December 17, 2025 • 34 mins
The holidays can be a lot, and today on “Golden Hour,” Kathy and Susan are talking through the things that can make this time of year tricky. From family dynamics and awkward conversations to managing expectations and stress during the holidays, they’re sharing honest thoughts and real-life perspective. They also talk about adjusting traditions, setting boundaries, and finding small ways to enjoy the season without pressure.If the holidays feel exciting, overwhelming, or somewhere in between, you've come to the right place! Tune in now and be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome back to about our Happy hours, Golden Hour. Thanks
for joining us today. We are so excited to be
back for another episode of Golden Hour. How are you
doing today, Susan, I am great.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I am trying to rush the clock. You know how
I pack right. I'm traveling next week. I have something
very exciting coming up, and I just have to try
everything on when I pack, like it's a crazy time.
And now snowstorm's supposed to come tomorrow and they're changing
it hour by hour.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
So have you noticed. So we're both doing some traveling.
The holidays are upon us. We've got a lot to
do aside from all the other things that we do
in our life, you know, the presence, the shopping, the
all that stuff that in your case, the house cleaning.
Oh wait, you do that every day anyway.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Cooking you keep forgetting.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Baking, not cooking, baking for minute. But I just find
I find every year, I like you're gonna die. All
my gifts except for one granddaughter. My one granddaughter are
wrapped under the tree. I'm done, except for my.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Wife under the tree. They're wrapped, but they're in the attic.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Well I don't.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
I'm over and visit I don't want them to see
them right.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Well, you know I live alone and no one's coming
to visit me, so they just park themselves under the tree.
But I don't know are you feeling? I mean, look,
Christmas is less than a week away. Are you ready?
Speaker 2 (01:30):
I believe so? Are you believe so? Because I am wrapped.
I've been rapped since the first because I had to
travel this month and I'm gone for eleven days or no,
the fourth to the fifteenth, that's not eleven. But I
had to prepare so early. But what stresses me out
(01:51):
I still have to bake cookies. I'm going to a
cookie exchange tomorrow, so tonight, before we've done this.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
I'm going to be baking cook Okay, wait, I have
to tell you what my daughter's doing this year. I'm
sure she saw it on Pinterest because she lives there.
On I think it's actually tomorrow we're doing it. It's
a Hooky Cookie Day. The kids cookie cookie hooky cookie,
which is.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
I like it? And I take off of work.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Take off of work, everyone stays home. The kids already
out of school for Christmas. So we're gonna all get
together and we're gonna bake cookies and I think that
is so fun because we're gonna eat them on Christmas
DA anyway, So when I get together and you know,
make them as a family, I think that is so
And she's gonna invite some friends and stuff too. They're
coming as well.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
I do it with my sisters every single year, and
that's coming up. However, usually I have my sister Day
and my nieces all calm, my daughter in law. It's
a great day and we start with Mimosa's. But they
pick my house, the fun house, if you will. But
they have the bigger ovens. I have a wall oven
(02:59):
and my oven is not that big. Well, you got
to see the mess, the flower.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
The sucles, the darling. No, it's a complete sentence. Hey,
we're going to do it in your house this year.
Yeah see, so stop stop because you know it's tradition.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
I couldn't imagine having to pack all the ingredients and
bring them over there.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Let them get the ingredients.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
All right now, So today we're going to get into
the holidays. Let's cover some things. Let's dive in. Our
first topic is how do you deal with grief during
the holidays and how does grief manifest for you, Kathy,
(03:43):
during the holiday season.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Okay, well you just burst my holiday bubble hand.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
That's all right for me, you know, a week out,
I'm doing okay. The month of December. Really, from Thanksgiving
on it's tough for me. Why because as I decorated
the Christmas tree, taking out those ornaments, I remember the
stories that go with the ornaments when we bought them.
