September 12, 2023 • 50 mins
Raven Gates is here to tell Ashley everything she needs to know before she and Jared try for a second baby, which is sooner than we thought!
Raven gets real about how she keeps the sparks alive with Adam, and you won’t believe the roleplay dates they set up for each other!
Plus, we take things to a possible TMI place… with some nipple talk.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hey everyone, welcome to Almost Famous with Ben out still
in Italy. We decided to have some girl some mom time,
so I have my friend Raven Gates on the.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Phone right now on zoom. Hey, Raven, you.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Just started out by telling me it's been one of
those days, and I was like, let's just press record,
because that's what we're here to vent about, those days,
which you and I have experienced for the first time
in the past year and a half and now you
are just doubling it with the second baby. So please
tell me what was your day, Like.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
Today's one of those days. And I'm like, what have
I done? Yes, takeet bay And for the most part,
I love it, but you know how hard it is.
And then just like I ran in here, I was
like five minutes late hopping on because I was like, Okay,
we can go to Chick fil a Gates to like
(01:00):
play and they have like a little play area there.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:04):
Well I get there and then Max starts screaming, So
it's like, you know, now it's not just solely one,
it's like one in the other and balancing that and
I'm like dying.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Yeah, okay, I'm here for you, and I am just
terrified to like be in your position. So like you
were the same, like we wanted I want another child, yes,
you want perhaps more, but we'll get there later.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
You definitely want that second.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
You got pregnant with your second when you were nine
months postpartum with Gates, so like, I know that was
a surprise, and I was like, girl, I don't know
what I mean. You know, like i'd be happy and
be like, Okay, well, we're just gonna knock it out,
and then for me.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
I'd be like and then we're gonna be done and
we're gonna do it all together.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
But I just like don't know, like how you're doing
two under two, So just like let us in well.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
To be honest with you, Usually most of my days,
people get onto me on Instagram a lot because they
think I'm sugarcoating it. I really love and enjoy being
a mom. I love it even on hard days. I
really love it, and honestly, I think I'm pretty good
at it. Adam has a much tougher time than I do.
(02:27):
It doesn't come assual to him. Plus I think it's
just like the man thing they have a learning curve
for sure, is very very hard for him. He even
told me the other day, he was like, is postpartum
depression for men real? And I'm like, it totally, Yeah,
of course it is. I was like, and you are
(02:49):
totally fine to feel that way. Most days are really good,
but like today, you just have to know there are
gonna be days like yeah, and it's hard. But for
the most part, I love it, and I feel like
I've done really really well balancing it. But you know,
(03:12):
we just all have. We have good days and bad
days and we're getting through it.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
You know, you touched on something A couple of things
there that I do want to bring up.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
First, your Instagram.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
You do make mothering look easy, and I do look
to you as like an inspiration amuse at some times,
and then half the time I'm like, how the does
she do it like this?
Speaker 3 (03:35):
I'm like, she just made it like.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
She's got her hair and makeup done. You said before
we got on, You're like, you look pretty. I was like, literally,
I put on mascara and t did moisture rides are
on for you, Raven, because you impressed me every day
with putting yourself together. And yeah, so like what I
do think it comes easier to you. But let's go
(03:57):
back to Instagram. Lots of people do comment and they're
like is this really Like how do you do this?
Speaker 3 (04:01):
How do you do this?
Speaker 2 (04:02):
And I have twenty eight hours of like nanny help
every week and I am still.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Just getting by.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Thank God for the nanny because she makes me feel
relatively sane. But like before she came into my life,
when he was at nine months, I was like losing
my ship.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
Yeah, totally. I mean, I think we were supposed to
mother with a community and we just don't have that anymore.
Like our culture doesn't help us mother It's really put
on the mom. But yeah, I've been kind of in
this little dilemma with Instagram because you see a lot
(04:40):
of negativity about mothering. Oh it almost discourages and I'm
not saying not to be real, but sometimes it discourages
women from being mothers. But my hope on my Instagram
is to, like you said, being cur urging and kind
(05:01):
of like a muse to people and not make people
feel like less than or like she's doing it and
I'm not. And I've been trying to make sure people
know that but I also find motherhood to be very beautiful,
(05:21):
and to be honest, I recognize that it's much easier
for me than most. And I think it's because I
all my best friends back home have six to twelve
year olds. Okay, so I've been around forever, my nieces,
my nephew. I mean, I have been a baby person forever,
(05:44):
and I helped raise my nephew from the time he
was born, and my niece, and so I'm just I
kind of feel very confident in being a mom. And
I actually had many women in my life that were
music is to me and so showing that I have
(06:04):
makeup and my hair done.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
And all of that.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
It's not every day, but I think, you know what,
it may be like two o'clock in the afternoon when
I finally get one kid asleep and I'm just going
to bring the other baby in here with me, throw
some toys in the floor, and like do my hair makeup.
Not for anybody else, but like I like to do it.
(06:27):
And that kind of helped me be me and not
get like lost in the chaos of being a mom.
But for other girls, like make hair and makeup's a
hassle for some people. They don't enjoy it. It's not
like therapeutic.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
I do enjoy it. I like enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I get like a half an hour to listen to
a podcast while I do my makeup and he's somewhere else.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
It's amazing.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Yes, And so for like, for you, that's therapeutic if
you can just set the baby aside, let him play
and you do your hair makeup for like twenty twenty
minute routine or less. You can like a five minute
routine or whatever. Yeah, I think some may see that
as like, well, it's just a half song, like do
my hair makeup and stuff. So you just have to
(07:11):
like do your thing, the one thing, your own thing.
Do like one thing I told someone on Instagram the
other day that have a cup of coffee when when
everyone's asleep.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
Oh, I was gonna say when it's hot.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
Or take a bath, take a quick bath like something
me you can enjoy and that way you just kind
of feel like yourself, you know, just a little bit
something in the day for you. But like I said,
today has just been like there's no there's no time today.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Well, like I even feel guilty about like when the
nanny comes and it's like nine o'clock and I'm like.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
Okay, it's time to get to work.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Like I feel like if I waste any time where
I'm not working during those times, I'm wasting. Like in
the back of my head, I'm like, you're wasting. You're wasting,
even though like sometimes I'm like, I'm gonna take this
hot cup of coffee, bring it back to bed and
watch the first half an hour of Kelly and Mark
without trying.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
To like think about anything else.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Why do I have this guilt that, like, when I
have free time, I still need to be productive.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Is do you find that? Yes?
Speaker 4 (08:12):
I do. I especially did with Gates when I just
had Gates. But with two, I'm just like, I need
the cup of coffee. I need I need it, I
have to have it. You loosen up a little bit,
at least I did. But no, I totally understand that
that mom guilt with I mean, I have it. I
have it really bad because Adam wants to travel, so
(08:35):
he wants to go and do in like them's in Italy.
We just went to Italy for our baby moon. No,
the whole way, the whole time we were there, I
told Adam, I want you to know I'm really struggling.
I feel guilty blah blah blah.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
And because you love Gates.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
Yeah, and just like that time, you know you, I
think mom guilt is just inevitable, you know, Like.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
I want to go like on little trips, like just
a couple of trips for like three nights. I think
that would be nice, But Jared won't do it. Jared's like,
I want.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
To be with Dawson.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
You know, We're going to talk about him the entire time,
and we're just going to FaceTime and look at pictures
of him, and we're gonna be.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Like, why do we do this?
Speaker 2 (09:18):
And I'm like, yeah, I think we would do that
like the first day, and then we'd be like, oh,
this is kind of good for us, and we do
that with you know, when we go to weddings and stuff. Yeah,
but Jared is very much team like, we don't leave
Dawson unless we have to.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
Yeah. Yeah, and I I get that completely, But you
guys also need your time too. It's so hard though,
because he probably feels the guilt leaving.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Him well, probably because he doesn't have as much time
with him during the week, because like Adam, he's at work,
he's away from the house the majority of the Monday
through Friday and like even weekends and stuff. So I have,
like my Phil a lot of Dawson and he is
just always craving more quality time. Yeah, yeah, lots of
(10:05):
lots of things. So I want to go from here. Okay, Well, Adam, Adam,
and you actually did inspire me through something on your
Instagram and I told you this last week, But like.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
I was like, how did they go on date nights?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Like they're always on date night, Like they like they're
always like a dinner and it's so nice, and like
their relationship just seems like we have a very healthy, open,
very communicative relationship. But like the thing is, like there's
something about you guys that just like there just seems
to be a lot of romance still there even though
you've been together for six years.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
And then you mentioned that.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
You had the date calendar and that you plan your
dates out, which I love, and I like didn't even
realize that that's like something you sort of have to
do because we would always just be like, oh, well,
we'll see later in the week if we have like
an opening at the end of the week, and then
we could see if we could get a sitter, right,
but you guys like really make it a point and priority.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
So can you share what you guys do and how
you've been doing it?
Speaker 4 (11:01):
Yeah, for sure, I think well, I think i've shared
with this this before with you that we have done
all sorts of couples counseling before.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
I was going to bring that up, yes, and I.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
Think that really helped. But yeah, just having the kids,
I just I think one thing with counseling, and then
also just like your partner in general, knowing their weaknesses.
And I know that if I don't have some time
with Adam, we're going to lose it, Like we're going
(11:34):
to lose the spark, we're going to get in the mundane.
And it's just like Adam traveling. I know he wants
to travel, so like there are things that we know
about each other's personality that we try to stay on
top of. But when it comes to planning dates, there's
so many good restaurants here in Dallas, Like that's one
of our reservations, is like getting out and trying new restaurants.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Yeah, and since we're so jealous of everything you eat.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
Oh my gosh, it's so good. Well, you just have
to come to Dallas and we'll take you to all
the places. But scheduling it out and having a date
on the calendar for me helps me with the boys
because I have something to look forward to, Yes, because
you can get so lost, as you know, you get
(12:20):
so lost and up to your head with work, with
being a mom, that you just need I tell Adam
all the time, let's just like book a trip six
months out, a year out and just have something to
look forward to. And so we just kind of started
doing that with dates like this weekend we have a date,
and then we have some weddings coming up, so I
(12:41):
kind of consider like us going to a wedding as
a date of ours, you know, And that has helped
so so much, just for not even between me and Adam.
