July 29, 2025 • 41 mins
Jennie sits down with Melissa Gilbert for a raw conversation about aging on her own terms and choosing authenticity over perfection. From navigating fame and dating famous men (hello, Rob Lowe!) at a young age to walking away from Hollywood (literally) and its beauty standards, Melissa shares pivotal moments that reshaped her life.
It's an inspiring reminder that reinvention doesn’t have an expiration date and choosing yourself can happen at any age.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garle.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Everyone, welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all
about the choices we make, and today I'm sitting down
with someone who has made a lifetime of powerful choices,
both in front of the camera and far beyond it.
If you grew up watching Little House on the Prairie,
like I did, you already know the impact Melissa Gilbert
(00:29):
has had on generations of women. But today I have
the privilege to talk with the real woman behind Laura Ingalls,
who was and is such a role model for me,
both as a young actor and now as a businesswoman
and industry leader. Trust me, she is a powerhouse. Melissa.
I'm so excited that you are here. Why is Okay?
(00:54):
First of all, I understand that you have or may
have had a rooster named Fauci.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
We did, we got we got our first batch of
chickens and our rooster who we named Fauci in twenty twenty.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Okay, and yeah, that is so crazy. I have to
show you a picture. I have a dog named Fauci.
Here's to see how much he like doctor Fauci.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
I do see that, Yes, I do see that.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Pandemic. Here's here's another angle. Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Oh yeah, no, even more so.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
That one's almost better, so good. I don't know if
I named him because it was the pandemic and all
I was hearing was doctor Fauji Foudi, Fauchi Bauchi. But
I really one day just looked into my dog's eyes
and thought, oh my god, you look like Fauci And
that's his name. Now do you think he ever expected
to be having pets named after him?
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I don't you know what I would imagine compared to
the other things that have been after him.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
That's the goody good point. Good point. Okay, So obviously,
since you have chickens, you are out of LA. I'm
so jealous. What was the decision for you to get
the heck out of Dodge? How did you come to
choose that big change in your life?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Yeah? I left LA quite a while ago when I
married my husband, Tim Bussfield. When we met, he was
he had moved back to his home state of Michigan,
and so when we met, that's where he was living.
And when he told me that, I said, that's great,
Please get me out of LA. Oh nice, Yeah, I
have to go somewhere I can age and that.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
So pathetic that we have to move from our homeland.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
I know, to eight Justine. So we moved to Michigan.
We were there for five years and it was amazing.
It was so different and peaceful and grounding and you know,
the beginning of a marriage to have that time together.
And our kids are grown, so we only had one
(03:03):
at home still just for a little while. So it
was a really great kind of honeymoon period. But it
was also a really great time for me to really
kind of land into my own skin. We were there
for those five years, and when those five years were up,
you know, we started doing this thing where we would say,
(03:24):
what do you want to do this weekend? Let's go
to New York. Where do you want to where do
you want to go have dinner? Somewhere in New York
And so we started leaning towards New York again. And
we went to New York City and had rented them
like an Airbnb, a verbo for a month or so
just to kind of feel things out. And I got
a play oh yeah, which was really really fun. And
(03:47):
so we made the decision to move to New York.
So when we moved to the city. The first thing
we said is we need air and space. We started
looking for property in the Catskills and we found where
I am now this what was a kind of beaten
down old hunting cabin, seasonal, no heat. It was so
(04:07):
bad that when we would leave the place, we would
have to drain the water out so the pipes wouldn't explode.
And we renovated. As you could see. We put in heat,
we insulated, we put in new plumbing, and it was
ready for us to enjoy in December of twenty nineteen.
(04:28):
So on March thirteenth, twenty twenty, when everyone locked down,
we came up here and everything flipped and this became
home nice and the scene is now the place we
go for theater, doctors and sushi, basically perfect.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
They have a lot of all of those.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Things, Yes they do. They have quite a few. And
you know, since we've been up here, now we've now
bought the land next door. So now we have forty acres.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Yeah, we're starting to develop that. We have our second
batch of chickens. We have a lot of wildlife up here.
We lost we had a terrible incident with a raccoon,
a few weeks ago.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
So I think I heard about on your Instagram. I
I feel your pain. They just come in and kill things,
rip them apart, and leave them.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Yeah. I actually had one do that in my house,
my last house in La in Tarzana, in the flats
at dusk while I was in the ark, jumped the fence,
killed one of my dogs in front of me, and left.
Oh it was horrible. They're they're they're so cute, but
they're so awful. They're just jerk.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
They're just little demons, they really are. We have we
have bad experiences with raccoons people.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Sorry, Yeah, I know. Yeah, And I worked with one
on little house when I was a kid, and I
loved that one. But that was a trained hand fed,
oh baby raccoon.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Do you think that little, trained handfeld baby could ever
turn on you and just like lash out? Oh?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Sure, I mean they're wild, any wild animal, they're wild animals.
I I just I can't imagine that. You know, they
don't want to do that. So consequently, now I'm I
have five chicks in the living room in a bruder
that I'm andrewising. Now, So that's that's what.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
You are living? My dream life. I just want to
say that you've gotten out of LA. You're living with
your third husband. High I'm my third husband, and it
sounds like your life is amazing.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
But it's great.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
The animals and the nature. I'm really jealous, but I'm happy,
but I'm jealous.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Thank you. It's really magical up here, and I have there.
There are a couple of deer that come around every
day that come for apples, and they've been visiting now
for a year, and then I had one. I had
a third one that had been visiting that just came
back with a baby. And we've got gorgeous breath taking
eagles up here and all kinds of fun things like.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Bigs, bears, Oh my, oh my, no, why in deepa
I have? I have a question to ask you then,
because you sound like mother nature herself what I have.
Yesterday I was watering my roses and I saw a
deer that had been there the day before, and she
(07:14):
just stands there and like watches guard. So I thought, okay,
that's a mommy, and she's watching guard from the coyotes
so if they don't get her baby. Then I saw
her kind of go into this brushy area and then
she came out with a baby, a tiny little fawn
with the dots on it. Still it was barely walking,
and Melissa, I was so happy. But then my happiness
(07:37):
crashed because I noticed that the baby had a broken leg.
It has a broken leg. It couldn't it couldn't keep
up with her, and she would go far ahead, and
he would try and try, and finally he was like
hobbling and he kept following her. But if I see
them again, should I take that baby deer to the vet?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
It's very very hard. I learned this because I've I
actually picked a deer up off the road, a fawn
off the road that had been hit by a car,
and it didn't survive. But they they're very very delicate,
and any kind of trauma they have, they have sort
(08:18):
of an instinctive reaction where their bodies just start to
shut down. So capturing the baby deer might even be
more traumatic. I would what, I there are deer people
all around, they're deer rescues. I'm there all over La too,
and L like.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
This is sounds like a better idea than me trying
to scale the mountain to save the deep baby deer.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
I would call a specifically a deer rescue and explain
what's going on because that baby, the mom's probably going
to reject it at some point and it's going to
eat formula, milk care hydration. They're just they're really fragile.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Okay, I'm going to do that right after this podcast.
Thank you for your advice. Well, let's talk about relationships
for a second. Like you said, you're married to Timothy Busfield.
He's your third husband. He was in obviously Everybody, he
was in thirty something, West Wing just a name too.
