January 2, 2019 • 33 mins
Starting a new job can be nerve-wracking and awkward. Here's everything you need to know about being the new person.
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
That's my colleagues. We'll start commenting on everything I get
my assistant eyes at people and meeting. Why does my
coworker keep taking credit for all my idea? Have any
wisdom for me? Hi? I'm Alison Green. Welcome to the
Aska Manager podcast, where I answer questions from listeners about
life at work, everything from what to say if you're
allergic to your coworkers perfume to what to do if
you drink too much at the company party. Let's get started.
(00:28):
Starting a new job can be nerve racking, getting to
know a bunch of new people and new information, learning
a new culture, making a good impression, figuring out new expectations,
all while you're still figuring out where the bathrooms are
and where to get a good burrito for lunch. Our
guest today is about to start a new job and
she has questions. Hi, and welcome to the show. Hi. Also,
(00:51):
thanks for having me, Thanks for being here. So you
are about to start a new job and it's been
a while since you were the new person somewhere, and
you have a bunch of questions that you want to
talk through, all centered around getting off on the right
foot at the new place. Does that about sum it up.
That's absolutely right. I've been in my curtel for about
five years and UM in the industry for about ten,
(01:13):
and this is just very new to me. I haven't
um for for a while anyway. I haven't started a
new job in a while, so I want to make
sure I get going right. It's weird to start a
new job, I think, after you've been somewhere else for
a while. So I'm going to give you a bunch
of general advice about starting a new job, and then
let's dive into your specific questions. If that sounds good, perfect, okay.
(01:36):
So I think that one big thing to frame the
whole conversation around is don't get overwhelmed. And at the
same time, you are going to get overwhelmed because there's
going to be a huge amount of new information getting
thrown at you during your first week, everything from who
to talk to about the retirement planned how to actually
do your job, and you are not going to retain
(01:57):
all of it, and that is completely normal. So don't
panic if you feel like you can't remember everything that
is coming at you. It would be really surprising if
you could remember it all. I don't think i've ever
seen a new hire who could remember everything they were
told during their first week. So don't freak out if
you feel like you're not retaining everything, um not to
(02:18):
the extent that you can. It's smart to write things down,
and you should keep all that paperwork that they give
you on your first day. Like I think people never
look at it again after day one, But actually, if
you hold onto it unlike your third or fourth week,
you should pull it out again and take a look
at it then, because you're much more likely to retain
more of it than it's going to have more meaning
(02:39):
to you once you have a bit of a structure
built in your brain to sort of place it all
in at that point. If that makes sense, Yeah, it does.
And I mean it's three or four weeks in, it's
still appropriate to go back and ask more questions, right, absolutely, yeah,
And really, I mean I think in most jobs it
takes at least a few months to feel like you
know what you're doing and not realizing that you have
(03:01):
constant questions that you need to ask someone. And sometimes
it's even more like six months, depending on the job.
So if you're a month in and you still feel
a little over your head and you still realize you
have questions. That is completely normal, and in the vast
majority of cases that is going to go away in time.
There's usually a point later where suddenly you realize that
(03:22):
everything has clicked and you're in a flow, but it
takes a few months for most people. Yeah, bet great.
And then, related to feeling overwhelmed, take notes because you
are going to have all these details coming at you.
You're there's no way you're going to remember all of them,
so just like carry something to take notes with you
everywhere you go. You know, I think I say that,
(03:43):
but I know a lot of people religiously take notes
and then never look at them again. Of those, for sure,
there is something for some people about the act of
writing things down that does seem to lodge it in
your brain a little bit more than if you never
wrote it down. So I still think there's some benefit
to doing it, even if you aren't really good about
(04:05):
going back and looking at them. But this is a
time I think where like you know, the end of
your first week, beginning of your second week, pull out
the notes and take a look, because I bet there
will be something in there where you'll think, oh, I'm
so glad that I am remembering this. Yeah, definitely, even
if it just I'm this type of person, I'll write
a note and it'll just jog the whole conversation for
me when I look back at it. So that makes
sense exactly. And sometimes you might realize you didn't have
(04:27):
a question about the topic at the time it was
being discussed when you were taking notes, but now a
week and a half in you have more context and
it's going to jog questions for you that you'll realize
you need to ask. Yeah, for sure. Let's see. Another
big thing is culture, So you want to really make
a point of paying attention to the office culture. Every
(04:49):
office is going to have these sort of unwritten rules
about how we do things here, and sometimes they're so
ingrained in the culture that people who work there can't
even spot them in order to articulate them to newcomers,
but they can tell when someone's not following them. So
for your first couple of months, I would say, pay
a lot of attention to help people operate, So like,
(05:09):
watch things like are they all exactly on time for
meetings to the minute, And it's a huge faux pat
to walk in a few minutes late or same thing
for time of arrival in the morning. Actually, some offices
are are pretty laws a fair about it, and others
are not. Um and stuff like, you know, do people
mainly use email or slack to communicate or do they
(05:30):
pop by in person? And how do they handle lunch?
And who gets copied on emails? All of those little
things about how the office operates that you really just
kind of pick up by watching pay attention to that
stuff because you're going to learn it eventually anyway, but
if you make a concerted point of watching for it
in the beginning, I think it will help you learn
the culture more quickly, and you're it's going to feel
(05:52):
like a more familiar environment where you fit in more
quickly as well. I hadn't even thought of that, a
little little office quirks that um, yeah, I've gotten used to,
And now that I'm looking back, I'm thinking, did I
set that example for the people who were new at
my last job? That's really interesting and it's I think
it's going to feel weird to you. It would feel
(06:12):
weird to anyone starting in a job, because you're so
used to the culture at your old office and you're
going to see differences, and some of them will be
things that I bet you wouldn't have even thought of
if someone said, like, tell me about what your current
office is, like, what's the culture like? There are things
that are so ingrained and so unconscious that you wouldn't
even think to name them, but you're going to become
(06:33):
really aware of them at this next job because of
the contrast. Yeah, definitely. Well, I'm coming from a very
small company, um and where you know it's very casual
and going into a much more corporate office and there's
hundreds of people in the building and um that that
alone is very overwhelming. But to consider each of those
(06:54):
cultural nuances within that larger corporation is is a big
deal for me. So that makes a lot of sense
to follow that. By the way, do you know if
you're gonna be like in your own office or in
a cube or in an open office space? I don't
know yet. Um I believe it's going to be a
cubical kind of situation. Okay, if it were a completely
(07:17):
open office, well, first of all, you would have my sympathies.
But second, if it were an open office, I would
say there's I think there's even more practices that you
would find that had evolved about how people work in
that space, like stuff like no one ever takes a
call and speaker phone if you're lucky, and and will
be really rate if you do, or just like modulating
their voices or so forth. So if you did end
(07:39):
up in a shared space, I would say, really watch
how people navigate that, right, because it's it's so easy
to run a foul of unspoken rules in that kind
of environment. Yeah, definitely. And then I think there is
a whole category of stuff about getting aligned with your boss.
So do you have a feel for your new boss yet, Like,
(08:01):
do you have a sense of what that relationship might
be like? Yeah, it seems um, very friendly, very open. Uh.