(04:09):
I hear Christmas music, certain songs that you know, my
husband loved. We play those. But I think, I know
it's tough for my kids. This year, I found myself
crying at sort of odd times. And so I'll see
if I can get through this. My husband's grandmother, so
(04:33):
it would be my son's great grandmother, I believe, built
made a Nativity set and built the crash the whole
bit ceramics, you know, painted them, and it's been handed
down and this year and see, if my husband were here,
we'd have it out. But this year I gave the
(04:55):
Nativity set. So it's my son's great grandma. I gave
it to him and he sent me a picture of
he and his daughter. So that's the next generation. Put
the Nativity set out, and you know that's that's really
it's it's sad and and and happy at the same time.
(05:15):
I think the way I deal with grief at the
holidays is is allow myself to be sad. You know
when I am.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
I'm going to say, allow yourself that moment or a
few moments. But grief also a lot of times this
time of the year, people.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Pass you saved. You've said that people pass Susan three
hundred and sixty five days a year. I don't know
why you say that, more so looking up Kathy, I
believe you. I've just never heard that it.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Is effect during the holiday season. Don't ask me why
God works in mysterious ways. I don't know, but it
is a fact, and it strikes people. We say it
the worst times because they're busy, but I think it
actually is shocking when something happens suddenly and it's not
a sickness that you've watched somebody go. But you've got
(06:05):
to get back because the holidays are here. You can't
just sit and just say forget the holiday this year.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
That's done. Time I did you?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
You did?
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Well, you still want to give thanks for you being here?
Speaker 1 (06:23):
No? No, now now I'm better, But oh don't kid yourself.
The first few years after my husband died, it was brutal.
I couldn't get through the holiday fast enough. I literally
and I allowed myself to think, No, I didn't I
did that first year. Honestly, I don't even remember, but
I know I didn't sell.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
I didn't have Christmas. So you didn't do dinner with
your children or anything.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Well, I know my one, my daughter went to her
boyfriend's home. I think my two, I don't remember. I
know that my daughter wasn't here. It's such a blank.
But you know, we're talking about grief when losing losing
a partner, but there's other kinds of grief. I think
(07:08):
that manifest during the holidays, and you know, people who
have been through loss of a child, people who have
had a divorce, you know, there are a lot. There's
a lot of grief to go around. So I don't know, it.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Could be anybody's sad during at a certain time, but
how you deal with it is important.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Well, how do you deal with free? How do you
deal with it your sadness? I mean, I know you're
not sad about your divorce because you guys are good friends,
But have you ever had that my.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Mom and dad aren't here more, and my brothers, both
of my brothers, I miss them and I talk about
it like they were, you know, still part of our family.
They are. As a matter of fact. Dicky was here
for Thanksgiving, and when we do the grace, I make
everybody say something they're grateful for. And normally we mentioned
(08:02):
all the names, and Dicky goes. So we mentioned I said,
they're getting.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Long live, don't have that much time.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
It's gonna get cold. But that's who's in my mind,
the people that aren't there.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Yeah, if I'm being honest, the holidays are not the
same to me because I don't have that special person
to share them with. However, I have young grandchildren and see,
(08:33):
although Christmas is not if you're a Christian, it's not
about the gift giving. Uh, that's not the meaning of
the season. But to see the magic through a child's eyes.
I will say last month, you know, I was in
New York for Thanksgiving and we went out the day
(08:53):
after Thanksgiving with God, with my son in law's whole family.
We cut the tree down. It was snowing, it was right,
We had hot chocolate, it was right out of a
Norman Rockwell painting. And I will say I loved it,
and I plastered a smile on my face. But but honestly, Susan,
I kept thinking, I was so sorry my husband wasn't
(09:13):
there to see his granddaughter who was so excited by
the snow and the Christmas tree and the Santa Claus
that was there, you know. So it's tough.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
You're right, You're right when you say it's about looking
at the little ones and them getting so excited. I know,
we I don't know when we're going to do this,
dis goosh, we drive around and look at the Christmas
lights and you know, you have snacks and chocolate. Yeah,
but it's it's it's all.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
It's it's about the traditions. And I think I think
you know my advice to anyone who is feeling grief
and sadness during the holidays, it's a very normal feeling
and allow yourself to feel it and just you know,
the new year brings a new year, and it's just
about that simple. Okay, we got to talk family. That's
(10:00):
where I was going. Family drama, because there is family drama.