This guy has worked forever. What a great actor.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Really, and you've talked about marriage. I love when I
have somebody on my podcast that you know, I find
these synchronicities with in our lives, even though we've never
really hung out and we've never really known each other.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
I know.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
It's so cool because you said that he is your
healing and stabilizing chapter.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Yeah, that's true. There's there's a groundedness to this marriage
of ours and a comfort level. And I think it's
part and parcel of the fact that it's a partnership
that we do everything with the other one in mind,
(09:55):
and we are very considerate of one another, extreamly We
respect each other immensely, and so there are no decisions
that are made singularly. Everything is discussed shared, and there's
so much comfort in that, and it's so much gentler
(10:18):
and easier. And he is just a really spiritual, grounded,
easygoing guy. I mean, you know, we all have our moments,
but there's so few and far between with both of us.
Even our arguments are constructive. Okay, good, Yeah, which is
new for me. You know, arguing for me was for
(10:41):
a long large part of my life something to be
afraid of and then something that I did really badly.
Once I found my voice, I picked too many fights
just to have them. And and now our arguments are
are I mean, when we have them, they're you know,
they can get they can get really heated, but we
usually end up laugh and then sitting down and talking
(11:02):
it through and it never lasts for more than a
couple hours. Max. What did you guys meet, Well, we
actually first met many many, many many years ago in
the eighties, and then we re met in the nineties,
and then now we've been together for thirtyteen years.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Wow. Wow, Wow, that's incredible. Congrats, Wow.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Thanks.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Do you think that each of your marriages was made
for the moment that you are, that you were in No.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Yeah, absolutely, I think it fit with who I was
at that time and with whatever was going on in
my own Not to get too cycling, but healing journey
from you know, the trauma of the family of origin
stuff in childhood. And you know, as as time has
gone by, I think I've I've become just more healed,
(11:59):
which it's more grounded and a lot less dysfunctional. Maybe.
I mean, you know, I'm always going to be a banana.
I mean that's just there's no there's no why I
love you.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Yeah, I'm the best banana spirit ever.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
I'm a Carnie. You know, we we've grown up in
this business. I've grown up in it, my multi generational
family has, and so you know, I will jump to
jazz hands given any opportunity. But I've learned how to
set boundaries. I've learned how to hold those boundaries, and
(12:38):
I've learned the most important thing, I think, and it's
come later in life, is real patience.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
It seems like we learned so much in after our fifties.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Well, yeah, I think that's that's valid, and I think
that it's a really important time, especially for women, because
all of that other stuff is sort of out of
the way our bodies are. Yeah, they're doing things, but
they're not doing the same thing that drive to work
or have kids and the hormones and that that sort
(13:11):
of push is gone, at least for me. There's a
there's a more of a relaxedness and more of an
ease and uh, it takes a lot to ruffle me
these days too. You know, I just don't. I don't,
I don't give up. It's as I was gonna say, fuck,
(13:35):
I fully.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Fully feel you, you know what I mean, Like I
I'm not interested in arguing. I'm not interested in wasting
any of more of my precious time doing things that
don't make me happy or make people around me happy exactly.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
You know, there's some validity to the Marie condo and
sparking joy. If it doesn't spark joy for anybody, then
there's no point. There's no and tiny talk and going
to things you don't want to go to if you
don't have to, doing things you don't want to do
if you don't have to. You know, this is the
last third of our lives, and I think we have
earned the right to live at the way we choose to.
(14:13):
We've earned the right to our opinions and our ideas,
and that deserves some respect. Just the fact that we're here, productive, vital,
vibrant women.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yeah. I mean sometimes I'll look at myself and the
maryor and I'll think, wow, you did it. You kept
yourself alive, and you kept three little kids alive. You're
doing all right.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Yeah, yeah, it's amazing. And then when the grandkids come.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Wait, that's how many grand kids you have?
Speaker 2 (14:45):
We have nine?
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Oh my god, that's a lot.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Well, we have a lot of kids all together. We
have seven. I have four boys, and Tim has two
boys and a girl whoa. And then one of our
boys married a woman who already had three grown boys,
so those became like big boys. And then there's all
the littles. I mean, the littlest one is just over
a year, probably closer to exteen months of yea, yeah me, oh,
(15:12):
they are they are. I I can't wait. It's so
great to have little people like that around. And I've
made it very clear to all of the kids that
my job is to say yes, so don't expect me
to ever say no. Nana does not say no, I
say to everything, Nanna, that's Nana.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
That's so cute. I can't wait to be a Nana.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
It's really good. It's really good. Actually, they've all the
kids kind of call me different things. Nana is one
chunk of the kids, and then the other there's another
whole section of them that call me Granny Mel.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Granny Mel, Nana and Granny. Those are winners.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
It's so good, so good.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
You and I both had our earliest relationships in the spotlight. It's,
oh yeah, hard enough to navigate a relationship when you're
young like that without Hollywood. But you were with Robolo
and for me my second husband, who they were both
(16:21):
on a path to fame and celebrity. Talk to me
about that and what you learned about yourself through that.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I guess looking back on that those six years, I mean,
I I was such a baby when when when rob
and I were together, we're were like seventeen, right seventeen,
and we broke up for the last time when we
were twenty three, and it was very tumultuous, you know,
it was there was a lot of I felt like
(16:55):
a bit of an old stage in the in the
business at that point because I'd been doing it for
so long, and I was still on Little House on
the Prairie when we met, and it had already, you know,
had been years, and he was sort of starting out.
He'd done a little bit of television, and so I
was able to sort of sit back and watch this
meteoric rise happen. I don't think I think I was
(17:19):
prepared for the stuff they came with it. Necessarily. I
was prepared for all of the like having to go
to premieres and things and award shows and all of that,
but I wasn't prepared for the fandom, and frankly, the
girls and that sort of you know. To me, I
(17:40):
always thought that every every girl and woman was my sister.
We were sisters, we you know, But it was not
evident at all when when I were a couple. I mean,
it was like I didn't exist. They just pushed right
past me and stick phone numbers in his pockets and stuff.
And that was to say, it was disconcer is doing it?
(18:01):
Is it doing it? A big disservice? It was, and horrible.
I think I learned a lot about what didn't work
for me actually and what I wouldn't stand for later on.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Those are some of the most valuable lessons.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Well, yeah, they hurt their heart to learn, as they
usually are born of heartbreak and angst. But those are
really valuable and important lessons. And yeah, that it was.
You know, we had some really, really, really fun times.
But in looking back, I look at the way my
life is so easeful now, I look at it back then,
(18:39):
and I feel like I was like my shoulders were
always up by my ears, always waiting for the next
shoe to drop, or something bad to happen, or some
I don't know, something untoward or gross or yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Yeah, do you feel like because you said you started
out thinking all women were your sisters? And yeah, I
don't know that I started out that way just because
I started acting young too, and I was thrust into
this competitive, you know, dog eat dog world where it's
every man for him self, man woman child for themselves.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Do you think that the industry had you feeling like
that or for other reasons too, or was.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
It just I think I was just I was a
bit of a gidget. I always assumed everyone would be
my friend. Why not I want to be their friends?
Why not be my friend? I didn't understand professional jealousy
because I didn't really feel it, but I was definitely
on the receiving end of it from other young actresses
and other young actresses I was working with, and it
(19:50):
I was taken aback by it, and I you know,
I was a bit of a puppy about it. I
would still come running up, you know, like you want
to play, want to play, and then get smacked back.
It didn't really stop me until I think I hit
puberty and I was like, I'm not gonna play anymore.
