April 20, 2023 • 19 mins
We’re back with another #TakeAwaysIRL. The in-between audio-only podcast where Angie and special guests reflect on episode responses, takeaways, and highlights.
This week Angie and her producer Brittany recap the episode with Kelly Clarkson.They discuss various topics and give tools for everyday life, including how to identify when a marriage is at its end, why some people are devasted after divorce, the importance of self-care, and the power of positive thinking.
They also discuss the book Clarkson referred to as life changing and how it helped her know when it was time for a divorce:Untamed by Glennon Doyle.
Tune in to hear Angie and Brittany's conversation about the after effects Kelly Clarkson left on them and so many of you.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Andrew Martinez in Real Life podcast. This episode and conversation
is powered by I do say hi everyone, we are back.
I mean, this is nice, right, we're being here every
day with you guys. It's only because we were backed
up on takeaway episodes about keeping it a buck.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I did not want to admit that.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
No, it's for sure what it was. But I really
like to take a moment to reflect on every episode.
But you know that Kim Kardashi one was so late,
but I deserved to take a moment. What was what
we did before that? Oh? JT. And today we're actually
talking about a recent episode. And then hopefully now after
this episode, every time we drop a new interview, it
will be followed by an audio only takeaway immediately following
(00:46):
the video drop. Does that make sense absolutely? So this
week we're gonna actually have a new interview from a
new guest that I'm actually really excited about, somebody I
think you guys are gonna like, and a week after
we'll drop the takeaway from that episode, and then there'll
be another guest. So that's how that'll be the rhythm
and the routine of how we're gonna rock. So you
should be getting an audio episode from us on this
(01:08):
podcast every week moving forward. After our next interview, I
almost said the name just now who? It was too soon,
too soon, give me a day or two on that. Anyway.
Right now, today we are gathered here to do Kelly
Clarkson takeaway. We love Kelly clarks That is my goal
(01:29):
to KaraOK. So she got a bunch of bangers. Oh
and the other one, the one that we referenced in
this episode, we referenced and.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
For these takeaways, you know, we look. I was going
to tell them that we look at the comments and
we see what are the things that resonated with people.
So if you if you want us to read those comments,
you should hashtag takeaway irl.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Oh that's good idea. All right, let's try it with
the next interview. Who the person I can't tell you
about yet, and we'll go from there. Oh got it.
The song that we referenced in this podcast was because
of you. Ah, that's right, because we talk about her
and her father. Kelly Clarkson has no interest and had
had no interest in reconnecting with her father, and then
(02:16):
her father passed, right, yes, yeah, And then she was
saying that people asked her do you have any regrets
about that? And she was like, yeah, no, I don't.
It's interesting. It's an interesting take because I've never really
heard that from somebody. And she's just like, I guess
trying to protect her life and her peace, and well she.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Says she had tried, she opened up the bridge and
it just never the connection never happened. And she did
say that, and she also said, how, you know, how
can you miss something that was just never there? Yeah, yeah,
I get that, I get that. But that song because
of You is so good.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
She got good songs, Kelly Clarkson, she got just the
I can't wait. She just announced, by the way, after
we did our podcast, she announced that she's getting ready
to drop a new album with songs talking about what
we're talking about in the podcast, the past couple of
years of her life and the trauma and the heartbreak
and you know, the therapy that she's done to get through
this divorce. All of that will be coming out in
(03:11):
her music and this next album that she's getting ready
to do. She's doing a tour, she's doing Vegas. That
girl works, She's she's on the voice, she's got her
own talk show.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
The day of the interview, she did three episodes.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Of her talk show and then came to my podcast.
So though, and she's also just a good person, like
a nice like she's just someone anybody should would like
to hang out with, right, like personable, cool. Anyway, she
opened up a lot. She's been through a lot, and
you know what a lot of people have been through divorce.
Some people it hits harder than others. Some people get
(03:42):
divorced and they're like, oh my god, I feel better,
I'm free, I'm onto my life. Some people are devastated
and never recover from it. Somebody like Kelly Clarkson, who who.
She talks about this in the episode. She says, I
never really felt this was my first time really being
in love. That hits different when you have never given yourself,
(04:04):
given your heart, been vulnerable with anybody else, and then
you finally do and you are all in and then
it doesn't work. It's a different type of devastation.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
She said, this was the first time she really fell
in love.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Yeah, and now they have kids and just the whole
I mean. Anyway, here's a little clip of her talking
about that.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
By the way, every phase is on my next record.
