November 6, 2024 • 31 mins
Today on “Golden Hour,” we have former Bachelor Ben Higgins on. Ben is here today to catch up with us and dish out some great advice. We kick off today’s episode getting into all the baby updates, as Ben and his wife are expecting! Then, we get into Ben’s love story with his wife Jess, including some vital rules that helped them get through a stint of long distance. And, of course, we have Ben helping us answer some listener write-ins. Tune in to hear all this and more, and be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks for
joining us, everybody. Susan, how are you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:13):
I'm great, ready to rock?
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Can you believe we're doing it together?
Speaker 4 (00:16):
I know.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
It's so nice to be in the studio.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
I can actually see her face in real time.
Speaker 4 (00:21):
Amazing and I'm dressed from the waist down. Hey, And
if you haven't done it yet, I don't know what
your problem is. You got to follow us, follow our
podcasts and you'll never miss an episode. They'll let you
know whenever a new one comes out. And trust me,
we've had some great ones.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
And we want you.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
To follow the podcast because you will get notified every
time there is a new episode out. So get on there,
watch us, follow us, write us a review.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Have we been having fun or weca?
Speaker 4 (00:53):
I mean, you guys don't know what you're missing, So
keep the questions coming. So we do have something to
talk about at bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour, and
we have some really.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Great questions today with our special guests. You guys are
going to love this.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Our guest today may be one of my favorite of
all time. We are here welcoming a true fan favorite,
Ben Higgins, how are you doing, Ben?
Speaker 5 (01:21):
We know I got the email asking me to do this.
This is I've told you for a long time.
Speaker 6 (01:26):
This is a.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Dream you had us, so we need you.
Speaker 6 (01:31):
Yeah, it's a trade off. I hope.
Speaker 5 (01:33):
I hope that I can give as good in entertainment
as the two of you do. But We've had a
lot of fun together and I've always enjoyed being around
both of you.
Speaker 6 (01:43):
Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
One thing though, one thing you taught us though, you
told us very early on how to negotiate each other.
And you know what I mean, balance that ball, you
know when I'm in school.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
And now I'll tell you what I remember. First of all,
I think you give some of the best advice or
I love listening to your podcast. But secondly, when we
first started, you said to me, and I'll never forget
it when you have a guest on, let the guests
talk because people want to hear the guests.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
And here we are, right okay.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
And also I hear that you've got a little booboo
on your hand that needs some attention.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
What's going on?
Speaker 5 (02:24):
I came on the day wanting advice from two mothers.
I I woke up in the middle of night and
my finger was just throbbing, and then I woke up
and I have this like bump that kind of runs
on the outside of my finger into my cuticle and
it feels hot.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Can I tell you what, Doctor Schwartz, that would that
would be I?
Speaker 3 (02:43):
That would be me.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Uh, you have what is called paranikea, and in Leamen's terms,
Lemon's terms, it is an infection in your cuticle.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
There's just some us. It's hard to go to the doctor.
I do them all, you know.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Susan and what you you can try to get us
a needle, sterilized it and open it up and get
the infection out. I did that, but I'm also on antibiotics.
I had the same thing last week.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
I think you're going to survive, but do try it.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
You know what, I love Ben and I haven't. It
is very painful, but you know we're going to get
to this. Your wife, Jess is pregnant, and I mean
a para Niki is like tea and crumpets compared to
what she's going through.
Speaker 5 (03:32):
Trust me, I've been witnessing it. She's a trooper. Let
me tell you that she is like my wife has
this uh this characteristic about her that I.
Speaker 6 (03:44):
Don't have I know.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Yeah, she's cool.
Speaker 5 (03:50):
She doesn't want to make like she doesn't like to complain,
and she doesn't want to make my life harder, which
at times is frustrating some I'm like, we're partners, you
can make my life harder. But she is right now,
twenty three weeks pregnant, has kind of been through the ringer.
She's a tiny human, so like this is a lot
(04:11):
for her. Our baby as of to yesterday is the
size of a game boy.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Jo, way do you love?
Speaker 3 (04:20):
You know?
Speaker 1 (04:20):
My daughter had her first child like seventeen months ago,
and she'd come home and say, today it's the size
of a pee. You know, Now it's a pair, and
now a watermelon. Now it's a game boy. I mean,
do you love the the measuring sticks they use for pregnancy?
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Now?
Speaker 6 (04:37):
I love it.
Speaker 5 (04:38):
I love to see Jess get excited about it.
Speaker 6 (04:42):
I if I'm honest and she knows this.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
I am still in a phase of freak out in
like a healthy way, like I'm ready to be a dad.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Until you hold that baby, you will be yeah, and
then you'll freak out with.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
How are you going to fe about two women in
the house?
Speaker 5 (05:02):
Uh, well, there's two men right now, myself and my dog.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Oh okay, that will balance.
Speaker 6 (05:08):
Yeah, so we'll balance it out.
Speaker 5 (05:10):
Being a girl dad is something I always grew up,
I mean since I was little, saying I never want
to be because I know that she's going to crush me.
Speaker 6 (05:18):
I am a very sensitive human.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Oh god, you're doomed, babe, your dude, this is your daughter.
Speaker 5 (05:26):
She can get very I have had to go to therapy.
I've had I've had to work because I get easily hurt,
like not offended, more than just like her.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
I question a lot of things feelings.
Speaker 6 (05:40):
Yeah, I'm I always worry. I don't know what March
twenty thirty.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
I'm a pipe to. We're piscis, that's why.
Speaker 5 (05:48):
Yeah, I just I'm always think, like my mind's always
going about worst case scenario thinking and and so I
was always like, I can't have a daughter. But now
we're working on the nursery right now.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
And I've been that color, what color we do in
the nursery.
Speaker 5 (06:04):
Like a light pink, it's really pretty. And then I
did like a Wayne's coat.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Below sounds like my daughter's nursery.
Speaker 6 (06:11):
Yeah, and it's Winnie the Pooh themed. My wife and
I love Winnie the Pooh.
Speaker 4 (06:15):
Do you like doing these sort of things like the
because that will only last a year?
Speaker 2 (06:20):
If that okay? So I want to happen.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Yeah, really, I want to ask you Ben like your
dog Whalen. My daughter and her husband have a boxer,
and my son in law sounds just like you. That's
his first born. It's his son, I mean exactly. And
I also have a daughter, so exactly the same scenario.
And I said to my daughter, when you have this baby,
(06:47):
this dog is going to become secondary.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
No, mom, never never know.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Well, so what's happened is it's the dog is definitely
secondary for her and my son in law, Johnny is
like like he has he has two children.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
I mean, it has not changed. You think it's going
to happen to you.
Speaker 5 (07:05):
Yeah, I mean, whyl and I are like work buddies.
He you know, this is my office. I work from home.
I sit here all day. He's with me all day.
