Dating During a Pandemic with DJ Danl + Ali

Dating has never been easy - and then came a global pandemic. In this episode, Alex Aiono is joined by two guests with very different stories: DJ Danl had just started seeing someone he really liked in March - but what do you do when a stay-at-home order keeps you from your dream girl? And Ali, a serial dater in New York City, is keeping her last name private so she can give us all the gory details of dating mid-quarantine. How do you have the talk about bubbling up with someone? Is monogamy a must-have in a pandemic? Who gets ghosted? Who finds love? Listen in to find out!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is Alex, and I cannot imagine how shitty
it is to date in the pandemic. No, no, it
will be alright forever nor forever alright. So yeah, like

(00:26):
I said, I don't know. I don't even know what
would it would be like to be single right now.
I'm very, very fortunate that I have an incredible girlfriend
that I've dated for quite a bit before the pandemic started.
But when the pandemic started, uh, not to give too
much personal information, she went home to her parents house,
about like an hour and a half away from where
I live, and her parents did not want her to

(00:47):
leave the house at all. So for the first month
and a half of the pandemic, I did not get
to see my girlfriend, which for me, uh. My therapist
says that I have something called mental health issues, and
for me at least, I'm a pretty dependent person, so
I love being with other people. I don't really like
being alone. So it was not a great time, especially

(01:09):
for me and and Madison. We fought, sorry, Babe, but
we didn't. We would fight about stupid things, and I
would make all this fuss about not getting to see her,
But eventually I got to see her and it was.
It was awesome. I also, since the pandemic started, moved
to a new house, which doesn't seem like it makes
sense right now, but with that new house came new roommates.
And both of my roommates, one of them has been

(01:31):
single the whole pandemic and the other was in a
relationship and that relationship ended during the pandemic, so now
is also single. So I got two single roommates, ladies.
But if you are single and you live in Los Angeles,
actually no, I can't say that. Damn it, We're in
the pandemic. That's what this whole episode is about. That's
exactly why we're having this episode is because through all
of this madness of being single and having to quarantine.

(01:55):
But also I think one of the biggest things is
the angry therapist that we have on on one the
episodes of this podcast said, you're you know, we're not
meant to live life alone. And if you're single and
you live away from your family and some people don't
even have a roommate, and we're supposed to be locked
away in our houses and staying home, it's kind of
like the opposite of that, Like we're not meant to
live life alone, but at the same time, don't leave

(02:17):
your house. And if you live by yourself, tough luck.
So what got me thinking? How do you date during
a pandemic? And more importantly and more dramatically for Catherine
Law who wrote this out herself, I think we need
this how do you fall in love when the world
falls apart? No? What is up everybody? This is let's

(02:39):
get into it. This is my podcast where we talk
about everything, things that I go through for the most part,
but a lot of the times we also talk about
things that I don't go through, things that I have
to kind of hear other people's stories about. And so
today we have an awesome episode that is going to
get three different views of what it's like to date
during a pandemic. Myself, like I had mentioned, I've been

(03:00):
in a relationship since before the pandemic, and my two
guests both have unique stories themselves as well. First up,
I have a DJ podcast engineer, podcast producer, podcast editor
occasional on my personality for I heart radio, longtime music
lover with the history and dance music. As a part
of the DJ duo Gladiator. He's been recognized at Sweet

(03:21):
Green ones, Daniel, Daniel DJ Daniel good Man, what's up
for having me? I'm honored to be here. How you doing, man,
I'm doing really well. I'm starting to think after that
that might have been my best intro I've ever done.
And I'm starting to Catherine, we need to we need
to add some like some pump up music, like like
as if we're yeah, like some basketball coming out of

(03:42):
basketball intro music. Um, Daniel, we're gonna be hearing about
your dating life and your dating his story of being
in a pandemic and still finding love. I'm so excited
and with you. We have another story, and this one's
very interesting. We're gonna keep her last name out of
it because we want the juiciest of the juicy details.

(04:03):
She is, she lives in a place ken I'm not
even gonna say we're gonna keep it anonymous because I
want I want the juicy details that I have been
told are going to come on this episode. So Aside
from emulating Carrie Bradshaw's dating mishaps, she spends much of
her free time producing stand up comedy, most recently producing
outdoor shows to raise money for a local nonprofit in

(04:24):
her own neighborhood. How sweet is it? Ali? Last name?
How are you? Ali? Last name? I'm good, Thanks for
having me, Alex. I'm so excited to hear these stories.
We're gonna have some cool topics. We're talking about love
during the lockdown. That is going to be you and me,
big big, big d Big Daniel. I'm not going to
call you big d. I felt I was going to

(04:45):
let it slide, but it felt a little it felt
a little bit weird with both of our girlfriends. Um uh.
Then after that, Ali, you and I are gonna be
talking about a fresh hell of first date. I cannot
wait for that. Um. And then lastly, we have Netflix
and absolutely zero chill. But before we get into those topics,
I have a question that I ask all of my guests,

(05:05):
and that question is what are you doing this week
to improve yourself? Um? I'll go first. I've had a
craziest stressful week. If we're dating or time stamping, where
this recording is happening, I just finished my virtual tour
for the Gospel of twenty three. I worked with two
different brands, I sent in two different auditions, and it

(05:26):
was literally it felt like for Monday through Thursday from
from actually probably Sunday till Thursday, I spent maybe ten
minutes in total not working, like not even a lie.
I'm either sleeping or I was working. And I had
ten minutes of of a break and uh, and I
was getting super super stressed and I was being super
super hard on myself. And in the middle of that,

(05:46):
I spoke with one of my really really good friends
and also my girlfriend, who both of them said this
mantra that I tell everybody, and I'm very bad at
taking my own advice, but it was one thing at
a time. You just gotta focus on one thing at
a time, don't focus on the big picture of everything
that has to get done, just you know, like Jude Weang,
the director of our movie Finding All Hanna said when
we were filming Bird by Bird, one thing at a time,

(06:06):
we just gotta just gotta get it done. So that's
something that I've been trying to really implement, taking my
own advice and doing that. That being said, Danield, you
got something for me, um sure, you know. Very recently,
this is also a bit of a side note personal story,
but a third roommate just moved into our apartment and
with that came kind of a whole new energy around uh,

(06:28):
personal health. We've all been getting into working out, so
there's three people in the house total. We've been getting
into working out as a trio and being each other's
biggest cheerleaders and spotters when it comes to stuff like
you know, bench pressent whatever, but like just having a
third person in the house to really kick up the
notch on better physical health, mental health, just a little

(06:50):
bit of everything. And so having having that third person
in here has been a really really good opportunity to
kick the working out part in the high gear. We
We've gotten the self low out during the pandemic, and
now it's the all right, let's kick that back up
into building up some muscle strength there. Oh, that is huge.
That is huge, especially with Dylan and Sam in my house,
that they're the only reason that I haven't eaten myself

(07:11):
into oblivion, like I I very much. That's an incredible
thing to get al. Al, you've got to you got
two examples. Give us something. What are you doing this
week to improve yourself? Well, it ties back to dating,
and I don't want to make it seem like dating
is my whole world and I'm not gonna lie it
seems like it. I'm just kidding. I know it's definitely true.
Like I make a joke that dating is my hobby,

(07:33):
but it's more like a part time job. But really
I'm trying to reel back on that and not spend
so much time on dating apps because right now there's
really no way to meet other people in person, so
dating apps can be like all consuming like any other
form of technology. So I'm trying to like put limits
on how much swiping I do. Like fortunately some of

(07:53):
the apps limited for you, but other ones you can
swipe for like I'm working from home, so like no,
you know, I'm trying to be more mindful about like
how much time I'm spending. So I'm trying to invest
myself into some other projects that are like taking my
mind off of dating apps and dating because it can
be very gamy. You know. That is that is the

