Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler Trailer

Starting May 23rd, 2019: Listen to Chelsea Handler's first ever podcast series featuring candid, hilarious conversations about her life, her work and where she’s headed next. The podcast features interviews with celebrities such as Connie Britton, Jake Tapper, Sean Hayes, Mary McCormack and more.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the
Death of Me, a production of I Heart Radio. I'm
doing a limited podcast for the tour of Life Will
Be the Death of Me. And I'm doing a conversation
instead of stand up because I thought that the material
within the book matched a different kind of conversation. And
I'm going to talk to all these different people on
my BFF, Mary McCormick. If I didn't have assistance, managers,

(00:21):
cleaning ladies, or any staff at all, how long do
you think I would survive? Not long? Not long. You
can't do a podcast for that assistant. It's called Well
and Grace. Please welcome Sean Heyes, Oh, I have I
look like a lesbian? Just I won't say it. I
won't know. When you go low, I go high. I
would be a great lesbian. What do you mean? Would

(00:44):
I would? I can't, but I would. I'm I've done
it until it was my turn and then I quit.
So please welcome Frankie Shaw. I don't know like the
meditation to sit with yourself for five to twenty minutes
when you wake up, I feel like it changes your life.

(01:07):
It does, it changes your mood. I don't I'm not
like I had a real short fuse. You know, if
I go to an airport my my doctor, I go,
I need to work on my patients. I lack patients.
And he goes, well, what I need an example? And
I'm like, and I explained to him that when I
go to airports, I go, I can't deal with like,
you know, a Hudson News type of place. I go.
The slowness of the transaction between the person and me

(01:30):
getting a book isn't worth it. I can't do it.
So what I do is I will pick out a book,
wave it to the security camera, and then put twenty
bucks on the counter, however much it is, and walk out.
You still do that? Yes, please welcome Connie Brayton and

(01:56):
I um, I'd like to thank Dan for that. Dan's
my psychiatrist. I have really irrational feelings for Dan, sexual
feelings sexual. I really want Dan badly, like you want
Robert Mueller. I want Dann. Yeah, I get it, I
get it. It's comparable. A dentist can be borderline good

(02:18):
looking and all of a sudden you're like, you know,
just because he has some control over you. You know,
if you ever like anybody anytime I've been put under
by an antithesiologist, You're just like, oh my god, Like
you're immediately attracted to them, just because they're like they
have your life in your hands, you know, in their hands.

(02:38):
Please welcome Megan Steals trap. What would you prescribe for her?
For Sarah Scoby Sanders, oh all boatload a pot. She
needs to get soaked up, I mean, and then she
needs to go in a corner and blast herself for
an hour and a half. That's my dream for her.
Please welcome. Jake Tapper. Speaking of family, I would be

(03:02):
remiss if I didn't mention the dogs, because I'm sure
there are a lot of fans of your dog. Give us,
give us the update, give us the dogo update if
you would. Well, I have a dog's named Bert and Bernice.
They're on the cover of the book. Bert is OBEs
fat one. He's on the right, and that's his little

(03:22):
sister Bernice. I went to a chow chow rescue. I
like the black tongue situation. She goes their names are
Bert and Bernie, and I literally was like, I mean,
I almost climax. I was like, oh my god, what
those their names already like that's exactly what I would
to name then, Like this isn't being it's a podcast.

(03:48):
Life would be the death of me as a production
of I Heeart Radio. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio,
visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows. I mean, no one
takes me seriously as a Bernie's are you listening to this?
She doesn't even know I'm her mother.