May 11, 2025 • 18 mins
We’re back with another IRL #TakeAways. The in-between audio-only podcast where Angie and special guests reflect on episode responses, takeaways, and highlights.
On this week’s #TakeAways Angie , Executive producer Brittany discuss the complexities of motherhood, balancing the joy of a new baby with the grief of losing a parent, and the importance of protecting one's peace during pregnancy.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, Welcome to the Edge Martinez IRL podcast Takeaway episode.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
This is also our special Mother's Day episode.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
A big debate of me and my crew is like,
on Mother's Day, do you have to spend it with
your kids?
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Do you have to spend it with your family?
Speaker 1 (00:14):
I mean, technically you should be able to do whatever
you want facts, But there was like a whole discussion about, like,
because the girls wanted to do lunch together, and then
how do I tell my husband? Now, how do I
tell my mom? Because you're from your mother and you
have a mom.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Do you really get the whole day off?
Speaker 1 (00:27):
I don't really think so, because I think the mother
of the mother of the mother comes first. Right.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
My friends are some of them have kids, some of
them have don't. So the dog moms are counting this
as a fam and knock it off. That does not apply.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
You can leave the dog with a stranger. You can
leave the dog in a box and lock it up
for a couple of hours. It's called a kennel. Happens
every day.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
I would never do that too easy, I would never either.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
However, it's it's you know, it's sometimes it's actually they
tell you you should do that, but anyway, happy mother.
We digress Mother's Day to everyone out there. Yes, yes,
I hope whatever you want to do on your day
you get to do that.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
And I hope you.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Feel appreciated today because you should. I saw an Instagram
meme of the size of an epidural needle. Oh, it
is the size of a forearm. Yes, giant and and
not that. I know a lot of women don't do it.
Soun due natural, but it just gives you a sense
of how much work and how much effort and has
gone into.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
There's a lot of things out there too that work
as birth control.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
For sure.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
That was one of those yes, I'm like maybe not
maybe not a good idea.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
I'm sure I've told you this before.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
You know.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
I had three of those epidurals.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
No, because the first two did not work, I'm sorry,
and my contractions were so painful that I kept asking
them to try again with the abdal.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
So the third one finally worked and we were cooking.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Anyway, back to caliu Chiese Calli is a new mom.
How exciting for her. I don't know if she had
natural birth or if she had a.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
She definitely gives me natural birth vibes.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
She totally does because she is on this natural kick.
We talk a lot about that. She said she did
and let her baby have like plastic toys. She's been
feeding the baby all types of organic everything, and even
the material of the clothing. She's very mindful of what
she puts on her baby. She just seems like a
very kind of doting first time mom, because you know,
(02:17):
the second time around, you'd.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Be like, baby, you'll be fine.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Bump his head, yeah, just.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Throw them in this towel, He'll be fine. First baby,
you're like so gentle and delicate. But she's in that
new mom phase. She's definitely glowing, for sure, And it
was interesting being around her because you could see the
glow and the joy and the happiness about her being
a mom. But I could also feel palpable, palperful sense
of just sadness and grief and she's also experiencing at
(02:44):
the same time, and that's a lot. And then you know,
just the grief and that happened the joy at the
same time. That's just a lot of energy to hold
on to internally.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
But I'm glad.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
She mentioned in the in the so that she's been doing.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Therapy well give them some backstory, some backstory. If you
haven't watched the episode yet, thank you. Callie just hasn't.
Her album that came out today she dedicated to her mom,
who recently passed away from lung cancer, who she was
able to reconcile with.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
She has a long, complicated history with history and relationship
with her mom. They came back together before she passed
and now she's dealing with the passing of her mom
with the new baby. She did say her mom got
a chance to meet the baby, which is nice to
have that moment in that memory. But you know, everytime
you have a new baby, everything's like a new thing.
Like am I doing this right? Oh my god, Oh
(03:33):
my god. She walked, he walked, you know, he did this,
He blinked, He called me mama, And I would imagine
you want to share those moments with somebody who you know.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
Will care as much as you do.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Yes, Like when you're a mom, you can talk about
your kid all day and people don't want to hear it,
you know what I'm saying. But what you know is
that your mother is gonna care. It's gonna care, and
so I'm you know, that just adds the extra layer
of I miss this person.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
It's that it's also like whose advice are you going
to take the most? Like when one day when I
have a kid, like I can't I love my dad's death,
but like there's something about a mother's knowledge and a
mother's intuition that you want your mom species word the
superior I know that's right, that's my Twitter bio. Actually, yeah,
women are the superior species.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
I must have seen that.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
There's a great clip here from Cali when you ask
her that I really love about what's the one thing
that you learned. We're just going to play what.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Was the thing that you learned? Like, what was the
thing that you misunderstood about your mom or that she misunderstood.
