September 3, 2024 • 30 mins
Welcome back to another highlight episode of Across Generations! In this special montage, we revisit some of the most memorable moments from Season 1. Stay tuned for more inspiring stories and insightful discussions as we continue to explore the issues that matter most.
Navigating a 61-Year Marriage
Imagine navigating the trials and triumphs of a 61-year marriage—Mrs. Tate’s story will take you through a journey of enduring love, candid reflections, and the heartwarming moments that define a life lived together. From being a young bride at Howard University to becoming a mother and, eventually, celebrating decades of partnership, Mrs. Tate’s experiences are both inspiring and deeply human. Her tales not only highlight the beauty of long-lasting relationships but also the challenges and resilience that come with them, encouraging us to find gentleness and humanity in our own connections.
Mother-Daughter Dynamics and Healing Childhood Trauma
Next, the episode shifts focus to the intricate dynamics of mother-daughter relationships and the scars of childhood trauma. We explore the tough but necessary path to healing and the importance of breaking generational cycles for our children’s sake.
A Dazzling Dating Story
Lightening the mood, we share a fun story from our dating show featuring an 80-something Ms. Teenie, who injects humor and wisdom into the conversation about modern dating and personal boundaries. These moments serve as a reminder of the lessons we can learn from different generations and the importance of self-compassion.
Gender Roles in Romantic Relationships
Finally, the discussion turns to gender roles within romantic relationships. As I contemplate partnerships with older men, I reflect on the expectations of financial stability and support. Carla Hall joins us to share her experience of maintaining financial independence in her marriage, highlighting the value of mutual support beyond just finances. Carla’s story emphasizes the significance of not compromising one’s identity in a relationship and finding joy in supporting each other.
This episode is a call to action for our listeners to contribute their thoughts and voices as we continue to explore the issues that matter most to Black women in today’s evolving political landscape. Tune in for an episode that promises to inspire, entertain, and empower.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to a Cross Generations where the voices of Black
women unite. I'm your host, Tiffany Cross. Tiffany Cross, we
gather a season elder myself as the middle generation and
a vibrant young soul for engaging intergenerational conversations, prepared to
engage or hear perspectives that.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
No one else is happy. You know how we do.
We create mess, we create matter. Hi, everybody, it's Tiffany Cross.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
You'r host of Across Generations, and I want you to
rest assured. We are busy getting to work for the
second half of the first season, but for now, I
do want to take a trip down memory lane and
look at some more episodes of the first half of
this season that were some of our favorites and definitely
some of yours. One episode that I really really enjoyed
(00:55):
was the episode that we did on marriage with the
wonderful missus Tate. I thought she was just such a gentle,
divine person. To be around, her spirit, her energy, it
was such a warm feeling, and she was so compelling
on the episode that we did about motherhood, and we
invited her back to talk about marriage and the stories
that she shared with her and her husband and her family.
(01:18):
It was very real. It wasn't a fairy tale, It
wasn't something that was wrapped up in a pretty red bow.
She talked about them separating for years and how they
got back together, and I just, I really really enjoyed it.
You know, I see a lot of animus between black
men and black women on our doom scroll of social
media on Instagram, everyone's a relationship expert where they're talking
(01:40):
about being high value this and judging people for who
they are and how they look in ways that it's
just really foreign to me. And so when we get
back to the essence of love and truly what binds
us as community, I just I really enjoyed her perspective
and take, and I hope that it floors everyone to
(02:01):
just take a moment and tap into ourselves, you know,
us as spiritual beings having a human experience, and how.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
We relate to each other.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I really just enjoyed her thoughts, and she certainly helped
me tap into different parts of my humanity and see
my counterparts with the same gentleness and love and aspiration
for that kind of deep, abiding companion love. So I
wish that for all of you and I hope you
enjoy some of missus Tate's thoughts.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
First of all, I got married when I was eighteen,
and I think I mentioned before at Howard University. Back then,
I was pregnant when we got married. Those are things
that you really had to do or your parents would
try to work something out. So I was pregnant when
I got married. But I'd like to say my husband
and I were definitely and love because it was a
(02:55):
thing about love at first sight with the both of
us when we met at Howard Universe. I clearly remember
I had gone to a party with my girlfriend and
we were coming down the stairs and he was there
and our eyes clicked, and for some reason.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
It was something was going on.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
And I walked down the stairs and he walked over
to me and grabbed my hand and we just started dancing.
And we left that party together. We hadn't said a
word to each other and we left. I didn't have
sex with him that night.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
No judgment if you did, No judgment if you did.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Impressed mister Tate's game if you did, but no judgment.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
So being pregnant, you always wonder are we married because
I was pregnant or because we loved each.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
Other that much.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
It always kind of lingers in your in your mind,
and I think after sixty one years.
Speaker 4 (03:53):
I think, I go, we do love you.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
I loved him more today than I did back then.
And of course we had our rough patches along the way,
like most marriages do.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
One of my other favorite moments from this show is
when she talks about her children and how they were
concerned about who's going to take care of dad.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Take a listen, and it said to us a conscious
decision because when my daughters I was working at the time,
and then we were young. I was eighteen, he was
twenty one, an only child, a little and a nuts
boiled but you know, so some of the things. And
I remember sitting talking with my daughters and they were
(04:37):
like six or seven at the time, and he's done
something crazy.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
And I sat them down and I.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Said, you know, Janine didra I'm thinking about very seriously,
I'm gonna leave your father. And they looked at me
and said what they She said, okay, mom, And my
older daughter Janine said.
Speaker 4 (04:55):
Then who's going to take care of daddy?
Speaker 3 (04:57):
And when she said that, I said, well, there it
goes the part for better or worse. So I said, Okay,
so I made am. I said, no, we're not going
to do that. We're just going to work past whatever
it is that we're going.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
I have to say, one of the warmest moments for
me from this episode is when missus Tate talked about
her husband pretending that he made the sun come out,
and she looked at him and he was her sunshine,
and I just it really warmed my heart to see that,
And I wish that kind of love for really all
of us, because we all deserve that.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Because when I think about my husband's he's so funny,
he's so charming, and I can always the picture that
I have.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
In my mind of him.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
When Janine De was smaller, we used to go upstate
New York like a lot of times in the summertime,
and I clearly remember one time we were upstate and
we've stayed in the trailer in the night time we
would look at the stars and everything like that, and
we went to the lake the next day and all
of a sudden it got cloudy outside.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
It was dark, the sun.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Went away and was getting cold, and my daughters looked
at the HA said that could you just please make
the sun come out, and my husband got up there
and he did all kind of weird things like he
was a witch doctor and everything like that, and do
you know, the sun came out and I said that
man has made the sun come out for us. Ever
(06:27):
since that time, I will never ever, I will never
ever forget that.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Wow and my man.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Our episode on motherhood was so deeply personal to me
and so meaningful. I got a chance to revisit with
some of our guests and talked about the fallout from
some of the testimony that was shared that day. And
I first want to say, I honor your truth. To
everyone out there who's had a challenging reliefationship, I honor
(07:01):
your truth because so many times what we're struggling with
is being gas lit from what we experience with our parents.