I don't. I should clear this person does not want
to hang out with me, and I've got friends, I've
(20:10):
got a life. I don't need this doing her loss.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
But I always gave everyone the benefit of the doubt start.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Yeah, got hurt a lot, but I made some really
wonderful friends along with still friends today.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
So that's that's good. That's incredible. Yeah, you didn't go
to high school, you didn't go to regular Well, I.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Was sort of. I mean I went to school on
the set, but I actually I went to the Buckley
Oh really Yeah. From my whole school career, as they
call it, from the grade they have called reading readiness,
which is like their version of kindergarten all the way
through my senior year, and then when I eventually, I
(20:56):
mean I would do commercials and stuff as a little kid,
and then when I got little, so I just corresponded
the same assignments and work. And then when we were
on hiatus, if I wasn't working, which was the first
couple of years, I would go back to school for
three months, three four months.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
How was it when you went back to school?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Oh, it was odd. I mean, it wasn't bad when
I was little because most of the kids in my
class had been in my class since yeah, it kindergarten essentially,
and so we all knew each other. We'd all had
birthdays together, we all grew up together. It was it
wasn't until junior high and high school that it got
(21:33):
kind of uncomfortable because I was this weird combination too
of really awkward because I was super sheltered. So rather
than like most a lot or a lot I should say,
of Hollywood kids who grew up really fast, I was
the opposite. I was still wearing Mary Jane's when I
(21:54):
was seventeen.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
Do you think that's because you were sheltered being so
young in the industry and being on sets and just
kind of people treating you a certain way.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
I think that, and I think it was a conscious
decision on my mother's part to shield me from as
much of the craziness as possible, because it was it
was inevitable that that would happen, so she really kind
of built a wall around me to keep me young.
So I would go back to school and I would
be really kind of dorky and then also but famous,
(22:34):
so weird, so awkward, so strange that kids didn't know
how to talk to me. And to top it off,
I had really bad I had a really bad overbite.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Legendary, legendary, iconic. Everybody wanted that.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Yeah, well, and so I had retainers and stuff. But
when we'd go on hiatus, i'd have braces and and
neck gear, so I wore that to school. That didn't help.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
I'm getting the jull now.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Right, even even to the point where, like we wore uniforms,
which is a great sort of evil fool. Girls wore
ankle socks, and my mom made me wear knee socks.
So there I was my knee socks, my skirt was
extra long, and my neck gear and I was awkward
and famous, so no one knew what the heck to
(23:22):
do with me when.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Oh god, I love this teenage little preteen Melissa so.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Much, angsty squid, I was just an angsty I would
slay on the floor in my room with my stereo
on and my headphones and listen to janis Ian's at
seventeen over and over.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
And did you have siblings?
Speaker 2 (23:43):
I do have a brother and a sister, and I've
had step brothers and stepsisters.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Lot, what's your birth order?
Speaker 2 (23:50):
I'm first, You're the first, You're the oldest. First, My
brother Jonathan, who was also on Little House with me,
is second, and my sister Sarah, the mini mogul and
the family, is the youngest.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
So I'm asking because for my daughter's my oldest, very
similar story to you, the neck, the headgear and the
socks and just the sweet innocence, but complete like dorkiness.
What about Sarah since.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Sarah was Oh, I was eleven when Sarah was born,
so I was basically like another little mother. I had
them put her nursery next to my room. I was
so excited to have a baby sister. I would come
home from work and feed her and change her and
dress her and play with her, and she was she
(24:42):
She was the darling of the family. She was also
a really tough kid because she was really, really smart.
She's still obviously she's genius, but even when she was little,
she was a lot to deal with. She was fun
and funny and why killed, and wicked and curious and
(25:04):
a little bit zany, So having her around was really
really fun. She grew up in a completely different household
than I did, though, because there's so many years between us.
But there was like a changing of the guard. My
parents got divorced when I was six, My father cast away,
my mother remarried my sister's dad, and they were She
(25:27):
was a different parent with my sister.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Yep, that's what's happened in my family too. And like
they say, you've raised the Fiona, the youngest one, so
differently than you raised me. I hear that, and I'm like, ooh,
well yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Probably, yeah, And I get it now that I have kids,
and they'll get it when they have kids.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
When I was when I was a girl, I wasn't
allowed to have a television in my room. I didn't
get the television in my room till I was sixteen.
And when I got the television in my room, everybody
else got televisions in their room too. They didn't have
to wait till they sixteen. Yeah, just because my parents
didn't want to hear how come I don't have one too?
You know, it was just easier to give everyone a television.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
But did you ever go through that resentful stage where
you were like, this sucks. I had to jump through
all these hoops and be, you know, not get all
the things, and you just come here and get everything.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Yeah? Yeah, I mean no, resentful of my siblings so.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Much hair are your parents? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Just mad at them because it seemed just wildly unfair. Yeah,
but I get it now, and I you know, I mean, look,
these things are the least of my issues in this one.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
That's so true in your book Prairie Tale, you said,
no matter how many people told me I was pretty,
I just couldn't see it. I kept measuring myself against
some imaginary ideal I could never live up to. Where
(26:58):
do you think that ideal came from?
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Actually, I come from a family of extremely glamorous women.
They're like gbore level glamorous, and I think that's true
for them too. I think they were always there was
always someone prettier, thinner, taller, blonder, or successful, better, better husband, whatever.
(27:27):
There was always sort of I think I probably absorbed
a bit of that by osmosis, and I think it
was compounded by the sort of knock kneat, neckgear, freck
face buck to kind of girlishness, which isn't actually now
a strength of mine because she's still in there and
(27:50):
it's only one years old to have that come out
and just help me to, you know, play with the
grandchildren or be completely goofy or open in a performance
because I'm have no fear anymore. I think it has
served me. But I think a lot of that I
saw in the adults around me. And then on top
(28:10):
of it, you know, I'm on set with all of
these people who are in their adults, who are competing
with one another and being pitted against and up for
the same roles and hearing about who got what that
they wanted and they didn't get. So it was sort
of endemic and all around me.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Yeah, that can totally relate. Yeah, it's I think the
industry really kind of does a number on people who
absorb that messaging.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
It's a problem and you know, actually it's sort of
I mean it's so part and parcel to to all
of the external stuff. It's now permeated everything. Like I
think I even talked in that book, and I've talked
to my other books, and I blogged about this too.
But you know, we do a lot of cross country
driving and it never ceases to amaze me when you're
(29:02):
driving on highways through rural Iowa. Fast food restaurant ads, billboards,
fast food restaurant, fast food, restaurant, freeze, the fat liposuction BBL,
fast food.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Yeah, it's bombarded. The young girls today are just bombarded with.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
With the images of the surgically enhanced fixed. I mean,
good on them that they can do it, but that
that's the ideal really really makes me nervous for my granddaughters.
And I'm you know, I'm I I hope that I'll
be able to influent when them enough to say, you know,
(29:46):
that's actually not real, that's not the fix you're looking for.
You don't want to be an influencer. Let's let's center
sits a little higher, daughter. So it's challenging.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
Yes, I'm sure, how did you begin to choose yourself
with all of that and how did you begin to
love the way you look?