It's helped me not to kind of like lose it
for myself, like yeah, okay, I can still you know,
go out and get dressed up, and then of course
we have a good time because we get to reconnect again.
(13:03):
But yeah, I don't know, it's it's hard. It's very hard.
And like you said, we were doing the whole thing
like if we have free time, we'll go. Something always
comes up like you schedule it, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Yes, well, I appreciate you guys for giving us that idea.
I think we also were just like, oh, like the weekend, right,
like you obviously would go out on a cand but
like no, like for us, like, actually, like Wednesday's work better,
So we're probably just gonna stick to a Wednesday like
every other Wednesday. And I want to make it different
dates because when we went to Paradise, going on like
(13:37):
the jet skis and stuff like that, was that was
way more sparky than just going to dinner over and
over again.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
Totally yeah, yeah, you gotta spice it up a little bit.
I was just telling Adam it's been six years since
Paradise and that seems like such a far well, like
another lifetime ago. But going on those tops of dates
is important because you need a little romance and in
(14:06):
the mix of everything, I need to still feel like
my husband thinks I'm sexy, exact, And I was totally
joking with Adam the other day, but he was kind
of like we could do that. I was like, let's
just because after the C section, you can't have sex
for until you're cleared. So I told him I was
like you have if you want to sleep with me,
you have to take me on a hot date.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Yeah, like a different date, right, yes, like a different date.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
Like you have to wo me, like act like you're
dating me. And he was like, well, why don't we
just meet.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
At a bar and oh, I love it so much, act.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
Like we don't know each other and like I'm trying
to get you to sleep with me. And I was like,
oh my gosh, I'm down for that.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Oh my god, I'd be so down for that.
Speaker 4 (14:53):
Isn't that fun just to like go and you know,
I mean it's it's pretend it's play, but you're so
comfortable with each other at this point, it's like could
be really fun and spicy. You know.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
I so want to do that now. Thank you for
that idea.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
So with Adam, I know that you guys live in
Dallas because of his work.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Now it's his all. This family still in southern California
or is there a parent that's in Dallas.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
Yes, one brother and his dad is in California and
then one another brother and his mom is.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Here in Texas. Okay, so you have his mom, yeah,
but like you don't have your parents.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
So for me, the biggest struggle with having Dawson has
just been not having my parents there and my sister
there to help on a daily basis. I think, like
very much. It's like a I think the mom's parents
like need to be around, like extreme dependency.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
Yeah all the time. Our lives would be so different
if my mom lived close to us.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Yeah, I know all the time.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
Yes, Mom, every day and even my dad. My dad
joke around like he can literally be a not nurse
because he will just stay up all night with the
babies and not going. And I was like, our lives
would be totally different if my mom was here. That
(16:40):
it makes you like really really miss your mom.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
It's like probably the only area in like our lives
where it's like we are in different pages. Don't like
know a solution on it at all. Like Jared kind
of wants to do like the winters in Virginia. I'm like, so,
you you're telling me that you want to live for
three months out of the year in my parents' basement,
(17:05):
like if you want to, like okay, But he like
is so just tied to Rhode Island.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
I don't know what we're gonna do for the second.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
It just feels like impossible not to have like that
full hands on family, like the feeling of practically having
your parents live with you, Like because I know that
my mom would never go a day without seeing Dawson
if we lived there and pretty much stay with my sister.
And my dad is like so obsessed with him too,
like every day, like when's my Dawson FaceTime?
Speaker 4 (17:36):
You know?
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Yeah, so totally Oh is that isn't it? Is it frustrating?
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Do you guys ever debate where you might end up
or because you're building a house.
Speaker 4 (17:45):
Yeah, No, it's always been that we're living here. It's
always that has always been the agreement.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Yeah, it's kind of same with us, And everything changed
when we had Dawson, because, like, I was totally fine.
I living in Rhode Island. It's an hour flight for
my parents. I go home for almost a week every month.
We're very lucky in that. Of course, when we had
to add the second child and then Dawson turns two,
then the flights are going to get way more expensive,
and that's something to consider too. We will be able
to bounce back and forth so much exactly, you know, right, so,
(18:18):
like and my parents will never ever move here.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
My dad wants to die.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
In our house in Virginia. Now, when your parents move
to Texas.
Speaker 4 (18:29):
I don't see them moving. They have toyed with that idea.
I truly never got my hopes up because I just
don't see that happening. Yeah, and my mom's retired now,
my dad can retire anytime, so that helps come here.
But it's just like you, it's an hour flight and
it's like seven and a half hour drive if we
(18:50):
were to drive, yeah, seven hours, so it's exactly the same.
But no, I mean, I just I think I have
already warned my mom not being here, Yeah, because I
just know there's four our me and Adam. There's no
way she'll never be here. Yeah. I totally understand that
(19:16):
my life would be so different if my mother was here.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
And it's not as if we don't love our mother
in laws like I totally do. It's just like I'm
not going to ask her constantly like can you watch him.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
If I get my nails done down the street?
Speaker 4 (19:28):
Well, yes, And it's not like like you're comfortable with
your mom and for you're that you can kind of
snap at them if.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
You need to.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
Oh, yeah, absolutely, I can't do that, like I'm not
as comfortable as like I can't ask if I can
go get my nails done, like it's just so much
better with my mom. And then I think, and you too,
for now, where are the where are the boy moms?
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Yeah, yes, so we're we're.
Speaker 4 (19:57):
Gonna be We're never going to be the girl mom.
So well maybe we will. Yeah, but I just think
about that, like I'll be like my like Adam's okay,
sorry law, Yes, Adam's mom had three boys when I
had Gates, and you know the whole story I was about.
I was pushing I wanted her in the room because
(20:20):
she would never get to see the birth of her
grandchild and she's with a with a daughter in law.
I just think about that. I'm like, if I only
have sons, I may not get to see. I may
not be as close. I may not get to see,
I may not get to experience. And so I just
(20:41):
think about that because I'm like, yeah, it's definitely different
girls mother's it's totally different. I'm okay with that, but
it's for my children, but it's different, Like it's not
going to be like how how a girl is with
her mom, Like the son.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Is with the mom. Yep, exactly like it.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
And Jared also has this thing and I'm sure Adam
sort of would have the same thing.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
He doesn't love.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Asking for help from his parents even when we need it,
Like it's a pride thing.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
Oh, Adam will ask at the drop of a hat,
even if I.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Don't jealous, jealous.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
Even if I don't need it. He'll be like, I
call my mom just coming over, and I appreciate it
so much. Yeah, he But I also remember you saying
that Jared was very hands on, very good with Dawson.
Yeah he is sing and Adam Adam is, like I said,
Adam is struggles with that. So I think that's why
(21:39):
he's so much more willing to interesting.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Okay, yeah, that could be it. So how has he
grown in all that?
Speaker 4 (21:46):
I really think it has to do with Gates's age
and just being able to communicate a little bit, smile, laugh,
play like those were so important for Adam and he
definitely had a learning curve, like right now with Max.
Max is almost two months old and Adam does not
(22:08):
know what to do with Max. He has no idea
and this is not his first rodeo like he has
done this before.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
And he had Adam's my dad.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Adam was my dad with us, and is my dad
with Dawson when he was an infant. Like, my dad
didn't hold Dawson until he was like five days old,
even though we were like living at their house, because
he was like, I'm gonna break up. I have no
interest in infants, blah blah blah. But now he just
obsessed and like very hands on. It's so funny how
some men just can't handle infants.
Speaker 4 (22:41):
Yeah, it's just so different. And I guess I don't
know about your dad, but I know Adam hasn't had
never been around babies before, so he has a huge
learning curve of like what that? And then he did
it again and then here we are, and now I
know my expectation. He's just not good at the infancy stage.
(23:03):
And that's fine because you know they usually want just
their mom anyway, and they're a big blob. You just
feed them, put them to bed, change the dpper. It's
like clockwork. But he's so much better with Gates. It's
just like I told him the other day, I was like,
I'm so proud of you for your relationship with Gates.
(23:23):
Not I didn't know. I knew he would be a
good dad, yeah, but I didn't know how it was
going to develop after seeing him with Gates.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
As a new born like that to freak you out.
Speaker 4 (23:35):
No, I just like, you better get it together, like
this is our life. So like he had to figure
it out, and I was very frustrated at times.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
I still am.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
I still get very frustrated at Adam because I hear
of all these girls, I'm like, low key jealous, Like
they're like, oh yeah, he gets up in the middle
of the night. I'm like, yeah, I'm so jealous. Like
Adam's brother, older brother was down here last weekend, the
one that lives in California, and his sister in law
was like telling me, oh yeah, Will gets up in
(24:07):
the middle of the night. We everything is fifty to fifties.
I give a bottle, it's his turn next. I changed
a job, or it's his turn next. I'm like, Adam,
are you hearing this? Like can you take some notes?
Can you like change it up for every once in
a while.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
But so we all have our things that were jealous of.
I'm jealous of you being like the perfect pregnant person
because you never have any symptoms and then you're jealous
of me because when it's in the infant stage, Jared
was very you're diaper, my diaper, your bottle, my bottle.
Speaker 4 (24:36):
Yes, that's amazing to have that kind of partner.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
So you were prepared though.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
I remember you telling me the last time we podcast
together that it was on my I Don't get it
podcast by the way, guys, and it was when we
were both pregnant. You may have had the baby, may
have been pregnant.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
It was something like that.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
No, no, no, we didn't do that. That wasn't the situation.
Because we had the babies within ten days a part
of each other.
Speaker 4 (24:55):
We must have been been pregnant.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
We are both pregnant.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
So I remember you talking about marriage therapy and how
you did it beforehand and how you're very prepared going
into motherhood and fatherhood because you were like going to
take that traditional maybe some may say old school mother route.
