November 4, 2025 • 31 mins
Ben and Ashley are checking in with the original Golden Bachelor, Gerry Turner, to talk about the details of his new book "Golden Years"...that holds nothing back!
From his pre-wedding cold feet to his uncomfortable post-wedding sleepover with Theresa, Gerry is ready to tell his truth.
The trio is also getting the scoop on Gerry's recent engagement and an update on his health.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hello, everyone, welcome to the Almost in his podcast. It's
Ashley and Ben and today we are talking to the
original Golden Bachelor, Gary Turner. He has a new book,
The Golden Years What I've Learned from Love, Loss and
Reality TV. Ben got a little shout out in his
book where so I had talked to him about that.
His dancing skills are praise. Gary also just got engaged,
(00:28):
so we're gonna check in on that, get the latest
on his health. Everyone welcome Gary Turner to the podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
Good morning, how are you?
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Good morning? We are good. So we've got we've heard
that you are not at your home in Indiana. You're
in somebody else's home. Is that Lana's home, your new.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Fiance Bela's home? Yes, indeed.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Okay, Well, congratulations on your engagement.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Thanks. Yeah, thanks, It's been wonderful.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
Gary really smiling. Is this just like for camera or
is this just like a life thing for you?
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Now?
Speaker 5 (01:05):
Is where you're just walking around with the big old glow?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Ben, I'm a pretty happy guy. You know. I found
someone that has constant positive energy. Landa never stopped smiling.
I have to up my game a little bit.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
How did you guys meet?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Actually it was online. I fumbled through some friend requests
when I had a bunch of them, and I hit
a friend request from her, and then on her end,
she saw it and responded and I didn't answer to it,
and finally we got to the point where we hooked up,
had a brief online conversation, decided to meet.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
Now there is a lot to catch up with you on.
Obviously you've been busy. We're going to talk about the book.
We're going to talk about this new recent engagement Gary,
before we kind of dig into the details and asks
more direct questions everything. This last year, if you look
at the timeline, has been a whirlwind for you. If
(02:06):
I mean, I would I don't know your life before
the show, but I would imagine this has been one
of the most active years just in terms of romance
and projects that you've ever had, Right, I mean kind
of starting, you're about a year away from the divorce
(02:27):
and then now you are engaged. Can you just to
kind of set the scene here, tell us about this
last year, give us an insight into everything that's been
going on.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Sure, I'll do the best I can, because that is
a mouthful, But you know, I've kind of tried to
take it one day at a time. I really would
say that the watershed moment was in March when I
met Atlanta. Up until that point, it was grunt work,
(03:00):
just trying to get by, trying to decide what I
wanted to do moving forward, whether or not I wanted
to sell the lake House and all of that. And
then you know, once I'm Atlanta, gears really changed. We
traveled extensively. I think the biggest plus has been that
I really committed to saying no to nothing. You know,
(03:26):
wherever we want to travel to. We've been to London,
We've been to Paris, We've been to Myrtle Beach, We've
been to Niagara Falls a number of other places, and
so I'm not going to say no. I don't know
how long I'm going to be on this earth, and
I'm going to make use of every single day and
have a good time with every single day. So then
you know, the whole procedure with the book comes along,
(03:49):
and that was an added layer of distraction. Almost where
I'd written it, felt good about writing it, but then
it kind of went for a while. ABC had to
approve everything in the book, and that took an extended
period of time, and so once I got it back,
you know, then everything started happening pretty quickly. And so
(04:15):
with that said, you know, that pretty much leads us
up to, you know, where we're at now. I decided
Atlanta was the absolutely right person for me, and you know,
asked her to marry me on the recent trip to
Myrtle Beach. She happily accepted.
Speaker 5 (04:33):
I think we.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Both knew we were the person for each other long
before that, long before that, but that kind of made
it official. I kind of wanted to make that statement.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
You went from one very quick engagement to another's pretty
quick engagement six months. Why did you decide to do
it so fast the second time?
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Well, you know, I'm not sure it was. It's a
good comparison because on the show, the amount of time
time that I got to spend with any of the
women was really quite brief. You know, you guys have
been through it, so you know, the amount of time
where you're actually with someone and trying to get to
know someone is really condensed. Whereas with Lana, you know,
(05:18):
after about the first two or three weekends where we
spent weekends together. We went from two days together to
three to four, and then all of a sudden it
was like, Okay, we were really feeling lonely and those
three or four mid days that we weren't together, and
it just rapidly built. So we have spent a bunch
(05:40):
of time together, and so the comparison is really a disconnect.
Speaker 5 (05:46):
Obviously.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
This year also you came out publicly and told the
world that you had a cancer diagnosis. It is slow growing.
From what we understand and what we can kind of
read and what you've been able to talk about. Has
that played it all into kind of this next chapter.
How often do you think about it, just you know,
(06:08):
kind of talk to us about your journey with cancer
so far.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
Yeah, the my condition hasn't changed, but mentally it has
reinforced or really pushed that feeling of not wanting to
waste a moment, you know. Just a small side story.
The very first night, the very first date with Lana.
(06:32):
She came well prepared. But one of the things that
most impressed me is about halfway through the entree, I said, Lana,
you know I have something I have to share with you.
I go I don't want to, you know, start off
and then have to tell you this story a month
from now after we've started investing in each other. And
(06:52):
I told her I had this cancer and I spelled
it out. Man, she is right off the bat, She goes, Gary,
I know about it. I've read about it. I'm okay
with it. We'll get through it together if that's the
way it works. It was like, oh my god, my
heart was bursting with joy and happiness when she said that,
because she came prepared in a way that I don't
(07:15):
think anyone else would.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
That's kind of one of the perks of being a
public figure going into dating. I found it to be
comforting knowing that the whole Internet could tell you about
my virginity dating after the Bachelor. It was like something
that I didn't have to really bring up. If you
googled me, you saw it. And I think that you
probably googled me before going on a date with me,
(07:40):
did you kind of like the fact that Lenna knew
a bit about you and you didn't have to explain
some hard things before getting on the date with her,
like maybe, hey, I got married and divorced within two months.
