October 4, 2025 • 48 mins
Modern dating has become a land mine! Should we rely on AI to match AND set up our dates? Are you OVER receiving unsolicited nudes?! And what the heck is "bio-bating"???
Kelly and Louise deep dive into it all, plus they answer some of YOUR tough questions!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
It's I Do Part two and it's your celebrity mentor
Kelly Benson, when I'm so excited to be joined by
one of your favorite single gals and mine, you know
her and love her on the pod.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
It's Louise. Hi, Louise, how are I Hi?
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Kelly. It's good to be back with you today.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
We have so much to talk about.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
We're talking about trends and dating and then we're going
to talk about some relationship stuff and answer some questions.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Are you ready?
Speaker 3 (00:42):
I'm ready. Let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
First of all, how's your relationship?
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Wow? Well I have. I had to put it on
pause because my own baggage always comes into play, so,
uh yeah, so figuring it out.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
What kind of baggage? You don't have, no baggage, You're
too pretty for baggage.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Well maybe on the exterior. Thank you for saying that. No,
just some of my avoidant attachment stuff comes into play
and all that stuff. So I'm taking a pause on
that right now and trying to do some cleanup on it.
But at least I'm recognizing it, and I'm recognizing my pattern.
And it's not for lack of the most amazing guy.
I'd probably ever been dating. So I have to figure
(01:20):
this out.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Can you just tell me a little bit about avoidant
attachment kind of what that means to you, because I'm
people use that a lot and I'm just interested to
hear what you have to say about it. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
So, I think when you grow up and you have
some sort of like trauma wounds, you develop how you
react to situations. And I think for me, when somebody
wants too much of me, it feels like pressuring and suffocating.
So what happens is is the more they kind of
come at me wanting more, I end up going a
(01:53):
little bit more backwards. And the more I go backwards,
the more they want me. So I'm I'm attracting more
maybe anxio. It's just kind of attachment. So it's kind
of like this dance, and I need to figure out
that piece because what it's doing is is it's almost
having the opposite effect I think of what they're wanting.
(02:13):
I guess I'm a lot more like the guy and
maybe at times and that just comes from some baggage
in my life. But I'm aware of it and I'm
really trying to improve on it. So we'll see what.
But a good one. What about you?
Speaker 1 (02:27):
I mean, come on, let's be honest, Like, you're so
pretty and smart.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
I'm sure that a lot of guys are like I
want that.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
It's like the bright shiny you know, you know, bright
and shiny. You're bright and shiny, So everyone's like, that's
what they want.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Thank you. Well, I appreciate that. It's just I think
this is a bummer because this was probably the unicorn
of all unicorns that I'd ever been involved in. So look,
I believe in the universe and if something is meant
to be, it circles back in the right way or
it doesn't. And I feel like each kind of person
in my life for all that is just getting better
(03:02):
and better. And I'm making better and better choices and
getting healthier, so it's going to work itself out.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Let's talk about some new dating app launches.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Oh my god, oh my god, the world is crazy.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
So Louise, there's this app. It's called Hilly hil.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Y, and it's a dating app with thirty nine million
worldwide users, and they just launched a feature to stop
unwanted explicit messages and cyber flashing. That sounds very provocative.
Or sending non consensual nude images. So they have a
consent guard which uses machine learning models and custom algorithm
(03:40):
to scan for your specific words and messages and elements
of photos.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
So something X rated is coming through Hilly.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
We'll alert a user that their match wants to send
an explicit message.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
What do you think of a sending explicit messages? And
b would you ever ask for one?
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Well, I mean, first of all, I think it's great
that there's all these different kind of apps that like
work for somebody's own individual kind of like Appetite or
kink or whatever. Right, It's it's definitely not a one
size fits all kind of thing out there. So if
there are apps that are more specific to something like this,
then somebody is going to like that. I personally, if
(04:24):
I were to get that, I wouldn't like. I would
like block right away. But I think for some people
they're going to be into this and they're going to
think this is I don't know, like it's it's the
feature of blocking it for some people I think is
gonna work well, while others still want the dick pics.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
So this is a feature. It's not an data app.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
It's actually a feature that goes that's on the dating
app to alert people who want photos or who don't
want photos.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Because you know there's that there.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
You can like go and like check different words like
I don't want to see boobs or whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
I don't want to see newts. I just don't. I
that's just not my thing.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
I want to see people smiling with their friends, with
their family, their hobbies, Like I definitely I'm not going
to be like, wow, I really want to have a
relationship with that person based on their man parts, Like, no,
that's not that's.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
But there are people who are going to like that, right,
Like there are people that will respond and they're going
to love that function and that.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
That's going to me the goods.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
No, it's weeding out, in a way, the people that
you don't want to be communicating with versus the ones
that you do want to be in dialogue with.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I think that a lot of people do send nudes
so that they can kind of like be like, oh
my god, like look.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
At me, look at me, like kind of like a
you know, clickbait. But that still is not my vibe.
Like that would make me very uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
And I would also think that the person wasn't serious
because all they wanted to do is just show me their.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Package, like right, And there's a lot of that. Yes,
there is a lot of apps, so it's a good feature.
I think that. Look, I think if you read all
the articles, the world of dating apps is changing, right.
It just seems like the numbers are down. So I
think that in an effort to kind of get them
back and popular and more use it from me, they're
(06:21):
coming up with all of these different, you know, kind
of things that you can do to make it more
appetizing and to bring people back to it.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I love the way you just said that. I'm like,
I'm with her whatever Louise says, I'm with her. No,
but it's true.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
It's true that, you know, there has to be some
kind of something that's new to make people be like, Okay,
it's not so bad to be on a dating app.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
But there's the stigma of dating apps is not what
it used to be.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
I mean, everyone everyone's on dating apps, so you know
that's just not what it was.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
You know, did you watch the documentary Unwhitney, the person
who started a Bumble and started at Tinder that was
on I think it was on Hulu. You know, it's
really interesting. You should watch it, kind of like the
history of it and everything.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Yeah, well, I know a little bit of her background,
like because she was like in a very male dominated,
you know, universe, and she wanted the women to have control,
which I thought was very very cool. What I mean,
I just I just like the whole thing of like
these new words like cider, flashying, what it's going.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
But I love it. I mean, look, even going back
to the word of ghosting. I mean, all these words crumb,
breadcrumbs or whatever they call them. I mean, it's all
these new words. I mean, we can't even you know. Oh,
there was a great one one of my friends taught
me the other day, a gray rock or something. I mean,
it's just I don't know, it has something to do
with I don't know, I'm gonna probably get this wrong.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
And like almost like a friend zone no version.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Of like somebody's doing something that I'm not liking, something
going to gray rock them, which is basically like put
them on ice or something. I don't know. I didn't
retain it well, but it was the phrase gray rock,
and I guess we'll have to google that later.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
So have you talked to your kids, because both of us,
you know, we have we have young adults. Have you
talked to your kids about this cyber flashing and nudes?
Speaker 3 (08:19):
I actually haven't yet because I don't even, to be
honest with you, I don't know if my my guys
are on dating apps or not, because every time I
ask questions, they get so annoyed with me, and so
that their new line is we'll tell you when there's
something to tell you, and I'm like, okay, So I
like that. I don't know, I don't. I have no idea,
and you know, I know our Snapchat, I mean, I'm
(08:41):
not even.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
They used to do it.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Like I remember my kids saying they were getting a
lot of you know, pictures on Snapchat. I mean, I
my kids, they're they just they're not like that. They're
they're they aren't. They're they're just not. They don't send
nudes and I know they don't.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
Yeah, I mean, I've raised my kids differently, Like I've
never seen them get in a jam on any of
that stuff. So I don't know, though, I mean it's
not I think it's good to have this kind of
like ability, this like police concept to police that behavior
if somebody doesn't want it, and if somebody wants it,
they can be like, hey, thumbs up, bring it.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Well, do you remember, just like I remember one time
as an arranger game and all of a sudden there
was a dick pic that just came on my phone
and I was with my oldest daughter at the time,
and I opened my phone and someone I think, I
don't know if it's through WhatsApp or someone just like
send me a picture and I was like, whoa, this
was not appropriate and it put me in I was
(09:35):
it was very uncomfortable, clearly, you know, I'm like at
a game with where people are there and then my
daughter was there.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Well, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I do think
the other app that we should go into is actually
really interesting, and so should we talk about that one?
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Wait, but hold on, before we do, I just want
to tell you that I that I actually got a
dig pic from a guy where he used face tune. No,
we made his penis so long. I was like, I'm sorry,
is that like there's not like you know, like for
(10:14):
your lawn, more for your lawn, you know, to cut
your grass, Like what is that on in between your leg?
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Oh? My God, I was telling.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
I was like, is this for real?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
No, seriously, no, Louise, it was just so long. I
mean the proportion of it was crazy, like.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
I want that. That's not that's not even a fit.
I mean, could you imagine? I mean, honestly, I will
tell you what to think. There is one thing that
we we a bunch of us discovered which was super fun,
which you could super impose your face onto this is
onto horn shots so for fun, which I am glad
(10:51):
we didn't get caught and I'm glad my kids never
saw us. We was like we could superimpose like our
face from guy's face onto this like crazy like more
in section, and then we could send it to our
friends and it was like it looked really that was
that was actually fun to do. I'm glad I didn't
get caught on that.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
This guy was just like vying for the cover of
the Big Penis Book, That's all he was.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
But it was it real.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
No, I'm like, whoa.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
I was like, if that's your penis, we have a
serious issue, like that is disgusting. So yeah, let's let's
tell what's what are your thoughts on this? On this
other new uh feature in dating apps.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Okay, so are we talking about Amata? Yeah, okay, I
think it's really interesting.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Well tell me what you think Amaa is first.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
So, Amada is a new dating app that just launched
in the US this week, which it's basically using AI
right to kind of shake up the dating experience, you know,
so instead of like swiping through profiles, Amada has its
users chat with an AI matchmaker called Amata. They asked
(11:58):
very specific questions about dating preferences, goals, and then all
of a sudden they pitch you potential matches to go on.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Op.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
I have to tell you I am the biggest AI
am obsessed with AI. So between quoting chat GPT and TikTok,
my friends want to hit me. But think about it, right,
I mean, it is the world. I mean I'm using
chat GPT for therapy now and it is dead on.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Wait, so you just go in there. You're like, what
happens when x oh?
