September 15, 2023 • 33 mins
The love story of Madi Prewett Troutt is one you NEED to hear! Madi sits down with Ben and Ashley to share everything from her experience on Peter Weber’s season of The Bachelor, to finding her own true love after the show!
Madi reveals the moment she knew her husband Grant was “the one”.
Plus, find out why you shouldn’t be searching for someone who “completes you”!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Almost Famous.
Today we have a special guest. It is Maddie Pruitt Trout.
She's coming on to talk about her new book, The
Love Everybody Wants. What you're looking for, It's already yours.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
She in her last release, she was a best selling author.
Very excited to hear from her. Let's bring her on now.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Maddie. Hello, this is your post marriage Finding your Guy
book and I love this. Where should we begin, Like,
who needs to read this book?
Speaker 4 (00:42):
Everybody?
Speaker 5 (00:42):
I put the word everybody in my title for even
me married, even you married.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
This is what's crazy.
Speaker 5 (00:49):
I started writing this book single, okay, single and miserable
and mad that I was single, And then halfway through
writing this book I actually met Grant and finish this
manuscript a few months into marriage. And it's really crazy
that this message that I started writing single applies.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
To me now married, which is just fun.
Speaker 5 (01:09):
But yeah, I really do feel like this is a
book for everybody, no matter your upbringing, no matter your age,
no matter your relationship status.
Speaker 4 (01:17):
I do think that this is a message that applies
to everybody.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
I'm glad you got married, And maybe for a reason
that isn't obvious, because I no longer have people messaging
me seeing will you please set me up with? Which
happened all the time. So you've you've lighted my load
a lot thanks to getting married. So with that being said,
(01:41):
you obviously came off of the show and you weren't
hurting for people trying to date you. What made Grant different? Like,
let's go back to that, Like what did he do
that the million other people that were in the day
you didn't do.
Speaker 5 (02:02):
You know, this is one of my favorite questions because
I get to brag about my favorite person in this world.
But I think one thing that was so different about
Grant And this is gonna sound, you know, like a
cheesy Christian answer, but it's actually just the truth. I
had never in my life met a man who had
the joy that he had, the confidence that he had,
(02:25):
and the way that he shared, the way that Jesus
had changed his life, and the way he shared just
his love for people and to make a difference and
to live a life on purpose.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
I just was literally blown away.
Speaker 5 (02:39):
Like I walked away from the date and I called
my mom and I started crying, and I was like,
I literally just met my husband and I never I
had never been that type of girl before. I'm like, okay,
here's the four hundred you know, things you have to
pass and you got to check this box in this box,
in this box.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
And I just, I mean, I just knew.
Speaker 5 (02:58):
And of course I the next you know, however, many
months after that evaluating, you know, like, let me look
at your patterns, you know, let me evaluate us together
and make sure we are you know, God's best for
each other. But I just knew off the bat, and
it just was his joy, his love for God, the
way he interacted with people, even our waiter, the way
he treated him and you know, asked questions, and just
(03:21):
the way he shared his story and asked me questions.
I just I just knew. But I mean, there's so
much into that. But yeah, I think like, pretty immediately
God gave me peace, and just the way that I
just watched him love God and love people just drew
me in immediately.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
How'd you guys meet the real?
Speaker 5 (03:39):
Okay, well, this was funny. I was on a podcast
about my other book made for this moment, and at
the podcast ended and like one of the co hosts
was like, hey, are you single, and I was like, well,
I mean I am, but I'm not looking for anyone
right now. I mean I was in like the busiest
season of my life. I'm like, the last thing on
(03:59):
my mind right now is a relationship. That was probably
the first time I'd ever been at that point in
my life. I was boy crazy growing up, so, you know,
always wanted to be in a relationship and finally reach
a point where I'm like I don't want.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
To be in a relationship.
Speaker 5 (04:13):
And of course this guy's like, Hey, I have this
person I want to introduce you to and I was like, cool,
I'm not really interested. Don't do blind dates. And he
was like, okay, well, let me just like think on
it for a little bit. Circles back around a month
later and he's like, no, I really want to set
you up with this guy. He's like my best friend,
and I really think you guys would click. And so
we got set up on a blind date. We literally
(04:34):
like didn't know each other. We didn't know anything about
each other. I ended up finding out like who he was,
and I stalked his instagram right before I went on
the date. And I was like, he's cute. He played
basketball at the plus. But but yeah, we really didn't.
We didn't know each other at all, and just like
went into the first date just like genuinely asking each
other so many questions about the other person.
Speaker 4 (04:55):
He had never watched the show. He didn't know.
Speaker 5 (04:58):
Anything about my life other than like he had found
out that I was on a TV show.
Speaker 4 (05:03):
But yeah, it was. It was pretty wild.
Speaker 6 (05:06):
So there's a I want to dig in for a
second them Because you.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Guys, met he impressed you on the first day.
Speaker 6 (05:14):
You knew something special was going to happen.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Obviously for myself growing up in the church and still
being very connected to my faith. I have a lot
of friends who are women who are now later in
life than they thought they would be and still single.
There's a lot to that we could walk through and
break down and figure out the reasons. One of the
I would say stereotypes and one of the maybe true
(05:40):
themes there is that I feel as a friend to them,
what I tell them is you are looking for.
Speaker 6 (05:46):
Mister perfect, and mister perfect doesn't exist.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
And so I so you mentioned earlier, said okay, on
the first day, and you found a guy who was
confident spoke about his faith.
Speaker 6 (05:57):
You were attract to all those things.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
And you're like, something specially here, and then you went
the four hundred other things that made sure that there
is chemistry or whatever there.
Speaker 6 (06:04):
It's where Okay, it's in the four.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Hundred other things that I think there's a problem because
at some point there's a four hundo other things and
not all four hundred check off totally, and that one
red flag. I think, especially with men and women in
Christian circles, they go not my guy or not my woman,
not my partner. So speak a little bit also, you know,
(06:25):
pulling some wisdom from the book about what happens there,
like what happens in that limbo space, because I think
it's becoming frustrating for many.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
Yeah, totally.
Speaker 5 (06:35):
I mean I have so I have a few different
chapters that I feel like touched on some of the
things that you alluded to. I do have a whole
chapter on specifically on red flags, because I feel like
that was a big thing for me. Was a lot
of times I've actually found myself like tolerating, you know,
red flags and just ignoring them and being like it's
the one it's not to deal, and you know, it
ended up costing me, I don't know, peace and purpose
(06:58):
and so many other things that are much more valuable
to me.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
And so I have a whole chapter on that.
Speaker 5 (07:04):
But I do think that that is an important, an
important thing to talk about when it comes to like
expectations and what you're looking for in another person. And
you know, I have this line in my book where
I talk about how unhealthy expectations just just creates like
it just creates a tension in your life because you're
just constantly fantasizing over something that's not a reality.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
It's not real.
Speaker 5 (07:25):
No one's perfect, you're not, We're not perfect. I'm not perfect.
But healthy expectations uphold standards, and so it's it's being
able to define what are healthy expectations. And for me,
it always came back to like what do I value most?
Like what's the most important thing to me? Like, you know,
expecting someone to be this heighth, this job, this, you know,
(07:47):
this personality, this, these values, this perspective on life, this background, this,
I mean, having so many expectations on someone just feels
unrealistic and unhealthy. And so for me, I eventually just
had to get to a point of like what do
I care about the most, Like what's the most valuable
thing to me?
Speaker 4 (08:06):
And then base that, you know, off of my decision.
