February 4, 2020 • 28 mins
Ashleigh and Tim open up about their relationships with social media, the distraction that ensues and how to brighten someone's day.
Follow Ashleigh: @AshSpeidel
Follow Tim: @TMihalsky
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Allow us to reintroduce ourselves. I'm Ashley spide Out and
I'm Tim and this is are you with me? You
the jay Z music? Tim? Could you? What is it
jaz music? Jay Z? No? I know what song? Why?
And I'm familiar with that, I've heard of him? What
(00:22):
what song are you envisioning right now? Allow me to
reintroduce I got I got you now now i'd feel
like like stress that I just got some of the
words wrong for what for? In my head? I was,
for some reason envisioning the song New York. I don't
know why. I mean that just was what I was
(00:42):
that Felicia Keys, jay Z and Z this is the
kind of thing. And but Beyonce is not on that song.
I didn't say, Beyonce, are you trying to fight with me?
Do you want to have an argument right now? Like,
I just don't understand what your point is. Well, I mean,
you just really brought up in some old school jay
Z that had to rack my brain around gosh him.
(01:05):
So wonder how we get along together? Can we bring
up an internal struggle that I've been trying to bring
that I've been dying to bring up on this one
problem to the next shore please. I don't know if
you guys have seen the Dolly Parton challenge on Instagram,
which is where you post like four photos next to
each other and it's like Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Tinder or whatever.
(01:27):
I have an internal struggle, and I it's more of
like a maybe a three to four month thing because
I used to always get behind these like trendy things,
like remember like posting your top nine. Oh, yeah, that
was a big thing. I didn't. Did you do at
the end of twenty nine? Team didn't do it this year? Now?
I did at the end of sixteen, seventeen and eighteen,
right into at the end of nineteen. And I kind
(01:48):
of because you are so controlled by social media. If
it's not the cool thing to do, then you're not
going to do it. Oh it was the cool thing
to do at the end of twenty not this year end. Yeah,
they were. I saw handfuls of cool people doing That's
a whole other question for another time, But I cannot
wait to know who's cool to you. If you have
(02:12):
a lot of followers, sure of course that makes you
immediately cool. Of course you didn't. Did you even know
what the Dolly Parton challenge was. I didn't know that
it was called the Dolly Parton challenge. But I know
what you're talking about, the like the LinkedIn Facebook, tender Instagram.
Why didn't you post one? I don't know. It was
too much work. Well, that was one of the I
(02:34):
didn't know how to do it. I didn't know how
to get the layout with the text. Sometimes I just
don't have very much patience, and like, my photos are
such a jumbled mess right now. What I need is
to like organize my photos all into like different albums
and sections so that I can actually go and grab
a photo. But I mean I've got like thousands and that,
(02:58):
like I have way too many photos I need to delete,
like photo shoots of myself. Oh you mean actually on
your camera role, not on your Instagram. I was gonna say, no,
my god, why does it have to be Anyways, now
it works that you could be anything. I just was
trying to figure out how you were going to organize.
But then I figured, okay, now you're organizing your photo role. Yeah,
(03:19):
so anyways, we just went down a little bit of
a rabbit hole. My photo role, my camera role is
a little bit of a mess. So that's why. I
didn't really feel like doing it because I felt like
it was too much work to sit and scroll through
a bunch of my photos to do that. I mean,
it could have just been easier to choose something that
you've already posted from your Instagram album boring, though I
don't think that that would have gotten as good of engagement.
(03:43):
I guess so the internal struggle is nobody wants to
see a photo they've already seen. Remember the mannequin challenge?
Oh my god? Remember planking? Yeah, I mean these are
all things that we did. I didn't Why didn't you
do the quote Dolly Parton challenge? I just kind of
felt like, this is stupid. I actually really enjoyed what
(04:05):
other people posted. I didn't think it was stupid. I really,
I actually really liked it. I mean, some people's were funny,
but it just it gets to a point where it's
like redundant unless it's funny. It's not like some people's
are just like them posting there four different photos of themselves,
which I didn't think was very entertaining. The mannequin challenge
(04:25):
was created because remember, it was like you'd walk through
the room when it was that one song rap song
playing and everyone was frozen. So some people got like
good and creative with that. I couldn't have done anything
like that. I can't stay still like that, first of all,
and second, I just didn't have the mind space to do.
So maybe we're getting older, were yeah, and we don't
have patients for this kind of crap. No, I'm not.
(04:48):
I'm not classifying myself like that. Well now I don't
feel really good about myself because it was too much
work to go through all of your photos. I couldn't
possibly sit and scroll with my thumb. How many photos
you have in your album? I don't know. I have
so many thousands, and thus what I would assume, I
(05:13):
don't know how how do you even see? Oh my god,
you have four thousand more than none of them are organized.
It's you're gonna make albums for like selfies. But yeah,
like so we're you know, it's like somebody wanted to
see a photo of my dog. I would have to
scroll for like three months to the last time I
like or what would feel like three months ago. I
(05:35):
was just like, I don't have anything like offhand. You
know what I realized when I was looking at I
changed my default photo on Instagram out from the logo
are you with Me? To actual photo of me because
now we're kind of out of that promo phase and
I realized that a lot of my photos are kind
of catfishy. Oh my god, all the good ones have
(05:55):
sunglasses on. Oh my god, are you hiding behind? I
don't know which. I howd to thought if you really
haven't met me, you would only know me as like
Mr Sunglass. Are you insecure? No? But I mean I
think a lot of the time I take photos outside
them in sunglasses. What about hats? You do wear a
lot of hats, hats and sunglasses. I mean the defollows
me in a hat and sunglasses kind of wearing a
(06:17):
hat right now? Oh my god, you are catfishy. Like
I don't have like a direct straight on head shot.
