November 25, 2025 • 39 mins
Lisa Steven is a former teen mom who went on to build the only home for teen moms in the entire state of Colorado. Their resource center serves over 280 teen moms per year with free empowerment programming and early childhood education. And now 3 other communities have adopted their model!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Tragically, one of our moms ended up being killed by
an ex boyfriend in a domestic violence incident, and it
was just a terrible situation that I'm mad at God,
I'm mad at our community. I'm like, who's doing anything
about this? Why isn't there somebody doing something about this?
John I'll sake. That was kind of the moment when
God's like, well, what if somebody is you?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (00:19):
You mean who is somebody? I think we say that
a lot. Who is somebody? How to do something about that?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
What if you're not somebody? And I knew it was
a calling. I was super excited about this whole idea
of what if we start something for teen moms because
there isn't a place for teen moms to go in
the Denver metro area after twenty three years, where the
only residential program that a parenting teenage mom can go to.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Welcome to an army of normal folks. I'm Bill Courtney.
I'm a normal guy. I'm a husband, I'm a father,
I'm an entrepreneur, and I'm a football coach in inner
city Memphis. And that last part unintentionally led to an
oscar for the film about one of my teams.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
That movie is called Undefeated.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
I believe our country's problems are never going to be
solved by a bunch of fancy people and nice suits
using big words that nobody ever uses on CNN and Fox,
but rather by an army of normal folks. That's us,
just you and me deciding, Hey, you know what, maybe
I can help. That's what Lisa Steven, the voice you
(01:24):
just heard, has done. Lisa is a former teen mom
who went on to build the only home for teen
moms in the entire state of Colorado, and their resource
center serves over two hundred and eighty teen moms per
year with free empowerment programs and early childhood education, and
(01:44):
now three other communities have adopted their model.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
I cannot wait for you to meet Lisa.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Right after these grief messages from our general sponsors.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Lisa Stephen, Welcome to Memphis.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Well, thank you.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Where the heck is our? Where are you from? Arvada?
Speaker 1 (02:20):
With Arvada, Colorado? Just west of Denver, just a suburb
of Denver.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Suburb of Denver, got it?
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Well, thanks for being here, Thanks for coming all that way.
You've got somebody hitched to your post over there?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Who's that I do my husband almost forty years in February.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
That's my husband.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
Congratulations, that's awesome. Hey John, thanks for thanks for making
a truck with her.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
It's good to meet you. So you guys got here
about three days ago.
Speaker 4 (02:45):
We did. We're well, if we're going to get invited
to Memphis, we got.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
To see Memphis. What's going on in Memphis?
Speaker 1 (02:50):
So Alex offered to do a potlock and give us
pulled porky made all by himself.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
Was amazing.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
That's you know, it's almost sacrilegious that a dude from
Chicago to Memphis and cooks pork.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
But maybe the cultures weren't off on him. How was it?
Speaker 4 (03:05):
I think?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
So it was the best meal we've had, really really
good for you.
Speaker 5 (03:10):
You slow cook it for twelve hours. You beat any restaurant.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
That's it. You slow cook it. What'd you base? Did
you season it or based it? What did you do? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (03:18):
It's got a rub. So my one of my best
friends is like an expert chef. So he's like really
figured out this special.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Rub and he gave it to you.
Speaker 5 (03:25):
Oh yeah, so I know how to make it now,
this rub?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
I bet it was? Yeah, Well that's good. Thanks for
not screwing it up for our guest.
Speaker 5 (03:33):
I invited you to come. You missed out on my barbecue.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
Yeah, I feel like there was a game like old
miss game.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah, there was everywhere with Max.
Speaker 5 (03:41):
We're at the game.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Yeah, and yeah, we took care of South Carolina as
we should.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
All right, So what are you stay in Memphis?
Speaker 4 (03:48):
We were at the Arrived Hotel, which was fabulous.
Speaker 5 (03:51):
I told them both options to be clear, Bill, and
they chose there, and I said, it's my favorite though,
but they chose He.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
Did okay, and he had a discount that sealed the deal.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
So what did you do Memphis? What'd you drag John
around doing?
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Well, we took all the advice of the people at
the potluck. So we went to the Bass Pro Shop
and went in that free standing elevator.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
Scared me to death.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
People think pass Pro Shop, but this is a different experience.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
It is a different experience. It's like an amusement parking there.
Went to Shelby Farms at dinner.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
There, biggest nicipal park in the United States.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Yes, we went to the Civil Rights Museum. We're staying
right across from that.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Was very the civil amazing.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Yeah, that was amazing, super educational, just did some driving around,
went to a brewery.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Good. Yeah, cool. Well, I'm glad. I hope you've enjoyed Memphis.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Oh man, it's so cool. It's very different than anywhere
I've been before.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
Very well. We went to Beale Street too. It wasn't crowded.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
It was like quiet Friday or Saturn on Saturday, Saturday
during the fall. We don't have a lot of professional
football here, right, you got Atlanta and you've got Tennessee
Titans in Nashville, but that's it. The next the next
team's Dallas. So the Mid South, the Deep Delta South.
We're college people, yes you are. So on Saturdays, Oh.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
There was football. That's why it was playing.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
In Athens or Oxford or Starkville or Vandy or up
at Columbia, Missouri, or Fayettevilla in Arkansas.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Are down at Baton Rouge. We're going over to Auburn.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
Or Tuscalos for Alabama. So the city and then so
it's Friday and Sunday on the weekends from the fall
that are busy, but then after the fall it's to
set it on. But anyway, did you go in any
of the bars did you check out?
Speaker 1 (05:31):
But we went, well, we didn't go in there. We
went into Absinthe and it was like dead. So we
sat at the bar and just talked to the to
the bartender. It was so fun. Yeah, he had played basketball.
He was telling us about his basketball career.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
It was a greaol place.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
Yeah, it was cool.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Well good.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
And Memphis is different because we're such an old city.
Not many people know, Like in nineteen sixty Memphis was
the fifth largest city in the country, So it's it's
a big city, a cool downtown and there's a lot
to do, but it's got to kind of old school
vibe to it. And for all everybody who goes and
(06:07):
joys it says the exact same thing.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
I've just never been in place like it.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
It's the architecture is crazy. It's really cool.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
It's pretty.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
A lot of cool National Historical Register buildings that we
walked by.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Actually live in one. Oh really, my house is on
the Register of Historic Places. So we're I live in
a place called Central Gardens, which is back in the
late eighteen hundreds early nineteen hundreds was the country. Now
it's center city, and so all those houses were built
one hundred years ago. There's a bunch of them that
were protected on the National Register back in the seventies
(06:41):
when people are trying to rip old stuff down and
put up apartments, yep. So to protect the area, they
put a ton of the houses on the National Register.
And yeah, so very cool.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Up keep probably one hundred year old house.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
It's horrible, it's but Lisa likes it. So I do
as I say as I'm told.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
It's good.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
All right. So I'm so glad you got to enjoy
our city.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
And I could sit and talk about I'm a native
Memphion and I love my town. And the press does
a really good job of trying to highlight all the
bad things about every city, right, and everybody who comes
here feel safe, loves the people, loves architecture, loves the vibe,
loves the energy and the culture, and leaves saying, hey,
Memphis is a cool place, and it just takes more
(07:24):
people to.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Get here to see.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
Come on people, come on down to memphisis yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
That's right, if you ever come back.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Come in May, the World Championship Barbecue Cooking Contest and
one weekend and then the next weekend is Riverbeat, which
is along Tom Lee park along the river or stage
is set up and there's five or six acts going on,
and then it ends with the Memphis Symphony and it's
(07:49):
just really cool. So enough of that, let's get into you.
You are the founder of Hope House, Colorado and the
author of A Place to Belong, the true story of
a teen mom, a humbling leadership journey, and a house
called Hope. When I read it, when Alex sent me
your prep and I read that, I immediately knew, Okay,
(08:12):
I'm going to enjoy this.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Okay, I gotta be careful.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
I enjoy all of our guests, some of them I
dive into more personally, and I knew I was going
to like this, So we'll get to it. But Germane
to all of that is absolutely how you grew up,
how you met John Yea and honestly, the person I'm
(08:38):
going to call the hero of your life, which might
have been your mother in law, which I find really
in But I don't believe none of what you do
now happens without how you grew up and what your
world was. So I think it's important to kind of
briefly explain your background, where you came from, how he
(08:58):
came up why and then uh, then we'll get into
uh what evolved, and then now what you're doing, which
is phenomenal. So tell me about you, Yeah, tell me
about young Lisa. By the way, So if I say Lisa, right,
so that's good me, John, I'm not talking about your
(09:19):
wife about mine, all right?
