September 2, 2025 • 53 mins
Peter Mutabazi is a Ugandan immigrant didn’t accept the cultural narrative that only white married people can foster and adopt kids. So far, this single dude has fostered 47 kids, adopted 3 of them, and he’s in the process of adopting 2 more of them! His radical love also happened to go viral, making him the most famous foster dad in America, with 2.5 million followers across social media.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Everybody's Bill Corney with an army and normal folks. And
we continue now a part two of our conversation with
Peter Moo to BOSSI right after these brief messages from
our general sponsors, and you end up going to university
(00:29):
and then you end up in England.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Yeah, so I went. So I finished high school, went
to University of Uganda and then go to scholarships to
go study in England. And that's how I came to
United States.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Tell us about your time in England briefly.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
So you know, there was a students from Dirham University
who came to Uganda and my pastor was busy. He's like, look,
I have no time for these teenagers.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
So we need to also say real quick to set
this up. I started tearing up when you started tearing up,
and I missed, so I screwed up the whole interview.
Thanks a lot, all right. He also said there were
two things. One you had to go to church and
(01:11):
what was the other. There were two things he said
right on. One of them was you had to go
to church, right Is that not right? Yes?
Speaker 2 (01:19):
And the funny part of the church is I got.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Be Baptist church, so is what I got it Baptist Church.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
That's why I wanted to say it. I've got a
Baptist church. I thought mister Jordan might appreciate that little
bit of trivia. Hey Bill, they're bringing you tissues. If
either you guys want to, I'm good. We're good. Get
something around out there. The simplicity of a name, the
(01:53):
simplicity of a meal, the simplicity of the ability to
simply dream for acceptance and love and humanity and belonging
ultimately is what changed life. Yes, it is also ultimately
(02:18):
the recipe had changed so much of what els are
American culture. Because although your story is African, and although
your story has certainly children living worse than any child
I can think of in America, it doesn't diminish the
fact that we are riddled with kids all over our
country who don't dream, who are abused, who nobody knows
(02:42):
their name, who don't feel like they belong, who are
dealing with so much trauma they fear to also dream.
And thus the generational repetitive nature of poverty and all
the crap that's killing our society along with it. But
you go to England and briefly, what you do in
(03:06):
England before you come to the US.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
Uh.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
So my job was to reshare the gospel, you know,
so I can go to every country I could possibly.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
It's important to say the church part before you just
go to England and do the gospel thing.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Uh you know.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
So yeah, so that the Uh, there were students who
came from Durham. So my past like, I have no
time there here for you know, missionaries who come and
want to spend every time.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
So it's like can you hang up with them? I
say sure, you know, so I did hang.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Out with them for for a few weeks, and so
when they went back, they're like, we met this guy
from Ughana and I would like to do something special.
We'd like to give my scholarship to come and study it.
So that's how I ended up going to England for
the group of students that I got to horse Water.
I mean Uganda for sure.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
And then you come to the US.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Yes, so you know in southern Sudan there was a
war for many days.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
It actually good from here, right, So here's.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
An American kid who's just you know, shutless and in
a refuge camp. By then, I was working for the
Red Cross, you know, so I was dating an American.
So I was like, Hey, if you come to COMPAA,
come and hang out with us, and he said sure,
so he came. So he stayed with us for a
month and he came back to United States again. He
went to his school and said, I met this guy.
You should give him a scholarship to come and study.
(04:25):
And that's also how I came to study. What I'm
trying to say is the kindness of strangers who saw
the best in me by me just doing what I
was required to do. But somehow they went back and
became my testimony and a way, like I know him,
you know, you should give him an opportunity to do more.
And that's how I came to United States. Absolutely, and
I if you want to know, so coming to United
(04:46):
States was really a jump in a way.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
You know.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I came from Kampala to Los Angeles, and when I arrived,
I thought where am I? You know, first of all,
I thought we're going to crush because you know, I'd
never seen a car going eighty miles an hour, So
I was like, come.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
It never came.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
But my first day I really really struggled with my face.
The family that were hosting me that day. They took
me for lunch, so, you know, bought food for me.
So I ate all I could, you know, uh, And
I was cleaning with the plate with my fingers. They're
like you a most say is that possible? So they
gave me more food, you know. But while I'm sitting there,
I saw, you know, the waiters passing by with plates.
(05:25):
So I said, where is that food gonna go? And
they said, well, what's going to the trash? And in
those moments it hit me. I said, I don't think
I can read the Bible go to same church as
these people do.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
You know.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
The reason was, how could God love others to have
so much throwaway and others to die for lack of
beans and potatoes? You know, I've lost members of my
family for lack of beans and potatoes. When you haven't
eaten or you have no nutrition, usually you're not you're
not strong enough to fight malaria, you know, which is
(05:59):
a simple disease. So I've lost members of my family
for lack of bees and potatoes. So seeing all that
food thrown away, I could not. I just said, there's
no way I can go and read the same Bible
as these people do. Because I'd never seen that much
food thrown away, and I didn't want to go back
to church because of that, my first experience.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Luke twelve forty eight. To whom much is given, much
is required. You want to talk about that?
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yes, absolutely, So while I was mad, you know, I
somehow I went back to my dormitory and somehow I
read you know some you know someone thirty nine. You
know this, we know David. This girl was thinking wealthy.
You know, I hate I'm a single dad. But I
hear this guy a hundred wives, Like how do you
have a hundred wives. I'm just imagining a hundred wives
with each with four kids. Fos care. I mean a
(06:49):
lot of kids out of us.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
But this from a guy with forty seven children. So whatever,
go ahead, we'll get to that.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
I noticed that in someone that he's like, you know,
the way he says words like I love you God
because of how you made me that I can stretch
walk like the simplest thing that we all do.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
And that really helped me.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
To see, like, wait a minute, kids in Africa do
the same, you know, And I love what he says
in fourty says. He says for your fearfully and wonderfully made.
And I know that fully well. So that really helped
me understand the Hey, my faith isn't best on that food,
you know, it's best on how He made you and
I for your fearfully and wonderfully made. On the same flip,
now that I can have three meals and I had
(07:30):
four pairs of shoes, I was like, how do I
go home and say, I am okay? You know, now
I got to really be rebuilt in somewhere to who
much is given, much is required. That I knew I
was the wealthiest man on the planet, you know, compared
to where I come from. Like, I can have four
meals if I want, But how one day when I
(07:51):
my Jesus says you have four?
Speaker 1 (07:53):
How do you do?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
But also I was living in Los Angeles and I
was visiting these families that have ten to need thousand
square footage, and I would say, how many people live
here too?
Speaker 3 (08:03):
And I'm saying just two of you?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
And that really robbed me because where I come from,
the biggest house is as big as your car garage,
and there's six to fourteen people that are living that spacet.
So for me to compare and say, how can you
have all that and still have No, I don't know,
just I feel like you mass help. And so for me,
I didn't want to live that life. I just didn't
(08:28):
want to have and have. But I wanted to say
I have been given so much, you know, how do.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
I give back?
Speaker 2 (08:36):
And that's so I worked for Compassion to National for
eleven years. And while we're traveling, you know, I would
always take pastors and influences or you know, artists that
are seeing you know, Christian artists, or some families were adapting.
You know. So I've been more than one hundred and
one hundred and twenty countries and I had never seen
(08:56):
someone who looked like me who was adapting. You know,
so I always.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Pause. Yes, I think this is really important. Everybody needs
to take just a second. Hear what he just said.
Say it again. But let everybody consume what you're saying,
because it's an indictment on our society in my opinion,
(09:24):
that we got to fix that. I think you are
a shining example of But you said, I never saw
anybody look like me that adopted. Why don't you really
say what that is?
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Well, the missions that came to you Ganda where all
white people. All the families were adopting from Uganda were
always white people, so that I never saw anyone who
looks like me who was doing what I saw, but
also being coronized by the English.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I think we were in some way now brain we
are total lie.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
You know, a sudden people can do these things, and
sudden people can do these things. So for me, adoption
was for these people.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
White people exactly, let's not say the let's just be
white people.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
White people, and then uh, for us, we're on the
receiving end, like we can do what they do, you know,
they give were on the receiving end.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
We could say, here's the thing to me that reeks
of paternalism that was baked into culture for decades. Yes,
(10:42):
and I'm not convinced that that's not baked into our
culture a little bit.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Okay, So I said something. I didn't ask a question.
Let me figure out how to ask this question. How
do we fix that?
Speaker 2 (10:58):
To fix that? You know, I think for me is
on my end, I can do what I can do.
You know, for me, it's changing the naalative or the
lie I was told and leave the opposite way you
know or share all the people that follow me or
know me to say, you know, we believe the lie.
Here's how I'm changing the nulative of what we are told,
you know, And that's well.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
It's no different of a lie than when you were
ten and you were told you were no better than
a dog, or actually under a dog. Right, it's a
similar lie. It's just a higher level. Correct, But it's
a similar lie. Correct. They're only white people will not
the black people aren't worthy to be adopted.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
It's destructive, yes, and puts us in a place where
we feel, you know, you always feel am I good enough?
You know? I can I get there? You know, And
every time you try to get there, they're like, well,
you know, we'll bring a boss from the United Kingdom
to run your organization. There's no one in my country
that can run the same in a way that you
(12:03):
get what you're seeing leadership. You get to see it often,
and yeah, you begin to believe that lie that I'm
not good enough or they can white people can do this.
I'm destined to do this, you know. And for me,
I said, no, that's that can be. I don't want
to leave a different way.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
We'll be right back. So as I'm reading all about
you and we're about to get to the adoptions and
(12:46):
everything else. The adoptions are beautiful, your story is beautiful,
your book is beautiful. But I just want to say
to you on a personal level, you're sticking your feet
in the sand and saying the dysfunction of these lies
(13:08):
I am not going to bend to. That's what is
most inspirational to me about you because the question to
the answer how do we change this is you and
more men like you. And that just jumped out to
me when I was reading about your story as Wow.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
He.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
He fought through all of this as kids, but he
also recognized a lie, rejected it, and as a living
illustration about a change. It's phenomenal here. Thank you. So
you're in Denver and you decide if I can take
care of some plants, maybe I could be a father.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Yeah, you know tell us that, right? So so before
I could, you.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Know, try so, I said, I'm going to take your
plants and if for three months, if they survive, that
means I can go next stage. You know, so alive.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
He wouldn't take our children because he was afraid. He
was his father and he thought if I can keep
plants alive. Maybe I can take it.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
We can take this, you know.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
That's but I didn't really allow me to be a
fosse best.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
So I said, I'm going to go in.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
That's another thing you didn't even know because of this lie,
if you were even allowed to be a foster friend. Perhaps, yes,
I am in the United States. Correct, yes, because of
your race.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Absolutely, But also to remember, I traveled with farmers were adapting.