There is sadness, there is rage, rage, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
There's a lot.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
There's a lot. It's because you go through all those
emotions like you because there's no and I feel like
if you don't, if you don't hit all of those
if you don't have that, then were you really in it?
Like you know what I'm saying, Like like like I
sometimes I run across people and they're like, oh, I
felt like, you know fine, And I was just like wait.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
What I was like I was.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
Destroyed, like on the ground, like crying, Like it's because
that's a loss, that's a it's a death. Honestly, you
grieve something that you thought would be forever.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Man, I feel her. One thing I love about this
episode number one is her the vulnerability. And I love
talking to people who have done work. It's one thing
for all of us to be like I was I
went through something, or this is what I feel, or
I'm sad or I'm whatever. It's another thing I love
talking to people who have done work because I feel
(05:31):
like maybe there's something we could learn, Maybe something I
can learn from the work that you've done on yourself
that has pulled you up out of it. Because we've
all been down or on the floor, some of us
worse than others. But from from what I got from
her in this conversation, she was in a bad place.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
She said, it took a long time to get there,
like for you know, people like everyday people who are
not in the public eye. You know how long it
takes before you decide you're gonna get into the divorce?
And remember or she said that she her marriage counselor Yeah, so.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
I could understand why that was really hard for her
and also hard for her actually making the decision to
get a divorce, which I'm sure it's hard for anybody.
But she talks about the moment when she knew that
it was over. Here's that clip.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
And then there was this book called named Tamed and
I read it and I was reading it and it
was like literally she was talking about her life and
she was talking about She goes, you know what, it
was the hardest thing for me to do. But I
looked at my daughter. I looked at her, and I thought,
would I want this marriage for my daughter? Would I
want my daughter to be in this position?
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Like?
Speaker 4 (06:47):
Is this what I want for her?
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Like? Would I want this for her?
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Then?
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Why would I?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Like?
Speaker 4 (06:51):
No, I don't, so, like, why would I want it
for me?
Speaker 3 (06:57):
That book that she's talking about, Untamed by Glennon Doyle,
will put in the description in case any of you
guys want to read it. It talks a lot about
certain burdens that being a mother has, and one of
the quotes from the book it goes, mothers have martyred themselves.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
In their children's names. Since the beginning of time, we have.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Lived as if she who disappears the most loves the most.
We have been conditioned to prove our love by slowly
ceasing to exist. So a lot of people stay in
marriages because, oh, it's for the kids. I don't want
to break apart, especially if you come from a broken family,
you stay for the kids. And I feel like in
that one quote alone, she's like, no, like, if you're
not happy, how can you even be the best mother
(07:36):
you can to your child? And would you want this
for your daughter? And Kelly decided no, she did not.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
I do not want that for my daughter. I love
that notion. That's something that we could all use, not
just in that case. It's like when I find that
a lot of us who are like kind and empathetic
and give people, grace and all those things. We don't
always show that same thing to ourselves, right, So like,
in this thing, is this a good enough relationship for
(08:04):
my daughter? No, it's not. Why should I want that
for me? It's time for a divorce. But you could
run that same play on anything. You can run that
same type of thought. I have a friend this recently
came up. Did I talk about this on the episode
because I thought about this when she said it? Maybe
I didn't say it all to me. No, No, I haven't. No,
that was something else.
Speaker 4 (08:21):
No.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
I have a friend who recently went through something. She
went through a traumatic loss, and she had a lot
of guilt about it. She felt like she could have
helped someone, She could have been she could have somehow
protected the person from what they were going through. Okay,
And so she had a lot of guilt about it.
And I just was like, you can't take that on.
(08:42):
You're not God. You know you can't take that on.
I said, let me ask you a question, and I
asked her this. I said, what would you do if
your daughter came to you and said, Mom, I feel
guilty because I didn't help this person and then they
passed away. What would you tell your daughter, she just
looked at me, She just stared at me, and she
(09:02):
was like, I'd never thought about it like that. And
so just be as be as kind to yourself, at
least as kind as you would be to your daughter.
Why not? Why wouldn't you want to love on yourself
and be kind to yourself in anything. So whenever you're
like stuck or beating yourself up, it is a thing
to kind of reflect on. It doesn't have to be
a daughter, anybody you love, if anybody you care about
or you love that you would give advice to, you
(09:24):
would give compassion to, you would give grace to give
it to yourself. Sometimes if you use that kind of thinking,
I use that sometimes I'm like and I'm like, God,
that was whack of me. You shouldn't have. I try
to talk to myself like I would talk to somebody
who I care about giving grace me. Yeah, Like I
would tell my friend, are you kidding me? You've done enough?