Speaker 5 (08:09):
And I'm such a big believer personally just in peace,
which is really hard to define because it's not a
feeling and it's not something you can just like check
a box. But for me, like first date with Grant,
I mean it wasn't even that it was like, oh,
you checked a million boxes, or even moving forward past
that first date, I just had like so much peace
(08:29):
that he was, you know, the man I'd been praying
for and hoping for. And so yeah, I think we
really have to like check ourselves and ask ourselves, like,
are are the same things we're expecting in other people?
Speaker 4 (08:40):
Do we have? And do we offer?
Speaker 5 (08:42):
I think it's really easy to just like want that
and someone else and not even be a person who's
like currently walking that out in our own lives. And
so for me, it's like, if I'm looking for someone
you know who has these things and I value this
in a person, am I practicing that and.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
Being that in my own life?
Speaker 5 (09:00):
And so I do think it starts there and then
just asking yourself, like what's the most valuable thing, Like
what's the most important thing?
Speaker 4 (09:05):
Is it their faith? Is it their family? Is it there?
Speaker 5 (09:09):
You know, I don't know, Like what's the most important
thing to you? And then start basing your decisions off
of that. So yeah, I'd probably say that I had to.
It took me a while to get to that point,
but I finally got there.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
What was initially a red flag or a difference that
you and Grant had that you had to kind of
overcome and be like, you know what, that's not really important.
Speaker 6 (09:30):
It's a great question.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
That is a good question because I I write all
about like the different I have. I talk about seven
different red flags in my book. I don't I can't
say that any of the ones that I talk about
my book Grant had past relationships. There were many that
people had, you know, like one like don't date potential,
(09:52):
like dating someone for who they could be and not
who they are right now.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
I think we do that a lot, you know.
Speaker 5 (09:57):
We we hope someone will just change, and so we're
willing to like put up, you know, with toxic tendencies
or things that are super unhealthy because we're like, oh
it'll get better, it'll change, or it'll change for me,
and we think we can change them. But what happens,
you know, when they never change or they end up
changing you for the worst, that's where it gets really dangerous.
And so I have you know, a whole section on
(10:17):
that one. I think when you know, behaviors and beliefs
don't align, so when they just talk the talk, they
don't actually live it out. A person's behavior should tell
you everything you need to know, even if they're telling
you they value you, even if they tell you that
they value faith, family, whatever it may be. If their
life's you know, patterns and habits aren't habits aren't reflecting that,
(10:40):
then there's some type of disconnect and that's not healthy.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
And so just the importance of.
Speaker 5 (10:45):
You know, behaviors, following their belief system and paying attention
to that and what that actually looks like. And so
I think, I like, along the way through all my
different relationships, even you know, dating publicly, and having to
really ask myself, Maddie, like what do you value most?
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Like?
Speaker 4 (11:02):
What do you believe?
Speaker 5 (11:03):
Where is your identity? You know, what are you looking
for in a spouse?
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Like?
Speaker 5 (11:09):
Those were hard questions I had to ask myself and
I learned a lot along the way. I think that,
like there weren't red flags necessarily with Grant, I think
that there are going to often be, you know, in relationships,
because no one's perfect, there's going to be those I
don't know what gray flags or something, yellow.
Speaker 6 (11:26):
Flags, a flags.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
Yeah, I'm like, what do I called?
Speaker 5 (11:29):
I don't know. Yeah, Like there's going to be things
like there were things about my life. He came from
a very private, you know, life and upbringing, and here's
you know, this girl who lives a very public life,
who her whole entire relationship was on TV for a
lot of people to see.
Speaker 4 (11:44):
That was hard for him.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
He was like, you know, that's that's weird for me
that people are coming up and they know about your
life and you know, they want to know about our relationship.
Speaker 4 (11:53):
Like that's new to me.
Speaker 5 (11:54):
And so that was something he had to really ask
himself of, like do I want to be in a relationship,
you know, with someone who they've people have watched her
previous relationship you know, on display for a lot of
people to see. That was something he had to figure
out and ask himself. And so there's just you know,
things like that. I think along the way just family things,
you know, personality things that you just have to ask yourself, like,
(12:17):
am I willing to be okay with you know, this
aspect of their life?
Speaker 4 (12:24):
Can I Can I be okay with this?
Speaker 5 (12:25):
Can I still love them even with this you know
thing in their life? And so I think there's of
course going to be things like that, but it's like
the red flags that we have to really pay attention
to and ask ourselves if we can if it's really okay.
Speaker 6 (12:38):
Well, you've been married long enough now that.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
I'm an expert. Now I'm ten, you know I'm an expert.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
You know.
Speaker 6 (12:46):
They It's funny.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
I had a lot of bad going into marriage advice,
and a lot of it was circled around people who
are like, don't do it. You know, it's life's gonna suck,
everything gets taken away from you. All those things were
said to me, and I knew Jessica well enough. I
knew those things were not true, and I was excited.
Speaker 6 (13:07):
To marry her with that being said.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
So marriage for me has been an amazing experience. But
there are things once you get married where the the
veil is lifted, the honeymoon phases over, you're living life
side by side. You're living life together and it's not
as maybe I'm going to say, like you fourk as
(13:32):
maybe a good old Christian kid is told it's going
to be like sometimes it just doesn't feel like, you know,
marriage makes a ton of sense. With that being said,
I believe it's still worth it. So as you're ten
months in, I'm assuming that it hasn't, you know, always
been perfect. So how do you and Grant deal with
(13:54):
the imperfection while at the same time trying to heal
or to get over the expectations that maybe came from
growing up in a faith background that is telling you
marriage is.
Speaker 6 (14:08):
The answer to every totally.
Speaker 5 (14:11):
I love this question so much because, honestly, the amount
of voice memos that I was sending your wife about
three months into marriage, and I'm like, Henny, can you pray?
I am so I love this question because I don't
think that this gets talked about enough, Because I do
think there's a reality of marriage is such a gift,
(14:33):
and I think all three of us could agree it's
such a gift. It's great, it's amazing, it's a blessing.
But at the same time, like a good relationship, like
any good relationship is going to take work, and there's
a lot that you got to put into it. And
I think one thing that I personally didn't realize was
I was honestly coming into marriage very me focused, like
(14:54):
how is marriage going to you know, bless me?
Speaker 4 (14:57):
And what am I?
Speaker 5 (14:57):
How's it going to make me feel? And what am
I going to get out of it? How's it going
to serve me? And I just realized very quickly that
in order for this marriage to be the healthiest and
strongest that it can be, first of all, it's got
to be rooted on something bigger than me, and something
bigger than you and bigger than us. It's got to
be rooted on on God's love. And so, you know,
(15:19):
I knew that, but I think it came, you know,
to a whole new It just was it's a whole
new thing when you're actually having to walk it out.
And so for me realizing that and then also realizing, hey,
this is a we relationship, not a me relationship, and
so for me for us to have a healthiest, strong relationship,
like I got to constantly be viewing this as like
(15:40):
how can I serve you? How can I love you?
How can I you know, add value to your life
and lay my life down for you and vice versa.
And so I definitely think that has taken a very
long I say a long time. I'm like, we're ten months,
and that took like, you know, six or seven months
for me to really embrace that perspective. I think the
(16:00):
first few months, I was very much seeing marriage as
a gift, but also very much, to be honest, you know,
grieving my single life, like grieving you know, life as
an independent of being able to do whatever I wanted,
when I wanted, how I wanted, you know. And that's
just something I didn't feel like you said, been like
the church really talked about. It was just like, marriage
(16:20):
is awesome, it's the best find your person and everything
will be perfect.
