February 5, 2025 • 46 mins
Next up in Love Stories, you may not recognize this couple by name, but you won’t forget their story or their love. Meet Samantha and Jacob: she’s straight, he’s gay and they just got married after 8 years of dating. They’re monogamous, sexually active and refer to their relationship as “mixed orientation.” It’s fascinating to hear how they met, how they fell in love, and why they chose to get married. Buckle up for this one, it will have you redefining your idea of love and soulmates.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hey, there're folks in this episode.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Our Love Stories series continues with what is undoubtedly the
most unorthodox married couple in our series, Couple number three,
Newlywed's Jacob and Samantha. He's gay, she's straight. They're married,
and they're here to help us, help you. Welcome to
this special Cuffing season edition of Amy and TJ and Robes.
(00:29):
We need to make this clear. They are in a
monogamous marriage even though he's a gay man, she's a
straight woman.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
That's right.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
This is Jeff Hoff and Samantha Greenstone. I first read
about this couple in the New York Times, and I
was fascinated because they are not your typical married couple,
and they really want to make it clear. This is
not to be confused with a lavender marriage.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Yeah, we to know what that want.
Speaker 4 (00:55):
I had to google that as well. Basically, that's two
people who get together and and one person is gay
and is using the other as a beard, basically making
other people believe he or she is straight. All the
while they're stepping out of their marriage and having those
relationships that they actually wish they could have if it
(01:18):
weren't shunned or in some way frowned upon to be gay.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
So it's a very important distinction.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Correct.
Speaker 4 (01:24):
These are two people who love each other, who are
dedicated and devoted to one another, who are monogamous. And
the way well you'll hear Jeff say it for himself.
I don't want to put words in his mouth because
it really is fascinated. We asked him, you know, how
are you not gay? Why aren't you a bisexual? Why
aren't you a pan sexual? He addresses it all and
(01:46):
it really makes a lot of sense. It's ultimately one
soul connecting to another. It has nothing to do with
gender or sexual orientation.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
And again, this is a monogamous, yes, monogamous relationship, but
a monogamous sexual relationship as well. And this is not
a situation where she's saying, Okay, you go do your
thing somewhere else. Absolutely not. It is not that. So
it's we were trying to get a diversity of couples.
This is as diverse as we could get.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
Yep, it's true series, and it's cool because this wasn't
some impulsive thing they did either. They met at an
audition for Fiddler on the Roof, They dated for seven
years and really went through it debating whether or not
they could each make this kind of I don't want
to say sacrifice, but just devotion to one another despite
(02:35):
their differences, and they.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Have talked about it, they have talked about it publicly,
and they continue to promote, if you will, their relationship
and having this type of relationship and giving people another
way to think about relationships in marriage with their accounts
on social media in particular TikTok. But no matter where
you might be in your relationship and your dating life,
we could.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
All use a little help. And this is why Ropes
and I've been doing this.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
We have a number of couples we've talked to ask
them all the exact same list of relationship questions. Who
said I love you first? How often do you have sex?
How often do you fight? You go to bit angry?
You ever threatened to break up during an argument? Stuff
like that. But we got practical as well, about finances
and chores around the house.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Yeah, the things that a lot of times, the mundane
things that weigh couples down. But we, as we mentioned,
talk to a diverse bunch. We have an interracial couple
with a thirty year age difference, a couple celebrating eleven years,
but she was married when they first met. An actress
and a country singer and her pro soccer hubby who
lived in another continent. A mixed orientation and couple who
(03:40):
you're going to hear today.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
So we're going to drop a new episode with a
new couple every single day leading up to Valentine's Day.
So today it is Samantha and Jacob. Please take a
listen to our conversation with him.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Thank you so much for being with us.
Speaker 5 (03:56):
Thank younas.
Speaker 6 (03:58):
We're so excited.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
Oh good, because I hope you can match my enthusiasm.
So you guys kind of exploded in terms of being
known because the New York Times did an article on you.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
You all, this is self described.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
Are a mixed orientation couple. Tell us what that means?
Speaker 6 (04:21):
Okay, So the technical definition of mixed orientation is that
one partner's sexual preference or their identity is different than
the other partners. So one person can be straight and
the other person can be gay or a whole slew
of whatever you identify as. But they're two different things
(04:43):
coming together in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
How does that work? Is the first question. I'm sure
you all get because it's just not something we're used
to seeing and hearing about totally.
Speaker 6 (04:56):
So I think the most important thing for me as
the person who identifies as gay is to be able
to continue my identity outside of the fact that Samantha
and I are in a relationship, married, what have you.
And the reason is for the mental health benefits to
(05:20):
be able to own your identity as a person and
to say that doesn't change. It doesn't change who I
am just because my soulmate.
Speaker 7 (05:32):
Is Samantha, right, And I think it works because we
are soulmates, and when you find your person in life,
it transcends whatever logic or anything we put ourselves into
a box as because like, your person's just your.
Speaker 6 (05:53):
Person, right. And so people will say, well, then why
don't you identify as bisexual or why don't you identify
pan sexual or all these other labels that they have now,
And I think that those are all fantastic. I just
don't in my brain, fit into those categories. Bisexual means
you're attracted to both sexes, and outside of Samantha, I'm
(06:15):
not attracted to women. There would never be an instance
where a woman would be sexy to me and and
sexual as they say on Shit's Creek is about the wine,
not the label, And to me, the label is important.
I am attracted to men, so that doesn't fit my
definition either. So gay is the correct definition. But then
(06:38):
we also have to acknowledge the fact that I'm married
to a woman.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
And so the next question I know that you all get,
so I want to get it out of the way,
is do you have a sex life and are you monogamous?
Speaker 7 (06:51):
Yes?
Speaker 6 (06:52):
And yes, right, which that also creates confusion for people
to say, say, how can you, as a gay man
have a sexual relationship with the woman? And that is
as we say, it's a sole connection. It's it's not
the same thing as that lustful one night stand sort
(07:16):
of energy. It's the closest we can be as a
couple when we are intimate. It's it's a closeness, it's
a bond. It's something transcendent of just sort of that lustful,
horny sort of stuff, and you know, and it's very
it's it's beautiful. There's nothing more wonderful than those moments.
Speaker 7 (07:37):
And apparently I have to spell it out too to
some people because when we say intimate, people don't get that,
like we're having sex.
Speaker 5 (07:45):
So we're having sex. Yes, it's not just like we
kiss and hold hands, right, but we have to be
that specific.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Do you relish the opportunity you have to get a
message out to show different type of love that people
aren't seeing. Or are you getting to a point of
folks leave us alone, don't want to answer any more questions.
Let us live our life and live our love and
you do your thing.
Speaker 7 (08:09):
No, I think we do relish. That's the best way
that I could. I love that you put it that way,
because that is the perfect way to describe our passion
for this. I think had we had an example like
us at the beginning of our relationship, it would have
saved us a lot of confusion.
Speaker 5 (08:26):
It would have saved us a lot of just feeling
like a freak show for a few years.
Speaker 7 (08:32):
Yeah, because we knew we loved each other, but we
were so confused at the facts that this was working
because we'd never heard about it before or seen an example.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (08:45):
So we basically timeline We were best friends for eighteen
months before dating, and then once we started dating, I say,
there was about a six to eight month honeymoon period
and then there was maybe three plus years of like,
so there was a lot of ups and downs of
(09:06):
confusion and what's going on here? And is this something
that's really going to last? And insecurities and things that
came up that I think come up in a lot
of relationships once that honeymoon period fizzles. But I think
that that was hyper intensified because of our dynamic and
because we didn't have anybody else to talk to about this.
Speaker 7 (09:28):
So sometimes people on our videos will be like, we
get it, you're married to a gay man.
Speaker 5 (09:33):
You don't have to tell us every time, And I'm like, no,
we do.
Speaker 7 (09:37):
Because if we can reach one new person because of
that tagline, and we reached the right person who's like
also in this relationship dynamic, and we can cause them
to be a little less confused as they're just like
exploring their relationship, that's worth it.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
Yeah, I mean it's beautiful. It's one soul recognizing another.
I think it's awesome. So I'll start now on the
questions that we have been asking everybody, but you just
are so special.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
We had to ask a few out of the box.
So I thank you.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
We we so appreciate your willingness to talk about it
because it's so special and it's so cool. So if
you could describe your relationship right now, each of you
in three words, what three words would you use?
Speaker 6 (10:24):
I would say honest, I would say loyal.
Speaker 5 (10:31):
Yeah, disloyal and honestly the same.
Speaker 6 (10:35):
I think they're a little different because you can be
disloyal and you're to be honest.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
You're right, okay, come on, so these are his words.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Let him have his words.
Speaker 6 (10:45):
You get free too, and loyal, honest and playful.
Speaker 5 (10:55):
Okay. And for me, I would say fun, happy and
just perfect.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Well, and you all already the next question here you
already said that you were friends, so best friends for
a while before you actually got into a relationship. But
was there immediate chemistry, whether that was friendship chemistry or
romantic chemistry when you first first met.
Speaker 6 (11:22):
Yeah, the very first meeting, I say, was like a
fan meeting the diva at the stage door because Samantha
was going in for the callback of the show. They
were calling back. The Frumisarah's which, if you know Fiddler
on the Roof is this witch who comes in the
nightmare sequence, and there's more of a ghost witch, but
(11:46):
she's like in the room, it's quiet. Everybody else is
in the lobby in this like you, there's a lot
of audition energy and everybody's nervous, and I just hear
this like through the through the walls, and I'm like,
what is this And she comes out of the theater
and I knew it was her. I mean there was
(12:07):
like ten different girls in the room, and I knew
this was the person who made that cackle. And I
was like, if they don't give you that part, they're crazy.
And she goes, you know, thank you, thank you. You know,
she just funny to be out of there.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (12:21):
Like I'm like the type of person who it's like,
once I do an audition, I like to like just
leave the building and pretend it didn't happen, because it's
if you dwell on it, it just you know, it's
it can drive you cucko.
