May 30, 2019 • 32 mins
Chelsea is joined live in Washington, D.C. by Jake Tapper where they jovially dive into therapy, funky smells and the story behind the oranges on the cover of Chelsea's book.
Credits:
Host: Chelsea Handler
Guest: Jake Tapper
Executive Producer: Conal Byrne
Producers: Sophie Lichterman, Jack O’Brien
Writers: Jamie Loftus, Anna Hossnieh & Sophie Lichterman
Consulting Producers: Nick Stumpf, Miles Gray, & Anna Hossnieh
Engineer: Billy Klein
This episode was Mixed & Edited by: Danl Goodman
Music by: Kingsbury
Order: "Life Will Be the Death of Me"
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the
Death of Me, a production of I Heart Radio. Hi,
this is Chelsea Handler and you're listening to Life Will
Be the Death of Me podcast, which is about me
having life beat the Death of Me. I guess it's well,
it happens to everybody, so just watch your back. Anyway,
I went on the road. I started my book tour,
(00:20):
which is unlike any tour I've done because I'm having
um interviewers in different cities interview me. So I'm going
to share with you one of my first shows, which
was in Washington, d C. At the Warner Theater with
my friend Jake Tapper, who interviewed me, which was great.
A because he's a journalist and so he's really good
at interviewing people. But be because he's a friend of mine,
and I don't have a ton of professional friends, so
(00:43):
I consider him to be a professional friend, even though
I've seen him be unprofessional. Uh So, this is kind
of the first conversation for my book tour to kind
of talk to everybody about the themes of the book
and all of the issues in the book that resonated
with people, and where I was when I started writing
it where I am now and um, where Jake Tapper
(01:04):
and I are going, I'm gonna bring out my buddy
that it wasn't that kind enough to say yes, uh
to interview me tonight for this book. And he's interviewed
me before. I've met him several times, and I like
him a lot, and I know everybody in this room
likes him. To Please welcome Jake Tapper for everyone. So
(01:35):
the you know, Bob Muller followed his report right, and
my love is not conditional, Jake. I'm waiting to see
the full report. I know what you're implying, and I'm
I believe in him, and we may not get what
we want when we want it, but I will continue
to believe in him until I'm proven to be wrong.
(01:58):
This is a true and undying love. It's an unrequited love,
is what it is. As far as we know. I
mean that we don't know, Bob. Somebody told me backstage,
or somebody told me a dinner who that his nickname
is three Sticks, and I was like really, and she's like, yeah,
(02:18):
three Sticks, you know because Robert Mueller the third I'm like,
oh yeah, yeah, yeah, of course it's like, that's that
information I need at this point with my relationship. Like
I'm already crushing hard. I don't need to be visualizing
that sort of equation. Where did this thing come from
that he has a six packer in a pack? Where
did Why do you think he sees a marine and
(02:40):
they don't let themselves go and he's and I've seen
when he walks with his jacket swinging, the way it
swings around. There's stuff under there and you see the
six pack or eight pack. I know what's going on
underneath men's shirts. Yes, you can tell by the rest
of his body. Just trust me, it's there. Okay, if
(03:00):
we ever see him with a belly, I'll pay you.
Do you want to? I want. I want you to
be happy. I want it to be right. I'm just
I just I thought maybe somebody had photoshop something and
sent it to you and you thought it was real. Okay, No,
I don't get fake news. Good good, Well. I read
(03:25):
the book and it's great, it's very's this is your
six book, correct six book, and um and uh, it's intense.
It's not all comedy, it's not all laughs. It's and
I want to get to some of the intense stuff.
So you got Joe Biden. I really want to know
what you think about Joe Biden. Um, I am so
(03:47):
burnt out from this whole you know, situation and the
mid terms that I want to be really ready to
rumble in when we do have a real election. So
I'm not paying attention to any of this noise right now.
Other you know, I'm reading the news, I'm not listening.
I'm just burnt out and I want my life back
before I have to really hit the pain, before we
(04:08):
all have to hit the pavement. So I'm not getting
excited about candidates. Let them figure out who's the candidate.
At this point, I will take a rock, So you
know what I mean. Did you have any reaction to
this story a few weeks ago of of of women
coming forward saying that that Joe Biden had, you know,
touch their shoulders and ways, Because what I think, here's
(04:29):
what I think about that. Sorry to interrupt you, but
you know how good I am at that. I think
that people who come forward with stories about having your
hair blown on diminish real victims who have actually had
sexual assaults and been a victim to sexual assault. And
we're losing we're losing the plot of this conversation, and
(04:50):
we're all kind of sacrificing each other. So I really
wish people would get over things that aren't going to
damage you for the rest of your life. And and
we're spect the people who have been through something. Um.
So there are a few things in this book that
we're just interesting little revelations that I didn't know. One
of them actually is a quality that you have that
(05:11):
I actually share, which is you have a very keen
sense of smell, you write in the book, and I
have that as well, and it is a curse. It's
so annoying. It's the worst thing in the world. It's
so annoying because as soon as somebody like I'd prefer
bo than perfume, when people wear perfume, I want to
hit them. You know. I don't like fragrance and flowery
(05:32):
smells obviously, and I don't like I don't know I
have it, but I've yeah, I have a real problem
with smell. It's almost like the gross smells that really
gross everybody else out. I don't have a problem with,
like deviled eggs, I'm fine with, or like like you know,
I don't know what's another bad smell that comes out
of their fridge, Like I can handle that spoiled milk
(05:52):
or something like that. Can you can? You just it's
just such a horrible quality to have. Just this ability
to smell things on doesn't trigger you. It's just when
I I you're the only the second person I've met
that that that acknowledges having this smell that grosses you
out the most. Um, you know, just anything having to
(06:14):
do with the digestive system, anything, anything gastro intestinal. Well, yeah,
no one, that's not ideal for any of us. But
one time I interviewed a guy in these and and
it was like he has poop in his pocket or something.
I don't know what. I don't know what's going on,
but I am not putting this interview on TV. It's
(06:36):
in a vault somewhere at CNN, I just because I
don't know what happened. But we'll wait on that note
eliminating it. Let me on the poop in the pocket.
I that's a theory, it's not verified. No, I thigured
you probably did it. Sounds like he did have poop
in his pocket. I did ayahuasca, which I talked about
(06:56):
in my book I went to Peru and I did
this drug, this plant that they brew in to tea
and it's called ayahuasca, and we filmed it for UM
for Netflix. I did a special on doing drugs and
UM and the shaman. You know, they warned you that
you're gonna go to the bathroom through your tushi and
you're gonna vomit. So I'm like on camera, I'm like, really,
(07:21):
I I can't we just pick one of those two things?
