Ever wonder how happiness and self-worth are crafted beyond the confines of romantic relationships? Let's tear down those curtains of societal expectations with my incredible guests Tamika Foster Raymond and Medina Monroe, who enrich our conversation with their profound insights. This episode is a treasure trove of truths, where we chuckle over the quirks of daily life, yet also navigate the deep currents of identity, self-love, and the bold journey to rediscover oneself after the transformative experiences of motherhood and divorce.
Strap in for a candid exploration of what fulfillment really looks like, as we traverse topics from the evolution of women's roles to the magnetic allure of reality TV. Be prepared to nod vigorously as Tamika shares her poignant reflections on maintaining her independence amid public scrutiny, and Medina gives her take on the balancing act of personal ambitions and relationships. We'll also untangle the complex web of societal pressures that lead to placing a man on a pedestal as a symbol of achievement.
Finally, your ears will be treated to a heart-to-heart on the significance of companionship and the vitality of nurturing a relationship with yourself first and foremost. This episode doesn't shy away from the serious side of smiles and laughter, addressing the heavy lifting that comes with defining personal joy amidst the expectations and assumptions of the world. So, come for the banter, stay for the enlightenment, and leave with a new perspective on life's rollercoaster—buckle up, we're going on an honest ride through the realms of life and love.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
It's Tiffany Cross, the host of Across Generations, and I
am sitting here overwhelmed. I'm literally going through reading all
your reviews. I see that a lot of you have
rated the show, and I cannot thank you enough. I
just want to take a few minutes and shout out
some of the people who have dropped these amazing reviews.
I want to shout out pr v B three eleven WMN.
(00:21):
That's quite a handle, ma'am. But thank you so much
for reviewing the podcast. You said, we're doing good work
and each episode has you fully sold flower given on
day one. I so appreciate you. And also Yo yo
I nez. You said it was very intuitive and the
way that I collaborate was young knowledge and old wisdom.
Works for you, well, I'm so happy to hear that.
(00:43):
That is who I'm working for, literally working for you.
So thanks for tuning in and Mickey two point zero
you said it's a great show and you love the conversation,
so I want to say we love you for listening.
These conversations are had with you in mind, and I
just want to thank all of you for making sure
that you rate an review the show. Thanks to you
who have already done so, and listen. Spread the word
(01:04):
to your friends. We want to keep growing this platform
and I can't do it without you. Hey, you never know,
one of these reviews you may get tapped to be
a guest on the show. Thanks for tuning in again.
This is Tiffany Across, your host of Across Generations, and
new episodes drop every single Tuesday. Please be sure to download, listen, rate, review, share,
fellowship all the things We built this with you in mine.
(01:26):
We want to have these conversations for years, across generations.
Welcome to Across Generations, where the voices of Black women unite.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
I'm your host, Tiffany Cross. Tiffany Cross.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Tiffany We gather a season elder myself as the middle generation,
and a vibrant young soul for engaging intergenerational conversations. Prepared
to engage or hear perspections that no one else is happy.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
You know how we do. We create magic.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Magic.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Hi everybody, I'm Tiphany Cross, your host of Across Generations,
and welcome to our latest episode. We're going to get
into a conversation that's sure to have you talking. So
as you all know, many people have learned through society
or biosmosis, that the journey to being fulfilled as a
woman is through marriage or really, more specifically men. And
there's a reason for this because during the nineteenth and
(02:22):
twentieth century, women were forced, for a variety of reasons,
to really be dependent on their husbands for financial support.
So a lot of upper and middle class women, probably
white women, their choices were limited to marriage and motherhood
or pretty much spinsterhood.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
But times have changed.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Yet still the pursuit of men and some women is
conflated with the pursuit of happiness, and we can come
to define ourselves by being the wife of And I
know a lot of you out there listening or watching this.
You've all seen this, whether it's at the Jack and
Jill outings, your links luncheon, the book club meetings, the
company gala, the BCA meeting, or just out with your
(03:01):
girls for drinks or at brunch. Now, in my twenties,
I worked really, really, really hard, and I mean like
hard hard. Eighteen hour days were the norm. I was
building a career navigating newsrooms just in case I never
got to navigate, packing lunches and running bathwater. But to
be honest, a big part of my career building in
(03:22):
my life in my twenties anyway, it always kind of
felt like a backup plan, like, at least, I'll always
be able to take care.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Of myself, but I don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Something happened in my mid thirties and things changed a bit,
and I became more settled into myself as a woman,
and my career stopped feeling like a backup plan, but
like something I could really chart and take charge of.
And men were certainly always around, but they certainly did
not define me or my life. Now, being middle aged
in my mid forties, it feels like a journey home
(03:53):
to myself, and to be completely whole and happy and
joyful and fulfilled is really what it's about for me
at this point. So it drastically changed my interaction with
men now. I've dated men who are household names. I've
dated men who relation their anonymity and every kind in between.
None of them ever defined me. My light was too
(04:13):
bright to dim. But I have definitely been around women
who seem to lack self worth without being attached.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
So how much of.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
That do we own? And how much of that is
on society? And there's nothing wrong you, guys at all
with desiring partnership and prioritizing your union. But how can
we encourage younger women to strike that healthy balance and
what are the dangers of letting your relationship define you?
With me are two women at very different stages of
their life and love. We have Samiga Foster Raymond. She's
(04:44):
fifty three years old. She's a mother of five. Originally
from Oakland, California. She's an American fashion styllist who has
worked with as a personal stallus for Lauren Hill, jay Z,
Tony Braxton, Sierra Patti, LaBelle Nas and of.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Course, her ex husband Usher.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
She is the author of the book Here I Stand
and is currently a cast member of we TV's Bold
and Bougie. Tamika Foster Raymond wants people to acknowledge and
know her for who she is and not really who
she's been in a relationship with.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
I can understand that.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
And then we have Medina as in Funky Cole Medina
Medina min Roe. She's a thirty five year old Dallas,
Texas native and currently is half of the Cocktails Dirty
Discussion podcasts and Cocktails is Not Spilled How you think Now?
She's been a serial entrepreneur throughout her adulthood and is
currently seeking the job title of wife and mother, as
(05:37):
she believes those titles matter more than any career.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Wow, I think I have to start with you and mother.
People are gonna be mad, you know.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
I feel like when you say that, people are like,
oh my gosh, there's so much more that you can
aspire to be.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
And not that I that I don't.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
There's several other things and titles and hats that I
want to wear. But I admire mothers, I admire wives.
I admire healthy family dynamic. Yeah, that's always been in
the forefront, in the backfront, and in my mind since
I was a kid, like playing with baby doll, seeing
how my parents interact with each other, how I interact
with my siblings, and just wanting to not recreate that
(06:20):
same thing but almost like family. I'm a diehard family person.
And so when I look at women who have had children,
I'm like.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
That's a gift.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Bro of course, that is one of the most important
things that, if not the most important thing that a
woman can do, and it's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Well, let me just say I don't think that people
will hear that and scoff at that at all. I
think there are a lot of people who desire that.
And like I said, there's nothing wrong with prioritizing partnership
or desiring partnership. I think if other people don't, Like
do you think being a wife and mother is the
most important title for you?
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Or do you think it should be or everyone?
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Oh no, I think do what you want to do, SI,
do whatever whatever you think is important to it.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
For me, yeah, I can't. I'm not either of those either,
by the way, Like I'm not a mom, i am
not a wife, but I can't wait to be. Yeah,
you're looking forward to I am looking forward to those things.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
You know how Sometimes you read comments or you have
conversations with people and they're like, dang, you know, I
became a mom and I feel like now I can't
do anything else. Or I just had a friend recently
who had a baby and she's trying so hard to
get back to what she was and I'm like basking this,
like enjoy this right now. You just gave life, a
human life that can nourish on your body. Man, it
(07:42):
makes me I can't wait until I get to experience that.
I think it brings out a different side of you. Well,
to Mika, you're a mother of five.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
You've certainly been through this. You had the title of
wife and mother. People only know you know about your
marriage to Usher, but you were married yet a whole
life before him.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
You were married just abody. Oh, so you've been a
wife twice I have.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Do you feel defined by those titles?
Speaker 4 (08:07):
Well, now that I'm you know, divorced from my former husband,
it's a little bit of a jail.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
I don't know if it's defined. But while I was
in it, it was very special. But I've always been
really independent, like as far as working and so I
was never like a stay at home mom. I worked
all the way until I went into labor with all
my kids. Like I never sat down idole. Yeah, but
(08:38):
I don't feel defined by it.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
No. Yeah, Well when you.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
When you were married, did you feel defined by like
being the wife of.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
Well, in my second marriage, for sure, I mean, you know,
he's uh. I was married to an enigma, so to speak.
I'm very popular. You know everywhere I went, you were
married to it. What I just want to sure we
got there.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
I thought maybe you might have said something I said
that to.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
The enigma. Yes, he was a enigma. He was a
big force.
Speaker 4 (09:17):
So you know, it was kind of hard, kind of
living in the shadow of that because everything was kind
of about him and what he needed.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
And that kind of came first.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
And that's just because that's just kind of part for
the course because of who I was married to, very busy.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
He was busy, busy, busy, So it was a little different.
Were you able to prepare for that? Oh no, No,
I was not prepared.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
I was not ready, and I wasn't ready for the
backlash of it because marrying someone like that, especially at
that time. I think now that he's older, you know,
he could do it and get, you know, all the
congratulations he's supposed to have gotten. But when he married me,
he was very young, and everyone was mad at me,
like what, ripping their posters, like we hate her, she's ugly.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
So you know, uh, I.
Speaker 4 (10:04):
Remember those I remember a tantrum, a massive tantrum that
went on in the community, the black community to be specific.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Because you stole all our man. That was our man.
But I mean he was on loan, just buy tickets,
the ways you could.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Lease him out for the night.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
That is something though because your identity, even though you
had his career, your identity did become And I'm curious
because you said, now it's like you're in jail, Like,
say more about that.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
What do you mean?
Speaker 4 (10:36):
Well, I say that because and I know people will say, well,
why don't you drop the name? I have children, and
it's so I go, you know, my kids go to
a really good school. You know, they go to good schools,
both of them minutes kind of I don't know, kind
of ghetto to be up there with fifteen names, like, well,
I'm here to pick up such and such, but my
name is such and such. I just looked to make
(10:58):
a Raymond picking up you know, my boys, and so
it's just easier. My passport says it. You know, my
credit cards, my bank accounts, things, everything has been in
my marittle name.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
But so that's to clear that up. That's why you
keep the name. Yeah, keep the name. It's just so
much simpler.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
But it's slowly going away, Like I'm I have a
new book that I'm putting out and I'm just going
by my maiden name, which is great.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
But so school, you keep your school and for the boys,
just play a couple more years look.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Look, let me just say to all who are picking
up kids who have different last days looks.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
So I don't know that I would call that ghetto.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
We had a president in the White House, not one,
not two, but three baby mamas in the White House.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
So I you know, I think, guess what, all his
wives kept his name.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Though I don't have the same last name as my mom,
and my mom doesn't have the same last name as
my dad, and they're married. He converted to Islam, and
she was like, I'm not doing all this change the name,
and so she's a Scott.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
He's generation old school.
Speaker 4 (12:01):
My grandmother's name was Estella, hadn't until she passed. She
wasn't with my grandfather, but her seven children all had
the same last name. Interesting, So it's kind of I
think it's just a generational thing, and only black people
worry about that. Really, I don't think the other I
don't think other people care about it.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
They just I think they probably do. I don't really,
I don't talk to a lot of others. I don't
know a lot of friends that.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Are both you know and friends that you know on
both sides of the coin. But I don't think it's
a big deal. I think people really the black community.
