I'm no longer conforming
to what I'm supposed to be doing. And it was nice. Yeo.
I knew that there was symbolism to that beard. I
was like, this is the way for this man to
turn into something else, to like hide behind a blanket
or something like that. Yeah, pretty much. It was great.
The I grew my beard out and it doesn't even

(01:53):
take me two weeks for people to start saying you
should shave Ben, you don't look good. And then I
shave it. So we talked about yeah, me standing up
for myself. Nah, I just shave it. I just trim
it up. Matt. You uh, you have had a lot
going on. You said it best. I mean it was
it was how we're going to broach This whole podcast

(02:14):
is talking about all the changes that have happened in
your life and in our lives. The growth that's happened
over last year. One of those big things for you. Uh,
but it was happening when we were talking last two
is you and Rachel are going strong? Uh still to
this day, how is that going? Just for anybody curious,
it's been it's been incredible, Ben, I mean just being

(02:37):
able to live our lives outside of everyone's expectations has
been able. It allowed us to establish a really strong
foundation and get to know each other and learn about
each other and just grow in a way that it's
hard to do when you're trying to please everybod idea

(03:00):
else and do the things that you know all the
other couples are doing and being this circle and that circle,
and go to this event like we just do our
own thing. And it's been so liberating and freeing in
in every sense that you can imagine, just to not
have to worry about what people think after going through
what we've been through. And um, we do practically everything together,

(03:21):
which allows us to spend a lot of time together
and just get to know each other on a more
personal level. So, uh, it couldn't be going stronger right now?
You know. I don't want to focus on a lot
of the the beginning of your relationship because you guys
are in such a great place right now. But I
do have one question that lingers, and that was us

(03:43):
coming here to this podcast after your finale, you know,
the live show, we all said no way that they
have a future. You know, I thought that there could be,
but the way that he acted towards her, he was
pretty cold. It just doesn't seem like there's ever going
to be anything there. Again, how did you get over
that hump? And how did you do it so fast?
Because it was only about a month later that we

(04:05):
saw you guys together. Um, what you didn't see on
the final rose was that you know, we left the
stage hand in hand. Yeah, really well, but what was
going on before the run and show? Um, we we
we weren't speaking and when you went out, when we

(04:27):
both went out there, like anyone who's been um and
in my seat before and that you know environment, it's
there's not a lot of room for uh, you have
to stick to the script. And there wasn't a lot
that we could have discussed that would have progressed our
relationship on the stage. And there was I feel like

(04:51):
things that the show wanted and things that um, you know,
there's things that the show wanted out of that moment
that you know, we we were done given um control
of our narrative and lives to be exploited for the
most part, so I understand. Yeah, we just we just
had enough, so we weren't budgeting on anything that we

(05:15):
wanted to share and had to say. And after that moment,
it was just like we could finally just be at rest, like,
all right, let's go figure this out. And UM it
took me going through a lot of things to get
to the point where, um, I was ready to admit
that I was in the wrong on a lot of things,
and Rachel was very loving and understanding and accepting my

(05:40):
apology and getting back on track with our relationship. And
that was literally a year ago, like a couple of
days ago. So we hit our one year mark and
it's been smooth sailing, and you know, there's things that
we go through that we have conversations about, but it's
all growth and it's all good. Oh. I'm so happy
for you guys. That's awesome. I feel sense of relief

(06:00):
for you. I can just see it on your face. Yeah, No,
it's nice. Like I, like I said earlier, just nice
not having that the expectations of of other people's relationships
and whatnot. Honest looking back now, though, do you feel

(06:25):
like in your relationship is very strong? It's very fun
to watch people enjoy watching it. You guys have a
good time together. You eat a lot of stuff together.
And do you do you feel like part of that
time period helped you to grow closer together or build
a I mean, I'd like to think of maybe building
like a trust in the two of you coming out

(06:48):
of it, or how would you explain what that time
that was difficult? It was difficult for a lot of
people that we're watching it very closely. What did it
do for the two of you? When you're you are
the two people people are watching. I mean, I truly
can't imagine a couple having to go through more conflict? Yeah,
I think I think conflict turmoil. Ultimately, uh, you know,