Speaker 6 (07:14):
You know.
Speaker 5 (07:14):
I take a lot of meetings on walks with him
like that.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
That that won't change, right, Yeah, that won't change.
Speaker 5 (07:21):
Now he takes up a lot of the bed at night,
and so that might change a little bit over time.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
I swear, I'm feeling like I'm talking to my daughter,
same exact thing.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Yeah, I can't see that.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
You know what they've done.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
They put a thing at the foot of the bed,
his bed, and the minute they go to sleep or
turn their eye, he's right back up in bed with them.
Speaker 5 (07:42):
Yeah, he's my buddy, and he he also, I think,
will be You know what I understand about baby stage
is Jessica is going to have a lot more work
to do than I am.
Speaker 6 (07:56):
Yeah, she's going to try. That's her hope.
Speaker 5 (07:59):
She really wants to, and so they'll be like the
sweet relief of quiet on walks for me.
Speaker 6 (08:07):
And I'm okay with that.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
And you must have done a lot of reading.
Speaker 6 (08:10):
Yeah, well, oh no, Look I have I literally.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
What to expect when you're expecting your first child.
Speaker 6 (08:17):
It's called The Birth Partner. It's so thick.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
What page are you?
Speaker 6 (08:25):
Jeez, I've read a lot of it.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
Let me just tell you.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Let me ask you something. What did you get out
of it so far?
Speaker 4 (08:30):
Give me like three things that you didn't know that
that book told you.
Speaker 5 (08:35):
Well, let me start with the things that I probably
should have known that. Okay, So just gives me this
book and I open it up and the first two
chapters are about where to massage my wife during pregnancy.
I'm like this, this is funny, this is I hope
there's a whole chapter dedicated to the birth present, the
(08:55):
push present.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Yes, you do not. There's a gift. Do not forget
the ladies come on, no, no, no, we're dead.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
It's called a push president. You think I'm kidding?
Speaker 4 (09:06):
Can I tell a short story? My my son didn't
think this was true? And she has the baby right
and I'm like Christopher, He goes, Mom, are you serious?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
I gave him diamonds. I'm serious that you've got to
give her something. Yes, have that ready?
Speaker 6 (09:21):
Yeah, thank you do.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Just doesn't counts passing on this one.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Okay, what else have you learned?
Speaker 6 (09:35):
I'll do it.
Speaker 5 (09:36):
I've learned it's actually really cool the different exercises as
we get closer to like to help her body get
ready for pregnancy, like bounce on a ball and some
of the stretches she can do, and then some of
like the exercises.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
I've learned that the book is more about the delivery.
It's more about him helping our issue. Okay, is she
working out then walking? Because that really will make delivery
a lot easier.
Speaker 5 (10:01):
She works out every day. She like I said, she's
a trooper. I've also I'm in the chapter right now
of what to expect in the delivery room.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
And she curses you out. It's not planned. It justs you.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Know what I'm telling you, it's not gonna go the
way you think it's gonna go. It never does. Yeah,
it just just you know, just roll with it. It'll
be fine. Babies are worn every day. They don't come
with manuals. You've heard it all before. You're gonna make
a ton of mistakes, and you're gonna love her and
she's gonna love you.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Sometimes it's really quick too, from you know, like she's
four centimeters, Oh we have a while in boom, she's
at nine.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Let's go put.
Speaker 6 (10:41):
Our hospitals thirty.
Speaker 5 (10:43):
She wanted to go to the like the best delivery
hospital here in Denver, and it's a good forty minutes
from our house. And so like, I'm hoping we have
like some warning and some.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Ben On my first one, I had twenty three hours
of warning.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
You'll have plenty of Hopefully she'll take more after me.
My water broke at two am and the baby was
here at six.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Yeah, I mean it's not gonna it would be very
rare on a first baby to go into labor and
you know, not be able to get to the hospital.
But you know, like I said, I have a question.
I think you are a remarkable human and I've met
your wife and therefore she is a remarkable human. But
I want to know, and you've always said that, how
(11:28):
did you know she was the one?
Speaker 6 (11:32):
You know? I think?
Speaker 5 (11:35):
So we met on Instagram. I messaged her my buddies
actually from the show. Uh, there's three of them, Dean
and Wells and Nick. We're all Vegas for like a concert.
And they said you got to start messaging girls on Instagram.
And I didn't necessarily like feel great about that at
(11:55):
the time. I think it's more common now. Back then
it was like kind of like a taboo kind of
creepy thing to do. And then I saw her picture,
and that's shortening up the story. I messaged her and
it was really Uh, my first FaceTime with her was
after I went to a church service. And my faith
(12:19):
is very important to me and it's something that I
my fate tradition and my like learning more about it
is very valuable to me, and I had an issue
with the service, Like I was like, I just I
don't love how this was presented, or I have questions
about it. And I was facetiming with her for the
first time ever, and I brought it up like just
(12:41):
kind of in passing, and she sat through that conversation
with me, and she gave her input.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Did she have an opinion?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
You?
Speaker 6 (12:49):
Her input?
Speaker 5 (12:50):
But she also listened really well. And that was the
first time I was like, goodness, this feels different than
a lot of the relationships I've had in the past.
Like she's not jumping on me, she's not telling me
I'm right or wrong. She's just listening. And then we
had our first date out here in Denver. It was
the night of my very first restaurant opening. Uh ever,
(13:10):
so it was the very first restaurant ever opened up.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
We had first date nights.
Speaker 6 (13:18):
Yeah, she wanted to support me because she knew it
meant a lot to me.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
So long did you wait?
Speaker 3 (13:21):
How long did you know her at that point?
Speaker 6 (13:23):
Three weeks?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Wow, that's that's the opening and the chemistry. Had you
had to know? I mean, that's just too he felt
a certain way.
Speaker 5 (13:34):
Yeah, you had or we sat down at dinner and
I remember just talking to her in person then and
I said, this is either going to be the best
thing that ever happened to me, or it's going to
break me. And it ended up being the best thing
that ever happened to me. And so I think it
was more for for us because we did long distance,
because we were talking on the phone and facetiming, It
wasn't this immediate like euphoric, Oh my gosh, I'm marrying
(13:59):
this girl. Really was our first couple interactions together for
me to be like, yeah, this is like what I've
always dreamed of in a partner.
Speaker 4 (14:07):
She is And for people out there listening, long distance
can work very much.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
So we had a couple of rules in our long
distance dating that I think was really valuable. One the
biggest one was we never met up with each other
in person without having another time plan that we're going
to see each other again, and so.
Speaker 6 (14:27):
We never like, never hear me fly to see her?
And where did she live?
Speaker 3 (14:33):
Where did she live at Nashville? That's right, that's right. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (14:36):
And then the second one, which I highly recommend, and
this was based on another buddy of mine who married
somebody he was dating long distance was their relationship. What
he witnessed and what I witnessed was every time they
would leave each other, there'd be so much sadness around
the goodbye. So like the last day, all that would
(14:57):
be talked about was I'm going to miss.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
You with kids Stan this, Yeah, I can't.