If your family doesn't have drama in the holidays, you
don't have a family. That's what I'm saying. What advice
do you give? I mean, I will tell you. I
have to tell you a quick story, because that's these
are the things that make our podcast. One year we
(10:21):
were had invited some friends. I can't believe I did this. Actually,
in retrospect, I can't even believe I'm admitting to it.
But two of my three kids, they were like teenagers.
They had meltdowns. I mean, doors were slamming, it was ugly,
and friends were coming for dinner and the table was
set and I can't even tell you. I called them
(10:44):
and said you can't come, never realizing they had no
food for like, I didn't think of that. You no,
you don't understand. It was drama with a capital d
R A M A and.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
I was between each other, the kids or it was.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
It was a family, colossal dramising and I just I
started crying and I said, I can't do it. I
went upstairs, put on my pajamas, got in bed. I
mean it was canceled it the day, oh about two
hours before they were coming. Oh, I know. And I
didn't think that's how bad it was, Susan, because you
know me, I would never do that I baked, we
(11:20):
had all the food ready. I don't even think we could.
I don't even know it was.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
It was the one to know what caused the drama.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
My kids, something happened. I'm very good at blocking things.
I don't remember, but I think I think the best
thing what do you do? Like? Does your family always that.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Says, what advice do you have for anyone that wants
to distance themselves?
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Do it well?
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Distance themselves from the drum.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
That means if you're don't go, don't go, don't go.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
If there's bullshit going on, stay away from it. I
don't want it to ruin my time. But if it
is in your immediate family, like your child, you can't
help it. You've got to be involved. Well, try to
settle it. But any words we have is not cooked.
They got to get through it. Whatever the drama.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Is, well, we didn't. We didn't.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
It was just canceled.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
We just canceled dinner and follow la la la Merry Christmas.
I know, I really felt badly about that. I think
that I think that what I do now, well I
don't have to any more because my kids are adults
and we haven't.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
But I melt down you have it at your own
damn house.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Well, what I would do the advice I would give,
not that anyone's asking. Tell you your your you know,
cousin Joe and Uncle Herbert, who's ever rolling in, Say
this is what we're doing, Like tell them ahead of
time what the expectations are. For example, don't be surprised
Uncle Joe when you come. I know that you know
(12:53):
a roast turkey is your tradition. But this year we're
doing steaks on the grail. Like, tell them ahead of
time so that there's no and try to warn people
if you will, set them up to set your holidays
up for success, set expectations early, which I didn't do.
You understand, but but now if I could go back
(13:14):
and do it, that would be what I would do.
This is what we're doing this year. I don't want
any complaints. I don't want any criticism. You know, we
might have a family meeting about it, Like, no, Mom,
we really want to have Okay, we'll do a turkey breast,
but we're not. You know what I'm saying, Like, do that.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
You're going to have this, it's what you want to do.
So I have a good question, kat Okay, do you
ever think it's too early to give a gift in
a relationship? Like how long should you be with somebody
to do a gifted giving? Say, for instance, if you're
dating just a couple of months, do you not give
(13:50):
a gift?
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Let me start by saying, I do expect a gift
from you, and we're not in a relationship. You got
one week, get it together? Better be in my mailbox.
I you know, I think again, that is a personal decision.
If I were dating a man for two months at Christmas,
(14:14):
in other words, if I'd started dating a guy in October,
here we are, I would expect some kind of gift
of Christmas. I would. However, I don't think there's any
hard and fast rules. I really don't. What do you think,
would you? You?
