August 7, 2025 • 47 mins
What happens when you get divorced and start over? You GLOW! Former Bachelorette DeAnna Stagliano gets into a deep game of questions with Kelly Bensimon that forces the ladies to answer tough hypotheticals!
Is it OK to be friends with an ex if you don't have children with them? Is being a mama's boy actually a red flag in disguise?
Both women aren't holding back and talking candidly about what they are looking for in this chapter of their lives, along with the silver linings they've found since their divorces.
Email us at: IDOPOD@iheartradio.com or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Welcome back to ID Part two.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
On one of your celebrity mentors, Kelly Bensimon, I'm coming
to you from beautiful Lake Tahoe, and I'm thrilled to
be joined by one of my friends and repeat guests
that you know her from the Bachelorette. It's Diana Dangliano.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
I love you.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
I was thinking of your name is like Diana and
like a song. I don't know there's a song.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
So we're podcasting from the Verbo summer House in Lake Tahoe.
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(00:57):
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Speaker 1 (01:11):
A lovely Verbo.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
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Speaker 1 (01:32):
Or worry about hidden fees.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
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Speaker 3 (01:38):
Seven other places where we're going on vacation.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
I am no.
Speaker 4 (01:41):
I was like, wow, all these places I know, Oh
my god.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Okay, so we are.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
We're here in Lake Tahoe for the Pickaball event. It's
been a ton of fun so far. Do you play
pickaball in your free time?
Speaker 3 (02:01):
I did today.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
You're amazing, by the way.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
I don't know if you saw me, but I did.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
I was.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
I did really well.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
You had some really stellar moves. I'm not gonna lie.
Did you dance moves were amazing?
Speaker 3 (02:12):
Listen, Kelly Foot with the hair. I have to admit
at one point I looked at you from across the
court and your your hair is down, You're not sweating
a drop, and you've just got those legs for days,
and you've got your paddle, and I thought, she's a
She's a vision of beauty on the pickleball court. You're
(02:37):
not sweating an ounce do you're not sweat I glow.
You were glowing, ma'am. You were glowing. You You didn't
have a genuine kept your hair down the whole time.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
I know I have to Is.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
This all yours?
Speaker 1 (02:50):
It is?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
But I have I'm psoriasis, so I don't like to
like show it off.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
With your hair. No, I am the horizon. It's on
my skin.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
So that's why I always wore my hair down because
it's like in my back and like I even got
it in my eye today, so I'm like, okay, I'll
just like to deal with it.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Well, you have the most beautiful hair, Thank you, and
you pay you pickleball like a champ today with your
hair down the entire day.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
That's really good, really really good shots. I was super impressed.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Thank you. At first, you were like, I don't know
what I'm doing. I'm like, no, no, you do, you can
do this.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
I'm rather athletic. Thank you. Well you are by this,
I feel like we should be friends than you are
making me feel so good about myself today. Yes, today
was my first time playing football. It was my first
go at it, and if I'm being honest, I dominated
on the court. Uh, my team did not win, but
(03:44):
I'm going to blame that on Ben Higgins. It's his
fault absolutely, and he's not here to defend himself.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
So you were with Ben, I was with Gary. We
had like really good teammates and we did really well.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
I also just think we look really good, the four
of us, Yes, like just as ale. When you put
us next to each other, all four of us.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
You're like, optically, it looks really.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Good, very pleasing to the eye, esthetically esthetically pleasing. And
we were really good. We were really good, and we
had so much fun, so much fun.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
But like Ben was trying to get the tea for me,
He's like, what's going on in your life? I'm like, no, no, no, no, no,
or playing pickleball.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
I asked Ben to present me with options, and he
came alone.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
That's it, that's it. He didn't bring a friend.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
He didn't bring a friend. I don't know if you
know this, but he's married and he's with child.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Yes, I know.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Yeah, what was Ben thinking?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
We could just spend our friendship just being friends and
talking about me dating.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
So we are talking about dating and love the second
time around, if you if a guy asked you to
play pickleball on the first.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Day, what would you think?
Speaker 3 (04:50):
I mean, after today, it's a solid yes for me.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Were you were great and you look really good.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
God, Kelly, and.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
You're flipping your hair on, looks good.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
You just made me so good about myself at this.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
I'd feel like you don't need that. That's not good.
That was not good.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
I would have to say pickleball would be a solid
first date. Like I'm not I'm at that age where like,
I don't want to go to the bars. Please don't
take me out drinking. That's I just don't want to
do that. I don't want to watch you play other sports, right,
but like, take me to play pickleball. Yeah, I've got
a cute skirt and a shirt. I stole my pickleball
paddle from the court, so now you have that. I'm
(05:26):
a shoe in. Just take me.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Plus, it's a game where you can like talk to
people and you can have fun. You don't feel like
you're like stressed, and you're not like you're not sweating.
It's actually a fun thing.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Some of us sweat, Kelly, you do not, but some
of us perspire.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
That's all we do is laugh. All we just do
is laugh.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
I'm like, we had some we did have fun, much
fun we did. It was it was so great. So
we're gonna play twenty one questions in your I Do
Part two chapter. So number one you ready?
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
If you ask a man out on the first date,
is it ever acceptable to split the bill?
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (06:07):
Well, I'm not asking a man out on a date.
I'm just not. If we're all being honest here, a
bunch of girls here, I'm not. I'm just not. So
for all of my future husbands listening, don't wait for
me to make the first move. I'm not going to
do it right. Secondly, I'm not splitting the bill on
a first date. I'm just not. Chivalry is not dead.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
I totally agree.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
I'm I don't mind at some point footing the bill
for dinners here and there.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Right, But like.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
I I'm choosing a man because I'd like for them
to be a man, and I think there's something really
wonderful about them asking me out making plans. I've made
a lot of plans in my life, and I'm kind
of tired. I don't want to have to do that.
I'm really comfortable at home just watching TV all by
myself and eating whatever I want. Right, So, if I'm
going to go out and actually like, you know, shower,
(06:56):
shave my legs, ugh, better make it right. So no,
I'm not splitting the bill on the first date. And
I'm also not asking him out right.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Okay. Number two.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
If a man doesn't finalize date plans or check in
ahead of scheduled date, like the morning of, does this
mean he's busy or that he's not interested?
Speaker 3 (07:21):
That's tough. It's okay to be busy. Is it a
Monday through Friday? Is he at work? Is he working?
Speaker 2 (07:29):
No?
Speaker 3 (07:29):
It means he's not that interested. That's what I think.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
I love your monelogue. You're like, wait a minute, let
me go through this.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Can you tell I go on a lot of dates?
Speaker 1 (07:37):
So busy?
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Dat, I'm so busy dating. I have so many options.
I'm like, yes, no, no, no, I think that he
doesn't he doesn't care enough. There's there's no room for
in my world of dating me personally. If we're talking
about me, there's no room for playing games. And so
I think if like it is Friday and we have
plans to go out on Friday night and play pickle
(07:59):
ball right at you know, at a decent time in
the morning, ten am, Roll up, I get up early, right,
shoot me a text, Hey, I'm looking forward to seeing you.
I'll pick you up at six thirty.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Right.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Was nothing wrong with that. I was shame of the game.
I find that very attractive.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
I think so too. I mean, I chose confidence.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Yes, I feel like if they're like, wait and then
they'll like see you like four o'clock and they'll see
you at six, I'd be like, I've kind of been
waiting to see if you're confirming or not all day.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
I'm sorry. At four pm, I'm already in the mindset
that I'm taking a bath and going to bed. So
if I haven't heard from you by four pm, you
can just not ever call again.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yeah, we need to like explore that later, because that's
like a really good, really good point. Okay, number three,
how long should you be dating someone? To bring up
the topic money, debt and credit scores?
Speaker 3 (08:46):
I don't think I'm the person for this question, Kelly.
I also think I was just having this conversation. I
also think because I genuinely don't think I ever want
to get married again. And again you and I have
talked about this. I'm not dating for someone else's paycheck.
I'm just not I'm not trying to date someone who's broke.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
I would.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
I like nice things. I like to eat good food.
I really love to travel and I need someone who
can do that. But I'm not looking for someone to
put the bill. That's a good way to put it.
I have a really great credit score, so I don't
mind sharing that, but.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I wouldn't say.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
I mean it worked really hard in my whole life.
I worked really hard for everything I've got, and I
worked really hard for my credit score, and I'm really
proud of it. But it's not something that i'm sharing.
And I think if I it was twenty years ago
and I was looking at marrying someone, those things would
probably be a priority to me. But it's just not now.
(09:44):
I have my own money, I have my own checking account,
I have my own credit score, which is really great,
and I'm not putting the bill for anyone. I'm just
not going to do it.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I love that, Okay, So dating someone that has money,
debt or credit scores like that just doesn't work for me.
Like I don't want to be with someone that has debt.
I don't want to be footing someone's bill.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I just don't.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
I mean, I've you know, provided for my kids, and
I'm so proud of that. And you know, we're very
similar in that way that I just want, you know,
I want like even footing. I don't want to be
my back foot when I'm with when them with a guy.
I just want to feel good and get to know
them and learn about, you know, us, how we could
be together. I don't want any kind of like extra
(10:27):
extra things that are coming in. They're like, you know,
things that are coming in and be like, oh my god, Like,
by the way, we can't buy a house because I
have bad credit score or something, you know what I
mean something.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
I think it's safe to say we are no longer
twenty two.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Right.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Therefore, I'm not going out to Chipotle because it's cheaper
than the new restaurant that opened up in New York City.
If I want to eat out somewhere, I have the
funds to pay for it. And I don't want to
sound terrible when I say it, but I also need
someone to match that game.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Right, what's wrong with that?
Speaker 3 (10:56):
What's wrong with that?
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Nothing? I'm pretty I think it's great. I do too, Yeah,
I mean the same way. I'm just that's not what
I want. So if someone has a lot of debt,
should that be a red flag?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Yes, yes, it's a red flag. Yes, because you know
what else. I also don't want what to take on
anyone else's debt.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Right, yeah, because if something happens to them, you're responsible for.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
It's a huge red flag. I will tell you. I
very early on went on a date and this guy
and I had talked and we had made plans to
go out, and then like the day before we were
supposed to gud he called me and he was like,
this whole forty five minute conversation and if you know
anything about me, I do not like to talk on
the telephone. I'm a Texter, right, I just don't have time.
