December 3, 2025 • 61 mins
Tori sits down with friend DeAnna Pappas for a no-BS chat about divorce, healing, and jumping back into the dating world as a mom. The two get real about navigating heartbreak, the messy grief of rebuilding your life, and why 2026 is officially their year of peace.
Plus, DeAnna spills on her new podcast Famously Available and the cringe-worthy on-air date that went well… until ** WAIT FOR IT!** They trade modern-dating horror stories, dish on co-parenting struggles, and share exactly what they want LOVE to look like next.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hi, my friend, it's been a while, it has How
are you. I'm okay.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
You've both had quite a few life changes.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
I know. Yeah. Last time we hung out, we were
both still married. The irony of that, right, Yeah. And
then we both got divorced the same year ish ish Yeah,
separated separated. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
I think mine was final before yours, but separated around
the same time.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Mine took forever. Oh, we the.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Divorce was not the problem, most problem.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Many many, many things. Yes. Yeah. So we used to
hang out, like mom friend, So we had like our
mom group with our kiddos. And I feel like I
only met your ex a couple times. I like the parties. Yeah.
So I know nothing except what I read in the press,
even though I know you, which is super weird for me. Well,
(01:21):
I don't think it's that weird.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
You know how the press works and the industry better
than a lot of us.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
So yeah, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
You know, I don't think I have anything new to say.
It is absolutely a piece of my life. I would
really love to just put behind me. That's what I feel,
you know. At the end of the year, my birthday
was in November, and with the closing of twenty twenty five,
I would like for it to just be done. Bring
on a new year, wash me clean, make me new.
It can't get worse than what it was, right right,
(01:58):
It can only go up from he can only up.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Yes, twenty twenty six.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Yeah, I'm not a New Year's resolution person. I don't
know there if you are, no, Yeah, I've never been that, Like, Okay,
we're going to go to the gym, we're going to
give up sugar, We're going.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
To do these things.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
I'm a very realistic human being, but I do think
that like twenty twenty six just has to be a
better year, not just for myself but for a lot
of people.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
You know, I do know, But I feel cautiously optimistic
because I say that every year.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
We're trying to be glass half full people, Tori glass full.
I am not a glass half full. I think that
I am a glass half empty person. So I have
to work at it every day because the truth is
is like, that's the energy what we put out, that's
what we're going to receive. And if we are talking
about divorces, ex husbands, the tortuous twenty twenty five that
(02:56):
I know I've experienced, and that's what we're going to get, right,
and I'm putting that out. I want better than that.
I want a better life. I want a better life
for my children. I want better relationships, I want better friendships.
I just want better. I just want better. And if
we continue to put out the negative pieces of it,
that's what we're going to get.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I agree, I agree, But it's all part of our
journey and it makes us the humans we are. And
then you have your next beautiful second chapter. Can I
ask you about your podcast and the date you went on?
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Yeah, so I'm doing a podcast called Famously Available, which
I love the name. I know, it's so fun. Everybody's like,
what is the podcast? I'm like, well, I have a
history on reality television. I come from dating shows. That's
what everybody knows me as and you know, when I
was ready to start dating again, they're the idea was
(03:55):
presented to me to do a podcast surrounding dating. And
so it's not just myself. There's two other women on
the show, a younger version named Mercedes who is delightful.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
But younger version.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
I only say that because we're in three different phases
in life. So there's Mercedes, who is you know, she's
the bright, gorgeous twenty something who is looking to get
married and have babies, and that's her next chapter, right, optimistic, absolutely,
And then there's Me, the midlife divorcee who already has kids,
(04:28):
who's trying to find myself again in this dating piece,
right because I do get a second chapter, maybe a
third and fourth.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Who knows.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
And then there's Kathy who was on the Golden Bachelor,
so she is in her later stages of life who
is looking for a partnership for the rest of her life.
And so the podcast is a lot of fun because
it's going to follow the three of us who are
in very different stages of life but ultimately hoping for
the end goal. Each one of us would like to
(04:58):
find partnership and compare onionship. And what we have done
is invited listeners to join us on the ride and
a ride it is on par for your life, on
par for my left.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Yeah, right, and chaos.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
It's like the good Lord just knows that I can
handle the ups and downs.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
You know, you can handle it all, but the happy
chaos you should be handling. The happy chaos I'll be
the future.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Or you know, what I really want is I don't
think this is considered a roller coaster, but one of
those rides that just goes parallel. There's no high highs,
there's no low lows. I would just like to be
at peace and smooth sailing like that would be really awesome.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Would you be bored?
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Though? No? No, I think I've had enough enough excitement
for a lifetime.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
No, very much. I very much crave.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Just consistency and reciprocity and truly just like peace. I
very much crave that in my life. You know, I
think I've had the very young love where you get
all the butterflies and you're like crazy, and you know,
you thrive on this person, and then have had the marriage, right,
(06:08):
the piece of paper. We had children together, and marriage
is a whole other thing.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
You know.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
I commend people who are able to find a person
that they can be with, because I think it's just
nuts that you can take two totally different people and
expect them to be one.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Right, That's what That's what I was taught.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Marriage is right, You take two people and you try
to become one. You combine your money, you combine your assets,
you combine your home, you raise children together. You the
children are right, you hope to have the same thoughts
the end goals, your thoughts on faith and if it's
your Christianity, whatever that looks like. You hope to be
(06:53):
parallel on those big things. And then at the end
of the day, you hope to really like that person,
to get along well, that you are able to communicate
with them, that you find joy in life. Hopefully the
sex is amazing for some of us, it is. I
don't know, but right at the end of the day,
everyone's going to experience problems. Can a marriage to people
(07:15):
together survive something like that? I think it's really beautiful
when people can do that.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Yes. I So I met a couple last week and
my son and I helped them to the car coming
from the grocery store, and we started talking and they said,
next month we are celebrating our fifty seventh wedding anniversary.
US just recently finalized force. I was like, my brain,
(07:43):
I was like, I won't say anything from my son,
but I was like, wow, I wanted to be like,
what the heck is the secret? But that is it
is amazing. I think for me, at least at this point,
I don't know if I believe that the person we
create children human with is the person we are meant
to be with for the rest of our lives, because that,
(08:04):
for me was the big component. We didn't know to
ask each other like what are your parenting thoughts and
how will that work because we didn't have kids together
at the time, and then once that came into play,
like it just took on a whole different life. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
I think we're getting back to the basic thing of
you take two people, yeah, and expect two individuals with
two thoughts, two upbringing two different backgrounds, and expect them
to see eye to eye on everything. That's a huge expectation,
and we as humans, we tend to put our expectations
on other people. I know I do, right, I expect
(08:45):
other people to treat me how I want to be
treated without saying anything because I know how I would
show up for others.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
That's not the case, Tory, like, that's just not how
it happened. It's not.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
And just because I am very in tune with my
feelings and what I expect out of relationships doesn't mean
that those around me are and doesn't mean that they're
able to communicate that, and so I'm with you. I
don't know that I've ever believed that we're supposed to
(09:15):
have one great love of our life. I have had,
you know, the pleasure of loving a few men in
my life.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
I just have.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
And I'm really grateful for those experiences and the love
and the gratitude that I've taken from each relationship. But
you know, my grandparents were together for decades, both sets
of my grandparents, but I am a product of divorce.
My parents divorced when I was very young, So outside
of my grandparents, I don't know that I was ever
mirrored a really healthy relationship, like a loving relationship outside
(09:49):
of my grandparents. And how do you know how to
do that when you haven't been mirrored or taught the behavior?
Speaker 2 (09:58):
We don't. For me, I just watched brom coms. Like
you know, I watched all the movies, thinking, oh my gosh,
I get this fairy tale. It's going to be loved
first sight and last forever. And I just had nothing.
I mean, my parents were stayed married, but I really
had nothing to base it on.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Right, But even with your parents, was that a healthy,
loving relationship?
Speaker 2 (10:21):
In hindsight? I don't know. I can't give the answer
to that. I never heard them argue they seemed loving,
but there wasn't a lot of emotional communication with my
brother and I about their relationship, and I wish there
had been so I knew.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
What to expect. Yeah, well, so it should be a book. Listen,
we have lots of ideas we need to run down.
I thought books eight way sideways since getting divorced, because
it truly is, like you know, it's a death. I
have said that over and over again, and you being divorced,
you know this too. It is a true grieving process,
and I don't know you know your full experience. But
(11:04):
I really rode every wave of that grief. I really
wanted to take that closure of that relationship and grieve
it and put it to bed. I didn't want those
things to resurface later in my life or in another relationship,
or worst of all, for my children. I want my
children to know what healthy, loving relationships look like. That's
(11:26):
what I want for them. I don't want my daughter
to grow up seeking the validation of a man who
doesn't love her.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
I don't want that from my daughter, or just seeing
the validation of a man period or that or that
that's right, right. We raise these girls to be or
another human like, yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
Strong women, And every time she rolls your eyes at me,
I'm like, oh wait, not me.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
You may be.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Strong at all other aspects of your life, but with me,
you get it, you know.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
But it's so funny.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
I said this to someone recently, is like, I mean,
I'm a Christian and and you know, there was this
piece of my marriage that it was like, oh, well,
you're a good Christian woman. You're supposed to be a
submissive wife. Well, I'll tell you what, Tori, I don't
have a submissive bone in my body. I made arown
(12:16):
ass woman. No one has ever taken care of me.
I've got a job since I was fourteen years old.
I pay my own bills. I put a roof over
our kids' heads. I'm not going to be barefoot in
the kitchen and doing your dishes like you're some king
at the end of the day. That is not the
relationship that I want, right, But that's in our kick
notion as well. Yeah, but I don't know. Do you
(12:40):
date how many men? I said to you, Oh, I'd
really love a woman to cook for me. I'm thinking, well,
I'm freaking like a man to cook for me. What
means I have to be in the kitchen serving you?
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Oh wow, interesting, I'm not dating, but I like, I
don't know, but I that's still in my brain, Like, oh,
when I I date someone, I get to cook for someone. Like,
you're right, though, he should cook for me.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
I listen, I bring a lot to the table. I
love to cook. I don't mind cooking for someone for me.
It's a fine line between the expectation of the given
roles that people think we need to play in a
relationship and I think you're right this day and age,
those are roles that someone else has made up for
us that we carry into relationships.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Right by all means, if.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
I meet a man and he wants to take care
of me and scoot me off to Cabo and stay
at the Four Seasons for five days, yeah, and let
me just hang out at home with my kids. Sure,
I'll cook you dinner every night. You want to play
those roles, absolutely absolutely. I don't really want that. But
I'm just saying we can't have these unbalanced expectations walking
(13:49):
into a relationship. I'm in a place in my life
and I have dated a little bit. I did go
on a date on the podcast, which was a lot
of fun. But it's just a unique situation. And again
I come from reality television, where my history is in dating.
So the guy was very normal, tory, like he had
a normal job, and he was divorced, and I don't
(14:10):
think he quite knew what to expect because you know,
there's also like there was other people there. There were
other celebrities there. We were at a Jonas Brothers concert,
you know what I mean. It wasn't necessarily a romantic situation.
But what I was hoping from the situation is if
we connected and liked each other enough, he would ask
for my phone number, we could see if there was
(14:32):
something there and go out on a second date. But
if you have agreed to show up on a podcast
to date someone like me, you know, chances are he's
read the headlines, he's googled me, he knows.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Who I am.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
There is a piece where you know what you're signing
up for because it's a podcast. That's how we're meeting.
Let's see if we connect and we can go on
to something else. He was a super nice guy.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
He showed up. It was a fun date.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
We had great conversation. Oh he's nothing nothing, No, No,
I found him a try.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
But he never asked for my phone number. What do
you mean? I know, I know. I don't know if
I was given off vibes that I never am Oh
he never did.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Know what. Actually, his friends that he came to the
concert with, they were more interested in me in me
than he was.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Yeah, so it's okay.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
I dating in general, I feel like as a science experiment,
you know what, I mean to have to sit down.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
I don't want to go back to It is.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Kind of exhausted. It is kind of exhausting. Is I
go through phases?
Speaker 2 (15:34):
You know?
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Last week was Thanksgiving and my kids were with their
dad for the week, and I go through phases of
where I'm like, oh yeah, I absolutely want a relationship
someone that I can invest in and spend time with.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
No. No.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
All last week I was super happy just being here
alone in my home that I pay for, watching TV,
that I also pay for whatever I want, cooking what
I want for dinner, and not having to take care
of anyone else. And I think that, but tell me
if I'm wrong. As a single mother, our time is
so limited, you know, and what I'm not going to
(16:07):
do is give up time with my children to go
on a date with another man. That's not the phase
of life, right I am in and that's not That's
not what is important to me. So in the time
that I do have where I don't have my kids
and I am available to date, it's got to be
something really great, like that's how I feel. And if
(16:27):
it's not something really great and I can't move into
a romantic part in a friendship, I'm not going to
invest in it like I want to be blown away.