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Of course, I'm I'm a giver. I like surprising people
with it. And it doesn't have to be something of value, right,
but something that I'd just like to give, something to
put a smile on somebody's face. And it could be
seventeen dollars, right, you know, it could be five dollars.
It doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
I will tell you when people come to my home
with Christmas, they get a little gift. I love doing
that nice.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
I don't do that. There's too many Well, well, I
exchange with everybody that comes, so yeah, they're getting.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Well there's other ways. Arend that too. You can do
a whatever they call it, a blue Santa, white Santa.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
You know we're going to do draw so you don't
have to buy for our family's got really big.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
I mean, I think listen, you know, people, if you
want to know my tips for gift giving, it's if
you come from a large family, do what's it called.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
I can't think of the name, but I guess it's
a white elephant draw names.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
I always buy for the young children. But in our family,
I mean, I was one of seven kids, so once
we got to be adults and had kids ourselves, we
stopped all that and just gave for the kids. I
think that, you know, there's I love the idea of
of something that means something to the person. If it's
(15:46):
a craft, if it's a gift certificate for a facial,
if it's a uh for you know, you can do
things that aren't expensive. It's expensive to live in this world. Now,
give your kids a coupon for a night of babysitting.
You know, there's all kinds of things like that give you.
Your kids could give their parents. I'll mow the yard
(16:10):
for you, I'll rake the leaves.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
That never happens. The promises can be broken. Gifts, you know,
I think they should just offer.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Well, I'm just saying gifts are expensive.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
But I'm talking about relationships. Like if you're dating somebody,
doesn't it depend on how often you've seen it. If
it's a once a week at dinner or something, and
you're not getting together through the holidays. On Christmas, you're
going to be with your family, he's going to be
with his, so you're not really going to see each other.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
You're asking if I were in a relationship, Yes, I
would be buying a gift. That guy I dated for
a while a few years ago, we were dating over
Christmas and.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
I always buy a gift. Did you ever not receive
one in return? And how did that.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Take you for from a guy? No, because I've told
you other than my husband, who always gave me the
most thoughtful, lovely gifts, he was an incredible gift giver
and I love that. That's something I missed when we
would talk about, uh, what we're going to get the kids,
and yeah, you know all those little things that I
that that I don't get to do anymore with him
(17:23):
even talking about it. See, this makes me sad. This
is it just no, it's okay, I think, but I
think if you're in a relationship, I think it's Here's
what I wouldn't do. Here's what I wouldn't do if
I were in a relationship. Let's say, like you said,
a two month relationship, I'd have the conversation first with
my partner my day. Are we gonna exchange gifts?
Speaker 2 (17:45):
How do you approach that conversation?
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Oh, I would me. I would say, Joe, I would
like to exchange guests. I would like to get to
a gift this year. Are you you know I'm going
to Or I might even say I'm going to get
to a gift this here, just so you know, you
don't have to get me one. But I'm a gift
giver and I enjoy making people smile with gifts, and
(18:09):
I do. I usually give more gifts than I receive
at holidays. And if he said no, I have no
intentions of getting you a gift, I would still give
the gift, and I'd be on the data side. The
next day.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
I don't think anybody would saying I wish they would
bring it up.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
You wish the guy would bring it up.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Yeah, say do you want to do exchange? Because I
know a lot of married people that don't exchange at all.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Okay, you know you're begging the question. Here are you
and Frederic exchanging gifts?
Speaker 2 (18:39):
This? I don't know. I know I'm going to buy something.
If you're going to have the conversation, maybe you should
put a limit, an amount. I don't go over such
and such.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Okay for all your other friends, Susan limited to twenty
bucks for me? Sky's that? Okay? All right? Have you
ever so my father was Jewish, and you know I
have my Christmas trap. I have my menora, which I'm
having trouble with the candles. Thank god it's only one
at a time. Did you, with your husband or boyfriend
(19:17):
or anybody, have you merged traditions during the holidays?
