July 10, 2025 • 26 mins
Real-life single gal Louise is joined by listener favorite, single stud J.D., for more insight into how men think, and this time he's answering YOUR questions!
J.D. advises women on a dating habit they should stop doing on dates because it's not as "charming" as they might assume.
Plus, in your part 2 era, how do you navigate dating more than one person at a time? Louise and J.D. give their opinions!
Email us at: IDOPOD@iheartradio.com or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
It's I Do Part two and it's your real life
normal single gal host Louise and today, sadly I am
holding down before it without my partner in crime, Thelma,
but I am joined once again and back by popular demand,
real life single stud JD. I am actually shocked that
(00:34):
he is still single and maybe I have a shot,
but in any event, he is here to answer all
of the many questions that came in from our listeners,
and I too, am on baited breath because I'd love
to hear from the mind of a guy like him. JD.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Welcome back, Thank you, thanks for having me back.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Of course, last time you were on the pod, people
loved hearing what you had to say. So this time
we're going to bring you the questions directly from our listeners.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
You ready, yeah, looking forward to Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
So our first question comes from a girl named Ashley,
and she's asking what's something a woman might do on
a date that she thinks is charming but a guy
would find cringey.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
That's good. One of them might be she might think
it's charming to just not eat anything or eat very lightly,
and I think that comes to mind. I've been on
dates where either the woman doesn't eat at all, or
she ate ahead of time, and I think it's kind
of fun to share the meal with somebody who actually so,
(01:52):
I think that seems charming, I would.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Say, But let me interrupt, because the flip side is
the girl who sits at the table and orders the
most expensive thing on the media.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
That's true, I would think. I think it's just I
think if you get kind of the uh, you know,
I am just gonna have a drink and aner solid yeah,
and I'm going to have the salad. It's like, there's
nothing wrong with that. I just don't think it's necessarily charming.
It's just I think it's fine to order, you know,
an app, but you know, an entree and a salad whatever.
I wouldn't. I wouldn't hold back having an entre because
(02:24):
you think it's gonna give a bad impression. I guess.
Is my main point. The guy should be grown up
enough if he asked you to dinner, he shouldn't be
upset that you ordered an entre. That's that would be strange.
So I do so don't. It's not cringey and it's
not charming to skip the entree. I would do. Just
you know, just enjoy it or do what you want.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
And you know what, But what's interesting is and I've
kind of changed this, this has been a different for one.
One for me is a first date. For me, I
would rather just have a drink. I don't want to
be locked in to a two hour dinner, right because
we kind of know pretty quickly if this is going
to be explored on a second date. And so for me,
(03:05):
I would just like to do a quick drink and
then go from there. Now, if the drink is great
and I've had this happen where it hibots to a dinner,
then that's cool, but I would rather just kind of
limit it right out of the gate.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Yeah. I love that idea and I've used that one myself.
Where you meet somebody at four, like at four or
five o'clock for a drink. You have a dinner reservation
in the bag, you've already got one locked in for seven,
either at the same restaurant or nearby, and if things
are going well, you just roll into the dinner, but
you're officially meeting for a drink for happy hour at five,
(03:39):
but you've got it if you've got that seven o'clock resie.
If you need it. I think as a guy, that's
a great strategy, and I think you know, for a woman,
it's the same thing. You haven't committed to dinner, but
you could say, hey, this, I'm really enjoying, I'm really
enjoying this. And sometimes the conversation will just keep on
going and you blow right through dinner without even thinking
(04:00):
about it. You just start oring food right at the
place you were just planning to have a drink, right,
So yeah, it's a lower commitment, less stress, and then
just let it organically either end or move into dinner, right,
but start with a drink. I love it. The dinner
can feel a little intimidating, like the eight o'clock dinner
reservation somewhere. Just meet for a drink at five and
or five thirty, and then let it roll into dinner
(04:22):
if it does, and if it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
It doesn't, you know. And there's also and we could
pop on so I know other listeners are calling in
with questions, but I just find you so interesting.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
To talk to.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
But there's also a school of thought, which is, you know,
you don't want a first date to go into like
this marathon for five hours where like all of a sudden,
it's like, you know, you've kind of gotten it all
out of the table and there's almost no reason to
go out again in a way, right, Like you want
to leave them wanting more. And I know everybody does
it differently, right, but I do think that sometimes it's
(04:56):
better just to kind of it's almost like the appetizer
and not the not the full entree.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Yeah, I get I get I get that. Thinking a
little bit, I guess, I would say there are very
few people that you want to date for months or
years that you run out of You run out of
reasons to hang out after a couple hours. So I don't.
I don't. I'm not a big believer in the hold
back strategy. I think if you like somebody and it's
(05:24):
flowing and you like it, just let it roll. I don't.
I don't know. I mean, again, this is a guy's perspective,
so I can't. Yeah, I can't give you. I mean,
a woman might have a brilliant strategy of holding back
some some different things to reveal on the second date,
and and and again, maybe that works, maybe it doesn't.
(05:44):
My perspective is if people are vibing and the conversation's flowing,
you know, let it roll and enjoy getting to know
each other, Like why not? But again, just a man's perspective.
If if a woman has a special way to hold
things nuggets back and reveal them over time, and she's
got that down, then more power. Like I can't take
away from that.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
I think it's a combination. But we are here to
hear your perspective, right, because you are. What I appreciate
about you is you are super even super communicative, super transparent,
super mature, like you're you're healthy, right, and so you
are kind of a unicorn. So for us to sit
here and actually learn and listen, this is great tidbits
(06:28):
for us as we are navigating this this dating world.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah, and I think if a guy's interested in you,
the idea that he's going to be like, oh man,
I you know, the first day was so good, but
there was nothing new to talk about on the second day,
Like I just I think that I think that's very rare.