Speaker 5 (16:38):
I'm Kristin Davis, host of the podcast Are You a Charlotte?
The most anticipated guest from season three is here the
Tray to My Charlotte. Kyle McLachlin joins me to relive
all of the magical Tray in Charlotte moments. He reveals
what he thinks of Trey giving Charlotte a cardboard baby.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Why would I bring her a cardboard baby? I was
literally I was like, this doesn't track for me at all.
Speaker 5 (17:05):
When he found out Tray's shortcomings, I'm kind of.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Excited to talking about it. You know, I think he's
he's a guy spends time in Central Park. You know,
he's probably you don't know, it'll be some surgery stuff,
you know.
Speaker 6 (17:14):
And I was like all this.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Kind of stuff going on, and they were like yeah, yeah, yeah, funk.
And they said, but he's impotent, and I was like, he's.
Speaker 5 (17:20):
Impotent, and why he chose not to return to inges
like that?
Speaker 2 (17:24):
They came and presented an idea and I was like,
I get I see it. It's so kind of a
one joke idea.
Speaker 5 (17:30):
You don't want to miss this.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Listen to.
Speaker 5 (17:33):
Are you a Charlotte on the iHeartRadio app? Apple podcasts
or wherever you get your podcasts?
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Have you been on a dating app?
Speaker 3 (17:45):
I have been on a dating app. I don't know
if you have done it. It's not a good look.
Well it's not a good look if you want to
get together with your girlfriends. Have wine, don't have wine,
I don't care what have you. But just get on
it for fun and see what it is. Oh.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
I used to go on my friends, my single friends
all the time. I was obsessed because I was like,
this didn't exist when I was single, but now that
is single, Like all they.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Want to do is send you pictures of their penis what.
It's very terrifying, they're not attractive.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Yeh, I'm not terrifying. It's so funny. Women don't want
to see that, Like, I don't know how many times
we can tell them no, is this not true? I
don't want to see a dick pic. I also am like,
is it just young?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Like?
Speaker 3 (18:38):
Was it just the time period that we're in where
everyone lives on their phones and social media? Like, Okay,
you talk to someone for a week and then it's like, oh,
send me a dirty picture. I'm just not that girl.
I'm not that girl. Okay, a, I'm not that trusting. Okay,
b I've been on television. You can google my name.
The last thing I need is for you to submit
a photo online of my boobs.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
They still look great.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
I've breastfed two children, but I just don't want that life,
and I don't want it in return. I still believe
that there is some some concept to relationships that you
get to know somebody before jumping in the sack. I
don't know if I was just.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
In it jumping in the sack, I like that.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
Well, if I was just I'd not like it pleased, Okay,
then let's get down. But if I'm in it to
really be in a relationship and get to know someone.
If I'm in it to be in a relationship and
really get to know someone, I'm not jumping. I'm not
jumping into sex with somebody. That's that's not the best
way to get to know someone truly, you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Yeah, I would never want someone to send me some
picture of themselves there or at the gym with their
shirt like I know.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
I mean, I have an ick itself and you're on
social media, and I don't know if you know this,
but I have an ick itself and like men who
don't do social media and like post life like thirst
traps or if it creels like oh in the life
while I make my coffee, I don't.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
I don't know why men. I did not want to
date someone like that.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
No, I don't want to date an influencer, Like we
don't want that.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Life interesting because we and our world kind of have
to do a version of that on some level, but
we don't want But that's very like what's sexist of
us that we think a man can't do it? Then
I know I don't want to see that. I don't.
I don't.
Speaker 3 (20:31):
It's just not the kind of kind of vibe I want.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
I don't know. You haven't even tried to date once
once didn't go well, it's still TBD. But I don't know.
I don't know what I believe in anymore. It's so
and it's so exhausting with the kids. So the kids
(20:55):
live with me and they see their dad, but they
live with me. So I don't get like that week
or week in offer. So I don't know. I can't
picture like actively going on dates with someone if they
didn't know them, or I'm sure I will. No one
asked me out, to be honest, no one asks me
out either. Everybody's like, oh.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
My gosh, Like what about when you're in the grocery store.
I'm like, no one looks at me. I'm the one
like ethne asparagus making eye contact with every que guy
that walks by. I'm like, Hi, they don't, they don't,
they don't. I don't know if I'm intimidating. I don't
know if grown men just don't do that anymore, but
they don't. I don't get approached like out out in
the wild.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Or or is it just we're not used to it,
so we don't because we weren't paying attention when we
were married, because we were good girls. So like, maybe
now we don't notice it. You're like, nope, nope, I
don't get it either, So I don't know we're attractive women.
I don't understand that. I think the.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
Truth is is if we knew the reason why you
and I wouldn't be sitting here right now, just two.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Of us, just.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
Single and living our best lives. Maybe you know, I
think that's I think that is probably part of it.
Toy is like, I don't know when I'm in a relationship.
I'm in a relationship and I am loyal to a
fault to myself.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
So you're right.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
When I was with my ex husband for fifteen years,
I never had a wandering eye. I am loyal to
a fault to myself. I did not flirt, I did
not look around. I didn't even appreciate other good looking men.
That's just not who I am. And so I think
there is also a piece that fifteen years is a
(22:35):
long time, right, fifteen.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Years you were with your ex. I was with mine
eighteen years were married. That's a long time. Yeah, that's
a long time. Four minute years.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
People who say, oh, well, don't be jaded. That's so
much easier said said than done. Divorce is one of
the most traumatic things that I've ever gone through. I
don't know if that was the same situation for you.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
The actual divorce, no, but the process, the whole thing,
the actually yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
The beginning to end right. I don't love you, I
don't want to be with you. Then the tortuous cycle
of we get along, we don't get along, separating our kids,
separating our assets, moving out, staying together, not staying together,
finding a new place, making sure your children are okay,
making sure they're happy. Then you do get divorced, Then
you fight, Apparently somebody goes to jail. There's a whole
long list of things that take place. For me, the
(23:28):
entire situation was traumatic. So to look at someone who
has been in our position and say, oh, don't be jaded,
don't say that. You haven't walked a day in my shoes.
You don't know what I carry every single day. And
a lot of that is just hoping my children turn
out okay.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
I want them to be okay.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
I want them to come out of this as unscathed
as they can.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (23:52):
I want them to still believe in love. I want
them to not carry the weight of unhealth that has
taken place between me and my ex husband. I want
them to love me and I want them to love
their daddy, and that's what they deserve. And that's a
lot to carry. I lay my head down.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Thanks.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
Thanks, I've said it from the get go, even after
everything that's taken place, It's amazing to me that you
can love someone and marry them and have children and
get divorced and think I don't fucking know who that
person is anymore. I don't get how the mind and
(24:30):
the heart does that. You can love someone so much
that you literally drive yourself crazy through a separation and
a divorce and then have nothing for them. I don't
think that's everybody's experience, but it's been mine. But that's
also called trauma post traumatic stress syndrome.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
So that's the whole other thing. Yeah. Now, if you
knew from the beginning that this would be the journey,
you would still do it, though, right because you got
your babies.
Speaker 3 (24:59):
Absolutely, because I have my children, and you said something
in the beginning that I believe is true. We each
have a path to read like yours is different from mine.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
I have one.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
But we also get to make choice, and I think
that that's where pain comes from. There is a path
that each of us are designed for that is right
for us, for our lives, and it's something really really
great whatever it is right, but we also get the
choice to make decisions, and sometimes when we get off
the path, that's where pain comes from. Pain builds character, right, resilience.
(25:37):
All of my girlfriends for my birthday, they are like,
oh my gosh, you know when they're saying things about me,
You're so resilient, You're so resilient, You're so resilient, you're
so strong.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Well, i'll tell you what.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
I am exhausted from being strong and resilient. I am
tired of coming out of things and being like, wow,
look how resilient I am. I survived that too. I'm
tired of that. I don't want to do that anymore.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
That is such a valid point.
Speaker 3 (25:59):
It is That's why I say to you, I don't
want the cop but the chaos anymore, of the ups
and the downs. I do want to just coast at
a level speed and I want peace in my life.
I'm tired of having to survive. I don't want to
do that. I'm only forty four. I don't want to
have to do that for another seventy years, sixty even
that's maybe fifty.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Yeah, I don't know. He got a good fifty eight
at least at.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Least because you're a fighter, lucky lucky lucky me.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
I don't know, do you right? Oh? Yeah? But do
you everyone get said husband along? Do you get that's real?
It's as though, and I yeah, good, I'm glad to
hear that. I think it was realizing that he is
(26:52):
who he is and he's changed a lot, and that's
great for the kids and for our relationship. And he's
sober now. But you know, he's still the person he is.
I'm still the person I am, and we're two very
different people. And you're right, yeah, I'm not the same
person I was when I met and fell in love
(27:15):
with him, and I think I was I thirty one,
thirty two. It's just yeah, But I couldn't have predicted
the person I would evolve and become, and there was
a yeah, there was nothing that could have predicted that.
But I wouldn't change anything because I got my five
beautiful babies. Yeah, for my journey. I think my path
(27:39):
I always walked the line of when to leave, when
was the right time for us to split? And that's
a hard thing and I do grapple with that sometimes,
Like would have been better for the kids if we
had split sooner? I don't know, but I.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Don't think you can put a timeline on that, you know,
I do believe that. I hate the stupid saying everything
happens for a reason. No it doesn't, No, it doesn't.
I've seen enough mediums. I think if I am lucky
enough at some point to tap truly into my intuition,
I could probably save myself a lot of pain and heartache.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
But we all could. Yeah, right.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
I think that we are given free will to make
decisions in our life, and it's so hard. I don't
live my life with regret. I really try hard not
to do that, but it is really hard not to
look back and think if you could have done this differently,
or had you stayed together a little bit longer, had
you broken up a little bit earlier, you know, because
I remember when when the kids and I moved into
(28:40):
our new place, and you know, it's really worried about them. Hey,
you guys, okay, because we you know, how do you feel?
And my youngest, who I thought didn't remember a lot,
looked at me and he said, I'm so happy. I'm
just going I don't have to listen to you and
daddy fight anymore. And I was like, Gus, And that
was a gut check for me, because we thought we
(29:04):
did a great job of hiding it for the sake
of our kids. We thought we did a good job,
you know. And for my youngest to say that to me,
I was like, Oh, they deserve more. I deserve more.
But they deserve more. They don't deserve to grow up
in a home like that, you know, they deserve to
see you know, both their mommy and their daddy happy
(29:24):
and loved and thriving in life. That's what they deserve. So,
you know, I think life is about refinement tory. That's
what I think. That's what I think. We can't go
back and live in the past and think what we
could have done differently, how we could have loved differently,
and the choices that we could have made. That does
us no good. For me in particular, that sends me
(29:45):
into pure anxiety. I can't even I can't even go there.
But I believe that life and relationships. I do believe
as people we are designed for companionship and partnership.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
I really do. I think that's just.
Speaker 6 (30:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
We're born to love and to want to be loved.
We are born to do that. I just think that
that is what we crave most at the end of
the day. Someone to love us, but not just love us,
but love us fully and holy as we were made
good and bad.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
You know what I mean. We're all human.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
There's things that tell me when you find somebody that
you love every last thing about them, let me know.
I'll be here waiting. Okay, it doesn't exist, doesn't exist,
but it's.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
What you'll tolerate at different points for your life, probably exactly.
And when you start picking someone else apart, it says
more about you than it does them. This is true. Hey,
it's Wilfred Ell and Sabrina Bryan.
Speaker 6 (30:46):
From the podcast Magical Rewind and we have a very
special guest on this week's episode. He's the mastermind behind
some of your favorite movies like Hocus Pocus, Newsies, The Descendants,
and of course High School Musical.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Yes, it is the one.
Speaker 6 (30:59):
And only a living legend. Director Kenny or Tega.
Speaker 4 (31:03):
We sit down with Kenny to talk about his incredible
career and the legacy he's created with his choreography and films.
Speaker 6 (31:09):
You seriously will not want to miss this one.
Speaker 4 (31:11):
Listen to Magical Rewind on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
Hi, it's Jenny Garth, host of the I Choose Me podcast.
This week, I'm so excited to welcome my friend Gabrielle
carteris the Andrea Zuckerman from Beverly Hills nine o two
on OZHO to the pod.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
We're choosing to get real. I applied to the networks
about my age and contracts. They never would have hired
me if they had known my age. We're choosing to
be honest.