Speaker 5 (12:33):
So I'm like he was telling me what I was
already thinking. I was like, I just killed that.
Speaker 7 (12:38):
And then so I was like, great, he's like reaffirming that.
Speaker 5 (12:43):
I feel like I just killed it, and he's telling
me that I just killed it.
Speaker 6 (12:46):
But there was like this like immediate friend after once
we were cast and were in rehearsals together, we were
immediate friends, spending every minute together, I mean till four
in the morning. We would be hanging out every day
after rehearsal.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Was Sunrise Sunset? Was that a part of your wedding?
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Uh?
Speaker 8 (13:07):
No, no, no, Well I love that song.
Speaker 6 (13:11):
I do too. I that's like the most beautiful. So
our friends did it at their wedding like a month
before ours, and it's like, you know, we let them,
let them have that one.
Speaker 5 (13:21):
But he did enter the Phantom of the opera.
Speaker 6 (13:24):
I did with a mask with a mask? Yeah, whoa?
Speaker 5 (13:28):
So you love that?
Speaker 6 (13:29):
Yeah, there's a there's a portion towards the end of
the musical where like she rips off his mask in
front of a bunch of people and there's like this scream,
and so I wanted that to open the wedding, but.
Speaker 7 (13:41):
Of course then it sets off our two year old nieces,
who are the flower girls.
Speaker 6 (13:46):
In the back.
Speaker 9 (13:47):
They hear the scream and then you hear it's like
this beautiful moment where it's like the scream and then
Jacob's mom walks out to walk him down the aisle
to all I ask of you, but like, oh, she's
freaking out, and.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
She's like, that's so funny. But that's so cool. Another
one of my favorite.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
Musicals, who said I who said I love you?
Speaker 3 (14:11):
First?
Speaker 5 (14:12):
He did?
Speaker 6 (14:13):
Did yeah, and he had threw tears. I was about
to say, yeah, I need that sort of drama.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
You know what.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
We will follow up there since you said there were
tears involved, What did the what did it look like
when you said I love you? What was the setting,
what was the scenario and what prompted it?
Speaker 6 (14:33):
It was post coitus and yeah, we were laying in
bed and I just started crying and I said I
love you. And this was like what like a week
in questioning, I've been easy easy gal.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Oh my goodness, that's amazing.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
So what is your age difference and has that had
any kind of impact on your relationship?
Speaker 10 (15:04):
We are six six seven years, six and a half
years right now for six years because he's turned Yeah,
we're in like that six month grace period where we
get to be six months apart or six years apart.
Speaker 5 (15:17):
Yeah, but in April we'll be seven years apart.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
That's so Samantha, you're older, right, I'm older. Yeah, So
that's why we have the same thing. We're four and
a half years, I'm older and he loves it. When
there's a five year difference, because he can just somehow,
it just feels like he can just twist them.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Samantha is coming up very soon.
Speaker 6 (15:33):
It's gonna be five years.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
Like in like a week, we're in the five year difference.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Yeah, I live.
Speaker 7 (15:39):
For it, But I also think, don't they say that,
like women live longer. So I'm like, maybe, like the
age difference, like maybe it will like balance out and
will like to die at the same time. Universe, please
like not like from like a freak accident. I have
to like talk to the universe about these things.
Speaker 6 (15:56):
Since well I almost feel like a freak accident would
be the easiest thing, like a year like ninety and
a freak accident happens in your bother.
Speaker 5 (16:03):
Okay, so don't be like I want it to be
like that later on in life, not like.
Speaker 6 (16:07):
Well yeah, way later on. Why last we've lived dark
gray golden years turning dark real quick?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Next question though, make suio it's not too dark. Okay,
this one should be okay. Why did you want to
be married? Why was it important to have that label
actually of marriage and to make it official.
Speaker 7 (16:31):
It's fascinating because we've been raised in very different upbringings.
I my parents have been together since the day they married.
Both of my brothers married to their I mean their wives.
They were like long time dating before they started their marriages,
(16:51):
and so to me, I've always had an example of
just marriage being this beautiful, amazing.
Speaker 5 (16:59):
Health the thing.
Speaker 7 (17:01):
Jacob has divorced parents, his mom's been married several times, and.
Speaker 6 (17:10):
Yeah, I had a very different perspective of marriage growing up,
and that when I was, like, before meeting Samantha and everything,
my whole thing was like I'm not going to get married,
and like that's not going to be my life. And yeah,
it just it became this thing over the years of
us dating where it was just like, of course, that's
(17:32):
what we want to do. That is, of course the
next step. And seeing her family being so rock solid
really helped me understand the beauty of that.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
So you mentioned your family, Samantha, but I'm curious, did
you all both have the support of your friends and
your family. Did they support your relationship and ultimately your marriage.
Speaker 5 (18:04):
Yes, one thousand percent.
Speaker 7 (18:06):
Yeah, I've never felt from any aspect of our life
that we weren't supported. The only time I feel like
I actually feel like our relationship helped reiterate.
Speaker 5 (18:20):
Who the loving people in our lives were.
Speaker 7 (18:22):
Friendship wise, it always felt like we had our family support,
but the people who like can't wrap their.
Speaker 5 (18:30):
Heads around our dynamic.
Speaker 7 (18:32):
Once we started being so vocal about just Jacob being
gay and just talking about being in a mixed orientation relationship,
we saw that some friends were like, well, this is
making me feel conflicted about my own gay identity, and
we're like, okay, Like they're just like, that's not like
someone who's like a lifer.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Yeah, you all on newlyweds now not through the whole
first year of marriage, but how would you describe marriage
so far? And has something changed in the relationship once
it became official.
Speaker 6 (19:10):
Well, interesting, we've just been through probably one of the
most insane months of our lives with the buyers. Yeah,
and it's put some of our family members the homes
have burned down.
Speaker 5 (19:23):
Yeah, like my brother's home burned down, and then our in.
Speaker 6 (19:26):
Law or his in laws allasades and.
Speaker 7 (19:29):
We've kind of like put our lives on hold to
help them.
Speaker 6 (19:33):
Yeah. So we had basically six weeks into marriage we
went into this thing where it was like it was
almost like the universe putting it to the test and
saying like, how devoted are you to your family and
devoted to being a team together and getting through a
crazy ass time.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Wow.
Speaker 7 (19:53):
So it's like crazy that we went from like the
highest time in our life to like, yeah, this like
dark time.
Speaker 6 (19:59):
Yeah, so I put yeah, yeah, the Palisades was our community.
I mean, I work for her brother, taking care of
his kids, taking them to school. We spend our holidays
there or spent our holidays there, and it's just like
to see it all disappear is pretty pretty devastating, and
(20:20):
it's like that was that was something that anchored us
to where we live and made us feel a sense
of community. And it wasn't just like a couple people
lost their house. It was a whole you know, community.
Speaker 5 (20:34):
But we got through it together one thousand percent.
Speaker 6 (20:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (20:37):
And I think it's interesting because I've been saying to
people like, he doesn't feel any different than when.
Speaker 5 (20:45):
We were dating, Like it feels like we've always been married.
Speaker 7 (20:48):
But it did feel on the day of the wedding
like I felt like maybe like a spiritual shift a
little bit where I was like, okay, like we are
now in this I felt like our relationship was always
predetermined in the stars, I don't think that. It's like
(21:08):
I feel like it's just our fate to be together.
Speaker 5 (21:12):
So then when we were like making it.
Speaker 7 (21:13):
Like official by law and in the stars, it did
kind of feel.
Speaker 5 (21:19):
Like okay, like I do feel like we have a
little extra magic. Now.
Speaker 6 (21:23):
Well, the first time you said husband, oh yeah, that's weird.
That's really weird. This is my husband rail now.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Really, so I love that.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
How important is we've discussed and established that you all
have a sex life, But how important is physical touch
to you? Like holding hands and just you know, some
people don't like it, some people aren't touching really, how
are How do you all handle physical touch?
Speaker 5 (21:49):
I think it's very important.
Speaker 7 (21:50):
Like Jacob like helps reassure me about anything in life
through physical touch.
Speaker 6 (21:55):
Yeah, and we all like sometimes we'll wake up in
the morning and as we all do, like I guess
up and make coffee and then we're like we just
start working and then she'll be like, we haven't hugged
or my kiss a hug right now, I'm just like warm,
Like I get up and I'm like work and it's
like two or he'll.
Speaker 5 (22:15):
Be like to be able to be like, can we
have a hug right now? We're always checking in and
being like we.
Speaker 7 (22:19):
Need hug each other right now, or it happens naturally
like of course, like if we're like watching a movie
or something, or we're just like out and about, but
we have to remind ourselves if we're working, we're like,
we gotta we gotta check in right now because it'll
help us be less crazed.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
So Samantha's must struggle every morning that she comes out
of the bedroom just right to work. I tell her
the first thing. The first time we engage in the morning,
there are two laptops in between us. We're making eye
contact with two laptops, and there we go. We're going
at it. So that's a very important.
Speaker 4 (22:52):
We do try to like give each other a hug
when we go up to warm up our coffee or whatever,
our tea, and then.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Like hey, baby, walking back. That is very important.
Speaker 7 (23:01):
But is there also amazing to know that you just
like are so secure in your relationship that you can
be like, oh, here we are, like we're working, and
like just being next to one another right now is
enough because we're comfortable enough with one another.
Speaker 5 (23:15):
Like I think that's there's some merit.
Speaker 6 (23:17):
There as well.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yeah, and to that point, next question, how often do
you fight?
Speaker 6 (23:21):
Oh? You know, it's funny. When we were going through
our period of insecurity, there was a lot of fighting.
There was for the early years were plagued with a
lot of that because I was not a verbal person.
I say that my my like default is like a
(23:41):
brooding James Dean, Like I just kind of go around
being just like yeah, yeah, right, I know what.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
That's like seeing James Dean over here too, yes, and it's.