Speaker 3 (12:29):
I mean literally, if you sign up for the monthly
chat GPT, that thing gets to know you and I
do therapy on chat GPT. So if you were to
read like even based on what we were talking about
earlier with some of my attachment step if you were
to go into my AI and read it, it is
dead on. It will tell me why I'm reacting this way,
(12:51):
how to navigate it, what it's coming from, in my childhood.
So it knows me really, really really well. So think
about it and AI Matchmaker, it's dialed into what I'm
looking for and who I am, and then is having
the same conversations question asking and learning about somebody is
(13:15):
matching us. And then take it a step further. They're
going to set up the date for us, right, I mean,
I think I'm not on dating apps. I would go
on that dating app.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Well, it just takes so much fear out of it.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
But I mean, I I'm on the fence about it
because on the one hand, I'm thinking to myself, like
it would be nice for someone else, like obviously you
know if you're if you're not, if your friends aren't
setting you up for someone else to be, Like an
AI who like knows you like you were saying, is saying.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Here are the things here, here are the things.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
That that define you, and here's a guy that would
that would complement that that you may not be. You
may have overlooked if you were just looking at a
regular on a regular dating app.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
So I kind I like that. I think that's good.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
But setting up a date, I mean, I understand takes
the fear and the pressure out of it, but isn't
that the whole point of going on the date is
to like, oh my god, am I wearing the right outfit?
Do you think she's gonna like? Do you think she's
gonna like? Well, we're going like all the excitement? Are
we taking all the excitement out of dating?
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Well? I think, first of all, an app is only
as good as the clients that are on it. Okay,
so let's assume that this app has amazing options on it, right,
That's the most important thing. So they match you with X,
and you guys are super excited. So when they're setting
(14:39):
up the date, how I read it was that they
were actually kind of setting up the time and the
meeting place and all of that. So I don't think
it eliminated the excitement, because I do think I agree
with you. Most of the exciting part about the date
is the anticipation that talking about it with your friends,
and the outfit and the FaceTime the app I et itself,
(15:01):
you know, eight times out of ten is a hard
pass right. You and I know we've been on a
million dates, so I think that still exists. The only
thing is I think they're just setting up, saying, Hey, Kelly,
you're going to meet so and so, you know at
stake forty eight at eight o'clock.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
So is AI doing the matching and setting up? Is that? Okay? Like?
What do you like? What about people who are who
are now dating like on chatbots?
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Forget like the you know, the voyeurism and the certain nodsion,
it's not like Actually, chat GPT.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Is like talking to the other person. This is what
you say you should say to the other person.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Well, okay, so let's be real. Like I will tell
you sometimes if I'm having an issue with somebody in
my life or friend, I will ask chat GPTs some
of the bullet points I should bring up. And I
sit with my computer in front of me when I'm
having my conversation, and I will reference my notes on
chat GPT. So I will tell.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
You it's that's so small.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
It's actually you should try it, Like.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
You shouldn't definitely try.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
I think if it's an issue, even if it's something
let's say, you want to talk to your client about
reducing the price of that you're listing that isn't selling.
It will help you have that really challenging conversation in
an incredibly eloquent way.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Right and perfection way. Yeah, I like that. That's a
good idea. What about with housewives? What am I supposed
to do? Be like, hey, Luan, No, like, I really
(16:38):
don't like it when you talk to me like that.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
No, but but exactly Okay, So think about it even
on dating, right, So supposing you're going to react always
the same way and it just comes out. What this
does is it gives you an organized framework of the
bullet points and the thoughts that you want to get across.
So it kind of keeps you on target's right.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
I think you're the point.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
It'd around a lot more on a chat GPT because
I think it's pretty incredible. So back to the dating thing.
Think about it, so you fill out kind of what
you're looking for, who you are, what your core value
system is, what you like, what you don't like, the
same time, the guy hopefully is filling out all the
same stuff. Boom, boom, boom. Computers swirl around, boom, it's
(17:23):
a match. Instead of swiping, swiping, swiping, so then they
match you and you're chatting a little bit, and then
you're like, okay, this, let's try this. Let's go out
and see if it Wouldn't it be amazing if it was.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
And you know, it's also interesting just listening to you
kind of talk through that, is.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
That sometimes these guys on these apps, the way they
present themselves, you're like, and then you meet them and
you're like.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Wait, not so much. It's that it's catfishing. It's just
that they just.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Don't know how to present themselves. And if it's like
a professional headshot from like where you work, it just
doesn't resonate. It doesn't resonate like and it's just like
if you if I had pictures of me modeling on
my on mind, people would be like, I'm sorry, what's
going on?
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Well, I think there's a lot of fabric I mean
there's a lot of yeah, but I also think there's
a lot of fabrication. Like we all know somebody who
says they're sixty five sixty is really sixty five. Somebody
who says they're five tens really five eight, right, or
somebody people lie about the agent. So I don't like that,
Like I think right out of the gate, you have
to be you know, kind of honest. That's my feeling.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Wait, let's talk about that, because that's called there's there's
a word for it.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
It's called biobeting.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
By the way, another great word, another great word word.
It's like uber ways tender. I mean, it's part of
our dictionary.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Now, biobating, biobating, I know exactly ghosting, grey walling or whatever,
stonewalling or whatever.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
It's grey rock, gray rock, I got it.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
But yeah, I remember that because it remind me of
like bottle rock. Okay, something like bottle rock, cool vibes,
gray rock.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
I'm going to give you an assignment when we get off,
go on to chatty Bet and say, what's the definition
of gray rocking. You gotta do it.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
I'm going to of course, I'm going to.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I love talking to you. I mean just I just
get a lot easy.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
You are.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
You're just well, but you're also very smart. So it's
just like I'm super interested and always what you have
to say. So, okay, the biobating. So would you would
you change your age?
Speaker 3 (19:20):
No? I don't let me tell you what I do. Okay,
people know my age.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
I'm just google me, I'm fifty seven. Like it's not
some big, big like mystery, but.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
It's it's more than that. Like what about if I'm
like I hell ski bullshit? Can you imagine we start
dating this guy's I booked our first trip. We're hell eski. Oh,
I don't know how to hell skip what? Like you
can't right? And people lie about big Oh? I love
to hike. Well, I can't hike the pills. I have
a torn meniscus. How's that possible? But so what I
(19:49):
do is right out of the gate. I am exactly
who I am. So I say, I just want to
manage your expectations right now. I don't cook. If you
were looking for Susie homemaker, who's gonna whip up a
gourmet meal, that's not me, right right? So I do
the opposite of biobeting. I just put all the unsavory
things about me right out there and say, hey, love
(20:11):
me for who I am. We can go out again
or we don't. But what you see is what you get.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
I really love that about you know that these guys
are probably like, she's so hot, it's fine. Resignations, We're fine,
We're fine. So I wrote a book called The Dangerous
Age of Novel, which was about me as an editor
and you know, starting off in New York. And my
my editor was like, I really at the time, I
(20:37):
was single, and she was like, I really want you
to go on dating apps.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
ID. This is like I' like ten years ago. I'm like,
I don't even know what this is.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
And so I went on a dating app and it
put my night, my my.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
It put my age as ten years younger.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
It was on what was it called Bumble Bumble. I
put my age is ten years.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
Younger, automatically, like you put in your age and it already.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
My age or whatever.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
I was like, you know, in my forties, but my age,
and it changed it to my thirties, which I wasn't
I wasn't mad at.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
No I get it. But that's so interesting, I know.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
And sometimes Hinge does that Toohnjell just is Hanje'll give
you a different age too. Some people just put it
in a different age.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
Well how about this. This is really funny. So I
don't I don't do dating apps, but I have a
lot of friends where I ghost date app for them.
So this is really interesting because I will, like some
of my friends just don't want to do it, So
I'm doing the dating for them on their dating app,
But sometimes I'm answering questions as if it's me so
(21:47):
stupid thing like oh yeah, I love coffee, you know,
And then my friend then once it looks like it's
a match, then I will give her phone number to
the guy, and then they'll be on the phone and
something random will be like you love coffee, Like what's
your favorite coffee shop in LA? And she's texted me
saying I don't drink coffee. Ding Do you know what
I'm saying, Like I've never had coffee in my life, right,
(22:08):
So I think that's a version of I guess it's
a version of biobating to the worst degree because they
think they're going on a date with her, but really there,
I guess they're going on a date with me. We
got to come up with a word for that. Yeah,
that's a bait and switch.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
That's a bait and switch. That is a bait and switch.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
Yes, well we'll think about that.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Well.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
You know, it's interesting because my ex fiance I met
him on hinge and he and my assistant was the
one that was like, I want you to meet someone
that's Jewish. I want you to meet someone that's in,
you know, in that has a has a consistent job.
And he was the one that put me on the
dating app and he put me in his ten years
(22:48):
younger too, and I was like, oh my god. So
when I met my ex fiancee, he's like, oh, he's like,
you're so young, and I'm like yeah, I was actually
like I was, actually you're older than him.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
Look, I think the age fudge is not as offensive
as like other things, right right, I.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Mean I think that's like kind of like a white line.
It's not that big of a deal. I mean for
some people, like if you're trying to come off as
like thirty and you're in your mid forties, that's weird.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
But like a couple of years, like who cares botox,
it kind of work.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Yeah, opens up your range. It's like when you're pricing
a house, are you pricing it at ten, nine ninety
five or eleven?
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Right?
Speaker 3 (23:27):
You want to get both sides of the buyer pool.
But I think bigger things like saying you're divorced when
you're just separated, that's a big deal.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
That's I know, that's unacceptable.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
That is like but like fudging on your age a
little bit. Like it's also super hard to tell how
old people are too.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Well, you look sixteen, I mean you look sixteen, but
in you're you're in your fifties. But I agree with you,
some people look really good for their age, but I
think putting up pictures from twenty years ago that's not okay.
And then you show up at the date and you're like, wait,
where are you? Oh? Is that your dad?