(09:44):
You help that person a lot. I don't feel bad.
So then I have to tell myself what I would
tell somebody that I cared about. You know what I'm saying,
Because you have to care about yourself that's really the
idea of it. So I love that that story, and
I love that she said that, and I could totally
understand when you have that realization, like, man, this would
be a terrible marriage for my daughter to be in.
(10:07):
Do I want her to see that? Do I want
that from me? So? Yeah, So she made the decision.
Obviously she got a divorced. And then she talks about
also sharing how she was feeling with her kids.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
You know, I love that question that she asks her
kids before she goes before they go to sleep every night.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
What did she say? I don't remember the exact question.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
She's saying that she shows her kids her true emotions,
that that's important to her, and that every night she
asked are you happy? And her kids are undertaking Yeah,
are are you happy today? We are you happy today?
And sometimes they say yes, And sometimes, you know, the
answer they give her is heart wrenching because they'll say, hey,
I really miss dad, all of us being in the house,
and she has to deal with that.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Yeah, but at least you're living in truth, you know
what I'm saying. At least I love that too. But
a lot of people do that, especially like I think
it's maybe better now. But like if you look at
our parents and our grandparents, it was always so much
like secrets. Everything was secretive, like you couldn't know that
mommy and daddy were fighting, or or they would try
(11:06):
to do it in or just anything, any drama they
try to keep some families, some families laid it all
out there, too much out there. But some families, uh,
you know, they try to present up. It never really
works all the day. It doesn't really work. It doesn't
really work. Your kids, by the way, to know, the
kids are way smarter than you give them credit for. Uh.
(11:26):
And also it's important. It's it's important for them to
see you fight through things so that they can learn
how to fight through things themselves. Because if you paint
a picture like everything's perfect in your life so far
all the time, then when your kid, you know, is
confronted with conflict or or challenge, he doesn't really have
a point of reference on how to deal with it
emotionally because he hasn't seen you do it. But if
(11:48):
he sees you struggling and pull yourself up and do
whatever you got, go to the gym, shake it off,
you know, talk about it, go to therapy. Then when
your child is going through something, they have a point
of reference as a way to pull yourself up out
of it. So I subscribe to being real with your
kids again. Not everything needs to you know you appropriate,
(12:08):
of course, but like being real with how you feel,
being real with some of your challenges. I think it's
it just will make you closer and makes your kids
trust you for sure more and can come to you
like if you. Sometimes, even my kids, I'll be like, oh,
I'm sol this, and then I feel like it makes
them more comfortable to come to me and say that.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
You're also teaching them the language because you can be
feeling something and don't know how to string the words together. Yes,
so if they're learning the language from you, now they
know okay well And I feel like this this is
how my mom, this is how my dad said.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
It to me, And they're learning that it's okay to
not be okay sometimes absolutely, So that's another thing. But
she was great, She's done. So this is a therapy episode, guys,
She's done a lot of therapy. It's what saved her.
I think it's what picked her up off the floor,
because she said she was in bad shape on the
floor and I think that therapy, reading, just working on herself,
(13:03):
holding on tight to her kids is what like kind
of lifted her up. You know, a conversation that I
liked that we had to so we talked, So Kelly
is getting ready to drop this album. Like I mentioned earlier,
she has a song, she said, called red Flags, red
Flag Collector, Red Flag Collector, that sounds like a good song.
We don't talk about this enough, and I think sometimes
(13:27):
maybe we want something so bad, or we want somebody
to be something so bad that we ignore signs. Well
he's great, No, I really want this to work. So
you see little things and you just kind of ignore
it because you're trying to make this thing work. You
should never ignore red flags. You had some good red flags,
Angie that you mentioned. We said, oh, I know what mine.
(13:52):
Some of mine were that we talked about. We said,
somebody who complains too much, like likes being some people
like they live in their trauma, they live in like
woe is me and listen, we all have ups and downs.
I'm not saying I don't complain sometimes I don't know whatever,
but like somebody who always does that no matter it
(14:13):
could be the son I have a friend that we
call her. I'm not gonna say your name should be mad.