(08:15):
perfect answer. That is a perfect answer for this episode
because it is at the end of the day. I
think one of the takeaways is like you gotta still
focus on the love part because I think digitally it
can become, like you said, very gamy, and so I
love that that was your answer, and it was the
perfect segue for us to get going. So we'll be
talking with you in just a bit, Ali, but Daniel's

(08:35):
time for us to go one on one. All Let's
do it, baby, alright. So Daniel, you have quite the story.
So I've heard um. What before we get into the
actual pandemic part of it, what was your pre quarantine,
your pre pandemic dating life like, Well, I would say
pretty average. I was really heavy on the apps, just
participating in your traditional kind of like going to bars

(08:59):
with friends kind of stuff, and you know, trying to
do big dinner dates and big friend gatherings, just like
getting as many people into the mix as possible to
make it fun. I I love, you know, a standard
one on one date, but sometimes just like playing it
up with friends of friends and people you've never met
before like that always just like a great way to
you know, just meet new people and hopefully somebody really
like UM. And that was fun. It wasn't really working

(09:21):
for me. I will also say that, you know, while
I was on the road for the past like ten years,
I wasn't dating a whole lot. I was very busy.
We were gone every weekend, so it just wasn't offering
a lot of opportunities for me to like I wanted
to be with someone who I wasn't being like, Okay,
well you know, i'll see you in like two weeks by.
This didn't seem fair to me. So yeah, my pre
pandemic dating life was filled with a lot of those

(09:42):
kinds of like the occasional one on one really standard date,
but a lot of these kind of like group to
get together as Korean barbecue kind of gatherings. I actually
like those though, because even in a relationship, I like,
but even when you're single, I think they're really good
because if you're with your friends, I feel like you
get a little bit more comfortable, You're you're more natural
old self, whereas on the date, you're kind of like

(10:02):
playing chess with each other, like Okay, what's gonna impress this?
You know, Whereas with your friends, you kind of forget
that you need to impress somebody, or you forget that
that's a thing, and so you get to just kind
of be yourself. And I feel like that's the most
important thing I would want someone to the person i'm
with to see me in my most natural self. There's
nothing worse than when you date somebody and then like
you go on the first few dates with them and

(10:22):
you're like awesome, nice, and then all of a sudden
that that is something and you're just like, oh, I
did not know that was you. Well, luckily for for you,
you get to join me in in the being in
a relationship during a pandemic thing. But you're very lucky
yours didn't start necessarily before, you know, a long time

(10:44):
before the pandemic went crazy. So tell us about that.
Our first date was February one. We all went into lockdown.
Belie was March, so we had about three weeks of
dating before everything was shut down. So I will say
those first couple of dates, we even talked about do
you hear about this thing going on in China? Like
you hear they shut down the country pretty much, and

(11:06):
just those kinds of like very light conversations while going
to restaurants and standing at line at kasun Ori and
just being like, yeah, crazy stuff, huh. And then the
pandemic hit and we were both a little nervous, we
were both you know, worried, and we basically took three
weeks off of seeing each other or two weeks off
of seeing each other. Because we were like, neither of

(11:29):
us knew what to do, neither of us. I mean,
I think, you know, it's a pretty common feeling. At
the very beginning of all this, we were like what
what what is actually happening right now? And we took
basically two weeks apart where we talked every day and
just about how much we were like, wait, we were
really going. We had such a good first three dates
and then just like shut down completely. It was it

(11:50):
was weird, but there was definitely something about it that
drew us so much closer right at the start. So
how did you know, though, Like, how did like I
obviously because this is the thing is is we would
like you have to remember because it feels like it's
been forever, but remember that rush of the pan when
it first started, you were like I can't, I gotta
people were like stalking toilet paper because they thought they

(12:10):
were never gonna have to like we could never leave
our houses again. So it's not just that like, oh,
I like you, we should keep talking, but it's also
like I'm willing to like brave the final days with you,
you know, like it was a serious thing. It was,
it was very serious and it's funny that you mentioned
that in particular because one of our and and you know,

(12:31):
my girlfriend might not not kill me, but she she
might laugh at the fact that I'm telling one of
our inside jokes to the podcast nation. But I just
think the story is so funny and it's so emblematic
of like what made us fall in love really was.
After that two weeks I had picked up. I picked
her up, by the way, her name is Stephanie. I
have forgot to mention that at the start, and as

(12:52):
to meet you virtually podcast wise, Stephanie exactly perfect. So
after we had taken our two weeks off from seeing
each other, I picked her up because we were going
to she needed, you know, she had a prescription to
pick up. We're going to pick it up going back
to her place, and we were kind of really mulling
over the potential of what's going on now. A little

(13:13):
backstory is as a podcast producer on this network, I
worked with one of one of the people in the
network named Robert Evans, and Robert Evans is like a
war journalist. He does a show call behind the Bastards.
We're not here to plug that. But that's just a
bit of context, give it, give it some love. I
heart Radial family goes behind the bastards. But as a

(13:34):
gift for working on this show, you know, I think
a lot of podcast people you get like a you know,
basket of cookies, some you know, a nice personal self
care gift, Robert gave me a knife. Robert gave me
a knife for working on his show. He said, Damn,
I really appreciate you. Protect yourself. Here's a knife. Here's
a knife. Yes, here's a knife. I need you to
explain this knife. Like what kind of knife is this?

(13:55):
We gotta we gotta figure out what kind of NiFe
we're going. We're talking it is this CRC KAT CRKT
Like three here damage you got? You could you could
do some damage with that knife. I mean he really
he really get I found it. I was like, this
is this is a real knife. You gave me a
real knife. He was like, yes, it is for you
for protection. I like, Robert, Now I'm scared. Anyway, So

(14:15):
we're talking, We're talking about these um talking about the
potential of like you know, where we're going, what we're doing.
She's like, what, like what if the city is overrun?
Like what if? What if things really go wild, and
I was like, look, I will be here to protect you,
like we're in this together now, I'm not going anywhere.
We are in this together and I will be here

(14:36):
to protect you. And almost like in a tear eyed moment,
she goes and she says, is it because of your knife?
And we both both just burst out laughing. We were
having this supertense serious moment. She's just like, is it
because of your knife? Man? And I gotta tell you
something as a boyfriend who knows exactly how that feels

(14:58):
when you're really trying to pour it out to like
I'm really trying to show you, and they come through
and it wasn't even meant like like you're just like, ah,
what a hilarious moment. We just died in the car.
It was great. That is classic. That is classic. So
how long was the time then from pandemic starts to like, okay,

(15:18):
I want to see you, like I want to physically
be in your presence, not just like we should talking. Sure,
it was probably I would say it was two weeks.
We took the quarantine idea seriously like we have been
We have been seeing each other pretty much like every
couple of days up until March thirteenth, when we both
got the we're out of the office working from home order,
and we just tearfully admitted that we probably shouldn't see

(15:40):
each other for two weeks just to be safe. Wow,
And it was the right, science e thing to do.
We were like, Okay, two weeks off entirely, let's just
not you know, no contact, both of us, stay at home, no,
no grocery store, no nothing, no whatever. But honestly, those
two weeks of like just talking to each other and
being our main point of contact, being like our rock

(16:01):
for each other in those moments, was so it just
built such a foundation of us, like basically going through
the trauma together in the first month of our relationship,
like going through all of like the you say, it's
those big, scary global events that really define how you
each see each other. And I feel like we went

(16:22):
through that global defining moment three weeks into our relationship,
and yeah, we really got to see our true colors
and our true selves in that moment, and I think
it really helped us, you know, kind of pick up
the Okay, well we're really we're really talking about all
the serious ship, right here straight off the bat, right right. Well,
you talked about earlier, UM with the with the exercising bit,

(16:45):
that you have roommates, and I think the biggest thing
for me before I got to see my girlfriend. If
you've listened to my Found Family episode, UM, this the
same time frame, I was living with my best friend's parents,
and on top of my girlfriend having to convince her parents,
I had to convince my found parents. My Found Family
parents too. Are not convince them, but make sure that

(17:08):
they were okay with it. And luckily they said, you know,
make sure she gets tested, make sure she's been quarantined
for you know, for a long time, nobody that she's
been with has it. And then they're okay with her
coming over. She's still even when the first few times
she came over, she would come over, go straight to
my room, jump in the shower. I would take her clothes,
put them in a plastic bag, go downstairs, throw them

(17:29):
in the Washington like we were. We were real deal
about it. So I want to ask you about your
roommates because especially with uh now having roommates who aren't
kind of parental, you know, I looked at Mickey and
Sandy has like staring. I had to go ask for permission.
You know, you're paying your rent, you are free to
do in your space whatever. In my own opinion, when

(17:50):
you pay rent, if you have roommates, it's like the
common areas. I think it's always a good move to
ask permission or ask like, hey, are you guys cool
with this? But your own space, like you should be
allowed to do whatever you want. How did your roommates
go about about you being in a relationship and having
this girlfriend eventually over to your house? Great question, you know,
I think in all things in life, it's about communication.