Do I have to do both? Um? But I didn't
go to the bathroom. I didn't go to the bathroom
of pad that happens to a lot of people. I
did vomit. So my dream did come true that I
could pick one. But the shaman went to the bathroom
the entire ceremony in his pants and never left the
(07:41):
room we were in. And you have a keen sense
of smell, but I was so into the ayahuasca that
I was able to go put that smell where it
belongs in the woods. But I did go through the
entire ceremony. I have one camera woman in the room
with me, and she was like after she goes, oh
(08:01):
my god, how could you focus? And I was like,
I was on another planet. But I smelled it, and
she goes, he just kept going and I go, oh,
more than once and she goes, yes, it was repeatedly.
It's on she goes, you can hear it on camera.
So don't do ayahuasca, Jake. That's the moral of that story.
I'm sure CNN is offering that as a side course.
(08:25):
I'm not going to pr anytime soon, but thank you. Okay,
We're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back.
When I did your Netflix show, I have to say
you it was it was shortly after president it was
in the first year of the Trump presidency, and you
were shot. You were traumatized, honestly, that's that was that,
(08:49):
Like I like I. You asked me if things were
gonna be okay. You you were really worried. And since then,
and this is what the book is about, since then,
you have trying to understand why you felt that way
and trying to get through the process. And one of
the things that is so interesting to me is how
many times you talk about in your book how Donald
(09:12):
Trump and your father, how Donald Trump reminds you of
your father in some ways. UH talk about that if
you would so I went to the psychiatrist. I had
interviewed him on my Netflix show. He talkedor Dan Siegel,
He's in my book, and I went to him because
I do you know Dan? Alright? Great? Who was clapping through?
(09:32):
Probably Dan's agent or something, I don't know. Thank you,
Mrs Siegel. Dan's mom is here, proud he and he
just talked about the brain in a way I was
interested in, or I could pretend I was interested in.
It was science. You know. They maxed a lot of hippocampus,
the prefrontal cortex and vortex whatever it is, and you know,
(09:54):
all of that stuff. And I was like, oh, I
could talk to him. He knows what he's talking about,
you know. And I went to him, and for the
first successions I bitched and moaned about Donald Trump. I
was paying somebody to listen to me because everyone was
so annoyed by me. My friends were like, oh my god,
can you fucking stop talking about it? And I'm like, yeah, yeah, attention.
(10:15):
You know, I was like straight out of The Handmaid's
Tale at every turn, like this is it. It's over
the world is ending, you know. I was just out
of hand. My rage was so high, and I would wait.
I would watch CNN and and the MSNBC and be like,
when are they gonna do it? Like it was gonna
happen any moment that they were going to drag him
(10:36):
out of the White House, you know what I mean,
like Saddam Hussein and throw him in something like I
really believe that, like oh, like, oh, the shoe is
about to drop any minute. So I went to this
guy and I was paying him to let me bitch
about Donald Trump. I would have paid him double. It
was a great exchange actually, And then finally once we
(10:59):
got passed kind of bluster, I he asked me what
I wanted and I said, I need more patience. I
have no patience. Everyone annoys me, everyone, And he's like,
do I annoy you? And like you will at some
point you will annoy me. So I would like you
to help me with that. And he goes, well, let's
what's talk about your life and your child till it's like,
(11:19):
I don't need to talk about my child. My brother
died when I was nine. My mom's dad, she died
like five years ago, tenure, I'm not sure of time,
but every my dad's dying, so like that's I'm good
with death. I don't need to go over it like
I want to talk about right now. I need to
be a better human being and I need to be
like kinder and I need to be able to talk
to people who disagree with me without freaking out and
(11:41):
my veins popping out of my neck. And then one
day he walked in to a session and he handed
me an orange that he said he had picked from
his tree. And in that moment, he goes, hey, I
thought you might like an orange. It's fresh from my tree.
And I I recoiled in my brain. I was like, oh,
(12:04):
how annoying, like a fucking warm fruit? Who wants that?
And like, now I have to peel it in front
of him to be polite. This is l a. I
don't even eat carbs, you know. And he handed it
to me and I started to peel it, and I
(12:26):
just became undone, and I was like, I needed to
tell you about the day my brother died and what
happened in my family, and and then I just cried
and cried and cried and cried. I was like, thank
you real orange, you know, trying not to cry because
I had never cried in front of a person, a stranger,
no way, And if I did cry, I would always
(12:48):
pretend it was about something else, because it couldn't be
about me. It had to be or Chet, my brother
who died. It couldn't be about that because it would
be vulnerable, and I couldn't be vulnerable, and I couldn't
talk to anybody about anything. I just had to be tough.
And after many sessions, he revealed to me how the
world becoming unhinged with Trump was my trigger, which I'm
(13:11):
sure millions of us had, and that that represented the
world being unstable, in my life, not being safe anymore,
and my whole world falling apart. And that's why I
was reacting to Trump in the way that I was.
Because I finally had something to put my anger on.
(13:32):
I could say, yeah, now, and this is why I'm
at him, you know. And it was huge eye opener
for me, because if you hear my story, you can say, oh,
of course, that's your issue. That's why you're so fierce
and tough and strong. I want to be independent. I
don't want a man. I don't need a man. I
want to I don't need children. I'm gonna show everybody
(13:52):
I can do everything all by myself, um, because my
nine year old little girl never ever dealt with that injury.
It just like a wound that became a canyon that
became whatever is bigger than that, and any time you
go around it or near it, it was like you
know this. And he was the first person and it
(14:13):
was the right time in my life where I was
able to say, Okay, this is what happened in my family,
this is what happened to my father I lost. You know,
my brother sat with me the night before he went away,
and he was the oldest and I was the youngest,
and we were bookends. There were six kids in our family,
and we were a team, like it was in my
head like that six. And if we brought my parents
(14:34):
it was two. We usually didn't bring them because they
were embarrassing. But the six of us were a little team.
And Chet was the captain and I was the mascot.
And he said to me the night before he left
for that trip, you know, I go, why are you leaving?
I don't want to drive to the viney We're going
to Martha's vineor My parents had a summer house and
that sounds a lot more glamorous than it actually was,
(14:55):
but it was idyllic in many respects. And he said,
I I'm going hiking with my friends. He had just
graduated from college. He said, I'm going hiking with my
friends for two weeks. I'm gonna be on the vineyard
in two weeks. You're not gonna miss a thing. I'm like,
I don't want to drive with mom and dad. You know.
They listened to public radio and and he said, I'll
never leave you with these people. I'll be back, and
(15:19):
he never came back. So, as a nine year old,
what Dan explained to me was that that felt like rejection.
Even though I knew he died. I thought he wasn't
careful enough and he didn't think enough before he went.
He shouldn't have said the things he said to me
if he knew he was going to die. And to
(15:39):
me it was like he it was rejection. It was
like losing my first boyfriend or being broken up with
and you never see that person again. And then after that,
what happened to my father, who was also a great,
big kind of character, he was never whole again. I mean,
my my father has a lot of issues or had
a lot of issues. Um anyway, he's dead too. Now.
(16:01):
Everybody died when I was writing this book, but um,
it's okay. It was time for him to die. But
he he fell apart and he was never my father.