I call her what we call her wet sox because
it could be the like the most greatest time ever
and should be like find something to complain about. So
it's like, you know, if you have if you have
wet socks on, no matter what you're doing, there's always
like an uncomfortable like like what a strange analogy, you know,
(14:35):
but think about it, it sounds it sounds terrible. If you
walk it through life with wet socks on, then your
experience is always just a problematic. There's always like uncomfortable,
always yucky. Oh you find the the you know, annoying
thing about it anyway. So that's the notion, right somebody
who always could be in the most could be on
(14:56):
a boat and it could be sonny outside and they
could say, you know, we were supposed to go back
earlier because I'm supposed to get you know, this type
of person and you.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Drain and everybody else killing my soul and you're still.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
In my joy and you and it and if it's
a constant thing, and if I see too that, if
I see that too much in somebody, I'm like ooh,
I'm not doing that.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Lift me up, don't bring me down.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
The word Yeah, for me, that's a big red flag.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
I love the next one you gave, which was about
a partner or somebody you're dating, and they got they
just too friendly, They got too many friends, they're friends
with everybody.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Yeah I got, I got seventy five best friends. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
No, that's weird.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
That's because it's not possible, it's not genuine. So either
you're right, either you're spreading yourself too thin and you're
like half a friend to all those people, or a
quarter of a friend. So you show up for their
party or you show up for their whatever. But there's
no way you can have a full friendship, real relationship
with seventy five people. You have acquaintances, you have people
(15:56):
you show love, you have people you're cool with, you
have experiences with different but like in your everyday life,
your core group of friends, there's no way you should
have that many.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
You don't get to experience the best parts of friendships
to like be in that shadow level with so many people.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Yeah. And also to me, it's a red flag because
what do you value? Right? I think you probably don't
know if you have that many friends. You just out
here looking for what to be popular, to be popular to.
It's like looking for approval to be nice. It's either
that or you're an opportunist. You and you're using a
(16:33):
lot of those people, Kelly for whatever reason.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Kelly called it a you're a networker I gotta watch
out for.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
You know exactly, Yes, that's a thing. So yeah for me,
that's just for me. You're red flags. You know, everybody
probably has their own. But I love that conversation we had,
and overall, just Kelly is inspiring and not afraid to
share her truth. She does it in her music all
the time. I'm looking forward to this album, especially after
this conversation, and she says she wrote this whole album
(17:00):
while she was going through this process of divorce and
heartbreak and then you know, a healing and coming out
on the other side with her kids intact and her family.
You know her her life intact. She's got great friends.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Kelly is one of the best vocalists of our generation.
Might I add on her show she has a Kelly
OK where she goes to town. She just did a
cover of Jasmine Sullivan's song and she kills it every time.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Man, So I'm very much looking forward to her album.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
I saw her on The Voice last week and they
did like a thing. They all sang a song together.
It was Kelly Blake, Chance, Chance, and the other kid
I don't know his name. There's another kid there Nil.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
He used to be in one direction if I'm singing, yeah,
if I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
It right anyway, it was another guy that I didn't
know who he was. Sorry to that man, Sorry, sorry
that man. And they were all singing and no disrespect
to any of them. A Chance, you know, I love you,
but y'all shouldn't sing next to Kelly Clarkson, you know
what I'm saying. They were all singing a song and
every time she would chime in, it's just like she
(18:10):
just was. She was like dis borderline disrespectful. You know
how when you see like Aretha Franklin singing with somebody
else and then she's always just disrespectful. Like vocalist Jennifer Hudson.
You know certain people that don't don't don't sing with them,
good luck, don't sing with them. And she had one
(18:31):
of those moments the other day on the Voice. Was
pretty great. Anyway. We love her, We think we learned
a lot about and I think this episode was hold
on and it was really nice to see the response
to this episode. I think a lot of women have
can take away something from this. A lot of you know,
a lot of women is experienced heartbreak and some of
the things that Kelly's been through. So yeah, I think
(18:53):
it was a lot of free therapy. I think it
was inspiring. So yeah, So I loved I loved episode.
I love the reaction to the episode. I love how
many people related to her story and her and so yeah,
if you haven't seen the full interview, it's on my
YouTube page Edge Martinez Irl if you want to watch it,
and of course you can listen to the full interview
(19:14):
here as well or wherever podcasts or heard. Make sure
you subscribe though, so you get a whole bunch of updates,
and make sure you subscribe because in the next couple
of days we're dropping a brand new interview with someone
I'm really excited to talk to. And I will let
you know in a couple of days who that is.
