LS Episode 529: Healing, Love Bombing & Narcissism (feat. Dr. Cheyenne Bryant)

Dr. Cheyenne Bryant — psychologist, author of “Mental Detox: Let Go of What’s Not Working & Build a Life That Does”— joins Angela Yee, Jasmine Brand, and Jordy to break down the real psychology behind modern dating.

From anxious attachment and abandonment trauma to love bombing, narcissistic traits, identity struggles, over-sexualization, and the fear of real intimacy — Dr. Bryant goes deep on why so many of us repeat the same patterns, choose the wrong partners, and mistake trauma bonds for love.

We open up about our own relationship struggles: Jasmine’s need for reassurance, Angela’s independence, Jordy’s oversexualized dating history, and how childhood wounds shape adult relationships. Dr. Bryant explains how to build healthy love through emotional intelligence, vulnerability, communication, and self-awareness — and why “potential” is an illusion that keeps people stuck.

Later in the episode, the conversation turns to sex, intimacy, boundaries, and the things we compromise (or don’t) for love. Dr. Bryant talks about submissiveness, sexual comfort zones, non-negotiables like threesomes, and how real connection requires honesty about who you are and what you need.

This episode is one of the most vulnerable and revealing Lip Service conversations yet — raw, honest, and filled with practical tools for healing and building healthier relationships.

Topics include:
– Love bombing vs healthy pursuit
– Narcissism myths & misunderstood traits
– Anxious attachment & abandonment wounds
– Childhood trauma shaping adult love
– Transactional sex vs relational intimacy
– Identity struggles, self-worth & vulnerability
– Why relationships “grow apart”
– Communication, boundaries & emotional intelligence
– Sex preferences, non-negotiables & intimacy comfort zones
– “Gallons vs pints” partners & choosing correctly

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
What's up as lip service. I'm Angela Yee.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
I'm Jazz my brand, Geordie George, I'm a Keen Woods baby.

Speaker 3 (00:09):
I'm your favorite doc, doctor Shyan Bryant.

Speaker 1 (00:11):
Doctor Shyan bro I can't first of all, I can't
believe this is your first time here, because everybody's always like,
y'all need to get her on lip service. But I
feel like the timing is good, The timing is right.
Mental detox, oh man, let go of what's not working
and build a life that does. We want to do this.
We want to do this, and I feel like this
book is going to help us. And I'm so excited

(00:31):
for you to sit down with us and just kind
of like, I like how you walk us through things
firmly and you stand in your truth and make people
mad and you know sometimes and go viral sometimes, you know.
But that's we're actually here on a friendly terms today. Okay,
we're not trying to row the people up, but we

(00:52):
are trying to make sure that we dig into some
things that we know are relatable totally absolutely, So let's
each of us. Let's talk about like just because I
went at the China and to have like a picture
of who we are, just so you know when we're
talking what space we're coming from. So let's start with you,
miss Jasmine Brand, when it comes to relationships, And how
would you describe yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
When it comes to romantic relationship? Yes, I would describe myself.
Why don't you're my friend?

Speaker 4 (01:19):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
And that's exactly how she is in a relationship.

Speaker 3 (01:23):
So when you say crazy, is it like a toxic crazy,
dysfunctional crazy, or a healthy type of crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
I would hope it's healthy, but I'm kind of.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
I don't know, and help. I can't help you describe yourself.

Speaker 3 (01:38):
I mean, do you show up as a one that's
toxic and controlling? Are yourself as a one that's more
like subtle and calm and more submissive? Are you the
one that's a hybrid where you can be a mix
between both?

Speaker 1 (01:48):
I'm not too submissive, Jasmine? Want me to give my assessment.

Speaker 2 (01:54):
Of you an agree or disagree?

Speaker 1 (01:55):
Jasmine likes attention, So in order for you to like
really be with her, she needs like constant like checking in.
She's also really quick to jump to like the worst
case scenario and things, and so yeah, you gotta be
on her and it could be like something really small
that could really turn her off.

Speaker 4 (02:17):
Yeah, you're a virgo.

Speaker 3 (02:18):
Nope, I'm said, honey, I'm gonna say, you sound a
little bit like me. If you're not checking in too much.
I'm kind of like you know me too much. I
like to be hunted. Come get me, come grab me.
I a would say love me like this, Yes, don't
love me like that. I can be by myself and
I'm loved over here and I need you up and
close like love me up in here.

Speaker 1 (02:37):
Yes, yes, the way it sounds like love bombing.

Speaker 3 (02:43):
You know what. I love that you said that, because
there is a thin line between love bombing and a
healthy way of showing your love and affection and desire
for somebody. And I do believe that today's society has
taken love bombing, put that title on it, and it's
really excuse me, my land, which fucked up people are men,
let me say, from chasing and hunting their woman in

(03:03):
a way that is appropriate and healthy, that tells her
I want you. And then this is the point at
where the woman says, I'm desired. Let me turn around
and be you know, be catchable. I think this whole
culture of love bombing is bad. No, come get me
the fuck, like do you want me?

Speaker 5 (03:19):
I feel like lovembing is like lately I've heard like love, barmbing,
and narcissism more. The words I've heard most in the
last three or four years is I'm like, okay, gird,
do we all have to the sources? Like that's the
book that I keep hearing that over and over and over,
not saying that's not true, but I just keep hearing.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
I feel like you and I talked about this a while,
Like people like misdiagnose people. So we're saying terms that
are not actually appropriate or they don't fit and they're
not accurate, and then you know, we kind of run
with them.

Speaker 6 (03:43):
I think the thing is, you can.

Speaker 3 (03:44):
Have traits of depression, narcissism, any type personality disorder, move
doesn't mean that you are diagnosed with it. And so
like I'm very careful with saying you are a narcissist
versus like I see narcissistic traits in you, because traits
does not mean you are a narcissist, just you have traits.
And there's almost not one person that doesn't have a
trait of something in the DSM, which is where we

(04:07):
the diagnostic manual of where psychiatrists and psychologists diagnose people.

Speaker 4 (04:11):
And if you look.

Speaker 3 (04:12):
Through everything, it's just characteristics that are describing of human behavior,
and we all have something other human behavior that we
can identify with, Like there are narcissist traits that myself
that I go, WHOA, I'm definitely that ye myself the right.

Speaker 1 (04:24):
Yeah, total, That's how a Ride recently said that he
was trying to overcome his narcissism like he But it's the.

Speaker 3 (04:31):
Thing, so people in power right mail are female. It
takes a certain level of confidence on steroids that almost
mirrors arrogance that then almost mirrors are can mirror narcissisic traits.
There's no way to be the best of the best
in your industry, in your field and you don't have
some level of arrogance that can mirror some traits of narcissists.

(04:52):
It's just not possible, right, because it takes a level
of sense of self right, of selfishness to stand in
a room and occupy space with big dogs. You can't
be a king Corso right in a room with other
king Corsos and not feel like I'm the motherfuckering king
Corso in this room right, not to take from the
other king Coursols, But I have to stand on my

(05:13):
dog square too, which can make me look like it's
a narcissistic persona, but it's really me saying this is
the way I have to survive or thrive in this environment.
It's impossible to come in tim as a Yorky and go.
All I can do is bark and there's king Corsos around,
and I'm gonna give everybody else the crown. It's like, yo,
I'm here to get mines too.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
Yeah, you got it.

Speaker 4 (05:33):
So is there such a thing as healthy narcissism?

Speaker 3 (05:36):
So I don't think there's a healthy narcissism. I think
certain traits, when used in particular environments, can assist or
aid in that particular goal. I think in a relationship
where there's love and reciprocity, narcissism is never healthy. I
think when you're talking about in a transactional space like business,

(05:56):
right in the boardroom, some of those traits where you
are very dominant, right or dogmatic, or you can come
in and demand and command your presence in a room
to get the deal done, that's when.

Speaker 4 (06:06):
It does work.

Speaker 3 (06:07):
Yeah, and if you think about it, those people have
to be hybrids. Like I'm a hybrid. When I'm in
the boardroom, I'm the president of the biggest civils organization
in the world, INAACP. I am one of the most
south out psychology experts in the world right now, my
first gay. And when I'm in that space, i am dominant.
I am muscle, and I'm not going back down. I
am the cane of the cane coursos. It is what

(06:29):
it is. Doesn't mean I won't crown y'all though, doesn't
mean I'm gatekeeping. But when I go home to my partner,
I am soft, I am loving. I am what do
you need, daddy? I am extremely submissive. I actually love
being submissive. Submissive is my love language. So I'm not
submitting to you because it does something for you. I'm
submitting to you because it turns me on, right. But
that's a hybrid. But if I go into the boardroom

(06:50):
or a nice conversation or on my talk show True Talks,
and I'm just like, I'm just here, what do you
guys need? And I'll just roll over for you, That's
just not gonna work. When a gang of dogs and
pit bulls who's looking for some red meat.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
Doesn't work like that. Oh see So with that, Jasmine,
do you feel like really accurately.