He both interviewed me with a very open and honest
kind of tone and then also called me um just
a few weeks ago to welcome me once I did
formally accept and Um, so far seems really open, really
(08:21):
friendly and welcoming and consider it. He seems like he'll
be you know, open to working with me and and
seeing how we're going to work together. So I, um,
it feels good. He's really really good. Good. So yeah,
so your boss may initiate this when you start. But
if he doesn't, sometime during your first week, try to
sit down with him and talk about what your goals
(08:42):
should be for you, like your first month and your
first six months, and ask if there are things that
you should be reading or reviewing or people you should
be meeting with to help you get up to speed.
That is stuff that your manager should proactively take care
of talking to you about, But that doesn't necessarily mean
that he will be has Some managers, many managers, really
(09:02):
are pretty bad at training and orienting people, and it
doesn't necessarily mean that's the sign of a bad manager.
Like I think training is a whole separate skill set
unto itself, and some people are pretty decent managers, but
not super thoughtful trainers. So if you aren't getting this
stuff flowing at you from him, don't hesitate to raise
(09:24):
it on your own. Oh that's great. I've I've never
thought of that, of sitting down and just asking, like,
what do you expect of me for this particular time period,
But that would be actually really helpful for me. I
thrive on that kind of thing. We're having set goals
is really important to me, and meeting those goals or
exceeding those goals. Just it's a feel good moment for
(09:44):
me and also shows them what I can do. I
really like that idea good. Yeah, And I think there's
there's this weird feeling when you're new at a job
where you're just kind of floating and you're not anchored
to any specific expectations yet the way that you might
be six months down the road often always and it
can be hard to know, like I feel really overwhelmed.
Am I even doing an okay job? Am I where
(10:07):
they would expect me to be? Or am I really
messing those up? And if you have, if you've talked
explicitly like Okay, here is what we are expecting from
your first month, your first three months, your first six months,
then you do have something to anchor those feelings against
and you'll be able to tell, Okay, we talked about
like I should accomplish a B, C and D in
my first month, and I'm on track to do that,
and it's going to take away some of that free
(10:29):
floating anxiety that I think otherwise can be really common
when you're new. Well, that sounds great. Along the same lines,
don't hesitate to ask your manager questions about anything. Really,
it's okay to ask what can I look at to
get a better understanding of X? Or with this project
that you're asking me to do, are there samples of
this type of project from the past that I could
(10:49):
look at to see how it's been approached previously? You know,
really anything like that is I mean, if I were
your manager and you're asked me those questions, I would
be thrilled. So don't be shy about doing that. And
it's also totally okay to check in with your boss
and aska things are going. Like after you've been there
a couple of weeks, maybe two or three weeks, you
can check in with him and you can ask if
(11:09):
there's anything he wants you doing differently, or if there
are areas where he wants you to focus in more.
And again, that is stuff that he should tell you proactively.
But not all managers are on the ball with that
kind of thing, or some just take longer to get
around to it. So by you asking the question and
making it clear that you really welcome feedback, you can
(11:30):
sometimes get useful input earlier and sometimes often actually it's
just gonna be, Yeah, everything is going great, you're picking
up what we want you to pick up and it's
really nice to have that reassurance. Oh yeah, and that's
that's honestly one of the reasons that I'm leaving my
current company is I never got feedback, or if I
got feedback, it's really only felt negative. Um. And I
(11:52):
think everybody wants to feel like they're doing a good
job sometimes and um, so I was ready for something
like that. And one of the things that sold me
on my new job is, um, they actually showed me
a little bit about their feedback formula and it's basically
a three segment This is what you're doing, good, keep
doing it. This is something that I can deal with,
(12:12):
but like from a manager's perspective, but you could improve
upon it, and these are deal breakers I need to change.
And what they told me is that most people never
have anything on that third part, but it's there in
case we do come across that. And it was just
really reassuring to see that they have a formalized standard
for giving that feedback, both good and bad. Yeah. I
(12:35):
love that because it says that they're being really intentional
about making it a normal, ongoing part of their culture
and it's not going to be in office hopefully, where
the one time you get feedback is on your annual
performance evaluation in December exactly. And I never had a
performance evaluation with my old company, so super excited to
have anything. You're like the only person in the world
(12:56):
he is excited about the prospect of a pervice evaluation.
That's okay. Now, I'm actually right there with you. I
think they're they're really it's really helpful. Frankly, let's take
a quick break here and then come back and get
into your questions. You know. One other thing I would
(13:22):
say is, and we touched on this a little bit earlier,
but I want to really dry it out. Don't be
shy about asking for help when you need it, because
sometimes I think when people are new, they hesitate to
ask for help because they worry that it'll make them
look like they don't know what they're doing. But you're new,
and it's normal to not know exactly what you're doing.
(13:43):
People expect you to have questions and to need help,
and frankly, it's more alarming if a new person doesn't
ask any questions. And most people will be perfectly happy
to answer questions for you, especially if you save them
up in batches, you know, as opposed to peppering people
throughout the day with them, But most people will be
very open to it if you say, hey, do you
have ten or fifteen minutes later this week where I
(14:04):
could sit down with you and go over some of this. Okay,
that's great. One other thing kind of on that note,
you know, I know that there's another person in the
group who is going to be doing the exact same
work that I'm doing, and she's been doing it, of
course for longer, you know, would it be okay if
as I finish a part of a project or a project,
you know, just say ask her, can you check this?
(14:25):
Make sure I'm doing it right. I don't want to
sound not confident, but I want to make sure before
I get too far ahead that I'm not just totally
screwing their system up. Yes, absolutely, I think for sure
the first one or two times that you do it absolutely.
Whether or not to continue doing it after the first
one or two times, I think depends on how complicated
(14:45):
and difficult the work is generally understood to be. Um, okay,
But but you could ask that to you. You could say,
is this the kind of thing that would make sense
to have you do maybe for my first month or
does it make more sense to just do it my
my first one or two times? Okay, makes sense, you know,
before we get into your questions. Actually, one other thought
that I have that people don't always think about when
(15:06):
they start a new job is to avoid getting drawn
into office clicks or office politics. I mean, you want
to be friendly to people, of course, but just have
in the back of your head that you don't have
all of the context yet and you can't truly understand
what might be going on in a particular disagreement or
a particular conflict, and you can harm your own standing
(15:29):
if you take a side prematurely. So in your first
month or so, if people try to get you to
weigh in on any office conflicts, I would stay neutral.
And that is especially true if you hear anyone bad
mouth and your boss or bad moth in anyone really,
because it could be that they're right, but maybe you're
(15:52):
talking to the office slacker or the person with the
worst judgment in the company and you don't know it
yet because you're new. So I would just say avoid
waiting into that kind of thing for a while. Yeah. No,
that makes a lot of sense. I hadn't even thought
of that. All the office gossip, I don't. I don't
want to deal with it. It's I think it's so
easy to get ensnared into it early on because someone
(16:14):
starts being friendly and you think, oh great, someone's being friendly,
and then before you know it, you're being pulled into
that kind of conversation. Yeah. Yeah, I'll be cognizant of
that for sure. Well, so that is my initial monologue here.