So even in theopy, I'll say, hey, can I No,
you have to be American or European or married or female.
But in some way they're saying a white female from
America or a white female from Europe, or a family
from Europe. That's for me what I had. But they're
(14:56):
the only ones I saw. So I was like, Okay,
they cannot, but I'm gonna find a way, Like I'm
just not giving up.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
I'm going to grow some plants.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Well yes, And then I went to four scar so
I said, hey, is their way is their way?
Speaker 3 (15:11):
You can help me?
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Or you can allow me to mentor two teenagers once
a month?
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Is there way you could give me one hour?
Speaker 2 (15:18):
That's all I asked me. Mentor just one hour that's
all I thought. I mean, they can't say no, right,
you know. I thought just taking a kid for lunch,
that that should be easy. So the social work who
received and said, hey, have you ever thought of being
a forced dad? I said, I think, but I think
about that every day, but I'm not qualified. In my head,
(15:39):
I was saying, one, I'm black, Two i'm a male.
Three I'm seeingle. So I don't have the the profile
you're looking for. And she looked at me, She's like,
who told you can't? Oh? Wait, are we talking that?
She just said, By the way, thirty percent of people
who are false parents are single moms.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
You can be And I was like, are you sure?
She said yes.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
It was on a Monday. I sign up on Thursday
because I thought she would change her mind. So I
was like, I'm really really quick. So on Thursday I said, okay,
I'm ready for classes, you know, And that's all it took.
I wanted to, you know, and in my life I
always wanted to go against the great, you know, so
always going the opposite way. So I said, I don't care,
(16:26):
tell me what I need to do. And on Thursday
studay classes right away. And as I was studying classes.
People you know are the you know couples that will come.
They were always married, of course, you know, and they
were like, when is your wife coming. I'm like, there's
no Wife's like, are you sure you're in the right class.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I said yes, So you passed the classes. Tell us
about your very first placement. I think you use Caine. Yes,
that's not his real name. Everybody, it was a child,
so we don't use the real name, but we'll call
it Caine. Tell me about Caine. Tell me about your
first weekend with Caine.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Oh well, so in folks got thought. You know, you
do the classes, they give you a license, so you
wait for six months. A child will show up. I
had no idea that they'll say, hey, your license arrived
at ten, can you keep your phone nearby? It is
like hold on just today, sue enough. Literally four hours late.
So I got a phone call like, hey, this is
a kid.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
I'm like, well, that speaks to the need it does.
It speaks You're out four hours and you get a
phone call that speaks to the need for army of
normal folks to step up for children who, as you've
just heard the last forty five minutes even though they're
not sleeping in sewers, they're dealing with all of the
(17:42):
stuff you understood.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yes, and the same trauma I had to go through
the street kit is what the same trauma our kids
are going. It's not so much about where you are,
it's what's happening to you. And you know, as a kid,
doesn't matter if you're in Africa or here, is the
same trauma that you're facing.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
So I got that little one arrived.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
You know, in your mind you've never been a parents
who you're thinking, what, like, oh lord, what did I
sign up for?
Speaker 1 (18:05):
You know?
Speaker 2 (18:06):
So the kid comes in and I get my biggest couch.
I put it against the door because I thought if
he runs away at night, I'll be right there, you know.
But the kid didn't, you know, didn't run away. And
in the morning he just said, hey, Dad, what are
we having for breakfast? I was like, that's all you're
asking for. In my head, I was like, I didn't
sleep because I was worried about what to do. And
(18:27):
that's how he clicked, Like, Oh, all he wants is food,
and that's how I have to take day by day.
And it was wonderful, you know. And also was the
most difficult, traumatized child I've ever had in my life,
you know. So in some way I thought, God, if
this is it, I don't think, I know, like I
it was more like what did I sign up for?
(18:48):
In a way, but.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
It was hard, but probably the best.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
I can say, you know, the best opportunity, because it
really showed me first of all was all about and
what I was signing up for. And I said above
six months and I knew this is my calling.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
Hey, Peter, you got to tell the story about the
police of Kine.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Yes, So you know, first of all, they brought the kids,
so they brought out the whitest kid you could think
of the first time, so you're thinking and also again
again also remember my my, my lies from being an
(19:31):
African and coming here. We're still in the same brain.
But I was translating the same way. For me, I thought,
only kids who go to fostcare are Hispanic and African American,
because that's how we're told, you know, the under the
you know, disadvanced. So in my head I knew I'm
going to have as many African kids as I could. Africanman,
That's what in my head I thought, you know, so
(19:54):
when that white kid walked in, I was like, uh,
I think you're.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
In the wrong.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
They're like, no, this is your kid. I was like, okay, okay.
So so so that's how it came. So I take
him to check cheese. So our kids who would traumble
sometimes when when they just go in the freeze mode
or fighting mode.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I mean, boy, I knew he was white when I
read the fake name. Okay, you know, black name, white kid.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
So I take him to chacka Cheese and he goes off.
So as he goes off, I was like, oh no.
So he's crying, screaming. So I picked him up and
he's screaming and biting me. So we're going through and
everyone's looking like what who's this.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
So the lady walking out too, he's like, where's this.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Where's his mama? I said, I'm his mama and his
dad okay, And so she goes. She goes in her
car and calls the police. Like so I'm sitting there,
so I knew she was calling the police. So I
was like, okay, So I instead of putting my child
in the car, I just put him on It was
a pickup track, so I put him writing a picture.
They can see us like whenever comes can see us.
(21:05):
So that was my first, my first experience. And and
and he didn't stop. I think we've been stopped maybe
eleven times by the police by now. So that was
my first kind of you know, his what life is
going to be for you? In a way that really
changed the way I do it because it's the right
(21:29):
thing to do.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
So Cain turned into how.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Many forty seven?
Speaker 1 (21:47):
And you are now the father to how many three?
Speaker 2 (21:50):
And I'm in a prose of adopting the other two.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
That's phenomenal. I've seen. There's a YouTube I highly suggest
you guys listing and in attendance here look up the
YouTube video of the guy that chided in his really
cute cool uh exfinity something for a grocery getter Mama van. Yes,
(22:21):
and it's got kids piled in this thing, and it
looks like the United Nations in the back of the steel.
You got white kids back there, you got black kids,
you got boys, you got girls, and y'all are just.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Rolling m rolling does the world?
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Absolutely?
Speaker 1 (22:37):
What's that?
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Runing?
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Is the word?
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Sometimes like short places and the ladies are like, hey,
do you run like a transport business. I usual said yes,
I mean like, do you have space?
Speaker 3 (22:48):
No ivenue space?
Speaker 1 (22:50):
That is absolutely hilarious. We'll be right back. Tell me
(23:10):
about your family.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
So, you know, as a Fosse parent, so I've had
little ones, you know, my youngest twelve month, she's now four,
and my oldest is twenty one. So I've had every
child you could think of, you know, and it's really
been a joy for me to learn from every one
of them.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
And the other part that I really so my first child.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Again, it's amazing when you have you want one kid
and then get to really teach you everything about what
your journey's about to be. So he gets sick at night,
so I'm like, social workers don't pick up phones at three,
you know, no, So I'm like, you know, who do
I call?
Speaker 3 (23:43):
So I called the mom. I said, hey, your little
one is wheezing.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
What should I do? And so she said do this,
do this? So I followed and after that, you know,
the kid was okay and went to bed. And the
next morning I got a phone call from the mom.
She said, Peter, thank you for allowing me to be
a mom for five minutes. You know, oh you don't
remember for me coming in. I was seeing them as
my father, like you horrible parents. You you you you,
(24:10):
And I remember that one time someone was saying what
a mother will let their kids be on the streets
of Campala, and I could remember like, my mom loved
me so much, but she could run away and I
couldn't protect her in some way. And in those moments
when she said that, I was like, you know what,
now it all makes sense why I am a false parent.
I'm a foster parent to the entire family, and I
(24:32):
go to owner the mom and the dad and make
sure they have their kids back, you know. And that
really helped me to know what's all about forced care
and what my job in that path was. So I
decided to say, I will make sure that I come
alongside and be a resource to their bio parents and
do the best I can. If that is not I
(24:53):
want to be their final family. I want to be
the final dad they can have. And that truly has
been really joy.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
You know.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Again, That's what forty seven because I and all of them,
I'm still in touch with each one of them because
I valued their parents and I did everything I could
in my powers to give their kids back. You know,
for me as a male, it's easy to look at
Mail and I say, it's easy.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
He's what I find.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
I find it's easy for us as male to cast
the stones to the moms, you know, but we never
understood what his moms have to go through in so
many ways that for me, understanding that really helped me
to say, how can I be a resource? How can
I be that person who believes in them, that can
say I know you struggle, but I'm here that you
wake up one day and you have your kids back.
(25:39):
And one other course, there's.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
A couple of things I got to get to before
I open it up to questions, And one is, and
I think it's a story of who became your first
adopted son.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Yes, is.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
You really didn't want to know what Dagnham think about him,
did you?
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (25:57):
No, I know.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Tell us So as foster parents, we say goodbye to
our kids, and most people don't want to force it because.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
They're like, I don't know how I can say goodbye?
Speaker 2 (26:06):
And usually I say, I actually think.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Most people don't want to foster because they don't want
to welcome into their homes the trauma and tornado that
is ultimately a really broken kid, absolutely, and then the
people that are able to get over that, then they're like, well,
I develop a relationship with this kid and I start
caring about them, but my job is to return them
to their parents, and I don't want to go through that.
On trauma and my own heart. I think those are
(26:30):
the two big things, and so you start to get
guarded against it, and you're like, I don't want to
know anything about this kid, but I'll take them in
for a little while.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Well, I had the two had gone home on Monday,
so I told my so and say, hey, this is
really hard. So I need six month breaks, you know.