So thank you for rocking with us, So you eat
the next one by like, comment, subscribe, and.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Use the hashtag hashtag Takeaway IRL and let us know your.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Takeaways, yes, so we could share them in the next episode.
Thanks guys, Bye,
Andrew Martinez in Real Life podcast. This episode and conversation
is powered by I do say hi everyone, we are back.
I mean, this is nice, right, we're being here every
day with you guys. It's only because we were backed
up on takeaway episodes about keeping it a buck.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I did not want to admit that.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
No, it's for sure what it was. But I really
like to take a moment to reflect on every episode.
But you know that Kim Kardashi one was so late,
but I deserved to take a moment. What was what
we did before that? Oh? JT. And today we're actually
talking about a recent episode. And then hopefully now after
this episode, every time we drop a new interview, it
will be followed by an audio only takeaway immediately following
(00:46):
the video drop. Does that make sense absolutely? So this
week we're gonna actually have a new interview from a
new guest that I'm actually really excited about, somebody I
think you guys are gonna like, and a week after
we'll drop the takeaway from that episode, and then there'll
be another guest. So that's how that'll be the rhythm
and the routine of how we're gonna rock. So you
should be getting an audio episode from us on this
(01:08):
podcast every week moving forward. After our next interview, I
almost said the name just now who? It was too soon,
too soon, give me a day or two on that. Anyway.
Right now, today we are gathered here to do Kelly
Clarkson takeaway. We love Kelly clarks That is my goal
(01:29):
to KaraOK. So she got a bunch of bangers. Oh
and the other one, the one that we referenced in
this episode, we referenced and.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
For these takeaways, you know, we look. I was going
to tell them that we look at the comments and
we see what are the things that resonated with people.
So if you if you want us to read those comments,
you should hashtag takeaway irl.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Oh that's good idea. All right, let's try it with
the next interview. Who the person I can't tell you
about yet, and we'll go from there. Oh got it.
The song that we referenced in this podcast was because
of you. Ah, that's right, because we talk about her
and her father. Kelly Clarkson has no interest and had
had no interest in reconnecting with her father, and then
(02:16):
her father passed, right, yes, yeah, And then she was
saying that people asked her do you have any regrets
about that? And she was like, yeah, no, I don't.
It's interesting. It's an interesting take because I've never really
heard that from somebody. And she's just like, I guess
trying to protect her life and her peace, and well she.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Says she had tried, she opened up the bridge and
it just never the connection never happened. And she did
say that, and she also said, how, you know, how
can you miss something that was just never there? Yeah, yeah,
I get that, I get that. But that song because
of You is so good.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
She got good songs, Kelly Clarkson, she got just the
I can't wait. She just announced, by the way, after
we did our podcast, she announced that she's getting ready
to drop a new album with songs talking about what
we're talking about in the podcast, the past couple of
years of her life and the trauma and the heartbreak
and you know, the therapy that she's done to get through
this divorce. All of that will be coming out in
(03:11):
her music and this next album that she's getting ready
to do. She's doing a tour, she's doing Vegas. That
girl works, She's she's on the voice, she's got her
own talk show.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
The day of the interview, she did three episodes.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Of her talk show and then came to my podcast.
So though, and she's also just a good person, like
a nice like she's just someone anybody should would like
to hang out with, right, like personable, cool. Anyway, she
opened up a lot. She's been through a lot, and
you know what a lot of people have been through divorce.
Some people it hits harder than others. Some people get
(03:42):
divorced and they're like, oh my god, I feel better,
I'm free, I'm onto my life. Some people are devastated
and never recover from it. Somebody like Kelly Clarkson, who who.
She talks about this in the episode. She says, I
never really felt this was my first time really being
in love. That hits different when you have never given yourself,
(04:04):
given your heart, been vulnerable with anybody else, and then
you finally do and you are all in and then
it doesn't work. It's a different type of devastation.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
She said, this was the first time she really fell
in love.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Yeah, and now they have kids and just the whole
I mean. Anyway, here's a little clip of her talking
about that.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
By the way, every phase is on my next record.
There is sadness, there is rage, rage, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
There's a lot.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
There's a lot. It's because you go through all those
emotions like you because there's no and I feel like
if you don't, if you don't hit all of those
if you don't have that, then were you really in it?