She just kind of knew was that she was okay.
She accepted that because she accepted a date with you.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
I don't know that she was okay with it instantly.
You know, she told me she watched the entire season.
She always felt like she'd be a better match for
me than any of the women on the show. She
was very optimistic, so she came well informed and understood.
I think the difficult moments for her was when I
(08:25):
gave her the manuscript to the book, and again, I
wanted to be transparent. I wanted to make sure she
didn't have any surprises, so early on in the relationship,
I gave her the transcript, and you know there was
a couple of days of pause in there, when you know,
she came back and she said, Gary, I had to
(08:47):
do a little processing there. I had to make sure
that I could comfortably accept everything I was reading in
that book. And you know she did. She was happy
with it, comfortable with it, and we've moved on without
any consequence to that.
Speaker 5 (09:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
And I think that's an interesting thing, Gary, because you know,
I wrote a book alone in Plain Sight a few
years ago now and just re released it. And you know,
I don't talk too much about the show in it,
there's some small snippets about my life and how that
impacted me. I was personally. I remember when I presented
(09:23):
it to Jessica for the first time. I was I
was nervous and cautious. And I also wrote the book
with an intention of at that time knowing I was
going to marry Jessica, So I was very nervous about you,
kind of cautious of what I was putting in there
and what I wasn't. So when she comes to you
and says, hey, there's things I'm processing, how do you
(09:46):
personally walk through that with her? Were you willing to
change the book for her?
Speaker 1 (09:52):
You know?
Speaker 5 (09:53):
Was that difficult? There was?
Speaker 3 (09:55):
There wasn't any changes. What happened was Lenna displayed a
very good ability to be a good communicator. She's a
good proactive communicator. She would ask good questions. You know,
I could read her face and see that she was
processing an answer and maybe looking for a follow up question.
(10:18):
But you know, I give her the credit here. She
has accepted my history and I've done the same with her.
So we kind of understand that by the time you
get to our age, no one doesn't have a history.
You have to be willing to accept it, and I
(10:38):
think we both are very comfortable with that.
Speaker 4 (10:51):
When I also wrote Alone in Plain Sight, a mentor
of mine said, write this book not because you want to,
but because you have to. Was there ever a moment
for you, Gary where you thought, Hey, with land in
my life, with all these things kind of happening, this
(11:11):
book just should stay in a manuscript on my shelf.
Or I guess another way to ask it is why
did you have to write this book?
Speaker 3 (11:20):
Yeah, that's a good question, and and you know, I've
thought about that a lot. I think the best answer
is to say that through the show, America didn't see
the entire Gary Turner. They didn't see everything about me
that I wanted people to know. They saw what other
people wanted to present. And you know, I have character
(11:45):
and I have morals and values that maybe weren't at
the forefront of the show. And now I feel like
I've done a good job with that. I think the
other part of it is I wanted everyone to know
how oneful it is to have a support system that
I have, my daughters and my friends. I really don't
(12:06):
think I would be in the place I am right
now had it not been for those friends back in Kendallville,
Indiana that I developed a couple of years ago, and
my daughters. I don't think i'd be here Gary.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
From my perspective, I felt like you came across so
well on the show. I think that when you know
the cover of US Weekly this week or last week
said they made me out to be the villain.
Speaker 6 (12:32):
I felt like.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
More of those storylines where you could have possibly been
interpreted as the villain sort of came after the show.
So was it what happened on the show or what
happened in the aftermath of the show that you felt
like you needed to clarify more.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Oh, that's a good question, and I would say, really,
it's more what happened in the aftermath of the show.
You know, things didn't really go the way I thought
they should have, and you know, I wanted to set
the record straight.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
The aftermath of the show is hard. You really don't
have control or you really can't speak to the narratives
that are being put that out there about you. This
this book is an opportunity to do that. But you've
also real like stayed recently quiet since the show. You
haven't gone on much of a media tour. You haven't
(13:26):
spoken publicly about maybe some of the comments shared about
you from past contestants or your you know.
Speaker 5 (13:35):
Ex wife. Why have you stayed quiet until now?
Speaker 3 (13:40):
So that's a really good observation, Ben, It's really a
simple matter of desire. I feel like I had my moment,
you know, that brief snippet of celebrity. I enjoyed it.
But I think I'm realistic in thinking that it's time
to go back to a normal life. It's time to
(14:03):
try and find normalcy. It's also time to value every
minute I have. You know, for instance, to me, this
week is a work week. I haven't had a work
week in years. But you know, we have podcasts and
we have interviews, and we have all this stuff planned.
I would really rather be riding a bike with Lana,
(14:25):
or going to play pickleball, or you know, my daughter
is now twenty minutes away from where I am, and
she's starting to play golf, which is hilarious, and I'd
really rather go and play golf with her. But I'm
having a work week because it's a value to the book.
But I don't want a lot of work weeks. I
love being retired and I still want to be retired.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
But you still feel like you need to get it
off your chest through writing the book.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Yeah, sure, yes, okay, we.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Have to get into the t of the book because
we got advanced copy. There is something in there that
says that you felt trapped the day before your wedding day,
and that you even confided in your top three woman, Faith,
saying that you do feel trapped going into this, and
she said, you don't have to do this, you can
(15:16):
get out of it. Please take us back to that
moment in that day.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
So I do remember pretty clearly. Faith is someone that
I still have a strong level of affection for. She's
like a sister figure, best friend kind of person, and
I trusted being able to talk to her. And so
that night in the bar, you know, we got off
into this side conversation and I expressed that I was
(15:44):
having cold feet, that I wasn't sure things were right,
and I did indeed feel like I was at a
situation where there were no good choices for me at
that moment. And so you know, she talked me through it.