So how did you guys discuss that? Like I just
want to kind of know and like, do you still
(25:19):
do therapy? Just like keep it on a healthy level.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
So Adam and I and I might have said this
in on your other podcast. We grew up totally different,
and I just that's what I wanted for my family,
and I reserve my right to change my mind. I
reserve my right to the traditional stay at home.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
And I deserve my it's my right to say I
don't want to live in Rude Island anymore.
Speaker 4 (25:48):
Yes, exactly, exactly, No.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
I'm kidding, I'm really I'm actually like quite good here
right now during the summer and lots of family visits.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
But yes, go ahead continue, Yes, I totally agree.
Speaker 4 (26:00):
But like therapy was really helpful for us, which we
we were mandatory how to do therapy before we got
married just because we had different religious backgrounds and so
to get married under a certain rabbi, we had to
do all this therapy. So it kind of forced us
to do it. It was like, not, we're not, like
we didn't seek it on our own, so we haven't
(26:21):
stayed on top of it. But it did just highlight
some of those differences we had, and like let's find
common ground, like or maybe open our eyes to the
perspective a little differently than what we would have before,
because we are so different. Adam and I are so different,
(26:42):
and I don't know, I think, like I said earlier,
I was just so prepared because I've been around babies.
I wanted babies, and Adam not. So he wanted a family,
but he just grew up completely different.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Because his parents weren't together and it wasn't like the
kind of family unit you had.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
No, it was all of it, really, but he, like
his mom and dad were workaholics, so he wasn't around
them like I was around my mom, and so for
him it was very easy to delegate a ton of
time for a nanny or a housekeeper or this or that.
(27:28):
That was just like his normal. And for me, I
was like, I never had anyone ever clean my house before.
That was just unheard of from like where I come from.
That was just I don't think you could get a housekeeper.
I mean that was just like, I mean crazy to
think that someone could even afford one. So we were
(27:49):
just totally different socioeconomics, religion, everything. So to have someone
to kind of come through all the things that we
needed and wanted individually and then connect the dots for
us of what would work was really helpful.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Yeah, it sounds it, And I've given that advice that
you gave us about like it's just a healthy, good thing.
To go through before getting married to other people, being like, if.
Speaker 3 (28:17):
You feel awkward addressing this issue.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Go to Premier Riddle Counseling and then they'll bring it
up for you and then you guys can hash it
out in in an environment in which like it's not
going to get like overly hostile because there's going to
be a mediator. Yes one, All right, let's talk a
little bit about Max and your past few months. So
you had the plan C section because well it was
It wasn't because of the way that Gates was born,
(28:42):
which was in total traumatic fashion, and we don't have
to go into that, but you would think that after
that you would have had a plan sea section, just
because a lot of the times they don't do vbax,
which means if you have a first if you have
a C section, depending on your obi, they may not
be keen on the idea of you try a vaginal birth.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
So that wasn't the case. You actually had a placenta issue.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
Yeah, so she told me, going, I had such a
horrible experience with Gates's.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
Birth, and yeah, I would have just wanted the sea section.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
Well, the most terrifying part about Gates's birth was the
sea section for me, Oh my god, I forgot I
felt everything. Yeah and little So okay, let me just
tell you the story because I need to tell you
this on or off a podcast.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
But okay, if you're okay and comfortable being on.
Speaker 4 (29:34):
I so I wanted to do a v back because
I was terrified at the sea section. That would a
movie for me. I mean, and I hear experiences like
you and some of my other girlfriends that have just
like amazing birthing experience sea section or vaginal delivery, Like
I've heard amazing things, and all my C section girlfriends
(29:58):
are like, oh, it's the best thing. You're in and
you're out as fifteen minutes. It's like, absolutely not. I
could never ever go through that again. That was a
horror movie. And so I told my ob and she's like,
I usually do not do vbas because there's risk involved
in all the stuff, she said, but if you want
to try, I won't say no. It's it's up to you.
(30:21):
So when we did my anatomy scam, my placenta was growing.
Like the umbilical cord is supposed to be in the middle,
it was on the side of my placenta. So I
wouldn't have been able to birth the placenta or like,
you know, push the placenta out. I could have pushed
(30:41):
the baby out fine, but not the placenta. So she's like, Okay,
we're gonna have a c section because you could have
the baby and then have a c section for the placenta.
We don't want to do.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
Definitely not not another crazy experience either an unexpected experience
at least with the plan sees action you have hopefully yeah,
knowledge that like it's all going to go according to plan.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (31:04):
And my Obi turned around in her chair and she said, listen,
it's not going to be like last time.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (31:12):
I said, how do I know? And she said, the
person who was administrating your drugs had has gotten fired
from the hospital. Holy shit over me.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
So like, you're the aneesiologist. Yes, you know, my dad's
an anesthesiologist.
Speaker 4 (31:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
So it was Adam's mom.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Oh no way, Wow, we have so much in common.
Speaker 4 (31:37):
Oh it's crazy. So fast forward. It was the most
amazing thing I've ever experienced. It for you quick perfect.
I'm like, okay, now I get it. I when they
pulled him out of me and I was like, they're
stitching you up and everything. I just cried and I
thinked by the nurses and the OBI. I was just
(32:00):
thank you. I knew this validated my experience with Gates
because I knew it was not supposed to be that way. Yeah,
so anyway, it was just amazing.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
It was.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
It was so much better. So I'm so happy and relieved.
I was praying for you that day and I was.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
I mean, what you went through was absolutely ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
It's crazy that the antasy theologist has been fired because
I mean what you went through was absolutely you.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
Know, it's bad if that's the case.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
So yeah, okay, so happy that went smoothly. But then
you started breastfeeding and it was going smoothly and then
all of a sudden you had awful metisis.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
Can you explain what that is and what you went through?
Speaker 4 (32:53):
So this is a little TMI, but I've said it
on Instagram, I can say it on a podcast. I
have inverted nipples, so it's very hard for me to breastfeed,
and even the nervses were like, it's going to be
very very difficult for you. There's like levels of inverted
nipples and I have level three, which is the worst,
(33:15):
and most of the time. Level three nipples don't produce
milk at all because they never get stimulated enough to
so I with Gates, it was very hard for me.
I dried up within two months and started my period
the next day. It was just bizarre, and I had
(33:37):
like third degree burns on my nipple, like burns on
my nipples from something because it was that hard to
get my nipples out. So with Max, I was determined
just to do it as long as it did. With Gates,
I know I could do two months. I did it
before months, and it was so much easier. The first
(34:02):
month it was a breeze. I still had to pump
every time because I still have the issue of the
inverted nipples, but my milk flow was way better. I
was keeping up with his demand. And then all of
a sudden, again like with Gates, I got I got
mass isis well.
Speaker 3 (34:22):
Thank you for pronouncing it correctly, my bad.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
I usually don't pronounce words correct And so it all
started the same thing happened it was, I got the infection.
I also started breaking out in hoves on my eye
and I still I woke up last night and had
(34:46):
it on my eyes and my milk dropped got the infection,
got on medicine, milk came back up, got some another infection,
milk went down, and now I'm like completely empty.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
Well I'm sorry about that.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
You didn't met You did almost be your goal though,
right you were like you were almost were almost there.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
It's about two weeks two weeks away from being there.
So but breast treating is hard. I mean, you know.
Speaker 3 (35:16):
How I mean, I don't know, because you know I
didn't do it.
Speaker 4 (35:20):
There you go. See, I didn't mind if I have
a third I'm just packing the formula in my hospital
bag and that's all I'm gonna do because it's just
mentally exhausting, physically exhausting, and I just my body's not
made for it.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Yeah, I have just I grew up. I wasn't breastfed.
Jared wasn't breastfed from the very start. So it was
like I was kind of surrounded by women who who
didn't like prioriti like, I mean, doesn't it's whatever. I'm
just gonna say things the way i'm gonna say, not
try to be overly careful. They didn't like prioritize that,
and like they had a great journey with formula feeding
(35:59):
and then my sister in law, who gave birth three
months earlier, she's like, I tried in the hospital and
I said, no, thank.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
You, here's the formula.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
And then for me, when I was just so much
needing my body back after just being wrecked for like
seven months, that I was like, I'm like, yeah, yeah,
I'm not going to like attempt. I'm so sorry, but
I'm like not gonna attempt. I need it back, you know,
And I know turn yeah, like you we're good.
Speaker 4 (36:26):
It's all good.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
I saw this funny meme that was like, Okay, yes,
you're a breast fed, but like, also, your kid's going
to eat a fry off like their car seat in
a matter of months, so.
Speaker 4 (36:39):
What's the matter. Like when I was going through all
this stuff trying to breastfeed, my mom's like I can't
help you. She's like I literally have no words of
encouragement to give you because I didn't do this. She's like,
just forget the formula. My mom was like, get the formula, girl,
you're just doing too much.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
Let's talk about your birth date, Like your birthday was
your birth date, and when you found out that your
ob scheduled it for your birthday this plan c section.
Were you like, a can we do like the day
before or the day after, because like I don't want
to share birthdays? Or were you like this is beautiful.
I would love to share a birthday. Dawson shares a
birthday with my my mom, so that's.
Speaker 4 (37:19):
Quite Oh my god, that's so cool. I bet she
loved that.
Speaker 3 (37:23):
She loved it.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
We thought it like when I knew my do date
was February tenth, I was like, I bet you I
have him on the thirty first, and then there it
was really.
Speaker 4 (37:32):
Weird how kids end up on dates of family members.
Like out of all the days out.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
There, there's a lot, we have a lot of rollover
my family. I think there's three dates that we have
multiple birthdays on. And then the thirty January thirty first,
my mom's birthday. Dawson's birthday was also the day that
my parents met. I think it was forty forty one,
Maybe like forty two years.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
To the day. I'd have to do the math, but
I think maybe forty two years today.
Speaker 4 (38:02):
I just there, to me, there are no coincidences. It's
just really really cool to see that. That's so bizarre
and who would have thought, it's just so crazy. It
has to have some sort of meaning, like meant to
be the destiny all of that. Yeah, Adam definitely did
not want us to share a birthday. He down to
(38:27):
the day. We were walking in the hospital. He's like,
you can't do this tomorrow. I'm like, Adam, we are here,
we're this is happening in thirty minutes, Like what are
you talking about. He's like, I just just don't watch
you all to share a birthday for me. I didn't
care because, like, for I'm not a huge birthday person.