Speaker 4 (04:33):
I think that's something that I learned that really helped
me move past everything, was to understand that my mom
really was just she really was a victim. And a
lot of women, a lot of girls, I want to say,
when I was little, I didn't realize how much my
mom was actually going through and how much she was
(04:54):
facing and suffering. And I just looked at, you know,
my needs because I was a kid. And I think
growing up and looking back and realizing how much she
actually did go through and things that I didn't even
know that we're going on.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Parents are people too, So it is my favorite theme
that we come back to.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Yeah, because people think parents would the all knowing mom.
You should have known mom is the all knowing mom
even dads to if you just expect your parents to
have some type of like magical rule book and that
doesn't happen. And you expect your parents to be trauma
free because they're your leader, your parents, that's.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
When you're born. You're like, they are my leader.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
You do you don't expect your leader to be going
through trauma well, to be having their own life and
their own experiences that they're trying to heal from or
they're trying to learn from, and and you don't.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Expect them to make mistakes.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
But you know, I think we all know that that
is not true.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
You don't. You don't realize till you get older, to
the admiration that you have for your parents. Like part
of seeing your parents as people too is it's like
unraveling all the stuff that they kept hidden from you. Yeah,
Like especially for me, like my dad is such like
a happy on the outside type of person and I
not until I got older too. We had deeper, like
adult adult conversations like like or more on a friendship
(06:15):
basis that I realized, dang, you went through all that
I never would have noticed, Like parents be putting up
a front.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
I can't wait to get into it. My kids many
that time, you know what was going on with me.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
I mean, I'm pretty I do share with my kids
some things, like I do, especially when I feel it's
parallel to something they're experiencing or witnessing. Definitely, then do
I share. And sometimes I just share because there's things
I want about my life that I want my kids
to know. But there's definitely like I don't bring them
through the ups and downs of the you know, like
(06:47):
I'm not really going through menopause.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
Talking my kids.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
I mean, I don't know how that's beneficial for them,
So that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Well, it'll be beneficial one day when they have wives, yeah,
partners in life, and so they gonna hear it from me.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
But I don't. I'm not taking them through the minutia
of the day.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
You know, they only they got their own lives, college
and work and things like that. But but I do
try to share. I mean, they know I'm not perfect
for sure. For sure, I could say I'm having a day.
If I'm having a bad day, I'm having a day
and explain why, so that you know I'm not putting
on a face.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
I think everything is good.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
All they got to see some of your human emotions,
like in London said.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Yeah, and then you know I'm not perfect, I'm flawed. Yeah,
I'm not afraid to say sorry to them.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Oh that's a bar. Yeah, because there's a lot especially
Caribbean or immigrant parents, they do not believe you should
saying sorry and what and what planet? This is sorry
at all?
Speaker 1 (07:41):
I'm gonna do something and like, let's say I get
busy the whole day and I'm like, oh my god,
I forgot. I will definitely be like, I'm so sorry,
this is what happened.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
This is why. Like, because I like to be a
person on.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
My word and you're breaking a psycho with that one,
you know.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Or if I didn't understand something, I'm okay to acknowledge that.
Or if I didn't love the way I handled something
that too. But yeah, parenting is tricky and parents are
not perfect. And I'm glad that Callie has that too,
that she's come to terms with that. And she's one
now too, so she really knows, she's gonna really know
that it's not true, even though she's trying to be
the perfect parent. And the interesting thing is, and I
(08:17):
don't she didn't get into the details, and she doesn't
share the details of the trauma that she has experienced.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
She tells you enough.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
To know so you can know that she's has gone
through things, but she doesn't want to get into the
specifics of it.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
But what I and maybe I could totally have read.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
This wrong, but what I took away from that is
whatever her traumas are and her issues were with her mother,
I think maybe her mother had some of those same
experiences as a young person. It's the sense that I
got just from how she was explaining their relationship, which
that also happens, you know, it's like repeat things happen.