Does that all make sense? Is there anything you want
to ask about there before we get into your list
of questions? No? I think it's Um, it's really helpful.
(16:36):
I Like I said, it's just been so long that
I feel like I am I'm ingrained in in what
I know, and now I'm going into a totally unknown
situation and things have probably really changed since I last
started a job. So this is really helpful for sure. Good, Okay,
tell me what's on your list? Oh, this is a
(16:57):
good one. How do I introduce myself to my new coworkers? Uh?
That's the elevator talk has always been something I've really
struggled with, kind of that first burst of explaining who
I am. What's the best way to do that that
exudes confidence but not arrogance. I that's a great question.
If your office is good about this, your manager or
(17:18):
someone else is going to do a lot of the
introductions for you. But if that doesn't happen, or if
it doesn't happen with everyone, it's totally okay for you
to just initiate it yourself. You can literally just walk
up to someone and say hi, I'm Jane Smith and
I'm the new graphic designer or whatever your role is,
and then you say I just wanted to introduce myself
and say hi, and then you can kind of tailor
(17:40):
it from there, Like if it's someone who you think
you'll be working with pretty closely, you could say, I
think we'll probably be doing a lot of work together.
I'd love to sit down and talk through any upcoming
projects anytime you want, or anything along those lines. But
people are usually going to take it from there. They'll
introduce themselves, they'll welcome you. Some people will stop there
at that point. For them, the introduction is done and
(18:02):
then they're going back to work and that's it. But
other people will ask you questions like what you were
doing before this or so forth, So just watch for
cues from them, because you'll usually get a feel for
whether someone wants extended conversation or not. If you can't tell,
and it's not somewhere like the elevator where obviously they
don't need to instantly turn back to their laptop, I
(18:23):
would say, if you can't tell, assume they're busy. Say
something like it was great meeting you, I'm looking forward
to working with you. But generally people will be pretty
friendly and will make this pretty easy for you. And
if someone doesn't, I would assume that is more about them,
not about you. You may have just found the office grump. Okay, yeah,
that makes sense. And then on the same note, you know,
(18:46):
is there any informational no notes like stuff that I
don't need to share right away? Um? I know, you know,
stuff maybe about my previous company if it were negative,
it's not particularly negative. But all dead leave for or
a reason or anything personal. Is there anything that I
just shouldn't divold right away for some reason? I would
avoid bad mouthing your old company or getting into heavy
(19:09):
details about why you left, so like if you left
because you couldn't get a raise, or your manager sucked,
or your job had become horribly boring. Don't get into
that stuff people. You know, people won't usually ask why
you left anyway, although they might ask what drew you
to this job, the new one, or the new company.
And if anyone does ask why you left and you
don't really want to get into it, a good answer
(19:31):
is to just respond with why you came to this
new one. Or you could just say like, oh, I've
been there five years, I was ready for something new.
You can't say that if you were only there you
or a year or two, that would sound odd, but
I think you actually were there for a while. Yeah
I was yep, I was there for just over five years. Yeah,
so something like you know, i've been there five years,
(19:51):
I was excited to do something new, and this job
appealed to me because of blank that works perfectly well,
and other topics I would have avoid. I think the
only ones are really the ones that you would avoid
with like a client. So no religion, no politics, no sex,
the usual off limits one but but nothing special just
(20:12):
because you're new. Well actually, I mean a caveat that
you don't want to overshare because once you've been there
a while and you've formed closer relationships with some people
you might find the e d talk to them in
a similar way to how you talk to friends outside
of work, Like you might share a little bit more
about your dating life or your family, but while you're new,
(20:33):
there's more of a danger of seeming to overshare before
you've really made those connections. So I think a good
litmus test is would I share this with a client
who I liked and had a warm relationship with, but
still had real professional boundaries up with. So be warm,
be friendly, don't feel like you have to hide major
(20:53):
things like having a spouse or having kids, But at
the same time, don't get really personal until there's more
of a foundation. You know people better. That's great, that's
really good, that's helpful. Um, And then I know, I
mentioned earlier, I will be working with one person who
I think is about my age. I know she just
got married and we're gonna be doing the same thing.
I believe we're gonna be working a lot together. What's
(21:16):
a great way to start off on the right foot,
aside from just general niceties and don't be a jerk.
Don't be a jerky is a good one. I would say,
be warm and friendly toward her, but pay attention to
her cues. If she is someone who is all business,
she's probably not up for a long conversation about Game
of Thrones, and that doesn't mean that she's being cold.
(21:37):
She might just be focused on getting you trained because
she's got other work that she has to get back to.
So don't take it personally if you're not getting signs
that she's open to chatting, but keep your tone warm
and really pay attention to the training that she's giving you.
Take notes and be engaged, because if you've ever trained anyone,
you know how unsettling it is when the person you're
(21:59):
training isn't showing any external signs that they're getting it,
like taking notes or nodding or showing that it's registering.
So be the opposite of that. Do take notes and
do stay engaged. And that's a really good way to
get on the good side of someone who's training you.
I think. Um. The other thing I think is that
you could ask her for her preferences for how you
(22:19):
work together, Like you could ask her if you expect
you're going to have a lot of questions for her.
You could ask how she prefers you handle that. Does
she want them piecemeal? As they come up, does she
want you to save them up and ask them all
in a bunch once a day that kind of thing,
because that will show consideration for her. But really, as
long as you're nice and you're paying attention, I think
(22:39):
it should go fine. Oh that's great. That makes a
lot of sense. And that's really funny too, because as
I was training someone who's gonna be replacing some of
my duties at my last job, he actually fell asleep.
Was training him. What did I do? Um? I just
kind of mudged him and reminded him that I'm not
going to be here tomorrow. So so you were literally
(23:01):
sitting there next to him talking to him and he
fell asleep. Yeah, that was alarming. He's young, and yeah,
he just I know, like the stuff was software stuff,
so I know what's really boring. But it was just
kind of like the nodding, the head nodding kind of thing.
And I'm like, oh boy, I will say that. Years
(23:24):
and years ago, in my early twenties, I had been
in a job where I've been working from home for
a couple of years, and so I got to keep
my own schedule. So I am by nature and night
owl and so I was working this ridiculous schedule where
I would sleep until like noon, I would get up,
I would work until late in the night. I was
working all the hours. I was just doing them at
(23:45):
odd times. Well, I changed positions within the organization and
I had to work from the office again. And my
first day in the office, it was after lunch, when,
of course you're always a little sleepier. And I remember
sitting in my new manager's office and she was training
me just like in this situation. And I remember the
horror of realizing that I was like physically struggling to
(24:08):
keep my eyelids open and she could probably see it.
It was mortifying. So hopefully this guy had the sense
to be a little embarrassed by it. I made sure
I wrote a lot of notes and left a lot
of procedures, but it was it was interesting, for sure.
So I guess maybe real number one, don't fall asleep. Yeah, yeah,
(24:28):
I mean to answer your question about how to get
off on a good foot with the person who's training you.
I think you've had a very good example of what
not to do, so I think I think so we'll
pause here for a quick word from a sponsor, and
then we'll come right back. What else is on your list?
(24:57):
I think the last thing I had was just how
do I get people to like me? I mean, it's um,
you know, I've been with this other company for five years.
