November 25, 2025 • 40 mins
Ben and Ashley have uncovered the journals they kept during their time on the show, and they’re letting all the secrets out!
They share their personal thoughts and feelings from the very moment they experienced the most dramatic parts of their season. Find out what they hoped would happen, their biggest fears, and everything they didn’t even tell producers.
You’ll never look at Chris Soules’ season the same way!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hey guys, welcome to the Almost Famous podcast today. I
think you're in for a treat. We are going to
be reading for our Bachelor diaries. I actually kind of
want to make this a series if enough people said
they have Bachelor diaries. Mine is the cringiest thing of
all time. I showed Ben yesterday. It looks like something
that Belle would have.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
It's very intimidating.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I bought it in the airport, thinking, you know what,
I should have a journal for this experience.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
And you told me.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Before we hit record that you actually don't have a journal,
which I thought you did, but you did have one,
and then you turn it into your book in plain sight,
and so now you're just going to be reading from that.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Yeah, it's just like a free commercial for a lose.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
I was going to say.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
I was like, is this a podcast as part of
the extension pack.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Of your head?
Speaker 5 (01:01):
No?
Speaker 6 (01:01):
I did have a journal, and I found this little
journal that I'll talk about.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
It's very different than yours. Goodness yours.
Speaker 6 (01:12):
I just want to take a second. Can you have
you ever thought about this? But in like one hundred
years let's say we're not here on earth. We've moved
on and yeah, and somebody digs up like your house, right,
they're remodeling it, and they dig it up and they
find this book and they go, oh, my gosh, it's
(01:35):
a treasure. It is it is historic. This has to
have meaning and significance. And then they open it up
and they read, So I was in love with this
guy named Chris Souls and he was really cute and
I kissed him for the first time.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
Can you imagine what these people are going to think.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
I think that if it's a girl who finds it's
just gonna be like, Wow, I want to go live back.
Speaker 4 (02:02):
Then this sounds like a good life. That's romantic.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
She's like, I'm out here getting robots, you know, I
don't know who's AI and who's a human.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
That's scary.
Speaker 6 (02:16):
My journal did turn. I still have it somewhere. I
think it's in a book in my garage.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
But a loane and plane, a box in your garage.
Speaker 6 (02:24):
And a box my garage, sorry, and a loan and
plane site is the is the like more formulated professional
version of the journal. I took the notes and the
key points of the journal in my own insecurities and
turned it into this book that was re released because
we added a couple chapters into it, one on being
(02:47):
a dad, a couple, on being a husband, and so
it just came back out. And so I thought, well,
if I can't find the journal, I can find this
little thing I'll talk about. But then I'll also read
from alone and plane site. But honestly, this whole episode
is not about me, and I mean it, it's really
about you, because your journal is going to make us
(03:08):
so happy.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
I mean, Ben, I'm reading the first page and I'm like,
I don't think I can do this.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
I don't know if I can put this out there.
I did a couple of years ago on my I
don't get a podcast, I read excerpts from some diary.
Was it the Bachelor Diary or was it? I think
it was the Bachelor Diary. So let me just say,
when you open it, you get like a whole bunch
of these cards. So first up is a date card.
(03:37):
It says Ashley, love requires sacrifices. Your date is tonight.
Oh my gosh, I know who that was with. This
was with Canadian Daniel. I went to the tribal Data
some of these are Paradise, not oh yeah, this is
like a Bachelor. This is a Bachelor plus Paradise. But
I admittedly did not write as much in Paradise because
(04:01):
I was.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
Like overwhelmed my emotion. I was like, I don't even
know idea.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
I was like, it'll be documented on TV. I can't
even I can't either.
Speaker 6 (04:11):
Okay, here's how this is gonna work. I'm gonna let
you spend the next few minutes and read some excerpts
that you think are great, and then we're gonna play
a little game. I'm going to tell you the number
of pages you need to turn, and you're going to
turn that number of pages in this you are, and
(04:33):
you're going to have to read at least a paragraph
from those pages so that you can't cultivate this experience
to be less embarrassing. No, we're going to get into
the nitty gritty here, but before we do that, I'm
going to give you a few minutes here, Ashley, just
to start reading to us, please please.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
No, okay, okay, Well all right, I just opened this
and this is a layout of our dance for Winter Games.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
This is our routine on the ice. And then I
have some.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Together, did we?
Speaker 4 (05:12):
No? That would have been absolutely incredible.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Yeah, I feel I have some cards against humanity as
if we played that and it meant something because.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
We didn't play that a lot of that during the Bachelorette.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
Oh yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
And then I have another date card here that says, actually,
I choose a man to get dirty with on today's date.
Speaker 4 (05:31):
Huh huh Again, who was that for? Who? Who did
I take on that date to get dirty with? Oh?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Okay it was Kevin? Oh because it was the pottery.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
This is a lot of these.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
That was winder Games. Interesting.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Okay, well that was probably the only artifacts that I
have from Winter Games in here, because I don't remember
writing in here during Winter Games.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
But maybe there's one page.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Okay, this is the most embarrassing thing ever. This is
page one. I'm not sure whether I'm writing to myself
or whether I'm writing as if I'm talking to Chrystal's
good lord.
Speaker 4 (06:12):
It's simple. I'm picky.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
I have no desire for to settle for less than
I deserve, make any or to make anyone my boyfriend.
There have been only a handful of guys that I've
liked to this point, and they happen to that have happened,
and they've happened to love the non committal hookup culture
that we live in and have never committed to me,
never wanted a real relationship. And I'm a hopeless romantic
(06:37):
to a fault probably, and I'm too wrapped up in
the chick flick type of love story. But even though
my expectations and sanders are high, I think I should
be courted. I think I desire a proper romance, and
that's why I've held out. That's what I've held out
for in a relationship and sex. And then I have
(06:57):
some notes for myself.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
This page literally bullet points. Yes, this is page. It's
this is how I wanted to get on.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Can I pause you here?
Speaker 6 (07:05):
Yeah, because I think we're getting an insight into who
you are. How much like how nervous were you about
your virginity like story going into this show. I mean
that that is a very vulnerable and very open conversation
to have. Like I don't typically ask my buddies about
(07:26):
their sex life, right, it's not really my business. Now
most of them are married, so I guess maybe we're different.
But this this, I'm assuming it was a big deal
for you to even open.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Up about this, well, because it was in my audition
tape and I knew it was a big component to
why they were like so interested in me, and it
was brought up during audition casting weekend that I knew
that it was going to play a storyline and I
was going to have to talk about it. So this
is kind of me prepping in like the so how
did you get to be a twenty six year old
(07:59):
virgin conversation?
Speaker 6 (08:02):
Okay, before you keep going, why was it in your
audition tape?
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Like this was something that you wanted to speak about.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
No, I hadn't understated because I knew that they would
probably be more interested in me if I put it
in there and knew it was a Gettera. So this
is apparently my notes in how I should present myself
in getting out of the limo. Steady yourself, like this
(08:30):
is me, like getting out of the limo and like
stay there, pose, show the dress for a second, look up, smile,
lock eyes, say hey, handsome, good lord, it's so nice
to finally meet you.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
I've been daydreaming about this moment for a while.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Did you say that I'm Ashley. I'm so glad it's you.
I said this, I'm so glad it's you, Chris. Make
sure to say his name. My whole family is so
happy it's you. Even my critical grandma, and she brought me.
She bought me this dress for the occasion. She always says, oh,
(09:12):
he's so warm, so warm. My grandmother actually started watching
the show before I went on, like to see who
was gonna be my bachelor, and she really enjoyed Andy season,
and then she really liked Chris.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
And she's still with us at one hundred.
Speaker 6 (09:32):
And two, and she really liked Chris just because he is, like,
I mean, Chris is like the lovable Yeah, lovable, I
mean he is. Did you act like accurately say all
these things.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
That you wrote down?
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Well, I remember, just because of the edit that I said,
I'm so glad it's you.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
I don't think I said my whole family is Maybe I.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Did say my whole family is happy it's you, and
then the next one it says, anyway, I feel so
blessed to be here and having this opportunity with you.