Speaker 6 (23:53):
Just like it.
Speaker 7 (23:54):
Meanwhile, I have a degree in communications with a mind,
so I'm.
Speaker 5 (23:58):
Like really, yeah exactly. So it's like I love talking
about people and feelings.
Speaker 6 (24:04):
Let's talk about it. She's like Robin Williams are doing
stand up. It's just like.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
We need to take a beat between jokes, please.
Speaker 7 (24:17):
Breath.
Speaker 5 (24:17):
I like, yeah, so see the sweat building up.
Speaker 6 (24:21):
Yeah, that was That was a challenge the first few
years because I was just like a wall and didn't
want to didn't know how to verbalize, and had to
do the therapy and had to do all the things
that get you to a place where you can verbalize healthily.
Now it's a lot less I mean, it's it's a
(24:41):
lot less frequent, it's a lot less intense.
Speaker 7 (24:44):
We just we call it we have words with one another. Yeah,
it's not like fighting, it's just we have words.
Speaker 6 (24:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (24:51):
Sometimes.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
Now do you go to bed angry? Have you gone
to bed angry?
Speaker 4 (24:56):
I know people always say that's a big advice, never
go to bed angry.
Speaker 11 (25:01):
Right, We've gone to bed angry a couple times, But
I feel like we do in our consciousness, like even
if we are angry at one another, will still kiss.
Speaker 5 (25:12):
Good each other good night.
Speaker 6 (25:13):
Bill be Like we can go to.
Speaker 5 (25:14):
Bed angry but still acknowledge that we might not wake
up next the next day, and we don't want.
Speaker 7 (25:21):
To like wake up without even if we're mad at
one another, without having kissed one another before we went
to sleep.
Speaker 6 (25:27):
Yeah, And it's just like you know that we've gotten
a lot better about it. We've gotten a lot better
about shortening the Her brother said to us, said to
me before we got married, He's like, you know certain
things do I feel like changed about my marriage was
that you realize you just have to get over things
(25:47):
quicker and like that this is this is who you're
married to, and you've got to pick out, and I
read this really interesting thing about this, like Buddhist philosophy
that's called like the two arrows. Like you, you don't
want to suffer both arrows, and the first arrow is
the things you can avoid in life, So you can't
(26:08):
avoid the conflict, you can't avoid the pains and the suffering.
But the second arrow comes from you dwelling and from lingering,
and that's the more painful one, is just sitting there
and holding on to things. And that I'm really trying
to not suffer the second arrow in life.
Speaker 7 (26:26):
And I make sure he suffers.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
Amazing advice. I have never heard it changed.
Speaker 6 (26:35):
The way I think because I was like, you know that,
it's it's so easy to just dwell and woe is
me all the time.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Well, next question here we'll go to some more practical
things around the house that every couple has to deal with.
How do you manage finances? Are you all a joint
or separate account and separate money kind of folks or what?
Speaker 5 (26:55):
Well, this is we.
Speaker 7 (26:56):
Didn't get a prenup or anything. Our prenup is a
verbal agree that if.
Speaker 5 (27:01):
He sets up, I get everything.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
That's solid.
Speaker 5 (27:05):
Okay, So now it's now it's on record.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
That's amazing.
Speaker 7 (27:13):
But we we haven't, like when it comes to finances,
we just operate as one. We haven't like merged our
accounts or anything, because it's some we're still like in
the phase of like name changes everything, but when it
comes to just that, we just yeah.
Speaker 6 (27:30):
We say what's mine is yours? Yeah? Ours? And I
think we've been through like our early dating. I mean
I literally had zero dollars when we first started dating,
and I was just like there were times when I
borrowed money from Samantha, or like we we've been both
been through periods where it's like we've been with each
(27:50):
other through so many ups and downs of that that
it's just like we're in this together r actually every which.
Speaker 7 (27:57):
Way, and we just even like Jacob has a meeting
or like if there's or if I have a meeting,
if there's something involved where there's like some financial aspect
of it, we're both physically there because we're like, this
is our business, this is our life.
Speaker 5 (28:12):
We want to make sure that.
Speaker 6 (28:14):
And we love we are Hollywood. We love Hollywood, we
love old Hollywood and all of that, but we're trying
to like also reframe that idea that there's so much
out here of this like you're out for yourself and
like you're the only one. And you see these couples
in this sort of toxic dynamic where they're like fight,
(28:35):
they're clawing their own way up the ladder, and they're
not working together as a team, and it's like, you're
so much stronger when you're the power couple.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
Yeah, what do we do with that?
Speaker 2 (28:46):
There's, to your point, this idea that folks do want
to hold on to some level of independence and their identity.
Think you're giving something up if you're creating a new unit,
that means you've lost yourself.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
If you're forming a new group.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
I don't know that to your point, don't necessarily subscribe
to that, but I think a lot of people are
starting to think that way now.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
I think so when you look back at our parents,
I mean, it was teamwork. It was yeah one, it
was one bank account, it was together, and that, you know,
the separate mentality really can so you know, divisions, I
totally get that. What about just all the mundane things
that sometimes end up creating fights or disagreements with like
splitting household chores and you.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
Know, how how you manage all of that does what
that I get an earth? I do know.
Speaker 5 (29:32):
Chores except for laundry. I don't cook.
Speaker 7 (29:35):
I don't really do much of the cleaning because I'm
not good at it.
Speaker 5 (29:39):
And Jacob has let me.
Speaker 6 (29:41):
Eat the kitchen way in the kitchen, and I I'm
in there like, oh, but I love to cook. That's
always been my thing. I love to cook. Samantha will
find a recipe and be like, Okay, see if you
can make this.
Speaker 7 (29:54):
Yeah, Like I'm very good about being like here's what
we're eating, here's this healthy recipe.
Speaker 5 (30:00):
Oh, let's try this. I've heard about this new thing.
Let's get this ingredient.
Speaker 7 (30:04):
So I'm very good about like helping give purpose in
the kitchen.
Speaker 5 (30:09):
But I am not the purpose in fact, like the thing.
Speaker 7 (30:13):
I don't know if like this was like my saving
grace from the universe or it just was coincidence, but
I once lit the kitchen on fire while cleaning, and so.
Speaker 5 (30:24):
Yeah, I was like this is great. So now this
is showing that I am vanished from the kitchen.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Wait, somebody to have to ask, how did you do that?
Speaker 7 (30:34):
Okay, So during the pandemic, we were teaching a pod
school up in Berkeley, California, for a neighborhood of.
Speaker 6 (30:43):
Kids and these Berkeley parents, everything has to be homemade,
organic everything. So our cleaning fluid was like gasoline, flamml
whatever they gave us in this thing with this stove
that's like two hundred years old, with the pilot light
(31:05):
exposed on the side from the from the burners, and
she's spraying that stuff all over the top of the
stove and it just ignites. Yeah, and the kids. I'm yelling.
I'm like, get the kids out of here. I'm like,
there's a fire.
Speaker 5 (31:23):
What is it called? I think we're sure.
Speaker 6 (31:28):
It's like no more.
Speaker 5 (31:29):
Yeah, He's like, you're just banned from the kitchen. I'm like, few, great.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
I had to ask.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
I had to ask, all, right, next question here? How
much alone time or I should I say time away
from each other?
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Do you feel you need if any?
Speaker 6 (31:46):
I think I don't know if we need it. I
always feel it's refreshing sometimes, like there'll be days where
we're like the last few weeks dealing with the fires
and stuff, we were like together NonStop, and the last
few days we've gotten back to life and like Samantha
has done some work and gotten her hair done, and
I feel like some of the space has been good,
(32:07):
and like it just makes you when she comes home,
it just makes you a little more excited to see
each other as opposed to like dealing with hard stuff
together all day.
Speaker 7 (32:16):
But I think like we don't really like do like
we go out together. We don't have like separate lives
where it's like I go hang out with girls.
Speaker 5 (32:25):
It's like we would rather do life together.
Speaker 6 (32:29):
We have mutual All of our friends are mutual, and
that's just they know that, and that's our life and
we love it. We'd prefer to be seeing the world
through each other's eyes while we're hanging out.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
Yeah, I love that you're a unit. You come, you're
a package.
Speaker 5 (32:44):
Heally, yes, and I miss someone when I'm not with him.
Speaker 6 (32:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (32:58):
So Jacob, you said you've gone to therapy. Have you
all gone to couples therapy? Have you ever seen an
emperors together?
Speaker 5 (33:04):
Here's what's going to blow your mind.
Speaker 7 (33:06):
So yeah, okay, so we were we saw a couple's therapist,
like during some of this confusion of like our relationship
and we're like, you know, like this relationship sometimes confuses
us because Jacob's gay, I'm straight. The therapist is like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
(33:28):
I consider myself a straight woman, but I am married
to a woman and she's the only woman I've ever
been attracted to ever.
Speaker 5 (33:37):
But with the exception of her, I'm a straight woman.
And we're like, wait a minute, there's more of us
out there.
Speaker 7 (33:45):
Yeah, and like this is like how like I know
the universe just like, yeah, what's you where you need
to be?
Speaker 3 (33:51):
Because you didn't know that that was the case ahead
of time?
Speaker 6 (33:54):
No, no, yeah, it was just like one of those
random zoom like teledoct title, yeah exactly, and we're.
Speaker 5 (34:01):
Was going through his healthcare provider.
Speaker 6 (34:03):
Yeah, telling and it was just like it was a
human moment, but it was I think that is part
of what's aided us and being able to be where
we're at and be so open the way we are
is that having that kind of anchor us. And then
we start talking about it more openly with people, and
of course in theater, more people start coming to us
(34:26):
and saying, you know, this is the dynamic we have
in our relationship, and we're like, well, yeah, but I
guess that right. You know, I've all seen that relationship.
We've all seen those couples where you're like that dude
is gay and you just know it, and you're like
they're married though, but like there's this elephant in the
room and they don't and it's like acknowledge it and
(34:46):
it'll feel so much better. Wow, I mean really, yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
Wow, you are right.