So that's what we agreed on, six months, so I
can now have a little, you know, a.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Little downtime on Monday.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
She calls me on Friday, she's like, hey, there's a
kid six months there's the key that needs a home.
I said, hold or old up? Six months, says Peter.
I promise you, this is just for the weekend. I promised.
That's what they always said, the people that heard giggling.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
I said no.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
I said no, and then she said he's at the hospital.
So then I'm like, oh, dang it. Now I can't
say no.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
You know.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
So I said, yeah, he can come, but I don't
need to know. I don't want to know anything about him.
All I need to know is what I need to
keep my knives, what do I need my water? Like,
what do I need to keep? Because it was eleven,
you know, because the kids had left. I just wasn't
in me. There wasn't something for me to give back
to this kid, you know. So he comes in at
(27:39):
three in the morning. All my kids by the way,
coming between three in the morning and four. I don't
know what, you know, you know what. So he walks
in and the sushwalker left. So I said, hey, call
me mister Peter. My last name is long. And he
looks at me and said, hey, but can I call
him my dad? This is what I said.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
I said, hell no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
No, no no no. He was my number.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
He was my number eleven I had had. I said no, no.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
And many And then he looks at me and say,
but I was told since I'm eleven, I can choose
whom my father should be.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
You should be my dad. I said, dude, knock it off.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
First hour, no.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Twenty minutes, twenty no, no, no, twenty minutes. I said, dude, stop,
I said, knock it off. You're living on Monday. And
I had and I had won the social work. I said,
if you don't pick up, if you don't pick him
up in a Monday, he'll be outside on the porch waiting.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
For That was my warning.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
So I said please, so on my Monday, finally they
come to pick him up. Now that I signed papers,
I was like, so, by the way, why was he
left in the hospital, you know? And the social worker
told me, well, he came in to fosk get one
and a half and then he was adapted by the
family that took him in at four and the same
family had dropped him at the hospital, never say goodbye
(28:59):
and never give him the reason why they did not
want him anymore. And in those moments, I think I
went back to my ten year old on the bus
and I said no, no, but also to sometimes we
ask God to give us something, you know, you pray
and ask God to give you something, and then when
it gives you, like not today it was.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
I want that, but just know today, you know.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
And I think for me as a parent, I've always
wanted to be a dad and he's a kid screaming,
can I be your dad?
Speaker 3 (29:27):
I'm like no, no, no, no, no, no no no.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
You know, so finally, you know, I knew, I knew
he called me dad, I knew his dad, and I said,
just give me those paperwork. I was send him to
school tomorrow. And that's my first adopted son, Anthony to us.
He's now nineteen years old going to college.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Yes, unbelievable. Yes, yeah, I thought a couple couple things
before we turn it over to the audience. In your
book book by the way, I guess I need to
plug the book. I did plug the book, but I'll
plug it again. Everybody. If you like what you've heard
(30:06):
so far, you're an absolute goofball. Not to buy love
does not conquer all, and other surprising lessons I learned
as a father died to more than forty kids. Remember
he also has a life. He flips and rehabs houses
while taking care of all these children and adopting others.
(30:29):
Chapter seven. We don't always like our kids.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
Oh yes, I got.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Four children that are as you would call them bios
Peter's language for a child that you actually birth that
has your DNA as a bio. Right, well, I got
four bios and they're biodegrading have to die, and I
don't like them at all. Sometimes, yes, but I always
(30:57):
love them. Yes seven tell us tell us what you
mean by we won't always like her kids absolute.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
I think sometimes as parents we come in with these
kumbai roses and whatever you call them. You know, in
fourth case the opposite. You know that there's sometimes when
they do things or their trauma shows up and I
don't like it. And that's the genuine valid way of
saying I'm human, like I don't like it when you're
(31:26):
putting holes in my in my home, in my wall,
and there's like number twenty of holes you put in.
You know that for me to say it's okay. I
think sometimes we are afraid to say I don't like it.
You know that people will think we are bad parents.
But for me, I'm like, yeah, some days I just say, son,
if I had a way, I could drive and I'll
come back, I would do it. But I can't. You
(31:47):
know that we don't always have to love our children,
but we can always be there and protect them and
fight for them, even in the times when they they're
not pleasant to be around.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
I laughed out loud when I read this, listen to
this their body. Over forty foster children and three adoptions later,
I find myself surprised on a daily basis. I never
expect to have a child paint the bathroom with poop,
or destroy a school classroom, or to find eight nine
(32:22):
year olds making out like they saw people doing homes
from which they were moved. Nor did I expect to
find my next door neighbor's video game console in my
living room. Yet I've discovered the surprises of parenting are
also opportunities to grow as a human being and as
a dad.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Talk about it, you know, there's a sense sometimes for
us friends who we think we are doing a favor
for someone you know. But I think for me, I
want it to look into what like as much as
I love them and as much as I want to
be there for them, that they have taught me so
much as well that there are some plays says they've
helped me grow and be a better human being in
a way. So it's both. It's as you get to
(33:06):
shaper and be there as their parents that they get
to do the same.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
More.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
I understand patients like I thought I knew patients You know,
I thought I knew grace. I was like, man, this
Christian thing, I'm far from it, you know. But they've
taught me in a better way that I'm a better
human being because we both benefiting from each other.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
Now it's not just one way.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
It's not just me being there for them, that there
are also a source of resilience.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
May we can get as much out of it as
we more?
Speaker 3 (33:35):
Absolutely I think I get maybe more, Yes, I think
I get more.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Took you seventeen years to become an American citizen, yes,
but you are now?
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Why seventeen years?
Speaker 3 (33:54):
You know the only system I have.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
You know that I did all they asked me, follow
the rules, you know, whatever, you know, student from student
to work, work for work, green cards, green card, you know,
and funny an American, you know, because I wanted to
fight for the kids. But also I feel like FOSTHK
is my calling, like truly truly believe every That's what
(34:16):
I breathe, that's what I talk about.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
That's my life, you know.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Falth care that truly, truly is a place for us
to make a difference. You know, I tell people you
know who are fighting, you know, six traffic I'm like,
that's so cool, But you're coming in tu late in
some way. You know that sometimes I wish you came
a little bit earlier when they are thirteen and come alongside.
You know that, yes, we get to hold people homeless,
(34:43):
help people on homeless, but sometimes I wish we could
have come a little earlier when they are fourteen. You
know that I feel, as a male who lived that life,
that truly I can be a voice to sometimes in
a place where there's less men as well, to really
show that men we have the same resuppose, but as
moms do, to be there, to be tender, and to
(35:04):
be on our knees, to truly take care of the
list of this.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
We'll be right back. Alex. The producer drives me absolutely nuts,
and any regularistor will know that I often just tell
(35:33):
him to be quiet and sit in a corner, like
the Wizard of Oz does behind that carden, you know,
because the producers are paint in the body. But he
does have lots of value, both personally and professionally. This
is something he has said to me over and over
and over again, and for everybody listening out there, and
those of us who joined us here they're over four
(35:56):
hundred thousand kids and foster care in the United States.
There's one hundred and fifteen thousand of them whose parental
rights have been terminated and could be adopted today. Meanwhile,
there's four hundred thousand houses of worship in our country.
Between churches and synagogues and mosques, there's four hundred thousand
(36:18):
houses of worship in the country. So if just one
person out of one of every three houses of worships
served like Peter did, there would be no orphans in
our country. And when you have a streat kid that
grew up in Uganda, who couldn't even dream of anything
(36:42):
other than one mill a day, who it took nineteen
years to become a citizen of our country, having served
forty seven foster children, adopted three and it's in the
process of adopting three more. What does it say about
our apathy towards the most needia among us. If we're
(37:06):
really going to be an army and normal folks, guys,
there's got to be a calling. There's got to be
people listening to me right now who have a passion
for children. And one of these big old houses that
you talk about, Peter one of three, one of three
(37:27):
of all these houses of worship, and Peter so rightly cited.
Too much has been given, much is required. So it's
really not a nice thing to do to step up
and do this work. It's responsibility.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
It is a scietal responsible And there's.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Two million people waiting for adoption, and we are trying
to say why, wait, you know, maybe change your perimeters
instead of wanting a toddler, maybe a seven year old,
maybe a nine year old, maybe a teenager. They are
my favorite human being. Why because they can dress themselves,
(38:10):
they can tell me their feelings, and they're just fun
to be around.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
I'm going to end with asking you to tell me
a story, and I'm going to open up for questions
for the last few minutes we have together. Yes, Joseph
and the Answer. Can you tell me the story of
Joseph and the Answer and what we can learn from it?
Speaker 5 (38:37):
Joseph Andy, Yeah, the story about.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
There's an an invasion in your home?
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Peter, Oh, yes, yes, there you go. You know, Yes,
holding is part of our kids.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Come, it's not a disease, it's not a it's not
a bad thing. When you know, just was me when
we would steal food and hide it, you know, and
sometimes we will lose it because we're hiding it, because
you know, you can't eat all the food you're hiding
to our kids. Yes, the idea that food, it won't
be there today in the United States, it is there
that some kids go to bed hungry and they try
(39:16):
to make sure that they can provide for themselves. And
that is holding. So my kids will take the food
and hide it. And I knew, so I knew how
I can help them. So one time he took the food,
you know, so I said, hey, this make a deal.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
You know.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
No, so there was food there, so I said, hey,
why is the food there?
Speaker 2 (39:34):
And he looked in my eyes and said, well, it
walked here. I was like okay, So I said, okay, cool.
Can we make a deal next time you see it walking,
can you say, Dad, it is walking in my room
and I will come running and I'll make sure I
make it. Go back says sure, you know, and we
would do it over and over. I found, in a way,
(39:55):
by believing his white lie, he really learned to trust that, hey,
you know what, it would be food for me. So
then we began to put food nearby way he can
help food that won't bring ants in a home, you know.
And also we also so for me on a pint
of milk in my in my fridge, I put everyone's name,
you know why because when they see their name one,
(40:17):
they know this portion of the milk that is mine,
so they're not worried that milk is going to go
the next day, you know. And that truly helped me
to know how I can be there for my kids.