Speaker 2 (09:20):
So there we love it right.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Well. I will say writing the book, a good bit
of writing the book was about what happens when you
say yes to God. And I didn't want to write
the book. So saying yester to God to write the
book was was a biggie for me because I didn't
ever talk about my background or my past.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
I talked about being a mom. Yeah, this was the
first time ever. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Shame.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Yeah that it just felt so personal and kind of private.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
And I didn't talk about my upbringing openly until probably
my mid thirties.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Well so you get it. Yeah, it just it's so funny.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
It was for me, it was shame.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
I was ashamed when I was in circles of people
that I respected. Yeah, and I heard the stories of
their beaver cleaver, wonderfully organic lives. I felt ashamed. Yeah,
And so I hid that part of me until I
started to understand that the reason I am who I
am is because that's such a big part of me,
and then I had to I had to embrace it.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
But so true.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Well, and I think there was a lot of like,
just my dad died in twenty sixteen, and there was
a lot that I couldn't have written the book when
he was alive, because even when you grew up in
a home that's you know, an abuse of home life,
you still love your parents.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
You still want your parents to be proud of you.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
So hard for people to understand that.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Yeah, Yeah, Like, there was a lot of stuff I
just couldn't have said while he was still alive because
it would have been so hard for him to hear
and hurtful for him. And you know, even when you
don't have a great relationship, you don't want to you
don't want to step on.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Your folks and not if you have empathy.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
No, yeah, I guess not if you have empathy. But yeah,
I grew up in a pretty had a household. My
dad was an alcoholic, didn't work a lot of the time.
He and my mom had pretty major, you know, big
blow ups, and I pretty much felt like I was
the kind of the protector and provider for my younger siblings.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
I was the oldest of four and.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Two the twins for a year behind you.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Yep, yeah, really close. My poor mom.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
I look back now, I'm like, you do not have
empathy until you have your own children. But she had
four kids under the age of three. So she had
me a year later, almost to the day, had twins,
and then a year after that had another baby.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Look, that's the worst I've heard beyond ours. Our kids
are four to three, two and one.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Oh man, Yeah, you did it right.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
So we had four and four years and your mom
had four and three, and it is.
Speaker 4 (11:48):
What a challenge.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Wouldn't change anything in our life with our children and
what it ended up being. But boy, when you're young,
it's rough. I can only imagine your mom.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
Yeah, me too.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
You know you don't have any You don't think about
it when you're a kid, but then when you grow
up and you have children, it's like, how did no wonder?
Speaker 4 (12:04):
She yelled a lot, like we must have driven her bananas.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
But but yeah, so it was a typically I say,
I grew up feeling like I was walking on eggshells.
You were kind of just always waiting for you know,
something not good to happen, and then very unfortunately, my
my little brother. So there were myself and then my
brother and sister were twins, and then our youngest sister, Jenny,
(12:27):
and my brother Chris died in a backyard accident. He
tied my jump rope to our swing set and got
his neck caught in it somehow and unfortunately passed away
when he was six and I was about seven.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
Seven.
Speaker 4 (12:43):
Yeah, it was a it was.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
A defining moment in our family's life. I think my
parents were pretty they were rough before that, but they
were really broken after that and just pretty much no
hope for.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Their did do when he worked.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Uh, you know, the thing was my dad was so smart.
He such a you know, waste of talent and brain power.
He went to school of Minds to become a geologist.
And unfortunately, when my brother died, he was about I
think he was maybe a year away from graduating and
he dropped out of school at that point. So he
kind of I mean, honestly, he didn't do something in
(13:21):
the you know in quotation marks. There was no like
career path that he had. It was kind of sometimes
he worked at it. Once he worked at a paint store.
Another time he was working at a it was like
a linens doing laundry at a linen's place, Like he
just kind of did jobs. So well, no, he never
earned Well, yeah, we were on what you called food
stamps back then, and my mom would make we called
(13:44):
it she called it magic milk, but it was essentially
powdered milk, which tasted terrible. So she would put like
a little drop of food coloring in the bottom of
your cup and then pour the water into the milk
and so it would turn color while you know, while
she was pouring it. So she got us to drink
our milk by calling it made milk. But but yeah,
we were uh, you know, off and on on you know,
(14:07):
food stamps, and they were just borrowing money from their
folks all the time.
Speaker 4 (14:11):
I'm assuming to pay the rent.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Did what did the arguments stem from that you grew
up constantly barged with And was it ever taken out
on you or more just your mom?
Speaker 2 (14:24):
And I don't think it's just your mom.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Yeah, no, no, that's I mean, actually that's really intuitive question.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
It was my dad primarily.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Was he was just an angry guy and when my
when they were together, it was pretty much directed at
my mom. After they got divorced, it was directed primarily
at me, sometimes my sisters, but someone who's just got
you know, those kinds of anger issues. They're they're kind
of always aiming at somewhere. But the funny thing was like,
when he was in public, he was charming, like people
loved him. He would could talk to anybody, and uh,
(14:55):
and I think that's maybe not that uncommon, it's but
behind closed doors it was kind of a different a
different story. Like a lot of the things that make
you such an engaging and energetic person can also be
things that can be turned differently.
Speaker 4 (15:09):
When you're at home.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
And something sets you off and you kind of never knew.
And actually that was one of the things that was
hard when we first got married because John's parents didn't
really fight ever in front of the kids, almost never
fought in front of the kids, and so he grew
up thinking that parents don't fight, and I grew up
thinking you fought over who put the manaise on what
shelf and the refrigerator. So I would start these fights
(15:31):
and he'd be like, why are we fighting about this?
Like we had to figure out you didn't have to
fight about where the man is.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
That's an interesting part of the story is that folks
who haven't grown up in trauma don't understand that that
trauma becomes common and normal, and then it's kind of
how you expect to act in life when you become
an adult, and the very thing that you hate the
most you can become if you're not careful.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Man, we talk about that all the time at Hope House,
because I mean, you do what you've seen done, You
behave in a way that you've seen modeled. So if
you monkey do exactly if you haven't seen something modeled.
Which is why my mother in law is such a
hero in my life, because my in laws modeled for
us something different. They modeled healthy parenting and healthy relationship
and healthy marriage and faith, and that was different than
(16:23):
how I had grown up.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
And now a few messages from our gender sponsors, But first,
I hope you'll consider signing up to join the army
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about our incredible guests we'll be right back. So there
(17:02):
was one night that I think really matters. After your
brother died, you guys moved to Wyoming, I think, and
there was a night that your dad chased your mom
around Jarles house trailer because he was jealous, and that
kind of set off a string events that changed things.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Tell us about that.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Yeah, he you know, when he was not drinking, he
was not maybe the most friendly, but when he was drinking,
he kind of didn't even know what he was doing.
And by the time we moved to Wyoming after my
brother died.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
He was working on where did your brother die? Where
we live?
Speaker 1 (17:40):
We lived in wheat Ridge, Colorado, so another suburb of Denver.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Did you go to Wyoming for work?
Speaker 4 (17:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (17:45):
He got a job on an oil rig, which he hated.
He didn't like the work, he didn't love the people
that he was around. I think he was just generally
unhappy and honestly, he.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
Was just sad.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
I mean, my brother's death just was I figured out
in life. You know how terribly devastating that was for him,
and I think he rapped up she didn't. You know.
The interesting thing is I actually never heard them fight
about my brother's death, like they thought about dumb stuff,
but they never They really kind of managed to get
(18:17):
through the briefly there for you know, maybe six months
after his passing, they managed to get through that without
I think they kind of retreated into their separate corners
and just were trying to breathe and survive. But once
we moved to Wyoming, it was kind of all all
bets were off. He was just kind of off his
(18:38):
rocker by the time we got there. Yeah, he so
he never wanted my mom to work, even though I mean,
he had a real issue with jealousy, and I think
he thought if my mom worked, she'd meet somebody else
or something like that. So he never wanted her to work.
But when we moved to Wyoming, we were in a
situation where they needed the two incomes, and so she
(18:59):
got a at the elementary school. And I don't know
what he was thinking, or I mean, I don't think
my mom ever cheated on my dad, but he had
something in his head about something that was going on
at the school and decided to, you know, start a
big fight about it. And there was one in particular
night where he brought I was helping my mom peel
(19:19):
potatoes at the kitchen table.
Speaker 4 (19:21):
So I saw him come.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Into the trailer from the shed outside with I think
it was my grandpa's shotgun and it was wrapped up
in a blank or like a towel, and took it
in the bedroom and stuck it in the bedroom. And
that next morning my mom essentially didn't let us go
to school, and we got on a bus and left Limean, Wyoming.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
And do you think he was capable?