Oh my god, let me take a head shot photo
of you with a hat or without a hat? Oh
my god, no, with no hat, no sunglasses. You have
to do my hair smiling. Yeah, you gotta do. Looking
at the game. We're looking off straight on, just from
(06:38):
upper shoulders and up. But I don't think a lot
of no sexy like you know, shirtless, no arms showing
we're just doing just face. You want me to post
that statically? I mean, I feel like you need some
photos on your on your page so that your followers
understand what I look like exactly who you really figure
(07:00):
out what you could connect dots. I guess if that's
how you you can't. Because we were actually at a
restaurant a few months ago and we texted the GM
that we were coming and he said, and I said, oh,
we're could we see He said, oh, no, I'm not working,
And then all of a sudden, the other manager came
up and was like, oh, are your friends with blah blah?
He should And then I was like, how did you
do that? He's like, oh, I said, I'm your Instagram.
(07:22):
So I mean it's not that catfishy. Oh my god,
that GM is so good at their job. I mean,
what how else would you tell them what they look like?
Sometimes I get really nervous, even if it's somebody that
I've known for like a really long time, and like
even if it's like somebody I grew up with and
I haven't seen them in a long time and you're
not expecting to see them or they're not expecting to
see you. I'm always a little like scared to be
(07:44):
like oh hey blah blah blah, and then just like
oh hey Samuel, and then have them turn around and
then them just like that moment of like just staring
at you, figuring out who you are, how they know you.
I hate that. I always want to be like, hey, Beatrice,
(08:06):
it's actually Spidell, Like I'm just I hate that. I'm
always nervous that like, oh, well my hair is a
little bit darker now, or oh I have bangs, or
like I look totally different. Like I'm always nervous for
that moment like that people aren't going to be like
who are you? It's like yeah, but don't you that
have like your porter, like hey we went to high
school together. Hey we used to work together. Hey you know,
I know, I know. But that it's that moment of
(08:28):
like letting them figure it out that I hate that
I jump into like giving them their answer. I don't
let their brain work. I think maybe your should be
given to you by saying hey Beatrice and then she
turns around like it's a she spidel. You used to
work with me, Okay, thank you for your support through
(08:51):
this issue. Thanks for calling me old for not doing
the Dolly Parton challenge. Let's switch gears here for a minute.
It all right, well, speaking of social media. Over the weekend,
Ashley and I watched the Taylor Swift Miss American a documentary, Yes,
And I just have to say Tim was the one
that really wanted to watch it. I love docs. I'll
(09:13):
watch any documentary. And I think because I had like
a preconceived notion about who she was or who I
thought she was, And I'm so glad that we watched
it because my whole opinion on her is completely changed.
The gist of it in the beginning, that's how she
talks about how she where she found the most joy
(09:34):
was getting applauses, getting compliments, having success in her career.
Those were like her three main pillars that she was
able to find peace, comfort, and joy, which has got
to be really interesting. Interesting growing up so young with
all of that energy and applause and praise being thrown
(09:55):
at you, that's got to be a weird thing to
learn how to balance then as an adult when you
maybe aren't working right, when people that when there wasn't
thirty five thousand people applauding for you, when you donate
to charity or something to do something like doesn't deserve
an applause, or just like wake up, get out of
bed and feed your dog. Wanted a good Yeah, Nixon,
(10:18):
could you start giving me some praise please. So anyway,
when after the movie was done the night was over,
Ash and Edward discussing that we're hosting a party in
like a month, and I said, I'm really motivated to
go to the gym over the next thirty five days
before this party because I want to. I want to
look so good at the party that I could wear
a tight shirt and get compliments from everyone about how
(10:39):
good my body looks, which I did not know that
we were throwing this party for it to be like
Tim's like reveal exactly his big reveal. Also, I kind
of hope that the weather is awful and you have
to wear like a sweatshirt. I'm wearing something tight regardless
if I'm there. What do you mean if you're there, Well,
I mean I you're coming to the party. We're hosting it. No,
(11:02):
I mean if I'm there to show off, like if
my body is prepared. Which then before we jump further
into this, I realized the last time I got a
body compliment was in August too long ago. You maybe
just kind of know it's winter time, so maybe you
kind of just were the winter which September, October November
(11:25):
is not considered winter. That's true, not in southern California.
But anyway, to look at this from like a deeper level,
and we made a joke of it, like oh my god,
I sounded like Taylor Swift, But taking a deeper look
at it, I think that social media and how we're
perceived and how we are quote like is the thing.
(11:46):
And I was when I said it jokingly, but I
was serious and then like thinking about it more like
yesterday and today, and like before we taped, I was like,
it is kind of crazy that, like I don't care
if when we go over to I don't know, insert
friends or family's name, that they're like, oh my god, Tim,
you look so good, and they like, grab my arm
(12:08):
and chest. I'm thinking you do really care? To him, no,
I thought that I do care. But why do I care?
You tell me? I don't know. Of course it does.
Of course, everybody loves praise and approval, and it's something
else when you're getting praise and approval for something that
(12:29):
you've worked hard for, like maybe body goals or something.
But I mean, I don't know. Some people also would
be super uncomfortable with being praised for the way their
body looks. Yeah, but do you when you're like, I
work out to be complimented? Got it? Okay? Is this
(12:53):
just all your way of telling me that you want
me to be more verbal with you? Fantastic verbal? Your
arms are bulging out of that shirt. You're wearing a
RAM shirt right now. You must be a RAMS football.
You look like alignment, wrong football position. Do not call
(13:17):
me that. That is how I've looked over the past
six How about a tight end? That's why I played
in high school. I'm good with that. There we go.
But I think that when you look at you know,
even how they I mean they removed the likes from Instagram.