Not yes, ants, I don't care, but in a way,
if I can help my kid know like it's okay,
there is food tomorrow. And if I can do that
to every child at wom's mind. For me, I had
(40:37):
to do it in Africa. There was no food to
me in a country where we throw food every day
that should not be for the kids who need a meal.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
The point of that whole story is there really is
no rule book. No, these kids don't show up with
instruction manuals. I owe kids don't show up with instruction manuals.
And a little while a little patient's a little understanding,
a little creative creativity, and an understanding that every kid
ticks different and there's not one size one rule fits all.
(41:10):
But if you're willing to be patient, creative, you can
address it all and you have done so. Wow, Peter,
what a story, What a legacy you're leaving. What an
inspiration you are. Your book is chocked full of stuff
that people have got to read. I could do this
(41:30):
with you two hours, but Peter, I'm told by my
producer Alex the Pain of the Butt that we don't
have that much time. So that's Peter. Would anybody here
like to there he is? You might as well ask
him if you have any questions. Yes, yeah, it's coming.
(41:51):
He likes to play like old Phil Donaho. If you remember,
he likes run around with a microphone.
Speaker 6 (41:56):
Thanks Peter for your story, Thanks for coming all this
way to Memphis. The one question I want to ask you,
did you ever go back to u Ganda to see
your mother and your relatives after kind of college or
even being here in the United States for a while.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Yes, so at nineteen So I went back to at
nineteen eighteen nineteen for the sake of my mother. You know,
I loved my mom and I wanted to have the pride,
the pride of her walking the vida and saying.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
My son made it.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
But it was also another way of giving my father
a middle finger, like hey, you wish the best wish
for me? He's I'm gonna I'm making it like I
and for us as Africans, like I think we have
to face on our challenge because there's no way out,
you know. So by going back, I wanted to say,
you know, you wish the worst for me, but hey,
I forgive you. And I hated him so much, like
(42:42):
I if it was someone who wanted to hamm was
my father, you know. And I realized too, like wait
a minute, he's still ruining me even him not being there.
So by me facing him and saying, you know, I
out let you go, was away that I did not
want my childhood affect.
Speaker 3 (42:59):
What my future was going to be. So I said no, Yeah, so.
Speaker 2 (43:03):
I went by, but I have a good rest ship
with my mom and him, you know, And I went.
I went back not to seek for a father, but
to forgive a mind that didn't care.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
She said she had the same question. Oh, exactly, same question.
Anyone else have a question?
Speaker 4 (43:23):
Hello? Thank you hear me, Yes, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
For that's that's not for here, that's for the cameras.
Speaker 4 (43:29):
Oh thank you so much for being here with us
and for sharing as I shared it with you earlier.
I follow you so I love the opportunities to see
you and your children. I love the one where your
oldest son went back to Uganda with you and you
introduced him to all of your family and you showed
him your culture. I love that. Thank you so much.
(43:52):
You know, it's it's we get to see this, you know,
we get to see the American side if you would.
But for you to tell the children that you adopted
and to take them to Uganda to share that side,
and for your family there and friends there to be
able to meet them, that was rich. So I just
want to say thank you for that.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
Thank you. Yes, my kids sometimes they will tell their
their school at school they're like, yeah, you know, I'm African.
Speaker 3 (44:19):
They're like wait, what how what do you mean?
Speaker 2 (44:22):
You know, But because they are proud of their father
in a way that when people meet me they're like, oh,
now that makes sense, you know. And also it's really
unique that my kids have never said, oh, I have
a black dad.
Speaker 3 (44:34):
They're like, I have a dad. And it's usually when.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
People meet us, they're like, how come you didn't say
it was black and you know, like, no.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
He's my father, Peter, that's all.
Speaker 5 (44:45):
And that's say you have white children, no, well sometimes
you know, don't put my child in the sun.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
Just make sure they.
Speaker 1 (45:01):
Okay the police. You don't think of them as white
children and black.
Speaker 3 (45:06):
Yeah, they're my children.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
But also I have to I have to know that
in order to be the best friends I can be.
You know, there are you know, and you learn, you
do things and you I took them the park and
it was like one hundred and ten. So when they
were walking towards me, I was like, these are all
my children because they had ten red so I was like,
oh Sian screening.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
You know.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
So by me learning of who they are and their culture,
it really helps, you know, that also helps me to
marge their culture and my culture.
Speaker 3 (45:37):
You know, any food they are so picky.
Speaker 2 (45:39):
But if I say this is African food, they're like, okay,
sure I'll try, you know, but if I didn't say that,
they won't try. So in some way that they've really
you know, taken on that culture of this is who
our dad is and that's part of who we are.
In a way makes me. Probably the hardest part is
when we call people call police on me often, you know,
and that's the hardest for them when someone is questioning
(46:01):
their father, like what do you what do you mean?
You know, we go to cast go often and you
know the samples, you know, every time we go, someone
will The rule is they can all video child unless
the parents is there, you know. But most some they
will say can you go get to your mom and dad?
And they're like, he's right here. What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (46:19):
You know? Uh?
Speaker 2 (46:21):
And then they're the ones who kind of really want
to raise their voice. I'm like, hey, no, you know,
we get to teach this person change their nulative. And
usually we say, you know, hey, next time, do not
assume I'm standing there.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
Just say are you their father?
Speaker 2 (46:34):
And I will say yes or no, you know, And
most of my turn around I say, if I wasn't black,
would you have asked the same question? They say, no,
why because I see the other families often and I've
never seen any like yours.
Speaker 1 (46:46):
Yeah, And in fairness, let's not villainious people. Absolutely, you know,
if I watched you walk up with two kids, I
would not naturally assume you're their father. That is not racist.
That is just a culture recognition, right, it's the reaction
to that yes that tells you everything. Yep, it is
(47:07):
okay to not have a natural assumption. It is reaction
to the reality that we'll tell you everything.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
Ask yes, or sometimes picked them up from Dick. If
the person who I drop was and they like children,
I don't think you have children. I am like, yep,
five of them over there?
Speaker 1 (47:30):
Oh it was five? Anybody else any other questions at all?
Speaker 3 (47:38):
Come on, why are you the most eligible bachelor in America?
Speaker 1 (47:41):
What's wrong with all these women?
Speaker 3 (47:47):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (47:48):
My phone number is here.
Speaker 3 (47:52):
Well, so you know. So remember I went to school.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
I was sixteen, so that means at sixteen I was
in grade one. You know, at seven I wasn't great too,
So for me, I had to catch up in order
to be somewhere. So even when I came to our states,
I've always you know, always been behind. So you know,
I'm the oldest of five, so I wanted all my
siblings have gone through university, are doing well. It's amazing
when we do one how it changes the entire family.
(48:18):
And that's how my family changed. It wasn't because yes,
I could send them to school, but it was more
of if Peter can do it, we can do it
as well, and that's the joy when we help one
child who comes from the same family that looking from
my father able to believe so so so for me,
I really really really always behind. So in some way,
(48:41):
you know, dating can be a little difficult when you
live on the opposite side of the way you do things,
you know. For me, I wanted to be a Fosse friend.
Either I have I'm married, or I'm not. Like this
is my calling. And also I realized that it's my calling,
but not necessarily a calling for everyone, you know, some
time for people who are public places like us, people
(49:02):
will admire you, but they admire you as a dad,
but they forget about Hey, the kids I have and
as normal as the kids you expect, like they have trauma,
and I want to make sure that your trauma informed,
you know, in order to ever even have a day.
But I have six, like you know, how do every
time I go on a day, I bring all my
kids and usually they never come back again. It's really
(49:28):
my call, and I'm trying to really show people, especially
men like hey, and and single women as well, like
we wait, we're waiting for someone to come so we
can have a farmer, and I'm just saying, while you're waiting,
could he be a mom? Could he be a dad
to a kid who needs? And when they come, they
get to know your passion and get to know what
you love, but don't divit to what you're passionate about,
(49:49):
because waiting for someone who will never come or will
come and never understand what you're passionate about.
Speaker 1 (49:55):
From a tiny village that had to walk four miles
to get water back and forth to now a college
graduate doing all you're doing, and all of your siblings
have now gone to university. And it all started because
(50:17):
one day, one person asked your name? Yes, how hard
is it for us to exact some measure positive change
on people around us every single day? This whole story
started because a man saw you as human and just said,
(50:38):
what's your name?
Speaker 2 (50:39):
Yep, he saw potential and that's all he looked at.
And if we can do that for others when we
see the potential, not see the behaviors, but really focus
on that potential. I know they have behaviors, but I
know where it's coming from. The empathy in how we
respond is different because we know where it's coming from,
you know, But that's not going to detest us from
seeing potent shorting people.
Speaker 1 (51:02):
Is the foster dad Flipper. He's the foster dad forty
seven kids adopted father or three and three more in
the oven, baking them up, about to get them out.
He's the author of the new book Love Does Not
Conquer All and all the other surprising lessons I learned
as foster dad the more forty kids. He's from Charlotte,
(51:22):
North Carolina. He is hilarious, and he is a great
human being. Peter MUDBAZZI don't say it right again.
Speaker 2 (51:33):
Yes, Peter so actually is my father's name. After forgiving him,
I really wanted his last name, because, you know, just
so he can know that I'll leave a different legacy
than he lived through his name in a way. So
that's why I called him. My previous last name was Happy.
I'm a gift given to me by God. In my village,
(51:53):
for every one hundred children were born, sixty would die
before the age of two. So my mom waited until
I was who I snimmed me a gift given to
me by guy.
Speaker 1 (52:05):
Peter. Thanks for joining us, Thanks for telling your story
unbelievable and inspirational, And for those of you who want
to hang around and get a copy of his book,
He's going to sign it for you. Peter, thank you
for joining us. Thank you all right, that's it, every body,
(52:26):
Thank you for joining and uh, Peter's here if you
want to book and want to say.
Speaker 2 (52:32):
Hi, oh you got that out of man man, thank.