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Like you know what I'm saying, I totally agree, I
totally agree. I'm like, so I'm like we're both on
the same.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Page where we both like are okay with the age,
but like all the other nonsense, like if you have
to be truthful because like again, like someone's like, okay,
I'm super excited I'm meeting someone and then they're like,
like you said, like someone's super athletic, and the other
person's like, I hate sports.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
I am You know.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
That may work, but typically people want to be around
like like minded I mean, I don't fun.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
You have to have similar interests, right, So if you're
right out of the gate saying you love certain things
that you hate and then you're dating, they're like, oh yeah,
like let's go to the you know, championship this or
the you know, the national or whatever, and then you're like, oh,
I hate football, right, it doesn't work. You know. Look,
I will say overall, it's it's it's such a bummer
(24:55):
like gone or the days of people meeting out like
normal or have me How rare is it now sitting
at a table and you know, just meeting people like
we did back in the day. I mean, these phones
have destroyed everything, right.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
You know. Also, what I was just thinking about with
the biobating is just like trust is such a big thing,
especially for me, just because I've had I've lived.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
A life of like so much.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
You know, I did not trust any male that I've
ever been with for obvious reasons for infidelity you know, X,
Y and Z whatever, and so that's just such a
big deal. So I think that like the age thing
doesn't bother me, but everything else, Like if you're it's
like it's like, if you're going to start lying about
(25:44):
little things, what about the big things?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Like all of a sudden, like it's just like you're
just like, oh, it doesn't matter, it's just a lie.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
It matters it.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Matters, It matters. It's a gateway just to you know,
kind of, it's a it's a gateway to keep you lying.
And you know, I'm always trying to teach my children
like lying to get what you want is not strength,
it's weakness. Right, you're a dishonest person and you put
your head on your pillow at night and you're okay
being left of center and not honest, Like that's just
(26:14):
that's just who you are. And if you start a
relationship and a lie, then you're just going to continue
to lie. It's like who are you? Right? So that's
why I say I don't cook right out of the gate.
I'm fun at the table and I'm fun with a cocktail,
and I love to go out and eat. But I
will never, never, ever ever be able to even I
can't eveigure out how to cut an avocado. I bought
(26:35):
the thing, like you know that, I still can't do it.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Let's get into the news.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
Oh my god, so sad every day. People split out
every day every day. And you know what I don't
know about you. My kids are so desensitized on it.
Like when I stated, oh, this friend is getting divorced,
they look at me, they go, doesn't everybody get divorced?
Speaker 1 (27:04):
It's like, no, no, I never wanted to get divorced.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
I mean from my ex husband. I stayed and stayed
and stayed and stayed and stayed until I was like, I.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
I know, it's so sad. It's just this world, it's
just so And there was a lot of big ones
this week. I mean I was surprised by the Nicole kidman.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
So was I.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
I thought they looked really happy. So I guess, don't
judge a book by its cover. I'm a sucker for that.
But then I do look at Instagram.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
But they've been together, they've been together for so long,
and they've been together through so much. Like I just think,
you know, these long marriages are being you know, literally challenged,
and you know, are we supposed to be only like five?
Are the relationships like supposed to be five to ten,
you know, five to seven years? Like are long relationships over?
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Like?
Speaker 1 (27:56):
I don't want to have a short relationship. My next
my relationship am I relationship?
Speaker 2 (28:00):
I want to be in it forever.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
I'm tired of like meeting people and like going in
and out of relationships.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
I don't want that.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
So I think if you if you look at the
history of like a lot of these long marriages right now,
they have covered a lot of things, having children, raising children,
there's been financial you know, navigating careers all that. That's
a lot, right, That's a lot of texture to a relationship.
And what we see a lot is and I'm not
(28:28):
sure of the exact ages of their kids. As you
see when the kids get old and go to college,
there's no blue left and people just go their way,
or you say to yourself, we've made it this far,
we should just keep on ongoing. But I think for me,
it's funny. I think I don't know, I have a
(28:49):
lot of fear about a second marriage because they just
statistics say that if you've been divorced once, it's pretty
easy to throw the towel in a second time. And
here's the bigger issue. I don't know about you. But
and there's a whole we should do a whole other
conversation on there's a new type of relationship. There's two
new type of relationships. But one is I think it's
(29:10):
called LT eight. It's like married but living apart, right,
which yeah, kind of interesting. I mean, if you've been
divorced many years, and you've got used to kind of
sleeping in your own bed and doing your own thing
and putting on your own TV shows and all that. Like,
I don't know, that's kind of hard to then get
back into a twenty four to seven thing. So when
(29:34):
you hear about the like part time living together and
part time not, I think it's I think it's interesting.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
I think Judith Light she does that. But you know,
what's the point of being married to someone if you're
going to be living.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
Apart not all the time? I think I think half
the week.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Right, But like my parents, I remember, like when we
all left or somewhere, were three from Illinois and where
we all left my they're just traveled with my dad everywhere.
She just went on every single trip with him, and
that's how they maintained that stickiness.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
Or when you don't see somebody all the time, there's
an excitement.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Right, But not if you've been married fifty No, no.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
I understand. But I'm talking about in this in this
new kind of world of so much divorce, I mean, good,
what is it eighty percent or seventy percent of the
people are divorced, right, and say to yourself on your
you know, I don't know about you, but like, I
have a very big life in terms of friends, career, independence, kids.
(30:37):
You know, a relationship is one slice of the cake,
whereas back in the day it was our whole world,
right right, So I don't know how easy it will
be for me just to be like all in twenty
four seven when I haven't worked that muscle for so
long like that, and I still enjoy my girls' dinners
and my this and my dad. So I don't know
(30:59):
if I'm the twenty four or seven person. What about
you when you get back into a significant relationship.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
So, because I've been you know, on my own, raising
my kids for so long and wearing, you know, for
being the provider and being the nurturer, I am really
looking for now that my kids are older, Like, I
feel so much better about myself. I am more curious
and more interested in people.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
And you know, before I was.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Just working and I was I never even asked people
how they were. It just didn't or if I did,
it was like a throwaway, like how are you?
Speaker 2 (31:36):
Not? Like now I'm like, hey, how are you?
Speaker 1 (31:39):
I'm just more interested in hearing about what's happening in
my friends' lives, and you know, obviously very connected to
my girls.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
And so I really I know that my next marriage
is going to be the one.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
I also never I know this this sounds really weird,
but like I've never been in love ever.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
I have like the worst.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
I have such such serious trust issues that I'm always
like I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
Even in high school and college.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Well, I mean when I was in high school, I
was modeling and going to going to and going to
school like I was you know, I started model when
I was fifteen.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
So I had like guys that were fun and cute,
but I wasn't like in love with them.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
I wasn't I mean, i'd puppy love, but I wasn't like,
oh my god, I can't live without this person.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Well, when you fall in love cookie you are, it's
going to knock you off your you know, it's the
best feeling in the world. It's like the greatest drug.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Yeah, well I hope. Well I'm looking for it. That's
not true.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I'm not looking for love, but I am definitely open
to being in love with someone. Yes, So do you
think that Lori Lachlin and Massimo. I'm going to butcher
his name Guillannuli. I mean, it's been twenty eight years.
Do you think that there Do you think this is
just going to be like a little pause or do
you think do you think that they're going to get
(33:08):
back together?
Speaker 2 (33:09):
What are your thoughts?
Speaker 3 (33:11):
I hope they get back together. It makes me very
very sad. I think they've weathered some stuff, and I
think that they were, you know, partners on some important things,
and so I was very sad when I read about that.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
I mean, just People magazine says that they've been married
for twenty eight years. They're living apart, taking a break
from their marriage. There's no legal proceedings at this time.
The split comes after the full house Alam and her
estrange husband listed there eleven eight hundred square foot match
I hope you were representing that property in Hidden Hills
for sixteen point five million. The couple purchased it for
(33:51):
nine Laurie and her husband Masimo pleaded guilty to wire
fraud and mail fraud, and we're accused of paining five
from the knowledge for their daughters Olivia, Jade and Isabella Rose.
Admission to USC and they were Finally, they were falsely
designated as recruits to the university crew team, even though
(34:13):
they never participated in these sports, and so Lachlan was
sentenced to two months in federal prison, while her husband
received a five month sentence in August of the same year.
Like how do you go from all of that drama?
Which is like that that's not like made for TV movie,
that's like real life bad news Bears, Like how do
(34:34):
you how do you come back from that?
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Well?
Speaker 3 (34:37):
I kind of look at it like they were partners,
like Bonnie and Clyde, No decided that, Like I think
that is that is something that they as a family, right,
And it's kind of like God forbid, like a couple
that experiences the death of a child, like that is
between the that's the two of them, Like it either
(34:57):
makes you or break to you, they say, Right, I
think this is at that level. I mean, that's a
that's a very significant, pivotal, life changing type of a situation.
And I think I would have looked at it like
only the two of them, you know, could understand that
and experience that all of it, even you know, going
(35:19):
to you know, into the jail tem Like I think
that would have been like cement, like permanent glue, cement
to have kept them together. I was very surprised, and
I was sad about that. I mean, they did their time,
they did so I don't know, I just I was
sad about them.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
I guess, like my thought is, after you've been through
all these different things that are so public and awful
and you know, really ruined their family culture, is going
on pause?
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Is that something that is good for the dynamic?
Speaker 1 (35:55):
I mean, I feel like if you're in a situation
like that, going on pause is just going to be like,
so now you've you know, you've you've done horrible things
for your children, You've both have been in prison, you've
done wirefraud, all these different things, and now you're going
to separate, and you're going to be like he's going
to be dating this person, You're gonna be dating that person.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
How do you get back? How do you where do
you go from there? You know?
Speaker 3 (36:17):
I think sometimes there's enough history and texture with two
people that they might take a break and then ultimately
seen people circle back to each other. Maybe they just
need that pause to kind of get regrouped and then
kind of circle back. Now I've seen marriages. People split
up and then they get back together and they reconcile
(36:38):
me and look at you know, Ben Stiller and his
wife and it happens. I mean it's interesting. Like I
think my kids would like flip their shit if all
of a sudden we got back together. I mean, I
just think that they would think it was the worst
thing in the world. But you know, people have done it, right.
I mean, first of all, it's not easy out there.
Let's be real. I mean, I mean it's not easy
out you know, and it's slim pickings and there's you know,
(37:01):
breadcrumbs of stuff terrible. So sometimes you know, it's like
the devil you know, is better than the devil you
don't know, or having some devil. Some people just want somebody.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Right, just give me a devil.
