Turning the Table

This is the story of my worst date… A date that was so bad, I had to go to an ashram to recover. I’ll also introduce you to the world-renowned parachutist who got his backyard established as the center of the world.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:08):
Today's stories about noodles, parachutes, and the people that make
the world go around. It's also about me, your host
am Care. But mostly it's about making you smile. Welcome
to Anu Palm Cares, Chapter sixt, Turning the Table. After college,

(00:36):
I was accepted to the National School of Drama and
New Delhi. It was an incredible institution that produced many
talented actors and at least one broken heart. Yes, it
was time for me to fall in love again. My
girlfriend at NSD and I were hopeless romantics with a

(00:56):
big emphasis on hopeless. Instead of using her real name
for this story, I will call her rather Rada. And
my relationship was tumultuous, stormy, choppy. We were in drama
school and there was no shortage of drama. We pickered

(01:19):
about everything. If she said the sea was blue, I
would argue it was green. If I said that rain
fell from the sky, she would insist it rose from
the ground. I remember one time I brought her an
apple to class and she said, why would you do
this to me? Huh? I hate apples more than anything
in this whole wide world. And I said, but an

(01:43):
apple a day keeps the doctor away. And then she
forcefully said no, not anymore. Now, it just bananas that
keep the doctors away. It was something like that. We
both gave each other a lot of grief, but for
me as a cure us as the arguments would get
the most difficult part of our relationship was rather jealousy,

(02:06):
and there was one night when it really came to
a head. That night, Rather and I had planned a
classic date, dinner and a movie. Everything seemed to be
coming together nicely. We even got to the restaurant without fighting.

(02:27):
But then, just as we sat at our table, Rather
spotted three girls sitting a few tables away. These girls
were minding their own business, talking among themselves, laughing, just
three friends enjoying dinner. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
When suddenly Rather flared up. I knew it, I just

(02:51):
knew it. Which one of them is your girlfriend? She said,
trusting an accusing finger at the table of women. I
was taken up back one of them, my girlfriend? What
are you talking about? Have you forgotten that you are
my girlfriend? Her voice got a notch louder. I know

(03:13):
you invited them here. I wasn't born yesterday. As soon
as I go to the bathroom, you're going to go
over there and have dessert with them. People were starting.
I whispered, I promise, I promise. I have never seen
them before in my life. Fine, if you aren't making

(03:34):
eyes at them, then I'm sure you won't mind switching
seats with me Rather rather dulling Rather. If we do that,
everyone will notice, I said nervously. She glared at me
in silence. Then I sighed and said, okay, okay, okay, okay,
if it will make you happy, let's switch places. I

(03:57):
will just pretend that I need to go to the bathroom,
and while I'm gone, slide over into my seat. Order
whatever you want. Then we can eat, relax and just
have a good time. Okay, she nodded. I quietly got
up and walked to the bathroom. I washed my hands,

(04:19):
counted to twenty five, five, six, and then walked back.
When I got back to our table, Rather was in
my seat with her eyes fixed on the three girls.
Mm hmm hm. I sat in her old chair and
faced the ball. After a few minutes of silence, the

(04:41):
food arrived. It seemed that Rather had ordered generously. There
were large bowls of sweet corn chicken soup plates stacked
high with boneless cheel, chicken and gravy. It was a feast.
Then the waiter came back with more, some fried rice,
topped with again long half vegetable noodles. This wasn't her

(05:03):
usual order. She was doing this to spite me. Things
calm down a little for a bit. As we started
on our soups, one of the girls behind me let
out a loud giggle. Immediately rather remembered her tantrum, apum,
we will not eat in this restaurant, I could in

(05:26):
her ears. What do you mean, sweetheart. We're having such
a nice time, and after dinner we will go straight
to the movie theater watching that movie show. I have
the tickets rights here see you see to two tickets balcony.
But she cut me off like an upset kindergarten teacher,
she said, I will count until ten and then, unlike

(05:49):
it kindergarten teachers, she said, after I count to ten,
if you don't get up, I will throw all these
food on your head. I felt like I was broken
a peace treaty bit in two enemy countries. Darling, let's
just finish dinner and then we can leave. You ordered
half the menu. We we we we we we might
as well finish our meal. Rather began counting one, two, three, four.