She kept telling me I didn't have to, but I
felt like I did. You know, you don't spend forty
(16:06):
three years being committed to one person and learning that
commitment sometimes is difficult to turn your back on that.
And so I was at a point where I had
committed to something. My family knew I had committed to it.
Teresa's family knew that she and I both had committed
(16:26):
to it, and there was only one path forward. That
didn't mean that I wasn't uncomfortable with it, unsure and
so forth. But you know that's the way it.
Speaker 5 (16:38):
Is, Okay. I want to sit on that for a second.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
I think mostly not just for your scenario, but for
anybody in your season of life looking for their lifetime partner,
forever partner. The way I'm hearing that, Gary and I
think it's just interesting and something I could probably learn
from us. You went through life for forty three years
of partner, you go on this show, you find yourself
(17:03):
in a position to find somebody again. I don't want
to put words in your mouth, but the way I'm
hearing that is you almost said, Hey, I committed to this,
so I'm going to go through with it instead of
the maybe how it would have been like you know,
in my when I was thirty and I got engaged,
where I said Hey, i'm dating. I want to find
the partner for me. If this one doesn't work out,
(17:24):
I'm hoping I can date again. I don't feel any pressure.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah, it sounded like a job the way you were
at it, unless of romance.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
Well, let me let me clarify a little bit. And
I think this might help one of the fundamental mistakes
mentally that I made going on that show. And maybe
it wasn't a mistake, but I went into that show
one hundred percent believing that I would find my partner.
It never was an option that I would come out
(17:55):
of that show alone, and with that mentality as I
marched for through all those progressions of things that happened,
it was always the underlying belief that I was there
and that my partner was there. And you know, so
that kind of adds to the feeling of entrapment in
(18:17):
one way, but it was it was self generated. I
should have been open to the possibility that no one
was my perfect match there.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
You should have called past bachelor's and asked, Hey, how
do I do this?
Speaker 5 (18:33):
What is the mindset here?
Speaker 3 (18:35):
You are so right.
Speaker 4 (18:37):
It was helpful for me because I do think that
in traffmic can happen if you feel like, oh my goodness,
I'm going to let myself, my family and the world
that's watching down if I don't end up in a
love story after this, Gary, I have to ask. Though
you know Joan was obviously a part of your seasons.
She becomes the next Golden Bachelorette, she leaves because of
(19:00):
a family emergency midway through the season. I don't I
don't know how you feel about this, but I'll just
ask it. If she would have been around, do you
think that would have been a better choice for you?
Speaker 5 (19:14):
Different choice?
Speaker 3 (19:15):
You know, how will we ever know? Really? I can't
say yes or I can't say no, because you know,
I know Joan. I know how well she handles things,
how level headed she is, wonderful, merit and characteristic she
brings to any relationship, it's going to be awesome, but
better or worse, it's hypothetical. I can't answer it.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
You talking about some juicy stuff when it comes to
your relationship with the reason while you were married, you
talk about how she'd like schedule phone calls and it
was like hard to get in touch with your wife,
and then you talk about how she had do you
sleep on the couch when you would make visits. Can
you tell us these stories?
Speaker 6 (20:01):
Well, it's in the book, I know, I know, but
just give us a little context, like why are you
sleaving on the couch. Why would she schedule you know,
talking times, Yeah, conjugal visits.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
Yeah, well so there was there was really there was
only one visit that I made to her house. It
was like pulling teeth. And you know, this is like
a month and a half later, if I remember correctly,
after the marriage. Then I finally said, hey, you know,
we're married. We need to be together. We need to
(20:35):
begin the process of getting to know each other better
and to bond and so forth. And you know, my
level of excitement was really quite hot. I put my
best friend dog Cody, in the car and we took
off to New Jersey. And when I got there, we
had dinner and nice conversation. I fully expected that indeed,
(20:58):
we would, you know, have those quiet bedtime pillow talk moments,
and that things would really flourish from that point. And
you know, I remember the very first night, she goes, hey,
I have a really tough day at work tomorrow. Do
you mind if you sleep on the sofa?
Speaker 5 (21:16):
That's wild you know.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
So I was trying to be agreeable. Seriously, I you know,
we hadn't been together enough. I'm married to this person.
I don't want to create a battlefield over that, and
so I agreed. The problem was when it happened the
second night and the next night and the next night.
That's when I really should have manned up and said, hey,
what's going on here? Probably the second night, not the
(21:40):
third or the fourth, but the second night, and I
didn't quite Honestly, I don't know why. I don't know why,
whether whether I was trying to be agreeable or whether
I didn't care enough, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (22:05):
You don't talk about this in the book. I just
gary want to know.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
I mean, Jessica and I have had like some of
our worst arguments right before bed. Still, you know, not
that going to bed together is not an optic, like
we're going to lay in the same bed even if
like we're fuming, because at some point, you know, obviously
we're going to roll over and be like, I love
you and I love you too. Let's talk about this tomorrow.
(22:31):
But I want to know what was going through your mind.
Let's say night two or three, when you're asked to
sleep on the couch. You're laying on a couch looking
at the ceiling, probably not able to stretch out all
the way because you're not a short man.
Speaker 5 (22:47):
What was just going through your head?