But he ain't yours no more. Drop the name, like,
what is the name? What's your name?
Speaker 1 (12:43):
It's just do you want to wait.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
The Passport and Immigration uh Neusralization office whatever it's called.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yeah, it's a headache going down to that office.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
But have you ever been like a thought where you're like,
it is really cool though that I got Usher's last name,
So like, have you ever used it as a place,
because I like, the.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
Only time I use it as a flex is if
someone's flexing on me, Like if I'm going in a restaurant.
Sometimes I have to make it clear, like we'll be
clear what's happening here, you know what I mean? Like
you thinking I'm just some random you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (13:11):
So I well you need it.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
That's the only but that is that is it goes
to me because that is you defining yourself by someone else.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
It says to me, I to Meika am not enough?
And I know you.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
You know how sometimes you go into certain establishments and
they may not want to seat you or they want
to make you wait forty five minutes when it's three
people in the restaurant and you're like Okay, that doesn't
make sense.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
So sometimes you do have to make it clear, like
you know, oh, how do you know? I was?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
I don't have any famous man's last name, and I
make it clear for me alone, you know, I don't.
I don't have to pull in someone else.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
It's just that I am here at an established You're
not doing me a favor by seating me. That I'm
spending my money in this establishment, and that's enough.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Sometimes sometimes I.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Don't want to any right. So there is something about
us defining ourselves. So you've had this title twice wife
and mother? Would you medina be okay? If you never
got that site, if you never met somebody, if you
never had kids.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
I would probably jump off. Would definitely that. I think
we're here.
Speaker 4 (14:26):
I think we were I think women see this is
the thing I'm not. What is it when they say
women are super I'm not woman power Where I don't
need a man, honey, I'm myself. I define myself. No,
I I like having a man. I like having I
like having the strength of that. I like that title.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
We all because I think I like that too, and
men can we all agree that we like we like,
we love we love.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
I don't need no man.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Yeah, I don't need Yeah, but I think there but
we're on a spectrum because saying I don't need a
man is different from I Tiffany am enough and a
man can come along and compliment in my life. I
think what you're saying is what I hear from you
because you are not enough. It sounds to me like
you're saying I do well. You literally said I would
jump off a bridge if I don't meet my husband.
(15:19):
You may make you want to jump off the bridge too,
I hope not.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
I'm trying to do all the healthy things that the
therapists be telling you to do. But I think they
can both bet like I do love who I am
without a man and with a man. I like Medina,
But I think that we were on this earth to
be together with someone who have that partnership.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Yeah. So in my mind the.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
Way that I think about it, since I do want
those things, if I don't get if I don't get
to develop that type of family that I want and
the relationship that I want, I will be sad. I
won't really jump off of a bridge and do that,
but I would have a sadness attached to me, are
you single now? No, Well, I'm not married, but I
am in a relationship. Okay, so I guess by the
government I'm.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Sayingle But like when you're not in a relationship, or
if you were not in a relationship, the times where
you have been single, are you happy.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
I've experienced both. I've experienced like the times and it's like, dang,
I really feel depressed because I'm lonely and I wish
that I had a man. But that was in my
early twenties. The more that I grow and realize that
in feeling like that, you can't even really attract the
things or the type of man that you want if
you don't develop that relationship with yourself. So are you
(16:32):
really by yourself? Like I get it, and it's annoying
to keep saying that, But it is very important to
me to pour into me how a man would pour
into me, or I won't even get the type of
man that I'm saying I want to develop a family with, right,
That's important to me. I think a lot of people
skip those steps and they're just like, I don't want.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
To be married.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
I'm not saying that, or I'm not just like I
just want to be married and just so I'm not alone.
I want to develop a partnership, a real one. It's
not just about money. It's about how you treat me,
how I treat you, how you show up for me,
and how I show it for you. What type of
father would you be? Do you do you save? Are
you responsible? How were you and your family dynamic? Like
(17:10):
a lot of those things I can't I wasn't able
to see them until I got healthy and developed the
relationship with self. Yeah it sounds corny, but.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
I will ted you to keep living because as you
get older, you will appreciate your your solitude. I love
just going home and having my power of laundry on
the other side of the bed, no one to tell
me to put it away.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
So there is something.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
There is something to be said about really just enjoying
being alone and being at peace with yourself. I wake
up and I can pray out loud and one things
I'm crazy.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
You know what I mean? Yeah, you pray out loud
and you your husband doesn't think you're crazy. Now we
pray or you pray all together, and we still have
those moments of.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
No, I don't know, I don't think I would want
to be out loud say in the kind of prayers
I say by myself, but I'm loud. Thank you God,
Well I wake up, Thank you guy for this day.
Thank you for waking me and my children up. Thank
you you know. I pray like out lie like a grandmother. Yeah,
and I don't want the husband to be looking like.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Who are you talking to? Are you singing? Now?
Speaker 4 (18:17):
I am saying I'm dating. I'm dating, but I'm definitely single.
I have no one that thinks that I'm your girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
And would you, uh well if you do? He just told, right,
would you be okay if you never got married again.
Speaker 4 (18:38):
I'd be okay if I never got married again, But
I would not be okay living my life alone.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
No, I because I want my I want to have
a person. I want my person that I can call
at the end of the day and help download my day.
Or when I want to travel, Hey, let's go to Italy.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
They're having that.
Speaker 4 (18:57):
It does you need the trouble season, you know what
I mean? Or I want to go and look at
some fabrics from my clothing line, or whatever it may be.
I want my person.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
I don't know if I have to have that legal
document that says you're married, sorrging here a companionship.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
I want just a solid companion I to do life
with him. I desire that that same thing myself. I
will say some of the loneliest moments I had in
my life, I was with somebody.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
I was right through the land, right next to somebody.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I was dating a guy, and I told him like
a personal story about my mother and like my upbringing,
and he was kind of like texting.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
While I was talking about and I was like, this
fucking asshole. Yeah, I couldn't believe it.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
And I remember thinking I would be more fulfilled at
home by myself instead of laying here next to this man.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
So I, you know, did you stay with him after that?
I did, but not now.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
But after that I think, yeah, I mean you don't
realize until afterwards.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
It's it's a collection of those things where you feel like,
you know what, I'm with you and I feel lonely.
And I do think that there was a time in
life with you know, where I did conflate happiness with partnership.
And I think the journey I'm on now is a
journey home to myself in the sense that I'm definitely
(20:19):
open and receptive to partnership. But the joy has to
come from inside that right, and I'm learning to harness.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
That every day.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
And it's really easy to say, like, you know, do
you love yourself? And do you love yourself?
Speaker 1 (20:32):
I am in love with this girl smitten. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
And I'll tell you this too. I was going to
say something. I say this in my book.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
I say how you can have this big home and
all this you know, sarashki crystal chandeliers.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
And nobody, Well, you have to want to share with.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
But if it's not the right person it's the right thing,
you'll have a fortress of despair.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
You'll just be in this big old thing like okay,
a doll house.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
But that's why I think that some of those lonely
moments that we were talking about, being lonely with someone
or being lonely without somebody, like you have to learn
the lessons. That's part of doing the way, yeah, to
find to attract the person, to develop a healthy relationship
and the right the right one.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
I'll tell you this much too.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
If you are looking for that husband and your forever person,
maybe make sure you're looking in the right places because
obviously we all like the same types of men, you know,
the affluent, the tall. You know, we all had this description.
I want them six week tall. Don't keep them tall
me away from me. I'm not playing. Give me a
little for me either.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
I'm five may be five ten in tower over me.
That's oh yeah, that's true. So it's fine. You don't
want tall either. How tall are you? I'm five five ish,
so you like with five eight five a guy? I'm
talnge with that.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
I think I've got to find now with deals. I'm
probably like five ten. So you like them tall, but
that's a problem because they're terrible. The tall guys are. Yeah,
they have pretty privilege. I'm good on tom Me and
I had a tall man. We call him six eight bay.
He did me so dirty, he did me so dirty.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
I can't do. I think this is what's interesting on
the table. Yeah, I was gonna say, take them back.
I was done with tall.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
What I find interesting, though, is I'm often in the
company of amazing women. You know, you two have you
have such a testimony to Mika. You're on the journey Medina.
You know, I feel like there's so many things we
could talk about, and no matter what people women i'm with,
the conversation does typically turn to men, and even in conflict,
it's like when women are mad at each other, they
(22:36):
will hurl someone's marital status and him like, that's why
or that's why you single, that's why you ain't got
no madsult, That's that's an insult, you know, to say like, oh, yeah,
I'm still on this journey, or that's why you know
around you go have some kids, you know, like all
these things. It's like, oh, you mean all this freedom
and money I get to enjoy and I don't get
that's an insult, you know, but it's how people can,
(23:00):
I guess attribute it.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
And I think some of that is because of attitude.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
You know that you have attitude that I had when
I was younger, and the way that we all define
ourselves by men.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Why do you think women will do that? Why would
we say something.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
I've never said anything like that, but I've heard that
insult be hurled at people, and I just wonder, why
is that an insult?
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Because I think that women want you do want somebody.
If you are a straight woman who dates men, you
do want a man. Like at the end of the day,
you're like I've never I don't think I've ever said
that to anybody. I maybe has said it behind somebody's back,
like this, why she don't have nobody? Because sometimes you
do take a look at somebody and be like chos,
(23:42):
but you're said, but you why is that the insult?
This is why?
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Why is it not?
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Like well, maybe that's why she's not happy, or maybe
she's still working do some trauma, Like you know, it's
not necessarily grace, but it's like you don't have this
thing that you place such.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
Great value on which we're saying the man is the value.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Yeah, I think a lot of women treat it like that,
you know, And I think that's the only reason you
would say that as an insult is because you think
this is a thing to get. And I think a
lot of people treat relationships and marriage like it's a sorority.
They're trying to pledge and it's like, hah, you didn't
get here. And I don't know. I just feel like
sometimes single people can romanticize marriage to me because you
(24:20):
probably get a lot of this because you've already.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Said you think about marriage is great.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
Think I've ever treated me like I was married to
two great guys, and they were the enigma.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
And who else didn't tell us about that enigma?
Speaker 4 (24:41):
I had two great husbands, so you know, we just
weren't compatible, you know, in a lot of ways.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
But I have no complaints about the guys. You know.
Speaker 4 (24:49):
I wouldn't say they both those were dirty dogs. They
both were great, great guys, great fathers. Better fathers than husbands,
i'd say, And I have nothing against So I didn't
have a bad marroral experience. Would I do it again?
Just I don't think it's necessary, you know what I mean?
And I think that's I think you only want it
because you haven't had it. Once you get it, you're
(25:10):
gonna be like, there's really little crack. Yeah, no, regular
old way.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
You talk. I don't. I think that when I get it,
I will be very happy.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
But to talk about you us using this as an insult,
I never used it as an insult now, But I
will say I had a situation the other day where
a friend of mine was talking about a friend of
hers who was married and has kids, and she was like,
every time she comes around, she's always saying we and
including her husband and everything, and always talking about her kids,
and sometimes I think that single people and I am
still a single person, have this way of you're making
(25:45):
this a negative message when that's not even what the
person is trying to make it.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
It's okay if you're word sitting here talking about it's okay.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
To be proud, to be proud of your man and
be happy about that and want to talk about him.
And now because you come around your single friends and
you want the person to still be that single person,
and you are no longer that single person because the
change happens if you're trying to be better. A change
happens when you become a wife, A change happens when
you get.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Well, we don't want you talking about but we feel
sorry for you because we know he ain't shit.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
But but seeing this sometimes it's like, well, you don't
know my man. That might have been young man, but
that's not my man. So now you got this battle
going that shouldn't even really be happening. And it's like,
sometimes I feel like the single people take it as
an insult just because you're talking or happy about your relationship.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
And that's not fair.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
That's not good either, because you're single and miserable and
I have moved on, we got to sit here and
talk about single and being miserable.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
I can't uplift you now you're mad because I'm happy.