So I would say, I would say, you know, do
what's natural. You don't force yourself to hold back. I
would say, don't don't be like, oh, I was going
(06:52):
to tell this story. It seemed like the perfect time,
but I'm going to hold it back now I can
hold back like I just yeah, yeah, I would just
let it go natural, but just you know my two cents.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
This is from a caller named Kim. When you are
divorced and dating again, can you date more than one
person at a time? How does that work? Do you
have to tell everyone? At what point do you tell everyone?
I mean, I would love to hear I have my perspective,
but I would love to hear your perspective.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Sorry that the first part is just that you're single again.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
So when you're divorced and dating again, right, and you're
and you're you're kind of out there.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Sharing that you're divorced. Is that the piece you're talking
about shuring.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
That you're sharing that you're dating multiple times?
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yes, yeah, I've I've had the one come up a
few times. I think it is. I don't think it
needs to come up in the first, you know, few dates,
or even necessarily in month one or two. I think
the times when it has typically come up in my
experience is kind of around month three.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
And are you sleeping with that person?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
So the sleeping thing, I h do.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
You find that there's girl like for me? If I'm
going to sleep with somebody, they're only sleeping with me, right,
so there is a pretty clear conversation.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
But I also feel organically, when a relationship is moving authentically,
you don't even almost have to kind of have the
conversation because both people are all in on it. And
if you have to have a conversation and there's some
sort of a of a question or a gray area,
that's not good. But maybe there are guys out there,
or there are girls that are comfortable with people who
(08:35):
have multiple partners.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Yeah, this is one where I think often the woman
takes the lead on this one. But I would say
I've had I've had people I was dating bring it
up before we slept together, like, hey, just so you know,
I'm really only comfortable if we're at a monogamous thing
and they brought it up before. I've had other people
(08:59):
bring it up after we were sleeping together for a month,
let's say, and then they brought it up. So my view,
and I don't know if that's a well, my view
is my advice to the woman asking the question and
to women in general, is bring it up when it
makes when it feels right to you, If you want
to be in a monogamous relationship before and it needs
(09:21):
to be exclusive before you sleep with them, then you
should say that if you're if you're like, well, I
want to kind of see how things are going, what
our chemistry is. Like I'm not so worried about exclusivity
right out of the gate, But if I start getting emotional,
if I start we start getting more attached, and we
start building a deeper relationship, then I want to know
(09:42):
that you're not being as intimate with other people as
you are with me. And so it can happen at
different times for different people. So again, it should be
what feels right to you, I think, and bring it
up when it's right to you. And I think a
man can handle the conversation.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
And I would assume, like right out of the gate,
if some girls sitting there saying, oh, and we're exclusive,
and you're going to be like running for the hills,
like that's like Glenn Close's fatal attraction right, Like that
is just way too much. I think. I guess for me,
you just kind of know when it's going in that direction.
It just kind of I don't know, feels yeah or again.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
I agree, I don't think there's a formula. I think
it has to kind of you got to bring it
up when it feels like bring it up. But yeah,
I would I would stay away from like the first month,
and then I would also stay away from the opposite
like you know, waiting six months or some other things.
But there's some time when it's going to feel like
you should talk about right.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Yeah, no, it's it's it's all super super interesting. I mean,
the mind of a man versus the mind of a woman.
It's like that whole book mant are from Mars and
man are from Venus. I mean they were kind of
onto something, right. It's like you say black, I say, right,
so this is good for us finding the gray.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Yeah. And a lot of times the guy is not
going to bring this up, and so the woman often
has to take the lead on this conversation. I hate,
I hate for the to get the easy way out
in this one, but I do think it's one where
a woman might have to lead that conversation.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Well, I was in a situation recently which I alluded
to on the previous one, where it was like he
was at Z and I was at C. And the
more I felt the pressure and the pushback. The more
I felt like the guy where I was like going
the other direction and I and I I just kind
of finally had to say, like this, this pace isn't
working for me, Like you're you're not reading the room
(11:27):
with me right now?
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Yeah, well yeah, people need to read the room. And
I also think, look, there's something fun about it being
a little bit light, and it was too heavy, wayful
and not heavy in pressure. We have our whole life
to have heavy relationships. And if you get in, you know,
you get past the first few months and then you're
dating a year or two, you can you get to
have your whole life to be in a serious relationship.
(11:49):
So let it be a little bit light and fun
in the beginning. And I mean, there's something nice about that.
It doesn't last very long. Try to enjoy it would
be my would be my advice, right, And that's on
both sides. The man that was really trying to like
come on heavy to you, why can't he be like
a little playful in light and enjoy the fact that
(12:09):
you don't know what's going to happen for a little while,
and enjoy that adventure and the mystery of it. It
is a rare, beautiful thing. Don't don't let it last
one day, like like, enjoy it for a little while.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
It had been like a few months. But whatever, I'm
just saying it.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
But my point is you got to read the room
and enjoy, enjoy the path that you're on.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
It was too young of a relationship for it to
be that way, all right, Moving on, Yes, moving moving
on to Janet. Is it an automatic turn off when
(12:51):
you meet your girlfriend's friends and they already know everything
about you and your relationship?