Speaker 5 (15:01):
Stand it, And yes, that's an obvious feeling when you
love somebody.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
So just like I'm seeing two weeks you know, yeah,
well Jess.
Speaker 6 (15:09):
And I said, I do is do that? Say?
Speaker 5 (15:10):
Hey?
Speaker 6 (15:10):
Two weeks? And we never and this was hard.
Speaker 5 (15:14):
It was uh we never showed emotion or set out
loud that we were sad we were leaving when we
were together.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
I love that well.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
I don't think I could do it well.
Speaker 6 (15:26):
What it did was it kept our times together uplifted.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
And all exact, and it kept you in the moment,
enjoyed the moment and then looking forward to the next moment.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Yeah, Tire.
Speaker 4 (15:37):
When I kissed you goodbyes, I headed for the plane.
It'll be a big crocodile tear coming down out two weeks.
Speaker 5 (15:45):
Her mom last, She's like, because she knew this, and
she she knew that our rules and her Mom's like, yeah,
guess who took the bra of all of it.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Oh yeah, I'm gonna say she she took the high
road and walked away with her head high and then
crumpled with So she got your mom.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
Well, you guys are going on a three year anniversary.
Speaker 6 (16:05):
Correct, yeah, next month.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Happy, it's going to change.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
But you know what your life is about to change
in the most remarkable way that it really does defy description.
You'll just you just aren't believing, going to believe the
journey you're about.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
To Yeah, it's totally different than any bachelor.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
I can't wait. I want to ask you. So I
saw on socials that you were seeing the mom con.
I want to know how you got into that. What
was it like, the whole bit?
Speaker 3 (16:36):
I want to know.
Speaker 5 (16:37):
That's such a good question. So it is my target demographic.
Speaker 6 (16:43):
It is.
Speaker 5 (16:44):
It is a place that if I want to feel
cool about myself again, I go back to momcom. Okay,
So mom con comes from mom Co, which was formerly MOPS.
MOPS is really a nonprofit that does support for moms
within church systems or within community systems. So their focus
is really getting into like helping moms connecting community through
(17:07):
you know, studies, et cetera. So mops is what they're
you know, they were known for for forty nine years.
That's really popular and it's in one hundred and twenty
six different countries.
Speaker 6 (17:17):
Mom Co is their new brand, so.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
That like mother's mourning out where they take the kids
in a couple of hours, you.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Could pitch up. We had that in Texas.
Speaker 5 (17:26):
Yeah, it's similar. So like what like what they do
is like if you go to a church or if
you are a part of a school system, moms will
come in and say, Okay, we're going to give you
the material.
Speaker 6 (17:37):
This is what you can talk about this week. Here's
some activities you should do.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
So it's a way to build women, empower women, and
build community within a a town or a church community
or whatever.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
Or women that are depressed or have issues after having
maybe there's people to reach out to.
Speaker 6 (17:54):
There's people to reach out to.
Speaker 5 (17:55):
And then they also help share like the most recent
cool mom trip right like here's what we're learning about
baby nutrition or here's what we're learning about you know,
young childcare. So once a year, mom Con is where
all the moms up that are part of these groups.
Again across the undred twenty six different countries come to
(18:15):
a conference, and there's five thousand of these moms in
this room.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
And I just had a genius idea, Susan, Okay, we're
gonna have single man con and we're going to have
a conference with we're gonna get from one hundred and
twenty six countries, all you know who's gonna seances you
and me?
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Okay, I mean why not?
Speaker 5 (18:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (18:41):
Why what?
Speaker 6 (18:44):
And so yeah.
Speaker 5 (18:44):
So they asked me this year if generous so generous coffee,
the company I operate did a mom com like coffee bag,
so the profits.
Speaker 6 (18:53):
From that bag will go to mom co.
Speaker 5 (18:56):
And then they asked if I would m see the
event and and it was hilarious.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
I could imagine I was one of.
Speaker 5 (19:03):
Like four dudes in the whole room of five thousand women, which.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Brings me back.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
And they were women without children there, so they were.
Speaker 5 (19:14):
It is a it is a uniquely different experience when
you see moms on the loose.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
With oh no, we know we were. We have been
moms on the loose no kids.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
Speaking of experiences and takeaways, if you will, what have
you learned or took away before meeting your wife, like
after leaving bachelor, What lesson could you share with someone,
maybe even to save them the aggravation or the heartache
if you.
Speaker 5 (19:54):
Are of dating, Yes, I would say I wish, you know.
I think the best advice I had when I was
single was day often. And you know, I think that
gets a little weirder today. But if you date often,
like it doesn't put as much stress. And I think
dating is a little bit like exercising a muscles. It
(20:15):
always made me very anxious. It always made me like
a head of a lot of anxiety. I always hated
dates because if the date didn't go well, then at
some point, you're, like many breaking up with somebody or
telling him I don't want to see him again. And
so I think as I got off the show, I
kind of hit out.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
As a man because you ask people for dates as
a woman. I mean, I know today we can ask
as well, but not as much as a man would, right.
Speaker 5 (20:43):
Yeah, And it's always a little awkward after show, I
think because one, my ego is big, but I also
was still like I still had the understanding of who
I was as a person, so like I wasn't really
figuring myself out a lot. I just I think dating
Austin would be the best because you get used to
(21:05):
dates not working out. You also get familiar with what
you're into and what you're not into. I think dating
Austin also allows you to maybe become attracted to things
that you maybe didn't grow up thinking you were attracted
to because you were.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
Exposed to their experiences.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
All right, Well we you know, we fund some advice,
we give advice to, and you, who I think are
the master of advice, We're going to read some questions
and help.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
You'll help us.
Speaker 6 (21:33):
Weigh in on the internet.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Okay, all right, here we go.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Hi, Kathy and Susan. I could really use your advice.
I've been with my boyfriend for about two years now,
and everything between us is great. He's honestly my best friend,
and we started talking more seriously about our future together.
The only sticking point is that we come from different
religious backgrounds. He's very active in his faith, which I
(21:57):
totally respect, and I've even started looking into converting because
it's important to him and I feel like it's something
I could really embrace to the big issue is his parents.
They've made it very clear that they're not thrilled about
him dating someone who wasn't born into their religion. Even
though I'm willing to convert. It's like, no matter how
open I am, they don't think I'll ever fully be
(22:19):
one of them. It's frustrating because I want to have
a good relationship with his family, and I know how
much their opinion matters to him, but I'm starting to
feel like I'm never going to be enough in their eyes.
He's been supportive, but I can tell he's caught in
the middle trying to balance our relationship with what his
parents want. So here's the thing. How much say should
(22:42):
his parents have in our relationship? Should I be worried
that their opinion might hold him back from fully committing
to me? Would love any advice, thank you? Okay, Ben,
what do you think?