Like you know what I'm saying, Like like like I
sometimes I run across people and they're like, oh, I
felt like, you know fine, And I was just like wait.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
What I was like I was.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
Destroyed, like on the ground, like crying, Like it's because
that's a loss, that's a it's a death. Honestly, you
grieve something that you thought would be forever.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Man, I feel her. One thing I love about this
episode number one is her the vulnerability. And I love
talking to people who have done work. It's one thing
for all of us to be like I was I
went through something, or this is what I feel, or
I'm sad or I'm whatever. It's another thing I love
talking to people who have done work because I feel
(05:31):
like maybe there's something we could learn, Maybe something I
can learn from the work that you've done on yourself
that has pulled you up out of it. Because we've
all been down or on the floor, some of us
worse than others. But from from what I got from
her in this conversation, she was in a bad place.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
She said, it took a long time to get there,
like for you know, people like everyday people who are
not in the public eye. You know how long it
takes before you decide you're gonna get into the divorce?
And remember or she said that she her marriage counselor Yeah, so.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
I could understand why that was really hard for her
and also hard for her actually making the decision to
get a divorce, which I'm sure it's hard for anybody.
But she talks about the moment when she knew that
it was over. Here's that clip.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
And then there was this book called named Tamed and
I read it and I was reading it and it
was like literally she was talking about her life and
she was talking about She goes, you know what, it
was the hardest thing for me to do. But I
looked at my daughter. I looked at her, and I thought,
would I want this marriage for my daughter? Would I
want my daughter to be in this position?
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Like?
Speaker 4 (06:47):
Is this what I want for her?
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Like? Would I want this for her?
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Then?
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Why would I?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Like?
Speaker 4 (06:51):
No, I don't, so, like, why would I want it
for me?
Speaker 3 (06:57):
That book that she's talking about, Untamed by Glennon Doyle,
will put in the description in case any of you
guys want to read it. It talks a lot about
certain burdens that being a mother has, and one of
the quotes from the book it goes, mothers have martyred themselves.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
In their children's names. Since the beginning of time, we have.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Lived as if she who disappears the most loves the most.
We have been conditioned to prove our love by slowly
ceasing to exist. So a lot of people stay in
marriages because, oh, it's for the kids. I don't want
to break apart, especially if you come from a broken family,
you stay for the kids. And I feel like in
that one quote alone, she's like, no, like, if you're
not happy, how can you even be the best mother
(07:36):
you can to your child? And would you want this
for your daughter? And Kelly decided no, she did not.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
I do not want that for my daughter. I love
that notion. That's something that we could all use, not
just in that case. It's like when I find that
a lot of us who are like kind and empathetic
and give people, grace and all those things. We don't
always show that same thing to ourselves, right, So like,
in this thing, is this a good enough relationship for
(08:04):
my daughter? No, it's not. Why should I want that
for me? It's time for a divorce. But you could
run that same play on anything. You can run that
same type of thought. I have a friend this recently
came up. Did I talk about this on the episode
because I thought about this when she said it? Maybe
I didn't say it all to me. No, No, I haven't. No,
that was something else.
Speaker 4 (08:21):
No.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
I have a friend who recently went through something. She
went through a traumatic loss, and she had a lot
of guilt about it. She felt like she could have
helped someone, She could have been she could have somehow
protected the person from what they were going through. Okay,
And so she had a lot of guilt about it.
And I just was like, you can't take that on.
(08:42):
You're not God. You know you can't take that on.
I said, let me ask you a question, and I
asked her this. I said, what would you do if
your daughter came to you and said, Mom, I feel
guilty because I didn't help this person and then they
passed away. What would you tell your daughter, she just
looked at me, She just stared at me, and she
(09:02):
was like, I'd never thought about it like that. And
so just be as be as kind to yourself, at
least as kind as you would be to your daughter.
Why not? Why wouldn't you want to love on yourself
and be kind to yourself in anything. So whenever you're
like stuck or beating yourself up, it is a thing
to kind of reflect on. It doesn't have to be
a daughter, anybody you love, if anybody you care about
or you love that you would give advice to, you
(09:24):
would give compassion to, you would give grace to give
it to yourself. Sometimes if you use that kind of thinking,
I use that sometimes I'm like and I'm like, God,
that was whack of me. You shouldn't have. I try
to talk to myself like I would talk to somebody
who I care about giving grace me. Yeah, Like I
would tell my friend, are you kidding me? You've done enough?
(09:44):
You help that person a lot. I don't feel bad.