My time is very valuable.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Right.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
And towards the end of the conversation, he let me
know that he lives with his mom and.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Dad in the basement forty eight.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
I was like, I'm in his.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
In the same room. I was in the same room
they'd grow up in.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
I don't didn't ask enough at that point, I was like.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Is there a Teddy Bear on the bed.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
I believe that this is not going in the direction
for us. I cannot date someone who lives at home
with mom and dad. But I just can't.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Just did he say why or you?
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Just he told me why? And it sounds like he
had some hardship, which I have grace. It just doesn't
suit me. But I'm not making out on mom and
Dad's couch. I'm just not. I'm not. I love that. Yeah,
I have two kids, Kelly.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
I know I don't want to right. No, I love that.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
So if you want to get married again at number five,
if you want to get married again, but the person
you are newly dating has express expressed that they don't
see themselves getting married again, should you follow that information
away and bring it up later or end the relationship Now?
Speaker 3 (12:48):
I feel like you asked this to my future dater
because I'm the person who doesn't want to get married.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Now, I wait a minute, she's gonna say I don't
want to get married.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
I do everyone a solid if marriage and kids is
what you're looking for or I'm not it right, I
can be a great partner. I believe in partnership and companionship.
I believe in monogamy. Right, I don't need the sheet
of paper if that's what you're looking for. And I
for sure don't want to have your babies. I just
don't I have to. And I feel really great, My
(13:16):
life feels full forty four almost. I don't going to
be pregnant again.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
I just don't, right, So.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
Yeah, I say, I say, laid on the table right away.
What I mean, what do you think? Well?
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I love that you have boundaries, that's you know, and
I have boundaries, and I think that there's a lot
of you know, there's a lot of women out there
that just don't and you know, I don't want to
be I just you know, I want to be with
a partner. I want a Do.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
You get married again?
Speaker 1 (13:45):
One hundred percent?
Speaker 3 (13:48):
That was me almost falling off of my chair.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
I would, even though my daughter, my daughter Teddy said, Mom,
don't get married again, but I would, Yes, definitely with
a prenup and everything with a prenap. But also like
to real human like to a person that like I
had respect for and that I felt comfortable with and
that I didn't have live in fear, like I feel
like a lot of the guys that I've dated in
(14:12):
the past, you know they they brought a lot of fear.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
I mean, mark my words, if we end up here
back next year and I've met the love of my
life and he has big arms and he keeps me safe,
you know what I mean, emotionally and physically. Maybe else,
maybe I'll sing a different tune, like look at me,
look at me. I'm sorry, did you want to put
a ring on it? Maybe I will. Maybe I surprised myself.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
I feel like you're like from the first time that
we spoke, I feel like the way that you're you are,
you are just like in every aspect, you're just like
like very like light and like.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Super positive, and I mean, you look so.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Great, and you just feel like you're like you're in
a really good time in your life.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
No, how much are they paying you?
Speaker 1 (14:58):
No, don't you feel like that. I'm serious.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
I feel like I'm in a really great time in
my life.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I feel we spent a lot of time together and
I just feel like you're in a really, really good space.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
I think there is a lot of beauty in knowing
exactly who you are. You know, and I have also
said this a thousand times. I'm not twenty five anymore.
When I was the bachelorette. I was impressionable. Even though
I still think that at my core, I was who
I was then that I am now. I just am
way more confident in it now, and I'm not willing
(15:29):
to bend or break who I am for anyone, right,
Like those people go in and come out of your
life for a reason, And I don't have to be
everyone's cup of tea. I'm okay with that, right. But
I also think I'm pretty great and I'm really kind,
and I have some really redeeming qualities. But I don't
have to be for everyone, and that's okay with me.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Well, like today when we're after pick a ball and
I was like, oh my god, you're just so much fun.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
You're like I am fun. I was like, oh my god,
I love that. I love that the I love.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
The confidence, all right. Number six. If you've been dating
someone for six months and their children who are teenagers
or older don't get along with you, is this a
sign the relationship won't work out long term? This is
a tough one.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
That is very tough. I haven't had the pleasure of
dating anyone with children. I have it easy, and I
guess if I have attempted to date anyone with children.
I've not been put in a position to meet their children.
I can only say this as I came from divorced
parents who both dated. My dad remarried, you know what
(16:37):
I mean, and my mother dated someone with children, and
I would imagine it was difficult to date. There were
three of us and we were wild, so I can't
imagine it was really easy on anyone else. I don't know,
because I think if it were me, and I love
my children and they're pretty freaking great, if they came
to me and they were like, mom, Billy Bob is
(16:58):
really a turd and we don't like him, I think
I would take that to heart, Like I think that
would I would that would like really resonate with me.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
But we're not talking like Billy Beparton.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
No, no, no, no, but listen, I could give him
a shot. I've have so many options right now. But
what am I doing?
Speaker 4 (17:14):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Don't you think your girls are old enough to be
like judges of character?
Speaker 4 (17:18):
It was?
Speaker 2 (17:18):
It was difficult for my kids. They were definitely very
verbal about you know one of you know, a couple
of the guys that I had been dated that they
were just like, mom, this is not the vibe.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
And so I was just like, okay, you're done.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Now let me ask you, because I've never introduced anyone
to my children, did you wait a specific amount of
time to introduce someone to your to your children? I
realize yours are a little bit older than mine.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Right, So, but you know, I've been single for since
the ice age. Man, I have been single forever.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Oh oh my god, what's gonna happen to me?
Speaker 2 (17:50):
It's funny because like we were talking before, and we
were talking about like just knowing me, and you're like,
I didn't even know you were Mary who you're married to?
Speaker 1 (17:56):
You know, what was this person?
Speaker 2 (17:58):
So you know, it's been single for a long time.
And when you know, when I was younger, uh, you know,
I was on Housewives and we were busy and there
were a lot of people coming in and out of
you know, out of the apartment for work, and they
never knew like who anyone was. They they said that
to me, They were like, we never even knew until
like recently, I said, oh, these are the guys that
(18:19):
I liked. And I was, you know, you know, we
were dating a little bit and then my daughter.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
I guess my two daughters like ranked them just kind
of charming but also awful. Oh my god, I don't
want to hear the list.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
But did you wait a specific time before? I mean,
girls are older, so you probably share more with them.
I'm asking more so for myself.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Because my last relationship, Yes, I waited a while you.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Did, Like are we talking like six months? Are we
talking like a year?
Speaker 2 (18:45):
No, we're talking like you know. I mean, they were older,
so it was like, you know, a couple of months,
but not just like right away. I think that I
think that my personal opinion on this is that it's
not necessarily about the children. It's more about the relationship
has to evolve and has to like really start to like,
you know, move into some another you know, and move
into something else. Like I'm not just going to be like, hey,
(19:06):
you're cute, I'm cute. Let's have fun, Like that's not ground.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
I guess I just think I don't want a revolving
door for my children. But I've also, Kelly listened to
far too many crime podcasts to like have anyone around
the children, Like maybe I'm there's something wrong with me.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
No, but you're right because you are the provider, and
you're also you're both you know, you were both hats
and so it's that's not you know, it's not easy,
and I and I respect you for that, And I
think that's really admirable because most women, especially in.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
New York, they're like kids, who cares? I need to
get married?
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Like I need, I need a new Amex, And it's
just like, that's not my vibe.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Yeah, yeah, I don't think I don't want another Amex. Yeah,
I just think I'm.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Okay, E, me too.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
You.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
We're both good with that. Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Number seven, how long should you be dating somebody before
you travel with them?
Speaker 3 (19:53):
I don't know because I really like to travel.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
So if you met someone you were like, this guy's great,
and he was like, let's on a trip next week,
would you go?
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Yeah? But listen, seventy two hours is way different than
having someone over from six to ten. That's very different.
I think it has to be a personality thing for
me because because I I listen, I have control issues
that must be shocking for you to hear.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Shocking.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
But I got some we got a few things. But
I think that you would genuinely have to know someone
to go and travel and stay in a hotel room
with them because I do. I like like my things
in a certain way. I like it really cold. I
like jack the air down as cold as it can
possibly be. I don't unpack. I like all of my
things in one place so I know where they are.
And then to have a human being that I don't
(20:40):
really know disrupting that.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
You're like, what are you doing? Why do you move
my tooth brush?
Speaker 3 (20:45):
My tooth bersh on the left side of this thing,
So don't touch my toothbrush.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
You weird. No, it's over. You move my tooth brush.
It's done.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
I travel with the kids.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Yeah, And like I have select few girlfriends that I
can enjoy for like days on end. That's a tough one,
given up. It depends on where we're going, you know,
like Mexico, Like you're going to Cabo. I can lay
out by the pool all day to see you peter
down at the beach. I need a break. But if
it's like Idaho and it's cold.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
About what about Like, oh my god, I have to
go to Paris tomorrow. Would you come? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (21:22):
I'd go for sure.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Are we going first? Class. Absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
I love that. I love that. Cobo was like, oh yeah, okay,
So number eight.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Rank these things that are from the most important to
the least important in chapter two, dating, intimacy, quality time,
date night, the spark, communication.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
I can't possibly rank those. Let me look at the
list again, most important to least important. This is really hard.
Starting with most important, I would go with communication. I
was just gonna say that it sounds boring, but in
the long run, if we're looking at the long run, yes,
communication is very important, right, So I'm going to go
(22:14):
with that most important. Communication. Next up is going to
be intimacy for me too. I've had I want to
be careful here what I say, but I am in
a phase of my life where I would really like
to enjoy intimacy. Am I saying that in a very
polite way.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
You are, Yes, I.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
Would like to enjoy intimacy at my age. So I'm
going to go communication intimacy your age.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Don't say that, because it's like, I just want to
enjoy enjoy intimacy. You're beautiful and young, and like I'm
just thinking.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
About like when I was twenty two. I don't know, okay,
my own body I didn't know what was where that's
what you do, and then yeah, oh you don't come
at me with that thing. But now I'm welcoming. But okay,
now I'm like, yeah, absolutely, communication, intimacy I'm gonna go with.
(23:13):
Quality time is very important to me. I think it's
my love language. Love quality time. I'm going to go
next to the spark and then to date night. I'm
not even going to rank a date night because I
think that's a given people. Just a date night can
be very different, you know what I mean. You can
go out to dinner. I'm not a traditional dater, and
I don't know if that's just because I was on
(23:34):
the Bachelor and the Bachelorette and now I'm traumatized for
the rest of my life. But I find it a
traditional date like high, let's go meet for drinks and
talk until we're blue in the face. Sometimes that bores me, Like,
let's think outside of the box. Let's do something different.