Speaker 2 (07:08):
Yes, I think I do. Yeah, I think I do
want someone on me, and I do jump to conclusions
and yeah that's how I'm gonna.

Speaker 1 (07:16):
Can I.

Speaker 3 (07:18):
Can I kind of like dig dig at what that
is a little bit so no, because I've been there before.
What you're describing are characteristics of anxious attachment. So secure
attachment is where everybody is supposed to be. And I
do the air quotes because it's like I don't like
to say supposed to write. I think we all should
be where we need to be, depending on the season
and the propyness of our healthiness and the trauma that

(07:40):
we work through. But anxious attachment is where you need
someone to constantly be attached, plugged in and fuse to you.
And it stems from abandonment and neglect, right, and so
as we become a doll, so a little girl or boy,
and us is like, yo, I'm still abandoned. You may
be okay as in a woman, but I'm still abandoned.
I need you to stay plugged into me the whole time.
Because a moment I feel unplugged, I feel like you're

(08:02):
not there. Even if you're in the room with me
physically there, if emotionally you're unplugged, you ain't fucking here.
And my abandonment can go in flame. And then I
go into assumption, and now I go into overthinking, and
now we have a problem, and tok city is going
to inflame. And at that point I may shut down,
I may withdraw, I may even sabotage this because working
formally right, because what happens is she gets uncomfortable in

(08:24):
certain emotion. The emotion that's just that's uncomfortable for her
is that abandonment emotion because she hasn't worked through it
all the way and she's had to fight in that abandonment.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
And the other thing is, yeah, I will also say
that it's hard for you to like commit to saying
this is my boyfriend.

Speaker 3 (08:41):
But you know why, you know why because she doesn't
want to every she doesn't ever want to have to
say it is no longer my boyfriend, it is no
longer my husband. Because that's also that's also a form
of abandonment. Like a lot of us won't get into
something that we are too afraid to fucking lose. Like
we're just knocked. I'm saying I've been there. I'm like, yo, look,
I'd rather just keep it, you know something that's easy

(09:03):
for my emotions to deal with.

Speaker 4 (09:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (09:07):
Absolutely, But this is where it becomes when do you
give yourself the real chance, an opportunity to be loved
and to be in love and to fully feel what
that is.

Speaker 1 (09:16):
This is not this is not the episode I wanted to.

Speaker 4 (09:24):
Surprise, surprised.

Speaker 1 (09:27):
I came for a second. I think who's by the way,
never had a boyfriend?

Speaker 6 (09:31):
Never?

Speaker 1 (09:32):
You came out at twenty five, twenty five years old,
and he's thirty five. Now, I've never been in a
relationship though.

Speaker 3 (09:39):
Hold on, hold on, hold on. Got a question and
live if you never had a boyfriend, have you had
a girlfriend?

Speaker 6 (09:47):
No?

Speaker 3 (09:47):
Okay, hold on, hold on, So you never had a
boyfriend or a girlfriend, So what is your preference?

Speaker 6 (09:50):
Imayd I've had a lot of sex.

Speaker 3 (09:53):
Okay, Okay, God, that's when I was going, okay, I
was gonna say, you never had those experiences, right, how
do we know what you like? Okay?

Speaker 1 (09:59):
I'm and I tried to challenge him. I tried to
challenge him today to actually date and not sleep with
somebody right away.

Speaker 3 (10:07):
It went how long did you go?

Speaker 6 (10:10):
First of all? Like a few days?

Speaker 5 (10:12):
But you know, the problem was she told me I
was talking to this guy, and she was like, oh,
don't sleep on the first day. Specifically, if I'm interested
in someone, I'm just like it. And I took her advice,
so I'm like, okay, let me give it away. But
now to she kind of sucked it up because he
thought I wasn't interested.

Speaker 1 (10:31):
Because you didn't sleep with him right away for her
first day.

Speaker 5 (10:33):
And then we ended up well, actually ended up moving
that life, so it didn't matter anyway.

Speaker 3 (10:37):
But got a question. So over sexualization, right, that is
just it's it's a it's a result of you over
compensating for something that's lacking. So what are you overcompensating
for through your expression of being over sexualized?

Speaker 6 (10:55):
What do you mean so you're having a.

Speaker 5 (10:57):
Whole lot of sex, not lately, but like you have,
I've had a lot of sex in my life.

Speaker 3 (11:02):
Yes, that's a transactional, baby. What do you mean transactional?
What about you want me to be blunt? Your penis
is in someone's mouth or okay, thank you? Yeah, So
that's a transaction. If I sleep with this woman just
for an orgasm, but no emotional attachment, no marriage, no
futuristic plans, this is a transaction. We come and then

(11:23):
we go, and then we come back again to come again,
and then we go to be done. That's transactional. That
means that in the relational space, you are lacking something
that you're over compensating for because you are being super
hyper transactional.

Speaker 5 (11:38):
I think that for I think the beginning of it was, uh,
because I didn't come out to her late in life,
like twenty five.

Speaker 6 (11:45):
Yeah, so I think that's why.

Speaker 5 (11:47):
But I think the reason why for why was it
just sex and then leaving is I have always been
kind of just like a worker, harlic I'm a comedian
and I wasn't really trying to a comedian.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
Yeah, so you're really overcompensate. I love.

Speaker 6 (12:06):
Yeah, I got a lot of trauma.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
So I want to thank you first for being transparent
and being real about it, because so many people go
into denial and they personalize lot of trauma. No, but
thank you for doing welcome.

Speaker 6 (12:19):
I talk about it on stage. I have a lot
of trauma.

Speaker 3 (12:21):
But are you talking about the root of what the
trauma really.

Speaker 6 (12:23):
Is in my new hour, Yeah, what is it?

Speaker 5 (12:27):
I was adopted, I grew up in foster care. My
biological mom died. Unfortunately it was a long time ago,
like ten years ago. Now, she died before I came out.
I have a joke that I did about her on
Late Night, but like that was a big deal for me.
A lot of stuff like in that realm. So then
I think all gay people have trauma.

Speaker 3 (12:48):
Let me correct you though, because I just I do.
Because what I'm not going to do is I'm not
going to align with gay people have trauma. What I'm
going to align with is people all people have trauma, yes,
because I don't want to make it a gay thing, heterosexual,
gay people, whatever your preference is. I think all humans

(13:08):
have trauma. When I do think the black community has
a very different cultural trauma. Well, you have to have
a culture competence to understand. Now I will say this,
does gay trauma look different than maybe heterosexual trauma?

Speaker 1 (13:21):
Or like, I.

Speaker 5 (13:22):
Think all gay people have similar trauma because we all
have to. I grew up in the nineties, so we
all have to have two versions of ourselves. The closetive
version got it and then the version of we came
out or whatever.

Speaker 3 (13:34):
So let's say it looks different.

Speaker 6 (13:36):
Correct, perfect, Okay, So that's the trauma I think.

Speaker 5 (13:38):
I think we have similar trauma in that aspect, Like
we all have to be two separate people.

Speaker 3 (13:42):
Talk about the split, talk about who you're in closet
gay person is, and talk about who your out closet
gay person is. Give me him, give me to You
just said there's a split.

Speaker 5 (13:51):
Give I think because when I was when I was
in the closet, I was very I was very I
didn't dress I dressed very straight.

Speaker 6 (13:58):
I didn't I was trying to.

Speaker 5 (14:01):
My inflection was different, my talking was different, my manners,
everything was different because I was trying to portray I
didn't want to be too femine.

Speaker 6 (14:06):
I didn't want to be.

Speaker 5 (14:07):
I used to talk about this. I didn't take theater
in high school because I didn't want people to think
I was gay. Wow.

Speaker 6 (14:12):
Yeah, so I took RGC, which is just a gay
but exactly about muscles.

Speaker 5 (14:19):
I was like, oh, but like, I didn't do a
lot of things that I wish I would have done
because I didn't want to be perceived as gay.

Speaker 6 (14:26):
So I did all of the macho things.

Speaker 5 (14:29):
So that was me from I knew I was gay
since fourth grade, So from fourth grade when.

Speaker 3 (14:33):
You were overcompensating then yeah, from fourth grade to twenty five.

Speaker 6 (14:38):
In fourth grade to twenty five, yeah, I was. It
was bad.

Speaker 5 (14:42):
I used to like I used to watch, like put
straight porn in my shirt's history.

Speaker 6 (14:48):
Just so people.

Speaker 5 (14:49):
So if anyone fought my phone and they see, they're
going to think.

Speaker 3 (14:52):
That I think you're Yeah, but you know what else
that is? That is a huge identity crisis.