I can't wait to talk to you more later. And
I wanted to make sure that I didn't say I'll
see you inside, so I said, I can't wait to
talk to you more.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
Later I did say that, did you wink? No, I
winking doesn't come natural to me.
Speaker 6 (10:18):
Okay, So you don't like walk past and be like,
I can't wait to see you inside.
Speaker 4 (10:22):
I didn't say that.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
So then I go on and on again. How I'm
traditional in old school, and I'm okay with that given
the plat I said, but given the platform, I want
to start.
Speaker 4 (10:49):
Oh look at this, this is so amazing, he says.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
I want to start a dating revolution and bring courting back.
I challenge any guy watching this to ask a girl
if they're interested in out on a one on one date,
even if it's just meeting at a bar for drinks.
It doesn't happen enough. It's so simple. It's nerve wracking.
But what's the worst that can happen?
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Why were you embarrassed by that? That's sweet?
Speaker 2 (11:13):
No, it is, but it's just like so funny. I
want to start dating revolutions. You look, look at the gameplay.
Look at the gameplay there. According to the game of
roses Zee, I had an agenda.
Speaker 6 (11:22):
You, Donda, which is very interesting because I never would
have expected you to have one but your agenda was
not about yourself. Your agenda was about sparking healthy dating
across your generation. I think that's very selfless and very wonderful.
I guarantee you there's some people out there that watched
you date and related to your story and said, hey,
(11:44):
I deserve a man to treat me well.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
Keep going.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I'm having to good time with this, so use your
girl power and demand to be treated right. Being the
booty call is usually meaning that you're the submissive one, not.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
The powerful one in the relationship.
Speaker 6 (11:58):
Wait, I'm just a little bit confused on how you
like again, friend of friend here, I'm just trying to
figure stuff out. I'm confused on how you went from like,
here's my story, I'm a virgin to booty call.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
Yeah, I'm saying, don't be the booty call.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
This was apparently like the message that I wanted to
get out there to women like I wanted to use
my virginity as kind of like or you know the
fact that I was going to have to talk about
my inexperience and relationships and being like this, this is
why I am the way that I am, And I
was just so less articulate about it.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
On screen.
Speaker 6 (12:40):
Do you today, as a married mom of two? Do
you read this and say get on you?
Speaker 4 (12:49):
Yeah? Definitely.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
I still like, very much stand with what I'm saying here,
but it's also just like really cringey to actually read.
Speaker 6 (12:56):
Well, that's what diaries are all about. Yeah, is there
any other passages that you're really excited about? If not,
I'd love for you to turn six pages six pages.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Yeah, there's like a lot of virgin stuff in here.
Like guys are often shocked, no one expects it. They
ask how I don't get asked out.
Speaker 4 (13:16):
On a lot of dates.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
I'm a homebody and I don't so I don't have
to explain it much. A lot of people really really
respect it, and that means a lot. But here I
am boyfriendless, So I'm looking for someone who is loyal
and who makes me comfortable, and I want to feel
I want to feel like I'm talking and laughing with
my best guy from but I also want to jump
(13:38):
on and make out with him, and it's hard to
find that combination. My parents have been married for thirty
four years. My dad still tells my sister and I
how much he loves my mom and how beautiful she
is and how lucky we all are to have her.
My parents have set their set of relationship standards high. Okay,
so this starts to the diary and not so much
like my planet my talking points. Oh my god, I die,
(14:02):
I literally. Okay. This is interesting because the first time
I actually had like an like in depth conversation with
him besides like night one was I guess day two
when I was sitting on his lap on a tractor.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Oh is that a.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (14:24):
And I said it was a bit uncomfortable to have
to sit on his lap in a bikini during our
first real conversation. It made it harder to warm up
conversational Conversationally. I'm most concerned with my image. Guys often
think that they're thrown off me because like I come
across a little bit, you know, I don't.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
It doesn't align with my innocence. Always.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
I want him to know the last thing from a
promiscuous party girl. I know that he understands this is
a show, so we're gonna be putting awkward scenarios, but
I want to give the right impression of myself. I
they don't have time for him to figure all this out.
Speaker 6 (15:03):
It does feel like you spent a lot of time
writing in this during souls this season. Yes, that most evenings.
It sounds like you are updating your journal or getting
your thoughts out.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
Oh here.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
I'm also very scared about talking to him about what
I wanted to do in life, because I said I
felt awkward talking about my field being broadcasting because in
bachelor language, I mean, she's not here for the right reasons.
I know that's so not true. I was raised in
a family with a stay at home mom, and I
would want nothing more than that if given the opportunity,
(15:40):
I put love, marriage and family before anything, and I
drop anything for that. It's frustrating to me that one
of the few things that you can't control when it
comes to having a success and quality of life is
finding someone. And then you want me to fast forward
to the end.
Speaker 6 (15:57):
Yeah, I'd love to kind of get into the meat
of the season where you're I'd love to hear your
perspective as were you know, four or five episodes in.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
This is the last entry that I have from Chris's season,
and it's not near the end. I still had like
a full like ten days after this anyway, last night, thankfully,
Chris and I got back to a great place. I
love feeling like it was the like it was post
camping trip, but I wonder if that's a good.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
Enough point to be at right now.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I then talk about how I'm very comfortable making out
with him in front of the camera. Even though it's
in front of the camera, it doesn't feel like it is.
Then I again say, this is the season of the virgin. Carly,
who's twenty nine, told Chris on the one and again
she's born again and she's waiting for marriage.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
Carly, where are you for this word?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
What?
Speaker 4 (16:51):
I don't think this ended up playing out.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
No, I don't think, and I think she might have
a traumatic story. And Becca is twenty five and just
like me and waiting for a serious, loving, real relationship.
Today I will spend the day being thankful, eating, stressing
about tomorrow and thinking about Chris, analyzing and maybe going
(17:15):
into Chris's room later dot dot whatever the heck that means.
It's being talked out, or so I'm told by the producers,
I need to even get more aggressive. And if this
was my idea, and this was my idea, if I
didn't get a one on one this week, I needed extended,
non interrupted time, and I'm looking forward to it, but
I guess I'm not going to get my hopes up.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
All right, there you go.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
This isn't that embarrassing?
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Ashes No, I mean there's a few lines that I'm
like abridging.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Okay, why do you think you stopped writing?
Speaker 4 (17:49):
I don't know. I wish I had not stopped.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Really, this is so funny, though, because do you know
what my first line in Paradise is?
Speaker 4 (17:58):
It's just as Paradise the top Okay.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
And then it says things are good about to go
down like a Taylor Swift song I Love You. This
is because I was relating to a Taylor song. It
was better than revenge. I said that I felt like
(18:22):
Carrie with blood dumped on me.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
See, I have no clue what you're talking about.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
So Carrie, you know Carrie the horror movie.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Oh, the horror movie.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Okay, Yeah, like that's how I felt. Oh look at this.
I think you're greater than Tom Brady. Ignore my giant's affiliation.
I think you're just as hot as Garoppolo. And most importantly,
you've been the only guy to thoroughly distract me from
someone else for three years.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
These damn Scorpios.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Oh my god, I forgot I even wrote that letter
to Jared.
Speaker 4 (18:53):
Wow, I haven't thought about this in the years.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
And then in Paradise too, in preparation for season two,
I wrote my story like as if I was going
to write a book, so I said. I read Cony
Robertson's book on the way to casting weekend for the
first season, and that prepared me for this journey. And
just now I'm reading Andy Dorfmann's book as I sit
on the balcony back in Port of Vierta, confined to
(19:19):
a hotel run for the second year in a row.
As I sit relishing in the humidity, I brace myself
for what could be an even more heartbreaking experience than
last year's trip. Here a second romantic movie plays inside
my beautiful suite, and one of my favorite parts about
my bachelor experience has got to be all the unlimited
free room service.