I want to.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
I wonder if the phones out there watching and listening,
are you happy when you were single and not in relationship?
And have you ever heard this kind of insult in somebody?
I think that's interesting to hear from people. How many
people will be honest about sharing something like that. But
I I do think if you desire love, the best
(27:04):
way is to become loved, because then you're just giving
it out and so you become love. You're never throwing
out that as an insult. That's a mean insult, that's.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Right, but any insult. Like if you become love, then
you will attract.
Speaker 3 (27:16):
Love and you'll see it differently and you being different
types of grades.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Like I told my girlfriend that was doing.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
I was like, have you ever just thought that maybe
she's really happy to have found her her person? I
look at like you finding your life partner as that's
a gift, Like that's a that's one of the most,
if not the most, after the relationship with yourself the
most and with God the most important relationship that you
can have. Is a business decision. It could ruin your life.
(27:42):
I mean, there's a lot of things that are in
place here. If somebody's proud of that and they think
they made a good choice, left in basking it. Yes,
I agree, And you sent everything about talking about him,
Debbie down.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Love.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
So I want to talk a little bit about like
how we define ourselves without partnership.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
So I am not in a partnership.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
I'm not married to anybody, and I have to say
this journey was hard earned, you know, this journey home
to myself that I'm still on. But I feel like
I'm enough. I do desire partnership, and that is a
hard balance to strike, but I am happy. I enjoy
my own company. I can keep my own company. I
like to read, I like to write, I like to
(28:27):
walk like I am defined by the friendships I have
with men and women. I'm defined by how I treat
my family, my mother, my sisters. I look sitting here
with you all. I often say I love men. I
love men, and I still it's from Beyonce. But there
is nothing like a conversation with a woman who understands me.
(28:47):
That's something a man can't give me. It just can't
you know, there's something magical that happens. So I do,
and I date, you know, I go out, and it's
just it's.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
By you exhuding that you want men though, yes, and
that was gonna say.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
It is an interesting thing that happens when you radiate
happiness from inside, because then men, to me, they swarm
around you, right, they gravitate because you're not thirsty for it.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
You're not.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
They know they can't give you happiness. It's a challenge
for them. And I think when we start doing so
much for in pursuit of these men, and it's like,
I met this guy, really like him, and I've been
this before, so this is no judgment, Like I'm gonna
tell y'all, I have been this before.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
I met this guy.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
I really like him. I want to do for him.
That's how we are as women. We want to share,
we want to love you. I want to do for you.
And I had all these obligations, but yeah, I'll adjust
my schedule for you because I want to accommodate you.
And you're not feeling well, like, yeah, I'm gonna stop,
I'm gonna take care of you. What I have discovered
is that some men will not receive that, or they'll
(29:49):
receive that and think I must be pretty amazing. They
don't think you're amazing pretty amazing, or they get scared, like,
oh god, she's trying to get married. Maybe whatever it is,
but I know, uh, my friend Jail always says this.
If it's one thing and enigma will find it's the audacity,
(30:11):
and they find the audacity to say I'm amazing.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
One thing about the Enigmas, they do love themselves.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Exactly exactly when you prioritize yourself and it's like, oh,
I'm so sorry you're not feeling well. I hope you
feel better, or I would love to see you today
but I already made plans. Then they think you're amazing.
You're so amazing that your whole world doesn't center around me.
So my life has changed drastically since harnessing that happiness
for myself. So I'll start with you, Medina, because I
(30:39):
know that you really want partnership. What defines you as
an amazing woman independent of being attacked to somebody.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
I'm not even gonna bring up an enigma because it's
not even needed right now. I'm so happy that you
asked that question because I used to not have an
answer for that question, So always be one of those
people where it's like I don't really know.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Like I used to hate the what do you bring
to the table question? I still hate it.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
But what I have realized about myself that brings value
to just a room or people in general. I host
a travel group called Paradise and Vibe, and on that trip,
I am basically bringing tons of women and a couple
of enigmas together to celebrate health and wellness and all
(31:24):
of the angles. And I bring a level of joy
and comfort to people. It doesn't matter how many followers
god on Instagram, it don't matter who I know, it
doesn't matter where I'm from, it doesn't matter. None of
those things matter. I try to go in rooms and
not really talk about what I do some or material things.
I hate that, even when I was dating and would
(31:45):
go on dates with people that you talk too much
about like your career everything else, But what's about you,
what's inside?
Speaker 1 (31:52):
I really lead with that. When I meet somebody, I
don't give a about what you do for a living?
Who are you?
Speaker 3 (32:00):
And I treat my relationships like that. I treat myself
like that. I treat my family like that. I treat
friends like that.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
I come into a room and I make you feel
like home, and that's important to me. I love that.
That's really great.
Speaker 4 (32:10):
How good when you're dating. When you're dating, you said
you don't ask them. It doesn't it's not the it's
not that it never comes up. But that's not If
you lead with that, I'm probably not going to talk
to you anymore. If it's led within a way where
it's like hello.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
I remember onst I was in DC and the dude
was like, I'm a pediatrist and I I'm not interested
in that.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
That's how you get caught up in the wrong type
of work. For me, that's not the type of relationship
I whant. I'm not into that material stuff. That doesn't
mean I want.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
To bum do enigma. I don't want to. You don't
get a bomb enigma if you don't ask questions.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
I have number right now. He ain't no boom and
ask nothing, And we didn't. One of the last things
that we ever talked about was what we do for
a living. The conversation just flowed about real things, real
things that matter. Yeah to me, everybody else ain't like that,
But to me, it's like you lead with too much
of what you got.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
I don't know what do you got up in here.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Talking about defining ourselves as women and the conversation shift
it back to men and like what you know?
Speaker 1 (33:06):
So I was interesting?
Speaker 2 (33:07):
I will shift to you to me? How do we
define this beautiful woman in green? For those listening, y'all
can't see me. She's beautiful, she's wearing green. We're both
wearing green today. How do we define to Meeka Foster?
Not gonna say to Meeka Foster? I like it, that's right.
My dad would agree. How do I define me? I
think that I bring joy. I think when people are
(33:30):
around me, they feel good and they laugh. They're gonna
laugh from deep, from the belly, from the soldier feet.
Speaker 4 (33:37):
They're gonna laugh. And I'm one that's gonna make you.
I'm gonna trick you into believing that you can do anything.
I'm a person that has accomplished a lot, and I'm
encouraging to my friends, like.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
You can do it. What do you mean?
Speaker 4 (33:51):
What do you mean you can't go to London tomorrow
with me? Because I really believe in not taking no
for an answer, and I try to encourage and make
my friends feel the same way about themselves and people
around me. And again not to take it back to men,
but in my dating life the way that I try
(34:12):
to cipher my enigmas, I do ask a lot of questions.
I do ask them what they do with the majority
of their time. Because I'm also older than you are,
and so I'm kind of beyond the building phase of
meeting a guy, and we can start.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
From break by brick. We're gonna builders together, and I
need you to have your shit together.
Speaker 4 (34:31):
Yeah, I'm gonna need you to have it together because
I'm I have I feel like I have mine together,
and I don't. I'm I'm a little too old to
you know, in college. I think you could potential. Yeah potential.
You just look at him. One day, he's gonna make it.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
But you know, at this age, I don't really have
a lot of time to be playing that kind of game.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
I like to travel, I like to do things.
Speaker 4 (34:51):
I want you to have your stuff together, and I
don't want to be footing the build for your life.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
But I am very encouraging to anybody around me. A man.
I make them feel I mean, you know, my record
kind of shows like when.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
I breathe the life and speak life into their careers
and whatever it is, they go to the top.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
All right, well, we we almost did it. We still
got back on these men. So we're gonna take a
quick break and rese weakness.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
We got to take a quick.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
Break and rely on the other side of this. We'll
get into some reality TV because you ladies are uh
embarking in reality telligence, So we'll talk about that. Okay,
y'all already know the streets are talking, talking, talking, all right,
welcome back to across generations. I want to get into
some reality TV because we're talking about.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
Not being defined by men, and.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Both of your TV shows, I do think kind of
venture into your there have to having something to do
with men.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Not kind of definitely. Okay, yeah, because you were on
Temptation High. I was on Temptation Island season two.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
It was a reboot of an old show, so it
used to not be thirty or maybe it was with
the older crowd, but it got.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
Real thought when I uh grace.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
Back, I will be honest, I don't watch a lot
of reality television. I don't either, and.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
So okay, well, my producers were telling me that the
premise is that you go there as a couple and
then there are people who are the temptress.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
Yes, and you were the temptress. I was the temptress.
I didn't go there in a relationship. Do you feel
about that?
Speaker 1 (36:33):
I was so excited. I was like, this is going
to be so much fun.
Speaker 3 (36:36):
Like they're bringing couples and a group of single women
in a group of single men, and then these couples
get here, they separate the men, put the man that's
in a relationship in a house full of single women,
and then they put the woman that was in the
relationship in a house full of single men and alcohol.
It's wildness going on. And I already knew like my
(36:57):
role there. It's like, I'm a temptress. I'll be the
best temptress could be.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
What.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
I'm not here to play. Some people were there to play.
You were, legit trying to steal somebody's men.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
I didn't have to try too hard because they did
want to be took, but.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
You were there to take. Yeah, yeah, and you were
okay with that. I was definitely okay with that.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
Come on, it.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Still comes on.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
I don't I don't watch it, so I don't even
know what season they're in or what day it comes on.
But I do think it's still on Temptations. Yes, there
were fights and there were a lot of tears, but
it wasn't It wasn't a heavy fighting show. It was
really just like because you weren't with the girlfriends. It
was like, because I wasn't on it, you're not. Everybody
(37:38):
had to agree to go on the show.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Yes, you knew what.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
You were doing and you get there, and some people
got there and acted like they didn't, but not me.
It was a it was a it was fun, but
I'm saying that it was fun while we were filming it.
When it came out and to watch it on TEA
was like, oh my god, I'm really a mistress and
I'm good at it?
Speaker 1 (37:56):
Wow, Wow, how did we get here? Tod?
Speaker 3 (37:59):
And then we have a lot of you know, we
were talking about self work. It was still a little
self work, but I had a really good time doing
it. It was the women brought their men there on a platter.
Do you regret I don't regret it at all. It
was a very good time. I met amazing people and
I got to see what I looked like.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Did the guy leave his girlfriend for you.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
He did not not on the show, but he wanted to.
I think that that type of show if he wanted to.
I'm saying he wanted to leave his girl. I'm not
saying you want to. He wanted to be with me,
But it was it put spotlight on people's relationships, just
like in real life where it's like you're in something
that you don't want to be in because why would
you even come on here and tempt it?
Speaker 1 (38:37):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (38:37):
So it's like he ended up cheating on her with me,
and then he stayed with her and they.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Broke him hour after the show. I mean, I assume
you mean cheating just the case. They made it look
like it was sex. I was just doing a little slogan.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Some people did have sex and show, but I was like,
my parents might watch this, like I can't, I can't
go that far.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
But there's a lot of flirting, a lot of dates.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
How did you feel that touching and stuff like fishing
and grinding, hunching.
Speaker 3 (39:10):
The show.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
In jail about doing that with somebody, I mean, you
really want to be partnered yourself, and you were disrupting
a partner. You wanted this partnership so badly. You were
willing to disrupt someone else's partnership, so USA Network created
this show. They wanted to disrupt somebody's relations.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
Yes, and you enjoyed, you said, I was good at me.