Speaker 2 (30:14):
It probably really hit me right about like after my
divorce from Bruce box Lightner. I was sort of at
peak filler Botox, big boobs. It was. I was like
at the apex of that. And I looked at myself
(30:38):
in the mirror one day or no, no, no, I
looked at a picture of myself. It was a paparazzi
photo from some event, and it startled me and I thought,
oh my god, that's not who I am or who
I wanted to be. And so I really I made
a decision to kind of back off all of that,
to see what was underneath it and to figure out
(31:00):
who I was. And then I met Tim a while
after that, and I started expressing this to him, and
he was like, all for it. Please don't do that,
Please don't put anything in your face. First of all,
I can't tell how you're feeling. Second of all, you
don't look like you. And then when I went to
him and I said, I really want to take out
my breast implants permanently. I want to go. I want
(31:23):
I don't want them anymore. I don't want to have
to think about them. I don't want to have to,
you know, make a decision in my eighties to have
them replaced. I just want it done. I want my
body back to what it was. I want to feel
strong and healthy as I age now. And his immediate
reaction was, do it, Let's do it, Let's find the
best surgeon in Michigan, Let's get it done. And we did.
(31:45):
And so that's just really enforced. That's then I stopped
coloring my hair, and then I stopped dressing for other
people and dressing for myself and really figuring out, you know,
who this person was that I was. I knew I
was on the inside. I wanted the outside to match.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
That is so inspiring and incredible.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
Oh, bless you, Thank you so much. I feel I
feel good. You know. I still I take really good
care of myself.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
I eat. Yeah, I was gonna say, you're You're always
going to be gorgeous until the end of time. That's sweet,
But yeah, what do you do now to take care
of yourself and stay healthy and vibrant.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
I do a lot of yoga. It's my favorite exercise.
I think at this age too, it's really helpful for
you know, osteoporosis and the flexibility is important. I drink
a lot of water. I take really good care of
my skin, wear sunscreen, which I always have my whole life. Anyway.
(32:56):
I eat as well as to be expected. I try
to eat as cleanly as possible. But I don't deny myself.
If I want to have a shark heuteri plate, I
have a sharkutery plate. If I want a big bolopasta,
I have a big bola pasta. I just don't do
it all the time. I get a lot of sleep,
and I stay away from things that make me uncomfortable
(33:18):
and unhappy as much as.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Yeah, you gotta hang out with joy that makes you
look good.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
It really does. It changes your whole being being happy.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
It really does. And you're sobriety. You you're you've been
sober for a long time.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
A whild and very very focused on on being present too,
you know, not numbing out to the things that are
around me and not feeling feelings, which is sometimes not
very fun but important to get through the other side.
Otherwise they well up and come out at the wrong
(33:59):
time and the wrong way. And I don't want to
do that anymore either, So I just hear a little
wiser I don't know.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Yeah, no, you are, it is, that's what happens.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
Yeah, hopefully, thank god.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
Yeah, I'm like, thank you for just making me a
more present, more joyful person as I've gotten older because
I was not you know, I didn't know who I
was for so so long.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
I get it, I really, and that the feeling of
inadequacy and you know, well it's hard. It's really so
much pressure.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
So much pressure. And I guess we do it to ourselves.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
But we're expected to. I mean, if everybody else is too.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
I know, how do you? Yeah, it takes a lot
of bravery to pave your own road, it really does.
And I love seeing people out there that are doing that.
I love you know. I've talked to a lot of women,
and a lot of women are at least cutting back
on alcohol or have stopped drinking it. I stopped drinking
alcohol a couple of years ago.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
Now, fantastic.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
I feel so much better for it. And yeah, not
just like you know, physically, but emotionally and mentally different person.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Yeah, well you know that that that that guilt. I mean,
there's no other way to there's no other word for
it is gone of you know. And and then not
remembering what happened or what you said, or then remembering
what you did or what you said, and it's you know,
not who you are. It's just if we want to
(35:49):
be authentically who we are, we can't. We can't. Is
that take us away from that? And they lose your everything,
your spiritual connection. You're ground in a connection to yourself.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
Do you ever have like moments of weakness? Like how
do you keep yourself on the path?
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Gosh, it's been such a long time. I think staying
saying present in the moment and really honestly avoiding really
uncomfortable situations. And when I see uncomfortable situations, the ones
that make me make my skin crawl, I like what like?
Speaker 1 (36:26):
What like?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
I'm not really great at a big Hollywood to do.
I never remember I don't like them. I couldn't do
them unless I was really altered. Yes, I just I
get embarrassed. I'm also a really big fan. I love
films and television and theater, and so when I am
(36:48):
in a room full of people I admire, I get
like scared and nervous and shy and uncomfortable. I always
assume no one's gonna know me or remember me, and
I just I don't. I don't like getting all dressed up.
I don't. It's not I don't. It's like the height
of that whole competitive thing too. Yeah, and stand a
(37:11):
certain way and the expectations are all there. I just
those are the things that I would prefer to avoid
if I. If I do go to anything, I won't
go alone. I'll always go with Tim because he'll make
me laugh all the time and that makes me feel
so much more comfortable. Yeah. So the things like that,
(37:32):
that that that's the kind of stuff that I don't
like really.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
Yeah, because then you just get so anxious and so
kind of out of body that you're like, oh, I
wish I could just have a drink, like.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Watching every word that I say because I'm afraid I'm
gonna say sounding dumb. So I just I'd rather just
avoid those things if I can. I mean, I'll go
way have to.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
But yeah, I wasn't born for this.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
No, no, me, neither me neither. It's again, and it's
more of that tiny talk. It's all those irrelevant, little
snippets of conversation with people you don't really know that
don't change anything or do anything. They used to tell
us to go to those things because networking was important.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
He'll tell us.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
That it's not sure, it doesn't make a difference. No
one's going to see you at his screening and go, ah,
I'm gonna put her in my next film.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
You really believe that, Okay, because I've always been told
that I don't network. I don't, you know, put myself
out there. I literally stay home in garden all the time.
And I've always felt guilty or somehow like why am I?
Why can't I do that? I must be a failure
at this like and making you feel better to know
(38:50):
that you feel that way too.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
Yeah, And I just don't. I just I honestly I
believe that if some wonderful job is meant to happen,
it's going to come. Whether I'm on a red carpet
or not.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
That's true. If it's meant to be, it will happen.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
If it's meant to be, it's gonna happen. There's no
need to to pursue it in that way. It just
a little just makes me just talking gives me.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Okay, we'll stop talking about it because I don't want
to talk about it either. Okay, Before I let you go,
Melissa Gilbert, what was your last I Choose me moments?
Speaker 2 (39:26):
My last I Choose me moment. It's kind of a
daily thing. I I I have a bubble bath every
day and that's where I read whatever book I'm reading.
I sit in the bath, I turn on music. I
(39:48):
close the door. One dog lays next to me. The
other dog is not allowed in because she's too splashy
and loud. The quiet dog lays in there in the
bathroom with me. I close the door. Sometimes I have
tea usually, and I sit in the bubble bath and
I read every day.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
That is glorious. Such a simple thing, but it's soul.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
But it's so decompressing and it gets me out of
my head and it gets me in my imagination and
it's relaxing and constructive, and it feels pampering.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
It really does, because the upkeep is real, like, oh.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
Yeah, things are following the bark. Sometimes I feel like
like molehan and miracles stream and death becomes like its
flaking and falling off. That is important bath or important.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
And the moisturizer after them always important.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Moisturizer and Sun's Green become your two best friends as
you ag yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
I read somewhere that someone said reading twenty minutes a
day can lower your blood pressure, lower your risk of
heart disease, all kinds of things.