And to the parents out there, I meet you with grace,
especially my own mother, who was the best mother that
she knew how to be with me and really did
better than the best that she could. And so this
conversation was really about a homecoming to ourselves. For this episode,
(07:24):
I have to say missus Crosby really set the tone
when she talked about what she experienced. I really heard
her words as sincere, and I recognized her pain. I
did not hear these stories and meet her mother with
judgment because her mother is carrying her own trauma, and
(07:45):
I did not meet her with any judgment from the
love and perspective that she shared and so desired for us.
When it came to forgiveness, I think our executive producer Carla,
who set in for this episode, had her own unique
perspective and that I don't owe anyone that level of forgiveness,
and I don't owe anyone access to.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Me who makes me feel a certain way.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
So we all had very different, very emotional perspectives, and
I just I really love that so many of you
have dm me, emailed me, written messages to me. People
I know have texted me, called me and just offered support.
And I want to be clear. My mother and I
have a great relationship today. We talk every day, and
(08:31):
it's because I'm able to talk about these things with
other people. My mother and I don't really confront these
truths together, but I honor her and all that she's
done for me, and I desire that for other people.
But I did want to tell my truth because it
was my story to tell. My mother certainly has her
own story to tell and brings with her a lifetime
(08:52):
of experience, as does missus Crosby's mother, which is why
I thought her words were so poignant and her stage
council will so her felt.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
So take a listen to what miss Crosby had to say.
Speaker 5 (09:05):
So, I don't know why you can't accept that love,
but I hope that I can continue to do what
she's doing it no matter how she is to me
at times, Hey baby, how are you?
Speaker 2 (09:17):
How's your day?
Speaker 5 (09:17):
And just be soft when she comes over. I'm like,
I know, when she comes over, Carla, don't overtalk her,
let her speak. She's only eighteen. But I tried to
be around my mom again, and that feeling that you
speak of, I don't want that. Yeah, that hinders me
and my relationships with my kids, at work or my friends.
Speaker 6 (09:34):
I can't do that.
Speaker 7 (09:36):
I promise you. I promise you, Carler. I know it's
scary to face that, but this is the deal. Until
you do it for yourself, not for her, not for anybody,
you're going to be stuck and your daughter's.
Speaker 6 (09:49):
Going to be stuck.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
But I feel like I acknowledge she can't do no better.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
She doesn't want my mom.
Speaker 5 (09:57):
No, she doesn't want to do anybody. And I know
that she has her own trauma. So I've chosen to
just accept that.
Speaker 6 (10:03):
And move on.
Speaker 8 (10:07):
You.
Speaker 7 (10:07):
You you felt your mother's heartbeat, you were in her body.
You know her.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
A craving a movie? No, no, no, no am craving what?
Speaker 7 (10:21):
No, No, we're not craving that. We're craving our spiritual beings.
That lady is the closest thing to your body, and
when you reject it or you don't have it, you're
going to be in pain, and it's never gonna change.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
It just feels foreign, and it doesn't feel good.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
Okay, it doesn't feel good because.
Speaker 8 (10:38):
It's just so nice.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Negative.
Speaker 7 (10:40):
It's not. But it's the thing about it, it's not.
It is negative, and it is that burden to bear.
But your burden is to heal yourself and your child.
Speaker 9 (10:50):
You.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
I don't think I need her to do that.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
No, no, no, you don't need her.
Speaker 6 (10:54):
It's for you, forget her.
Speaker 7 (10:57):
I I chose to be there for my mom because
my other brothers and sisters have abandoned her. My sister's
my sister's gone, my brother moved to Washington State. My
oldest brother died from a heroin audition. Why because he
couldn't deal with what was done to him.
Speaker 8 (11:12):
So I'm left.
Speaker 7 (11:14):
I'm looking at this lady, and what I do Carla.
I picture her the day my dad left her in
the projects. I look at that twenty one year old girl,
and that's who I deal with. I don't deal with
the lady that's in front of me. I deal with
that chick that was a good person who wanted the
best for her life, who had dreams like we had,
(11:35):
who wanted what we wanted, and that man left her
in total discombobilation where she had to drag these four
kids out the projects and do it.
Speaker 6 (11:47):
Did she do it right?
Speaker 4 (11:49):
Or she had to do it?
Speaker 7 (11:51):
And so now I don't deal with a Claire Huxable.
I deal with that young girl standing by the one dough,
wondering where her husband is. Even when my mother hurt me,
I don't look at her. I go to that girl
and I see her, and that's the story I tell
myself to heal myself so I can have a relationship
with my children.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Yeah, Okay, one of the funniest moments I have to say,
is the show that we did on dating Now, there
was a twenty something on the panel and an eighty
something on the panel, and then you had me. I
gotta say, I did not expect the eighty something to
have the most active dating life, but honey, indeed that
is what happened. Miss ten had so many gems. Take
(12:34):
a listen to just some of them. Miss teenie, I'm
starting with you. How is it that you define dating?
Speaker 8 (12:43):
I define it as meeting someone and why you want
to date, and who you want to date and where
you're going to find the date. But today they have
social media where they have dating apps. I've never been
on one.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
You've never been on a dating app?
Speaker 8 (13:02):
Nope. It scares me. I was like, you don't know
who you're going to meet? Yeah, And I feel that
if you do do that, you need to do a
back down check on the person that you're dating, because
I've dated some guys that was off the chain.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Really tell me about it.
Speaker 8 (13:19):
Well, one I met, but I met him through this
church program. He was had been in concentrated and he
was just released. But I didn't know that then because
he told me, he said, listen, I got something to
tell you. I said what I said, hope you don't
blow my wig off my head. He said, I'm on probation.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
I was like, oh, this is not going to be easy.
