Welcome to Ace of Hearts, a dating podcast from every perspective!
This week we'll talk with my Georgina Sheff and her dating experiences as she grew up in Oaxaca, Mexico and moved to Southern Texas.
Geo doesn't speak for all people with her experiences and perspectives, and we have no intent of generalizing individuals from any nationality or race. Every person is unique and so is their story.
Topics: Moving, Marriage, Dating, Emotional Abuse, Single Parenting, Sex, Romance, Mid-Life Changes, Growth, Social Links through my (Maddy Goshorn) Production Company Determinal Velocity Facebook: Determinal Velocity Twitter: @DTerminalVeloCT Instagram: determinalvelocity TikTok: determinalvelocity Website: determinalvelocity.com Thank you to The Jellyrox for letting us use their song "Glued" If you think you have a unique perspective that affects your dating life, and would like to talk about it on the show, send us your story at aceofheartspodcast@gmail.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
This week we'll talk with my Georgina Sheff and her dating experiences as she grew up in Oaxaca, Mexico and moved to Southern Texas.
Geo doesn't speak for all people with her experiences and perspectives, and we have no intent of generalizing individuals from any nationality or race. Every person is unique and so is their story.
Topics: Moving, Marriage, Dating, Emotional Abuse, Single Parenting, Sex, Romance, Mid-Life Changes, Growth, Social Links through my (Maddy Goshorn) Production Company Determinal Velocity Facebook: Determinal Velocity Twitter: @DTerminalVeloCT Instagram: determinalvelocity TikTok: determinalvelocity Website: determinalvelocity.com Thank you to The Jellyrox for letting us use their song "Glued" If you think you have a unique perspective that affects your dating life, and would like to talk about it on the show, send us your story at aceofheartspodcast@gmail.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, my King's Queens and in Between's. My name is
Maddie and I am your host of Ace of Hearts,
a dating podcast from every perspective for any first time listeners.
Ace of Hearts is a dating podcast where I, the
naive and inexperienced a sexual that I am, talk to
(00:21):
people with an assortment of different backgrounds all about their
dating life. Before we start, I just want to reiterate
that we at Ace of Hearts have no intention of
generalizing any lifestyle, race, gender, disability, etc. Our desire is
(00:41):
to hear love stories or maybe sometimes horror stories, especially
from people who don't always get the spotlight. Every person
is unique and so is their story. So today is
something a little bit different. I wanted to try to
explore some multicultural dating for individuals who have experienced dating
(01:03):
in different countries. And today we have my guest, Georgina. Georgina,
would you like to introduce yourself?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Hi everybody, Hi Maddie, thank you for having me here,
and yes, I am Georgina Chef. That's my stage name,
so having fun with that one. And we're kicking around
some nicknames, maybe Geo or something like that.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
I like Geo. That's cute.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Yeah, so Mattie's helping me out with that. She's gonna
nickname me probably, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
It is declared. But today I wanted to talk about
your dating experiences living in Mexico as well as the
United States.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Reco keep mine inside.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Why don't we get started from the very beginning? So
where where did you grow up?
Speaker 4 (02:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (02:08):
So I did grow up in Mexico in a place
in the state of Wahaca, in the city of Wahaca.
So it's like New York, New York, but Whaca.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
Ohaka. It's been you know.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Like it's cool that I got to have that experience
because my little family unit was all like American Ish
type culture, US culture within living in a different country,
and then our surrounding culture.
Speaker 4 (02:34):
Was well, the culture of Mexico.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Yeah, but I did have a lot of immediate family
there growing up, and I went to a little you know,
US American private school, so I did have all the English,
all the you know, basic you know, the stuff that
anybody would have in the US while living in Mexico.
But I went to church in Spanish, I went to
the store in Spanish, you know. In the surrounding Mexican
(02:59):
culture or Wohaka specifically.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
And you stayed in Wahoka when you were a child.
When did you leave like your young adult years?
Speaker 4 (03:07):
Young adult?
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Actually, yeah, we traveled to the US every summer, and
so yeah, I wasn't like totally not exposed to the US, right,
but most of the year, every year of my life
until I was almost nineteen, I lived in Wahaca, Mexico,
and I was born in Mexico City, so dual citizenship
and all that.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Shit, woo woo options. So then you must have had
your early dating years in Mexico. I guess now that
you're stepping back now that you've spent some time in
Mexico and the US dating, are there any funny instances
you can think of back when you were young dating
(03:49):
or that might have just been teenage craziness all around,
But do you have any fun little anecdotes you can
think of when you were between thirteen and eighteen?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
The actual dating dating, I didn't start until was like seventeen.
I had a guy that I started talking to and
started dating him officially with parental permission and all this.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
You know, of course, because you were a good little girls.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Yes, yes, but yeah, no, it didn't stop us from
getting into a ton of mischief because he was very
good at that.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
He was good at mischief, he was at that.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah, so that was That was my first time for
pretty much everything, not my first kiss, but for everything else.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
And I ended up marrying that guy.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Wow, so you were high school sweetheart?
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Yeah, sort of high school sweetheart.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Oh my gosh, that's crazy. And when did you guys
get married?
Speaker 2 (04:44):
We got married a few months shy of me turning nineteen,
so we had we did have the huge wedding church
wedding Mexican style with all the traditions in a few
US traditions thrown in there. But yeah, the the wedding
was about three hours long.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
The ceremony was ceremony.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
Yes, it was. It was exhausting.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
I was exhausted, right, And you have to stand there
for so much of it.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Yeah, well yeah, okay, first you stand, then you kneel
for part of it because somebody brings in some pillows
for you to kneel on. The pillows or special pillows.
Everything is symbolic, right. Then you sit in then somebody
brings a lassal and ties you both together, and then
you sit in some chairs for the rest of it,
well the preacher, and the preacher can take as long
(05:38):
as he wants to preach, and so then that's done,
and then.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
You say your vows.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
In the chair.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
I guess after standing up and going and lighting a candle,
and I probably getting all the order mixed up of this,
but the unity candle, I think that was more of
a US maybe more I don't know, Evangelic free church
tradition thrown in, but yeah, the three shall become one, right,
so God and the man and the woman shall become one.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
And you, like, I see you light one candle.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
And you blow So of course my veil caught fire
because really I went to blow the candle.
Speaker 4 (06:16):
Out of my veil caught fire.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
So just briefly though, just briefly, and we were.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
Able to blow it out. I was like, oh yeah,
that would just be me going up and smoke here.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Oh my gosh, at the end of this three hour ceremony.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
So the after party of the reception, some people take
a shoe that take their shoe, right, and the guy
will take his shoe, the girl will take her shoe,
and people can put money in it if they want to.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
And then that goes towards the honeymoon.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Oh that is okay, that's very cute.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Apart from the bardinos, that means like you have god
parents godfathers for different things, so people who want to
pay for different things of aspects of the wedding. So
that's how we did it because we were so young
and dumb and didn't have hardly any money to our name, right,
and so the only way we could have this wedding,
this style, this big for all the people that wanted
to come, extended family and friends and everybody. Is it
(07:13):
had to be by people helping us pull it off.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
But then you were married. You were married at eighteen
years old?
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Oh boy? How was that?
Speaker 2 (07:22):
It seemed normal there because everybody gets married young there,
And really.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Okay, I don't think I knew.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
That, especially the culture and the subcultures I grew up around.
I mean a lot of people are already they already
know who they're going to end up with. And if
you're like in the mountainous indigenous regions, they already end
up with someone either by marrying or living together.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
At age fifteen.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Oh wow, so I was old compared to shut up?
Speaker 4 (07:50):
Really?
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Yes, yeah, of course in the city and the city.
You know, that's different and it's totally different. Now everything
has has evolved and changed with the times.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
And this was in the eighties or.
Speaker 4 (08:02):
Nineties, nineteen ninety eight, nineteen ninety.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Okay, okay, sorry, sorry, I gut. Yeah, yeah, I'm so
bad with numbers. But so that was in the nineties.