Speaker 4 (34:53):
Everyone knows a couple where you're left. I know that
man is gay, right, I've said that.
Speaker 6 (34:59):
Yes, and and it's it's like this thing and then
he feels this weird like I've seen it a lot
where like then he'll like try to overcop and say
by doing things that clearly are like overland masculine, and
you're like coughing up, just like relax, but or it's
just like all this stuff that that causes that turmoil
in your brain as a person. And we've even had
(35:21):
people come to us, like older gay men or older
men who have been married to women and are like, look,
I've been like sneaking around on my wife for thirty
years with men and and she didn't know. And I'm like,
oh my god, like and she didn't know, like and
it's just like, first of all, how is she not
understanding that you're gay? Because like I look at you
(35:44):
one time, and I know you're gay, but like it's
just like to save people that all of that is
what is really important.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Can I take a personal just help me with this?
She does. She says this to me all the time. Well,
he's obviously gay. Well, couples like you were described by
there for a second, we all know. So my question
is when those couples, when you see those couples, does
she know he's gay?
Speaker 6 (36:10):
Right?
Speaker 2 (36:11):
I always ask that question, is is everybody in on it?
Speaker 6 (36:14):
Yeah? I wonder that too. I feel like maybe there's
there's that there's something she she knows in her heart
but isn't saying in her brain.
Speaker 7 (36:23):
Or do we have like this extra like gaydar in
our detection because we are like in the theater. Like
for me, it's like I have my whole life been
surrounded by gays. I don't know that that's like a
non theater person's perspective in the world.
Speaker 5 (36:43):
I mean, also, I grew up in southern California.
Speaker 7 (36:45):
So if you're not growing up there where you like,
or in a state or a place where you have
all of these examples around you at all time, given
what you're doing for in your life. I don't know
that everyone has that ability. I think some people are like, oh,
I've never met a gay person.
Speaker 6 (37:03):
Before, so yeah. I mean, I grew up in a
very very like Christian My dad's side is very Christian conservative,
and they they've been really lovely and very supportive through
all of this and it's been amazing. But I was
afraid to talk to them about being gay, and they
(37:24):
it shocked them, and I'm like, it's really shocking you,
Like a kid who did theater and listened to Share
at five years old is like, you're really and they
were like, yeah, I just thought that was like the
music you like. So I do think some people have
an obliviousness to it.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (37:40):
But I think it's cool that you're out there saying
it can exist, it can coexist. Yeah, And that's what's
so cool, which I love so much about your story.
Have you all in any of your fights, and this
might have been earlier on, have you ever threatened to
break up, to leave, to end things. Has it ever
gotten to that within your relationship?
Speaker 10 (38:01):
Yes, many times, but I feel like it's used more
as a weapon, as an arguments weapon.
Speaker 5 (38:08):
It's ever a reality.
Speaker 6 (38:10):
There's never been a moment where I thought, yeah, this
ever we're gonna be.
Speaker 7 (38:15):
It's more just like, let's be theatrical exactly.
Speaker 6 (38:19):
We get there, let's go there.
Speaker 4 (38:23):
It's so cool that you guys, it's probably bad in
some ways that you're both dramatic and theatrical, but I like,
I come from a whole family of theater directors and actors,
and so, yes, I am dramatic and theatrical. And he's like,
what the.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
Actor, Yes, I so, and I come from a family
of guys that are a cool of a fan. It's
just just chill. But to that point about threatening to
walk out, I've said to her she has stopped at
the door before because she'll threadn I'm leaving. I said,
if you walk out that door, please know we're done
(38:58):
and you're not coming back in that door. Don't don't
threaten me. It's fine if you want to leave, but
don't don't threaten me. I just don't play that thing.
So it's funny to hear you all say you both
like understood, I didn't really mean so you know what
I did.
Speaker 4 (39:10):
When he said that to me, I'm like, okay, I'm
not going to leave because I knew he mentioned I
was like.
Speaker 3 (39:13):
Right, well, I mean I kind of was just kidding, but.
Speaker 6 (39:17):
You're good.
Speaker 4 (39:23):
Like what we want is for you to run after
me and say don't leave. You know that's that's not
going to go well with him. So I have learned
not to threaten it.
Speaker 8 (39:32):
I haven't again, Like, yeah, I feel like once you
threat like you threaten it, you're like, oh, I don't
like how that felt, and I don't I won't do
it again. But like part of it was like, why
is someone not writing like a song for us in
this moment where it should.
Speaker 6 (39:45):
Be, Like.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
Jacob, I didn't even get off the couch when she
said it.
Speaker 9 (39:56):
Resurrect right now and score this moment please?
Speaker 2 (40:01):
All right, last a few things we want to hit
you all with here. What would you both say? Biggest
compromise you've had to make to make sure this relationship
worked or was better?
Speaker 6 (40:13):
Biggest compromise for me was opening up verbally. That was
a huge, huge wall that And it's not that I
have a hard time communicating of you know, on a
surface level, with any any time, but when it came
to really getting to the nitty gritty things, it took
(40:33):
a lot of work and compromise.
Speaker 5 (40:36):
Wow, this is hard for me.
Speaker 7 (40:38):
But you I think that you didn't make a compromise
there too, and like you really had to compromise like
your desire of wanting to be alone with your feelings
to no, it's okay to feel feel things.
Speaker 6 (40:53):
It was greater than the Missouri compromise in eighteen twenty.
Speaker 5 (40:58):
Is that exasciar?
Speaker 7 (41:00):
Yes, Oh my gosh, he's really good with Like give
him a random year of like what movie won the
Academy Award and this.
Speaker 5 (41:10):
Year he'll know it. It's insane.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
We're not going to quism. We're not going to quim.
We're not gonna quism.
Speaker 4 (41:17):
My biggest problem, Yeah, what was your biggest compromise, Samantha,
My need.
Speaker 5 (41:23):
For like immediate resolve. Like I had to learn to
be more patient with Jacob.
Speaker 7 (41:28):
And I'm not a patient person, I think by nature,
so Jacob communication and like like just just needing to
be patient with knowing that Jacob would eventually get where
I needed him to be in terms of our communication.
Speaker 5 (41:46):
What I need from communication.
Speaker 6 (41:48):
We can rebuild him, we have the technology.
Speaker 7 (41:57):
But yeah, just like knowing that, you know, I have
to be patient with him and he has to come
to this conclusion because he has to like learn these
tools and he has to want this for himself. I'm
like immediate gratification, and so being patient with him and
sacrificing or compromising my need for immediate gratification, I think
(42:21):
was my biggest compromise.
Speaker 4 (42:23):
Totally good, all right, And I think the final question
and you, yes, your newly weds, Yes you're in your
first year of marriage, but you've been together for eight
years through a lot of ups and downs. What would
you say the key to your success has been? And
what do you think it is about the two of
you that will make this relationship be a forever one.
Speaker 6 (42:44):
Openness and honesty. Those two things keep it the motor running. Yeah,
we have this.
Speaker 7 (42:52):
This is like our catchphrase and our relationship that we
are brutally honest without being brutal.
Speaker 5 (42:58):
And I think we won't even.
Speaker 7 (43:00):
Tell each other a white lie. That's how how important
it is to just be that transparent with one another.
And we'll see like other couples or friends who are like, Okay,
I'm just going to not tell my purchase to this thing,
and I'm you know, like little things like that, and
I'm like, I can never imagine not sharing everything with Jacob.
(43:21):
I think the fact that we are so eager to
share everything, the good, the bad, and we're so comfortable
with being that open and honest.
Speaker 5 (43:32):
That's what's going to make us last forever.
Speaker 7 (43:34):
It's because I'm so excited to tell him every detail
of my life. And I think when you have someone
that you are so excited to share every aspect of
your life with, that's like a true partner because you
get to like be on this ride of life together,
which is ultimately I feel like the essence of our
(43:57):
love story is just finding the person that you want
to do life with who makes life the most fun
journey alongside.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
I mean literally, I'm about to turn RN. I love
your story. You guys are so beautiful, So thank you.
Speaker 6 (44:14):
Thanks for having us. Guys were so fun. Guys are
so fun. This is the first time we've ever right
talked to another couple in this way, which is really
cool because I feel like you guys can relate on
the couple things and we can have We had got
to have those moments that were like, yeah, it just
just bonded in.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
That way, But that connectivity is there, and that's what
we were hoping to do with all these couples that
you you all the four of us, so the two couples,
we couldn't be more different in how we got together
and how it happened, and where we're from and all
these things. Almost every answer you all gave, there's something
we could relate to or something we could pluck out
and say, oh, we can apply that to us. So
it doesn't matter what you look like and where you're
(44:54):
from and all these things. Couples can relate. So that's
bad to be able to do.
Speaker 6 (44:58):
And that's what we want to do with the our
relationship dynamic. Isn't be like this super weird, trendy couple,
like we're trying to show the world we're very pretty
much like everybody else. This this dynamic is going on
and it's there, and we've had people try to tell
our story in this like over sensationalized way, and it's
(45:19):
just it's like it's just.
Speaker 5 (45:20):
A love story really and it's pures essence.
Speaker 7 (45:24):
It's like we just want people to I feel like
there's so many boxes when people are like looking for
a mate that they're like, he must be rich, he
must be handsome, he must have this, you know, and
it's like all of those things great if that's like
how but their distractions on what you really should be
looking for and you should be looking for how someone
(45:47):
makes you feel. And so we're like hoping that more
people just like pay attention to the feeling and like
kind of start to ignore the noises and the you know, expectations,
because I think that's more people will be in the
right relationships if they just pay attention to that.
Speaker 3 (46:06):
Yeah, that is so well said, such good advice for
everyone listening. Thank you. That's all I can say. Thank you,
and we love you and we are rooting for you.
Speaker 5 (46:19):
If you're ever in l A, please let us know.