Speaker 8 (13:46):
You know, either you're going to accept this or you're
not going to accept it to but you got to
find out more about this stuy. And he told me that,
you know, he wanted to have sex, but I wasn't
ready to do that. My crown jewels was precious, absolutely,
so I'm like, I'm not ready for that, you know.
So he went and got his age tests, but really
(14:07):
I had already. I had the age test, but I
didn't want him to see the papers because I was
older than that. I don't want to see my age.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Way how much older? How old was this guy was fifty?
Speaker 8 (14:17):
I was about I was about sixty five. Yeah, you know,
but I had a lot of fun. I enjoyed him,
you know, he was all of that. But I had
to take him to consideration what he had been through.
But then I noticed that the way he handled me,
it was going to.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Be very bad.
Speaker 8 (14:35):
It wasn't really nice, you know, because we had an argument.
He grabbed me, but I felt it. I felt like
he was a beater.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Oh, wow, woman, So I and you met him on
a dating app.
Speaker 6 (14:46):
No, I don't even know how to go on the
dating Okay.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
You're saying.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Even without being on the dating app, you can come
across men that know anything about that.
Speaker 8 (14:55):
You have to find out about them. And the best
way to always find out about it is how to
meet the man's mother. Mm hmm, and it's family.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
One gem from Missini that truly struck me is when
Miss ma'am referred to her VJ as a pocketbook. Take
a listen, and I always taught that our VJ is
a pocketbook, you know, and you can use that pocketbook
wherever however you feel, but you have to have some
(15:27):
little morals about yourself.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Yeah, let's let's pause there. The v jay is a pocketbook.
Speaker 4 (15:38):
I don't know that I.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Quite see it that way, but I get your point.
I mean, you do have to have morals, But it
sounds like it's like transactional.
Speaker 4 (15:47):
You know, you're saying, yeah, I.
Speaker 6 (15:53):
Understand what you say.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Yeah, okay, you have that pocket book.
Speaker 8 (15:57):
You can use it anyway you want, but you have
to know your morals, right standards and what you saying.
And when you meet men, I think you need to
meditate on anybody that you're going to meditate period. Really
you have to. You have to have a diary tone
what you want, what are your standards, What are you
looking for? Are you looking for a husband or you
(16:18):
just want a relationship or what you have to get
into yourself as to what you want to end a man.
And nine times out of ten you come out pretty
good with that.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Okay, girls, Obviously we are not promoting that and we
are not encouraging that.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
But I was really surprised to hear that take from
Ms Teenie.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
And why I like it is because across generations, isn't
really a show that's celebrity driven. Like, of course we'll
have celebrities on occasion, and we engage in authentic conversation
no matter who we're with. But Ms Teeny was that
community woman, the woman who took care of other people's kids,
the woman she adopted a son. She's just that neighborhood
woman who we all know who you know, I think
(17:02):
all of us who especially me and I grew up
in the eighties and there was an you know, an
elder woman there who was like everybody's grandmother in the neighborhood,
and Miss Teeny was that, and it was just a
reminder that these women are women first. Before she became
eighty something year old Miss Teeny, she was a woman
with her own lived experience and her own encounters with men,
(17:23):
and she was so unfiltered about it. So I really
loved talking to her. But yeah, the VJ being a
pocketbook took me out.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
I was not ready the conversation we had on gender roles.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
I have to say, I wasn't really surprised that there
were so many strong opinions about this. I think this
is an episode why I did truly feel like an elder.
I truly felt like I had knowledge to impart on
our younger guests. I don't regret her her standards and
things that she desires. She's a young woman and she
has every right to desire that, and life will deliver
(17:59):
that to her or deliver her lessons to where they
adjust either way. I want, I wish the best for her.
But just take a listen to some of the things
that she said that she wanted.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
I can understand that.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I think it's interesting though, that you are our more
seasoned panelists and you're flexible while our younger gen Z
panelists here.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
I don't know that you're as flexible Kim.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
So do you disagree with those definitions and how would
you what category would you put yourself in.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
I align with.
Speaker 10 (18:26):
Those definitions for sure, and I think because I align
with and I understand that we live in a patriarchal society,
I'm pretty unwavering at this stage of my life. I'm
twenty six, I'm pretty unwavering on my position of being
traditional with a twist right, kind of like a soft
girl with sense I can take care of me. But
if I'm going to be in a partnership at this
(18:48):
stage of my life, then I need you to be
able to protect and provide as well. And so I
feel like, given the fact that you know, power is
funneled to men quite literally, I don't think there's anything
wrong or there's much I don't really understand the controversy
around women expecting those same men to be doing better
(19:08):
than them, right, And so when I look at dating
and I think about, you know, a partnership, what would
I want Now I'm twenty six, I'm probably dating someone
that's thirty six, thirty four. I do expect you to
be doing better than me, and I do expect if
we're going to be in a partnership and I'm going
to shift my focus to a relationship that you are
able to provide.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
What doesn't that mean able to provide?
Speaker 4 (19:28):
Provide?
Speaker 10 (19:29):
What exactly provide in terms of financially, provide in terms
of just taking care of me so that I can
still achieve the things that I want in my life
as I'm building my foundation. Now, if I'm going to
give my focus to a relationship, then I also want
that relationship to aid and me building this foundation.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
And on the other side of that, of course, we
had Carla Hall, miss chef Carla, who is such an amazing,
beautiful soul, and she shared a very honest take on
her in her marriage and it just goes to show
how things can start out one way and end up another.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Take a listen to her testimony.
Speaker 6 (20:11):
You know, it's really interesting because I think back to college.
I mean, it's for me.
Speaker 9 (20:16):
I grew up in a family with all women. My
mother was a single, single mother. They were divorced when
I was seven. My grandmother had two daughters. Her two
daughters had two daughters. I saw women do everything in
my life. So I was watching the man come in
to fix things for my mother. I'm like, well, I'm
going to watch it. Why will we pay him again?
Speaker 6 (20:35):
I can fix it, you know. So that's where I
come from.
Speaker 9 (20:39):
Even in college, I would not allow somebody to pay
for my mail if I went out to eat, because
for me, in my head, you're taking my power away.
Speaker 6 (20:47):
So I.
Speaker 9 (20:49):
Don't owe you anything. I don't owe you a kiss.