Speaker 6 (22:55):
So my advice is this, I think faith is.
Speaker 5 (23:00):
When I read this, you know, I think one of
the things that would be helpful would be know what
kind of like faith tradition we're talking about, what type
of religious background we're talking about?
Speaker 4 (23:09):
Because the convert gives me a Jewish, right, Yeah, that's
women convert.
Speaker 5 (23:14):
That's my That was kind of my assumption was that
we were talking about Judaism and uh. And typically, like
with the Jewish community that I surround myself with, converting
is a very respectable and fair and accepted you know,
and most people will say, hey, thank you for to
(23:35):
take for doing this for the family. Now I can
speak to this because of my Christian faith and say that,
you know, I think and what I know about my
faith is it's a genuine and authentic transformation for me.
And I think that's getting into a lot of the
nitty gritty of my faith. But I'm I'm a Christian
for multiple reasons, one of which being that I've had
(23:58):
experiences in my life where I feel like that is
the fate tradition that leads me in the best direction,
that is true to the world around me, that helps
me love people better.
Speaker 6 (24:08):
And so I think that would be hard is if you.
Speaker 5 (24:12):
Are looking at that going well, I just want to
convert to find acceptance. Well, I would say that's not
really what I'd be looking for as as a partner.
Speaker 6 (24:21):
I would want you.
Speaker 5 (24:22):
To have a genuine experience with the divine that makes
sure life.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
So this is an interesting question for me. My father
was Jewish and my mother was a member of every
Christian church depending on who she was married to at
the time. And so I grew up really between two
worlds and the I'm sure people have comments on this,
but for me, the biggest difference and I grew up
(24:50):
in almost totally Jewish neighborhood and we were the ones that
you know, I was a shick set was, you know,
because my father was only Jewish. And again in the
in the Hebrew tradition, the mother's religion is no in
the Jewish religion, the mother's religion is what you are.
In other words, my father was Jewish, but I would
(25:11):
have to convert to Judaism if if you know, I
was dating someone Jewish. And here's the thing for me.
If you're a Christian, you believe that Jesus is Savior
and died on the cross for your sins. If you're
a Jew, you believe that Jesus existed. He was a prophet,
(25:34):
but he is not the Son of God. And in
fact that is still yet to come. You know, he
was a prophet. So it's so completely what's what I'm
looking for, Completely opposite sides of the of the coins.
So I think as someone grew up in a Christian tradition,
(25:55):
it would be hard to convert unless you are like
me who really didn't up with the tradition.
Speaker 4 (26:02):
What I see here is she's worried about his parents.
A lot of women that are in love with their
spouse and they want to convert. They are better practicing
in the synagogue than people that are brought up Jewish
and you know, by Mitzvah and so on, so they
(26:23):
I think they're very strong when they convert. But it's
your choice choice. But like you just said, Kathy, it's
the woman that the one that's going to raise the
children and bring them and teach them Judaism. Do you
know That's what is important.
Speaker 5 (26:41):
I also, I think here in this question I want
to give a little shout out to the writer or
to the because there's a lot of understanding in the
language of this. She's obviously witnessed the concerns by the parents,
also accepted how much her partner right now, her boyfriend
and is caring for, you know, kind of holding the
(27:02):
way to both situations. And that's where I think the
advice would come in, is in the way to both situations.
I think this is only going to get increasingly difficult,
and I do think having the family and support is
very valuable in a marriage. Do I think it makes
a break in marriage. No, But I think it's very
valuable and I think it makes the marriage a lot
more fruitful. Yes, when everybody involved is excited and celebrating
(27:26):
and giving their support behind this union. And so what
I would say here is, you know, breakup and all that.
That's not good advice. What I would say here is,
I think the advice I would have was take a
big leap of faith in your own experience and sit
down with them all together. You at this point have
to lead this conversation because it feels like a lot
(27:49):
of words are being thrown around, either behind your back
and a lack of support, or to your boyfriend where
he's having to carry the weight of both. So I think,
if you're seeing this and you're experiencing it, and I'm
all down together and say, hey, I want to do
what I can to be a part of this family
because I love your son and I want to be
with your son, and I understand there's concerns and I
(28:10):
want to do what I can to alleviate those concerns.
But if I can't, in your eyes, if that's never
going to be an option for you. I need to
know that now so that we don't continue down this
path of dating and falling more in love.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
And that's that's exactly That last line to me speaks
directly to what you're saying. It's not, in my mind
just about the religion. You know, this person says, how much, say,
should his parents have in our relationship? And so I
think your advice is really sound.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
It's not.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Potentially this is not just a conversation about religion, but
other lifestyle chill, you know, all kinds of things that
she may feel the parents are going to in her
mind overstep.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
So yeah, I think she shares.
Speaker 4 (28:54):
She he's very active in his face faith and she
respects it.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
So I think sitting down and communicating is always the
best path.
Speaker 5 (29:06):
In these situations especially, and it's not going to be easy.
Speaker 6 (29:10):
And I know that feels like there's better there.
Speaker 5 (29:12):
I know when you write this, there could be it
feels like there's better advice out there that might not
have to confront it. But I think in this situation
you have to confront it because I can't imagine. I
love my in lungs and they love me, and we
have a great relationship. I understand that's not the case
for everybody in nor do I think it's like that,
you know, the make or break. But I do think
(29:33):
if they are going to continue to overstep, if they're
going to continue to whisper words of resentment into your
partner's ears the over time, that we'll eat at him
and that's unfair to him.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Got it, got it?
Speaker 3 (29:45):
You know what?
Speaker 2 (29:46):
We wish them a lot of luck and be true
to yourself.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
Yeah, okay, well I gotta say that's doing it for
this episode.
Speaker 6 (29:56):
That boy.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
Then we chat a lot, chat it a lot, and
I cannot tell you thank you so much for joining us.
You you never proved me wrong. You are a man
of wisdom, a man of just kindness.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
I just you. You really win the award for.
Speaker 4 (30:15):
Me as well as after the baby shower whatever you
didn't receive, you know, Kathy and I are going to
give you so we'd like to know instead of doubling
something that you already have.
Speaker 6 (30:25):
You're very see.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
The registry DM me, the registry.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
You're good at those dms now, so.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Yeah, yeah, it's.
Speaker 5 (30:34):
Always worked out well for me. I get a wife
and free gifts. This is awesome.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Listen. We love getting to talk to you.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Thank you so much for joining us, and we are
We want you to be sure to follow Bachelor Happy
Hour because if you enjoyed Bed Higgins, you're gonna love
what's coming up.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
And you guys know how to do it.
Speaker 4 (30:55):
Send the question, send your comments because we're here for it.