Speaker 2 (19:22):
So I had friends that were Jewish, and I try
to acknowledge theirs and do their thing, but not in
my house. Everybody that has come here has all been Christian,
same or not the same tradition.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Yeah, well, we, like I said, I grew up in
a almost completely Jewish neighborhood, and so I would go
to my friend's house and and on Honukkah, and you know,
they most of my friends did not have Christmas trees.
They a few of them did. They call them Honkkah bushes,
(19:58):
which I loved. But my dad, my my mother was
Christian and my father was Jewish, so he loved Nobody
celebrated Christmas more or loved Christmas more than my dad.
But again not the not the true meaning that Christians
have signed the tree the presence.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Well, isn't Honkah? Do you get a gift? I think
seven days?
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Well, people do it differently. It's it's festival the lights.
It goes on for seven days. Usually people will get
the biggest gift the first night. Some people get the
first night and then they get little gifts the rest
of the time.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
But it's not like us that you have forty five
presents under the trees for all the kids.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
We didn't do it that way. But you know I don't.
I don't have the book of Jewish Holidays open on
my lap here how they celebrate, but usually it's the
big gift is the first night and then.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Just little gifts synagogue.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
The first night Honkkah is not a religious holiday. It's
it's festival the lights. It's a it's it's not It's
not like Russia, Chana, young People, or any of the
serious high Jewish holidays. It's a fun Jewish holidays. So
it's not It's very different from Christmas, which is one
of the obviously one of the Christian's highest holidays. And
(21:15):
where did how did we get onto this religious track
we got to?
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Okay, well, we're mixing traditions. Like I don't know, most
of my friends all have the same and everybody I've
ever dated, I think, celebrated Christmas. So I didn't ever
merge the traditions. It's our tradition. Okay, here's a good one.
(21:41):
The seven fishes, Like the Italians really celebrate Christmas Eve
with the seven fishes. And I used to do it.
My grandmother did, My mom skipped. It was always my nana.
And then I started to do it and the kids
didn't like the fish. They didn't And you know I
was in too and inviting people, friends and neighbors and all. No,
(22:04):
what was appreciating it.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Yeah, I've heard it's a lot of work. Yeah, I
will tell.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
You I believed in it. It was something about good
luck for the year. So Lottie, my girlfriend, and Ray
do it every year.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Well, good tell him. Tell Lottie I need some of
her luck, please. I will say. The simple traditions that
we have merged. My husband loved certain kinds of pies,
he liked certain kind of dressing. I grew up with
a different dressing. And the turkey, and so those kinds
of things. What we did. We initially made both of them.
(22:40):
Over time we sort of got away from having to
have his or mine. We would one year do his,
one year do mine. That's how we sort of merged it.
And then our kids. As the kids came along, they
really they really were like, Mom, we really want your
eggnog bread, don't really care about your cranberry nut bread
(23:01):
kind of thing. So that's not making that. Yeah, time
we don't like it's talking, so that you know, that's
how that's that's how our traditions changed. But I got
what is your favorite dish on Christmas food? What is
your favorite food dish? To make turkey? Pardon me not
(23:22):
to not to make to eat.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
I like everything, but I don't like turkey. So I
struggle on Thanksgiving and I make a twenty five pound
beautiful bird and then I thank god I don't have
to eat it again until next year.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
And so what's your favorite dish? What's at the ham?
Speaker 2 (23:39):
I like them, I love ham, but my scuttle soup.
And then we have the Ravioli's. But this year I'm
breaking it up and I'm not telling anybody. They will
have a heart attack.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
The tradition.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
We're doing stuff shells this year.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
I like pop over for those.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Yes, yes, I have the meat to go in the gravy.