Speaker 1 (52:38):
You, thank you, thanks, and thank you for joining us
this week. If Peter Mudabasi has inspired you in general,
or better yet, to take action by fostering kids, adopting
a child, helping out foster and adoptive parents in your community,
(52:59):
or something else entirely, really, y'all let me know. I
want to hear about it. You can write me anytime
at Bill at normalfolks dot us. If you enjoyed this episode,
please share it with friends and on social subscribe to
the podcast, rate it, review it, join the army at
normalfolks dot us, any and all of these things that
(53:22):
will help us grow an army of normal folks. I'm
Bill Courtney. Until next time, do what you can
Everybody's Bill Corney with an army and normal folks. And
we continue now a part two of our conversation with
Peter Moo to BOSSI right after these brief messages from
our general sponsors, and you end up going to university
(00:29):
and then you end up in England.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Yeah, so I went. So I finished high school, went
to University of Uganda and then go to scholarships to
go study in England. And that's how I came to
United States.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Tell us about your time in England briefly.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
So you know, there was a students from Dirham University
who came to Uganda and my pastor was busy. He's like, look,
I have no time for these teenagers.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
So we need to also say real quick to set
this up. I started tearing up when you started tearing up,
and I missed, so I screwed up the whole interview.
Thanks a lot, all right. He also said there were
two things. One you had to go to church and
(01:11):
what was the other. There were two things he said
right on. One of them was you had to go
to church, right Is that not right? Yes?
Speaker 2 (01:19):
And the funny part of the church is I got.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Be Baptist church, so is what I got it Baptist Church.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
That's why I wanted to say it. I've got a
Baptist church. I thought mister Jordan might appreciate that little
bit of trivia. Hey Bill, they're bringing you tissues. If
either you guys want to, I'm good. We're good. Get
something around out there. The simplicity of a name, the
(01:53):
simplicity of a meal, the simplicity of the ability to
simply dream for acceptance and love and humanity and belonging
ultimately is what changed life. Yes, it is also ultimately
(02:18):
the recipe had changed so much of what els are
American culture. Because although your story is African, and although
your story has certainly children living worse than any child
I can think of in America, it doesn't diminish the
fact that we are riddled with kids all over our
country who don't dream, who are abused, who nobody knows
(02:42):
their name, who don't feel like they belong, who are
dealing with so much trauma they fear to also dream.
And thus the generational repetitive nature of poverty and all
the crap that's killing our society along with it. But
you go to England and briefly, what you do in
(03:06):
England before you come to the US.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
Uh.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
So my job was to reshare the gospel, you know,
so I can go to every country I could possibly.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
It's important to say the church part before you just
go to England and do the gospel thing.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Uh you know.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
So yeah, so that the Uh, there were students who
came from Durham. So my past like, I have no
time there here for you know, missionaries who come and
want to spend every time.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
So it's like can you hang up with them? I
say sure, you know, so I did hang.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Out with them for for a few weeks, and so
when they went back, they're like, we met this guy
from Ughana and I would like to do something special.
We'd like to give my scholarship to come and study it.
So that's how I ended up going to England for
the group of students that I got to horse Water.
I mean Uganda for sure.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
And then you come to the US.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Yes, so you know in southern Sudan there was a
war for many days.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
It actually good from here, right, So here's.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
An American kid who's just you know, shutless and in
a refuge camp. By then, I was working for the
Red Cross, you know, so I was dating an American.
So I was like, Hey, if you come to COMPAA,
come and hang out with us, and he said sure,
so he came. So he stayed with us for a
month and he came back to United States again. He
went to his school and said, I met this guy.
You should give him a scholarship to come and study.
(04:25):
And that's also how I came to study. What I'm
trying to say is the kindness of strangers who saw
the best in me by me just doing what I
was required to do. But somehow they went back and
became my testimony and a way, like I know him,
you know, you should give him an opportunity to do more.
And that's how I came to United States. Absolutely, and
I if you want to know, so coming to United
(04:46):
States was really a jump in a way.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
You know.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I came from Kampala to Los Angeles, and when I arrived,
I thought where am I? You know, first of all,
I thought we're going to crush because you know, I'd
never seen a car going eighty miles an hour, So
I was like, come.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
It never came.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
But my first day I really really struggled with my face.
The family that were hosting me that day. They took
me for lunch, so, you know, bought food for me.
So I ate all I could, you know, uh, And
I was cleaning with the plate with my fingers. They're
like you a most say is that possible? So they
gave me more food, you know. But while I'm sitting there,
I saw, you know, the waiters passing by with plates.
(05:25):
So I said, where is that food gonna go? And
they said, well, what's going to the trash? And in
those moments it hit me. I said, I don't think
I can read the Bible go to same church as
these people do.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
You know.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
The reason was, how could God love others to have
so much throwaway and others to die for lack of
beans and potatoes? You know, I've lost members of my
family for lack of beans and potatoes. When you haven't
eaten or you have no nutrition, usually you're not you're
not strong enough to fight malaria, you know, which is
(05:59):
a simple disease. So I've lost members of my family
for lack of bees and potatoes. So seeing all that
food thrown away, I could not. I just said, there's
no way I can go and read the same Bible
as these people do. Because I'd never seen that much
food thrown away, and I didn't want to go back
to church because of that, my first experience.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Luke twelve forty eight. To whom much is given, much
is required. You want to talk about that?
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yes, absolutely, So while I was mad, you know, I
somehow I went back to my dormitory and somehow I
read you know some you know someone thirty nine. You
know this, we know David. This girl was thinking wealthy.
You know, I hate I'm a single dad. But I
hear this guy a hundred wives, Like how do you
have a hundred wives. I'm just imagining a hundred wives
with each with four kids. Fos care. I mean a
(06:49):
lot of kids out of us.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
But this from a guy with forty seven children. So whatever,
go ahead, we'll get to that.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
I noticed that in someone that he's like, you know,
the way he says words like I love you God
because of how you made me that I can stretch
walk like the simplest thing that we all do.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
And that really helped me.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
To see, like, wait a minute, kids in Africa do
the same, you know, And I love what he says
in fourty says. He says for your fearfully and wonderfully made.
And I know that fully well. So that really helped
me understand the Hey, my faith isn't best on that food,
you know, it's best on how He made you and
I for your fearfully and wonderfully made. On the same flip,
now that I can have three meals and I had
(07:30):
four pairs of shoes, I was like, how do I
go home and say, I am okay? You know, now
I got to really be rebuilt in somewhere to who
much is given, much is required. That I knew I
was the wealthiest man on the planet, you know, compared
to where I come from. Like, I can have four
meals if I want, But how one day when I
(07:51):
my Jesus says you have four?
Speaker 1 (07:53):
How do you do?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
But also I was living in Los Angeles and I
was visiting these families that have ten to need thousand
square footage, and I would say, how many people live
here too?
Speaker 3 (08:03):
And I'm saying just two of you?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
And that really robbed me because where I come from,
the biggest house is as big as your car garage,
and there's six to fourteen people that are living that spacet.
So for me to compare and say, how can you
have all that and still have No, I don't know,
just I feel like you mass help. And so for me,
I didn't want to live that life. I just didn't
(08:28):
want to have and have. But I wanted to say
I have been given so much, you know, how do.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
I give back?
Speaker 2 (08:36):
And that's so I worked for Compassion to National for
eleven years. And while we're traveling, you know, I would
always take pastors and influences or you know, artists that
are seeing you know, Christian artists, or some families were adapting.
You know. So I've been more than one hundred and
one hundred and twenty countries and I had never seen
(08:56):
someone who looked like me who was adapting. You know,
so I always.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Pause. Yes, I think this is really important. Everybody needs
to take just a second. Hear what he just said.
Say it again. But let everybody consume what you're saying,
because it's an indictment on our society in my opinion,
(09:24):
that we got to fix that. I think you are
a shining example of But you said, I never saw
anybody look like me that adopted. Why don't you really
say what that is?
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Well, the missions that came to you Ganda where all
white people. All the families were adopting from Uganda were
always white people, so that I never saw anyone who
looks like me who was doing what I saw, but
also being coronized by the English.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I think we were in some way now brain we
are total lie.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
You know, a sudden people can do these things, and
sudden people can do these things. So for me, adoption
was for these people.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
White people exactly, let's not say the let's just be
white people.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
White people, and then uh, for us, we're on the
receiving end, like we can do what they do, you know,
they give were on the receiving end.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
We could say, here's the thing to me that reeks
of paternalism that was baked into culture for decades. Yes,
(10:42):
and I'm not convinced that that's not baked into our
culture a little bit.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Okay, So I said something. I didn't ask a question.
Let me figure out how to ask this question. How
do we fix that?
Speaker 2 (10:58):
To fix that? You know, I think for me is
on my end, I can do what I can do.
You know, for me, it's changing the naalative or the
lie I was told and leave the opposite way you
know or share all the people that follow me or
know me to say, you know, we believe the lie.
Here's how I'm changing the nulative of what we are told,
you know, And that's well.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
It's no different of a lie than when you were
ten and you were told you were no better than
a dog, or actually under a dog. Right, it's a
similar lie. It's just a higher level. Correct, But it's
a similar lie. Correct. They're only white people will not
the black people aren't worthy to be adopted.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
It's destructive, yes, and puts us in a place where
we feel, you know, you always feel am I good enough?
You know? I can I get there? You know, And
every time you try to get there, they're like, well,
you know, we'll bring a boss from the United Kingdom
to run your organization. There's no one in my country
that can run the same in a way that you
(12:03):
get what you're seeing leadership. You get to see it often,
and yeah, you begin to believe that lie that I'm
not good enough or they can white people can do this.
I'm destined to do this, you know. And for me,
I said, no, that's that can be. I don't want
to leave a different way.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
We'll be right back. So as I'm reading all about
you and we're about to get to the adoptions and
(12:46):
everything else. The adoptions are beautiful, your story is beautiful,
your book is beautiful. But I just want to say
to you on a personal level, you're sticking your feet
in the sand and saying the dysfunction of these lies
(13:08):
I am not going to bend to. That's what is
most inspirational to me about you because the question to
the answer how do we change this is you and
more men like you. And that just jumped out to
me when I was reading about your story as Wow.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
He.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
He fought through all of this as kids, but he
also recognized a lie, rejected it, and as a living
illustration about a change. It's phenomenal here. Thank you. So
you're in Denver and you decide if I can take
care of some plants, maybe I could be a father.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Yeah, you know tell us that, right? So so before
I could, you.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Know, try so, I said, I'm going to take your
plants and if for three months, if they survive, that
means I can go next stage. You know, so alive.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
He wouldn't take our children because he was afraid. He
was his father and he thought if I can keep
plants alive. Maybe I can take it.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
We can take this, you know.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
That's but I didn't really allow me to be a
fosse best.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
So I said, I'm going to go in.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
That's another thing you didn't even know because of this lie,
if you were even allowed to be a foster friend. Perhaps, yes,
I am in the United States. Correct, yes, because of
your race.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Absolutely, But also to remember, I traveled with farmers were adapting.