When you know you have you said shiba, you know
in Judaism, And people would come to our house to
say they were sorry. And I saw my father, who
was this great, big strong man, be weak and cry
(16:25):
and fall apart in front of our neighbors. And I
was nine years old, and I was like, what are
you doing? What are you doing? Why are you doing good?
At together? You know what if you're gone, chet Scott
and now you're falling apart. And everywhere I looked, everybody
was a mess. And I remember just knowing that. I
was like, I'm gonna have to do this myself. I'm
gonna have to grow up by myself, and I'm gonna
(16:46):
have to grow myself up really quickly. So I have
to get away from this family because we're broken, and
we're broken and will never be six again. We're five,
and everyone's gonna know we're a fake family. And I
have been caring that Albert cross around me for so
long that when he unlocked that pain and when I
started to I'd go home and I was like, wait
(17:08):
a second, let me write this stuff down because doors
were opening, and I was like everything was connected to
Chet dying. I mean I would sit there and be like,
this can't be about Chet too. He's like everything's about Chet.
I was like, oh my god, this guy's taking over
my life. I barely knew the guy, you know. I
mean it was like relationships men, my independence, my you know,
(17:31):
my like just steamrolling through everything and saying yes to
fame and all this money was because I didn't want
to sit around and ever sit still. I'd go on
tour after tour. I wrote six books in five years.
Anytime there was like you do this, I'd be like, yes,
yes to everything, instead of sitting and thinking, have I
dealt with everything that I need to deal with? Am
(17:51):
I a full person? Can I? Actually? You know? What
I wanted to do was go and campaign for people
and speak to conservatives and go to the South. Like
thinking was just like going to come in and change
the world. But I realized, you can't do any of
that ship until you're healthy. You can't be of use
to anyone until you get your ship together. Okay, Well,
(18:15):
this sounds like a good time to take a break.
And and uh, I mean it's first of all, let
me just say it's it's just remarkable to hear somebody
talks so openly about the pain that they went through,
and it's it's uh yeah, yeah, because it's not easy
to do. And it's a great example for everyone because
(18:36):
we all have pain, you know, from our childhoods or
from experiences. It's it's just it's fascinating. Do you to
the kind of therapy that you did? Was we just
did regular therapy. You know, we tried to get me
to meditate. And and again, you know, I'm from California
and I live in l A. And I'm from New Jersey.
So I don't have a I don't have a big
high you know meter for bullshit. I find most people
(18:59):
to be ridiculous us. And when you hear words like
manifest and gratitude and colonic and you know, and Kale,
I mean, if you fall for that ship, you know,
you could end up. You know, there's retreats and about anything.
There's a treat where you can like go finger blest
(19:19):
yourself in the woods and eat yogurt, you know, I
mean there's something for everything. It's just ridiculous, and I
always put I'm sorry, Jake, that was a nice to
do to you. Never heard anybody say that to me
in an interview situation before. No, I've never said that
(19:41):
to you. That's good, that's a good thing, and I'm
sorry you have to hear it right here in front
of everybody. That's right, exactly manifest your masturbation. Anyway, I
assume therapy was over in that pile of garbage, like, oh,
how could you, especially for somebody you know who has success.
(20:05):
I have a TV show, I have books, I have
toured I do you know, I basically have everything I
could need. How can I sit and go to therapy
and bitch and complain about anything? How can I a
b It's too narcissistic. I'm already a narcissist obviously, so
let's not put a hat on a hat. Well, hold on,
Dan Siegel says, you're not a narcissist. No, he says,
I'm not. But I mean I have to be a
(20:26):
little bit of a narcissist who want to be in
the public eye. I think that I'm not a narcissis
where I act in my best favor all the time,
or I'm constantly thinking about myself. But I mean there's
a degree of narcissism. I mean, Dan he told me
a lot of other things that were wrong with me,
so I think he was trying not to pile off.
(20:46):
But I did look at therapy and I kind of
fummed my, you know, I was just like uh, and
I went. I would go and try, you know, give
it like a college tryer or whatever, and be like
any time it got deep, I just skedaddle. And once
I went to this therapist and I just could tell
I was going to be able to manipulate him and
he was and I was like, this isn't gonna work.
(21:09):
And I told my assistant. I came one day. She's like,
I don't forget your therapy at you know four today.
I was like, oh, I don't want to go today.
Can you just go? And and she's like okay. And
then the next week I was like, you know, you
get out of a rhythm, you're not gonna go back.
I was like, you want to go again? I'm not
(21:30):
into that guy. And she's like, well, I don't have
to go, and I'm like, no, you go. I might
want to go back to him, just take my session,
and then she went three times and finally I said, so,
how's it going, Like I go, how are you doing?
Like is he helping you? And She's like me, I
thought I was talking about you the whole time. And
(21:50):
I was like, okay, this is stupid. So she stopped
going to that therapist, and so did I. So this
was the first time. I guess it's psychoanalysis or whatever
the phrase the term is. He's a psychiatrist. Um, this
is the first time I was willing to get real
or maybe because I have the right partner to get
real with. And I think for most of us, you know,
I'm yeah, it's it's a bummer that it took me
(22:12):
this long to figure all this stuff out and kind
of unlock my pain and my you know, because it's
a lifelong habit, it sends you into I talked to
him about relationships and I said, I don't need to
I'm not interested in relationship. I'd just like to be alone.
And he's like, any time I would say his statement
like that, he would just look at me and go okay.
And then when we did talk about relationships and my
(22:35):
kind of scorched earth tendencies I have with people. When
somebody would piss me off, I would just write them off.
I'd be like, you're not my friend anymore, You're out.
Never speak to them again. Guys, if they didn't sunk up,
I made sure they sucked up so I could dump them,
you know, reject, reject, reject before anyone could reject bit always.
And I said to him, I go, I don't know why.
I can't why I get so mad at people and
(22:57):
I'm not able to forgive them. And he said, because
that's how you think relationships are supposed to end. Your
first relationship that ended was you know, black and white.
He was there one day and it was gone the next.
So that's your pattern of behavior from when you're nine.
And I'm like, oh, You're like, this is so stupid.
How could I not pick up on that? You know,
(23:18):
I'm sure a million people were looking at me or
my friends saying, oh, we know what her problem is,
but you don't. You can't tell someone what their problem is, obviously,
but I will say that, you know, through all of
the stuff that our family has been through, and with
my brothers and sisters, it is just of such value
to us and keeping us a tight knit group and
being close together, and we just are together as a
(23:41):
team that is broken, but we have remained on each
other's team and that is so valuable to everybody here
who has a weird relationship with the sibling. Fucking fix it.
Life's too short and and it takes a big person
to admit you're wrong, And but it feels awesome because
then you can just apologize to everybody's like, oh was me?