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Not at all? I mean, if you're somebody who is
a so first of all, the answer is no, it's
not a turn off. The fact that the woman you're
dating is interested enough to share things about you with
her friends is a compliment to you. And if you
don't like being complimented, then that's a whole different issue
as a man. But if you're somebody who is I
never want to have a girlfriend. I want to be
(13:17):
single my whole life, and you're a commitment fobe, then okay,
somebody talking about you might raise the hair on the
back of your neck because you are specifically not trying
to have a girlfriend and you're just trying to move
from person to person forever, for all time. But for
I would say for ninety nine percent of men who
I would say are normal and mature men. The fact
(13:39):
that the person you're interested in is sharing information about
you is a huge compliment to you. So just take
it as a compliment, mile and move on.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Why are you so healthy?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Lots of mistakes along the way and a few you know,
and some success more recently. But yeah, it took it
took a while for me to get there, so hard
earned wisdom, the school of hard knocks right.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
My favorite line from last podcast is an ego you
learned quickly shore marriage and then you learned again in
a long marriage or something. I get it wrong quickly,
and yes it was like super genius. Okay, Sherry, what
is a date that just does not sound fun to
(14:22):
you but us girls really love?
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah? Nothing, nothing comes to mind. I mentioned it last time.
I would say the biggest thing I would I would
not be interested is that that first that first date
that is a coffee or a lunch. That is a
turn off to me. If you're not meeting for drinks
or dinner, it feels like someone is so uninterested that
(14:47):
they're not even giving you the happy hour, dinner time,
so that that is the first date. That sounds worse
to me is something that's not at least at five
pm or later. That's just my view.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
I'm I'm totally with you because where everybody's a little
everyone a little like looser and you know, liquid courage
or whatever.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Right, I think the second date is a perfect time
to go on the hike or the bike ride or
the whatever. But don't lead with that. It's a bad lead.
It makes it sound like you are you have other
plans that evening. It's just it's just not great.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
What about like dancing or if you know, somebody wants
to go like bullying. I mean I wouldn't want to
go bowling or to a theme park, but what are
those any of those things interesting?
Speaker 2 (15:27):
That's why Yeah, a theme park on a first date,
is it? I would say, is a no? No bowling.
I actually don't have a problem with you get to
kind of you know, you get to have your your
you know, your beer, your glass of wine, you get
to have a little activity, you get to chat and interact.
So I don't I don't have a problem with bowling
as a first date, but definitely the theme park it's
(15:51):
too I mean, it's too long, too big of a commitment,
and so I would I would save that for like
a third or fourth date, but those are the only
ones that really would really get.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
And do you like? Okay, So supposing you're going out
on a first date, or let's call it maybe the
second date. So we've done the drink and you know,
we had fun and we're going to go. Do you
I know that you subscribe as chivalry like I do,
which is probably our age. Right. Are you the kind
of guy who plans the date or do you kind
(16:23):
of leave it up for random, Like we get lucky
and we roll into a restaurant and we're good. Like,
how do you do it when you're prepping for a date?
What's your playbook?
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Yeah? I think this is a chance for you know,
a man, to be a man and to step up
and look plan the first couple of dates. The woman
can plan the third date or something, but it's your
chance to, you know, make her feel a little bit
special and taken care of, and your chance to show
that you can you can pull off one of the
(16:52):
easiest things in the world, which is finding a happy
hour dinner place Like that's not a This is not
a high bar. You can pull this off if you're
if you're a guy. And again, even if the woman
you think is more financially secure than your you are,
I still think in all circumstances, the first couple of
dates are on you the first.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Tap, and just do within your needs, right, and if
she's not okay with that, then you know you got
to kick her to the curb, right.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
And if you want to look, if you're if you're, yeah,
if you go somewhere that's affordable for dinner or drinks,
that's great on the first date or the second date,
or if you take her for a drink on the
first date and then you make dinner the second date.
You can figure out away within your budget to be
the man who's leading the way the first couple of dates.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
And it's pretty obvious if somebody's looking looking for a bank, right,
I mean it's right out of the gate. You pick
up all that exactly.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
I yeah, just do you and take the lead on
the first couple of dates. That's any guy who can't
pull that off has I think you're right.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I think there's nothing more attractive than a trigger puller
personally and I think that you know, a person wants
to know that they can be taken care of, you know,
not in it, I mean just in a way of
like we're going to do this.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
I got this.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Like I remember I was dating a guy and literally
he couldn't handle anything. Everything was like I had asked
him a question or about a flight or whatever. And
we were on a trip and I literally was having
my ex husband do something for me because I was
I was in Europe when I had to get some
accomplished and the guy goes, what are you doing? And
I was like, well, you can't get it done, like
I'm you know what I'm saying, And so it was
(18:22):
such a turn off to me. He felt like a
third kid.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
It's a huge Yeah, it's a huge turnoff. And I
think for people that just can't handle planning a day,
like you said, the woman doesn't feel taken care of,
she doesn't get the energy that kind of energy the
man being in that role and the woman feeling taken
care of. That's that is part of the spark in
(18:47):
straight relationships. And if if if a guy starts acting
like a third kid, like you said, it's very unattractive.
This isn't this is a layup, like making a dinner reservation,
or this is we're figuring out a trail to go
hiking on. These are easy things and if a guy
can't pull it off, you have a right to, like
you have a right to be unattracted to that person.