They haven't done that for me yet, but I know
a lot of people it's like like by actually Spidel
and others. For some people that says, yeah, mine still
(13:37):
says that. I don't think that they have fully removed
the legs. For some people they have, but barely anyone.
I don't know. I've seen people post like, oh well,
there goes like it was like forever ago, everyone still
has their legs. Anyways, we cannot argue about this, but
the point is is that people find joy in getting reward, yes,
but a lot of people also are very uncomfortable with it.
(14:00):
And speaking of social media and the likes, so many
people hate that. And I know that social media can
be a really dark place for people, not only as
like this rabbit hole that you can just like find
yourself down these weird spirals of looking at people and
hunting down people essentially that you really shouldn't be. But
then there's this, you know, Instagram is just are what
(14:24):
would you call it, like are a reel of just
all good things, point of reference for like what we
want to show off, like our highlight reel. Instagram is
just a highlight reel. We don't show off Nobody shows
off the bad. Very few people show off the bad
um and the ugly. So it's that people struggle with that.
And I get that. I mean, I try and view
(14:46):
social media for what it is and so that I
don't have a negative relationship with it, But I know
so many of my friends have a really tough relationship
with social media. Could you do a cleanse where you like,
don't go on it for thirty days. I probably should,
to be honest, I probably should do a social media cleanse.
I just try to be I try to be more
(15:06):
mindful about like not always jumping onto like click refresh.
What's your go to thing on Instagram? What is it
that gets you on there when you probably should be
doing something else. I find the most joy and completing
watching everybody's story. I don't think I've ever been able
to do that because you follow so many more people
than I do. Love the bloggers. You can't even count
(15:31):
how many lines I have on top of the screen.
But anyway, I that's what That's what gets me to
go on because I want to complete it. It's more
like a completion thing, not a lurking thing. Interesting. Yeah,
I don't do the whole lurking thing either, But like
I said, I think I have a pretty healthy relationship
with social media. Um My thing that gets me on
probably when I shouldn't be in the middle of the day,
(15:53):
or when I'm maybe in the middle of doing a
task or a chore or something, or in the middle
of the workday is story reads. I love the stories.
I don't love to scroll. I don't love to like
see what people have posted, which is kind of weird.
But I don't know. I think that's something that I
should do. Probably that would be healthy for my relationship
(16:14):
with social media or even Instagram would be to unfollow
a bunch of people and then there's less um content
to consume. And yeah, maybe I should do some sort
of like a cleanse or something. I've tried to not
go on at nighttime. Um, before we went to bed
last night, and I slept awful. I couldn't fall asleep
(16:35):
last night. That's probably why. I don't know. Yeah, because
your brain is like turning your brain on, it turns
out what it's called the blue light that yes, I
need to get. I need to get blue light blockers
and then I can just watch all the Instagram that
I want. You know, it's so funny. I just catch
myself now. I believe I just said multiple times how
(16:58):
I have a healthy relationship with social media. I mean
that's absolutely not true. I mean maybe in comparison to others.
Maybe in comparisons. Why is it unhealthy? Because it pulls
it pulls me out of things that I should be
doing or things that I need to be doing. Or
(17:20):
it's a distraction. But also, I mean, I think being
healthy is recognizing that. And then you're saying, oh, maybe
I do need to do X, Y or Z, but
now you need to take action. Yeah, no, that's so true.
So I have a healthy, unhealthy relationship with social media.
But at least I'm recognizing it, yes, and I'm communing.
I'm being communicative about it. Communication is one of the
(17:40):
most important things in any relationship. What about your just
you have a working relationship with social media, you constantly
trying to improve. I am I'm trying to improve. I
want to have a good relationship with it. So but no,
what's so interesting is that when you you know, when
I was saying that I felt good about getting compliments
or whatever. I think it's important as people and any
(18:02):
you know, whether it's your work life, your family life,
your friend life. I think it's important to complement people.
I think it's so much. So many more times than others,
you get told that when you did something wrong, when
you didn't do something, when you weren't nice, when you
didn't meet a deadline, when you got an F on
a test or whatever that may be. Whereas I try,
(18:23):
I try and make a point to when someone does
something nice or does something right or whatever, to point
it out and give acknowledgement to it. I love that. No,
I think we absolutely need way more of that. There's
so much negativity in our lives. Like even just our
own self talk in our own head can be a dark,
(18:45):
negative place. Um are quiet times spent on the road
commuting or driving from place to place can be a
negative space as well. Not to mention our work life,
maybe even our home life, like whatever, there's so negativity
that we're surrounded by. And I definitely don't think that
we give as much as many compliments and as much praise,
(19:08):
as much praise as we should, and as many compliments
as we used to. For some reason, I feel like
they were like in a drought of giving compliments. I
don't know why, and I feel I've felt this for
like a while now, But no, it's not like a
normal thing anymore. I feel like to compliment one another
(19:30):
when you see them interesting, it's just oh my gosh, hi,
how are you so good to see you? It's not
like you don't normally jump out and somebody doesn't normally
jump out and be like, I love your this this
looks great, Like how are you? You're so this, you're
so that, And like I don't feel like we are
building each other up as we once did or as
(19:52):
much as we should be. When did, I felt like
I was in a place in like high school and
college where that was like the norm. It's right when
you would see someone you're your friends or whatever. It was. Yeah,
I don't think and maybe those were like empty, you know, compliments,
(20:15):
but still it was like positive praise, and I don't
think they were because I say this, and that was
just like my friend group and high school and college
that maybe just did that, but that was my experience.
And then after that it seemed like as we got
older and we became adults, became more like inside of
(20:36):
our own selves and like our our own chaos of
everything going on, we forgot to stop, slow down and
connect with each other and compliment each other and say positive,
nice things to each other. I do I agree with
you that I do like getting giving compliments and getting compliments.