You can It's like going skiing and blaming everything on
(24:02):
the altitude, you know, like, sorry, I acted like that
last night. The altitude you have? You have one brother
and the three sisters or what is it? We have
two brothers and I have two sisters and uh yeah,
and they have a bunch of kids, so I have
a lot of nieces and nephews eight and uh yeah.
(24:24):
That's our family and I'm finally proud of it. So
and you you write some really nice things about your
brothers and sisters. Um, speaking of family, I would be
remiss if I didn't mention your dogs, because I'm sure
there are a lot of fans of your dog. Give us,
give us the update, Give us the dogo update. If
(24:45):
you would. Well, I have a dog's named Bert and Bernice.
They're on the cover of the book. Bert is obest
fat one, he's on the right, and that's his little sister,
Bernice at Bertrand is his full name. And I didn't
give those names to them. I went to pick him
up at this I went to a chow chow rescue.
I like the black tongue situation, so I went to
(25:06):
and I like fucked up bodies on dogs. So I
went to this chow rescue in northern California, and I said,
I want a chow mix. Show me what you got,
and then she goes, I have a brother and sister
combo platter that you know. And I was like, combo platter.
I'm like, you're speaking my language. I was like, what
do you What does it does that think when I'm thinking?
(25:28):
And then these two little fat beasts came running around
the corner because she said they're gonna be harder to
place because their brother and sister. I was like, oh,
then I'll take them. I'm like, I don't even She
goes their names are Burt and Bernice, and I literally
was like, I mean, I almost climax. I was like,
oh my god, what those their names already, like, that's
(25:51):
exactly what I want to name. Then, so and then
she goes, we have to do what we're gonna have.
Didn't she didn't know who I was, and she like,
we're gonna have to do a home check. And I
was like, all right, whatever that means. I was like,
I think you're good, and she's like, we have to
make sure you have enough space. I'm like, can I
just show you a picture in my house or something like?
Is that necessary? But I did it, and I got
(26:13):
these dogs. And I've had dogs before and they've passed.
The two of them died while I was running this book.
To this book is like a death rattle, but but
it's but it's okay. Now, it's okay. People die and
you have to just to be able to deal with
it in a healthy way. And my healthy way was
by replacing those two dogs as quickly as possible. And
so Bert is an asshole, and I've never had to
(26:38):
work for a dog's love before, and so I took
these dogs home. First of all, I shaved his body
down so I could see what was really going on
and get under him, you know, because he's meeting. He's
got flaps inside flaps and underneath. I mean, it's like
I love that dog and he hates me because I
assault him, you know. And he loves my cleaning lady
(26:59):
ma bo all and he so he he like literally
sees me every time I leave the house, and I'm
gone a lot because I don't stay home. I like
to move around, as we've discussed, and when I come
home every single time, it's like a new introduction, like
he just goes like this, like what and I'm like, oh,
come on, so come on, you know me, And then
(27:19):
they won't come up to my room. And I'd like
to sleep with him in my bed because he's such
a big cuddle ball, and so I have to take
them with leashes every night up the little up the
stairs and then up the dog he stairs, and then
I get him because he's so lazy. If he gets
comfortable enough, if he won't get up for hours. So
(27:41):
I just have to get him comfortable and then slowly
remove the leash. So I'm not only because of the
optics of it, because I don't want to sleep with
my dogs with a leash. I have no problem bringing
them up, but I will not let people say that
I sleep with my dogs on a leash, so they're
not bad into me, but it's a good lesson for
me to try. He loves my any lady, follows her
all around the house. One weekend I came home. We
(28:02):
found out he had gained twelve pounds since we got him.
And I was like, hey, my belt, what the funk
is up with that? And I knew because he was
in love with her. I'm like, I know you're giving
him treats. I I was following the rules for the
first time when we got them. I'm like, no treats.
He's on a diet and she's slipping him god knows what.
And I said, they need to. He needs to lose
weight because I have stairs in my house, and you know,
(28:24):
he's a big, fatass, so he's gonna lose his legs
when he gets older. He's a big dog. I'm like, well,
I'm not doing this again. I lost my dog. Chunk
wouldn't be able to he wasn't able to come up
the stairs anymore when he got older and he was thin,
and um, people here love Chunky. Chuck is the best.
Chunk is the best dog in the world. Thank you.
Chunk was such a such a stud and he was
(28:45):
so cool, calm and collected, you know. And Bird is
the opposite of Chunk. And I know Chunk if there
is such a thing as heaven, which I don't think
there is, but Chunk somewhere around here, and he knows
and he's he's thing. At my struggle with Bert and um,
(29:05):
and so we had to go on a diet. So
I came back one weekend and my my bell was
walking around the house with ankle weights and Bert had
ankle weights to match hers. And when they walk, my
cleaning lady has like a big butt and she swings
her hips and then Chunk I mean, and then Bert
would walk next to her and swing his ass. The
(29:26):
two of them walking away together. It was like j
Lo and Kim Kardashian. So yeah, that's my story about
my dogs. But dogs are the best they make. But
like you know, I won't go home to a house
without a dog in it too scary. No, No, we
have we have dogs too. Um. I know you wanted
to read another chapter before the time is coming to
(29:47):
a close. We have a clock that's telling us we
have a minute. So I just wanted to read something
before um I leave you guys. Um. This is when
I had my kind of wake up at the end
about my brother. I didn't know then that my brother's
death was defining me. I didn't know that I had
the ability to say no to being defined by death.
Now I was a person who could help. Now I
(30:09):
was with a person who could help me process what
happened and turn the parts of me that acted like
a nine year old into a self actualized adult who
had come to a better understanding of what it means
to dig deep and admit your pain, thereby beginning the
process of relinquishing it. I was in a place where
my brother dying no longer had to define my existence.
(30:32):
It's part of who I am, perhaps the biggest part,
but and it may have helped me steer me in
a certain direction, but it is not all of me.
I define me. No event or person does this. I
define who I am. I decide who I am and
how I'm going to behave and I choose to be
(30:52):
better to look more carefully, to trudge deeper, to think
about other people's past, and not judge on one for
doing or handling something differently than I would to understand
my limitations, my shortcomings. That is my growth edge. There
are bracelets that say I decide and T shirts that
say I decide out there because we decide who we are.
(31:14):
And I want to thank you for deciding to come
here tonight, and thank you my very special guest, Jake Tapper.
Thank you guys, Thank you, Washington, d C, stay Optimistic,
thank you. So how did it feel having JK and
DC getting to circle back to politics after taking some
time off. Well it was nice because well, I guess
(31:36):
we did talk about politics, but we didn't really go
It was nice to be in d C into talking
about something other than politics is what it felt like. Um,
even though we brushed upon it. So it was nice.