So even in theopy, I'll say, hey, can I No,
you have to be American or European or married or female.
But in some way they're saying a white female from
America or a white female from Europe, or a family
from Europe. That's for me what I had. But they're
(14:56):
the only ones I saw. So I was like, Okay,
they cannot, but I'm gonna find a way, Like I'm
just not giving up.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
I'm going to grow some plants.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Well yes, And then I went to four scar so
I said, hey, is their way is their way?
Speaker 3 (15:11):
You can help me?
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Or you can allow me to mentor two teenagers once
a month?
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Is there way you could give me one hour?
Speaker 2 (15:18):
That's all I asked me. Mentor just one hour that's
all I thought. I mean, they can't say no, right,
you know. I thought just taking a kid for lunch,
that that should be easy. So the social work who
received and said, hey, have you ever thought of being
a forced dad? I said, I think, but I think
about that every day, but I'm not qualified. In my head,
(15:39):
I was saying, one, I'm black, Two i'm a male.
Three I'm seeingle. So I don't have the the profile
you're looking for. And she looked at me, She's like,
who told you can't? Oh? Wait, are we talking that?
She just said, By the way, thirty percent of people
who are false parents are single moms.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
You can be And I was like, are you sure?
She said yes.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
It was on a Monday. I sign up on Thursday
because I thought she would change her mind. So I
was like, I'm really really quick. So on Thursday I said, okay,
I'm ready for classes, you know, And that's all it took.
I wanted to, you know, and in my life I
always wanted to go against the great, you know, so
always going the opposite way. So I said, I don't care,
(16:26):
tell me what I need to do. And on Thursday
studay classes right away. And as I was studying classes.
People you know are the you know couples that will come.
They were always married, of course, you know, and they
were like, when is your wife coming. I'm like, there's
no Wife's like, are you sure you're in the right class.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I said yes, So you passed the classes. Tell us
about your very first placement. I think you use Caine. Yes,
that's not his real name. Everybody, it was a child,
so we don't use the real name, but we'll call
it Caine. Tell me about Caine. Tell me about your
first weekend with Caine.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Oh well, so in folks got thought. You know, you
do the classes, they give you a license, so you
wait for six months. A child will show up. I
had no idea that they'll say, hey, your license arrived
at ten, can you keep your phone nearby? It is
like hold on just today, sue enough. Literally four hours late.
So I got a phone call like, hey, this is
a kid.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
I'm like, well, that speaks to the need it does.
It speaks You're out four hours and you get a
phone call that speaks to the need for army of
normal folks to step up for children who, as you've
just heard the last forty five minutes even though they're
not sleeping in sewers, they're dealing with all of the
(17:42):
stuff you understood.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yes, and the same trauma I had to go through
the street kit is what the same trauma our kids
are going. It's not so much about where you are,
it's what's happening to you. And you know, as a kid,
doesn't matter if you're in Africa or here, is the
same trauma that you're facing.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
So I got that little one arrived.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
You know, in your mind you've never been a parents
who you're thinking, what, like, oh lord, what did I
sign up for?
Speaker 1 (18:05):
You know?
Speaker 2 (18:06):
So the kid comes in and I get my biggest couch.
I put it against the door because I thought if
he runs away at night, I'll be right there, you know.
But the kid didn't, you know, didn't run away. And
in the morning he just said, hey, Dad, what are
we having for breakfast? I was like, that's all you're
asking for. In my head, I was like, I didn't
sleep because I was worried about what to do. And
(18:27):
that's how he clicked, Like, Oh, all he wants is food,
and that's how I have to take day by day.
And it was wonderful, you know. And also was the
most difficult, traumatized child I've ever had in my life,
you know. So in some way I thought, God, if
this is it, I don't think, I know, like I
it was more like what did I sign up for?
(18:48):
In a way, but.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
It was hard, but probably the best.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
I can say, you know, the best opportunity, because it
really showed me first of all was all about and
what I was signing up for. And I said above
six months and I knew this is my calling.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
Hey, Peter, you got to tell the story about the
police of Kine.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Yes, So you know, first of all, they brought the kids,
so they brought out the whitest kid you could think
of the first time, so you're thinking and also again
again also remember my my, my lies from being an
(19:31):
African and coming here. We're still in the same brain.
But I was translating the same way. For me, I thought,
only kids who go to fostcare are Hispanic and African American,
because that's how we're told, you know, the under the
you know, disadvanced. So in my head I knew I'm
going to have as many African kids as I could. Africanman,
That's what in my head I thought, you know, so
(19:54):
when that white kid walked in, I was like, uh,
I think you're.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
In the wrong.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
They're like, no, this is your kid. I was like, okay, okay.
So so so that's how it came. So I take
him to check cheese. So our kids who would traumble
sometimes when when they just go in the freeze mode
or fighting mode.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I mean, boy, I knew he was white when I
read the fake name. Okay, you know, black name, white kid.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
So I take him to chacka Cheese and he goes off.
So as he goes off, I was like, oh no.
So he's crying, screaming. So I picked him up and
he's screaming and biting me. So we're going through and
everyone's looking like what who's this.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
So the lady walking out too, he's like, where's this.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Where's his mama? I said, I'm his mama and his
dad okay, And so she goes. She goes in her
car and calls the police. Like so I'm sitting there,
so I knew she was calling the police. So I
was like, okay, So I instead of putting my child
in the car, I just put him on It was
a pickup track, so I put him writing a picture.
They can see us like whenever comes can see us.
(21:05):
So that was my first, my first experience. And and
and he didn't stop. I think we've been stopped maybe
eleven times by the police by now. So that was
my first kind of you know, his what life is
going to be for you? In a way that really
changed the way I do it because it's the right
(21:29):
thing to do.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
So Cain turned into how.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Many forty seven?
Speaker 1 (21:47):
And you are now the father to how many three?
Speaker 2 (21:50):
And I'm in a prose of adopting the other two.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
That's phenomenal. I've seen. There's a YouTube I highly suggest
you guys listing and in attendance here look up the
YouTube video of the guy that chided in his really
cute cool uh exfinity something for a grocery getter Mama van. Yes,
(22:21):
and it's got kids piled in this thing, and it
looks like the United Nations in the back of the steel.
You got white kids back there, you got black kids,
you got boys, you got girls, and y'all are just.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Rolling m rolling does the world?
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Absolutely?
Speaker 1 (22:37):
What's that?
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Runing?
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Is the word?
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Sometimes like short places and the ladies are like, hey,
do you run like a transport business. I usual said yes,
I mean like, do you have space?
Speaker 3 (22:48):
No ivenue space?
Speaker 1 (22:50):
That is absolutely hilarious. We'll be right back. Tell me
(23:10):
about your family.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
So, you know, as a Fosse parent, so I've had
little ones, you know, my youngest twelve month, she's now four,
and my oldest is twenty one. So I've had every
child you could think of, you know, and it's really
been a joy for me to learn from every one
of them.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
And the other part that I really so my first child.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Again, it's amazing when you have you want one kid
and then get to really teach you everything about what
your journey's about to be. So he gets sick at night,
so I'm like, social workers don't pick up phones at three,
you know, no, So I'm like, you know, who do
I call?
Speaker 3 (23:43):
So I called the mom. I said, hey, your little
one is wheezing.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
What should I do? And so she said do this,
do this? So I followed and after that, you know,
the kid was okay and went to bed. And the
next morning I got a phone call from the mom.
She said, Peter, thank you for allowing me to be
a mom for five minutes. You know, oh you don't
remember for me coming in. I was seeing them as
my father, like you horrible parents. You you you you,
(24:10):
And I remember that one time someone was saying what
a mother will let their kids be on the streets
of Campala, and I could remember like, my mom loved
me so much, but she could run away and I
couldn't protect her in some way. And in those moments
when she said that, I was like, you know what,
now it all makes sense why I am a false parent.
I'm a foster parent to the entire family, and I
(24:32):
go to owner the mom and the dad and make
sure they have their kids back, you know. And that
really helped me to know what's all about forced care
and what my job in that path was. So I
decided to say, I will make sure that I come
alongside and be a resource to their bio parents and
do the best I can. If that is not I
(24:53):
want to be their final family. I want to be
the final dad they can have. And that truly has
been really joy.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
You know.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Again, That's what forty seven because I and all of them,
I'm still in touch with each one of them because
I valued their parents and I did everything I could
in my powers to give their kids back. You know,
for me as a male, it's easy to look at
Mail and I say, it's easy.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
He's what I find.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
I find it's easy for us as male to cast
the stones to the moms, you know, but we never
understood what his moms have to go through in so
many ways that for me, understanding that really helped me
to say, how can I be a resource? How can
I be that person who believes in them, that can
say I know you struggle, but I'm here that you
wake up one day and you have your kids back.
(25:39):
And one other course, there's.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
A couple of things I got to get to before
I open it up to questions, And one is, and
I think it's a story of who became your first
adopted son.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Yes, is.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
You really didn't want to know what Dagnham think about him,
did you?
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (25:57):
No, I know.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Tell us So as foster parents, we say goodbye to
our kids, and most people don't want to force it because.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
They're like, I don't know how I can say goodbye?
Speaker 2 (26:06):
And usually I say, I actually think.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Most people don't want to foster because they don't want
to welcome into their homes the trauma and tornado that
is ultimately a really broken kid, absolutely, and then the
people that are able to get over that, then they're like, well,
I develop a relationship with this kid and I start
caring about them, but my job is to return them
to their parents, and I don't want to go through that.
On trauma and my own heart. I think those are
(26:30):
the two big things, and so you start to get
guarded against it, and you're like, I don't want to
know anything about this kid, but I'll take them in
for a little while.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Well, I had the two had gone home on Monday,
so I told my so and say, hey, this is
really hard. So I need six month breaks, you know.
So that's what we agreed on, six months, so I
can now have a little, you know, a.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Little downtime on Monday.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
She calls me on Friday, she's like, hey, there's a
kid six months there's the key that needs a home.