You know how to do bachelornation dot com, slash Golden Hour,
or hit us up on social wherever you listen to
your podcast.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio app,
or wherever you listen to podcasts. Until next time, have
a great week.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Thank you, Ben
Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks for
joining us, everybody. Susan, how are you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:13):
I'm great, ready to rock?
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Can you believe we're doing it together?
Speaker 4 (00:16):
I know.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
It's so nice to be in the studio.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
I can actually see her face in real time.
Speaker 4 (00:21):
Amazing and I'm dressed from the waist down. Hey, And
if you haven't done it yet, I don't know what
your problem is. You got to follow us, follow our
podcasts and you'll never miss an episode. They'll let you
know whenever a new one comes out. And trust me,
we've had some great ones.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
And we want you.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
To follow the podcast because you will get notified every
time there is a new episode out. So get on there,
watch us, follow us, write us a review.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Have we been having fun or weca?
Speaker 4 (00:53):
I mean, you guys don't know what you're missing, So
keep the questions coming. So we do have something to
talk about at bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour, and
we have some really.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Great questions today with our special guests. You guys are
going to love this.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Our guest today may be one of my favorite of
all time. We are here welcoming a true fan favorite,
Ben Higgins, how are you doing, Ben?
Speaker 5 (01:21):
We know I got the email asking me to do this.
This is I've told you for a long time.
Speaker 6 (01:26):
This is a.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Dream you had us, so we need you.
Speaker 6 (01:31):
Yeah, it's a trade off. I hope.
Speaker 5 (01:33):
I hope that I can give as good in entertainment
as the two of you do. But We've had a
lot of fun together and I've always enjoyed being around
both of you.
Speaker 6 (01:43):
Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
One thing though, one thing you taught us though, you
told us very early on how to negotiate each other.
And you know what I mean, balance that ball, you
know when I'm in school.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
And now I'll tell you what I remember. First of all,
I think you give some of the best advice or
I love listening to your podcast. But secondly, when we
first started, you said to me, and I'll never forget
it when you have a guest on, let the guests
talk because people want to hear the guests.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
And here we are, right okay.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
And also I hear that you've got a little booboo
on your hand that needs some attention.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
What's going on?
Speaker 5 (02:24):
I came on the day wanting advice from two mothers.
I I woke up in the middle of night and
my finger was just throbbing, and then I woke up
and I have this like bump that kind of runs
on the outside of my finger into my cuticle and
it feels hot.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Can I tell you what, Doctor Schwartz, that would that
would be I?
Speaker 3 (02:43):
That would be me.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Uh, you have what is called paranikea, and in Leamen's terms,
Lemon's terms, it is an infection in your cuticle.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
There's just some us. It's hard to go to the doctor.
I do them all, you know.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Susan and what you you can try to get us
a needle, sterilized it and open it up and get
the infection out. I did that, but I'm also on antibiotics.
I had the same thing last week.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
I think you're going to survive, but do try it.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
You know what, I love Ben and I haven't. It
is very painful, but you know we're going to get
to this. Your wife, Jess is pregnant, and I mean
a para Niki is like tea and crumpets compared to
what she's going through.
Speaker 5 (03:32):
Trust me, I've been witnessing it. She's a trooper. Let
me tell you that she is like my wife has
this uh this characteristic about her that I.
Speaker 6 (03:44):
Don't have I know.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Yeah, she's cool.
Speaker 5 (03:50):
She doesn't want to make like she doesn't like to complain,
and she doesn't want to make my life harder, which
at times is frustrating some I'm like, we're partners, you
can make my life harder. But she is right now,
twenty three weeks pregnant, has kind of been through the ringer.
She's a tiny human, so like this is a lot
(04:11):
for her. Our baby as of to yesterday is the
size of a game boy.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Jo, way do you love?
Speaker 3 (04:20):
You know?
Speaker 1 (04:20):
My daughter had her first child like seventeen months ago,
and she'd come home and say, today it's the size
of a pee. You know, Now it's a pair, and
now a watermelon. Now it's a game boy. I mean,
do you love the the measuring sticks they use for pregnancy?
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Now?
Speaker 6 (04:37):
I love it.
Speaker 5 (04:38):
I love to see Jess get excited about it.
Speaker 6 (04:42):
I if I'm honest and she knows this.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
I am still in a phase of freak out in
like a healthy way, like I'm ready to be a dad.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Until you hold that baby, you will be yeah, and
then you'll freak out with.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
How are you going to fe about two women in
the house?
Speaker 5 (05:02):
Uh, well, there's two men right now, myself and my dog.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Oh okay, that will balance.
Speaker 6 (05:08):
Yeah, so we'll balance it out.
Speaker 5 (05:10):
Being a girl dad is something I always grew up,
I mean since I was little, saying I never want
to be because I know that she's going to crush me.
Speaker 6 (05:18):
I am a very sensitive human.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Oh god, you're doomed, babe, your dude, this is your daughter.
Speaker 5 (05:26):
She can get very I have had to go to therapy.
I've had I've had to work because I get easily hurt,
like not offended, more than just like her.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
I question a lot of things feelings.
Speaker 6 (05:40):
Yeah, I'm I always worry. I don't know what March
twenty thirty.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
I'm a pipe to. We're piscis, that's why.
Speaker 5 (05:48):
Yeah, I just I'm always think, like my mind's always
going about worst case scenario thinking and and so I
was always like, I can't have a daughter. But now
we're working on the nursery right now.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
And I've been that color, what color we do in
the nursery.
Speaker 5 (06:04):
Like a light pink, it's really pretty. And then I
did like a Wayne's coat.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Below sounds like my daughter's nursery.
Speaker 6 (06:11):
Yeah, and it's Winnie the Pooh themed. My wife and
I love Winnie the Pooh.
Speaker 4 (06:15):
Do you like doing these sort of things like the
because that will only last a year?
Speaker 2 (06:20):
If that okay? So I want to happen.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Yeah, really, I want to ask you Ben like your
dog Whalen. My daughter and her husband have a boxer,
and my son in law sounds just like you. That's
his first born. It's his son, I mean exactly. And
I also have a daughter, so exactly the same scenario.
And I said to my daughter, when you have this baby,
(06:47):
this dog is going to become secondary.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
No, mom, never never know.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Well, so what's happened is it's the dog is definitely
secondary for her and my son in law, Johnny is
like like he has he has two children.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
I mean, it has not changed. You think it's going
to happen to you.
Speaker 5 (07:05):
Yeah, I mean, whyl and I are like work buddies.
He you know, this is my office. I work from home.
I sit here all day. He's with me all day.
Speaker 6 (07:14):
You know.
Speaker 5 (07:14):
I take a lot of meetings on walks with him
like that.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
That that won't change, right, Yeah, that won't change.