I don't owe you anything past a kiss. I owe
you nothing, you know. So for me, it's always been
my power to hold my power, and I because of
the way I grew up. That's why I feel that
way now. When it came to in my marriage, the
whole money honey, the honey money thing is real because
(21:13):
I didn't get married until I was forty four, So
my money was my money, and so it took me
five years to sort of come into the thing it's
our money because I was so used to providing for myself.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
The concept of our money. Your house is different.
Speaker 6 (21:28):
My house is.
Speaker 9 (21:29):
Different because I make the most money. However, when I'm
thinking about providing, I don't think that it is just money.
I don't think that it is so even though I
may be bringing home more cash. My husband even before
before we started the lord, hey, honey, before we started,
(21:54):
you know, separating, he was still working at the FDA.
Speaker 6 (21:58):
I mean he would cook, plain do the laundry, and
people were like, well, what did you do? I said,
thank you. I mean that's what I did. I was
grateful and I saw it. I see you.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
I appreciate you.
Speaker 9 (22:09):
And I'm not doing it because if I'm cooking at
the office, I don't want to cook at home. People
assume that I am clicking just because I cook for
my living, that I am clicking at home. I had
no interest in actually cooking at home. Now, when I
look at our lives now, providing means being a moral
support for me. It means it is that sense of protection.
(22:30):
It is sort of being astounding board for me. It
is still looking at our finances and even though I
have a team, but he brings, he provides in different
ways other than just cash and money and bank accounts.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
So for this episode, for me personally, I you know,
I am at an age where I don't have children.
I will likely build a life with somebody who has
adult children or maybe no children, and so that really
is a game changer. Right, because then when you're too adults,
you set your own rules and you do what works
for you and makes you happy. I think when children
(23:11):
come into the mix, that changes everything. But at this
age that is not my testimony, and so I have
to say I am very much a woman, a lady,
if you will, so, I do believe in things like
some gender roles. I don't want to pump my own
gas if I really don't even want to drive. I'd
rather be driven. To be honest with you, I don't
(23:32):
want to be the person taking out the garbage or
the recycling room, especially in my building, the recycling room,
I swear there's a demon spirit that lives in it,
because I'm terrified every time I go in there.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
I need a man to do that for me. I
have the hardest time reaching things on the top shelf.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yes, I need a man taller than me to grab that,
or opening jars, or unzipping or zipping my dress, all
those things I certainly appreciate. I just think when it
comes to gender roles, that you know, when you're in
love in a relationship, you are living in service to
that relationship, not your own desires, not another person's desires.
(24:07):
But what is helping you to grow and build cohesively
together and beautifully. I think when it starts to feel
wrong is when you start doing something that feels like
you're betraying yourself. I do not do anything where it
feels like I'm betraying myself. When I am in love
with the right person, it is my heart's delight to
(24:28):
live in service to you, to grow with you, to live,
to make your life better, knowing that you're living to
make my life better. It is happiness that is already present,
and we bring extra happiness to each other. We bring
joyfulness to each other. Nobody's trying to make me happy.
I'm not trying to make that person happy. We take
(24:48):
responsibility for our behavior, and I think when you start
out with that solid foundation, then you go into relationships
with that.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Then you don't really have to get so.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Highung up on gender roles and you know who's supposed
to do the dishes and who's supposed to cook for who.
It's like, Hey, we're in this together and we want
to build together.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
I'm not naive. I do think finances are important.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
They certainly play a role, and that's often referenced as
reasons for why the divorce rate is so high. But
I do want to caution us to be so caught
up in assigning value to someone based on their income,
their level of education, their social engagements, their socioeconomic status,
(25:34):
their social hierarchy. All of these things I do think
traffics in classism, which is rooted in white supremacy, and
I just don't want us to be the people perpetuating that.
I think if we go into things with love as
the central point, then maybe it's a tad bit easier.
And I you know, honestly, when it comes to gender roles,
(25:57):
I have to say I think a lot of younger
peace people and even my peers people my age, I think.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
We have a lot of learning to do about what
love is and what it looks like.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Love is not necessary, not necessarily butterflies in your stomach.
Love is not one long, amazing first date. Love is
not you know, bringing you roses in the morning. I
think all of those things can certainly exist. But sometimes
love is ugly, and sometimes love is hard work. And
(26:28):
sometimes love is looking at a person who's on your
last damn nerves but knowing that you're in it together.
Sometimes love is growing old, and not growing old, walking
off in the sunset, holding hands, but growing old.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
And the sense that this man.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Got ear hair. Now you got hair growing out his ears.
This shit got gray hair now like she used to
have long, pretty dark hair. Now her hair is gray
and she looks older. She got crows feet. You know,
we can hide our age in so many ways, but
the neck, the neck always reveals. And now her neck
don't look the same. Or she's gained weight, or this
(27:04):
man got a beer gud. You know, his six pack
is gone. All those things that is growing old together.
That is in sickness, you know, that is I'm at
your bedside when something ain't right, when a test has
come back with a question mark, when you look emaciated
because you got sick and something's wrong, when you're vomiting,
and I got to be there'll wipe your vomit or
(27:25):
wipe your behind when you can't.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
That is a deeper level of love that I think.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Kind of renders gender roles a bit moot, because then
you're in it on a much more mature and a level,
and a much more a much deeper level, if you will, so,
I you know, I know some of the gender roles
conversations was exciting or funny or you know, you had
(27:51):
a lot of strong opinions back and forth, but I
just for this one. I just thought, Man, we've got
to get back to the solid foundation of love, because
that is the thing that holds us through. That's the
thing that we know changes forms, but it carries us
through the decades. And as we say, the years are long,
the days are short. So when it comes to choosing
(28:12):
a partner, I hope that's what we go into it with.
But I do I'm happy that we're having these conversations
about what gender roles looks like as society changes and
as more is expected from women and more as demanded
of us. Quite frankly, all right, well, I hope you
enjoyed this highlight reel of some of our favorite moments
across generations. Is definitely returning soon with fresh episodes and
(28:35):
exciting guests. We're going to get into all the topics
that we didn't get to the first half of the season.
Will Packer has been busy with Fight Night that's coming
out September fifth, Please be sure to tune into that
on Peacock. I have to say I saw the first
two episodes. It's amazing. But now that Fight Night is done,
we're back in tune with a Cross Generations. And don't worry,
(28:55):
I am going to be bugging everybody now to come
on the show so we can keep having these amazing conversations.