Speaker 4 (19:41):
Andy's book has.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
In a way prepared me for how to deal if
that devastating heartbreak is actualized. Somehow, even though it seems unlivable,
I will survive this possible loss and should simply consider
it the end of a chapter, not the story. Roughly
the first year to all of these shenanigans was a
(20:05):
total blast. It was all about becoming a more confident person.
And my second year I met Jared and while I'm
going into my fourth year consumed by.
Speaker 4 (20:19):
Said person at home.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
I never saw Jared coming until I did, and I
expected what I believed to be my only bow of
love at first sight. It's unfortunate that I didn't keep
a better record of the beginning of our relationship, a
version that isn't televised. However, that story was told for
(20:41):
Milliams to see, and it was a pretty accurate portrayal
of our relationship at that point, in all of its
cheesy glory. It He truly makes me want to be
a better person.
Speaker 4 (20:54):
Would you like me to continue or should I stop?
Speaker 3 (20:56):
I want you to continue, Ashley said.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I wish I could be as selfless and thoughtful of
others as he is. He's the kindest heart, and at
some points over the year, I believe it's almost been
to a fault when the ugly truth the movie ironically
is playing in the background is that if he were
a little less caring and sensitive, my heart could have
(21:22):
been shattered months ago and I could still be in
the healing process, but no. Instead, I find myself still
holding on to hope that our incredibly strong friendship could
evolve into something more. I just refuse to believe that
two people who love each other so deeply can't imagine
and can't imagine their lives without each other, who are
so compatible and so delighted at each other's company, How
(21:46):
can we just not be together romantically? The past year
certainly hasn't been with all its fair shares of teas,
certainly hasn't been with its fair share of teases of
this happening.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
This past year has been has been.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
It is definitely the right word, of course, without them,
I like to think that I wouldn't be so hopelessly
in unrequited love with him. If you asked me this
time last year where I would have thought my relationship
with Jared would be, I would have said that either
non existent or my boyfriend, as I did believe that
he did need time.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
To recover from Kaitlin and be friends first.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Despite the tears and at times heartache, Jared has enhanced
my life and made me more mature. While I still
have a positive outlook on love, I know it's not
as simple as they make it seem in the movies,
and I find myself in less of a fantasy world,
despite the fact that Jared is a fantasy come to life.
(22:49):
And anyone that I've ever found as close to Prince Jermy.
He's taught me emotional intimacy, and I believe our relationship
has been a bit of a refresher course for him.
People don't understand our relationship and they probably shouldn't because
our relationship is definitely one of a kind anyway that
(23:10):
goes on and on and on.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
That's really sweetish, you know, man.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
I mean it is like pages beyond that because this
was me sitting in the hotel room.
Speaker 4 (23:23):
Yeah, I mean, it's got like twenty pages.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
This is me sitting in the hotel room for five
days being like I'm writing our story up until now,
and that's and I think I do get to the
point where it was like present day.
Speaker 6 (23:34):
Yeah, Ashley, It's absolutely wonderful.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
It always is.
Speaker 6 (23:38):
It's a great reminder, and thank you for sharing this
with us. I'm going to take the last few minutes
here to talk about yourself.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
Now it's your turn.
Speaker 6 (23:56):
Come on, now, I can do that. This is really fun,
so I have this little black book. So when I
was growing up, my mom would print off like Bible
verses and put a new one up every week on
my mirror and my bathroom, like tape it up there
and I could like remember it. And so for The Bachelor,
(24:18):
when I went on the show, she took those verses
in some of my favorite quotes and put them all
in this book so I could bring it with me
and read. But the coolest part is I kind of
forgot this. I've always loved Winnie the Pooh. Winnie the Pooh.
Initially it was brought up at our wedding. Well, the
first page is a picture she drew. It's really sweet.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
That's so crazy, Ben, you would one day have a
daughter named Winnie.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I know.
Speaker 6 (24:47):
And the quote here is how do you spell love?
Piglet said that and Pooh answered, you don't spell it,
you feel it? Is that sweet?
Speaker 4 (24:56):
So sweet.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (24:58):
So it's fun to look through this and see all
these like quotes that are in Bible verses that are
written down for me. And I used it a lot
when I was on the show, just to like, you know,
you're away from your family, you're traveling all around, you're
stressed out, life's changing, and so I remember I had
this with me and I just look at it. It'd
been like a good reminder of my family back home
(25:20):
and like setting like just setting me back up for
some foundation.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
So it was fun.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
I found that for this so nice. I love that. Well,
can you read a couple more?
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (25:30):
Yeah, I can read a couple more, and then I'm
going to read a little section from my book that
was like really taken from my journal. So we have
a quote from doctor Seuss and here that says, be
who you are, Be who you are, and say what
you feel, because those who mine don't matter, and those
who matter don't mind. The first Bible verse here is
one Peter five versus six and seven. It says, so
(25:53):
be content with who you are, and don't put on airs.
God's strong hand is on you. He'll promote you at
the right time. Live care free before God. He is
most careful with you.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Oh this was good.
Speaker 6 (26:11):
It's kind of going off of Ashley some of our
conversations about people of faith today, and you know how
they're speaking about faith on social media and this kind
of like strong arm mentality people have. But I remember
this little prayer that was written by Peter Marshall short.
(26:34):
But I remember it hit me during the Bachelor when
I had made some mistakes, and it's funny when you're
on that show.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
Did you make any mistakes?
Speaker 6 (26:45):
I was showing favoritism, I think, okay, and I was
there was a moment and I still like really like
hurt for this Olivia KAREDI was getting just I knew
she was getting kind of like blasted by the like
producers like they needed a villain, and she kind of
got like singled out and I didn't put my foot down,
(27:09):
and then I failed to put my foot down even
post airing of the show, and I really regret that
to this day.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
She didn't deserve it.
Speaker 6 (27:16):
It wasn't real, it wasn't true, and it really, I know,
it really hurt her. She's great, and so yeah, maybe
not the big mistakes that you'd see on television, but
like inner turmoils that were going on. And so the
prayer says, Lord, when I am wrong, make me willing
to change, and when I am right, make me easy
(27:38):
to live with. So yeah, there was just these like
really good reminders. And the cool part about it is
it felt like all these reminders were humbling in nature
but uplifting in its spirit, so like it kept me grounded,
I think was the word I was looking for earlier.
Like it did, it kept me very grounded throughout the
(28:00):
whole process when life is getting thrown at you and
you just read that and you're like, Okay, I don't
want to change here, so help me still navigate this
being the man that I've always dreamed to be, wanted
to be, desired to be. And then I wrote now
that this is obviously coming from the book Alone in
Plain Sight, which is a whole book on hopefully the
(28:23):
reader feels less alone when they're done reading it. And
so it kind of takes little sections of my story,
my journal, especially Bachelorrette when I was feeling super insecure,
haveing a lot of questions, and formulate it into like
more of a like a book where there's some like
response and solution, so it's not like a diary where
sometimes it's hard to read or grammar's wrong.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
This has been edited, so I just want to.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Preface with that, Yes, I apologize for my stumbles, but
I remember going onto the show.
Speaker 6 (28:54):
I remember a night laying in my bed in Denver,
A couple of weeks before the show arted, and my
buddies had told me this thing, like and they're friends,
and to some level, I'm kind of happy they said this.
Other ways, I think it was really mean, but they
came over to kind of help me get packed and
they said, I said, oh, man, I don't even know
(29:15):
how much I need to bring, and they said, well,
you'll probably be there like two weeks.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
There's some studs that go on that show.
Speaker 5 (29:21):
And I it's so out of touch, Like I love
the way they humbled you, but like when six foot
four Ben Higgins locks in the door, like that is
the ultimate Bachelor candidate, Like.
Speaker 4 (29:36):
That's hilarious that they wouldn't think of you like that.