Speaker 5 (07:21):
Now he takes up a lot of the bed at night,
and so that might change a little bit over time.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
I swear, I'm feeling like I'm talking to my daughter,
same exact thing.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Yeah, I can't see that.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
You know what they've done.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
They put a thing at the foot of the bed,
his bed, and the minute they go to sleep or
turn their eye, he's right back up in bed with them.
Speaker 5 (07:42):
Yeah, he's my buddy, and he he also, I think,
will be You know what I understand about baby stage
is Jessica is going to have a lot more work
to do than I am.
Speaker 6 (07:56):
Yeah, she's going to try. That's her hope.
Speaker 5 (07:59):
She really wants to, and so they'll be like the
sweet relief of quiet on walks for me.
Speaker 6 (08:07):
And I'm okay with that.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
And you must have done a lot of reading.
Speaker 6 (08:10):
Yeah, well, oh no, Look I have I literally.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
What to expect when you're expecting your first child.
Speaker 6 (08:17):
It's called The Birth Partner. It's so thick.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
What page are you?
Speaker 6 (08:25):
Jeez, I've read a lot of it.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
Let me just tell you.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Let me ask you something. What did you get out
of it so far?
Speaker 4 (08:30):
Give me like three things that you didn't know that
that book told you.
Speaker 5 (08:35):
Well, let me start with the things that I probably
should have known that. Okay, So just gives me this
book and I open it up and the first two
chapters are about where to massage my wife during pregnancy.
I'm like this, this is funny, this is I hope
there's a whole chapter dedicated to the birth present, the
(08:55):
push present.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Yes, you do not. There's a gift. Do not forget
the ladies come on, no, no, no, we're dead.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
It's called a push president. You think I'm kidding?
Speaker 4 (09:06):
Can I tell a short story? My my son didn't
think this was true? And she has the baby right
and I'm like Christopher, He goes, Mom, are you serious?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
I gave him diamonds. I'm serious that you've got to
give her something. Yes, have that ready?
Speaker 6 (09:21):
Yeah, thank you do.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Just doesn't counts passing on this one.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Okay, what else have you learned?
Speaker 6 (09:35):
I'll do it.
Speaker 5 (09:36):
I've learned it's actually really cool the different exercises as
we get closer to like to help her body get
ready for pregnancy, like bounce on a ball and some
of the stretches she can do, and then some of
like the exercises.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
I've learned that the book is more about the delivery.
It's more about him helping our issue. Okay, is she
working out then walking? Because that really will make delivery
a lot easier.
Speaker 5 (10:01):
She works out every day. She like I said, she's
a trooper. I've also I'm in the chapter right now
of what to expect in the delivery room.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
And she curses you out. It's not planned. It justs you.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Know what I'm telling you, it's not gonna go the
way you think it's gonna go. It never does. Yeah,
it just just you know, just roll with it. It'll
be fine. Babies are worn every day. They don't come
with manuals. You've heard it all before. You're gonna make
a ton of mistakes, and you're gonna love her and
she's gonna love you.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Sometimes it's really quick too, from you know, like she's
four centimeters, Oh we have a while in boom, she's
at nine.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Let's go put.
Speaker 6 (10:41):
Our hospitals thirty.
Speaker 5 (10:43):
She wanted to go to the like the best delivery
hospital here in Denver, and it's a good forty minutes
from our house. And so like, I'm hoping we have
like some warning and some.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Ben On my first one, I had twenty three hours
of warning.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
You'll have plenty of Hopefully she'll take more after me.
My water broke at two am and the baby was
here at six.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Yeah, I mean it's not gonna it would be very
rare on a first baby to go into labor and
you know, not be able to get to the hospital.
But you know, like I said, I have a question.
I think you are a remarkable human and I've met
your wife and therefore she is a remarkable human. But
I want to know, and you've always said that, how
(11:28):
did you know she was the one?
Speaker 6 (11:32):
You know? I think?
Speaker 5 (11:35):
So we met on Instagram. I messaged her my buddies
actually from the show. Uh, there's three of them, Dean
and Wells and Nick. We're all Vegas for like a concert.
And they said you got to start messaging girls on Instagram.
And I didn't necessarily like feel great about that at
(11:55):
the time. I think it's more common now. Back then
it was like kind of like a taboo kind of
creepy thing to do. And then I saw her picture,
and that's shortening up the story. I messaged her and
it was really Uh, my first FaceTime with her was
after I went to a church service. And my faith
(12:19):
is very important to me and it's something that I
my fate tradition and my like learning more about it
is very valuable to me, and I had an issue
with the service, Like I was like, I just I
don't love how this was presented, or I have questions
about it. And I was facetiming with her for the
first time ever, and I brought it up like just
(12:41):
kind of in passing, and she sat through that conversation
with me, and she gave her input.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Did she have an opinion?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
You?
Speaker 6 (12:49):
Her input?
Speaker 5 (12:50):
But she also listened really well. And that was the
first time I was like, goodness, this feels different than
a lot of the relationships I've had in the past.
Like she's not jumping on me, she's not telling me
I'm right or wrong. She's just listening. And then we
had our first date out here in Denver. It was
the night of my very first restaurant opening. Uh ever,
(13:10):
so it was the very first restaurant ever opened up.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
We had first date nights.
Speaker 6 (13:18):
Yeah, she wanted to support me because she knew it
meant a lot to me.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
So long did you wait?
Speaker 3 (13:21):
How long did you know her at that point?
Speaker 6 (13:23):
Three weeks?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Wow, that's that's the opening and the chemistry. Had you
had to know? I mean, that's just too he felt
a certain way.
Speaker 5 (13:34):
Yeah, you had or we sat down at dinner and
I remember just talking to her in person then and
I said, this is either going to be the best
thing that ever happened to me, or it's going to
break me. And it ended up being the best thing
that ever happened to me. And so I think it
was more for for us because we did long distance,
because we were talking on the phone and facetiming, It
wasn't this immediate like euphoric, Oh my gosh, I'm marrying
(13:59):
this girl. Really was our first couple interactions together for
me to be like, yeah, this is like what I've
always dreamed of in a partner.
Speaker 4 (14:07):
She is And for people out there listening, long distance
can work very much.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
So we had a couple of rules in our long
distance dating that I think was really valuable. One the
biggest one was we never met up with each other
in person without having another time plan that we're going
to see each other again, and so.
Speaker 6 (14:27):
We never like, never hear me fly to see her?
And where did she live?
Speaker 3 (14:33):
Where did she live at Nashville? That's right, that's right. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (14:36):
And then the second one, which I highly recommend, and
this was based on another buddy of mine who married
somebody he was dating long distance was their relationship. What
he witnessed and what I witnessed was every time they
would leave each other, there'd be so much sadness around
the goodbye. So like the last day, all that would
(14:57):
be talked about was I'm going to miss.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
You with kids Stan this, Yeah, I can't.