I enjoyed giving them, No tim you love getting compliments,
(20:59):
even it's I like to give them as much as
I like to get them. But with that being said,
I feel like as you say that. There's times where
I've thought, oh, I like that shirt, I like that
whatever I like, but I don't. You don't say it.
I don't say it. So I'm gonna make a point
everywhere I go this week and every person I run into,
I'm going to give them a compliment right away. If
you think it, say it. It needs to be authentic,
(21:19):
you know. Oh god, now you make me feel like
I'm not gonna be authentic. No. Yeah, now I'm like
the inauthentic patrol. Yeah. But on the flip side of that,
when somebody gives you a compliment, you need to respond
in a way that encourages it, rather than if someone says, oh,
I want to do thank you so much for doing this.
I want to give you this. You can't say something like, oh,
(21:42):
you don't need to do that. I feel like this
is cartillion class by Timid Ashley, like you should say
like that is very Absolutely you need to accept all
the positive things that come your way, even though it's
not easy to do at times. We'll accept it. Yeah,
but you need to. But you said like, oh, thank you,
that's you are very sweet and thoughtful. Tim. I don't
(22:06):
know this rabbit hole that you're going down, like, Okay, no,
this is actually I'm pinpointed it right at you because
the other day someone, someone, someone literally gave you a
compliment and your response was, no, you don't need to
do that. Who was it what they say? Share? No,
(22:28):
I just think that, Okay, I'll try and get better
about that or call me out in the moment. Okay,
I think that the response is yes, that is so
nice of you. I would gladly accept that. New Rolls Royce.
Your examples are so out of control, so are yours.
You're saying jay Z in the beginning of this episode,
(22:49):
what does that have to do with anything? It was
a great rendition. Thank you, You're welcome. How did I
do it accepting that one? You know what I've been
doing actually lately that I wrote is is when people
are like, oh my gosh, that like if I made
dinner or something like oh my gosh, that was so good,
or oh my gosh, something like they give a compliment,
(23:11):
I'm like, I know, right, is that bad? I don't
say thank you, I'm like yes, ending them, I'm like, yeah,
I know it was. I don't mean to be like
arrogant or anything by saying that, but like that's my
way of like completely agreeing with them. Yeah, I know
(23:31):
I should be saying thank you. Anyways, I think I
don't need you to give me lessons in being appropriate. No,
I think it's fine if you agree with someone like,
oh yeah, it was really good. But I think if
someone says you look great in that dress, you can't
say I am done talking about this because I hate
your examples. Well, your compliment was about food, you could
(23:55):
agree with the food. A compliment about your body or
your life, I'm done. I'm done. Actually I'm not done
talking about this. I just my point was that I
just think that as adults, we are so consumed with
all the chaos going on around us, um, whether it's
(24:16):
like work or relationships or friends or family or children
or whatever it is, and I don't think that we're
even slowing down and really actually connecting with each other,
whether we're giving each other like authentic compliments, or we
are really talking about what's going on in each other's lives.
(24:36):
Not just like I don't need to hang out with
somebody and have them talk to me about their child
for forty five minutes or something like that. It's like, no,
I want to know about my friend who I'm spending
time with. Yes, I want to know what's going on
in their life, But there needs to be this balance
and this deeper connection between between us. I think I
(25:00):
agree with you a lot of time when you get
together with people and it's like, oh my god, be spent.
I know everything about every person in their life and
we didn't talk about one thing about them exactly, or
like they just told me everything negative. I know everything
negative that's going on in their life, or or they
tell you everything going on in their life and they
never reciprocate and say, what's going on you? I think
(25:21):
that's actually the worst one exactly. But even still, all
those different examples, I mean, I just feel like we
need to be connecting more, and so going back to
social media, that's definitely not the way to be connecting.
It's not through giving likes, a k a approval, a
comment on one of Tim's photos saying damn you look
(25:42):
good shirtless, but it is it is for Tim, Okay,
it is her Tim. So how do we do more
of that? Be mindful and be present and lead by example.
I guess yeah, I think if you start complimenting and
being being positive with those people. I think it will.
It's not just about complimenting though that I'm talking about.
(26:03):
I said positive, and you're going in you're talking about
I'm talking about like going deeper and having more of
like a human connection with each other. If you take
that lead and you go and you do that with somebody,
they're going to either lead or follow your example and
do exactly or they're not going to it, then you
don't need him in your life. Okay. I don't think
(26:25):
it's that cut and dry. Eventually you're gonna realize if
every time you hang out, do you have someplace to be?
Right now? Are you ready to just like end this
segment in this show and just move on? This is
what you need to do. Actually, just cut him out
of your life. All right, let's wrap it up. Thanks
for listening. No, I think that you're going to come
a point where if you hang out with someone three
times and you are behaving this way and they don't reciprocate,
(26:49):
then I don't think that's how relationships work. I don't. Okay,
So you just want to keep going down in this
getting beat up? Wow, that was an awful dinner that
what are you talking about? We could not be more
on the opposite page tonight. That was not compliment. No,
(27:12):
that's just me going deep. So it's not nice. It's
be deep and being honest. I'm not trying to hear you.
I'm not trying to tear you down and just being straightforward.
We're not on the same but tomorrow and the next
(27:33):
night we're also not on the same page. I'm not
going to write you out of my life because three
strikes you're out is not how it works in my book.
My friend, I'm not saying the right people off. I'm
just saying, if eventually people don't pick up on your vibe,
why are you going to continue to pursue that. I
just don't feel like you've had very good advice this
whole show. Are You with Me? Because I know you're
(27:57):
not with Tim. Everyone is with me. Thanks for listening
to this week's episode of Are You with Me? A k. A.