So then I have to tell myself what I would
tell somebody that I cared about. You know what I'm saying,
Because you have to care about yourself that's really the
idea of it. So I love that that story, and
I love that she said that, and I could totally
understand when you have that realization, like, man, this would
be a terrible marriage for my daughter to be in.
(10:07):
Do I want her to see that? Do I want
that from me? So? Yeah, So she made the decision.
Obviously she got a divorced. And then she talks about
also sharing how she was feeling with her kids.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
You know, I love that question that she asks her
kids before she goes before they go to sleep every night.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
What did she say? I don't remember the exact question.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
She's saying that she shows her kids her true emotions,
that that's important to her, and that every night she
asked are you happy? And her kids are undertaking Yeah,
are are you happy today? We are you happy today?
And sometimes they say yes, And sometimes, you know, the
answer they give her is heart wrenching because they'll say, hey,
I really miss dad, all of us being in the house,
and she has to deal with that.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Yeah, but at least you're living in truth, you know
what I'm saying. At least I love that too. But
a lot of people do that, especially like I think
it's maybe better now. But like if you look at
our parents and our grandparents, it was always so much
like secrets. Everything was secretive, like you couldn't know that
mommy and daddy were fighting, or or they would try
(11:06):
to do it in or just anything, any drama they
try to keep some families, some families laid it all
out there, too much out there. But some families, uh,
you know, they try to present up. It never really
works all the day. It doesn't really work. It doesn't
really work. Your kids, by the way, to know, the
kids are way smarter than you give them credit for. Uh.
(11:26):
And also it's important. It's it's important for them to
see you fight through things so that they can learn
how to fight through things themselves. Because if you paint
a picture like everything's perfect in your life so far
all the time, then when your kid, you know, is
confronted with conflict or or challenge, he doesn't really have
a point of reference on how to deal with it
emotionally because he hasn't seen you do it. But if
(11:48):
he sees you struggling and pull yourself up and do
whatever you got, go to the gym, shake it off,
you know, talk about it, go to therapy. Then when
your child is going through something, they have a point
of reference as a way to pull yourself up out
of it. So I subscribe to being real with your
kids again. Not everything needs to you know you appropriate,
(12:08):
of course, but like being real with how you feel,
being real with some of your challenges. I think it's
it just will make you closer and makes your kids
trust you for sure more and can come to you
like if you. Sometimes, even my kids, I'll be like, oh,
I'm sol this, and then I feel like it makes
them more comfortable to come to me and say that.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
You're also teaching them the language because you can be
feeling something and don't know how to string the words together. Yes,
so if they're learning the language from you, now they
know okay well And I feel like this this is
how my mom, this is how my dad said.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
It to me, And they're learning that it's okay to
not be okay sometimes absolutely, So that's another thing. But
she was great, She's done. So this is a therapy episode, guys,
She's done a lot of therapy. It's what saved her.
I think it's what picked her up off the floor,
because she said she was in bad shape on the
floor and I think that therapy, reading, just working on herself,
(13:03):
holding on tight to her kids is what like kind
of lifted her up. You know, a conversation that I
liked that we had to so we talked, So Kelly
is getting ready to drop this album. Like I mentioned earlier,
she has a song, she said, called red Flags, red
Flag Collector, Red Flag Collector, that sounds like a good song.
We don't talk about this enough, and I think sometimes
(13:27):
maybe we want something so bad, or we want somebody
to be something so bad that we ignore signs. Well
he's great, No, I really want this to work. So
you see little things and you just kind of ignore
it because you're trying to make this thing work. You
should never ignore red flags. You had some good red flags,
Angie that you mentioned. We said, oh, I know what mine.
(13:52):
Some of mine were that we talked about. We said,
somebody who complains too much, like likes being some people
like they live in their trauma, they live in like
woe is me and listen, we all have ups and downs.
I'm not saying I don't complain sometimes I don't know whatever,
but like somebody who always does that no matter it
(14:13):
could be the son I have a friend that we
call her. I'm not gonna say your name should be mad.