Speaker 6 (29:41):
It really did, Like it hurt because I was trying
to pump myself up, like hey, you belong here, You're
gonna have fun here, and it like really set me
back on this, like this is just embarrassing kind of
the thought of why would I even do this if
I'm only gonna be there two weeks, Like I don't
want to make a flu of myself again. This is
gonna be embarrassing, But I still chose to do it,
(30:01):
and I'm proud of myself for that. And then the
next thing they said was, well, maybe you can last
long enough to become King of the Nerds, meaning like,
maybe you'll like actually do something on this show, but
if you do, it really doesn't matter. Anyways, two really
like hurtful things. So I remember laying in my bed
(30:22):
going goodness, like, am I making the biggest mistake of
my life? Is this going to absolutely crush me? I'm
all ready very fragile, and if you remember me coming
into the Bachelor, I was already very insecure, and I
thought this could either be the like, this could really
be something that puts me over the edge. I wasn't
(30:42):
necessarily a great place mentally, and then I wrote on
my plane flight to Los Angeles, Yeah, how would you
say that?
Speaker 4 (30:55):
Why on your flight?
Speaker 3 (30:56):
On my flight?
Speaker 6 (30:57):
Okay, on my flight, I wrote this whole synopsis on
what is love?
Speaker 2 (31:05):
Okay, see you and I are both like thinking interesting
where our heads are at, going on our plight?
Speaker 6 (31:14):
And so let me read this because this kind of
is the excerpt from my journal that answers that question, or,
at least to the best of my ability, says what
is romantic love? Some of us skip through life assuming
we know the answer. We know love when we feel love.
But how do we know what we feel is actually love?
(31:35):
Could it be nothing more than a primal instinct and lust?
At first, the two feel a lot alike. We meet
somewhat somebody, and since an instantaneous attraction, sparks fly, hearts flutter,
blood flows. The moment we first speak to one another,
we feel the chemistry. Then our hands touch, and it's,
(31:58):
to borrow a line from an old movie magic, When
our lips meet for the first time, fireworks explode, but
our fireworks proof of true romantic love. Sparks may fly,
but are sparks enough for us to know that this
is the one we will be with forever. Chemistry doesn't
(32:19):
equal a healthy relationship, something many of us have to
learn the hard way. Nor do the feelings of being
in love mean we've found our one true love Again,
I must ask what is true romantic love? I have
wanted to pursue true love for as long as I
(32:40):
can remember. My parents started praying for my future partner
even before I was born. Anything they'd pray about for.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Us isn't that sweet?
Speaker 6 (32:50):
Anything they'd pray about for so long must be a big, big, deal. Remember,
at this point, I'm very single. Anything this big had
to be taken seriously, and I didn't want to blow it.
That's why one day, while laying shingles and pounding nails
on the roof with my dad, I asked him, Dad,
(33:12):
how do you know Mom was the one? At the time,
my mom and dad had been together for thirty seven years.
The two of them still seem madly in love. If
ever I'd witnessed true love, it has to be my
mom and Dad's relationship. So I wanted to know their secret.
I sat back and waited for my dad to let
me in on the secret that unlocks the mystery of
(33:34):
finding true love. I honestly expected him to say something
life changing, to give me some profound truth that would
illuminate my path forward toward true love. My dad paused
for a moment as he thought about the question, then said, Ben,
when you know you know? At that, my dear readers,
(33:55):
is the Dave Higgins secret to understanding true love? When
you know you know? I could not hide my surprise.
My jaw dropped and shocked, and I asked, is that
all you've got? Yep, that's it, my dad said, with
a smile like he actually had revealed one of the
greatest mysteries of the universe. When you know you know,
he said again. I shook my head. I don't get it,
(34:17):
I said, When you know you know? That makes no
sense to me. How am I ever supposed to know?
What does that even mean? My dad grinned and shrugged
his shoulders. You'll just know, son, he said again. Except
for most of my life, I haven't even known what
I was supposed to know. I felt sparks, I've seen fireworks.
(34:38):
I felt the euphoria where I gladly drive four hours
on a Tuesday night just to spend a couple hours
with the one I love. Then I drive back home
in the middle of the night and get up tired
for work the next day, and then do it again
on a Wednesday, if that's what it took to see
her again. But the euphoria didn't last, and neither did
that relationship. None of my relationships did for the first
(35:00):
thirty years of my life. And then it goes into
meeting Jessica and to going on The Bachelor.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
Ben.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
It's so funny that we both so much wrote about
love and relationships on the flight. I like talk about
going for the right reasons, like our headspace was all
about this, this is a huge step in our romantic life.
We weren't even thinking about the other things to come
with it.
Speaker 6 (35:24):
It really, I mean, I think that is when we
you know, the Game of Roses show was such a
fun show I think for us to be a part of,
and I think to like to summarize it and to
give us some credit this, you know, this isn't like
a self promotion more than a hey, I think they
casted us hoping for something right. They loved your virgin
(35:46):
story and for me, you know, maybe it was just like, hey,
the good old boy next door from the Midwest, and
he seems to relate to our target demo. But I
think what they didn't meant, what they didn't see, was
this just deep desire in our life to find a
partner and knowing that we had to take some risks
to find it along the way, you know, be that
(36:08):
reality television or be that just getting out there in
the world. And you and I both weren't doing a
great job at getting out there in the world and
dating at the time of the show, because we're home
buddies bodies we're a little bit more introverted when it
comes to like the social scene, and what the show
maybe couldn't have cast it or known about us was
(36:29):
our deepest desire at the end of the day, bring it,
bring the money, bring the fame, bring the attention, all
those things. That's great, but we would have never replaced
our true romantic relationship for those things. And today I
think I could speak for you and say you could
take all the other stuff away, but do not take
(36:51):
away my wife, like you could take all that. I
give it all back to you in a second. But
it was worth it, right, And I think that's the
crazy part, and maybe the message that people need to
hear is we dreamed of it, we wrote about it,
we thought about it, we processed it, we asked our
(37:12):
closest loved ones about it. Now you know, we found
it and it was better than I ever could have thought.
And my dad, and it goes into this this next section.
If somebody asked me today, Ben, how did you know
Jessica was the one?
Speaker 3 (37:31):
It's funny and.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
Then I wanted to ask you that I wanted to
be like, so when you met jess what did what.
Speaker 4 (37:37):
Did you think?
Speaker 6 (37:39):
I remember this moment on our first date, Ashley, Internally,
I thought.
Speaker 4 (37:44):
I think I know, you think I know, I think
I know yeah.
Speaker 6 (37:49):
And then I said, this is either going to be
the greatest thing to ever happen to me in my
life or the hardest thing that ever happened to me
in my life and ended up being the greatest. But
if somebody asked me today, how did I know Jeff
was the one? I would say with confidence, when you know,
you know, yeah, that's so cute.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
I dies so cute. I wanted to say that.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
Have you seen that trend on Instagram and TikTok where
it's like you're going to get a call the Susie
and Blake both did it okay, And it's like you're
going to get a call in your twenties and it's
going to tell you and then like you fill in
the blank and then and then you're supposed to basically
say you have to do it. And of course Susie
(38:34):
and Blake have made it bachelor oriented, so it's like
you're going to get a call that you have to
go date some guy along with twenty nine women on
dash Haal TV and you have to say yes to it.
And it shows like their life over the past, you know,
with Susie like six years and then him like close
to ten. And it's so good. It's so good. You
(38:57):
have to do it. It'll make you smile. You have
to watch theirs. It's very uplifting. It's really cool to
see how lives turn out.
Speaker 3 (39:05):
It is.
Speaker 6 (39:06):
It's fun. So that's an insight into the brains of us.
Ashley's unfiltered and as I said, I had the benefit
of getting mine edited and filtered and distributed across the
world this point, so you can go pick up Alone
and Plain Sight.
Speaker 4 (39:23):
The new edition, the new edition. I love it.
Speaker 6 (39:28):
Yeah, you can go pick that up right now. It's
out for the holiday season. I'm really excited about effect.
And you can continue to listen to us here on
the Almost Famous podcast. Today was a day of introspection
and vulnerability. And Ashley, thank you for bringing us into
your world through your diary.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Thank you for sharing yours too. It makes me so smiling,
and I hope everybody out there listening is also smiling
because it's very It's a great message out there, great
message to put out there.
Speaker 4 (39:57):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (39:59):
Until next time, I've been ben I've.