Ashley
Allow us to reintroduce ourselves. I'm Ashley spide Out and
I'm Tim and this is are you with me? You
the jay Z music? Tim? Could you? What is it
jaz music? Jay Z? No? I know what song? Why?
And I'm familiar with that, I've heard of him? What
(00:22):
what song are you envisioning right now? Allow me to
reintroduce I got I got you now now i'd feel
like like stress that I just got some of the
words wrong for what for? In my head? I was,
for some reason envisioning the song New York. I don't
know why. I mean that just was what I was
(00:42):
that Felicia Keys, jay Z and Z this is the
kind of thing. And but Beyonce is not on that song.
I didn't say, Beyonce, are you trying to fight with me?
Do you want to have an argument right now? Like,
I just don't understand what your point is. Well, I mean,
you just really brought up in some old school jay
Z that had to rack my brain around gosh him.
(01:05):
So wonder how we get along together? Can we bring
up an internal struggle that I've been trying to bring
that I've been dying to bring up on this one
problem to the next shore please. I don't know if
you guys have seen the Dolly Parton challenge on Instagram,
which is where you post like four photos next to
each other and it's like Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Tinder or whatever.
(01:27):
I have an internal struggle, and I it's more of
like a maybe a three to four month thing because
I used to always get behind these like trendy things,
like remember like posting your top nine. Oh, yeah, that
was a big thing. I didn't. Did you do at
the end of twenty nine? Team didn't do it this year? Now?
I did at the end of sixteen, seventeen and eighteen,
right into at the end of nineteen. And I kind
(01:48):
of because you are so controlled by social media. If
it's not the cool thing to do, then you're not
going to do it. Oh it was the cool thing
to do at the end of twenty not this year end. Yeah,
they were. I saw handfuls of cool people doing That's
a whole other question for another time, But I cannot
wait to know who's cool to you. If you have
(02:12):
a lot of followers, sure of course that makes you
immediately cool. Of course you didn't. Did you even know
what the Dolly Parton challenge was. I didn't know that
it was called the Dolly Parton challenge. But I know
what you're talking about, the like the LinkedIn Facebook, tender Instagram.
Why didn't you post one? I don't know. It was
too much work. Well, that was one of the I
(02:34):
didn't know how to do it. I didn't know how
to get the layout with the text. Sometimes I just
don't have very much patience, and like, my photos are
such a jumbled mess right now. What I need is
to like organize my photos all into like different albums
and sections so that I can actually go and grab
a photo. But I mean I've got like thousands and that,
(02:58):
like I have way too many photos I need to delete,
like photo shoots of myself. Oh you mean actually on
your camera role, not on your Instagram. I was gonna say, no,
my god, why does it have to be Anyways, now
it works that you could be anything. I just was
trying to figure out how you were going to organize.
But then I figured, okay, now you're organizing your photo role. Yeah,
(03:19):
so anyways, we just went down a little bit of
a rabbit hole. My photo role, my camera role is
a little bit of a mess. So that's why. I
didn't really feel like doing it because I felt like
it was too much work to sit and scroll through
a bunch of my photos to do that. I mean,
it could have just been easier to choose something that
you've already posted from your Instagram album boring, though I
don't think that that would have gotten as good of engagement.
(03:43):
I guess so the internal struggle is nobody wants to
see a photo they've already seen. Remember the mannequin challenge?
Oh my god? Remember planking? Yeah, I mean these are
all things that we did. I didn't Why didn't you
do the quote Dolly Parton challenge? I just kind of
felt like, this is stupid. I actually really enjoyed what
(04:05):
other people posted. I didn't think it was stupid. I really,
I actually really liked it. I mean, some people's were funny,
but it just it gets to a point where it's
like redundant unless it's funny. It's not like some people's
are just like them posting there four different photos of themselves,
which I didn't think was very entertaining. The mannequin challenge
(04:25):
was created because remember, it was like you'd walk through
the room when it was that one song rap song
playing and everyone was frozen. So some people got like
good and creative with that. I couldn't have done anything
like that. I can't stay still like that, first of all,
and second, I just didn't have the mind space to do.
So maybe we're getting older, were yeah, and we don't
have patients for this kind of crap. No, I'm not.
(04:48):
I'm not classifying myself like that. Well now I don't
feel really good about myself because it was too much
work to go through all of your photos. I couldn't
possibly sit and scroll with my thumb. How many photos
you have in your album? I don't know. I have
so many thousands, and thus what I would assume, I
(05:13):
don't know how how do you even see? Oh my god,
you have four thousand more than none of them are organized.
It's you're gonna make albums for like selfies. But yeah,
like so we're you know, it's like somebody wanted to
see a photo of my dog. I would have to
scroll for like three months to the last time I
like or what would feel like three months ago. I
(05:35):
was just like, I don't have anything like offhand. You
know what I realized when I was looking at I
changed my default photo on Instagram out from the logo
are you with Me? To actual photo of me because
now we're kind of out of that promo phase and
I realized that a lot of my photos are kind
of catfishy. Oh my god, all the good ones have
(05:55):
sunglasses on. Oh my god, are you hiding behind? I
don't know which. I howd to thought if you really
haven't met me, you would only know me as like
Mr Sunglass. Are you insecure? No? But I mean I
think a lot of the time I take photos outside
them in sunglasses. What about hats? You do wear a
lot of hats, hats and sunglasses. I mean the defollows
me in a hat and sunglasses kind of wearing a
(06:17):
hat right now? Oh my god, you are catfishy. Like
I don't have like a direct straight on head shot.