Speaker 6 (46:21):
Let's do dinner. We would love to.
Speaker 4 (46:23):
Don't be surprised when we reach out.
Speaker 6 (46:28):
Okay, okay, please do
Hey, there're folks in this episode.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Our Love Stories series continues with what is undoubtedly the
most unorthodox married couple in our series, Couple number three,
Newlywed's Jacob and Samantha. He's gay, she's straight. They're married,
and they're here to help us, help you. Welcome to
this special Cuffing season edition of Amy and TJ and Robes.
(00:29):
We need to make this clear. They are in a
monogamous marriage even though he's a gay man, she's a
straight woman.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
That's right.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
This is Jeff Hoff and Samantha Greenstone. I first read
about this couple in the New York Times, and I
was fascinated because they are not your typical married couple,
and they really want to make it clear. This is
not to be confused with a lavender marriage.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Yeah, we to know what that want.
Speaker 4 (00:55):
I had to google that as well. Basically, that's two
people who get together and and one person is gay
and is using the other as a beard, basically making
other people believe he or she is straight. All the
while they're stepping out of their marriage and having those
relationships that they actually wish they could have if it
(01:18):
weren't shunned or in some way frowned upon to be gay.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
So it's a very important distinction.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Correct.
Speaker 4 (01:24):
These are two people who love each other, who are
dedicated and devoted to one another, who are monogamous. And
the way well you'll hear Jeff say it for himself.
I don't want to put words in his mouth because
it really is fascinated. We asked him, you know, how
are you not gay? Why aren't you a bisexual? Why
aren't you a pan sexual? He addresses it all and
(01:46):
it really makes a lot of sense. It's ultimately one
soul connecting to another. It has nothing to do with
gender or sexual orientation.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
And again, this is a monogamous, yes, monogamous relationship, but
a monogamous sexual relationship as well. And this is not
a situation where she's saying, Okay, you go do your
thing somewhere else. Absolutely not. It is not that. So
it's we were trying to get a diversity of couples.
This is as diverse as we could get.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
Yep, it's true series, and it's cool because this wasn't
some impulsive thing they did either. They met at an
audition for Fiddler on the Roof, They dated for seven
years and really went through it debating whether or not
they could each make this kind of I don't want
to say sacrifice, but just devotion to one another despite
(02:35):
their differences, and they.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Have talked about it, they have talked about it publicly,
and they continue to promote, if you will, their relationship
and having this type of relationship and giving people another
way to think about relationships in marriage with their accounts
on social media in particular TikTok. But no matter where
you might be in your relationship and your dating life,
we could.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
All use a little help. And this is why Ropes
and I've been doing this.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
We have a number of couples we've talked to ask
them all the exact same list of relationship questions. Who
said I love you first? How often do you have sex?
How often do you fight? You go to bit angry?
You ever threatened to break up during an argument? Stuff
like that. But we got practical as well, about finances
and chores around the house.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Yeah, the things that a lot of times, the mundane
things that weigh couples down. But we, as we mentioned,
talk to a diverse bunch. We have an interracial couple
with a thirty year age difference, a couple celebrating eleven years,
but she was married when they first met. An actress
and a country singer and her pro soccer hubby who
lived in another continent. A mixed orientation and couple who
(03:40):
you're going to hear today.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
So we're going to drop a new episode with a
new couple every single day leading up to Valentine's Day.
So today it is Samantha and Jacob. Please take a
listen to our conversation with him.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Thank you so much for being with us.
Speaker 5 (03:56):
Thank younas.
Speaker 6 (03:58):
We're so excited.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
Oh good, because I hope you can match my enthusiasm.
So you guys kind of exploded in terms of being
known because the New York Times did an article on you.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
You all, this is self described.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
Are a mixed orientation couple. Tell us what that means?
Speaker 6 (04:21):
Okay, So the technical definition of mixed orientation is that
one partner's sexual preference or their identity is different than
the other partners. So one person can be straight and
the other person can be gay or a whole slew
of whatever you identify as. But they're two different things
(04:43):
coming together in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
How does that work? Is the first question. I'm sure
you all get because it's just not something we're used
to seeing and hearing about totally.
Speaker 6 (04:56):
So I think the most important thing for me as
the person who identifies as gay is to be able
to continue my identity outside of the fact that Samantha
and I are in a relationship, married, what have you.
And the reason is for the mental health benefits to
(05:20):
be able to own your identity as a person and
to say that doesn't change. It doesn't change who I
am just because my soulmate.
Speaker 7 (05:32):
Is Samantha, right, And I think it works because we
are soulmates, and when you find your person in life,
it transcends whatever logic or anything we put ourselves into
a box as because like, your person's just your.
Speaker 6 (05:53):
Person, right. And so people will say, well, then why
don't you identify as bisexual or why don't you identify
pan sexual or all these other labels that they have now,
And I think that those are all fantastic. I just
don't in my brain, fit into those categories. Bisexual means
you're attracted to both sexes, and outside of Samantha, I'm
(06:15):
not attracted to women. There would never be an instance
where a woman would be sexy to me and and
sexual as they say on Shit's Creek is about the wine,
not the label, And to me, the label is important.
I am attracted to men, so that doesn't fit my
definition either. So gay is the correct definition. But then
(06:38):
we also have to acknowledge the fact that I'm married
to a woman.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
And so the next question I know that you all get,
so I want to get it out of the way,
is do you have a sex life and are you monogamous?
Speaker 7 (06:51):
Yes?
Speaker 6 (06:52):
And yes, right, which that also creates confusion for people
to say, say, how can you, as a gay man
have a sexual relationship with the woman? And that is
as we say, it's a sole connection. It's it's not
the same thing as that lustful one night stand sort
(07:16):
of energy. It's the closest we can be as a
couple when we are intimate. It's it's a closeness, it's
a bond. It's something transcendent of just sort of that lustful,
horny sort of stuff, and you know, and it's very
it's it's beautiful. There's nothing more wonderful than those moments.
Speaker 7 (07:37):
And apparently I have to spell it out too to
some people because when we say intimate, people don't get that,
like we're having sex.
Speaker 5 (07:45):
So we're having sex. Yes, it's not just like we
kiss and hold hands, right, but we have to be
that specific.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Do you relish the opportunity you have to get a
message out to show different type of love that people
aren't seeing. Or are you getting to a point of
folks leave us alone, don't want to answer any more questions.
Let us live our life and live our love and
you do your thing.
Speaker 7 (08:09):
No, I think we do relish. That's the best way
that I could. I love that you put it that way,
because that is the perfect way to describe our passion
for this. I think had we had an example like
us at the beginning of our relationship, it would have
saved us a lot of confusion.
Speaker 5 (08:26):
It would have saved us a lot of just feeling
like a freak show for a few years.
Speaker 7 (08:32):
Yeah, because we knew we loved each other, but we
were so confused at the facts that this was working
because we'd never heard about it before or seen an example.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (08:45):
So we basically timeline We were best friends for eighteen
months before dating, and then once we started dating, I say,
there was about a six to eight month honeymoon period
and then there was maybe three plus years of like,
so there was a lot of ups and downs of
(09:06):
confusion and what's going on here? And is this something
that's really going to last? And insecurities and things that
came up that I think come up in a lot
of relationships once that honeymoon period fizzles. But I think
that that was hyper intensified because of our dynamic and
because we didn't have anybody else to talk to about this.
Speaker 7 (09:28):
So sometimes people on our videos will be like, we
get it, you're married to a gay man.
Speaker 5 (09:33):
You don't have to tell us every time, And I'm like, no,
we do.
Speaker 7 (09:37):
Because if we can reach one new person because of
that tagline, and we reached the right person who's like
also in this relationship dynamic, and we can cause them
to be a little less confused as they're just like
exploring their relationship, that's worth it.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
Yeah, I mean it's beautiful. It's one soul recognizing another.
I think it's awesome. So I'll start now on the
questions that we have been asking everybody, but you just
are so special.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
We had to ask a few out of the box.
So I thank you.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
We we so appreciate your willingness to talk about it
because it's so special and it's so cool. So if
you could describe your relationship right now, each of you
in three words, what three words would you use?
Speaker 6 (10:24):
I would say honest, I would say loyal.
Speaker 5 (10:31):
Yeah, disloyal and honestly the same.
Speaker 6 (10:35):
I think they're a little different because you can be
disloyal and you're to be honest.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
You're right, okay, come on, so these are his words.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Let him have his words.
Speaker 6 (10:45):
You get free too, and loyal, honest and playful.
Speaker 5 (10:55):
Okay. And for me, I would say fun, happy and
just perfect.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Well, and you all already the next question here you
already said that you were friends, so best friends for
a while before you actually got into a relationship. But
was there immediate chemistry, whether that was friendship chemistry or
romantic chemistry when you first first met.
Speaker 6 (11:22):
Yeah, the very first meeting, I say, was like a
fan meeting the diva at the stage door because Samantha
was going in for the callback of the show. They
were calling back. The Frumisarah's which, if you know Fiddler
on the Roof is this witch who comes in the
nightmare sequence, and there's more of a ghost witch, but
(11:46):
she's like in the room, it's quiet. Everybody else is
in the lobby in this like you, there's a lot
of audition energy and everybody's nervous, and I just hear
this like through the through the walls, and I'm like,
what is this And she comes out of the theater
and I knew it was her. I mean there was
(12:07):
like ten different girls in the room, and I knew
this was the person who made that cackle. And I
was like, if they don't give you that part, they're crazy.
And she goes, you know, thank you, thank you. You know,
she just funny to be out of there.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (12:21):
Like I'm like the type of person who it's like,
once I do an audition, I like to like just
leave the building and pretend it didn't happen, because it's
if you dwell on it, it just you know, it's
it can drive you cucko.
Speaker 5 (12:33):
So I'm like he was telling me what I was
already thinking. I was like, I just killed that.
Speaker 7 (12:38):
And then so I was like, great, he's like reaffirming that.