Speaker 3 (22:49):
Quite honestly, I think back, and I do remember thinking, Okay,
this kind of confirms my suspicions that I had always
suspected that maybe the genuine bond wasn't there, and those
actions manifested what I believed were the feelings, and it
(23:16):
was quite empty, and it was that feeling all night too.
That kind of allowed me to just let it go
for the additional nights, because I don't think you can
change someone's heart. If it's not there, it's not there.
And you know then, I'm really entertained by how you
asked that question. It warmed my heart, quite honestly, because
(23:38):
at the same time I'm listening to you, I'm thinking
about Lana, and I'm thinking how different it is when
she and I have had some skirmishes and yeah, we
know one hundred percent we're going to land in bed
at the same time, we're gonna snuggle and we're going
to say, We're still going to say the I Love
you is even if there's still a niggling of discontent
(24:00):
there that that happens, and it's such a contrast.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yeah, it feels like you guys got yourselves into like
a very uncomfortable, awkward relationship. I feel bad for both
of you because we've interviewed Teresa before and just listening
to you and her, it just feels like both of
you ended up getting married and you're like, oh, man,
(24:26):
like there's a lack of intimacy here, is this correct?
Speaker 3 (24:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (24:31):
Yeah, yeah, but I don't know. I mean, I've been
a part of the show, Gary, you know that.
Speaker 5 (24:38):
Yep.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
I've been in a relationship from the show that definitely
didn't feel great all the time. It didn't It wasn't
good obviously, like being with Jessica today. It's even hard
for me to compare because it feels like dirty and weird.
But you know, it's just completely different. The level of
intimacy and relationship and connection and comfort and all those
(25:00):
things are different. I think that's just because we're a
better match, and obviously Lauren's a better match with her husband.
It worked out great in the end, but I have
a hard time, I guess, understanding how you end up
with somebody from the show you get you say yes
(25:20):
to a marriage, because Laura and I were asked to
get married on television and we said no to it.
Because of the things you're talking about, like how did
you get that far? And then once you did get
that far, how was there just such a disconnect?
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Yeah, gee, I really wish I had a good answer
to that one. But Ben, I don't know that I do.
I just know that I'm getting carried away. And the
excitement of the circumstance and the show and everything, you know,
kind of created its own flow, and you know, the
velocity of that show, it just became greater and great
(26:00):
to the point where we were swept away, and and
really I wish I had a better reflection on it,
but I can't say. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Yeah, you truly just like got swept away. I remember
before your wedding, I was like I was on here
all the time, being like.
Speaker 6 (26:18):
These people have known each other for two months.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
This is different than other bachelor weddings because other bachelor weddings,
you know, like in Ben's case, it would have been
over a year of them having a real life relationship.
If it would have happened with Jaden Tanner and that
that was the quickest one there was in there, and
they were together for six months in the real world.
With you guys, it was like eight weeks max in
(26:42):
the real world, maybe not even because your finale was
right around Thanksgiving, so that's when you were able to
be public, like just the month of December, and uh yeah,
so you guys, really you were on a true whirlwind
anyway when it comes to the breakup, but it's a
(27:03):
little convoluted in the public and through both of your stories,
we have the we didn't figure out where we wanted
to move, we couldn't agree on that. And then there
was the rumor that she was weird about your cancer diagnosis.
Can you straighten this out for us for the final time?
Speaker 3 (27:22):
Well, I to address the second part of that. I
don't think she was weird about it. I don't know
what kind of label to put on it, but I
think by the time I had told her about it,
there was enough distance between us that she didn't care much.
So I told her about the diagnosis. And then really
(27:43):
what bothered me tremendously over you know, quite a bit
of a time was I never heard back from her
to check in, you know, by comparison Leslie, who you know,
she and I left on terms that were much less happy.
Leslie would check in, Hey, Gary, how you feeling, how's
(28:05):
it going? And so it was. It was I felt
very bad that I never heard from Teresa checking in
on my health. So that probably is, you know, the
biggest part of it.
Speaker 4 (28:19):
You know, there's Saint Johnathan cross As this comment that
always popped up in my life when I think about
these moments, the dark knights of the soul, Gary, I mean, goodness,
I know there's two sides to every story, and then
there's the truth that sits in between, but it does
feel like there are probably moments I'm assuming that you
(28:42):
were your heart felt pretty ripped apart, especially with a
cancer diagnosis. You know, I would say my worst enemy.
I can't think of who that would be right now,
but if I had one called me and said, hey,
I have cancer, I would imagine or hope that that
(29:03):
would be a trigger inside of me to follow up,
check in, to show care. So just to confirm, to
make sense of this, you and Teresa had filed for
divorce already when you let her know about your cancer.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Correct, I believe so oh, I would have to check dates.
Speaker 5 (29:20):
So it was close, like it was reasonably close.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Yeah, okay, the conversation of at least being split up
was happening. Yes okay, but that wasn't the reason for
you guys splitting up. The reason was not also not
a living situation, was it. It was just a full
blown incompatibility.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
Yeah yeah, so yeah, let's put some clarity to that.
A cancer diagnosis I do not believe was a contributing
factor to to our splitting up. I also do not
believe that the place where we were going to live
(30:05):
was a contributing factor. Perhaps the attitude towards that search was,
but not that actual element itself. I mean, plain and simple.