(08:56):
And I don't know that's for certain to happen in
her situation, but that's another thing that happens. It's like
your parents go through something and they're desperately trying to
get to the other side of it, and if you're
growing up in the middle of that, you also too,
maybe could have some of those you know what I'm saying, problems. Anyway,
I'm really happy for her that she was able to
make amends with her mom because you imagine her passing
(09:18):
and then having to deal with the trauma of that
passing and not reconciling. Now she at least has these
loving memories and this loving experience that she can kind
of like fall back on in those tough moments.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
I always think about Ashley's shout out to Ashley who
who from Dear Young Queen. She has her own podcasts and.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
She Ashley and Ashley.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
And yeah ask Ashley, but she she has this fear.
She has the fear about you know, one life comes
in and one life goes out.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
I saw her talk about that in the podcast.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Yes, yeah, one life goes in, one life goes out.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Actually, by the way, helps us with our socials on
our podcast and other things. So she is definitely a
friend and contributor to this shows.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Absolutely absolutely. On the I R L page, we'll have
some in lou of Mother's Day, will have all of
our favorite moments and clips from past mothers, parenting advice
and tips. And I'll never forget when Lunelle had a
similar experience where her mom passed and the month she
didn't even think she could get pregnant, and the month
after her daughter she got pregnant with her daughter. Yeah,
(10:22):
so that's that's something that comes up about how like
life transitions in that way.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
So the way I astually said it, it was a fear.
She has a fear to be a mother because she's
afraid that a life coming in necessarily means that a
life has to go out.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
That's terrible.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
It's that that I don't think is a healthy fear. Yeah,
if she was here, I would tell her that in
her face too. I don't think that's a healthy fear
because you can't you don't know. Every situation is different.
It could happen, a lot of things could happen, but
there are plenty of people who bring life into this
world and that is not the case. So I just
(11:00):
pray for her that she doesn't nobody wills that energy.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Towards them, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Yeah, I'm a shout out to Ashley for sure.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Some of the things I liked from this episode were
how to remain stress free while you're carrying a child.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Cataclip.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
You know, I cut off a lot of people during
my pregnancy, and so just feeling like, you know, a
little bit of sadness that I didn't get to share
that moment with people that I expected to, or.
Speaker 5 (11:33):
That things didn't couldn't really play out the way I
would have wanted. But just it's such a weird time
because it's like you're so grateful and you feel so
blessed and you're so happy. That's when I say, after
I got pregnant and.
Speaker 4 (11:43):
I disconnected myself from the Internet because I realized I
can't let things control my feelings anymore. Like I have
a baby going inside me, I can't see something that's
gonna stress me out. I can't give anything that type
of power over so you know, look, I'm going to baby.
I was like, I literally can't see anything. So I
deleted everything off my phone. Wow, I only had Instagram.
(12:04):
I turned all my messages off, I turned all my
color like I couldn't like nobody could reach me type
of thing. Somebody, you know, whatever people did, somebody's just
respectful to me, can't talk to you anymore because anybody
who could try to like make me feel that type
of way during the most vulnerable time in my life,
pregnancy and postpartum.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
She basically had like no communication with people.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
Protecting her space. Yeah yeah, yeah, her boundaries up, which which.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Threw me in like a deepoll of like the effects
of stress on your baby and like scientifically can that
have an express on like how deep of effect? Yea,
how deep of an effect? And these are some of
the things that your body goes through, the stress that
your body goes Let me find out you did rese
well because research. I haven't had a baby yet and
(12:55):
were always talking about parenting, and I'm just like, well,
what could happen?
Speaker 3 (13:00):
I want to know all the things.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Yes, I want to be overly informed, like I don't
want to be surprised.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
I'm probably you should know this. You should know this.
Every single experience is different. All the research you.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Want in the world and have a completely different experience
from what you think it's gonna be.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
H just so you clear, Well, there's these doctors that
first of all, there's so much information out there it's
actually quite ridiculous. Like it's it's basically said that anything
can happen. Yeah, pretty much like your teeth can fall out,
anything happened, But specifically it's like so there's good stress
and there's bad stress. So like bad stress is when
you're chronically stressed, which is like all the time, which
(13:36):
tends to happen to mothers who are like you know,
in poverty, and they're they're like where am I going
to get my next meal or whatever? But like good stress,
like oh, like I'm nervous about recording a takeaway today,
Like that is good stress. It might motivate me to whatever.