So I think there's a billion way sideways to do
a date night. Okay, now you rank them.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
It's important rank I think that yes, definitely, communication, Uh, definitely, intimacy,
the spark is really important to me. Quality time and
date night are kind of the same thing. But I
want to be with someone that I really want to
(24:15):
be with.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Yeah, you know, I you know.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
When you are working female and you're also you know, trying.
You know, even though my girls are older, I'm still
their parents. I still talk to them all day long
and trying to, you know, help guide them and make
good decisions.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
And I, you know, still have a lot of fear.
I want them to do well, and.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
I worry about them clearly, and so you know, I
want to be with someone that makes me feel good.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
Valuable, Yes, you know what I mean, like monetary.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
I want someone that's like, you look gorgeous.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Like oh my god, you know what I like.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
I like to say.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
They never tell me I'm pretty. Ever they're like, you
stop it right now, I swear to god. They never
They're like, oh, that's nice, like.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
You're not hanging out with the right men because you
are stunning cute.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
But you know what I mean, Like that kind of
stuff means something to me, like something I want to
look good for.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Them, I do.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
Do you know what our word is? What we want
to be cherished? Yes, we want to be cherished.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Yes, I want to be cherished. Yes, yes, we're leaving
twenty to twenty five with that's our word cherish, cherish cherish,
yes or don't?
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Okay? So number nine, what is it?
Speaker 2 (25:29):
What is a small thing people tend to overlook but
in reality is a huge sign in a relationship that
a relationship isn't good.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
How codependent they are on their family would be a
good starter. Okay, So I think it's a pretty huge
red flag. Huge codependency is a huge red flag to me. Yeah, yeah,
I need a I need an individual. I need someone
who can stand on their own two legs. I need
a confident man.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Respect for their family is great, But yes, I don't
want someone that's like holding one second, I guess as
my mom everything.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Yeah, I lived in a marriage where everyone had a
seat at the table. Everyone had a seat at the table,
they got a vote at the end of the day.
I don't want that, right. I believe that in a
relationship it should lie between the two people in it.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
So wait, every wait, wait, wait, I'm sorry. You were
a relationship where everyone in his family had told you,
guys what you were doing.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Yeah, there's a seat at the table and everyone got one.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
And so then when you when you went home, we
were like, I'm not doing that, or I think it.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Took me a minute to get to that point. I
don't think I've realized at the time that that's what
was happening, right, don't I don't think I realized at
the time.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Yeah. Yeah, that's not easy. That's not easy.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I mean that goes back to what you just said
about Cherish. So number ten, do you think people can
have different religious beliefs and have a successful relationship or
is that a fundamental is it? Or is that if
memmom that needs to be aligned.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
I would say for me, it's a fundamental thing that
needs to be aligned. I am a Christian.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
I don't hide that.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
I would love someone who loves Jesus the Lord. That's
where I go for me and only me personally. I'm
sure it works for other people. I won't be able
to relate probably with someone who does not practice Christianity.
That is the home I want to live in. That
(27:29):
is how I raise my children, and that's the kind
of relationship that I personally would like to be in.
For me, that works for me, that is important to me.
I don't know what you think.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
So I call it spiritual integrity.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
My ex husband is Jewish, my girls are half Jewish.
I'm Catholic, and I just kind of gave myself this
grace to just be open to a lot of different
religions as long as there is like beauty and love
and people that and respect.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
You know, how did you celebrate Christmas?
Speaker 4 (28:04):
Though?
Speaker 2 (28:05):
We celebrated Christmas because I celebrated Christmas. But you know,
if you know, because that's kind of that was a holiday.
You know, my ex husband was It's not like he was,
you know, he wasn't a practicing Jewish man. He was
he you know, becamet. He converted to Judaism later on,
and I just was like, this is what I'm doing
and this is how I'm doing it, and they're my children. Yeah,
(28:28):
so I'm I support you and Hanukkah, but I also
need to be respectful of.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
My family and our religion.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Yeah, updated people in the past, did you convert? No? No,
I wouldn't. No.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
No.
Speaker 3 (28:43):
I feel like also with where I'm at in my
life and who I am and confident in myself, I
also have a really wonderful walk with Christ and that's
I just don't see myself deviating from that that is
what I believe in. Well, right, those are those are
my beliefs. That is how I am raising my children,
and it's important to me. It would be important to
(29:04):
me in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
I mean, I just want my girls to be respectful
and kind and have spiritual integrity, no matter whatever they
choose to do with their own lives or whoever they
choose to be with. I just want that person to
I don't want them to be with an atheist. I
would that would really really upset me. Number eleven, what's
(29:35):
one thing you think men fifty plus need to lighten
up on when it comes to dating.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
It's more than one thing. Did I say that loud?
Speaker 3 (29:43):
I don't think I've I think I've only been on
a date with fifty plus like maybe twice.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Yeah, And what did you think?
Speaker 3 (29:53):
This is going to really sound terrible? I don't know
if I'm just attracted to younger guys. It sounds so bad.
I kind of I kind of felt like I was
on a date with an old man, right, I did.
And it was like it was down to like, oh there.
You know how when you're on a date sometimes there's
just things that just like that's it, Like, that's just
a And I went on a date one time. This
(30:15):
this dude was wearing shorts and tennis shoes.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
I have a you went on a date with you
in shorts and ten shit.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
It was like our third or fourth date, our third
or fourth date. And I broke up with a guy
once because he wore kse Swiss with blue jeans. It's
just my own It's.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Like it's optics of the case Swiss with blue jeans
are now.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
So terribly superficial, and I am so sorry forgive me,
but you know how, there are just certain things that
you just can't get past. And I had a thing
when I was younger with guys who wore white sneakers
case Swiss in particular, and wore them and this. You know,
I'm forty four almost, so this was back when like
cargo jeans forty three, cool forty three and.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Why are you aging yourself?
Speaker 3 (31:00):
I know, And I just it was I couldn't get
past the white tennis shoes and the blue jeans. So
also this older guy and I think he was like
fifty six, so he's but you know, and it was
like our third or fourth date, and we were going
to the music thing. And when he showed up, he
had on like khaki cargo shorts and tennis shoes, not
even like cool ones, like some nikes, like his running shoes.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Yeah wow. And all night.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
I was just like, Oh, yeah, he's got his nikes on.
He's going running. Where did he go?
Speaker 1 (31:30):
Where's he going?
Speaker 3 (31:31):
I tried to relatively look attractive, you know what I mean,
Like I tried to look and he was just like,
didn't care if that's not that's right for a job, dude.
And I couldn't get past it. I totally also, Kelly
should tell you it wasn't meant to be.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
I know, but I'm I'm like that. I mean, I
definitely judge men by the way they look. I'm ideal
one hundred percent, by their shoes. I mean, I'm always like,
it's just one thing that.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
Don't think I'm not being judged when I walk in
if my hair is not done, or I'm not wearing
a full face of makeup, or my ass is too big,
don't think I'm not being judged.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
I definitely agree with you that if a guy, I mean,
if I am, if I'm making the effort, then.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
He can make the effort. I totally agree with you.
Speaker 3 (32:10):
Yes, yes, shower, wash your hair, slap on a little colone, Yeah,
wear your sneakers. But like, let them be cool, right.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
I think that for me, what happens with a lot
of men in their fifties is that because I'm in
my fifties and you know, I'm not judging them, like
I'm not judging them for the relationships that they've had.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
I just want to know them.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
And I think what happens is because they're dating a
lot of different women's a lot of different women from
a lot of different ages, is that they want they
think that trauma, bonding with a past narrative or saying
something about an ex is going to make you be
like open up.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
And I'm like, no, no, no, I don't want to
open up about my ex.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Like I will talk to you about that later on
if we start to date and have a serious conversation
about how it affected me and you know what my
thoughts are, But I'm not going to be like, yeah,
let me just like you know, shut on my ex
because you want to shu on your ex to make.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Yourself feel better. That's a big thing.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
If we're when we're done here, we need to write
a book on dating one oh one, yes.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
But like todating, we're down.
Speaker 3 (33:16):
There are certain things that are common sense, right, there
are certain things that are common sense. And on the
first couple of dates we'd talk about about my past
relationships or my ex husband on a date is not
that's not a good look.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
How does that make you?
Speaker 2 (33:31):
Do you think do men think that women are more
attractive if they're word vomiting. I definitely don't see them
as attractive. I'm like, oh, here we go.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
I'm just a part of the therapy session. It's just
it's just a dinner. We're all egotistical. Humans are egotistical.
We believe that our thoughts are more important, our beliefs
are more important, our opinion is more important. How many
times do you sit down and do a podcast and think, oh, yeah,
I make not of that. I want to say that,
I want to respond with that versus hearing what someone
is sharing. Right. We are egotistical, is who we are.
(34:00):
And when people do that, they believe that we really
give a flying who was in the wrong when their
relationship didn't work, So they feel the need to tell
it so that you think that they're a good person
so that you think they're good at relationships, they feel
the need to.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
Tell you that they were wrong. But I'm more in
the I'm like, if it's show and tell I want
to see the show. You don't need to tell me.
I can already see it. Yeah, Like, if you're a
good person, you don't need to tell me that you're
a good person. I can tell by your mannerisms, by
your manner, by how kind you are to a waiter,
(34:38):
you know those, I can see with my own eyes
what you're doing that's, you know, kind. I can also,
you don't need to tell me how kind you are,
because I'm like, oh, yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
I'm fun and I'm kind.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
I am so fine.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
I'm so fine, I'm so kind, I'm so kind, and
I'm so fine. I'm doing really well.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Well, yeah, I'm doing great.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
Great, Oh my god, that's great for you.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
So what's one thing you think women in their fifties
need to lighten up on when it comes to dating.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
Money. I think women in their fifties who are single
in particular focus on money. They are looking for a
man who is financially sound, financially stable, and has the
money and the wealth to take care of them.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
They're chasing the AMX. Yes, I agree with you.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
What are the three things you should you should be
able to know about someone after one date? Oh god,
I got in trouble for this.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
Did you go first?
Speaker 2 (35:34):
No?
Speaker 3 (35:34):
No, you go first? This is yours?
Speaker 1 (35:36):
These are your questions?
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Oh my gosh. Three things you should walk away knowing
of their name wouldn't be super important. I can't tell
you how many times I walk away and they don't
know my name, right?
Speaker 1 (35:48):
They don't say your name?
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Yeah, they don't know my name, right?
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Okay, remember your name? Okay, really doing well?