Speaker 4 (16:24):
And you get in a marriage and all of a sudden,
you're like, is something wrong with me? Did I say?
You know? Did did I not hear from God?
Speaker 5 (16:31):
And it's just like, no, everybody has those feelings because
you're literally marrying an imperfect human and by the way,
you're imperfect.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
And that was the root awakening for me.
Speaker 5 (16:41):
I was like, Oh, all these things I thought I
had already dealt with in my life are resurfacing, you know,
insecurities and past pains and hurts and traumas and trust
issues and all the things like they're resurfacing, and you know,
I'm having to I'm having to deal with them, and
so yes, I I think, you know, the biggest thing
for us has truly been like, hey, what is the
(17:04):
why behind our marriage? What is the purpose behind our marriage?
It's so much bigger than us. It's not about us,
It's about you know, a greater love. And truly, that's
really why I wrote this book, was even in my
singleness realizing, you know, Maddie, you're looking for all the
right things in all the wrong places. You're trying to
find this amazing love that's going to complete you and
(17:25):
satisfy you and fulfill you in every single way in
another person, and that just can't be found in another person.
And I tried for so long for it to be
found in another person. And so that was kind of
the awakening and epiphany I had in singleness, and it
was almost like I had to relearn that in marriage too,
like oh, yeah, he can't meet my every desire and
need and satisfy me in every way. He's going to
(17:47):
continue to fail me, and I'm going to continue to
fail him. And it's just having that patience and that
forgiveness and that kindness towards each other and just keeping
the right perspective that's honestly kept us just move forward.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
You guys didn't live together before you got married, so
I'm assuming that was a huge, like not a hurdle,
let's just call it a hurdle because like joining yourself
in the same house is it's huge because like then
you have to live with you have to you have
to learn each other as just like living tendencies. Did
that play a role and maybe the first few months
(18:31):
being like, oh wow, this isn't as logicals I thought.
Speaker 5 (18:35):
You know, I think it's definitely when like as as
a Christian, when you're really pursuing you know, purity and
God's will, I will say, you know, yeah, getting getting married,
it's like you go from zero to one hundred.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
It's yeah, whoa, there's a lot of.
Speaker 5 (18:51):
Things I'm introducing in my life right now. Everard, I
never done that before. Okay, this is new, and so
I definitely think there was of course, like an adjustment
like anything, you know, it's changed, it's an adjustment. There's
a lot you're learning in a very quick time. It's
all happening, you know, quickly. I will say, though, even
(19:12):
though it had of course it's like challenges. Like I
look back and I'm truly, so so so grateful that
that was our story and that we yeah, that we
we hadn't lived together, and that we hadn't slept together,
and that that was something that we did say for marriage.
I think it it of course, like I said, you know,
(19:33):
there was the you have to figure it out at
the beginning, but it also, you know, in my opinion,
made it that much more special and just really invited,
you know, got into it in such a special way too,
And so I'm super grateful for it. And I actually
have a whole chapter also on purity alone because I
think that is such a hot topic in a lot
(19:53):
of different ways, and you know, something that is not easy,
but I do believe it's is super worth it. And
so yeah, definitely definitely an adjustment. But I think the surprises,
you know that were just like oh to know a
lot abouue, you know, have now become like things that
I truly love and value you know about him and
(20:16):
about our relationship and just grateful that it is a
part of our story.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
There's you know, Maddie, the beauty of this is. I
do think books like yours the love that everybody wants
is important.
Speaker 6 (20:33):
Because as I said before, I think there is a.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
Large lie kind of with great intentions coming through, especially
people trying to do relationships right and well and honoring
in God's eyes and honoring to the faith that you're professing.
There's a large lie of beneath it that needs to
be There needs to be some reality and truth exposed. Like, hey,
(20:57):
when you get married, it's not all rainbows and better flies,
like it sometimes really sucks. It's sometimes really are Sometimes
you question everything about yourself and you got to work
through that and all these things. And hey, when you're dating,
sometimes you're gonna, you know, maybe not make the wise
decision and date the right person, or you're going to
take it steps farther than you thought you ever would,
And there's going to have to be a lot of
(21:18):
grace and forgiveness within that, and all these things that
are told over and over again within the church. I
think books like yours can help bring a reality to
people that are pursuing in dating and so My question
then with this is if there's somebody out there I
want to go to the single person who is listening
(21:39):
to say, I'm going to read the book. I just
love Maddie. I read anything she writes, and I'm very
intrigued by this book. What's gain Let me rephrase this.
What's the message to the reader that you hope they
get from your book? Yeah, in general, married, single, dating, whatever,
in general?
Speaker 5 (21:57):
I think it's a two part one I want to
speak to because you alluded to this, I think one
of the biggest messages that I truly do want, you know,
people to take away from this again, no matter where
their faith background is, or who they are, what they
come from, or the decisions they made up until this point,
is truly that a partner in life is not meant
to complete you and will never complete you.
Speaker 4 (22:19):
And they are meant to be a compliment to you.
Speaker 5 (22:22):
They're meant to add value to your life. They are
meant to be an addition, but not a completion, And
that your purpose is not a person, your identity is
not a relationship status. We have so much value to
add to this world no matter we are, if we're
in a single season of life, a married season of life.
(22:43):
Our heart cannot be whole and complete by anyone else
other than the one who created it. And so that
is something that I'm extremely passionate about, is just helping
especially women, understand like you don't have to compromise your
values and convictions. You don't have to change who you
are in order to be liked and a except by
someone else. You actually can just be exactly who God
(23:04):
has called you to be and trust that you are
where you are for a reason and that you're not
walking around less whole or half a person, waiting for
someone else to come along and complete you.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Like there there is so much.
Speaker 5 (23:18):
There's just so much on your life, and I just
think that's something that I'm super super passionate about. And
then really the inspiration behind this book came when, you know,
I was at a place in my life where I
was miserable being single and I didn't want to be single,
and every single one of my friends were getting married
and I think I had caught like fifteen wedding bouquets,
and I was like, in this thing supposed to like
do something, you.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
Know, like I aren't I supposed to be married by now?
Speaker 5 (23:41):
Like I was so confused, and I was frustrated, and
I was like, Okay, I thought I was gonna be
married by you know, this age, and I thought I
would be having kids by now, and I thought this
is what my life would look like.
Speaker 4 (23:50):
And I was just so frustrated.
Speaker 5 (23:52):
And I remember, you know, reading in the Bible Matthew
twenty two the two Greatest Commandments that I grew up
hearing like a million times in church, and I was like, okay,
Like God, why are you like you know, these verses
on my heart? But it was like I saw it
in a new light. And in these verses it talks about,
you know, our two greatest commandments, our greatest calling and
purpose in this life is to love the Lord, our
God with all of our heart, soul, in mind. And
(24:14):
then the second says and to love your neighbor as yourself.
And for the first time I saw these three loves
being highlighted to me, and not only the importance of
these three loves, but the importance of the order of
these three loves. And so in this book I wanted
to talk about Hey, it starts as the foundation. God's
love is the foundation for everything in which we build
on and if we don't get that right, it's like
(24:35):
we're trying to build a house on quicksand it's like
it's gonna fall, it's gonna mess up, it's gonna be like,
especially when storms of life come, like, we've got to
have our foundation built on something greater than ourselves and
on something greater than this world. And so having our
life and our love life built on God's love. And
then the second is learning to love and value ourselves.