Speaker 5 (15:01):
Stand it, And yes, that's an obvious feeling when you
love somebody.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
So just like I'm seeing two weeks you know, yeah,
well Jess.
Speaker 6 (15:09):
And I said, I do is do that? Say?
Speaker 5 (15:10):
Hey?
Speaker 6 (15:10):
Two weeks? And we never and this was hard.
Speaker 5 (15:14):
It was uh we never showed emotion or set out
loud that we were sad we were leaving when we
were together.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
I love that well.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
I don't think I could do it well.
Speaker 6 (15:26):
What it did was it kept our times together uplifted.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
And all exact, and it kept you in the moment,
enjoyed the moment and then looking forward to the next moment.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Yeah, Tire.
Speaker 4 (15:37):
When I kissed you goodbyes, I headed for the plane.
It'll be a big crocodile tear coming down out two weeks.
Speaker 5 (15:45):
Her mom last, She's like, because she knew this, and
she she knew that our rules and her Mom's like, yeah,
guess who took the bra of all of it.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Oh yeah, I'm gonna say she she took the high
road and walked away with her head high and then
crumpled with So she got your mom.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
Well, you guys are going on a three year anniversary.
Speaker 6 (16:05):
Correct, yeah, next month.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Happy, it's going to change.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
But you know what your life is about to change
in the most remarkable way that it really does defy description.
You'll just you just aren't believing, going to believe the
journey you're about.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
To Yeah, it's totally different than any bachelor.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
I can't wait. I want to ask you. So I
saw on socials that you were seeing the mom con.
I want to know how you got into that. What
was it like, the whole bit?
Speaker 3 (16:36):
I want to know.
Speaker 5 (16:37):
That's such a good question. So it is my target demographic.
Speaker 6 (16:43):
It is.
Speaker 5 (16:44):
It is a place that if I want to feel
cool about myself again, I go back to momcom. Okay,
So mom con comes from mom Co, which was formerly MOPS.
MOPS is really a nonprofit that does support for moms
within church systems or within community systems. So their focus
is really getting into like helping moms connecting community through
(17:07):
you know, studies, et cetera. So mops is what they're
you know, they were known for for forty nine years.
That's really popular and it's in one hundred and twenty
six different countries.
Speaker 6 (17:17):
Mom Co is their new brand, so.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
That like mother's mourning out where they take the kids
in a couple of hours, you.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Could pitch up. We had that in Texas.
Speaker 5 (17:26):
Yeah, it's similar. So like what like what they do
is like if you go to a church or if
you are a part of a school system, moms will
come in and say, Okay, we're going to give you
the material.
Speaker 6 (17:37):
This is what you can talk about this week. Here's
some activities you should do.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
So it's a way to build women, empower women, and
build community within a a town or a church community
or whatever.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
Or women that are depressed or have issues after having
maybe there's people to reach out to.
Speaker 6 (17:54):
There's people to reach out to.
Speaker 5 (17:55):
And then they also help share like the most recent
cool mom trip right like here's what we're learning about
baby nutrition or here's what we're learning about you know,
young childcare. So once a year, mom Con is where
all the moms up that are part of these groups.
Again across the undred twenty six different countries come to
(18:15):
a conference, and there's five thousand of these moms in
this room.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
And I just had a genius idea, Susan, Okay, we're
gonna have single man con and we're going to have
a conference with we're gonna get from one hundred and
twenty six countries, all you know who's gonna seances you
and me?
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Okay, I mean why not?
Speaker 5 (18:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (18:41):
Why what?
Speaker 6 (18:44):
And so yeah.
Speaker 5 (18:44):
So they asked me this year if generous so generous coffee,
the company I operate did a mom com like coffee bag,
so the profits.
Speaker 6 (18:53):
From that bag will go to mom co.
Speaker 5 (18:56):
And then they asked if I would m see the
event and and it was hilarious.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
I could imagine I was one of.
Speaker 5 (19:03):
Like four dudes in the whole room of five thousand women, which.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Brings me back.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
And they were women without children there, so they were.
Speaker 5 (19:14):
It is a it is a uniquely different experience when
you see moms on the loose.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
With oh no, we know we were. We have been
moms on the loose no kids.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
Speaking of experiences and takeaways, if you will, what have
you learned or took away before meeting your wife, like
after leaving bachelor, What lesson could you share with someone,
maybe even to save them the aggravation or the heartache
if you.
Speaker 5 (19:54):
Are of dating, Yes, I would say I wish, you know.
I think the best advice I had when I was
single was day often. And you know, I think that
gets a little weirder today. But if you date often,
like it doesn't put as much stress. And I think
dating is a little bit like exercising a muscles. It
(20:15):
always made me very anxious. It always made me like
a head of a lot of anxiety. I always hated
dates because if the date didn't go well, then at
some point, you're, like many breaking up with somebody or
telling him I don't want to see him again. And
so I think as I got off the show, I
kind of hit out.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
As a man because you ask people for dates as
a woman. I mean, I know today we can ask
as well, but not as much as a man would, right.
Speaker 5 (20:43):
Yeah, And it's always a little awkward after show, I
think because one, my ego is big, but I also
was still like I still had the understanding of who
I was as a person, so like I wasn't really
figuring myself out a lot. I just I think dating
Austin would be the best because you get used to
(21:05):
dates not working out. You also get familiar with what
you're into and what you're not into. I think dating
Austin also allows you to maybe become attracted to things
that you maybe didn't grow up thinking you were attracted
to because you were.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
Exposed to their experiences.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
All right, Well we you know, we fund some advice,
we give advice to, and you, who I think are
the master of advice, We're going to read some questions
and help.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
You'll help us.
Speaker 6 (21:33):
Weigh in on the internet.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Okay, all right, here we go.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Hi, Kathy and Susan. I could really use your advice.
I've been with my boyfriend for about two years now,
and everything between us is great. He's honestly my best friend,
and we started talking more seriously about our future together.
The only sticking point is that we come from different
religious backgrounds. He's very active in his faith, which I
(21:57):
totally respect, and I've even started looking into converting because
it's important to him and I feel like it's something
I could really embrace to the big issue is his parents.
They've made it very clear that they're not thrilled about
him dating someone who wasn't born into their religion. Even
though I'm willing to convert. It's like, no matter how
open I am, they don't think I'll ever fully be
(22:19):
one of them. It's frustrating because I want to have
a good relationship with his family, and I know how
much their opinion matters to him, but I'm starting to
feel like I'm never going to be enough in their eyes.
He's been supportive, but I can tell he's caught in
the middle trying to balance our relationship with what his
parents want. So here's the thing. How much say should
(22:42):
his parents have in our relationship? Should I be worried
that their opinion might hold him back from fully committing
to me? Would love any advice, thank you? Okay, Ben,
what do you think?
Speaker 6 (22:55):
So my advice is this, I think faith is.