And I mean I like d C. And you know,
until Donald Trump ruined that city, it was it. I
like it. It's old, it's old school. We'll get it
back soon, I think, just like we're gonna get the
orange back, Brandon, We're gonna take that color back. And Journey,
(31:58):
I mean, Journey is popping up. We're on your social media,
so you've really just got to I've got embraced the
Journey and the band Journey, and I want to thank
CNN for letting Jake Tapper out of his cage. I
can't believe that they did that, and I know they'll
regret it. Thank you, Life will be the Death of
Me as a production of I Heeart Radio. For more
podcasts from my Heart Radio, visit the i Heart Radio app,
(32:19):
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
H
Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the
Death of Me, a production of I Heart Radio. Hi,
this is Chelsea Handler and you're listening to Life Will
Be the Death of Me podcast, which is about me
having life beat the Death of Me. I guess it's well,
it happens to everybody, so just watch your back. Anyway,
I went on the road. I started my book tour,
(00:20):
which is unlike any tour I've done because I'm having
um interviewers in different cities interview me. So I'm going
to share with you one of my first shows, which
was in Washington, d C. At the Warner Theater with
my friend Jake Tapper, who interviewed me, which was great.
A because he's a journalist and so he's really good
at interviewing people. But be because he's a friend of mine,
and I don't have a ton of professional friends, so
(00:43):
I consider him to be a professional friend, even though
I've seen him be unprofessional. Uh So, this is kind
of the first conversation for my book tour to kind
of talk to everybody about the themes of the book
and all of the issues in the book that resonated
with people, and where I was when I started writing
it where I am now and um, where Jake Tapper
(01:04):
and I are going, I'm gonna bring out my buddy
that it wasn't that kind enough to say yes, uh
to interview me tonight for this book. And he's interviewed
me before. I've met him several times, and I like
him a lot, and I know everybody in this room
likes him. To Please welcome Jake Tapper for everyone. So
(01:35):
the you know, Bob Muller followed his report right, and
my love is not conditional, Jake. I'm waiting to see
the full report. I know what you're implying, and I'm
I believe in him, and we may not get what
we want when we want it, but I will continue
to believe in him until I'm proven to be wrong.
(01:58):
This is a true and undying love. It's an unrequited love,
is what it is. As far as we know. I
mean that we don't know, Bob. Somebody told me backstage,
or somebody told me a dinner who that his nickname
is three Sticks, and I was like really, and she's like, yeah,
(02:18):
three Sticks, you know because Robert Mueller the third I'm like,
oh yeah, yeah, yeah, of course it's like, that's that
information I need at this point with my relationship. Like
I'm already crushing hard. I don't need to be visualizing
that sort of equation. Where did this thing come from
that he has a six packer in a pack? Where
did Why do you think he sees a marine and
(02:40):
they don't let themselves go and he's and I've seen
when he walks with his jacket swinging, the way it
swings around. There's stuff under there and you see the
six pack or eight pack. I know what's going on
underneath men's shirts. Yes, you can tell by the rest
of his body. Just trust me, it's there. Okay, if
(03:00):
we ever see him with a belly, I'll pay you.
Do you want to? I want. I want you to
be happy. I want it to be right. I'm just
I just I thought maybe somebody had photoshop something and
sent it to you and you thought it was real. Okay, No,
I don't get fake news. Good good, Well. I read
(03:25):
the book and it's great, it's very's this is your
six book, correct six book, and um and uh, it's intense.
It's not all comedy, it's not all laughs. It's and
I want to get to some of the intense stuff.
So you got Joe Biden. I really want to know
what you think about Joe Biden. Um, I am so
(03:47):
burnt out from this whole you know, situation and the
mid terms that I want to be really ready to
rumble in when we do have a real election. So
I'm not paying attention to any of this noise right now.
Other you know, I'm reading the news, I'm not listening.
I'm just burnt out and I want my life back
before I have to really hit the pain, before we
(04:08):
all have to hit the pavement. So I'm not getting
excited about candidates. Let them figure out who's the candidate.
At this point, I will take a rock, So you
know what I mean. Did you have any reaction to
this story a few weeks ago of of of women
coming forward saying that that Joe Biden had, you know,
touch their shoulders and ways, Because what I think, here's
(04:29):
what I think about that. Sorry to interrupt you, but
you know how good I am at that. I think
that people who come forward with stories about having your
hair blown on diminish real victims who have actually had
sexual assaults and been a victim to sexual assault. And
we're losing we're losing the plot of this conversation, and
(04:50):
we're all kind of sacrificing each other. So I really
wish people would get over things that aren't going to
damage you for the rest of your life. And and
we're spect the people who have been through something. Um.
So there are a few things in this book that
we're just interesting little revelations that I didn't know. One
of them actually is a quality that you have that
(05:11):
I actually share, which is you have a very keen
sense of smell, you write in the book, and I
have that as well, and it is a curse. It's
so annoying. It's the worst thing in the world. It's
so annoying because as soon as somebody like I'd prefer
bo than perfume, when people wear perfume, I want to
hit them. You know. I don't like fragrance and flowery
(05:32):
smells obviously, and I don't like I don't know I
have it, but I've yeah, I have a real problem
with smell. It's almost like the gross smells that really
gross everybody else out. I don't have a problem with,
like deviled eggs, I'm fine with, or like like you know,
I don't know what's another bad smell that comes out
of their fridge, Like I can handle that spoiled milk
(05:52):
or something like that. Can you can? You just it's
just such a horrible quality to have. Just this ability
to smell things on doesn't trigger you. It's just when
I I you're the only the second person I've met
that that that acknowledges having this smell that grosses you
out the most. Um, you know, just anything having to
(06:14):
do with the digestive system, anything, anything gastro intestinal. Well, yeah,
no one, that's not ideal for any of us. But
one time I interviewed a guy in these and and
it was like he has poop in his pocket or something.
I don't know what. I don't know what's going on,
but I am not putting this interview on TV. It's
(06:36):
in a vault somewhere at CNN, I just because I
don't know what happened. But we'll wait on that note
eliminating it. Let me on the poop in the pocket.
I that's a theory, it's not verified. No, I thigured
you probably did it. Sounds like he did have poop
in his pocket. I did ayahuasca, which I talked about
(06:56):
in my book I went to Peru and I did
this drug, this plant that they brew in to tea
and it's called ayahuasca, and we filmed it for UM
for Netflix. I did a special on doing drugs and
UM and the shaman. You know, they warned you that
you're gonna go to the bathroom through your tushi and
you're gonna vomit. So I'm like on camera, I'm like, really,
(07:21):
I I can't we just pick one of those two things?
Do I have to do both? Um? But I didn't
go to the bathroom. I didn't go to the bathroom
of pad that happens to a lot of people. I
did vomit. So my dream did come true that I
could pick one. But the shaman went to the bathroom
the entire ceremony in his pants and never left the
(07:41):
room we were in. And you have a keen sense
of smell, but I was so into the ayahuasca that
I was able to go put that smell where it
belongs in the woods. But I did go through the
entire ceremony. I have one camera woman in the room
with me, and she was like after she goes, oh
(08:01):
my god, how could you focus? And I was like,
I was on another planet. But I smelled it, and
she goes, he just kept going and I go, oh,
more than once and she goes, yes, it was repeatedly.