Speaker 5 (31:38):
She looked at me, and she said, this business is
about than ask, which you have neither of, and.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
We're choosing to get nostalgic.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Listen to I Choose Me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
Do you feel like you want to date someone or
be with somebody that already has kids.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
I think that that would be beneficial. It's not a
deal breaker for me and just Like I've explained on
the podcast over and over again, it's not a deal
breaker for me. My kids don't need a stepdaddy. They
have a dad that they love very much. If I
end up with someone, I hope that they're really great
and they become a really good friend to my kids
and they show my kids an example of what a
(32:20):
really loving, healthy relationship looks like. I think how special
it would be for them to see their mommy loved
well like that would be really awesome. But it's not
a deal breaker for me. I think it would help Tori,
and you know this because you have five kids for
someone who has kids and understands. So I've actually dated
on both spectrums. Okay, I've dated someone doesn't have kids
(32:42):
and who is younger, like how much younger? Like twelve
years nice? Yeah, okay, I went through a little phase
when I got to four for you, so yeah, yeah,
it was It was great and I really liked this guy.
We had a lot in common, but he I'd never
been married, and he had never had kids, and that
(33:02):
was still something that he desired. And something that I
pride myself on is that I'm really really honest. I
don't cut the shit like, hey, if we can make
it work, great, But like I was very honest from
the get go, like I cannot give you children.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
That is not something that I want. I have done that.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
I have two wonderful children that I love and I
feel whole and complete there. I do not want more children.
That is a hard pass for me.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
I also tory.
Speaker 3 (33:29):
I don't think I ever want to be married again.
That is not important to me. I don't need the
piece of paper. I don't need the government to say, oh,
look at you, now you're a union. I don't need that.
I believe in partnership, believe in companionship just like I
told you, and I am loyal to a fault. I
can have someone and we can play house and we
can do the diamonds and the bands or whatever. But
(33:49):
I don't need the wedding anymore. I don't need the
piece of paper for me to say I'm yours. That's
not important. If I were to meet somebody and it
was really important to them, then it is something that
I would consider. But I would not say that's on
the top of my list. So I have also dated
guys who have kids, and I will say it just
(34:10):
flowed a little bit easier because they get it. They
freaking get it when I call on a Wednesday night
and I'm like, hey, I have to cancel.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
My kids need me.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
A man who has children understands that a man who
does not have children will never understand the bond between
a mother and their children. I will give up everything
for my children, everything, and I have done so. So
if that's not plainly to see, that's who I am.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
And so.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
Yeah, and I think it just like I was a
blended family and there can be a lot of beauty
in that.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
So it's not a deal breaker for me, toy.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
But like I could do it, it would work out well, right,
I don't know, you more kids?
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Right? We go five? I can't, but I guess at
this point, right, I know, I do like even numbers.
But no, it's not a deal breaker. But yeah, I
think someone who is a parent and just knows that
experience would be a lot easier. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
I used to say too, and I've said this on
Famously Available.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
They're like, oh, when will you know?
Speaker 3 (35:22):
People asked me about being on the Bachelor and the
Bachelorette all the time, like how did you like all
of them?
Speaker 2 (35:27):
There's so many guys. How did you pick?
Speaker 3 (35:28):
And I'm like, it's like walking into a bar and
seeing in twenty five hot guys because in their own right,
they're all very good looking. Seeing twenty five guys and
you don't want to talk to all of them, Right, Tori,
you've been to a bar, You've got to parties. You
can get around and be like, Okay, there's probably two
or three in here that I would spend time actually
trying to connect with. That's what it's like. And it's
(35:50):
the same thing going on a podcast because all of
my girlfriends when when I said I was going to
do this again, they were like, are you nuts? The
first two goes wasn't enough for you?
Speaker 2 (35:58):
And I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
I think like, because I have to think outside of
the box. Because people know me from reality television, it
doesn't feel any different to me to put this part
of my life out there and do it with people
listening or people watching like that doesn't I also think,
what a unique way to meet someone if it's somebody
who really wants to get to know me. Because right
(36:22):
Famously Available has made it very clear that I'm on
the podcast. Mercedes and Kathy that we're all on there.
If you want to date us.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
Hey, reach out, like, they'll send us on a date,
they'll arrange it. We can see literally how it works.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
Yeah, or or the producers know somebody really great they
line them up for me.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
So it's just always like, wait, who's not proofing these people?
But who's who's Like.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
It is.
Speaker 3 (36:48):
A little more rogue than The Bachelor, it's a little
bit more rogue than that.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
But do you feel like, on some level though, you're
more open to it because it's part of work and
you're a working single mom, Like, so you're going to date,
but you're going to do this on your podcast. So
I don't know, for me, it would feel more like
I'll do that because it's work, you know. Okay, I'll
tell you this.
Speaker 3 (37:13):
This is where I struggled on the first date that
they sent me on, because you know, we.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Had talked about it beforehand.
Speaker 3 (37:20):
We had recorded a few podcasts and then I did
some social media too, talking about it like, oh my gosh,
I'm going on the first date. Help me pick an outfit.
What if he doesn't like me? What if he does
all the things right?
Speaker 2 (37:29):
Right? I felt really good about it.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
Going into it, and then when we showed up, I
was not expecting the pressure that I felt, because leading
up to that it felt like a job. I was
recording a podcast with Ben, we were talking about being available.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
It was all of these things.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
And then when I showed up, I underestimated the pressure
that I would feel because a very normal man who
is not in my industry showed up to go on
a date with me that night. So when I said
that to your earlier, the first date we went to
a Jonas Brothers concert. But I think he also underestimated
what the date was going to be. You're used to
a typical date where you meet somebody or they pick
(38:10):
you up, and you go to dinner and you talk
for a couple of hours and you see if there's
any chemistry.
Speaker 7 (38:14):
That was not our first date. So I think that
sounds horrible, but it was like, I think I'd rather
be in your situation, like at a concert. And just
because I'm not used to dating after all these.
Speaker 3 (38:28):
Years, absolutely, and that's why I think it's fun and
outside of the box. Yeah, okay, don't don't take me
to dinner, Like we don't have to go to dinner.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
Let's go, let's go hiking.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Let's go to a comedy show. Like, let's go on
baseball game. I freaking love baseball.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
Like let's do.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
Something, let's go roller skating. I don't care, but like,
it doesn't have to be the typical date. I loved
going to the Jonas Brothers concert. I thought that was
a lot of fun. It was kind of loud in there,
so he was like, I don't know, do you want
to go sit outside and talk?
Speaker 2 (38:55):
And I was like, no, no, Actually, I don't.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
Like we're here the brothers, We're in a suite, we
have the best seats in the house. Yeah, no, I'd
kind of like to see the Jonas Brothers. But you know,
we can hang out and you know, there's a whole
thing where like he drank, I don't drink anymore. And
uh so I think either way it wasn't ever going
to work out. But I think it was hard because
he is not used to that piece of the industry.
(39:20):
So I'm also asking a lot of someone who's going
to come on to the podcast. I am a personality.
I am doing this and it's very real to me.
But just what you said, Tori, it's also a job.
I'm also doing a job. I'm doing a podcast famously Available.
We do this, we record, I'm putting my life out there.
It is a date and it is very real to me,
and I hope that I'd be really cool if something
(39:43):
really great comes out of it. But also, at the
end of the day, it's a job, right, and so
I am asking a lot of a man to come
on date me and then also let me blast him
on a bottle.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
I got I nervous about this. When's the next date?
And you've gone on a second date. So I haven't
gone on a second date yet. But we go to
we go to jingle Ball this week? Are you going? Yes?
Speaker 3 (40:07):
Oh? I can't wait to hug your neck, y'all'll be there. Yes, okay, good,
We're going to jingle Ball. I keep begging for a date,
like if I can find my own, you know, maybe
I'll bring somebody. But I know Mercedes is going on
her first date this week.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
Oh my god, I know.
Speaker 3 (40:21):
And I get to be a part of that ball
to jingle Ball, which like, listen, a first date. Sure, Torri,
let's be honest. You get to go to jingle Ball.
It is a lot, but like, how freaking fun is
that I don't know. There's no pressure. If you connect
or you don't connect, you get to go, You get
to see an awesome show, you get to meet some
other friends.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Like, what a cool date. You're not paying for.
Speaker 3 (40:42):
A ticket, you know what I mean. The podcast is
bringing you out. They're introducing you to a hot girl.
What better could that be? If it works great, If not,
you go home and think, shit, I had a good
Friday night.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
That sounds awesome. You know, like, what do you have
to lose? Nothing? Exactly? Maybe you bring me a boy friend. Noah,
if I knew anyone, I'd be dating them. I'm just kidding.
Are there no single available men? Well you're younger than me,
(41:12):
but like you, No, it has been a very very challenging.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
Interesting culture out there. I will say that. You know,
you would think, because we live in Los Angeles, that
they're just on that, that they're on every corner.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
They're not.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
No.
Speaker 2 (41:25):
I go to Whole Foods every week. They're not there. Girls.
I don't know where they are. I don't know where
they are. So Trader Joe's maybe maybe Trader Joe's. Listen.
They all look great. They get to wear jeans and
a T shirt. To work. I listen. I love Trader.
Speaker 3 (41:39):
Joe's what beggars can't be choosers these days, Tori.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
No, but like you don't see ment, But I don't
know where do we meet people?
Speaker 5 (41:49):
Then?
Speaker 2 (41:49):
I don't know. That's why I like place friends.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
That's why I like this opportunity of doing the podcast
because I don't go out. I I don't go bar hopping.
I'm not going clubbing anymore. Right It's a very different
when you know, and when there are midlives versus our
early twenties when.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
We were going out all the time. I'm living at
every party.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
I was a freaking celebrities after parties like I was
doing all of that and it was a lot of fun.
I'm not doing that anymore. I don't know where people
meet guys women anymore.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
There, but I don't feel very hopeful right now. I
know I sure don't meet.
Speaker 3 (42:26):
Them when I come here, and I lock myself in
my house all during Thanksgiving break and just make my
own ribbi and sit on my couch and watch my
own shows.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
I'm surely not meeting anybody here. So it sounds good.
What sauce did you make with it? Oh?
Speaker 3 (42:38):
Nothing, you just salt and pepper it and then sear it.
It's the best way to have it. You come over,
I'll make you dinner, okay.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Says we need a man, girl who know one. I'll
cook for you all day, even know anymore? Like I
don't even know what I want anymore. I just I
think that age a human, But I don't. I didn't
even really like sleep. It wasn't my husband. I didn't
like sleeping with someone I'm not, like, I don't like
the in bed, like I want to be left alone,
like I don't know.
Speaker 3 (43:03):
I think that's also really beautiful about the place in
life where we are right now is that we get
to figure out who we are again. We get to
figure out what we want and it doesn't have to
be the same person as what we were in our
twenties and thirties when we met our ex husbands. That's
the really awesome thing is we get to be someone different.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
If we want. We get to be more healed, not healed.
Speaker 3 (43:24):
We get to be funnier, you know, we get to
be hotter if we want, We get to not be
We get to eat all we want, roles for days,
and enjoy our bodies like I think that's really and
I believe that in this day and age in particular,
we're at such like an empowerment place where I think,
and I'm only going to speak for women because I
am a woman, but like where we're empowering each other,
(43:48):
you know, like we get to have careers, we get
to be freaking bosses, we get to make more money
than men, we get to have what we want, and
if we don't find that, then we're awesome some on
our own. Like how beautiful is that? I would like
to share a life with someone. I have wonderful children,
(44:09):
I have really solid friends and family. I would love
to share my life with someone. I think I make
a great wife.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
I do if it.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
Doesn't happen for me. I also really love myself and
my life a lot.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, but that's the personal answers.
I guess you're right. That's the beauty of it. Never
thought at I want to say our age, but again,
you're in your forties. I'm in my fifties.
Speaker 3 (44:44):
Oh that's still our age, Tory, don't, that's still our age.
Speaker 2 (44:48):
We're beautiful, strong women. I just never I guess I
never thought I would be here. Well, we wouldn't have
thought it, you know. No, And I can't say.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
And you probably think the same thingying. I didn't go
into marriage thinking oh, I can't wait for this one.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
To be done. Absolutely not.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
I bought the fairy tale. I wanted it for the
rest of my life. I did not choose lightly. I
did not take my marriage for granted. I did not
think going into that. I actually shoot, I was with
a group of people one day and I'm the only
single one in the group. It was a Bible study actually,
(45:26):
and they were kind of talking, tossing around the idea
of the way people go into marriage these days that
they look at it like if it doesn't work out,
I'll just get divorced. And this person said that in
the group, and again, mind you, I'm the only woman
who is there who's divorced, who didn't ask for a divorce.
Speaker 2 (45:44):
Mind you.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
I was along for the ride, and I don't get
offended a lot, you know. But I stood up and
I was like, hey, that's not true. I paid for
a divorce that I didn't ask for, and that's not
what I wanted. I didn't not ever go into my
marriage or my relationship thinking if this doesn't work out,
(46:05):
I'll just get divorced. No, the thought never crossed my mind.
I was in it for the long haul. I was
in it for the rest of my life, and I
was willing to do whatever it took to make that
relationship work.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
That's the truth. So I don't know.