It was a lot. It was fun. I will say.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
You know, his girlfriend ended up having sex with somebody
the very first night. So it's like, let's not forget
there's another woman in the picture and if she were
here out, she.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Has a boyfriend, she's in the house, she sleeps somebody here,
and you want to be partnered. I'm really curious how
you felt about and it's not I promise I'm the
askedence with any judgment. I really want to know your
thought on like I want to be partnered, but I
was willing to disrupt someone his partnership to be partnered.
So again we're looking at this the premise of the show.
(40:06):
Probably already did listen to cocktails.
Speaker 3 (40:08):
During discussions, you'll hear every part of my comma, every
story if I don't leave shit out, okay, But for
this it was like, okay, like you're here and this
is what it's for. I don't have like a profound,
like deep thought for this one. It was like this
couple came and you guys are separated right now, she's
in the house.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
Doing what she's doing. This is here, which it was
like out of sight, out of mind.
Speaker 3 (40:29):
Honestly, that is really how I don't have any regrets,
not one, not one. It's not like I let I
knew that, like he A lot of the men in
that house weren't even my type.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
So it was what it was. It was. It was
like an entertainment. It was fun and entertainment, and I
knew this was gonna be my man. Yeah yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
So so a lot of times, you know, you you
do have to get producer or something like you do
want to talk on camera, But what are the things
that the producers behind the scenes are doing that we
may not be aware of.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
Oh, they are definitely wanting you to drink more. They
want you to be your worst self. They want you
to be your worst self. But I also went into
it like you gotta somebody has to be entertaining. A
lot of the girls were boring, like it was like,
let's make this spicy because people were scared of what
they were going to look like on TV. I wasn't
really scared of that. There were some embarrassing moments, but
(41:27):
I was never like, oh my gosh, I'm going to
come here waste a month and a half of my
life and be boring.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
No, I'm not boring in real life. Let's give the
people what they want.
Speaker 3 (41:34):
So a lot of that was was guided by a producer,
like you might be doing something that they would pause
and be like, don't y'all want to go to the room.
Don't you want to go to the room and have
this conversation?
Speaker 1 (41:47):
And I'm curious, very creepy.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
These producers look like did they look like us or
did they look like other people?
Speaker 1 (41:53):
They look like other people. Okay, they look like to
be other people.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
But I will say there was one black woman that
was on the team of producers and she rarely ever
came down to where we were filming that she stayed
up on the big hill, and she came down one day.
I forgot I wish I could remember her name. I
appreciated her so much. With my track was shown and
the white people was just let me run around with
my track showing, yeah, my whole track showing you could
(42:17):
see on TV. And then somebody on the microphone was like,
Medina's track is showing. All the white people were like,
what is a track?
Speaker 2 (42:22):
So they just didn't tell me for our white listeners
and viewers who may be watching now, the track is
a hair extension where they would call it hair.
Speaker 3 (42:29):
And it is not supposed to be showing. Some of
y'all's be showing. So she comes down and she was like,
come here, every girl. I go to her and she
was like, you're getting a lot of camera time. We
can't have your track showing. Like yeah, she she took
out a cone, she took out a little something, little
praying she covered. I was like, thank you, thank you,
thank you so much. Because ain't nobody trying to be
looking crazy on TV.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
We need to do a deeper dive on I want
to have a conversation about reality TV on another episode,
because I think there is this conspiracy with reality TV
that does not paint black women in the best life.
Speaker 3 (43:00):
And sometimes I think they do it on purpose. Because
even on Simptation Island all my season, there was this
blond haired, blue eyed girl. They wanted her to be
the star of the show so badly. No hate to her,
she's great, she was boring and didn't do anything, and
they kept trying to like make her be the star
when everyone I was right right. It was a big
part of like making the stuff even spicy on the
on the show, I don't like it.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
I try not to watch.
Speaker 3 (43:21):
Yeah, it was very annoying. I used just to be like,
can I take the camera? I hear some teeth second
over here. So I want to go to to me
because you clearly have an opinion. You're so, but look,
you are doing this show bold and bougie. Yes, I'm yes,
and it's a reality TV show. And now you say like, oh,
post divorce, it's like being in jail, but you are
(43:42):
there with a lot of other the ex wives of
so it does seem on some level that you're okay
being attached in that way.
Speaker 4 (43:52):
Well, the show is not about marriage or you know,
my marriage or ex marriage. Do you think you would
be on the show if you were not married to us?
Speaker 1 (43:59):
Sure? Previously?
Speaker 4 (44:01):
I don't know, though, I don't know. Huh, that's a
great question. Probably not, probably not. I think that obviously
I probably wouldn't be on this podcast right now.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
I would, that's not Yeah, if you agree to style
me for free, i'd feel I can come on because
you were you had a career, Oh you were a talent.
Speaker 1 (44:20):
Yes, yeah, so people show you before Yeah yeah, yes
they did. So that's why I don't really know.
Speaker 4 (44:25):
But yeah, let's see. Bolden Bougie is a fun It
was a fun experience.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
Filming. Filming was fun because I'm always making a joke.
Speaker 4 (44:36):
I'm always busting a move dancing or come up with
a freestyle like that's me.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (44:42):
The thing that's not the most enjoyable are the edits
because they don't give context the things you say.
Speaker 3 (44:50):
So for example, if I say, I'll give you a
great example.
Speaker 4 (44:54):
The first episode was one of my cast mates was
at the doctor's office because she had had plastic surgery
and her boobs. She got necrosis, she developed the cross
of her boobs, she got a brush reduction, I believe.
So they brought me to the office to kind of
cheer her up while she was going through this reconstructor
(45:14):
surgery and whatever.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
And she was consulting with the doctor.
Speaker 4 (45:18):
So I've been there making her laugh like don't look
at the needle, look at me, don't look.
Speaker 1 (45:22):
At the you know. I was trying to be entertaining.
Speaker 4 (45:24):
And then finally I sat down and she was getting
like injections in her nipples basically to make to show protrusion.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
And I was saying, you know, they have nipple brawls
or something, and I was saying, I was like, people
really need them.
Speaker 4 (45:38):
I'm like, you got a husband, you know, you have
a career, you know you're successful if you don't have
nipples on nipples.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (45:45):
And so I made it to make her feel better,
and they made it make me sound insensitive, like you
don't need nipple. They cut all of that other out
and the only comment was you don't need nipples.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Do you.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
Yeah, So then it made me look insensible. Right, Well,
that is my that's part of it with reality TV.
But I'm gonna sell you my producers played me sometimes
the clips on this show that they put out on
social media, and everybody's laying in the.
Speaker 4 (46:13):
Because they want people to tune in, of course, so
they got to do your cliffhanger, and they've got to leave,
just like last week. I can't wait till this week
comes up. The friend is bisexual, and my friend I
know she's bisexual. Whatever, it's fine, no discrimination. But they
were trying to encourage me to come to a trans
awareness event.
Speaker 1 (46:34):
And I was just like, I don't know I'm going
because I don't really have interest in that world.
Speaker 4 (46:39):
That doesn't mean I'm against that life and whatever that
means that if I'm going to drive and take time
out of my day, maybe I'll go to Bible study,
Like there's things I really want to be educated with her.
Speaker 1 (46:51):
I didn't feel that it's like top priority to you know,
go to a trans awareness event. That's the don't have
a field day with that. They did have a field day.
Speaker 3 (46:59):
They if they're having a field day, we're actually I'm
in the middle of the field as we speak.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
Well, I think though, like the premise of these shows,
but I am not like anti. I wanted, you know,
I want that for the record, Well we anything that
might sound like you're anti, we would not, just so
you know. Yeah, But but I do think that it is,
you know, something that you are kind of still attached
(47:25):
to your ex in that way. And when you say
it's a jail, I just wonder is it a jail
that you're comfortable and only because.
Speaker 1 (47:36):
Of things like this.
Speaker 4 (47:37):
If I do an interview, people bring him up, like
if you just talk.
Speaker 1 (47:41):
To me regular you don't it doesn't matter what my
name is, doesn't matter.
Speaker 3 (47:45):
You ain't at a restaurant, right, I'd be like, well,
I remind them of how they know me, because a
lot of them know me from coming you know, with him.
Speaker 4 (47:53):
I've come with him in the restaurant. So I have
to say, you know, you know, you know I came
here with such and such. I don't be thought his
name around, like you know, he's just beformed the super.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Bowl, right. But that makes.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
Because when you divorce and you are trying to rediscover yourself,
you know who am I without being the wife of
this new world? Because people who go through divorce say
it is earth shattering When you go through it, it's
hard because people choose sides. That's the that's the going
to ask about. That's the hardest part.
Speaker 4 (48:25):
You have people who are friends with your ex and
they think that they can't be cool with you. Whereas
when you guys were together, we was all friends. Yeah,
you love my cake I brought over, you know, and
you love partying with me.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
But then ye to Meka, I wonder because it's like he,
like you said, he performed at the super Bowl, and
that's a big event everybody watches. Are you watching the
super Bowl at that time? Like, do you have the
hours there? You were at the super Oh yeah, do you?
I just wonder with like, it's bag. It's all these
things that go on with Tom.
Speaker 1 (48:55):
I know.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
For me, I have the luxury of being able to
say you're dead to me, it don't exist to me,
Like I don't know you, and well I see you
in a r you all have children together, He's on.
Speaker 4 (49:05):
It's different when you're I think it's different when you
marry someone and you have children with them, because they're
your family.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
Yeah, so I look at him like as my family member.
Speaker 4 (49:12):
I was just saying, like, you know, you could be
mad at somebody, you'll say things about your ex, but
I won't let anybody else say.
Speaker 1 (49:18):
Anything about it.
Speaker 3 (49:19):
I'm sorry, I'm talking about him. Hold on, you know, Yes, we.
Speaker 2 (49:26):
Still get it as not as you can be, which
is all that matters. But you know, I think we
had a lot of conversation. Here was not the focal
point of the conversation. You had a lot of interesting
things going on in your life. You are defined to me,
You are defined as Tamika.
Speaker 1 (49:40):
Now. Honestly, before I met you. I would think Tamika,
oh us your ex wife. That's how they say.
Speaker 2 (49:45):
But now knowing you in this beautiful, bright spirit, I
just see Tamika Medina. I know that you really want partnership,
but I'm sitting here talking to you, and I think
you are perfect.
Speaker 1 (49:54):
On your own edition.
Speaker 2 (49:55):
I know you want a marriage and to be a mother,
and I wish that for you if that's what you want.
But I think you have such a warm spirit that
whatever you do, I wish you well in it. And
I think you can say friend this joy everywhere and
to our listeners and the folks who are watching us.
I just want to say, if you are a younger woman,
especially looking for partnership, the most important relationship is the
(50:18):
one that you have with yourself.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
So you will go on a journey.
Speaker 2 (50:22):
I'll look being around the world and III you will
go on a journey, but the journey home to yourself
is the most important one. So have those experiences. Definitely
go out and live, but just remember that the most
important relationship that you have is the one when you
close your eyes at night and you are alone with
the echo of your own thoughts. Love that person because
(50:43):
that's so we'll see you through all of this. So
I want to thank these beautiful women for sharing their
experiences with me being so vulnerable and talking about what
it means to be defined by somebody else. And I
want to thank you all for tuning in and listen.
If you love this show, please do me a favor
and rate and review the show.