It's on she goes, you can hear it on camera.
So don't do ayahuasca, Jake. That's the moral of that story.
I'm sure CNN is offering that as a side course.
(08:25):
I'm not going to pr anytime soon, but thank you. Okay,
We're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back.
When I did your Netflix show, I have to say
you it was it was shortly after president it was
in the first year of the Trump presidency, and you
were shot. You were traumatized, honestly, that's that was that,
(08:49):
Like I like I. You asked me if things were
gonna be okay. You you were really worried. And since then,
and this is what the book is about, since then,
you have trying to understand why you felt that way
and trying to get through the process. And one of
the things that is so interesting to me is how
many times you talk about in your book how Donald
(09:12):
Trump and your father, how Donald Trump reminds you of
your father in some ways. UH talk about that if
you would so I went to the psychiatrist. I had
interviewed him on my Netflix show. He talkedor Dan Siegel,
He's in my book, and I went to him because
I do you know Dan? Alright? Great? Who was clapping through?
(09:32):
Probably Dan's agent or something, I don't know. Thank you,
Mrs Siegel. Dan's mom is here, proud he and he
just talked about the brain in a way I was
interested in, or I could pretend I was interested in.
It was science. You know. They maxed a lot of hippocampus,
the prefrontal cortex and vortex whatever it is, and you know,
(09:54):
all of that stuff. And I was like, oh, I
could talk to him. He knows what he's talking about,
you know. And I went to him, and for the
first successions I bitched and moaned about Donald Trump. I
was paying somebody to listen to me because everyone was
so annoyed by me. My friends were like, oh my god,
can you fucking stop talking about it? And I'm like, yeah, yeah, attention.
(10:15):
You know, I was like straight out of The Handmaid's
Tale at every turn, like this is it. It's over
the world is ending, you know. I was just out
of hand. My rage was so high, and I would wait.
I would watch CNN and and the MSNBC and be like,
when are they gonna do it? Like it was gonna
happen any moment that they were going to drag him
(10:36):
out of the White House, you know what I mean,
like Saddam Hussein and throw him in something like I
really believe that, like oh, like, oh, the shoe is
about to drop any minute. So I went to this
guy and I was paying him to let me bitch
about Donald Trump. I would have paid him double. It
was a great exchange actually, And then finally once we
(10:59):
got passed kind of bluster, I he asked me what
I wanted and I said, I need more patience. I
have no patience. Everyone annoys me, everyone, And he's like,
do I annoy you? And like you will at some
point you will annoy me. So I would like you
to help me with that. And he goes, well, let's
what's talk about your life and your child till it's like,
(11:19):
I don't need to talk about my child. My brother
died when I was nine. My mom's dad, she died
like five years ago, tenure, I'm not sure of time,
but every my dad's dying, so like that's I'm good
with death. I don't need to go over it like
I want to talk about right now. I need to
be a better human being and I need to be
like kinder and I need to be able to talk
to people who disagree with me without freaking out and
(11:41):
my veins popping out of my neck. And then one
day he walked in to a session and he handed
me an orange that he said he had picked from
his tree. And in that moment, he goes, hey, I
thought you might like an orange. It's fresh from my tree.
And I I recoiled in my brain. I was like, oh,
(12:04):
how annoying, like a fucking warm fruit? Who wants that?
And like, now I have to peel it in front
of him to be polite. This is l a. I
don't even eat carbs, you know. And he handed it
to me and I started to peel it, and I
(12:26):
just became undone, and I was like, I needed to
tell you about the day my brother died and what
happened in my family, and and then I just cried
and cried and cried and cried. I was like, thank
you real orange, you know, trying not to cry because
I had never cried in front of a person, a stranger,
no way, And if I did cry, I would always
(12:48):
pretend it was about something else, because it couldn't be
about me. It had to be or Chet, my brother
who died. It couldn't be about that because it would
be vulnerable, and I couldn't be vulnerable, and I couldn't
talk to anybody about anything. I just had to be tough.
And after many sessions, he revealed to me how the
world becoming unhinged with Trump was my trigger, which I'm
(13:11):
sure millions of us had, and that that represented the
world being unstable, in my life, not being safe anymore,
and my whole world falling apart. And that's why I
was reacting to Trump in the way that I was.
Because I finally had something to put my anger on.
(13:32):
I could say, yeah, now, and this is why I'm
at him, you know. And it was huge eye opener
for me, because if you hear my story, you can say, oh,
of course, that's your issue. That's why you're so fierce
and tough and strong. I want to be independent. I
don't want a man. I don't need a man. I
want to I don't need children. I'm gonna show everybody
(13:52):
I can do everything all by myself, um, because my
nine year old little girl never ever dealt with that injury.
It just like a wound that became a canyon that
became whatever is bigger than that, and any time you
go around it or near it, it was like you
know this. And he was the first person and it
(14:13):
was the right time in my life where I was
able to say, Okay, this is what happened in my family,
this is what happened to my father I lost. You know,
my brother sat with me the night before he went away,
and he was the oldest and I was the youngest,
and we were bookends. There were six kids in our family,
and we were a team, like it was in my
head like that six. And if we brought my parents
(14:34):
it was two. We usually didn't bring them because they
were embarrassing. But the six of us were a little team.
And Chet was the captain and I was the mascot.
And he said to me the night before he left
for that trip, you know, I go, why are you leaving?
I don't want to drive to the viney We're going
to Martha's vineor My parents had a summer house and
that sounds a lot more glamorous than it actually was,
(14:55):
but it was idyllic in many respects. And he said,
I I'm going hiking with my friends. He had just
graduated from college. He said, I'm going hiking with my
friends for two weeks. I'm gonna be on the vineyard
in two weeks. You're not gonna miss a thing. I'm like,
I don't want to drive with mom and dad. You know.
They listened to public radio and and he said, I'll
never leave you with these people. I'll be back, and
(15:19):
he never came back. So, as a nine year old,
what Dan explained to me was that that felt like rejection.
Even though I knew he died. I thought he wasn't
careful enough and he didn't think enough before he went.
He shouldn't have said the things he said to me
if he knew he was going to die. And to
(15:39):
me it was like he it was rejection. It was
like losing my first boyfriend or being broken up with
and you never see that person again. And then after that,
what happened to my father, who was also a great,
big kind of character, he was never whole again. I mean,
my my father has a lot of issues or had
a lot of issues. Um anyway, he's dead too. Now.
(16:01):
Everybody died when I was writing this book, but um,
it's okay. It was time for him to die. But
he he fell apart and he was never my father.
When you know you have you said shiba, you know
in Judaism, And people would come to our house to
say they were sorry. And I saw my father, who
was this great, big strong man, be weak and cry
(16:25):
and fall apart in front of our neighbors. And I
was nine years old, and I was like, what are
you doing? What are you doing? Why are you doing good?