Speaker 3 (46:19):
Maybe there are people out there who toss it around
because they're willing to check out. I just know that
wasn't me, and that wasn't my experience. That wasn't I
didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for all of
this that comes along with it. But back to what
we said in the beginning.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
Here we are here, we are right.
Speaker 3 (46:38):
And we get a second chance, Tori at a really
awesome life, a really awesome chance at hopefully right love again.
I mean, we're young, dude, we're hot, we're great catches.
Someone is going to love us again, and hopefully that
next chapter that love is like is that mind blowing?
(47:01):
Like fully accepting love. It's not on it's not on conditions,
you know what I mean. Someone's going to love us,
accept us for who we are, through and through, and
if not, then you know we're really good on our own.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
Like pardon me wants to be like, yes totally, and
you love how I just can't with you. I'm just like, yeah, nope,
that's okay.
Speaker 3 (47:26):
That's the place that you're in right now. That's the
place that you're in just drinking Oh soda water. Oh
my god, I don't have my glasses on. And I
saw a yellow and I thought it was.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
Squirt remem so so what an awful name for soda anyway,
But it's as good as moist. Great. It's such a
random let's call this squirt. Yeah, I'm just so freaking
tired in life that I'm just like, I don't know
(47:59):
what I have left for someone else. But I yeah,
in theory, in theory, yeah, I don't want to be
eighty and alone. That would suck. But right now I
can't even imagine giving so much to someone, like because
once I had kids, I stopped giving as much as
(48:21):
I did before we had kids to my husband. I
think that's yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:27):
I think that's also very natural. I think that's very natural.
Something in what happens, something in switching to us. When
you have children, you become a mother, you know, literally
as a mother, everything that we do. People always say, oh,
you can't just live for your kids. Yeah, I understand that,
but it is in our nature to do that, to
do that for our children, to give to our children.
(48:48):
I used to say this in my marriage all the time.
My kids get ninety eight percent of me. He got
one percent, and I got what was whatever was left over,
and that wasn't a lot. So we are raising tiny humans,
that's what we're doing. We're trying to keep them alive,
We're trying to make them good people, We're trying to
(49:08):
show them their love. And nowadays we're all like, okay,
tell me what's coming up for you. Like, we're trying to,
you know, make sure their emotions are met and that
they become, you know, with a full skill set as
they move into the world as adults. Like that's exhausting.
It's beautiful, but it's also exhausting. It's not surprising to
me that you would say, I don't have anything else
(49:28):
to give right now. I think that's okay.
Speaker 2 (49:31):
Maybe you were season of life.
Speaker 3 (49:32):
Where you are right now is you're meant to just
be tory and a mom, like you're meant.
Speaker 2 (49:38):
To fill you up. Eighteen years is a long time
what I was going. No, I mean, I don't know,
it makes me think more about the nature of man
versus a woman, and like going back to the you know,
Adam and Eve and why we're it's just the I
think about it all the time that men just are
(50:00):
different and men, I think are getting more evolved now
and I love that, but it's just in their DNA.
I don't feel that that's a characteristic. Like we are
born to be moms, you know, when we have babies,
for those of us that choose to do it or can, Like,
(50:22):
I just feel like we give everything and men are not,
like they don't. It's a different way of thinking.
Speaker 3 (50:28):
But I think you're also right. I mean, I'm a Christian.
That's what my belief is. And so for me, I
believe that the Lord designed us two different ways for
a reason. Right that men I can't even I can
barely understand myself and women, so I won't even go there.
I'll put them aside. But you know, I believe that
by nature we are created, created to be nurturing people.
(50:50):
There is something in us that allows us to set
our own lives aside to care for children. Right, and listen,
there's a lot of great dads out there. There's a
lot of stay at home dads. There's a lot of
dads to do it. It's still not the same it
is innately in us. The way that we give even
kids aside. You watch on Thanksgiving Day. Thanksgiving was just Thanksgiving.
(51:11):
Watch on Thanksgiving Day. The way women are of service
is different than men. They have to work at Oh honey,
please sit, let me do the dishes. They don't innately
that doesn't come up for them and think today, I'm
going to be a great husband and do all of
the dishes.
Speaker 2 (51:29):
Maybe they do, maybe they do. I'm not a man.
But if you hus bean noways did the dishes?
Speaker 3 (51:33):
Oh god, I'm so jeousph and he cooks, Wow, wow,
I'll take one of those.
Speaker 2 (51:47):
Yeah. And I don't know, Yeah, I don't know. I
think you get to figure it out. And that's the
beauty of life. That's the beauty of life.
Speaker 3 (51:57):
You get to decide what it is that you want next,
you know what I mean. That's what you get to
decide that you want. That's what I get to decide
that I want, except I go on a podcast to
do it.
Speaker 2 (52:09):
It's I think it's great. I want you to go
on your second date, So.
Speaker 3 (52:12):
Do I call them up, tell them that we need
to we can come back. You know what, we should
both go on a date to jingle Ball and then
we could do this again and talk about it. Because
dating is a whole other thing. Maybe you should get
on the apps. Maybe that's what you should do, and
then I'll live vicariously through you. They have an app
that's meant for celebrities, Riyah.
Speaker 2 (52:34):
Yeah you can do it. I hear that nobody meets
people on Riyah that it's just like, oh, I know,
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (52:42):
I heard once that Ben Affleck was on there, and
I was like, maybe that'll happen to me.
Speaker 2 (52:48):
Probably not, but it's swishful thinking. I don't know. It
can be done.
Speaker 3 (52:55):
There's also beauty in there. I want you to just like,
go out on a date, just put yourself out there.
Speaker 2 (52:59):
It is.
Speaker 3 (53:00):
I have learned to talk to a wall. I could
get to know a wall. I really could. I think
that I'm truly extroverted anyway, but it's important to me
to be able to have conversation and for someone to
have active listening. And that's why I said that dating
is like an experiment, because it is shocking to me
(53:24):
how many people do not know how to have conversation,
to speak to someone, ask them a question, actively listen,
and ask a follow up question.
Speaker 2 (53:35):
These are basic things that we think we're taught. It's
human nature. Are not that are not?
Speaker 3 (53:41):
I can't tell you how many dates I walked away
from and thought that guy knows nothing about me, That
they never asked me a single question outside of oh
your name is that they never asked me anything about myself.
Speaker 2 (53:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (53:54):
Yeah, I can't tell you how many first dates I
went on where I left and thought he knows a
single thing about me. Communication and reciprocation is so very important,
and I feel like those.
Speaker 2 (54:08):
He didn't ask because he knows you're famous, and he's like, well,
I don't want to think that I'm asking.
Speaker 3 (54:13):
I would say that I have experienced this stuff since
early on, okay, even before I ever went on television.
I think there is also a piece to that where
people walk up and they can google me and learn
a lot of things about me. You can see that
I'm divorced, that I have children, you can see whatever
my life is. There are people that google that. Even still,
if that were the case, they could sit down to
(54:34):
a meal or a coffee or a hike or whatever,
and be like, so, I see that you have two children,
what are your kids like? What do you like to
do with your children? Those feel like very basic things
in order to see if you have actual chemistry with someone,
and I don't mean just sexual chemistry, but that helps.
You have to be able to talk to someone. Yes,
(54:55):
I don't care how hot you are. I don't care
how good looking you are. If the things that come
out of your mouth are repulsive, you are unattractive to me.
I'm that serious. Someone's emotional, intelligent, their sense of humor,
their personality way more important than way more important than
anything else that makes someone attractive. There has to be
(55:19):
that initial attraction when you meet someone, and that's you know,
that's that's.
Speaker 2 (55:24):
The looks piece.
Speaker 3 (55:25):
But it has to go to further depths beyond that.
And if you can't do the most basic things, I
can't tolerate having dinner with you. I would much rather
be on my couch watching Netflix by myself and making
myself happy. Absolutely, it's not worth my time, and my
time is valuable.
Speaker 2 (55:43):
Amen. Amen, what are you wearing? M fredday?
Speaker 3 (55:49):
God, that's a whole other thing, because I okay, so
tell me if you can relate to this. Because I
was married for so long. It's not like I lost myself,
but like, I don't know. My style just evolved over years.
The way I dress evolved over years. I'm a T
(56:11):
shirt and jeans girl through and through, Like that's who
I am. If I could go to jingle Ball wearing
a T shirt and jeans, like, nothing would make me happier.
So I'm trying to be you could, I guess I could.
I'm trying to be relatively attractive. So here i am
in Bloomingdale's last week and I'm sending Kelly Ben some
own pictures of me because she's gorgeous and she's got
legs for days and she always looks hot on the
(56:33):
red carpet. And I'm like, Kelly, can I wear this?
And I sent her a few pictures of different outfits
that I had picked out, and the one and I
knew it as soon as I sent Kelly, She's gonna die.
And when she hears this, I knew the dress she
was gonna pick toy because it's this slinky little thing
that I can't wear a bra with and it's like
got thin straps and it's short, and she's like that dress,
(56:53):
you look smoking hot. Wear that dress. I was like,
I knew you were gonna say that. I'm not gonna
wear this dress.
Speaker 2 (57:00):
I don't know. I'm between two things.
Speaker 3 (57:02):
I really love the fashion trend right now of tights,
and so I really want to wear some tights. And
I bought some really fun sparkly heels, and so I
want to base my outfit on tights and sparkly heels.
Speaker 2 (57:14):
Okay, what are you gonna WEARK I don't know, I
have nothing to wear yet, but with kids like, we
don't think. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, but
you're a hot, cute one. I in my conference, Like,
I wear tennis shoes now, that's my thing. So do I?
I wear heels for so many years. That's just like,
(57:35):
why I may I wear heels? I just I don't
want to any Why do I have to? Why do
I have to do that? I know?
Speaker 3 (57:42):
So I bought a little black sequince skirt. Maybe I'll
do that. Maybe if you wear a T shirt with it,
I could.
Speaker 2 (57:50):
I could. So here we are.
Speaker 3 (57:53):
Now we're going to surprise each other at GENA and
see what each other is.
Speaker 2 (57:57):
I just get to hug you again. I know, I know. Also,
I feel so comfortable. I'm black. I'm not like a
colorful person. Okay, shoot, yeah, that reminds me. I have like,
what four days to get it. Oh boy, you better
get on it. I know. How old is your youngest now? Eight?
Oh my god. It goes my so fast when it's
not your own kids. I know. Wow. So there's little
(58:21):
all day.
Speaker 3 (58:22):
Allegedly Oh okay, okay, that's a story for another time.
Speaker 2 (58:29):
The youngest is home today again, it's always got something
and he's my baby, so I'm always like, oh you
have the sniffles. Okay, yeah, I absolutely stay home with mommy.
I'm the longest possible, Like, oh my gosh, today's.
Speaker 3 (58:42):
Torture because they were just out of school for a
week and a half, so neither kid wants to go
to school. Of course, I text a girlfriend of mine
and was like, maybe I'm the worst, or maybe I'm
the best. Maybe I should be flattered that the kids
don't want to go to school, that they're completely anxious
and in tears because they want to stay home with
mommy and daddy. They love the home with mommy and daddy.
That's they feel safe. They feel happy. That's what they
(59:03):
want to do. So I either need to be really
stoked about that or I'm like, I'm creative, I'm creating
a problem. But both of my children went to school
today in full blown tears and panic because they would
rather be at home with mom and dad. And I'm like, see,
I can't.
Speaker 2 (59:17):
I would have been like, Okay, it's okay, it's not good. Yeah,
I understand, Well, thank you. I appreciate you doing this. Yeah,
I'm looking forward, proud of you going through this. Who
would have thought, like eight seven years ago, like we'd
(59:38):
be here, both divorced, starting this new beautiful chapter.
Speaker 3 (59:42):
Who would have thought? Who would have thought? But here
we are. It's crazy.
Speaker 2 (59:46):
Life. Life puts you, puts you on on different things.
Speaker 6 (59:51):
You know.
Speaker 3 (59:52):
I can think back to certain places in my life
where certain decisions have changed the trajectory of my life,
and so you know that divorce did. It changed the
trajectory of my life. And I'm very happy now and
I'm really really glad and I'm grateful. But it's interesting
how those things happen, right, and it's happened for you too. Well,
I'm excited to see where that where that path leans.
Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
That's same, very good. Well, it'll lead somewhere. Hopefully it's
not a dead end road. I hate wrong turns. I
made so many of them. Okay, well, no, it's gonna
be the beautiful road that'll keep going. That's right. Well,
(01:00:33):
I look forward to seeing you Friday. Me too.
Speaker 5 (01:00:36):
Me.
Speaker 3 (01:00:36):
Whatever we wear, whatever we wear, let's go. Let's be
wild and wear jeans and a T shirt and tennis shoes.
We'll show them all.