I call her what we call her wet sox because
it could be the like the most greatest time ever
and should be like find something to complain about. So
it's like, you know, if you have if you have
wet socks on, no matter what you're doing, there's always
like an uncomfortable like like what a strange analogy, you know,
(14:35):
but think about it, it sounds it sounds terrible. If you
walk it through life with wet socks on, then your
experience is always just a problematic. There's always like uncomfortable,
always yucky. Oh you find the the you know, annoying
thing about it anyway. So that's the notion, right somebody
who always could be in the most could be on
(14:56):
a boat and it could be sonny outside and they
could say, you know, we were supposed to go back
earlier because I'm supposed to get you know, this type
of person and you.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Drain and everybody else killing my soul and you're still.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
In my joy and you and it and if it's
a constant thing, and if I see too that, if
I see that too much in somebody, I'm like ooh,
I'm not doing that.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Lift me up, don't bring me down.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
The word Yeah, for me, that's a big red flag.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
I love the next one you gave, which was about
a partner or somebody you're dating, and they got they
just too friendly, They got too many friends, they're friends
with everybody.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Yeah I got, I got seventy five best friends. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
No, that's weird.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
That's because it's not possible, it's not genuine. So either
you're right, either you're spreading yourself too thin and you're
like half a friend to all those people, or a
quarter of a friend. So you show up for their
party or you show up for their whatever. But there's
no way you can have a full friendship, real relationship
with seventy five people. You have acquaintances, you have people
(15:56):
you show love, you have people you're cool with, you
have experiences with different but like in your everyday life,
your core group of friends, there's no way you should
have that many.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
You don't get to experience the best parts of friendships
to like be in that shadow level with so many people.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Yeah. And also to me, it's a red flag because
what do you value? Right? I think you probably don't
know if you have that many friends. You just out
here looking for what to be popular, to be popular to.
It's like looking for approval to be nice. It's either
that or you're an opportunist. You and you're using a
(16:33):
lot of those people, Kelly for whatever reason.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Kelly called it a you're a networker I gotta watch
out for.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
You know exactly, Yes, that's a thing. So yeah for me,
that's just for me. You're red flags. You know, everybody
probably has their own. But I love that conversation we had,
and overall, just Kelly is inspiring and not afraid to
share her truth. She does it in her music all
the time. I'm looking forward to this album, especially after
this conversation, and she says she wrote this whole album
(17:00):
while she was going through this process of divorce and
heartbreak and then you know, a healing and coming out
on the other side with her kids intact and her family.
You know her her life intact. She's got great friends.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Kelly is one of the best vocalists of our generation.
Might I add on her show she has a Kelly
OK where she goes to town. She just did a
cover of Jasmine Sullivan's song and she kills it every time.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Man, So I'm very much looking forward to her album.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
I saw her on The Voice last week and they
did like a thing. They all sang a song together.
It was Kelly Blake, Chance, Chance, and the other kid
I don't know his name. There's another kid there Nil.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
He used to be in one direction if I'm singing, yeah,
if I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
It right anyway, it was another guy that I didn't
know who he was. Sorry to that man, Sorry, sorry
that man. And they were all singing and no disrespect
to any of them. A Chance, you know, I love you,
but y'all shouldn't sing next to Kelly Clarkson, you know
what I'm saying. They were all singing a song and
every time she would chime in, it's just like she
(18:10):
just was. She was like dis borderline disrespectful. You know
how when you see like Aretha Franklin singing with somebody
else and then she's always just disrespectful. Like vocalist Jennifer Hudson.
You know certain people that don't don't don't sing with them,
good luck, don't sing with them. And she had one
(18:31):
of those moments the other day on the Voice. Was
pretty great. Anyway. We love her, We think we learned
a lot about and I think this episode was hold
on and it was really nice to see the response
to this episode. I think a lot of women have
can take away something from this. A lot of you know,
a lot of women is experienced heartbreak and some of
the things that Kelly's been through. So yeah, I think
(18:53):
it was a lot of free therapy. I think it
was inspiring. So yeah, So I loved I loved episode.
I love the reaction to the episode. I love how
many people related to her story and her and so yeah,
if you haven't seen the full interview, it's on my
YouTube page Edge Martinez Irl if you want to watch it,
and of course you can listen to the full interview
(19:14):
here as well or wherever podcasts or heard. Make sure
you subscribe though, so you get a whole bunch of updates,
and make sure you subscribe because in the next couple
of days we're dropping a brand new interview with someone
I'm really excited to talk to. And I will let
you know in a couple of days who that is.
So thank you for rocking with us, So you eat
the next one by like, comment, subscribe, and.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Use the hashtag hashtag Takeaway IRL and let us know your.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Takeaways, yes, so we could share them in the next episode.
Thanks guys, Bye,
Host
Angie Martinez
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