(19:08):
Like you, there's no harm in saying, God, I just
didn't feel attracted for that. Well, yeah, it's it's on him, Like,
you shouldn't feel bad that you were like, oh, I
feel weird judging him as my third kid. You should
not feel bad. He's screwed up, So it's on him.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Oh yeah, no, no, for Yeah, I.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Mean there's no there's no two ways about it.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
I mean, if I'm turning my ex husband to handle
something we know it was.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Pretty bad, then you know you screwed up.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Can you imagine? I was like, yeah, we got this right. Okay,
So moving on, And we touched on this before and
I actually really appreciated your answer, but somebody did call
in to ask this question. So I want to address Rhonda.
(19:59):
You know, kind of like this stigma of you know,
some women feel that when they've never been married or
never had kids, that that is going to be a
red flag to a potential guy that they're dating. You
didn't seem that didn't bother you, which I so appreciate it. Similarly,
(20:20):
when somebody was sober and you know, obviously you enjoy
a cocktail that didn't bother you either. So but some
women do feel that way.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
Yeah, I don't. I don't. Yeah, I've dated women that
don't have children. I've dated women that do, and I
don't think it's relevant to whether or not you connect
deeply with that person you enjoy their company. I don't
find it relevant. I think it's like number fifty on
the list, like you're not even it's not even top
(20:51):
one hundred. For me personally, I think there's so many
things about a person that are important. I just look,
it might be nice to have them in common if
you do have kids, or if you don't, it might
be nice to have that extra freedom to travel and
all that. But assuming you're in the same town and
you're not on other sides of the country, I would
say that the I would say to women, don't worry
(21:13):
about whether you have the same children and no children's
status as the person who's asking you out they're interested
in you. It's not a problem.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
So one thing I'm super curious about, just to ask
a question, is, you know, I'd love to understand why
there's a lot of men who subscribe to that cliche
of like, you know, they're the wealthy, older guy and
they want the young piece of ass with like the
six pack, when they have virtually I don't think, anything
to talk about, but they look good on the arms,
so it's I guess it's some sort of i'm an agreement, right.
(21:43):
And then there's men like you or you know, other
men I know that they want to be involved with
somebody who has you know, shared life experience and there's
like that kind of like you know, synchronicity or that
you know, kind of connection point. But why do you
think some men want that? Like is it something to
do with how they feel about themselves on the inside.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Yeah, I mean I've I've been wondering this because I've
seen some of my friends as they've gotten older that
women they did have gotten older, and then other friends
it's kind of stayed stayed young, and I and and
and what's interesting for me is I find it really
odd when you're looking for somebody that you connect with
that is somebody that you have those deep connections with
(22:27):
them that you really feel close to. That you think
somebody who's twenty twenty five years younger is going to
be your person. I think that's very strange. I again,
oftentimes I will tell you sometimes those are the people
I know who have, you know, the fancy car, and
they are worried about their car and their image, and
they're worried about their house, and so what they are
(22:47):
what they're saying is it's way more important to me
what people think of.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Me than how I feel.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Yeah. Right, It's the most important thing is my image,
my brand, how people think of me and my depth
my depth of connection with somebody is secondary or tersery
to my image out in the world. And look, there
are people like that for sure.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Is it also potentially a situation where a man like
that who's used to being in charge and calling the
shots just doesn't want to be challenged and just figure
that they'll be happy to be at the party, Throw
them a designer back, take them to a couple of
nice restaurants and they'll look good.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
And yeah, I mean that is the other part of it.
It's actually bring up early good element because I have
I have a few friends that are in this in that,
and they I would say they are Their personality is
not wanting to be challenged, not wanting to have that
back and forth. They kind of just want to call
all the shots. They really like just running the table,
(23:48):
making all the decisions, and they really don't want a
partner as much as someone who's going to go along
with their game plan. And look that that is some
people's deal and they like it, and there are people
that want to just go along with someone else's game plan.
I don't want to have to make decisions or have
to be have an equal seat at the table. I
that's just a that's a for me, that's a I
(24:10):
don't know. That seems like that's the That seems like
that's the ten percent, it's not the ninety percent. It
feels like it is out there. I'm not going to
say it's not out there, but I don't feel like
it's the norm. But it is a thing, and I'm
not going to say it's not.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Well, there's definitely an ass for every saddle, and so
one of the things I'm super curious about is so
I am you know, I am one who believes in
I mean, call it hokey, but I believe in the universe, right,
and I believe genuinely that people come into our paths
for a reason, right. I don't think it's random. It's
a lesson or a blessing. You might not know it
(24:45):
until you're looking in the rear view mirror, but I
do believe there is a reason. I wonder if men
subscribe to that or they just think it's some you know,
kind of fairy tale, you know, bullshit, Like what do
you feel about that kind of like.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Yeah, I don't know if the universe is organizing itself
to deliver somebody in front of you at the perfect time.
I don't know if I believe in that theory, although
i'd like to. I think what I think is that
when you're ready, when you've like worked through a particular
lesson and you've gotten to a different type of maturity
(25:22):
different people, you start to connect with different people because
you're in a different place. And so I do believe
your character, your maturity, you processing lessons that you don't
want to learn anymore, Like you're like, God, I screwed
that up. I'm never doing that again. Once you've really
gotten over some bad behavior, you will be attracted and
(25:43):
other people will be attracting you. They're completely different. And
so when you're in those different stages, I mean the universe, Yeah,
it does put different people in front of you.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
So that's nature versus nurture in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Well, you connect, you're open to connecting with a different
type of person, and they're connecting with you differently. So
so when you change, everything that is in front of
you and all of your options changed because you changed.
And so lens, yeah, your lens changed, your perspective changes,
and everything that attracts to you and that you're attracted
to changes. So that is one hundred percent I believe
(26:16):
in that.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
JD. I have to put a pin in this conversation
because there is so much here that I think we're
going to be lucky enough to parlay this into two episodes.