I've gotten to know the people who are going to
laugh at my jokes. I'm kind of a um jokester,
I guess. But how do I make sure people like
me or at least don't hate me? Yeah? I think
it helps to think about what you have appreciated from
(25:21):
new colleagues who were the new hires in your old company,
because probably most of the time you were just hoping
that they are going to be a reasonably normal, nice
person without any horribly annoying habits, And so if you
show that you're that, that is going to get you
a lot of the way there. It does help, though,
I think to make a point of getting to know people.
(25:42):
So even if you are someone who normally wouldn't spend
a lot of time socializing with co workers, I think
during your first month or two it's helpful to put
in the effort to do it. Even if you're not
going to keep it up, doing it at the beginning
can help. And so that just means stuff like asking
a co worker to get coffee with you or to
grab lunch, And if you feel weird about doing that
(26:03):
as a purely social overture, you can make it about work,
like you could say, hey, I'd love to learn more
about the work that you do, or you know, would
you want to grab coffee and talk to me about
project X, Y and Z, or even more low key.
If you're not up for that, you can even just
ask people advice for things like where to get lunch
near the office, or where there's a good dry cleaners,
or people love to be asked for advice. And actually,
(26:27):
this is really interesting. There is research that shows that
when someone is helpful to you or does you a favor,
they actually like you more afterward. Really yeah, which is
pretty interesting. So ask for advice and allegedly, according to science,
that will help people feel warm and fuzzy thoughts towards you.
Oh I like science. Yeah, awesome, Yeah, that's that's really
(26:50):
helpful And that makes a lot of sense. I mean,
I I'm naturally a helpful person. I like to help
other people too, So that does write a line with
kind of what I want to be doing and and
how I want to be connecting with people. So that's great.
That makes a lot of sense. You know, I am
someone who likes obviously to give advice um and and
likes to be helpful, and I can actually see it.
(27:11):
I can see that at work. Like I when someone
takes the time to ask me for my opinion and
I take the time to give them advice and return,
I do feel good towards them. I feel like, oh,
they respected me enough to ask for my opinion, and
now we've sort of had this thing that we connected
over and I do have warm thoughts toward them afterward. Yes,
(27:31):
let's see other stuff, you know, low key stuff. Ask
about people's weekends, ask about the photos they have on
their desks, pick up on any mentions of common interests.
You know. One other thing to actually figure out if
there is a connector type in your office, like the
person who is the office social director, who's friendly with
everyone and always seems to be involved when anyone is
(27:53):
making plans. Make them one of the first people on
your list to ask the coffee because if you connect
with that person, that can be sort of an entry
point to other people too. And sometimes if you mentioned
to that person that you are eager to get to
know other people that are they will kind of take
you under their wing and help you do it. So
if you spot someone like that, make a point of
(28:14):
making an overture towards them. Well interesting, Yeah, that hannut
that there's always somebody who's kind of the the connector
that per person who puts everybody together. That makes a
lot of sense to yeah, target that person. Okay, I
can do that. You know, one thing we haven't talked about,
and maybe it's not a question that you have, but
(28:35):
the question of what to wear on your first day?
Do you feel like you're set there in terms of
how dressed up to be? That is, um, that is
a perfect question that I have agonized over my office
for several years now. Has been casual and low key,
to the point of, you know, jeans and a sweatshirt
are perfectly appropriate, and so yeah, I actually went on
(28:58):
a bit of a shopping spree and but all new
you know, business casual slacks and nice tops or dresses,
sweater dresses. It's Minnesota, so it's um a little cooler
that kind of stuff. But is there something that's most
appropriate for your first day of work? Kind of where
so your sense from being there for your interview, is
that their business casual as opposed to like formal business. Definitely. Definitely,
(29:23):
the the men um the senior level men were all
in suits mostly, and the women who are going to
be kind of on my level, we're all wearing, you know,
slacks and a nice shirt scar for something like that.
So definitely more business casual, not very formal, but not
the jeans and sweatshirts that I'm used to. Yeah, that
(29:43):
is a real change. Yeah, I think for your first day,
I might go just a very slight bit more formal
than you all the rest of the time. But like
if you would normally wear like nice pants and a
nice top, I might just fancy it up a little bit.
Like if you're someone who wears skirts, maybe you wear
a skirt that day. Maybe you just wear the nicest
(30:04):
of the new outfits that you've bought, Like just like
a fraction of a tad, nicer fraction of a tad.
I don't know if that's a unit of measurement, but
I've made it one. Um, like just a little bit
more formal than what you're going to wear the rest
of the time. But it sounds like you have a
good feel for what people in the office are wearing,
and you've already assembled the clothes that you need to
to do that. Yeah, I think so. I mean, I
(30:26):
didn't see everyone, but I just see the people who
I would be mostly working with, And it's kind of
hard to gauge as a woman, knowing that you know
your superiors. The two senior people above me are men,
and they were both wearing suits when I'm up with them.
But the woman who I'm going to be working with,
I'm thinking I kind of tried to match her style,
so whatever she was going with, I bought all of
(30:48):
that and that's smart. Um, And I wondered during the
hiring process, did you happen to interact with anyone who
was a woman, like anyone in recruiting or were you
only dealing with men just the woman who I was
going to be working with directly. I had email and
phone conversations with the HR representatives who were women, But
(31:10):
aside from that, the only one I met is the
person that I'm actually gonna be working with. Okay, because
if you wanted to, you could email. Even the HR
person who you only talked to on the phone, you
could email her or you could email the coworker who
who you did meet, and you could just say hey,
from being there. My sense of the dress code is
that it's this, but I just want to run that
by you and make sure that that's right. But that's
(31:32):
only if you really feel like you don't know. If
if you're pretty confident that you know what it is,
then I think you're fine going with that. I'm pretty comfortable,
but that that is a good point. Um, And the
people in HR were very approachable and easy to call
and easy to talk to, so that that I could
do as well. That makes sense, And they get that
question all the time, so that's not going to seem weird. Okay, good,
(31:55):
that's good. Anything else that you're wondering about, I don't
think so. I mean, I start in four days and
I'm um, I'm less nervous now. I've finished up my
past job, so I'm kind of just wrapping up. I've
got a couple of days off here, so I'm ready
and we're in a go and this has been super helpful.
(32:15):
I feel much more at ease about starting to meet
new people. I'm a little bit anxious when I meet
new people at first, but this has been really helpful. Good.
I think it'll good. Great. Well, thank you so much
for coming on. Yes, thank you, Alison, I appreciate it.
Thanks for listening to the Asking Manager Podcast. If you'd
like to come on the show to talk through your
(32:35):
own question, email it to podcast at Asking Manager dot org,
or you can leave a recording of your question by
calling eight five five six work. That's eight five ft
six nine seven five. You can get more ask a
Manager at ask a Manager dot org or in my
book Ask a Manager How to navigate clueless colleagues, lunch
stealing bosses, and the rest of your life at work.
(32:55):
The Ask a Manager Show is a partnership with How
Stuff Works, and it is produced by Paul Decktt. You
liked what you heard, please take a minute to subscribe, rate,
and review the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Google Play.