Speaker 5 (12:43):
I feel like I just killed it, and he's telling
me that I just killed it.
Speaker 6 (12:46):
But there was like this like immediate friend after once
we were cast and were in rehearsals together, we were
immediate friends, spending every minute together, I mean till four
in the morning. We would be hanging out every day
after rehearsal.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Was Sunrise Sunset? Was that a part of your wedding?
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Uh?
Speaker 8 (13:07):
No, no, no, Well I love that song.
Speaker 6 (13:11):
I do too. I that's like the most beautiful. So
our friends did it at their wedding like a month
before ours, and it's like, you know, we let them,
let them have that one.
Speaker 5 (13:21):
But he did enter the Phantom of the opera.
Speaker 6 (13:24):
I did with a mask with a mask? Yeah, whoa?
Speaker 5 (13:28):
So you love that?
Speaker 6 (13:29):
Yeah, there's a there's a portion towards the end of
the musical where like she rips off his mask in
front of a bunch of people and there's like this scream,
and so I wanted that to open the wedding, but.
Speaker 7 (13:41):
Of course then it sets off our two year old nieces,
who are the flower girls.
Speaker 6 (13:46):
In the back.
Speaker 9 (13:47):
They hear the scream and then you hear it's like
this beautiful moment where it's like the scream and then
Jacob's mom walks out to walk him down the aisle
to all I ask of you, but like, oh, she's
freaking out, and.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
She's like, that's so funny. But that's so cool. Another
one of my favorite.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
Musicals, who said I who said I love you?
Speaker 3 (14:11):
First?
Speaker 5 (14:12):
He did?
Speaker 6 (14:13):
Did yeah, and he had threw tears. I was about
to say, yeah, I need that sort of drama.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
You know what.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
We will follow up there since you said there were
tears involved, What did the what did it look like
when you said I love you? What was the setting,
what was the scenario and what prompted it?
Speaker 6 (14:33):
It was post coitus and yeah, we were laying in
bed and I just started crying and I said I
love you. And this was like what like a week
in questioning, I've been easy easy gal.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Oh my goodness, that's amazing.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
So what is your age difference and has that had
any kind of impact on your relationship?
Speaker 10 (15:04):
We are six six seven years, six and a half
years right now for six years because he's turned Yeah,
we're in like that six month grace period where we
get to be six months apart or six years apart.
Speaker 5 (15:17):
Yeah, but in April we'll be seven years apart.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
That's so Samantha, you're older, right, I'm older. Yeah, So
that's why we have the same thing. We're four and
a half years, I'm older and he loves it. When
there's a five year difference, because he can just somehow,
it just feels like he can just twist them.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Samantha is coming up very soon.
Speaker 6 (15:33):
It's gonna be five years.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
Like in like a week, we're in the five year difference.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Yeah, I live.
Speaker 7 (15:39):
For it, But I also think, don't they say that,
like women live longer. So I'm like, maybe, like the
age difference, like maybe it will like balance out and
will like to die at the same time. Universe, please
like not like from like a freak accident. I have
to like talk to the universe about these things.
Speaker 6 (15:56):
Since well I almost feel like a freak accident would
be the easiest thing, like a year like ninety and
a freak accident happens in your bother.
Speaker 5 (16:03):
Okay, so don't be like I want it to be
like that later on in life, not like.
Speaker 6 (16:07):
Well yeah, way later on. Why last we've lived dark
gray golden years turning dark real quick?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Next question though, make suio it's not too dark. Okay,
this one should be okay. Why did you want to
be married? Why was it important to have that label
actually of marriage and to make it official.
Speaker 7 (16:31):
It's fascinating because we've been raised in very different upbringings.
I my parents have been together since the day they married.
Both of my brothers married to their I mean their wives.
They were like long time dating before they started their marriages,
(16:51):
and so to me, I've always had an example of
just marriage being this beautiful, amazing.
Speaker 5 (16:59):
Health the thing.
Speaker 7 (17:01):
Jacob has divorced parents, his mom's been married several times, and.
Speaker 6 (17:10):
Yeah, I had a very different perspective of marriage growing up,
and that when I was, like, before meeting Samantha and everything,
my whole thing was like I'm not going to get married,
and like that's not going to be my life. And yeah,
it just it became this thing over the years of
us dating where it was just like, of course, that's
(17:32):
what we want to do. That is, of course the
next step. And seeing her family being so rock solid
really helped me understand the beauty of that.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
So you mentioned your family, Samantha, but I'm curious, did
you all both have the support of your friends and
your family. Did they support your relationship and ultimately your marriage.
Speaker 5 (18:04):
Yes, one thousand percent.
Speaker 7 (18:06):
Yeah, I've never felt from any aspect of our life
that we weren't supported. The only time I feel like
I actually feel like our relationship helped reiterate.
Speaker 5 (18:20):
Who the loving people in our lives were.
Speaker 7 (18:22):
Friendship wise, it always felt like we had our family support,
but the people who like can't wrap their.
Speaker 5 (18:30):
Heads around our dynamic.
Speaker 7 (18:32):
Once we started being so vocal about just Jacob being
gay and just talking about being in a mixed orientation relationship,
we saw that some friends were like, well, this is
making me feel conflicted about my own gay identity, and
we're like, okay, Like they're just like, that's not like
someone who's like a lifer.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Yeah, you all on newlyweds now not through the whole
first year of marriage, but how would you describe marriage
so far? And has something changed in the relationship once
it became official.
Speaker 6 (19:10):
Well, interesting, we've just been through probably one of the
most insane months of our lives with the buyers. Yeah,
and it's put some of our family members the homes
have burned down.
Speaker 5 (19:23):
Yeah, like my brother's home burned down, and then our in.
Speaker 6 (19:26):
Law or his in laws allasades and.
Speaker 7 (19:29):
We've kind of like put our lives on hold to
help them.
Speaker 6 (19:33):
Yeah. So we had basically six weeks into marriage we
went into this thing where it was like it was
almost like the universe putting it to the test and
saying like, how devoted are you to your family and
devoted to being a team together and getting through a
crazy ass time.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Wow.
Speaker 7 (19:53):
So it's like crazy that we went from like the
highest time in our life to like, yeah, this like
dark time.
Speaker 6 (19:59):
Yeah, so I put yeah, yeah, the Palisades was our community.
I mean, I work for her brother, taking care of
his kids, taking them to school. We spend our holidays
there or spent our holidays there, and it's just like
to see it all disappear is pretty pretty devastating, and
(20:20):
it's like that was that was something that anchored us
to where we live and made us feel a sense
of community. And it wasn't just like a couple people
lost their house. It was a whole you know, community.
Speaker 5 (20:34):
But we got through it together one thousand percent.
Speaker 6 (20:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (20:37):
And I think it's interesting because I've been saying to
people like, he doesn't feel any different than when.
Speaker 5 (20:45):
We were dating, Like it feels like we've always been married.
Speaker 7 (20:48):
But it did feel on the day of the wedding
like I felt like maybe like a spiritual shift a
little bit where I was like, okay, like we are
now in this I felt like our relationship was always
predetermined in the stars, I don't think that. It's like
(21:08):
I feel like it's just our fate to be together.
Speaker 5 (21:12):
So then when we were like making it.
Speaker 7 (21:13):
Like official by law and in the stars, it did
kind of feel.
Speaker 5 (21:19):
Like okay, like I do feel like we have a
little extra magic. Now.
Speaker 6 (21:23):
Well, the first time you said husband, oh yeah, that's weird.
That's really weird. This is my husband rail now.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Really, so I love that.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
How important is we've discussed and established that you all
have a sex life, But how important is physical touch
to you? Like holding hands and just you know, some
people don't like it, some people aren't touching really, how
are How do you all handle physical touch?
Speaker 5 (21:49):
I think it's very important.
Speaker 7 (21:50):
Like Jacob like helps reassure me about anything in life
through physical touch.
Speaker 6 (21:55):
Yeah, and we all like sometimes we'll wake up in
the morning and as we all do, like I guess
up and make coffee and then we're like we just
start working and then she'll be like, we haven't hugged
or my kiss a hug right now, I'm just like warm,
Like I get up and I'm like work and it's
like two or he'll.
Speaker 5 (22:15):
Be like to be able to be like, can we
have a hug right now? We're always checking in and
being like we.
Speaker 7 (22:19):
Need hug each other right now, or it happens naturally
like of course, like if we're like watching a movie
or something, or we're just like out and about, but
we have to remind ourselves if we're working, we're like,
we gotta we gotta check in right now because it'll
help us be less crazed.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
So Samantha's must struggle every morning that she comes out
of the bedroom just right to work. I tell her
the first thing. The first time we engage in the morning,
there are two laptops in between us. We're making eye
contact with two laptops, and there we go. We're going
at it. So that's a very important.
Speaker 4 (22:52):
We do try to like give each other a hug
when we go up to warm up our coffee or whatever,
our tea, and then.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Like hey, baby, walking back. That is very important.
Speaker 7 (23:01):
But is there also amazing to know that you just
like are so secure in your relationship that you can
be like, oh, here we are, like we're working, and
like just being next to one another right now is
enough because we're comfortable enough with one another.
Speaker 5 (23:15):
Like I think that's there's some merit.
Speaker 6 (23:17):
There as well.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yeah, and to that point, next question, how often do
you fight?
Speaker 6 (23:21):
Oh? You know, it's funny. When we were going through
our period of insecurity, there was a lot of fighting.
There was for the early years were plagued with a
lot of that because I was not a verbal person.
I say that my my like default is like a
(23:41):
brooding James Dean, Like I just kind of go around
being just like yeah, yeah, right, I know what.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
That's like seeing James Dean over here too, yes, and it's.
Speaker 6 (23:53):
Just like it.
Speaker 7 (23:54):
Meanwhile, I have a degree in communications with a mind,
so I'm.
Speaker 5 (23:58):
Like really, yeah exactly. So it's like I love talking
about people and feelings.