Speaker 6 (14:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (14:59):
Yeah, So with that, who do you identify with now?

Speaker 2 (15:03):
Like?

Speaker 3 (15:03):
Who are you today?

Speaker 6 (15:05):
I'm just me?

Speaker 3 (15:05):
I think what is me?

Speaker 5 (15:07):
I'm funny, I'm I'm openly gay, I'm charismatic, I'm loud,
I'm very opinionated.

Speaker 3 (15:13):
What what are still some of the narratives you tell
yourself about being gay and being gay black man?

Speaker 5 (15:19):
I think sometimes to this day, I'm still not I
try to be more masculine, like it's femin like fem
gay dudes have.

Speaker 6 (15:31):
It just rougher in society.

Speaker 5 (15:34):
So I feel like sometimes I'm less because I think
I'm I'm I don't think I'm massulin femine. I think
I'm very much in the middle of but I think
sometimes I try to play more masculine.

Speaker 3 (15:44):
What would be the payoff for that?

Speaker 1 (15:48):
I think you do that to make other people comfortable
also comfortably yes, yeah, like I noticed, like if Mano
is there?

Speaker 6 (15:56):
Yeah, well like not anymore, but I used.

Speaker 1 (15:58):
To you would like I was like, are you straight now?
Because but I think that is like a way of
making someone else feel comfortable.

Speaker 5 (16:08):
I used to do it on stage too. I don't
do it on stage anymore. I used to do on stage, though,
I used to know.

Speaker 3 (16:12):
That people pleasing.

Speaker 6 (16:13):
Correct, Yes, I.

Speaker 1 (16:14):
Did that for we met you you were coming from
a gay cruise. I know we met, Yeah, he got
on stage like, I'm late, sorry, guys, I was on
a gay cruise. Yeah, you know what you're thinking. There's
an exercise in here for you, because I also because
I came. I don't know what you're looking for. But
there's this ideal partner part of the book on page

(16:38):
one eight one where you can write down the qualities
that you're looking for. And I'm mate, this is your book.
So I'm over here.

Speaker 3 (16:46):
That one is yours.

Speaker 1 (16:49):
Yeah, full of the pages. Oh I see this okay, yeah,
And so I think this would be a good exercise
because I don't really know, Like, I don't know if
you want to be in a relationship.

Speaker 6 (16:58):
I feel like you just don't. My thing is.

Speaker 5 (17:01):
The only issue is I don't feel like and this
is my problem. I'm not in the gay scene because
comedy is so straight dominated. Most of my friends are
comedians and it's almostly straight man.

Speaker 6 (17:12):
So I'm in a from what you know?

Speaker 1 (17:15):
Correct, I mean, girl, yes, seeing you hang out with
gay people.

Speaker 5 (17:20):
I don't be in that realm and that.

Speaker 3 (17:24):
But hold on, I gotta say this though, because a
lot of the people that were saying are heterosexual are straight.
A lot of them are in the closet. We're not
gonna play that game right now, so we're not going
to act like, you know, the comedy world is a
more heterosexual industry because hold on, you got a lot
of folks who were where you were at some point
in the closet.

Speaker 5 (17:43):
But it's still from the framework, it's more heterosexual because yes,
the gay.

Speaker 1 (17:47):
People, he hasn't gotten a gig because they said he's
too gay.

Speaker 6 (17:51):
Correct, yeah, egos, yeah that too gay. We don't feel
comfortable blah blah blah. I've gotten that numerous times.

Speaker 3 (17:59):
TV show discrimination discrimination totally.

Speaker 6 (18:02):
So I feel like I wish I was more active
in the gay space.

Speaker 5 (18:06):
And I think another drawback is I don't not to
say that our gay people drink and do drugs and party,
but that is a scene and I've never drink in
my life, and I just I've never been interested in
that type ofode okay, and then the sporty games that
are like super Rip and fit and I just like
Kate go Back and it's.

Speaker 3 (18:21):
On a relationship. And I want to hear this because
what I'm picking up is that you want it, but
you do not have the tools or any ideology of
how to be in a relationship relationally correct.

Speaker 6 (18:35):
I want it, but I don't know the where. I
don't know how to get it.

Speaker 5 (18:38):
And I also I don't know if I'm even gonna
I'm not pursuing it, really, but I'm an opposed to it.

Speaker 3 (18:45):
But you're not pursuing it because of the uncertainty of it.

Speaker 5 (18:49):
And which I don't know how to navigate. I still
don't know how to navigate the world of like going
out and meeting gay people.

Speaker 6 (18:55):
Right, asking is how did.

Speaker 3 (18:57):
You learn to navigate the over sexualized transactional world.

Speaker 1 (19:00):
Oh, because this is apps such, sex is easy, he'd
be on the maps jacket when you've started, When you
first started, right, and you didn't know how to be
with another man, You didn't know how to be transactional,
you didn't know how to be over sexualized.

Speaker 3 (19:14):
Take me there? When it first started? How did you
learn how to become that?

Speaker 6 (19:19):
I think it's sex and sex? Do you mean, like,
how do I learn how to be sexual?

Speaker 3 (19:23):
How did you learn how to be transactional? How did
you learn how to be able to just penetrate and
and and and get on? How did you learn?

Speaker 5 (19:30):
I think I think sex for me, not all the time,
but a lot of times it's always just been we're
having fun and then we're but but it's because I
started having sex when I was in the closet. So
when I was having sex in the closet, it was
all transactional. Because I'm in the closet. We're not walking,
we're not holding hands, not going out, we're doing the secret.
You're gonna go back home to your whatever. I'm going
to continue on being straight. Right, So I think it

(19:53):
started there, and if it starts there, it's easy to
keep it going there.

Speaker 3 (19:56):
There you go, this is what I'm getting at. Okay,
how you just said it started the I mean it
had to start somewhere. There was a point a to
your introduction to sex with the same sex period. You
weren't you didn't just come out of the wound and
you're just like screwing another boy and you're freaking one month. Oh,
there was a starting point of that. Just like you
started to learn and understand how to be transactional, how

(20:17):
to be over sexualized with other partners, you can also
start learning how to be relational, which means you put
yourself out there. You take the risk of talking and
speaking and socializing and being vulnerable enough to be like, look,
I've been very transactional my whole life. You don't have
to say I've been just fucking. But this is the thing,
and I'm saying is because as an abandoned little girl
who grew up to be an abandoned woman, I have

(20:39):
this very raw conversation with the folks i've dated. My
ex fiance I was with when he first told me
across the dinner table we were having sushi, that he
wanted me to be as woman. I said, I would
love to. However, I'm an abandoned woman, and let me
tell you what she looks like and how she shows up.
And after you hear that, then you can choose to
be with me steal or choose to want to be
with me, because you're gonna have to deal with her
ass too, because what I don't do is compartmentalize to

(21:00):
need you to help me facilitate the little girl on
me who comes up and she is a motherfucker. So
if you can help me facilitate that, we can move forward.
And he said, sign me up. So what I'm saying
to you is you have to gain a sense of
self of saying, listen, this is where I know what
I'm doing at. It's transactional. I don't know what the
hell going on this relational space. I know that I

(21:21):
like you, I know that I want to try something.
I want a date, I actually want love. At some point,
I may want a family, but I don't know how
to do this part. Do you know how to do it?
And if so, can we do this together? That's vulnerability,
that's emotional intelligence, that's maturity, and that's how you start
to curate relationships outside of just being transactional. Because relationship
foundation is all about vulnerability. But vulnerability only comes from

(21:43):
knowing who the hell you are, which is a sense
of self. I have to know what the little girl
on me is capable of doing, and what the woman
in me needs. And like Jasmine, the woman in me
and the little girl on me needs someone who's gonna
attach to me like a fucking pigs in a blanket
and let me explain something to you. I'm not embarrassed
about it. I stand on it because if you can't
do it, you ain't for me. So the person who
I'm dating, they are calling and checking in and facetiming

(22:07):
all day. I always say, I rather tell you, baby,
can you pipe down a little bit? Then we have
to say step it up where you at? If I
got to tap to say where you at? You are
inflaming the little girl who is abandoning me. And your
job as my partner is to help me help her
stay calm. And my job as your partner is to

(22:27):
help you with your trauma or your inadequacies. Being a
place of healthiness, then we create a healthy bond and
not a trauma bond. See, people are bonding at trauma
because they're not coming putting the trauma on the table saying, baby,
look this is my trauma, where's yours. Okay, let's figure
out how we can help each other get through that.
So we're healing. They're leading with their trauma. So my

(22:47):
trauma is choosing your trauma. And now we're bonding. And
trauma has to be fed trauma to stay alive. And
so the whole time I'm with you are trauma is
just gonna continue to feed each other because it got
to stay alive. Because once we decipate our trauma does
our heels self even like each other. That's when people
say we grew apart. No, you didn't grew apart. Your
trauma bond failed. Your trauma bond is now healthy. The

(23:07):
trauma ain't bonding no more. Your feeding stations are now
in a depth. There's no nothing else to feed because
if my trauma leaves and that's all your feed and
we have nothing else here, just like if the sex
leaves and that's all we're doing, there's nothing here to
sustain this relationship.