(18:11):
We're all very open and honest with each other. They
knew that I was in a new relationship. They knew
it was something that was fresh, and that was something
that was feeling good, and we all just came to
the similar consensus that like, look, we have to get
tested on a semi regular basis just as a good
health thing. Yes, we'll mostly stay in my areas of
the house. But everybody just had a kind of common

(18:31):
understanding that as long as we're all obeying the rules
and our pod is as small as possible, then it
can be safe. Thankfully, my girlfriend Stephanie doesn't live with anybody.
She has no roommates, So basically our life was me
either going there or picking her up and bringing her
to our place, and just going back and forth between
those two places. And that's pretty much. That was like

(18:53):
our entire physical contact. And so I mean, I will
say for you know, for her, I have to imagine
that like living alone during this time, it's gonna be tough.
And she was very thankful to be able to come
to the house and just be around people right now
when you know that is at this point a luxury. Yeah, what,
So what surprised you the most about? Luckily of cool roommates?

(19:14):
So you guys got to spend time together, But what
surprised you the most? You mentioned that in big world
events you find out a lot about your significant others.
But what surprised you about it? I think for me,
the biggest thing is like to keep my girlfriend happy
and excited and keep myself excited and us engaged really
like full throttle almost honeymoon phase esque for longer than

(19:35):
the honeymoon phase. Is to like we would go out
on dates and surprises and go on adventures and do this,
that and the other. Luckily, me and my girlfriend were
at a place where we loved. We prefer just being
at home laying in bed watching Netflix. So when we
had when we were forced to do that, we weren't.
You know, it wasn't as big of an issue. But
I also know that early in the dating stages, if

(19:55):
that was a situation, UM, we would have felt a
lot differently about it. So what else surprised you about
this moment where you're in the early dating stage is
still you're not even necessarily and maybe you are, but um,
for for for most people, like you're not like fully
in love, You're not like this is the one totally,
but you're forced to do the kind of old married

(20:17):
couple routine. You know. So what surprised to you the
most in that time? UM, I will say, you know,
one of the things was definitely how easy it was.
Stephanie is someone that is so easy to get along with,
so easy to talk to, so smart. Is someone who
comes from a different side of life than I'm familiar with. Um,
I've been a I've been a so cal surfer dude

(20:38):
my whole life. And Stephanie was raised in the Bronx
and Manhattan and a little bit in Westchester, and so
we just come from different sides of the country and
slightly different perspectives, and so just being able to learn
about each other's lives and really dig into each other
as human beings and have all of our various deep
conversations truly in that window of like what we're stuck

(20:58):
at home doing nothing, what do you want talk about?
You want to talk about life, the universe and everything, like, yeah,
let's do that, Let's go off. How do you feel
about aliens? Let's do it. And just being able to
like really you know, open up to this side of
stuff that wasn't basically being forced to stay home and
people saying like, okay, you want to go to bars. No,
no bars, bars are closed. It's not even I don't
want to or you don't want to, it's a we can't,

(21:20):
so we can just take that out. I was, I was,
you know, really thrilled with how easy it was to
just dive into the rest of what a relationship will
be and could be and stuff like that. I'm just
really really getting to know each other. I'm like, I'm
in love with your relationship, Like I just love I
just love that. Uh, because like like you said, it

(21:43):
can be a it can be a bad thing. I
think it's just a quick thing. Like I feel like
you and Stephanie, you are going to know pretty quickly
if it was gonna work or not work when you're
forced to be with each other, just with each other,
nobody else, by yourselves, with very little to do and
just no room to uh not, Like you had mentioned,
not learn about each other at a rapid rate. But

(22:04):
it also works out. And if it works out, then
you get to know that pretty quickly. You've now been
dating for what is it touching ten months? Then if
you said February, very good, you're touching ten months for
me and my relationship at ten months, like obviously we're
saying I love you to each other. We had met
each other's families, we'd had full blown, like deep conversations,

(22:29):
meeting each other's friends, going to each other's hometowns. All
of these things. You don't get to do so many
of those things. That's that's affected all those things. How
have you guys managed to jump through those milestone hoops?
If you will an excellent question, I would say, extremely delicately.
Um so for you know, for example, one of the

(22:50):
things about dating when you're thirty, is that every every
time you feel a connection is like, Okay, I really
got to like plow through all of the little things
to make sure that this is tight, because I really
like this person and I don't want to dance carefully
around the things that I really want to get to.
So Stephanie met my parents on our fifth date. Hey,
I'm like, that's how I was. That's how I wasn't

(23:10):
every girl I ever dated until Madison, and it didn't
work as well for me, But that that's the kind
of that's the kind of energy that we need in
this life. And you know, I appreciate her for being
so bold and willing to go along with it and say,
I mean like sure, okay, yeah, fair. And you know,
our fifth date was within that three week window before
the lockdown really started, So she got to meet my

(23:33):
family in a in theory infection safe space where it
wasn't something I mean, obviously, it was something that was
traveling around the country and at the time was probably
still president in l A. But you know, at that moment,
we hadn't gotten into lockdown yet, And so she got
to meet my family and a fair small group of
my friends beforehand, So it was kind of like getting

(23:54):
to meet these people, getting that first connection, and then okay, peace,
I'll see you guys in like, you know, several months.
Like that was kind of how it started at first,
um and then later later in the year in this
in September, as a matter of fact, when we were
experiencing a dip, we decided to break the seal and

(24:16):
go to the East Coast and meet her side of
the family. So we quarantined in New York City and
then spent a weekend and a half with her side
of the family. Got to meet her brothers or mob grandma,
got to meet the whole gang, and we really just
found our very small window we're as safe as possible,
and made it back and forth with no issue. So

(24:40):
I think, you know, it was something that I admittedly
didn't want to do. Like I am a baby when
it comes to this kind of stuff. I am perfectly
okay being like, we can't go out for a year.
It's fine by me, baby, I'm sitting on my desk.
It works. But at the same time, I also understand
that I'm so lucky that I lived ten minutes away

(25:00):
from my parents that they too are in our own
bubble that we have a backyard space that I can
sit on the other side of a ten foot table
or something and just you know, be there to see
them and and and still experienced life. And that was
something that for Stephanie, with her family on the other
side of the country, she was not able to do.
And so I was very lucky in that way, and
I wanted to let go of my inhibitions in terms

(25:22):
of like, this isn't something that's necessarily safe. We took
every precaution that was necessary, We quarantined we were able
to see her family have a great time and make
it home safely, unscathed, and and I was very I
was really really happy to do that. And more importantly,
I was really happy to see her so happy because
I could tell that, you know, especially right now, having

(25:45):
that connection is so important. Being able to see your family,
just being able to like, you know, see the people
you love and be connected to them is is so
crucial right now, And especially when like it was getting
to the winter time and cases were spiking, Like going
in September felt like the opportunity to see everybody before
we got like really locked out again. And so I'm
really glad we got to do what we did because