You know, I'll speak only for myself. We found that
we were not compatible, and I think the biggest area
(30:27):
of incompatibility was when on the show The Final Dinner
with Teresa, when she told me that she would leave
her job when she found the right guy, only to
have her tell me a short time later that she
wanted to work another year. And as I've shown, I
(30:49):
really want to travel, I want to see the world,
I want to experience things, and those two things became
mutually exclusive and that was really the nexuside think of
the problems.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
Well, we have even more to talk with Gary about,
so we're gonna break this into a second episode. You
can stay tuned see that on your feed pop up
and until then, we'll see you next time.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on
iHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hello, everyone, welcome to the Almost in his podcast. It's
Ashley and Ben and today we are talking to the
original Golden Bachelor, Gary Turner. He has a new book,
The Golden Years What I've Learned from Love, Loss and
Reality TV. Ben got a little shout out in his
book where so I had talked to him about that.
His dancing skills are praise. Gary also just got engaged,
(00:28):
so we're gonna check in on that, get the latest
on his health. Everyone welcome Gary Turner to the podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
Good morning, how are you?
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Good morning? We are good. So we've got we've heard
that you are not at your home in Indiana. You're
in somebody else's home. Is that Lana's home, your new.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Fiance Bela's home? Yes, indeed.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Okay, Well, congratulations on your engagement.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Thanks. Yeah, thanks, It's been wonderful.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
Gary really smiling. Is this just like for camera or
is this just like a life thing for you?
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Now?
Speaker 5 (01:05):
Is where you're just walking around with the big old glow?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Ben, I'm a pretty happy guy. You know. I found
someone that has constant positive energy. Landa never stopped smiling.
I have to up my game a little bit.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
How did you guys meet?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Actually it was online. I fumbled through some friend requests
when I had a bunch of them, and I hit
a friend request from her, and then on her end,
she saw it and responded and I didn't answer to it,
and finally we got to the point where we hooked up,
had a brief online conversation, decided to meet.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
Now there is a lot to catch up with you on.
Obviously you've been busy. We're going to talk about the book.
We're going to talk about this new recent engagement Gary,
before we kind of dig into the details and asks
more direct questions everything. This last year, if you look
at the timeline, has been a whirlwind for you. If
(02:06):
I mean, I would I don't know your life before
the show, but I would imagine this has been one
of the most active years just in terms of romance
and projects that you've ever had, Right, I mean kind
of starting, you're about a year away from the divorce
(02:27):
and then now you are engaged. Can you just to
kind of set the scene here, tell us about this
last year, give us an insight into everything that's been
going on.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Sure, I'll do the best I can, because that is
a mouthful, But you know, I've kind of tried to
take it one day at a time. I really would
say that the watershed moment was in March when I
met Atlanta. Up until that point, it was grunt work,
(03:00):
just trying to get by, trying to decide what I
wanted to do moving forward, whether or not I wanted
to sell the lake House and all of that. And
then you know, once I'm Atlanta, gears really changed. We
traveled extensively. I think the biggest plus has been that
I really committed to saying no to nothing. You know,
(03:26):
wherever we want to travel to. We've been to London,
We've been to Paris, We've been to Myrtle Beach, We've
been to Niagara Falls a number of other places, and
so I'm not going to say no. I don't know
how long I'm going to be on this earth, and
I'm going to make use of every single day and
have a good time with every single day. So then
you know, the whole procedure with the book comes along,
(03:49):
and that was an added layer of distraction. Almost where
I'd written it, felt good about writing it, but then
it kind of went for a while. ABC had to
approve everything in the book, and that took an extended
period of time, and so once I got it back,
you know, then everything started happening pretty quickly. And so
(04:15):
with that said, you know, that pretty much leads us
up to, you know, where we're at now. I decided
Atlanta was the absolutely right person for me, and you know,
asked her to marry me on the recent trip to
Myrtle Beach. She happily accepted.
Speaker 5 (04:33):
I think we.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Both knew we were the person for each other long
before that, long before that, but that kind of made
it official. I kind of wanted to make that statement.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
You went from one very quick engagement to another's pretty
quick engagement six months. Why did you decide to do
it so fast the second time?
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Well, you know, I'm not sure it was. It's a
good comparison because on the show, the amount of time
time that I got to spend with any of the
women was really quite brief. You know, you guys have
been through it, so you know, the amount of time
where you're actually with someone and trying to get to
know someone is really condensed. Whereas with Lana, you know,
(05:18):
after about the first two or three weekends where we
spent weekends together. We went from two days together to
three to four, and then all of a sudden it
was like, Okay, we were really feeling lonely and those
three or four mid days that we weren't together, and
it just rapidly built. So we have spent a bunch
(05:40):
of time together, and so the comparison is really a disconnect.
Speaker 5 (05:46):
Obviously.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
This year also you came out publicly and told the
world that you had a cancer diagnosis. It is slow growing.
From what we understand and what we can kind of
read and what you've been able to talk about. Has
that played it all into kind of this next chapter.
How often do you think about it, just you know,
(06:08):
kind of talk to us about your journey with cancer
so far.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
Yeah, the my condition hasn't changed, but mentally it has
reinforced or really pushed that feeling of not wanting to
waste a moment, you know. Just a small side story.
The very first night, the very first date with Lana.
(06:32):
She came well prepared. But one of the things that
most impressed me is about halfway through the entree, I said, Lana,
you know I have something I have to share with you.
I go I don't want to, you know, start off
and then have to tell you this story a month
from now after we've started investing in each other. And
(06:52):
I told her I had this cancer and I spelled
it out. Man, she is right off the bat, She goes, Gary,
I know about it. I've read about it. I'm okay
with it. We'll get through it together if that's the
way it works. It was like, oh my god, my
heart was bursting with joy and happiness when she said that,
because she came prepared in a way that I don't
(07:15):
think anyone else would.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
That's kind of one of the perks of being a
public figure going into dating. I found it to be
comforting knowing that the whole Internet could tell you about
my virginity dating after the Bachelor. It was like something
that I didn't have to really bring up. If you
googled me, you saw it. And I think that you
probably googled me before going on a date with me,
(07:40):
did you kind of like the fact that Lenna knew
a bit about you and you didn't have to explain
some hard things before getting on the date with her,
like maybe, hey, I got married and divorced within two months.