Just so good, Yeah, twenty five years ago. It sounds like.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
It feels long and it feels short at the same time. Like, yeah,
right now, when you say it doesn't seem that long,
I mean heys twenty four yeah, forty years you.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Know that's true. But uh so then you were a
young married couple living in Mexico. Did you guys stay
in Mexico? Did Like? How was that? How was that
whole experience?
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Yeah? After our honeymoon in San Antonio, we lived in
Mexico for about it was maybe like two months, but
our plans changed. On our honeymoon, somebody convinced my then
new husband that we could just you know, transfer to
San Antonio, Texas and study and study college and study
(08:57):
like study together there because we were going to go
study in Guadama all together at school, picked out and everything.
He was six years older than me at the time,
so he was he had already started university, he was
almost done with his law degree.
Speaker 4 (09:10):
It would be like him starting over.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah, so that was the plan, and then it switched
to San Antonio, same thing, same type of school, but
in San Antonio, Texas, he worked hot on his own
paperwork to become a you know, a legal resident and
citizen and.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
So on and so forth.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
So yeah, I guess through me I helped him, right.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
Become a US citizen.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Eventually his family seemed happy with it, and we would
go back and visit almost every Christmas and do all
the Christmas Mexico traditions and then try to keep up
with the US traditions that my family would try to
have there so very sleep deprived, because the Mexico tradition
is you celebrate the holiday the night before, not the day, okay,
(10:00):
and so you stay up all night and you bring
in the holiday and then on the actual holiday you're
dead and you're sleeping.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Or you just sleep yeah relax. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Yeah, So that we would do all the whole night
Mexico routine and then in the daytime go celebrate with
my family because they wanted to do it in the daytime.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
And I might be pushing the conversation a little bit
because I know that you're currently single. How long were
you together with your your husband in San Antonio?
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Okay, so you're like in San Antonio or married? How
long were we married?
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Married?
Speaker 4 (10:33):
Sorry, like I might be able fourteen years? About fourteen years?
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Oh wow?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Okay, together since we started dating together together for about seventeen.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
That seems impressive to me. Let me know if I'm
getting too personal. Was it just the spark faded and
it was just ready to separate?
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Well, it wasn't all like rosy all those years. I've
just always been very spiritual and just really trying to
dedicate everything that I do in terms of like how
I relate to God and so for that, for me,
that was one of the driving factors. It was more
like that was a conviction I had, like I got
(11:15):
to stick this out. There was a lot of later on,
I didn't know what to call it then, but it
was there was a lot of manipulation, a lot of.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
You know, kind of just.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Degrading this type of verbal type of abuse.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
And blaming and shaming and.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Stuff like that that slowly eats away at your soul
and and then you go through a time of recovery.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
It's like a like a toxic cycle, right.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
You get you get love bombed, and then you get
mistreated again, and then you get apologized to, and then
you get love bombed and then you get mistreated again
and apologized.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
That was kind of like one of those cycles.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Yeah, And do you remember if it was like that
when when you were younger and you just thought it
was normal.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
There was a lot of that. Definitely, you're right uha.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
You have been studying some things here, girls, Yes, Because
I mean anytime you seem to find yourself attracted to
certain types of relationships in your adulthood, it's because you
got used to some of that in your childhood. So yeah,
I had to realize that later.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Well, I'm so sorry that happened to you though, but hey,
you're together for a while. I hope you at least
had some happy moments mixed into with those years. Absolutely,
but it sounds like at some point you made the
decision of I need to move on for me, which
good and I'm glad. I'm glad that this does sound
like a not so great relationship for your own mental
and emotional health. So it sounds like it was for
(12:42):
the best to leave. And I'm happy. I'm happy if
you're happy.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Yeah, you've heard of the mama bear. How the mama
bear can come out and she'll do anything for her cub. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
Once that abuse extended to my little one.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Once I became a mom and we shared a child
in the early infant years, there was and you know,
an instance of physical abuse, like a really bad hit.
Speaker 4 (13:08):
And for me, that was it.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
That was that was okay, no, no, no, no, no.
Now it's all come together. Everything I didn't stand up
for for myself.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
I am now you need to do this to protect
my little ones.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
So that's that was the last straw, and that brings Yeah,
that brought the whole thing to an end. I'm grateful
for everything that I learned in the relationship. I'm grateful
for the companionship and the love that was there. Yeah,
and the.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
Memories that are there.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
It was a huge part of my formation because it
was my young adulthood.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Yeahbout to say that was your entire young adult life
was married, It sounds like.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
So you can imagine there was a lot of undoing
and unlearning and relearning and healing from that. Even though
I told myself I wanted to replace that and remake
my life, I tried dating. I think before I was
healed enough.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
You know, I wasn't healed enough.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Yeah, sure, it takes time to heal.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah, And I think I subconsciously attracted similar people because
I kept ending up with a similar.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
Type of person. And I'll be like, what the heck
is this?
Speaker 2 (14:10):
So I just took a break from dating for a year.
I went out on a couple of dates just to
go for lunch or whatever. You just kind of test
the waters to see where I was at.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
But I let.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Everybody know, look, I'm not really dating right now because
I'm working on healing. I'm working on myself getting some perspective,
and that's it.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
But it also helped me test the waters.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Yeah, yeah, let's hear it.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
So while I was getting my values straight or my
intentions straight about dating, right, I actually wrote down a list.
And in those you know, there's a ton of specific
things right about physical appearance and qualities of like personality
and stuff like that, real specific, but there's also general
(14:58):
ones that are like general values like I value loyalty, honesty, respect, kindness, compassion.
I want to have it all because I've had people
who are making themselves available because they're successful. They're not kind,
and they are not offering loyalty. That's the glowing package
(15:20):
that I'm looking for, because it's hard. Sometimes you get
discouraged because you're like, ooh, is that even out there?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
I completely get that. Yeah, I personally think it's good
to be picky in the dating scene, just because, yeah,
you have to know what you want and you already
had this relationship with someone and you've seen, like I've
already seen a person with these traits and it doesn't
work for me. But I like that though, that you're
confident in what you want and it's okay if you
(15:47):
and your partner just don't really think of if you
don't value the same principles. Yeah, I think that's totally fair,
and I can see what you mean also as like
does this person exist or is this like the charming
from the fairy tale? I see what you mean as well.
And of course people aren't perfect, right, like you know,
as much as someone might overall be honest, there could
(16:08):
be moments where they're like, oh, I lied, I didn't
I wasn't honest right there because whatever reason, you know,
so obviously people aren't perfect. It's it's a delicate little
balance finding those people with your core principles, but at
the same time embracing humans that are fallible.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Oh see, that's what I love. I love that we
can embrace being human.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
I take one hundred percent responsibility for being human.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Having mistakes all the time.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Yeah, I'm going up to it and vice versa.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Right, that's it, that's all it takes.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
It's not really that hard.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
It's so good to be true with yourself. No one's perfect,
no one is the best, and honestly, that's fantastic. It's
a it's a great part about being human is that
we're not gonna be perfect the first time ever, and
we have to like work on ourselves if we want
to be better people.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
But we can't do the work for both.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
You can't fix another person. Yes, I mean, I suppose
if someone's working on something and they're very verbal about that,
I think that's fine to help them, But there is
a point where you're like, you're not my responsibility at
the end of the day. It's a delicate balance, and
I think each individual has to kind of wrestle with
themselves and how much they want to like help another
person grow, or just say I'm working on myself too
(17:17):
much right now. I can't. I can't take care of you.
I'm sorry, you know, and I think that's fair as
long as you communicate that. I wish we had more
communication in the dating world. I feel like so many
issues would be solved if you were just open about
what you wanted, either if you're working on yourself or
if you just want something from another person, if you
just want to bang, just be like, hey, can we bang?
(17:38):
I don't want to be yeah, yeah, just be open
about it. I feel like, yeah, good buddies.