Speaker 1 (23:21):
And look, I've been trying to I would love to see.
That's why I challenged you that time. That's how I
love that, doctor Shyanne Brian is here because this is like,
you know, somebody who actually does this, rather than just
me being like I can't even I'd rather see you X,
Y and Z. But I think this gives you, like
some homework.

Speaker 6 (23:37):
No, I think it's good, make very good points.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
Yeah, well let's get to Jordie Jore. How much time
do we have? Yes? So describe yourself when it comes
to relationships.

Speaker 4 (23:49):
I have trust issues.

Speaker 3 (23:52):
I can tell y'all call.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
Language.

Speaker 3 (23:57):
Communication is like listen, honey over there.

Speaker 4 (24:03):
I like a lot of freedom. What's a capricorn?

Speaker 3 (24:06):
Okay? Yeah, yeah, I don't listen to shit.

Speaker 1 (24:08):
I'm a capricorn.

Speaker 3 (24:10):
You do.

Speaker 1 (24:11):
You don't like.

Speaker 6 (24:14):
My birthday next week?

Speaker 4 (24:17):
My mom passed when I was seventeen, which I think
is where a lot of abandonment issues come from, and
not feeling adequate or thinking someone's always going to leave.
So I pick people that I know will fulfill that control. Yeah, prophecy, Yeah,
and that gives me a full sense of control, which

(24:37):
then makes me feel safe. It's it's really the cycle
of dysfunction.

Speaker 1 (24:41):
Yeah, it feels like you go to therapy though I do. Yeah, yeah,
I have a therapist because even the way that you
describe it is.

Speaker 3 (24:47):
That she articulate it really well.

Speaker 4 (24:49):
I'm definitely aware of it.

Speaker 6 (24:51):
I just haven't oh, I need to go to therapy.

Speaker 4 (24:54):
Pushed through it yet. And now I've reached a point
where it feels like I don't don't even want a relationship,
or that it'll be there when it's time. It's not
really on the forefront of my mind.

Speaker 3 (25:08):
Why did where did you lose the hope of not
wanting the relationship? Is it because you feel like there's
not a person that can sustain the trauma per se
or what you have going on that you're attempting to
process through, So you kind of want to wait until
you feel like you are processed good enough. I think

(25:30):
that a burden or baggage or a luggage or they
won't disappoint you by not being able to sustain you.
Because you're a gallon. You're a gallon, and you keep
running into ranks and gallons. If the pipe pours everything
into you, there's still so much more left. And if

(25:51):
the gallon pours everything into the pipe, system overload, system overload,
and what happens is gallons tend to be folks who
went through a lot of adversity that have a lot
of issues that are trying to work through it, and
so it feels lonely because there's so many little pints
and you're like, where in the hell are my gallons?
Where's my equally yokeness? So because they're not there and
I haven't found them, I should say not that they're

(26:12):
not there and't found them, I'll just go into my
little cubby hole and say forget it because y'alloge is
too disappointing for me.

Speaker 1 (26:19):
Yeah, basically, and Jeordia is very close to her father also.
I want to point that out too, like super close.

Speaker 4 (26:25):
Yeah, I mean you think that's That's part of the
issue is my parents were married until my mom passed,
but they had a very interesting relationship that I didn't
find out about until my mom passed, and so that
changed our dynamic a lot because there was infidelity and whatever,

(26:50):
and so it changed how I looked at men for sure.

Speaker 3 (26:54):
What now, how do you look at them?

Speaker 4 (26:58):
I mean, this is gonna sound bad, but I look
at them as less than I think they're inferior. I
feel like women go through so much every day that
it's hard for me to respect them.

Speaker 1 (27:12):
Like they can't be trusted too. That's the test, like.

Speaker 4 (27:14):
They can't be trusted. But also I'm like, take, for instance,
they get they catch a cold, and they're like dying
and floundering on the floor, right, and we're just like
we're cleaning the house, we're cooking our meals, we're you know.

Speaker 1 (27:28):
Doing carrying it all down.

Speaker 4 (27:29):
Yeah, And I feel like that just gives me the itck.

Speaker 3 (27:33):
But do you think all men are like that? I
think part of me does all ninety five ninety five?
So are you are you into polyamorous or you want
one person?

Speaker 4 (27:46):
One person?

Speaker 3 (27:47):
So you're looking for ninety five percent? Are you looking
for one?

Speaker 4 (27:51):
I'm looking for one.

Speaker 3 (27:52):
So if the ninety five percent are like that and
the five percent or not, that means your one percent
is in the five percent. And I always say when
people tell me because I don't date men with kids,
they say, there's not many men out there with no kids.
I'm not looking for many men. I'm not polyamorous. I
just need one fucking guy.

Speaker 1 (28:09):
They were so mad for that.

Speaker 3 (28:14):
Yeah, yeah, no kids.

Speaker 6 (28:16):
It was like I feel.

Speaker 1 (28:18):
It was like, I feel, you're not if he has
like a grown twenty five don't care kid.

Speaker 3 (28:25):
Is zero to he can't.

Speaker 2 (28:28):
Well, there are men that are older, but he has
to be like a certain age because I feel like
the older men get the more.

Speaker 6 (28:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (28:33):
We were saying, yeah, so I think your age you
said twenty six?

Speaker 3 (28:37):
No, no, no, at least at least at least thirty
and up. But let me say this, there are many
men out there with no kids. See, we are only
limited by our limited thinking. And so the man who
says he can, who says he can, are both using right.
And I always say the Bible says, what reports? Would
you believe? Whatever report you believe is right for you.
And so the question to everyone here and even our viewership,

(29:01):
is you have dominion over your thoughts. The Bible says
your job is to possess it, so you are supposed
to believe what it is that you want to actualize.
So I believe there's many men out there with no kids.
And I have dated and only been involved with to
this day with men with no kids, and I have
not had a problem. Do I attract men with kids,

(29:23):
of course, but I have not had a problem whatsoever
with dating a man with no kids, being treated well
by a man with no kids, whether they're in their
thirties or even men who are forty five and saying,
look at I was in college my whole life. I
became an attorney, and now I have my whole law firm,
and now I'm ready to be married, and I have
no kids and I want to set up shop. I
did the same thing. I wanted to wait till I
was a doctor. I have my degrees. I want to

(29:43):
wait till my career was where it is now, and
now I'm ready to be married. I didn't want it
while I was trying to figure my career out.

Speaker 1 (29:49):
And you know, when you talk about your ex fiance,
why did that not work?

Speaker 3 (29:52):
Which one?

Speaker 1 (29:52):
I have to Oh, I'm the latest one, the latest
one one, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (29:57):
The last one, you know there was. He was fourteen
years older than me and a retired basketball player. And
I say fourteen years older on purpose because age doesn't
dictate emotional intelligence, and so there was a lot of
immaturity on his behalf minds too, I'm sure, and a
lack of emotional intelligence. And what do I mean by
that is his inability to problem solve would have never

(30:21):
allowed us to sustain the long term marriage. Because what
I've learned in my eighteen years of being in my field,
is the moment that couples either forget to, don't want to,
or stop problem solving. The relationship is over. The relationship
will always sustain if you and I, even friendship can
solve a problem. Even if I don't like you for
a week, I can't stand you for a month. If
I can stay because the commitment is doing what you

(30:44):
said you would doue regards to how you feel. If
I can stay until the light comes back, to the
laughter comes back. But I'm willing to solve the problem
with you, or sometimes solving the problem is letting it dissolve.
It's not always having to come to the table with
an actual resolution.

Speaker 1 (30:56):
Just move on.

Speaker 3 (30:57):
You know.

Speaker 1 (30:57):
It's interesting because with professional athletes, but I've known noticed.
One of my friends was dated a professional athlete who
was since he was super young, like in sports, and
he was so taken care of. He couldn't do simple
things because he was used to having people do everything
for him.

Speaker 3 (31:17):
See but this is life.

Speaker 1 (31:19):
He didn't know how to pay his cell phone, he
didn't know how to make a dent self wayman.

Speaker 3 (31:24):
See so so my ex fiance I was a kept
woman and that was the first time I was ever
kept and loved it. And I didn't pay a bill.
I didn't do anything at all.

Speaker 6 (31:31):
Just be honest.