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Yeah, I think unfortunately, the truth would have been the like,
we would have been one of those headlines where somebody
does something terrible and then turns the gun on themselves
because he was he could get he would be in
a state of mind where he didn't really know what
he was doing. Anger was really kind of running the show.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
And so that was.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Yeah, unfortunately, I think probably my mom was right to
pack us up and get us out of there. I
was thirteen, and then my sister was twelve and eleven, So.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Eleven and twelve year old little girls yep, trying to
get through life, living with nothing but chaos and arguments. Yeah,
I can't imagine at that age you didn't share with
your sister's dad walked in with a gun.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
Uh No, I did not tell them.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
No.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I mean again, I was sort of the I was
probably more of the mom figure than my mom was
in a lot of ways, and so I was protecting them. Yeah,
I mean there were was not infrequent for me to
hide them in the closet and play dolls and stuff,
just to you know, don't ignore whatever's going on out there.
Speaker 4 (20:54):
Yeah, yeah, just let's go. They did not.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
It wasn't you know, like some of my poor mamas
have grown up with very major physical abuse in their childhoods,
both for themselves and between their mom and might not
have been their dad whatever. Guy, My parents were not
incredibly physical with each other, but there were definitely times
where it got physical and was more scary when they
(21:20):
you know, got going.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
So the gun in the shed, wrapped up in the
corner of the bedroom. That was enough.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
Yeah, that was.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
This has gone on too long? Yeah, So he runs
off to work, I assume, yep, he went to work.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
She just got us on a bus and we went
to her parents, who lived in Longmont, Colorado, which is
about I don't know, half an hour forty five minutes
north of Denver. Lived there for a couple of years
and then.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Know what, was going on.
Speaker 4 (21:47):
Your grandparents they did, Yeah, they knew it was, and.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
They must have hated your father.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
They were not fans.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
Yeah, so they were probably relieved to see y'all show
up because as they're thinking, Okay, she's getting herself and
the girls out of this most Yeah.
Speaker 4 (22:04):
I think so.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
But I think there was also a period of, you know,
looking back now as an adult, I'm like, man, kind
of feel bad for my grand on grandpa on some
level because they ended up sort of taking on raising
us a little bit for that year and a half
or so that we stayed there, which kind of robs
you of getting to be grandparents when you're the one.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
It also robs you of working your butt off your
whole life to actually have some you time.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
And now all the U time's gone. Yep.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
I figured with four kids, I'm going to have one
show back up at our doorstep, and the statistics say it, yes.
Good news is we have a guest house at our house.
Because those old houses, you know, they have carriage houses
out back. So we called that the future loser house,
which while these jerk shows up and there's a loser,
we'll just stick them out there and we'll still be
able to walk around and have naked Pizza Tuesday inside
(22:51):
the main house.
Speaker 5 (22:52):
You just said that, that's awesome, thanks me form, And
I think you said that on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Naked Pizza Tuesday.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
I thought it was tago the greatest day of the week,
Nick and Pizza Tuesday.
Speaker 5 (23:03):
What's the kids or that they got an quill?
Speaker 4 (23:07):
You just need to make sure your kids know that,
and then they won't come home.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
We don't want to.
Speaker 4 (23:11):
We don't want to be there for naked Tuesdays.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
It's you talk about you talk about being scarred walking
on your fifty year old parents eating pizza neck in
the living root. You won't ever come back over. We
did about that, John, Yep, Okay, so hilarious.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Let's get back onto the story. I believe.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
By the way, what's today Tuesday? And Lisa's been out
of town and she lands at seven o'clock to night.
John's okay, all right, So I'm sorry, I'm a little off.
I'm a little off. Script I can't remember. Okay, So
(23:50):
you moved to your grandparents in Long Colorado, which is
a suburb of thirty minutes or so. Okay, so you're thirteen.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Yeah, chaos everywhere yeah, I got to.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Believe that at least at your grandparents' house, she could
breathe a little. There wasn't any hiding in the classes,
playing dolls.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Yeah, no, that was I mean, definitely, there was a
lot more order in their household, for sure.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
Unfortunately.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
I mean, you know, I know now working with kiddos
who are coming out of trauma, but you come out
of trauma and you're, you know, you're just kind of
not normal.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
You're so.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
I didn't do great at school, had some bullying at school,
had a hard time making friends. I don't think I
was I don't think I did a great job of
making friends. I was very I wasn't in a good space,
and neither were my sisters. And my mom was working
all the time. She got a job in Denver, so
she was driving like forty five minutes back and forth
to work, and so we were mostly with our grandparents.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Who were traumatized show shop children. Yeah, Yeah, who got.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Jerked out of whatever little home they had in the
middle of the night. Yeah, Who've lost a brother, Yeah,
who have a drunk father who's abusive. I mean, yeah,
making friends.
Speaker 4 (25:02):
Friends is on top of your list, It's really not.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
Yeah, but it was when we left, when my mom
got to the point where she was making enough money
and we moved to Wheat rich Colorado, another suburb but
closer to Denver, and that was the year I started
high school. That was kind of a great like new start,
like okay.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
News story, reset, nobody knows.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Nobody knows, and you know, kind of had an opportunity
to just you know, be a different person, and that
was great.
Speaker 4 (25:31):
I made some good friends.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
I had a reset to did you starting high school?
Speaker 4 (25:36):
And that was at the start of high school.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
Again, I needed another reset after that because that didn't
particularly work out end up working out great. But I
do know the feeling of these are new people. This
is a new place. It's far enough away from where
it came from that I can be me now and
(25:58):
let's see where that goes.
Speaker 4 (26:00):
You went high school here in Memphis, born and ruished.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Yeah, but I went from the city to the count
So in Memphis is a big enough place that twenty
miles in the city is like two completely different places.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
And so I did a theresa. I understand the.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
Feeling as all, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's liberating a little.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
It was, and it was high school is good.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Great from the perspective of there's new things to try,
Like I joined the choir and joined at the drama club,
and there were things to do to kind of keep
you busy.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
My mom worked a.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Ton, so she was just kind of never home, and
my sisters were doing better and making friends in their schools.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
So life isn't terrible.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
Yeah, life's not improved. Yeah, life's improved. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
And you know, you have some grandparents that love you
and you can fall back on too, so you have
some feeling of security that you did.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Not have before.
Speaker 4 (26:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Yeah, definitely a feeling of being a more normal teenager.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
The title of this thing, you're you're I mean, you're
the founder of Hope House, Colorado, what you get. But
the title is the true story of a teen mom.
And we're in high school. So I imagine something's happening
here pretty.
Speaker 4 (27:26):
Certain, pretty quick here.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Yeah. Yeah, so naked Pizza Tuesday.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
Pizza Tuesday is not for high school. No, high school
is high school? Is naked back seat?
Speaker 2 (27:39):
That that is?
Speaker 4 (27:40):
That's pretty much true.
Speaker 5 (27:44):
You're making John take us through it?
Speaker 1 (27:48):
Not Yeah, Well I laugh all the time because I.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Was not a friend of drama or something like that.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
He went to a different high school.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Okay, sorry, I was chasing him.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
So he I had a friend named Liz who had
this like her mom had this pea green like nineteen
seventy four buick.
Speaker 4 (28:09):
It was enormous.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
It was a boat, and the kids would go like
cruise around the high school or around the mall.
Speaker 4 (28:15):
Sorry the mall.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
This is you had.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
You and I must be close the same age because
some of the things you're saying. But I graduated high
school in eighty six.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, John two. All right, so we're all
the we're all basic.
Speaker 4 (28:33):
No, he's older than me. He's ten days older than me.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
Okay, So anyway, when you say cruise in the mall, boy,
does that bring back memories.
Speaker 4 (28:41):
What you did on Friday night? Yes?
Speaker 1 (28:45):
And well we had a square mall, and so the cars,
all the cars would go one way around the mall
in a circle, and then another set of cars would
go the other way around.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
The mall, and everyone I'd get in and go in
the food court. Yep.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
And like as you were passing these kind of two
rows of rotating cars, you'd wave at someone if you
thought they were cute, like to pull over.
Speaker 4 (29:03):
So I tell the story today.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
I'm like, you all young people who have what is
it swipe right and swipe left, we were doing that
way before you like we just we would wave it.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
We were just doing physically, like yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
So here comes this like we're in this very embarrassing
p green buick and here comes this like totally souped
up like Nova Chevy Nova. I always get the year wrong,
nineteen seventy four, nineteen seventy two.