Oh my god, let me take a head shot photo
of you with a hat or without a hat? Oh
my god, no, with no hat, no sunglasses. You have
to do my hair smiling. Yeah, you gotta do. Looking
at the game. We're looking off straight on, just from
(06:38):
upper shoulders and up. But I don't think a lot
of no sexy like you know, shirtless, no arms showing
we're just doing just face. You want me to post
that statically? I mean, I feel like you need some
photos on your on your page so that your followers
understand what I look like exactly who you really figure
(07:00):
out what you could connect dots. I guess if that's
how you you can't. Because we were actually at a
restaurant a few months ago and we texted the GM
that we were coming and he said, and I said, oh,
we're could we see He said, oh, no, I'm not working,
And then all of a sudden, the other manager came
up and was like, oh, are your friends with blah blah?
He should And then I was like, how did you
do that? He's like, oh, I said, I'm your Instagram.
(07:22):
So I mean it's not that catfishy. Oh my god,
that GM is so good at their job. I mean,
what how else would you tell them what they look like?
Sometimes I get really nervous, even if it's somebody that
I've known for like a really long time, and like
even if it's like somebody I grew up with and
I haven't seen them in a long time and you're
not expecting to see them or they're not expecting to
see you. I'm always a little like scared to be
(07:44):
like oh hey blah blah blah, and then just like
oh hey Samuel, and then have them turn around and
then them just like that moment of like just staring
at you, figuring out who you are, how they know you.
I hate that. I always want to be like, hey, Beatrice,
(08:06):
it's actually Spidell, Like I'm just I hate that. I'm
always nervous that like, oh, well my hair is a
little bit darker now, or oh I have bangs, or
like I look totally different. Like I'm always nervous for
that moment like that people aren't going to be like
who are you? It's like yeah, but don't you that
have like your porter, like hey we went to high
school together. Hey we used to work together. Hey you know,
I know, I know. But that it's that moment of
(08:28):
like letting them figure it out that I hate that
I jump into like giving them their answer. I don't
let their brain work. I think maybe your should be
given to you by saying hey Beatrice and then she
turns around like it's a she spidel. You used to
work with me, Okay, thank you for your support through
(08:51):
this issue. Thanks for calling me old for not doing
the Dolly Parton challenge. Let's switch gears here for a minute.
It all right, well, speaking of social media. Over the weekend,
Ashley and I watched the Taylor Swift Miss American a documentary, Yes,
And I just have to say Tim was the one
that really wanted to watch it. I love docs. I'll
(09:13):
watch any documentary. And I think because I had like
a preconceived notion about who she was or who I
thought she was, And I'm so glad that we watched
it because my whole opinion on her is completely changed.
The gist of it in the beginning, that's how she
talks about how she where she found the most joy
(09:34):
was getting applauses, getting compliments, having success in her career.
Those were like her three main pillars that she was
able to find peace, comfort, and joy, which has got
to be really interesting. Interesting growing up so young with
all of that energy and applause and praise being thrown
(09:55):
at you, that's got to be a weird thing to
learn how to balance then as an adult when you
maybe aren't working right, when people that when there wasn't
thirty five thousand people applauding for you, when you donate
to charity or something to do something like doesn't deserve
an applause, or just like wake up, get out of
bed and feed your dog. Wanted a good Yeah, Nixon,
(10:18):
could you start giving me some praise please. So anyway,
when after the movie was done the night was over,
Ash and Edward discussing that we're hosting a party in
like a month, and I said, I'm really motivated to
go to the gym over the next thirty five days
before this party because I want to. I want to
look so good at the party that I could wear
a tight shirt and get compliments from everyone about how
(10:39):
good my body looks, which I did not know that
we were throwing this party for it to be like
Tim's like reveal exactly his big reveal. Also, I kind
of hope that the weather is awful and you have
to wear like a sweatshirt. I'm wearing something tight regardless
if I'm there. What do you mean if you're there, Well,
I mean I you're coming to the party. We're hosting it. No,
(11:02):
I mean if I'm there to show off, like if
my body is prepared. Which then before we jump further
into this, I realized the last time I got a
body compliment was in August too long ago. You maybe
just kind of know it's winter time, so maybe you
kind of just were the winter which September, October November
(11:25):
is not considered winter. That's true, not in southern California.
But anyway, to look at this from like a deeper level,
and we made a joke of it, like oh my god,
I sounded like Taylor Swift, But taking a deeper look
at it, I think that social media and how we're
perceived and how we are quote like is the thing.
(11:46):
And I was when I said it jokingly, but I
was serious and then like thinking about it more like
yesterday and today, and like before we taped, I was like,
it is kind of crazy that, like I don't care
if when we go over to I don't know, insert
friends or family's name, that they're like, oh my god, Tim,
you look so good, and they like, grab my arm
(12:08):
and chest. I'm thinking you do really care? To him, no,
I thought that I do care. But why do I care?
You tell me? I don't know. Of course it does.
Of course, everybody loves praise and approval, and it's something
else when you're getting praise and approval for something that
(12:29):
you've worked hard for, like maybe body goals or something.
But I mean, I don't know. Some people also would
be super uncomfortable with being praised for the way their
body looks. Yeah, but do you when you're like, I
work out to be complimented? Got it? Okay? Is this
(12:53):
just all your way of telling me that you want
me to be more verbal with you? Fantastic verbal? Your
arms are bulging out of that shirt. You're wearing a
RAM shirt right now. You must be a RAMS football.
You look like alignment, wrong football position. Do not call
(13:17):
me that. That is how I've looked over the past
six How about a tight end? That's why I played
in high school. I'm good with that. There we go.
But I think that when you look at you know,
even how they I mean they removed the likes from Instagram.