So I know our listeners are going to stay tuned
for Part two.
It's I Do Part two and it's your real life
normal single gal host Louise and today, sadly I am
holding down before it without my partner in crime, Thelma,
but I am joined once again and back by popular demand,
real life single stud JD. I am actually shocked that
(00:34):
he is still single and maybe I have a shot,
but in any event, he is here to answer all
of the many questions that came in from our listeners,
and I too, am on baited breath because I'd love
to hear from the mind of a guy like him. JD.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Welcome back, Thank you, thanks for having me back.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Of course, last time you were on the pod, people
loved hearing what you had to say. So this time
we're going to bring you the questions directly from our listeners.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
You ready, yeah, looking forward to Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
So our first question comes from a girl named Ashley,
and she's asking what's something a woman might do on
a date that she thinks is charming but a guy
would find cringey.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
That's good. One of them might be she might think
it's charming to just not eat anything or eat very lightly,
and I think that comes to mind. I've been on
dates where either the woman doesn't eat at all, or
she ate ahead of time, and I think it's kind
of fun to share the meal with somebody who actually so,
(01:52):
I think that seems charming, I would.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Say, But let me interrupt, because the flip side is
the girl who sits at the table and orders the
most expensive thing on the media.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
That's true, I would think. I think it's just I
think if you get kind of the uh, you know,
I am just gonna have a drink and aner solid yeah,
and I'm going to have the salad. It's like, there's
nothing wrong with that. I just don't think it's necessarily charming.
It's just I think it's fine to order, you know,
an app, but you know, an entree and a salad whatever.
I wouldn't. I wouldn't hold back having an entre because
(02:24):
you think it's gonna give a bad impression. I guess.
Is my main point. The guy should be grown up
enough if he asked you to dinner, he shouldn't be
upset that you ordered an entre. That's that would be strange.
So I do so don't. It's not cringey and it's
not charming to skip the entree. I would do. Just
you know, just enjoy it or do what you want.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
And you know what, But what's interesting is and I've
kind of changed this, this has been a different for one.
One for me is a first date. For me, I
would rather just have a drink. I don't want to
be locked in to a two hour dinner, right because
we kind of know pretty quickly if this is going
to be explored on a second date. And so for me,
(03:05):
I would just like to do a quick drink and
then go from there. Now, if the drink is great
and I've had this happen where it hibots to a dinner,
then that's cool, but I would rather just kind of
limit it right out of the gate.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Yeah. I love that idea and I've used that one myself.
Where you meet somebody at four, like at four or
five o'clock for a drink. You have a dinner reservation
in the bag, you've already got one locked in for seven,
either at the same restaurant or nearby, and if things
are going well, you just roll into the dinner, but
you're officially meeting for a drink for happy hour at five,
(03:39):
but you've got it if you've got that seven o'clock resie.
If you need it. I think as a guy, that's
a great strategy, and I think you know, for a woman,
it's the same thing. You haven't committed to dinner, but
you could say, hey, this, I'm really enjoying, I'm really
enjoying this. And sometimes the conversation will just keep on
going and you blow right through dinner without even thinking
(04:00):
about it. You just start oring food right at the
place you were just planning to have a drink, right,
So yeah, it's a lower commitment, less stress, and then
just let it organically either end or move into dinner, right,
but start with a drink. I love it. The dinner
can feel a little intimidating, like the eight o'clock dinner
reservation somewhere. Just meet for a drink at five and
or five thirty, and then let it roll into dinner
(04:22):
if it does, and if it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
It doesn't, you know. And there's also and we could
pop on so I know other listeners are calling in
with questions, but I just find you so interesting.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
To talk to.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
But there's also a school of thought, which is, you know,
you don't want a first date to go into like
this marathon for five hours where like all of a sudden,
it's like, you know, you've kind of gotten it all
out of the table and there's almost no reason to
go out again in a way, right, Like you want
to leave them wanting more. And I know everybody does
it differently, right, but I do think that sometimes it's
(04:56):
better just to kind of it's almost like the appetizer
and not the not the full entree.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Yeah, I get I get I get that. Thinking a
little bit, I guess, I would say there are very
few people that you want to date for months or
years that you run out of You run out of
reasons to hang out after a couple hours. So I don't.
I don't. I'm not a big believer in the hold
back strategy. I think if you like somebody and it's
(05:24):
flowing and you like it, just let it roll. I don't.
I don't know. I mean, again, this is a guy's perspective,
so I can't. Yeah, I can't give you. I mean,
a woman might have a brilliant strategy of holding back
some some different things to reveal on the second date,
and and and again, maybe that works, maybe it doesn't.
(05:44):
My perspective is if people are vibing and the conversation's flowing,
you know, let it roll and enjoy getting to know
each other, Like why not? But again, just a man's perspective.
If if a woman has a special way to hold
things nuggets back and reveal them over time, and she's
got that down, then more power. Like I can't take
away from that.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
I think it's a combination. But we are here to
hear your perspective, right, because you are. What I appreciate
about you is you are super even super communicative, super transparent,
super mature, like you're you're healthy, right, and so you
are kind of a unicorn. So for us to sit
here and actually learn and listen, this is great tidbits
(06:28):
for us as we are navigating this this dating world.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah, and I think if a guy's interested in you,
the idea that he's going to be like, oh man,
I you know, the first day was so good, but
there was nothing new to talk about on the second day,
Like I just I think that I think that's very rare.