Speaker 4 (40:01):
Been Ashley, See you, love you Bye.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on iHeartRadio,
or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hey guys, welcome to the Almost Famous podcast today. I
think you're in for a treat. We are going to
be reading for our Bachelor diaries. I actually kind of
want to make this a series if enough people said
they have Bachelor diaries. Mine is the cringiest thing of
all time. I showed Ben yesterday. It looks like something
that Belle would have.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
It's very intimidating.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I bought it in the airport, thinking, you know what,
I should have a journal for this experience.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
And you told me.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Before we hit record that you actually don't have a journal,
which I thought you did, but you did have one,
and then you turn it into your book in plain sight,
and so now you're just going to be reading from that.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Yeah, it's just like a free commercial for a lose.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
I was going to say.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
I was like, is this a podcast as part of
the extension pack.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Of your head?
Speaker 5 (01:01):
No?
Speaker 6 (01:01):
I did have a journal, and I found this little
journal that I'll talk about.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
It's very different than yours. Goodness yours.
Speaker 6 (01:12):
I just want to take a second. Can you have
you ever thought about this? But in like one hundred
years let's say we're not here on earth. We've moved
on and yeah, and somebody digs up like your house, right,
they're remodeling it, and they dig it up and they
find this book and they go, oh, my gosh, it's
(01:35):
a treasure. It is it is historic. This has to
have meaning and significance. And then they open it up
and they read, So I was in love with this
guy named Chris Souls and he was really cute and
I kissed him for the first time.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
Can you imagine what these people are going to think.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
I think that if it's a girl who finds it's
just gonna be like, Wow, I want to go live back.
Speaker 4 (02:02):
Then this sounds like a good life. That's romantic.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
She's like, I'm out here getting robots, you know, I
don't know who's AI and who's a human.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
That's scary.
Speaker 6 (02:16):
My journal did turn. I still have it somewhere. I
think it's in a book in my garage.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
But a loane and plane, a box in your garage.
Speaker 6 (02:24):
And a box my garage, sorry, and a loan and
plane site is the is the like more formulated professional
version of the journal. I took the notes and the
key points of the journal in my own insecurities and
turned it into this book that was re released because
we added a couple chapters into it, one on being
(02:47):
a dad, a couple, on being a husband, and so
it just came back out. And so I thought, well,
if I can't find the journal, I can find this
little thing I'll talk about. But then I'll also read
from alone and plane site. But honestly, this whole episode
is not about me, and I mean it, it's really
about you, because your journal is going to make us
(03:08):
so happy.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
I mean, Ben, I'm reading the first page and I'm like,
I don't think I can do this.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
I don't know if I can put this out there.
I did a couple of years ago on my I
don't get a podcast, I read excerpts from some diary.
Was it the Bachelor Diary or was it? I think
it was the Bachelor Diary. So let me just say,
when you open it, you get like a whole bunch
of these cards. So first up is a date card.
(03:37):
It says Ashley, love requires sacrifices. Your date is tonight.
Oh my gosh, I know who that was with. This
was with Canadian Daniel. I went to the tribal Data
some of these are Paradise, not oh yeah, this is
like a Bachelor. This is a Bachelor plus Paradise. But
I admittedly did not write as much in Paradise because
(04:01):
I was.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
Like overwhelmed my emotion. I was like, I don't even
know idea.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
I was like, it'll be documented on TV. I can't
even I can't either.
Speaker 6 (04:11):
Okay, here's how this is gonna work. I'm gonna let
you spend the next few minutes and read some excerpts
that you think are great, and then we're gonna play
a little game. I'm going to tell you the number
of pages you need to turn, and you're going to
turn that number of pages in this you are, and
(04:33):
you're going to have to read at least a paragraph
from those pages so that you can't cultivate this experience
to be less embarrassing. No, we're going to get into
the nitty gritty here, but before we do that, I'm
going to give you a few minutes here, Ashley, just
to start reading to us, please please.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
No, okay, okay, Well all right, I just opened this
and this is a layout of our dance for Winter Games.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
This is our routine on the ice. And then I
have some.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Together, did we?
Speaker 4 (05:12):
No? That would have been absolutely incredible.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Yeah, I feel I have some cards against humanity as
if we played that and it meant something because.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
We didn't play that a lot of that during the Bachelorette.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
Oh yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
And then I have another date card here that says, actually,
I choose a man to get dirty with on today's date.
Speaker 4 (05:31):
Huh huh Again, who was that for? Who? Who did
I take on that date to get dirty with? Oh?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Okay it was Kevin? Oh because it was the pottery.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
This is a lot of these.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
That was winder Games. Interesting.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Okay, well that was probably the only artifacts that I
have from Winter Games in here, because I don't remember
writing in here during Winter Games.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
But maybe there's one page.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Okay, this is the most embarrassing thing ever. This is
page one. I'm not sure whether I'm writing to myself
or whether I'm writing as if I'm talking to Chrystal's
good lord.
Speaker 4 (06:12):
It's simple. I'm picky.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
I have no desire for to settle for less than
I deserve, make any or to make anyone my boyfriend.
There have been only a handful of guys that I've
liked to this point, and they happen to that have happened,
and they've happened to love the non committal hookup culture
that we live in and have never committed to me,
never wanted a real relationship. And I'm a hopeless romantic
(06:37):
to a fault probably, and I'm too wrapped up in
the chick flick type of love story. But even though
my expectations and sanders are high, I think I should
be courted. I think I desire a proper romance, and
that's why I've held out. That's what I've held out
for in a relationship and sex. And then I have
(06:57):
some notes for myself.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
This page literally bullet points. Yes, this is page. It's
this is how I wanted to get on.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Can I pause you here?
Speaker 6 (07:05):
Yeah, because I think we're getting an insight into who
you are. How much like how nervous were you about
your virginity like story going into this show. I mean
that that is a very vulnerable and very open conversation
to have. Like I don't typically ask my buddies about
(07:26):
their sex life, right, it's not really my business. Now
most of them are married, so I guess maybe we're different.
But this this, I'm assuming it was a big deal
for you to even open.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Up about this, well, because it was in my audition
tape and I knew it was a big component to
why they were like so interested in me, and it
was brought up during audition casting weekend that I knew
that it was going to play a storyline and I
was going to have to talk about it. So this
is kind of me prepping in like the so how
did you get to be a twenty six year old
(07:59):
virgin conversation?
Speaker 6 (08:02):
Okay, before you keep going, why was it in your
audition tape?
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Like this was something that you wanted to speak about.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
No, I hadn't understated because I knew that they would
probably be more interested in me if I put it
in there and knew it was a Gettera. So this
is apparently my notes in how I should present myself
in getting out of the limo. Steady yourself, like this
(08:30):
is me, like getting out of the limo and like
stay there, pose, show the dress for a second, look up, smile,
lock eyes, say hey, handsome, good lord, it's so nice
to finally meet you.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
I've been daydreaming about this moment for a while.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Did you say that I'm Ashley. I'm so glad it's you.
I said this, I'm so glad it's you, Chris. Make
sure to say his name. My whole family is so
happy it's you. Even my critical grandma, and she brought me.
She bought me this dress for the occasion. She always says, oh,
(09:12):
he's so warm, so warm. My grandmother actually started watching
the show before I went on, like to see who
was gonna be my bachelor, and she really enjoyed Andy season,
and then she really liked Chris.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
And she's still with us at one hundred.
Speaker 6 (09:32):
And two, and she really liked Chris just because he is, like,
I mean, Chris is like the lovable Yeah, lovable, I
mean he is. Did you act like accurately say all
these things.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
That you wrote down?
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Well, I remember, just because of the edit that I said,
I'm so glad it's you.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
I don't think I said my whole family is Maybe I.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Did say my whole family is happy it's you, and
then the next one it says, anyway, I feel so
blessed to be here and having this opportunity with you.
I can't wait to talk to you more later. And
I wanted to make sure that I didn't say I'll
see you inside, so I said, I can't wait to
talk to you more.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
Later I did say that, did you wink? No, I
winking doesn't come natural to me.