So that type of stress is okay. But if you're
in chronic stress, what happens is in the baby that
later on they're brain waves that they're like more prone
(13:57):
to also experience to have stress. Yeah, they have like
higher cortisol levels and that effects sometimes they'll come out
with certain learning disabilities and things you have. You have
to be super careful about what you expose yourself to,
which made me think about Coylaray, our past guest who's
about to be a mom. But there was some buzz
on the internet about how she didn't invite her baby
(14:19):
father to a relationship stress. Yes, and also relationship stress,
but also you know she has a difficult relationship with
her father and her father back and forth posting whatever.
But people were saying, Yo, I support her, like she
it's her special moment. She didn't want to deal with
it that day. It is what it is, and it's
like she had to go through those means to make
(14:40):
sure that she had a peaceful moment day or whatever.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
That's what it is.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Peace by any means necessary, whether you are carrying child
or not. And it doesn't always work that way. And
you will make decisions where like you choose something that's
really important to you or someone that's really important to you,
and you'll put yourself, you'll you'll bend on your but
for the majority of the time, Yeah, like, come on, man,
Peace by any means necessary, and if you are pregnant,
(15:07):
especially so so whatever that mother needs to do to
protect her peace, especially now that we know, uh, it's
proven to affect your child.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
If you need an.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Excuse, I can't my baby, Yeah, my baby. It's not
about me. Actually it's a baby. And for the future
of my baby, I can no longer.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Talk to you. I have zero tolerance for flection.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
You gotta realize it's success pool out there in social
media land, and there are great people there, beautiful human beings,
wonderful things happening. But the problem is in the middle
of all those, it's just like it's successpool floating around.
There's just shit floating around, and you we're people who
are not who are either angry miserable, some are, some
have agendas, some are.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
It's just bad people mixed in with all the good people.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
And so unfortunately you're like a target for anything, especially
somebody like Cali, who's such a big public figure.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Yeah, so keep your good people around to boost you up.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
And if you've got to log off, log off. Yeah,
protect your peace by any means necessary for sure. By
the way, guys, if you haven't checked out the full interview,
you should.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
We shot it.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
We went to California to tape it with her.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
It was a lovely episode.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
She was lovely, such a sweet soul like you know,
you could tell she wants to hear. You could tell
she's like a true artist. She she just talks about
how how much being authentic to her craft means to her,
and you know, she's just a lovely person and she's
at a real like like like we talked about an
(16:32):
important part of her life right now as a new
mom and uh and now with this new album, and
so if you are a fan of Kelly, which is
I think you'll see her in a different way.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
You'll see her in a deeper way.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
And if you haven't, have you if you don't, if
you didn't know who she was, I think, uh, I
think you'll enjoy it. And I think, what do you
think they'll get? And I think there's a lot to
learn from the position that she's in in life right now,
and how she's handling it and navigating it, I think
is really beautiful. So we thank her for for trusting
us with her story. She's she's a little guarded with
(17:02):
her life, and understandably so in terms of like sharing
pictures of her children or too much about her relationship
with Don Tolliver or she's not hiding from it, but
she doesn't serve it up for people to kind of
like pick apart, which I totally understand. So she's navigating
through life the best she can. And I think she's
she's doing it, you know, authentically to her. I love
(17:24):
the fact that she breaks down the duality of her
life and her in her art and her music. And so, yeah,
it was a great chat and I hope you guys
like it, and again, Happy Mother's Day to all the
moms out there. There's definitely in this Kali Ucci's episode
a couple of gems, a couple of gems for moms,
new moms, especially if you're going through some things. I'm
sure you can relate to what CALLI, this state that
(17:46):
Calli's in. But there's an episode for everybody on IRL
for moms we got you know, from Kellie, from Kelly
Clarkson to Kelly Rowland to Lounell. Lou Nell's oh my gosh,
her relationship with her mother and her daughter super interesting
in her family.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Lauren Wrydinger has great.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
Lauren writing her was great.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Uh, Tianna Taylor how her kids changed her life.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
The list goes on and on, really, Lauren London, Yes, yeah, So.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Head to our YouTube and our TikTok.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
Well go around some there.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
For everyone on this beautiful Mother's Day weekend. But enjoy
it and enjoy your time, and thank you for rocking
with I R. L. We'll be back soon and man,
we got a whole bunch of episodes coming up soon
and we're gonna get really consistent really soon. And I
can't wait to share this next phase of I R
l that we're about to kick in and uh so
stay tuned, everybody.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Thank you,
Hello, Welcome to the Edge Martinez IRL podcast Takeaway episode.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
This is also our special Mother's Day episode.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
A big debate of me and my crew is like,
on Mother's Day, do you have to spend it with
your kids?