Speaker 3 (31:32):
I was still a doctor right and still still have
my practice. I close up everything and just was pretty
much at his back and call. And I didn't know
if I would like that position because I've always been
in the power position. And I did it, and I
fell in love with myself even more doing it because
I learned the part of me that I'm like yo,
I love this submissive, soft woman, and so did he.
So the issue wasn't the caretaking, because he did a

(31:53):
great job. It was if you are going to sit
around for multiple days and not solve a problem because
you don't have the emotional capacity to communicate. I cannot
fucking be marriage, you know, damn sure I can bear
children with you, because if I'm pregnant or there's kids
in this house, we are not going to be in
this house for three for five days not talking because
you don't know how to problem solve. That is not
what you do when you are at the age of

(32:14):
forty eight or fifty years old. Because I was his
age and I was in my thirties and so one
thing I know about myself that I'm really good at
and why I don't it's the opposite to you. I'm
very okay with dating and being vulnerable. My strong suit
is pivoting. I ain't got a motherfucking problem with leaving,
So that's my strong suit. My my suit that I'm

(32:35):
working on right now as I'm dating is it's staying put,
learning how to stay with you, but being mad while
I'm with you, learning how to say I'm not leaving you.
But I still didn't like this. So I'm doing really
good in that. But I you know, to that it
was just I know I'm not going to do long
term with someone who doesn't motion on.

Speaker 6 (32:52):
Intelligence before you.

Speaker 2 (32:54):
I know my friends. So can we just have her
discuss her thing and then we can go to your question?

Speaker 1 (33:00):
Oh how am I I think that I am in
a relationship. I'm very generous, I'm very I am submissive,
but also like taking control when I need to do that. Right,
But I think I'm so used to being independent and
doing stuff myself. It's hard for me to be like
I need this, I need that because I'm used to

(33:20):
doing it all on my own. Marriage is not a
big deal to me because I think my parents were married,
but it wasn't like a great marriage, and when they
got divorced, they still live together to this day, even
though they've been divorced since I was like in college.

Speaker 6 (33:34):
That's interesting, that's very unique.

Speaker 1 (33:37):
And I feel like they both have never like had
the life that they should have lived. But you know,
I could see myself. I'm very much like when I
lock in, I'm locked in and that's it for me.
But yeah, I think that's how I would describe myself.
I think I'm a really good girlfriend. I want to
say that too, what.

Speaker 3 (33:58):
Makes your really good girlfriend?

Speaker 1 (33:59):
Because I think I'm very thoughtful, I'm caring, I do communicate,
I have fun. I'm not like a I don't really stress.

Speaker 3 (34:08):
My man, got it.

Speaker 1 (34:09):
I'm pretty chill about everything. And I'm the type of
person like when I'm with somebody, I'm not you know,
I'm cool because I'm so busy. I think that I
don't harp on things for too long, so I can
be mad about something and then get over it.

Speaker 3 (34:23):
Pretty petting because you're busy, just because you got that
good character trait, Because baby, I'm busy and I will
harp on something I wouldn't get I.

Speaker 1 (34:31):
Was mad, let me say, I will.

Speaker 3 (34:32):
Get mad, and I will no, I will not answer
a call and want to shut down. Hate. That's the number.
They're like, I hate when you don't want to talk. Oh,
and I let me tell you and I have to
t Nobody can get me out the show. I have
to talk to myself. I'm talking about like self talk

(34:52):
at a five hundred. For me to get up out
of that, I have to literally be like, girl, come
on now, this person is pursuing, they are trying, they
love you, They're doing all stop.

Speaker 1 (35:00):
I'm so calm that it takes a lot for me
to get mad.

Speaker 3 (35:05):
But what has been your what has been your issues
in relationships? Thus? Far from you and from the other side.

Speaker 1 (35:12):
I think, well, before this, I will say I will
let something drag out for a long time.

Speaker 3 (35:16):
What do you mean drag out? Like state relationship too?

Speaker 1 (35:18):
Yeah, And I would like act like I'm not but
I'm still in it. But I haven't officially been like
I'm like a fade to black type of person. So
I'll wait till it just kind of like fizzles out.
Instead of saying something because I'm not confrontational like that
I would just let it like I'd be like whatever,
you know, and keep it moving, and then one day

(35:38):
I'm just you know, I'll finally be like, this isn't working.

Speaker 3 (35:41):
What are your deal breakers in fidelities? A deal work
or I have you don't dealt with in fidelity?

Speaker 1 (35:45):
Is I haven't ever stayed with somebody who cheated on me,
and I think you and so, But I can't say
that that would be it if it did happen. But
in the past, yes, that's definitely a deal breaker, because
I also think I just the type of pers that
I don't know that I could, like, I could forgive it,
but I don't know that I could forget that. Yeah,
And what else is a deal break?

Speaker 5 (36:06):
Ever cheated?

Speaker 1 (36:07):
Yes, not now but in the past. But when I've cheated,
it's always been because I knew the other person cheated,
and so I might I might not break up, right.
It's also because I'm kind of like halfway out of it,
so I know it's going to end, So I might
have already moved on before I officially move on. So
it's not necessarily for revenge. But if somebody cheats on
me and my.

Speaker 3 (36:27):
Head is over gotcha what you say.

Speaker 1 (36:29):
But I won't break up right away, like I'll be
like I'll let it kind of like, you know, die down.
And in my head, I'm not together.

Speaker 3 (36:38):
So you're not setting appropriate boundaries then.

Speaker 1 (36:41):
I think now I have, but just in the past,
also because I've done a lot of long distance relationships
and I think that's harder.

Speaker 3 (36:48):
Oh, I don't know how you do.

Speaker 1 (36:49):
Yeah, that's a lot harder that you do that because yeah,
so I think that was part of it too, Like
a long distance relationship. It's harder to you know, keep
that light it because it doesn't feel all the time.
I'm like, you're in a relationship.

Speaker 3 (37:01):
There you go. Yeah, it's really challenging. So now you
do set boundaries or now what how are you different now?

Speaker 2 (37:06):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (37:06):
I think I mean, do you use.

Speaker 3 (37:07):
Your voice now, because what you just described was you
go along with what is and then you kind of
like backdoor it. Well, and you're not using that voice.

Speaker 1 (37:16):
I haven't had that problem, and I feel like we're
together a lot more than I have been because I
could be in a relationship and not see somebody for
like a month and you're okay with that. Not now,
But that's how it used to be gotcha right, So
now I feel like, yeah, now we're like together all
the time, and so some thing's happening, I can't not
address it because you you're right here.

Speaker 3 (37:36):
Good for you, So now you do use your voice? Yeah,
and doesn't work for you?

Speaker 1 (37:40):
It does because I feel like he's receptive when I
tell him something. But when I tell him something, he
might not be receptive right away, but then later on
he'll be like, you know, I thought about what you said, and.

Speaker 3 (37:49):
It sounds like you're offering him grace to have that
space to kind of come back and be thought provoking
and say, Okay, I did think about what you said,
And I agree.

Speaker 1 (37:55):
Yeah, because I know how he is, Like, I know
that he may not process it right away, but I
know that in a day or two he's gonna come
and if I tell him something bothers me, he will
really like work to change it.

Speaker 4 (38:06):
Will you do something?

Speaker 3 (38:07):
A good girlfriend?

Speaker 1 (38:08):
Mm hmm. I'm a good friend. I'm comfortable with like
who I am because I know that I always have
good intentions and I think that's important. Like I'm not
the type of person that's a backstabber, but I will
say that I will cut somebody off like permanently forever.

Speaker 3 (38:27):
Do the back though, because you don't tell I will.

Speaker 1 (38:29):
I will let they will know, but I will.

Speaker 3 (38:31):
There be signs.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
Yeah, there's times, there's some things that I just not verbal. Yeah,
signs you just can't access me anymore. But I also
feel like I've put up with so much from people
that as soon as you betray me, I can't see
like going back because I just feel like I've gone
back before and given people grace and this is friendships
more than anything, and so I feel like when it
comes to that, I'm not anymore gonna put myself in

(38:55):
a position for somebody to keep on doing the same
thing over and over to me.

Speaker 3 (38:58):
So now you are you do put a little hard
boundary of like this enough is enough and it's no absolutely.

Speaker 1 (39:04):
And I think people know that about me now too.
So you know you get right or get left.

Speaker 5 (39:10):
I love that.

Speaker 1 (39:12):
Yes, that's me, am I right, uh huh uh huh.

Speaker 5 (39:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (39:16):
You know you sound like you're a good partner. You
sound like you're very mature and fair in a relationship.
I've learned a lot that's healthy, that's good.

Speaker 1 (39:21):
And that's why I loved reading this because we're back
to this mental detox. So there are some exercises in
this book, yes, which I love. Okay, and shout out
to Llah Anthony, who did.

Speaker 4 (39:33):
I love you?