Speaker 6 (24:04):
Let's talk about it. She's like Robin Williams are doing
stand up. It's just like.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
We need to take a beat between jokes, please.
Speaker 7 (24:17):
Breath.
Speaker 5 (24:17):
I like, yeah, so see the sweat building up.
Speaker 6 (24:21):
Yeah, that was That was a challenge the first few
years because I was just like a wall and didn't
want to didn't know how to verbalize, and had to
do the therapy and had to do all the things
that get you to a place where you can verbalize healthily.
Now it's a lot less I mean, it's it's a
(24:41):
lot less frequent, it's a lot less intense.
Speaker 7 (24:44):
We just we call it we have words with one another. Yeah,
it's not like fighting, it's just we have words.
Speaker 6 (24:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (24:51):
Sometimes.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
Now do you go to bed angry? Have you gone
to bed angry?
Speaker 4 (24:56):
I know people always say that's a big advice, never
go to bed angry.
Speaker 11 (25:01):
Right, We've gone to bed angry a couple times, But
I feel like we do in our consciousness, like even
if we are angry at one another, will still kiss.
Speaker 5 (25:12):
Good each other good night.
Speaker 6 (25:13):
Bill be Like we can go to.
Speaker 5 (25:14):
Bed angry but still acknowledge that we might not wake
up next the next day, and we don't want.
Speaker 7 (25:21):
To like wake up without even if we're mad at
one another, without having kissed one another before we went
to sleep.
Speaker 6 (25:27):
Yeah, And it's just like you know that we've gotten
a lot better about it. We've gotten a lot better
about shortening the Her brother said to us, said to
me before we got married, He's like, you know certain
things do I feel like changed about my marriage was
that you realize you just have to get over things
(25:47):
quicker and like that this is this is who you're
married to, and you've got to pick out, and I
read this really interesting thing about this, like Buddhist philosophy
that's called like the two arrows. Like you, you don't
want to suffer both arrows, and the first arrow is
the things you can avoid in life, So you can't
(26:08):
avoid the conflict, you can't avoid the pains and the suffering.
But the second arrow comes from you dwelling and from lingering,
and that's the more painful one, is just sitting there
and holding on to things. And that I'm really trying
to not suffer the second arrow in life.
Speaker 7 (26:26):
And I make sure he suffers.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
Amazing advice. I have never heard it changed.
Speaker 6 (26:35):
The way I think because I was like, you know that,
it's it's so easy to just dwell and woe is
me all the time.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Well, next question here we'll go to some more practical
things around the house that every couple has to deal with.
How do you manage finances? Are you all a joint
or separate account and separate money kind of folks or what?
Speaker 5 (26:55):
Well, this is we.
Speaker 7 (26:56):
Didn't get a prenup or anything. Our prenup is a
verbal agree that if.
Speaker 5 (27:01):
He sets up, I get everything.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
That's solid.
Speaker 5 (27:05):
Okay, So now it's now it's on record.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
That's amazing.
Speaker 7 (27:13):
But we we haven't, like when it comes to finances,
we just operate as one. We haven't like merged our
accounts or anything, because it's some we're still like in
the phase of like name changes everything, but when it
comes to just that, we just yeah.
Speaker 6 (27:30):
We say what's mine is yours? Yeah? Ours? And I
think we've been through like our early dating. I mean
I literally had zero dollars when we first started dating,
and I was just like there were times when I
borrowed money from Samantha, or like we we've been both
been through periods where it's like we've been with each
(27:50):
other through so many ups and downs of that that
it's just like we're in this together r actually every which.
Speaker 7 (27:57):
Way, and we just even like Jacob has a meeting
or like if there's or if I have a meeting,
if there's something involved where there's like some financial aspect
of it, we're both physically there because we're like, this
is our business, this is our life.
Speaker 5 (28:12):
We want to make sure that.
Speaker 6 (28:14):
And we love we are Hollywood. We love Hollywood, we
love old Hollywood and all of that, but we're trying
to like also reframe that idea that there's so much
out here of this like you're out for yourself and
like you're the only one. And you see these couples
in this sort of toxic dynamic where they're like fight,
(28:35):
they're clawing their own way up the ladder, and they're
not working together as a team, and it's like, you're
so much stronger when you're the power couple.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
Yeah, what do we do with that?
Speaker 2 (28:46):
There's, to your point, this idea that folks do want
to hold on to some level of independence and their identity.
Think you're giving something up if you're creating a new unit,
that means you've lost yourself.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
If you're forming a new group.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
I don't know that to your point, don't necessarily subscribe
to that, but I think a lot of people are
starting to think that way now.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
I think so when you look back at our parents,
I mean, it was teamwork. It was yeah one, it
was one bank account, it was together, and that, you know,
the separate mentality really can so you know, divisions, I
totally get that. What about just all the mundane things
that sometimes end up creating fights or disagreements with like
splitting household chores and you.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
Know, how how you manage all of that does what
that I get an earth? I do know.
Speaker 5 (29:32):
Chores except for laundry. I don't cook.
Speaker 7 (29:35):
I don't really do much of the cleaning because I'm
not good at it.
Speaker 5 (29:39):
And Jacob has let me.
Speaker 6 (29:41):
Eat the kitchen way in the kitchen, and I I'm
in there like, oh, but I love to cook. That's
always been my thing. I love to cook. Samantha will
find a recipe and be like, Okay, see if you
can make this.
Speaker 7 (29:54):
Yeah, Like I'm very good about being like here's what
we're eating, here's this healthy recipe.
Speaker 5 (30:00):
Oh, let's try this. I've heard about this new thing.
Let's get this ingredient.
Speaker 7 (30:04):
So I'm very good about like helping give purpose in
the kitchen.
Speaker 5 (30:09):
But I am not the purpose in fact, like the thing.
Speaker 7 (30:13):
I don't know if like this was like my saving
grace from the universe or it just was coincidence, but
I once lit the kitchen on fire while cleaning, and so.
Speaker 5 (30:24):
Yeah, I was like this is great. So now this
is showing that I am vanished from the kitchen.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Wait, somebody to have to ask, how did you do that?
Speaker 7 (30:34):
Okay, So during the pandemic, we were teaching a pod
school up in Berkeley, California, for a neighborhood of.
Speaker 6 (30:43):
Kids and these Berkeley parents, everything has to be homemade,
organic everything. So our cleaning fluid was like gasoline, flamml
whatever they gave us in this thing with this stove
that's like two hundred years old, with the pilot light
(31:05):
exposed on the side from the from the burners, and
she's spraying that stuff all over the top of the
stove and it just ignites. Yeah, and the kids. I'm yelling.
I'm like, get the kids out of here. I'm like,
there's a fire.
Speaker 5 (31:23):
What is it called? I think we're sure.
Speaker 6 (31:28):
It's like no more.
Speaker 5 (31:29):
Yeah, He's like, you're just banned from the kitchen. I'm like, few, great.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
I had to ask.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
I had to ask, all, right, next question here? How
much alone time or I should I say time away
from each other?
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Do you feel you need if any?
Speaker 6 (31:46):
I think I don't know if we need it. I
always feel it's refreshing sometimes, like there'll be days where
we're like the last few weeks dealing with the fires
and stuff, we were like together NonStop, and the last
few days we've gotten back to life and like Samantha
has done some work and gotten her hair done, and
I feel like some of the space has been good,
(32:07):
and like it just makes you when she comes home,
it just makes you a little more excited to see
each other as opposed to like dealing with hard stuff
together all day.
Speaker 7 (32:16):
But I think like we don't really like do like
we go out together. We don't have like separate lives
where it's like I go hang out with girls.
Speaker 5 (32:25):
It's like we would rather do life together.
Speaker 6 (32:29):
We have mutual All of our friends are mutual, and
that's just they know that, and that's our life and
we love it. We'd prefer to be seeing the world
through each other's eyes while we're hanging out.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
Yeah, I love that you're a unit. You come, you're
a package.
Speaker 5 (32:44):
Heally, yes, and I miss someone when I'm not with him.
Speaker 6 (32:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (32:58):
So Jacob, you said you've gone to therapy. Have you
all gone to couples therapy? Have you ever seen an
emperors together?
Speaker 5 (33:04):
Here's what's going to blow your mind.
Speaker 7 (33:06):
So yeah, okay, so we were we saw a couple's therapist,
like during some of this confusion of like our relationship
and we're like, you know, like this relationship sometimes confuses
us because Jacob's gay, I'm straight. The therapist is like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
(33:28):
I consider myself a straight woman, but I am married
to a woman and she's the only woman I've ever
been attracted to ever.
Speaker 5 (33:37):
But with the exception of her, I'm a straight woman.
And we're like, wait a minute, there's more of us
out there.
Speaker 7 (33:45):
Yeah, and like this is like how like I know
the universe just like, yeah, what's you where you need
to be?
Speaker 3 (33:51):
Because you didn't know that that was the case ahead
of time?
Speaker 6 (33:54):
No, no, yeah, it was just like one of those
random zoom like teledoct title, yeah exactly, and we're.
Speaker 5 (34:01):
Was going through his healthcare provider.
Speaker 6 (34:03):
Yeah, telling and it was just like it was a
human moment, but it was I think that is part
of what's aided us and being able to be where
we're at and be so open the way we are
is that having that kind of anchor us. And then
we start talking about it more openly with people, and
of course in theater, more people start coming to us
(34:26):
and saying, you know, this is the dynamic we have
in our relationship, and we're like, well, yeah, but I
guess that right. You know, I've all seen that relationship.
We've all seen those couples where you're like that dude
is gay and you just know it, and you're like
they're married though, but like there's this elephant in the
room and they don't and it's like acknowledge it and
(34:46):
it'll feel so much better. Wow, I mean really, yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
Wow, you are right.
Speaker 4 (34:53):
Everyone knows a couple where you're left. I know that
man is gay, right, I've said that.