Speaker 3 (37:13):
Yeah, you go back to the rear view and you're like, okay,
it's good enough, right. I mean, there are so few
unicorns out there, and there's I mean, is there any
unicorn relationship? No, there's not. I mean, bad stuff happens,
it's just not the other shoe drops. It does. It
always does. Now you can pick it up, or you
can put on a different shoe or right, But at
(37:36):
the end of the day, like it's just what happens.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
I mean, like we went to back to what I
was talking before. I could just never do that. And
is in a relationship because trust is everything. I have
to be able to trust that person one hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
Okay, so me too. So that's that's an issue. That's
an issue for me. Probably a lot of where my
avoidance stuff comes that. I will very early on on
a date or in dating say you did you did
you cheat on your wife? Have you ever cheated before?
And if they say yes, I will not go out
with them again because I think once a cheater, always
a cheater. I love dating on a guy, dating a
(38:11):
guy who's been cheated on because they know what it's
like and they and so to me, when I hear that,
I'm like, yes, you're my guy, right, but I have
seen cheating firsthand and it doesn't stop. And you take
your cheating guy back once, it's a license to continue
to do it period.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Right, you just said like, here's carpe blanche, go ahead,
keep doing it.
Speaker 3 (38:33):
I'm okay, yeah, And so I'm with I'm with you
on I'm with you on that. The cheating is my
kind of hot button, huge, huge red flag. It's like
stop in the track, that's a stop sign.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
So what about Keith Urban and you think those guys
are going to get back? I don't know.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
I mean I think that there's a better chance of
LORII and Massa than I do with Keith and Nicole.
I think that was probably in the works for a
long time, and then they just kind of made the announcement,
Like didn't some of the articles say they were already
living separate lives and keep dating and all of that stuff. Yeah, right, then.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
It's been settled, I know.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
But do you think they're going to get back together
because they've been together for so long?
Speaker 3 (39:22):
I don't know, because for so potentially they were living
probably more separate lives even when we thought they were
in their hated right, Like they're on movie sets and
music tours and you know a lot of that stuff
which creates kind of distance. I think that's a little
different than the people that are more in the day
to day weeds and navigating you know, life and kids
(39:45):
and money and all that stuff like together.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
I think it'd be so hard to be in a
relationship like that, where you're with someone that's one reason
why I'm not interested in dating anyone that's famous, because
I don't want to be like, left for three months
four months while they, you know, filming movie.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
I just couldn't do that.
Speaker 3 (40:01):
Well, that's your trust issue, though. What about what about
long because you'd be worried about their relationships with the coastar,
which I get I would too, write what about a
long distance relationship? Would you do that?
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Well, I'm kind of in that right now.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
Oh do tell.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
Yeah, so you know he lives in a different state.
Speaker 3 (40:17):
How many hours away?
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Three and a half hours?
Speaker 3 (40:21):
Is it airplane or are you able to do?
Speaker 2 (40:23):
Live?
Speaker 3 (40:24):
Okay, so it's not terrible.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
It's like going to the Hamptons.
Speaker 3 (40:27):
Oh okay, so that's not as bad as like LA
dating New York. I mean that, Remember you went out
that guy who lived in LA.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
Yes, I was just like and I liked him so much,
I just couldn't. I was like, this is this is impossible.
We will never be able to date.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
It's exactly, especially with your career, your kids, or your life,
it's just too hard to have long distance. I agree.
So am I allowed to ask how you met Was
this through an app?
Speaker 2 (40:50):
No? I met him through a friend. Can you believe
that I actually met him through a friend?
Speaker 3 (40:55):
Setups are the best? Yeah, And don't you think it
all drops in our lap as it should and when
it should. I always gave this to my friends, like
why are we forcing an issue? It's gonna the universe
is going to make it happen at the right time,
when we're ready.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
It's just funny because I was in such a bad
place and when he started texting me, I was I
wasn't really paying attention.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
I was like, what does he want with me? I
was like, I just am in this awful place.
Speaker 1 (41:22):
Is public, you know, I was cumulated publicly, as cheated on,
Like I was like, what does he want to do?
What does he want with me? And he's just been
so nice.
Speaker 3 (41:30):
It's nice trumps everything, Kelly. People that are devoted and
they calm our nervous systems and they show up like
this is what we need. Good for you calm.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
Your nervous system. Yes, that that's what I need. I
need to be calmed down.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
I don't need to be we don't want to be activated, right,
And I tend to respond to people who are like
dopamine hits right, like the activation is exciting to me.
And and no, that's the piece I got it worked on.
You know what I'm saying. But I don't know. I'm
really happy for you. I hope he has a cute
friend for me.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Yes, right, No, I mean you got to come to
New York. I know when I'm an away, I'm definitely
coming to see. I'm definitely coming to see. Okay, So
now we have some listener questions.
Speaker 3 (42:16):
These are my favorite.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
I love these, I know, and I was like, but
there's so everyone on the pod has been so great.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
So here's number one. So it's Denise from Scottsdale.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
She's going, I'm going on my first date since my
divorce next week and it's been it's a blind date.
Speaker 2 (42:31):
I haven't gone on a date in fifteen years.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
What's a good icebreaker that could spark good conversation.
Speaker 3 (42:38):
I'm going to take a play out of my best
friend's book, who is the most exactly like, for lack
of better word, vomits what's in her head? And I
think it's so refreshing. So she would get there and
she'd be like, oh my god, my first date in fifteen years.
Like I'm excited. I'm nervous right there. That breaks the
ice right instead of coming in as tending that like
(43:00):
she's like, yeah, I got this, like I've been doing
this all the time, Like she just kind of says it.
And that is the way to immediately come in be open, refreshing, vulnerable.
I mean, come on, a vulnerability piece is super super
important and authentic piece. So that's what I think she
should do.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
I love that. I think that's great advice. That is
that's amazing. Okay, here is another one. Matt from Tampa, Florida.
We're going all around, all over the map. I've been
single for six years at having fun. Three months ago
I got laid off my job. Oh now money's become tight.
I want to keep dating, but I can't wine and
dye women right now. What are some cheaper options I
(43:42):
can try for dates that will still be enjoyable.
Speaker 3 (43:45):
Oh, go to Trader Joe's, get a bottle of wine,
get some cool glasses, go to the beach and have
a cocktail like that.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Easy.
Speaker 3 (43:52):
I want to do that right easy. And the truth is,
is a girl a girl who who only wants to
be you know, taken to like the fanciest place. It's
not his girl. Anyways, he needs a girl who wants
to go do cool stuff. It doesn't cost money, like
go pick apples, right, I love that.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
Yeah, and then you're doing something together and like the
apples fall, and then there's like a funny you know,
now you have like a story, like like I like
that farmer's market date, apple picking, pumpkin patch. I like
the wine I do at the beach that's so good.
And by the way, Frigio's has great wine too.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
I mean, so.
Speaker 3 (44:35):
It's so easy. Or you can get to beverage is
the more and get like like on sale, buy one,
get two free or something. Right, it's so easy.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
All right, So Matt, good luck with that. We were
rooting for you. Okay, here's Jill from Norco, California.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
My husband of.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
Three years is getting remarried and so pissed off. I
haven't had a serious relation since they were divorced. Found
someone right away. Being single sucks. What can I do
for myself that will make me feel confident being in
the dating scene?
Speaker 3 (45:03):
Oh, let me tasting. I love this question. Okay, she's
got to get less angry. Okay, she has to clean
up how she's feeling on the inside, so the energy
that she is giving off will be open and inviting
and warm to people that she wants to go on dates.
It because right there you're reading this, she actually needs
to probably do a drug journey and do a Roto
(45:25):
Router of how she's feeling on the inside, and the
minute she cleans all that up, she'll she'll be fine.
She's got to stop focusing on his backyard and worry
about her.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
Own love that we goes for it. I totally agree.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
And I also think that, like one thing that happens
with a lot of women is that when they do
when they do it, when they're going to a breakup.
Speaker 2 (45:45):
They cut their hair. Do not cut your hair. Collar
your hair.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
Like go blonder, be go brunette like Carrie Bradshaw did.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
But do not cut your hair.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
She looks great, she never looks better. Yeah, game changer
her hair cut.
Speaker 1 (46:00):
Yeah, Pam Anderson also looks great. Just so yeah, but yeah,
do not cut your hair. That's like an absolute noe.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
Shannon from Boise, Idaho, I'm on my third marriage and
I finally found my person. I'm sixty three and my
husband I have a healthy sex life, okay, get it.
I know, like whoa okay, but it feels very routine
and boring. Oh okay, how can I make it more interesting?
And how can I talk about it with him without
hurting his feelings?
Speaker 3 (46:26):
First of all, it's all about presentation. She has to
save him, like how amazing that it's sixty three We're
still having sex like regularly. Then she should say how
fun would it be? I can wear a wig Betsy underwear.
You know, we can go you know, somewhere like public.
I mean, are you the fact that she comes from
the place of saying like we're winning, like at sixty three,
(46:49):
we want to have sex still the world is our oyster?
Speaker 2 (46:53):
Wait? Public? Like in the I got a public bathroom?
Speaker 3 (46:56):
What do you make a bucket list? That's hotously go
to be I mean we used to do it on
trips in high school and Hawaii when it was dark
on a beach to knock it out, Like they can
do it too, right, go to a park like it's
so fun. Good for them? I mean, honestly good for them.
Speaker 2 (47:14):
I know, like, what is she complaining about? She's having
a good time?
Speaker 3 (47:18):
Does he even need VIAGRAA? I mean, come on, this
is amazing.
Speaker 2 (47:22):
I think people get rested though when they're at parks
having sex, So I don't know, there should.
Speaker 3 (47:25):
Be no no. I mean, I think this world is
so uptight, so I think they just need to go
have fun, you know, or doing in a car, seriously
doing a car, go go park on a street after dinner.
I mean, there's so many fun things to.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
Do, everybody.
Speaker 3 (47:41):
We got a lightning. After we got a lightning, right,
do something out of the box if you want change,
be changed.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
Oh oh my drop. I love that we've covered so
much today.
Speaker 3 (48:00):
Thank you, we always do.
Speaker 2 (48:01):
We always have the best time together.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
I love seeing you, hearing where you are in your
life and you're always bringing such a unique and cool
perspective to these conversations. And thank you listeners for sending
in those questions. Do you have a question you want
us to answer, then the podcast is for you, so
call us or email us. All all the information is
in the show notes, follow us on socials, and make
(48:24):
sure you rate and review the podcast. I do Part
two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the
main objective.