Speaker 3 (39:34):
I can't answer that question. Well, then she said in
the forward, did you read the board?

Speaker 1 (39:41):
She sounded like to me, that's what she said. Well, then.

Speaker 3 (39:45):
Y'all read the book, she said.

Speaker 1 (39:48):
When we did finally talk, I was blown away. Doctor
Bryan created a safe space for me to be completely myself,
no filter. She understood me, not just from what she
saw online, but at my core. Our conversation was a breakthrough.
I laid it all out.

Speaker 3 (40:01):
So then that tells you what that she's a client.

Speaker 1 (40:03):
Okay, Yeah, well you know what the client always don't kidding. Yeah,
But anyway, so one of the things on here early
on in the book the Garden of Wounds, tracing our wounds,
and you have to like honestly answer some of these questions.
What I dis like most about myself? That's a hard one.

Speaker 3 (40:21):
Yeah, But you know what's funny sometimes that's the easiest one,
is for people to say what they don't like about themselves,
to over criticize it.

Speaker 1 (40:30):
Yes, but I said it's hard because there might be
so many things you're like, what do I dislike the most?

Speaker 3 (40:35):
You know, people know what they don't like and they
kind of get stuck on, like what the good things
are about themselves. You know, people are like, you know,
I don't like that I do this, So I don't
like that, don't set about it. I don't like that I'm
you were able to just go right in and till
I'm a good girlfriend. Yeah right, that's you, So that's
not your problem. But majority of people, me being in
my field for so long, coming session and they're able
to just rip themselves apart to shreds, and they don't

(40:57):
have the capacity to say, well, like, but I am
good mom, even though I have mommy guilt right, or
I am a good wife although I may come up
short in these areas. And they need to be in power.
They need someone to help them identify work. They are
a worthy person when you think.

Speaker 1 (41:11):
About what when I just like most about myself, do
we tend to like go straight to the physical things
that we're doing. You know, it was interesting I was
at this spot and they were doing a retreat there
and the woman recognized me I was in Arizona and
she was like girl, we out here for this retreat.
She said. One of the exercises they did was they
looked at themselves in the mirror and they had to

(41:33):
like describe what they saw. And she said, people were
like tearing themselves apart looking at themselves in the mirror
about all the things they didn't like about themselves.

Speaker 5 (41:42):
Look yourself in the mirror, I think objectively, you think physical.

Speaker 6 (41:45):
Well, yeah, no, I was.

Speaker 1 (41:46):
Just wondering because I thought about that when I read
that question, and I did because I didn't think about physical.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
I don't think when you say that, I don't think
about it. I think about like character flaws things.

Speaker 5 (41:58):
But I think it was written in the book. I
think if if it was the mirror thing, I think
you'd immediately think physical.

Speaker 1 (42:02):
All right, so let's go through what do you dislike
most about yourself?

Speaker 2 (42:06):
I'm not saying that on.

Speaker 3 (42:09):
Give us one thing, one thing, one thing, one thing?

Speaker 6 (42:14):
Do you do?

Speaker 3 (42:15):
What about you sabotage and relationship? Do you not like that?

Speaker 5 (42:19):
Sure?

Speaker 3 (42:19):
Are you shutting down?

Speaker 4 (42:21):
Yes?

Speaker 6 (42:22):
That part?

Speaker 1 (42:22):
You don't like all of them, all of it?

Speaker 2 (42:24):
But what don't I mean, I don't like a lot
of things about myself. But well, I don't like me
starting either.

Speaker 1 (42:30):
You should have sat there right in the eye line.
All right, Well, let's have at any doing.

Speaker 4 (42:41):
What don't I like? I don't like my struggle with vulnerability.
It's very hard for me. I'm also very observant, so
it takes me a minute to see what's going on
and like feel comfortable in certain circumstances. I would say
those are my big two.

Speaker 1 (43:02):
Yeah, I would say for me, I think that sometimes
I put work above everything else.

Speaker 6 (43:07):
Oh that's mine too.

Speaker 1 (43:08):
Yeah, And I think that's tough because I don't like
prioritize that as much as I should, So sometimes I
feel like I'm not doing the most. Like I was
at my friend's birthday party her and her husband over
the weekend. I was like, damn, I ain't see my
friends in so long because I feel like all I
do is work is work all the time. And I
put that, like you know, top priority over everything.

Speaker 3 (43:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (43:32):
I think I do that as well in comedy.

Speaker 5 (43:34):
And then I also think my big thing I don't
like ourself that I don't know if I'm gonna change.

Speaker 2 (43:40):
Is I love that?

Speaker 1 (43:41):
Okay?

Speaker 5 (43:42):
Period? Honestly, I don't like being out of my comfort zone,
like I get invited to things and I'm just like,
if it's like a loud musical loud party, or if
it's like or if I'm not into it, like I'm
not going like somebody's grandfather.

Speaker 6 (43:56):
Oh man, what is this like?

Speaker 3 (44:00):
Why do you not like that? Though?

Speaker 6 (44:01):
I don't like that, I don't like being around.

Speaker 3 (44:03):
Why do you not like that about yourself?

Speaker 5 (44:05):
Because I feel like I'm missing on an opportunity to
meet people and and have experiences and do these things
that I'm missing out on by not being at these
social social events. I remember you invite me to your thing.
I forgot when it was like that. I don't know,
but oh, you're the way up thing. Remember you had yeah?

Speaker 6 (44:24):
Girl?

Speaker 5 (44:25):
When I tell you, I left like I was there.
I saw you, I hugged you. A few people knew
me from comedy. I saw them, girl. As soon as
I was able to leave, I was gone. I was
not trying to be in that space because which is
weird because people when people find that, find that out
about me though, like they're so confused because I perform
for a living, I'm in front of hundreds and thousands
of people.

Speaker 6 (44:44):
I do not like big groups of people. If I'm
on stage.

Speaker 3 (44:46):
That's one thing you could turn it on exactly?

Speaker 1 (44:49):
Is that like social anxiety?

Speaker 6 (44:50):
I don't like. Yeah, it could be socialistic.

Speaker 1 (44:53):
I'm just wondering.

Speaker 3 (44:53):
I think some traits of social anxiety. But I have
a question. So, for all of what y'all said you
didn't like, right, what would be the opposite of how
you would be for you to like it about yourself?

Speaker 6 (45:04):
What do you mean?

Speaker 1 (45:05):
I mean, like, what could you do to Yeah?

Speaker 3 (45:07):
What would be the like of like?

Speaker 1 (45:08):
Like?

Speaker 3 (45:08):
For example, like me say if I didn't like about
myself that I sometimes pivot relationships too quick before giving
it a chance to take on the full potential that
it could.

Speaker 5 (45:19):
Right.

Speaker 3 (45:19):
So if someone is even saying, look, I want to
love you, I want to learn to love you. I'm
willing to do whatever it is you need me to do,
I can sometimes be like, nah, you ain't there yet.
Good day.

Speaker 1 (45:27):
See. I feel like that's the opposite of what I
would expect from you. Because of the work that you
do well.

Speaker 3 (45:32):
Because of the work that I do, I know that
potential doesn't exist. See, And so when somebody says there's
potential that I want to offer you, I say that
is an illusion. Because the only thing that exists is
what's on this table, and we could potentially say that
we can bring in some other alcohol beverages, but it
ain't here right So if it ain't here right now,

(45:52):
guess what, there's a chance it could never be here.
So potential is bullshit. It's an illusion. It doesn't exist.
So for me, I looking at it going, you're offering
a potential to me. You're saying, potentially you can possibly
become this. But if he ain't bad, then I pivot. However,
to your point, the opposite of that, Just give you,

(46:13):
guys example, what the question I'm asking. The opposite of
me doing that would be if you're willing to put
in the effort right and you're willing to learn how
to love me. The Bible says love your partner by
knowledge of them. If you're telling me you're willing to
do a biblical principle, which is, learn to love me
by knowledge of me, and I want to be loved
by you? Why and the hell am I not letting
you love love me down and learn how? That would

(46:36):
be the opposite. That would be me doing what I
would like for myself to do, which I'm doing now.

Speaker 1 (46:40):
I'm doing mine and it it feels good.

Speaker 3 (46:47):
But to your point about the discomfort in yours, to
how you're uncomfortable in the emotion, that's why you would
draw I've just have learned to be very uncomfortable at
times and be okay in that discomfort because pay off
of having a really loving, long term relationship is priceless.
And that's where the real wealth is. And when we
get to the place of maturity, we understand, well, the

(47:08):
wealth is in all of the deposits that I'm making.
And the deposits that I'm making are the work. It's
the sticking through, it's the maturity, it's the emotional intelligence,
it's I'm uncomfortable with my emotional let me communicating with
you as my partner. And the wealth is we get
these ten, fifteen, twenty years of you knowing me and
you loving me the way nobody else can fucking love me,
because now you've invested this time and knowledge in me.