They haven't done that for me yet, but I know
a lot of people it's like like by actually Spidel
and others. For some people that says, yeah, mine still
(13:37):
says that. I don't think that they have fully removed
the legs. For some people they have, but barely anyone.
I don't know. I've seen people post like, oh well,
there goes like it was like forever ago, everyone still
has their legs. Anyways, we cannot argue about this, but
the point is is that people find joy in getting reward, yes,
but a lot of people also are very uncomfortable with it.
(14:00):
And speaking of social media and the likes, so many
people hate that. And I know that social media can
be a really dark place for people, not only as
like this rabbit hole that you can just like find
yourself down these weird spirals of looking at people and
hunting down people essentially that you really shouldn't be. But
then there's this, you know, Instagram is just are what
(14:24):
would you call it, like are a reel of just
all good things, point of reference for like what we
want to show off, like our highlight reel. Instagram is
just a highlight reel. We don't show off Nobody shows
off the bad. Very few people show off the bad
um and the ugly. So it's that people struggle with that.
And I get that. I mean, I try and view
(14:46):
social media for what it is and so that I
don't have a negative relationship with it, But I know
so many of my friends have a really tough relationship
with social media. Could you do a cleanse where you like,
don't go on it for thirty days. I probably should,
to be honest, I probably should do a social media cleanse.
I just try to be I try to be more
(15:06):
mindful about like not always jumping onto like click refresh.
What's your go to thing on Instagram? What is it
that gets you on there when you probably should be
doing something else. I find the most joy and completing
watching everybody's story. I don't think I've ever been able
to do that because you follow so many more people
than I do. Love the bloggers. You can't even count
(15:31):
how many lines I have on top of the screen.
But anyway, I that's what That's what gets me to
go on because I want to complete it. It's more
like a completion thing, not a lurking thing. Interesting. Yeah,
I don't do the whole lurking thing either, But like
I said, I think I have a pretty healthy relationship
with social media. Um My thing that gets me on
probably when I shouldn't be in the middle of the day,
(15:53):
or when I'm maybe in the middle of doing a
task or a chore or something, or in the middle
of the workday is story reads. I love the stories.
I don't love to scroll. I don't love to like
see what people have posted, which is kind of weird.
But I don't know. I think that's something that I
should do. Probably that would be healthy for my relationship
(16:14):
with social media or even Instagram would be to unfollow
a bunch of people and then there's less um content
to consume. And yeah, maybe I should do some sort
of like a cleanse or something. I've tried to not
go on at nighttime. Um, before we went to bed
last night, and I slept awful. I couldn't fall asleep
(16:35):
last night. That's probably why. I don't know. Yeah, because
your brain is like turning your brain on, it turns
out what it's called the blue light that yes, I
need to get. I need to get blue light blockers
and then I can just watch all the Instagram that
I want. You know, it's so funny. I just catch
myself now. I believe I just said multiple times how
(16:58):
I have a healthy relationship with social media. I mean
that's absolutely not true. I mean maybe in comparison to others.
Maybe in comparisons. Why is it unhealthy? Because it pulls
it pulls me out of things that I should be
doing or things that I need to be doing. Or
(17:20):
it's a distraction. But also, I mean, I think being
healthy is recognizing that. And then you're saying, oh, maybe
I do need to do X, Y or Z, but
now you need to take action. Yeah, no, that's so true.
So I have a healthy, unhealthy relationship with social media.
But at least I'm recognizing it, yes, and I'm communing.
I'm being communicative about it. Communication is one of the
(17:40):
most important things in any relationship. What about your just
you have a working relationship with social media, you constantly
trying to improve. I am I'm trying to improve. I
want to have a good relationship with it. So but no,
what's so interesting is that when you you know, when
I was saying that I felt good about getting compliments
or whatever. I think it's important as people and any
(18:02):
you know, whether it's your work life, your family life,
your friend life. I think it's important to complement people.
I think it's so much. So many more times than others,
you get told that when you did something wrong, when
you didn't do something, when you weren't nice, when you
didn't meet a deadline, when you got an F on
a test or whatever that may be. Whereas I try,
(18:23):
I try and make a point to when someone does
something nice or does something right or whatever, to point
it out and give acknowledgement to it. I love that. No,
I think we absolutely need way more of that. There's
so much negativity in our lives. Like even just our
own self talk in our own head can be a dark,
(18:45):
negative place. Um are quiet times spent on the road
commuting or driving from place to place can be a
negative space as well. Not to mention our work life,
maybe even our home life, like whatever, there's so negativity
that we're surrounded by. And I definitely don't think that
we give as much as many compliments and as much praise,
(19:08):
as much praise as we should, and as many compliments
as we used to. For some reason, I feel like
they were like in a drought of giving compliments. I
don't know why, and I feel I've felt this for
like a while now, But no, it's not like a
normal thing anymore. I feel like to compliment one another
(19:30):
when you see them interesting, it's just oh my gosh, hi,
how are you so good to see you? It's not
like you don't normally jump out and somebody doesn't normally
jump out and be like, I love your this this
looks great, Like how are you? You're so this, you're
so that, And like I don't feel like we are
building each other up as we once did or as
(19:52):
much as we should be. When did, I felt like
I was in a place in like high school and
college where that was like the norm. It's right when
you would see someone you're your friends or whatever. It was. Yeah,
I don't think and maybe those were like empty, you know, compliments,
(20:15):
but still it was like positive praise, and I don't
think they were because I say this, and that was
just like my friend group and high school and college
that maybe just did that, but that was my experience.
And then after that it seemed like as we got
older and we became adults, became more like inside of
(20:36):
our own selves and like our our own chaos of
everything going on, we forgot to stop, slow down and
connect with each other and compliment each other and say positive,
nice things to each other. I do I agree with
you that I do like getting giving compliments and getting compliments.