She just kind of knew was that she was okay.
She accepted that because she accepted a date with you.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
I don't know that she was okay with it instantly.
You know, she told me she watched the entire season.
She always felt like she'd be a better match for
me than any of the women on the show. She
was very optimistic, so she came well informed and understood.
I think the difficult moments for her was when I
(08:25):
gave her the manuscript to the book, and again, I
wanted to be transparent. I wanted to make sure she
didn't have any surprises, so early on in the relationship,
I gave her the transcript, and you know there was
a couple of days of pause in there, when you know,
she came back and she said, Gary, I had to
(08:47):
do a little processing there. I had to make sure
that I could comfortably accept everything I was reading in
that book. And you know she did. She was happy
with it, comfortable with it, and we've moved on without
any consequence to that.
Speaker 5 (09:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
And I think that's an interesting thing, Gary, because you know,
I wrote a book alone in Plain Sight a few
years ago now and just re released it. And you know,
I don't talk too much about the show in it,
there's some small snippets about my life and how that
impacted me. I was personally. I remember when I presented
(09:23):
it to Jessica for the first time. I was I
was nervous and cautious. And I also wrote the book
with an intention of at that time knowing I was
going to marry Jessica, So I was very nervous about you,
kind of cautious of what I was putting in there
and what I wasn't. So when she comes to you
and says, hey, there's things I'm processing, how do you
(09:46):
personally walk through that with her? Were you willing to
change the book for her?
Speaker 1 (09:52):
You know?
Speaker 5 (09:53):
Was that difficult? There was?
Speaker 3 (09:55):
There wasn't any changes. What happened was Lenna displayed a
very good ability to be a good communicator. She's a
good proactive communicator. She would ask good questions. You know,
I could read her face and see that she was
processing an answer and maybe looking for a follow up question.
(10:18):
But you know, I give her the credit here. She
has accepted my history and I've done the same with her.
So we kind of understand that by the time you
get to our age, no one doesn't have a history.
You have to be willing to accept it, and I
(10:38):
think we both are very comfortable with that.
Speaker 4 (10:51):
When I also wrote Alone in Plain Sight, a mentor
of mine said, write this book not because you want to,
but because you have to. Was there ever a moment
for you, Gary where you thought, Hey, with land in
my life, with all these things kind of happening, this
(11:11):
book just should stay in a manuscript on my shelf.
Or I guess another way to ask it is why
did you have to write this book?
Speaker 3 (11:20):
Yeah, that's a good question, and and you know, I've
thought about that a lot. I think the best answer
is to say that through the show, America didn't see
the entire Gary Turner. They didn't see everything about me
that I wanted people to know. They saw what other
people wanted to present. And you know, I have character
(11:45):
and I have morals and values that maybe weren't at
the forefront of the show. And now I feel like
I've done a good job with that. I think the
other part of it is I wanted everyone to know
how oneful it is to have a support system that
I have, my daughters and my friends. I really don't
(12:06):
think I would be in the place I am right
now had it not been for those friends back in Kendallville,
Indiana that I developed a couple of years ago, and
my daughters. I don't think i'd be here Gary.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
From my perspective, I felt like you came across so
well on the show. I think that when you know
the cover of US Weekly this week or last week
said they made me out to be the villain.
Speaker 6 (12:32):
I felt like.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
More of those storylines where you could have possibly been
interpreted as the villain sort of came after the show.
So was it what happened on the show or what
happened in the aftermath of the show that you felt
like you needed to clarify more.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Oh, that's a good question, and I would say, really,
it's more what happened in the aftermath of the show.
You know, things didn't really go the way I thought
they should have, and you know, I wanted to set
the record straight.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
The aftermath of the show is hard. You really don't
have control or you really can't speak to the narratives
that are being put that out there about you. This
this book is an opportunity to do that. But you've
also real like stayed recently quiet since the show. You
haven't gone on much of a media tour. You haven't
(13:26):
spoken publicly about maybe some of the comments shared about
you from past contestants or your you know.
Speaker 5 (13:35):
Ex wife. Why have you stayed quiet until now?
Speaker 3 (13:40):
So that's a really good observation, Ben, It's really a
simple matter of desire. I feel like I had my moment,
you know, that brief snippet of celebrity. I enjoyed it.
But I think I'm realistic in thinking that it's time
to go back to a normal life. It's time to
(14:03):
try and find normalcy. It's also time to value every
minute I have. You know, for instance, to me, this
week is a work week. I haven't had a work
week in years. But you know, we have podcasts and
we have interviews, and we have all this stuff planned.
I would really rather be riding a bike with Lana,
(14:25):
or going to play pickleball, or you know, my daughter
is now twenty minutes away from where I am, and
she's starting to play golf, which is hilarious, and I'd
really rather go and play golf with her. But I'm
having a work week because it's a value to the book.
But I don't want a lot of work weeks. I
love being retired and I still want to be retired.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
But you still feel like you need to get it
off your chest through writing the book.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Yeah, sure, yes, okay, we.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Have to get into the t of the book because
we got advanced copy. There is something in there that
says that you felt trapped the day before your wedding day,
and that you even confided in your top three woman, Faith,
saying that you do feel trapped going into this, and
she said, you don't have to do this, you can
(15:16):
get out of it. Please take us back to that
moment in that day.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
So I do remember pretty clearly. Faith is someone that
I still have a strong level of affection for. She's
like a sister figure, best friend kind of person, and
I trusted being able to talk to her. And so
that night in the bar, you know, we got off
into this side conversation and I expressed that I was
(15:44):
having cold feet, that I wasn't sure things were right,
and I did indeed feel like I was at a
situation where there were no good choices for me at
that moment. And so you know, she talked me through it.