I'm Alison Green and I'll be back next week with
another one of your questions.
That's my colleagues. We'll start commenting on everything I get
my assistant eyes at people and meeting. Why does my
coworker keep taking credit for all my idea? Have any
wisdom for me? Hi? I'm Alison Green. Welcome to the
Aska Manager podcast, where I answer questions from listeners about
life at work, everything from what to say if you're
allergic to your coworkers perfume to what to do if
you drink too much at the company party. Let's get started.
(00:28):
Starting a new job can be nerve racking, getting to
know a bunch of new people and new information, learning
a new culture, making a good impression, figuring out new expectations,
all while you're still figuring out where the bathrooms are
and where to get a good burrito for lunch. Our
guest today is about to start a new job and
she has questions. Hi, and welcome to the show. Hi. Also,
(00:51):
thanks for having me, Thanks for being here. So you
are about to start a new job and it's been
a while since you were the new person somewhere, and
you have a bunch of questions that you want to
talk through, all centered around getting off on the right
foot at the new place. Does that about sum it up.
That's absolutely right. I've been in my curtel for about
five years and UM in the industry for about ten,
(01:13):
and this is just very new to me. I haven't
um for for a while anyway. I haven't started a
new job in a while, so I want to make
sure I get going right. It's weird to start a
new job, I think, after you've been somewhere else for
a while. So I'm going to give you a bunch
of general advice about starting a new job, and then
let's dive into your specific questions. If that sounds good, perfect, okay.
(01:36):
So I think that one big thing to frame the
whole conversation around is don't get overwhelmed. And at the
same time, you are going to get overwhelmed because there's
going to be a huge amount of new information getting
thrown at you during your first week, everything from who
to talk to about the retirement planned how to actually
do your job, and you are not going to retain
(01:57):
all of it, and that is completely normal. So don't
panic if you feel like you can't remember everything that
is coming at you. It would be really surprising if
you could remember it all. I don't think i've ever
seen a new hire who could remember everything they were
told during their first week. So don't freak out if
you feel like you're not retaining everything, um not to
(02:18):
the extent that you can. It's smart to write things down,
and you should keep all that paperwork that they give
you on your first day. Like I think people never
look at it again after day one, But actually, if
you hold onto it unlike your third or fourth week,
you should pull it out again and take a look
at it then, because you're much more likely to retain
more of it than it's going to have more meaning
(02:39):
to you once you have a bit of a structure
built in your brain to sort of place it all
in at that point. If that makes sense, Yeah, it does.
And I mean it's three or four weeks in, it's
still appropriate to go back and ask more questions, right, absolutely, yeah,
And really, I mean I think in most jobs it
takes at least a few months to feel like you
know what you're doing and not realizing that you have
(03:01):
constant questions that you need to ask someone. And sometimes
it's even more like six months, depending on the job.
So if you're a month in and you still feel
a little over your head and you still realize you
have questions. That is completely normal, and in the vast
majority of cases that is going to go away in time.
There's usually a point later where suddenly you realize that
(03:22):
everything has clicked and you're in a flow, but it
takes a few months for most people. Yeah, bet great.
And then, related to feeling overwhelmed, take notes because you
are going to have all these details coming at you.
You're there's no way you're going to remember all of them,
so just like carry something to take notes with you
everywhere you go. You know, I think I say that,
(03:43):
but I know a lot of people religiously take notes
and then never look at them again. Of those, for sure,
there is something for some people about the act of
writing things down that does seem to lodge it in
your brain a little bit more than if you never
wrote it down. So I still think there's some benefit
to doing it, even if you aren't really good about
(04:05):
going back and looking at them. But this is a
time I think where like you know, the end of
your first week, beginning of your second week, pull out
the notes and take a look, because I bet there
will be something in there where you'll think, oh, I'm
so glad that I am remembering this. Yeah, definitely, even
if it just I'm this type of person, I'll write
a note and it'll just jog the whole conversation for
me when I look back at it. So that makes
sense exactly. And sometimes you might realize you didn't have
(04:27):
a question about the topic at the time it was
being discussed when you were taking notes, but now a
week and a half in you have more context and
it's going to jog questions for you that you'll realize
you need to ask. Yeah, for sure. Let's see. Another
big thing is culture, So you want to really make
a point of paying attention to the office culture. Every
(04:49):
office is going to have these sort of unwritten rules
about how we do things here, and sometimes they're so
ingrained in the culture that people who work there can't
even spot them in order to articulate them to newcomers,
but they can tell when someone's not following them. So
for your first couple of months, I would say, pay
a lot of attention to help people operate, So like,
(05:09):
watch things like are they all exactly on time for
meetings to the minute, And it's a huge faux pat
to walk in a few minutes late or same thing
for time of arrival in the morning. Actually, some offices
are are pretty laws a fair about it, and others
are not. Um and stuff like, you know, do people
mainly use email or slack to communicate or do they
(05:30):
pop by in person? And how do they handle lunch?
And who gets copied on emails? All of those little
things about how the office operates that you really just
kind of pick up by watching pay attention to that
stuff because you're going to learn it eventually anyway, but
if you make a concerted point of watching for it
in the beginning, I think it will help you learn
the culture more quickly, and you're it's going to feel
(05:52):
like a more familiar environment where you fit in more
quickly as well. I hadn't even thought of that, a
little little office quirks that um, yeah, I've gotten used to,
And now that I'm looking back, I'm thinking, did I
set that example for the people who were new at
my last job? That's really interesting and it's I think
it's going to feel weird to you. It would feel
(06:12):
weird to anyone starting in a job, because you're so
used to the culture at your old office and you're
going to see differences, and some of them will be
things that I bet you wouldn't have even thought of
if someone said, like, tell me about what your current
office is, like, what's the culture like? There are things
that are so ingrained and so unconscious that you wouldn't
even think to name them, but you're going to become
(06:33):
really aware of them at this next job because of
the contrast. Yeah, definitely. Well, I'm coming from a very
small company, um and where you know it's very casual
and going into a much more corporate office and there's
hundreds of people in the building and um that that
alone is very overwhelming. But to consider each of those
(06:54):
cultural nuances within that larger corporation is is a big
deal for me. So that makes a lot of sense
to follow that. By the way, do you know if
you're gonna be like in your own office or in
a cube or in an open office space? I don't
know yet. Um I believe it's going to be a
cubical kind of situation. Okay, if it were a completely
(07:17):
open office, well, first of all, you would have my sympathies.
But second, if it were an open office, I would
say there's I think there's even more practices that you
would find that had evolved about how people work in
that space, like stuff like no one ever takes a
call and speaker phone if you're lucky, and and will
be really rate if you do, or just like modulating
their voices or so forth. So if you did end
(07:39):
up in a shared space, I would say, really watch
how people navigate that, right, because it's it's so easy
to run a foul of unspoken rules in that kind
of environment. Yeah, definitely. And then I think there is
a whole category of stuff about getting aligned with your boss.
So do you have a feel for your new boss yet, Like,
(08:01):
do you have a sense of what that relationship might
be like? Yeah, it seems um, very friendly, very open. Uh.