I enjoyed giving them, No tim you love getting compliments,
(20:59):
even it's I like to give them as much as
I like to get them. But with that being said,
I feel like as you say that. There's times where
I've thought, oh, I like that shirt, I like that
whatever I like, but I don't. You don't say it.
I don't say it. So I'm gonna make a point
everywhere I go this week and every person I run into,
I'm going to give them a compliment right away. If
you think it, say it. It needs to be authentic,
(21:19):
you know. Oh god, now you make me feel like
I'm not gonna be authentic. No. Yeah, now I'm like
the inauthentic patrol. Yeah. But on the flip side of that,
when somebody gives you a compliment, you need to respond
in a way that encourages it, rather than if someone says, oh,
I want to do thank you so much for doing this.
I want to give you this. You can't say something like, oh,
(21:42):
you don't need to do that. I feel like this
is cartillion class by Timid Ashley, like you should say
like that is very Absolutely you need to accept all
the positive things that come your way, even though it's
not easy to do at times. We'll accept it. Yeah,
but you need to. But you said like, oh, thank you,
that's you are very sweet and thoughtful. Tim. I don't
(22:06):
know this rabbit hole that you're going down, like, Okay, no,
this is actually I'm pinpointed it right at you because
the other day someone, someone, someone literally gave you a
compliment and your response was, no, you don't need to
do that. Who was it what they say? Share? No,
(22:28):
I just think that, Okay, I'll try and get better
about that or call me out in the moment. Okay,
I think that the response is yes, that is so
nice of you. I would gladly accept that. New Rolls Royce.
Your examples are so out of control, so are yours.
You're saying jay Z in the beginning of this episode,
(22:49):
what does that have to do with anything? It was
a great rendition. Thank you, You're welcome. How did I
do it accepting that one? You know what I've been
doing actually lately that I wrote is is when people
are like, oh my gosh, that like if I made
dinner or something like oh my gosh, that was so good,
or oh my gosh, something like they give a compliment,
(23:11):
I'm like, I know, right, is that bad? I don't
say thank you, I'm like yes, ending them, I'm like, yeah,
I know it was. I don't mean to be like
arrogant or anything by saying that, but like that's my
way of like completely agreeing with them. Yeah, I know
(23:31):
I should be saying thank you. Anyways, I think I
don't need you to give me lessons in being appropriate. No,
I think it's fine if you agree with someone like,
oh yeah, it was really good. But I think if
someone says you look great in that dress, you can't
say I am done talking about this because I hate
your examples. Well, your compliment was about food, you could
(23:55):
agree with the food. A compliment about your body or
your life, I'm done. I'm done. Actually I'm not done
talking about this. I just my point was that I
just think that as adults, we are so consumed with
all the chaos going on around us, um, whether it's
(24:16):
like work or relationships or friends or family or children
or whatever it is, and I don't think that we're
even slowing down and really actually connecting with each other,
whether we're giving each other like authentic compliments, or we
are really talking about what's going on in each other's lives.
(24:36):
Not just like I don't need to hang out with
somebody and have them talk to me about their child
for forty five minutes or something like that. It's like, no,
I want to know about my friend who I'm spending
time with. Yes, I want to know what's going on
in their life, But there needs to be this balance
and this deeper connection between between us. I think I
(25:00):
agree with you a lot of time when you get
together with people and it's like, oh my god, be spent.
I know everything about every person in their life and
we didn't talk about one thing about them exactly, or
like they just told me everything negative. I know everything
negative that's going on in their life, or or they
tell you everything going on in their life and they
never reciprocate and say, what's going on you? I think
(25:21):
that's actually the worst one exactly. But even still, all
those different examples, I mean, I just feel like we
need to be connecting more, and so going back to
social media, that's definitely not the way to be connecting.
It's not through giving likes, a k a approval, a
comment on one of Tim's photos saying damn you look
(25:42):
good shirtless, but it is it is for Tim, Okay,
it is her Tim. So how do we do more
of that? Be mindful and be present and lead by example.
I guess yeah, I think if you start complimenting and
being being positive with those people. I think it will.
It's not just about complimenting though that I'm talking about.
(26:03):
I said positive, and you're going in you're talking about
I'm talking about like going deeper and having more of
like a human connection with each other. If you take
that lead and you go and you do that with somebody,
they're going to either lead or follow your example and
do exactly or they're not going to it, then you
don't need him in your life. Okay. I don't think
(26:25):
it's that cut and dry. Eventually you're gonna realize if
every time you hang out, do you have someplace to be?
Right now? Are you ready to just like end this
segment in this show and just move on? This is
what you need to do. Actually, just cut him out
of your life. All right, let's wrap it up. Thanks
for listening. No, I think that you're going to come
a point where if you hang out with someone three
times and you are behaving this way and they don't reciprocate,
(26:49):
then I don't think that's how relationships work. I don't. Okay,
So you just want to keep going down in this
getting beat up? Wow, that was an awful dinner that
what are you talking about? We could not be more
on the opposite page tonight. That was not compliment. No,
(27:12):
that's just me going deep. So it's not nice. It's
be deep and being honest. I'm not trying to hear you.
I'm not trying to tear you down and just being straightforward.
We're not on the same but tomorrow and the next
(27:33):
night we're also not on the same page. I'm not
going to write you out of my life because three
strikes you're out is not how it works in my book.
My friend, I'm not saying the right people off. I'm
just saying, if eventually people don't pick up on your vibe,
why are you going to continue to pursue that. I
just don't feel like you've had very good advice this
whole show. Are You with Me? Because I know you're
(27:57):
not with Tim. Everyone is with me. Thanks for listening
to this week's episode of Are You with Me? A k. A.
Ashley
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