10 Takes with Kyle Brandt: Christmas Day Special

Kyle has 10 Christmas Takes and still only has 10 minutes!

--Christmas Eve is the real holiday

--Egg Nog needs a rebrand

--I want to hang with Uncle Frank from Home Alone

--Cut down your tree

--and find some Neil Diamond Christmas Classics!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Ten Takes is a production of the NFL in partnership
with iHeartRadio. Merry Christmas, you guys, Happy Holidays. This is

(00:26):
ten takes and we give them in ten minutes. Today.
We do it in the twelfth month, the twenty fifth day,
wonderful time of year. And guess what I'm gonna do.
I'm going to give you ten Christmas takes. You think
I can't do it, you think I won't do it.
It's dead wrong, my friends. Ten Christmas Takes in ten minutes.

(00:47):
Let's start the clock. Take number one. Christmas Eve is
better than Christmas. It is. They're both great, they're both wonderful.
Christmas Eve is so special. Christmas Eve is when you're
going up the roller coaster, you know, when you're going

(01:08):
up the giant drop before you go down. You're going
up and go, and you got the butterflies in your stomach,
and there's magic and you can hire and hire, and
you're tapping your friends knee and you're, oh my god,
it's gonna be so great. That's Christmas Eve. Christmas Day
is fantastic and it's the payoff. But there's almost this
melancholy feel that happens Christmas afternoon Christmas evening, when you're like, wow,

(01:32):
it's over. Not only is it over, it's three hundred
and sixty five days away, three and sixty five days
of wait Christmas Eve. Get get a little little candy,
little drink, little movie. You're like, this is gonna be
the greatest night ever. And when you're a kid, Oh
my god, Christmas Eve, there's gonna be an actual set
of reindeer on top of my house tonights. It's really

(01:54):
gonna happen. He's gonna come down that chimney. It's so great.
The presents are awesome on Christmas, the idea that Sanna
is actually going to come to your home on Christmas Eve.
It's the best best holiday of the year, not Christmas
Christmas Eve. Take number two. Agnog is delicious. Eggnog is delicious.
Let me say it one more time. Eggnog is delicious.

(02:14):
I think we've arrived at this place. I talked about
this back on Halloween, where there's a polarizing treats for
each of the year ending holidays. For Halloween, you got
candy corn. People want to draw swords over candy corn.
For Thanksgiving, you got cranberry. Same deal for Christmas, we
got eggnog. And here's my take on eggnog. I like it.
I drink it once a year on Christmas Eve, Sprinkle

(02:35):
little nutmeg on top. Actually take it without booze, which
maybe people seen is crazy or lame. I don't need
the booze in it. There's plenty of other booze going
into my system. I like it without the booze. But
here's my take on eggnog. So much of the reason
that people aren't into it or are disgusted by it
is bad branding. Agnog needs the rebrand. Eggnog is two

(03:00):
disgusting words. When it comes to a drink. I don't
really want eggs might drink just on principle. I don't
even know what hell nog means. I never see that
word in any other context. I don't know n og.
Where does it come from? Is it short for something? Eggnog?
Six letters, three of them are g's, all of them
are disgusting together. You gotta rebrand, and I think of

(03:21):
something like at another holiday, McDonald's has the Shamrock shake. Now,
that's it. That's that old Ray Kroc magic, the Santa
Claus of fast food. Shamrock Shake in don't even really
know what it is. No, it's green. Think I kind
of want it because it's got a great brand. I
think Eggnog should rebrand as a Santa Shake. Would you

(03:41):
like a Santa Shake with all nug meg Yes? Hell? Yeah, dude,
you put a cinnamon stick into Yes, I can. Would
you like an eggnog? No, that's disgusting? All right? But
what if I told you it was a Santa Shake?
You know what, screw it, it's Christmas Eve. I think
I would like a Santa Shake, And if you want
to put some brandy in there, I wouldn't mind. Then
it's a drunken Santa Shake. I like it. That's my

(04:02):
idea new branding for Agnow, big eggnch the industry rebrand.
Your name is disgusting, your product is delicious. Take number three.
I want to hang with Uncle Frank from Home Alone.
I know he has looked at as the number one
Christmas villain. I know he's looked at his bigger villain
in the Home Alone movies than Harry and Marsh. I
used to feel that way. I saw that movie Home

(04:24):
Alone one when I was ten years old. Sot in
the theater. My entire life. I have watched it. Like
everybody else thinks, Uncle Frank is a jerk. He's mean,
he's cruel. As you get older, you're like, I kinda
like Uncle Frank. I kind of feel where Uncle Frank
is coming from. I was watching Home Alone two with
my kids the other day. There's a part where they're
still at the very beginning and mister McAllister says to Kevin, Kevin,

(04:46):
go in and take a shower, and kem says, I can't.
Uncle Frank is in there. He says, if I see
him naked, I'll grow up never feeling like a real man.
That is so damn funny. I laughed out loud. Imagine
saying that to your nephew. Hilarious. Frank and jerk, but
also like what are his greatest sins? Screams at Kevin,

(05:06):
look what you did, dear little jerk. Kevin is a
little jerk. Do not watch Kevin at the beginning of
Homelone want to be like man, I would never let
my kid talk to me that way. Frank's right, So
he wants to free champagne in first class. Who doesn't,
So he wants to steal the glasses whatever that ticket's expensive,
he didn't pay for Who cares. I just would like
to have a whiskey with Frank. I bet he's got
some takes. I bet he's a sports fan. I probably

(05:28):
have to pay for the whiskey for him, but I'd
be more than willing to. I go opposite as everybody
on Uncle Frank. You know what, I like him more
than the other adults in that movie. Don't get me
started on missus McAllister, who, as we know, should lose
their children. But that's been said before. You don't like
Uncle Frank. Can you even name any of the other
adults in that family? Do you know what their names are?
Uncle Frank's wife, no idea, Kevin's dad, no idea. I

(05:51):
don't know none of these other adults. The only one
that really makes any impression is Uncle Frank. You know
his name, you know what he stands for it. He's
a card's on the table type of guy. I like
Uncle Frank. Take number four A Wonderful Life on watchable,
unwatchable movie. Don't like it, don't care about it, didn't
watch it growing up? Respect Jimmy Stewart, Great Princeton Man,
the American movie star, years and years and years ago.