So please drop me a comment, let me know a
topic you'd love for us to discuss, let me know
a guest you'd love for us to have. We love
to hear from you, and we are busy at work
book in the next show. So happy to have your
thoughts on topics and guests and all the things. And
(29:17):
thank you so much for tuning into this episode. I
cannot wait to reconnect with you, guys. We got a
whole new political landscape and I just think it's time
for black women to start talking about the things that
we have long talked about privately amongst ourselves. But let's
have one big group chat conversation with my sisters out there.
So I cannot wait to get back to you, guys.
(29:37):
Stay tuned for the second half of the first season
of Across Generations. I'm your host, Tiffany Cross. Across Generations
is brought to you by Woolpacker and Woolpacker Media in
partnership with iHeart podcast I'm Your host and executive producer
Tiffany d Cross from Idea to Launch Productions executive producer
Carla will meris produced by Mandy Be and Angel Forte, editing,
(30:00):
sound design and mix by Gaza Forte. Original music by
Epidemic Sound Video editing by Cason Alexander and Courtney
Welcome to a Cross Generations where the voices of Black
women unite. I'm your host, Tiffany Cross. Tiffany Cross, we
gather a season elder myself as the middle generation and
a vibrant young soul for engaging intergenerational conversations, prepared to
engage or hear perspectives that.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
No one else is happy. You know how we do.
We create mess, we create matter. Hi, everybody, it's Tiffany Cross.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
You'r host of Across Generations, and I want you to
rest assured. We are busy getting to work for the
second half of the first season, but for now, I
do want to take a trip down memory lane and
look at some more episodes of the first half of
this season that were some of our favorites and definitely
some of yours. One episode that I really really enjoyed
(00:55):
was the episode that we did on marriage with the
wonderful missus Tate. I thought she was just such a gentle,
divine person. To be around, her spirit, her energy, it
was such a warm feeling, and she was so compelling
on the episode that we did about motherhood, and we
invited her back to talk about marriage and the stories
that she shared with her and her husband and her family.
(01:18):
It was very real. It wasn't a fairy tale, It
wasn't something that was wrapped up in a pretty red bow.
She talked about them separating for years and how they
got back together, and I just, I really really enjoyed it.
You know, I see a lot of animus between black
men and black women on our doom scroll of social
media on Instagram, everyone's a relationship expert where they're talking
(01:40):
about being high value this and judging people for who
they are and how they look in ways that it's
just really foreign to me. And so when we get
back to the essence of love and truly what binds
us as community, I just I really enjoyed her perspective
and take, and I hope that it floors everyone to
(02:01):
just take a moment and tap into ourselves, you know,
us as spiritual beings having a human experience, and how.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
We relate to each other.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I really just enjoyed her thoughts, and she certainly helped
me tap into different parts of my humanity and see
my counterparts with the same gentleness and love and aspiration
for that kind of deep, abiding companion love. So I
wish that for all of you and I hope you
enjoy some of missus Tate's thoughts.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
First of all, I got married when I was eighteen,
and I think I mentioned before at Howard University. Back then,
I was pregnant when we got married. Those are things
that you really had to do or your parents would
try to work something out. So I was pregnant when
I got married. But I'd like to say my husband
and I were definitely and love because it was a
(02:55):
thing about love at first sight with the both of
us when we met at Howard Universe. I clearly remember
I had gone to a party with my girlfriend and
we were coming down the stairs and he was there
and our eyes clicked, and for some reason.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
It was something was going on.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
And I walked down the stairs and he walked over
to me and grabbed my hand and we just started dancing.
And we left that party together. We hadn't said a
word to each other and we left. I didn't have
sex with him that night.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
No judgment if you did, No judgment if you did.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Impressed mister Tate's game if you did, but no judgment.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
So being pregnant, you always wonder are we married because
I was pregnant or because we loved each.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
Other that much.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
It always kind of lingers in your in your mind,
and I think after sixty one years.
Speaker 4 (03:53):
I think, I go, we do love you.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
I loved him more today than I did back then.
And of course we had our rough patches along the way,
like most marriages do.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
One of my other favorite moments from this show is
when she talks about her children and how they were
concerned about who's going to take care of dad.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Take a listen, and it said to us a conscious
decision because when my daughters I was working at the time,
and then we were young. I was eighteen, he was
twenty one, an only child, a little and a nuts
boiled but you know, so some of the things. And
I remember sitting talking with my daughters and they were
(04:37):
like six or seven at the time, and he's done
something crazy.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
And I sat them down and I.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Said, you know, Janine didra I'm thinking about very seriously,
I'm gonna leave your father. And they looked at me
and said what they She said, okay, mom, And my
older daughter Janine said.
Speaker 4 (04:55):
Then who's going to take care of daddy?
Speaker 3 (04:57):
And when she said that, I said, well, there it
goes the part for better or worse. So I said, Okay,
so I made am. I said, no, we're not going
to do that. We're just going to work past whatever
it is that we're going.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
I have to say, one of the warmest moments for
me from this episode is when missus Tate talked about
her husband pretending that he made the sun come out,
and she looked at him and he was her sunshine,
and I just it really warmed my heart to see that,
And I wish that kind of love for really all
of us, because we all deserve that.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Because when I think about my husband's he's so funny,
he's so charming, and I can always the picture that
I have.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
In my mind of him.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
When Janine De was smaller, we used to go upstate
New York like a lot of times in the summertime,
and I clearly remember one time we were upstate and
we've stayed in the trailer in the night time we
would look at the stars and everything like that, and
we went to the lake the next day and all
of a sudden it got cloudy outside.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
It was dark, the sun.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Went away and was getting cold, and my daughters looked
at the HA said that could you just please make
the sun come out, and my husband got up there
and he did all kind of weird things like he
was a witch doctor and everything like that, and do
you know, the sun came out and I said that
man has made the sun come out for us. Ever
(06:27):
since that time, I will never ever, I will never
ever forget that.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Wow and my man.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Our episode on motherhood was so deeply personal to me
and so meaningful. I got a chance to revisit with
some of our guests and talked about the fallout from
some of the testimony that was shared that day. And
I first want to say, I honor your truth. To
everyone out there who's had a challenging reliefationship, I honor
(07:01):
your truth because so many times what we're struggling with
is being gas lit from what we experience with our parents.