It's I Do Part two and it's your celebrity mentor
Kelly Benson, when I'm so excited to be joined by
one of your favorite single gals and mine, you know
her and love her on the pod.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
It's Louise. Hi, Louise, how are I Hi?
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Kelly. It's good to be back with you today.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
We have so much to talk about.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
We're talking about trends and dating and then we're going
to talk about some relationship stuff and answer some questions.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Are you ready?
Speaker 3 (00:42):
I'm ready. Let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
First of all, how's your relationship?
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Wow? Well I have. I had to put it on
pause because my own baggage always comes into play, so,
uh yeah, so figuring it out.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
What kind of baggage? You don't have, no baggage, You're
too pretty for baggage.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Well maybe on the exterior. Thank you for saying that. No,
just some of my avoidant attachment stuff comes into play
and all that stuff. So I'm taking a pause on
that right now and trying to do some cleanup on it.
But at least I'm recognizing it, and I'm recognizing my pattern.
And it's not for lack of the most amazing guy.
I'd probably ever been dating. So I have to figure
(01:20):
this out.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Can you just tell me a little bit about avoidant
attachment kind of what that means to you, because I'm
people use that a lot and I'm just interested to
hear what you have to say about it. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
So, I think when you grow up and you have
some sort of like trauma wounds, you develop how you
react to situations. And I think for me, when somebody
wants too much of me, it feels like pressuring and suffocating.
So what happens is is the more they kind of
come at me wanting more, I end up going a
(01:53):
little bit more backwards. And the more I go backwards,
the more they want me. So I'm I'm attracting more
maybe anxio. It's just kind of attachment. So it's kind
of like this dance, and I need to figure out
that piece because what it's doing is is it's almost
having the opposite effect I think of what they're wanting.
(02:13):
I guess I'm a lot more like the guy and
maybe at times and that just comes from some baggage
in my life. But I'm aware of it and I'm
really trying to improve on it. So we'll see what.
But a good one. What about you?
Speaker 1 (02:27):
I mean, come on, let's be honest, Like, you're so
pretty and smart.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
I'm sure that a lot of guys are like I
want that.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
It's like the bright shiny you know, you know, bright
and shiny. You're bright and shiny, So everyone's like, that's
what they want.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Thank you. Well, I appreciate that. It's just I think
this is a bummer because this was probably the unicorn
of all unicorns that I'd ever been involved in. So look,
I believe in the universe and if something is meant
to be, it circles back in the right way or
it doesn't. And I feel like each kind of person
in my life for all that is just getting better
(03:02):
and better. And I'm making better and better choices and
getting healthier, so it's going to work itself out.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Let's talk about some new dating app launches.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Oh my god, oh my god, the world is crazy.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
So Louise, there's this app. It's called Hilly hil.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Y, and it's a dating app with thirty nine million
worldwide users, and they just launched a feature to stop
unwanted explicit messages and cyber flashing. That sounds very provocative.
Or sending non consensual nude images. So they have a
consent guard which uses machine learning models and custom algorithm
(03:40):
to scan for your specific words and messages and elements
of photos.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
So something X rated is coming through Hilly.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
We'll alert a user that their match wants to send
an explicit message.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
What do you think of a sending explicit messages? And
b would you ever ask for one?
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Well, I mean, first of all, I think it's great
that there's all these different kind of apps that like
work for somebody's own individual kind of like Appetite or
kink or whatever. Right, It's it's definitely not a one
size fits all kind of thing out there. So if
there are apps that are more specific to something like this,
then somebody is going to like that. I personally, if
(04:24):
I were to get that, I wouldn't like. I would
like block right away. But I think for some people
they're going to be into this and they're going to
think this is I don't know, like it's it's the
feature of blocking it for some people I think is
gonna work well, while others still want the dick pics.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
So this is a feature. It's not an data app.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
It's actually a feature that goes that's on the dating
app to alert people who want photos or who don't
want photos.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Because you know there's that there.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
You can like go and like check different words like
I don't want to see boobs or whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
I don't want to see newts. I just don't. I
that's just not my thing.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
I want to see people smiling with their friends, with
their family, their hobbies, Like I definitely I'm not going
to be like, wow, I really want to have a
relationship with that person based on their man parts, Like, no,
that's not that's.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
But there are people who are going to like that, right,
Like there are people that will respond and they're going
to love that function and that.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
That's going to me the goods.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
No, it's weeding out, in a way, the people that
you don't want to be communicating with versus the ones
that you do want to be in dialogue with.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I think that a lot of people do send nudes
so that they can kind of like be like, oh
my god, like look.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
At me, look at me, like kind of like a
you know, clickbait. But that still is not my vibe.
Like that would make me very uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
And I would also think that the person wasn't serious
because all they wanted to do is just show me their.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Package, like right, And there's a lot of that. Yes,
there is a lot of apps, so it's a good feature.
I think that. Look, I think if you read all
the articles, the world of dating apps is changing, right.
It just seems like the numbers are down. So I
think that in an effort to kind of get them
back and popular and more use it from me, they're
(06:21):
coming up with all of these different, you know, kind
of things that you can do to make it more
appetizing and to bring people back to it.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I love the way you just said that. I'm like,
I'm with her whatever Louise says, I'm with her. No,
but it's true.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
It's true that, you know, there has to be some
kind of something that's new to make people be like, Okay,
it's not so bad to be on a dating app.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
But there's the stigma of dating apps is not what
it used to be.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
I mean, everyone everyone's on dating apps, so you know
that's just not what it was.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
You know, did you watch the documentary Unwhitney, the person
who started a Bumble and started at Tinder that was
on I think it was on Hulu. You know, it's
really interesting. You should watch it, kind of like the
history of it and everything.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Yeah, well, I know a little bit of her background,
like because she was like in a very male dominated,
you know, universe, and she wanted the women to have control,
which I thought was very very cool. What I mean,
I just I just like the whole thing of like
these new words like cider, flashying, what it's going.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
But I love it. I mean, look, even going back
to the word of ghosting. I mean, all these words crumb,
breadcrumbs or whatever they call them. I mean, it's all
these new words. I mean, we can't even you know. Oh,
there was a great one one of my friends taught
me the other day, a gray rock or something. I mean,
it's just I don't know, it has something to do
with I don't know, I'm gonna probably get this wrong.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
And like almost like a friend zone no version.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Of like somebody's doing something that I'm not liking, something
going to gray rock them, which is basically like put
them on ice or something. I don't know. I didn't
retain it well, but it was the phrase gray rock,
and I guess we'll have to google that later.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
So have you talked to your kids, because both of us,
you know, we have we have young adults. Have you
talked to your kids about this cyber flashing and nudes?
Speaker 3 (08:19):
I actually haven't yet because I don't even, to be
honest with you, I don't know if my my guys
are on dating apps or not, because every time I
ask questions, they get so annoyed with me, and so
that their new line is we'll tell you when there's
something to tell you, and I'm like, okay, So I
like that. I don't know, I don't. I have no idea,
and you know, I know our Snapchat, I mean, I'm
(08:41):
not even.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
They used to do it.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Like I remember my kids saying they were getting a
lot of you know, pictures on Snapchat. I mean, I
my kids, they're they just they're not like that. They're
they're they aren't. They're they're just not. They don't send
nudes and I know they don't.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
Yeah, I mean, I've raised my kids differently, Like I've
never seen them get in a jam on any of
that stuff. So I don't know, though, I mean it's
not I think it's good to have this kind of
like ability, this like police concept to police that behavior
if somebody doesn't want it, and if somebody wants it,
they can be like, hey, thumbs up, bring it.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Well, do you remember, just like I remember one time
as an arranger game and all of a sudden there
was a dick pic that just came on my phone
and I was with my oldest daughter at the time,
and I opened my phone and someone I think, I
don't know if it's through WhatsApp or someone just like
send me a picture and I was like, whoa, this
was not appropriate and it put me in I was
(09:35):
it was very uncomfortable, clearly, you know, I'm like at
a game with where people are there and then my
daughter was there.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Well, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I do think
the other app that we should go into is actually
really interesting, and so should we talk about that one?
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Wait, but hold on, before we do, I just want
to tell you that I that I actually got a
dig pic from a guy where he used face tune. No,
we made his penis so long. I was like, I'm sorry,
is that like there's not like you know, like for
(10:14):
your lawn, more for your lawn, you know, to cut
your grass, Like what is that on in between your leg?
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Oh? My God, I was telling.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
I was like, is this for real?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
No, seriously, no, Louise, it was just so long. I
mean the proportion of it was crazy, like.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
I want that. That's not that's not even a fit.
I mean, could you imagine? I mean, honestly, I will
tell you what to think. There is one thing that
we we a bunch of us discovered which was super fun,
which you could super impose your face onto this is
onto horn shots so for fun, which I am glad
(10:51):
we didn't get caught and I'm glad my kids never
saw us. We was like we could superimpose like our
face from guy's face onto this like crazy like more
in section, and then we could send it to our
friends and it was like it looked really that was
that was actually fun to do. I'm glad I didn't
get caught on that.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
This guy was just like vying for the cover of
the Big Penis Book, That's all he was.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
But it was it real.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
No, I'm like, whoa.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
I was like, if that's your penis, we have a
serious issue, like that is disgusting. So yeah, let's let's
tell what's what are your thoughts on this? On this
other new uh feature in dating apps.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Okay, so are we talking about Amata? Yeah, okay, I
think it's really interesting.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Well tell me what you think Amaa is first.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
So, Amada is a new dating app that just launched
in the US this week, which it's basically using AI
right to kind of shake up the dating experience, you know,
so instead of like swiping through profiles, Amada has its
users chat with an AI matchmaker called Amata. They asked
(11:58):
very specific questions about dating preferences, goals, and then all
of a sudden they pitch you potential matches to go on.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Op.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
I have to tell you I am the biggest AI
am obsessed with AI. So between quoting chat GPT and TikTok,
my friends want to hit me. But think about it, right,
I mean, it is the world. I mean I'm using
chat GPT for therapy now and it is dead on.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Wait, so you just go in there. You're like, what
happens when x oh?