Speaker 2 (01:00:44):
Oh my god, I would love you.
Speaker 5 (01:00:46):
Have no idea.
Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
All right, Tory, thank you? Okay, I love you and
I love you. I'll see you Friday, honey,
Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hi, my friend, it's been a while, it has How
are you. I'm okay.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
You've both had quite a few life changes.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
I know. Yeah. Last time we hung out, we were
both still married. The irony of that, right, Yeah. And
then we both got divorced the same year ish ish Yeah,
separated separated. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
I think mine was final before yours, but separated around
the same time.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Mine took forever. Oh, we the.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Divorce was not the problem, most problem.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Many many, many things. Yes. Yeah. So we used to
hang out, like mom friend, So we had like our
mom group with our kiddos. And I feel like I
only met your ex a couple times. I like the parties. Yeah.
So I know nothing except what I read in the press,
even though I know you, which is super weird for me. Well,
(01:21):
I don't think it's that weird.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
You know how the press works and the industry better
than a lot of us.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
So yeah, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
You know, I don't think I have anything new to say.
It is absolutely a piece of my life. I would
really love to just put behind me. That's what I feel,
you know. At the end of the year, my birthday
was in November, and with the closing of twenty twenty five,
I would like for it to just be done. Bring
on a new year, wash me clean, make me new.
It can't get worse than what it was, right right,
(01:58):
It can only go up from he can only up.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Yes, twenty twenty six.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Yeah, I'm not a New Year's resolution person. I don't
know there if you are, no, Yeah, I've never been that, Like, Okay,
we're going to go to the gym, we're going to
give up sugar, We're going.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
To do these things.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
I'm a very realistic human being, but I do think
that like twenty twenty six just has to be a
better year, not just for myself but for a lot
of people.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
You know, I do know, But I feel cautiously optimistic
because I say that every year.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
We're trying to be glass half full people, Tori glass full.
I am not a glass half full. I think that
I am a glass half empty person. So I have
to work at it every day because the truth is
is like, that's the energy what we put out, that's
what we're going to receive. And if we are talking
about divorces, ex husbands, the tortuous twenty twenty five that
(02:56):
I know I've experienced, and that's what we're going to get, right,
and I'm putting that out. I want better than that.
I want a better life. I want a better life
for my children. I want better relationships, I want better friendships.
I just want better. I just want better. And if
we continue to put out the negative pieces of it,
that's what we're going to get.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I agree, I agree, But it's all part of our
journey and it makes us the humans we are. And
then you have your next beautiful second chapter. Can I
ask you about your podcast and the date you went on?
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Yeah, so I'm doing a podcast called Famously Available, which
I love the name. I know, it's so fun. Everybody's like,
what is the podcast? I'm like, well, I have a
history on reality television. I come from dating shows. That's
what everybody knows me as and you know, when I
was ready to start dating again, they're the idea was
(03:55):
presented to me to do a podcast surrounding dating. And
so it's not just myself. There's two other women on
the show, a younger version named Mercedes who is delightful.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
But younger version.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
I only say that because we're in three different phases
in life. So there's Mercedes, who is you know, she's
the bright, gorgeous twenty something who is looking to get
married and have babies, and that's her next chapter, right, optimistic, absolutely,
And then there's Me, the midlife divorcee who already has kids,
(04:28):
who's trying to find myself again in this dating piece,
right because I do get a second chapter, maybe a
third and fourth.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Who knows.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
And then there's Kathy who was on the Golden Bachelor,
so she is in her later stages of life who
is looking for a partnership for the rest of her life.
And so the podcast is a lot of fun because
it's going to follow the three of us who are
in very different stages of life but ultimately hoping for
the end goal. Each one of us would like to
(04:58):
find partnership and compare onionship. And what we have done
is invited listeners to join us on the ride and
a ride it is on par for your life, on
par for my left.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Yeah, right, and chaos.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
It's like the good Lord just knows that I can
handle the ups and downs.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
You know, you can handle it all, but the happy
chaos you should be handling. The happy chaos I'll be
the future.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Or you know, what I really want is I don't
think this is considered a roller coaster, but one of
those rides that just goes parallel. There's no high highs,
there's no low lows. I would just like to be
at peace and smooth sailing like that would be really awesome.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Would you be bored?
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Though? No? No, I think I've had enough enough excitement
for a lifetime.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
No, very much. I very much crave.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Just consistency and reciprocity and truly just like peace. I
very much crave that in my life. You know, I
think I've had the very young love where you get
all the butterflies and you're like crazy, and you know,
you thrive on this person, and then have had the marriage, right,
(06:08):
the piece of paper. We had children together, and marriage
is a whole other thing.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
You know.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
I commend people who are able to find a person
that they can be with, because I think it's just
nuts that you can take two totally different people and
expect them to be one.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Right, That's what That's what I was taught.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Marriage is right, You take two people and you try
to become one. You combine your money, you combine your assets,
you combine your home, you raise children together. You the
children are right, you hope to have the same thoughts
the end goals, your thoughts on faith and if it's
your Christianity, whatever that looks like. You hope to be
(06:53):
parallel on those big things. And then at the end
of the day, you hope to really like that person,
to get along well, that you are able to communicate
with them, that you find joy in life. Hopefully the
sex is amazing for some of us, it is. I
don't know, but right at the end of the day,
everyone's going to experience problems. Can a marriage to people
(07:15):
together survive something like that? I think it's really beautiful
when people can do that.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Yes. I So I met a couple last week and
my son and I helped them to the car coming
from the grocery store, and we started talking and they said,
next month we are celebrating our fifty seventh wedding anniversary.
US just recently finalized force. I was like, my brain,
(07:43):
I was like, I won't say anything from my son,
but I was like, wow, I wanted to be like,
what the heck is the secret? But that is it
is amazing. I think for me, at least at this point,
I don't know if I believe that the person we
create children human with is the person we are meant
to be with for the rest of our lives, because that,
(08:04):
for me was the big component. We didn't know to
ask each other like what are your parenting thoughts and
how will that work because we didn't have kids together
at the time, and then once that came into play,
like it just took on a whole different life. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
I think we're getting back to the basic thing of
you take two people, yeah, and expect two individuals with
two thoughts, two upbringing two different backgrounds, and expect them
to see eye to eye on everything. That's a huge expectation,
and we as humans, we tend to put our expectations
on other people. I know I do, right, I expect
(08:45):
other people to treat me how I want to be
treated without saying anything because I know how I would
show up for others.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
That's not the case, Tory, like, that's just not how
it happened. It's not.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
And just because I am very in tune with my
feelings and what I expect out of relationships doesn't mean
that those around me are and doesn't mean that they're
able to communicate that, and so I'm with you. I
don't know that I've ever believed that we're supposed to
(09:15):
have one great love of our life. I have had,
you know, the pleasure of loving a few men in
my life.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
I just have.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
And I'm really grateful for those experiences and the love
and the gratitude that I've taken from each relationship. But
you know, my grandparents were together for decades, both sets
of my grandparents, but I am a product of divorce.
My parents divorced when I was very young, So outside
of my grandparents, I don't know that I was ever
mirrored a really healthy relationship, like a loving relationship outside
(09:49):
of my grandparents. And how do you know how to
do that when you haven't been mirrored or taught the behavior?
Speaker 2 (09:58):
We don't. For me, I just watched brom coms. Like
you know, I watched all the movies, thinking, oh my gosh,
I get this fairy tale. It's going to be loved
first sight and last forever. And I just had nothing.
I mean, my parents were stayed married, but I really
had nothing to base it on.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Right, But even with your parents, was that a healthy,
loving relationship?
Speaker 2 (10:21):
In hindsight? I don't know. I can't give the answer
to that. I never heard them argue they seemed loving,
but there wasn't a lot of emotional communication with my
brother and I about their relationship, and I wish there
had been so I knew.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
What to expect. Yeah, well, so it should be a book. Listen,
we have lots of ideas we need to run down.
I thought books eight way sideways since getting divorced, because
it truly is, like you know, it's a death. I
have said that over and over again, and you being divorced,
you know this too. It is a true grieving process,
and I don't know you know your full experience. But
(11:04):
I really rode every wave of that grief. I really
wanted to take that closure of that relationship and grieve
it and put it to bed. I didn't want those
things to resurface later in my life or in another relationship,
or worst of all, for my children. I want my
children to know what healthy, loving relationships look like. That's
(11:26):
what I want for them. I don't want my daughter
to grow up seeking the validation of a man who
doesn't love her.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
I don't want that from my daughter, or just seeing
the validation of a man period or that or that
that's right, right. We raise these girls to be or
another human like, yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
Strong women, And every time she rolls your eyes at me,
I'm like, oh wait, not me.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
You may be.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Strong at all other aspects of your life, but with me,
you get it, you know.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
But it's so funny.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
I said this to someone recently, is like, I mean,
I'm a Christian and and you know, there was this
piece of my marriage that it was like, oh, well,
you're a good Christian woman. You're supposed to be a
submissive wife. Well, I'll tell you what, Tori, I don't
have a submissive bone in my body. I made arown
(12:16):
ass woman. No one has ever taken care of me.
I've got a job since I was fourteen years old.
I pay my own bills. I put a roof over
our kids' heads. I'm not going to be barefoot in
the kitchen and doing your dishes like you're some king
at the end of the day. That is not the
relationship that I want, right, But that's in our kick
notion as well. Yeah, but I don't know. Do you
(12:40):
date how many men? I said to you, Oh, I'd
really love a woman to cook for me. I'm thinking, well,
I'm freaking like a man to cook for me. What
means I have to be in the kitchen serving you?
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Oh wow, interesting, I'm not dating, but I like, I
don't know, but I that's still in my brain, Like, oh,
when I I date someone, I get to cook for someone. Like,
you're right, though, he should cook for me.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
I listen, I bring a lot to the table. I
love to cook. I don't mind cooking for someone for me.
It's a fine line between the expectation of the given
roles that people think we need to play in a
relationship and I think you're right this day and age,
those are roles that someone else has made up for
us that we carry into relationships.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Right by all means, if.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
I meet a man and he wants to take care
of me and scoot me off to Cabo and stay
at the Four Seasons for five days, yeah, and let
me just hang out at home with my kids. Sure,
I'll cook you dinner every night. You want to play
those roles, absolutely absolutely. I don't really want that. But
I'm just saying we can't have these unbalanced expectations walking
(13:49):
into a relationship. I'm in a place in my life
and I have dated a little bit. I did go
on a date on the podcast, which was a lot
of fun. But it's just a unique situation. And again
I come from reality television, where my history is in dating.
So the guy was very normal, tory, like he had
a normal job, and he was divorced, and I don't
(14:10):
think he quite knew what to expect because you know,
there's also like there was other people there. There were
other celebrities there. We were at a Jonas Brothers concert,
you know what I mean. It wasn't necessarily a romantic situation.
But what I was hoping from the situation is if
we connected and liked each other enough, he would ask
for my phone number, we could see if there was
(14:32):
something there and go out on a second date. But
if you have agreed to show up on a podcast
to date someone like me, you know, chances are he's
read the headlines, he's googled me, he knows.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Who I am.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
There is a piece where you know what you're signing
up for because it's a podcast. That's how we're meeting.
Let's see if we connect and we can go on
to something else. He was a super nice guy.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
He showed up. It was a fun date.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
We had great conversation. Oh he's nothing nothing, No, No,
I found him a try.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
But he never asked for my phone number. What do
you mean? I know, I know. I don't know if
I was given off vibes that I never am Oh
he never did.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Know what. Actually, his friends that he came to the
concert with, they were more interested in me in me
than he was.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Yeah, so it's okay.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
I dating in general, I feel like as a science experiment,
you know what, I mean to have to sit down.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
I don't want to go back to It is.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Kind of exhausted. It is kind of exhausting. Is I
go through phases?
Speaker 2 (15:34):
You know?
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Last week was Thanksgiving and my kids were with their
dad for the week, and I go through phases of
where I'm like, oh yeah, I absolutely want a relationship
someone that I can invest in and spend time with.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
No. No.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
All last week I was super happy just being here
alone in my home that I pay for, watching TV,
that I also pay for whatever I want, cooking what
I want for dinner, and not having to take care
of anyone else. And I think that, but tell me
if I'm wrong. As a single mother, our time is
so limited, you know, and what I'm not going to
(16:07):
do is give up time with my children to go
on a date with another man. That's not the phase
of life, right I am in and that's not That's
not what is important to me. So in the time
that I do have where I don't have my kids
and I am available to date, it's got to be
something really great, like that's how I feel. And if
(16:27):
it's not something really great and I can't move into
a romantic part in a friendship, I'm not going to
invest in it like I want to be blown away.
Speaker 5 (16:38):
I'm Kristin Davis, host of the podcast Are You a Charlotte?