Speaker 3 (35:55):
Right? Your name?
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Don't know your game?
Speaker 3 (35:58):
Okay? They should that I have children. They should know that,
and I don't know.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
They should know you have Yeah, you says you definitely
know your name. I should definitely know you have children.
And I think that there should be some kind of
baseline understanding of like who you are. They should have
They should kind of have a I should know they're
more like their baseline compass, and they should know.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
Mine a baseline compass. I really like that.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
No, don't you think?
Speaker 3 (36:31):
Yeah, I'm going to take that a baseline compass.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Like here, like even if it's just a casual like
here are a couple of lines in the sand that I.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
Will not put up with or I'm going to.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Be They're like, oh, okay, I can I can see
who you are?
Speaker 3 (36:46):
You know, yeah, on my next date, I'm going to
make sure they know my baseline compass, A.
Speaker 1 (36:50):
Moral compass, my moral compass, just.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
My compass in general?
Speaker 1 (36:57):
What are three things you should be able to Okay? Sorry?
Speaker 2 (37:00):
And in your opinion, in your number fourteen? In your opinion,
do do men still want to date a woman if
they're intimate with them on the first date?
Speaker 3 (37:07):
No, No, I don't think so. I think that that
age old thing dates back a really long time. If
you give up all of the jewels from the get,
why would they come back for more jewels?
Speaker 1 (37:23):
Give the milk away for free?
Speaker 3 (37:25):
Don't you don't give it away? Everyone pays the milkman, right,
it's not free? Right.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Fifteen.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
If you're dating long distance and your I do part
two life, what do you need to do to make a.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Successful long term I don't know. I got my excess.
I got divorced after ten years.
Speaker 3 (37:48):
I think that long distance is hard and you have
to be really intentional. I would say that now now older,
dating older, and especially because I don't want marriage and
I don't want kids, that it would be easier to
prioritize that. I don't know that it is something that
I could have done as a twenty something, you know
what I mean. My priorities are just very different. Plus,
(38:10):
I don't know. I was poor when I was like
twenty three. I was trying to sell houses. It's like,
just to pay my mortgage. Like I was, I couldn't
fly to New York for forty eight hours and go
out to dinner. I'd be sitting in the back of
the bus. And I want to sit in a nice
big seat in the front of the bus, just like
I want comfort. I want comfort.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
I think that in my in where I am in
my life, I think that long distance is difficult. However,
if it's not that far away where it's like train
ride away or something, then I would be fine with it.
Because I do have a very hectic schedule and I
don't want I don't want a man to be on
(38:50):
my time.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
I want to be on our time.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
Yeah, and so I'd rather spend time together and have
it be like really meaningful and make me feel really
good about the time that we're together, then just spending
like every single day together.
Speaker 3 (39:05):
You know, listen, Kelly, he would have to knock my
flip and socks off in order for me to do
it right. And then I would have to be really intentional.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
Right, I'm not. I'm just what I'm saying, like I
would be. I'm open to that. I am open to that. Okay. Sixteen.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
If someone said they wanted you to be their partner,
but you knew they'd have to sleep in a separate
bed for the for the unforseeable future, how would you react?
Speaker 3 (39:26):
It's a hard pass.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
I'm just like, it's probably like snoring or something some
hard pass.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
If someone like interrupted my sleep, I'd be like, I'm sorry,
I'm eight hours, Like you can't.
Speaker 3 (39:35):
But you would still date them if they had to
sleep in a separate room.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
No, no, I know, what's the point, Like, I don't
want to know me. I don't want a pen pal. No,
definitely don't want hard pass. Yes, agreed. If you're in
a relationship with someone, do you consider any of the
following Cheating you ready going to a strip club, cheating
watching porn, cheating, having a subscription to OnlyFans.
Speaker 3 (39:58):
Cheating, So we've learned here is a nold frood. I'm
an absolute prude. What we're going to do listen? Cheating, cheating, cheating,
cheating across the board. I don't care if it is
emotionally you're just looking but not touching, right, I don't
care if you're hiding behind your little keyboard and you're
just getting off hard pass for me. No, thank you, right, no,
(40:20):
thank you. I want to be the apple of someone's eye.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
Right, I want to be the person that they're like,
I can't wait to be with you. I don't want
them to be like, oh see that girl, let's put
her on. No, no, nope, I totally agree. And like
going to a scripts strip club, I'm like, why would
you want to go to a strip club if you
had respect for me?
Speaker 3 (40:38):
I also just think if you have to hide and
do things, that should tell you that it is wrong. Right.
If you're hiding to do things, if you are hiding
to watch porn, you're hiding on OnlyFans, it's wrong.
Speaker 1 (40:48):
Okay, what if they told you that they were doing that,
or if they're like, hey, no, yeah.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Then give me the option. It's still a no for me, Right, No, Thanky,
don't want I don't need you paying for foot pictures? Right,
I get a pedicure?
Speaker 1 (40:59):
You stare?
Speaker 3 (40:59):
Mind?
Speaker 1 (41:01):
What colle do you want this week?
Speaker 2 (41:05):
When you're in a serious relationship or marriage and we're eighteen,
When you're in a serious relationship or marriage, is it
okay to be friends with an ex.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
If you've had if you had no children together? Why
are why not? Kind of like, I don't know how
I feel about this one.
Speaker 3 (41:23):
I am such an incredibly loyal human being in friendships, partnerships,
relationship and in my marriage. So for me in particular,
I didn't wish anyone ill will. If I were to
see an ex boyfriend, I would wish them well, but
it would bother me if my significant other was texting
(41:47):
separately without my knowledge with an ex girlfriend. I am
a firm believer that relationships come to an end for
a reason. I am not one of those people that
go back and forth, let's give it eleven more tries.
I'm not going to do it. When things come to
an end, that is a cleansing for me. That means
something better is entering your life, and I by all
(42:08):
means wide open bring it to me, I'll take the better,
so I don't leave the door open for old stuff.
Speaker 4 (42:15):
Right.
Speaker 2 (42:16):
So there have been guys that I dated who I
thought they were great. I just didn't want to be
with them, and I don't have any I don't have
any emotional attachment to them. So it doesn't matter if
they're texting me. You know, I may respond quickly, I
may not respond for a while. I don't feel that
there's that attachment. If if someone I was dating was
(42:40):
was texting with someone where there was some kind of
like inappropriate conversations, then I would say, like, you need
to make a choice, like I'm not going to be
around for that, Like I'm not.
Speaker 1 (42:49):
Putting up with that.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
Yeah, if it's like, hey, you know, hope everyone's well,
Merry Christmas, like I'm fine with that, or you know,
but nothing that's like would be misconstrued is inappropriate?
Speaker 1 (43:00):
That would really that would my fasic level.
Speaker 3 (43:02):
I don't have enough brain cells to be texting many
different people. My time is valuable. I don't care.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
I just don't A thousand and I totally agree with you.
So the twenty do you believe in love at first sight?
Speaker 1 (43:16):
I do.
Speaker 3 (43:16):
I've never experienced love at first sight. But I do
think it happens. Well, we hung out with Ryan and
Trista all day. I think that's a prime example. They
met on a television show, they fell in love, they've
been married ever since. I'm not saying it's easy. I
do think it happens. I have personally never experienced it.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
I think it happens too. I mean I am open
to it too. I mean I've seen people where I'm like,
oh my gosh, but I was. But maybe there I
would like, I was like, this is a great person.
But I was not in a position in that time
of my life to be able to take it to
the next step.
Speaker 1 (43:48):
So I believe that as well.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Okay, the last to twenty one, Lucky twenty one. What's
something you learned about yourself going through divorce?
Speaker 3 (43:59):
Oh, it's a loaded question.
Speaker 1 (44:02):
You've learned a lot.
Speaker 3 (44:03):
I've learned a lot. But I would say one thing
that has stuck with me my entire life is that
I'm freaking resilient. I am freaking resilient. And I said
this to you earlier. I keep my side of the
street clean. I love all I can do, that's all
I can do. I am in charge of me. I
am in charge of what comes out of my mouth.
I am in charge of how I reply, what I do,
what I say. So much of my life gets played
(44:27):
out for people to see without that wanting to be
my desire. I keep my side of the street clean.
And I am freaking resilient.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
I mean, I think we both are. Yeah, yeah, you know.
I mean we've had we both have had our own
pass but I agree. I mean, I I'm just proud
of who I am as a human, as a mother,
as a provider.
Speaker 1 (44:53):
I'm very proud of that. And I agree.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
Yeah, Like, I just I don't like I don't like
the things in a messy first of all, Like I'll
probably forget something if someone said, what did you say,
I'll be like, I have no idea, Like, I don't
like it, doesn't I just I don't like things that
are messy. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:10):
I like things to be in order. I think like
things to be calm.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
I like there to be I want it to be
able to be in a position where I can be
nurturing to my partner, nurturing to my kids. I don't
want to be like on my back foot trying to
figure things out.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
Yeah, that's not what I also like, you just you
take things, you grow from them, and you learn. Everything
is a learning experience. And if people are not doing that,
and they're not taking things that happen in their life
and choosing to better themselves from it, then where's the growth?
Right there? Where's the growth? Like, that's what we're supposed
to do at the end of the day. You know
(45:46):
what I want to be every day. I want to
be a better woman. I want to be a better mother,
right I want to be a better partner. Someday I
want to be a better human being.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
You know, it's interesting in business they always talk about like, oh,
it's a value add but that's the same thing in
a relationship. You want someone that is a value add
to you, like caring, loving, you know, nurturing, all the
whatever it is that you need. You want that person
to be that person.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
We're so great. Can you even believe this? Us are single?
Can you even believe this? Like? How does someone not
want this? We've got all this hair, these bright and
shining personalities. We're like smile, we play pickleball.
Speaker 1 (46:23):
We play pickleball. Yeah, we've gotten so gosh, I know
we're doing great. We're doing We're doing great.
Speaker 3 (46:28):
We're doing grea, Yeah, we're doing great. Oh yeah.
Speaker 4 (46:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
Thank you so much for being so vulnerable and honest
and giving such a great advice on the pod. Love
love getting to hang out with you as always. Do
you have questions when it comes to dating, call us
or email us. We're here to help. All the infos
in the show notes, follow us on socials, and make
sure to rate and review the podcast I Do Part two,
an iHeartRadio podcast. We're falling in Love is the main objective?