Speaker 3 (12:29):
I mean literally, if you sign up for the monthly
chat GPT, that thing gets to know you and I
do therapy on chat GPT. So if you were to
read like even based on what we were talking about
earlier with some of my attachment step if you were
to go into my AI and read it, it is
dead on. It will tell me why I'm reacting this way,
(12:51):
how to navigate it, what it's coming from, in my childhood.
So it knows me really, really really well. So think
about it and AI Matchmaker, it's dialed into what I'm
looking for and who I am, and then is having
the same conversations question asking and learning about somebody is
(13:15):
matching us. And then take it a step further. They're
going to set up the date for us, right, I mean,
I think I'm not on dating apps. I would go
on that dating app.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Well, it just takes so much fear out of it.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
But I mean, I I'm on the fence about it
because on the one hand, I'm thinking to myself, like
it would be nice for someone else, like obviously you
know if you're if you're not, if your friends aren't
setting you up for someone else to be, Like an
AI who like knows you like you were saying, is saying.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Here are the things here, here are the things.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
That that define you, and here's a guy that would
that would complement that that you may not be. You
may have overlooked if you were just looking at a
regular on a regular dating app.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
So I kind I like that. I think that's good.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
But setting up a date, I mean, I understand takes
the fear and the pressure out of it, but isn't
that the whole point of going on the date is
to like, oh my god, am I wearing the right outfit?
Do you think she's gonna like? Do you think she's
gonna like? Well, we're going like all the excitement? Are
we taking all the excitement out of dating?
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Well? I think, first of all, an app is only
as good as the clients that are on it. Okay,
so let's assume that this app has amazing options on it, right,
That's the most important thing. So they match you with X,
and you guys are super excited. So when they're setting
(14:39):
up the date, how I read it was that they
were actually kind of setting up the time and the
meeting place and all of that. So I don't think
it eliminated the excitement, because I do think I agree
with you. Most of the exciting part about the date
is the anticipation that talking about it with your friends,
and the outfit and the FaceTime the app I et itself,
(15:01):
you know, eight times out of ten is a hard
pass right. You and I know we've been on a
million dates, so I think that still exists. The only
thing is I think they're just setting up, saying, Hey, Kelly,
you're going to meet so and so, you know at
stake forty eight at eight o'clock.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
So is AI doing the matching and setting up? Is that? Okay? Like?
What do you like? What about people who are who
are now dating like on chatbots?
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Forget like the you know, the voyeurism and the certain nodsion,
it's not like Actually, chat GPT.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Is like talking to the other person. This is what
you say you should say to the other person.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Well, okay, so let's be real. Like I will tell
you sometimes if I'm having an issue with somebody in
my life or friend, I will ask chat GPTs some
of the bullet points I should bring up. And I
sit with my computer in front of me when I'm
having my conversation, and I will reference my notes on
chat GPT. So I will tell.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
You it's that's so small.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
It's actually you should try it, Like.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
You shouldn't definitely try.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
I think if it's an issue, even if it's something
let's say, you want to talk to your client about
reducing the price of that you're listing that isn't selling.
It will help you have that really challenging conversation in
an incredibly eloquent way.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Right and perfection way. Yeah, I like that. That's a
good idea. What about with housewives? What am I supposed
to do? Be like, hey, Luan, No, like, I really
(16:38):
don't like it when you talk to me like that.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
No, but but exactly Okay, So think about it even
on dating, right, So supposing you're going to react always
the same way and it just comes out. What this
does is it gives you an organized framework of the
bullet points and the thoughts that you want to get across.
So it kind of keeps you on target's right.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
I think you're the point.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
It'd around a lot more on a chat GPT because
I think it's pretty incredible. So back to the dating thing.
Think about it, so you fill out kind of what
you're looking for, who you are, what your core value
system is, what you like, what you don't like, the
same time, the guy hopefully is filling out all the
same stuff. Boom, boom, boom. Computers swirl around, boom, it's
(17:23):
a match. Instead of swiping, swiping, swiping, so then they
match you and you're chatting a little bit, and then
you're like, okay, this, let's try this. Let's go out
and see if it Wouldn't it be amazing if it was.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
And you know, it's also interesting just listening to you
kind of talk through that, is.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
That sometimes these guys on these apps, the way they
present themselves, you're like, and then you meet them and
you're like.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Wait, not so much. It's that it's catfishing. It's just
that they just.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Don't know how to present themselves. And if it's like
a professional headshot from like where you work, it just
doesn't resonate. It doesn't resonate like and it's just like
if you if I had pictures of me modeling on
my on mind, people would be like, I'm sorry, what's
going on?
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Well, I think there's a lot of fabric I mean
there's a lot of yeah, but I also think there's
a lot of fabrication. Like we all know somebody who
says they're sixty five sixty is really sixty five. Somebody
who says they're five tens really five eight, right, or
somebody people lie about the agent. So I don't like that,
Like I think right out of the gate, you have
to be you know, kind of honest. That's my feeling.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Wait, let's talk about that, because that's called there's there's
a word for it.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
It's called biobeting.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
By the way, another great word, another great word word.
It's like uber ways tender. I mean, it's part of
our dictionary.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Now, biobating, biobating, I know exactly ghosting, grey walling or whatever,
stonewalling or whatever.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
It's grey rock, gray rock, I got it.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
But yeah, I remember that because it remind me of
like bottle rock. Okay, something like bottle rock, cool vibes,
gray rock.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
I'm going to give you an assignment when we get off,
go on to chatty Bet and say, what's the definition
of gray rocking. You gotta do it.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
I'm going to of course, I'm going to.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I love talking to you. I mean just I just
get a lot easy.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
You are.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
You're just well, but you're also very smart. So it's
just like I'm super interested and always what you have
to say. So, okay, the biobating. So would you would
you change your age?
Speaker 3 (19:20):
No? I don't let me tell you what I do. Okay,
people know my age.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
I'm just google me, I'm fifty seven. Like it's not
some big, big like mystery, but.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
It's it's more than that. Like what about if I'm
like I hell ski bullshit? Can you imagine we start
dating this guy's I booked our first trip. We're hell eski. Oh,
I don't know how to hell skip what? Like you
can't right? And people lie about big Oh? I love
to hike. Well, I can't hike the pills. I have
a torn meniscus. How's that possible? But so what I
(19:49):
do is right out of the gate. I am exactly
who I am. So I say, I just want to
manage your expectations right now. I don't cook. If you
were looking for Susie homemaker, who's gonna whip up a
gourmet meal, that's not me, right right? So I do
the opposite of biobeting. I just put all the unsavory
things about me right out there and say, hey, love
(20:11):
me for who I am. We can go out again
or we don't. But what you see is what you get.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
I really love that about you know that these guys
are probably like, she's so hot, it's fine. Resignations, We're fine,
We're fine. So I wrote a book called The Dangerous
Age of Novel, which was about me as an editor
and you know, starting off in New York. And my
my editor was like, I really at the time, I
(20:37):
was single, and she was like, I really want you
to go on dating apps.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
ID. This is like I' like ten years ago. I'm like,
I don't even know what this is.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
And so I went on a dating app and it
put my night, my my.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
It put my age as ten years younger.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
It was on what was it called Bumble Bumble. I
put my age is ten years.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
Younger, automatically, like you put in your age and it already.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
My age or whatever.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
I was like, you know, in my forties, but my age,
and it changed it to my thirties, which I wasn't
I wasn't mad at.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
No I get it. But that's so interesting, I know.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
And sometimes Hinge does that Toohnjell just is Hanje'll give
you a different age too. Some people just put it
in a different age.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
Well how about this. This is really funny. So I
don't I don't do dating apps, but I have a
lot of friends where I ghost date app for them.
So this is really interesting because I will, like some
of my friends just don't want to do it, So
I'm doing the dating for them on their dating app,
But sometimes I'm answering questions as if it's me so
(21:47):
stupid thing like oh yeah, I love coffee, you know,
And then my friend then once it looks like it's
a match, then I will give her phone number to
the guy, and then they'll be on the phone and
something random will be like you love coffee, Like what's
your favorite coffee shop in LA? And she's texted me
saying I don't drink coffee. Ding Do you know what
I'm saying, Like I've never had coffee in my life, right,
(22:08):
So I think that's a version of I guess it's
a version of biobating to the worst degree because they
think they're going on a date with her, but really there,
I guess they're going on a date with me. We
got to come up with a word for that. Yeah,
that's a bait and switch.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
That's a bait and switch. That is a bait and switch.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
Yes, well we'll think about that.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Well.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
You know, it's interesting because my ex fiance I met
him on hinge and he and my assistant was the
one that was like, I want you to meet someone
that's Jewish. I want you to meet someone that's in,
you know, in that has a has a consistent job.
And he was the one that put me on the
dating app and he put me in his ten years
(22:48):
younger too, and I was like, oh my god. So
when I met my ex fiancee, he's like, oh, he's like,
you're so young, and I'm like yeah, I was actually
like I was, actually you're older than him.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
Look, I think the age fudge is not as offensive
as like other things, right right, I.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Mean I think that's like kind of like a white line.
It's not that big of a deal. I mean for
some people, like if you're trying to come off as
like thirty and you're in your mid forties, that's weird.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
But like a couple of years, like who cares botox,
it kind of work.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Yeah, opens up your range. It's like when you're pricing
a house, are you pricing it at ten, nine ninety
five or eleven?
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Right?
Speaker 3 (23:27):
You want to get both sides of the buyer pool.
But I think bigger things like saying you're divorced when
you're just separated, that's a big deal.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
That's I know, that's unacceptable.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
That is like but like fudging on your age a
little bit. Like it's also super hard to tell how
old people are too.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Well, you look sixteen, I mean you look sixteen, but
in you're you're in your fifties. But I agree with you,
some people look really good for their age, but I
think putting up pictures from twenty years ago that's not okay.
And then you show up at the date and you're like, wait,
where are you? Oh? Is that your dad?