So I would say, I would say, you know, do
what's natural. You don't force yourself to hold back. I
would say, don't don't be like, oh, I was going
(06:52):
to tell this story. It seemed like the perfect time,
but I'm going to hold it back now I can
hold back like I just yeah, yeah, I would just
let it go natural, but just you know my two cents.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
This is from a caller named Kim. When you are
divorced and dating again, can you date more than one
person at a time? How does that work? Do you
have to tell everyone? At what point do you tell everyone?
I mean, I would love to hear I have my perspective,
but I would love to hear your perspective.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Sorry that the first part is just that you're single again.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
So when you're divorced and dating again, right, and you're
and you're you're kind of out there.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Sharing that you're divorced. Is that the piece you're talking
about shuring.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
That you're sharing that you're dating multiple times?
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yes, yeah, I've I've had the one come up a
few times. I think it is. I don't think it
needs to come up in the first, you know, few dates,
or even necessarily in month one or two. I think
the times when it has typically come up in my
experience is kind of around month three.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
And are you sleeping with that person?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
So the sleeping thing, I h do.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
You find that there's girl like for me? If I'm
going to sleep with somebody, they're only sleeping with me, right,
so there is a pretty clear conversation.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
But I also feel organically, when a relationship is moving authentically,
you don't even almost have to kind of have the
conversation because both people are all in on it. And
if you have to have a conversation and there's some
sort of a of a question or a gray area,
that's not good. But maybe there are guys out there,
or there are girls that are comfortable with people who
(08:35):
have multiple partners.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Yeah, this is one where I think often the woman
takes the lead on this one. But I would say
I've had I've had people I was dating bring it
up before we slept together, like, hey, just so you know,
I'm really only comfortable if we're at a monogamous thing
and they brought it up before. I've had other people
(08:59):
bring it up after we were sleeping together for a month,
let's say, and then they brought it up. So my view,
and I don't know if that's a well, my view
is my advice to the woman asking the question and
to women in general, is bring it up when it
makes when it feels right to you, If you want
to be in a monogamous relationship before and it needs
(09:21):
to be exclusive before you sleep with them, then you
should say that if you're if you're like, well, I
want to kind of see how things are going, what
our chemistry is. Like I'm not so worried about exclusivity
right out of the gate, But if I start getting emotional,
if I start we start getting more attached, and we
start building a deeper relationship, then I want to know
(09:42):
that you're not being as intimate with other people as
you are with me. And so it can happen at
different times for different people. So again, it should be
what feels right to you, I think, and bring it
up when it's right to you. And I think a
man can handle the conversation.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
And I would assume, like right out of the gate,
if some girls sitting there saying, oh, and we're exclusive,
and you're going to be like running for the hills,
like that's like Glenn Close's fatal attraction right, Like that
is just way too much. I think. I guess for me,
you just kind of know when it's going in that direction.
It just kind of I don't know, feels yeah or again.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
I agree, I don't think there's a formula. I think
it has to kind of you got to bring it
up when it feels like bring it up. But yeah,
I would I would stay away from like the first month,
and then I would also stay away from the opposite
like you know, waiting six months or some other things.
But there's some time when it's going to feel like
you should talk about right.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Yeah, no, it's it's it's all super super interesting. I mean,
the mind of a man versus the mind of a woman.
It's like that whole book mant are from Mars and
man are from Venus. I mean they were kind of
onto something, right. It's like you say black, I say, right,
so this is good for us finding the gray.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Yeah. And a lot of times the guy is not
going to bring this up, and so the woman often
has to take the lead on this conversation. I hate,
I hate for the to get the easy way out
in this one, but I do think it's one where
a woman might have to lead that conversation.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Well, I was in a situation recently which I alluded
to on the previous one, where it was like he
was at Z and I was at C. And the
more I felt the pressure and the pushback. The more
I felt like the guy where I was like going
the other direction and I and I I just kind
of finally had to say, like this, this pace isn't
working for me, Like you're you're not reading the room
(11:27):
with me right now?
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Yeah, well yeah, people need to read the room. And
I also think, look, there's something fun about it being
a little bit light, and it was too heavy, wayful
and not heavy in pressure. We have our whole life
to have heavy relationships. And if you get in, you know,
you get past the first few months and then you're
dating a year or two, you can you get to
have your whole life to be in a serious relationship.
(11:49):
So let it be a little bit light and fun
in the beginning. And I mean, there's something nice about that.
It doesn't last very long. Try to enjoy it would
be my would be my advice, right, And that's on
both sides. The man that was really trying to like
come on heavy to you, why can't he be like
a little playful in light and enjoy the fact that
(12:09):
you don't know what's going to happen for a little while,
and enjoy that adventure and the mystery of it. It
is a rare, beautiful thing. Don't don't let it last
one day, like like, enjoy it for a little while.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
It had been like a few months. But whatever, I'm
just saying it.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
But my point is you got to read the room
and enjoy, enjoy the path that you're on.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
It was too young of a relationship for it to
be that way, all right, Moving on, Yes, moving moving
on to Janet. Is it an automatic turn off when
(12:51):
you meet your girlfriend's friends and they already know everything
about you and your relationship?