And to the parents out there, I meet you with grace,
especially my own mother, who was the best mother that
she knew how to be with me and really did
better than the best that she could. And so this
conversation was really about a homecoming to ourselves. For this episode,
(07:24):
I have to say missus Crosby really set the tone
when she talked about what she experienced. I really heard
her words as sincere, and I recognized her pain. I
did not hear these stories and meet her mother with
judgment because her mother is carrying her own trauma, and
(07:45):
I did not meet her with any judgment from the
love and perspective that she shared and so desired for us.
When it came to forgiveness, I think our executive producer Carla,
who set in for this episode, had her own unique
perspective and that I don't owe anyone that level of forgiveness,
and I don't owe anyone access to.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Me who makes me feel a certain way.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
So we all had very different, very emotional perspectives, and
I just I really love that so many of you
have dm me, emailed me, written messages to me. People
I know have texted me, called me and just offered support.
And I want to be clear. My mother and I
have a great relationship today. We talk every day, and
(08:31):
it's because I'm able to talk about these things with
other people. My mother and I don't really confront these
truths together, but I honor her and all that she's
done for me, and I desire that for other people.
But I did want to tell my truth because it
was my story to tell. My mother certainly has her
own story to tell and brings with her a lifetime
(08:52):
of experience, as does missus Crosby's mother, which is why
I thought her words were so poignant and her stage
council will so her felt.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
So take a listen to what miss Crosby had to say.
Speaker 5 (09:05):
So, I don't know why you can't accept that love,
but I hope that I can continue to do what
she's doing it no matter how she is to me
at times, Hey baby, how are you?
Speaker 2 (09:17):
How's your day?
Speaker 5 (09:17):
And just be soft when she comes over. I'm like,
I know, when she comes over, Carla, don't overtalk her,
let her speak. She's only eighteen. But I tried to
be around my mom again, and that feeling that you
speak of, I don't want that. Yeah, that hinders me
and my relationships with my kids, at work or my friends.
Speaker 6 (09:34):
I can't do that.
Speaker 7 (09:36):
I promise you. I promise you, Carler. I know it's
scary to face that, but this is the deal. Until
you do it for yourself, not for her, not for anybody,
you're going to be stuck and your daughter's.
Speaker 6 (09:49):
Going to be stuck.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
But I feel like I acknowledge she can't do no better.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
She doesn't want my mom.
Speaker 5 (09:57):
No, she doesn't want to do anybody. And I know
that she has her own trauma. So I've chosen to
just accept that.
Speaker 6 (10:03):
And move on.
Speaker 8 (10:07):
You.
Speaker 7 (10:07):
You you felt your mother's heartbeat, you were in her body.
You know her.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
A craving a movie? No, no, no, no am craving what?
Speaker 7 (10:21):
No, No, we're not craving that. We're craving our spiritual beings.
That lady is the closest thing to your body, and
when you reject it or you don't have it, you're
going to be in pain, and it's never gonna change.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
It just feels foreign, and it doesn't feel good.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
Okay, it doesn't feel good because.
Speaker 8 (10:38):
It's just so nice.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Negative.
Speaker 7 (10:40):
It's not. But it's the thing about it, it's not.
It is negative, and it is that burden to bear.
But your burden is to heal yourself and your child.
Speaker 9 (10:50):
You.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
I don't think I need her to do that.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
No, no, no, you don't need her.
Speaker 6 (10:54):
It's for you, forget her.
Speaker 7 (10:57):
I I chose to be there for my mom because
my other brothers and sisters have abandoned her. My sister's
my sister's gone, my brother moved to Washington State. My
oldest brother died from a heroin audition. Why because he
couldn't deal with what was done to him.
Speaker 8 (11:12):
So I'm left.
Speaker 7 (11:14):
I'm looking at this lady, and what I do Carla.
I picture her the day my dad left her in
the projects. I look at that twenty one year old girl,
and that's who I deal with. I don't deal with
the lady that's in front of me. I deal with
that chick that was a good person who wanted the
best for her life, who had dreams like we had,
(11:35):
who wanted what we wanted, and that man left her
in total discombobilation where she had to drag these four
kids out the projects and do it.
Speaker 6 (11:47):
Did she do it right?
Speaker 4 (11:49):
Or she had to do it?
Speaker 7 (11:51):
And so now I don't deal with a Claire Huxable.
I deal with that young girl standing by the one dough,
wondering where her husband is. Even when my mother hurt me,
I don't look at her. I go to that girl
and I see her, and that's the story I tell
myself to heal myself so I can have a relationship
with my children.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Yeah, Okay, one of the funniest moments I have to say,
is the show that we did on dating Now, there
was a twenty something on the panel and an eighty
something on the panel, and then you had me. I
gotta say, I did not expect the eighty something to
have the most active dating life, but honey, indeed that
is what happened. Miss ten had so many gems. Take
(12:34):
a listen to just some of them. Miss teenie, I'm
starting with you. How is it that you define dating?
Speaker 8 (12:43):
I define it as meeting someone and why you want
to date, and who you want to date and where
you're going to find the date. But today they have
social media where they have dating apps. I've never been
on one.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
You've never been on a dating app?
Speaker 8 (13:02):
Nope. It scares me. I was like, you don't know
who you're going to meet? Yeah, And I feel that
if you do do that, you need to do a
back down check on the person that you're dating, because
I've dated some guys that was off the chain.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Really tell me about it.
Speaker 8 (13:19):
Well, one I met, but I met him through this
church program. He was had been in concentrated and he
was just released. But I didn't know that then because
he told me, he said, listen, I got something to
tell you. I said what I said, hope you don't
blow my wig off my head. He said, I'm on probation.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
I was like, oh, this is not going to be easy.
Speaker 8 (13:46):
You know, either you're going to accept this or you're
not going to accept it to but you got to
find out more about this stuy. And he told me that,
you know, he wanted to have sex, but I wasn't
ready to do that. My crown jewels was precious, absolutely,
so I'm like, I'm not ready for that, you know.
So he went and got his age tests, but really
(14:07):
I had already. I had the age test, but I
didn't want him to see the papers because I was
older than that. I don't want to see my age.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Way how much older? How old was this guy was fifty?
Speaker 8 (14:17):
I was about I was about sixty five. Yeah, you know,
but I had a lot of fun. I enjoyed him,
you know, he was all of that. But I had
to take him to consideration what he had been through.
But then I noticed that the way he handled me,
it was going to.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Be very bad.
Speaker 8 (14:35):
It wasn't really nice, you know, because we had an argument.
He grabbed me, but I felt it. I felt like
he was a beater.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Oh, wow, woman, So I and you met him on
a dating app.