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Like you know what I'm saying, I totally agree, I
totally agree. I'm like, so I'm like we're both on
the same.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Page where we both like are okay with the age,
but like all the other nonsense, like if you have
to be truthful because like again, like someone's like, okay,
I'm super excited I'm meeting someone and then they're like,
like you said, like someone's super athletic, and the other
person's like, I hate sports.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
I am You know.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
That may work, but typically people want to be around
like like minded I mean, I don't fun.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
You have to have similar interests, right, So if you're
right out of the gate saying you love certain things
that you hate and then you're dating, they're like, oh yeah,
like let's go to the you know, championship this or
the you know, the national or whatever, and then you're like, oh,
I hate football, right, it doesn't work. You know. Look,
I will say overall, it's it's it's such a bummer
(24:55):
like gone or the days of people meeting out like
normal or have me How rare is it now sitting
at a table and you know, just meeting people like
we did back in the day. I mean, these phones
have destroyed everything, right.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
You know. Also, what I was just thinking about with
the biobating is just like trust is such a big thing,
especially for me, just because I've had I've lived.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
A life of like so much.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
You know, I did not trust any male that I've
ever been with for obvious reasons for infidelity you know, X,
Y and Z whatever, and so that's just such a
big deal. So I think that like the age thing
doesn't bother me, but everything else, Like if you're it's
like it's like, if you're going to start lying about
(25:44):
little things, what about the big things?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Like all of a sudden, like it's just like you're
just like, oh, it doesn't matter, it's just a lie.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
It matters it.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Matters, It matters. It's a gateway just to you know,
kind of, it's a it's a gateway to keep you lying.
And you know, I'm always trying to teach my children
like lying to get what you want is not strength,
it's weakness. Right, you're a dishonest person and you put
your head on your pillow at night and you're okay
being left of center and not honest, Like that's just
(26:14):
that's just who you are. And if you start a
relationship and a lie, then you're just going to continue
to lie. It's like who are you? Right? So that's
why I say I don't cook right out of the gate.
I'm fun at the table and I'm fun with a cocktail,
and I love to go out and eat. But I
will never, never, ever ever be able to even I
can't eveigure out how to cut an avocado. I bought
(26:35):
the thing, like you know that, I still can't do it.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Let's get into the news.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
Oh my god, so sad every day. People split out
every day every day. And you know what I don't
know about you. My kids are so desensitized on it.
Like when I stated, oh, this friend is getting divorced,
they look at me, they go, doesn't everybody get divorced?
Speaker 1 (27:04):
It's like, no, no, I never wanted to get divorced.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
I mean from my ex husband. I stayed and stayed
and stayed and stayed and stayed until I was like, I.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
I know, it's so sad. It's just this world, it's
just so And there was a lot of big ones
this week. I mean I was surprised by the Nicole kidman.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
So was I.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
I thought they looked really happy. So I guess, don't
judge a book by its cover. I'm a sucker for that.
But then I do look at Instagram.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
But they've been together, they've been together for so long,
and they've been together through so much. Like I just think,
you know, these long marriages are being you know, literally challenged,
and you know, are we supposed to be only like five?
Are the relationships like supposed to be five to ten,
you know, five to seven years? Like are long relationships over?
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Like?
Speaker 1 (27:56):
I don't want to have a short relationship. My next
my relationship am I relationship?
Speaker 2 (28:00):
I want to be in it forever.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
I'm tired of like meeting people and like going in
and out of relationships.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
I don't want that.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
So I think if you if you look at the
history of like a lot of these long marriages right now,
they have covered a lot of things, having children, raising children,
there's been financial you know, navigating careers all that. That's
a lot, right, That's a lot of texture to a relationship.
And what we see a lot is and I'm not
(28:28):
sure of the exact ages of their kids. As you
see when the kids get old and go to college,
there's no blue left and people just go their way,
or you say to yourself, we've made it this far,
we should just keep on ongoing. But I think for me,
it's funny. I think I don't know, I have a
(28:49):
lot of fear about a second marriage because they just
statistics say that if you've been divorced once, it's pretty
easy to throw the towel in a second time. And
here's the bigger issue. I don't know about you. But
and there's a whole we should do a whole other
conversation on there's a new type of relationship. There's two
new type of relationships. But one is I think it's
(29:10):
called LT eight. It's like married but living apart, right,
which yeah, kind of interesting. I mean, if you've been
divorced many years, and you've got used to kind of
sleeping in your own bed and doing your own thing
and putting on your own TV shows and all that. Like,
I don't know, that's kind of hard to then get
back into a twenty four to seven thing. So when
(29:34):
you hear about the like part time living together and
part time not, I think it's I think it's interesting.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
I think Judith Light she does that. But you know,
what's the point of being married to someone if you're
going to be living.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
Apart not all the time? I think I think half
the week.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Right, But like my parents, I remember, like when we
all left or somewhere, were three from Illinois and where
we all left my they're just traveled with my dad everywhere.
She just went on every single trip with him, and
that's how they maintained that stickiness.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
Or when you don't see somebody all the time, there's
an excitement.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Right, But not if you've been married fifty No, no.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
I understand. But I'm talking about in this in this
new kind of world of so much divorce, I mean, good,
what is it eighty percent or seventy percent of the
people are divorced, right, and say to yourself on your
you know, I don't know about you, but like, I
have a very big life in terms of friends, career, independence, kids.
(30:37):
You know, a relationship is one slice of the cake,
whereas back in the day it was our whole world,
right right, So I don't know how easy it will
be for me just to be like all in twenty
four seven when I haven't worked that muscle for so
long like that, and I still enjoy my girls' dinners
and my this and my dad. So I don't know
(30:59):
if I'm the twenty four or seven person. What about
you when you get back into a significant relationship.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
So, because I've been you know, on my own, raising
my kids for so long and wearing, you know, for
being the provider and being the nurturer, I am really
looking for now that my kids are older, Like, I
feel so much better about myself. I am more curious
and more interested in people.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
And you know, before I was.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Just working and I was I never even asked people
how they were. It just didn't or if I did,
it was like a throwaway, like how are you?
Speaker 2 (31:36):
Not? Like now I'm like, hey, how are you?
Speaker 1 (31:39):
I'm just more interested in hearing about what's happening in
my friends' lives, and you know, obviously very connected to
my girls.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
And so I really I know that my next marriage
is going to be the one.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
I also never I know this this sounds really weird,
but like I've never been in love ever.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
I have like the worst.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
I have such such serious trust issues that I'm always
like I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
Even in high school and college.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Well, I mean when I was in high school, I
was modeling and going to going to and going to
school like I was you know, I started model when
I was fifteen.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
So I had like guys that were fun and cute,
but I wasn't like in love with them.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
I wasn't I mean, i'd puppy love, but I wasn't like,
oh my god, I can't live without this person.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Well, when you fall in love cookie you are, it's
going to knock you off your you know, it's the
best feeling in the world. It's like the greatest drug.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Yeah, well I hope. Well I'm looking for it. That's
not true.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I'm not looking for love, but I am definitely open
to being in love with someone. Yes, So do you
think that Lori Lachlin and Massimo. I'm going to butcher
his name Guillannuli. I mean, it's been twenty eight years.
Do you think that there Do you think this is
just going to be like a little pause or do
you think do you think that they're going to get
(33:08):
back together?
Speaker 2 (33:09):
What are your thoughts?
Speaker 3 (33:11):
I hope they get back together. It makes me very
very sad. I think they've weathered some stuff, and I
think that they were, you know, partners on some important things,
and so I was very sad when I read about that.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
I mean, just People magazine says that they've been married
for twenty eight years. They're living apart, taking a break
from their marriage. There's no legal proceedings at this time.
The split comes after the full house Alam and her
estrange husband listed there eleven eight hundred square foot match
I hope you were representing that property in Hidden Hills
for sixteen point five million. The couple purchased it for
(33:51):
nine Laurie and her husband Masimo pleaded guilty to wire
fraud and mail fraud, and we're accused of paining five
from the knowledge for their daughters Olivia, Jade and Isabella Rose.
Admission to USC and they were Finally, they were falsely
designated as recruits to the university crew team, even though
(34:13):
they never participated in these sports, and so Lachlan was
sentenced to two months in federal prison, while her husband
received a five month sentence in August of the same year.
Like how do you go from all of that drama?
Which is like that that's not like made for TV movie,
that's like real life bad news Bears, Like how do
(34:34):
you how do you come back from that?
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Well?
Speaker 3 (34:37):
I kind of look at it like they were partners,
like Bonnie and Clyde, No decided that, Like I think
that is that is something that they as a family, right,
And it's kind of like God forbid, like a couple
that experiences the death of a child, like that is
between the that's the two of them, Like it either
(34:57):
makes you or break to you, they say, Right, I
think this is at that level. I mean, that's a
that's a very significant, pivotal, life changing type of a situation.
And I think I would have looked at it like
only the two of them, you know, could understand that
and experience that all of it, even you know, going
(35:19):
to you know, into the jail tem Like I think
that would have been like cement, like permanent glue, cement
to have kept them together. I was very surprised, and
I was sad about that. I mean, they did their time,
they did so I don't know, I just I was
sad about them.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
I guess, like my thought is, after you've been through
all these different things that are so public and awful
and you know, really ruined their family culture, is going
on pause?
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Is that something that is good for the dynamic?
Speaker 1 (35:55):
I mean, I feel like if you're in a situation
like that, going on pause is just going to be like,
so now you've you know, you've you've done horrible things
for your children, You've both have been in prison, you've
done wirefraud, all these different things, and now you're going
to separate, and you're going to be like he's going
to be dating this person, You're gonna be dating that person.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
How do you get back? How do you where do
you go from there? You know?
Speaker 3 (36:17):
I think sometimes there's enough history and texture with two
people that they might take a break and then ultimately
seen people circle back to each other. Maybe they just
need that pause to kind of get regrouped and then
kind of circle back. Now I've seen marriages. People split
up and then they get back together and they reconcile
(36:38):
me and look at you know, Ben Stiller and his
wife and it happens. I mean it's interesting. Like I
think my kids would like flip their shit if all
of a sudden we got back together. I mean, I
just think that they would think it was the worst
thing in the world. But you know, people have done it, right.
I mean, first of all, it's not easy out there.
Let's be real. I mean, I mean it's not easy
out you know, and it's slim pickings and there's you know,
(37:01):
breadcrumbs of stuff terrible. So sometimes you know, it's like
the devil you know, is better than the devil you
don't know, or having some devil. Some people just want somebody.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Right, just give me a devil.