Speaker 4 (29:29):
I get it wrong every time you.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Had seventy two fixed up Nova.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
Oh yeah, I bet you were the town's clown.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
And that thing. It was so fun car car. Yeah.
So was it was it John or the car that
got your attention?
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Well kind of both. Yeah, so the car definitely got
our attention. My friend Liz was driving. Every time we
went cruising. She got the driver. So here comes this
Nova and this guy's pretty cute, and I'm like we're
waving at him, and I'm like they're never gonna pull over,
but they did, and I'm like, I get the driver
this time.
Speaker 4 (30:01):
You always get to talk to the driver.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
So they get out and he's like his car is
loud and awesome. And cool, and he's like not talking,
he's like totally shy, but so cute. So we got
in the Yeah, we sat in the back seat and
just chatted that night and then made plans to meet
at the mall the next night, and yeah, take it
from there.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
About a year later, I was prob.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
I was a sophomore, Wow, junior, and he was a sophomore.
Speaker 4 (30:29):
I was a junior.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
He was.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
And you said in a year later, you're pregnant.
Speaker 4 (30:32):
Yeah a year later, Yeah, a year later, I was
a senior. He was a junior.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
I had started school at four, and he his parents
held him a year he started at five.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
A year later, we're sitting in that same souped up
nova outside of the clinic getting the results of a
pregnancy test.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
So we met here, we conceived here, and that would consider.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Yes, and yes we were and so my my wedding proposal.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
Was interesting to me is I think there's a lot
of stories of teenage pregnancy. I think few win married
fifty years later.
Speaker 4 (31:10):
That's pretty rare. Definitely beats the odds in that.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
Regard, Yeah, really specially.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
Yeah, it definitely beats the odds.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Every once in a while we meet another couple that
were teen parents and got married and are still married,
and we're like, dang, we got to be friends because
there are very few, very few married couples still.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
Yeah. So we were so literally high school sweethearts.
Speaker 4 (31:29):
Yeah, literally high school sweethearts.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
But now you're pregnant as a senior in high school.
He's a junior. Yeah, and.
Speaker 4 (31:37):
Yeah, plans changed a little bit.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
I mean, we got parents to talk to and everything.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
So yeah, his proposal outside the clinic was, what are
you doing a week from Friday. I'm like, well, I
guess we're getting married a week from friday.
Speaker 5 (31:50):
So he I mean, I love you so much the
rest of my life with you.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
That was probably in there somewhere ten years later. He
did it right, got on one knee, We did the whole.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
The fact that.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
A junior in high school at Yall's age, yeah, I
felt that sense of responsibility and willingness speaks a lot about.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
Yeah, a lot John and where it.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Comes from, all about him, and a lot about his parents.
And I say this that so when we telling my
parents that I was pregnant was not that big. I
mean I was not that concerned about that. My mom
was not really active in my life.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
My dad really didn't care what that.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
I didn't really care what my dad thought.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
But telling his parents was a whole other thing, because
I'd gotten to go to their house for dinner, I'd
come to know their family like I did not want
them to be disappointed in me, and I didn't want
them to be disappointed in him. And to top it off,
his mom has a chronic kidney disease. She had gotten.
This is my warning to anybody listening. She had gotten
strep throat and didn't take care of it. Was sick
(32:50):
in bed for like two weeks and didn't go to
the doctor. Well, strep throat goes to here one of
your organs. If you don't, you'll get better, but it
will go somewhere in your body. So don't let a
sore throat go forever. So she let us our throaw
go really bad sickness and didn't do anything about it.
Found out when she was pregnant with her fourth that
she her kidneys were shutting down. This strip had gone
to her kidneys. So she's on dialysis and had been
(33:13):
for most of John's life, since he was like six
years old. So we're going to tell his parents that
you know, what the news is, and we're down in there.
They had like a kind of a wreck room where
his dad would do they would do dialysis at home,
and his dad would you know, set it all up
and put the needle in her arm and all that.
It was really really good at doing that. And they'd
watch a movie. So we're down there standing on the
(33:34):
you know, yellow shag carpet and just they're watching a
movie and we're just standing there for like an hour
in the room, in the room like just they know
he has something to say, but he just can't.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
They just stay. They just literally let you stand there.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
Yep, they sure did.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
And you know they you know, they knew what was coming.
They had to have at least it gave him time
to think of what something was coming.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
And so no one ever looked over and said, what's
going on? Why are you two lurchers standing in the
corner like that? What is up with y'all? They just
they let you burn.
Speaker 4 (34:10):
Yes they did, Yes, they did. It was good.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
I mean, honestly, I say this, it was probably What
came next was to me the single greatest act of
parenting that I got to be a part of, or experience,
and that is when he finally said, you know, we're pregnant.
You know, there could have been recriminations and anger and
tears and them the responsible.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Your losers. What are you going to do the rest
of your life?
Speaker 3 (34:38):
This is going to be everything everything I can hear,
all all the things snap, things that I might have
said to my daughter.
Speaker 4 (34:46):
Can't yeah, exactly and instead, which.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
I'm sad to say, but I probably would have.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Well, and you know, I'm sure when they were and
that's the thing, probably later in private, those things might
have been said between the two of them will never know.
They won't ever tell us that. But in that moment,
what they did was say, all right, let's have a
conversation about what parenting looks like and what marriage looks like,
and sat us down and said, you know.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
The two of them, yeah, both had the same reaction.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
I mean, I thinks long probably started but ish, yeah,
like I'm pretty sure his dad was not real thrilled.
Speaker 4 (35:22):
But he didn't show that.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
I Mean, what he showed was all right, you're going
to be you know, you're grown ups now, Like you're
gonna have to act like grown ups and this is
what it's what it looks like they gave us some
great marriage advice in that probably half hour that we
sat and talked. They essentially, the way I remember it
and what I experienced, was that they didn't judge us,
they didn't shame us, they didn't stigmatize us, which is
(35:47):
the exact example of what we do now at Hope House.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
I'd to say this is a reason all of this matters.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
The reason all of it matters is they modeled what
healthy parenting looks like and poured and concern and empathy
and care and whatever internal feelings they were feeling. They
didn't put those on us. They saved that for later.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
John, I got to ask you from way across the
room over there, hold.
Speaker 5 (36:15):
On, I let them get on, Mike. If you're gonna
do this, well.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
I just it'll be quick, is I know?
Speaker 5 (36:19):
But people got to be able to hear it.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
All right, Well, you can stand over here.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
I'm really saying this is off script, but I'm just curious.
Is that how you remember your parents, even as an
adolescent growing up?
Speaker 2 (36:35):
Just those kind of folks.
Speaker 6 (36:37):
Yeah, they were very calm and loving and supportive of
one another. And I mean I didn't always feel it
when I was, you know, a kid growing up, but
like I mean, I was. I was scared to say
something to something like that, but I didn't think that
it would go get out of the house.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
You know.
Speaker 6 (36:56):
I thought I would be supported, but you almost never
know until you say, you know.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Did you know going in that after you said what
you had to say, did you feel like ultimately you
would be supported or did you feel like they would
lose their every lother minds? What was your expectation of
their response to what you were going to tell them.
Speaker 6 (37:18):
I definitely thought they would be disappointed, you know, you know,
the conversations you know we had about the birds and
the beesless don't till you're married, So you know, I'm
sure they weren't not happy with with this happening, But
I mean I felt that they would be supportive.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
But you're still scared about it too.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
Yeah, so thank you. So, Yeah, what was your expectation
of what his parents were going to do?
Speaker 1 (37:51):
You know, I don't know if I necessarily had an expectation.
Mostly I you know, like John said, I just didn't
want them to be disappointed.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Were you not scared?
Speaker 4 (38:01):
I didn't, I was.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
I wasn't really really, No, one's ever asked me that
I didn't ever really think about that.
Speaker 4 (38:08):
No, I wasn't really.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
I think I knew them enough by then, had spent
enough time in their home that they didn't yell about stuff,
they didn't fly off the handle.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
Even then they felt I.
Speaker 4 (38:19):
Think they felt safe.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
Yeah, Yeah, that's what I'm trying to find out.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
Such a good question. I've never actually had it put
that way, but yeah, I think they felt safe.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
The reason I'm asking is because I believe we are
as age and wisdom and experience makes us, continues to
evolve us and mold us. I think we are a
collection of the most important experiences of our life.
Speaker 4 (38:45):
That's what I believe you true.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Yeah, and so.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
Even if you haven't fully recognized it, I would think
that safety made a very big situation in your life manageable,
which I would say translates to what you do to
me definitely. And that concludes Part one of our conversations
(39:14):
with Lisa Stephen and guys, you do not want to
miss Part two. It's now available to listen to together. Guys,
we can change this country, but it starts with you.