Speaker 3 (46:59):
Do you want to put my I phone number? In
the show notes
Welcome back to ID Part two.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
On one of your celebrity mentors, Kelly Bensimon, I'm coming
to you from beautiful Lake Tahoe, and I'm thrilled to
be joined by one of my friends and repeat guests
that you know her from the Bachelorette. It's Diana Dangliano.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
I love you.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
I was thinking of your name is like Diana and
like a song. I don't know there's a song.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
So we're podcasting from the Verbo summer House in Lake Tahoe.
Procrastinators rejoice, the early bird is not the only one
who gets the worm. Verbo offers last minute deals for
private vacation rentals verbos. Last minute deals are live on
the Verbo app and website, showing travelers at nearly three
hundred thousand discount of properties they can book with thirty
(00:57):
days of check in. A few destinations with plenty of
last minute booking options, including Hilton Head, South Carolina, Cape
cod Massachusetts, San Diego, Point of Irta, and of course,
Lake Tahoe. We are recording the episode inside.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
A lovely Verbo.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Finding these yells is simple and last minute booking filter
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are also labeled with a last minute badge that displays
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never have to second guess the total cost.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Or worry about hidden fees.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Verbo displays all mandatory fees in the upfront price.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Seven other places where we're going on vacation.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
I am no.
Speaker 4 (01:41):
I was like, wow, all these places I know, Oh
my god.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Okay, so we are.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
We're here in Lake Tahoe for the Pickaball event. It's
been a ton of fun so far. Do you play
pickaball in your free time?
Speaker 3 (02:01):
I did today.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
You're amazing, by the way.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
I don't know if you saw me, but I did.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
I was.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
I did really well.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
You had some really stellar moves. I'm not gonna lie.
Did you dance moves were amazing?
Speaker 3 (02:12):
Listen, Kelly Foot with the hair. I have to admit
at one point I looked at you from across the
court and your your hair is down, You're not sweating
a drop, and you've just got those legs for days,
and you've got your paddle, and I thought, she's a
She's a vision of beauty on the pickleball court. You're
(02:37):
not sweating an ounce do you're not sweat I glow.
You were glowing, ma'am. You were glowing. You You didn't
have a genuine kept your hair down the whole time.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
I know I have to Is.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
This all yours?
Speaker 1 (02:50):
It is?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
But I have I'm psoriasis, so I don't like to
like show it off.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
With your hair. No, I am the horizon. It's on
my skin.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
So that's why I always wore my hair down because
it's like in my back and like I even got
it in my eye today, so I'm like, okay, I'll
just like to deal with it.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Well, you have the most beautiful hair, Thank you, and
you pay you pickleball like a champ today with your
hair down the entire day.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
That's really good, really really good shots. I was super impressed.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Thank you. At first, you were like, I don't know
what I'm doing. I'm like, no, no, you do, you can
do this.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
I'm rather athletic. Thank you. Well you are by this,
I feel like we should be friends than you are
making me feel so good about myself today. Yes, today
was my first time playing football. It was my first
go at it, and if I'm being honest, I dominated
on the court. Uh, my team did not win, but
(03:44):
I'm going to blame that on Ben Higgins. It's his
fault absolutely, and he's not here to defend himself.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
So you were with Ben, I was with Gary. We
had like really good teammates and we did really well.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
I also just think we look really good, the four
of us, Yes, like just as ale. When you put
us next to each other, all four of us.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
You're like, optically, it looks really.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Good, very pleasing to the eye, esthetically esthetically pleasing. And
we were really good. We were really good, and we
had so much fun, so much fun.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
But like Ben was trying to get the tea for me,
He's like, what's going on in your life? I'm like, no, no, no, no, no,
or playing pickleball.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
I asked Ben to present me with options, and he
came alone.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
That's it, that's it. He didn't bring a friend.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
He didn't bring a friend. I don't know if you
know this, but he's married and he's with child.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Yes, I know.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Yeah, what was Ben thinking?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
We could just spend our friendship just being friends and
talking about me dating.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
So we are talking about dating and love the second
time around, if you if a guy asked you to
play pickleball on the first.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Day, what would you think?
Speaker 3 (04:50):
I mean, after today, it's a solid yes for me.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Were you were great and you look really good.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
God, Kelly, and.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
You're flipping your hair on, looks good.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
You just made me so good about myself at this.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
I'd feel like you don't need that. That's not good.
That was not good.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
I would have to say pickleball would be a solid
first date. Like I'm not I'm at that age where like,
I don't want to go to the bars. Please don't
take me out drinking. That's I just don't want to
do that. I don't want to watch you play other sports, right,
but like, take me to play pickleball. Yeah, I've got
a cute skirt and a shirt. I stole my pickleball
paddle from the court, so now you have that. I'm
(05:26):
a shoe in. Just take me.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Plus, it's a game where you can like talk to
people and you can have fun. You don't feel like
you're like stressed, and you're not like you're not sweating.
It's actually a fun thing.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Some of us sweat, Kelly, you do not, but some
of us perspire.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
That's all we do is laugh. All we just do
is laugh.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
I'm like, we had some we did have fun, much
fun we did. It was it was so great. So
we're gonna play twenty one questions in your I Do
Part two chapter. So number one you ready?
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
If you ask a man out on the first date,
is it ever acceptable to split the bill?
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (06:07):
Well, I'm not asking a man out on a date.
I'm just not. If we're all being honest here, a
bunch of girls here, I'm not. I'm just not. So
for all of my future husbands listening, don't wait for
me to make the first move. I'm not going to
do it right. Secondly, I'm not splitting the bill on
a first date. I'm just not. Chivalry is not dead.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
I totally agree.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
I'm I don't mind at some point footing the bill
for dinners here and there.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Right, But like.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
I I'm choosing a man because I'd like for them
to be a man, and I think there's something really
wonderful about them asking me out making plans. I've made
a lot of plans in my life, and I'm kind
of tired. I don't want to have to do that.
I'm really comfortable at home just watching TV all by
myself and eating whatever I want. Right, So, if I'm
going to go out and actually like, you know, shower,
(06:56):
shave my legs, ugh, better make it right. So no,
I'm not splitting the bill on the first date. And
I'm also not asking him out right.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Okay. Number two.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
If a man doesn't finalize date plans or check in
ahead of scheduled date, like the morning of, does this
mean he's busy or that he's not interested?
Speaker 3 (07:21):
That's tough. It's okay to be busy. Is it a
Monday through Friday? Is he at work? Is he working?
Speaker 2 (07:29):
No?
Speaker 3 (07:29):
It means he's not that interested. That's what I think.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
I love your monelogue. You're like, wait a minute, let
me go through this.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Can you tell I go on a lot of dates?
Speaker 1 (07:37):
So busy?
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Dat, I'm so busy dating. I have so many options.
I'm like, yes, no, no, no, I think that he
doesn't he doesn't care enough. There's there's no room for
in my world of dating me personally. If we're talking
about me, there's no room for playing games. And so
I think if like it is Friday and we have
plans to go out on Friday night and play pickle
(07:59):
ball right at you know, at a decent time in
the morning, ten am, Roll up, I get up early, right,
shoot me a text, Hey, I'm looking forward to seeing you.
I'll pick you up at six thirty.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Right.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Was nothing wrong with that. I was shame of the game.
I find that very attractive.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
I think so too. I mean, I chose confidence.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Yes, I feel like if they're like, wait and then
they'll like see you like four o'clock and they'll see
you at six, I'd be like, I've kind of been
waiting to see if you're confirming or not all day.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
I'm sorry. At four pm, I'm already in the mindset
that I'm taking a bath and going to bed. So
if I haven't heard from you by four pm, you
can just not ever call again.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yeah, we need to like explore that later, because that's
like a really good, really good point. Okay, number three,
how long should you be dating someone? To bring up
the topic money, debt and credit scores?
Speaker 3 (08:46):
I don't think I'm the person for this question, Kelly.
I also think I was just having this conversation. I
also think because I genuinely don't think I ever want
to get married again. And again you and I have
talked about this. I'm not dating for someone else's paycheck.
I'm just not I'm not trying to date someone who's broke.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
I would.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
I like nice things. I like to eat good food.
I really love to travel and I need someone who
can do that. But I'm not looking for someone to
put the bill. That's a good way to put it.
I have a really great credit score, so I don't
mind sharing that, but.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I wouldn't say.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
I mean it worked really hard in my whole life.
I worked really hard for everything I've got, and I
worked really hard for my credit score, and I'm really
proud of it. But it's not something that i'm sharing.
And I think if I it was twenty years ago
and I was looking at marrying someone, those things would
probably be a priority to me. But it's just not now.
(09:44):
I have my own money, I have my own checking account,
I have my own credit score, which is really great,
and I'm not putting the bill for anyone. I'm just
not going to do it.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I love that, Okay, So dating someone that has money,
debt or credit scores like that just doesn't work for me.
Like I don't want to be with someone that has debt.
I don't want to be footing someone's bill.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I just don't.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
I mean, I've you know, provided for my kids, and
I'm so proud of that. And you know, we're very
similar in that way that I just want, you know,
I want like even footing. I don't want to be
my back foot when I'm with when them with a guy.
I just want to feel good and get to know
them and learn about, you know, us, how we could
be together. I don't want any kind of like extra
(10:27):
extra things that are coming in. They're like, you know,
things that are coming in and be like, oh my god, Like,
by the way, we can't buy a house because I
have bad credit score or something, you know what I
mean something.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
I think it's safe to say we are no longer
twenty two.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Right.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Therefore, I'm not going out to Chipotle because it's cheaper
than the new restaurant that opened up in New York City.
If I want to eat out somewhere, I have the
funds to pay for it. And I don't want to
sound terrible when I say it, but I also need
someone to match that game.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Right, what's wrong with that?
Speaker 3 (10:56):
What's wrong with that?
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Nothing? I'm pretty I think it's great. I do too, Yeah,
I mean the same way. I'm just that's not what
I want. So if someone has a lot of debt,
should that be a red flag?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Yes, yes, it's a red flag. Yes, because you know
what else. I also don't want what to take on
anyone else's debt.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Right, yeah, because if something happens to them, you're responsible for.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
It's a huge red flag. I will tell you. I
very early on went on a date and this guy
and I had talked and we had made plans to
go out, and then like the day before we were
supposed to gud he called me and he was like,
this whole forty five minute conversation and if you know
anything about me, I do not like to talk on
the telephone. I'm a Texter, right, I just don't have time.