(26:05):
your knife, right, that's all I could fit. I was
about to cry. I'm not gonna lie to you, Daniel.
I was about to cry at how just absolutely sweet
that was. And then what came to my mind was
because you're nice with a tear, with one crocodile tear
running down my face, I've thought to myself, because you're not,

(26:29):
I really do like your story just makes my heart.
It makes me honestly, it makes me miss my girlfriend.
I just want to give her a big hug and kiss. Um,
you've only known kind of this full blown relationship now
in in the quarantine in a pandemic. I'm really really
cautious about being optimistic about this vaccine situation, but let's
say it all in a in a in an optimistic mindset,

(26:52):
everything works and six months from now we are getting
to go out, getting to the regular human beings as
we as we've all own. Is there anything that specifically
excites you or or worries you if maybe or make
it makes you nervous about going back to like a
full throat like being in this relationship not locked away, right, Um,

(27:14):
I would say, you know, overall, my concerns are less
with the security of mine and Stephanie's relationship and more
about how just the things that we would want to
do are going to be different in those six months. Um.
But but you know, if we're talking an example where
the world is truly like as back to normal as

(27:35):
it can be, like you know, everybody has taken the
vaccine and it works and everything is you know, hunky
Dorry right right. I'm just I I hope she can
hold her own at CA barbecue. That's what I'm real
That's that's what I'm worried about. Oh my gosh, can
we please double date atk Barbecue? Because once once we
can cook. Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh. Have you
ever been to Genoa? Wait? Have you been to Genoa? Genera? Oh? Yeah,

(27:59):
I thought you a job. I was like, did you say, Ben, Yes,
I've been to gen Wa. Okay, we got okay, gen Wa.
When we're done, General done, Katherine's invited Ali, if you
come over here to the West Coast, you're invited as well. Well. Daniel,
I don't. I'm so in love with your relationship. It's
so exciting and fun and it's and it's very hopeful
for for the listeners out there who are nervous about this,

(28:23):
the you know, the um, the seriousness of a relationship
that could start in the pandemic. So thank you for
being an incredible example that love can still exist in
this pandemic. We're gonna take a quick break and we
come back. We'll be talking with our good friend Ali.
Last name, and we're back. That is an old SNL nod.

(28:45):
If you don't know this is, let's get into it.
I'm alex Ion no UM, and we are talking now
with our favorite anonymous human being Ali from a certain
place with a certain last name. Ali. How are you?
I'm doing well? How are you, Alex? I'm doing well.
I want to shout out our friend. I'm just going
to give her an initial because we want to keep
the anonymous nous alive. We're gonna give her just L.

(29:07):
We'll talk, We'll call her L. She's one of my
really good friends. She's one of your best friends, as
she likes to claim. Uh. And she wanted me, she
really just wanted me to get straight to the nitty
gritty with you. So we gotta ask, can you give
us a ballpark about how many dates? You've been on
in the last nine months. I can't believe that these
are These are her questions, by the way, So you
can't get don't get mad at Catherine, don't get mad

(29:29):
at me. This is this is l she She basically
told me that there would be no pressure and that
would be free form, and then she told me full pressure.
So I just want you to know that that's where
the miscommunication happened. Okay um, ballpark number, Like I don't
want I can be honest, right, Like, you'll be honest. Hey,

(29:50):
we we just we're open to honesty here, we we
we absolutely encourage it. Yeah, like I won't have like
employers listening to us, hopefully not. They don't even know,
they don't even know it's you. Yeah, don't even know.
Okay Um, I would say, can I preface by saying
I was in a three and a half year relationship
and pandemic dating is basically all I've known and I

(30:13):
think you know, and unfortunately it's been all apps, Like
there's been very few real I'm imagining most of these
dates are zoom dates or other stories. Virtual dates were, Yeah,
they definitely were. But yeah, I would say that if
you asked my roommate. She would say something else, but

(30:35):
I'm gonna say, like twenty twenty dates. And I don't
want to do the math on like how many weeks
a date like a date it's a week or anything
like that. But I was I went on there was
a period when I was going on at least a
date a week. Wow, that's nice for a pandemic. That's
a high number. That's like when things were opening, like

(30:57):
virtual dating. I'll get to that. There was one person.
It was just one. There's just only one. You never
did any We'll get into it. Let's get into it.
But I want you to say how many dates, both
in person and virtually anything that you would consider more
than just messaging back and forth, like an actual like encounter.
How what what do you got for me? Nine months?

(31:18):
Still twenty? Or is it is a little more? Five? Okay?
Five virginals. We're trying to get into it through my
matches and like my pictures and like everything and really count.
But like, let's go with that number. I'm gonna text
hold on, I'm gonna just for fun, I'm texting l
and asking her how many she thinks you've been on? Yeah,

(31:39):
I mean there's been definitely more significant than others, like
some more significant individuals. But like I was, there was
a period when I was just like cycling through dance.
I got her on FaceTime right now, hold on, I'm
gonna ask her right here, right now. She better answer. Y. Hey,

(32:02):
I'm on our podcast right now, and uh and I'm
talking to you to our friend Ali, and I need you.
She just gave me a number of how many dates
she says she's been on since the pandemic started. I
want to know how many you think she's been on
since the pandemic started. All Right, I'm gonna like, I'm
gonna low ballet here for her, and I'm gonna say nine. Oh,

(32:24):
come on, give us some more juicy number. She said,
you're about it her next guest. Okay, that's a little
bit closer. All right, we'll listen to the rest of
the podcast and and you'll you'll find out all right, okay, bye, alright,

(32:45):
Well he might have been high, but there was just
a period where I was going on a lot of dates,
and it feels like, right like how much emotion it
was involved in that. So well, this is the Internet.
You can't take anything back. Is the number. Um, let's
let's crack into what these are. I'm speaking not from
any form of experience, but I would imagine that the

(33:05):
weirdest thing about dating during this pandemic is unless things
were fully open, you're basically on a dating app eternally.
How do you survive? How do you survive like the
rate like a first date or or a getting to
know somebody? Have you had any success? Yeah, So let's go.
This is wild. So many stories. I'm so excited, let's go.

(33:29):
I want them all. Okay, So let's start from the beginning,
Like I'm gonna look at this like where from where
it started, where we are now, like a timeline, because
I feel like that's the easiest way to explain it.
So when things were getting bad, like Danton Rule saying,
like really bad those two weeks, everyone's got a panicking
and people were on the apps, like there was definitely
a surgeon in the apps, and people were kind of like, hey, like,

(33:49):
what do you think is going on right now? It
was less of it was less of dating is just
trying to find people's opinions on what's happening in the world.
So I met this one guy and he was funny
and we're chatting, and my roommate had left. At this point,
I was alone in my apartment and I saw a
lot of people go on Instagram lives and I thought
that was funny, and I was like, wait, why don't I,

(34:10):
like entergain my friend and take do a live date.
And I asked this guy and I was like, what
are your thoughts? And like meeting each other in person
over Instagram? Like who would do that? First of all?
Like I would not agree to that, but he did,
and um, yeah, I know, I'm I'm speaking. I need
you to continue because I'm speechless. So basically I was

(34:33):
using the Instagram live comments as like prompts to ask
this guy. So we're like, hey, like how's it going.
Like we didn't even we did like a little pre
in like intro, like you know, what is what we're
gonna do? And it wasn't scripted at all. We just
like went on a real date, like got to know
each other, like where did you go to school? And
our friend my friends were dying like this guy was
actually hilarious and to the point I was like, wait,

(34:55):
this guy has like a sense of humor. He's kind
of cute. Like why not take this off one I
was like, guys, I'm ending this right now out like
I'm going to go on a real date with this guy.
At this point, quarantine felt like it was not ending
for a long time, we were you know. So I
actually ended up virtually dating this guy for about a month,
and I would would go out like a date like