She kept telling me I didn't have to, but I
felt like I did. You know, you don't spend forty
(16:06):
three years being committed to one person and learning that
commitment sometimes is difficult to turn your back on that.
And so I was at a point where I had
committed to something. My family knew I had committed to it.
Teresa's family knew that she and I both had committed
(16:26):
to it, and there was only one path forward. That
didn't mean that I wasn't uncomfortable with it, unsure and
so forth. But you know that's the way it.
Speaker 5 (16:38):
Is, Okay. I want to sit on that for a second.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
I think mostly not just for your scenario, but for
anybody in your season of life looking for their lifetime partner,
forever partner. The way I'm hearing that, Gary and I
think it's just interesting and something I could probably learn
from us. You went through life for forty three years
of partner, you go on this show, you find yourself
(17:03):
in a position to find somebody again. I don't want
to put words in your mouth, but the way I'm
hearing that is you almost said, Hey, I committed to this,
so I'm going to go through with it instead of
the maybe how it would have been like you know,
in my when I was thirty and I got engaged,
where I said Hey, i'm dating. I want to find
the partner for me. If this one doesn't work out,
(17:24):
I'm hoping I can date again. I don't feel any pressure.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah, it sounded like a job the way you were
at it, unless of romance.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
Well, let me let me clarify a little bit. And
I think this might help one of the fundamental mistakes
mentally that I made going on that show. And maybe
it wasn't a mistake, but I went into that show
one hundred percent believing that I would find my partner.
It never was an option that I would come out
(17:55):
of that show alone, and with that mentality as I
marched for through all those progressions of things that happened,
it was always the underlying belief that I was there
and that my partner was there. And you know, so
that kind of adds to the feeling of entrapment in
(18:17):
one way, but it was it was self generated. I
should have been open to the possibility that no one
was my perfect match there.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
You should have called past bachelor's and asked, Hey, how
do I do this?
Speaker 5 (18:33):
What is the mindset here?
Speaker 3 (18:35):
You are so right.
Speaker 4 (18:37):
It was helpful for me because I do think that
in traffmic can happen if you feel like, oh my goodness,
I'm going to let myself, my family and the world
that's watching down if I don't end up in a
love story after this, Gary, I have to ask. Though
you know Joan was obviously a part of your seasons.
She becomes the next Golden Bachelorette, she leaves because of
(19:00):
a family emergency midway through the season. I don't I
don't know how you feel about this, but I'll just
ask it. If she would have been around, do you
think that would have been a better choice for you?
Speaker 5 (19:14):
Different choice?
Speaker 3 (19:15):
You know, how will we ever know? Really? I can't
say yes or I can't say no, because you know,
I know Joan. I know how well she handles things,
how level headed she is, wonderful, merit and characteristic she
brings to any relationship, it's going to be awesome, but
better or worse, it's hypothetical. I can't answer it.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
You talking about some juicy stuff when it comes to
your relationship with the reason while you were married, you
talk about how she'd like schedule phone calls and it
was like hard to get in touch with your wife,
and then you talk about how she had do you
sleep on the couch when you would make visits. Can
you tell us these stories?
Speaker 6 (20:01):
Well, it's in the book, I know, I know, but
just give us a little context, like why are you
sleaving on the couch. Why would she schedule you know,
talking times, Yeah, conjugal visits.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
Yeah, well so there was there was really there was
only one visit that I made to her house. It
was like pulling teeth. And you know, this is like
a month and a half later, if I remember correctly,
after the marriage. Then I finally said, hey, you know,
we're married. We need to be together. We need to
(20:35):
begin the process of getting to know each other better
and to bond and so forth. And you know, my
level of excitement was really quite hot. I put my
best friend dog Cody, in the car and we took
off to New Jersey. And when I got there, we
had dinner and nice conversation. I fully expected that indeed,
(20:58):
we would, you know, have those quiet bedtime pillow talk moments,
and that things would really flourish from that point. And
you know, I remember the very first night, she goes, hey,
I have a really tough day at work tomorrow. Do
you mind if you sleep on the sofa?
Speaker 5 (21:16):
That's wild you know.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
So I was trying to be agreeable. Seriously, I you know,
we hadn't been together enough. I'm married to this person.
I don't want to create a battlefield over that, and
so I agreed. The problem was when it happened the
second night and the next night and the next night.
That's when I really should have manned up and said, hey,
what's going on here? Probably the second night, not the
(21:40):
third or the fourth, but the second night, and I
didn't quite Honestly, I don't know why. I don't know why,
whether whether I was trying to be agreeable or whether
I didn't care enough, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (22:05):
You don't talk about this in the book. I just
gary want to know.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
I mean, Jessica and I have had like some of
our worst arguments right before bed. Still, you know, not
that going to bed together is not an optic, like
we're going to lay in the same bed even if
like we're fuming, because at some point, you know, obviously
we're going to roll over and be like, I love
you and I love you too. Let's talk about this tomorrow.
(22:31):
But I want to know what was going through your mind.
Let's say night two or three, when you're asked to
sleep on the couch. You're laying on a couch looking
at the ceiling, probably not able to stretch out all
the way because you're not a short man.
Speaker 5 (22:47):
What was just going through your head?
Speaker 3 (22:49):
Quite honestly, I think back, and I do remember thinking, Okay,
this kind of confirms my suspicions that I had always
suspected that maybe the genuine bond wasn't there, and those
actions manifested what I believed were the feelings, and it
(23:16):
was quite empty, and it was that feeling all night too.