(24:56):
I think for a lot of us, we don't know
how to love ourselves and we definitely don't know how
to like ourselve. And so it's like, how do we
learn how to value ourselves, see ourselves as valuable so
that we can enter into these relationships and with other
people from a place of I know who I am,
and whether you accept me or reject me, that doesn't
take or steal from my you know the reality of
(25:18):
my identity and who I am, and being able to
enter relationships from a place of abundance and not lack,
not looking to be completed, but looking to find someone
to compliment, and looking for someone to compliment us. And
so those are the two you know, first two loves
and then the third is, you know, from those two places,
having healthy and strong relationships with God and ourselves, then
(25:39):
we're able to you know, develop healthy and strong relationships
with other people. And so it's getting those relationships in
order that we're able to have the thriving relationships in
love that we all do down't want.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
So my Nanny Dawson s Nanni. She is the most
amazing angel on earth and I'm so blessed to have her.
Like when we found her, we were like, what's your schedule, Like,
like what do you need us to work around? And
she was like, I just want to go to church
on Sundays, like I could have Sundays mainly off. And
I was like, you're hired. Answer. She's just literally the
(26:18):
perfect partner I could ever imagine for somebody. But she
says that like she has a really hard time dating
because like she basically just dates in her church's circle.
So like all the people in her church are just
they just kind of that's the pool. That's the dating pool.
What advice do you have for her? Like somebody who's
looking for somebody of faith, but like it's it's having
(26:41):
a hard time finding it.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
Well, you're not alone and I understand that.
Speaker 5 (26:46):
I remember being at a place where I felt like, Okay,
at some point, I'm going to have to compromise, Like
at some point, I'm going to have to just settle
because like I'm just not seeing anybody who's you know,
reaching that like level that I.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
Had just been praying for, hoping for.
Speaker 5 (27:00):
And so I remember having that doubt and that frustration
for a very long time. And every relationship that I
would see or that I would even like start talking
to someone, it was like they would have, you know,
certain qualities that I'm like, that's awesome, but I would
have to settle in this area.
Speaker 4 (27:14):
I just would.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
I mean, I would continue to encourage her and those listening.
You know, your environment does matter, like I do love
that she is in a church environment, looking you know,
for a spouse. I think your environment matters and making
sure that you are setting yourself up for success by
being in an environment in which you would want to find,
you know, a potential partner and someone that you would
(27:36):
you know, want to spend the rest of your life with.
I think, like, you know, for me, it's like what
you know, what are the things that matter most to her?
What are the you know, what's the checklist I guess
that she's looking for. And I think for me, it
finally came down to like three things and I call
it like my three c's you know in the in
(27:56):
the book. But the first one is just convictions, like
what are what are what are his convictions? Like is
he actually following Jesus or does he just say that
he like follows Jesus? Like is he actually living a
life that reflects what he says he believes? And then
two is character like is he a person of his word?
Is he someone who you know finishes what he starts?
(28:19):
Is he someone who is trustworthy? Is he someone who
speaks highly of other people and is life giving?
Speaker 4 (28:26):
And then the last one is chemistry. I'm like, yeah,
like I wanna I want to like looking at you.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
I want to I want to be able to want
to kiss you.
Speaker 5 (28:32):
Yeah, I know right, Like I'm like, I mean, I
had I admire the people that are like that does
not matter.
Speaker 4 (28:39):
I admire that.
Speaker 5 (28:40):
To me, I was like, I'm going to be laying
down next to you every single every single night when
we get married one.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
Day, So I wanna I want to like looking at you?
And so yeah, I mean for me.
Speaker 5 (28:49):
I finally just like I I narrowed it down to
those three things, and I was like, this is what
this is what would it would take for me to
like say I'm your girlfriend and and just start dating.
And then I you know, there's a whole other set
of things that I evaluated once we started dating, evaluating
could you be you know, my spouse? But I would
just say, you know, define what those deal breakers are, Like,
(29:12):
define what those things are that you're looking for. I
think for a lot of people, they don't find what
they're looking for because they don't know what they're looking for.
They don't have they don't have sure vision for like
what it is that they actually want. They're just basing
it off of feelings or they're basing it off of culture.
And it's like, hey, you gotta know, like at the
end of the day, what's going to be who do
(29:32):
you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Like what kind of person do you want to be with?
What kind of person do you want raising your children?
One day and asking yourself those serious questions and then praying,
like I wrote down those things and I just started
praying and I was like, Okay, Lord, if this is
if this is your will for my life, like this is,
this is what I'm believing for.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Do you think that your person who you decided to
be with is like a choice and that there's many
people out there that could be the person that you
can live a happy life with, or do you feel
that like God destined you to be with Grant.
Speaker 5 (30:16):
So here's where I played devil's advocate on both sides.
I don't have just a point blank answers that question.
Speaker 4 (30:26):
I've heard.
Speaker 5 (30:27):
I've heard many different people have point blank answers to
that question. I think in my particular situation, there were
many moments I one thousand percent could have married someone else,
and I think God would have blessed it, and I
think it would.
Speaker 4 (30:41):
Have been I think it would have been a good marriage.
I really do. You know.
Speaker 5 (30:45):
I dated someone for four years in college and he
loved God and we you know, had similar just value
statements for life. We saw things the same way, and
we had fun together and you know, he checked off
the three c's that I just listed off. But at
the end of the day, like the one thing that
was missing for me was peace, Like I just did
(31:06):
not have a peace, Like I could not.
Speaker 4 (31:08):
I could not get my heart around like you are.
Speaker 5 (31:12):
Just who I'm supposed to be with and it and
again it was like I could have just made the decision.
I could have just been like, no, we're gonna We're like,
we're gonna get married, and I think it would have
been fine. And so that's where like I go back
and forth, because I do I do feel now I'm like, no,
Grant was literally God's best for me, and I'm so
glad that I didn't settle. I am glad that I
trusted just those little inklings. Like I think a lot
(31:34):
of times we have gut feelings that sometimes we ignore,
you know, where it's like, oh, I think there's more,
I think there's better. I think God has something different
for me, and we can choose to push those down,
those feelings down, and just do whatever we want. And
I do think if we still give it to God,
he could still bless it. So I do think that
(31:54):
there's many different people that, you know, we could be with.
I don't know that I would say there's just one
soul mate out there. I don't know that I believe
in like the definition of a soulmate, but I will
say you know, I do believe Grant is God's best.
So I feel like I'm contradicting myself, but I just
I do think that for me, it came down to
just like peace, Like I didn't have peace about the
(32:15):
guy that I could have married, and then I had
so much peace about Grant from the very beginning, and
like followed that piece till the end, and so naturally
I can say I do think that he was God's
best for me.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
But at the same time, do I think I could
have married someone else?
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Absolutely, I think that's a great answer. Thank you so much.
Speaker 5 (32:33):
Yeah, I was like, I was like, I don't know,
I feel like I'm running ad.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
No, no, no, no, it all makes sense for sure. Well, Maddie,
thank you so much. When is the book out?
Speaker 4 (32:44):
The book is out September nineteenth.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Y'd literally any day now.
Speaker 4 (32:48):
I know. It's literally crazy it's here.
Speaker 5 (32:51):
I've been working on it, Like I said, I started
writing it singles, So I feel like I've been working
on this thing for forever, and so I'm very very
excited that it's here.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Well, thank you so much. We are really excited for you.
You are, You're killing it. You're doing a great job.
Just a good leader in this world. All right, thank you,
Siya bye again.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
If everybody wants to pick up the love everybody wants,
what you're looking for is already yours. By Mattie Pruitt Trout.
It is her recent addition to using her wisdom and
her words and her faith so all of us can
enjoy what she's learning and what she's going through.