My time is very valuable.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Right.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
And towards the end of the conversation, he let me
know that he lives with his mom and.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Dad in the basement forty eight.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
I was like, I'm in his.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
In the same room. I was in the same room
they'd grow up in.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
I don't didn't ask enough at that point, I was like.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Is there a Teddy Bear on the bed.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
I believe that this is not going in the direction
for us. I cannot date someone who lives at home
with mom and dad. But I just can't.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Just did he say why or you?
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Just he told me why? And it sounds like he
had some hardship, which I have grace. It just doesn't
suit me. But I'm not making out on mom and
Dad's couch. I'm just not. I'm not. I love that. Yeah,
I have two kids, Kelly.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
I know I don't want to right. No, I love that.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
So if you want to get married again at number five,
if you want to get married again, but the person
you are newly dating has express expressed that they don't
see themselves getting married again, should you follow that information
away and bring it up later or end the relationship Now?
Speaker 3 (12:48):
I feel like you asked this to my future dater
because I'm the person who doesn't want to get married.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Now, I wait a minute, she's gonna say I don't
want to get married.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
I do everyone a solid if marriage and kids is
what you're looking for or I'm not it right, I
can be a great partner. I believe in partnership and companionship.
I believe in monogamy. Right, I don't need the sheet
of paper if that's what you're looking for. And I
for sure don't want to have your babies. I just
don't I have to. And I feel really great, My
(13:16):
life feels full forty four almost. I don't going to
be pregnant again.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
I just don't, right, So.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
Yeah, I say, I say, laid on the table right away.
What I mean, what do you think? Well?
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I love that you have boundaries, that's you know, and
I have boundaries, and I think that there's a lot
of you know, there's a lot of women out there
that just don't and you know, I don't want to
be I just you know, I want to be with
a partner. I want a Do.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
You get married again?
Speaker 1 (13:45):
One hundred percent?
Speaker 3 (13:48):
That was me almost falling off of my chair.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
I would, even though my daughter, my daughter Teddy said, Mom,
don't get married again, but I would, Yes, definitely with
a prenup and everything with a prenap. But also like
to real human like to a person that like I
had respect for and that I felt comfortable with and
that I didn't have live in fear, like I feel
like a lot of the guys that I've dated in
(14:12):
the past, you know they they brought a lot of fear.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
I mean, mark my words, if we end up here
back next year and I've met the love of my
life and he has big arms and he keeps me safe,
you know what I mean, emotionally and physically. Maybe else,
maybe I'll sing a different tune, like look at me,
look at me. I'm sorry, did you want to put
a ring on it? Maybe I will. Maybe I surprised myself.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
I feel like you're like from the first time that
we spoke, I feel like the way that you're you are,
you are just like in every aspect, you're just like
like very like light and like.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Super positive, and I mean, you look so.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Great, and you just feel like you're like you're in
a really good time in your life.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
No, how much are they paying you?
Speaker 1 (14:58):
No, don't you feel like that. I'm serious.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
I feel like I'm in a really great time in
my life.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I feel we spent a lot of time together and
I just feel like you're in a really, really good space.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
I think there is a lot of beauty in knowing
exactly who you are. You know, and I have also
said this a thousand times. I'm not twenty five anymore.
When I was the bachelorette. I was impressionable. Even though
I still think that at my core, I was who
I was then that I am now. I just am
way more confident in it now, and I'm not willing
(15:29):
to bend or break who I am for anyone, right,
Like those people go in and come out of your
life for a reason, And I don't have to be
everyone's cup of tea. I'm okay with that, right. But
I also think I'm pretty great and I'm really kind,
and I have some really redeeming qualities. But I don't
have to be for everyone, and that's okay with me.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Well, like today when we're after pick a ball and
I was like, oh my god, you're just so much fun.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
You're like I am fun. I was like, oh my god,
I love that. I love that the I love.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
The confidence, all right. Number six. If you've been dating
someone for six months and their children who are teenagers
or older don't get along with you, is this a
sign the relationship won't work out long term? This is
a tough one.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
That is very tough. I haven't had the pleasure of
dating anyone with children. I have it easy, and I
guess if I have attempted to date anyone with children.
I've not been put in a position to meet their children.
I can only say this as I came from divorced
parents who both dated. My dad remarried, you know what
(16:37):
I mean, and my mother dated someone with children, and
I would imagine it was difficult to date. There were
three of us and we were wild, so I can't
imagine it was really easy on anyone else. I don't know,
because I think if it were me, and I love
my children and they're pretty freaking great, if they came
to me and they were like, mom, Billy Bob is
(16:58):
really a turd and we don't like him, I think
I would take that to heart, Like I think that
would I would that would like really resonate with me.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
But we're not talking like Billy Beparton.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
No, no, no, no, but listen, I could give him
a shot. I've have so many options right now. But
what am I doing?
Speaker 4 (17:14):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Don't you think your girls are old enough to be
like judges of character?
Speaker 4 (17:18):
It was?
Speaker 2 (17:18):
It was difficult for my kids. They were definitely very
verbal about you know one of you know, a couple
of the guys that I had been dated that they
were just like, mom, this is not the vibe.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
And so I was just like, okay, you're done.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Now let me ask you, because I've never introduced anyone
to my children, did you wait a specific amount of
time to introduce someone to your to your children? I
realize yours are a little bit older than mine.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Right, So, but you know, I've been single for since
the ice age. Man, I have been single forever.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Oh oh my god, what's gonna happen to me?
Speaker 2 (17:50):
It's funny because like we were talking before, and we
were talking about like just knowing me, and you're like,
I didn't even know you were Mary who you're married to?
Speaker 1 (17:56):
You know, what was this person?
Speaker 2 (17:58):
So you know, it's been single for a long time.
And when you know, when I was younger, uh, you know,
I was on Housewives and we were busy and there
were a lot of people coming in and out of
you know, out of the apartment for work, and they
never knew like who anyone was. They they said that
to me, They were like, we never even knew until
like recently, I said, oh, these are the guys that
(18:19):
I liked. And I was, you know, you know, we
were dating a little bit and then my daughter.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
I guess my two daughters like ranked them just kind
of charming but also awful. Oh my god, I don't
want to hear the list.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
But did you wait a specific time before? I mean,
girls are older, so you probably share more with them.
I'm asking more so for myself.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Because my last relationship, Yes, I waited a while you.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Did, Like are we talking like six months? Are we
talking like a year?
Speaker 2 (18:45):
No, we're talking like you know. I mean, they were older,
so it was like, you know, a couple of months,
but not just like right away. I think that I
think that my personal opinion on this is that it's
not necessarily about the children. It's more about the relationship
has to evolve and has to like really start to like,
you know, move into some another you know, and move
into something else. Like I'm not just going to be like, hey,
(19:06):
you're cute, I'm cute. Let's have fun, Like that's not ground.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
I guess I just think I don't want a revolving
door for my children. But I've also, Kelly listened to
far too many crime podcasts to like have anyone around
the children, Like maybe I'm there's something wrong with me.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
No, but you're right because you are the provider, and
you're also you're both you know, you were both hats
and so it's that's not you know, it's not easy,
and I and I respect you for that, And I
think that's really admirable because most women, especially in.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
New York, they're like kids, who cares? I need to
get married?
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Like I need, I need a new Amex, And it's
just like, that's not my vibe.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Yeah, yeah, I don't think I don't want another Amex. Yeah,
I just think I'm.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Okay, E, me too.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
You.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
We're both good with that. Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Number seven, how long should you be dating somebody before
you travel with them?
Speaker 3 (19:53):
I don't know because I really like to travel.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
So if you met someone you were like, this guy's great,
and he was like, let's on a trip next week,
would you go?
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Yeah? But listen, seventy two hours is way different than
having someone over from six to ten. That's very different.
I think it has to be a personality thing for
me because because I I listen, I have control issues
that must be shocking for you to hear.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Shocking.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
But I got some we got a few things. But
I think that you would genuinely have to know someone
to go and travel and stay in a hotel room
with them because I do. I like like my things
in a certain way. I like it really cold. I
like jack the air down as cold as it can
possibly be. I don't unpack. I like all of my
things in one place so I know where they are.
And then to have a human being that I don't
(20:40):
really know disrupting that.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
You're like, what are you doing? Why do you move
my tooth brush?
Speaker 3 (20:45):
My tooth bersh on the left side of this thing,
So don't touch my toothbrush.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
You weird. No, it's over. You move my tooth brush.
It's done.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
I travel with the kids.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Yeah, And like I have select few girlfriends that I
can enjoy for like days on end. That's a tough one,
given up. It depends on where we're going, you know,
like Mexico, Like you're going to Cabo. I can lay
out by the pool all day to see you peter
down at the beach. I need a break. But if
it's like Idaho and it's cold.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
About what about Like, oh my god, I have to
go to Paris tomorrow. Would you come? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (21:22):
I'd go for sure.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Are we going first? Class. Absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
I love that. I love that. Cobo was like, oh yeah, okay,
So number eight.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Rank these things that are from the most important to
the least important in chapter two, dating, intimacy, quality time,
date night, the spark, communication.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
I can't possibly rank those. Let me look at the
list again, most important to least important. This is really hard.
Starting with most important, I would go with communication. I
was just gonna say that it sounds boring, but in
the long run, if we're looking at the long run, yes,
communication is very important, right, So I'm going to go
(22:14):
with that most important. Communication. Next up is going to
be intimacy for me too. I've had I want to
be careful here what I say, but I am in
a phase of my life where I would really like
to enjoy intimacy. Am I saying that in a very
polite way.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
You are, Yes, I.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
Would like to enjoy intimacy at my age. So I'm
going to go communication intimacy your age.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Don't say that, because it's like, I just want to
enjoy enjoy intimacy. You're beautiful and young, and like I'm
just thinking.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
About like when I was twenty two. I don't know, okay,
my own body I didn't know what was where that's
what you do, and then yeah, oh you don't come
at me with that thing. But now I'm welcoming. But okay,
now I'm like, yeah, absolutely, communication, intimacy I'm gonna go with.
(23:13):
Quality time is very important to me. I think it's
my love language. Love quality time. I'm going to go
next to the spark and then to date night. I'm
not even going to rank a date night because I
think that's a given people. Just a date night can
be very different, you know what I mean. You can
go out to dinner. I'm not a traditional dater, and
I don't know if that's just because I was on
(23:34):
the Bachelor and the Bachelorette and now I'm traumatized for
the rest of my life. But I find it a
traditional date like high, let's go meet for drinks and
talk until we're blue in the face. Sometimes that bores me, Like,
let's think outside of the box. Let's do something different.