I said, hold or old up? Six months, says Peter.
I promise you, this is just for the weekend. I promised.
That's what they always said, the people that heard giggling.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
I said no.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
I said no, and then she said he's at the hospital.
So then I'm like, oh, dang it. Now I can't
say no.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
You know.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
So I said, yeah, he can come, but I don't
need to know. I don't want to know anything about him.
All I need to know is what I need to
keep my knives, what do I need my water? Like,
what do I need to keep? Because it was eleven,
you know, because the kids had left. I just wasn't
in me. There wasn't something for me to give back
to this kid, you know. So he comes in at
(27:39):
three in the morning. All my kids by the way,
coming between three in the morning and four. I don't
know what, you know, you know what. So he walks
in and the sushwalker left. So I said, hey, call
me mister Peter. My last name is long. And he
looks at me and said, hey, but can I call
him my dad? This is what I said.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
I said, hell no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
No, no no no. He was my number.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
He was my number eleven I had had. I said no, no.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
And many And then he looks at me and say,
but I was told since I'm eleven, I can choose
whom my father should be.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
You should be my dad. I said, dude, knock it off.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
First hour, no.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Twenty minutes, twenty no, no, no, twenty minutes. I said, dude, stop,
I said, knock it off. You're living on Monday. And
I had and I had won the social work. I said,
if you don't pick up, if you don't pick him
up in a Monday, he'll be outside on the porch waiting.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
For That was my warning.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
So I said please, so on my Monday, finally they
come to pick him up. Now that I signed papers,
I was like, so, by the way, why was he
left in the hospital, you know? And the social worker
told me, well, he came in to fosk get one
and a half and then he was adapted by the
family that took him in at four and the same
family had dropped him at the hospital, never say goodbye
(28:59):
and never give him the reason why they did not
want him anymore. And in those moments, I think I
went back to my ten year old on the bus
and I said no, no, but also to sometimes we
ask God to give us something, you know, you pray
and ask God to give you something, and then when
it gives you, like not today it was.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
I want that, but just know today, you know.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
And I think for me as a parent, I've always
wanted to be a dad and he's a kid screaming,
can I be your dad?
Speaker 3 (29:27):
I'm like no, no, no, no, no, no no no.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
You know, so finally, you know, I knew, I knew
he called me dad, I knew his dad, and I said,
just give me those paperwork. I was send him to
school tomorrow. And that's my first adopted son, Anthony to us.
He's now nineteen years old going to college.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Yes, unbelievable. Yes, yeah, I thought a couple couple things
before we turn it over to the audience. In your
book book by the way, I guess I need to
plug the book. I did plug the book, but I'll
plug it again. Everybody. If you like what you've heard
(30:06):
so far, you're an absolute goofball. Not to buy love
does not conquer all, and other surprising lessons I learned
as a father died to more than forty kids. Remember
he also has a life. He flips and rehabs houses
while taking care of all these children and adopting others.
(30:29):
Chapter seven. We don't always like our kids.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
Oh yes, I got.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Four children that are as you would call them bios
Peter's language for a child that you actually birth that
has your DNA as a bio. Right, well, I got
four bios and they're biodegrading have to die, and I
don't like them at all. Sometimes, yes, but I always
(30:57):
love them. Yes seven tell us tell us what you
mean by we won't always like her kids absolute.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
I think sometimes as parents we come in with these
kumbai roses and whatever you call them. You know, in
fourth case the opposite. You know that there's sometimes when
they do things or their trauma shows up and I
don't like it. And that's the genuine valid way of
saying I'm human, like I don't like it when you're
(31:26):
putting holes in my in my home, in my wall,
and there's like number twenty of holes you put in.
You know that for me to say it's okay. I
think sometimes we are afraid to say I don't like it.
You know that people will think we are bad parents.
But for me, I'm like, yeah, some days I just say, son,
if I had a way, I could drive and I'll
come back, I would do it. But I can't. You
(31:47):
know that we don't always have to love our children,
but we can always be there and protect them and
fight for them, even in the times when they they're
not pleasant to be around.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
I laughed out loud when I read this, listen to
this their body. Over forty foster children and three adoptions later,
I find myself surprised on a daily basis. I never
expect to have a child paint the bathroom with poop,
or destroy a school classroom, or to find eight nine
(32:22):
year olds making out like they saw people doing homes
from which they were moved. Nor did I expect to
find my next door neighbor's video game console in my
living room. Yet I've discovered the surprises of parenting are
also opportunities to grow as a human being and as
a dad.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Talk about it, you know, there's a sense sometimes for
us friends who we think we are doing a favor
for someone you know. But I think for me, I
want it to look into what like as much as
I love them and as much as I want to
be there for them, that they have taught me so
much as well that there are some plays says they've
helped me grow and be a better human being in
a way. So it's both. It's as you get to
(33:06):
shaper and be there as their parents that they get
to do the same.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
More.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
I understand patients like I thought I knew patients You know,
I thought I knew grace. I was like, man, this
Christian thing, I'm far from it, you know. But they've
taught me in a better way that I'm a better
human being because we both benefiting from each other.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
Now it's not just one way.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
It's not just me being there for them, that there
are also a source of resilience.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
May we can get as much out of it as
we more?
Speaker 3 (33:35):
Absolutely I think I get maybe more, Yes, I think
I get more.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Took you seventeen years to become an American citizen, yes,
but you are now?
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Why seventeen years?
Speaker 3 (33:54):
You know the only system I have.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
You know that I did all they asked me, follow
the rules, you know, whatever, you know, student from student
to work, work for work, green cards, green card, you know,
and funny an American, you know, because I wanted to
fight for the kids. But also I feel like FOSTHK
is my calling, like truly truly believe every That's what
(34:16):
I breathe, that's what I talk about.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
That's my life, you know.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Falth care that truly, truly is a place for us
to make a difference. You know, I tell people you
know who are fighting, you know, six traffic I'm like,
that's so cool, But you're coming in tu late in
some way. You know that sometimes I wish you came
a little bit earlier when they are thirteen and come alongside.
You know that, yes, we get to hold people homeless,
(34:43):
help people on homeless, but sometimes I wish we could
have come a little earlier when they are fourteen. You
know that I feel, as a male who lived that life,
that truly I can be a voice to sometimes in
a place where there's less men as well, to really
show that men we have the same resuppose, but as
moms do, to be there, to be tender, and to
(35:04):
be on our knees, to truly take care of the
list of this.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
We'll be right back. Alex. The producer drives me absolutely nuts,
and any regularistor will know that I often just tell
(35:33):
him to be quiet and sit in a corner, like
the Wizard of Oz does behind that carden, you know,
because the producers are paint in the body. But he
does have lots of value, both personally and professionally. This
is something he has said to me over and over
and over again, and for everybody listening out there, and
those of us who joined us here they're over four
(35:56):
hundred thousand kids and foster care in the United States.
There's one hundred and fifteen thousand of them whose parental
rights have been terminated and could be adopted today. Meanwhile,
there's four hundred thousand houses of worship in our country.
Between churches and synagogues and mosques, there's four hundred thousand
(36:18):
houses of worship in the country. So if just one
person out of one of every three houses of worships
served like Peter did, there would be no orphans in
our country. And when you have a streat kid that
grew up in Uganda, who couldn't even dream of anything
(36:42):
other than one mill a day, who it took nineteen
years to become a citizen of our country, having served
forty seven foster children, adopted three and it's in the
process of adopting three more. What does it say about
our apathy towards the most needia among us. If we're
(37:06):
really going to be an army and normal folks, guys,
there's got to be a calling. There's got to be
people listening to me right now who have a passion
for children. And one of these big old houses that
you talk about, Peter one of three, one of three
(37:27):
of all these houses of worship, and Peter so rightly cited.
Too much has been given, much is required. So it's
really not a nice thing to do to step up
and do this work. It's responsibility.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
It is a scietal responsible And there's.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Two million people waiting for adoption, and we are trying
to say why, wait, you know, maybe change your perimeters
instead of wanting a toddler, maybe a seven year old,
maybe a nine year old, maybe a teenager. They are
my favorite human being. Why because they can dress themselves,
(38:10):
they can tell me their feelings, and they're just fun
to be around.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
I'm going to end with asking you to tell me
a story, and I'm going to open up for questions
for the last few minutes we have together. Yes, Joseph
and the Answer. Can you tell me the story of
Joseph and the Answer and what we can learn from it?
Speaker 5 (38:37):
Joseph Andy, Yeah, the story about.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
There's an an invasion in your home?
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Peter, Oh, yes, yes, there you go. You know, Yes,
holding is part of our kids.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Come, it's not a disease, it's not a it's not
a bad thing. When you know, just was me when
we would steal food and hide it, you know, and
sometimes we will lose it because we're hiding it, because
you know, you can't eat all the food you're hiding
to our kids. Yes, the idea that food, it won't
be there today in the United States, it is there
that some kids go to bed hungry and they try
(39:16):
to make sure that they can provide for themselves. And
that is holding. So my kids will take the food
and hide it. And I knew, so I knew how
I can help them. So one time he took the food,
you know, so I said, hey, this make a deal.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
You know.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
No, so there was food there, so I said, hey,
why is the food there?
Speaker 2 (39:34):
And he looked in my eyes and said, well, it
walked here. I was like okay, So I said, okay, cool.
Can we make a deal next time you see it walking,
can you say, Dad, it is walking in my room
and I will come running and I'll make sure I
make it. Go back says sure, you know, and we
would do it over and over. I found, in a way,
(39:55):
by believing his white lie, he really learned to trust that, hey,
you know what, it would be food for me. So
then we began to put food nearby way he can
help food that won't bring ants in a home, you know.
And also we also so for me on a pint
of milk in my in my fridge, I put everyone's name,
you know why because when they see their name one,
(40:17):
they know this portion of the milk that is mine,
so they're not worried that milk is going to go
the next day, you know. And that truly helped me
to know how I can be there for my kids.
Not yes, ants, I don't care, but in a way,
if I can help my kid know like it's okay,
there is food tomorrow. And if I can do that
to every child at wom's mind. For me, I had
(40:37):
to do it in Africa. There was no food to
me in a country where we throw food every day
that should not be for the kids who need a meal.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
The point of that whole story is there really is
no rule book. No, these kids don't show up with
instruction manuals. I owe kids don't show up with instruction manuals.