Speaker 6 (33:30):
So make sure you pick that up. Thanks for Maddie
for coming on. Until next time, I've Been Ben, I've
been Ashley.
Speaker 5 (33:36):
See you.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast on
iHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts
This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Almost Famous.
Today we have a special guest. It is Maddie Pruitt Trout.
She's coming on to talk about her new book, The
Love Everybody Wants. What you're looking for, It's already yours.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
She in her last release, she was a best selling author.
Very excited to hear from her. Let's bring her on now.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Maddie. Hello, this is your post marriage Finding your Guy
book and I love this. Where should we begin, Like,
who needs to read this book?
Speaker 4 (00:42):
Everybody?
Speaker 5 (00:42):
I put the word everybody in my title for even
me married, even you married.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
This is what's crazy.
Speaker 5 (00:49):
I started writing this book single, okay, single and miserable
and mad that I was single, And then halfway through
writing this book I actually met Grant and finish this
manuscript a few months into marriage. And it's really crazy
that this message that I started writing single applies.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
To me now married, which is just fun.
Speaker 5 (01:09):
But yeah, I really do feel like this is a
book for everybody, no matter your upbringing, no matter your age,
no matter your relationship status.
Speaker 4 (01:17):
I do think that this is a message that applies
to everybody.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
I'm glad you got married, And maybe for a reason
that isn't obvious, because I no longer have people messaging
me seeing will you please set me up with? Which
happened all the time. So you've you've lighted my load
a lot thanks to getting married. So with that being said,
(01:41):
you obviously came off of the show and you weren't
hurting for people trying to date you. What made Grant different? Like,
let's go back to that, Like what did he do
that the million other people that were in the day
you didn't do.
Speaker 5 (02:02):
You know, this is one of my favorite questions because
I get to brag about my favorite person in this world.
But I think one thing that was so different about
Grant And this is gonna sound, you know, like a
cheesy Christian answer, but it's actually just the truth. I
had never in my life met a man who had
the joy that he had, the confidence that he had,
(02:25):
and the way that he shared, the way that Jesus
had changed his life, and the way he shared just
his love for people and to make a difference and
to live a life on purpose.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
I just was literally blown away.
Speaker 5 (02:39):
Like I walked away from the date and I called
my mom and I started crying, and I was like,
I literally just met my husband and I never I
had never been that type of girl before. I'm like, okay,
here's the four hundred you know, things you have to
pass and you got to check this box in this box,
in this box.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
And I just, I mean, I just knew.
Speaker 5 (02:58):
And of course I the next you know, however, many
months after that evaluating, you know, like, let me look
at your patterns, you know, let me evaluate us together
and make sure we are you know, God's best for
each other. But I just knew off the bat, and
it just was his joy, his love for God, the
way he interacted with people, even our waiter, the way
he treated him and you know, asked questions, and just
(03:21):
the way he shared his story and asked me questions.
I just I just knew. But I mean, there's so
much into that. But yeah, I think like, pretty immediately
God gave me peace, and just the way that I
just watched him love God and love people just drew
me in immediately.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
How'd you guys meet the real?
Speaker 5 (03:39):
Okay, well, this was funny. I was on a podcast
about my other book made for this moment, and at
the podcast ended and like one of the co hosts
was like, hey, are you single, and I was like, well,
I mean I am, but I'm not looking for anyone
right now. I mean I was in like the busiest
season of my life. I'm like, the last thing on
(03:59):
my mind right now is a relationship. That was probably
the first time I'd ever been at that point in
my life. I was boy crazy growing up, so, you know,
always wanted to be in a relationship and finally reach
a point where I'm like I don't want.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
To be in a relationship.
Speaker 5 (04:13):
And of course this guy's like, Hey, I have this
person I want to introduce you to and I was like, cool,
I'm not really interested. Don't do blind dates. And he
was like, okay, well, let me just like think on
it for a little bit. Circles back around a month
later and he's like, no, I really want to set
you up with this guy. He's like my best friend,
and I really think you guys would click. And so
we got set up on a blind date. We literally
(04:34):
like didn't know each other. We didn't know anything about
each other. I ended up finding out like who he was,
and I stalked his instagram right before I went on
the date. And I was like, he's cute. He played
basketball at the plus. But but yeah, we really didn't.
We didn't know each other at all, and just like
went into the first date just like genuinely asking each
other so many questions about the other person.
Speaker 4 (04:55):
He had never watched the show. He didn't know.
Speaker 5 (04:58):
Anything about my life other than like he had found
out that I was on a TV show.
Speaker 4 (05:03):
But yeah, it was. It was pretty wild.
Speaker 6 (05:06):
So there's a I want to dig in for a
second them Because you.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Guys, met he impressed you on the first day.
Speaker 6 (05:14):
You knew something special was going to happen.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Obviously for myself growing up in the church and still
being very connected to my faith. I have a lot
of friends who are women who are now later in
life than they thought they would be and still single.
There's a lot to that we could walk through and
break down and figure out the reasons. One of the
I would say stereotypes and one of the maybe true
(05:40):
themes there is that I feel as a friend to them,
what I tell them is you are looking for.
Speaker 6 (05:46):
Mister perfect, and mister perfect doesn't exist.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
And so I so you mentioned earlier, said okay, on
the first day, and you found a guy who was
confident spoke about his faith.
Speaker 6 (05:57):
You were attract to all those things.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
And you're like, something specially here, and then you went
the four hundred other things that made sure that there
is chemistry or whatever there.
Speaker 6 (06:04):
It's where Okay, it's in the four.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Hundred other things that I think there's a problem because
at some point there's a four hundo other things and
not all four hundred check off totally, and that one
red flag. I think, especially with men and women in
Christian circles, they go not my guy or not my woman,
not my partner. So speak a little bit also, you know,
(06:25):
pulling some wisdom from the book about what happens there,
like what happens in that limbo space, because I think
it's becoming frustrating for many.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
Yeah, totally.
Speaker 5 (06:35):
I mean I have so I have a few different
chapters that I feel like touched on some of the
things that you alluded to. I do have a whole
chapter on specifically on red flags, because I feel like
that was a big thing for me. Was a lot
of times I've actually found myself like tolerating, you know,
red flags and just ignoring them and being like it's
the one it's not to deal, and you know, it
ended up costing me, I don't know, peace and purpose
(06:58):
and so many other things that are much more valuable
to me.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
And so I have a whole chapter on that.
Speaker 5 (07:04):
But I do think that that is an important, an
important thing to talk about when it comes to like
expectations and what you're looking for in another person. And
you know, I have this line in my book where
I talk about how unhealthy expectations just just creates like
it just creates a tension in your life because you're
just constantly fantasizing over something that's not a reality.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
It's not real.
Speaker 5 (07:25):
No one's perfect, you're not, We're not perfect. I'm not perfect.
But healthy expectations uphold standards, and so it's it's being
able to define what are healthy expectations. And for me,
it always came back to like what do I value most?
Like what's the most important thing to me? Like, you know,
expecting someone to be this heighth, this job, this, you know,
(07:47):
this personality, this, these values, this perspective on life, this background, this,
I mean, having so many expectations on someone just feels
unrealistic and unhealthy. And so for me, I eventually just
had to get to a point of like what do
I care about the most, Like what's the most valuable
thing to me?
Speaker 4 (08:06):
And then base that, you know, off of my decision.
Speaker 5 (08:09):
And I'm such a big believer personally just in peace,
which is really hard to define because it's not a
feeling and it's not something you can just like check
a box. But for me, like first date with Grant,
I mean it wasn't even that it was like, oh,
you checked a million boxes, or even moving forward past
that first date, I just had like so much peace
(08:29):
that he was, you know, the man I'd been praying
for and hoping for. And so yeah, I think we
really have to like check ourselves and ask ourselves, like,
are are the same things we're expecting in other people?