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Do you have to spend it with your family?
Speaker 1 (00:14):
I mean, technically you should be able to do whatever
you want facts, But there was like a whole discussion about, like,
because the girls wanted to do lunch together, and then
how do I tell my husband? Now, how do I
tell my mom? Because you're from your mother and you
have a mom.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Do you really get the whole day off?
Speaker 1 (00:27):
I don't really think so, because I think the mother
of the mother of the mother comes first. Right.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
My friends are some of them have kids, some of
them have don't. So the dog moms are counting this
as a fam and knock it off. That does not apply.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
You can leave the dog with a stranger. You can
leave the dog in a box and lock it up
for a couple of hours. It's called a kennel. Happens
every day.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
I would never do that too easy, I would never either.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
However, it's it's you know, it's sometimes it's actually they
tell you you should do that, but anyway, happy mother.
We digress Mother's Day to everyone out there. Yes, yes,
I hope whatever you want to do on your day
you get to do that.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
And I hope you.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Feel appreciated today because you should. I saw an Instagram
meme of the size of an epidural needle. Oh, it
is the size of a forearm. Yes, giant and and
not that. I know a lot of women don't do it.
Soun due natural, but it just gives you a sense
of how much work and how much effort and has
gone into.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
There's a lot of things out there too that work
as birth control.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
For sure.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
That was one of those yes, I'm like maybe not
maybe not a good idea.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
I'm sure I've told you this before.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
You know.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
I had three of those epidurals.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
No, because the first two did not work, I'm sorry,
and my contractions were so painful that I kept asking
them to try again with the abdal.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
So the third one finally worked and we were cooking.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Anyway, back to caliu Chiese Calli is a new mom.
How exciting for her. I don't know if she had
natural birth or if she had a.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
She definitely gives me natural birth vibes.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
She totally does because she is on this natural kick.
We talk a lot about that. She said she did
and let her baby have like plastic toys. She's been
feeding the baby all types of organic everything, and even
the material of the clothing. She's very mindful of what
she puts on her baby. She just seems like a
very kind of doting first time mom, because you know,
(02:17):
the second time around, you'd.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Be like, baby, you'll be fine.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Bump his head, yeah, just.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Throw them in this towel, He'll be fine. First baby,
you're like so gentle and delicate. But she's in that
new mom phase. She's definitely glowing, for sure, And it
was interesting being around her because you could see the
glow and the joy and the happiness about her being
a mom. But I could also feel palpable, palperful sense
of just sadness and grief and she's also experiencing at
(02:44):
the same time, and that's a lot. And then you know,
just the grief and that happened the joy at the
same time. That's just a lot of energy to hold
on to internally.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
But I'm glad.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
She mentioned in the in the so that she's been doing.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Therapy well give them some backstory, some backstory. If you
haven't watched the episode yet, thank you. Callie just hasn't.
Her album that came out today she dedicated to her mom,
who recently passed away from lung cancer, who she was
able to reconcile with.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
She has a long, complicated history with history and relationship
with her mom. They came back together before she passed
and now she's dealing with the passing of her mom
with the new baby. She did say her mom got
a chance to meet the baby, which is nice to
have that moment in that memory. But you know, everytime
you have a new baby, everything's like a new thing.
Like am I doing this right? Oh my god, Oh
(03:33):
my god. She walked, he walked, you know, he did this,
He blinked, He called me mama, And I would imagine
you want to share those moments with somebody who you know.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
Will care as much as you do.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Yes, Like when you're a mom, you can talk about
your kid all day and people don't want to hear it,
you know what I'm saying. But what you know is
that your mother is gonna care. It's gonna care, and
so I'm you know, that just adds the extra layer
of I miss this person.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
It's that it's also like whose advice are you going
to take the most? Like when one day when I
have a kid, like I can't I love my dad's death,
but like there's something about a mother's knowledge and a
mother's intuition that you want your mom species word the
superior I know that's right, that's my Twitter bio. Actually, yeah,
women are the superior species.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
I must have seen that.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
There's a great clip here from Cali when you ask
her that I really love about what's the one thing
that you learned. We're just going to play what.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Was the thing that you learned? Like, what was the
thing that you misunderstood about your mom or that she misunderstood.