I'll see in Part two
Tragically, one of our moms ended up being killed by
an ex boyfriend in a domestic violence incident, and it
was just a terrible situation that I'm mad at God,
I'm mad at our community. I'm like, who's doing anything
about this? Why isn't there somebody doing something about this?
John I'll sake. That was kind of the moment when
God's like, well, what if somebody is you?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (00:19):
You mean who is somebody? I think we say that
a lot. Who is somebody? How to do something about that?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
What if you're not somebody? And I knew it was
a calling. I was super excited about this whole idea
of what if we start something for teen moms because
there isn't a place for teen moms to go in
the Denver metro area after twenty three years, where the
only residential program that a parenting teenage mom can go to.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Welcome to an army of normal folks. I'm Bill Courtney.
I'm a normal guy. I'm a husband, I'm a father,
I'm an entrepreneur, and I'm a football coach in inner
city Memphis. And that last part unintentionally led to an
oscar for the film about one of my teams.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
That movie is called Undefeated.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
I believe our country's problems are never going to be
solved by a bunch of fancy people and nice suits
using big words that nobody ever uses on CNN and Fox,
but rather by an army of normal folks. That's us,
just you and me deciding, Hey, you know what, maybe
I can help. That's what Lisa Steven, the voice you
(01:24):
just heard, has done. Lisa is a former teen mom
who went on to build the only home for teen
moms in the entire state of Colorado, and their resource
center serves over two hundred and eighty teen moms per
year with free empowerment programs and early childhood education, and
(01:44):
now three other communities have adopted their model.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
I cannot wait for you to meet Lisa.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Right after these grief messages from our general sponsors.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Lisa Stephen, Welcome to Memphis.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Well, thank you.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Where the heck is our? Where are you from? Arvada?
Speaker 1 (02:20):
With Arvada, Colorado? Just west of Denver, just a suburb
of Denver.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Suburb of Denver, got it?
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Well, thanks for being here, Thanks for coming all that way.
You've got somebody hitched to your post over there?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Who's that I do my husband almost forty years in February.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
That's my husband.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
Congratulations, that's awesome. Hey John, thanks for thanks for making
a truck with her.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
It's good to meet you. So you guys got here
about three days ago.
Speaker 4 (02:45):
We did. We're well, if we're going to get invited
to Memphis, we got.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
To see Memphis. What's going on in Memphis?
Speaker 1 (02:50):
So Alex offered to do a potlock and give us
pulled porky made all by himself.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
Was amazing.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
That's you know, it's almost sacrilegious that a dude from
Chicago to Memphis and cooks pork.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
But maybe the cultures weren't off on him. How was it?
Speaker 4 (03:05):
I think?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
So it was the best meal we've had, really really
good for you.
Speaker 5 (03:10):
You slow cook it for twelve hours. You beat any restaurant.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
That's it. You slow cook it. What'd you base? Did
you season it or based it? What did you do? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (03:18):
It's got a rub. So my one of my best
friends is like an expert chef. So he's like really
figured out this special.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Rub and he gave it to you.
Speaker 5 (03:25):
Oh yeah, so I know how to make it now,
this rub?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
I bet it was? Yeah, Well that's good. Thanks for
not screwing it up for our guest.
Speaker 5 (03:33):
I invited you to come. You missed out on my barbecue.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
Yeah, I feel like there was a game like old
miss game.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah, there was everywhere with Max.
Speaker 5 (03:41):
We're at the game.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Yeah, and yeah, we took care of South Carolina as
we should.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
All right, So what are you stay in Memphis?
Speaker 4 (03:48):
We were at the Arrived Hotel, which was fabulous.
Speaker 5 (03:51):
I told them both options to be clear, Bill, and
they chose there, and I said, it's my favorite though,
but they chose He.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
Did okay, and he had a discount that sealed the deal.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
So what did you do Memphis? What'd you drag John
around doing?
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Well, we took all the advice of the people at
the potluck. So we went to the Bass Pro Shop
and went in that free standing elevator.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
Scared me to death.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
People think pass Pro Shop, but this is a different experience.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
It is a different experience. It's like an amusement parking there.
Went to Shelby Farms at dinner.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
There, biggest nicipal park in the United States.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Yes, we went to the Civil Rights Museum. We're staying
right across from that.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Was very the civil amazing.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Yeah, that was amazing, super educational, just did some driving around,
went to a brewery.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Good. Yeah, cool. Well, I'm glad. I hope you've enjoyed Memphis.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Oh man, it's so cool. It's very different than anywhere
I've been before.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
Very well. We went to Beale Street too. It wasn't crowded.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
It was like quiet Friday or Saturn on Saturday, Saturday
during the fall. We don't have a lot of professional
football here, right, you got Atlanta and you've got Tennessee
Titans in Nashville, but that's it. The next the next
team's Dallas. So the Mid South, the Deep Delta South.
We're college people, yes you are. So on Saturdays, Oh.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
There was football. That's why it was playing.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
In Athens or Oxford or Starkville or Vandy or up
at Columbia, Missouri, or Fayettevilla in Arkansas.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Are down at Baton Rouge. We're going over to Auburn.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
Or Tuscalos for Alabama. So the city and then so
it's Friday and Sunday on the weekends from the fall
that are busy, but then after the fall it's to
set it on. But anyway, did you go in any
of the bars did you check out?
Speaker 1 (05:31):
But we went, well, we didn't go in there. We
went into Absinthe and it was like dead. So we
sat at the bar and just talked to the to
the bartender. It was so fun. Yeah, he had played basketball.
He was telling us about his basketball career.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
It was a greaol place.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
Yeah, it was cool.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Well good.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
And Memphis is different because we're such an old city.
Not many people know, Like in nineteen sixty Memphis was
the fifth largest city in the country, So it's it's
a big city, a cool downtown and there's a lot
to do, but it's got to kind of old school
vibe to it. And for all everybody who goes and
(06:07):
joys it says the exact same thing.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
I've just never been in place like it.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
It's the architecture is crazy. It's really cool.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
It's pretty.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
A lot of cool National Historical Register buildings that we
walked by.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Actually live in one. Oh really, my house is on
the Register of Historic Places. So we're I live in
a place called Central Gardens, which is back in the
late eighteen hundreds early nineteen hundreds was the country. Now
it's center city, and so all those houses were built
one hundred years ago. There's a bunch of them that
were protected on the National Register back in the seventies
(06:41):
when people are trying to rip old stuff down and
put up apartments, yep. So to protect the area, they
put a ton of the houses on the National Register.
And yeah, so very cool.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Up keep probably one hundred year old house.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
It's horrible, it's but Lisa likes it. So I do
as I say as I'm told.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
It's good.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
All right. So I'm so glad you got to enjoy
our city.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
And I could sit and talk about I'm a native
Memphion and I love my town. And the press does
a really good job of trying to highlight all the
bad things about every city, right, and everybody who comes
here feel safe, loves the people, loves architecture, loves the vibe,
loves the energy and the culture, and leaves saying, hey,
Memphis is a cool place, and it just takes more
(07:24):
people to.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Get here to see.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
Come on people, come on down to memphisis yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
That's right, if you ever come back.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Come in May, the World Championship Barbecue Cooking Contest and
one weekend and then the next weekend is Riverbeat, which
is along Tom Lee park along the river or stage
is set up and there's five or six acts going on,
and then it ends with the Memphis Symphony and it's
(07:49):
just really cool. So enough of that, let's get into you.
You are the founder of Hope House, Colorado and the
author of A Place to Belong, the true story of
a teen mom, a humbling leadership journey, and a house
called Hope. When I read it, when Alex sent me
your prep and I read that, I immediately knew, Okay,
(08:12):
I'm going to enjoy this.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Okay, I gotta be careful.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
I enjoy all of our guests, some of them I
dive into more personally, and I knew I was going
to like this, So we'll get to it. But Germane
to all of that is absolutely how you grew up,
how you met John Yea and honestly, the person I'm
(08:38):
going to call the hero of your life, which might
have been your mother in law, which I find really
in But I don't believe none of what you do
now happens without how you grew up and what your
world was. So I think it's important to kind of
briefly explain your background, where you came from, how he
(08:58):
came up why and then uh, then we'll get into
uh what evolved, and then now what you're doing, which
is phenomenal. So tell me about you, Yeah, tell me
about young Lisa. By the way, So if I say Lisa, right,
so that's good me, John, I'm not talking about your
(09:19):
wife about mine, all right?