Speaker 4 (08:40):
Do we have? And do we offer?
Speaker 5 (08:42):
I think it's really easy to just like want that
and someone else and not even be a person who's
like currently walking that out in our own lives. And
so for me, it's like, if I'm looking for someone
you know who has these things and I value this
in a person, am I practicing that and.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
Being that in my own life?
Speaker 5 (09:00):
And so I do think it starts there and then
just asking yourself, like what's the most valuable thing, Like
what's the most important thing?
Speaker 4 (09:05):
Is it their faith? Is it their family? Is it there?
Speaker 5 (09:09):
You know, I don't know, Like what's the most important
thing to you? And then start basing your decisions off
of that. So yeah, I'd probably say that I had to.
It took me a while to get to that point,
but I finally got there.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
What was initially a red flag or a difference that
you and Grant had that you had to kind of
overcome and be like, you know what, that's not really important.
Speaker 6 (09:30):
It's a great question.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
That is a good question because I I write all
about like the different I have. I talk about seven
different red flags in my book. I don't I can't
say that any of the ones that I talk about
my book Grant had past relationships. There were many that
people had, you know, like one like don't date potential,
(09:52):
like dating someone for who they could be and not
who they are right now.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
I think we do that a lot, you know.
Speaker 5 (09:57):
We we hope someone will just change, and so we're
willing to like put up, you know, with toxic tendencies
or things that are super unhealthy because we're like, oh
it'll get better, it'll change, or it'll change for me,
and we think we can change them. But what happens,
you know, when they never change or they end up
changing you for the worst, that's where it gets really dangerous.
And so I have you know, a whole section on
(10:17):
that one. I think when you know, behaviors and beliefs
don't align, so when they just talk the talk, they
don't actually live it out. A person's behavior should tell
you everything you need to know, even if they're telling
you they value you, even if they tell you that
they value faith, family, whatever it may be. If their
life's you know, patterns and habits aren't habits aren't reflecting that,
(10:40):
then there's some type of disconnect and that's not healthy.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
And so just the importance of.
Speaker 5 (10:45):
You know, behaviors, following their belief system and paying attention
to that and what that actually looks like. And so
I think, I like, along the way through all my
different relationships, even you know, dating publicly, and having to
really ask myself, Maddie, like what do you value most?
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Like?
Speaker 4 (11:02):
What do you believe?
Speaker 5 (11:03):
Where is your identity? You know, what are you looking
for in a spouse?
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Like?
Speaker 5 (11:09):
Those were hard questions I had to ask myself and
I learned a lot along the way. I think that,
like there weren't red flags necessarily with Grant, I think
that there are going to often be, you know, in relationships,
because no one's perfect, there's going to be those I
don't know what gray flags or something, yellow.
Speaker 6 (11:26):
Flags, a flags.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
Yeah, I'm like, what do I called?
Speaker 5 (11:29):
I don't know. Yeah, Like there's going to be things
like there were things about my life. He came from
a very private, you know, life and upbringing, and here's
you know, this girl who lives a very public life,
who her whole entire relationship was on TV for a
lot of people to see.
Speaker 4 (11:44):
That was hard for him.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
He was like, you know, that's that's weird for me
that people are coming up and they know about your
life and you know, they want to know about our relationship.
Speaker 4 (11:53):
Like that's new to me.
Speaker 5 (11:54):
And so that was something he had to really ask
himself of, like do I want to be in a relationship,
you know, with someone who they've people have watched her
previous relationship you know, on display for a lot of
people to see. That was something he had to figure
out and ask himself. And so there's just you know,
things like that. I think along the way just family things,
you know, personality things that you just have to ask yourself, like,
(12:17):
am I willing to be okay with you know, this
aspect of their life?
Speaker 4 (12:24):
Can I Can I be okay with this?
Speaker 5 (12:25):
Can I still love them even with this you know
thing in their life? And so I think there's of
course going to be things like that, but it's like
the red flags that we have to really pay attention
to and ask ourselves if we can if it's really okay.
Speaker 6 (12:38):
Well, you've been married long enough now that.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
I'm an expert. Now I'm ten, you know I'm an expert.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
You know.
Speaker 6 (12:46):
They It's funny.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
I had a lot of bad going into marriage advice,
and a lot of it was circled around people who
are like, don't do it. You know, it's life's gonna suck,
everything gets taken away from you. All those things were
said to me, and I knew Jessica well enough. I
knew those things were not true, and I was excited.
Speaker 6 (13:07):
To marry her with that being said.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
So marriage for me has been an amazing experience. But
there are things once you get married where the the
veil is lifted, the honeymoon phases over, you're living life
side by side. You're living life together and it's not
as maybe I'm going to say, like you fourk as
(13:32):
maybe a good old Christian kid is told it's going
to be like sometimes it just doesn't feel like, you know,
marriage makes a ton of sense. With that being said,
I believe it's still worth it. So as you're ten
months in, I'm assuming that it hasn't, you know, always
been perfect. So how do you and Grant deal with
(13:54):
the imperfection while at the same time trying to heal
or to get over the expectations that maybe came from
growing up in a faith background that is telling you
marriage is.
Speaker 6 (14:08):
The answer to every totally.
Speaker 5 (14:11):
I love this question so much because, honestly, the amount
of voice memos that I was sending your wife about
three months into marriage, and I'm like, Henny, can you pray?
I am so I love this question because I don't
think that this gets talked about enough, Because I do
think there's a reality of marriage is such a gift,
(14:33):
and I think all three of us could agree it's
such a gift. It's great, it's amazing, it's a blessing.
But at the same time, like a good relationship, like
any good relationship is going to take work, and there's
a lot that you got to put into it. And
I think one thing that I personally didn't realize was
I was honestly coming into marriage very me focused, like
(14:54):
how is marriage going to you know, bless me?
Speaker 4 (14:57):
And what am I?
Speaker 5 (14:57):
How's it going to make me feel? And what am
I going to get out of it? How's it going
to serve me? And I just realized very quickly that
in order for this marriage to be the healthiest and
strongest that it can be, first of all, it's got
to be rooted on something bigger than me, and something
bigger than you and bigger than us. It's got to
be rooted on on God's love. And so, you know,
(15:19):
I knew that, but I think it came, you know,
to a whole new It just was it's a whole
new thing when you're actually having to walk it out.
And so for me realizing that and then also realizing, hey,
this is a we relationship, not a me relationship, and
so for me for us to have a healthiest, strong relationship,
like I got to constantly be viewing this as like
(15:40):
how can I serve you? How can I love you?
How can I you know, add value to your life
and lay my life down for you and vice versa.
And so I definitely think that has taken a very
long I say a long time. I'm like, we're ten months,
and that took like, you know, six or seven months
for me to really embrace that perspective. I think the
(16:00):
first few months, I was very much seeing marriage as
a gift, but also very much, to be honest, you know,
grieving my single life, like grieving you know, life as
an independent of being able to do whatever I wanted,
when I wanted, how I wanted, you know. And that's
just something I didn't feel like you said, been like
the church really talked about. It was just like, marriage
(16:20):
is awesome, it's the best find your person and everything
will be perfect.
Speaker 4 (16:24):
And you get in a marriage and all of a sudden,
you're like, is something wrong with me? Did I say?
You know? Did did I not hear from God?