So I think there's a billion way sideways to do
a date night. Okay, now you rank them.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
It's important rank I think that yes, definitely, communication, Uh, definitely, intimacy,
the spark is really important to me. Quality time and
date night are kind of the same thing. But I
want to be with someone that I really want to
(24:15):
be with.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Yeah, you know, I you know.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
When you are working female and you're also you know, trying.
You know, even though my girls are older, I'm still
their parents. I still talk to them all day long
and trying to, you know, help guide them and make
good decisions.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
And I, you know, still have a lot of fear.
I want them to do well, and.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
I worry about them clearly, and so you know, I
want to be with someone that makes me feel good.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
Valuable, Yes, you know what I mean, like monetary.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
I want someone that's like, you look gorgeous.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Like oh my god, you know what I like.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
I like to say.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
They never tell me I'm pretty. Ever they're like, you
stop it right now, I swear to god. They never
They're like, oh, that's nice, like.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
You're not hanging out with the right men because you
are stunning cute.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
But you know what I mean, Like that kind of
stuff means something to me, like something I want to
look good for.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Them, I do.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
Do you know what our word is? What we want
to be cherished? Yes, we want to be cherished.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Yes, I want to be cherished. Yes, yes, we're leaving
twenty to twenty five with that's our word cherish, cherish cherish,
yes or don't?
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Okay? So number nine, what is it?
Speaker 2 (25:29):
What is a small thing people tend to overlook but
in reality is a huge sign in a relationship that
a relationship isn't good.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
How codependent they are on their family would be a
good starter. Okay, So I think it's a pretty huge
red flag. Huge codependency is a huge red flag to me. Yeah, yeah,
I need a I need an individual. I need someone
who can stand on their own two legs. I need
a confident man.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Respect for their family is great, But yes, I don't
want someone that's like holding one second, I guess as
my mom everything.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Yeah, I lived in a marriage where everyone had a
seat at the table. Everyone had a seat at the table,
they got a vote at the end of the day.
I don't want that, right. I believe that in a
relationship it should lie between the two people in it.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
So wait, every wait, wait, wait, I'm sorry. You were
a relationship where everyone in his family had told you,
guys what you were doing.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Yeah, there's a seat at the table and everyone got one.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
And so then when you when you went home, we
were like, I'm not doing that, or I think it.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Took me a minute to get to that point. I
don't think I've realized at the time that that's what
was happening, right, don't I don't think I realized at
the time.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Yeah. Yeah, that's not easy. That's not easy.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I mean that goes back to what you just said
about Cherish. So number ten, do you think people can
have different religious beliefs and have a successful relationship or
is that a fundamental is it? Or is that if
memmom that needs to be aligned.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
I would say for me, it's a fundamental thing that
needs to be aligned. I am a Christian.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
I don't hide that.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
I would love someone who loves Jesus the Lord. That's
where I go for me and only me personally. I'm
sure it works for other people. I won't be able
to relate probably with someone who does not practice Christianity.
That is the home I want to live in. That
(27:29):
is how I raise my children, and that's the kind
of relationship that I personally would like to be in.
For me, that works for me, that is important to me.
I don't know what you think.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
So I call it spiritual integrity.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
My ex husband is Jewish, my girls are half Jewish.
I'm Catholic, and I just kind of gave myself this
grace to just be open to a lot of different
religions as long as there is like beauty and love
and people that and respect.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
You know, how did you celebrate Christmas?
Speaker 4 (28:04):
Though?
Speaker 2 (28:05):
We celebrated Christmas because I celebrated Christmas. But you know,
if you know, because that's kind of that was a holiday.
You know, my ex husband was It's not like he was,
you know, he wasn't a practicing Jewish man. He was
he you know, becamet. He converted to Judaism later on,
and I just was like, this is what I'm doing
and this is how I'm doing it, and they're my children. Yeah,
(28:28):
so I'm I support you and Hanukkah, but I also
need to be respectful of.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
My family and our religion.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Yeah, updated people in the past, did you convert? No? No,
I wouldn't. No.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
No.
Speaker 3 (28:43):
I feel like also with where I'm at in my
life and who I am and confident in myself, I
also have a really wonderful walk with Christ and that's
I just don't see myself deviating from that that is
what I believe in. Well, right, those are those are
my beliefs. That is how I am raising my children,
and it's important to me. It would be important to
(29:04):
me in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
I mean, I just want my girls to be respectful
and kind and have spiritual integrity, no matter whatever they
choose to do with their own lives or whoever they
choose to be with. I just want that person to
I don't want them to be with an atheist. I
would that would really really upset me. Number eleven, what's
(29:35):
one thing you think men fifty plus need to lighten
up on when it comes to dating.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
It's more than one thing. Did I say that loud?
Speaker 3 (29:43):
I don't think I've I think I've only been on
a date with fifty plus like maybe twice.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Yeah, And what did you think?
Speaker 3 (29:53):
This is going to really sound terrible? I don't know
if I'm just attracted to younger guys. It sounds so bad.
I kind of I kind of felt like I was
on a date with an old man, right, I did.
And it was like it was down to like, oh there.
You know how when you're on a date sometimes there's
just things that just like that's it, Like, that's just
a And I went on a date one time. This
(30:15):
this dude was wearing shorts and tennis shoes.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
I have a you went on a date with you
in shorts and ten shit.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
It was like our third or fourth date, our third
or fourth date. And I broke up with a guy
once because he wore kse Swiss with blue jeans. It's
just my own It's.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Like it's optics of the case Swiss with blue jeans
are now.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
So terribly superficial, and I am so sorry forgive me,
but you know how, there are just certain things that
you just can't get past. And I had a thing
when I was younger with guys who wore white sneakers
case Swiss in particular, and wore them and this. You know,
I'm forty four almost, so this was back when like
cargo jeans forty three, cool forty three and.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Why are you aging yourself?
Speaker 3 (31:00):
I know, And I just it was I couldn't get
past the white tennis shoes and the blue jeans. So
also this older guy and I think he was like
fifty six, so he's but you know, and it was
like our third or fourth date, and we were going
to the music thing. And when he showed up, he
had on like khaki cargo shorts and tennis shoes, not
even like cool ones, like some nikes, like his running shoes.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Yeah wow. And all night.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
I was just like, Oh, yeah, he's got his nikes on.
He's going running. Where did he go?
Speaker 1 (31:30):
Where's he going?
Speaker 3 (31:31):
I tried to relatively look attractive, you know what I mean,
Like I tried to look and he was just like,
didn't care if that's not that's right for a job, dude.
And I couldn't get past it. I totally also, Kelly
should tell you it wasn't meant to be.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
I know, but I'm I'm like that. I mean, I
definitely judge men by the way they look. I'm ideal
one hundred percent, by their shoes. I mean, I'm always like,
it's just one thing that.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
Don't think I'm not being judged when I walk in
if my hair is not done, or I'm not wearing
a full face of makeup, or my ass is too big,
don't think I'm not being judged.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
I definitely agree with you that if a guy, I mean,
if I am, if I'm making the effort, then.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
He can make the effort. I totally agree with you.
Speaker 3 (32:10):
Yes, yes, shower, wash your hair, slap on a little colone, Yeah,
wear your sneakers. But like, let them be cool, right.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
I think that for me, what happens with a lot
of men in their fifties is that because I'm in
my fifties and you know, I'm not judging them, like
I'm not judging them for the relationships that they've had.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
I just want to know them.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
And I think what happens is because they're dating a
lot of different women's a lot of different women from
a lot of different ages, is that they want they
think that trauma, bonding with a past narrative or saying
something about an ex is going to make you be
like open up.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
And I'm like, no, no, no, I don't want to
open up about my ex.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Like I will talk to you about that later on
if we start to date and have a serious conversation
about how it affected me and you know what my
thoughts are, But I'm not going to be like, yeah,
let me just like you know, shut on my ex
because you want to shu on your ex to make.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Yourself feel better. That's a big thing.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
If we're when we're done here, we need to write
a book on dating one oh one, yes.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
But like todating, we're down.
Speaker 3 (33:16):
There are certain things that are common sense, right, there
are certain things that are common sense. And on the
first couple of dates we'd talk about about my past
relationships or my ex husband on a date is not
that's not a good look.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
How does that make you?
Speaker 2 (33:31):
Do you think do men think that women are more
attractive if they're word vomiting. I definitely don't see them
as attractive. I'm like, oh, here we go.
Speaker 3 (33:39):
I'm just a part of the therapy session. It's just
it's just a dinner. We're all egotistical. Humans are egotistical.
We believe that our thoughts are more important, our beliefs
are more important, our opinion is more important. How many
times do you sit down and do a podcast and think, oh, yeah,
I make not of that. I want to say that,
I want to respond with that versus hearing what someone
is sharing. Right. We are egotistical, is who we are.
(34:00):
And when people do that, they believe that we really
give a flying who was in the wrong when their
relationship didn't work, So they feel the need to tell
it so that you think that they're a good person
so that you think they're good at relationships, they feel
the need to.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
Tell you that they were wrong. But I'm more in
the I'm like, if it's show and tell I want
to see the show. You don't need to tell me.
I can already see it. Yeah, Like, if you're a
good person, you don't need to tell me that you're
a good person. I can tell by your mannerisms, by
your manner, by how kind you are to a waiter,
(34:38):
you know those, I can see with my own eyes
what you're doing that's, you know, kind. I can also,
you don't need to tell me how kind you are,
because I'm like, oh, yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
I'm fun and I'm kind.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
I am so fine.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
I'm so fine, I'm so kind, I'm so kind, and
I'm so fine. I'm doing really well.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Well, yeah, I'm doing great.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
Great, Oh my god, that's great for you.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
So what's one thing you think women in their fifties
need to lighten up on when it comes to dating.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
Money. I think women in their fifties who are single
in particular focus on money. They are looking for a
man who is financially sound, financially stable, and has the
money and the wealth to take care of them.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
They're chasing the AMX. Yes, I agree with you.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
What are the three things you should you should be
able to know about someone after one date? Oh god,
I got in trouble for this.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
Did you go first?
Speaker 2 (35:34):
No?
Speaker 3 (35:34):
No, you go first? This is yours?
Speaker 1 (35:36):
These are your questions?
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Oh my gosh. Three things you should walk away knowing
of their name wouldn't be super important. I can't tell
you how many times I walk away and they don't
know my name, right?
Speaker 1 (35:48):
They don't say your name?
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Yeah, they don't know my name, right?
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Okay, remember your name? Okay, really doing well?