He both interviewed me with a very open and honest
kind of tone and then also called me um just
a few weeks ago to welcome me once I did
formally accept and Um, so far seems really open, really
(08:21):
friendly and welcoming and consider it. He seems like he'll
be you know, open to working with me and and
seeing how we're going to work together. So I, um,
it feels good. He's really really good. Good. So yeah,
so your boss may initiate this when you start. But
if he doesn't, sometime during your first week, try to
sit down with him and talk about what your goals
(08:42):
should be for you, like your first month and your
first six months, and ask if there are things that
you should be reading or reviewing or people you should
be meeting with to help you get up to speed.
That is stuff that your manager should proactively take care
of talking to you about, But that doesn't necessarily mean
that he will be has Some managers, many managers, really
(09:02):
are pretty bad at training and orienting people, and it
doesn't necessarily mean that's the sign of a bad manager.
Like I think training is a whole separate skill set
unto itself, and some people are pretty decent managers, but
not super thoughtful trainers. So if you aren't getting this
stuff flowing at you from him, don't hesitate to raise
(09:24):
it on your own. Oh that's great. I've I've never
thought of that, of sitting down and just asking, like,
what do you expect of me for this particular time period,
But that would be actually really helpful for me. I
thrive on that kind of thing. We're having set goals
is really important to me, and meeting those goals or
exceeding those goals. Just it's a feel good moment for
(09:44):
me and also shows them what I can do. I
really like that idea good. Yeah, And I think there's
there's this weird feeling when you're new at a job
where you're just kind of floating and you're not anchored
to any specific expectations yet the way that you might
be six months down the road often always and it
can be hard to know, like I feel really overwhelmed.
Am I even doing an okay job? Am I where
(10:07):
they would expect me to be? Or am I really
messing those up? And if you have, if you've talked
explicitly like Okay, here is what we are expecting from
your first month, your first three months, your first six months,
then you do have something to anchor those feelings against
and you'll be able to tell, Okay, we talked about
like I should accomplish a B, C and D in
my first month, and I'm on track to do that,
and it's going to take away some of that free
(10:29):
floating anxiety that I think otherwise can be really common
when you're new. Well, that sounds great. Along the same lines,
don't hesitate to ask your manager questions about anything. Really,
it's okay to ask what can I look at to
get a better understanding of X? Or with this project
that you're asking me to do, are there samples of
this type of project from the past that I could
(10:49):
look at to see how it's been approached previously? You know,
really anything like that is I mean, if I were
your manager and you're asked me those questions, I would
be thrilled. So don't be shy about doing that. And
it's also totally okay to check in with your boss
and aska things are going. Like after you've been there
a couple of weeks, maybe two or three weeks, you
can check in with him and you can ask if
(11:09):
there's anything he wants you doing differently, or if there
are areas where he wants you to focus in more.
And again, that is stuff that he should tell you proactively.
But not all managers are on the ball with that
kind of thing, or some just take longer to get
around to it. So by you asking the question and
making it clear that you really welcome feedback, you can
(11:30):
sometimes get useful input earlier and sometimes often actually it's
just gonna be, Yeah, everything is going great, you're picking
up what we want you to pick up and it's
really nice to have that reassurance. Oh yeah, and that's
that's honestly one of the reasons that I'm leaving my
current company is I never got feedback, or if I
got feedback, it's really only felt negative. Um. And I
(11:52):
think everybody wants to feel like they're doing a good
job sometimes and um, so I was ready for something
like that. And one of the things that sold me
on my new job is, um, they actually showed me
a little bit about their feedback formula and it's basically
a three segment This is what you're doing, good, keep
doing it. This is something that I can deal with,
(12:12):
but like from a manager's perspective, but you could improve
upon it, and these are deal breakers I need to change.
And what they told me is that most people never
have anything on that third part, but it's there in
case we do come across that. And it was just
really reassuring to see that they have a formalized standard
for giving that feedback, both good and bad. Yeah. I
(12:35):
love that because it says that they're being really intentional
about making it a normal, ongoing part of their culture
and it's not going to be in office hopefully, where
the one time you get feedback is on your annual
performance evaluation in December exactly. And I never had a
performance evaluation with my old company, so super excited to
have anything. You're like the only person in the world
(12:56):
he is excited about the prospect of a pervice evaluation.
That's okay. Now, I'm actually right there with you. I
think they're they're really it's really helpful. Frankly, let's take
a quick break here and then come back and get
into your questions. You know. One other thing I would
(13:22):
say is, and we touched on this a little bit earlier,
but I want to really dry it out. Don't be
shy about asking for help when you need it, because
sometimes I think when people are new, they hesitate to
ask for help because they worry that it'll make them
look like they don't know what they're doing. But you're new,
and it's normal to not know exactly what you're doing.
(13:43):
People expect you to have questions and to need help,
and frankly, it's more alarming if a new person doesn't
ask any questions. And most people will be perfectly happy
to answer questions for you, especially if you save them
up in batches, you know, as opposed to peppering people
throughout the day with them, But most people will be
very open to it if you say, hey, do you
have ten or fifteen minutes later this week where I
(14:04):
could sit down with you and go over some of this. Okay,
that's great. One other thing kind of on that note,
you know, I know that there's another person in the
group who is going to be doing the exact same
work that I'm doing, and she's been doing it, of
course for longer, you know, would it be okay if
as I finish a part of a project or a project,
you know, just say ask her, can you check this?
(14:25):
Make sure I'm doing it right. I don't want to
sound not confident, but I want to make sure before
I get too far ahead that I'm not just totally
screwing their system up. Yes, absolutely, I think for sure
the first one or two times that you do it absolutely.
Whether or not to continue doing it after the first
one or two times, I think depends on how complicated
(14:45):
and difficult the work is generally understood to be. Um, okay,
But but you could ask that to you. You could say,
is this the kind of thing that would make sense
to have you do maybe for my first month or
does it make more sense to just do it my
my first one or two times? Okay, makes sense, you know,
before we get into your questions. Actually, one other thought
that I have that people don't always think about when
(15:06):
they start a new job is to avoid getting drawn
into office clicks or office politics. I mean, you want
to be friendly to people, of course, but just have
in the back of your head that you don't have
all of the context yet and you can't truly understand
what might be going on in a particular disagreement or
a particular conflict, and you can harm your own standing
(15:29):
if you take a side prematurely. So in your first
month or so, if people try to get you to
weigh in on any office conflicts, I would stay neutral.
And that is especially true if you hear anyone bad
mouth and your boss or bad moth in anyone really,
because it could be that they're right, but maybe you're
(15:52):
talking to the office slacker or the person with the
worst judgment in the company and you don't know it
yet because you're new. So I would just say avoid
waiting into that kind of thing for a while. Yeah. No,
that makes a lot of sense. I hadn't even thought
of that. All the office gossip, I don't. I don't
want to deal with it. It's I think it's so
easy to get ensnared into it early on because someone
(16:14):
starts being friendly and you think, oh great, someone's being friendly,
and then before you know it, you're being pulled into
that kind of conversation. Yeah. Yeah, I'll be cognizant of
that for sure. Well, so that is my initial monologue here.
Does that all make sense? Is there anything you want
to ask about there before we get into your list
of questions? No? I think it's Um, it's really helpful.