At together? You know what if you're gone, chet Scott
and now you're falling apart. And everywhere I looked, everybody
was a mess. And I remember just knowing that. I
was like, I'm gonna have to do this myself. I'm
gonna have to grow up by myself, and I'm gonna
(16:46):
have to grow myself up really quickly. So I have
to get away from this family because we're broken, and
we're broken and will never be six again. We're five,
and everyone's gonna know we're a fake family. And I
have been caring that Albert cross around me for so
long that when he unlocked that pain and when I
started to I'd go home and I was like, wait
(17:08):
a second, let me write this stuff down because doors
were opening, and I was like everything was connected to
Chet dying. I mean I would sit there and be like,
this can't be about Chet too. He's like everything's about Chet.
I was like, oh my god, this guy's taking over
my life. I barely knew the guy, you know. I
mean it was like relationships men, my independence, my you know,
(17:31):
my like just steamrolling through everything and saying yes to
fame and all this money was because I didn't want
to sit around and ever sit still. I'd go on
tour after tour. I wrote six books in five years.
Anytime there was like you do this, I'd be like, yes,
yes to everything, instead of sitting and thinking, have I
dealt with everything that I need to deal with? Am
(17:51):
I a full person? Can I? Actually? You know? What
I wanted to do was go and campaign for people
and speak to conservatives and go to the South. Like
thinking was just like going to come in and change
the world. But I realized, you can't do any of
that ship until you're healthy. You can't be of use
to anyone until you get your ship together. Okay, Well,
(18:15):
this sounds like a good time to take a break.
And and uh, I mean it's first of all, let
me just say it's it's just remarkable to hear somebody
talks so openly about the pain that they went through,
and it's it's uh yeah, yeah, because it's not easy
to do. And it's a great example for everyone because
(18:36):
we all have pain, you know, from our childhoods or
from experiences. It's it's just it's fascinating. Do you to
the kind of therapy that you did? Was we just
did regular therapy. You know, we tried to get me
to meditate. And and again, you know, I'm from California
and I live in l A. And I'm from New Jersey.
So I don't have a I don't have a big
high you know meter for bullshit. I find most people
(18:59):
to be ridiculous us. And when you hear words like
manifest and gratitude and colonic and you know, and Kale,
I mean, if you fall for that ship, you know,
you could end up. You know, there's retreats and about anything.
There's a treat where you can like go finger blest
(19:19):
yourself in the woods and eat yogurt, you know, I
mean there's something for everything. It's just ridiculous, and I
always put I'm sorry, Jake, that was a nice to
do to you. Never heard anybody say that to me
in an interview situation before. No, I've never said that
(19:41):
to you. That's good, that's a good thing, and I'm
sorry you have to hear it right here in front
of everybody. That's right, exactly manifest your masturbation. Anyway, I
assume therapy was over in that pile of garbage, like, oh,
how could you, especially for somebody you know who has success.
(20:05):
I have a TV show, I have books, I have
toured I do you know, I basically have everything I
could need. How can I sit and go to therapy
and bitch and complain about anything? How can I a
b It's too narcissistic. I'm already a narcissist obviously, so
let's not put a hat on a hat. Well, hold on,
Dan Siegel says, you're not a narcissist. No, he says,
I'm not. But I mean I have to be a
(20:26):
little bit of a narcissist who want to be in
the public eye. I think that I'm not a narcissis
where I act in my best favor all the time,
or I'm constantly thinking about myself. But I mean there's
a degree of narcissism. I mean, Dan he told me
a lot of other things that were wrong with me,
so I think he was trying not to pile off.
(20:46):
But I did look at therapy and I kind of
fummed my, you know, I was just like uh, and
I went. I would go and try, you know, give
it like a college tryer or whatever, and be like
any time it got deep, I just skedaddle. And once
I went to this therapist and I just could tell
I was going to be able to manipulate him and
he was and I was like, this isn't gonna work.
(21:09):
And I told my assistant. I came one day. She's like,
I don't forget your therapy at you know four today.
I was like, oh, I don't want to go today.
Can you just go? And and she's like okay. And
then the next week I was like, you know, you
get out of a rhythm, you're not gonna go back.
I was like, you want to go again? I'm not
(21:30):
into that guy. And she's like, well, I don't have
to go, and I'm like, no, you go. I might
want to go back to him, just take my session,
and then she went three times and finally I said, so,
how's it going, Like I go, how are you doing?
Like is he helping you? And She's like me, I
thought I was talking about you the whole time. And
(21:50):
I was like, okay, this is stupid. So she stopped
going to that therapist, and so did I. So this
was the first time. I guess it's psychoanalysis or whatever
the phrase the term is. He's a psychiatrist. Um, this
is the first time I was willing to get real
or maybe because I have the right partner to get
real with. And I think for most of us, you know,
I'm yeah, it's it's a bummer that it took me
(22:12):
this long to figure all this stuff out and kind
of unlock my pain and my you know, because it's
a lifelong habit, it sends you into I talked to
him about relationships and I said, I don't need to
I'm not interested in relationship. I'd just like to be alone.
And he's like, any time I would say his statement
like that, he would just look at me and go okay.
And then when we did talk about relationships and my
(22:35):
kind of scorched earth tendencies I have with people. When
somebody would piss me off, I would just write them off.
I'd be like, you're not my friend anymore, You're out.
Never speak to them again. Guys, if they didn't sunk up,
I made sure they sucked up so I could dump them,
you know, reject, reject, reject before anyone could reject bit always.
And I said to him, I go, I don't know why.
I can't why I get so mad at people and
(22:57):
I'm not able to forgive them. And he said, because
that's how you think relationships are supposed to end. Your
first relationship that ended was you know, black and white.
He was there one day and it was gone the next.
So that's your pattern of behavior from when you're nine.
And I'm like, oh, You're like, this is so stupid.
How could I not pick up on that? You know,
(23:18):
I'm sure a million people were looking at me or
my friends saying, oh, we know what her problem is,
but you don't. You can't tell someone what their problem is, obviously,
but I will say that, you know, through all of
the stuff that our family has been through, and with
my brothers and sisters, it is just of such value
to us and keeping us a tight knit group and
being close together, and we just are together as a
(23:41):
team that is broken, but we have remained on each
other's team and that is so valuable to everybody here
who has a weird relationship with the sibling. Fucking fix it.
Life's too short and and it takes a big person
to admit you're wrong, And but it feels awesome because
then you can just apologize to everybody's like, oh was me?
You can It's like going skiing and blaming everything on
(24:02):
the altitude, you know, like, sorry, I acted like that
last night. The altitude you have? You have one brother
and the three sisters or what is it? We have
two brothers and I have two sisters and uh yeah,
and they have a bunch of kids, so I have
a lot of nieces and nephews eight and uh yeah.