Speaker 1 (51:00):
That's how we know.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
And I am one of those crazy people who reads
all the comments. So if you're rat I want to
see how you feel about this show, so please be
sure to do that. And we can't thank you enough
for helping Across Generations become so successful in such a
short amount of time. So thank you for tuning in
and we'll see you next time on the next episode
of A Cross Generations. Across Generations is brought to you
(51:22):
by Will Packer and will Packer Media in partnership with
iHeart Podcast I'm Your Host and executive producer Tiffany d
Cross from Idea to Launch Productions Executive producer Carla will Merit.
Speaker 1 (51:33):
Produced by Mandy Be and Angel Forte.
Speaker 2 (51:36):
Editing, sound design and mix by Gaza Forte. Original music
by Epidemic Sounds. Video editing by Kathon Alexander, and court
meeting
Hey, everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
It's Tiffany Cross, the host of Across Generations, and I
am sitting here overwhelmed. I'm literally going through reading all
your reviews. I see that a lot of you have
rated the show, and I cannot thank you enough. I
just want to take a few minutes and shout out
some of the people who have dropped these amazing reviews.
I want to shout out pr v B three eleven WMN.
(00:21):
That's quite a handle, ma'am. But thank you so much
for reviewing the podcast. You said, we're doing good work
and each episode has you fully sold flower given on
day one. I so appreciate you. And also Yo yo
I nez. You said it was very intuitive and the
way that I collaborate was young knowledge and old wisdom.
Works for you, well, I'm so happy to hear that.
(00:43):
That is who I'm working for, literally working for you.
So thanks for tuning in and Mickey two point zero
you said it's a great show and you love the conversation,
so I want to say we love you for listening.
These conversations are had with you in mind, and I
just want to thank all of you for making sure
that you rate an review the show. Thanks to you
who have already done so, and listen. Spread the word
(01:04):
to your friends. We want to keep growing this platform
and I can't do it without you. Hey, you never know,
one of these reviews you may get tapped to be
a guest on the show. Thanks for tuning in again.
This is Tiffany Across, your host of Across Generations, and
new episodes drop every single Tuesday. Please be sure to download, listen, rate, review, share,
fellowship all the things We built this with you in mine.
(01:26):
We want to have these conversations for years, across generations.
Welcome to Across Generations, where the voices of Black women unite.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
I'm your host, Tiffany Cross. Tiffany Cross.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Tiffany We gather a season elder myself as the middle generation,
and a vibrant young soul for engaging intergenerational conversations. Prepared
to engage or hear perspections that no one else is happy.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
You know how we do. We create magic.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Magic.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Hi everybody, I'm Tiphany Cross, your host of Across Generations,
and welcome to our latest episode. We're going to get
into a conversation that's sure to have you talking. So
as you all know, many people have learned through society
or biosmosis, that the journey to being fulfilled as a
woman is through marriage or really, more specifically men. And
there's a reason for this because during the nineteenth and
(02:22):
twentieth century, women were forced, for a variety of reasons,
to really be dependent on their husbands for financial support.
So a lot of upper and middle class women, probably
white women, their choices were limited to marriage and motherhood
or pretty much spinsterhood.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
But times have changed.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Yet still the pursuit of men and some women is
conflated with the pursuit of happiness, and we can come
to define ourselves by being the wife of And I
know a lot of you out there listening or watching this.
You've all seen this, whether it's at the Jack and
Jill outings, your links luncheon, the book club meetings, the
company gala, the BCA meeting, or just out with your
(03:01):
girls for drinks or at brunch. Now, in my twenties,
I worked really, really, really hard, and I mean like
hard hard. Eighteen hour days were the norm. I was
building a career navigating newsrooms just in case I never
got to navigate, packing lunches and running bathwater. But to
be honest, a big part of my career building in
(03:22):
my life in my twenties anyway, it always kind of
felt like a backup plan, like, at least, I'll always
be able to take care.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Of myself, but I don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Something happened in my mid thirties and things changed a bit,
and I became more settled into myself as a woman,
and my career stopped feeling like a backup plan, but
like something I could really chart and take charge of.
And men were certainly always around, but they certainly did
not define me or my life. Now, being middle aged
in my mid forties, it feels like a journey home
(03:53):
to myself, and to be completely whole and happy and
joyful and fulfilled is really what it's about for me
at this point. So it drastically changed my interaction with
men now. I've dated men who are household names. I've
dated men who relation their anonymity and every kind in between.
None of them ever defined me. My light was too
(04:13):
bright to dim. But I have definitely been around women
who seem to lack self worth without being attached.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
So how much of.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
That do we own? And how much of that is
on society? And there's nothing wrong you, guys at all
with desiring partnership and prioritizing your union. But how can
we encourage younger women to strike that healthy balance and
what are the dangers of letting your relationship define you?
With me are two women at very different stages of
their life and love. We have Samiga Foster Raymond. She's
(04:44):
fifty three years old. She's a mother of five. Originally
from Oakland, California. She's an American fashion styllist who has
worked with as a personal stallus for Lauren Hill, jay Z,
Tony Braxton, Sierra Patti, LaBelle Nas and of.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Course, her ex husband Usher.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
She is the author of the book Here I Stand
and is currently a cast member of we TV's Bold
and Bougie. Tamika Foster Raymond wants people to acknowledge and
know her for who she is and not really who
she's been in a relationship with.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
I can understand that.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
And then we have Medina as in Funky Cole Medina
Medina min Roe. She's a thirty five year old Dallas,
Texas native and currently is half of the Cocktails Dirty
Discussion podcasts and Cocktails is Not Spilled How you think Now?
She's been a serial entrepreneur throughout her adulthood and is
currently seeking the job title of wife and mother, as
(05:37):
she believes those titles matter more than any career.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Wow, I think I have to start with you and mother.
People are gonna be mad, you know.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
I feel like when you say that, people are like,
oh my gosh, there's so much more that you can
aspire to be.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
And not that I that I don't.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
There's several other things and titles and hats that I
want to wear. But I admire mothers, I admire wives.
I admire healthy family dynamic. Yeah, that's always been in
the forefront, in the backfront, and in my mind since
I was a kid, like playing with baby doll, seeing
how my parents interact with each other, how I interact
with my siblings, and just wanting to not recreate that
(06:20):
same thing but almost like family. I'm a diehard family person.
And so when I look at women who have had children,
I'm like.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
That's a gift.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Bro of course, that is one of the most important
things that, if not the most important thing that a
woman can do, and it's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Well, let me just say I don't think that people
will hear that and scoff at that at all. I
think there are a lot of people who desire that.
And like I said, there's nothing wrong with prioritizing partnership
or desiring partnership. I think if other people don't, Like
do you think being a wife and mother is the
most important title for you?
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Or do you think it should be or everyone?
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Oh no, I think do what you want to do, SI,
do whatever whatever you think is important to it.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
For me, yeah, I can't. I'm not either of those either,
by the way, Like I'm not a mom, i am
not a wife, but I can't wait to be. Yeah,
you're looking forward to I am looking forward to those things.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
You know how Sometimes you read comments or you have
conversations with people and they're like, dang, you know, I
became a mom and I feel like now I can't
do anything else. Or I just had a friend recently
who had a baby and she's trying so hard to
get back to what she was and I'm like basking this,
like enjoy this right now. You just gave life, a
human life that can nourish on your body. Man, it
(07:42):
makes me I can't wait until I get to experience that.
I think it brings out a different side of you. Well,
to Mika, you're a mother of five.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
You've certainly been through this. You had the title of
wife and mother. People only know you know about your
marriage to Usher, but you were married yet a whole
life before him.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
You were married just abody. Oh, so you've been a
wife twice I have.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Do you feel defined by those titles?
Speaker 4 (08:07):
Well, now that I'm you know, divorced from my former husband,
it's a little bit of a jail.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
I don't know if it's defined. But while I was
in it, it was very special. But I've always been
really independent, like as far as working and so I
was never like a stay at home mom. I worked
all the way until I went into labor with all
my kids. Like I never sat down idole. Yeah, but
(08:38):
I don't feel defined by it.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
No. Yeah, Well when you.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
When you were married, did you feel defined by like
being the wife of.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
Well, in my second marriage, for sure, I mean, you know,
he's uh. I was married to an enigma, so to speak.
I'm very popular. You know everywhere I went, you were
married to it. What I just want to sure we
got there.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
I thought maybe you might have said something I said
that to.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
The enigma. Yes, he was a enigma. He was a
big force.
Speaker 4 (09:17):
So you know, it was kind of hard, kind of
living in the shadow of that because everything was kind
of about him and what he needed.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
And that kind of came first.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
And that's just because that's just kind of part for
the course because of who I was married to, very busy.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
He was busy, busy, busy, So it was a little different.
Were you able to prepare for that? Oh no, No,
I was not prepared.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
I was not ready, and I wasn't ready for the
backlash of it because marrying someone like that, especially at
that time. I think now that he's older, you know,
he could do it and get, you know, all the
congratulations he's supposed to have gotten. But when he married me,
he was very young, and everyone was mad at me,
like what, ripping their posters, like we hate her, she's ugly.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
So you know, uh, I.
Speaker 4 (10:04):
Remember those I remember a tantrum, a massive tantrum that
went on in the community, the black community to be specific.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Because you stole all our man. That was our man.
But I mean he was on loan, just buy tickets,
the ways you could.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Lease him out for the night.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
That is something though because your identity, even though you
had his career, your identity did become And I'm curious
because you said, now it's like you're in jail, Like,
say more about that.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
What do you mean?
Speaker 4 (10:36):
Well, I say that because and I know people will say, well,
why don't you drop the name? I have children, and
it's so I go, you know, my kids go to
a really good school. You know, they go to good schools,
both of them minutes kind of I don't know, kind
of ghetto to be up there with fifteen names, like, well,
I'm here to pick up such and such, but my
name is such and such. I just looked to make
(10:58):
a Raymond picking up you know, my boys, and so
it's just easier. My passport says it. You know, my
credit cards, my bank accounts, things, everything has been in
my marittle name.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
But so that's to clear that up. That's why you
keep the name. Yeah, keep the name. It's just so
much simpler.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
But it's slowly going away, Like I'm I have a
new book that I'm putting out and I'm just going
by my maiden name, which is great.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
But so school, you keep your school and for the boys,
just play a couple more years look.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Look, let me just say to all who are picking
up kids who have different last days looks.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
So I don't know that I would call that ghetto.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
We had a president in the White House, not one,
not two, but three baby mamas in the White House.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
So I you know, I think, guess what, all his
wives kept his name.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Though I don't have the same last name as my mom,
and my mom doesn't have the same last name as
my dad, and they're married. He converted to Islam, and
she was like, I'm not doing all this change the name,
and so she's a Scott.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
He's generation old school.
Speaker 4 (12:01):
My grandmother's name was Estella, hadn't until she passed. She
wasn't with my grandfather, but her seven children all had
the same last name. Interesting, So it's kind of I
think it's just a generational thing, and only black people
worry about that. Really, I don't think the other I
don't think other people care about it.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
They just I think they probably do. I don't really,
I don't talk to a lot of others. I don't
know a lot of friends that.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Are both you know and friends that you know on
both sides of the coin. But I don't think it's
a big deal. I think people really the black community.
But he ain't yours no more. Drop the name, like,
what is the name? What's your name?
Speaker 1 (12:43):
It's just do you want to wait.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
The Passport and Immigration uh Neusralization office whatever it's called.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yeah, it's a headache going down to that office.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
But have you ever been like a thought where you're like,
it is really cool though that I got Usher's last name,
So like, have you ever used it as a place,
because I like, the.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
Only time I use it as a flex is if
someone's flexing on me, Like if I'm going in a restaurant.