(07:10):
it's been or break and it really bent um our
relationship and um it ultimately made it stronger though, because
we went through things that I feel like, you know,
couples don't experience, and you know, five or ten years
of being together sometimes ever, um and being battle tested
means a lot because we both know how we're gonna

(07:31):
respond when adversity comes. And you know, Rachiel trusted me,
and uh, I've I've always respected that, you know from
the very beginning when um, we would have conversations. Uh,
she just trusted me. And it's it's it's hard to

(07:51):
to blindly trust someone when you're in her shoes and
you have no certainty and no reason to trust what
I'm saying to the next person because it's seems like
everyone's being told the same thing and just being built
on trust is the biggest thing. And it's taken um
some time for me to regain that with her, but
we're we're in a really good spot now and um,

(08:15):
now I gotta work on being a better communicator because
she always pulled it out of me, like whenever she's
feeling some type of way, we like address it on
the spot, like you feel like you're this, I feel
like this, I feel like that. And it's and it's
still like a process for me to to get to
that point where I'm just like openly like, yeah, that's
where I'm at. Um, So the communications the next thing

(08:36):
I'm working on with her, and just like meeting her
where she's at you'll get it, because I was, of
course the Rachel in this scenario where everything I was
feeling it was like in Jared space, and he would
stay silent about things for days, and I'd be like,
I know there's something up. I know there's something up,
and he just wouldn't admit to it. And now he
comes home and he's just like, blood, these are my problems. Yeah,

(09:01):
I'm getting there. I'm getting there. Actually teach me your ways, guys.
It's a conversation, Jessica, I have very often, is you
ain't talking, I'm like, I don't know what to say.
Uh um, very very common. Um. Hey, I have a
random question. And and I know a lot of this
is mentioned in your book, this part will not be

(09:22):
I don't think you know. When you came onto the show,
you were a friend too many. You still are a
friend to many, just as many. But your life was like,
definitely like a bachelor life. You were on a boat,
you were in Florida, you were in New York, you
were traveling, eating, doing all this stuff, hanging out with
your buddies, filming weird videos, doing all the things that

(09:44):
friends do together. And then you go on the show,
come off the show. You've got a girl who feels
like very much I won't put words to you, but
feels like one of your closest friends, maybe your best friend.
You can say that if you'd like, and that not
that your boys are neglact did but I'm here too,
I'm I'm saying this all from experience, right, I'm married now, Ye,

(10:05):
how how has that changed for you? Because originally when
we first started following you, it was all a bunch
of dude content and now it's you and Rachel content. Yeah,
so like, how is that changed for you? Oh? Man,
that's a great question. Ben. Uh. You know, you know
what's funny you said that, you know, you mentioned best friends,

(10:26):
and um, early on in our relationship, Rachel referred to
me as her best friend, and I was like, oh,
that's awesome, like that you feel that, you know what
I mean? I was I didn't. I didn't uh reciprocate
that because like my I've never had a girl who
was the best friend, you know, like my best friend's

(10:47):
always been like a teammate or you know, and you
do best friend things together, you know, like you go
out and you do travel and and then as I'm
thinking about what you do with the best friend. Like
that's what I was doing with Rachel, Like she was
my best friend and it was like okay to date

(11:08):
and be with someone who is your best friend. And
it kind of changes the way that I thought about relationship. Um,
and I always thought that you should be friends with
someone before. That's just my thesis. Like I think a
strong relationship is like build on a friendship and then
you know, you see the things that you like in
that person. And that's just my opinion. But UM, I
was reluctant to call Rachel my best friend because I

(11:30):
just felt like that title was reserved for like a
guy or like for like some other But yeah, no,
Rachel is my best friend, and um, it's fun to
do life with that person that knows you the best.
And um, and you can go to about anything. Uh
and you're traveling and your your highs and your lows
like it's it's it's awesome. So like, yeah, the content