Speaker 5 (16:31):
And it's just like, no, everybody has those feelings because
you're literally marrying an imperfect human and by the way,
you're imperfect.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
And that was the root awakening for me.
Speaker 5 (16:41):
I was like, Oh, all these things I thought I
had already dealt with in my life are resurfacing, you know,
insecurities and past pains and hurts and traumas and trust
issues and all the things like they're resurfacing, and you know,
I'm having to I'm having to deal with them, and
so yes, I I think, you know, the biggest thing
for us has truly been like, hey, what is the
(17:04):
why behind our marriage? What is the purpose behind our marriage?
It's so much bigger than us. It's not about us,
It's about you know, a greater love. And truly, that's
really why I wrote this book, was even in my
singleness realizing, you know, Maddie, you're looking for all the
right things in all the wrong places. You're trying to
find this amazing love that's going to complete you and
(17:25):
satisfy you and fulfill you in every single way in
another person, and that just can't be found in another person.
And I tried for so long for it to be
found in another person. And so that was kind of
the awakening and epiphany I had in singleness, and it
was almost like I had to relearn that in marriage too,
like oh, yeah, he can't meet my every desire and
need and satisfy me in every way. He's going to
(17:47):
continue to fail me, and I'm going to continue to
fail him. And it's just having that patience and that
forgiveness and that kindness towards each other and just keeping
the right perspective that's honestly kept us just move forward.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
You guys didn't live together before you got married, so
I'm assuming that was a huge, like not a hurdle,
let's just call it a hurdle because like joining yourself
in the same house is it's huge because like then
you have to live with you have to you have
to learn each other as just like living tendencies. Did
that play a role and maybe the first few months
(18:31):
being like, oh wow, this isn't as logicals I thought.
Speaker 5 (18:35):
You know, I think it's definitely when like as as
a Christian, when you're really pursuing you know, purity and
God's will, I will say, you know, yeah, getting getting married,
it's like you go from zero to one hundred.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
It's yeah, whoa, there's a lot of.
Speaker 5 (18:51):
Things I'm introducing in my life right now. Everard, I
never done that before. Okay, this is new, and so
I definitely think there was of course, like an adjustment
like anything, you know, it's changed, it's an adjustment. There's
a lot you're learning in a very quick time. It's
all happening, you know, quickly. I will say, though, even
(19:12):
though it had of course it's like challenges. Like I
look back and I'm truly, so so so grateful that
that was our story and that we yeah, that we
we hadn't lived together, and that we hadn't slept together,
and that that was something that we did say for marriage.
I think it it of course, like I said, you know,
(19:33):
there was the you have to figure it out at
the beginning, but it also, you know, in my opinion,
made it that much more special and just really invited,
you know, got into it in such a special way too,
And so I'm super grateful for it. And I actually
have a whole chapter also on purity alone because I
think that is such a hot topic in a lot
(19:53):
of different ways, and you know, something that is not easy,
but I do believe it's is super worth it. And
so yeah, definitely definitely an adjustment. But I think the surprises,
you know that were just like oh to know a
lot abouue, you know, have now become like things that
I truly love and value you know about him and
(20:16):
about our relationship and just grateful that it is a
part of our story.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
There's you know, Maddie, the beauty of this is. I
do think books like yours the love that everybody wants
is important.
Speaker 6 (20:33):
Because as I said before, I think there is a.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
Large lie kind of with great intentions coming through, especially
people trying to do relationships right and well and honoring
in God's eyes and honoring to the faith that you're professing.
There's a large lie of beneath it that needs to
be There needs to be some reality and truth exposed. Like, hey,
(20:57):
when you get married, it's not all rainbows and better flies,
like it sometimes really sucks. It's sometimes really are Sometimes
you question everything about yourself and you got to work
through that and all these things. And hey, when you're dating,
sometimes you're gonna, you know, maybe not make the wise
decision and date the right person, or you're going to
take it steps farther than you thought you ever would,
And there's going to have to be a lot of
(21:18):
grace and forgiveness within that, and all these things that
are told over and over again within the church. I
think books like yours can help bring a reality to
people that are pursuing in dating and so My question
then with this is if there's somebody out there I
want to go to the single person who is listening
(21:39):
to say, I'm going to read the book. I just
love Maddie. I read anything she writes, and I'm very
intrigued by this book. What's gain Let me rephrase this.
What's the message to the reader that you hope they
get from your book? Yeah, in general, married, single, dating, whatever,
in general?
Speaker 5 (21:57):
I think it's a two part one I want to
speak to because you alluded to this, I think one
of the biggest messages that I truly do want, you know,
people to take away from this again, no matter where
their faith background is, or who they are, what they
come from, or the decisions they made up until this point,
is truly that a partner in life is not meant
to complete you and will never complete you.
Speaker 4 (22:19):
And they are meant to be a compliment to you.
Speaker 5 (22:22):
They're meant to add value to your life. They are
meant to be an addition, but not a completion, And
that your purpose is not a person, your identity is
not a relationship status. We have so much value to
add to this world no matter we are, if we're
in a single season of life, a married season of life.
(22:43):
Our heart cannot be whole and complete by anyone else
other than the one who created it. And so that
is something that I'm extremely passionate about, is just helping
especially women, understand like you don't have to compromise your
values and convictions. You don't have to change who you
are in order to be liked and a except by
someone else. You actually can just be exactly who God
(23:04):
has called you to be and trust that you are
where you are for a reason and that you're not
walking around less whole or half a person, waiting for
someone else to come along and complete you.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Like there there is so much.
Speaker 5 (23:18):
There's just so much on your life, and I just
think that's something that I'm super super passionate about. And
then really the inspiration behind this book came when, you know,
I was at a place in my life where I
was miserable being single and I didn't want to be single,
and every single one of my friends were getting married
and I think I had caught like fifteen wedding bouquets,
and I was like, in this thing supposed to like
do something, you.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
Know, like I aren't I supposed to be married by now?
Speaker 5 (23:41):
Like I was so confused, and I was frustrated, and
I was like, Okay, I thought I was gonna be
married by you know, this age, and I thought I
would be having kids by now, and I thought this
is what my life would look like.
Speaker 4 (23:50):
And I was just so frustrated.
Speaker 5 (23:52):
And I remember, you know, reading in the Bible Matthew
twenty two the two Greatest Commandments that I grew up
hearing like a million times in church, and I was like, okay,
Like God, why are you like you know, these verses
on my heart? But it was like I saw it
in a new light. And in these verses it talks about,
you know, our two greatest commandments, our greatest calling and
purpose in this life is to love the Lord, our
God with all of our heart, soul, in mind. And
(24:14):
then the second says and to love your neighbor as yourself.
And for the first time I saw these three loves
being highlighted to me, and not only the importance of
these three loves, but the importance of the order of
these three loves. And so in this book I wanted
to talk about Hey, it starts as the foundation. God's
love is the foundation for everything in which we build
on and if we don't get that right, it's like
(24:35):
we're trying to build a house on quicksand it's like
it's gonna fall, it's gonna mess up, it's gonna be like,
especially when storms of life come, like, we've got to
have our foundation built on something greater than ourselves and
on something greater than this world. And so having our
life and our love life built on God's love. And
then the second is learning to love and value ourselves.