That kind of allowed me to just let it go
for the additional nights, because I don't think you can
change someone's heart. If it's not there, it's not there.
And you know then, I'm really entertained by how you
asked that question. It warmed my heart, quite honestly, because
(23:38):
at the same time I'm listening to you, I'm thinking
about Lana, and I'm thinking how different it is when
she and I have had some skirmishes and yeah, we
know one hundred percent we're going to land in bed
at the same time, we're gonna snuggle and we're going
to say, We're still going to say the I Love
you is even if there's still a niggling of discontent
(24:00):
there that that happens, and it's such a contrast.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yeah, it feels like you guys got yourselves into like
a very uncomfortable, awkward relationship. I feel bad for both
of you because we've interviewed Teresa before and just listening
to you and her, it just feels like both of
you ended up getting married and you're like, oh, man,
(24:26):
like there's a lack of intimacy here, is this correct?
Speaker 3 (24:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (24:31):
Yeah, yeah, but I don't know. I mean, I've been
a part of the show, Gary, you know that.
Speaker 5 (24:38):
Yep.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
I've been in a relationship from the show that definitely
didn't feel great all the time. It didn't It wasn't
good obviously, like being with Jessica today. It's even hard
for me to compare because it feels like dirty and weird.
But you know, it's just completely different. The level of
intimacy and relationship and connection and comfort and all those
(25:00):
things are different. I think that's just because we're a
better match, and obviously Lauren's a better match with her husband.
It worked out great in the end, but I have
a hard time, I guess, understanding how you end up
with somebody from the show you get you say yes
(25:20):
to a marriage, because Laura and I were asked to
get married on television and we said no to it.
Because of the things you're talking about, like how did
you get that far? And then once you did get
that far, how was there just such a disconnect?
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Yeah, gee, I really wish I had a good answer
to that one. But Ben, I don't know that I do.
I just know that I'm getting carried away. And the
excitement of the circumstance and the show and everything, you know,
kind of created its own flow, and you know, the
velocity of that show, it just became greater and great
(26:00):
to the point where we were swept away, and and
really I wish I had a better reflection on it,
but I can't say. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Yeah, you truly just like got swept away. I remember
before your wedding, I was like I was on here
all the time, being like.
Speaker 6 (26:18):
These people have known each other for two months.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
This is different than other bachelor weddings because other bachelor weddings,
you know, like in Ben's case, it would have been
over a year of them having a real life relationship.
If it would have happened with Jaden Tanner and that
that was the quickest one there was in there, and
they were together for six months in the real world.
With you guys, it was like eight weeks max in
(26:42):
the real world, maybe not even because your finale was
right around Thanksgiving, so that's when you were able to
be public, like just the month of December, and uh yeah,
so you guys, really you were on a true whirlwind
anyway when it comes to the breakup, but it's a
(27:03):
little convoluted in the public and through both of your stories,
we have the we didn't figure out where we wanted
to move, we couldn't agree on that. And then there
was the rumor that she was weird about your cancer diagnosis.
Can you straighten this out for us for the final time?
Speaker 3 (27:22):
Well, I to address the second part of that. I
don't think she was weird about it. I don't know
what kind of label to put on it, but I
think by the time I had told her about it,
there was enough distance between us that she didn't care much.
So I told her about the diagnosis. And then really
(27:43):
what bothered me tremendously over you know, quite a bit
of a time was I never heard back from her
to check in, you know, by comparison Leslie, who you know,
she and I left on terms that were much less happy.
Leslie would check in, Hey, Gary, how you feeling, how's
(28:05):
it going? And so it was. It was I felt
very bad that I never heard from Teresa checking in
on my health. So that probably is, you know, the
biggest part of it.
Speaker 4 (28:19):
You know, there's Saint Johnathan cross As this comment that
always popped up in my life when I think about
these moments, the dark knights of the soul, Gary, I mean, goodness,
I know there's two sides to every story, and then
there's the truth that sits in between, but it does
feel like there are probably moments I'm assuming that you
(28:42):
were your heart felt pretty ripped apart, especially with a
cancer diagnosis. You know, I would say my worst enemy.
I can't think of who that would be right now,
but if I had one called me and said, hey,
I have cancer, I would imagine or hope that that
(29:03):
would be a trigger inside of me to follow up,
check in, to show care. So just to confirm, to
make sense of this, you and Teresa had filed for
divorce already when you let her know about your cancer.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Correct, I believe so oh, I would have to check dates.
Speaker 5 (29:20):
So it was close, like it was reasonably close.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Yeah, okay, the conversation of at least being split up
was happening. Yes okay, but that wasn't the reason for
you guys splitting up. The reason was not also not
a living situation, was it. It was just a full
blown incompatibility.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
Yeah yeah, so yeah, let's put some clarity to that.
A cancer diagnosis I do not believe was a contributing
factor to to our splitting up. I also do not
believe that the place where we were going to live
(30:05):
was a contributing factor. Perhaps the attitude towards that search was,
but not that actual element itself. I mean, plain and simple.
You know, I'll speak only for myself. We found that
we were not compatible, and I think the biggest area
(30:27):
of incompatibility was when on the show The Final Dinner
with Teresa, when she told me that she would leave
her job when she found the right guy, only to
have her tell me a short time later that she
wanted to work another year. And as I've shown, I
(30:49):
really want to travel, I want to see the world,
I want to experience things, and those two things became
mutually exclusive and that was really the nexuside think of
the problems.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
Well, we have even more to talk with Gary about,
so we're gonna break this into a second episode. You
can stay tuned see that on your feed pop up
and until then, we'll see you next time.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on
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Hosts And Creators
Ben Higgins
Ashley Iaconetti
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