(35:16):
a week or every other week. We just like catch
up and I would played games sometimes, like I remember,
like to the point of like I went home in
the suburbs and we were still virtually dating. So then
I came back to the city and things are starting
to like lighten up, and there were like phase one
or something, and enough for a socially distance date where
you can walk with each other, and that was very

(35:37):
common at the time. People were wearing masks and parks
you would see people on dates and it was a
thing anyways, so cool. We got to take out cocktail
because take out cocktails were such a thing in Manhattan,
and the date it was terrible. It was about the
personal dating and we did not like click in person,
like I guess there was no like physical attraction, like

(36:00):
I didn't see it with him, but both of us
did not feel it. So we never talked to each
other again after that. Like there's no that was it.
I mean, you gotta imagine, like there's so many things
that you have to like go. Well, first off, I
have a really hilarious question that I wanted to ask you.
Did you guys ever virtually kiss like you pull like camera.
I'm not gonna like discuss even though this is anonymous,

(36:22):
Like I'm not gonna say there wasn't like any talk
of like what we would like, but like there was
Well I wasn't even going there. I was just imagining
how funny would be you both are like I know, well,
I feel like it needed to be acknowledged at some point,
like in a PG form. Yeah, okay, I get it.
I mean, and that doesn't And by the way, anonymous
or not, that's nothing to discredit. I think that you

(36:43):
were having you were talking to somebody for weeks, and
I think and you, like Daniel said, you have to
cut off the fat. You don't dance around anything. You
gotta get you gotta get straight into it. The world
might end. We gotta get straight to it. That's insane,
aim though, because the thing is is like we're all
on zoom. And as much as I'd like to think
I can imagine what all three of your legs look like,

(37:06):
I don't know you like all you like. I don't
know what what any the three of you guys look
like under your like your what is this called solar plex?
And so like getting to see somebody in proNT but
and I mean that not only in like the literal way,
but also like figuratively, like I don't know, you don't
know much about somebody the way that they like their

(37:26):
body language. There's like a spark in person to everything everything.
So okay, So was that the first pandemic date situation
that you had, well, I would say that was like
the first virtual situation, right, okay, And so where did
you go from there? Okay? So and you're if you're
in Manhattan, like there's a lot of at this point,

(37:48):
like it's getting a little bit warmer, you know. I
was going on, I've met this one guy and we
went on a couple of dates like virtually not virtual.
We and we met on like hinge and then we
would go for all in the park and I think
he got to the point of like should we kiss?
Should we not kiss? And I didn't like at this point,
it was like still serious, you know, like you know,

(38:10):
we didn't really know what's going testing, and I was like, um,
I don't even want you up in my apartment like
helping me carry up something. I didn't like him enough
to kiss him. So then it's like almost like that
with the pandemic dating was like I just don't think
I'm comfortable with it yet, and then we just basically
like got ended too so here so so past the
virtual kiss. You ever done a mask kiss? It's that

(38:32):
you keep your masks on, but then you can you touch,
you touch what would be your lips together. No, I
didn't like that guy enough to mask kiss him, not
even a masks no, no, no. And I think with
the apps definitely, like after being in a long term
relationship and being in my twenties, I wanted to start exploring,
like meeting different types of people, like seeing out there.

(38:53):
I mean, by now I kind of know that I
definitely have a type and like I'm just gonna stick
to that type. But um, I was exploring, like I'm
still young, like I'm still going to explore. But I
was doing a lot of park dates and just going
out to get a drink and like walking by the river.
I feel like we need to give these guys not name,
like not like their real names, but like let's get

(39:13):
to it. So so we have these first two, let's
start identifying these guys because we gotta go. We gotta
be able to draw back to somebody, all right. So
I went on one of these park dates. We actually
end up going to a live out of comedy show
because there was a ton of those going on in Manhattan.
I had a great time. It was like a great date.
Like I felt I was going super well, and I
think he did too. He texted me the next day.

(39:34):
We were texting all day and I was at a
friends in the West Village and I was walking home
and as I was walking home, I like, there's a
lot of nuts were dyning going on, like there's no
you know, there's really no hiding. So I see this
guy and I'm like, wait, is this him? Is that
is that? And I was like, wait, he's not a date?

(39:55):
Was another girl an outdoor dining? You can't hide a
My radius set on these apps is super small because
I like people who like get it in my neighborhood,
like get like what's going on here? But honestly, so
I was like, oh my god, I did my makeup,
like thank god, I was wearing this beautiful dress. But
I was like, did you see me? Like I thought

(40:15):
him in to see me? So I faced on my
friend at the corner. I'm like, oh my god, Like
that's let's call him. He two times, me two times.
We're calling him two times, all right. So I'm like,
I just thought the two timer on another date, I'm
gonna go. I'm gonna don't go back, don't go back.
And I'm like, oh god, to see me. So I back,
he sees me, I like do a little like like

(40:36):
a little wave, you know. And I went home and
I was like, oh god, So that was that? Wait,
hold on, so had you in two time discussed anything
about being like about not like it was? It was
there something that gave you the kind of inclination that
you guys were supposed to only be talking to each other.
But the thing is like it went, I know what

(40:58):
you're saying, and you're allowed to date back to back
like I was doing it. Kind of there's unwritten rules though,
Like there's unwritten rules of like okay, if if things
are going well, then like maybe let me know or
like or just give me the decent you know, be
a decent human and not do anything. So I'm not
saying that if you don't have the talk. We've had
a whole episode about dtrs. But if you don't have

(41:20):
the talk, it doesn't mean necessarily that you're free to
do whatever. Like there's still a point of like I
should still be a good person, and like it seems
like this is going in a nice direction, and I
like to think, like you don't really want to imagine
them actually seeing each other, like you want seeing other
people in your head. You're kind of like, oh, they
really like me and they're not gonna want to see
other people, So to see them on another day, it's

(41:41):
like what ruins the whole romanticizing real part of it?
You know, it makes it real. But you know I
had I definitely had a lot of bad ap dates,
like way more bad than good. I think that's a
general thing though, right, like what would we like it's
the dating apps, though they've been proven people find success
in them. There's also like you gotta it's like playing

(42:04):
black jack. You know, some people of people win, but
a lot of people don't win. Yeah, but I want
to make this really about like not as much about
the apps as about pandemic dating, because I think it's
just like it's been a wild ride, honestly. Like, so
we'd go out to eat, you know, like outdoor gianting
had opened. My friends and I were starting to see
each other again safely, you know, in a smart environment,

(42:25):
I guess. So we'd be at outdoor and outdoor restaurant
and there'd be a cute guy and we can't talk
to them. We're wearing masks, Like if you're at a bar, like, yeah,
maybe you'd go up to them, but these days, like
how are you going to break that barrier? So my
friends and I thought it'd be fun to like make
business cards with our phone number on them and like
it just said hey and like our phone number. But

(42:46):
the thing that's tricky is, like you said, like I
saw a TikTok about it about you don't know what
somebody looks like in person under their eyes. Well, if
you're at a restaurant, your mask is as you can
see them, but like, ok, I weren't asked what so
all he sees is like it's a blind date. Honestly
is what they're getting into, like an actual blind date.
So I gave him my card and she was like

(43:08):
pretty like buff looking, like he was really like he
was attractive, but I didn't really know. Anyways, he texted
me and it's like, hey, it's he He ends up
being a firefighter. So firefighter guy is obviously and firefighter
guy and I we text backwards. We're trying to make
plans and finally were he's like, let's grab a drink,

(43:28):
you know, in the corner I can say that I
live in Manhattan. It's okay, I think, who kind of
colored to this? So we meet at a bar. You know,
there's awkward like do you hug? Do you bump arms?
And like in that like a lot of people were
like New Yorkers, but like everyone's kind of feeling feelings
and there's a lot of hugging and you're kind of
like you start hugging and you're like with masks on

(43:49):
and you're like okay, and I'm always like okay, And
now we're hugging and there's a pandemic and we sit
down and he ends up being incredible, like like really
funny sat nilot accent, like really beautiful, like the most
beautiful man. I like, one of the most people man
I've ever seen. And we hit it off. He loves comedy,
I love comedy, and he's a firefighter. Like how fun. Anyways,

(44:12):
it went well, but I don't really hear from him,
like back and forth. He said I was going out
of town, and then I got the text like my
classic line which I usually use, like I'm getting back
to my ex. So he used that on me, um,
and I can see right through it, honestly, But I
feel like, you know, I'm going through this like pandemic
version of dating in my twenties, and like it's totally bizarre.