And a little while a little patient's a little understanding,
a little creative creativity, and an understanding that every kid
ticks different and there's not one size one rule fits all.
(41:10):
But if you're willing to be patient, creative, you can
address it all and you have done so. Wow, Peter,
what a story, What a legacy you're leaving. What an
inspiration you are. Your book is chocked full of stuff
that people have got to read. I could do this
(41:30):
with you two hours, but Peter, I'm told by my
producer Alex the Pain of the Butt that we don't
have that much time. So that's Peter. Would anybody here
like to there he is? You might as well ask
him if you have any questions. Yes, yeah, it's coming.
(41:51):
He likes to play like old Phil Donaho. If you remember,
he likes run around with a microphone.
Speaker 6 (41:56):
Thanks Peter for your story, Thanks for coming all this
way to Memphis. The one question I want to ask you,
did you ever go back to u Ganda to see
your mother and your relatives after kind of college or
even being here in the United States for a while.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Yes, so at nineteen So I went back to at
nineteen eighteen nineteen for the sake of my mother. You know,
I loved my mom and I wanted to have the pride,
the pride of her walking the vida and saying.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
My son made it.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
But it was also another way of giving my father
a middle finger, like hey, you wish the best wish
for me? He's I'm gonna I'm making it like I
and for us as Africans, like I think we have
to face on our challenge because there's no way out,
you know. So by going back, I wanted to say,
you know, you wish the worst for me, but hey,
I forgive you. And I hated him so much, like
(42:42):
I if it was someone who wanted to hamm was
my father, you know. And I realized too, like wait
a minute, he's still ruining me even him not being there.
So by me facing him and saying, you know, I
out let you go, was away that I did not
want my childhood affect.
Speaker 3 (42:59):
What my future was going to be. So I said no, Yeah, so.
Speaker 2 (43:03):
I went by, but I have a good rest ship
with my mom and him, you know, And I went.
I went back not to seek for a father, but
to forgive a mind that didn't care.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
She said she had the same question. Oh, exactly, same question.
Anyone else have a question?
Speaker 4 (43:23):
Hello? Thank you hear me, Yes, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
For that's that's not for here, that's for the cameras.
Speaker 4 (43:29):
Oh thank you so much for being here with us
and for sharing as I shared it with you earlier.
I follow you so I love the opportunities to see
you and your children. I love the one where your
oldest son went back to Uganda with you and you
introduced him to all of your family and you showed
him your culture. I love that. Thank you so much.
(43:52):
You know, it's it's we get to see this, you know,
we get to see the American side if you would.
But for you to tell the children that you adopted
and to take them to Uganda to share that side,
and for your family there and friends there to be
able to meet them, that was rich. So I just
want to say thank you for that.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
Thank you. Yes, my kids sometimes they will tell their
their school at school they're like, yeah, you know, I'm African.
Speaker 3 (44:19):
They're like wait, what how what do you mean?
Speaker 2 (44:22):
You know, But because they are proud of their father
in a way that when people meet me they're like, oh,
now that makes sense, you know. And also it's really
unique that my kids have never said, oh, I have
a black dad.
Speaker 3 (44:34):
They're like, I have a dad. And it's usually when.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
People meet us, they're like, how come you didn't say
it was black and you know, like, no.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
He's my father, Peter, that's all.
Speaker 5 (44:45):
And that's say you have white children, no, well sometimes
you know, don't put my child in the sun.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
Just make sure they.
Speaker 1 (45:01):
Okay the police. You don't think of them as white
children and black.
Speaker 3 (45:06):
Yeah, they're my children.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
But also I have to I have to know that
in order to be the best friends I can be.
You know, there are you know, and you learn, you
do things and you I took them the park and
it was like one hundred and ten. So when they
were walking towards me, I was like, these are all
my children because they had ten red so I was like,
oh Sian screening.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
You know.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
So by me learning of who they are and their culture,
it really helps, you know, that also helps me to
marge their culture and my culture.
Speaker 3 (45:37):
You know, any food they are so picky.
Speaker 2 (45:39):
But if I say this is African food, they're like, okay,
sure I'll try, you know, but if I didn't say that,
they won't try. So in some way that they've really
you know, taken on that culture of this is who
our dad is and that's part of who we are.
In a way makes me. Probably the hardest part is
when we call people call police on me often, you know,
and that's the hardest for them when someone is questioning
(46:01):
their father, like what do you what do you mean?
You know, we go to cast go often and you
know the samples, you know, every time we go, someone
will The rule is they can all video child unless
the parents is there, you know. But most some they
will say can you go get to your mom and dad?
And they're like, he's right here. What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (46:19):
You know? Uh?
Speaker 2 (46:21):
And then they're the ones who kind of really want
to raise their voice. I'm like, hey, no, you know,
we get to teach this person change their nulative. And
usually we say, you know, hey, next time, do not
assume I'm standing there.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
Just say are you their father?
Speaker 2 (46:34):
And I will say yes or no, you know, And
most of my turn around I say, if I wasn't black,
would you have asked the same question? They say, no,
why because I see the other families often and I've
never seen any like yours.
Speaker 1 (46:46):
Yeah, And in fairness, let's not villainious people. Absolutely, you know,
if I watched you walk up with two kids, I
would not naturally assume you're their father. That is not racist.
That is just a culture recognition, right, it's the reaction
to that yes that tells you everything. Yep, it is
(47:07):
okay to not have a natural assumption. It is reaction
to the reality that we'll tell you everything.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
Ask yes, or sometimes picked them up from Dick. If
the person who I drop was and they like children,
I don't think you have children. I am like, yep,
five of them over there?
Speaker 1 (47:30):
Oh it was five? Anybody else any other questions at all?
Speaker 3 (47:38):
Come on, why are you the most eligible bachelor in America?
Speaker 1 (47:41):
What's wrong with all these women?
Speaker 3 (47:47):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (47:48):
My phone number is here.
Speaker 3 (47:52):
Well, so you know. So remember I went to school.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
I was sixteen, so that means at sixteen I was
in grade one. You know, at seven I wasn't great too,
So for me, I had to catch up in order
to be somewhere. So even when I came to our states,
I've always you know, always been behind. So you know,
I'm the oldest of five, so I wanted all my
siblings have gone through university, are doing well. It's amazing
when we do one how it changes the entire family.
(48:18):
And that's how my family changed. It wasn't because yes,
I could send them to school, but it was more
of if Peter can do it, we can do it
as well, and that's the joy when we help one
child who comes from the same family that looking from
my father able to believe so so so for me,
I really really really always behind. So in some way,
(48:41):
you know, dating can be a little difficult when you
live on the opposite side of the way you do things,
you know. For me, I wanted to be a Fosse friend.
Either I have I'm married, or I'm not. Like this
is my calling. And also I realized that it's my calling,
but not necessarily a calling for everyone, you know, some
time for people who are public places like us, people
(49:02):
will admire you, but they admire you as a dad,
but they forget about Hey, the kids I have and
as normal as the kids you expect, like they have trauma,
and I want to make sure that your trauma informed,
you know, in order to ever even have a day.
But I have six, like you know, how do every
time I go on a day, I bring all my
kids and usually they never come back again. It's really
(49:28):
my call, and I'm trying to really show people, especially
men like hey, and and single women as well, like
we wait, we're waiting for someone to come so we
can have a farmer, and I'm just saying, while you're waiting,
could he be a mom? Could he be a dad
to a kid who needs? And when they come, they
get to know your passion and get to know what
you love, but don't divit to what you're passionate about,
(49:49):
because waiting for someone who will never come or will
come and never understand what you're passionate about.
Speaker 1 (49:55):
From a tiny village that had to walk four miles
to get water back and forth to now a college
graduate doing all you're doing, and all of your siblings
have now gone to university. And it all started because
(50:17):
one day, one person asked your name? Yes, how hard
is it for us to exact some measure positive change
on people around us every single day? This whole story
started because a man saw you as human and just said,
(50:38):
what's your name?
Speaker 2 (50:39):
Yep, he saw potential and that's all he looked at.
And if we can do that for others when we
see the potential, not see the behaviors, but really focus
on that potential. I know they have behaviors, but I
know where it's coming from. The empathy in how we
respond is different because we know where it's coming from,
you know, But that's not going to detest us from
seeing potent shorting people.
Speaker 1 (51:02):
Is the foster dad Flipper. He's the foster dad forty
seven kids adopted father or three and three more in
the oven, baking them up, about to get them out.
He's the author of the new book Love Does Not
Conquer All and all the other surprising lessons I learned
as foster dad the more forty kids. He's from Charlotte,
(51:22):
North Carolina. He is hilarious, and he is a great
human being. Peter MUDBAZZI don't say it right again.
Speaker 2 (51:33):
Yes, Peter so actually is my father's name. After forgiving him,
I really wanted his last name, because, you know, just
so he can know that I'll leave a different legacy
than he lived through his name in a way. So
that's why I called him. My previous last name was Happy.
I'm a gift given to me by God. In my village,
(51:53):
for every one hundred children were born, sixty would die
before the age of two. So my mom waited until
I was who I snimmed me a gift given to
me by guy.
Speaker 1 (52:05):
Peter. Thanks for joining us, Thanks for telling your story
unbelievable and inspirational, And for those of you who want
to hang around and get a copy of his book,
He's going to sign it for you. Peter, thank you
for joining us. Thank you all right, that's it, every body,
(52:26):
Thank you for joining and uh, Peter's here if you
want to book and want to say.
Speaker 2 (52:32):
Hi, oh you got that out of man man, thank.
Speaker 1 (52:38):
You, thank you, thanks, and thank you for joining us
this week. If Peter Mudabasi has inspired you in general,
or better yet, to take action by fostering kids, adopting
a child, helping out foster and adoptive parents in your community,
(52:59):
or something else entirely, really, y'all let me know. I
want to hear about it. You can write me anytime
at Bill at normalfolks dot us. If you enjoyed this episode,
please share it with friends and on social subscribe to
the podcast, rate it, review it, join the army at
normalfolks dot us, any and all of these things that
(53:22):
will help us grow an army of normal folks. I'm
Bill Courtney. Until next time, do what you can
Host
Bill Courtney
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