(38:48):
Like I told Adam, I want a pink cake for
my birthday.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
That's all.
Speaker 4 (38:53):
I want something pink and girlly and just not for
boys and just very girly. And so he did, he
got me a pink heartcake.
Speaker 3 (39:02):
But I was excited.
Speaker 4 (39:04):
I thought it was really cool. I love that his
birthday is seven twenty thirty twenty three. It's on my birthday.
What a what a? Oh it was my thirty second birthday,
so we have like thirty two twenty three. I was
just like, it's supposed to happen. And then what's crazy
is I was born at ten eighteen. He was born
(39:26):
at eight ten, so we have those numbers in common too,
So I just thought it was really cool. But Adam
absolutely did not want us to share birthday. He's still
mad about that thing.
Speaker 3 (39:38):
Oh that's so funny, all right.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
You've mentioned it recently on Instagram that like Gates at
first was so cool with Max, so so sweet. Off
those videos melted my heart of him running in and
visiting you guys in the hospital.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
Oh my, that's video.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
Ever, Like I feel like, yeah, I need to like
I should have screen recorded. But recently he's had some
jealousy issues with Max.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Can you elaborate?
Speaker 4 (40:05):
Oh my gosh, he like wakes up every morning he's
like baby and he goes and gets he comes with
me to get Max and he'll like kiss him and
all of that, and he'll be like baby baby. He's
just like obsessed with him. But then throughout the day
he will he loves to bop him as hard as
he can on the head, and any chance he gets
(40:29):
he takes.
Speaker 3 (40:30):
I can see Dawson doing this so clearly.
Speaker 4 (40:32):
Anytime he's bopping him on the head. And I mean
he is rough. If you have if anyone has seen
my son Gates, he's huge. He's wide. Yeah, very wide
and very strong.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
He looks like a two and a half year old,
not a one and a half year old.
Speaker 4 (40:50):
It's crazy. He's just we call him hoss Baby instead
of boss Baby. We call him hoss Baby because he's
literally just so massive and strong. And so the first
time he bopped him on the head, I was like,
oh my gosh, like it, does he have a concussion?
I swear, I'm freath so scary.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
I'm so sorry he is.
Speaker 4 (41:10):
And now it's like I just know if I hear.
If I have Max playing on his mat or doing
tummy tom on the floor and Gates all of a
sudden gets really quiet, I know I better run to
Max because he's just like got his hand up ready
to bop him in the head and then he'll like
give him a kiss. I'm like, I know what you
were doing, Gates. He's just getting to that point. And
(41:33):
I'm sure it's d awsin too, like they can't verbalize how
they feel and so they just kind of act out.
And so it's just kind of been difficult in that
because when you're feeding the baby, I can't go to
Gates's ever he needs them once like I have been
the past year and a half, and so it's just
(41:55):
been challenging in that regard. But it's a hate thing
for Gates right now.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
I also he's like at an age where he doesn't
get it, like hopefully with like like we're gonna start
try next month, which holy shit, now I know I'm
getting off my spornal lactone today, which is like the
worst thing ever because you're.
Speaker 3 (42:23):
Supposed to be off of it for a month. It's
my like acting drug.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
And yeah, like I think it's like an additional nine
months plus whatever.
Speaker 3 (42:33):
Who knows how much.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
Will help him to like understand that, like you can't
hurt things, because he's definitely in like the handsy phase.
And as much fun as this age is a year
and a half, it's also it's when the temper tantrums
start because they just don't know how to communicate when
they're frustrated.
Speaker 4 (42:51):
Yes, that was just insplay. Just like ten minutes before
I hopped on this phone call, Max is screaming. Then
Gates is mad that I couldn't pick him up. I'm like,
your brother's screaming, But he doesn't understand. It's just like
a tough time with emotions at this age. But it'll
be nice for Dawson too, because a lot of people
(43:13):
told me to let Gates give the baby a gift
for his arrival or whatever make him feel included, and like,
the baby can give Gates a gift. Well, Gates was
still too young for even that, Like he had no
idea what a gift was, and so I couldn't include
him in the pregnancy or the birth because he just
(43:34):
didn't have He doesn't have. He just wasn't old enough yet.
But Dawson will be old enough. I mean even if
he got pregnant next month and nine months from then,
I mean, Dawson's gonna understand like, oh baby, okay, give
the baby a gift at the hospital or baby's coming
home with us, and he'll kind of kind of understand
(43:56):
it a little bit better.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
For sure, should be acknowledged that I'm like, ugh, next month, wait,
and you totally understand, right, because it's like you want
more kids, but you also just don't know how to
hand through your life. So your good friend Tia just
posted something very relatable on Instagram because she her baby
is what like nine months Yeah, I he'll be here
(44:20):
in December, Okay, So she said, like, I'm just going
through a hard time right now because well, I don't
have that much time for myself. It feels like everything
is either taking care of the baby, taking care of
the house, or doing work. And I just kind of like,
don't know that we have advice on this butt like
we're there with you for anybody.
Speaker 3 (44:40):
Out there in our in our and we're all in
this together.
Speaker 4 (44:44):
Adams calls it, we're in the trenches, that's what he says.
Speaker 3 (44:47):
Yeah, when people ask like.
Speaker 4 (44:48):
How are you, He's like, we're in the trenches, like
we're in war right now. So we get it.
Speaker 3 (44:54):
Yeah, it's like it's just the best of times and
the worst of times.
Speaker 4 (44:58):
Yeah, it is. And and I had this conversation the
other day because it has been really hard on him,
and of course it's been hard on me too, but
way way more on Adam. And he said, you know,
I wouldn't mind another child. He's like, but it's just
so hard. And I told him, the time's going to
(45:21):
pass either way. None if you got pregnant next month,
nine months are going to pass regardless, So they're either
going to pass with you being pregnant or not. And
it's it's it's it's such fleeting to think that time
time is going to stay with us forever, because it doesn't.
(45:42):
So if you can just make it past nine months
that are already going to pass anyway, you can like
change your perspective on things. Because I was Adam was like, well,
if I had five more years before we had kids,
I could get this where, this, this place in my
career and all these things. I said, yeah, but you
(46:04):
would have wasted five years. I just feel like the
time was going to like we would have either started
family now and been in the trenches now, or we
would have started a family in five years and been
in the trenches in five years, if you know what
I mean. Oh, like there's no avoiding it. I guess. So,
but you're gonna get out. We're gonna see the light.
Speaker 2 (46:25):
And I think the light is gonna come around like
four where you're just like straight up and enjoying, right.
Speaker 4 (46:31):
Yeah, when they get Adam says, he asks everybody advice
all the time, and he's they tell him that when
they can buckle themselves up in the seat in the car,
that like even in the car seat, that is like freedom, Yeah,
because you don't have to buckle them up. He's just like,
get in the car and they buckle themselves up. He's like, then,
(46:53):
then you know what freedom tastes like, because it's that
little baby step that it's just the baby noss is
almost over.
Speaker 3 (47:00):
Sure, m h all right, I know I have to
let you go. In a second.
Speaker 2 (47:02):
I do have one more question, but I also just
wanted to put out a little advice that I got
from people on Instagram when I brought up the whole, like, Okay,
I was ready for one. I knew I was ready
when I wanted to start, but now, like, how do
you know when you're ready for a second? And the
best advice I got was for multiple people saying similar things,
is said, you won't regret having another, but chances are
(47:24):
if you don't have another, you're.
Speaker 3 (47:25):
Going to regret not having the other. Yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
Final question is Adam does say that in the house
you're building that you're going to put like this third bedroom,
a third kid bedroom in there. So for somebody who's
really like stressed out about all of this, he's open
to the idea of another one, would he want it
sooner rather than later so you don't have to do
those five years and then be like, oh gosh, we're
gonna start fresh again.
Speaker 4 (47:50):
Yes, he said that. When we it was really funny.
It was like leaning over the table looking at his
plans and he's like, oh, we could cut down square
if we got rid of and he like stared at
the fourth room for a really long time, and then
he was like, but if we have another one, and
(48:10):
I was like, oh, so there's a chance, there's a
chance mine and he's like, oh right, and he's cussing
at me and stuff. He's like, I don't know if
I'm ready for that, you know, all that stuff. He's
like five minutes later, he's like, I like the name
Brock for you know, Brock Godshock.
Speaker 2 (48:27):
That sounds like that's actually pretty cool. He also sounds
like a wrestler, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (48:32):
Really athletic jock something. And I was like, okay, so
we it's in the back of his mind, so we'll see.
But for right now, it's so hard to say you'll
have another one that's a newborn.
Speaker 3 (48:46):
Yeah, my goodness, no way.
Speaker 2 (48:48):
All right, Well, I'm so excited that we're going to
put this out there and that like we got you
on the podcast to talk about all this stuff. It's
just hearing the stuff makes me feel better as a mom.
Speaker 3 (49:02):
So I know that.
Speaker 4 (49:02):
We're I'm excited for you. Wow, Oh my.
Speaker 3 (49:05):
Gosh, are you really me?
Speaker 4 (49:07):
Me?
Speaker 3 (49:08):
I am.
Speaker 4 (49:09):
I'm excited for you. And you know what if you,
if you do, you know, get pregnant, close in age
and all of that. One day they'll play together.
Speaker 3 (49:19):
Oh, I know.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
I'm so excited about that because they're gonna I know
that he's gonna Dawson's gonna love playing with somebody. And
you know, some people say that the transitions easier to
a certain point, you know, after what you know, you know,
not the newborn new birthdays, but like once he starts
to interact and sit up straight, you know.
Speaker 4 (49:37):
Yes, excited for you. Thank you for having me on this.
Speaker 3 (49:41):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (49:41):
It's so fun me too, all right, I admire you
a ton. All right, we'll see you next time. Until then,
I've been Ashley.
Speaker 3 (49:50):
Follow my lead.
Speaker 2 (49:52):
Oh I've been raven. Yeah you say, I've been raven.