Speaker 5 (17:43):
So you said, bad buddies and let the bedbugs bite.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
But I want to hear more about the individuals that
you've met since you've been since you are a single mom,
with all this history of living in Mexico, I'm sure
like going back into the dating scene at this part
in your life in a whole new culture. Yeah, let's
hear some of them first date stories, those horror stories.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
So like, I become single all of a sudden, then
out of the woodwork come like flirts, you know, and
people like flirting with me, and for the first time,
I'm like, huh, I can actually do something with this.
Because I'm not married anymore, I'm not being loyal to anyone.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
But I didn't know.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
I had no idea how to navigate it, absolutely none.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
You haven't dated since you were like what seventeen sixteen?
Like it does a lot, yeah, time.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
All that dating really because it was so supervised, and
because I hadn't taken the time to heal up enough
to value myself and set up good personal boundaries, I
was very prone to give my power away, following unhealthy
patterns and scripts and things you know in me that
I didn't even realize I had.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
I didn't know who I was dealing with.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
I didn't know how to read character very well. And
also I got, really I did get dissolution of people
of faith, and they would say one thing but do another.
I decided for a while not to care the first
person that I married, right, I thought, you know, like
I built my life with him and it had a
lot to do with my faith and how I thought
(19:36):
that was intertwined and all that, and that didn't seem
to work. So I need to go for something completely
different than that. So I was more open to people
who weren't necessarily Christians, tracted me to a lot of
different types of people that wasn't all good for me either,
And I just kind of walked away from those experiences
(19:58):
to little little bit more disappointment though, because if I
was dating people that we're living here in the US
and Texas, I've dated mostly Hispanic guys because that's just demographic, right,
And I don't think I'm saying that right because I'm
getting kind of tangled up in my head here how
to say it.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
In your area? Because you said you're in Texas. What
is said colloquially in your area? Around here?
Speaker 4 (20:20):
We hear we say Hispanic.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Everything is Hispanic, like the Chamber of Commerce has the
Hispanic division, blah.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Blah blah like. But I don't know.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
I guess I just haven't met a lot of white guys,
and I grew up around Hispanic so that's kind of
what I know. And I guess it's a natural attraction, right,
It's a natural attraction here.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
For some reason, it's.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Funny here in the US, I encountered more prejudice in
them toward me, or towards white.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
People in general, than I did in Mexico.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
In Mexico there was more of an embrace, more of
a like, Okay, you're weird, you're different, but more of
an embrace. And and here is more like, oh.
Speaker 4 (21:01):
I've already got you pegged. Oh that's what you white
people do.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
And when you try to tell them like no, I
grew up in Mexico.
Speaker 4 (21:08):
Yeah, they're like, oh, yeah, you can speak Spanish. But
still they treat you with the stereotypes they have toward
white people.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Here because there have been I mean, obviously I'm sorry,
let me apologize for all of us white people here,
but yeah, there's been a lot of nasties and mean
horrible people mistreating mistreating Mexicans here or Hispanic people here
on the border, or I guess anywhere in Texas, I
don't know. And it's funny because.
Speaker 4 (21:34):
If they would take the chance to know.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Me, they would realize, oh my gosh, like she's totally
not one hundred percent American stereotype. So they're attracted to me,
maybe because they think I'm cute or because they speak Spanish,
but that's pretty much where it ends. Anytime, like you said,
anytime somebody says, oh, you're that kind of person or
you're that type of person, right.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Yeah, that's very much. Oh you already think this world
of assumptions about me, and now I have to fight
those assumptions like no, thank you.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
Yeah exactly.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
And some of the things that they would say were
funny about me or make fun about me.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
That's what I was gonna ask. Are they said as jokes?
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Yeah, I know some of it was just in good fun,
but other types of things were like they were sure
that this is where I fit in this.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Category and interesting.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
And then they go out and launch into like a.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Whole monologue about like how their mom was mistreated and
how their grandparents were mistreated. And I'm like, well, I'm sorry,
but like I didn't do that personally, I didn't and
I'm on your side here, you know, like just things
that are just normal to me in my weird idiosyncrasies,
maybe in my little eclectic mix of whoever I am
(22:51):
because growing up on the in a foreign country with
very conservative Christian parents who are also multicultural because of
their background growing up in a different country, so we
have little mix and matches, mixes of I guess culture.
But that's just getting to know someone like who cares
(23:11):
what culture it comes from.
Speaker 4 (23:13):
I mean, it's just like they.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Like that sort of thing, but that's interesting and go
for it or learn from them, or say you don't
like that about them and you know, prefer not to whatever. Well,
then maybe maybe I'm maybe I should try looking for
more white guys.
Speaker 4 (23:26):
Maybe there would be a difference.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
I don't know, not that I'm being racist at all,
Like I really look at the person, the whole person,
and if they if there's a connection there, great. You know,
you eventually get to the place where you start thinking, well,
if I did get more serious with this person, would
our life align? Like could we live our daily life
with our different practices or maybe even religious view Would
(23:52):
that work out? Could we compliment each other in that
or would it be a clash or do we have
enough like core values and common that would carry us through?
You know? And the rest just makes for a very
you know, colorful and interesting existence, right, just fascinating.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
So then you started dating white guys in in the
South Texas area.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yeah, so, I mean I guess I mean like Caucasian guys, right,
because sure, yes, specific because every every culture too. Nobody's perfect,
but every culture has a little bit of toxicity in it,
So maybe that was it. Maybe there was a little
I was picking up on the toxicity there.
Speaker 4 (24:30):
So I just thought, what do I do?
Speaker 1 (24:33):
You know?
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Obviously, now I know that the common denominator for everything
was me.
Speaker 4 (24:37):
I needed to change, I needed to heal right.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
I did encounter some some Caucasian guys that I like
interacting with a little.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
Bit, but the only the only ones that I found.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Were part of a rehab program. But that's what attracted
me to them because they seemed so, like we said,
one hundred percent human, like they were really embracing their humanity.
They had completely come to terms with everything they had
done or had happened in their life. Their values aligned
with mine, and they understand what it's like to have failed,
(25:14):
failed miserably, and yet stood back up under God's grace.
And that's what defines them. And they're honest about it.
They hold nothing back, like there's nothing to hide anymore.
But there was a there was the whole problem with
they didn't share the value of I was trying to
avoid primarial sex or sex outside of marriage, like a
(25:36):
free for all sex best after being after getting free
from a marriage right out, and that seems to be
thrown at me like from all angles. That's what people wanted,
and I was not used to that mentality. Although, to
be honest, when I courted my ex husband, he also
(25:57):
pushed a lot for sex. So I had said with
him starting at age what like sixteen seventeen, but he
would say, yeah, but we're committed to each other. It's
like we're already married, like we're one and he would
like speak over it all this and he was loyal
to me and he was faithful to me, So in
that aspect, I guess it wasn't all that one night's
(26:21):
stand in security where you don't know where you stand
with that person anymore, but you just shared something really
intimate with them and then you're like, what.
Speaker 4 (26:28):
Happens from here? I wasn't used to that sort of thing.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
There's a whole culture and handbook.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
But you had you had the one night stands though
for a while I.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Did have a few after getting divorced, but they confused
me because I wasn't used to that, and all it
did was exacerbate a lot of anxiety in me. Like
I remember thinking it was thrilling and amazing in the moment,
but also like, oh, this was an.
Speaker 4 (26:57):
Oops, this was a whoops. We just got carried away.
We just got carried away. And that's just normal, that's natural.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Wasn't a pre premeditated idea in the end, And when
it became clear to me that that's what it was,
then I was like insecure, because that's not.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
What you wanted from those encounters.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Yeah, to me, it's just it was hard to separate
and divorce. In my head that if you had sex
with someone, that meant you were pursuing like a long
term relationship with them or marriage really, and so if
I didn't, if I would never even think of marrying.