Speaker 6 (14:46):
No, I don't even know how to go on the
dating Okay.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
You're saying.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Even without being on the dating app, you can come
across men that know anything about that.
Speaker 8 (14:55):
You have to find out about them. And the best
way to always find out about it is how to
meet the man's mother. Mm hmm, and it's family.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
One gem from Missini that truly struck me is when
Miss ma'am referred to her VJ as a pocketbook. Take
a listen, and I always taught that our VJ is
a pocketbook, you know, and you can use that pocketbook
wherever however you feel, but you have to have some
(15:27):
little morals about yourself.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Yeah, let's let's pause there. The v jay is a pocketbook.
Speaker 4 (15:38):
I don't know that I.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Quite see it that way, but I get your point.
I mean, you do have to have morals, But it
sounds like it's like transactional.
Speaker 4 (15:47):
You know, you're saying, yeah, I.
Speaker 6 (15:53):
Understand what you say.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Yeah, okay, you have that pocket book.
Speaker 8 (15:57):
You can use it anyway you want, but you have
to know your morals, right standards and what you saying.
And when you meet men, I think you need to
meditate on anybody that you're going to meditate period. Really
you have to. You have to have a diary tone
what you want, what are your standards, What are you
looking for? Are you looking for a husband or you
(16:18):
just want a relationship or what you have to get
into yourself as to what you want to end a man.
And nine times out of ten you come out pretty
good with that.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Okay, girls, Obviously we are not promoting that and we
are not encouraging that.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
But I was really surprised to hear that take from
Ms Teenie.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
And why I like it is because across generations, isn't
really a show that's celebrity driven. Like, of course we'll
have celebrities on occasion, and we engage in authentic conversation
no matter who we're with. But Ms Teeny was that
community woman, the woman who took care of other people's kids,
the woman she adopted a son. She's just that neighborhood
woman who we all know who you know, I think
(17:02):
all of us who especially me and I grew up
in the eighties and there was an you know, an
elder woman there who was like everybody's grandmother in the neighborhood,
and Miss Teeny was that, and it was just a
reminder that these women are women first. Before she became
eighty something year old Miss Teeny, she was a woman
with her own lived experience and her own encounters with men,
(17:23):
and she was so unfiltered about it. So I really
loved talking to her. But yeah, the VJ being a
pocketbook took me out.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
I was not ready the conversation we had on gender roles.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
I have to say, I wasn't really surprised that there
were so many strong opinions about this. I think this
is an episode why I did truly feel like an elder.
I truly felt like I had knowledge to impart on
our younger guests. I don't regret her her standards and
things that she desires. She's a young woman and she
has every right to desire that, and life will deliver
(17:59):
that to her or deliver her lessons to where they
adjust either way. I want, I wish the best for her.
But just take a listen to some of the things
that she said that she wanted.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
I can understand that.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I think it's interesting though, that you are our more
seasoned panelists and you're flexible while our younger gen Z
panelists here.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
I don't know that you're as flexible Kim.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
So do you disagree with those definitions and how would
you what category would you put yourself in.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
I align with.
Speaker 10 (18:26):
Those definitions for sure, and I think because I align
with and I understand that we live in a patriarchal society,
I'm pretty unwavering at this stage of my life. I'm
twenty six, I'm pretty unwavering on my position of being
traditional with a twist right, kind of like a soft
girl with sense I can take care of me. But
if I'm going to be in a partnership at this
(18:48):
stage of my life, then I need you to be
able to protect and provide as well. And so I
feel like, given the fact that you know, power is
funneled to men quite literally, I don't think there's anything
wrong or there's much I don't really understand the controversy
around women expecting those same men to be doing better
(19:08):
than them, right, And so when I look at dating
and I think about, you know, a partnership, what would
I want Now I'm twenty six, I'm probably dating someone
that's thirty six, thirty four. I do expect you to
be doing better than me, and I do expect if
we're going to be in a partnership and I'm going
to shift my focus to a relationship that you are
able to provide.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
What doesn't that mean able to provide?
Speaker 4 (19:28):
Provide?
Speaker 10 (19:29):
What exactly provide in terms of financially, provide in terms
of just taking care of me so that I can
still achieve the things that I want in my life
as I'm building my foundation. Now, if I'm going to
give my focus to a relationship, then I also want
that relationship to aid and me building this foundation.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
And on the other side of that, of course, we
had Carla Hall, miss chef Carla, who is such an amazing,
beautiful soul, and she shared a very honest take on
her in her marriage and it just goes to show
how things can start out one way and end up another.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Take a listen to her testimony.
Speaker 6 (20:11):
You know, it's really interesting because I think back to college.
I mean, it's for me.
Speaker 9 (20:16):
I grew up in a family with all women. My
mother was a single, single mother. They were divorced when
I was seven. My grandmother had two daughters. Her two
daughters had two daughters. I saw women do everything in
my life. So I was watching the man come in
to fix things for my mother. I'm like, well, I'm
going to watch it. Why will we pay him again?
Speaker 6 (20:35):
I can fix it, you know. So that's where I
come from.
Speaker 9 (20:39):
Even in college, I would not allow somebody to pay
for my mail if I went out to eat, because
for me, in my head, you're taking my power away.
Speaker 6 (20:47):
So I.
Speaker 9 (20:49):
Don't owe you anything. I don't owe you a kiss.
I don't owe you anything past a kiss. I owe
you nothing, you know. So for me, it's always been
my power to hold my power, and I because of
the way I grew up. That's why I feel that
way now. When it came to in my marriage, the
whole money honey, the honey money thing is real because
(21:13):
I didn't get married until I was forty four, So
my money was my money, and so it took me
five years to sort of come into the thing it's
our money because I was so used to providing for myself.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
The concept of our money. Your house is different.
Speaker 6 (21:28):
My house is.
Speaker 9 (21:29):
Different because I make the most money. However, when I'm
thinking about providing, I don't think that it is just money.
I don't think that it is so even though I
may be bringing home more cash. My husband even before
before we started the lord, hey, honey, before we started,
(21:54):
you know, separating, he was still working at the FDA.
Speaker 6 (21:58):
I mean he would cook, plain do the laundry, and
people were like, well, what did you do? I said,
thank you. I mean that's what I did. I was
grateful and I saw it. I see you.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
I appreciate you.