Speaker 2 (09:20):
So there we love it right.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Well. I will say writing the book, a good bit
of writing the book was about what happens when you
say yes to God. And I didn't want to write
the book. So saying yester to God to write the
book was was a biggie for me because I didn't
ever talk about my background or my past.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
I talked about being a mom. Yeah, this was the
first time ever. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Shame.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Yeah that it just felt so personal and kind of private.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
And I didn't talk about my upbringing openly until probably
my mid thirties.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Well so you get it. Yeah, it just it's so funny.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
It was for me, it was shame.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
I was ashamed when I was in circles of people
that I respected. Yeah, and I heard the stories of
their beaver cleaver, wonderfully organic lives. I felt ashamed. Yeah,
And so I hid that part of me until I
started to understand that the reason I am who I
am is because that's such a big part of me,
and then I had to I had to embrace it.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
But so true.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Well, and I think there was a lot of like,
just my dad died in twenty sixteen, and there was
a lot that I couldn't have written the book when
he was alive, because even when you grew up in
a home that's you know, an abuse of home life,
you still love your parents.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
You still want your parents to be proud of you.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
So hard for people to understand that.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Yeah, Yeah, Like, there was a lot of stuff I
just couldn't have said while he was still alive because
it would have been so hard for him to hear
and hurtful for him. And you know, even when you
don't have a great relationship, you don't want to you
don't want to step on.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Your folks and not if you have empathy.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
No, yeah, I guess not if you have empathy. But yeah,
I grew up in a pretty had a household. My
dad was an alcoholic, didn't work a lot of the time.
He and my mom had pretty major, you know, big
blow ups, and I pretty much felt like I was
the kind of the protector and provider for my younger siblings.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
I was the oldest of four and.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Two the twins for a year behind you.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Yep, yeah, really close. My poor mom.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
I look back now, I'm like, you do not have
empathy until you have your own children. But she had
four kids under the age of three. So she had
me a year later, almost to the day, had twins,
and then a year after that had another baby.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Look, that's the worst I've heard beyond ours. Our kids
are four to three, two and one.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Oh man, Yeah, you did it right.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
So we had four and four years and your mom
had four and three, and it is.
Speaker 4 (11:48):
What a challenge.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Wouldn't change anything in our life with our children and
what it ended up being. But boy, when you're young,
it's rough. I can only imagine your mom.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
Yeah, me too.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
You know you don't have any You don't think about
it when you're a kid, but then when you grow
up and you have children, it's like, how did no wonder?
Speaker 4 (12:04):
She yelled a lot, like we must have driven her bananas.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
But but yeah, so it was a typically I say,
I grew up feeling like I was walking on eggshells.
You were kind of just always waiting for you know,
something not good to happen, and then very unfortunately, my
my little brother. So there were myself and then my
brother and sister were twins, and then our youngest sister, Jenny,
(12:27):
and my brother Chris died in a backyard accident. He
tied my jump rope to our swing set and got
his neck caught in it somehow and unfortunately passed away
when he was six and I was about seven.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
Seven.
Speaker 4 (12:43):
Yeah, it was a it was.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
A defining moment in our family's life. I think my
parents were pretty they were rough before that, but they
were really broken after that and just pretty much no
hope for.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Their did do when he worked.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Uh, you know, the thing was my dad was so smart.
He such a you know, waste of talent and brain power.
He went to school of Minds to become a geologist.
And unfortunately, when my brother died, he was about I
think he was maybe a year away from graduating and
he dropped out of school at that point. So he
kind of I mean, honestly, he didn't do something in
(13:21):
the you know in quotation marks. There was no like
career path that he had. It was kind of sometimes
he worked at it. Once he worked at a paint store.
Another time he was working at a it was like
a linens doing laundry at a linen's place, Like he
just kind of did jobs. So well, no, he never
earned Well, yeah, we were on what you called food
stamps back then, and my mom would make we called
(13:44):
it she called it magic milk, but it was essentially
powdered milk, which tasted terrible. So she would put like
a little drop of food coloring in the bottom of
your cup and then pour the water into the milk
and so it would turn color while you know, while
she was pouring it. So she got us to drink
our milk by calling it made milk. But but yeah,
we were uh, you know, off and on on you know,
(14:07):
food stamps, and they were just borrowing money from their
folks all the time.
Speaker 4 (14:11):
I'm assuming to pay the rent.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Did what did the arguments stem from that you grew
up constantly barged with And was it ever taken out
on you or more just your mom?
Speaker 2 (14:24):
And I don't think it's just your mom.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Yeah, no, no, that's I mean, actually that's really intuitive question.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
It was my dad primarily.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Was he was just an angry guy and when my
when they were together, it was pretty much directed at
my mom. After they got divorced, it was directed primarily
at me, sometimes my sisters, but someone who's just got
you know, those kinds of anger issues. They're they're kind
of always aiming at somewhere. But the funny thing was like,
when he was in public, he was charming, like people
loved him. He would could talk to anybody, and uh,
(14:55):
and I think that's maybe not that uncommon, it's but
behind closed doors it was kind of a different a
different story. Like a lot of the things that make
you such an engaging and energetic person can also be
things that can be turned differently.
Speaker 4 (15:09):
When you're at home.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
And something sets you off and you kind of never knew.
And actually that was one of the things that was
hard when we first got married because John's parents didn't
really fight ever in front of the kids, almost never
fought in front of the kids, and so he grew
up thinking that parents don't fight, and I grew up
thinking you fought over who put the manaise on what
shelf and the refrigerator. So I would start these fights
(15:31):
and he'd be like, why are we fighting about this?
Like we had to figure out you didn't have to
fight about where the man is.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
That's an interesting part of the story is that folks
who haven't grown up in trauma don't understand that that
trauma becomes common and normal, and then it's kind of
how you expect to act in life when you become
an adult, and the very thing that you hate the
most you can become if you're not careful.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Man, we talk about that all the time at Hope House,
because I mean, you do what you've seen done, You
behave in a way that you've seen modeled. So if
you monkey do exactly if you haven't seen something modeled.
Which is why my mother in law is such a
hero in my life, because my in laws modeled for
us something different. They modeled healthy parenting and healthy relationship
and healthy marriage and faith, and that was different than
(16:23):
how I had grown up.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
And now a few messages from our gender sponsors, But first,
I hope you'll consider signing up to join the army
at normal Folks dot us. By signing up, you'll receive
a weekly email with short episodes summaries in case you
happen to miss an episode or if you prefer reading
about our incredible guests we'll be right back. So there
(17:02):
was one night that I think really matters. After your
brother died, you guys moved to Wyoming, I think, and
there was a night that your dad chased your mom
around Jarles house trailer because he was jealous, and that
kind of set off a string events that changed things.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Tell us about that.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Yeah, he you know, when he was not drinking, he
was not maybe the most friendly, but when he was drinking,
he kind of didn't even know what he was doing.
And by the time we moved to Wyoming after my
brother died.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
He was working on where did your brother die? Where
we live?
Speaker 1 (17:40):
We lived in wheat Ridge, Colorado, so another suburb of Denver.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Did you go to Wyoming for work?
Speaker 4 (17:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (17:45):
He got a job on an oil rig, which he hated.
He didn't like the work, he didn't love the people
that he was around. I think he was just generally
unhappy and honestly, he.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
Was just sad.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
I mean, my brother's death just was I figured out
in life. You know how terribly devastating that was for him,
and I think he rapped up she didn't. You know.
The interesting thing is I actually never heard them fight
about my brother's death, like they thought about dumb stuff,
but they never They really kind of managed to get
(18:17):
through the briefly there for you know, maybe six months
after his passing, they managed to get through that without
I think they kind of retreated into their separate corners
and just were trying to breathe and survive. But once
we moved to Wyoming, it was kind of all all
bets were off. He was just kind of off his
(18:38):
rocker by the time we got there. Yeah, he so
he never wanted my mom to work, even though I mean,
he had a real issue with jealousy, and I think
he thought if my mom worked, she'd meet somebody else
or something like that. So he never wanted her to work.
But when we moved to Wyoming, we were in a
situation where they needed the two incomes, and so she
(18:59):
got a at the elementary school. And I don't know
what he was thinking, or I mean, I don't think
my mom ever cheated on my dad, but he had
something in his head about something that was going on
at the school and decided to, you know, start a
big fight about it. And there was one in particular
night where he brought I was helping my mom peel
(19:19):
potatoes at the kitchen table.
Speaker 4 (19:21):
So I saw him come.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Into the trailer from the shed outside with I think
it was my grandpa's shotgun and it was wrapped up
in a blank or like a towel, and took it
in the bedroom and stuck it in the bedroom. And
that next morning my mom essentially didn't let us go
to school, and we got on a bus and left Limean, Wyoming.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
And do you think he was capable?