Speaker 6 (10:18):
Okay, So you don't like walk past and be like,
I can't wait to see you inside.
Speaker 4 (10:22):
I didn't say that.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
So then I go on and on again. How I'm
traditional in old school, and I'm okay with that given
the plat I said, but given the platform, I want
to start.
Speaker 4 (10:49):
Oh look at this, this is so amazing, he says.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
I want to start a dating revolution and bring courting back.
I challenge any guy watching this to ask a girl
if they're interested in out on a one on one date,
even if it's just meeting at a bar for drinks.
It doesn't happen enough. It's so simple. It's nerve wracking.
But what's the worst that can happen?
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Why were you embarrassed by that? That's sweet?
Speaker 2 (11:13):
No, it is, but it's just like so funny. I
want to start dating revolutions. You look, look at the gameplay.
Look at the gameplay there. According to the game of
roses Zee, I had an agenda.
Speaker 6 (11:22):
You, Donda, which is very interesting because I never would
have expected you to have one but your agenda was
not about yourself. Your agenda was about sparking healthy dating
across your generation. I think that's very selfless and very wonderful.
I guarantee you there's some people out there that watched
you date and related to your story and said, hey,
(11:44):
I deserve a man to treat me well.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
Keep going.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I'm having to good time with this, so use your
girl power and demand to be treated right. Being the
booty call is usually meaning that you're the submissive one, not.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
The powerful one in the relationship.
Speaker 6 (11:58):
Wait, I'm just a little bit confused on how you
like again, friend of friend here, I'm just trying to
figure stuff out. I'm confused on how you went from like,
here's my story, I'm a virgin to booty call.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
Yeah, I'm saying, don't be the booty call.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
This was apparently like the message that I wanted to
get out there to women like I wanted to use
my virginity as kind of like or you know the
fact that I was going to have to talk about
my inexperience and relationships and being like this, this is
why I am the way that I am, And I
was just so less articulate about it.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
On screen.
Speaker 6 (12:40):
Do you today, as a married mom of two? Do
you read this and say get on you?
Speaker 4 (12:49):
Yeah? Definitely.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
I still like, very much stand with what I'm saying here,
but it's also just like really cringey to actually read.
Speaker 6 (12:56):
Well, that's what diaries are all about. Yeah, is there
any other passages that you're really excited about? If not,
I'd love for you to turn six pages six pages.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Yeah, there's like a lot of virgin stuff in here.
Like guys are often shocked, no one expects it. They
ask how I don't get asked out.
Speaker 4 (13:16):
On a lot of dates.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
I'm a homebody and I don't so I don't have
to explain it much. A lot of people really really
respect it, and that means a lot. But here I
am boyfriendless, So I'm looking for someone who is loyal
and who makes me comfortable, and I want to feel
I want to feel like I'm talking and laughing with
my best guy from but I also want to jump
(13:38):
on and make out with him, and it's hard to
find that combination. My parents have been married for thirty
four years. My dad still tells my sister and I
how much he loves my mom and how beautiful she
is and how lucky we all are to have her.
My parents have set their set of relationship standards high. Okay,
so this starts to the diary and not so much
like my planet my talking points. Oh my god, I die,
(14:02):
I literally. Okay. This is interesting because the first time
I actually had like an like in depth conversation with
him besides like night one was I guess day two
when I was sitting on his lap on a tractor.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Oh is that a.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (14:24):
And I said it was a bit uncomfortable to have
to sit on his lap in a bikini during our
first real conversation. It made it harder to warm up
conversational Conversationally. I'm most concerned with my image. Guys often
think that they're thrown off me because like I come
across a little bit, you know, I don't.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
It doesn't align with my innocence. Always.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
I want him to know the last thing from a
promiscuous party girl. I know that he understands this is
a show, so we're gonna be putting awkward scenarios, but
I want to give the right impression of myself. I
they don't have time for him to figure all this out.
Speaker 6 (15:03):
It does feel like you spent a lot of time
writing in this during souls this season. Yes, that most evenings.
It sounds like you are updating your journal or getting
your thoughts out.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
Oh here.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
I'm also very scared about talking to him about what
I wanted to do in life, because I said I
felt awkward talking about my field being broadcasting because in
bachelor language, I mean, she's not here for the right reasons.
I know that's so not true. I was raised in
a family with a stay at home mom, and I
would want nothing more than that if given the opportunity,
(15:40):
I put love, marriage and family before anything, and I
drop anything for that. It's frustrating to me that one
of the few things that you can't control when it
comes to having a success and quality of life is
finding someone. And then you want me to fast forward
to the end.
Speaker 6 (15:57):
Yeah, I'd love to kind of get into the meat
of the season where you're I'd love to hear your
perspective as were you know, four or five episodes in.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
This is the last entry that I have from Chris's season,
and it's not near the end. I still had like
a full like ten days after this anyway, last night, thankfully,
Chris and I got back to a great place. I
love feeling like it was the like it was post
camping trip, but I wonder if that's a good.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
Enough point to be at right now.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I then talk about how I'm very comfortable making out
with him in front of the camera. Even though it's
in front of the camera, it doesn't feel like it is.
Then I again say, this is the season of the virgin. Carly,
who's twenty nine, told Chris on the one and again
she's born again and she's waiting for marriage.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
Carly, where are you for this word?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
What?
Speaker 4 (16:51):
I don't think this ended up playing out.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
No, I don't think, and I think she might have
a traumatic story. And Becca is twenty five and just
like me and waiting for a serious, loving, real relationship.
Today I will spend the day being thankful, eating, stressing
about tomorrow and thinking about Chris, analyzing and maybe going
(17:15):
into Chris's room later dot dot whatever the heck that means.
It's being talked out, or so I'm told by the producers,
I need to even get more aggressive. And if this
was my idea, and this was my idea, if I
didn't get a one on one this week, I needed extended,
non interrupted time, and I'm looking forward to it, but
I guess I'm not going to get my hopes up.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
All right, there you go.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
This isn't that embarrassing?
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Ashes No, I mean there's a few lines that I'm
like abridging.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Okay, why do you think you stopped writing?
Speaker 4 (17:49):
I don't know. I wish I had not stopped.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Really, this is so funny, though, because do you know
what my first line in Paradise is?
Speaker 4 (17:58):
It's just as Paradise the top Okay.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
And then it says things are good about to go
down like a Taylor Swift song I Love You. This
is because I was relating to a Taylor song. It
was better than revenge. I said that I felt like
(18:22):
Carrie with blood dumped on me.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
See, I have no clue what you're talking about.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
So Carrie, you know Carrie the horror movie.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Oh, the horror movie.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Okay, Yeah, like that's how I felt. Oh look at this.
I think you're greater than Tom Brady. Ignore my giant's affiliation.
I think you're just as hot as Garoppolo. And most importantly,
you've been the only guy to thoroughly distract me from
someone else for three years.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
These damn Scorpios.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Oh my god, I forgot I even wrote that letter
to Jared.
Speaker 4 (18:53):
Wow, I haven't thought about this in the years.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
And then in Paradise too, in preparation for season two,
I wrote my story like as if I was going
to write a book, so I said. I read Cony
Robertson's book on the way to casting weekend for the
first season, and that prepared me for this journey. And
just now I'm reading Andy Dorfmann's book as I sit
on the balcony back in Port of Vierta, confined to
(19:19):
a hotel run for the second year in a row.
As I sit relishing in the humidity, I brace myself
for what could be an even more heartbreaking experience than
last year's trip. Here a second romantic movie plays inside
my beautiful suite, and one of my favorite parts about
my bachelor experience has got to be all the unlimited
free room service.
Speaker 4 (19:41):
Andy's book has.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
In a way prepared me for how to deal if
that devastating heartbreak is actualized. Somehow, even though it seems unlivable,
I will survive this possible loss and should simply consider
it the end of a chapter, not the story. Roughly
the first year to all of these shenanigans was a
(20:05):
total blast. It was all about becoming a more confident person.