The most anticipated guest from season three is here the
Tray to My Charlotte. Kyle McLachlin joins me to relive
all of the magical Tray in Charlotte moments. He reveals
what he thinks of Trey giving Charlotte a cardboard baby.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Why would I bring her a cardboard baby? I was
literally I was like, this doesn't track for me at all.
Speaker 5 (17:05):
When he found out Tray's shortcomings, I'm kind of.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Excited to talking about it. You know, I think he's
he's a guy spends time in Central Park. You know,
he's probably you don't know, it'll be some surgery stuff,
you know.
Speaker 6 (17:14):
And I was like all this.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Kind of stuff going on, and they were like yeah, yeah, yeah, funk.
And they said, but he's impotent, and I was like, he's.
Speaker 5 (17:20):
Impotent, and why he chose not to return to inges
like that?
Speaker 2 (17:24):
They came and presented an idea and I was like,
I get I see it. It's so kind of a
one joke idea.
Speaker 5 (17:30):
You don't want to miss this.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Listen to.
Speaker 5 (17:33):
Are you a Charlotte on the iHeartRadio app? Apple podcasts
or wherever you get your podcasts?
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Have you been on a dating app?
Speaker 3 (17:45):
I have been on a dating app. I don't know
if you have done it. It's not a good look.
Well it's not a good look if you want to
get together with your girlfriends. Have wine, don't have wine,
I don't care what have you. But just get on
it for fun and see what it is. Oh.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
I used to go on my friends, my single friends
all the time. I was obsessed because I was like,
this didn't exist when I was single, but now that
is single, Like all they.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Want to do is send you pictures of their penis what.
It's very terrifying, they're not attractive.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Yeh, I'm not terrifying. It's so funny. Women don't want
to see that, Like, I don't know how many times
we can tell them no, is this not true? I
don't want to see a dick pic. I also am like,
is it just young?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Like?
Speaker 3 (18:38):
Was it just the time period that we're in where
everyone lives on their phones and social media? Like, Okay,
you talk to someone for a week and then it's like, oh,
send me a dirty picture. I'm just not that girl.
I'm not that girl. Okay, a, I'm not that trusting. Okay,
b I've been on television. You can google my name.
The last thing I need is for you to submit
a photo online of my boobs.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
They still look great.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
I've breastfed two children, but I just don't want that life,
and I don't want it in return. I still believe
that there is some some concept to relationships that you
get to know somebody before jumping in the sack. I
don't know if I was just.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
In it jumping in the sack, I like that.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
Well, if I was just I'd not like it pleased, Okay,
then let's get down. But if I'm in it to
really be in a relationship and get to know someone.
If I'm in it to be in a relationship and
really get to know someone, I'm not jumping. I'm not
jumping into sex with somebody. That's that's not the best
way to get to know someone truly, you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Yeah, I would never want someone to send me some
picture of themselves there or at the gym with their
shirt like I know.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
I mean, I have an ick itself and you're on
social media, and I don't know if you know this,
but I have an ick itself and like men who
don't do social media and like post life like thirst
traps or if it creels like oh in the life
while I make my coffee, I don't.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
I don't know why men. I did not want to
date someone like that.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
No, I don't want to date an influencer, Like we
don't want that.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Life interesting because we and our world kind of have
to do a version of that on some level, but
we don't want But that's very like what's sexist of
us that we think a man can't do it? Then
I know I don't want to see that. I don't.
I don't.
Speaker 3 (20:31):
It's just not the kind of kind of vibe I want.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
I don't know. You haven't even tried to date once
once didn't go well, it's still TBD. But I don't know.
I don't know what I believe in anymore. It's so
and it's so exhausting with the kids. So the kids
(20:55):
live with me and they see their dad, but they
live with me. So I don't get like that week
or week in offer. So I don't know. I can't
picture like actively going on dates with someone if they
didn't know them, or I'm sure I will. No one
asked me out, to be honest, no one asks me
out either. Everybody's like, oh.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
My gosh, Like what about when you're in the grocery store.
I'm like, no one looks at me. I'm the one
like ethne asparagus making eye contact with every que guy
that walks by. I'm like, Hi, they don't, they don't,
they don't. I don't know if I'm intimidating. I don't
know if grown men just don't do that anymore, but
they don't. I don't get approached like out out in
the wild.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Or or is it just we're not used to it,
so we don't because we weren't paying attention when we
were married, because we were good girls. So like, maybe
now we don't notice it. You're like, nope, nope, I
don't get it either, So I don't know we're attractive women.
I don't understand that. I think the.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
Truth is is if we knew the reason why you
and I wouldn't be sitting here right now, just two.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Of us, just.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
Single and living our best lives. Maybe you know, I
think that's I think that is probably part of it.
Toy is like, I don't know when I'm in a relationship.
I'm in a relationship and I am loyal to a
fault to myself.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
So you're right.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
When I was with my ex husband for fifteen years,
I never had a wandering eye. I am loyal to
a fault to myself. I did not flirt, I did
not look around. I didn't even appreciate other good looking men.
That's just not who I am. And so I think
there is also a piece that fifteen years is a
(22:35):
long time, right, fifteen.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Years you were with your ex. I was with mine
eighteen years were married. That's a long time. Yeah, that's
a long time. Four minute years.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
People who say, oh, well, don't be jaded. That's so
much easier said said than done. Divorce is one of
the most traumatic things that I've ever gone through. I
don't know if that was the same situation for you.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
The actual divorce, no, but the process, the whole thing,
the actually yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
The beginning to end right. I don't love you, I
don't want to be with you. Then the tortuous cycle
of we get along, we don't get along, separating our kids,
separating our assets, moving out, staying together, not staying together,
finding a new place, making sure your children are okay,
making sure they're happy. Then you do get divorced, Then
you fight, Apparently somebody goes to jail. There's a whole
long list of things that take place. For me, the
(23:28):
entire situation was traumatic. So to look at someone who
has been in our position and say, oh, don't be jaded,
don't say that. You haven't walked a day in my shoes.
You don't know what I carry every single day. And
a lot of that is just hoping my children turn
out okay.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
I want them to be okay.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
I want them to come out of this as unscathed
as they can.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (23:52):
I want them to still believe in love. I want
them to not carry the weight of unhealth that has
taken place between me and my ex husband. I want
them to love me and I want them to love
their daddy, and that's what they deserve. And that's a
lot to carry. I lay my head down.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Thanks.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
Thanks, I've said it from the get go, even after
everything that's taken place, It's amazing to me that you
can love someone and marry them and have children and
get divorced and think I don't fucking know who that
person is anymore. I don't get how the mind and
(24:30):
the heart does that. You can love someone so much
that you literally drive yourself crazy through a separation and
a divorce and then have nothing for them. I don't
think that's everybody's experience, but it's been mine. But that's
also called trauma post traumatic stress syndrome.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
So that's the whole other thing. Yeah. Now, if you
knew from the beginning that this would be the journey,
you would still do it, though, right because you got
your babies.
Speaker 3 (24:59):
Absolutely, because I have my children, and you said something
in the beginning that I believe is true. We each
have a path to read like yours is different from mine.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
I have one.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
But we also get to make choice, and I think
that that's where pain comes from. There is a path
that each of us are designed for that is right
for us, for our lives, and it's something really really
great whatever it is right, but we also get the
choice to make decisions, and sometimes when we get off
the path, that's where pain comes from. Pain builds character, right, resilience.
(25:37):
All of my girlfriends for my birthday, they are like,
oh my gosh, you know when they're saying things about me,
You're so resilient, You're so resilient, You're so resilient, you're
so strong.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Well, i'll tell you what.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
I am exhausted from being strong and resilient. I am
tired of coming out of things and being like, wow,
look how resilient I am. I survived that too. I'm
tired of that. I don't want to do that anymore.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
That is such a valid point.
Speaker 3 (25:59):
It is That's why I say to you, I don't
want the cop but the chaos anymore, of the ups
and the downs. I do want to just coast at
a level speed and I want peace in my life.
I'm tired of having to survive. I don't want to
do that. I'm only forty four. I don't want to
have to do that for another seventy years, sixty even
that's maybe fifty.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Yeah, I don't know. He got a good fifty eight
at least at.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Least because you're a fighter, lucky lucky lucky me.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
I don't know, do you right? Oh? Yeah? But do
you everyone get said husband along? Do you get that's real?
It's as though, and I yeah, good, I'm glad to
hear that. I think it was realizing that he is
(26:52):
who he is and he's changed a lot, and that's
great for the kids and for our relationship. And he's
sober now. But you know, he's still the person he is.
I'm still the person I am, and we're two very
different people. And you're right, yeah, I'm not the same
person I was when I met and fell in love
(27:15):
with him, and I think I was I thirty one,
thirty two. It's just yeah, But I couldn't have predicted
the person I would evolve and become, and there was
a yeah, there was nothing that could have predicted that.
But I wouldn't change anything because I got my five
beautiful babies. Yeah, for my journey. I think my path
(27:39):
I always walked the line of when to leave, when
was the right time for us to split? And that's
a hard thing and I do grapple with that sometimes,
Like would have been better for the kids if we
had split sooner? I don't know, but I.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Don't think you can put a timeline on that, you know,
I do believe that. I hate the stupid saying everything
happens for a reason. No it doesn't, No, it doesn't.
I've seen enough mediums. I think if I am lucky
enough at some point to tap truly into my intuition,
I could probably save myself a lot of pain and heartache.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
But we all could. Yeah, right.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
I think that we are given free will to make
decisions in our life, and it's so hard. I don't
live my life with regret. I really try hard not
to do that, but it is really hard not to
look back and think if you could have done this differently,
or had you stayed together a little bit longer, had
you broken up a little bit earlier, you know, because
I remember when when the kids and I moved into
(28:40):
our new place, and you know, it's really worried about them. Hey,
you guys, okay, because we you know, how do you feel?
And my youngest, who I thought didn't remember a lot,
looked at me and he said, I'm so happy. I'm
just going I don't have to listen to you and
daddy fight anymore. And I was like, Gus, And that
was a gut check for me, because we thought we
(29:04):
did a great job of hiding it for the sake
of our kids. We thought we did a good job,
you know. And for my youngest to say that to me,
I was like, Oh, they deserve more. I deserve more.
But they deserve more. They don't deserve to grow up
in a home like that, you know, they deserve to
see you know, both their mommy and their daddy happy
(29:24):
and loved and thriving in life. That's what they deserve. So,
you know, I think life is about refinement tory. That's
what I think. That's what I think. We can't go
back and live in the past and think what we
could have done differently, how we could have loved differently,
and the choices that we could have made. That does
us no good. For me in particular, that sends me
(29:45):
into pure anxiety. I can't even I can't even go there.
But I believe that life and relationships. I do believe
as people we are designed for companionship and partnership.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
I really do. I think that's just.
Speaker 6 (30:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
We're born to love and to want to be loved.
We are born to do that. I just think that
that is what we crave most at the end of
the day. Someone to love us, but not just love us,
but love us fully and holy as we were made
good and bad.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
You know what I mean. We're all human.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
There's things that tell me when you find somebody that
you love every last thing about them, let me know.
I'll be here waiting. Okay, it doesn't exist, doesn't exist,
but it's.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
What you'll tolerate at different points for your life, probably exactly.
And when you start picking someone else apart, it says
more about you than it does them. This is true. Hey,
it's Wilfred Ell and Sabrina Bryan.
Speaker 6 (30:46):
From the podcast Magical Rewind and we have a very
special guest on this week's episode. He's the mastermind behind
some of your favorite movies like Hocus Pocus, Newsies, The Descendants,
and of course High School Musical.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Yes, it is the one.
Speaker 6 (30:59):
And only a living legend. Director Kenny or Tega.
Speaker 4 (31:03):
We sit down with Kenny to talk about his incredible
career and the legacy he's created with his choreography and films.
Speaker 6 (31:09):
You seriously will not want to miss this one.
Speaker 4 (31:11):
Listen to Magical Rewind on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
Hi, it's Jenny Garth, host of the I Choose Me podcast.
This week, I'm so excited to welcome my friend Gabrielle
carteris the Andrea Zuckerman from Beverly Hills nine o two
on OZHO to the pod.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
We're choosing to get real. I applied to the networks
about my age and contracts. They never would have hired
me if they had known my age. We're choosing to
be honest.
Speaker 5 (31:38):
She looked at me, and she said, this business is
about than ask, which you have neither of, and.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
We're choosing to get nostalgic.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Listen to I Choose Me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
Do you feel like you want to date someone or
be with somebody that already has kids.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
I think that that would be beneficial. It's not a
deal breaker for me and just Like I've explained on
the podcast over and over again, it's not a deal
breaker for me. My kids don't need a stepdaddy. They
have a dad that they love very much. If I
end up with someone, I hope that they're really great
and they become a really good friend to my kids
and they show my kids an example of what a
(32:20):
really loving, healthy relationship looks like. I think how special
it would be for them to see their mommy loved
well like that would be really awesome. But it's not
a deal breaker for me. I think it would help Tori,
and you know this because you have five kids for
someone who has kids and understands. So I've actually dated
on both spectrums. Okay, I've dated someone doesn't have kids
(32:42):
and who is younger, like how much younger? Like twelve
years nice? Yeah, okay, I went through a little phase
when I got to four for you, so yeah, yeah,
it was It was great and I really liked this guy.