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Yeah, I think unfortunately, the truth would have been the like,
we would have been one of those headlines where somebody
does something terrible and then turns the gun on themselves
because he was he could get he would be in
a state of mind where he didn't really know what
he was doing. Anger was really kind of running the show.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
And so that was.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Yeah, unfortunately, I think probably my mom was right to
pack us up and get us out of there. I
was thirteen, and then my sister was twelve and eleven, So.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Eleven and twelve year old little girls yep, trying to
get through life, living with nothing but chaos and arguments. Yeah,
I can't imagine at that age you didn't share with
your sister's dad walked in with a gun.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
Uh No, I did not tell them.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
No.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I mean again, I was sort of the I was
probably more of the mom figure than my mom was
in a lot of ways, and so I was protecting them. Yeah,
I mean there were was not infrequent for me to
hide them in the closet and play dolls and stuff,
just to you know, don't ignore whatever's going on out there.
Speaker 4 (20:54):
Yeah, yeah, just let's go. They did not.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
It wasn't you know, like some of my poor mamas
have grown up with very major physical abuse in their childhoods,
both for themselves and between their mom and might not
have been their dad whatever. Guy, My parents were not
incredibly physical with each other, but there were definitely times
where it got physical and was more scary when they
(21:20):
you know, got going.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
So the gun in the shed, wrapped up in the
corner of the bedroom. That was enough.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
Yeah, that was.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
This has gone on too long? Yeah, So he runs
off to work, I assume, yep, he went to work.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
She just got us on a bus and we went
to her parents, who lived in Longmont, Colorado, which is
about I don't know, half an hour forty five minutes
north of Denver. Lived there for a couple of years
and then.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Know what, was going on.
Speaker 4 (21:47):
Your grandparents they did, Yeah, they knew it was, and.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
They must have hated your father.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
They were not fans.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
Yeah, so they were probably relieved to see y'all show
up because as they're thinking, Okay, she's getting herself and
the girls out of this most Yeah.
Speaker 4 (22:04):
I think so.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
But I think there was also a period of, you know,
looking back now as an adult, I'm like, man, kind
of feel bad for my grand on grandpa on some
level because they ended up sort of taking on raising
us a little bit for that year and a half
or so that we stayed there, which kind of robs
you of getting to be grandparents when you're the one.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
It also robs you of working your butt off your
whole life to actually have some you time.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
And now all the U time's gone. Yep.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
I figured with four kids, I'm going to have one
show back up at our doorstep, and the statistics say it, yes.
Good news is we have a guest house at our house.
Because those old houses, you know, they have carriage houses
out back. So we called that the future loser house,
which while these jerk shows up and there's a loser,
we'll just stick them out there and we'll still be
able to walk around and have naked Pizza Tuesday inside
(22:51):
the main house.
Speaker 5 (22:52):
You just said that, that's awesome, thanks me form, And
I think you said that on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Naked Pizza Tuesday.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
I thought it was tago the greatest day of the week,
Nick and Pizza Tuesday.
Speaker 5 (23:03):
What's the kids or that they got an quill?
Speaker 4 (23:07):
You just need to make sure your kids know that,
and then they won't come home.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
We don't want to.
Speaker 4 (23:11):
We don't want to be there for naked Tuesdays.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
It's you talk about you talk about being scarred walking
on your fifty year old parents eating pizza neck in
the living root. You won't ever come back over. We
did about that, John, Yep, Okay, so hilarious.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Let's get back onto the story. I believe.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
By the way, what's today Tuesday? And Lisa's been out
of town and she lands at seven o'clock to night.
John's okay, all right, So I'm sorry, I'm a little off.
I'm a little off. Script I can't remember. Okay, So
(23:50):
you moved to your grandparents in Long Colorado, which is
a suburb of thirty minutes or so. Okay, so you're thirteen.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Yeah, chaos everywhere yeah, I got to.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Believe that at least at your grandparents' house, she could
breathe a little. There wasn't any hiding in the classes,
playing dolls.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Yeah, no, that was I mean, definitely, there was a
lot more order in their household, for sure.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
Unfortunately.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
I mean, you know, I know now working with kiddos
who are coming out of trauma, but you come out
of trauma and you're, you know, you're just kind of
not normal.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
You're so.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
I didn't do great at school, had some bullying at school,
had a hard time making friends. I don't think I
was I don't think I did a great job of
making friends. I was very I wasn't in a good space,
and neither were my sisters. And my mom was working
all the time. She got a job in Denver, so
she was driving like forty five minutes back and forth
to work, and so we were mostly with our grandparents.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Who were traumatized show shop children. Yeah, Yeah, who got.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Jerked out of whatever little home they had in the
middle of the night. Yeah, Who've lost a brother, Yeah,
who have a drunk father who's abusive. I mean, yeah,
making friends.
Speaker 4 (25:02):
Friends is on top of your list, It's really not.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
Yeah, but it was when we left, when my mom
got to the point where she was making enough money
and we moved to Wheat rich Colorado, another suburb but
closer to Denver, and that was the year I started
high school. That was kind of a great like new start,
like okay.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
News story, reset, nobody knows.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Nobody knows, and you know, kind of had an opportunity
to just you know, be a different person, and that
was great.
Speaker 4 (25:31):
I made some good friends.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
I had a reset to did you starting high school?
Speaker 4 (25:36):
And that was at the start of high school.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
Again, I needed another reset after that because that didn't
particularly work out end up working out great. But I
do know the feeling of these are new people. This
is a new place. It's far enough away from where
it came from that I can be me now and
(25:58):
let's see where that goes.
Speaker 4 (26:00):
You went high school here in Memphis, born and ruished.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Yeah, but I went from the city to the count
So in Memphis is a big enough place that twenty
miles in the city is like two completely different places.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
And so I did a theresa. I understand the.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
Feeling as all, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's liberating a little.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
It was, and it was high school is good.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Great from the perspective of there's new things to try,
Like I joined the choir and joined at the drama club,
and there were things to do to kind of keep
you busy.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
My mom worked a.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Ton, so she was just kind of never home, and
my sisters were doing better and making friends in their schools.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
So life isn't terrible.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
Yeah, life's not improved. Yeah, life's improved. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
And you know, you have some grandparents that love you
and you can fall back on too, so you have
some feeling of security that you did.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Not have before.
Speaker 4 (26:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Yeah, definitely a feeling of being a more normal teenager.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
The title of this thing, you're you're I mean, you're
the founder of Hope House, Colorado, what you get. But
the title is the true story of a teen mom.
And we're in high school. So I imagine something's happening
here pretty.
Speaker 4 (27:26):
Certain, pretty quick here.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Yeah. Yeah, so naked Pizza Tuesday.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
Pizza Tuesday is not for high school. No, high school
is high school? Is naked back seat?
Speaker 2 (27:39):
That that is?
Speaker 4 (27:40):
That's pretty much true.
Speaker 5 (27:44):
You're making John take us through it?
Speaker 1 (27:48):
Not Yeah, Well I laugh all the time because I.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Was not a friend of drama or something like that.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
He went to a different high school.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Okay, sorry, I was chasing him.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
So he I had a friend named Liz who had
this like her mom had this pea green like nineteen
seventy four buick.
Speaker 4 (28:09):
It was enormous.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
It was a boat, and the kids would go like
cruise around the high school or around the mall.
Speaker 4 (28:15):
Sorry the mall.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
This is you had.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
You and I must be close the same age because
some of the things you're saying. But I graduated high
school in eighty six.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, John two. All right, so we're all
the we're all basic.
Speaker 4 (28:33):
No, he's older than me. He's ten days older than me.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
Okay, So anyway, when you say cruise in the mall, boy,
does that bring back memories.
Speaker 4 (28:41):
What you did on Friday night? Yes?
Speaker 1 (28:45):
And well we had a square mall, and so the cars,
all the cars would go one way around the mall
in a circle, and then another set of cars would
go the other way around.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
The mall, and everyone I'd get in and go in
the food court. Yep.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
And like as you were passing these kind of two
rows of rotating cars, you'd wave at someone if you
thought they were cute, like to pull over.
Speaker 4 (29:03):
So I tell the story today.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
I'm like, you all young people who have what is
it swipe right and swipe left, we were doing that
way before you like we just we would wave it.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
We were just doing physically, like yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
So here comes this like we're in this very embarrassing
p green buick and here comes this like totally souped
up like Nova Chevy Nova. I always get the year wrong,
nineteen seventy four, nineteen seventy two.
Speaker 4 (29:29):
I get it wrong every time you.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Had seventy two fixed up Nova.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
Oh yeah, I bet you were the town's clown.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
And that thing. It was so fun car car. Yeah.