Speaker 9 (22:09):
And I'm not doing it because if I'm cooking at
the office, I don't want to cook at home. People
assume that I am clicking just because I cook for
my living, that I am clicking at home. I had
no interest in actually cooking at home. Now, when I
look at our lives now, providing means being a moral
support for me. It means it is that sense of protection.
(22:30):
It is sort of being astounding board for me. It
is still looking at our finances and even though I
have a team, but he brings, he provides in different
ways other than just cash and money and bank accounts.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
So for this episode, for me personally, I you know,
I am at an age where I don't have children.
I will likely build a life with somebody who has
adult children or maybe no children, and so that really
is a game changer. Right, because then when you're too adults,
you set your own rules and you do what works
for you and makes you happy. I think when children
(23:11):
come into the mix, that changes everything. But at this
age that is not my testimony, and so I have
to say I am very much a woman, a lady,
if you will, so, I do believe in things like
some gender roles. I don't want to pump my own
gas if I really don't even want to drive. I'd
rather be driven. To be honest with you, I don't
(23:32):
want to be the person taking out the garbage or
the recycling room, especially in my building, the recycling room,
I swear there's a demon spirit that lives in it,
because I'm terrified every time I go in there.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
I need a man to do that for me. I
have the hardest time reaching things on the top shelf.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yes, I need a man taller than me to grab that,
or opening jars, or unzipping or zipping my dress, all
those things I certainly appreciate. I just think when it
comes to gender roles, that you know, when you're in
love in a relationship, you are living in service to
that relationship, not your own desires, not another person's desires.
(24:07):
But what is helping you to grow and build cohesively
together and beautifully. I think when it starts to feel
wrong is when you start doing something that feels like
you're betraying yourself. I do not do anything where it
feels like I'm betraying myself. When I am in love
with the right person, it is my heart's delight to
(24:28):
live in service to you, to grow with you, to live,
to make your life better, knowing that you're living to
make my life better. It is happiness that is already present,
and we bring extra happiness to each other. We bring
joyfulness to each other. Nobody's trying to make me happy.
I'm not trying to make that person happy. We take
(24:48):
responsibility for our behavior, and I think when you start
out with that solid foundation, then you go into relationships
with that.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Then you don't really have to get so.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Highung up on gender roles and you know who's supposed
to do the dishes and who's supposed to cook for who.
It's like, Hey, we're in this together and we want
to build together.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
I'm not naive. I do think finances are important.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
They certainly play a role, and that's often referenced as
reasons for why the divorce rate is so high. But
I do want to caution us to be so caught
up in assigning value to someone based on their income,
their level of education, their social engagements, their socioeconomic status,
(25:34):
their social hierarchy. All of these things I do think
traffics in classism, which is rooted in white supremacy, and
I just don't want us to be the people perpetuating that.
I think if we go into things with love as
the central point, then maybe it's a tad bit easier.
And I you know, honestly, when it comes to gender roles,
(25:57):
I have to say I think a lot of younger
peace people and even my peers people my age, I think.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
We have a lot of learning to do about what
love is and what it looks like.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Love is not necessary, not necessarily butterflies in your stomach.
Love is not one long, amazing first date. Love is
not you know, bringing you roses in the morning. I
think all of those things can certainly exist. But sometimes
love is ugly, and sometimes love is hard work. And
(26:28):
sometimes love is looking at a person who's on your
last damn nerves but knowing that you're in it together.
Sometimes love is growing old, and not growing old, walking
off in the sunset, holding hands, but growing old.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
And the sense that this man.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Got ear hair. Now you got hair growing out his ears.
This shit got gray hair now like she used to
have long, pretty dark hair. Now her hair is gray
and she looks older. She got crows feet. You know,
we can hide our age in so many ways, but
the neck, the neck always reveals. And now her neck
don't look the same. Or she's gained weight, or this
(27:04):
man got a beer gud. You know, his six pack
is gone. All those things that is growing old together.
That is in sickness, you know, that is I'm at
your bedside when something ain't right, when a test has
come back with a question mark, when you look emaciated
because you got sick and something's wrong, when you're vomiting,
and I got to be there'll wipe your vomit or
(27:25):
wipe your behind when you can't.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
That is a deeper level of love that I think.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Kind of renders gender roles a bit moot, because then
you're in it on a much more mature and a level,
and a much more a much deeper level, if you will, so,
I you know, I know some of the gender roles
conversations was exciting or funny or you know, you had
(27:51):
a lot of strong opinions back and forth, but I
just for this one. I just thought, Man, we've got
to get back to the solid foundation of love, because
that is the thing that holds us through. That's the
thing that we know changes forms, but it carries us
through the decades. And as we say, the years are long,
the days are short. So when it comes to choosing
(28:12):
a partner, I hope that's what we go into it with.
But I do I'm happy that we're having these conversations
about what gender roles looks like as society changes and
as more is expected from women and more as demanded
of us. Quite frankly, all right, well, I hope you
enjoyed this highlight reel of some of our favorite moments
across generations. Is definitely returning soon with fresh episodes and
(28:35):
exciting guests. We're going to get into all the topics
that we didn't get to the first half of the season.
Will Packer has been busy with Fight Night that's coming
out September fifth, Please be sure to tune into that
on Peacock. I have to say I saw the first
two episodes. It's amazing. But now that Fight Night is done,
we're back in tune with a Cross Generations. And don't worry,
(28:55):
I am going to be bugging everybody now to come
on the show so we can keep having these amazing conversations.
So please drop me a comment, let me know a
topic you'd love for us to discuss, let me know
a guest you'd love for us to have. We love
to hear from you, and we are busy at work
book in the next show. So happy to have your
thoughts on topics and guests and all the things. And
(29:17):
thank you so much for tuning into this episode. I
cannot wait to reconnect with you, guys. We got a
whole new political landscape and I just think it's time
for black women to start talking about the things that
we have long talked about privately amongst ourselves. But let's
have one big group chat conversation with my sisters out there.
So I cannot wait to get back to you, guys.
(29:37):
Stay tuned for the second half of the first season
of Across Generations. I'm your host, Tiffany Cross. Across Generations
is brought to you by Woolpacker and Woolpacker Media in
partnership with iHeart podcast I'm Your host and executive producer
Tiffany d Cross from Idea to Launch Productions executive producer
Carla will meris produced by Mandy Be and Angel Forte, editing,
(30:00):
sound design and mix by Gaza Forte. Original music by
Epidemic Sound Video editing by Cason Alexander and Courtney
Host
Tiffany Cross
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