That it's spaghetti sauces. You guys told it, but it's
gravy in my house. And I'll have a pork and
sausage and meat balls, and then we have the Your meal.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Is signed different. Your meal is so different from ours.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
It's a traditional Italian Christmas. You have soup, your escuirrol soup.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
But your husband was not Italian.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
That's what we did cheese. So the man I have
to do a side of homemade spaghetti. He'd have his
own spaghetti.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Unbelievable, think the same. That's so funny. Our tradition was
doing the same. Like I no Christmas and Thanksgiving the
menu was almost exactly the same. But as you know,
I love to bake, and so every year I made
home my homemade pecan pie, homemade pumpkin ice cream pipe.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
That's all the fun, good stuff that desserts. But what
was the main meal.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
I'm telling you, always turkey, And I think one year
my husband a couple of years towards the end, he
did a crown roast. A crown wrote what to call
the crown row, you know, being crown roast, and I
mean because he loved to cook, and we did that
a few times. I honestly think traditions are meant to
be broken, and I know that sounds crazy. I like
(25:17):
bringing in some new surprises every year.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Well you still have your traditional stuff. Tradition to me
is everybody being here on that day and everybody having
the soup and the pasta, the Italian part, and that
whether it's a ham or a turkey, that's tradition. That's
how we do it.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Okay, So how you do it? I'm going to ask you,
and I want to say, you know me, I'm always
joking around here, but I want a serious answer for
this one. Susan, if if Frederic, if he lived you know, wherever,
I mean doable, not in Saint Martin, if he lived
close enough, and he said, I want you to come
(25:57):
to Christmas at my house with my two kids, with
my two children this year, and and and and we're
I'm making it up now, you know, I live on
the island. Whatever we're gonna have, you know, shrimp barbecue,
I don't know. Would you do that? Would you?
Speaker 2 (26:14):
I would never leave my children on Christmas. I would
do it on Thanksgiving or Easter or New Year's but
I won't leave on Christmas.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
You'll you would not. Oh, interesting, it's a big day here.
It's a big Oh are you kidding me? It's a
big day here. It's oh it was well, not me.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
I'll leave the day after you.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
So I would. I would celebrate if I found the
person who loved me and I loved I would absolutely
if he said it means a lot to me to celebrate.
I'm assuming he has kids. I'm making this up, obviously, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
But we're we're golden.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
His kids are what I'm talking about. I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
Would you ever travel for Christmas and not be with
your children, with your significant other or with somebody you're
in love with. Would you just take a vacation and
just not be there on Christmas?
Speaker 1 (27:01):
You mean leave without a reason to leave? Just I
think I'll go to Egypt your vacation. No, no, no.
But but if I were dating someone seriously, not just
a casual date. But if I were dating someone seriously,
and he said, Kathy, I would love for you to
come to my home. I'm making it up. Don't have
the guy. But maybe maybe I'm manifesting it in Naples
(27:23):
because my children are coming this year, and I.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Would love you maybe in every other year.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
Yeah, I would do that. I would do that. But
but where I was going with that is, would you
be willing to give up? Then you're not having the
s girl, the soup you're not.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Oh yeah, whatever they're serving I'm eating, So you'd be
okay with that?
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (27:42):
And I come home and do mine. I think a
lot of people do one or the other like every
other year. Like this year, we'll do your place for
Thanksgiving mine for Christmas. In the following year, we'll switch
it up like that.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
I just do Is there I'm being honest? Is there
something wrong with me? Maybe I'm just in La La
land if I met the guy that I was that
I just couldn't wait to wake up next to. And
he felt the same way. Sometimes I think I'm like
living in a dream world.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
But I and you call me a hope bless romance.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
No, I'm hopeful romantic. You're hopeless. There's a difference. I would.
And you know, I have all my my stuff decorated,
and I'm my kids. You know, I've already started the baking.
I've got a few more things left to cook, a
couple of pies that you know I can't do till.