We had a lot in common, but he I'd never
been married, and he had never had kids, and that
(33:02):
was still something that he desired. And something that I
pride myself on is that I'm really really honest. I
don't cut the shit like, hey, if we can make
it work, great, But like I was very honest from
the get go, like I cannot give you children.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
That is not something that I want. I have done that.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
I have two wonderful children that I love and I
feel whole and complete there. I do not want more children.
That is a hard pass for me.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
I also tory.
Speaker 3 (33:29):
I don't think I ever want to be married again.
That is not important to me. I don't need the
piece of paper. I don't need the government to say, oh,
look at you, now you're a union. I don't need that.
I believe in partnership, believe in companionship just like I
told you, and I am loyal to a fault. I
can have someone and we can play house and we
can do the diamonds and the bands or whatever. But
(33:49):
I don't need the wedding anymore. I don't need the
piece of paper for me to say I'm yours. That's
not important. If I were to meet somebody and it
was really important to them, then it is something that
I would consider. But I would not say that's on
the top of my list. So I have also dated
guys who have kids, and I will say it just
(34:10):
flowed a little bit easier because they get it. They
freaking get it when I call on a Wednesday night
and I'm like, hey, I have to cancel.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
My kids need me.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
A man who has children understands that a man who
does not have children will never understand the bond between
a mother and their children. I will give up everything
for my children, everything, and I have done so. So
if that's not plainly to see, that's who I am.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
And so.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
Yeah, and I think it just like I was a
blended family and there can be a lot of beauty
in that.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
So it's not a deal breaker for me, toy.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
But like I could do it, it would work out well, right,
I don't know, you more kids?
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Right? We go five? I can't, but I guess at
this point, right, I know, I do like even numbers.
But no, it's not a deal breaker. But yeah, I
think someone who is a parent and just knows that
experience would be a lot easier. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
I used to say too, and I've said this on
Famously Available.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
They're like, oh, when will you know?
Speaker 3 (35:22):
People asked me about being on the Bachelor and the
Bachelorette all the time, like how did you like all
of them?
Speaker 2 (35:27):
There's so many guys. How did you pick?
Speaker 3 (35:28):
And I'm like, it's like walking into a bar and
seeing in twenty five hot guys because in their own right,
they're all very good looking. Seeing twenty five guys and
you don't want to talk to all of them, Right, Tori,
you've been to a bar, You've got to parties. You
can get around and be like, Okay, there's probably two
or three in here that I would spend time actually
trying to connect with. That's what it's like. And it's
(35:50):
the same thing going on a podcast because all of
my girlfriends when when I said I was going to
do this again, they were like, are you nuts? The
first two goes wasn't enough for you?
Speaker 2 (35:58):
And I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
I think like, because I have to think outside of
the box. Because people know me from reality television, it
doesn't feel any different to me to put this part
of my life out there and do it with people
listening or people watching like that doesn't I also think,
what a unique way to meet someone if it's somebody
who really wants to get to know me. Because right
(36:22):
Famously Available has made it very clear that I'm on
the podcast. Mercedes and Kathy that we're all on there.
If you want to date us.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
Hey, reach out, like, they'll send us on a date,
they'll arrange it. We can see literally how it works.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
Yeah, or or the producers know somebody really great they
line them up for me.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
So it's just always like, wait, who's not proofing these people?
But who's who's Like.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
It is.
Speaker 3 (36:48):
A little more rogue than The Bachelor, it's a little
bit more rogue than that.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
But do you feel like, on some level though, you're
more open to it because it's part of work and
you're a working single mom, Like, so you're going to date,
but you're going to do this on your podcast. So
I don't know, for me, it would feel more like
I'll do that because it's work, you know. Okay, I'll
tell you this.
Speaker 3 (37:13):
This is where I struggled on the first date that
they sent me on, because you know, we.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Had talked about it beforehand.
Speaker 3 (37:20):
We had recorded a few podcasts and then I did
some social media too, talking about it like, oh my gosh,
I'm going on the first date. Help me pick an outfit.
What if he doesn't like me? What if he does
all the things right?
Speaker 2 (37:29):
Right? I felt really good about it.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
Going into it, and then when we showed up, I
was not expecting the pressure that I felt, because leading
up to that it felt like a job. I was
recording a podcast with Ben, we were talking about being available.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
It was all of these things.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
And then when I showed up, I underestimated the pressure
that I would feel because a very normal man who
is not in my industry showed up to go on
a date with me that night. So when I said
that to your earlier, the first date we went to
a Jonas Brothers concert. But I think he also underestimated
what the date was going to be. You're used to
a typical date where you meet somebody or they pick
(38:10):
you up, and you go to dinner and you talk
for a couple of hours and you see if there's
any chemistry.
Speaker 7 (38:14):
That was not our first date. So I think that
sounds horrible, but it was like, I think I'd rather
be in your situation, like at a concert. And just
because I'm not used to dating after all these.
Speaker 3 (38:28):
Years, absolutely, and that's why I think it's fun and
outside of the box. Yeah, okay, don't don't take me
to dinner, Like we don't have to go to dinner.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
Let's go, let's go hiking.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Let's go to a comedy show. Like, let's go on
baseball game. I freaking love baseball.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
Like let's do.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
Something, let's go roller skating. I don't care, but like,
it doesn't have to be the typical date. I loved
going to the Jonas Brothers concert. I thought that was
a lot of fun. It was kind of loud in there,
so he was like, I don't know, do you want
to go sit outside and talk?
Speaker 2 (38:55):
And I was like, no, no, Actually, I don't.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
Like we're here the brothers, We're in a suite, we
have the best seats in the house. Yeah, no, I'd
kind of like to see the Jonas Brothers. But you know,
we can hang out and you know, there's a whole
thing where like he drank, I don't drink anymore. And
uh so I think either way it wasn't ever going
to work out. But I think it was hard because
he is not used to that piece of the industry.
(39:20):
So I'm also asking a lot of someone who's going
to come on to the podcast. I am a personality.
I am doing this and it's very real to me.
But just what you said, Tori, it's also a job.
I'm also doing a job. I'm doing a podcast famously Available.
We do this, we record, I'm putting my life out there.
It is a date and it is very real to me,
and I hope that I'd be really cool if something
(39:43):
really great comes out of it. But also, at the
end of the day, it's a job, right, and so
I am asking a lot of a man to come
on date me and then also let me blast him
on a bottle.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
I got I nervous about this. When's the next date?
And you've gone on a second date. So I haven't
gone on a second date yet. But we go to
we go to jingle Ball this week? Are you going? Yes?
Speaker 3 (40:07):
Oh? I can't wait to hug your neck, y'all'll be there. Yes, okay, good,
We're going to jingle Ball. I keep begging for a date,
like if I can find my own, you know, maybe
I'll bring somebody. But I know Mercedes is going on
her first date this week.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
Oh my god, I know.
Speaker 3 (40:21):
And I get to be a part of that ball
to jingle Ball, which like, listen, a first date. Sure, Torri,
let's be honest. You get to go to jingle Ball.
It is a lot, but like, how freaking fun is
that I don't know. There's no pressure. If you connect
or you don't connect, you get to go, You get
to see an awesome show, you get to meet some
other friends.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Like, what a cool date. You're not paying for.
Speaker 3 (40:42):
A ticket, you know what I mean. The podcast is
bringing you out. They're introducing you to a hot girl.
What better could that be? If it works great, If not,
you go home and think, shit, I had a good
Friday night.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
That sounds awesome. You know, like, what do you have
to lose? Nothing? Exactly? Maybe you bring me a boy friend. Noah,
if I knew anyone, I'd be dating them. I'm just kidding.
Are there no single available men? Well you're younger than me,
(41:12):
but like you, No, it has been a very very challenging.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
Interesting culture out there. I will say that. You know,
you would think, because we live in Los Angeles, that
they're just on that, that they're on every corner.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
They're not.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
No.
Speaker 2 (41:25):
I go to Whole Foods every week. They're not there. Girls.
I don't know where they are. I don't know where
they are. So Trader Joe's maybe maybe Trader Joe's. Listen.
They all look great. They get to wear jeans and
a T shirt. To work. I listen. I love Trader.
Speaker 3 (41:39):
Joe's what beggars can't be choosers these days, Tori.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
No, but like you don't see ment, But I don't
know where do we meet people?
Speaker 5 (41:49):
Then?
Speaker 2 (41:49):
I don't know. That's why I like place friends.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
That's why I like this opportunity of doing the podcast
because I don't go out. I I don't go bar hopping.
I'm not going clubbing anymore. Right It's a very different
when you know, and when there are midlives versus our
early twenties when.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
We were going out all the time. I'm living at
every party.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
I was a freaking celebrities after parties like I was
doing all of that and it was a lot of fun.
I'm not doing that anymore. I don't know where people
meet guys women anymore.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
There, but I don't feel very hopeful right now. I
know I sure don't meet.
Speaker 3 (42:26):
Them when I come here, and I lock myself in
my house all during Thanksgiving break and just make my
own ribbi and sit on my couch and watch my
own shows.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
I'm surely not meeting anybody here. So it sounds good.
What sauce did you make with it? Oh?
Speaker 3 (42:38):
Nothing, you just salt and pepper it and then sear it.
It's the best way to have it. You come over,
I'll make you dinner, okay.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Says we need a man, girl who know one. I'll
cook for you all day, even know anymore? Like I
don't even know what I want anymore. I just I
think that age a human, But I don't. I didn't
even really like sleep. It wasn't my husband. I didn't
like sleeping with someone I'm not, like, I don't like
the in bed, like I want to be left alone,
like I don't know.
Speaker 3 (43:03):
I think that's also really beautiful about the place in
life where we are right now is that we get
to figure out who we are again. We get to
figure out what we want and it doesn't have to
be the same person as what we were in our
twenties and thirties when we met our ex husbands. That's
the really awesome thing is we get to be someone different.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
If we want. We get to be more healed, not healed.
Speaker 3 (43:24):
We get to be funnier, you know, we get to
be hotter if we want, We get to not be
We get to eat all we want, roles for days,
and enjoy our bodies like I think that's really and
I believe that in this day and age in particular,
we're at such like an empowerment place where I think,
and I'm only going to speak for women because I
am a woman, but like where we're empowering each other,
(43:48):
you know, like we get to have careers, we get
to be freaking bosses, we get to make more money
than men, we get to have what we want, and
if we don't find that, then we're awesome some on
our own. Like how beautiful is that? I would like
to share a life with someone. I have wonderful children,
(44:09):
I have really solid friends and family. I would love
to share my life with someone. I think I make
a great wife.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
I do if it.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
Doesn't happen for me. I also really love myself and
my life a lot.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, but that's the personal answers.
I guess you're right. That's the beauty of it. Never
thought at I want to say our age, but again,
you're in your forties. I'm in my fifties.
Speaker 3 (44:44):
Oh that's still our age, Tory, don't, that's still our age.
Speaker 2 (44:48):
We're beautiful, strong women. I just never I guess I
never thought I would be here. Well, we wouldn't have
thought it, you know. No, And I can't say.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
And you probably think the same thingying. I didn't go
into marriage thinking oh, I can't wait for this one.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
To be done. Absolutely not.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
I bought the fairy tale. I wanted it for the
rest of my life. I did not choose lightly. I
did not take my marriage for granted. I did not
think going into that. I actually shoot, I was with
a group of people one day and I'm the only
single one in the group. It was a Bible study actually,
(45:26):
and they were kind of talking, tossing around the idea
of the way people go into marriage these days that
they look at it like if it doesn't work out,
I'll just get divorced. And this person said that in
the group, and again, mind you, I'm the only woman
who is there who's divorced, who didn't ask for a divorce.
Speaker 2 (45:44):
Mind you.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
I was along for the ride, and I don't get
offended a lot, you know. But I stood up and
I was like, hey, that's not true. I paid for
a divorce that I didn't ask for, and that's not
what I wanted. I didn't not ever go into my
marriage or my relationship thinking if this doesn't work out,
(46:05):
I'll just get divorced. No, the thought never crossed my mind.
I was in it for the long haul. I was
in it for the rest of my life, and I
was willing to do whatever it took to make that
relationship work.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
That's the truth. So I don't know.
Speaker 3 (46:19):
Maybe there are people out there who toss it around
because they're willing to check out. I just know that
wasn't me, and that wasn't my experience. That wasn't I
didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for all of
this that comes along with it. But back to what
we said in the beginning.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
Here we are here, we are right.