Speaker 3 (35:55):
Right? Your name?
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Don't know your game?
Speaker 3 (35:58):
Okay? They should that I have children. They should know that,
and I don't know.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
They should know you have Yeah, you says you definitely
know your name. I should definitely know you have children.
And I think that there should be some kind of
baseline understanding of like who you are. They should have
They should kind of have a I should know they're
more like their baseline compass, and they should know.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
Mine a baseline compass. I really like that.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
No, don't you think?
Speaker 3 (36:31):
Yeah, I'm going to take that a baseline compass.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Like here, like even if it's just a casual like
here are a couple of lines in the sand that I.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
Will not put up with or I'm going to.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Be They're like, oh, okay, I can I can see
who you are?
Speaker 3 (36:46):
You know, yeah, on my next date, I'm going to
make sure they know my baseline compass, A.
Speaker 1 (36:50):
Moral compass, my moral compass, just.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
My compass in general?
Speaker 1 (36:57):
What are three things you should be able to Okay? Sorry?
Speaker 2 (37:00):
And in your opinion, in your number fourteen? In your opinion,
do do men still want to date a woman if
they're intimate with them on the first date?
Speaker 3 (37:07):
No, No, I don't think so. I think that that
age old thing dates back a really long time. If
you give up all of the jewels from the get,
why would they come back for more jewels?
Speaker 1 (37:23):
Give the milk away for free?
Speaker 3 (37:25):
Don't you don't give it away? Everyone pays the milkman, right,
it's not free? Right.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Fifteen.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
If you're dating long distance and your I do part
two life, what do you need to do to make a.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Successful long term I don't know. I got my excess.
I got divorced after ten years.
Speaker 3 (37:48):
I think that long distance is hard and you have
to be really intentional. I would say that now now older,
dating older, and especially because I don't want marriage and
I don't want kids, that it would be easier to
prioritize that. I don't know that it is something that
I could have done as a twenty something, you know
what I mean. My priorities are just very different. Plus,
(38:10):
I don't know. I was poor when I was like
twenty three. I was trying to sell houses. It's like,
just to pay my mortgage. Like I was, I couldn't
fly to New York for forty eight hours and go
out to dinner. I'd be sitting in the back of
the bus. And I want to sit in a nice
big seat in the front of the bus, just like
I want comfort. I want comfort.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
I think that in my in where I am in
my life, I think that long distance is difficult. However,
if it's not that far away where it's like train
ride away or something, then I would be fine with it.
Because I do have a very hectic schedule and I
don't want I don't want a man to be on
(38:50):
my time.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
I want to be on our time.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
Yeah, and so I'd rather spend time together and have
it be like really meaningful and make me feel really
good about the time that we're together, then just spending
like every single day together.
Speaker 3 (39:05):
You know, listen, Kelly, he would have to knock my
flip and socks off in order for me to do
it right. And then I would have to be really intentional.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
Right, I'm not. I'm just what I'm saying, like I
would be. I'm open to that. I am open to that. Okay. Sixteen.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
If someone said they wanted you to be their partner,
but you knew they'd have to sleep in a separate
bed for the for the unforseeable future, how would you react?
Speaker 3 (39:26):
It's a hard pass.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
I'm just like, it's probably like snoring or something some
hard pass.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
If someone like interrupted my sleep, I'd be like, I'm sorry,
I'm eight hours, Like you can't.
Speaker 3 (39:35):
But you would still date them if they had to
sleep in a separate room.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
No, no, I know, what's the point, Like, I don't
want to know me. I don't want a pen pal. No,
definitely don't want hard pass. Yes, agreed. If you're in
a relationship with someone, do you consider any of the
following Cheating you ready going to a strip club, cheating
watching porn, cheating, having a subscription to OnlyFans.
Speaker 3 (39:58):
Cheating, So we've learned here is a nold frood. I'm
an absolute prude. What we're going to do listen? Cheating, cheating, cheating,
cheating across the board. I don't care if it is
emotionally you're just looking but not touching, right, I don't
care if you're hiding behind your little keyboard and you're
just getting off hard pass for me. No, thank you, right, no,
(40:20):
thank you. I want to be the apple of someone's eye.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
Right, I want to be the person that they're like,
I can't wait to be with you. I don't want
them to be like, oh see that girl, let's put
her on. No, no, nope, I totally agree. And like
going to a scripts strip club, I'm like, why would
you want to go to a strip club if you
had respect for me?
Speaker 3 (40:38):
I also just think if you have to hide and
do things, that should tell you that it is wrong. Right.
If you're hiding to do things, if you are hiding
to watch porn, you're hiding on OnlyFans, it's wrong.
Speaker 1 (40:48):
Okay, what if they told you that they were doing that,
or if they're like, hey, no, yeah.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Then give me the option. It's still a no for me, Right, No, Thanky,
don't want I don't need you paying for foot pictures? Right,
I get a pedicure?
Speaker 1 (40:59):
You stare?
Speaker 3 (40:59):
Mind?
Speaker 1 (41:01):
What colle do you want this week?
Speaker 2 (41:05):
When you're in a serious relationship or marriage and we're eighteen,
When you're in a serious relationship or marriage, is it
okay to be friends with an ex.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
If you've had if you had no children together? Why
are why not? Kind of like, I don't know how
I feel about this one.
Speaker 3 (41:23):
I am such an incredibly loyal human being in friendships, partnerships,
relationship and in my marriage. So for me in particular,
I didn't wish anyone ill will. If I were to
see an ex boyfriend, I would wish them well, but
it would bother me if my significant other was texting
(41:47):
separately without my knowledge with an ex girlfriend. I am
a firm believer that relationships come to an end for
a reason. I am not one of those people that
go back and forth, let's give it eleven more tries.
I'm not going to do it. When things come to
an end, that is a cleansing for me. That means
something better is entering your life, and I by all
(42:08):
means wide open bring it to me, I'll take the better,
so I don't leave the door open for old stuff.
Speaker 4 (42:15):
Right.
Speaker 2 (42:16):
So there have been guys that I dated who I
thought they were great. I just didn't want to be
with them, and I don't have any I don't have
any emotional attachment to them. So it doesn't matter if
they're texting me. You know, I may respond quickly, I
may not respond for a while. I don't feel that
there's that attachment. If if someone I was dating was
(42:40):
was texting with someone where there was some kind of
like inappropriate conversations, then I would say, like, you need
to make a choice, like I'm not going to be
around for that, Like I'm not.
Speaker 1 (42:49):
Putting up with that.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
Yeah, if it's like, hey, you know, hope everyone's well,
Merry Christmas, like I'm fine with that, or you know,
but nothing that's like would be misconstrued is inappropriate?
Speaker 1 (43:00):
That would really that would my fasic level.
Speaker 3 (43:02):
I don't have enough brain cells to be texting many
different people. My time is valuable. I don't care.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
I just don't A thousand and I totally agree with you.
So the twenty do you believe in love at first sight?
Speaker 1 (43:16):
I do.
Speaker 3 (43:16):
I've never experienced love at first sight. But I do
think it happens. Well, we hung out with Ryan and
Trista all day. I think that's a prime example. They
met on a television show, they fell in love, they've
been married ever since. I'm not saying it's easy. I
do think it happens. I have personally never experienced it.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
I think it happens too. I mean I am open
to it too. I mean I've seen people where I'm like,
oh my gosh, but I was. But maybe there I
would like, I was like, this is a great person.
But I was not in a position in that time
of my life to be able to take it to
the next step.
Speaker 1 (43:48):
So I believe that as well.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Okay, the last to twenty one, Lucky twenty one. What's
something you learned about yourself going through divorce?
Speaker 3 (43:59):
Oh, it's a loaded question.
Speaker 1 (44:02):
You've learned a lot.
Speaker 3 (44:03):
I've learned a lot. But I would say one thing
that has stuck with me my entire life is that
I'm freaking resilient. I am freaking resilient. And I said
this to you earlier. I keep my side of the
street clean. I love all I can do, that's all
I can do. I am in charge of me. I
am in charge of what comes out of my mouth.
I am in charge of how I reply, what I do,
what I say. So much of my life gets played
(44:27):
out for people to see without that wanting to be
my desire. I keep my side of the street clean.
And I am freaking resilient.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
I mean, I think we both are. Yeah, yeah, you know.
I mean we've had we both have had our own
pass but I agree. I mean, I I'm just proud
of who I am as a human, as a mother,
as a provider.
Speaker 1 (44:53):
I'm very proud of that. And I agree.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
Yeah, Like, I just I don't like I don't like
the things in a messy first of all, Like I'll
probably forget something if someone said, what did you say,
I'll be like, I have no idea, Like, I don't
like it, doesn't I just I don't like things that
are messy. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:10):
I like things to be in order. I think like
things to be calm.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
I like there to be I want it to be
able to be in a position where I can be
nurturing to my partner, nurturing to my kids. I don't
want to be like on my back foot trying to
figure things out.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
Yeah, that's not what I also like, you just you
take things, you grow from them, and you learn. Everything
is a learning experience. And if people are not doing that,
and they're not taking things that happen in their life
and choosing to better themselves from it, then where's the growth?
Right there? Where's the growth? Like, that's what we're supposed
to do at the end of the day. You know
(45:46):
what I want to be every day. I want to
be a better woman. I want to be a better mother,
right I want to be a better partner. Someday I
want to be a better human being.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
You know, it's interesting in business they always talk about like, oh,
it's a value add but that's the same thing in
a relationship. You want someone that is a value add
to you, like caring, loving, you know, nurturing, all the
whatever it is that you need. You want that person
to be that person.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
We're so great. Can you even believe this? Us are single?
Can you even believe this? Like? How does someone not
want this? We've got all this hair, these bright and
shining personalities. We're like smile, we play pickleball.
Speaker 1 (46:23):
We play pickleball. Yeah, we've gotten so gosh, I know
we're doing great. We're doing We're doing great.
Speaker 3 (46:28):
We're doing grea, Yeah, we're doing great. Oh yeah.
Speaker 4 (46:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
Thank you so much for being so vulnerable and honest
and giving such a great advice on the pod. Love
love getting to hang out with you as always. Do
you have questions when it comes to dating, call us
or email us. We're here to help. All the infos
in the show notes, follow us on socials, and make
sure to rate and review the podcast I Do Part two,
an iHeartRadio podcast. We're falling in Love is the main objective?
Speaker 3 (46:59):
Do you want to put my I phone number? In
the show notes
Hosts And Creators
Amy Robach
T.J. Holmes
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