Speaker 4 (27:28):
Them, that was another problem. I was like, shoot, why
did I have sex with them? But for them it
was no big deal.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
It was no problem because I guess they're used to
this or they had some sort of reconciliation in their
mind about it. But I didn't, just because that's my
moral compass and that's how I thought about things.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
And yeah, it's how you grew up. Yeah, it's a
large part of like where you were from. And heck, yeah,
like you said, you were married for a good fourteen years.
It just you had been cemented in you. Yeah, and
then you were thrown into this wild fish pond cold
the dating pool.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Like I had a friend that turned to me. She
was like, you knew that was going to happen. You
knew he was going to have sex with you.
Speaker 4 (28:07):
And I was like no. She's like, well, then why
did you invite him over.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
I'm like, well, I thought that was like you know
what you do, like on a date, you cook for
someone or you have them over. And she's like, no,
if you have a guy over to your house, that means.
Speaker 4 (28:21):
You're going to sleep with him. And I'm like, well,
I didn't know that, like told these rules, Like oh my.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
God, She's like, where are these rules? I did get
a printed out for GEO here. So I know you're
still single, but have you had any long running relationships
that were very much affected by your cultural upbringing?
Speaker 2 (28:45):
So so, growing up in Mexico, the culture there in
Wahaka in particular, we eat black beans. We pride ourselves,
so they even make tortillas out of black beans.
Speaker 4 (28:56):
That's just the bean that we eat there. So we're
here in South Texas.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
A lot of the people seem to come and migrate
over from northern Mexico, Okay, which some of those states
I didn't I'm not too familiar with and didn't grow
up in right northern Mexico. They have to have their
the pinto bean, the brown bean, and that's a whole
different recipe, man, that's entirely different.
Speaker 4 (29:24):
Funny, when I was dating this.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
More long term boyfriend that I had after getting divorced,
I learned how to make those beans, and I really
excelled in them, right, And I tried to like, we
would come together with his mom for lunch sometimes, but
your recipe for beans can really be scrutinized. I'd be like, well,
(29:46):
like I would, I would bring some black beans, and
then he would have to explain to his mom, No,
it's just because she's not like they eat black beans
and where she's from, where she grew up.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
She'd be like, no, we brown beans. You like, very
close minded about it.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Mother, mother in law's you know, quote unquote.
Speaker 4 (30:07):
So he lived with his mom too.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
It was another like I was wondering if that was
ever gonna change, right.
Speaker 4 (30:12):
I interested is because he had quit his job for
a while.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
There's a lot of things I thought I understood about it,
but ultimately it ended up he was never gonna leave
his mother's side, which is also kind of pretty cultural too,
like he was really close to his mom. It's funny
because I was all over the place emotionally with this relationship,
and I thought that it would last though, because I
really tried. Bottom line, he should have been honest with
(30:36):
me from the very beginning. But he really really really
does not ever want to get married. And I even
considered not, you know, not having you know, He's like,
marriage is just a piece of paper, like we're together,
we're together.
Speaker 4 (30:50):
Honey, you know.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
And I'm like, yeah, but in my family and in
my upbringing and in my I guess my moral compass, like, ah,
there has to be marriage, Like I can't. But I
was like, well, would you ever like commit to me then,
like and like would you move in together with me?
Speaker 4 (31:08):
And he's like, well, I don't know, Like.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Well then how do you want to stay living with
your mom and me just live by myself with my son?
Speaker 4 (31:17):
And they just like keep dating forever.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Maybe I don't know, it was always maybe, And I
don't know. When you feel like you're not enough inside
or you're not finding your source of of identity and
life and all the things you look for in another
relationship outside of you. If you don't go within, you
really will go without. Like literally, you'll go look for
it outside of you, but you'll also be in lack.
(31:43):
You won't find it, and and then you're just.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
Gonna be desperate.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
It's like hanging like a cat hanging onto a screen
door with their claws.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Yeah, and you got to be in tune with yourself.
Speaker 4 (31:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Absolutely, there's a lot.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Of learning for me in that, but also a lot
of really good moments, lots and lots of attraction, less
of passion, lots of learning about myself. I'm grateful for that,
and grateful for the way that the pain has taught
me how to be closer to God, how to be
more valued to myself, and so many things, so many things.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
And the fact that you can look back on these
these very trying times, difficult times, that you can look
at it and just say, you know what, we weren't
a good fit and I learned a lot about myself
through the process. I think that's the best way to
look at it. We're gonna have so many tribulations in
our life and if you're just mad or just you know,
bottled up about like wow, this sucks like nothing's gonna change.
(32:38):
You're gonna get more bitter over time, and you have
to be able to take the good with the bad.
Speaker 4 (32:42):
I love it absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
Then may I ask, then, through all of your experiences
and everything else, you're still looking for marriage for like
another partner. I don't know if you would say soulmates
or just spouse.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
Or yeah, I am, I know, I'm so you're romantic.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
I'm such a totally I'm right there with you. I
love it. Another episode of this podcast, we had a
gentleman come on the show. He's seventy years old and
he's single, and he's like, you know what, like, I
think my I think my soulmate's still out there. I
don't think he said soulmate. Actually, I think he said
my love. My love is still out there.
Speaker 4 (33:17):
It can happen at any age.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Keep working on yourself along the way, making sure that
you're the best person then you can be, and that'll
just attract a great person in return.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Exactly, And to be able to bring all of yourself
to the table, I guess is not dating or not
marrying because you need to, but because you get to,
because you want to, because your desires to be or
bring your whole beautiful self and be a blessing to
the other person and likewise, you know, receive from them.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
I think there is something very beautiful to having a
long term relationship with somebody you can just open yourself
up with them mentally, emotionally, and then just makes life
a little bit easier. I think we're gonna start to
wrap up our talk. Thank you so much, Geo for
for coming on the show, and I think we had
(34:10):
a lot of really good, like nuggets of wisdom and experiences.
And do you have any advice for people, like just
in the dating scene or about people in general.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Ah, align yourself with God and your soul purpose like
your real soul, like.
Speaker 4 (34:29):
Because if you die, if.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Feel like your soul is dying, that's you know, the
end of everything, like nothing else can make up for it.
And then see how life aligns with you after that,
because it should come together. And then if you think that,
like me, you had it all together, then surrender it
all again, start over, you know, like yeah, and enjoy
(34:54):
being single if that's where you're at, Like there is
a little more freedom to just navigate the world as
your spirit leads you. When you're not having to answers
to someone else or coordinate with someone else, although there
should be a lot of freedom in that too. Idealistically,
that's the kind of relationship you would be in right there.
Speaker 4 (35:13):
It feels free like that. Yeah, and if not, though,
if not, that's okay too.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
I love it. It's all about that journey. Well, thank
you so much Geo for coming on to the show today.
Is there any way that our audience can find you Facebook,
Instagram or is there anything you want to promote right now?
Speaker 4 (35:31):
Okay? Yeah, I mean there should be something coming up
for Young.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
Earth Association, and I mean you can find me on
backstage as Georgina's chef, and you can find me on
three sixty X.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
But what do you do on what do you do
on backstage?
Speaker 4 (35:49):
Well, that's for that's for voiceover acting. I just have
my actor profile.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
On there, gotcha, And and that's how people can contact
me for those kinds of gigs or connections.
Speaker 4 (35:59):
Right, wonderful.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Yes, if you want to find Geo as a voice actress, yes.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
And eventually down the road, I may embark in social
media again. I had been heavily involved in social media
before and then I got out for a while, take
a little break, and then yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Kind of get sometimes you got to take a little break.
Absolutely no, this has been great. Thank you so much
for coming on the show.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Thank you for the opportunity, Maddie. You're really great to
talk with and made it really easy, really good, enjoyable too,
So thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
Gosh, Geo, it was just so freaking sweet. I can
tell she has such a great energy, such a great
like mindset. She had a whole different life when she
was a kid and a teenager and even a young adult.
Some changes kind of shook her, you know, some very
unpleasant things kind of happened to her. But she has
this fantastic mindset of self improvement, of getting better of
(36:57):
you know, taking who you are with you that can
really never go away, but then going forward and trying
to be a better person, almost a whole new person.