(44:36):
It's it's putting a different lens on things, right, but
it's it feels real, like it doesn't feel that different.
It's just like kind of like dating in our generation
during these times is pretty much all in the apps.
Like I'm the kind of person who prefers to meet
in person, but I don't know, I don't know. I
feel like it still feels like I'm doing it. The thing,

(44:56):
the thing that I think we all need to remember
as we go through all of these stories is that
you did an Instagram live with a guy as your
first date. And I don't think that we can forget
about that. I know that, I know that we've we've
gone through so many stories and they're all incredible. What
made you say this is an incredible idea? Because it
is an incredible idea, And that's what I'm frustra I'm

(45:16):
frustrated at the fact that you came up with it
before I did know what to do with my roommates.
You know, everyone's home looking for entertainment, and I was,
I don't know. I love bringing people together and if
that's on social media, you know, like I love stand
up comedy. I'm not a comedian, Like I think that
there's forms of entertainment that are just funny because of

(45:37):
what they are, which is a live date. It's hilarious
no matter what we're saying. It's just I actually want
to take a side note on that because you you
had mentioned stand up comedy, you've actually been doing putting
on comedy shows. I want to I want to like
just highlight you as like a good person. You've been
putting on comedy shows. Um to help out a community
center that's in your area. Tell me, tell me, tell
us what what brought you to do that. Yeah, So

(45:59):
for the pandemic, I was like putting to other comedy
benefit like I've always loved of that production and stand
up and when everything closed down, I like lost my opportunity.
But then in New York, I don't know if you
know about there, there was like this whole underground comedy
scene that's been going on with part shows and everything.
And the Community Center actually has an alley, like a
side alley perfect for like chairs and a little bit

(46:23):
of a stage and a speaker set up. And I
just started reaching out to comedians on Instagram and comedians
that I had met previously, and they were all super excited.
They were looking for stage time. They wanted to like
have a platform to finally get out there and to
stand up again in a safe way. Everyone was in
masks like they're definitely um ever was spaced out. It

(46:45):
was really fun. It was It definitely wasn't totally kosher,
like I would say, like I don't think it was
totally legal to sell tickets to these kinds of things,
but everyone is kind of doing it. Yeah, and the
shows were amazing, Like I had Mark Normand on this
show Joe List Rachel finds that like so many seller comedians,
I like who else David's Hell came by once, which

(47:08):
is really fun. We had a lot of big medians
that I'm very excited about, Like that is so cool,
and it's also you know, I think, like you mentioned,
comedians are artists and they and artists need to express
their art. And so not only are helping comedians who
are expressing their art, people still need entertainment, and so

(47:28):
you're you're creating this kind of everybody wins situation. So
I did as much as we're going to talk about, um,
what dating is, like, I had to. I had to
highlight that as I'm not only a dator, not a
serial dater, Like, oh my god, another dating story. You
do other things, you expand outside of just dating. Um,

(47:50):
So we've talked about we have four stories now. So
we have Instagram Live Guy, we have No Kiss Guy,
we have we have the two timer, and we have
the Firefighter, and they all kind of ended with a
little bit of not as good, not as good ending.
We need something what about what about the pandemic? Dating
is a positive? Give us something like yeah, the great question. Honestly,

(48:11):
I think I've touched on it earlier, But you know,
I think it's a lot about not only finding myself,
but also figuring out what I like and what I
don't like in a person. And I think about I
think dating is so important, you know, because it allows
you to not only grow individually, like being in a
relationships grade Like I was in a really long term

(48:32):
relationship since college and he was a wonderful person. I
still think he's wonderful, but that long term relationship kind
of was at a point in my life where I'm
finding myself and bringing up with him allowed me to
find stand up comedy and produce shows and grow and
really like figure it out on my own. So through

(48:53):
stand up which has given me a huge passion, you know,
it's like I feel like I found my passion, which
is producing comedy. It's also been giving me the opportunity
to date and just explore the different types of people.
And what I said earlier, like I have a type,
Like I think it's kind of like all leading me
towards like this is the kind of person you want
to see yourself. Yeah, that's super cool. And also on

(49:15):
top of that, you know, when you don't have all
of the time to like get to actually go out
and meet people the way that you used to. You
also get to use a lot of that time, um
that you're not on the apps to think about what
you do want, but you also get to learn about
who you are and what you might need more so,
like things that you might not necessarily want out of somebody,
but you like that's also really it is really good
for me to have in a relationship totally. Well, look

(49:38):
at you just grow in look at you just growing
out there. I think it's you know, hopefully, you know,
we all kind of like I hope that will meet
that person, and I have faith like that there will
be someone. You know, I'm not. I just think it's
like it takes time to get there. You know. Well,
we're gonna take a quick break when we come back,

(50:00):
got Daniel and Ali. We are going rapid fire questions.
We're calling it Netflix and absolutely no chill. Welcome back.
This is let's get into it. I'm Alex Ciono, and
we are now talking with Daniel and Ali about dating
in the pandemic. We're gonna call it this section Netflix
and absolutely no chill. Uh So, my first question is

(50:22):
going to be usually we in these. In these third segments,
all three of myself and the two guests have like
kind of like a common a common you know, theme,
but for this one, all three of us are different.
So I have direct questions for both of you. Um.
The first one ali, what is chivalry like in like,
you know, you can't open doors, you can't, um, you know,

(50:44):
pull the chair out, and and and you can't you know,
all of these things walk to your door? So what
what gives you the sign of like, oh, this is
a good dude. He would if we were out, he
would open he would open the door for me. Um.
I think a lot of the same things do apply,
but the news things like how someone wears their mask
and when they wear it. So if we're really at

(51:07):
a restaurant and the waiter comes over, like it's even
better when someone puts their mask and when they're engaging
with the waiter, so you know, or we're walking around
like in New York everyone has their mask on all
the time. Like if we're sitting down, maybe it's another story.
But like if we're walking and they'll have it on,
I'm like, are they safe? You know? So that's does
anybody does anybody do you have a problem if somebody

(51:29):
like dangles their mask from their ear. I've always I
don't know why, I'm like that looks silly. Don't do
if you're not wearing your mask, take it off. And
if you're wearing your mask, put it on, wear it
properly or don't wear it at all. If they're hanging
their mask from their ears, that a red flag for you,
I think so, I think that I don't know. Well,
we'll let it fly. We'll let it fly. Um. I
have a question also, Daniel, for you, what do you do?

(51:52):
And my girlfriend is going to absolutely kill me for this,
but like sometimes you know, sometimes you're like I love
you more than life itself, but I need a little
bit of me time and I need some alone time
asking for a friend, of course, what do you do? Um?
I make sure well before I ask for me time

(52:13):
and make sure that we had a good amount of
us time and always have to always have to earn
that me time. But then afterwards it's it's just about honesty,
you know. I will say my girlfriend and I are
very or Stephanie and I are both very honest with
each other about the things we like and the things
that we like to do. And uh, I happened to
be a big fan of the old video games, and

(52:34):
so sometimes there you go. And so sometimes we play
games together. Sometimes we know, play some fall guys or
play a little animal crossing together. And then I'm like,
all right, babe, i gotta get in with the boys.
We're we're about to we're about to say some mean
things to some small children on the internet. And she guys,
you do you that's great. I'm not even gonna lie though.