(24:56):
I think for a lot of us, we don't know
how to love ourselves and we definitely don't know how
to like ourselve. And so it's like, how do we
learn how to value ourselves, see ourselves as valuable so
that we can enter into these relationships and with other
people from a place of I know who I am,
and whether you accept me or reject me, that doesn't
take or steal from my you know the reality of
(25:18):
my identity and who I am, and being able to
enter relationships from a place of abundance and not lack,
not looking to be completed, but looking to find someone
to compliment, and looking for someone to compliment us. And
so those are the two you know, first two loves
and then the third is, you know, from those two places,
having healthy and strong relationships with God and ourselves, then
(25:39):
we're able to you know, develop healthy and strong relationships
with other people. And so it's getting those relationships in
order that we're able to have the thriving relationships in
love that we all do down't want.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
So my Nanny Dawson s Nanni. She is the most
amazing angel on earth and I'm so blessed to have her.
Like when we found her, we were like, what's your schedule, Like,
like what do you need us to work around? And
she was like, I just want to go to church
on Sundays, like I could have Sundays mainly off. And
I was like, you're hired. Answer. She's just literally the
(26:18):
perfect partner I could ever imagine for somebody. But she
says that like she has a really hard time dating
because like she basically just dates in her church's circle.
So like all the people in her church are just
they just kind of that's the pool. That's the dating pool.
What advice do you have for her? Like somebody who's
looking for somebody of faith, but like it's it's having
(26:41):
a hard time finding it.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
Well, you're not alone and I understand that.
Speaker 5 (26:46):
I remember being at a place where I felt like, Okay,
at some point, I'm going to have to compromise, Like
at some point, I'm going to have to just settle
because like I'm just not seeing anybody who's you know,
reaching that like level that I.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
Had just been praying for, hoping for.
Speaker 5 (27:00):
And so I remember having that doubt and that frustration
for a very long time. And every relationship that I
would see or that I would even like start talking
to someone, it was like they would have, you know,
certain qualities that I'm like, that's awesome, but I would
have to settle in this area.
Speaker 4 (27:14):
I just would.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
I mean, I would continue to encourage her and those listening.
You know, your environment does matter, like I do love
that she is in a church environment, looking you know,
for a spouse. I think your environment matters and making
sure that you are setting yourself up for success by
being in an environment in which you would want to find,
you know, a potential partner and someone that you would
(27:36):
you know, want to spend the rest of your life with.
I think, like, you know, for me, it's like what
you know, what are the things that matter most to her?
What are the you know, what's the checklist I guess
that she's looking for. And I think for me, it
finally came down to like three things and I call
it like my three c's you know in the in
(27:56):
the book. But the first one is just convictions, like
what are what are what are his convictions? Like is
he actually following Jesus or does he just say that
he like follows Jesus? Like is he actually living a
life that reflects what he says he believes? And then
two is character like is he a person of his word?
Is he someone who you know finishes what he starts?
(28:19):
Is he someone who is trustworthy? Is he someone who
speaks highly of other people and is life giving?
Speaker 4 (28:26):
And then the last one is chemistry. I'm like, yeah,
like I wanna I want to like looking at you.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
I want to I want to be able to want
to kiss you.
Speaker 5 (28:32):
Yeah, I know right, Like I'm like, I mean, I
had I admire the people that are like that does
not matter.
Speaker 4 (28:39):
I admire that.
Speaker 5 (28:40):
To me, I was like, I'm going to be laying
down next to you every single every single night when
we get married one.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
Day, So I wanna I want to like looking at you?
And so yeah, I mean for me.
Speaker 5 (28:49):
I finally just like I I narrowed it down to
those three things, and I was like, this is what
this is what would it would take for me to
like say I'm your girlfriend and and just start dating.
And then I you know, there's a whole other set
of things that I evaluated once we started dating, evaluating
could you be you know, my spouse? But I would
just say, you know, define what those deal breakers are, Like,
(29:12):
define what those things are that you're looking for. I
think for a lot of people, they don't find what
they're looking for because they don't know what they're looking for.
They don't have they don't have sure vision for like
what it is that they actually want. They're just basing
it off of feelings or they're basing it off of culture.
And it's like, hey, you gotta know, like at the
end of the day, what's going to be who do
(29:32):
you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Like what kind of person do you want to be with?
What kind of person do you want raising your children?
One day and asking yourself those serious questions and then praying,
like I wrote down those things and I just started
praying and I was like, Okay, Lord, if this is
if this is your will for my life, like this is,
this is what I'm believing for.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Do you think that your person who you decided to
be with is like a choice and that there's many
people out there that could be the person that you
can live a happy life with, or do you feel
that like God destined you to be with Grant.
Speaker 5 (30:16):
So here's where I played devil's advocate on both sides.
I don't have just a point blank answers that question.
Speaker 4 (30:26):
I've heard.
Speaker 5 (30:27):
I've heard many different people have point blank answers to
that question. I think in my particular situation, there were
many moments I one thousand percent could have married someone else,
and I think God would have blessed it, and I
think it would.
Speaker 4 (30:41):
Have been I think it would have been a good marriage.
I really do. You know.
Speaker 5 (30:45):
I dated someone for four years in college and he
loved God and we you know, had similar just value
statements for life. We saw things the same way, and
we had fun together and you know, he checked off
the three c's that I just listed off. But at
the end of the day, like the one thing that
was missing for me was peace, Like I just did
(31:06):
not have a peace, Like I could not.
Speaker 4 (31:08):
I could not get my heart around like you are.
Speaker 5 (31:12):
Just who I'm supposed to be with and it and
again it was like I could have just made the decision.
I could have just been like, no, we're gonna We're like,
we're gonna get married, and I think it would have
been fine. And so that's where like I go back
and forth, because I do I do feel now I'm like, no,
Grant was literally God's best for me, and I'm so
glad that I didn't settle. I am glad that I
trusted just those little inklings. Like I think a lot
(31:34):
of times we have gut feelings that sometimes we ignore,
you know, where it's like, oh, I think there's more,
I think there's better. I think God has something different
for me, and we can choose to push those down,
those feelings down, and just do whatever we want. And
I do think if we still give it to God,
he could still bless it. So I do think that
(31:54):
there's many different people that, you know, we could be with.
I don't know that I would say there's just one
soul mate out there. I don't know that I believe
in like the definition of a soulmate, but I will
say you know, I do believe Grant is God's best.
So I feel like I'm contradicting myself, but I just
I do think that for me, it came down to
just like peace, Like I didn't have peace about the
(32:15):
guy that I could have married, and then I had
so much peace about Grant from the very beginning, and
like followed that piece till the end, and so naturally
I can say I do think that he was God's
best for me.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
But at the same time, do I think I could
have married someone else?
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Absolutely, I think that's a great answer. Thank you so much.
Speaker 5 (32:33):
Yeah, I was like, I was like, I don't know,
I feel like I'm running ad.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
No, no, no, no, it all makes sense for sure. Well, Maddie,
thank you so much. When is the book out?
Speaker 4 (32:44):
The book is out September nineteenth.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Y'd literally any day now.
Speaker 4 (32:48):
I know. It's literally crazy it's here.
Speaker 5 (32:51):
I've been working on it, Like I said, I started
writing it singles, So I feel like I've been working
on this thing for forever, and so I'm very very
excited that it's here.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Well, thank you so much. We are really excited for you.
You are, You're killing it. You're doing a great job.
Just a good leader in this world. All right, thank you,
Siya bye again.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
If everybody wants to pick up the love everybody wants,
what you're looking for is already yours. By Mattie Pruitt Trout.
It is her recent addition to using her wisdom and
her words and her faith so all of us can
enjoy what she's learning and what she's going through.
Speaker 6 (33:30):
So make sure you pick that up. Thanks for Maddie
for coming on. Until next time, I've Been Ben, I've
been Ashley.
Speaker 5 (33:36):
See you.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast on
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Hosts And Creators
Ben Higgins
Ashley Iaconetti
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