Speaker 2 (41:04):
Well, there, there you go, I'll take it.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
Thank you so much for being on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
Thank you, Bye bye,
You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garle.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Everyone, welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all
about the choices we make, and today I'm sitting down
with someone who has made a lifetime of powerful choices,
both in front of the camera and far beyond it.
If you grew up watching Little House on the Prairie,
like I did, you already know the impact Melissa Gilbert
(00:29):
has had on generations of women. But today I have
the privilege to talk with the real woman behind Laura Ingalls,
who was and is such a role model for me,
both as a young actor and now as a businesswoman
and industry leader. Trust me, she is a powerhouse. Melissa.
I'm so excited that you are here. Why is Okay?
(00:54):
First of all, I understand that you have or may
have had a rooster named Fauci.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
We did, we got we got our first batch of
chickens and our rooster who we named Fauci in twenty twenty.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Okay, and yeah, that is so crazy. I have to
show you a picture. I have a dog named Fauci.
Here's to see how much he like doctor Fauci.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
I do see that, Yes, I do see that.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Pandemic. Here's here's another angle. Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Oh yeah, no, even more so.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
That one's almost better, so good. I don't know if
I named him because it was the pandemic and all
I was hearing was doctor Fauji Foudi, Fauchi Bauchi. But
I really one day just looked into my dog's eyes
and thought, oh my god, you look like Fauci And
that's his name. Now do you think he ever expected
to be having pets named after him?
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I don't you know what I would imagine compared to
the other things that have been after him.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
That's the goody good point. Good point. Okay, So obviously,
since you have chickens, you are out of LA. I'm
so jealous. What was the decision for you to get
the heck out of Dodge? How did you come to
choose that big change in your life?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Yeah? I left LA quite a while ago when I
married my husband, Tim Bussfield. When we met, he was
he had moved back to his home state of Michigan,
and so when we met, that's where he was living.
And when he told me that, I said, that's great,
Please get me out of LA. Oh nice, Yeah, I
have to go somewhere I can age and that.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
So pathetic that we have to move from our homeland.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
I know, to eight Justine. So we moved to Michigan.
We were there for five years and it was amazing.
It was so different and peaceful and grounding and you know,
the beginning of a marriage to have that time together.
And our kids are grown, so we only had one
(03:03):
at home still just for a little while. So it
was a really great kind of honeymoon period. But it
was also a really great time for me to really
kind of land into my own skin. We were there
for those five years, and when those five years were up,
you know, we started doing this thing where we would say,
(03:24):
what do you want to do this weekend? Let's go
to New York. Where do you want to where do
you want to go have dinner? Somewhere in New York
And so we started leaning towards New York again. And
we went to New York City and had rented them
like an Airbnb, a verbo for a month or so
just to kind of feel things out. And I got
a play oh yeah, which was really really fun. And
(03:47):
so we made the decision to move to New York.
So when we moved to the city. The first thing
we said is we need air and space. We started
looking for property in the Catskills and we found where
I am now this what was a kind of beaten
down old hunting cabin, seasonal, no heat. It was so
(04:07):
bad that when we would leave the place, we would
have to drain the water out so the pipes wouldn't explode.
And we renovated. As you could see. We put in heat,
we insulated, we put in new plumbing, and it was
ready for us to enjoy in December of twenty nineteen.
(04:28):
So on March thirteenth, twenty twenty, when everyone locked down,
we came up here and everything flipped and this became
home nice and the scene is now the place we
go for theater, doctors and sushi, basically perfect.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
They have a lot of all of those.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Things, Yes they do. They have quite a few. And
you know, since we've been up here, now we've now
bought the land next door. So now we have forty acres.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Yeah, we're starting to develop that. We have our second
batch of chickens. We have a lot of wildlife up here.
We lost we had a terrible incident with a raccoon,
a few weeks ago.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
So I think I heard about on your Instagram. I
I feel your pain. They just come in and kill things,
rip them apart, and leave them.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Yeah. I actually had one do that in my house,
my last house in La in Tarzana, in the flats
at dusk while I was in the ark, jumped the fence,
killed one of my dogs in front of me, and left.
Oh it was horrible. They're they're they're so cute, but
they're so awful. They're just jerk.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
They're just little demons, they really are. We have we
have bad experiences with raccoons people.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Sorry, Yeah, I know. Yeah, And I worked with one
on little house when I was a kid, and I
loved that one. But that was a trained hand fed,
oh baby raccoon.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Do you think that little, trained handfeld baby could ever
turn on you and just like lash out? Oh?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Sure, I mean they're wild, any wild animal, they're wild animals.
I I just I can't imagine that. You know, they
don't want to do that. So consequently, now I'm I
have five chicks in the living room in a bruder
that I'm andrewising. Now, So that's that's what.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
You are living? My dream life. I just want to
say that you've gotten out of LA. You're living with
your third husband. High I'm my third husband, and it
sounds like your life is amazing.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
But it's great.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
The animals and the nature. I'm really jealous, but I'm happy,
but I'm jealous.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Thank you. It's really magical up here, and I have there.
There are a couple of deer that come around every
day that come for apples, and they've been visiting now
for a year, and then I had one. I had
a third one that had been visiting that just came
back with a baby. And we've got gorgeous breath taking
eagles up here and all kinds of fun things like.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Bigs, bears, Oh my, oh my, no, why in deepa
I have? I have a question to ask you then,
because you sound like mother nature herself what I have.
Yesterday I was watering my roses and I saw a
deer that had been there the day before, and she
(07:14):
just stands there and like watches guard. So I thought, okay,
that's a mommy, and she's watching guard from the coyotes
so if they don't get her baby. Then I saw
her kind of go into this brushy area and then
she came out with a baby, a tiny little fawn
with the dots on it. Still it was barely walking,
and Melissa, I was so happy. But then my happiness
(07:37):
crashed because I noticed that the baby had a broken leg.
It has a broken leg. It couldn't it couldn't keep
up with her, and she would go far ahead, and
he would try and try, and finally he was like
hobbling and he kept following her. But if I see
them again, should I take that baby deer to the vet?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
It's very very hard. I learned this because I've I
actually picked a deer up off the road, a fawn
off the road that had been hit by a car,
and it didn't survive. But they they're very very delicate,
and any kind of trauma they have, they have sort
(08:18):
of an instinctive reaction where their bodies just start to
shut down. So capturing the baby deer might even be
more traumatic. I would what, I there are deer people
all around, they're deer rescues. I'm there all over La too,
and L like.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
This is sounds like a better idea than me trying
to scale the mountain to save the deep baby deer.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
I would call a specifically a deer rescue and explain
what's going on because that baby, the mom's probably going
to reject it at some point and it's going to
eat formula, milk care hydration. They're just they're really fragile.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Okay, I'm going to do that right after this podcast.
Thank you for your advice. Well, let's talk about relationships
for a second. Like you said, you're married to Timothy Busfield.
He's your third husband. He was in obviously Everybody, he
was in thirty something, West Wing just a name too.