Sometimes I have to make it clear, like we'll be
clear what's happening here, you know what I mean? Like
you thinking I'm just some random you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (13:11):
So I well you need it.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
That's the only but that is that is it goes
to me because that is you defining yourself by someone else.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
It says to me, I to Meika am not enough?
And I know you.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
You know how sometimes you go into certain establishments and
they may not want to seat you or they want
to make you wait forty five minutes when it's three
people in the restaurant and you're like Okay, that doesn't
make sense.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
So sometimes you do have to make it clear, like
you know, oh, how do you know? I was?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
I don't have any famous man's last name, and I
make it clear for me alone, you know, I don't.
I don't have to pull in someone else.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
It's just that I am here at an established You're
not doing me a favor by seating me. That I'm
spending my money in this establishment, and that's enough.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Sometimes sometimes I.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Don't want to any right. So there is something about
us defining ourselves. So you've had this title twice wife
and mother? Would you medina be okay? If you never
got that site, if you never met somebody, if you
never had kids.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
I would probably jump off. Would definitely that. I think
we're here.
Speaker 4 (14:26):
I think we were I think women see this is
the thing I'm not. What is it when they say
women are super I'm not woman power Where I don't
need a man, honey, I'm myself. I define myself. No,
I I like having a man. I like having I
like having the strength of that. I like that title.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
We all because I think I like that too, and
men can we all agree that we like we like,
we love we love.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
I don't need no man.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Yeah, I don't need Yeah, but I think there but
we're on a spectrum because saying I don't need a
man is different from I Tiffany am enough and a
man can come along and compliment in my life. I
think what you're saying is what I hear from you
because you are not enough. It sounds to me like
you're saying I do well. You literally said I would
jump off a bridge if I don't meet my husband.
(15:19):
You may make you want to jump off the bridge too,
I hope not.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
I'm trying to do all the healthy things that the
therapists be telling you to do. But I think they
can both bet like I do love who I am
without a man and with a man. I like Medina,
But I think that we were on this earth to
be together with someone who have that partnership.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Yeah. So in my mind the.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
Way that I think about it, since I do want
those things, if I don't get if I don't get
to develop that type of family that I want and
the relationship that I want, I will be sad. I
won't really jump off of a bridge and do that,
but I would have a sadness attached to me, are
you single now? No, Well, I'm not married, but I
am in a relationship. Okay, so I guess by the
government I'm.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Sayingle But like when you're not in a relationship, or
if you were not in a relationship, the times where
you have been single, are you happy.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
I've experienced both. I've experienced like the times and it's like, dang,
I really feel depressed because I'm lonely and I wish
that I had a man. But that was in my
early twenties. The more that I grow and realize that
in feeling like that, you can't even really attract the
things or the type of man that you want if
you don't develop that relationship with yourself. So are you
(16:32):
really by yourself? Like I get it, and it's annoying
to keep saying that, But it is very important to
me to pour into me how a man would pour
into me, or I won't even get the type of
man that I'm saying I want to develop a family with, right,
That's important to me. I think a lot of people
skip those steps and they're just like, I don't want.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
To be married.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
I'm not saying that, or I'm not just like I
just want to be married and just so I'm not alone.
I want to develop a partnership, a real one. It's
not just about money. It's about how you treat me,
how I treat you, how you show up for me,
and how I show it for you. What type of
father would you be? Do you do you save? Are
you responsible? How were you and your family dynamic? Like
(17:10):
a lot of those things I can't I wasn't able
to see them until I got healthy and developed the
relationship with self. Yeah it sounds corny, but.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
I will ted you to keep living because as you
get older, you will appreciate your your solitude. I love
just going home and having my power of laundry on
the other side of the bed, no one to tell
me to put it away.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
So there is something.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
There is something to be said about really just enjoying
being alone and being at peace with yourself. I wake
up and I can pray out loud and one things
I'm crazy.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
You know what I mean? Yeah, you pray out loud
and you your husband doesn't think you're crazy. Now we
pray or you pray all together, and we still have
those moments of.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
No, I don't know, I don't think I would want
to be out loud say in the kind of prayers
I say by myself, but I'm loud. Thank you God,
Well I wake up, Thank you guy for this day.
Thank you for waking me and my children up. Thank
you you know. I pray like out lie like a grandmother. Yeah,
and I don't want the husband to be looking like.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Who are you talking to? Are you singing? Now?
Speaker 4 (18:17):
I am saying I'm dating. I'm dating, but I'm definitely single.
I have no one that thinks that I'm your girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
And would you, uh well if you do? He just told, right,
would you be okay if you never got married again.
Speaker 4 (18:38):
I'd be okay if I never got married again, But
I would not be okay living my life alone.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
No, I because I want my I want to have
a person. I want my person that I can call
at the end of the day and help download my day.
Or when I want to travel, Hey, let's go to Italy.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
They're having that.
Speaker 4 (18:57):
It does you need the trouble season, you know what
I mean? Or I want to go and look at
some fabrics from my clothing line, or whatever it may be.
I want my person.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
I don't know if I have to have that legal
document that says you're married, sorrging here a companionship.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
I want just a solid companion I to do life
with him. I desire that that same thing myself. I
will say some of the loneliest moments I had in
my life, I was with somebody.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
I was right through the land, right next to somebody.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I was dating a guy, and I told him like
a personal story about my mother and like my upbringing,
and he was kind of like texting.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
While I was talking about and I was like, this
fucking asshole. Yeah, I couldn't believe it.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
And I remember thinking I would be more fulfilled at
home by myself instead of laying here next to this man.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
So I, you know, did you stay with him after that?
I did, but not now.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
But after that I think, yeah, I mean you don't
realize until afterwards.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
It's it's a collection of those things where you feel like,
you know what, I'm with you and I feel lonely.
And I do think that there was a time in
life with you know, where I did conflate happiness with partnership.
And I think the journey I'm on now is a
journey home to myself in the sense that I'm definitely
(20:19):
open and receptive to partnership. But the joy has to
come from inside that right, and I'm learning to harness.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
That every day.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
And it's really easy to say, like, you know, do
you love yourself? And do you love yourself?
Speaker 1 (20:32):
I am in love with this girl smitten. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
And I'll tell you this too. I was going to
say something. I say this in my book.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
I say how you can have this big home and
all this you know, sarashki crystal chandeliers.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
And nobody, Well, you have to want to share with.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
But if it's not the right person it's the right thing,
you'll have a fortress of despair.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
You'll just be in this big old thing like okay,
a doll house.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
But that's why I think that some of those lonely
moments that we were talking about, being lonely with someone
or being lonely without somebody, like you have to learn
the lessons. That's part of doing the way, yeah, to
find to attract the person, to develop a healthy relationship
and the right the right one.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
I'll tell you this much too.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
If you are looking for that husband and your forever person,
maybe make sure you're looking in the right places because
obviously we all like the same types of men, you know,
the affluent, the tall. You know, we all had this description.
I want them six week tall. Don't keep them tall
me away from me. I'm not playing. Give me a
little for me either.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
I'm five may be five ten in tower over me.
That's oh yeah, that's true. So it's fine. You don't
want tall either. How tall are you? I'm five five ish,
so you like with five eight five a guy? I'm
talnge with that.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
I think I've got to find now with deals. I'm
probably like five ten. So you like them tall, but
that's a problem because they're terrible. The tall guys are. Yeah,
they have pretty privilege. I'm good on tom Me and
I had a tall man. We call him six eight bay.
He did me so dirty, he did me so dirty.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
I can't do. I think this is what's interesting on
the table. Yeah, I was gonna say, take them back.
I was done with tall.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
What I find interesting, though, is I'm often in the
company of amazing women. You know, you two have you
have such a testimony to Mika. You're on the journey Medina.
You know, I feel like there's so many things we
could talk about, and no matter what people women i'm with,
the conversation does typically turn to men, and even in conflict,
it's like when women are mad at each other, they
(22:36):
will hurl someone's marital status and him like, that's why
or that's why you single, that's why you ain't got
no madsult, That's that's an insult, you know, to say like, oh, yeah,
I'm still on this journey, or that's why you know
around you go have some kids, you know, like all
these things. It's like, oh, you mean all this freedom
and money I get to enjoy and I don't get
that's an insult, you know, but it's how people can,
(23:00):
I guess attribute it.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
And I think some of that is because of attitude.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
You know that you have attitude that I had when
I was younger, and the way that we all define
ourselves by men.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Why do you think women will do that? Why would
we say something.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
I've never said anything like that, but I've heard that
insult be hurled at people, and I just wonder, why
is that an insult?
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Because I think that women want you do want somebody.
If you are a straight woman who dates men, you
do want a man. Like at the end of the day,
you're like I've never I don't think I've ever said
that to anybody. I maybe has said it behind somebody's back,
like this, why she don't have nobody? Because sometimes you
do take a look at somebody and be like chos,
(23:42):
but you're said, but you why is that the insult?
This is why?
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Why is it not?
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Like well, maybe that's why she's not happy, or maybe
she's still working do some trauma, Like you know, it's
not necessarily grace, but it's like you don't have this
thing that you place such.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
Great value on which we're saying the man is the value.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Yeah, I think a lot of women treat it like that,
you know, And I think that's the only reason you
would say that as an insult is because you think
this is a thing to get. And I think a
lot of people treat relationships and marriage like it's a sorority.
They're trying to pledge and it's like, hah, you didn't
get here. And I don't know. I just feel like
sometimes single people can romanticize marriage to me because you
(24:20):
probably get a lot of this because you've already.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Said you think about marriage is great.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
Think I've ever treated me like I was married to
two great guys, and they were the enigma.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
And who else didn't tell us about that enigma?
Speaker 4 (24:41):
I had two great husbands, so you know, we just
weren't compatible, you know, in a lot of ways.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
But I have no complaints about the guys. You know.
Speaker 4 (24:49):
I wouldn't say they both those were dirty dogs. They
both were great, great guys, great fathers. Better fathers than husbands,
i'd say, And I have nothing against So I didn't
have a bad marroral experience. Would I do it again?
Just I don't think it's necessary, you know what I mean?
And I think that's I think you only want it
because you haven't had it. Once you get it, you're
(25:10):
gonna be like, there's really little crack. Yeah, no, regular
old way.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
You talk. I don't. I think that when I get it,
I will be very happy.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
But to talk about you us using this as an insult,
I never used it as an insult now, But I
will say I had a situation the other day where
a friend of mine was talking about a friend of
hers who was married and has kids, and she was like,
every time she comes around, she's always saying we and
including her husband and everything, and always talking about her kids,
and sometimes I think that single people and I am
still a single person, have this way of you're making
(25:45):
this a negative message when that's not even what the
person is trying to make it.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
It's okay if you're word sitting here talking about it's okay.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
To be proud, to be proud of your man and
be happy about that and want to talk about him.
And now because you come around your single friends and
you want the person to still be that single person,
and you are no longer that single person because the
change happens if you're trying to be better. A change
happens when you become a wife, A change happens when
you get.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Well, we don't want you talking about but we feel
sorry for you because we know he ain't shit.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
But but seeing this sometimes it's like, well, you don't
know my man. That might have been young man, but
that's not my man. So now you got this battle
going that shouldn't even really be happening. And it's like,
sometimes I feel like the single people take it as
an insult just because you're talking or happy about your relationship.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
And that's not fair.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
That's not good either, because you're single and miserable and
I have moved on, we got to sit here and
talk about single and being miserable.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
I can't uplift you now you're mad because I'm happy.
I want to.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
I wonder if the phones out there watching and listening,
are you happy when you were single and not in relationship?
And have you ever heard this kind of insult in somebody?
I think that's interesting to hear from people. How many
people will be honest about sharing something like that. But
I I do think if you desire love, the best
(27:04):
way is to become loved, because then you're just giving
it out and so you become love. You're never throwing
out that as an insult. That's a mean insult, that's.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Right, but any insult. Like if you become love, then
you will attract.