(16:36):
I Like I said, it's just been so long that
I feel like I am I'm ingrained in in what
I know, and now I'm going into a totally unknown
situation and things have probably really changed since I last
started a job. So this is really helpful for sure. Good, Okay,
tell me what's on your list? Oh, this is a
(16:57):
good one. How do I introduce myself to my new coworkers? Uh?
That's the elevator talk has always been something I've really
struggled with, kind of that first burst of explaining who
I am. What's the best way to do that that
exudes confidence but not arrogance. I that's a great question.
If your office is good about this, your manager or
(17:18):
someone else is going to do a lot of the
introductions for you. But if that doesn't happen, or if
it doesn't happen with everyone, it's totally okay for you
to just initiate it yourself. You can literally just walk
up to someone and say hi, I'm Jane Smith and
I'm the new graphic designer or whatever your role is,
and then you say I just wanted to introduce myself
and say hi, and then you can kind of tailor
(17:40):
it from there, Like if it's someone who you think
you'll be working with pretty closely, you could say, I
think we'll probably be doing a lot of work together.
I'd love to sit down and talk through any upcoming
projects anytime you want, or anything along those lines. But
people are usually going to take it from there. They'll
introduce themselves, they'll welcome you. Some people will stop there
at that point. For them, the introduction is done and
(18:02):
then they're going back to work and that's it. But
other people will ask you questions like what you were
doing before this or so forth, So just watch for
cues from them, because you'll usually get a feel for
whether someone wants extended conversation or not. If you can't tell,
and it's not somewhere like the elevator where obviously they
don't need to instantly turn back to their laptop, I
(18:23):
would say, if you can't tell, assume they're busy. Say
something like it was great meeting you, I'm looking forward
to working with you. But generally people will be pretty
friendly and will make this pretty easy for you. And
if someone doesn't, I would assume that is more about them,
not about you. You may have just found the office grump. Okay, yeah,
that makes sense. And then on the same note, you know,
(18:46):
is there any informational no notes like stuff that I
don't need to share right away? Um? I know, you know,
stuff maybe about my previous company if it were negative,
it's not particularly negative. But all dead leave for or
a reason or anything personal. Is there anything that I
just shouldn't divold right away for some reason? I would
avoid bad mouthing your old company or getting into heavy
(19:09):
details about why you left, so like if you left
because you couldn't get a raise, or your manager sucked,
or your job had become horribly boring. Don't get into
that stuff people. You know, people won't usually ask why
you left anyway, although they might ask what drew you
to this job, the new one, or the new company.
And if anyone does ask why you left and you
don't really want to get into it, a good answer
(19:31):
is to just respond with why you came to this
new one. Or you could just say like, oh, I've
been there five years, I was ready for something new.
You can't say that if you were only there you
or a year or two, that would sound odd, but
I think you actually were there for a while. Yeah
I was yep, I was there for just over five years. Yeah,
so something like you know, i've been there five years,
(19:51):
I was excited to do something new, and this job
appealed to me because of blank that works perfectly well,
and other topics I would have avoid. I think the
only ones are really the ones that you would avoid
with like a client. So no religion, no politics, no sex,
the usual off limits one but but nothing special just
(20:12):
because you're new. Well actually, I mean a caveat that
you don't want to overshare because once you've been there
a while and you've formed closer relationships with some people
you might find the e d talk to them in
a similar way to how you talk to friends outside
of work, Like you might share a little bit more
about your dating life or your family, but while you're new,
(20:33):
there's more of a danger of seeming to overshare before
you've really made those connections. So I think a good
litmus test is would I share this with a client
who I liked and had a warm relationship with, but
still had real professional boundaries up with. So be warm,
be friendly, don't feel like you have to hide major
(20:53):
things like having a spouse or having kids, But at
the same time, don't get really personal until there's more
of a foundation. You know people better. That's great, that's
really good, that's helpful. Um, And then I know, I
mentioned earlier, I will be working with one person who
I think is about my age. I know she just
got married and we're gonna be doing the same thing.
I believe we're gonna be working a lot together. What's
(21:16):
a great way to start off on the right foot,
aside from just general niceties and don't be a jerk.
Don't be a jerky is a good one. I would say,
be warm and friendly toward her, but pay attention to
her cues. If she is someone who is all business,
she's probably not up for a long conversation about Game
of Thrones, and that doesn't mean that she's being cold.
(21:37):
She might just be focused on getting you trained because
she's got other work that she has to get back to.
So don't take it personally if you're not getting signs
that she's open to chatting, but keep your tone warm
and really pay attention to the training that she's giving you.
Take notes and be engaged, because if you've ever trained anyone,
you know how unsettling it is when the person you're
(21:59):
training isn't showing any external signs that they're getting it,
like taking notes or nodding or showing that it's registering.
So be the opposite of that. Do take notes and
do stay engaged. And that's a really good way to
get on the good side of someone who's training you.
I think. Um. The other thing I think is that
you could ask her for her preferences for how you
(22:19):
work together, Like you could ask her if you expect
you're going to have a lot of questions for her.
You could ask how she prefers you handle that. Does
she want them piecemeal? As they come up, does she
want you to save them up and ask them all
in a bunch once a day that kind of thing,
because that will show consideration for her. But really, as
long as you're nice and you're paying attention, I think
(22:39):
it should go fine. Oh that's great. That makes a
lot of sense. And that's really funny too, because as
I was training someone who's gonna be replacing some of
my duties at my last job, he actually fell asleep.
Was training him. What did I do? Um? I just
kind of mudged him and reminded him that I'm not
going to be here tomorrow. So so you were literally
(23:01):
sitting there next to him talking to him and he
fell asleep. Yeah, that was alarming. He's young, and yeah,
he just I know, like the stuff was software stuff,
so I know what's really boring. But it was just
kind of like the nodding, the head nodding kind of thing.
And I'm like, oh boy, I will say that. Years
(23:24):
and years ago, in my early twenties, I had been
in a job where I've been working from home for
a couple of years, and so I got to keep
my own schedule. So I am by nature and night
owl and so I was working this ridiculous schedule where
I would sleep until like noon, I would get up,
I would work until late in the night. I was
working all the hours. I was just doing them at
(23:45):
odd times. Well, I changed positions within the organization and
I had to work from the office again. And my
first day in the office, it was after lunch, when,
of course you're always a little sleepier. And I remember
sitting in my new manager's office and she was training
me just like in this situation. And I remember the
horror of realizing that I was like physically struggling to
(24:08):
keep my eyelids open and she could probably see it.
It was mortifying. So hopefully this guy had the sense
to be a little embarrassed by it. I made sure
I wrote a lot of notes and left a lot
of procedures, but it was it was interesting, for sure.
So I guess maybe real number one, don't fall asleep. Yeah, yeah,
(24:28):
I mean to answer your question about how to get
off on a good foot with the person who's training you.
I think you've had a very good example of what
not to do, so I think I think so we'll
pause here for a quick word from a sponsor, and
then we'll come right back. What else is on your list?
(24:57):
I think the last thing I had was just how
do I get people to like me? I mean, it's um,
you know, I've been with this other company for five years.