And I really like that. You know, it's never too
late to change aspects about you, it's never too late
to start anew. It sounds like she's on our way.
(37:17):
Thank you everybody for listening today. I hope you did
a little bit of laughing, learning and or loving today.
Thank you again to Matt Langston, from the Jelly Rocks
for letting us use their song Glued. You can find
that song in the description, and please check out more
of their work. They're amazing. Please come back next week
from more unconventional love stories and if you loved what
(37:39):
you heard today, feel free to leave a review and
a rating. And if you think you have an interesting perspective,
background or story to tell, please send us an email.
Maybe we can get you on the show. Thank you
all again, and remember don't keep your cards too close
to your chest or you'll never be open to a
new hand. Have a great day and see you soon.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
Rica all Man can the son Fanci
Hello, my King's Queens and in Between's. My name is
Maddie and I am your host of Ace of Hearts,
a dating podcast from every perspective for any first time listeners.
Ace of Hearts is a dating podcast where I, the
naive and inexperienced a sexual that I am, talk to
(00:21):
people with an assortment of different backgrounds all about their
dating life. Before we start, I just want to reiterate
that we at Ace of Hearts have no intention of
generalizing any lifestyle, race, gender, disability, etc. Our desire is
(00:41):
to hear love stories or maybe sometimes horror stories, especially
from people who don't always get the spotlight. Every person
is unique and so is their story. So today is
something a little bit different. I wanted to try to
explore some multicultural dating for individuals who have experienced dating
(01:03):
in different countries. And today we have my guest, Georgina. Georgina,
would you like to introduce yourself?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Hi everybody, Hi Maddie, thank you for having me here,
and yes, I am Georgina Chef. That's my stage name,
so having fun with that one. And we're kicking around
some nicknames, maybe Geo or something like that.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
I like Geo. That's cute.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Yeah, so Mattie's helping me out with that. She's gonna
nickname me probably, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
It is declared. But today I wanted to talk about
your dating experiences living in Mexico as well as the
United States.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Reco keep mine inside.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Why don't we get started from the very beginning? So
where where did you grow up?
Speaker 4 (02:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (02:08):
So I did grow up in Mexico in a place
in the state of Wahaca, in the city of Wahaca.
So it's like New York, New York, but Whaca.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
Ohaka. It's been you know.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Like it's cool that I got to have that experience
because my little family unit was all like American Ish
type culture, US culture within living in a different country,
and then our surrounding culture.
Speaker 4 (02:34):
Was well, the culture of Mexico.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Yeah, but I did have a lot of immediate family
there growing up, and I went to a little you know,
US American private school, so I did have all the English,
all the you know, basic you know, the stuff that
anybody would have in the US while living in Mexico.
But I went to church in Spanish, I went to
the store in Spanish, you know. In the surrounding Mexican
(02:59):
culture or Wohaka specifically.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
And you stayed in Wahoka when you were a child.
When did you leave like your young adult years?
Speaker 4 (03:07):
Young adult?
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Actually, yeah, we traveled to the US every summer, and
so yeah, I wasn't like totally not exposed to the US, right,
but most of the year, every year of my life
until I was almost nineteen, I lived in Wahaca, Mexico,
and I was born in Mexico City, so dual citizenship
and all that.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Shit, woo woo options. So then you must have had
your early dating years in Mexico. I guess now that
you're stepping back now that you've spent some time in
Mexico and the US dating, are there any funny instances
you can think of back when you were young dating
(03:49):
or that might have just been teenage craziness all around,
But do you have any fun little anecdotes you can
think of when you were between thirteen and eighteen?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
The actual dating dating, I didn't start until was like seventeen.
I had a guy that I started talking to and
started dating him officially with parental permission and all this.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
You know, of course, because you were a good little girls.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Yes, yes, but yeah, no, it didn't stop us from
getting into a ton of mischief because he was very
good at that.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
He was good at mischief, he was at that.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah, so that was That was my first time for
pretty much everything, not my first kiss, but for everything else.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
And I ended up marrying that guy.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Wow, so you were high school sweetheart?
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Yeah, sort of high school sweetheart.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Oh my gosh, that's crazy. And when did you guys
get married?
Speaker 2 (04:44):
We got married a few months shy of me turning nineteen,
so we had we did have the huge wedding church
wedding Mexican style with all the traditions in a few
US traditions thrown in there. But yeah, the the wedding
was about three hours long.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
The ceremony was ceremony.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
Yes, it was. It was exhausting.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
I was exhausted, right, And you have to stand there
for so much of it.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Yeah, well yeah, okay, first you stand, then you kneel
for part of it because somebody brings in some pillows
for you to kneel on. The pillows or special pillows.
Everything is symbolic, right. Then you sit in then somebody
brings a lassal and ties you both together, and then
you sit in some chairs for the rest of it,
well the preacher, and the preacher can take as long
(05:38):
as he wants to preach, and so then that's done,
and then.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
You say your vows.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
In the chair.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
I guess after standing up and going and lighting a candle,
and I probably getting all the order mixed up of this,
but the unity candle, I think that was more of
a US maybe more I don't know, Evangelic free church
tradition thrown in, but yeah, the three shall become one, right,
so God and the man and the woman shall become one.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
And you, like, I see you light one candle.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
And you blow So of course my veil caught fire
because really I went to blow the candle.
Speaker 4 (06:16):
Out of my veil caught fire.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
So just briefly though, just briefly, and we were.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
Able to blow it out. I was like, oh yeah,
that would just be me going up and smoke here.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Oh my gosh, at the end of this three hour ceremony.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
So the after party of the reception, some people take
a shoe that take their shoe, right, and the guy
will take his shoe, the girl will take her shoe,
and people can put money in it if they want to.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
And then that goes towards the honeymoon.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Oh that is okay, that's very cute.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Apart from the bardinos, that means like you have god
parents godfathers for different things, so people who want to
pay for different things of aspects of the wedding. So
that's how we did it because we were so young
and dumb and didn't have hardly any money to our name, right,
and so the only way we could have this wedding,
this style, this big for all the people that wanted
to come, extended family and friends and everybody. Is it
(07:13):
had to be by people helping us pull it off.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
But then you were married. You were married at eighteen
years old?
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Oh boy? How was that?
Speaker 2 (07:22):
It seemed normal there because everybody gets married young there,
And really.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Okay, I don't think I knew.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
That, especially the culture and the subcultures I grew up around.
I mean a lot of people are already they already
know who they're going to end up with. And if
you're like in the mountainous indigenous regions, they already end
up with someone either by marrying or living together.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
At age fifteen.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Oh wow, so I was old compared to shut up?
Speaker 4 (07:50):
Really?
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Yes, yeah, of course in the city and the city.
You know, that's different and it's totally different. Now everything
has has evolved and changed with the times.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
And this was in the eighties or.
Speaker 4 (08:02):
Nineties, nineteen ninety eight, nineteen ninety.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Okay, okay, sorry, sorry, I gut. Yeah, yeah, I'm so
bad with numbers. But so that was in the nineties.
Just so good, Yeah, twenty five years ago. It sounds like.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
It feels long and it feels short at the same time. Like, yeah,
right now, when you say it doesn't seem that long,
I mean heys twenty four yeah, forty years you.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Know that's true. But uh so then you were a
young married couple living in Mexico. Did you guys stay
in Mexico? Did Like? How was that? How was that
whole experience?
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Yeah? After our honeymoon in San Antonio, we lived in
Mexico for about it was maybe like two months, but
our plans changed. On our honeymoon, somebody convinced my then
new husband that we could just you know, transfer to
San Antonio, Texas and study and study college and study
(08:57):
like study together there because we were going to go
study in Guadama all together at school, picked out and everything.
He was six years older than me at the time,
so he was he had already started university, he was
almost done with his law degree.