Speaker 5 (23:00):
When I read this, you know, I think one of
the things that would be helpful would be know what
kind of like faith tradition we're talking about, what type
of religious background we're talking about?
Speaker 4 (23:09):
Because the convert gives me a Jewish, right, Yeah, that's
women convert.
Speaker 5 (23:14):
That's my That was kind of my assumption was that
we were talking about Judaism and uh. And typically, like
with the Jewish community that I surround myself with, converting
is a very respectable and fair and accepted you know,
and most people will say, hey, thank you for to
(23:35):
take for doing this for the family. Now I can
speak to this because of my Christian faith and say that,
you know, I think and what I know about my
faith is it's a genuine and authentic transformation for me.
And I think that's getting into a lot of the
nitty gritty of my faith. But I'm I'm a Christian
for multiple reasons, one of which being that I've had
(23:58):
experiences in my life where I feel like that is
the fate tradition that leads me in the best direction,
that is true to the world around me, that helps
me love people better.
Speaker 6 (24:08):
And so I think that would be hard is if you.
Speaker 5 (24:12):
Are looking at that going well, I just want to
convert to find acceptance. Well, I would say that's not
really what I'd be looking for as as a partner.
Speaker 6 (24:21):
I would want you.
Speaker 5 (24:22):
To have a genuine experience with the divine that makes
sure life.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
So this is an interesting question for me. My father
was Jewish and my mother was a member of every
Christian church depending on who she was married to at
the time. And so I grew up really between two
worlds and the I'm sure people have comments on this,
but for me, the biggest difference and I grew up
(24:50):
in almost totally Jewish neighborhood and we were the ones that
you know, I was a shick set was, you know,
because my father was only Jewish. And again in the
in the Hebrew tradition, the mother's religion is no in
the Jewish religion, the mother's religion is what you are.
In other words, my father was Jewish, but I would
(25:11):
have to convert to Judaism if if you know, I
was dating someone Jewish. And here's the thing for me.
If you're a Christian, you believe that Jesus is Savior
and died on the cross for your sins. If you're
a Jew, you believe that Jesus existed. He was a prophet,
(25:34):
but he is not the Son of God. And in
fact that is still yet to come. You know, he
was a prophet. So it's so completely what's what I'm
looking for, Completely opposite sides of the of the coins.
So I think as someone grew up in a Christian tradition,
(25:55):
it would be hard to convert unless you are like
me who really didn't up with the tradition.
Speaker 4 (26:02):
What I see here is she's worried about his parents.
A lot of women that are in love with their
spouse and they want to convert. They are better practicing
in the synagogue than people that are brought up Jewish
and you know, by Mitzvah and so on, so they
(26:23):
I think they're very strong when they convert. But it's
your choice choice. But like you just said, Kathy, it's
the woman that the one that's going to raise the
children and bring them and teach them Judaism. Do you
know That's what is important.
Speaker 5 (26:41):
I also, I think here in this question I want
to give a little shout out to the writer or
to the because there's a lot of understanding in the
language of this. She's obviously witnessed the concerns by the parents,
also accepted how much her partner right now, her boyfriend
and is caring for, you know, kind of holding the
(27:02):
way to both situations. And that's where I think the
advice would come in, is in the way to both situations.
I think this is only going to get increasingly difficult,
and I do think having the family and support is
very valuable in a marriage. Do I think it makes
a break in marriage. No, But I think it's very
valuable and I think it makes the marriage a lot
more fruitful. Yes, when everybody involved is excited and celebrating
(27:26):
and giving their support behind this union. And so what
I would say here is, you know, breakup and all that.
That's not good advice. What I would say here is,
I think the advice I would have was take a
big leap of faith in your own experience and sit
down with them all together. You at this point have
to lead this conversation because it feels like a lot
(27:49):
of words are being thrown around, either behind your back
and a lack of support, or to your boyfriend where
he's having to carry the weight of both. So I think,
if you're seeing this and you're experiencing it, and I'm
all down together and say, hey, I want to do
what I can to be a part of this family
because I love your son and I want to be
with your son, and I understand there's concerns and I
(28:10):
want to do what I can to alleviate those concerns.
But if I can't, in your eyes, if that's never
going to be an option for you. I need to
know that now so that we don't continue down this
path of dating and falling more in love.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
And that's that's exactly That last line to me speaks
directly to what you're saying. It's not, in my mind
just about the religion. You know, this person says, how much, say,
should his parents have in our relationship? And so I
think your advice is really sound.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
It's not.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Potentially this is not just a conversation about religion, but
other lifestyle chill, you know, all kinds of things that
she may feel the parents are going to in her
mind overstep.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
So yeah, I think she shares.
Speaker 4 (28:54):
She he's very active in his face faith and she
respects it.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
So I think sitting down and communicating is always the
best path.
Speaker 5 (29:06):
In these situations especially, and it's not going to be easy.
Speaker 6 (29:10):
And I know that feels like there's better there.
Speaker 5 (29:12):
I know when you write this, there could be it
feels like there's better advice out there that might not
have to confront it. But I think in this situation
you have to confront it because I can't imagine. I
love my in lungs and they love me, and we
have a great relationship. I understand that's not the case
for everybody in nor do I think it's like that,
you know, the make or break. But I do think
(29:33):
if they are going to continue to overstep, if they're
going to continue to whisper words of resentment into your
partner's ears the over time, that we'll eat at him
and that's unfair to him.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Got it, got it?
Speaker 3 (29:45):
You know what?
Speaker 2 (29:46):
We wish them a lot of luck and be true
to yourself.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
Yeah, okay, well I gotta say that's doing it for
this episode.
Speaker 6 (29:56):
That boy.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
Then we chat a lot, chat it a lot, and
I cannot tell you thank you so much for joining us.
You you never proved me wrong. You are a man
of wisdom, a man of just kindness.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
I just you. You really win the award for.
Speaker 4 (30:15):
Me as well as after the baby shower whatever you
didn't receive, you know, Kathy and I are going to
give you so we'd like to know instead of doubling
something that you already have.
Speaker 6 (30:25):
You're very see.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
The registry DM me, the registry.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
You're good at those dms now, so.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Yeah, yeah, it's.
Speaker 5 (30:34):
Always worked out well for me. I get a wife
and free gifts. This is awesome.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Listen. We love getting to talk to you.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Thank you so much for joining us, and we are
We want you to be sure to follow Bachelor Happy
Hour because if you enjoyed Bed Higgins, you're gonna love
what's coming up.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
And you guys know how to do it.
Speaker 4 (30:55):
Send the question, send your comments because we're here for it.
You know how to do bachelornation dot com, slash Golden Hour,
or hit us up on social wherever you listen to
your podcast.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio app,
or wherever you listen to podcasts. Until next time, have
a great week.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Thank you, Ben
Hosts And Creators
Joe Amabile
Susan Noles
Serena Pitt
Kathy Swarts
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