Speaker 6 (34:59):
Yes, and and it's it's like this thing and then
he feels this weird like I've seen it a lot
where like then he'll like try to overcop and say
by doing things that clearly are like overland masculine, and
you're like coughing up, just like relax, but or it's
just like all this stuff that that causes that turmoil
in your brain as a person. And we've even had
(35:21):
people come to us, like older gay men or older
men who have been married to women and are like, look,
I've been like sneaking around on my wife for thirty
years with men and and she didn't know. And I'm like,
oh my god, like and she didn't know, like and
it's just like, first of all, how is she not
understanding that you're gay? Because like I look at you
(35:44):
one time, and I know you're gay, but like it's
just like to save people that all of that is
what is really important.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Can I take a personal just help me with this?
She does. She says this to me all the time. Well,
he's obviously gay. Well, couples like you were described by
there for a second, we all know. So my question
is when those couples, when you see those couples, does
she know he's gay?
Speaker 6 (36:10):
Right?
Speaker 2 (36:11):
I always ask that question, is is everybody in on it?
Speaker 6 (36:14):
Yeah? I wonder that too. I feel like maybe there's
there's that there's something she she knows in her heart
but isn't saying in her brain.
Speaker 7 (36:23):
Or do we have like this extra like gaydar in
our detection because we are like in the theater. Like
for me, it's like I have my whole life been
surrounded by gays. I don't know that that's like a
non theater person's perspective in the world.
Speaker 5 (36:43):
I mean, also, I grew up in southern California.
Speaker 7 (36:45):
So if you're not growing up there where you like,
or in a state or a place where you have
all of these examples around you at all time, given
what you're doing for in your life. I don't know
that everyone has that ability. I think some people are like, oh,
I've never met a gay person.
Speaker 6 (37:03):
Before, so yeah. I mean, I grew up in a
very very like Christian My dad's side is very Christian conservative,
and they they've been really lovely and very supportive through
all of this and it's been amazing. But I was
afraid to talk to them about being gay, and they
(37:24):
it shocked them, and I'm like, it's really shocking you,
Like a kid who did theater and listened to Share
at five years old is like, you're really and they
were like, yeah, I just thought that was like the
music you like. So I do think some people have
an obliviousness to it.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (37:40):
But I think it's cool that you're out there saying
it can exist, it can coexist. Yeah, And that's what's
so cool, which I love so much about your story.
Have you all in any of your fights, and this
might have been earlier on, have you ever threatened to
break up, to leave, to end things. Has it ever
gotten to that within your relationship?
Speaker 10 (38:01):
Yes, many times, but I feel like it's used more
as a weapon, as an arguments weapon.
Speaker 5 (38:08):
It's ever a reality.
Speaker 6 (38:10):
There's never been a moment where I thought, yeah, this
ever we're gonna be.
Speaker 7 (38:15):
It's more just like, let's be theatrical exactly.
Speaker 6 (38:19):
We get there, let's go there.
Speaker 4 (38:23):
It's so cool that you guys, it's probably bad in
some ways that you're both dramatic and theatrical, but I like,
I come from a whole family of theater directors and actors,
and so, yes, I am dramatic and theatrical. And he's like,
what the.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
Actor, Yes, I so, and I come from a family
of guys that are a cool of a fan. It's
just just chill. But to that point about threatening to
walk out, I've said to her she has stopped at
the door before because she'll threadn I'm leaving. I said,
if you walk out that door, please know we're done
(38:58):
and you're not coming back in that door. Don't don't
threaten me. It's fine if you want to leave, but
don't don't threaten me. I just don't play that thing.
So it's funny to hear you all say you both
like understood, I didn't really mean so you know what
I did.
Speaker 4 (39:10):
When he said that to me, I'm like, okay, I'm
not going to leave because I knew he mentioned I
was like.
Speaker 3 (39:13):
Right, well, I mean I kind of was just kidding, but.
Speaker 6 (39:17):
You're good.
Speaker 4 (39:23):
Like what we want is for you to run after
me and say don't leave. You know that's that's not
going to go well with him. So I have learned
not to threaten it.
Speaker 8 (39:32):
I haven't again, Like, yeah, I feel like once you
threat like you threaten it, you're like, oh, I don't
like how that felt, and I don't I won't do
it again. But like part of it was like, why
is someone not writing like a song for us in
this moment where it should.
Speaker 6 (39:45):
Be, Like.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
Jacob, I didn't even get off the couch when she
said it.
Speaker 9 (39:56):
Resurrect right now and score this moment please?
Speaker 2 (40:01):
All right, last a few things we want to hit
you all with here. What would you both say? Biggest
compromise you've had to make to make sure this relationship
worked or was better?
Speaker 6 (40:13):
Biggest compromise for me was opening up verbally. That was
a huge, huge wall that And it's not that I
have a hard time communicating of you know, on a
surface level, with any any time, but when it came
to really getting to the nitty gritty things, it took
(40:33):
a lot of work and compromise.
Speaker 5 (40:36):
Wow, this is hard for me.
Speaker 7 (40:38):
But you I think that you didn't make a compromise
there too, and like you really had to compromise like
your desire of wanting to be alone with your feelings
to no, it's okay to feel feel things.
Speaker 6 (40:53):
It was greater than the Missouri compromise in eighteen twenty.
Speaker 5 (40:58):
Is that exasciar?
Speaker 7 (41:00):
Yes, Oh my gosh, he's really good with Like give
him a random year of like what movie won the
Academy Award and this.
Speaker 5 (41:10):
Year he'll know it. It's insane.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
We're not going to quism. We're not going to quim.
We're not gonna quism.
Speaker 4 (41:17):
My biggest problem, Yeah, what was your biggest compromise, Samantha,
My need.
Speaker 5 (41:23):
For like immediate resolve. Like I had to learn to
be more patient with Jacob.
Speaker 7 (41:28):
And I'm not a patient person, I think by nature,
so Jacob communication and like like just just needing to
be patient with knowing that Jacob would eventually get where
I needed him to be in terms of our communication.
Speaker 5 (41:46):
What I need from communication.
Speaker 6 (41:48):
We can rebuild him, we have the technology.
Speaker 7 (41:57):
But yeah, just like knowing that, you know, I have
to be patient with him and he has to come
to this conclusion because he has to like learn these
tools and he has to want this for himself. I'm
like immediate gratification, and so being patient with him and
sacrificing or compromising my need for immediate gratification, I think
(42:21):
was my biggest compromise.
Speaker 4 (42:23):
Totally good, all right, And I think the final question
and you, yes, your newly weds, Yes you're in your
first year of marriage, but you've been together for eight
years through a lot of ups and downs. What would
you say the key to your success has been? And
what do you think it is about the two of
you that will make this relationship be a forever one.
Speaker 6 (42:44):
Openness and honesty. Those two things keep it the motor running. Yeah,
we have this.
Speaker 7 (42:52):
This is like our catchphrase and our relationship that we
are brutally honest without being brutal.
Speaker 5 (42:58):
And I think we won't even.
Speaker 7 (43:00):
Tell each other a white lie. That's how how important
it is to just be that transparent with one another.
And we'll see like other couples or friends who are like, Okay,
I'm just going to not tell my purchase to this thing,
and I'm you know, like little things like that, and
I'm like, I can never imagine not sharing everything with Jacob.
(43:21):
I think the fact that we are so eager to
share everything, the good, the bad, and we're so comfortable
with being that open and honest.
Speaker 5 (43:32):
That's what's going to make us last forever.
Speaker 7 (43:34):
It's because I'm so excited to tell him every detail
of my life. And I think when you have someone
that you are so excited to share every aspect of
your life with, that's like a true partner because you
get to like be on this ride of life together,
which is ultimately I feel like the essence of our
(43:57):
love story is just finding the person that you want
to do life with who makes life the most fun
journey alongside.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
I mean literally, I'm about to turn RN. I love
your story. You guys are so beautiful, So thank you.
Speaker 6 (44:14):
Thanks for having us. Guys were so fun. Guys are
so fun. This is the first time we've ever right
talked to another couple in this way, which is really
cool because I feel like you guys can relate on
the couple things and we can have We had got
to have those moments that were like, yeah, it just
just bonded in.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
That way, But that connectivity is there, and that's what
we were hoping to do with all these couples that
you you all the four of us, so the two couples,
we couldn't be more different in how we got together
and how it happened, and where we're from and all
these things. Almost every answer you all gave, there's something
we could relate to or something we could pluck out
and say, oh, we can apply that to us. So
it doesn't matter what you look like and where you're
(44:54):
from and all these things. Couples can relate. So that's
bad to be able to do.
Speaker 6 (44:58):
And that's what we want to do with the our
relationship dynamic. Isn't be like this super weird, trendy couple,
like we're trying to show the world we're very pretty
much like everybody else. This this dynamic is going on
and it's there, and we've had people try to tell
our story in this like over sensationalized way, and it's
(45:19):
just it's like it's just.
Speaker 5 (45:20):
A love story really and it's pures essence.
Speaker 7 (45:24):
It's like we just want people to I feel like
there's so many boxes when people are like looking for
a mate that they're like, he must be rich, he
must be handsome, he must have this, you know, and
it's like all of those things great if that's like
how but their distractions on what you really should be
looking for and you should be looking for how someone
(45:47):
makes you feel. And so we're like hoping that more
people just like pay attention to the feeling and like
kind of start to ignore the noises and the you know, expectations,
because I think that's more people will be in the
right relationships if they just pay attention to that.
Speaker 3 (46:06):
Yeah, that is so well said, such good advice for
everyone listening. Thank you. That's all I can say. Thank you,
and we love you and we are rooting for you.
Speaker 5 (46:19):
If you're ever in l A, please let us know.
Speaker 6 (46:21):
Let's do dinner. We would love to.
Speaker 4 (46:23):
Don't be surprised when we reach out.
Speaker 6 (46:28):
Okay, okay, please do
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Amy Robach
T.J. Holmes
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