Speaker 4 (09:10):
It would be like him starting over.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah, so that was the plan, and then it switched
to San Antonio, same thing, same type of school, but
in San Antonio, Texas, he worked hot on his own
paperwork to become a you know, a legal resident and
citizen and.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
So on and so forth.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
So yeah, I guess through me I helped him, right.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
Become a US citizen.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Eventually his family seemed happy with it, and we would
go back and visit almost every Christmas and do all
the Christmas Mexico traditions and then try to keep up
with the US traditions that my family would try to
have there so very sleep deprived, because the Mexico tradition
is you celebrate the holiday the night before, not the day, okay,
(10:00):
and so you stay up all night and you bring
in the holiday and then on the actual holiday you're
dead and you're sleeping.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Or you just sleep yeah relax. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Yeah, So that we would do all the whole night
Mexico routine and then in the daytime go celebrate with
my family because they wanted to do it in the daytime.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
And I might be pushing the conversation a little bit
because I know that you're currently single. How long were
you together with your your husband in San Antonio?
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Okay, so you're like in San Antonio or married? How
long were we married?
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Married?
Speaker 4 (10:33):
Sorry, like I might be able fourteen years? About fourteen years?
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Oh wow?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Okay, together since we started dating together together for about seventeen.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
That seems impressive to me. Let me know if I'm
getting too personal. Was it just the spark faded and
it was just ready to separate?
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Well, it wasn't all like rosy all those years. I've
just always been very spiritual and just really trying to
dedicate everything that I do in terms of like how
I relate to God and so for that, for me,
that was one of the driving factors. It was more
like that was a conviction I had, like I got
(11:15):
to stick this out. There was a lot of later on,
I didn't know what to call it then, but it
was there was a lot of manipulation, a lot of.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
You know, kind of just.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Degrading this type of verbal type of abuse.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
And blaming and shaming and.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Stuff like that that slowly eats away at your soul
and and then you go through a time of recovery.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
It's like a like a toxic cycle, right.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
You get you get love bombed, and then you get
mistreated again, and then you get apologized to, and then
you get love bombed and then you get mistreated again
and apologized.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
That was kind of like one of those cycles.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Yeah, And do you remember if it was like that
when when you were younger and you just thought it
was normal.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
There was a lot of that. Definitely, you're right uha.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
You have been studying some things here, girls, Yes, Because
I mean anytime you seem to find yourself attracted to
certain types of relationships in your adulthood, it's because you
got used to some of that in your childhood. So yeah,
I had to realize that later.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Well, I'm so sorry that happened to you though, but hey,
you're together for a while. I hope you at least
had some happy moments mixed into with those years. Absolutely,
but it sounds like at some point you made the
decision of I need to move on for me, which
good and I'm glad. I'm glad that this does sound
like a not so great relationship for your own mental
and emotional health. So it sounds like it was for
(12:42):
the best to leave. And I'm happy. I'm happy if
you're happy.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Yeah, you've heard of the mama bear. How the mama
bear can come out and she'll do anything for her cub. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
Once that abuse extended to my little one.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Once I became a mom and we shared a child
in the early infant years, there was and you know,
an instance of physical abuse, like a really bad hit.
Speaker 4 (13:08):
And for me, that was it.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
That was that was okay, no, no, no, no, no.
Now it's all come together. Everything I didn't stand up
for for myself.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
I am now you need to do this to protect
my little ones.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
So that's that was the last straw, and that brings Yeah,
that brought the whole thing to an end. I'm grateful
for everything that I learned in the relationship. I'm grateful
for the companionship and the love that was there. Yeah,
and the.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
Memories that are there.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
It was a huge part of my formation because it
was my young adulthood.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Yeahbout to say that was your entire young adult life
was married, It sounds like.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
So you can imagine there was a lot of undoing
and unlearning and relearning and healing from that. Even though
I told myself I wanted to replace that and remake
my life, I tried dating. I think before I was
healed enough.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
You know, I wasn't healed enough.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Yeah, sure, it takes time to heal.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah, And I think I subconsciously attracted similar people because
I kept ending up with a similar.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
Type of person. And I'll be like, what the heck
is this?
Speaker 2 (14:10):
So I just took a break from dating for a year.
I went out on a couple of dates just to
go for lunch or whatever. You just kind of test
the waters to see where I was at.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
But I let.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Everybody know, look, I'm not really dating right now because
I'm working on healing. I'm working on myself getting some perspective,
and that's it.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
But it also helped me test the waters.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Yeah, yeah, let's hear it.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
So while I was getting my values straight or my
intentions straight about dating, right, I actually wrote down a list.
And in those you know, there's a ton of specific
things right about physical appearance and qualities of like personality
and stuff like that, real specific, but there's also general
(14:58):
ones that are like general values like I value loyalty, honesty, respect, kindness, compassion.
I want to have it all because I've had people
who are making themselves available because they're successful. They're not kind,
and they are not offering loyalty. That's the glowing package
(15:20):
that I'm looking for, because it's hard. Sometimes you get
discouraged because you're like, ooh, is that even out there?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
I completely get that. Yeah, I personally think it's good
to be picky in the dating scene, just because, yeah,
you have to know what you want and you already
had this relationship with someone and you've seen, like I've
already seen a person with these traits and it doesn't
work for me. But I like that though, that you're
confident in what you want and it's okay if you
(15:47):
and your partner just don't really think of if you
don't value the same principles. Yeah, I think that's totally fair,
and I can see what you mean also as like
does this person exist or is this like the charming
from the fairy tale? I see what you mean as well.
And of course people aren't perfect, right, like you know,
as much as someone might overall be honest, there could
(16:08):
be moments where they're like, oh, I lied, I didn't
I wasn't honest right there because whatever reason, you know,
so obviously people aren't perfect. It's it's a delicate little
balance finding those people with your core principles, but at
the same time embracing humans that are fallible.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Oh see, that's what I love. I love that we
can embrace being human.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
I take one hundred percent responsibility for being human.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Having mistakes all the time.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Yeah, I'm going up to it and vice versa.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Right, that's it, that's all it takes.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
It's not really that hard.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
It's so good to be true with yourself. No one's perfect,
no one is the best, and honestly, that's fantastic. It's
a it's a great part about being human is that
we're not gonna be perfect the first time ever, and
we have to like work on ourselves if we want
to be better people.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
But we can't do the work for both.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
You can't fix another person. Yes, I mean, I suppose
if someone's working on something and they're very verbal about that,
I think that's fine to help them, But there is
a point where you're like, you're not my responsibility at
the end of the day. It's a delicate balance, and
I think each individual has to kind of wrestle with
themselves and how much they want to like help another
person grow, or just say I'm working on myself too
(17:17):
much right now. I can't. I can't take care of you.
I'm sorry, you know, and I think that's fair as
long as you communicate that. I wish we had more
communication in the dating world. I feel like so many
issues would be solved if you were just open about
what you wanted, either if you're working on yourself or
if you just want something from another person, if you
just want to bang, just be like, hey, can we bang?
(17:38):
I don't want to be yeah, yeah, just be open
about it. I feel like, yeah, good buddies.
Speaker 5 (17:43):
So you said, bad buddies and let the bedbugs bite.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
But I want to hear more about the individuals that
you've met since you've been since you are a single mom,
with all this history of living in Mexico, I'm sure
like going back into the dating scene at this part
in your life in a whole new culture. Yeah, let's
hear some of them first date stories, those horror stories.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
So like, I become single all of a sudden, then
out of the woodwork come like flirts, you know, and
people like flirting with me, and for the first time,
I'm like, huh, I can actually do something with this.
Because I'm not married anymore, I'm not being loyal to anyone.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
But I didn't know.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
I had no idea how to navigate it, absolutely none.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
You haven't dated since you were like what seventeen sixteen?
Like it does a lot, yeah, time.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
All that dating really because it was so supervised, and
because I hadn't taken the time to heal up enough
to value myself and set up good personal boundaries, I
was very prone to give my power away, following unhealthy
patterns and scripts and things you know in me that
I didn't even realize I had.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
I didn't know who I was dealing with.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
I didn't know how to read character very well. And
also I got, really I did get dissolution of people
of faith, and they would say one thing but do another.