Speaker 3 (27:16):
Love and you'll see it differently and you being different
types of grades.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Like I told my girlfriend that was doing.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
I was like, have you ever just thought that maybe
she's really happy to have found her her person? I
look at like you finding your life partner as that's
a gift, Like that's a that's one of the most,
if not the most, after the relationship with yourself the
most and with God the most important relationship that you
can have. Is a business decision. It could ruin your life.
(27:42):
I mean, there's a lot of things that are in
place here. If somebody's proud of that and they think
they made a good choice, left in basking it. Yes,
I agree, And you sent everything about talking about him,
Debbie down.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Love.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
So I want to talk a little bit about like
how we define ourselves without partnership.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
So I am not in a partnership.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
I'm not married to anybody, and I have to say
this journey was hard earned, you know, this journey home
to myself that I'm still on. But I feel like
I'm enough. I do desire partnership, and that is a
hard balance to strike, but I am happy. I enjoy
my own company. I can keep my own company. I
like to read, I like to write, I like to
(28:27):
walk like I am defined by the friendships I have
with men and women. I'm defined by how I treat
my family, my mother, my sisters. I look sitting here
with you all. I often say I love men. I
love men, and I still it's from Beyonce. But there
is nothing like a conversation with a woman who understands me.
(28:47):
That's something a man can't give me. It just can't
you know, there's something magical that happens. So I do,
and I date, you know, I go out, and it's
just it's.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
By you exhuding that you want men though, yes, and
that was gonna say.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
It is an interesting thing that happens when you radiate
happiness from inside, because then men, to me, they swarm
around you, right, they gravitate because you're not thirsty for it.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
You're not.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
They know they can't give you happiness. It's a challenge
for them. And I think when we start doing so
much for in pursuit of these men, and it's like,
I met this guy, really like him, and I've been
this before, so this is no judgment, Like I'm gonna
tell y'all, I have been this before.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
I met this guy.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
I really like him. I want to do for him.
That's how we are as women. We want to share,
we want to love you. I want to do for you.
And I had all these obligations, but yeah, I'll adjust
my schedule for you because I want to accommodate you.
And you're not feeling well, like, yeah, I'm gonna stop,
I'm gonna take care of you. What I have discovered
is that some men will not receive that, or they'll
(29:49):
receive that and think I must be pretty amazing. They
don't think you're amazing pretty amazing, or they get scared, like,
oh god, she's trying to get married. Maybe whatever it is,
but I know, uh, my friend Jail always says this.
If it's one thing and enigma will find it's the audacity,
(30:11):
and they find the audacity to say I'm amazing.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
One thing about the Enigmas, they do love themselves.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Exactly exactly when you prioritize yourself and it's like, oh,
I'm so sorry you're not feeling well. I hope you
feel better, or I would love to see you today
but I already made plans. Then they think you're amazing.
You're so amazing that your whole world doesn't center around me.
So my life has changed drastically since harnessing that happiness
for myself. So I'll start with you, Medina, because I
(30:39):
know that you really want partnership. What defines you as
an amazing woman independent of being attacked to somebody.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
I'm not even gonna bring up an enigma because it's
not even needed right now. I'm so happy that you
asked that question because I used to not have an
answer for that question, So always be one of those
people where it's like I don't really know.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Like I used to hate the what do you bring
to the table question? I still hate it.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
But what I have realized about myself that brings value
to just a room or people in general. I host
a travel group called Paradise and Vibe, and on that trip,
I am basically bringing tons of women and a couple
of enigmas together to celebrate health and wellness and all
(31:24):
of the angles. And I bring a level of joy
and comfort to people. It doesn't matter how many followers
god on Instagram, it don't matter who I know, it
doesn't matter where I'm from, it doesn't matter. None of
those things matter. I try to go in rooms and
not really talk about what I do some or material things.
I hate that, even when I was dating and would
(31:45):
go on dates with people that you talk too much
about like your career everything else, But what's about you,
what's inside?
Speaker 1 (31:52):
I really lead with that. When I meet somebody, I
don't give a about what you do for a living?
Who are you?
Speaker 3 (32:00):
And I treat my relationships like that. I treat myself
like that. I treat my family like that. I treat
friends like that.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
I come into a room and I make you feel
like home, and that's important to me. I love that.
That's really great.
Speaker 4 (32:10):
How good when you're dating. When you're dating, you said
you don't ask them. It doesn't it's not the it's
not that it never comes up. But that's not If
you lead with that, I'm probably not going to talk
to you anymore. If it's led within a way where
it's like hello.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
I remember onst I was in DC and the dude
was like, I'm a pediatrist and I I'm not interested
in that.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
That's how you get caught up in the wrong type
of work. For me, that's not the type of relationship
I whant. I'm not into that material stuff. That doesn't
mean I want.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
To bum do enigma. I don't want to. You don't
get a bomb enigma if you don't ask questions.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
I have number right now. He ain't no boom and
ask nothing, And we didn't. One of the last things
that we ever talked about was what we do for
a living. The conversation just flowed about real things, real
things that matter. Yeah to me, everybody else ain't like that,
But to me, it's like you lead with too much
of what you got.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
I don't know what do you got up in here.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Talking about defining ourselves as women and the conversation shift
it back to men and like what you know?
Speaker 1 (33:06):
So I was interesting?
Speaker 2 (33:07):
I will shift to you to me? How do we
define this beautiful woman in green? For those listening, y'all
can't see me. She's beautiful, she's wearing green. We're both
wearing green today. How do we define to Meeka Foster?
Not gonna say to Meeka Foster? I like it, that's right.
My dad would agree. How do I define me? I
think that I bring joy. I think when people are
(33:30):
around me, they feel good and they laugh. They're gonna
laugh from deep, from the belly, from the soldier feet.
Speaker 4 (33:37):
They're gonna laugh. And I'm one that's gonna make you.
I'm gonna trick you into believing that you can do anything.
I'm a person that has accomplished a lot, and I'm
encouraging to my friends, like.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
You can do it. What do you mean?
Speaker 4 (33:51):
What do you mean you can't go to London tomorrow
with me? Because I really believe in not taking no
for an answer, and I try to encourage and make
my friends feel the same way about themselves and people
around me. And again not to take it back to men,
but in my dating life the way that I try
(34:12):
to cipher my enigmas, I do ask a lot of questions.
I do ask them what they do with the majority
of their time. Because I'm also older than you are,
and so I'm kind of beyond the building phase of
meeting a guy, and we can start.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
From break by brick. We're gonna builders together, and I
need you to have your shit together.
Speaker 4 (34:31):
Yeah, I'm gonna need you to have it together because
I'm I have I feel like I have mine together,
and I don't. I'm I'm a little too old to
you know, in college. I think you could potential. Yeah potential.
You just look at him. One day, he's gonna make it.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
But you know, at this age, I don't really have
a lot of time to be playing that kind of game.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
I like to travel, I like to do things.
Speaker 4 (34:51):
I want you to have your stuff together, and I
don't want to be footing the build for your life.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
But I am very encouraging to anybody around me. A man.
I make them feel I mean, you know, my record
kind of shows like when.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
I breathe the life and speak life into their careers
and whatever it is, they go to the top.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
All right, well, we we almost did it. We still
got back on these men. So we're gonna take a
quick break and rese weakness.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
We got to take a quick.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
Break and rely on the other side of this. We'll
get into some reality TV because you ladies are uh
embarking in reality telligence, So we'll talk about that. Okay,
y'all already know the streets are talking, talking, talking, all right,
welcome back to across generations. I want to get into
some reality TV because we're talking about.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
Not being defined by men, and.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Both of your TV shows, I do think kind of
venture into your there have to having something to do
with men.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Not kind of definitely. Okay, yeah, because you were on
Temptation High. I was on Temptation Island season two.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
It was a reboot of an old show, so it
used to not be thirty or maybe it was with
the older crowd, but it got.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
Real thought when I uh grace.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
Back, I will be honest, I don't watch a lot
of reality television. I don't either, and.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
So okay, well, my producers were telling me that the
premise is that you go there as a couple and
then there are people who are the temptress.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
Yes, and you were the temptress. I was the temptress.
I didn't go there in a relationship. Do you feel
about that?
Speaker 1 (36:33):
I was so excited. I was like, this is going
to be so much fun.
Speaker 3 (36:36):
Like they're bringing couples and a group of single women
in a group of single men, and then these couples
get here, they separate the men, put the man that's
in a relationship in a house full of single women,
and then they put the woman that was in the
relationship in a house full of single men and alcohol.
It's wildness going on. And I already knew like my
(36:57):
role there. It's like, I'm a temptress. I'll be the
best temptress could be.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
What.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
I'm not here to play. Some people were there to play.
You were, legit trying to steal somebody's men.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
I didn't have to try too hard because they did
want to be took, but.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
You were there to take. Yeah, yeah, and you were
okay with that. I was definitely okay with that.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
Come on, it.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Still comes on.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
I don't I don't watch it, so I don't even
know what season they're in or what day it comes on.
But I do think it's still on Temptations. Yes, there
were fights and there were a lot of tears, but
it wasn't It wasn't a heavy fighting show. It was
really just like because you weren't with the girlfriends. It
was like, because I wasn't on it, you're not. Everybody
(37:38):
had to agree to go on the show.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Yes, you knew what.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
You were doing and you get there, and some people
got there and acted like they didn't, but not me.
It was a it was a it was fun, but
I'm saying that it was fun while we were filming it.
When it came out and to watch it on TEA
was like, oh my god, I'm really a mistress and
I'm good at it?
Speaker 1 (37:56):
Wow, Wow, how did we get here? Tod?
Speaker 3 (37:59):
And then we have a lot of you know, we
were talking about self work. It was still a little
self work, but I had a really good time doing
it. It was the women brought their men there on a platter.
Do you regret I don't regret it at all. It
was a very good time. I met amazing people and
I got to see what I looked like.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Did the guy leave his girlfriend for you.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
He did not not on the show, but he wanted to.
I think that that type of show if he wanted to.
I'm saying he wanted to leave his girl. I'm not
saying you want to. He wanted to be with me,
But it was it put spotlight on people's relationships, just
like in real life where it's like you're in something
that you don't want to be in because why would
you even come on here and tempt it?
Speaker 1 (38:37):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (38:37):
So it's like he ended up cheating on her with me,
and then he stayed with her and they.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Broke him hour after the show. I mean, I assume
you mean cheating just the case. They made it look
like it was sex. I was just doing a little slogan.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Some people did have sex and show, but I was like,
my parents might watch this, like I can't, I can't
go that far.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
But there's a lot of flirting, a lot of dates.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
How did you feel that touching and stuff like fishing
and grinding, hunching.
Speaker 3 (39:10):
The show.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
In jail about doing that with somebody, I mean, you
really want to be partnered yourself, and you were disrupting
a partner. You wanted this partnership so badly. You were
willing to disrupt someone else's partnership, so USA Network created
this show. They wanted to disrupt somebody's relations.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
Yes, and you enjoyed, you said, I was good at me.
It was a lot. It was fun. I will say.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
You know, his girlfriend ended up having sex with somebody
the very first night. So it's like, let's not forget
there's another woman in the picture and if she were
here out, she.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Has a boyfriend, she's in the house, she sleeps somebody here,
and you want to be partnered. I'm really curious how
you felt about and it's not I promise I'm the
askedence with any judgment. I really want to know your
thought on like I want to be partnered, but I
was willing to disrupt someone his partnership to be partnered.
So again we're looking at this the premise of the show.