(06:14):
But I didn't watch it growing up. I didn't do it.
So by a couple of years ago, my wife are like,
you know, we should watch It's a wonderful life. It's
the classic American Christmas tale. Let's watch it. Half hour
in we're like, this is terrible. It's actually kind of morbid,
a little dark. They're a little mean to each other.
I don't like it. It's way too slow. I will
never watch it again. Unwatchable movie. If he didn't grow
up with it, it's just kind of grandfathered in. Unwatchable movie.

(06:35):
Take number five. If you're a Christmas tree type of
fella or lady, if you've never been able to do
the thing where you cut down your own Christmas tree,
if you can try it. We did it. We really
liked it. There's this little farm you go to. It's
like an hour drive away through the majestic majesty of
the wintery countryside. And sure you have to pay a
little more, but those Christmas tree lots you have to

(06:56):
pay so much more anyway, and you just point it
one and then a guy brings it to you. You
go to these places, you have a little hot chocolate,
you bundle up, they give you a saw and the
satisfaction you get. And I listen when you get down
on your hands and knees in the disgusting, cold, muddy
ground and start trying to saw down a tree. It's hard.
You are going to injure yourself. You are going to
be sore the next day. It sucks. It's very awkward
on the back and the shoulders and the knees. However,

(07:18):
when you finally get through and you feel that tree
go down, and you and your kids or whoever you're
with actually gets the yelled timber like you're a lumberjack,
very satisfying. That's when Christmas starts for us. If you
can do it, do it take number six. I only
have three and a half minutes left. I feel for you.
Elves on a shelf folks, I've never done that either.
We don't do the elves on a shell, But every
couple I know who does the elves on a shelves

(07:41):
is miserable. No one's like. We love it. We look
forward to it every day. It is a really special
part of our holiday. We will always do it. There's
always these these stories like they've been through numb or
something like they just hate it, so don't start it.
We have an elves presence in our family. Our elves
magically visit while the kids are away, when they're at school,

(08:02):
they're in the activity, and they'll come back to their
room and their window is wide open and it's all cold,
and there's a note and a little sort of a
gift from the elf, usually around mid December, and it says,
keep up the good work. I've been watching and the
ideas that the elf came in through the window and
escape and the kids lose their mind. They almost pee
their pants, they're so exciting and they never see the elves.
But we're not doing that off in the shelf. So
I feel it for you, guys. Take number seven Christmas Music.

(08:24):
You want some, you want some old fashion, You want
something that really hits you in the fields A Neil
Diamond Christmas. Neil Diamond Christmas. You know in Sweet Caroline,
maybe you know forever in blue Jeans. You haven't lived
until you've heard mister Diamond sing the Little Drummer Boy.
The way he hits you with the rub a bum
bum bum bum, which is known as atomanopia, but he

(08:49):
does it so beautifully. I love it so much. I
like Michael Boublay. I love Kelly Clarkson. Do you want
to turn back to clock a little bit? Neil Diamond Christmas.
There are two that he released, and I like the
first one. His version of Rudolph the Reindeer is hilarious
because Neil Diamond starts like editorializing in the middle of it,
just riffing in the studio and he'll be like, hey,

(09:10):
well it means so mean to root uph just because
he's a little different. It's awesome. You gotta kneel down Christmas.
I listen, do it every year. Take number eight. I
don't like the Christmas bags. They're just not the same.
By the bags, I mean the gift bags. And I know,
I think the hot thing now and my wife's usually
on this beat that it's the wrapping paper is not
good for the environment, and I get it. Yeah, I

(09:30):
don't want to open a bag. I like a wrap gift.
I like to tear it open. I like to find
the little seam or pull it out. I like to
we'll find out where the tape is the bag. You
open it up, you pull it out. There's some perfunctory
tissue paper and then this chunky thing at the bottom
in this it's just not the same match. Plus, if
a wood burning fireplace, and I like to take the
wrapping paper and put it in the fireplace and make
a raging inferno so hot it melts the chocolate and

(09:52):
the stockings. That's what I like to do. Take number nine.
Gift cards are a huge win. I don't look at
the gift cards as the second class citizen of Christmas giving.
That's money. Baby. If you're a kid and you get
a gift card, so like game Stop or Apple or whatever,
great you're telling me instead of picking out what I want,
I'm just gonna take this after donal being presence and
go and just buy something that is exactly what I want.

(10:14):
Give it to me every single time our back steakhouse.
I don't care give me a gift card. Last thirty seconds.
Take number ten on Christmas. I am so appreciative of you.
This is a very special take for Take number ten.
Very appreciative of you. It's surreal to me that there
are so many options and so many podcasts, so many
podcasts you right now you decided you're gonna click on

(10:37):
this one. And not only you're gonna listen to it.
You're gonna listen all the way to the end. That
is so meaningful to me, so special, so sweet. I
thank you so much. Have a very happy holiday and
Merry Christmas. We'll do this again in the new year.
I love you, guys, Thank you, See you next time.
Woo ten Take is a production of the NFL in

(11:06):
partnership with iHeartRadio. For more iHeartRadio pods, go to the
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