Speaker 3 (46:38):
And we get a second chance, Tori at a really
awesome life, a really awesome chance at hopefully right love again.
I mean, we're young, dude, we're hot, we're great catches.
Someone is going to love us again, and hopefully that
next chapter that love is like is that mind blowing?
(47:01):
Like fully accepting love. It's not on it's not on conditions,
you know what I mean. Someone's going to love us,
accept us for who we are, through and through, and
if not, then you know we're really good on our own.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
Like pardon me wants to be like, yes totally, and
you love how I just can't with you. I'm just like, yeah, nope,
that's okay.
Speaker 3 (47:26):
That's the place that you're in right now. That's the
place that you're in just drinking Oh soda water. Oh
my god, I don't have my glasses on. And I
saw a yellow and I thought it was.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
Squirt remem so so what an awful name for soda anyway,
But it's as good as moist. Great. It's such a
random let's call this squirt. Yeah, I'm just so freaking
tired in life that I'm just like, I don't know
(47:59):
what I have left for someone else. But I yeah,
in theory, in theory, yeah, I don't want to be
eighty and alone. That would suck. But right now I
can't even imagine giving so much to someone, like because
once I had kids, I stopped giving as much as
(48:21):
I did before we had kids to my husband. I
think that's yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:27):
I think that's also very natural. I think that's very natural.
Something in what happens, something in switching to us. When
you have children, you become a mother, you know, literally
as a mother, everything that we do. People always say, oh,
you can't just live for your kids. Yeah, I understand that,
but it is in our nature to do that, to
do that for our children, to give to our children.
(48:48):
I used to say this in my marriage all the time.
My kids get ninety eight percent of me. He got
one percent, and I got what was whatever was left over,
and that wasn't a lot. So we are raising tiny humans,
that's what we're doing. We're trying to keep them alive,
We're trying to make them good people, We're trying to
(49:08):
show them their love. And nowadays we're all like, okay,
tell me what's coming up for you. Like, we're trying to,
you know, make sure their emotions are met and that
they become, you know, with a full skill set as
they move into the world as adults. Like that's exhausting.
It's beautiful, but it's also exhausting. It's not surprising to
me that you would say, I don't have anything else
(49:28):
to give right now. I think that's okay.
Speaker 2 (49:31):
Maybe you were season of life.
Speaker 3 (49:32):
Where you are right now is you're meant to just
be tory and a mom, like you're meant.
Speaker 2 (49:38):
To fill you up. Eighteen years is a long time
what I was going. No, I mean, I don't know,
it makes me think more about the nature of man
versus a woman, and like going back to the you know,
Adam and Eve and why we're it's just the I
think about it all the time that men just are
(50:00):
different and men, I think are getting more evolved now
and I love that, but it's just in their DNA.
I don't feel that that's a characteristic. Like we are
born to be moms, you know, when we have babies,
for those of us that choose to do it or can, Like,
(50:22):
I just feel like we give everything and men are not,
like they don't. It's a different way of thinking.
Speaker 3 (50:28):
But I think you're also right. I mean, I'm a Christian.
That's what my belief is. And so for me, I
believe that the Lord designed us two different ways for
a reason. Right that men I can't even I can
barely understand myself and women, so I won't even go there.
I'll put them aside. But you know, I believe that
by nature we are created, created to be nurturing people.
(50:50):
There is something in us that allows us to set
our own lives aside to care for children. Right, and listen,
there's a lot of great dads out there. There's a
lot of stay at home dads. There's a lot of
dads to do it. It's still not the same it
is innately in us. The way that we give even
kids aside. You watch on Thanksgiving Day. Thanksgiving was just Thanksgiving.
(51:11):
Watch on Thanksgiving Day. The way women are of service
is different than men. They have to work at Oh honey,
please sit, let me do the dishes. They don't innately
that doesn't come up for them and think today, I'm
going to be a great husband and do all of
the dishes.
Speaker 2 (51:29):
Maybe they do, maybe they do. I'm not a man.
But if you hus bean noways did the dishes?
Speaker 3 (51:33):
Oh god, I'm so jeousph and he cooks, Wow, wow,
I'll take one of those.
Speaker 2 (51:47):
Yeah. And I don't know, Yeah, I don't know. I
think you get to figure it out. And that's the
beauty of life. That's the beauty of life.
Speaker 3 (51:57):
You get to decide what it is that you want next,
you know what I mean. That's what you get to
decide that you want. That's what I get to decide
that I want, except I go on a podcast to
do it.
Speaker 2 (52:09):
It's I think it's great. I want you to go
on your second date, So.
Speaker 3 (52:12):
Do I call them up, tell them that we need
to we can come back. You know what, we should
both go on a date to jingle Ball and then
we could do this again and talk about it. Because
dating is a whole other thing. Maybe you should get
on the apps. Maybe that's what you should do, and
then I'll live vicariously through you. They have an app
that's meant for celebrities, Riyah.
Speaker 2 (52:34):
Yeah you can do it. I hear that nobody meets
people on Riyah that it's just like, oh, I know,
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (52:42):
I heard once that Ben Affleck was on there, and
I was like, maybe that'll happen to me.
Speaker 2 (52:48):
Probably not, but it's swishful thinking. I don't know. It
can be done.
Speaker 3 (52:55):
There's also beauty in there. I want you to just like,
go out on a date, just put yourself out there.
Speaker 2 (52:59):
It is.
Speaker 3 (53:00):
I have learned to talk to a wall. I could
get to know a wall. I really could. I think
that I'm truly extroverted anyway, but it's important to me
to be able to have conversation and for someone to
have active listening. And that's why I said that dating
is like an experiment, because it is shocking to me
(53:24):
how many people do not know how to have conversation,
to speak to someone, ask them a question, actively listen,
and ask a follow up question.
Speaker 2 (53:35):
These are basic things that we think we're taught. It's
human nature. Are not that are not?
Speaker 3 (53:41):
I can't tell you how many dates I walked away
from and thought that guy knows nothing about me, That
they never asked me a single question outside of oh
your name is that they never asked me anything about myself.
Speaker 2 (53:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (53:54):
Yeah, I can't tell you how many first dates I
went on where I left and thought he knows a
single thing about me. Communication and reciprocation is so very important,
and I feel like those.
Speaker 2 (54:08):
He didn't ask because he knows you're famous, and he's like, well,
I don't want to think that I'm asking.
Speaker 3 (54:13):
I would say that I have experienced this stuff since
early on, okay, even before I ever went on television.
I think there is also a piece to that where
people walk up and they can google me and learn
a lot of things about me. You can see that
I'm divorced, that I have children, you can see whatever
my life is. There are people that google that. Even still,
if that were the case, they could sit down to
(54:34):
a meal or a coffee or a hike or whatever,
and be like, so, I see that you have two children,
what are your kids like? What do you like to
do with your children? Those feel like very basic things
in order to see if you have actual chemistry with someone,
and I don't mean just sexual chemistry, but that helps.
You have to be able to talk to someone. Yes,
(54:55):
I don't care how hot you are. I don't care
how good looking you are. If the things that come
out of your mouth are repulsive, you are unattractive to me.
I'm that serious. Someone's emotional, intelligent, their sense of humor,
their personality way more important than way more important than
anything else that makes someone attractive. There has to be
(55:19):
that initial attraction when you meet someone, and that's you know,
that's that's.
Speaker 2 (55:24):
The looks piece.
Speaker 3 (55:25):
But it has to go to further depths beyond that.
And if you can't do the most basic things, I
can't tolerate having dinner with you. I would much rather
be on my couch watching Netflix by myself and making
myself happy. Absolutely, it's not worth my time, and my
time is valuable.
Speaker 2 (55:43):
Amen. Amen, what are you wearing? M fredday?
Speaker 3 (55:49):
God, that's a whole other thing, because I okay, so
tell me if you can relate to this. Because I
was married for so long. It's not like I lost myself,
but like, I don't know. My style just evolved over years.
The way I dress evolved over years. I'm a T
(56:11):
shirt and jeans girl through and through, Like that's who
I am. If I could go to jingle Ball wearing
a T shirt and jeans, like, nothing would make me happier.
So I'm trying to be you could, I guess I could.
I'm trying to be relatively attractive. So here i am
in Bloomingdale's last week and I'm sending Kelly Ben some
own pictures of me because she's gorgeous and she's got
legs for days and she always looks hot on the
(56:33):
red carpet. And I'm like, Kelly, can I wear this?
And I sent her a few pictures of different outfits
that I had picked out, and the one and I
knew it as soon as I sent Kelly, She's gonna die.
And when she hears this, I knew the dress she
was gonna pick toy because it's this slinky little thing
that I can't wear a bra with and it's like
got thin straps and it's short, and she's like that dress,
(56:53):
you look smoking hot. Wear that dress. I was like,
I knew you were gonna say that. I'm not gonna
wear this dress.
Speaker 2 (57:00):
I don't know. I'm between two things.
Speaker 3 (57:02):
I really love the fashion trend right now of tights,
and so I really want to wear some tights. And
I bought some really fun sparkly heels, and so I
want to base my outfit on tights and sparkly heels.
Speaker 2 (57:14):
Okay, what are you gonna WEARK I don't know, I
have nothing to wear yet, but with kids like, we
don't think. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, but
you're a hot, cute one. I in my conference, Like,
I wear tennis shoes now, that's my thing. So do I?
I wear heels for so many years. That's just like,
(57:35):
why I may I wear heels? I just I don't
want to any Why do I have to? Why do
I have to do that? I know?
Speaker 3 (57:42):
So I bought a little black sequince skirt. Maybe I'll
do that. Maybe if you wear a T shirt with it,
I could.
Speaker 2 (57:50):
I could. So here we are.
Speaker 3 (57:53):
Now we're going to surprise each other at GENA and
see what each other is.
Speaker 2 (57:57):
I just get to hug you again. I know, I know. Also,
I feel so comfortable. I'm black. I'm not like a
colorful person. Okay, shoot, yeah, that reminds me. I have like,
what four days to get it. Oh boy, you better
get on it. I know. How old is your youngest now? Eight?
Oh my god. It goes my so fast when it's
not your own kids. I know. Wow. So there's little
(58:21):
all day.
Speaker 3 (58:22):
Allegedly Oh okay, okay, that's a story for another time.
Speaker 2 (58:29):
The youngest is home today again, it's always got something
and he's my baby, so I'm always like, oh you
have the sniffles. Okay, yeah, I absolutely stay home with mommy.
I'm the longest possible, Like, oh my gosh, today's.
Speaker 3 (58:42):
Torture because they were just out of school for a
week and a half, so neither kid wants to go
to school. Of course, I text a girlfriend of mine
and was like, maybe I'm the worst, or maybe I'm
the best. Maybe I should be flattered that the kids
don't want to go to school, that they're completely anxious
and in tears because they want to stay home with
mommy and daddy. They love the home with mommy and daddy.
That's they feel safe. They feel happy. That's what they
(59:03):
want to do. So I either need to be really
stoked about that or I'm like, I'm creative, I'm creating
a problem. But both of my children went to school
today in full blown tears and panic because they would
rather be at home with mom and dad. And I'm like, see,
I can't.
Speaker 2 (59:17):
I would have been like, Okay, it's okay, it's not good. Yeah,
I understand, Well, thank you. I appreciate you doing this. Yeah,
I'm looking forward, proud of you going through this. Who
would have thought, like eight seven years ago, like we'd
(59:38):
be here, both divorced, starting this new beautiful chapter.
Speaker 3 (59:42):
Who would have thought? Who would have thought? But here
we are. It's crazy.
Speaker 2 (59:46):
Life. Life puts you, puts you on on different things.
Speaker 6 (59:51):
You know.
Speaker 3 (59:52):
I can think back to certain places in my life
where certain decisions have changed the trajectory of my life,
and so you know that divorce did. It changed the
trajectory of my life. And I'm very happy now and
I'm really really glad and I'm grateful. But it's interesting
how those things happen, right, and it's happened for you too. Well,
I'm excited to see where that where that path leans.
Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
That's same, very good. Well, it'll lead somewhere. Hopefully it's
not a dead end road. I hate wrong turns. I
made so many of them. Okay, well, no, it's gonna
be the beautiful road that'll keep going. That's right. Well,
(01:00:33):
I look forward to seeing you Friday. Me too.
Speaker 5 (01:00:36):
Me.
Speaker 3 (01:00:36):
Whatever we wear, whatever we wear, let's go. Let's be
wild and wear jeans and a T shirt and tennis shoes.
We'll show them all.
Speaker 2 (01:00:44):
Oh my god, I would love you.
Speaker 5 (01:00:46):
Have no idea.
Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
All right, Tory, thank you? Okay, I love you and
I love you. I'll see you Friday, honey,
Hosts And Creators
Tori Spelling
Jennie Garth
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Are You A Charlotte?
In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.