(40:06):
Probably already did listen to cocktails.
Speaker 3 (40:08):
During discussions, you'll hear every part of my comma, every
story if I don't leave shit out, okay, But for
this it was like, okay, like you're here and this
is what it's for. I don't have like a profound,
like deep thought for this one. It was like this
couple came and you guys are separated right now, she's
in the house.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
Doing what she's doing. This is here, which it was
like out of sight, out of mind.
Speaker 3 (40:29):
Honestly, that is really how I don't have any regrets,
not one, not one. It's not like I let I
knew that, like he A lot of the men in
that house weren't even my type.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
So it was what it was. It was. It was
like an entertainment. It was fun and entertainment, and I
knew this was gonna be my man. Yeah yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
So so a lot of times, you know, you you
do have to get producer or something like you do
want to talk on camera, But what are the things
that the producers behind the scenes are doing that we
may not be aware of.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
Oh, they are definitely wanting you to drink more. They
want you to be your worst self. They want you
to be your worst self. But I also went into
it like you gotta somebody has to be entertaining. A
lot of the girls were boring, like it was like,
let's make this spicy because people were scared of what
they were going to look like on TV. I wasn't
really scared of that. There were some embarrassing moments, but
(41:27):
I was never like, oh my gosh, I'm going to
come here waste a month and a half of my
life and be boring.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
No, I'm not boring in real life. Let's give the
people what they want.
Speaker 3 (41:34):
So a lot of that was was guided by a producer,
like you might be doing something that they would pause
and be like, don't y'all want to go to the room.
Don't you want to go to the room and have
this conversation?
Speaker 1 (41:47):
And I'm curious, very creepy.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
These producers look like did they look like us or
did they look like other people?
Speaker 1 (41:53):
They look like other people. Okay, they look like to
be other people.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
But I will say there was one black woman that
was on the team of producers and she rarely ever
came down to where we were filming that she stayed
up on the big hill, and she came down one day.
I forgot I wish I could remember her name. I
appreciated her so much. With my track was shown and
the white people was just let me run around with
my track showing, yeah, my whole track showing you could
(42:17):
see on TV. And then somebody on the microphone was like,
Medina's track is showing. All the white people were like,
what is a track?
Speaker 2 (42:22):
So they just didn't tell me for our white listeners
and viewers who may be watching now, the track is
a hair extension where they would call it hair.
Speaker 3 (42:29):
And it is not supposed to be showing. Some of
y'all's be showing. So she comes down and she was like,
come here, every girl. I go to her and she
was like, you're getting a lot of camera time. We
can't have your track showing. Like yeah, she she took
out a cone, she took out a little something, little
praying she covered. I was like, thank you, thank you,
thank you so much. Because ain't nobody trying to be
looking crazy on TV.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
We need to do a deeper dive on I want
to have a conversation about reality TV on another episode,
because I think there is this conspiracy with reality TV
that does not paint black women in the best life.
Speaker 3 (43:00):
And sometimes I think they do it on purpose. Because
even on Simptation Island all my season, there was this
blond haired, blue eyed girl. They wanted her to be
the star of the show so badly. No hate to her,
she's great, she was boring and didn't do anything, and
they kept trying to like make her be the star
when everyone I was right right. It was a big
part of like making the stuff even spicy on the
on the show, I don't like it.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
I try not to watch.
Speaker 3 (43:21):
Yeah, it was very annoying. I used just to be like,
can I take the camera? I hear some teeth second
over here. So I want to go to to me
because you clearly have an opinion. You're so, but look,
you are doing this show bold and bougie. Yes, I'm yes,
and it's a reality TV show. And now you say like, oh,
post divorce, it's like being in jail, but you are
(43:42):
there with a lot of other the ex wives of
so it does seem on some level that you're okay
being attached in that way.
Speaker 4 (43:52):
Well, the show is not about marriage or you know,
my marriage or ex marriage. Do you think you would
be on the show if you were not married to us?
Speaker 1 (43:59):
Sure? Previously?
Speaker 4 (44:01):
I don't know, though, I don't know. Huh, that's a
great question. Probably not, probably not. I think that obviously
I probably wouldn't be on this podcast right now.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
I would, that's not Yeah, if you agree to style
me for free, i'd feel I can come on because
you were you had a career, Oh you were a talent.
Speaker 1 (44:20):
Yes, yeah, so people show you before Yeah yeah, yes
they did. So that's why I don't really know.
Speaker 4 (44:25):
But yeah, let's see. Bolden Bougie is a fun It
was a fun experience.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
Filming. Filming was fun because I'm always making a joke.
Speaker 4 (44:36):
I'm always busting a move dancing or come up with
a freestyle like that's me.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (44:42):
The thing that's not the most enjoyable are the edits
because they don't give context the things you say.
Speaker 3 (44:50):
So for example, if I say, I'll give you a
great example.
Speaker 4 (44:54):
The first episode was one of my cast mates was
at the doctor's office because she had had plastic surgery
and her boobs. She got necrosis, she developed the cross
of her boobs, she got a brush reduction, I believe.
So they brought me to the office to kind of
cheer her up while she was going through this reconstructor
(45:14):
surgery and whatever.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
And she was consulting with the doctor.
Speaker 4 (45:18):
So I've been there making her laugh like don't look
at the needle, look at me, don't look.
Speaker 1 (45:22):
At the you know. I was trying to be entertaining.
Speaker 4 (45:24):
And then finally I sat down and she was getting
like injections in her nipples basically to make to show protrusion.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
And I was saying, you know, they have nipple brawls
or something, and I was saying, I was like, people
really need them.
Speaker 4 (45:38):
I'm like, you got a husband, you know, you have
a career, you know you're successful if you don't have
nipples on nipples.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (45:45):
And so I made it to make her feel better,
and they made it make me sound insensitive, like you
don't need nipple. They cut all of that other out
and the only comment was you don't need nipples.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Do you.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
Yeah, So then it made me look insensible. Right, Well,
that is my that's part of it with reality TV.
But I'm gonna sell you my producers played me sometimes
the clips on this show that they put out on
social media, and everybody's laying in the.
Speaker 4 (46:13):
Because they want people to tune in, of course, so
they got to do your cliffhanger, and they've got to leave,
just like last week. I can't wait till this week
comes up. The friend is bisexual, and my friend I
know she's bisexual. Whatever, it's fine, no discrimination. But they
were trying to encourage me to come to a trans
awareness event.
Speaker 1 (46:34):
And I was just like, I don't know I'm going
because I don't really have interest in that world.
Speaker 4 (46:39):
That doesn't mean I'm against that life and whatever that
means that if I'm going to drive and take time
out of my day, maybe I'll go to Bible study,
Like there's things I really want to be educated with her.
Speaker 1 (46:51):
I didn't feel that it's like top priority to you know,
go to a trans awareness event. That's the don't have
a field day with that. They did have a field day.
Speaker 3 (46:59):
They if they're having a field day, we're actually I'm
in the middle of the field as we speak.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
Well, I think though, like the premise of these shows,
but I am not like anti. I wanted, you know,
I want that for the record, Well we anything that
might sound like you're anti, we would not, just so
you know. Yeah, But but I do think that it is,
you know, something that you are kind of still attached
(47:25):
to your ex in that way. And when you say
it's a jail, I just wonder is it a jail
that you're comfortable and only because.
Speaker 1 (47:36):
Of things like this.
Speaker 4 (47:37):
If I do an interview, people bring him up, like
if you just talk.
Speaker 1 (47:41):
To me regular you don't it doesn't matter what my
name is, doesn't matter.
Speaker 3 (47:45):
You ain't at a restaurant, right, I'd be like, well,
I remind them of how they know me, because a
lot of them know me from coming you know, with him.
Speaker 4 (47:53):
I've come with him in the restaurant. So I have
to say, you know, you know, you know I came
here with such and such. I don't be thought his
name around, like you know, he's just beformed the super.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Bowl, right. But that makes.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
Because when you divorce and you are trying to rediscover yourself,
you know who am I without being the wife of
this new world? Because people who go through divorce say
it is earth shattering When you go through it, it's
hard because people choose sides. That's the that's the going
to ask about. That's the hardest part.
Speaker 4 (48:25):
You have people who are friends with your ex and
they think that they can't be cool with you. Whereas
when you guys were together, we was all friends. Yeah,
you love my cake I brought over, you know, and
you love partying with me.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
But then ye to Meka, I wonder because it's like he,
like you said, he performed at the super Bowl, and
that's a big event everybody watches. Are you watching the
super Bowl at that time? Like, do you have the
hours there? You were at the super Oh yeah, do you?
I just wonder with like, it's bag. It's all these
things that go on with Tom.
Speaker 1 (48:55):
I know.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
For me, I have the luxury of being able to
say you're dead to me, it don't exist to me,
Like I don't know you, and well I see you
in a r you all have children together, He's on.
Speaker 4 (49:05):
It's different when you're I think it's different when you
marry someone and you have children with them, because they're
your family.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
Yeah, so I look at him like as my family member.
Speaker 4 (49:12):
I was just saying, like, you know, you could be
mad at somebody, you'll say things about your ex, but
I won't let anybody else say.
Speaker 1 (49:18):
Anything about it.
Speaker 3 (49:19):
I'm sorry, I'm talking about him. Hold on, you know, Yes, we.
Speaker 2 (49:26):
Still get it as not as you can be, which
is all that matters. But you know, I think we
had a lot of conversation. Here was not the focal
point of the conversation. You had a lot of interesting
things going on in your life. You are defined to me,
You are defined as Tamika.
Speaker 1 (49:40):
Now. Honestly, before I met you. I would think Tamika,
oh us your ex wife. That's how they say.
Speaker 2 (49:45):
But now knowing you in this beautiful, bright spirit, I
just see Tamika Medina. I know that you really want partnership,
but I'm sitting here talking to you, and I think
you are perfect.
Speaker 1 (49:54):
On your own edition.
Speaker 2 (49:55):
I know you want a marriage and to be a mother,
and I wish that for you if that's what you want.
But I think you have such a warm spirit that
whatever you do, I wish you well in it. And
I think you can say friend this joy everywhere and
to our listeners and the folks who are watching us.
I just want to say, if you are a younger woman,
especially looking for partnership, the most important relationship is the
(50:18):
one that you have with yourself.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
So you will go on a journey.
Speaker 2 (50:22):
I'll look being around the world and III you will
go on a journey, but the journey home to yourself
is the most important one. So have those experiences. Definitely
go out and live, but just remember that the most
important relationship that you have is the one when you
close your eyes at night and you are alone with
the echo of your own thoughts. Love that person because
(50:43):
that's so we'll see you through all of this. So
I want to thank these beautiful women for sharing their
experiences with me being so vulnerable and talking about what
it means to be defined by somebody else. And I
want to thank you all for tuning in and listen.
If you love this show, please do me a favor
and rate and review the show.
Speaker 1 (51:00):
That's how we know.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
And I am one of those crazy people who reads
all the comments. So if you're rat I want to
see how you feel about this show, so please be
sure to do that. And we can't thank you enough
for helping Across Generations become so successful in such a
short amount of time. So thank you for tuning in
and we'll see you next time on the next episode
of A Cross Generations. Across Generations is brought to you
(51:22):
by Will Packer and will Packer Media in partnership with
iHeart Podcast I'm Your Host and executive producer Tiffany d
Cross from Idea to Launch Productions Executive producer Carla will Merit.
Speaker 1 (51:33):
Produced by Mandy Be and Angel Forte.
Speaker 2 (51:36):
Editing, sound design and mix by Gaza Forte. Original music
by Epidemic Sounds. Video editing by Kathon Alexander, and court
meeting
Host
Tiffany Cross
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