You know, just before I would, I would so do it.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
And and well, how would you tell your children that
I'm going Well.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
You got to remember, I said if it were a
serious relationship. So so theoretically I've known this guy more
than two months, you know, I would say. You know,
I don't know why I always used the name Joe,
but you know, uh, Joe has asked me to come
to his home on the you know, on the ocean
in Hawaii. Let's think big hair. And so I'm gonna
(29:01):
go to Hawaii for Christmas, and kids, let's pick a
day and we'll celebrate Christmas before I go or after
I got After I come back and we're going to
FaceTime on Christmas. My kids would be fine with it. Yeah,
they were well because because here's the thing, you're all
your kids like you're the hub. Everyone comes to your house.
(29:23):
Everyone used to come to my house when my husband
was alive. We did the party of the Christmas china,
the crystal, the silver, the whole nine yards. We did
all the cooking. Occasionally my daughter, I think, would bring
a side, but they were younger. Right now, now you
go there last year. I honestly my memory is bad
(29:43):
since my husband died. I struggle to remember each year.
But like this year, we're going to my daughter's and
she's got the china. She's oh, she loves Christmas. She's
she got that for me. She loves the decorated, so
she's got the menu all made out. I know what
I'm bringing, My son knows what he's bringing, and I
(30:05):
kind of it's like passing the baton, which is you?
Speaker 2 (30:08):
And I waiting for one of one of my children
to do this and it's not happening. But my daughter
in law, my Christopher's wife, I was surprised when she said,
you're coming Thanksgiving, right because it's just a norm right now.
And she goes, Mom, no, they just had a new kitchen,
put in, new bathrooms, they redid their whole house. She goes,
(30:30):
I'm doing my first Thanksgiving and she goes, I didn't
think you would come, And I said I would come.
I said, I won't do Christmas. She goes, well, we'll
be at your house all day Christmas. And I understand,
but I would come. I've been doing it my whole time.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
I know. But you know what, Susan, my advice that
you're not asking for is start thinking about passing the
baton so that your children can start building those memories
with their children. That that's it.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
I'm going to go next year. So I had to
tell other people that come to my house for every holiday,
my sisters and their people, and I said to them,
you know, I was kind of torn when she said that,
And my sister said, don't be that's your family. Ye
go next year, we'll go out. Nobody cooks.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
I swear, I swear the the stork to you.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
Do you know what I think about? Though, that's the
time that all my nieces and their significant others, and
my sisters and my brother in laws are all in
one house. That's what I look forward.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
Okay before we end this, when we're going to wrap
it up here in a second. But I just thought
of one of the biggest It just occurred to me. Truly,
you this is where you live, where you grew up,
your your I mean a few miles from where you
grew up, all your kids lived there. What's up for
your daughter, your your sisters lived there. I grew up
(31:59):
outside of Boston, Massachusetts. I grew up in Newton, Massachusetts.
I got married when I turned twenty, and except for
a few years when I went home with the kids
and my husband for Christmas in Boston, I have not
My Christmas was my family, that is, my husband, my
three children. No. I just realized that's a big difference.
(32:21):
And then my in laws may God rest their weary
souls would come. They would rotate among their three children,
and so every third year they would come and spend
Christmas with us.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
But they wouldn't stop in the morning or anything like
if you weren't going to the parents' house, we go
for like a question.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
No, No, the parents didn't live here. That's what I'm saying.
The parents, That's what I'm saying, we lived in Houston,
we lived in Austin, we lived in Georgia, we lived
in different places, so we made Christmas our tradition. I
don't know where that so I get it. It's a
little more difficult for you, and I'm sure for lots
of families it's more difficult.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
It is, But you know what, we could talk all
today about this. It's coming very firm soon, so we
really got to get going and that will do it
for today's episode of Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks
everybody for listening.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
Thanks so much for everyone for joining us today. We
hope that you are almost ready for your holiday. Whenever
holiday you're celebrating, get ready because you don't have much
time left anyway. Be sure to follow Bachelor Happy Hour
as we do have new episodes coming out every week that.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
You want and we want to hear how the holiday went.