And my second year I met Jared and while I'm
going into my fourth year consumed by.
Speaker 4 (20:19):
Said person at home.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
I never saw Jared coming until I did, and I
expected what I believed to be my only bow of
love at first sight. It's unfortunate that I didn't keep
a better record of the beginning of our relationship, a
version that isn't televised. However, that story was told for
(20:41):
Milliams to see, and it was a pretty accurate portrayal
of our relationship at that point, in all of its
cheesy glory. It He truly makes me want to be
a better person.
Speaker 4 (20:54):
Would you like me to continue or should I stop?
Speaker 3 (20:56):
I want you to continue, Ashley said.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I wish I could be as selfless and thoughtful of
others as he is. He's the kindest heart, and at
some points over the year, I believe it's almost been
to a fault when the ugly truth the movie ironically
is playing in the background is that if he were
a little less caring and sensitive, my heart could have
(21:22):
been shattered months ago and I could still be in
the healing process, but no. Instead, I find myself still
holding on to hope that our incredibly strong friendship could
evolve into something more. I just refuse to believe that
two people who love each other so deeply can't imagine
and can't imagine their lives without each other, who are
so compatible and so delighted at each other's company, How
(21:46):
can we just not be together romantically? The past year
certainly hasn't been with all its fair shares of teas,
certainly hasn't been with its fair share of teases of
this happening.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
This past year has been has been.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
It is definitely the right word, of course, without them,
I like to think that I wouldn't be so hopelessly
in unrequited love with him. If you asked me this
time last year where I would have thought my relationship
with Jared would be, I would have said that either
non existent or my boyfriend, as I did believe that
he did need time.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
To recover from Kaitlin and be friends first.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Despite the tears and at times heartache, Jared has enhanced
my life and made me more mature. While I still
have a positive outlook on love, I know it's not
as simple as they make it seem in the movies,
and I find myself in less of a fantasy world,
despite the fact that Jared is a fantasy come to life.
(22:49):
And anyone that I've ever found as close to Prince Jermy.
He's taught me emotional intimacy, and I believe our relationship
has been a bit of a refresher course for him.
People don't understand our relationship and they probably shouldn't because
our relationship is definitely one of a kind anyway that
(23:10):
goes on and on and on.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
That's really sweetish, you know, man.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
I mean it is like pages beyond that because this
was me sitting in the hotel room.
Speaker 4 (23:23):
Yeah, I mean, it's got like twenty pages.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
This is me sitting in the hotel room for five
days being like I'm writing our story up until now,
and that's and I think I do get to the
point where it was like present day.
Speaker 6 (23:34):
Yeah, Ashley, It's absolutely wonderful.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
It always is.
Speaker 6 (23:38):
It's a great reminder, and thank you for sharing this
with us. I'm going to take the last few minutes
here to talk about yourself.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
Now it's your turn.
Speaker 6 (23:56):
Come on, now, I can do that. This is really fun,
so I have this little black book. So when I
was growing up, my mom would print off like Bible
verses and put a new one up every week on
my mirror and my bathroom, like tape it up there
and I could like remember it. And so for The Bachelor,
(24:18):
when I went on the show, she took those verses
in some of my favorite quotes and put them all
in this book so I could bring it with me
and read. But the coolest part is I kind of
forgot this. I've always loved Winnie the Pooh. Winnie the Pooh.
Initially it was brought up at our wedding. Well, the
first page is a picture she drew. It's really sweet.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
That's so crazy, Ben, you would one day have a
daughter named Winnie.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I know.
Speaker 6 (24:47):
And the quote here is how do you spell love?
Piglet said that and Pooh answered, you don't spell it,
you feel it? Is that sweet?
Speaker 4 (24:56):
So sweet.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (24:58):
So it's fun to look through this and see all
these like quotes that are in Bible verses that are
written down for me. And I used it a lot
when I was on the show, just to like, you know,
you're away from your family, you're traveling all around, you're
stressed out, life's changing, and so I remember I had
this with me and I just look at it. It'd
been like a good reminder of my family back home
(25:20):
and like setting like just setting me back up for
some foundation.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
So it was fun.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
I found that for this so nice. I love that. Well,
can you read a couple more?
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (25:30):
Yeah, I can read a couple more, and then I'm
going to read a little section from my book that
was like really taken from my journal. So we have
a quote from doctor Seuss and here that says, be
who you are, Be who you are, and say what
you feel, because those who mine don't matter, and those
who matter don't mind. The first Bible verse here is
one Peter five versus six and seven. It says, so
(25:53):
be content with who you are, and don't put on airs.
God's strong hand is on you. He'll promote you at
the right time. Live care free before God. He is
most careful with you.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Oh this was good.
Speaker 6 (26:11):
It's kind of going off of Ashley some of our
conversations about people of faith today, and you know how
they're speaking about faith on social media and this kind
of like strong arm mentality people have. But I remember
this little prayer that was written by Peter Marshall short.
(26:34):
But I remember it hit me during the Bachelor when
I had made some mistakes, and it's funny when you're
on that show.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
Did you make any mistakes?
Speaker 6 (26:45):
I was showing favoritism, I think, okay, and I was
there was a moment and I still like really like
hurt for this Olivia KAREDI was getting just I knew
she was getting kind of like blasted by the like
producers like they needed a villain, and she kind of
got like singled out and I didn't put my foot down,
(27:09):
and then I failed to put my foot down even
post airing of the show, and I really regret that
to this day.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
She didn't deserve it.
Speaker 6 (27:16):
It wasn't real, it wasn't true, and it really, I know,
it really hurt her. She's great, and so yeah, maybe
not the big mistakes that you'd see on television, but
like inner turmoils that were going on. And so the
prayer says, Lord, when I am wrong, make me willing
to change, and when I am right, make me easy
(27:38):
to live with. So yeah, there was just these like
really good reminders. And the cool part about it is
it felt like all these reminders were humbling in nature
but uplifting in its spirit, so like it kept me grounded,
I think was the word I was looking for earlier.
Like it did, it kept me very grounded throughout the
(28:00):
whole process when life is getting thrown at you and
you just read that and you're like, Okay, I don't
want to change here, so help me still navigate this
being the man that I've always dreamed to be, wanted
to be, desired to be. And then I wrote now
that this is obviously coming from the book Alone in
Plain Sight, which is a whole book on hopefully the
(28:23):
reader feels less alone when they're done reading it. And
so it kind of takes little sections of my story,
my journal, especially Bachelorrette when I was feeling super insecure,
haveing a lot of questions, and formulate it into like
more of a like a book where there's some like
response and solution, so it's not like a diary where
sometimes it's hard to read or grammar's wrong.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
This has been edited, so I just want to.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Preface with that, Yes, I apologize for my stumbles, but
I remember going onto the show.
Speaker 6 (28:54):
I remember a night laying in my bed in Denver,
A couple of weeks before the show arted, and my
buddies had told me this thing, like and they're friends,
and to some level, I'm kind of happy they said this.
Other ways, I think it was really mean, but they
came over to kind of help me get packed and
they said, I said, oh, man, I don't even know
(29:15):
how much I need to bring, and they said, well,
you'll probably be there like two weeks.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
There's some studs that go on that show.
Speaker 5 (29:21):
And I it's so out of touch, Like I love
the way they humbled you, but like when six foot
four Ben Higgins locks in the door, like that is
the ultimate Bachelor candidate, Like.
Speaker 4 (29:36):
That's hilarious that they wouldn't think of you like that.
Speaker 6 (29:41):
It really did, Like it hurt because I was trying
to pump myself up, like hey, you belong here, You're
gonna have fun here, and it like really set me
back on this, like this is just embarrassing kind of
the thought of why would I even do this if
I'm only gonna be there two weeks, Like I don't
want to make a flu of myself again. This is
gonna be embarrassing, But I still chose to do it,
(30:01):
and I'm proud of myself for that. And then the
next thing they said was, well, maybe you can last
long enough to become King of the Nerds, meaning like,
maybe you'll like actually do something on this show, but
if you do, it really doesn't matter. Anyways, two really
like hurtful things. So I remember laying in my bed
(30:22):
going goodness, like, am I making the biggest mistake of
my life? Is this going to absolutely crush me? I'm
all ready very fragile, and if you remember me coming
into the Bachelor, I was already very insecure, and I
thought this could either be the like, this could really
be something that puts me over the edge. I wasn't
(30:42):
necessarily a great place mentally, and then I wrote on
my plane flight to Los Angeles, Yeah, how would you
say that?