I decided for a while not to care the first
person that I married, right, I thought, you know, like
I built my life with him and it had a
lot to do with my faith and how I thought
(19:36):
that was intertwined and all that, and that didn't seem
to work. So I need to go for something completely
different than that. So I was more open to people
who weren't necessarily Christians, tracted me to a lot of
different types of people that wasn't all good for me either,
And I just kind of walked away from those experiences
(19:58):
to little little bit more disappointment though, because if I
was dating people that we're living here in the US
and Texas, I've dated mostly Hispanic guys because that's just demographic, right,
And I don't think I'm saying that right because I'm
getting kind of tangled up in my head here how
to say it.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
In your area? Because you said you're in Texas. What
is said colloquially in your area? Around here?
Speaker 4 (20:20):
We hear we say Hispanic.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Everything is Hispanic, like the Chamber of Commerce has the
Hispanic division, blah.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Blah blah like. But I don't know.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
I guess I just haven't met a lot of white guys,
and I grew up around Hispanic so that's kind of
what I know. And I guess it's a natural attraction, right,
It's a natural attraction here.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
For some reason, it's.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Funny here in the US, I encountered more prejudice in
them toward me, or towards white.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
People in general, than I did in Mexico.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
In Mexico there was more of an embrace, more of
a like, Okay, you're weird, you're different, but more of
an embrace. And and here is more like, oh.
Speaker 4 (21:01):
I've already got you pegged. Oh that's what you white
people do.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
And when you try to tell them like no, I
grew up in Mexico.
Speaker 4 (21:08):
Yeah, they're like, oh, yeah, you can speak Spanish. But
still they treat you with the stereotypes they have toward
white people.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Here because there have been I mean, obviously I'm sorry,
let me apologize for all of us white people here,
but yeah, there's been a lot of nasties and mean
horrible people mistreating mistreating Mexicans here or Hispanic people here
on the border, or I guess anywhere in Texas, I
don't know. And it's funny because.
Speaker 4 (21:34):
If they would take the chance to know.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Me, they would realize, oh my gosh, like she's totally
not one hundred percent American stereotype. So they're attracted to me,
maybe because they think I'm cute or because they speak Spanish,
but that's pretty much where it ends. Anytime, like you said,
anytime somebody says, oh, you're that kind of person or
you're that type of person, right.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Yeah, that's very much. Oh you already think this world
of assumptions about me, and now I have to fight
those assumptions like no, thank you.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
Yeah exactly.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
And some of the things that they would say were
funny about me or make fun about me.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
That's what I was gonna ask. Are they said as jokes?
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Yeah, I know some of it was just in good fun,
but other types of things were like they were sure
that this is where I fit in this.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Category and interesting.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
And then they go out and launch into like a.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Whole monologue about like how their mom was mistreated and
how their grandparents were mistreated. And I'm like, well, I'm sorry,
but like I didn't do that personally, I didn't and
I'm on your side here, you know, like just things
that are just normal to me in my weird idiosyncrasies,
maybe in my little eclectic mix of whoever I am
(22:51):
because growing up on the in a foreign country with
very conservative Christian parents who are also multicultural because of
their background growing up in a different country, so we
have little mix and matches, mixes of I guess culture.
But that's just getting to know someone like who cares
(23:11):
what culture it comes from.
Speaker 4 (23:13):
I mean, it's just like they.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Like that sort of thing, but that's interesting and go
for it or learn from them, or say you don't
like that about them and you know, prefer not to whatever. Well,
then maybe maybe I'm maybe I should try looking for
more white guys.
Speaker 4 (23:26):
Maybe there would be a difference.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
I don't know, not that I'm being racist at all,
Like I really look at the person, the whole person,
and if they if there's a connection there, great. You know,
you eventually get to the place where you start thinking, well,
if I did get more serious with this person, would
our life align? Like could we live our daily life
with our different practices or maybe even religious view Would
(23:52):
that work out? Could we compliment each other in that
or would it be a clash or do we have
enough like core values and common that would carry us through?
You know? And the rest just makes for a very
you know, colorful and interesting existence, right, just fascinating.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
So then you started dating white guys in in the
South Texas area.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yeah, so, I mean I guess I mean like Caucasian guys, right,
because sure, yes, specific because every every culture too. Nobody's perfect,
but every culture has a little bit of toxicity in it,
So maybe that was it. Maybe there was a little
I was picking up on the toxicity there.
Speaker 4 (24:30):
So I just thought, what do I do?
Speaker 1 (24:33):
You know?
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Obviously, now I know that the common denominator for everything
was me.
Speaker 4 (24:37):
I needed to change, I needed to heal right.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
I did encounter some some Caucasian guys that I like
interacting with a little.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
Bit, but the only the only ones that I found.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Were part of a rehab program. But that's what attracted
me to them because they seemed so, like we said,
one hundred percent human, like they were really embracing their humanity.
They had completely come to terms with everything they had
done or had happened in their life. Their values aligned
with mine, and they understand what it's like to have failed,
(25:14):
failed miserably, and yet stood back up under God's grace.
And that's what defines them. And they're honest about it.
They hold nothing back, like there's nothing to hide anymore.
But there was a there was the whole problem with
they didn't share the value of I was trying to
avoid primarial sex or sex outside of marriage, like a
(25:36):
free for all sex best after being after getting free
from a marriage right out, and that seems to be
thrown at me like from all angles. That's what people wanted,
and I was not used to that mentality. Although, to
be honest, when I courted my ex husband, he also
(25:57):
pushed a lot for sex. So I had said with
him starting at age what like sixteen seventeen, but he
would say, yeah, but we're committed to each other. It's
like we're already married, like we're one and he would
like speak over it all this and he was loyal
to me and he was faithful to me, So in
that aspect, I guess it wasn't all that one night's
(26:21):
stand in security where you don't know where you stand
with that person anymore, but you just shared something really
intimate with them and then you're like, what.
Speaker 4 (26:28):
Happens from here? I wasn't used to that sort of thing.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
There's a whole culture and handbook.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
But you had you had the one night stands though
for a while I.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Did have a few after getting divorced, but they confused
me because I wasn't used to that, and all it
did was exacerbate a lot of anxiety in me. Like
I remember thinking it was thrilling and amazing in the moment,
but also like, oh, this was an.
Speaker 4 (26:57):
Oops, this was a whoops. We just got carried away.
We just got carried away. And that's just normal, that's natural.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Wasn't a pre premeditated idea in the end, And when
it became clear to me that that's what it was,
then I was like insecure, because that's not.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
What you wanted from those encounters.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Yeah, to me, it's just it was hard to separate
and divorce. In my head that if you had sex
with someone, that meant you were pursuing like a long
term relationship with them or marriage really, and so if
I didn't, if I would never even think of marrying.
Speaker 4 (27:28):
Them, that was another problem. I was like, shoot, why
did I have sex with them? But for them it
was no big deal.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
It was no problem because I guess they're used to
this or they had some sort of reconciliation in their
mind about it. But I didn't, just because that's my
moral compass and that's how I thought about things.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
And yeah, it's how you grew up. Yeah, it's a
large part of like where you were from. And heck, yeah,
like you said, you were married for a good fourteen years.
It just you had been cemented in you. Yeah, and
then you were thrown into this wild fish pond cold
the dating pool.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Like I had a friend that turned to me. She
was like, you knew that was going to happen. You
knew he was going to have sex with you.
Speaker 4 (28:07):
And I was like no. She's like, well, then why
did you invite him over.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
I'm like, well, I thought that was like you know
what you do, like on a date, you cook for
someone or you have them over. And she's like, no,
if you have a guy over to your house, that means.