It's like our weird sign off thing.
Speaker 3 (49:57):
I make everybody feel awkward at the end. Okay, bye bye.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on
iHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hey everyone, welcome to Almost Famous with Ben out still
in Italy. We decided to have some girl some mom time,
so I have my friend Raven Gates on the.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Phone right now on zoom. Hey, Raven, you.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Just started out by telling me it's been one of
those days, and I was like, let's just press record,
because that's what we're here to vent about, those days,
which you and I have experienced for the first time
in the past year and a half and now you
are just doubling it with the second baby. So please
tell me what was your day, Like.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
Today's one of those days. And I'm like, what have
I done? Yes, takeet bay And for the most part,
I love it, but you know how hard it is.
And then just like I ran in here, I was
like five minutes late hopping on because I was like, Okay,
we can go to Chick fil a Gates to like
(01:00):
play and they have like a little play area there.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:04):
Well I get there and then Max starts screaming, So
it's like, you know, now it's not just solely one,
it's like one in the other and balancing that and
I'm like dying.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Yeah, okay, I'm here for you, and I am just
terrified to like be in your position. So like you
were the same, like we wanted I want another child, yes,
you want perhaps more, but we'll get there later.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
You definitely want that second.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
You got pregnant with your second when you were nine
months postpartum with Gates, so like, I know that was
a surprise, and I was like, girl, I don't know
what I mean. You know, like i'd be happy and
be like, Okay, well, we're just gonna knock it out,
and then for me.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
I'd be like and then we're gonna be done and
we're gonna do it all together.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
But I just like don't know, like how you're doing
two under two, So just like let us in well.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
To be honest with you, Usually most of my days,
people get onto me on Instagram a lot because they
think I'm sugarcoating it. I really love and enjoy being
a mom. I love it even on hard days. I
really love it, and honestly, I think I'm pretty good
at it. Adam has a much tougher time than I do.
(02:27):
It doesn't come assual to him. Plus I think it's
just like the man thing they have a learning curve
for sure, is very very hard for him. He even
told me the other day, he was like, is postpartum
depression for men real? And I'm like, it totally, Yeah,
of course it is. I was like, and you are
(02:49):
totally fine to feel that way. Most days are really good,
but like today, you just have to know there are
gonna be days like yeah, and it's hard. But for
the most part, I love it, and I feel like
I've done really really well balancing it. But you know,
(03:12):
we just all have. We have good days and bad
days and we're getting through it.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
You know, you touched on something A couple of things
there that I do want to bring up.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
First, your Instagram.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
You do make mothering look easy, and I do look
to you as like an inspiration amuse at some times,
and then half the time I'm like, how the does
she do it like this?
Speaker 3 (03:35):
I'm like, she just made it like.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
She's got her hair and makeup done. You said before
we got on, You're like, you look pretty. I was like, literally,
I put on mascara and t did moisture rides are
on for you, Raven, because you impressed me every day
with putting yourself together. And yeah, so like what I
do think it comes easier to you. But let's go
(03:57):
back to Instagram. Lots of people do comment and they're
like is this really Like how do you do this?
Speaker 3 (04:01):
How do you do this?
Speaker 2 (04:02):
And I have twenty eight hours of like nanny help
every week and I am still.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Just getting by.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Thank God for the nanny because she makes me feel
relatively sane. But like before she came into my life,
when he was at nine months, I was like losing
my ship.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
Yeah, totally. I mean, I think we were supposed to
mother with a community and we just don't have that anymore.
Like our culture doesn't help us mother It's really put
on the mom. But yeah, I've been kind of in
this little dilemma with Instagram because you see a lot
(04:40):
of negativity about mothering. Oh it almost discourages and I'm
not saying not to be real, but sometimes it discourages
women from being mothers. But my hope on my Instagram
is to, like you said, being cur urging and kind
(05:01):
of like a muse to people and not make people
feel like less than or like she's doing it and
I'm not. And I've been trying to make sure people
know that but I also find motherhood to be very beautiful,
(05:21):
and to be honest, I recognize that it's much easier
for me than most. And I think it's because I
all my best friends back home have six to twelve
year olds. Okay, so I've been around forever, my nieces,
my nephew. I mean, I have been a baby person forever,
(05:44):
and I helped raise my nephew from the time he
was born, and my niece, and so I'm just I
kind of feel very confident in being a mom. And
I actually had many women in my life that were
music is to me and so showing that I have
(06:04):
makeup and my hair done.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
And all of that.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
It's not every day, but I think, you know what,
it may be like two o'clock in the afternoon when
I finally get one kid asleep and I'm just going
to bring the other baby in here with me, throw
some toys in the floor, and like do my hair makeup.
Not for anybody else, but like I like to do it.
(06:27):
And that kind of helped me be me and not
get like lost in the chaos of being a mom.
But for other girls, like make hair and makeup's a
hassle for some people. They don't enjoy it. It's not
like therapeutic.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
I do enjoy it. I like enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I get like a half an hour to listen to
a podcast while I do my makeup and he's somewhere else.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
It's amazing.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Yes, And so for like, for you, that's therapeutic if
you can just set the baby aside, let him play
and you do your hair makeup for like twenty twenty
minute routine or less. You can like a five minute
routine or whatever. Yeah, I think some may see that
as like, well, it's just a half song, like do
my hair makeup and stuff. So you just have to
(07:11):
like do your thing, the one thing, your own thing.
Do like one thing I told someone on Instagram the
other day that have a cup of coffee when when
everyone's asleep.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
Oh, I was gonna say when it's hot.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
Or take a bath, take a quick bath like something
me you can enjoy and that way you just kind
of feel like yourself, you know, just a little bit
something in the day for you. But like I said,
today has just been like there's no there's no time today.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Well, like I even feel guilty about like when the
nanny comes and it's like nine o'clock and I'm like.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
Okay, it's time to get to work.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Like I feel like if I waste any time where
I'm not working during those times, I'm wasting. Like in
the back of my head, I'm like, you're wasting. You're wasting,
even though like sometimes I'm like, I'm gonna take this
hot cup of coffee, bring it back to bed and
watch the first half an hour of Kelly and Mark
without trying.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
To like think about anything else.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Why do I have this guilt that, like, when I
have free time, I still need to be productive.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Is do you find that? Yes?
Speaker 4 (08:12):
I do. I especially did with Gates when I just
had Gates. But with two, I'm just like, I need
the cup of coffee. I need I need it, I
have to have it. You loosen up a little bit,
at least I did. But no, I totally understand that
that mom guilt with I mean, I have it. I
have it really bad because Adam wants to travel, so
(08:35):
he wants to go and do in like them's in Italy.
We just went to Italy for our baby moon. No,
the whole way, the whole time we were there, I
told Adam, I want you to know I'm really struggling.
I feel guilty blah blah blah.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
And because you love Gates.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
Yeah, and just like that time, you know you, I
think mom guilt is just inevitable, you know, Like.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
I want to go like on little trips, like just
a couple of trips for like three nights. I think
that would be nice, But Jared won't do it. Jared's like,
I want.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
To be with Dawson.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
You know, We're going to talk about him the entire time,
and we're just going to FaceTime and look at pictures
of him, and we're gonna be.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Like, why do we do this?
Speaker 2 (09:18):
And I'm like, yeah, I think we would do that
like the first day, and then we'd be like, oh,
this is kind of good for us, and we do
that with you know, when we go to weddings and stuff. Yeah,
but Jared is very much team like, we don't leave
Dawson unless we have to.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
Yeah. Yeah, and I I get that completely, But you
guys also need your time too. It's so hard though,
because he probably feels the guilt leaving.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Him well, probably because he doesn't have as much time
with him during the week, because like Adam, he's at work,
he's away from the house the majority of the Monday
through Friday and like even weekends and stuff. So I have,
like my Phil a lot of Dawson and he is
just always craving more quality time. Yeah, yeah, lots of
(10:05):
lots of things. So I want to go from here. Okay, Well, Adam, Adam,
and you actually did inspire me through something on your
Instagram and I told you this last week, But like.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
I was like, how did they go on date nights?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Like they're always on date night, Like they like they're
always like a dinner and it's so nice, and like
their relationship just seems like we have a very healthy, open,
very communicative relationship. But like the thing is, like there's
something about you guys that just like there just seems
to be a lot of romance still there even though
you've been together for six years.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
And then you mentioned that.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
You had the date calendar and that you plan your
dates out, which I love, and I like didn't even
realize that that's like something you sort of have to
do because we would always just be like, oh, well,
we'll see later in the week if we have like
an opening at the end of the week, and then
we could see if we could get a sitter, right,
but you guys like really make it a point and priority.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
So can you share what you guys do and how
you've been doing it?
Speaker 4 (11:01):
Yeah, for sure, I think well, I think i've shared
with this this before with you that we have done
all sorts of couples counseling before.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
I was going to bring that up, yes, and I.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
Think that really helped. But yeah, just having the kids,
I just I think one thing with counseling, and then
also just like your partner in general, knowing their weaknesses.
And I know that if I don't have some time
with Adam, we're going to lose it, Like we're going
(11:34):
to lose the spark, we're going to get in the mundane.
And it's just like Adam traveling. I know he wants
to travel, so like there are things that we know
about each other's personality that we try to stay on
top of. But when it comes to planning dates, there's
so many good restaurants here in Dallas, Like that's one
of our reservations, is like getting out and trying new restaurants.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Yeah, and since we're so jealous of everything you eat.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
Oh my gosh, it's so good. Well, you just have
to come to Dallas and we'll take you to all
the places. But scheduling it out and having a date
on the calendar for me helps me with the boys
because I have something to look forward to, Yes, because
you can get so lost, as you know, you get
(12:20):
so lost and up to your head with work, with
being a mom, that you just need I tell Adam
all the time, let's just like book a trip six
months out, a year out and just have something to
look forward to. And so we just kind of started
doing that with dates like this weekend we have a date,
and then we have some weddings coming up, so I
(12:41):
kind of consider like us going to a wedding as
a date of ours, you know, And that has helped
so so much, just for not even between me and Adam.