Speaker 4 (30:55):
Why on your flight?
Speaker 3 (30:56):
On my flight?
Speaker 6 (30:57):
Okay, on my flight, I wrote this whole synopsis on
what is love?
Speaker 2 (31:05):
Okay, see you and I are both like thinking interesting
where our heads are at, going on our plight?
Speaker 6 (31:14):
And so let me read this because this kind of
is the excerpt from my journal that answers that question, or,
at least to the best of my ability, says what
is romantic love? Some of us skip through life assuming
we know the answer. We know love when we feel love.
But how do we know what we feel is actually love?
(31:35):
Could it be nothing more than a primal instinct and lust?
At first, the two feel a lot alike. We meet
somewhat somebody, and since an instantaneous attraction, sparks fly, hearts flutter,
blood flows. The moment we first speak to one another,
we feel the chemistry. Then our hands touch, and it's,
(31:58):
to borrow a line from an old movie magic, When
our lips meet for the first time, fireworks explode, but
our fireworks proof of true romantic love. Sparks may fly,
but are sparks enough for us to know that this
is the one we will be with forever. Chemistry doesn't
(32:19):
equal a healthy relationship, something many of us have to
learn the hard way. Nor do the feelings of being
in love mean we've found our one true love Again,
I must ask what is true romantic love? I have
wanted to pursue true love for as long as I
(32:40):
can remember. My parents started praying for my future partner
even before I was born. Anything they'd pray about for.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Us isn't that sweet?
Speaker 6 (32:50):
Anything they'd pray about for so long must be a big, big, deal. Remember,
at this point, I'm very single. Anything this big had
to be taken seriously, and I didn't want to blow it.
That's why one day, while laying shingles and pounding nails
on the roof with my dad, I asked him, Dad,
(33:12):
how do you know Mom was the one? At the time,
my mom and dad had been together for thirty seven years.
The two of them still seem madly in love. If
ever I'd witnessed true love, it has to be my
mom and Dad's relationship. So I wanted to know their secret.
I sat back and waited for my dad to let
me in on the secret that unlocks the mystery of
(33:34):
finding true love. I honestly expected him to say something
life changing, to give me some profound truth that would
illuminate my path forward toward true love. My dad paused
for a moment as he thought about the question, then said, Ben,
when you know you know? At that, my dear readers,
(33:55):
is the Dave Higgins secret to understanding true love? When
you know you know? I could not hide my surprise.
My jaw dropped and shocked, and I asked, is that
all you've got? Yep, that's it, my dad said, with
a smile like he actually had revealed one of the
greatest mysteries of the universe. When you know you know,
he said again. I shook my head. I don't get it,
(34:17):
I said, When you know you know? That makes no
sense to me. How am I ever supposed to know?
What does that even mean? My dad grinned and shrugged
his shoulders. You'll just know, son, he said again. Except
for most of my life, I haven't even known what
I was supposed to know. I felt sparks, I've seen fireworks.
(34:38):
I felt the euphoria where I gladly drive four hours
on a Tuesday night just to spend a couple hours
with the one I love. Then I drive back home
in the middle of the night and get up tired
for work the next day, and then do it again
on a Wednesday, if that's what it took to see
her again. But the euphoria didn't last, and neither did
that relationship. None of my relationships did for the first
(35:00):
thirty years of my life. And then it goes into
meeting Jessica and to going on The Bachelor.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
Ben.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
It's so funny that we both so much wrote about
love and relationships on the flight. I like talk about
going for the right reasons, like our headspace was all
about this, this is a huge step in our romantic life.
We weren't even thinking about the other things to come
with it.
Speaker 6 (35:24):
It really, I mean, I think that is when we
you know, the Game of Roses show was such a
fun show I think for us to be a part of,
and I think to like to summarize it and to
give us some credit this, you know, this isn't like
a self promotion more than a hey, I think they
casted us hoping for something right. They loved your virgin
(35:46):
story and for me, you know, maybe it was just like, hey,
the good old boy next door from the Midwest, and
he seems to relate to our target demo. But I
think what they didn't meant, what they didn't see, was
this just deep desire in our life to find a
partner and knowing that we had to take some risks
to find it along the way, you know, be that
(36:08):
reality television or be that just getting out there in
the world. And you and I both weren't doing a
great job at getting out there in the world and
dating at the time of the show, because we're home
buddies bodies we're a little bit more introverted when it
comes to like the social scene, and what the show
maybe couldn't have cast it or known about us was
(36:29):
our deepest desire at the end of the day, bring it,
bring the money, bring the fame, bring the attention, all
those things. That's great, but we would have never replaced
our true romantic relationship for those things. And today I
think I could speak for you and say you could
take all the other stuff away, but do not take
(36:51):
away my wife, like you could take all that. I
give it all back to you in a second. But
it was worth it, right, And I think that's the
crazy part, and maybe the message that people need to
hear is we dreamed of it, we wrote about it,
we thought about it, we processed it, we asked our
(37:12):
closest loved ones about it. Now you know, we found
it and it was better than I ever could have thought.
And my dad, and it goes into this this next section.
If somebody asked me today, Ben, how did you know
Jessica was the one?
Speaker 3 (37:31):
It's funny and.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
Then I wanted to ask you that I wanted to
be like, so when you met jess what did what.
Speaker 4 (37:37):
Did you think?
Speaker 6 (37:39):
I remember this moment on our first date, Ashley, Internally,
I thought.
Speaker 4 (37:44):
I think I know, you think I know, I think
I know yeah.
Speaker 6 (37:49):
And then I said, this is either going to be
the greatest thing to ever happen to me in my
life or the hardest thing that ever happened to me
in my life and ended up being the greatest. But
if somebody asked me today, how did I know Jeff
was the one? I would say with confidence, when you know,
you know, yeah, that's so cute.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
I dies so cute. I wanted to say that.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
Have you seen that trend on Instagram and TikTok where
it's like you're going to get a call the Susie
and Blake both did it okay, And it's like you're
going to get a call in your twenties and it's
going to tell you and then like you fill in
the blank and then and then you're supposed to basically
say you have to do it. And of course Susie
(38:34):
and Blake have made it bachelor oriented, so it's like
you're going to get a call that you have to
go date some guy along with twenty nine women on
dash Haal TV and you have to say yes to it.
And it shows like their life over the past, you know,
with Susie like six years and then him like close
to ten. And it's so good. It's so good. You
(38:57):
have to do it. It'll make you smile. You have
to watch theirs. It's very uplifting. It's really cool to
see how lives turn out.
Speaker 3 (39:05):
It is.
Speaker 6 (39:06):
It's fun. So that's an insight into the brains of us.
Ashley's unfiltered and as I said, I had the benefit
of getting mine edited and filtered and distributed across the
world this point, so you can go pick up Alone
and Plain Sight.
Speaker 4 (39:23):
The new edition, the new edition. I love it.
Speaker 6 (39:28):
Yeah, you can go pick that up right now. It's
out for the holiday season. I'm really excited about effect.
And you can continue to listen to us here on
the Almost Famous podcast. Today was a day of introspection
and vulnerability. And Ashley, thank you for bringing us into
your world through your diary.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Thank you for sharing yours too. It makes me so smiling,
and I hope everybody out there listening is also smiling
because it's very It's a great message out there, great
message to put out there.
Speaker 4 (39:57):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (39:59):
Until next time, I've been ben I've.
Speaker 4 (40:01):
Been Ashley, See you, love you Bye.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on iHeartRadio,
or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
Hosts And Creators
Ben Higgins
Ashley Iaconetti
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Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.