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Not at all? I mean, if you're somebody who is
a so first of all, the answer is no, it's
not a turn off. The fact that the woman you're
dating is interested enough to share things about you with
her friends is a compliment to you. And if you
don't like being complimented, then that's a whole different issue
as a man. But if you're somebody who is I
never want to have a girlfriend. I want to be
(13:17):
single my whole life, and you're a commitment fobe, then okay,
somebody talking about you might raise the hair on the
back of your neck because you are specifically not trying
to have a girlfriend and you're just trying to move
from person to person forever, for all time. But for
I would say for ninety nine percent of men who
I would say are normal and mature men. The fact
(13:39):
that the person you're interested in is sharing information about
you is a huge compliment to you. So just take
it as a compliment, mile and move on.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Why are you so healthy?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Lots of mistakes along the way and a few you know,
and some success more recently. But yeah, it took it
took a while for me to get there, so hard
earned wisdom, the school of hard knocks right.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
My favorite line from last podcast is an ego you
learned quickly shore marriage and then you learned again in
a long marriage or something. I get it wrong quickly,
and yes it was like super genius. Okay, Sherry, what
is a date that just does not sound fun to
(14:22):
you but us girls really love?
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah? Nothing, nothing comes to mind. I mentioned it last time.
I would say the biggest thing I would I would
not be interested is that that first that first date
that is a coffee or a lunch. That is a
turn off to me. If you're not meeting for drinks
or dinner, it feels like someone is so uninterested that
(14:47):
they're not even giving you the happy hour, dinner time,
so that that is the first date. That sounds worse
to me is something that's not at least at five
pm or later. That's just my view.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
I'm I'm totally with you because where everybody's a little
everyone a little like looser and you know, liquid courage
or whatever.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Right, I think the second date is a perfect time
to go on the hike or the bike ride or
the whatever. But don't lead with that. It's a bad lead.
It makes it sound like you are you have other
plans that evening. It's just it's just not great.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
What about like dancing or if you know, somebody wants
to go like bullying. I mean I wouldn't want to
go bowling or to a theme park, but what are
those any of those things interesting?
Speaker 2 (15:27):
That's why Yeah, a theme park on a first date,
is it? I would say, is a no? No bowling.
I actually don't have a problem with you get to
kind of you know, you get to have your your
you know, your beer, your glass of wine, you get
to have a little activity, you get to chat and interact.
So I don't I don't have a problem with bowling
as a first date, but definitely the theme park it's
(15:51):
too I mean, it's too long, too big of a commitment,
and so I would I would save that for like
a third or fourth date, but those are the only
ones that really would really get.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
And do you like? Okay, So supposing you're going out
on a first date, or let's call it maybe the
second date. So we've done the drink and you know,
we had fun and we're going to go. Do you
I know that you subscribe as chivalry like I do,
which is probably our age. Right. Are you the kind
of guy who plans the date or do you kind
(16:23):
of leave it up for random, Like we get lucky
and we roll into a restaurant and we're good. Like,
how do you do it when you're prepping for a date?
What's your playbook?
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Yeah? I think this is a chance for you know,
a man, to be a man and to step up
and look plan the first couple of dates. The woman
can plan the third date or something, but it's your
chance to, you know, make her feel a little bit
special and taken care of, and your chance to show
that you can you can pull off one of the
(16:52):
easiest things in the world, which is finding a happy
hour dinner place Like that's not a This is not
a high bar. You can pull this off if you're
if you're a guy. And again, even if the woman
you think is more financially secure than your you are,
I still think in all circumstances, the first couple of
dates are on you the first.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Tap, and just do within your needs, right, and if
she's not okay with that, then you know you got
to kick her to the curb, right.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
And if you want to look, if you're if you're, yeah,
if you go somewhere that's affordable for dinner or drinks,
that's great on the first date or the second date,
or if you take her for a drink on the
first date and then you make dinner the second date.
You can figure out away within your budget to be
the man who's leading the way the first couple of dates.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
And it's pretty obvious if somebody's looking looking for a bank, right,
I mean it's right out of the gate. You pick
up all that exactly.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
I yeah, just do you and take the lead on
the first couple of dates. That's any guy who can't
pull that off has I think you're right.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I think there's nothing more attractive than a trigger puller
personally and I think that you know, a person wants
to know that they can be taken care of, you know,
not in it, I mean just in a way of
like we're going to do this.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
I got this.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Like I remember I was dating a guy and literally
he couldn't handle anything. Everything was like I had asked
him a question or about a flight or whatever. And
we were on a trip and I literally was having
my ex husband do something for me because I was
I was in Europe when I had to get some
accomplished and the guy goes, what are you doing? And
I was like, well, you can't get it done, like
I'm you know what I'm saying, And so it was
(18:22):
such a turn off to me. He felt like a
third kid.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
It's a huge Yeah, it's a huge turnoff. And I
think for people that just can't handle planning a day,
like you said, the woman doesn't feel taken care of,
she doesn't get the energy that kind of energy the
man being in that role and the woman feeling taken
care of. That's that is part of the spark in
(18:47):
straight relationships. And if if if a guy starts acting
like a third kid, like you said, it's very unattractive.
This isn't this is a layup, like making a dinner reservation,
or this is we're figuring out a trail to go
hiking on. These are easy things and if a guy
can't pull it off, you have a right to, like
you have a right to be unattracted to that person.
(19:08):
Like you, there's no harm in saying, God, I just
didn't feel attracted for that. Well, yeah, it's it's on him, Like,
you shouldn't feel bad that you were like, oh, I
feel weird judging him as my third kid. You should
not feel bad. He's screwed up, So it's on him.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Oh yeah, no, no, for Yeah, I.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Mean there's no there's no two ways about it.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
I mean, if I'm turning my ex husband to handle
something we know it was.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Pretty bad, then you know you screwed up.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Can you imagine? I was like, yeah, we got this right. Okay,
So moving on, And we touched on this before and
I actually really appreciated your answer, but somebody did call
in to ask this question. So I want to address Rhonda.