I've gotten to know the people who are going to
laugh at my jokes. I'm kind of a um jokester,
I guess. But how do I make sure people like
me or at least don't hate me? Yeah? I think
it helps to think about what you have appreciated from
(25:21):
new colleagues who were the new hires in your old company,
because probably most of the time you were just hoping
that they are going to be a reasonably normal, nice
person without any horribly annoying habits, And so if you
show that you're that, that is going to get you
a lot of the way there. It does help, though,
I think to make a point of getting to know people.
(25:42):
So even if you are someone who normally wouldn't spend
a lot of time socializing with co workers, I think
during your first month or two it's helpful to put
in the effort to do it. Even if you're not
going to keep it up, doing it at the beginning
can help. And so that just means stuff like asking
a co worker to get coffee with you or to
grab lunch, And if you feel weird about doing that
(26:03):
as a purely social overture, you can make it about work,
like you could say, hey, I'd love to learn more
about the work that you do, or you know, would
you want to grab coffee and talk to me about
project X, Y and Z, or even more low key.
If you're not up for that, you can even just
ask people advice for things like where to get lunch
near the office, or where there's a good dry cleaners,
or people love to be asked for advice. And actually,
(26:27):
this is really interesting. There is research that shows that
when someone is helpful to you or does you a favor,
they actually like you more afterward. Really yeah, which is
pretty interesting. So ask for advice and allegedly, according to science,
that will help people feel warm and fuzzy thoughts towards you.
Oh I like science. Yeah, awesome, Yeah, that's that's really
(26:50):
helpful And that makes a lot of sense. I mean,
I I'm naturally a helpful person. I like to help
other people too, So that does write a line with
kind of what I want to be doing and and
how I want to be connecting with people. So that's great.
That makes a lot of sense. You know, I am
someone who likes obviously to give advice um and and
likes to be helpful, and I can actually see it.
(27:11):
I can see that at work. Like I when someone
takes the time to ask me for my opinion and
I take the time to give them advice and return,
I do feel good towards them. I feel like, oh,
they respected me enough to ask for my opinion, and
now we've sort of had this thing that we connected
over and I do have warm thoughts toward them afterward. Yes,
(27:31):
let's see other stuff, you know, low key stuff. Ask
about people's weekends, ask about the photos they have on
their desks, pick up on any mentions of common interests.
You know. One other thing to actually figure out if
there is a connector type in your office, like the
person who is the office social director, who's friendly with
everyone and always seems to be involved when anyone is
(27:53):
making plans. Make them one of the first people on
your list to ask the coffee because if you connect
with that person, that can be sort of an entry
point to other people too. And sometimes if you mentioned
to that person that you are eager to get to
know other people that are they will kind of take
you under their wing and help you do it. So
if you spot someone like that, make a point of
(28:14):
making an overture towards them. Well interesting, Yeah, that hannut
that there's always somebody who's kind of the the connector
that per person who puts everybody together. That makes a
lot of sense to yeah, target that person. Okay, I
can do that. You know, one thing we haven't talked about,
and maybe it's not a question that you have, but
(28:35):
the question of what to wear on your first day?
Do you feel like you're set there in terms of
how dressed up to be? That is, um, that is
a perfect question that I have agonized over my office
for several years now. Has been casual and low key,
to the point of, you know, jeans and a sweatshirt
are perfectly appropriate, and so yeah, I actually went on
(28:58):
a bit of a shopping spree and but all new
you know, business casual slacks and nice tops or dresses,
sweater dresses. It's Minnesota, so it's um a little cooler
that kind of stuff. But is there something that's most
appropriate for your first day of work? Kind of where
so your sense from being there for your interview, is
that their business casual as opposed to like formal business. Definitely. Definitely,
(29:23):
the the men um the senior level men were all
in suits mostly, and the women who are going to
be kind of on my level, we're all wearing, you know,
slacks and a nice shirt scar for something like that.
So definitely more business casual, not very formal, but not
the jeans and sweatshirts that I'm used to. Yeah, that
(29:43):
is a real change. Yeah, I think for your first day,
I might go just a very slight bit more formal
than you all the rest of the time. But like
if you would normally wear like nice pants and a
nice top, I might just fancy it up a little bit.
Like if you're someone who wears skirts, maybe you wear
a skirt that day. Maybe you just wear the nicest
(30:04):
of the new outfits that you've bought, Like just like
a fraction of a tad, nicer fraction of a tad.
I don't know if that's a unit of measurement, but
I've made it one. Um, like just a little bit
more formal than what you're going to wear the rest
of the time. But it sounds like you have a
good feel for what people in the office are wearing,
and you've already assembled the clothes that you need to
to do that. Yeah, I think so. I mean, I
(30:26):
didn't see everyone, but I just see the people who
I would be mostly working with, And it's kind of
hard to gauge as a woman, knowing that you know
your superiors. The two senior people above me are men,
and they were both wearing suits when I'm up with them.
But the woman who I'm going to be working with,
I'm thinking I kind of tried to match her style,
so whatever she was going with, I bought all of
(30:48):
that and that's smart. Um, And I wondered during the
hiring process, did you happen to interact with anyone who
was a woman, like anyone in recruiting or were you
only dealing with men just the woman who I was
going to be working with directly. I had email and
phone conversations with the HR representatives who were women, But
(31:10):
aside from that, the only one I met is the
person that I'm actually gonna be working with. Okay, because
if you wanted to, you could email. Even the HR
person who you only talked to on the phone, you
could email her or you could email the coworker who
who you did meet, and you could just say hey,
from being there. My sense of the dress code is
that it's this, but I just want to run that
by you and make sure that that's right. But that's
(31:32):
only if you really feel like you don't know. If
if you're pretty confident that you know what it is,
then I think you're fine going with that. I'm pretty comfortable,
but that that is a good point. Um, And the
people in HR were very approachable and easy to call
and easy to talk to, so that that I could
do as well. That makes sense, And they get that
question all the time, so that's not going to seem weird. Okay, good,
(31:55):
that's good. Anything else that you're wondering about, I don't
think so. I mean, I start in four days and
I'm um, I'm less nervous now. I've finished up my
past job, so I'm kind of just wrapping up. I've
got a couple of days off here, so I'm ready
and we're in a go and this has been super helpful.
(32:15):
I feel much more at ease about starting to meet
new people. I'm a little bit anxious when I meet
new people at first, but this has been really helpful. Good.
I think it'll good. Great. Well, thank you so much
for coming on. Yes, thank you, Alison, I appreciate it.
Thanks for listening to the Asking Manager Podcast. If you'd
like to come on the show to talk through your
(32:35):
own question, email it to podcast at Asking Manager dot org,
or you can leave a recording of your question by
calling eight five five six work. That's eight five ft
six nine seven five. You can get more ask a
Manager at ask a Manager dot org or in my
book Ask a Manager How to navigate clueless colleagues, lunch
stealing bosses, and the rest of your life at work.
(32:55):
The Ask a Manager Show is a partnership with How
Stuff Works, and it is produced by Paul Decktt. You
liked what you heard, please take a minute to subscribe, rate,
and review the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Google Play.
I'm Alison Green and I'll be back next week with
another one of your questions.
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