(11:53):
is definitely gonna change because you know, um, friends are
forever and there, but they're different seasons in your life.
And when uh, where I'm at in my life, you know,
I'm not doing the things that I was doing before.
I was in a relationship. You know, a lot of
that time spent, uh has now spent with Rachel and

(12:13):
doing things, uh that I would want to do with
someone that you know, I'm hoping to marry one day.
And um, the people who are in my life who
are in that same trajectory understand it because you know, uh,
they're in serious relationships, and the ones who aren't, you know,
have a hard time kind of getting that because they've
never been in the serious relationship. So uh, it's it's

(12:36):
a it's a it's a difficult line to balance for
people who don't get it, But for people who get
it's fun because you get to do things as a
couple and you know, we look forward to like those
couples things now. So does Tyler Cameron get it or
does he not get it? Tyler gets it because he's
been in he's been in serious relationships like I had,
Like he was in more serious relationships than I had

(12:58):
been in up until this point. It, Um, so he
gets it. And when he's in a relationship he kind
of uh had he kind of goes into the same pattern.
You know, you you travel with that person, you meet,
that person's family, spend time with that person's family. UM,
so yeah, he understands, and I think most of my
friends do. M that's beautiful. Ben recently interviewed Tyler, and

(13:31):
it seems like Tyler like he loves the Hollywood life.
You know, he'll always like I like to involve that,
but he wants to kind of have Florida be his
home base, build houses with his dad, which I think
is super cool. So where do you envisioned you and
Rachel ending up? And I imagine that you envisioned your
future with Rachel Rachel races in the room. So I'm

(13:51):
gonna have to tread lightly on this question. Okay. UM
so beforehand, you know, uh, living in New York was
was incredible because I worked in commercial real estate. Um,
I established friends up there. And when you live in
New York, like so many people come through New York,
so you don't really ever have to leave. It's like

(14:13):
no one's like when I lived in Pittsburgh, no one
was making their way through Pittsburgh. It's like, hey man,
I'm casually Pittsburg. Like I didn't get those phone calls.
But being in New York, I got this all the time.
So I love the social aspect of New York. But
with everything that's gone on with you know, the COVID pandemic,
people changing their working patterns and they're uh desire to

(14:35):
live in cities like this. Uh. It's changed my view
on how I wanna, you know, go about spending the
rest of my life. And I want to be somewhere warm,
because when I was quarantining, I love Jupiter. Jupiter is great,
but it's also like an older people's village. You know,
I need more livelihood. I need uh, I need something

(14:57):
that you know has an economics center the it Uh
you're going to be close to the pulse of business.
And the closest thing to that in Florida is Miami.
And that's where I moved. I moved to Miami a
couple of months ago from New York. And you know,
I get to reap the benefits of being close to
the New York. You know, it's it's it's become a
tech chub, and it's become a crypto hub and two

(15:18):
things that I'm really interested in. And and so Miami
has been incredible. I got the water right there and
got traveled back to North Carolina is not very Uh,
it's it's not very difficult because you've got Florida, You've
got Fort Lardale Airport, Miami Airport. Um, the weather is great. Um.
The plan was always for me to get back down

(15:39):
to Florida. And Rachel Uh initially was not a fan
of the idea because like many people, when they think
of Miami, they think of like, yeah, like clubs, like
you know, staying out there. But you know, that's not
my vibe. And I think as she spent time with

(16:01):
me down there, she's realized that, you know, it's like, oh,
like there is a residential side to living in Miami.
And when we leave now, and you can ask Rachel
about this, when we leave now, we will like we
had to go to Minneapolis or something New York for something,
She'll be like, I missed, I miss Miami, like, and
I'm like, I need to get this on record. That's

(16:25):
a big victory for you, man. Yeah. I don't know
if it's a long term, but for for the for
the right now, I love it down there and I
could see myself living there nice. Well, hey, we need
to wrap here with you. And I don't want to
leave this without mentioning two things. And I'm just for
sake of time, I'm gonna allow you to speak on
them as as much as you want. Your book. First impressions,