It's helped me not to kind of like lose it
for myself, like yeah, okay, I can still you know,
go out and get dressed up, and then of course
we have a good time because we get to reconnect again.
(13:03):
But yeah, I don't know, it's it's hard. It's very hard.
And like you said, we were doing the whole thing
like if we have free time, we'll go. Something always
comes up like you schedule it, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Yes, well, I appreciate you guys for giving us that idea.
I think we also were just like, oh, like the weekend, right,
like you obviously would go out on a cand but
like no, like for us, like, actually, like Wednesday's work better,
So we're probably just gonna stick to a Wednesday like
every other Wednesday. And I want to make it different
dates because when we went to Paradise, going on like
(13:37):
the jet skis and stuff like that, was that was
way more sparky than just going to dinner over and
over again.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
Totally yeah, yeah, you gotta spice it up a little bit.
I was just telling Adam it's been six years since
Paradise and that seems like such a far well, like
another lifetime ago. But going on those tops of dates
is important because you need a little romance and in
(14:06):
the mix of everything, I need to still feel like
my husband thinks I'm sexy, exact, And I was totally
joking with Adam the other day, but he was kind
of like we could do that. I was like, let's
just because after the C section, you can't have sex
for until you're cleared. So I told him I was
like you have if you want to sleep with me,
you have to take me on a hot date.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Yeah, like a different date, right, yes, like a different date.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
Like you have to wo me, like act like you're
dating me. And he was like, well, why don't we
just meet.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
At a bar and oh, I love it so much, act.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
Like we don't know each other and like I'm trying
to get you to sleep with me. And I was like,
oh my gosh, I'm down for that.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Oh my god, I'd be so down for that.
Speaker 4 (14:53):
Isn't that fun just to like go and you know,
I mean it's it's pretend it's play, but you're so
comfortable with each other at this point, it's like could
be really fun and spicy. You know.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
I so want to do that now. Thank you for
that idea.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
So with Adam, I know that you guys live in
Dallas because of his work.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Now it's his all. This family still in southern California
or is there a parent that's in Dallas.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
Yes, one brother and his dad is in California and
then one another brother and his mom is.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Here in Texas. Okay, so you have his mom, yeah,
but like you don't have your parents.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
So for me, the biggest struggle with having Dawson has
just been not having my parents there and my sister
there to help on a daily basis. I think, like
very much. It's like a I think the mom's parents
like need to be around, like extreme dependency.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
Yeah all the time. Our lives would be so different
if my mom lived close to us.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Yeah, I know all the time.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
Yes, Mom, every day and even my dad. My dad
joke around like he can literally be a not nurse
because he will just stay up all night with the
babies and not going. And I was like, our lives
would be totally different if my mom was here. That
(16:40):
it makes you like really really miss your mom.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
It's like probably the only area in like our lives
where it's like we are in different pages. Don't like
know a solution on it at all. Like Jared kind
of wants to do like the winters in Virginia. I'm like, so,
you you're telling me that you want to live for
three months out of the year in my parents' basement,
(17:05):
like if you want to, like okay, But he like
is so just tied to Rhode Island.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
I don't know what we're gonna do for the second.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
It just feels like impossible not to have like that
full hands on family, like the feeling of practically having
your parents live with you, Like because I know that
my mom would never go a day without seeing Dawson
if we lived there and pretty much stay with my sister.
And my dad is like so obsessed with him too,
like every day, like when's my Dawson FaceTime?
Speaker 4 (17:36):
You know?
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Yeah, so totally Oh is that isn't it? Is it frustrating?
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Do you guys ever debate where you might end up
or because you're building a house.
Speaker 4 (17:45):
Yeah, No, it's always been that we're living here. It's
always that has always been the agreement.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Yeah, it's kind of same with us, And everything changed
when we had Dawson, because, like, I was totally fine.
I living in Rhode Island. It's an hour flight for
my parents. I go home for almost a week every month.
We're very lucky in that. Of course, when we had
to add the second child and then Dawson turns two,
then the flights are going to get way more expensive,
and that's something to consider too. We will be able
to bounce back and forth so much exactly, you know, right, so,
(18:18):
like and my parents will never ever move here.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
My dad wants to die.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
In our house in Virginia. Now, when your parents move
to Texas.
Speaker 4 (18:29):
I don't see them moving. They have toyed with that idea.
I truly never got my hopes up because I just
don't see that happening. Yeah, and my mom's retired now,
my dad can retire anytime, so that helps come here.
But it's just like you, it's an hour flight and
it's like seven and a half hour drive if we
(18:50):
were to drive, yeah, seven hours, so it's exactly the same.
But no, I mean, I just I think I have
already warned my mom not being here, Yeah, because I
just know there's four our me and Adam. There's no
way she'll never be here. Yeah. I totally understand that
(19:16):
my life would be so different if my mother was here.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
And it's not as if we don't love our mother
in laws like I totally do. It's just like I'm
not going to ask her constantly like can you watch him.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
If I get my nails done down the street?
Speaker 4 (19:28):
Well, yes, And it's not like like you're comfortable with
your mom and for you're that you can kind of
snap at them if.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
You need to.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
Oh, yeah, absolutely, I can't do that, like I'm not
as comfortable as like I can't ask if I can
go get my nails done, like it's just so much
better with my mom. And then I think, and you too,
for now, where are the where are the boy moms?
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Yeah, yes, so we're we're.
Speaker 4 (19:57):
Gonna be We're never going to be the girl mom.
So well maybe we will. Yeah, but I just think
about that, like I'll be like my like Adam's okay,
sorry law, Yes, Adam's mom had three boys when I
had Gates, and you know the whole story I was about.
I was pushing I wanted her in the room because
(20:20):
she would never get to see the birth of her
grandchild and she's with a with a daughter in law.
I just think about that. I'm like, if I only
have sons, I may not get to see. I may
not be as close. I may not get to see,
I may not get to experience. And so I just
(20:41):
think about that because I'm like, yeah, it's definitely different
girls mother's it's totally different. I'm okay with that, but
it's for my children, but it's different, Like it's not
going to be like how how a girl is with
her mom, Like the son.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Is with the mom. Yep, exactly like it.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
And Jared also has this thing and I'm sure Adam
sort of would have the same thing.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
He doesn't love.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Asking for help from his parents even when we need it,
Like it's a pride thing.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
Oh, Adam will ask at the drop of a hat,
even if I.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Don't jealous, jealous.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
Even if I don't need it. He'll be like, I
call my mom just coming over, and I appreciate it
so much. Yeah, he But I also remember you saying
that Jared was very hands on, very good with Dawson.
Yeah he is sing and Adam Adam is, like I said,
Adam is struggles with that. So I think that's why
(21:39):
he's so much more willing to interesting.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Okay, yeah, that could be it. So how has he
grown in all that?
Speaker 4 (21:46):
I really think it has to do with Gates's age
and just being able to communicate a little bit, smile, laugh,
play like those were so important for Adam and he
definitely had a learning curve, like right now with Max.
Max is almost two months old and Adam does not
(22:08):
know what to do with Max. He has no idea
and this is not his first rodeo like he has
done this before.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
And he had Adam's my dad.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Adam was my dad with us, and is my dad
with Dawson when he was an infant. Like, my dad
didn't hold Dawson until he was like five days old,
even though we were like living at their house, because
he was like, I'm gonna break up. I have no
interest in infants, blah blah blah. But now he just
obsessed and like very hands on. It's so funny how
some men just can't handle infants.
Speaker 4 (22:41):
Yeah, it's just so different. And I guess I don't
know about your dad, but I know Adam hasn't had
never been around babies before, so he has a huge
learning curve of like what that? And then he did
it again and then here we are, and now I
know my expectation. He's just not good at the infancy stage.
(23:03):
And that's fine because you know they usually want just
their mom anyway, and they're a big blob. You just
feed them, put them to bed, change the dpper. It's
like clockwork. But he's so much better with Gates. It's
just like I told him the other day, I was like,
I'm so proud of you for your relationship with Gates.
(23:23):
Not I didn't know. I knew he would be a
good dad, yeah, but I didn't know how it was
going to develop after seeing him with Gates.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
As a new born like that to freak you out.
Speaker 4 (23:35):
No, I just like, you better get it together, like
this is our life. So like he had to figure
it out, and I was very frustrated at times.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
I still am.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
I still get very frustrated at Adam because I hear
of all these girls, I'm like, low key jealous, Like
they're like, oh yeah, he gets up in the middle
of the night. I'm like, yeah, I'm so jealous. Like
Adam's brother, older brother was down here last weekend, the
one that lives in California, and his sister in law
was like telling me, oh yeah, Will gets up in
(24:07):
the middle of the night. We everything is fifty to fifties.
I give a bottle, it's his turn next. I changed
a job, or it's his turn next. I'm like, Adam,
are you hearing this? Like can you take some notes?
Can you like change it up for every once in
a while.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
But so we all have our things that were jealous of.
I'm jealous of you being like the perfect pregnant person
because you never have any symptoms and then you're jealous
of me because when it's in the infant stage, Jared
was very you're diaper, my diaper, your bottle, my bottle.
Speaker 4 (24:36):
Yes, that's amazing to have that kind of partner.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
So you were prepared though.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
I remember you telling me the last time we podcast
together that it was on my I Don't get it
podcast by the way, guys, and it was when we
were both pregnant. You may have had the baby, may
have been pregnant.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
It was something like that.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
No, no, no, we didn't do that. That wasn't the situation.
Because we had the babies within ten days a part
of each other.
Speaker 4 (24:55):
We must have been been pregnant.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
We are both pregnant.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
So I remember you talking about marriage therapy and how
you did it beforehand and how you're very prepared going
into motherhood and fatherhood because you were like going to
take that traditional maybe some may say old school mother route.
So how did you guys discuss that? Like I just
want to kind of know and like, do you still
(25:19):
do therapy? Just like keep it on a healthy level.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
So Adam and I and I might have said this
in on your other podcast. We grew up totally different,
and I just that's what I wanted for my family,
and I reserve my right to change my mind. I
reserve my right to the traditional stay at home.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
And I deserve my it's my right to say I
don't want to live in Rude Island anymore.