(24:24):
That's our family and I'm finally proud of it. So
and you you write some really nice things about your
brothers and sisters. Um, speaking of family, I would be
remiss if I didn't mention your dogs, because I'm sure
there are a lot of fans of your dog. Give us,
give us the update, Give us the dogo update. If
(24:45):
you would. Well, I have a dog's named Bert and Bernice.
They're on the cover of the book. Bert is obest
fat one, he's on the right, and that's his little sister,
Bernice at Bertrand is his full name. And I didn't
give those names to them. I went to pick him
up at this I went to a chow chow rescue.
I like the black tongue situation, so I went to
(25:06):
and I like fucked up bodies on dogs. So I
went to this chow rescue in northern California, and I said,
I want a chow mix. Show me what you got,
and then she goes, I have a brother and sister
combo platter that you know. And I was like, combo platter.
I'm like, you're speaking my language. I was like, what
do you What does it does that think when I'm thinking?
(25:28):
And then these two little fat beasts came running around
the corner because she said they're gonna be harder to
place because their brother and sister. I was like, oh,
then I'll take them. I'm like, I don't even She
goes their names are Burt and Bernice, and I literally
was like, I mean, I almost climax. I was like,
oh my god, what those their names already, like, that's
(25:51):
exactly what I want to name. Then, so and then
she goes, we have to do what we're gonna have.
Didn't she didn't know who I was, and she like,
we're gonna have to do a home check. And I
was like, all right, whatever that means. I was like,
I think you're good, and she's like, we have to
make sure you have enough space. I'm like, can I
just show you a picture in my house or something like?
Is that necessary? But I did it, and I got
(26:13):
these dogs. And I've had dogs before and they've passed.
The two of them died while I was running this book.
To this book is like a death rattle, but but
it's but it's okay. Now, it's okay. People die and
you have to just to be able to deal with
it in a healthy way. And my healthy way was
by replacing those two dogs as quickly as possible. And
so Bert is an asshole, and I've never had to
(26:38):
work for a dog's love before, and so I took
these dogs home. First of all, I shaved his body
down so I could see what was really going on
and get under him, you know, because he's meeting. He's
got flaps inside flaps and underneath. I mean, it's like
I love that dog and he hates me because I
assault him, you know. And he loves my cleaning lady
(26:59):
ma bo all and he so he he like literally
sees me every time I leave the house, and I'm
gone a lot because I don't stay home. I like
to move around, as we've discussed, and when I come
home every single time, it's like a new introduction, like
he just goes like this, like what and I'm like, oh,
come on, so come on, you know me, And then
(27:19):
they won't come up to my room. And I'd like
to sleep with him in my bed because he's such
a big cuddle ball, and so I have to take
them with leashes every night up the little up the
stairs and then up the dog he stairs, and then
I get him because he's so lazy. If he gets
comfortable enough, if he won't get up for hours. So
(27:41):
I just have to get him comfortable and then slowly
remove the leash. So I'm not only because of the
optics of it, because I don't want to sleep with
my dogs with a leash. I have no problem bringing
them up, but I will not let people say that
I sleep with my dogs on a leash, so they're
not bad into me, but it's a good lesson for
me to try. He loves my any lady, follows her
all around the house. One weekend I came home. We
(28:02):
found out he had gained twelve pounds since we got him.
And I was like, hey, my belt, what the funk
is up with that? And I knew because he was
in love with her. I'm like, I know you're giving
him treats. I I was following the rules for the
first time when we got them. I'm like, no treats.
He's on a diet and she's slipping him god knows what.
And I said, they need to. He needs to lose
weight because I have stairs in my house, and you know,
(28:24):
he's a big, fatass, so he's gonna lose his legs
when he gets older. He's a big dog. I'm like, well,
I'm not doing this again. I lost my dog. Chunk
wouldn't be able to he wasn't able to come up
the stairs anymore when he got older and he was thin,
and um, people here love Chunky. Chuck is the best.
Chunk is the best dog in the world. Thank you.
Chunk was such a such a stud and he was
(28:45):
so cool, calm and collected, you know. And Bird is
the opposite of Chunk. And I know Chunk if there
is such a thing as heaven, which I don't think
there is, but Chunk somewhere around here, and he knows
and he's he's thing. At my struggle with Bert and um,
(29:05):
and so we had to go on a diet. So
I came back one weekend and my my bell was
walking around the house with ankle weights and Bert had
ankle weights to match hers. And when they walk, my
cleaning lady has like a big butt and she swings
her hips and then Chunk I mean, and then Bert
would walk next to her and swing his ass. The
(29:26):
two of them walking away together. It was like j
Lo and Kim Kardashian. So yeah, that's my story about
my dogs. But dogs are the best they make. But
like you know, I won't go home to a house
without a dog in it too scary. No, No, we
have we have dogs too. Um. I know you wanted
to read another chapter before the time is coming to
(29:47):
a close. We have a clock that's telling us we
have a minute. So I just wanted to read something
before um I leave you guys. Um. This is when
I had my kind of wake up at the end
about my brother. I didn't know then that my brother's
death was defining me. I didn't know that I had
the ability to say no to being defined by death.
Now I was a person who could help. Now I
(30:09):
was with a person who could help me process what
happened and turn the parts of me that acted like
a nine year old into a self actualized adult who
had come to a better understanding of what it means
to dig deep and admit your pain, thereby beginning the
process of relinquishing it. I was in a place where
my brother dying no longer had to define my existence.
(30:32):
It's part of who I am, perhaps the biggest part,
but and it may have helped me steer me in
a certain direction, but it is not all of me.
I define me. No event or person does this. I
define who I am. I decide who I am and
how I'm going to behave and I choose to be
(30:52):
better to look more carefully, to trudge deeper, to think
about other people's past, and not judge on one for
doing or handling something differently than I would to understand
my limitations, my shortcomings. That is my growth edge. There
are bracelets that say I decide and T shirts that
say I decide out there because we decide who we are.
(31:14):
And I want to thank you for deciding to come
here tonight, and thank you my very special guest, Jake Tapper.
Thank you guys, Thank you, Washington, d C, stay Optimistic,
thank you. So how did it feel having JK and
DC getting to circle back to politics after taking some
time off. Well it was nice because well, I guess
(31:36):
we did talk about politics, but we didn't really go
It was nice to be in d C into talking
about something other than politics is what it felt like. Um,
even though we brushed upon it. So it was nice.
And I mean I like d C. And you know,
until Donald Trump ruined that city, it was it. I
like it. It's old, it's old school. We'll get it
back soon, I think, just like we're gonna get the
orange back, Brandon, We're gonna take that color back. And Journey,
(31:58):
I mean, Journey is popping up. We're on your social media,
so you've really just got to I've got embraced the
Journey and the band Journey, and I want to thank
CNN for letting Jake Tapper out of his cage. I
can't believe that they did that, and I know they'll
regret it. Thank you, Life will be the Death of
Me as a production of I Heeart Radio. For more
podcasts from my Heart Radio, visit the i Heart Radio app,
(32:19):
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
H
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