This guy has worked forever. What a great actor.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Really, and you've talked about marriage. I love when I
have somebody on my podcast that you know, I find
these synchronicities with in our lives, even though we've never
really hung out and we've never really known each other.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
I know.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
It's so cool because you said that he is your
healing and stabilizing chapter.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Yeah, that's true. There's there's a groundedness to this marriage
of ours and a comfort level. And I think it's
part and parcel of the fact that it's a partnership
that we do everything with the other one in mind,
(09:55):
and we are very considerate of one another, extreamly We
respect each other immensely, and so there are no decisions
that are made singularly. Everything is discussed shared, and there's
so much comfort in that, and it's so much gentler
(10:18):
and easier. And he is just a really spiritual, grounded,
easygoing guy. I mean, you know, we all have our moments,
but there's so few and far between with both of us.
Even our arguments are constructive. Okay, good, Yeah, which is
new for me. You know, arguing for me was for
(10:41):
a long large part of my life something to be
afraid of and then something that I did really badly.
Once I found my voice, I picked too many fights
just to have them. And and now our arguments are
are I mean, when we have them, they're you know,
they can get they can get really heated, but we
usually end up laugh and then sitting down and talking
(11:02):
it through and it never lasts for more than a
couple hours. Max. What did you guys meet, Well, we
actually first met many many, many many years ago in
the eighties, and then we re met in the nineties,
and then now we've been together for thirtyteen years.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Wow. Wow, Wow, that's incredible. Congrats, Wow.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Thanks.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Do you think that each of your marriages was made
for the moment that you are, that you were in No.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Yeah, absolutely, I think it fit with who I was
at that time and with whatever was going on in
my own Not to get too cycling, but healing journey
from you know, the trauma of the family of origin
stuff in childhood. And you know, as as time has
gone by, I think I've I've become just more healed,
(11:59):
which it's more grounded and a lot less dysfunctional. Maybe.
I mean, you know, I'm always going to be a banana.
I mean that's just there's no there's no why I
love you.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Yeah, I'm the best banana spirit ever.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
I'm a Carnie. You know, we we've grown up in
this business. I've grown up in it, my multi generational
family has, and so you know, I will jump to
jazz hands given any opportunity. But I've learned how to
set boundaries. I've learned how to hold those boundaries, and
(12:38):
I've learned the most important thing, I think, and it's
come later in life, is real patience.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
It seems like we learned so much in after our fifties.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Well, yeah, I think that's that's valid, and I think
that it's a really important time, especially for women, because
all of that other stuff is sort of out of
the way our bodies are. Yeah, they're doing things, but
they're not doing the same thing that drive to work
or have kids and the hormones and that that sort
(13:11):
of push is gone, at least for me. There's a
there's a more of a relaxedness and more of an
ease and uh, it takes a lot to ruffle me
these days too. You know, I just don't. I don't,
I don't give up. It's as I was gonna say, fuck,
(13:35):
I fully.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Fully feel you, you know what I mean, Like I
I'm not interested in arguing. I'm not interested in wasting
any of more of my precious time doing things that
don't make me happy or make people around me happy exactly.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
You know, there's some validity to the Marie condo and
sparking joy. If it doesn't spark joy for anybody, then
there's no point. There's no and tiny talk and going
to things you don't want to go to if you
don't have to, doing things you don't want to do
if you don't have to. You know, this is the
last third of our lives, and I think we have
earned the right to live at the way we choose to.
(14:13):
We've earned the right to our opinions and our ideas,
and that deserves some respect. Just the fact that we're here, productive, vital,
vibrant women.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yeah. I mean sometimes I'll look at myself and the
maryor and I'll think, wow, you did it. You kept
yourself alive, and you kept three little kids alive. You're
doing all right.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Yeah, yeah, it's amazing. And then when the grandkids come.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Wait, that's how many grand kids you have?
Speaker 2 (14:45):
We have nine?
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Oh my god, that's a lot.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Well, we have a lot of kids all together. We
have seven. I have four boys, and Tim has two
boys and a girl whoa. And then one of our
boys married a woman who already had three grown boys,
so those became like big boys. And then there's all
the littles. I mean, the littlest one is just over
a year, probably closer to exteen months of yea, yeah me, oh,
(15:12):
they are they are. I I can't wait. It's so
great to have little people like that around. And I've
made it very clear to all of the kids that
my job is to say yes, so don't expect me
to ever say no. Nana does not say no, I
say to everything, Nanna, that's Nana.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
That's so cute. I can't wait to be a Nana.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
It's really good. It's really good. Actually, they've all the
kids kind of call me different things. Nana is one
chunk of the kids, and then the other there's another
whole section of them that call me Granny Mel.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Granny Mel, Nana and Granny. Those are winners.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
It's so good, so good.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
You and I both had our earliest relationships in the spotlight. It's,
oh yeah, hard enough to navigate a relationship when you're
young like that without Hollywood. But you were with Robolo
and for me my second husband, who they were both
(16:21):
on a path to fame and celebrity. Talk to me
about that and what you learned about yourself through that.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I guess looking back on that those six years, I mean,
I I was such a baby when when when rob
and I were together, we're were like seventeen, right seventeen,
and we broke up for the last time when we
were twenty three, and it was very tumultuous, you know,
it was there was a lot of I felt like
(16:55):
a bit of an old stage in the in the
business at that point because I'd been doing it for
so long, and I was still on Little House on
the Prairie when we met, and it had already, you know,
had been years, and he was sort of starting out.
He'd done a little bit of television, and so I
was able to sort of sit back and watch this
meteoric rise happen. I don't think I think I was
(17:19):
prepared for the stuff they came with it. Necessarily. I
was prepared for all of the like having to go
to premieres and things and award shows and all of that,
but I wasn't prepared for the fandom, and frankly, the
girls and that sort of you know. To me, I
(17:40):
always thought that every every girl and woman was my sister.
We were sisters, we you know, But it was not
evident at all when when I were a couple. I mean,
it was like I didn't exist. They just pushed right
past me and stick phone numbers in his pockets and stuff.
And that was to say, it was disconcer is doing it?
(18:01):
Is it doing it? A big disservice? It was, and horrible.
I think I learned a lot about what didn't work
for me actually and what I wouldn't stand for later on.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Those are some of the most valuable lessons.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Well, yeah, they hurt their heart to learn, as they
usually are born of heartbreak and angst. But those are
really valuable and important lessons. And yeah, that it was.
You know, we had some really, really, really fun times.
But in looking back, I look at the way my
life is so easeful now, I look at it back then,
(18:39):
and I feel like I was like my shoulders were
always up by my ears, always waiting for the next
shoe to drop, or something bad to happen, or some
I don't know, something untoward or gross or yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Yeah, do you feel like because you said you started
out thinking all women were your sisters? And yeah, I
don't know that I started out that way just because
I started acting young too, and I was thrust into
this competitive, you know, dog eat dog world where it's
every man for him self, man woman child for themselves.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Do you think that the industry had you feeling like
that or for other reasons too, or was.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
It just I think I was just I was a
bit of a gidget. I always assumed everyone would be
my friend. Why not I want to be their friends?
Why not be my friend? I didn't understand professional jealousy
because I didn't really feel it, but I was definitely
on the receiving end of it from other young actresses
and other young actresses I was working with, and it
(19:50):
I was taken aback by it, and I you know,
I was a bit of a puppy about it. I
would still come running up, you know, like you want
to play, want to play, and then get smacked back.
It didn't really stop me until I think I hit
puberty and I was like, I'm not gonna play anymore.