Speaker 4 (25:48):
Yes, exactly, exactly, No.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
I'm kidding, I'm really I'm actually like quite good here
right now during the summer and lots of family visits.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
But yes, go ahead continue, Yes, I totally agree.
Speaker 4 (26:00):
But like therapy was really helpful for us, which we
we were mandatory how to do therapy before we got
married just because we had different religious backgrounds and so
to get married under a certain rabbi, we had to
do all this therapy. So it kind of forced us
to do it. It was like, not, we're not, like
we didn't seek it on our own, so we haven't
(26:21):
stayed on top of it. But it did just highlight
some of those differences we had, and like let's find
common ground, like or maybe open our eyes to the
perspective a little differently than what we would have before,
because we are so different. Adam and I are so different,
(26:42):
and I don't know, I think, like I said earlier,
I was just so prepared because I've been around babies.
I wanted babies, and Adam not. So he wanted a family,
but he just grew up completely different.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Because his parents weren't together and it wasn't like the
kind of family unit you had.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
No, it was all of it, really, but he, like
his mom and dad were workaholics, so he wasn't around
them like I was around my mom, and so for
him it was very easy to delegate a ton of
time for a nanny or a housekeeper or this or that.
(27:28):
That was just like his normal. And for me, I
was like, I never had anyone ever clean my house before.
That was just unheard of from like where I come from.
That was just I don't think you could get a housekeeper.
I mean that was just like, I mean crazy to
think that someone could even afford one. So we were
(27:49):
just totally different socioeconomics, religion, everything. So to have someone
to kind of come through all the things that we
needed and wanted individually and then connect the dots for
us of what would work was really helpful.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Yeah, it sounds it, And I've given that advice that
you gave us about like it's just a healthy, good thing.
To go through before getting married to other people, being like, if.
Speaker 3 (28:17):
You feel awkward addressing this issue.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Go to Premier Riddle Counseling and then they'll bring it
up for you and then you guys can hash it
out in in an environment in which like it's not
going to get like overly hostile because there's going to
be a mediator. Yes one, All right, let's talk a
little bit about Max and your past few months. So
you had the plan C section because well it was
It wasn't because of the way that Gates was born,
(28:42):
which was in total traumatic fashion, and we don't have
to go into that, but you would think that after
that you would have had a plan sea section, just
because a lot of the times they don't do vbax,
which means if you have a first if you have
a C section, depending on your obi, they may not
be keen on the idea of you try a vaginal birth.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
So that wasn't the case. You actually had a placenta issue.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
Yeah, so she told me, going, I had such a
horrible experience with Gates's.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
Birth, and yeah, I would have just wanted the sea section.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
Well, the most terrifying part about Gates's birth was the
sea section for me, Oh my god, I forgot I
felt everything. Yeah and little So okay, let me just
tell you the story because I need to tell you
this on or off a podcast.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
But okay, if you're okay and comfortable being on.
Speaker 4 (29:34):
I so I wanted to do a v back because
I was terrified at the sea section. That would a
movie for me. I mean, and I hear experiences like
you and some of my other girlfriends that have just
like amazing birthing experience sea section or vaginal delivery, Like
I've heard amazing things, and all my C section girlfriends
(29:58):
are like, oh, it's the best thing. You're in and
you're out as fifteen minutes. It's like, absolutely not. I
could never ever go through that again. That was a
horror movie. And so I told my ob and she's like,
I usually do not do vbas because there's risk involved
in all the stuff, she said, but if you want
to try, I won't say no. It's it's up to you.
(30:21):
So when we did my anatomy scam, my placenta was growing.
Like the umbilical cord is supposed to be in the middle,
it was on the side of my placenta. So I
wouldn't have been able to birth the placenta or like,
you know, push the placenta out. I could have pushed
(30:41):
the baby out fine, but not the placenta. So she's like, Okay,
we're gonna have a c section because you could have
the baby and then have a c section for the placenta.
We don't want to do.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
Definitely not not another crazy experience either an unexpected experience
at least with the plan sees action you have hopefully yeah,
knowledge that like it's all going to go according to plan.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (31:04):
And my Obi turned around in her chair and she said, listen,
it's not going to be like last time.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (31:12):
I said, how do I know? And she said, the
person who was administrating your drugs had has gotten fired
from the hospital. Holy shit over me.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
So like, you're the aneesiologist. Yes, you know, my dad's
an anesthesiologist.
Speaker 4 (31:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
So it was Adam's mom.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Oh no way, Wow, we have so much in common.
Speaker 4 (31:37):
Oh it's crazy. So fast forward. It was the most
amazing thing I've ever experienced. It for you quick perfect.
I'm like, okay, now I get it. I when they
pulled him out of me and I was like, they're
stitching you up and everything. I just cried and I
thinked by the nurses and the OBI. I was just
(32:00):
thank you. I knew this validated my experience with Gates
because I knew it was not supposed to be that way. Yeah,
so anyway, it was just amazing.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
It was.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
It was so much better. So I'm so happy and relieved.
I was praying for you that day and I was.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
I mean, what you went through was absolutely ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
It's crazy that the antasy theologist has been fired because
I mean what you went through was absolutely you.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
Know, it's bad if that's the case.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
So yeah, okay, so happy that went smoothly. But then
you started breastfeeding and it was going smoothly and then
all of a sudden you had awful metisis.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
Can you explain what that is and what you went through?
Speaker 4 (32:53):
So this is a little TMI, but I've said it
on Instagram, I can say it on a podcast. I
have inverted nipples, so it's very hard for me to breastfeed,
and even the nervses were like, it's going to be
very very difficult for you. There's like levels of inverted
nipples and I have level three, which is the worst,
(33:15):
and most of the time. Level three nipples don't produce
milk at all because they never get stimulated enough to
so I with Gates, it was very hard for me.
I dried up within two months and started my period
the next day. It was just bizarre, and I had
(33:37):
like third degree burns on my nipple, like burns on
my nipples from something because it was that hard to
get my nipples out. So with Max, I was determined
just to do it as long as it did. With Gates,
I know I could do two months. I did it
before months, and it was so much easier. The first
(34:02):
month it was a breeze. I still had to pump
every time because I still have the issue of the
inverted nipples, but my milk flow was way better. I
was keeping up with his demand. And then all of
a sudden, again like with Gates, I got I got
mass isis well.
Speaker 3 (34:22):
Thank you for pronouncing it correctly, my bad.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
I usually don't pronounce words correct And so it all
started the same thing happened it was, I got the infection.
I also started breaking out in hoves on my eye
and I still I woke up last night and had
(34:46):
it on my eyes and my milk dropped got the infection,
got on medicine, milk came back up, got some another infection,
milk went down, and now I'm like completely empty.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
Well I'm sorry about that.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
You didn't met You did almost be your goal though,
right you were like you were almost were almost there.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
It's about two weeks two weeks away from being there.
So but breast treating is hard. I mean, you know.
Speaker 3 (35:16):
How I mean, I don't know, because you know I
didn't do it.
Speaker 4 (35:20):
There you go. See, I didn't mind if I have
a third I'm just packing the formula in my hospital
bag and that's all I'm gonna do because it's just
mentally exhausting, physically exhausting, and I just my body's not
made for it.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Yeah, I have just I grew up. I wasn't breastfed.
Jared wasn't breastfed from the very start. So it was
like I was kind of surrounded by women who who
didn't like prioriti like, I mean, doesn't it's whatever. I'm
just gonna say things the way i'm gonna say, not
try to be overly careful. They didn't like prioritize that,
and like they had a great journey with formula feeding
(35:59):
and then my sister in law, who gave birth three
months earlier, she's like, I tried in the hospital and
I said, no, thank.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
You, here's the formula.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
And then for me, when I was just so much
needing my body back after just being wrecked for like
seven months, that I was like, I'm like, yeah, yeah,
I'm not going to like attempt. I'm so sorry, but
I'm like not gonna attempt. I need it back, you know,
And I know turn yeah, like you we're good.
Speaker 4 (36:26):
It's all good.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
I saw this funny meme that was like, Okay, yes,
you're a breast fed, but like, also, your kid's going
to eat a fry off like their car seat in
a matter of months, so.
Speaker 4 (36:39):
What's the matter. Like when I was going through all
this stuff trying to breastfeed, my mom's like I can't
help you. She's like I literally have no words of
encouragement to give you because I didn't do this. She's like,
just forget the formula. My mom was like, get the formula, girl,
you're just doing too much.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
Let's talk about your birth date, Like your birthday was
your birth date, and when you found out that your
ob scheduled it for your birthday this plan c section.
Were you like, a can we do like the day
before or the day after, because like I don't want
to share birthdays? Or were you like this is beautiful.
I would love to share a birthday. Dawson shares a
birthday with my my mom, so that's.
Speaker 4 (37:19):
Quite Oh my god, that's so cool. I bet she
loved that.
Speaker 3 (37:23):
She loved it.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
We thought it like when I knew my do date
was February tenth, I was like, I bet you I
have him on the thirty first, and then there it
was really.
Speaker 4 (37:32):
Weird how kids end up on dates of family members.
Like out of all the days out.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
There, there's a lot, we have a lot of rollover
my family. I think there's three dates that we have
multiple birthdays on. And then the thirty January thirty first,
my mom's birthday. Dawson's birthday was also the day that
my parents met. I think it was forty forty one,
Maybe like forty two years.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
To the day. I'd have to do the math, but
I think maybe forty two years today.
Speaker 4 (38:02):
I just there, to me, there are no coincidences. It's
just really really cool to see that. That's so bizarre
and who would have thought, it's just so crazy. It
has to have some sort of meaning, like meant to
be the destiny all of that. Yeah, Adam definitely did
not want us to share a birthday. He down to
(38:27):
the day. We were walking in the hospital. He's like,
you can't do this tomorrow. I'm like, Adam, we are here,
we're this is happening in thirty minutes, Like what are
you talking about. He's like, I just just don't watch
you all to share a birthday for me. I didn't
care because, like, for I'm not a huge birthday person.