(06:18):
I did not think she was going to follow through
with her threat. We were actors, after all, but she
continued seven, eight nine. At this I said, please, please, please,
start eating, the food is getting cold. But rather she
stood up abruptly, you hand the table cloth and flung
the entire contents on the table all over me. Then

(06:40):
she leaned in and said ten before leaving the restaurant.
The whole time we had been in there, I hadn't
wanted to make a scene, and now here I was
sweet corn chicken soup in my lap, gravy dripping down
my shirt, it haka noodles dangling from my head. I

(07:05):
looked like a traditional Indian bridegroom wearing a Sara, the
wedding headdress. But unlike the Sarah, which adds a royal
splendor to the groom's overall looks, my dinner was on
my head, which felt a little less dignified. I got
up quietly and left the restaurant. In my shocked state,

(07:29):
I forgot to pay the bill as I walked home,
I thought to myself as I shook the soup out
of my ears. Is this what love is supposed to
feel like? So I did what any confused boy would do.
I set off to become a monk whomy as all

(07:58):
promising religious experiences start out. I stole hundreds of pieces
from my classmates, covered and caught a bus to the
sacred city of Hardward, on the banks of River Ganges.
I went to an ashram shaved my head. You see,
I too could be dramatic at the ash from. My

(08:21):
job was to get up at four thirty in the
morning and serve for to the hundreds of pilgrims that
would assemble there every day. But I soon realized that
this was not the place for me, simply because I
was not made for that kind of world. I'm not
a morning person. Rather, and I were both young, and

(08:50):
we have grown up a lot since then. But at
the time, we thought that being in love meant that
the world revolved around us, around our relationship. Little did
we know the center of the world is in fact
on a different continent, thousands of miles away, situated at

(09:12):
the border of California and Arizona. Yes, the center of
the world is in a town called Felicity. The town
is marked by a pink granite pyramid. Inside there is

(09:33):
a metal plaque that reads official Center of the world.
But there is no real geographical or scientific justification behind
this statement. It's really only considered the center of the
planet because the mayor of Felicity, Jacques Andrea is Dell

(09:53):
said so Is Deel did not have the standard path
into government. He actually started his career jumping out of planes.
He still was born in France, but his family fled
to America when the Nazis occupied Paris. As a young man,
Is still started flying planes and parachuting, and he became

(10:16):
really good. In nineteen fifty six he became a part
of the American parachuting team, where he competed in the
World Championships. He also joined the Marines and launched a
parachuting business. After the Korean War, Is still bought thousands

(10:37):
of acres of land in Sonoran Desert. He told the
website Roadside America. I don't know what I'm going to
do with this bare land, but it has to be entertaining.
He named the region Felicity after his wife, and took
some time to think about what to do with the property.
Then in nine eighties it came to him. He decided

(11:01):
to make the town Felicity the center of the world.
How do you go about doing such a thing, Well,
he still didn't know either, but he decided the first
step was to write a children's book. When you hear
the chimes ring like this, his rationale was solid, As

(11:24):
the New York Times wrote, children's books carry a strange authority.
No one can argue that little Red Riding Hood's cloak
was actually blue. In his book The Good Dragon at
the Center of the World, a dragon name Co discovers
that the center of the world is in town named Felicity.
It's very, very straightforward. Co Is welcomed by a man

(11:50):
in a white tie and tales, an ambassador to humanity
who is plainly is Still but still didn't stop in.
Is Still met with a local boat to turn Felicity
into a legal township, and he turned it into a scene.
As the New York Times reports, is Still arrived in

(12:13):
white tie and tales, proceeded by three high school trumpeters
playing a fanfare. Is Still introduced himself as the Ambassador
of all good Dragons and requested that the board officially
recognized Felicity as the center of the world. Strangely enough,

(12:37):
the gag worked. The next year, Felicity became a town,
and the official center of the world is still reason.
Like any good town, Felicity needed infrastructure first. Is still
held an election and ran for mayor. He won in
a landslide unanimous vote of three zero. The he registered

(13:00):
voters is still his wife and co the dragon next
mayor is still erected a post office. Several hundred people
attended the opening ceremony, including the diplomat from a Chinese
councilate in San Francisco, who delivered a speech in Mandarin
in honor of his stills wife. But he still hasn't

(13:25):
stopped there. He has built a museum at church and
filled his little town with sculptures and artwork. While his
California dreamtown is most certainly whimsical, is still isn't foolish.
He knows that the world is around, that the center

(13:48):
of the world could be declared at any point on
the globe. But the center of his world is his wife,
and the little town is named after her. Let's just
for today's episode. I'm an open care, be kind to yourself,

(14:09):
and thank you for listening. No pump Cares is a
production of I Heart Radio. I'm Your Host an O
pump Care Our executive producer Is Mangis, Senior producer Julian Weller,

(14:36):
Associate producer Morgan Lavoy. Sound design and mixing by Julian
Weller and Dan Bauza. Music by Aaron Kaufman. Production support
from Emily Maronov and Married You. Writing by Lucas Riley,
Matt Riddle, Margon Lavoy and Julian Weller. Lucas Riley and

(14:58):
Matt Riddle are our story editor us thanks to Sikin Paru,
Hermand de Suza, Godwin Amana, Syrium Studios, Cornel Burne, and
Bob Pittman