I don't. I should clear this person does not want
to hang out with me, and I've got friends, I've
(20:10):
got a life. I don't need this doing her loss.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
But I always gave everyone the benefit of the doubt start.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Yeah, got hurt a lot, but I made some really
wonderful friends along with still friends today.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
So that's that's good. That's incredible. Yeah, you didn't go
to high school, you didn't go to regular Well, I.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Was sort of. I mean I went to school on
the set, but I actually I went to the Buckley
Oh really Yeah. From my whole school career, as they
call it, from the grade they have called reading readiness,
which is like their version of kindergarten all the way
through my senior year, and then when I eventually, I
(20:56):
mean I would do commercials and stuff as a little kid,
and then when I got little, so I just corresponded
the same assignments and work. And then when we were
on hiatus, if I wasn't working, which was the first
couple of years, I would go back to school for
three months, three four months.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
How was it when you went back to school?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Oh, it was odd. I mean, it wasn't bad when
I was little because most of the kids in my
class had been in my class since yeah, it kindergarten essentially,
and so we all knew each other. We'd all had
birthdays together, we all grew up together. It was it
wasn't until junior high and high school that it got
(21:33):
kind of uncomfortable because I was this weird combination too
of really awkward because I was super sheltered. So rather
than like most a lot or a lot I should say,
of Hollywood kids who grew up really fast, I was
the opposite. I was still wearing Mary Jane's when I
(21:54):
was seventeen.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
Do you think that's because you were sheltered being so
young in the industry and being on sets and just
kind of people treating you a certain way.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
I think that, and I think it was a conscious
decision on my mother's part to shield me from as
much of the craziness as possible, because it was it
was inevitable that that would happen, so she really kind
of built a wall around me to keep me young.
So I would go back to school and I would
be really kind of dorky and then also but famous,
(22:34):
so weird, so awkward, so strange that kids didn't know
how to talk to me. And to top it off,
I had really bad I had a really bad overbite.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Legendary, legendary, iconic. Everybody wanted that.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Yeah, well, and so I had retainers and stuff. But
when we'd go on hiatus, i'd have braces and and
neck gear, so I wore that to school. That didn't help.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
I'm getting the jull now.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Right, even even to the point where, like we wore uniforms,
which is a great sort of evil fool. Girls wore
ankle socks, and my mom made me wear knee socks.
So there I was my knee socks, my skirt was
extra long, and my neck gear and I was awkward
and famous, so no one knew what the heck to
(23:22):
do with me when.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Oh god, I love this teenage little preteen Melissa so.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Much, angsty squid, I was just an angsty I would
slay on the floor in my room with my stereo
on and my headphones and listen to janis Ian's at
seventeen over and over.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
And did you have siblings?
Speaker 2 (23:43):
I do have a brother and a sister, and I've
had step brothers and stepsisters.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Lot, what's your birth order?
Speaker 2 (23:50):
I'm first, You're the first, You're the oldest. First, My
brother Jonathan, who was also on Little House with me,
is second, and my sister Sarah, the mini mogul and
the family, is the youngest.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
So I'm asking because for my daughter's my oldest, very
similar story to you, the neck, the headgear and the
socks and just the sweet innocence, but complete like dorkiness.
What about Sarah since.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Sarah was Oh, I was eleven when Sarah was born,
so I was basically like another little mother. I had
them put her nursery next to my room. I was
so excited to have a baby sister. I would come
home from work and feed her and change her and
dress her and play with her, and she was she
(24:42):
She was the darling of the family. She was also
a really tough kid because she was really, really smart.
She's still obviously she's genius, but even when she was little,
she was a lot to deal with. She was fun
and funny and why killed, and wicked and curious and
(25:04):
a little bit zany, So having her around was really
really fun. She grew up in a completely different household
than I did, though, because there's so many years between us.
But there was like a changing of the guard. My
parents got divorced when I was six, My father cast away,
my mother remarried my sister's dad, and they were She
(25:27):
was a different parent with my sister.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Yep, that's what's happened in my family too. And like
they say, you've raised the Fiona, the youngest one, so
differently than you raised me. I hear that, and I'm like, ooh,
well yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Probably, yeah, And I get it now that I have kids,
and they'll get it when they have kids.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
When I was when I was a girl, I wasn't
allowed to have a television in my room. I didn't
get the television in my room till I was sixteen.
And when I got the television in my room, everybody
else got televisions in their room too. They didn't have
to wait till they sixteen. Yeah, just because my parents
didn't want to hear how come I don't have one too?
You know, it was just easier to give everyone a television.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
But did you ever go through that resentful stage where
you were like, this sucks. I had to jump through
all these hoops and be, you know, not get all
the things, and you just come here and get everything.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Yeah? Yeah, I mean no, resentful of my siblings so.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Much hair are your parents? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Just mad at them because it seemed just wildly unfair. Yeah,
but I get it now, and I you know, I mean, look,
these things are the least of my issues in this one.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
That's so true in your book Prairie Tale, you said,
no matter how many people told me I was pretty,
I just couldn't see it. I kept measuring myself against
some imaginary ideal I could never live up to. Where
(26:58):
do you think that ideal came from?
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Actually, I come from a family of extremely glamorous women.
They're like gbore level glamorous, and I think that's true
for them too. I think they were always there was
always someone prettier, thinner, taller, blonder, or successful, better, better husband, whatever.
(27:27):
There was always sort of I think I probably absorbed
a bit of that by osmosis, and I think it
was compounded by the sort of knock kneat, neckgear, freck
face buck to kind of girlishness, which isn't actually now
a strength of mine because she's still in there and
(27:50):
it's only one years old to have that come out
and just help me to, you know, play with the
grandchildren or be completely goofy or open in a performance
because I'm have no fear anymore. I think it has
served me. But I think a lot of that I
saw in the adults around me. And then on top
(28:10):
of it, you know, I'm on set with all of
these people who are in their adults, who are competing
with one another and being pitted against and up for
the same roles and hearing about who got what that
they wanted and they didn't get. So it was sort
of endemic and all around me.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Yeah, that can totally relate. Yeah, it's I think the
industry really kind of does a number on people who
absorb that messaging.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
It's a problem and you know, actually it's sort of
I mean it's so part and parcel to to all
of the external stuff. It's now permeated everything. Like I
think I even talked in that book, and I've talked
to my other books, and I blogged about this too.
But you know, we do a lot of cross country
driving and it never ceases to amaze me when you're
(29:02):
driving on highways through rural Iowa. Fast food restaurant ads, billboards,
fast food restaurant, fast food, restaurant, freeze, the fat liposuction BBL,
fast food.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Yeah, it's bombarded. The young girls today are just bombarded with.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
With the images of the surgically enhanced fixed. I mean,
good on them that they can do it, but that
that's the ideal really really makes me nervous for my granddaughters.
And I'm you know, I'm I I hope that I'll
be able to influent when them enough to say, you know,
(29:46):
that's actually not real, that's not the fix you're looking for.
You don't want to be an influencer. Let's let's center
sits a little higher, daughter. So it's challenging.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
Yes, I'm sure, how did you begin to choose yourself
with all of that and how did you begin to
love the way you look?