(38:48):
Like I told Adam, I want a pink cake for
my birthday.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
That's all.
Speaker 4 (38:53):
I want something pink and girlly and just not for
boys and just very girly. And so he did, he
got me a pink heartcake.
Speaker 3 (39:02):
But I was excited.
Speaker 4 (39:04):
I thought it was really cool. I love that his
birthday is seven twenty thirty twenty three. It's on my birthday.
What a what a? Oh it was my thirty second birthday,
so we have like thirty two twenty three. I was
just like, it's supposed to happen. And then what's crazy
is I was born at ten eighteen. He was born
(39:26):
at eight ten, so we have those numbers in common too,
So I just thought it was really cool. But Adam
absolutely did not want us to share birthday. He's still
mad about that thing.
Speaker 3 (39:38):
Oh that's so funny, all right.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
You've mentioned it recently on Instagram that like Gates at
first was so cool with Max, so so sweet. Off
those videos melted my heart of him running in and
visiting you guys in the hospital.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
Oh my, that's video.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
Ever, Like I feel like, yeah, I need to like
I should have screen recorded. But recently he's had some
jealousy issues with Max.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Can you elaborate?
Speaker 4 (40:05):
Oh my gosh, he like wakes up every morning he's
like baby and he goes and gets he comes with
me to get Max and he'll like kiss him and
all of that, and he'll be like baby baby. He's
just like obsessed with him. But then throughout the day
he will he loves to bop him as hard as
he can on the head, and any chance he gets
(40:29):
he takes.
Speaker 3 (40:30):
I can see Dawson doing this so clearly.
Speaker 4 (40:32):
Anytime he's bopping him on the head. And I mean
he is rough. If you have if anyone has seen
my son Gates, he's huge. He's wide. Yeah, very wide
and very strong.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
He looks like a two and a half year old,
not a one and a half year old.
Speaker 4 (40:50):
It's crazy. He's just we call him hoss Baby instead
of boss Baby. We call him hoss Baby because he's
literally just so massive and strong. And so the first
time he bopped him on the head, I was like,
oh my gosh, like it, does he have a concussion?
I swear, I'm freath so scary.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
I'm so sorry he is.
Speaker 4 (41:10):
And now it's like I just know if I hear.
If I have Max playing on his mat or doing
tummy tom on the floor and Gates all of a
sudden gets really quiet, I know I better run to
Max because he's just like got his hand up ready
to bop him in the head and then he'll like
give him a kiss. I'm like, I know what you
were doing, Gates. He's just getting to that point. And
(41:33):
I'm sure it's d awsin too, like they can't verbalize how
they feel and so they just kind of act out.
And so it's just kind of been difficult in that
because when you're feeding the baby, I can't go to
Gates's ever he needs them once like I have been
the past year and a half, and so it's just
(41:55):
been challenging in that regard. But it's a hate thing
for Gates right now.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
I also he's like at an age where he doesn't
get it, like hopefully with like like we're gonna start
try next month, which holy shit, now I know I'm
getting off my spornal lactone today, which is like the
worst thing ever because you're.
Speaker 3 (42:23):
Supposed to be off of it for a month. It's
my like acting drug.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
And yeah, like I think it's like an additional nine
months plus whatever.
Speaker 3 (42:33):
Who knows how much.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
Will help him to like understand that, like you can't
hurt things, because he's definitely in like the handsy phase.
And as much fun as this age is a year
and a half, it's also it's when the temper tantrums
start because they just don't know how to communicate when
they're frustrated.
Speaker 4 (42:51):
Yes, that was just insplay. Just like ten minutes before
I hopped on this phone call, Max is screaming. Then
Gates is mad that I couldn't pick him up. I'm like,
your brother's screaming, But he doesn't understand. It's just like
a tough time with emotions at this age. But it'll
be nice for Dawson too, because a lot of people
(43:13):
told me to let Gates give the baby a gift
for his arrival or whatever make him feel included, and like,
the baby can give Gates a gift. Well, Gates was
still too young for even that, Like he had no
idea what a gift was, and so I couldn't include
him in the pregnancy or the birth because he just
(43:34):
didn't have He doesn't have. He just wasn't old enough yet.
But Dawson will be old enough. I mean even if
he got pregnant next month and nine months from then,
I mean, Dawson's gonna understand like, oh baby, okay, give
the baby a gift at the hospital or baby's coming
home with us, and he'll kind of kind of understand
(43:56):
it a little bit better.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
For sure, should be acknowledged that I'm like, ugh, next month, wait,
and you totally understand, right, because it's like you want
more kids, but you also just don't know how to
hand through your life. So your good friend Tia just
posted something very relatable on Instagram because she her baby
is what like nine months Yeah, I he'll be here
(44:20):
in December, Okay, So she said, like, I'm just going
through a hard time right now because well, I don't
have that much time for myself. It feels like everything
is either taking care of the baby, taking care of
the house, or doing work. And I just kind of like,
don't know that we have advice on this butt like
we're there with you for anybody.
Speaker 3 (44:40):
Out there in our in our and we're all in
this together.
Speaker 4 (44:44):
Adams calls it, we're in the trenches, that's what he says.
Speaker 3 (44:47):
Yeah, when people ask like.
Speaker 4 (44:48):
How are you, He's like, we're in the trenches, like
we're in war right now. So we get it.
Speaker 3 (44:54):
Yeah, it's like it's just the best of times and
the worst of times.
Speaker 4 (44:58):
Yeah, it is. And and I had this conversation the
other day because it has been really hard on him,
and of course it's been hard on me too, but
way way more on Adam. And he said, you know,
I wouldn't mind another child. He's like, but it's just
so hard. And I told him, the time's going to
(45:21):
pass either way. None if you got pregnant next month,
nine months are going to pass regardless, So they're either
going to pass with you being pregnant or not. And
it's it's it's it's such fleeting to think that time
time is going to stay with us forever, because it doesn't.
(45:42):
So if you can just make it past nine months
that are already going to pass anyway, you can like
change your perspective on things. Because I was Adam was like, well,
if I had five more years before we had kids,
I could get this where, this, this place in my
career and all these things. I said, yeah, but you
(46:04):
would have wasted five years. I just feel like the
time was going to like we would have either started
family now and been in the trenches now, or we
would have started a family in five years and been
in the trenches in five years, if you know what
I mean. Oh, like there's no avoiding it. I guess. So,
but you're gonna get out. We're gonna see the light.
Speaker 2 (46:25):
And I think the light is gonna come around like
four where you're just like straight up and enjoying, right.
Speaker 4 (46:31):
Yeah, when they get Adam says, he asks everybody advice
all the time, and he's they tell him that when
they can buckle themselves up in the seat in the car,
that like even in the car seat, that is like freedom, Yeah,
because you don't have to buckle them up. He's just like,
get in the car and they buckle themselves up. He's like, then,
(46:53):
then you know what freedom tastes like, because it's that
little baby step that it's just the baby noss is
almost over.
Speaker 3 (47:00):
Sure, m h all right, I know I have to
let you go. In a second.
Speaker 2 (47:02):
I do have one more question, but I also just
wanted to put out a little advice that I got
from people on Instagram when I brought up the whole, like, Okay,
I was ready for one. I knew I was ready
when I wanted to start, but now, like, how do
you know when you're ready for a second? And the
best advice I got was for multiple people saying similar things,
is said, you won't regret having another, but chances are
(47:24):
if you don't have another, you're.
Speaker 3 (47:25):
Going to regret not having the other. Yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
Final question is Adam does say that in the house
you're building that you're going to put like this third bedroom,
a third kid bedroom in there. So for somebody who's
really like stressed out about all of this, he's open
to the idea of another one, would he want it
sooner rather than later so you don't have to do
those five years and then be like, oh gosh, we're
gonna start fresh again.
Speaker 4 (47:50):
Yes, he said that. When we it was really funny.
It was like leaning over the table looking at his
plans and he's like, oh, we could cut down square
if we got rid of and he like stared at
the fourth room for a really long time, and then
he was like, but if we have another one, and
(48:10):
I was like, oh, so there's a chance, there's a
chance mine and he's like, oh right, and he's cussing
at me and stuff. He's like, I don't know if
I'm ready for that, you know, all that stuff. He's
like five minutes later, he's like, I like the name
Brock for you know, Brock Godshock.
Speaker 2 (48:27):
That sounds like that's actually pretty cool. He also sounds
like a wrestler, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (48:32):
Really athletic jock something. And I was like, okay, so
we it's in the back of his mind, so we'll see.
But for right now, it's so hard to say you'll
have another one that's a newborn.
Speaker 3 (48:46):
Yeah, my goodness, no way.
Speaker 2 (48:48):
All right, Well, I'm so excited that we're going to
put this out there and that like we got you
on the podcast to talk about all this stuff. It's
just hearing the stuff makes me feel better as a mom.
Speaker 3 (49:02):
So I know that.
Speaker 4 (49:02):
We're I'm excited for you. Wow, Oh my.
Speaker 3 (49:05):
Gosh, are you really me?
Speaker 4 (49:07):
Me?
Speaker 3 (49:08):
I am.
Speaker 4 (49:09):
I'm excited for you. And you know what if you,
if you do, you know, get pregnant, close in age
and all of that. One day they'll play together.
Speaker 3 (49:19):
Oh, I know.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
I'm so excited about that because they're gonna I know
that he's gonna Dawson's gonna love playing with somebody. And
you know, some people say that the transitions easier to
a certain point, you know, after what you know, you know,
not the newborn new birthdays, but like once he starts
to interact and sit up straight, you know.
Speaker 4 (49:37):
Yes, excited for you. Thank you for having me on this.
Speaker 3 (49:41):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (49:41):
It's so fun me too, all right, I admire you
a ton. All right, we'll see you next time. Until then,
I've been Ashley.
Speaker 3 (49:50):
Follow my lead.
Speaker 2 (49:52):
Oh I've been raven. Yeah you say, I've been raven.
It's like our weird sign off thing.
Speaker 3 (49:57):
I make everybody feel awkward at the end. Okay, bye bye.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on
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Hosts And Creators
Ben Higgins
Ashley Iaconetti
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