(47:31):
But I have to be willing to one let you
and to give you the knowledge of me. So with y'all,
what would your opposite be of what you don't like
about yourself? Like, how would you need to show up
to say, that is exactly what I love about this
part of me.

Speaker 4 (47:45):
I think being figuring out how to be more consistent,
because sometimes.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
I am the way I would want to be right and.

Speaker 3 (47:52):
Then sometimes and I don't know what that stems from,
where it's like, I can do it sometimes and sometimes
I can yet, So I think being consistently just more
forward in my behavior. It's a barrier because if you
already know how to do it and you're not doing
it sometimes, then what's the barrier? How come you can't

(48:12):
just say I'm doing that thing that I do that
I don't like. Let me switch it over and reprogram
into what I know I want to do, and just
be dominant in what you want to be and do.

Speaker 4 (48:22):
I don't know, because this happened to me recently. I
was on a podcast and I was so out of
my element, and I was recognizing I was shrinking and
I was so out of my element, and even in
that acknowledgment, I couldn't snap out of it, and I
didn't know where to draw me from, and so I
kind of just shut down.

Speaker 3 (48:43):
Yeah, and that's you dominating yourself. See, there is a
healthy form of manipulation, y'all. And that manipulation is on ourself,
meaning at that moment, you would have had to use
that healthy manipulation of telling yourself or doing whatever you
need to to get you exactly where you need to
be in that moment. And that's what self talk is.
Whatever thoughts, And I'm going biblical again. The Bible says,
think only on these thoughts that are prosperous, good, peer,

(49:06):
and praiseworthy, meaning if you win, pray for them, then
you shouldn't think them. And when you start to stand
on that principle, you think whatever. The Bible even tells
you think only on these thoughts. So what's telling you
to healthily use thoughts that will in a healthy positive
way manipulate your mind. That would then change your emotion,
that then would change how you show up?

Speaker 4 (49:27):
So what would that have sounded like?

Speaker 3 (49:30):
How do I want to show up? Right now? I'm shrinking? Fuck,
this is this is me off. I cursed myself. Okay,
oh fuck, I'm shrinking. This is in my mind. How
do I want to show up? I want to show
up confidence, I want to show up strong, I want
to speak. Okay, So then what does that mean? The
means I have to talk? Although I'm scared. Oh shit,
So what do I say? Say anything, even if it's
two sentence okay, okay, So Jasmine just curious, like when
you say you sabotage, Like, what does that look like? Okay,
I did it? I did I did it? You see,

(49:51):
but I just dominated myself. I thought only the thoughts
of like what do I want to do right now?
I want to be confident. I want to talk. Okay,
So what is confident? What it is talking look like?
Once you get the vision, do exactly what it is
and don't even think about it. You just have to
go for the gust. So and dominate your own thoughts,
because if you don't dominate your thoughts, life will have
its way with you and you would get the crumbs

(50:12):
from the people who already dominated the loaf somebody, Yeah,
be the king course.

Speaker 1 (50:22):
Or so cute. But because because this is lip service,
we got some questions.

Speaker 5 (50:29):
Now.

Speaker 1 (50:29):
They have to do with sex and intimacy. Okay, So
I want to ask you this. Let's just say you're
in a relationship with somebody and they want you to
do something that you don't feel in your element with,
but you want to at the same time, please this
person right, Like, let me give what's a good example.
Like let's just say, let's start small. Let's say he's small,
he wants to spit in your mouth and you don't

(50:51):
really necessarily Yeah, okay, now tell me what does that
look like as far as as do you compromise or
do you say, I'm not into that.

Speaker 3 (51:02):
And this is with with.

Speaker 1 (51:04):
The person you're with.

Speaker 3 (51:05):
So let me say, let me just say it's it's
with the person I married to, so it makes me
feel more comfortable, Okay, because who I'm married to, I'm
they can have their way with me in any way
that they want, they want, any way that they want,
anyway that they want. So even if it's as long
as I have the capacity to do it, meaning it's

(51:27):
not paining me.

Speaker 1 (51:28):
What about a threesome?

Speaker 3 (51:30):
No, no, that's hard, that's no negotiable hard I said capacity.

Speaker 1 (51:34):
I don't have the capacity my camera.

Speaker 3 (51:37):
I do not have the capacity to do anything after
the number two. That's me and you a No.

Speaker 1 (51:43):
Three four. But I have no zero about with the doll,
like a sex doll.

Speaker 3 (51:50):
You know what if it's not another human, I'm down, Okay,
I'm down, I'm pretty open. I'm yes, yes, it's not.

Speaker 2 (51:58):
If it doesn't pain you.

Speaker 3 (52:01):
But okay, like even if even if it was physical
pain that I could sustain and it wasn't abused, And
this is what my partner wanted. I am a huge
team player. And remember, submission is a sex language and
love language for me, so meaning me submitting to that
person is what turns me on.

Speaker 6 (52:18):
What if the thing he wanted you to do was
you dominating to him?

Speaker 3 (52:21):
To him, I would that would be challenging because even
though I'm super dominantd I'm very I'm more of a yes, daddy,
tell me when, tell me how, what position?

Speaker 6 (52:32):
How?

Speaker 3 (52:32):
I'm more of a like okay, yes, I'm that I
like and I like that role. And I tend to
choose people who like to dominate, so I don't run
into the dominate me. Yeah, I run into like, you know,
grab my throat and this is my ship. And what
I said, I'm like, what if.

Speaker 1 (52:49):
What if he was like you're a select, you're a
dirty whore and that turned him on.

Speaker 7 (52:53):
I've had that too, and I was like, oh my god,
and say that again. Or I would text to me
like can you call me a letting into?

Speaker 3 (53:11):
Yeah? I like all that stuff I like that. That's
my that's my thing, y'all. Don't get.

Speaker 6 (53:21):
Engage.

Speaker 3 (53:21):
You only one person could slept me out, and it's
not on a casual term, So don't try it.

Speaker 1 (53:27):
Okay, good period. Now, when let's just say that you
do have trauma, right, Like we discussed this earlier. Do
you think that and we talked about trauma bonding, but
what does that look like when people are getting together
and they're having sex and everything, but maybe one person,
you know, maybe they're having like a lot of issues
with that. Do you think that people can really form

(53:49):
a real intimate relationship if they're both going through like
a lot of trauma and how does that play out
in the bedroom?

Speaker 3 (53:54):
Oh my god. I think that trauma bonds have the
highest peak of passionate intimacy. I think that's what makes
trauma bonds such an intense bond the season. It's it's
I mean, it's because trauma is so intense, and people
who are so used of trauma don't know how to

(54:17):
be intense outside of the trauma. See, people make healthy
so boring, and it's not right. Instead of making healthy
passionate and making healthy deep, and making healthy the whole
love intensity of cleaving. They make it boring, like we're
sitting here and we're just articulating our emotions.

Speaker 5 (54:36):
Healthy and they think missionary sex. I think they think
those are the same thing.

Speaker 3 (54:40):
But healthy can be slept me out, Healthy can be
I'm totally submitting to you. Healthy could be I'm communicating
my trauma to you. And healthy could be we are
so intense and so passionate that, yes, we may have
arguments that that reach a high tone, right, but we're not.
It's not abusive, but we know that this high tone

(55:01):
does something for us. So when we get to this
high tone, right, then we are intimately or intimate, and
then we are sexual, and then things tend to flame
and flame for us that are healthy. It's all about
I always say this. People are so worried about finding
a relationship that they have to change for instead of
finding the relationship that fix your toxicity and fix your
dysfunction at a healthy level. What I mean is some

(55:23):
people will say that you and I Jasmin are it
talks and dysfunctional because we need someone to be plugged
into us all day long. We're just needy as fuck,
right however, and are and however, however, watch this. We
are only that for somebody who doesn't fit that level
of a relationship style. A person who says, I can't

(55:44):
be with the woman who I can't call all day,
I can't be with the woman who I can't love
on all day. I can't be the woman who I
can't check in with all day. Guess what, that's our person. Yeah,
the woman who don't doesn't want it, that's not your person.
So what I'm saying is it's about us finding our
fit are equally yoke, not finding someone who we just
want to be together so bad because we're desperate to

(56:04):
be in a relationship, not because we want to be
with each other. So now you've got to change everything.
I got to change everything. Why in the fuck are
we in this relationship?

Speaker 1 (56:11):
Well, is there such a thing as being sexually incompatible?
Would you say?