Speaker 4 (04:33):
I think that's something that I learned that really helped
me move past everything, was to understand that my mom
really was just she really was a victim. And a
lot of women, a lot of girls, I want to say,
when I was little, I didn't realize how much my
mom was actually going through and how much she was
(04:54):
facing and suffering. And I just looked at, you know,
my needs because I was a kid. And I think
growing up and looking back and realizing how much she
actually did go through and things that I didn't even
know that we're going on.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Parents are people too, So it is my favorite theme
that we come back to.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Yeah, because people think parents would the all knowing mom.
You should have known mom is the all knowing mom
even dads to if you just expect your parents to
have some type of like magical rule book and that
doesn't happen. And you expect your parents to be trauma
free because they're your leader, your parents, that's.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
When you're born. You're like, they are my leader.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
You do you don't expect your leader to be going
through trauma well, to be having their own life and
their own experiences that they're trying to heal from or
they're trying to learn from, and and you don't.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Expect them to make mistakes.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
But you know, I think we all know that that
is not true.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
You don't. You don't realize till you get older, to
the admiration that you have for your parents. Like part
of seeing your parents as people too is it's like
unraveling all the stuff that they kept hidden from you. Yeah,
Like especially for me, like my dad is such like
a happy on the outside type of person and I
not until I got older too. We had deeper, like
adult adult conversations like like or more on a friendship
(06:15):
basis that I realized, dang, you went through all that
I never would have noticed, Like parents be putting up
a front.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
I can't wait to get into it. My kids many
that time, you know what was going on with me.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
I mean, I'm pretty I do share with my kids
some things, like I do, especially when I feel it's
parallel to something they're experiencing or witnessing. Definitely, then do
I share. And sometimes I just share because there's things
I want about my life that I want my kids
to know. But there's definitely like I don't bring them
through the ups and downs of the you know, like
(06:47):
I'm not really going through menopause.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
Talking my kids.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
I mean, I don't know how that's beneficial for them,
So that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Well, it'll be beneficial one day when they have wives, yeah,
partners in life, and so they gonna hear it from me.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
But I don't. I'm not taking them through the minutia
of the day.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
You know, they only they got their own lives, college
and work and things like that. But but I do
try to share. I mean, they know I'm not perfect
for sure. For sure, I could say I'm having a day.
If I'm having a bad day, I'm having a day
and explain why, so that you know I'm not putting
on a face.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
I think everything is good.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
All they got to see some of your human emotions,
like in London said.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Yeah, and then you know I'm not perfect, I'm flawed. Yeah,
I'm not afraid to say sorry to them.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Oh that's a bar. Yeah, because there's a lot especially
Caribbean or immigrant parents, they do not believe you should
saying sorry and what and what planet? This is sorry
at all?
Speaker 1 (07:41):
I'm gonna do something and like, let's say I get
busy the whole day and I'm like, oh my god,
I forgot. I will definitely be like, I'm so sorry,
this is what happened.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
This is why. Like, because I like to be a
person on.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
My word and you're breaking a psycho with that one,
you know.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Or if I didn't understand something, I'm okay to acknowledge that.
Or if I didn't love the way I handled something
that too. But yeah, parenting is tricky and parents are
not perfect. And I'm glad that Callie has that too,
that she's come to terms with that. And she's one
now too, so she really knows, she's gonna really know
that it's not true, even though she's trying to be
the perfect parent. And the interesting thing is, and I
(08:17):
don't she didn't get into the details, and she doesn't
share the details of the trauma that she has experienced.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
She tells you enough.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
To know so you can know that she's has gone
through things, but she doesn't want to get into the
specifics of it.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
But what I and maybe I could totally have read.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
This wrong, but what I took away from that is
whatever her traumas are and her issues were with her mother,
I think maybe her mother had some of those same
experiences as a young person. It's the sense that I
got just from how she was explaining their relationship, which
that also happens, you know, it's like repeat things happen.