So was it was it John or the car that
got your attention?
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Well kind of both. Yeah, so the car definitely got
our attention. My friend Liz was driving. Every time we
went cruising. She got the driver. So here comes this
Nova and this guy's pretty cute, and I'm like we're
waving at him, and I'm like they're never gonna pull over,
but they did, and I'm like, I get the driver
this time.
Speaker 4 (30:01):
You always get to talk to the driver.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
So they get out and he's like his car is
loud and awesome. And cool, and he's like not talking,
he's like totally shy, but so cute. So we got
in the Yeah, we sat in the back seat and
just chatted that night and then made plans to meet
at the mall the next night, and yeah, take it
from there.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
About a year later, I was prob.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
I was a sophomore, Wow, junior, and he was a sophomore.
Speaker 4 (30:29):
I was a junior.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
He was.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
And you said in a year later, you're pregnant.
Speaker 4 (30:32):
Yeah a year later, Yeah, a year later, I was
a senior. He was a junior.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
I had started school at four, and he his parents
held him a year he started at five.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
A year later, we're sitting in that same souped up
nova outside of the clinic getting the results of a
pregnancy test.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
So we met here, we conceived here, and that would consider.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Yes, and yes we were and so my my wedding proposal.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
Was interesting to me is I think there's a lot
of stories of teenage pregnancy. I think few win married
fifty years later.
Speaker 4 (31:10):
That's pretty rare. Definitely beats the odds in that.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
Regard, Yeah, really specially.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
Yeah, it definitely beats the odds.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Every once in a while we meet another couple that
were teen parents and got married and are still married,
and we're like, dang, we got to be friends because
there are very few, very few married couples still.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
Yeah. So we were so literally high school sweethearts.
Speaker 4 (31:29):
Yeah, literally high school sweethearts.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
But now you're pregnant as a senior in high school.
He's a junior. Yeah, and.
Speaker 4 (31:37):
Yeah, plans changed a little bit.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
I mean, we got parents to talk to and everything.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
So yeah, his proposal outside the clinic was, what are
you doing a week from Friday. I'm like, well, I
guess we're getting married a week from friday.
Speaker 5 (31:50):
So he I mean, I love you so much the
rest of my life with you.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
That was probably in there somewhere ten years later. He
did it right, got on one knee, We did the whole.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
The fact that.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
A junior in high school at Yall's age, yeah, I
felt that sense of responsibility and willingness speaks a lot about.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
Yeah, a lot John and where it.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Comes from, all about him, and a lot about his parents.
And I say this that so when we telling my
parents that I was pregnant was not that big. I
mean I was not that concerned about that. My mom
was not really active in my life.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
My dad really didn't care what that.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
I didn't really care what my dad thought.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
But telling his parents was a whole other thing, because
I'd gotten to go to their house for dinner, I'd
come to know their family like I did not want
them to be disappointed in me, and I didn't want
them to be disappointed in him. And to top it off,
his mom has a chronic kidney disease. She had gotten.
This is my warning to anybody listening. She had gotten
strep throat and didn't take care of it. Was sick
(32:50):
in bed for like two weeks and didn't go to
the doctor. Well, strep throat goes to here one of
your organs. If you don't, you'll get better, but it
will go somewhere in your body. So don't let a
sore throat go forever. So she let us our throaw
go really bad sickness and didn't do anything about it.
Found out when she was pregnant with her fourth that
she her kidneys were shutting down. This strip had gone
to her kidneys. So she's on dialysis and had been
(33:13):
for most of John's life, since he was like six
years old. So we're going to tell his parents that
you know, what the news is, and we're down in there.
They had like a kind of a wreck room where
his dad would do they would do dialysis at home,
and his dad would you know, set it all up
and put the needle in her arm and all that.
It was really really good at doing that. And they'd
watch a movie. So we're down there standing on the
(33:34):
you know, yellow shag carpet and just they're watching a
movie and we're just standing there for like an hour
in the room, in the room like just they know
he has something to say, but he just can't.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
They just stay. They just literally let you stand there.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
Yep, they sure did.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
And you know they you know, they knew what was coming.
They had to have at least it gave him time
to think of what something was coming.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
And so no one ever looked over and said, what's
going on? Why are you two lurchers standing in the
corner like that? What is up with y'all? They just
they let you burn.
Speaker 4 (34:10):
Yes they did, Yes, they did. It was good.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
I mean, honestly, I say this, it was probably What
came next was to me the single greatest act of
parenting that I got to be a part of, or experience,
and that is when he finally said, you know, we're pregnant.
You know, there could have been recriminations and anger and
tears and them the responsible.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Your losers. What are you going to do the rest
of your life?
Speaker 3 (34:38):
This is going to be everything everything I can hear,
all all the things snap, things that I might have
said to my daughter.
Speaker 4 (34:46):
Can't yeah, exactly and instead, which.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
I'm sad to say, but I probably would have.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Well, and you know, I'm sure when they were and
that's the thing, probably later in private, those things might
have been said between the two of them will never know.
They won't ever tell us that. But in that moment,
what they did was say, all right, let's have a
conversation about what parenting looks like and what marriage looks like,
and sat us down and said, you know.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
The two of them, yeah, both had the same reaction.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
I mean, I thinks long probably started but ish, yeah,
like I'm pretty sure his dad was not real thrilled.
Speaker 4 (35:22):
But he didn't show that.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
I Mean, what he showed was all right, you're going
to be you know, you're grown ups now, Like you're
gonna have to act like grown ups and this is
what it's what it looks like they gave us some
great marriage advice in that probably half hour that we
sat and talked. They essentially, the way I remember it
and what I experienced, was that they didn't judge us,
they didn't shame us, they didn't stigmatize us, which is
(35:47):
the exact example of what we do now at Hope House.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
I'd to say this is a reason all of this matters.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
The reason all of it matters is they modeled what
healthy parenting looks like and poured and concern and empathy
and care and whatever internal feelings they were feeling. They
didn't put those on us. They saved that for later.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
John, I got to ask you from way across the
room over there, hold.
Speaker 5 (36:15):
On, I let them get on, Mike. If you're gonna
do this, well.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
I just it'll be quick, is I know?
Speaker 5 (36:19):
But people got to be able to hear it.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
All right, Well, you can stand over here.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
I'm really saying this is off script, but I'm just curious.
Is that how you remember your parents, even as an
adolescent growing up?
Speaker 2 (36:35):
Just those kind of folks.
Speaker 6 (36:37):
Yeah, they were very calm and loving and supportive of
one another. And I mean I didn't always feel it
when I was, you know, a kid growing up, but
like I mean, I was. I was scared to say
something to something like that, but I didn't think that
it would go get out of the house.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
You know.
Speaker 6 (36:56):
I thought I would be supported, but you almost never
know until you say, you know.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Did you know going in that after you said what
you had to say, did you feel like ultimately you
would be supported or did you feel like they would
lose their every lother minds? What was your expectation of
their response to what you were going to tell them.
Speaker 6 (37:18):
I definitely thought they would be disappointed, you know, you know,
the conversations you know we had about the birds and
the beesless don't till you're married, So you know, I'm
sure they weren't not happy with with this happening, But
I mean I felt that they would be supportive.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
But you're still scared about it too.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
Yeah, so thank you. So, Yeah, what was your expectation
of what his parents were going to do?
Speaker 1 (37:51):
You know, I don't know if I necessarily had an expectation.
Mostly I you know, like John said, I just didn't
want them to be disappointed.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Were you not scared?
Speaker 4 (38:01):
I didn't, I was.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
I wasn't really really, No, one's ever asked me that
I didn't ever really think about that.
Speaker 4 (38:08):
No, I wasn't really.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
I think I knew them enough by then, had spent
enough time in their home that they didn't yell about stuff,
they didn't fly off the handle.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
Even then they felt I.
Speaker 4 (38:19):
Think they felt safe.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
Yeah, Yeah, that's what I'm trying to find out.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
Such a good question. I've never actually had it put
that way, but yeah, I think they felt safe.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
The reason I'm asking is because I believe we are
as age and wisdom and experience makes us, continues to
evolve us and mold us. I think we are a
collection of the most important experiences of our life.
Speaker 4 (38:45):
That's what I believe you true.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Yeah, and so.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
Even if you haven't fully recognized it, I would think
that safety made a very big situation in your life manageable,
which I would say translates to what you do to
me definitely. And that concludes Part one of our conversations
(39:14):
with Lisa Stephen and guys, you do not want to
miss Part two. It's now available to listen to together. Guys,
we can change this country, but it starts with you.
I'll see in Part two
Host
Bill Courtney
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