Speaker 2 (30:14):
It probably really hit me right about like after my
divorce from Bruce box Lightner. I was sort of at
peak filler Botox, big boobs. It was. I was like
at the apex of that. And I looked at myself
(30:38):
in the mirror one day or no, no, no, I
looked at a picture of myself. It was a paparazzi
photo from some event, and it startled me and I thought,
oh my god, that's not who I am or who
I wanted to be. And so I really I made
a decision to kind of back off all of that,
to see what was underneath it and to figure out
(31:00):
who I was. And then I met Tim a while
after that, and I started expressing this to him, and
he was like, all for it. Please don't do that,
Please don't put anything in your face. First of all,
I can't tell how you're feeling. Second of all, you
don't look like you. And then when I went to
him and I said, I really want to take out
my breast implants permanently. I want to go. I want
(31:23):
I don't want them anymore. I don't want to have
to think about them. I don't want to have to,
you know, make a decision in my eighties to have
them replaced. I just want it done. I want my
body back to what it was. I want to feel
strong and healthy as I age now. And his immediate
reaction was, do it, Let's do it, Let's find the
best surgeon in Michigan, Let's get it done. And we did.
(31:45):
And so that's just really enforced. That's then I stopped
coloring my hair, and then I stopped dressing for other
people and dressing for myself and really figuring out, you know,
who this person was that I was. I knew I
was on the inside. I wanted the outside to match.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
That is so inspiring and incredible.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
Oh, bless you, Thank you so much. I feel I
feel good. You know. I still I take really good
care of myself.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
I eat. Yeah, I was gonna say, you're You're always
going to be gorgeous until the end of time. That's sweet,
But yeah, what do you do now to take care
of yourself and stay healthy and vibrant.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
I do a lot of yoga. It's my favorite exercise.
I think at this age too, it's really helpful for
you know, osteoporosis and the flexibility is important. I drink
a lot of water. I take really good care of
my skin, wear sunscreen, which I always have my whole life. Anyway.
(32:56):
I eat as well as to be expected. I try
to eat as cleanly as possible. But I don't deny myself.
If I want to have a shark heuteri plate, I
have a sharkutery plate. If I want a big bolopasta,
I have a big bola pasta. I just don't do
it all the time. I get a lot of sleep,
and I stay away from things that make me uncomfortable
(33:18):
and unhappy as much as.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Yeah, you gotta hang out with joy that makes you
look good.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
It really does. It changes your whole being being happy.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
It really does. And you're sobriety. You you're you've been
sober for a long time.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
A whild and very very focused on on being present too,
you know, not numbing out to the things that are
around me and not feeling feelings, which is sometimes not
very fun but important to get through the other side.
Otherwise they well up and come out at the wrong
(33:59):
time and the wrong way. And I don't want to
do that anymore either, So I just hear a little
wiser I don't know.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Yeah, no, you are, it is, that's what happens.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
Yeah, hopefully, thank god.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
Yeah, I'm like, thank you for just making me a
more present, more joyful person as I've gotten older because
I was not you know, I didn't know who I
was for so so long.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
I get it, I really, and that the feeling of
inadequacy and you know, well it's hard. It's really so
much pressure.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
So much pressure. And I guess we do it to ourselves.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
But we're expected to. I mean, if everybody else is too.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
I know, how do you? Yeah, it takes a lot
of bravery to pave your own road, it really does.
And I love seeing people out there that are doing that.
I love you know. I've talked to a lot of women,
and a lot of women are at least cutting back
on alcohol or have stopped drinking it. I stopped drinking
alcohol a couple of years ago.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
Now, fantastic.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
I feel so much better for it. And yeah, not
just like you know, physically, but emotionally and mentally different person.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Yeah, well you know that that that that guilt. I mean,
there's no other way to there's no other word for
it is gone of you know. And and then not
remembering what happened or what you said, or then remembering
what you did or what you said, and it's you know,
not who you are. It's just if we want to
(35:49):
be authentically who we are, we can't. We can't. Is
that take us away from that? And they lose your everything,
your spiritual connection. You're ground in a connection to yourself.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
Do you ever have like moments of weakness? Like how
do you keep yourself on the path?
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Gosh, it's been such a long time. I think staying
saying present in the moment and really honestly avoiding really
uncomfortable situations. And when I see uncomfortable situations, the ones
that make me make my skin crawl, I like what like?
Speaker 1 (36:26):
What like?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
I'm not really great at a big Hollywood to do.
I never remember I don't like them. I couldn't do
them unless I was really altered. Yes, I just I
get embarrassed. I'm also a really big fan. I love
films and television and theater, and so when I am
(36:48):
in a room full of people I admire, I get
like scared and nervous and shy and uncomfortable. I always
assume no one's gonna know me or remember me, and
I just I don't. I don't like getting all dressed up.
I don't. It's not I don't. It's like the height
of that whole competitive thing too. Yeah, and stand a
(37:11):
certain way and the expectations are all there. I just
those are the things that I would prefer to avoid
if I. If I do go to anything, I won't
go alone. I'll always go with Tim because he'll make
me laugh all the time and that makes me feel
so much more comfortable. Yeah. So the things like that,
(37:32):
that that that's the kind of stuff that I don't
like really.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
Yeah, because then you just get so anxious and so
kind of out of body that you're like, oh, I
wish I could just have a drink, like.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Watching every word that I say because I'm afraid I'm
gonna say sounding dumb. So I just I'd rather just
avoid those things if I can. I mean, I'll go
way have to.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
But yeah, I wasn't born for this.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
No, no, me, neither me neither. It's again, and it's
more of that tiny talk. It's all those irrelevant, little
snippets of conversation with people you don't really know that
don't change anything or do anything. They used to tell
us to go to those things because networking was important.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
He'll tell us.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
That it's not sure, it doesn't make a difference. No
one's going to see you at his screening and go, ah,
I'm gonna put her in my next film.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
You really believe that, Okay, because I've always been told
that I don't network. I don't, you know, put myself
out there. I literally stay home in garden all the time.
And I've always felt guilty or somehow like why am I?
Why can't I do that? I must be a failure
at this like and making you feel better to know
(38:50):
that you feel that way too.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
Yeah, And I just don't. I just I honestly I
believe that if some wonderful job is meant to happen,
it's going to come. Whether I'm on a red carpet
or not.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
That's true. If it's meant to be, it will happen.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
If it's meant to be, it's gonna happen. There's no
need to to pursue it in that way. It just
a little just makes me just talking gives me.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Okay, we'll stop talking about it because I don't want
to talk about it either. Okay, Before I let you go,
Melissa Gilbert, what was your last I Choose me moments?
Speaker 2 (39:26):
My last I Choose me moment. It's kind of a
daily thing. I I I have a bubble bath every
day and that's where I read whatever book I'm reading.
I sit in the bath, I turn on music. I
(39:48):
close the door. One dog lays next to me. The
other dog is not allowed in because she's too splashy
and loud. The quiet dog lays in there in the
bathroom with me. I close the door. Sometimes I have
tea usually, and I sit in the bubble bath and
I read every day.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
That is glorious. Such a simple thing, but it's soul.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
But it's so decompressing and it gets me out of
my head and it gets me in my imagination and
it's relaxing and constructive, and it feels pampering.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
It really does, because the upkeep is real, like, oh.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
Yeah, things are following the bark. Sometimes I feel like
like molehan and miracles stream and death becomes like its
flaking and falling off. That is important bath or important.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
And the moisturizer after them always important.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Moisturizer and Sun's Green become your two best friends as
you ag yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
I read somewhere that someone said reading twenty minutes a
day can lower your blood pressure, lower your risk of
heart disease, all kinds of things.
Speaker 2 (41:04):
Well, there, there you go, I'll take it.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
Thank you so much for being on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
Thank you, Bye bye,
Hosts And Creators
Tori Spelling
Jennie Garth
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