Speaker 4 (28:21):
You're going to sleep with him. And I'm like, well,
I didn't know that, like told these rules, Like oh my.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
God, She's like, where are these rules? I did get
a printed out for GEO here. So I know you're
still single, but have you had any long running relationships
that were very much affected by your cultural upbringing?
Speaker 2 (28:45):
So so, growing up in Mexico, the culture there in
Wahaka in particular, we eat black beans. We pride ourselves,
so they even make tortillas out of black beans.
Speaker 4 (28:56):
That's just the bean that we eat there. So we're
here in South Texas.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
A lot of the people seem to come and migrate
over from northern Mexico, Okay, which some of those states
I didn't I'm not too familiar with and didn't grow
up in right northern Mexico. They have to have their
the pinto bean, the brown bean, and that's a whole
different recipe, man, that's entirely different.
Speaker 4 (29:24):
Funny, when I was dating this.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
More long term boyfriend that I had after getting divorced,
I learned how to make those beans, and I really
excelled in them, right, And I tried to like, we
would come together with his mom for lunch sometimes, but
your recipe for beans can really be scrutinized. I'd be like, well,
(29:46):
like I would, I would bring some black beans, and
then he would have to explain to his mom, No,
it's just because she's not like they eat black beans
and where she's from, where she grew up.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
She'd be like, no, we brown beans. You like, very
close minded about it.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Mother, mother in law's you know, quote unquote.
Speaker 4 (30:07):
So he lived with his mom too.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
It was another like I was wondering if that was
ever gonna change, right.
Speaker 4 (30:12):
I interested is because he had quit his job for
a while.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
There's a lot of things I thought I understood about it,
but ultimately it ended up he was never gonna leave
his mother's side, which is also kind of pretty cultural too,
like he was really close to his mom. It's funny
because I was all over the place emotionally with this relationship,
and I thought that it would last though, because I
really tried. Bottom line, he should have been honest with
(30:36):
me from the very beginning. But he really really really
does not ever want to get married. And I even
considered not, you know, not having you know, He's like,
marriage is just a piece of paper, like we're together,
we're together.
Speaker 4 (30:50):
Honey, you know.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
And I'm like, yeah, but in my family and in
my upbringing and in my I guess my moral compass, like, ah,
there has to be marriage, Like I can't. But I
was like, well, would you ever like commit to me then,
like and like would you move in together with me?
Speaker 4 (31:08):
And he's like, well, I don't know, Like.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Well then how do you want to stay living with
your mom and me just live by myself with my son?
Speaker 4 (31:17):
And they just like keep dating forever.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Maybe I don't know, it was always maybe, And I
don't know. When you feel like you're not enough inside
or you're not finding your source of of identity and
life and all the things you look for in another
relationship outside of you. If you don't go within, you
really will go without. Like literally, you'll go look for
it outside of you, but you'll also be in lack.
(31:43):
You won't find it, and and then you're just.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
Gonna be desperate.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
It's like hanging like a cat hanging onto a screen
door with their claws.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Yeah, and you got to be in tune with yourself.
Speaker 4 (31:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Absolutely, there's a lot.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Of learning for me in that, but also a lot
of really good moments, lots and lots of attraction, less
of passion, lots of learning about myself. I'm grateful for that,
and grateful for the way that the pain has taught
me how to be closer to God, how to be
more valued to myself, and so many things, so many things.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
And the fact that you can look back on these
these very trying times, difficult times, that you can look
at it and just say, you know what, we weren't
a good fit and I learned a lot about myself
through the process. I think that's the best way to
look at it. We're gonna have so many tribulations in
our life and if you're just mad or just you know,
bottled up about like wow, this sucks like nothing's gonna change.
(32:38):
You're gonna get more bitter over time, and you have
to be able to take the good with the bad.
Speaker 4 (32:42):
I love it absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
Then may I ask, then, through all of your experiences
and everything else, you're still looking for marriage for like
another partner. I don't know if you would say soulmates
or just spouse.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
Or yeah, I am, I know, I'm so you're romantic.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
I'm such a totally I'm right there with you. I
love it. Another episode of this podcast, we had a
gentleman come on the show. He's seventy years old and
he's single, and he's like, you know what, like, I
think my I think my soulmate's still out there. I
don't think he said soulmate. Actually, I think he said
my love. My love is still out there.
Speaker 4 (33:17):
It can happen at any age.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Keep working on yourself along the way, making sure that
you're the best person then you can be, and that'll
just attract a great person in return.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Exactly, And to be able to bring all of yourself
to the table, I guess is not dating or not
marrying because you need to, but because you get to,
because you want to, because your desires to be or
bring your whole beautiful self and be a blessing to
the other person and likewise, you know, receive from them.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
I think there is something very beautiful to having a
long term relationship with somebody you can just open yourself
up with them mentally, emotionally, and then just makes life
a little bit easier. I think we're gonna start to
wrap up our talk. Thank you so much, Geo for
for coming on the show, and I think we had
(34:10):
a lot of really good, like nuggets of wisdom and experiences.
And do you have any advice for people, like just
in the dating scene or about people in general.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Ah, align yourself with God and your soul purpose like
your real soul, like.
Speaker 4 (34:29):
Because if you die, if.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Feel like your soul is dying, that's you know, the
end of everything, like nothing else can make up for it.
And then see how life aligns with you after that,
because it should come together. And then if you think that,
like me, you had it all together, then surrender it
all again, start over, you know, like yeah, and enjoy
(34:54):
being single if that's where you're at, Like there is
a little more freedom to just navigate the world as
your spirit leads you. When you're not having to answers
to someone else or coordinate with someone else, although there
should be a lot of freedom in that too. Idealistically,
that's the kind of relationship you would be in right there.
Speaker 4 (35:13):
It feels free like that. Yeah, and if not, though,
if not, that's okay too.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
I love it. It's all about that journey. Well, thank
you so much Geo for coming on to the show today.
Is there any way that our audience can find you Facebook,
Instagram or is there anything you want to promote right now?
Speaker 4 (35:31):
Okay? Yeah, I mean there should be something coming up
for Young.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
Earth Association, and I mean you can find me on
backstage as Georgina's chef, and you can find me on
three sixty X.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
But what do you do on what do you do
on backstage?
Speaker 4 (35:49):
Well, that's for that's for voiceover acting. I just have
my actor profile.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
On there, gotcha, And and that's how people can contact
me for those kinds of gigs or connections.
Speaker 4 (35:59):
Right, wonderful.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Yes, if you want to find Geo as a voice actress, yes.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
And eventually down the road, I may embark in social
media again. I had been heavily involved in social media
before and then I got out for a while, take
a little break, and then yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Kind of get sometimes you got to take a little break.
Absolutely no, this has been great. Thank you so much
for coming on the show.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Thank you for the opportunity, Maddie. You're really great to
talk with and made it really easy, really good, enjoyable too,
So thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
Gosh, Geo, it was just so freaking sweet. I can
tell she has such a great energy, such a great
like mindset. She had a whole different life when she
was a kid and a teenager and even a young adult.
Some changes kind of shook her, you know, some very
unpleasant things kind of happened to her. But she has
this fantastic mindset of self improvement, of getting better of
(36:57):
you know, taking who you are with you that can
really never go away, but then going forward and trying
to be a better person, almost a whole new person.
And I really like that. You know, it's never too
late to change aspects about you, it's never too late
to start anew. It sounds like she's on our way.
(37:17):
Thank you everybody for listening today. I hope you did
a little bit of laughing, learning and or loving today.
Thank you again to Matt Langston, from the Jelly Rocks
for letting us use their song Glued. You can find
that song in the description, and please check out more
of their work. They're amazing. Please come back next week
from more unconventional love stories and if you loved what
(37:39):
you heard today, feel free to leave a review and
a rating. And if you think you have an interesting perspective,
background or story to tell, please send us an email.
Maybe we can get you on the show. Thank you
all again, and remember don't keep your cards too close
to your chest or you'll never be open to a
new hand. Have a great day and see you soon.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
Rica all Man can the son Fanci
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