(08:56):
And I don't know that's for certain to happen in
her situation, but that's another thing that happens. It's like
your parents go through something and they're desperately trying to
get to the other side of it, and if you're
growing up in the middle of that, you also too,
maybe could have some of those you know what I'm saying, problems. Anyway,
I'm really happy for her that she was able to
make amends with her mom because you imagine her passing
(09:18):
and then having to deal with the trauma of that
passing and not reconciling. Now she at least has these
loving memories and this loving experience that she can kind
of like fall back on in those tough moments.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
I always think about Ashley's shout out to Ashley who
who from Dear Young Queen. She has her own podcasts and.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
She Ashley and Ashley.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
And yeah ask Ashley, but she she has this fear.
She has the fear about you know, one life comes
in and one life goes out.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
I saw her talk about that in the podcast.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Yes, yeah, one life goes in, one life goes out.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Actually, by the way, helps us with our socials on
our podcast and other things. So she is definitely a
friend and contributor to this shows.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Absolutely absolutely. On the I R L page, we'll have
some in lou of Mother's Day, will have all of
our favorite moments and clips from past mothers, parenting advice
and tips. And I'll never forget when Lunelle had a
similar experience where her mom passed and the month she
didn't even think she could get pregnant, and the month
after her daughter she got pregnant with her daughter. Yeah,
(10:22):
so that's that's something that comes up about how like
life transitions in that way.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
So the way I astually said it, it was a fear.
She has a fear to be a mother because she's
afraid that a life coming in necessarily means that a
life has to go out.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
That's terrible.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
It's that that I don't think is a healthy fear. Yeah,
if she was here, I would tell her that in
her face too. I don't think that's a healthy fear
because you can't you don't know. Every situation is different.
It could happen, a lot of things could happen, but
there are plenty of people who bring life into this
world and that is not the case. So I just
(11:00):
pray for her that she doesn't nobody wills that energy.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Towards them, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Yeah, I'm a shout out to Ashley for sure.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Some of the things I liked from this episode were
how to remain stress free while you're carrying a child.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Cataclip.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
You know, I cut off a lot of people during
my pregnancy, and so just feeling like, you know, a
little bit of sadness that I didn't get to share
that moment with people that I expected to, or.
Speaker 5 (11:33):
That things didn't couldn't really play out the way I
would have wanted. But just it's such a weird time
because it's like you're so grateful and you feel so
blessed and you're so happy. That's when I say, after
I got pregnant and.
Speaker 4 (11:43):
I disconnected myself from the Internet because I realized I
can't let things control my feelings anymore. Like I have
a baby going inside me, I can't see something that's
gonna stress me out. I can't give anything that type
of power over so you know, look, I'm going to baby.
I was like, I literally can't see anything. So I
deleted everything off my phone. Wow, I only had Instagram.
(12:04):
I turned all my messages off, I turned all my
color like I couldn't like nobody could reach me type
of thing. Somebody, you know, whatever people did, somebody's just
respectful to me, can't talk to you anymore because anybody
who could try to like make me feel that type
of way during the most vulnerable time in my life,
pregnancy and postpartum.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
She basically had like no communication with people.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
Protecting her space. Yeah yeah, yeah, her boundaries up, which which.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Threw me in like a deepoll of like the effects
of stress on your baby and like scientifically can that
have an express on like how deep of effect? Yea,
how deep of an effect? And these are some of
the things that your body goes through, the stress that
your body goes Let me find out you did rese
well because research. I haven't had a baby yet and
(12:55):
were always talking about parenting, and I'm just like, well,
what could happen?
Speaker 3 (13:00):
I want to know all the things.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Yes, I want to be overly informed, like I don't
want to be surprised.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
I'm probably you should know this. You should know this.
Every single experience is different. All the research you.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Want in the world and have a completely different experience
from what you think it's gonna be.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
H just so you clear, Well, there's these doctors that
first of all, there's so much information out there it's
actually quite ridiculous. Like it's it's basically said that anything
can happen. Yeah, pretty much like your teeth can fall out,
anything happened, But specifically it's like so there's good stress
and there's bad stress. So like bad stress is when
you're chronically stressed, which is like all the time, which
(13:36):
tends to happen to mothers who are like you know,
in poverty, and they're they're like where am I going
to get my next meal or whatever? But like good stress,
like oh, like I'm nervous about recording a takeaway today,
Like that is good stress. It might motivate me to whatever.