Speaker 3 (37:13):
Yeah, you go back to the rear view and you're like, okay,
it's good enough, right. I mean, there are so few
unicorns out there, and there's I mean, is there any
unicorn relationship? No, there's not. I mean, bad stuff happens,
it's just not the other shoe drops. It does. It
always does. Now you can pick it up, or you
can put on a different shoe or right, But at
(37:36):
the end of the day, like it's just what happens.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
I mean, like we went to back to what I
was talking before. I could just never do that. And
is in a relationship because trust is everything. I have
to be able to trust that person one hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
Okay, so me too. So that's that's an issue. That's
an issue for me. Probably a lot of where my
avoidance stuff comes that. I will very early on on
a date or in dating say you did you did
you cheat on your wife? Have you ever cheated before?
And if they say yes, I will not go out
with them again because I think once a cheater, always
a cheater. I love dating on a guy, dating a
(38:11):
guy who's been cheated on because they know what it's
like and they and so to me, when I hear that,
I'm like, yes, you're my guy, right, but I have
seen cheating firsthand and it doesn't stop. And you take
your cheating guy back once, it's a license to continue
to do it period.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Right, you just said like, here's carpe blanche, go ahead,
keep doing it.
Speaker 3 (38:33):
I'm okay, yeah, And so I'm with I'm with you
on I'm with you on that. The cheating is my
kind of hot button, huge, huge red flag. It's like
stop in the track, that's a stop sign.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
So what about Keith Urban and you think those guys
are going to get back? I don't know.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
I mean I think that there's a better chance of
LORII and Massa than I do with Keith and Nicole.
I think that was probably in the works for a
long time, and then they just kind of made the announcement,
Like didn't some of the articles say they were already
living separate lives and keep dating and all of that stuff. Yeah, right, then.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
It's been settled, I know.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
But do you think they're going to get back together
because they've been together for so long?
Speaker 3 (39:22):
I don't know, because for so potentially they were living
probably more separate lives even when we thought they were
in their hated right, Like they're on movie sets and
music tours and you know a lot of that stuff
which creates kind of distance. I think that's a little
different than the people that are more in the day
to day weeds and navigating you know, life and kids
(39:45):
and money and all that stuff like together.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
I think it'd be so hard to be in a
relationship like that, where you're with someone that's one reason
why I'm not interested in dating anyone that's famous, because
I don't want to be like, left for three months
four months while they, you know, filming movie.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
I just couldn't do that.
Speaker 3 (40:01):
Well, that's your trust issue, though. What about what about
long because you'd be worried about their relationships with the coastar,
which I get I would too, write what about a
long distance relationship? Would you do that?
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Well, I'm kind of in that right now.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
Oh do tell.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
Yeah, so you know he lives in a different state.
Speaker 3 (40:17):
How many hours away?
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Three and a half hours?
Speaker 3 (40:21):
Is it airplane or are you able to do?
Speaker 2 (40:23):
Live?
Speaker 3 (40:24):
Okay, so it's not terrible.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
It's like going to the Hamptons.
Speaker 3 (40:27):
Oh okay, so that's not as bad as like LA
dating New York. I mean that, Remember you went out
that guy who lived in LA.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
Yes, I was just like and I liked him so much,
I just couldn't. I was like, this is this is impossible.
We will never be able to date.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
It's exactly, especially with your career, your kids, or your life,
it's just too hard to have long distance. I agree.
So am I allowed to ask how you met Was
this through an app?
Speaker 2 (40:50):
No? I met him through a friend. Can you believe
that I actually met him through a friend?
Speaker 3 (40:55):
Setups are the best? Yeah, And don't you think it
all drops in our lap as it should and when
it should. I always gave this to my friends, like
why are we forcing an issue? It's gonna the universe
is going to make it happen at the right time,
when we're ready.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
It's just funny because I was in such a bad
place and when he started texting me, I was I
wasn't really paying attention.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
I was like, what does he want with me? I
was like, I just am in this awful place.
Speaker 1 (41:22):
Is public, you know, I was cumulated publicly, as cheated on,
Like I was like, what does he want to do?
What does he want with me? And he's just been
so nice.
Speaker 3 (41:30):
It's nice trumps everything, Kelly. People that are devoted and
they calm our nervous systems and they show up like
this is what we need. Good for you calm.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
Your nervous system. Yes, that that's what I need. I
need to be calmed down.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
I don't need to be we don't want to be activated, right,
And I tend to respond to people who are like
dopamine hits right, like the activation is exciting to me.
And and no, that's the piece I got it worked on.
You know what I'm saying. But I don't know. I'm
really happy for you. I hope he has a cute
friend for me.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Yes, right, No, I mean you got to come to
New York. I know when I'm an away, I'm definitely
coming to see. I'm definitely coming to see. Okay, So
now we have some listener questions.
Speaker 3 (42:16):
These are my favorite.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
I love these, I know, and I was like, but
there's so everyone on the pod has been so great.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
So here's number one. So it's Denise from Scottsdale.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
She's going, I'm going on my first date since my
divorce next week and it's been it's a blind date.
Speaker 2 (42:31):
I haven't gone on a date in fifteen years.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
What's a good icebreaker that could spark good conversation.
Speaker 3 (42:38):
I'm going to take a play out of my best
friend's book, who is the most exactly like, for lack
of better word, vomits what's in her head? And I
think it's so refreshing. So she would get there and
she'd be like, oh my god, my first date in fifteen years.
Like I'm excited. I'm nervous right there. That breaks the
ice right instead of coming in as tending that like
(43:00):
she's like, yeah, I got this, like I've been doing
this all the time, Like she just kind of says it.
And that is the way to immediately come in be open, refreshing, vulnerable.
I mean, come on, a vulnerability piece is super super
important and authentic piece. So that's what I think she
should do.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
I love that. I think that's great advice. That is
that's amazing. Okay, here is another one. Matt from Tampa, Florida.
We're going all around, all over the map. I've been
single for six years at having fun. Three months ago
I got laid off my job. Oh now money's become tight.
I want to keep dating, but I can't wine and
dye women right now. What are some cheaper options I
(43:42):
can try for dates that will still be enjoyable.
Speaker 3 (43:45):
Oh, go to Trader Joe's, get a bottle of wine,
get some cool glasses, go to the beach and have
a cocktail like that.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Easy.
Speaker 3 (43:52):
I want to do that right easy. And the truth is,
is a girl a girl who who only wants to
be you know, taken to like the fanciest place. It's
not his girl. Anyways, he needs a girl who wants
to go do cool stuff. It doesn't cost money, like
go pick apples, right, I love that.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
Yeah, and then you're doing something together and like the
apples fall, and then there's like a funny you know,
now you have like a story, like like I like
that farmer's market date, apple picking, pumpkin patch. I like
the wine I do at the beach that's so good.
And by the way, Frigio's has great wine too.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
I mean, so.
Speaker 3 (44:35):
It's so easy. Or you can get to beverage is
the more and get like like on sale, buy one,
get two free or something. Right, it's so easy.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
All right, So Matt, good luck with that. We were
rooting for you. Okay, here's Jill from Norco, California.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
My husband of.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
Three years is getting remarried and so pissed off. I
haven't had a serious relation since they were divorced. Found
someone right away. Being single sucks. What can I do
for myself that will make me feel confident being in
the dating scene?
Speaker 3 (45:03):
Oh, let me tasting. I love this question. Okay, she's
got to get less angry. Okay, she has to clean
up how she's feeling on the inside, so the energy
that she is giving off will be open and inviting
and warm to people that she wants to go on dates.
It because right there you're reading this, she actually needs
to probably do a drug journey and do a Roto
(45:25):
Router of how she's feeling on the inside, and the
minute she cleans all that up, she'll she'll be fine.
She's got to stop focusing on his backyard and worry
about her.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
Own love that we goes for it. I totally agree.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
And I also think that, like one thing that happens
with a lot of women is that when they do
when they do it, when they're going to a breakup.
Speaker 2 (45:45):
They cut their hair. Do not cut your hair. Collar
your hair.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
Like go blonder, be go brunette like Carrie Bradshaw did.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
But do not cut your hair.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
She looks great, she never looks better. Yeah, game changer
her hair cut.
Speaker 1 (46:00):
Yeah, Pam Anderson also looks great. Just so yeah, but yeah,
do not cut your hair. That's like an absolute noe.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
Shannon from Boise, Idaho, I'm on my third marriage and
I finally found my person. I'm sixty three and my
husband I have a healthy sex life, okay, get it.
I know, like whoa okay, but it feels very routine
and boring. Oh okay, how can I make it more interesting?
And how can I talk about it with him without
hurting his feelings?
Speaker 3 (46:26):
First of all, it's all about presentation. She has to
save him, like how amazing that it's sixty three We're
still having sex like regularly. Then she should say how
fun would it be? I can wear a wig Betsy underwear.
You know, we can go you know, somewhere like public.
I mean, are you the fact that she comes from
the place of saying like we're winning, like at sixty three,
(46:49):
we want to have sex still the world is our oyster?
Speaker 2 (46:53):
Wait? Public? Like in the I got a public bathroom?
Speaker 3 (46:56):
What do you make a bucket list? That's hotously go
to be I mean we used to do it on
trips in high school and Hawaii when it was dark
on a beach to knock it out, Like they can
do it too, right, go to a park like it's
so fun. Good for them? I mean, honestly good for them.
Speaker 2 (47:14):
I know, like, what is she complaining about? She's having
a good time?
Speaker 3 (47:18):
Does he even need VIAGRAA? I mean, come on, this
is amazing.
Speaker 2 (47:22):
I think people get rested though when they're at parks
having sex, So I don't know, there should.
Speaker 3 (47:25):
Be no no. I mean, I think this world is
so uptight, so I think they just need to go
have fun, you know, or doing in a car, seriously
doing a car, go go park on a street after dinner.
I mean, there's so many fun things to.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
Do, everybody.
Speaker 3 (47:41):
We got a lightning. After we got a lightning, right,
do something out of the box if you want change,
be changed.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
Oh oh my drop. I love that we've covered so
much today.
Speaker 3 (48:00):
Thank you, we always do.
Speaker 2 (48:01):
We always have the best time together.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
I love seeing you, hearing where you are in your
life and you're always bringing such a unique and cool
perspective to these conversations. And thank you listeners for sending
in those questions. Do you have a question you want
us to answer, then the podcast is for you, so
call us or email us. All all the information is
in the show notes, follow us on socials, and make
(48:24):
sure you rate and review the podcast. I do Part
two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the
main objective.
Hosts And Creators
Ben Higgins
Ashley Iaconetti
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