(52:55):
I I my girlfriend's gonna be mad when I say that.
But the fact of the matter is is that she
probably onto the alone time more than me, because, like
I said earlier, I love being with her like I
love I love being with people in general, but specifically her.
Um So I actually take it back, Babe. If you're
listening to this, this is you. I'm I'm asking questions
for you on how to tell me that you want
to be alone. Um this is one for everybody that

(53:18):
I think is just a discussion point sex. I know
that it's like sex. So it used to be, um
like STDs were like the thing right, Like you're like, oh, man, like,
don't get an STD. And there's still a thing by
but it's actually there's something now that you have to
worry about even more because there is virtually no protection

(53:41):
from it if you go into that realm, and that
is like COVID. So Ali, you we've talked about kissing,
and I don't want you to get too graphic. Um,
but like, how do you if you get to that
place hypothetically, where do you? Like, where do you ask
each other? Like, Hey, I'd love to to go there,

(54:03):
but I need to make sure, like you've been tested,
and how does that even work? I think you have
to be in a place with that person where you
can have a conversation about being I hate it's exclusive
because you need to make sure that they're being careful
and that's like heavy, it's a real one because it's
a d t R too early, honestly because the thing.

(54:23):
The thing is that like you usually like like if
you're single, you your decision on like should I hook
up with this person? Should not hook up with this person?
Is allowed to sometimes be like you're cute, let's do it,
Like you're allowed to like do you know what I mean? Like,
but when you're but now you have to have this
whole DTR essentially before you're even allowed to get there. Yeah,

(54:44):
it definitely can like ruin things, you know. It's just
it's a really really tricky subject these days. I would say,
but the good news is it makes you, It makes
it like, it makes it matter, you know what I
mean that I'm gonna get a red hat that just
says makes sex matter again. And then so you got

(55:05):
you got it's got you gotta just vetted out. You
gotta vet it yea, Yeah, someone really worth it, you know,
for you know, totally on a similar topic, though not
everybody's super into monogamy, what kind of conversations Let's say
that you had kissed two timer, right, and then he's
out and about with these other people? How do you
have a DTR without it being like this, like this,

(55:26):
like what are we? You know what I mean? Like?
How do you just be like, hey, are you kissing
somebody else? Because I want to kiss you, but I
can't have their lips on my lips. Ah, it's like
really uncomfortable. It's exactly what you're describing is exactly how
it goes. I think early on, like I spoke about
it earlier, when I wouldn't even want to kiss that

(55:47):
guy I was kind of it was such an uncomfortable conversation.
I was like, oh, you know, I had to, like
you always constant to make up something. I feel like
there's a lot of like excuses these days, and I
think what happens is like updating also makes people really disposable.
I'm not saying for me, but like it allows you
not to really know someone super well, so you can

(56:09):
kind of just like say things or that's what ghosting
is super easy. And I don't go on off topic now,
but no, I mean I think ghosting is easier than
ever these days. Is you're allowed to just be like hey, sorry,
by yeah. I don't know. I think the apupdating makes
it easier to just kind of be like make that.
I don't know. It's a really tough question now, Like

(56:29):
I'm trying to think, like it's just awkward when you're
you're at that point. Luckily, Daniel, you and I don't
have to have these these these conversations, but it's like,
what would you say, Daniel, what do you think? What
do you think is the right way to figure out
if that person's kissing or hooking up with anybody else
so that you can in turn get to kiss and
hook up with them. You know this is gonna this
is gonna sound lame, broken recording. But again, I just

(56:50):
gotta go back to communication. I just gotta go back
to You have to be upfront about every single thing.
You've got to be like, I am not kissing anybody else,
and I would like that to be the case with
the person that I'm kissing. And if that's not the case, yeah,
And the thing is, I think if that's not the case,
the the the other goal, the other side of the

(57:12):
goal is not to be dismissed. If it's not to
be rude, and it's not to be condescending or anything.
It's to be understanding and say, I see that, we
see this differently. You know, I'll respect to you do
what you gotta do. I'm sorry, I just have to
remove myself from the situation. Wow, you're so you're just
such a married couple guy already. That's the thing. But
I was I was gonna say again, going to dating

(57:32):
in your thirties, Like, at this point, I just have
to like you. You can't do any of that ship anymore.
You can't like pretend anything. You have to be completely
on the surface about everything about who you are, no
hiding none of that, and so like your honesty about
like what you believe in, you know, science wise, politically,
you know, sexually, all that stuff. You just gotta be

(57:52):
upfront because the more of that stuff kind of just
like hangs out in the back, the more those problems
become bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. So it's
just like up front that everything. So here's the thing though,
So now that now that we're talking about it, if
you're single and a girl's like, oh, hey, are you
hooking up with anybody else? You know, you could kind
of just like dance around it. You used to be
able to. You could be like, oh, listen, I really

(58:13):
like you and like moving forward, I want to be
exclusive with you. And that was like, in my mind,
a very respectable answer, like I look, you know, if
you feel like it's like this, I've I'm down to
get like this. But Ali, how would you react if
a guys like, listen, I kissed a girl eight days
ago and it's not full fourteen days of quarantine away.
I can't imagine that doesn't at least make you go
like like now I'm now I'm a little turned off

(58:35):
by that. Yeah, because because if you because if he says, hey, like, look,
I kissed a girl eight days ago, I have felt
no symptoms. I tested negative, and in six days from
in six days from now, I'll be okay, Like I'll
be clean. It sounds like talk what if it was
after the first date that like what if you had
one date with him and you were like, yo, this

(58:55):
is going really well, and he's like, listen, I was
on a date with another girl and like and and
she wanted to kiss and I thought it was a
cool date. But then she ended up being crazy or
she ended up like she ended up ghosting me. And
so I want you to know, like, I like you, like,
so let's really get into it, because there's some there's
some ways that it can He could be a good
person and he just happens to be. The situation is

(59:16):
he kissed somebody eight days ago, and if it wasn't
in the pandemic most of the time, he wouldn't even
have to tell you that, you know what I mean,
because we're here, you have to disclose this type of information.
Do you allow yourself a buffer of like I need
to be understanding because most of this ship actually happens
and we just never talked about it. I think with
the COVID lens, like I can't say, like, you know,

(59:39):
of course I'm very not I'm not black and white,
So I would in real times, like before COVID, I
would say, like, well, you're you're technically incriminating me. You're
saying would I kiss her? Kiss? No? No, No, I'm
saying would you would it not? Not? Would you kiss him?
Then I'm saying would you kiss him after that fourteen days?
Or would you be so turned off at the fact

(01:00:00):
that you know now that he had just kissed somebody else?
Because for me, like, I'm crazy if I had known,
like if if if a girl was like listen, I
kissed somebody or I hooked up or even worse, I
hooked up with somebody, they were clean, they had tested negative.
I obviously test negative. Let's wait the full fourteen days.
But I'd really like to kiss you. I'd really like
to like further this. But that turned that to me.

(01:00:21):
That turns me off. Yeah, I agree, but I feel
like living in New York, everyone's constantly dating and like
meeting people. Y'all are a walking gossip Girl Up York
is wild. Honestly, I'm living in it's crazy, um, and
I think men and women were all kind of dating
all the time, and I think I wouldn't phase me. Really,

(01:00:44):
that's mature, that's very mature. That's a very mature way
to answer it. I think I'm more so just still
in my young twenties where I'm like you, you had
sex before me. Ever, that's not fair. So I'm glad.
I'm glad that you have a mature answer for it. Um, Daniell,
I got a question for you, and that question is,
like I said earlier, I think going out on adventures,

(01:01:06):
you know, you gotta keep it spicy. We had an
episode on this podcast about love and lust, and the
biggest thing was, like, you have to keep everything exciting.
You gotta be you gotta do crazy things and like
be spontaneous and all of that that gets dumbed down.
And we talked about that a little bit. But how
do you keep your relationship now that you're almost ten
months in your You're almost you're pushing towards that year
mark where the honeymoon phase can start to kind of

(01:01:29):
slow down and you become more of a like, babe,
you pete on you left the toilet seat up, or babe,
like stop, you know, you know things like that. How
do you keep things hot and fun and and not
even in essential sense, but just even in a like
man I love this girl, or man I love this
man to death totally totally. So when we first started dating,

(01:01:50):
we and we accepted that we were going to be
in quarantine, we wrote down a big list of things
we wanted to do when we were done with quarantine,
things we wanted to do when we were out. And
so little things I like to do are like look
at that list and start planning ahead, start like thinking
about what that is going to be. Like one of
the things we want to do is throw murder mystery

(01:02:11):
dinner parties, and so I started thinking about, like you know,
what a character is going to be from that, or
like start putting together the plot for something, and just
start like thinking about like these like kind of future plans.
We want to take archery classes together. So just like
I like to put stories together. I love storytelling, and
I just like you know, love love creating stories together.