So that type of stress is okay. But if you're
in chronic stress, what happens is in the baby that
later on they're brain waves that they're like more prone
(13:57):
to also experience to have stress. Yeah, they have like
higher cortisol levels and that effects sometimes they'll come out
with certain learning disabilities and things you have. You have
to be super careful about what you expose yourself to,
which made me think about Coylaray, our past guest who's
about to be a mom. But there was some buzz
on the internet about how she didn't invite her baby
(14:19):
father to a relationship stress. Yes, and also relationship stress,
but also you know she has a difficult relationship with
her father and her father back and forth posting whatever.
But people were saying, Yo, I support her, like she
it's her special moment. She didn't want to deal with
it that day. It is what it is, and it's
like she had to go through those means to make
(14:40):
sure that she had a peaceful moment day or whatever.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
That's what it is.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Peace by any means necessary, whether you are carrying child
or not. And it doesn't always work that way. And
you will make decisions where like you choose something that's
really important to you or someone that's really important to you,
and you'll put yourself, you'll you'll bend on your but
for the majority of the time, Yeah, like, come on, man,
Peace by any means necessary, and if you are pregnant,
(15:07):
especially so so whatever that mother needs to do to
protect her peace, especially now that we know, uh, it's
proven to affect your child.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
If you need an.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Excuse, I can't my baby, Yeah, my baby. It's not
about me. Actually it's a baby. And for the future
of my baby, I can no longer.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Talk to you. I have zero tolerance for flection.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
You gotta realize it's success pool out there in social
media land, and there are great people there, beautiful human beings,
wonderful things happening. But the problem is in the middle
of all those, it's just like it's successpool floating around.
There's just shit floating around, and you we're people who
are not who are either angry miserable, some are, some
have agendas, some are.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
It's just bad people mixed in with all the good people.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
And so unfortunately you're like a target for anything, especially
somebody like Cali, who's such a big public figure.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Yeah, so keep your good people around to boost you up.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
And if you've got to log off, log off. Yeah,
protect your peace by any means necessary for sure. By
the way, guys, if you haven't checked out the full interview,
you should.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
We shot it.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
We went to California to tape it with her.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
It was a lovely episode.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
She was lovely, such a sweet soul like you know,
you could tell she wants to hear. You could tell
she's like a true artist. She she just talks about
how how much being authentic to her craft means to her,
and you know, she's just a lovely person and she's
at a real like like like we talked about an
(16:32):
important part of her life right now as a new
mom and uh and now with this new album, and
so if you are a fan of Kelly, which is
I think you'll see her in a different way.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
You'll see her in a deeper way.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
And if you haven't, have you if you don't, if
you didn't know who she was, I think, uh, I
think you'll enjoy it. And I think, what do you
think they'll get? And I think there's a lot to
learn from the position that she's in in life right now,
and how she's handling it and navigating it, I think
is really beautiful. So we thank her for for trusting
us with her story. She's she's a little guarded with
(17:02):
her life, and understandably so in terms of like sharing
pictures of her children or too much about her relationship
with Don Tolliver or she's not hiding from it, but
she doesn't serve it up for people to kind of
like pick apart, which I totally understand. So she's navigating
through life the best she can. And I think she's
she's doing it, you know, authentically to her. I love
(17:24):
the fact that she breaks down the duality of her
life and her in her art and her music. And so, yeah,
it was a great chat and I hope you guys
like it, and again, Happy Mother's Day to all the
moms out there. There's definitely in this Kali Ucci's episode
a couple of gems, a couple of gems for moms,
new moms, especially if you're going through some things. I'm
sure you can relate to what CALLI, this state that
(17:46):
Calli's in. But there's an episode for everybody on IRL
for moms we got you know, from Kellie, from Kelly
Clarkson to Kelly Rowland to Lounell. Lou Nell's oh my gosh,
her relationship with her mother and her daughter super interesting
in her family.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Lauren Wrydinger has great.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
Lauren writing her was great.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Uh, Tianna Taylor how her kids changed her life.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
The list goes on and on, really, Lauren London, Yes, yeah, So.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Head to our YouTube and our TikTok.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
Well go around some there.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
For everyone on this beautiful Mother's Day weekend. But enjoy
it and enjoy your time, and thank you for rocking
with I R. L. We'll be back soon and man,
we got a whole bunch of episodes coming up soon
and we're gonna get really consistent really soon. And I
can't wait to share this next phase of I R
l that we're about to kick in and uh so
stay tuned, everybody.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Thank you,
Host
Angie Martinez
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.