Speaker 3 (56:15):
Yeah, absolutely, yes, yes, totally. But I do think that
that hinders the relationship because sex isn't just about an orgasm.
It's also a huge expression of expression of love, a
huge expression of yourself. So while you are giving your
vagina to this person, you're giving them really you, your
soul and your dignity and your personality and your umph

(56:37):
and your your internalness and your vulnerability. You're giving them
so many moving parts. When we we we water it
down to just pussy in an orgasm. When I'm making
love to somebody, I am fully indulged.

Speaker 1 (56:51):
I don't know what y'all be doing, but I am.

Speaker 3 (56:53):
I got a lot of moving parts.

Speaker 1 (56:55):
But if you love somebody but you don't love having
sex with them.

Speaker 3 (57:00):
But then that's like that's like saying, you know, parents
love their kids, right, but there's limits to what they
do with them. So there's different kind of loves. There's
a romantic love and then there is a very platonic love.
If you're talking about marriage, you don't want the platonic love.
You want the romantic love, the love that consists of everything.

Speaker 1 (57:18):
Because you know what I think is the problem for
and I was having this conversation with the woman who
with pat Ma Lakshmi. Actually she was talking about her
endometriosis and how sex was really hard for her. It
was painful and her husband at the time was not
understanding of that. And then I was having another conversation
today with another woman who was going through menopause and

(57:41):
it has made her, It's changed her hormones to the
point where she's not enjoying it. And so I'm just
asking that because sometimes it can be like it's a
physical thing where.

Speaker 3 (57:52):
For health conditions there has to be an understanding and compassion. Right,
that's totally different. But if I'm saying we're in a
relationship and I just have no interest and being intimate
with you and there's no health condition going on, then
there is an impairment in that relationship because part, a
gigantic part of relationships is not just the orgasm. It's
the sexual connection of me and this person sharing an

(58:16):
outer body experience that goes deeper than just physical. It
takes us to a place of ecstasy. If you're really
making love the right way and it's not just transactional,
then you're taking it to a place of ecstasy right
where now you're not just having an external orgasm physically,
you are having an internal orgasm. And so you know,
when I've been in love and I am giving myself

(58:38):
to somebody in a submissive way with no conditions, the
external orgasm was the least orgasm that I had from
the internal orgasm of just the sexual experience of this
person being inside of me. And this person being on
me and skin to skin and all these things that
we're doing in the act of it. That was orgasmic
for me. So by the time the orgasm came, which

(58:58):
I was trying to prolong because the act was so amazing, right,
it was like fireworks. When you're doing it from a
place of I'm fully giving myself to this person. I'm
not here because I want a quick nut or a
quick orgasm. Then sex becomes ecstasy and it becomes an
intimate space, not just a transactional place to have a

(59:20):
night of passion.

Speaker 1 (59:22):
Well, listen, I want to say, I know you got
to go because you have a flight to catch and
we are still like government, yes, yes, yeah, And I
don't want you to miss that, but mental detax, let
go what's not working and build a life that does.
Make sure y'all guys pick this up. This is available now,
so the day that this interview is out, this book
is available.

Speaker 3 (59:41):
Audio and there's an audiobook opponent too. And I do
want to shout out La La my girl, for writing
the forward. Also to Curtis fifty cent Jackson Jackson for
even being the one that took the lead on me
being able to have the privilege of being with my publisher,
which is hey House Random House, the biggest publishing company
world fifty to Mark who was my literal agent, and

(01:00:07):
even Winny my publicist who is here now, Ian who
is my travel assistant who's always with me, and my
best friend and the actual backbone and spine of the
Doctor Brian Institute, the Doctor Bryant brand, my best friend
Lola aka Diszel Yates. I got to shout out my
people because you got, you know, with no without them. Literally,
I tell you all all the time, I don't care
what nobody say. There ain't no brand, there ain't no business,

(01:00:28):
There is no money without your team. And if folks
don't understand that, you would never make it. You only
go as fast as your team, right. And I literally
tell them like, I don't know how I would do
it without I don't know I would even travel without them.

Speaker 1 (01:00:40):
We need to sit down with Yeah, I would love
to see.

Speaker 3 (01:00:45):
That give five on here.

Speaker 1 (01:00:47):
Absolutely. I think you knew that. I would love to
hear what he has to say. Yes, but no, this
was has been amazing. I feel like we all got
Is it hard to like hear somebody assess you and.

Speaker 2 (01:00:57):
I'm in therapy, so it's kind of like, yeah, girl,
I love it.

Speaker 4 (01:01:01):
Yeah, it was.

Speaker 3 (01:01:03):
It challenging for you because you're not in therapy.

Speaker 6 (01:01:04):
I'm not I can tell I can tell you.

Speaker 3 (01:01:07):
It was more like I love that you. I felt
the resistance, but you were like fuck that. I want this.

Speaker 5 (01:01:12):
I do want it, but my worry with therapy and
I know this is toxic and not true.

Speaker 6 (01:01:18):
I don't want it.

Speaker 5 (01:01:19):
I don't want to get fixed, and then I'm not
as funny.

Speaker 6 (01:01:23):
Oh my god, how toxic that was.

Speaker 5 (01:01:26):
But I'm in my head, I'm like, but I don't
want to go to therapy, and then I'm not out
to like can you used to be so funny?

Speaker 2 (01:01:31):
He was like not drinking, and then now you're like,
I'm not funny.

Speaker 5 (01:01:36):
Yeah, I And I'm like putting it off, but I
definitely need to do it at some point.

Speaker 3 (01:01:40):
But okay, but but if you don't know this is good.
I want to make sure that you. I want to
ask you if you can commit to getting out there
and getting a starting point would becoming more relational. And
there's a second part to it, being vulnerable with what
you don't know and what you the guidance you need

(01:02:01):
from whoever you're sitting across from and not caring about
the risk of Oh my god, I look stupid, I
look like I don't know who cares like you don't know?
And that is the authenticity of who you are and
where you are. And allow God to use people to
show you his blessings and his guidance and the stairs
that He has for you, the steps he has for you,
because we are the only way to get through it

(01:02:22):
is through vessels. If we don't let people help us,
which is God's vessels, we don't get nowhere.

Speaker 1 (01:02:26):
And you feel like one of the biggest decisions and
choices we can make in our life.

Speaker 3 (01:02:30):
No, not one. The biggest biggest decision you will ever
make in your life is the person you choose to
live your life with. Period. It is your partner.

Speaker 1 (01:02:38):
Period.

Speaker 3 (01:02:39):
I don't care who you're choosing. That is the biggest
decision you're making your entire life, and you have to
choose wisely. But you got to put your shit out
there so they know this is what they choosing, and
you got to make sure that they are capable of
choosing you. That's the main thing we are hiding. Parts
of us just because choose me, choose me. But look,
it's only it's only one issue I got. I'm like, look,

(01:02:59):
I got, don't want an issue. I want to be
loved and I want to be cared for and I
want to be clean to Jasmine, I love me like this.

Speaker 6 (01:03:12):
Well, does any gays in New York watch this episode?

Speaker 1 (01:03:16):
They got to be in New York?

Speaker 4 (01:03:19):
But you don't.

Speaker 6 (01:03:20):
I don't. Yeah, I had the guys didn't work out.

Speaker 1 (01:03:25):
So New Jersey, Connecticut. Okay, yeah, all right, Well doctor
Seanne Bryant, this is amazing, like you are always. You know,
I love watching everything that you're doing. I love when
you get the feathers ruffled. You know, it means a lot.
It means a lot to us enjoy watching the people

(01:03:47):
that I like. I love Nick Cannon, but I love
your conversations with Nick Cannon.

Speaker 3 (01:03:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:03:52):
Yeah, I watched the interview with camera earlier. Yes, and
it was a fun watch.

Speaker 1 (01:03:57):
He'll still be bringing that ship up if you do it.
I was like every episode, it don't matter where he is,
he's gonna be like and then that damn shyly.

Speaker 3 (01:04:11):
Yes, yes, but thank y'all for having me on. Y'all,
don't forget to Uh. I was gonna say pre order,
but guess what orders the book. It's on every single platform,
bars and nowhere. Amamon just put a mentality talks and
to come up and I want to google, audiobook or
print book. Go get your audience. I did it. It's
my voice.

Speaker 1 (01:04:30):
Do this with your significant other. It's fun, it is,
and you'll learn a lot. Yeah, man, not the right word,
but you'll learn a lot.

Speaker 3 (01:04:37):
It's fun, though it gets deep. And if you're going
to be in a relationship, I always say this, before
you let him penetrate your vagina, ladies, make sure he
can penetrate your heart.

Speaker 1 (01:04:46):
Or your booty hole. Oh lord, Okay, we don't want
you to fell left out.

Speaker 6 (01:04:55):
Petrating every distress.

Speaker 1 (01:05:00):
Okay, she's a hybrid.

Speaker 6 (01:05:01):
Okay, hybrid vegetable words.

Speaker 1 (01:05:07):
I