(16:46):
why should people read it? What should they look forward to?
Why did you write it? Would probably be the questions
there and then ABC Food Tours, what's going on with that?
Where does that stand? And where do you hope that goes? Yeah,
so the book, uh, you know selfish that I initially
started in the book because I was frustrated with my
time on The Bachelor. I was I didn't feel like

(17:08):
it left people with a great representation of what I
was about, what I was interested in, and what brought
me to this point. And so that's what I set
out to provide for people who had all these questions about,
you know, who I was. And as I began to
collect these stories and put it to paper, and I
started to realize that a lot of people could benefit

(17:28):
from the things that I've been through, and uh it
became a you know, a celebration story and uh and uh,
something that a lot of people I feel I could
relate to. There's a lot of themes in my life
that a lot of people have been through, from the
family aspect, from my relationship with my dad, being in
a multi racial relationship. Uh, the risk that I've taken professionally,

(17:52):
you name it. And I think a lot of people
I think that they experienced things by themselves. But what
I realized through the Bachelor experiences when you share with
people and you're vulnerable about where you're at in life,
what you've been through, and what you're going through, a
lot of people are going through similar things and it
allows them to be like, hey, I'm I'm actually I've
been through that, Like let me offer this advice. So like,

(18:15):
I'm hoping that when people read this book, they're able
to see themselves and me and my experiences and pull,
you know, strength and energy from the things that I've
been through and be a champion for them going forward. Um.
So that was a really big part of why I
wrote the book and why I'm excited for people to
have it in their hands. Matt, Can we please, please

(18:36):
please have you back on when after I read the book,
because I could have so many more questions after I
read the book, and I want to like further this
discussion so much more. Absolutely, there's some good tea in there,
you know, I'm sure there is, because you gave us
the t about walking off the stage hand in hand,
and I feel like there's gonna be a lot more
of that. So we're gonna have to, like, you know,
talk it out. And now, okay, let's talk about ABC

(18:58):
Food real quick. First impressions come out May third, and
so it's I'm assuming it's everywhere you buy books, right, yes,
and there's an audiobook every every which way you can
you can get to information. We've got to cover great Okay,
ABC Food Tours. ABC Food Tours. So another thing I
was hoping that you know, the show would want to
highlight and dive a little bit deeper into because it's

(19:21):
a lot of who I am. You know, I put
a lot of time and resources into that, uh, that
nonprofit that um you know, we we we very quickly
brushed over and we took a little bit more time
and things that I didn't think were was important. So
there's a lot of antidotes from you know, why I
started ABC Food Tours with Tyler, uh, the impact it's

(19:42):
had on my life, and different and different stories from
the students that we've worked with. That again, I think
can relate to a lot of different people, and it
just adds perspective for people who are going through things
or think that they have uh life tough, and I
I just can't wait to share those stories with people

(20:03):
and see how they respond to them. Um. It's it's
a long time coming sharing with those students, especially after
everything that happened with with COVID and the pandemic and
the plans that we have to to work with them
and their families in their community. So uh yeah, there's
there's some very very strong characters in there that I

(20:26):
think will resonate with a lot of people. So to
learn more about ABC Food Tours, they can pick up
your book First Impressions on May three, anywhere you can
buy books. You can listen to it on audio books.
You can learn about ABC Food Tours. You can from
there go and look it up. Um, so much going
onto your life on your on in your Life, Matt.
From Ashley myself, we want to wish you and Rachel
the absolute best, have a great time. Thanks for joining us.

(20:48):
Sorry we went over so many minutes here, um, but
we're celebrating the two of you. We're celebrating your book,
uh and your work with ABC Food Tours and everything else.
They're up to in this world. Um that again. I
try to follow you on Instagram. I usually don't know
where you're at, and I usually don't know what you're doing,
but I usually know you're eating some type of food
and that's enough. I know you're healthy. Hey, thanks a lot, Matt,

(21:10):
Congrats Matt, thank you, Ashley, see you guys. Follow the
Benn and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on I Heart Radio,
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