(01:02:33):
So I kind of try to try to think of
these scenarios that we can do in the future and
start planning for that time. I'm I'm I'm going from
being like, oh, you guys are cute to having like
schaden freud and and being like jealous and envious of
the fact that like archery, are you hidding me? Like,
you know, are you like just dumb cute ship? We

(01:02:54):
have a big I'm calling Madison right after this and
I'm planning, Oh my gosh, what's the name of the list.
What's the name of the list. It's called future super
Cute couple Plants. I'm over both of you. That's a
pretty good, pretty good list, Pretty good, Ali, Ali, You
need to find you a man that treats you the
way that Daniel treats Stephanie. That's what we need to get. Hey, fellas,

(01:03:18):
if you're listening to this and you want to be
and you want to be Ali's Daniel, who's going to
we're just getting people ideas. There's also there's always still,
you know, more that we could do. There's always, like
I appreciate the pray, honestly, you are honoring me so
much with this praise, But there's always more that everyone
can do to just be a better partner, but also

(01:03:40):
just a better human to everybody, Like, you know, that's
exactly what I thought she'd That's exactly what I thought
you'd say, Daniel. So this is the thing, guys, I
don't love going out. And this is my last question
for both of you. I don't love going out. I
love being home. I love being with my people in
a private space. So this isn't his ideal for me.
Like had mentioned, Daniel, I actually think that having my

(01:04:03):
being in my exact situation, having my girlfriend and having
a room that I love, a bed that's cozy, a
big TV and Netflix and movies and and all of that.
I think it's awesome. I think that's in my own opinion,
it's better for me. I think that's better this pandemic
dating for me is better in that one specific sense.

(01:04:23):
Is there anything for either of you that you actually
are like, Well, I actually prefer this. This is great.
You know, I'm a big like going out party girl,
So like this has been really challenging for me. Um,
I'm such an extrovert and love meeting people in person.
You said something that I don't wish would change. I
kind of like, I don't know, I feel like getting

(01:04:46):
to know meeting guys and having to have those conversations
about like are you seeing other people up front, and
like the no games kind of element of it because
of the pandemic and being transparent, it's kind of nice.
So I'm going to try and like emulate the transparency
the honesty that the pandemic has given me, has has

(01:05:07):
enabled me to do after I hopefully when things get better,
when things about it, I'm going to continue to do this. Yeah,
I think no games, as you said, Daniel, it's like
it's everything. And I learned that's the biggest part about
dating is just don't play them. That's perfect. It's amazing, Daniel,
anything great answer, Like you were saying, there are certain
things about the pandemic that have been totally okay by me.

(01:05:29):
I have to stay inside and play video games. Oh god. Um.
But one thing surrounding that, it's not necessarily the games themselves.
And this is gonna sound like a plug for this application,
but it's not really. But there's a thing called Discord.
The Discord is like it's like Skype, it's like Slack,
but it's a voice app, a tech stapp, but it's
also a video app and a screen sharing app. It's

(01:05:51):
like it's like zoom, but you know, anyway, you get
what I'm saying. And since we went into lockdown, the
amount of people who have come, who have we've invited
to the private Discord, who have been like, Hey, I
play games, but I haven't played with anybody in a while.
Boom invite him to the discord. Hey I I don't
even play games, but like I use this apple lot,
Boom invite him to the discord. And just the way
that our nightly group of people has gone from like

(01:06:13):
five to six to fifteen to twenty to twenty to
thirty every single night of just community conversation and discussion
and sometimes it's games. Sometimes we turn on the Fresh
Prince of bel Air documentary and I'll watch it together
and laugh. Just the community that it created has been
such a warm, safe haven during this pandemic where yeah,

(01:06:35):
we all got to be stuck at home, but we're
stuck at home together, truly, all together in the same spot.
And so I'm very thankful that people have taken to
the discord and to the idea of like, you know,
getting into just a chat room with a bunch of
the friends and talking about life or again watching movies
or watching sports or actually playing games. Just like having

(01:06:56):
a nice open form where a bunch of people are
that are just talking hang out. Has been wonderful and
I'm very thankful. Love. What a way to end the show.
I mean, come on, and that's the way to good
great way to double date if you're in a relationship,
great way to double date. If you're not a relationship.
Maybe you do your own little bachelor speed dating or
something in that discord of you. It would be amazing. Um,

(01:07:16):
this is such a fun episode, guys. I just want
to thank you both for coming on, and it is
time for us to do what we call not so
shameless promo is where you just get you can just
get to shout out everything and and it's going to
be a challenge for you anonymous Ali. Um, but but Daniel,
give us, give us some not so shameless for promo.
Oh okay, I work on a bunch of shows here
on my heart, so obviously if you're not already, please

(01:07:39):
subscribe to alex Iono show here. This is such a
pleasure and thank you for having us. I work on
Fake Doctor's Real Friends, which is a scrub's rewatch podcast.
I work on the daily Zeitgeist. I work on the
Worst Year Ever, which is slowly kind of petering back
into not so much the worst year ever. But like,
you know, yeah, I want to want to hold up entirely.
You can follow me on Instagram DJ Daniel, follow me

(01:07:59):
on Twitter DJ Underscore Daniel, and I'm on twitch at
the same place twitch dot tv slash DJ underscored danil.
That's a real pro just killed but not so shameless promo.
All right, Ali, you're anonymous. We're not going to shout
out your social medias, but is there anything about your
life that you do want to shout out? I know
you're doing these comedy shows. What do you so? I
can't say anything too specific, of course, but I just

(01:08:20):
want to say I feel like live stand up comedy
isn't necessarily happening right now, but your comedians are all
on Instagram and doing virtual shows live shows. Support virtual comedy,
That's what I would saying. Support stand up comedians because
they're looking for laughter, like that's how they make a living.
So you know, I love all the comedians that I've
met along the way, and I just want to support them.

(01:08:42):
I love that I challenge every listener, Everybody who listens
to this episode right now, I want you to go
and follow one stand up comedian that you like. That's
your challenge. At least one, follow as many as you want,
but fall at least one. Right now, You guys know
you can always find me at alex ion O A
I O n oh. It's the best part about having
a weird last name but more friendly. Please make sure
you rate our podcast and subscribe. You can leave a

(01:09:03):
review if you'd like to. That's some bonus extra credit.
That is how we grow though. But I want to
thank you so much for listening. Good luck dating out there.
Please stay safe where your masks, stay home, and we'll
see you guys next time. We really want you to
get the help you need, so if you need help,

(01:09:24):
please seek independent advice from a competent healthcare or mental
health professional. The views and opinions expressed in this podcast
are solely those of the podcast author or individuals participating
in the podcast, and do not represent the opinions of
I Heart Media or its employees. This podcast should not
be used as medical advice, mental health advice, counseling, or therapy.
Listening to the podcast does not established dr patient relationship
with hosts or guests of alex IONO Let's get into It,

(01:09:46):
or I Heart Media. No guarantee is given regarding the
accuracy of any statements or opinions made on this podcast. Well,
if that's a doozy