(19:59):
You know, kind of like this stigma of you know,
some women feel that when they've never been married or
never had kids, that that is going to be a
red flag to a potential guy that they're dating. You
didn't seem that didn't bother you, which I so appreciate it. Similarly,
(20:20):
when somebody was sober and you know, obviously you enjoy
a cocktail that didn't bother you either. So but some
women do feel that way.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
Yeah, I don't. I don't. Yeah, I've dated women that
don't have children. I've dated women that do, and I
don't think it's relevant to whether or not you connect
deeply with that person you enjoy their company. I don't
find it relevant. I think it's like number fifty on
the list, like you're not even it's not even top
(20:51):
one hundred. For me personally, I think there's so many
things about a person that are important. I just look,
it might be nice to have them in common if
you do have kids, or if you don't, it might
be nice to have that extra freedom to travel and
all that. But assuming you're in the same town and
you're not on other sides of the country, I would
say that the I would say to women, don't worry
(21:13):
about whether you have the same children and no children's
status as the person who's asking you out they're interested
in you. It's not a problem.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
So one thing I'm super curious about, just to ask
a question, is, you know, I'd love to understand why
there's a lot of men who subscribe to that cliche
of like, you know, they're the wealthy, older guy and
they want the young piece of ass with like the
six pack, when they have virtually I don't think, anything
to talk about, but they look good on the arms,
so it's I guess it's some sort of i'm an agreement, right.
(21:43):
And then there's men like you or you know, other
men I know that they want to be involved with
somebody who has you know, shared life experience and there's
like that kind of like you know, synchronicity or that
you know, kind of connection point. But why do you
think some men want that? Like is it something to
do with how they feel about themselves on the inside.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Yeah, I mean I've I've been wondering this because I've
seen some of my friends as they've gotten older that
women they did have gotten older, and then other friends
it's kind of stayed stayed young, and I and and
and what's interesting for me is I find it really
odd when you're looking for somebody that you connect with
that is somebody that you have those deep connections with
(22:27):
them that you really feel close to. That you think
somebody who's twenty twenty five years younger is going to
be your person. I think that's very strange. I again,
oftentimes I will tell you sometimes those are the people
I know who have, you know, the fancy car, and
they are worried about their car and their image, and
they're worried about their house, and so what they are
(22:47):
what they're saying is it's way more important to me
what people think of.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Me than how I feel.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Yeah. Right, It's the most important thing is my image,
my brand, how people think of me and my depth
my depth of connection with somebody is secondary or tersery
to my image out in the world. And look, there
are people like that for sure.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Is it also potentially a situation where a man like
that who's used to being in charge and calling the
shots just doesn't want to be challenged and just figure
that they'll be happy to be at the party, Throw
them a designer back, take them to a couple of
nice restaurants and they'll look good.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
And yeah, I mean that is the other part of it.
It's actually bring up early good element because I have
I have a few friends that are in this in that,
and they I would say they are Their personality is
not wanting to be challenged, not wanting to have that
back and forth. They kind of just want to call
all the shots. They really like just running the table,
(23:48):
making all the decisions, and they really don't want a
partner as much as someone who's going to go along
with their game plan. And look that that is some
people's deal and they like it, and there are people
that want to just go along with someone else's game plan.
I don't want to have to make decisions or have
to be have an equal seat at the table. I
that's just a that's a for me, that's a I
(24:10):
don't know. That seems like that's the That seems like
that's the ten percent, it's not the ninety percent. It
feels like it is out there. I'm not going to
say it's not out there, but I don't feel like
it's the norm. But it is a thing, and I'm
not going to say it's not.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Well, there's definitely an ass for every saddle, and so
one of the things I'm super curious about is so
I am you know, I am one who believes in
I mean, call it hokey, but I believe in the universe, right,
and I believe genuinely that people come into our paths
for a reason, right. I don't think it's random. It's
a lesson or a blessing. You might not know it
(24:45):
until you're looking in the rear view mirror, but I
do believe there is a reason. I wonder if men
subscribe to that or they just think it's some you know,
kind of fairy tale, you know, bullshit, Like what do
you feel about that kind of like.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Yeah, I don't know if the universe is organizing itself
to deliver somebody in front of you at the perfect time.
I don't know if I believe in that theory, although
i'd like to. I think what I think is that
when you're ready, when you've like worked through a particular
lesson and you've gotten to a different type of maturity
(25:22):
different people, you start to connect with different people because
you're in a different place. And so I do believe
your character, your maturity, you processing lessons that you don't
want to learn anymore, Like you're like, God, I screwed
that up. I'm never doing that again. Once you've really
gotten over some bad behavior, you will be attracted and
(25:43):
other people will be attracting you. They're completely different. And
so when you're in those different stages, I mean the universe, Yeah,
it does put different people in front of you.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
So that's nature versus nurture in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Well, you connect, you're open to connecting with a different
type of person, and they're connecting with you differently. So
so when you change, everything that is in front of
you and all of your options changed because you changed.
And so lens, yeah, your lens changed, your perspective changes,
and everything that attracts to you and that you're attracted
to changes. So that is one hundred percent I believe
(26:16):
in that.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
JD. I have to put a pin in this conversation
because there is so much here that I think we're
going to be lucky enough to parlay this into two episodes.
So I know our listeners are going to stay tuned
for Part two.
Hosts And Creators
Amy Robach
T.J. Holmes
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