Make sure to submit your questions to us, and you
remember how to do it bachelornation dot com, slash Golden Hour,
or hit us up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio
app or wherever you listen to podcasts.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Have a great week, happy holiday,
Welcome back to about our Happy hours, Golden Hour. Thanks
for joining us today. We are so excited to be
back for another episode of Golden Hour. How are you
doing today, Susan, I am great.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I am trying to rush the clock. You know how
I pack right. I'm traveling next week. I have something
very exciting coming up, and I just have to try
everything on when I pack, like it's a crazy time.
And now snowstorm's supposed to come tomorrow and they're changing
it hour by hour.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
So have you noticed. So we're both doing some traveling.
The holidays are upon us. We've got a lot to
do aside from all the other things that we do
in our life, you know, the presence, the shopping, the
all that stuff that in your case, the house cleaning.
Oh wait, you do that every day anyway.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Cooking you keep forgetting.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Baking, not cooking, baking for minute. But I just find
I find every year, I like you're gonna die. All
my gifts except for one granddaughter. My one granddaughter are
wrapped under the tree. I'm done, except for my.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Wife under the tree. They're wrapped, but they're in the attic.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Well I don't.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
I'm over and visit I don't want them to see
them right.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Well, you know I live alone and no one's coming
to visit me, so they just park themselves under the tree.
But I don't know are you feeling? I mean, look,
Christmas is less than a week away. Are you ready?
Speaker 2 (01:30):
I believe so? Are you believe so? Because I am wrapped.
I've been rapped since the first because I had to
travel this month and I'm gone for eleven days or no,
the fourth to the fifteenth, that's not eleven. But I
had to prepare so early. But what stresses me out
(01:51):
I still have to bake cookies. I'm going to a
cookie exchange tomorrow, so tonight, before we've done this.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
I'm going to be baking cook Okay, wait, I have
to tell you what my daughter's doing this year. I'm
sure she saw it on Pinterest because she lives there.
On I think it's actually tomorrow we're doing it. It's
a Hooky Cookie Day. The kids cookie cookie hooky cookie,
which is.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
I like it? And I take off of work.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Take off of work, everyone stays home. The kids already
out of school for Christmas. So we're gonna all get
together and we're gonna bake cookies and I think that
is so fun because we're gonna eat them on Christmas
DA anyway, So when I get together and you know,
make them as a family, I think that is so
And she's gonna invite some friends and stuff too. They're
coming as well.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
I do it with my sisters every single year, and
that's coming up. However, usually I have my sister Day
and my nieces all calm, my daughter in law. It's
a great day and we start with Mimosa's. But they
pick my house, the fun house, if you will. But
they have the bigger ovens. I have a wall oven
(02:59):
and my oven is not that big. Well, you got
to see the mess, the flower.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
The sucles, the darling. No, it's a complete sentence. Hey,
we're going to do it in your house this year.
Yeah see, so stop stop because you know it's tradition.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
I couldn't imagine having to pack all the ingredients and
bring them over there.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Let them get the ingredients.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
All right now, So today we're going to get into
the holidays. Let's cover some things. Let's dive in. Our
first topic is how do you deal with grief during
the holidays and how does grief manifest for you, Kathy,
(03:43):
during the holiday season.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Okay, well you just burst my holiday bubble hand.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
That's all right for me, you know, a week out,
I'm doing okay. The month of December. Really, from Thanksgiving
on it's tough for me. Why because as I decorated
the Christmas tree, taking out those ornaments, I remember the
stories that go with the ornaments when we bought them.
(04:09):
I hear Christmas music, certain songs that you know, my
husband loved. We play those. But I think, I know
it's tough for my kids. This year, I found myself
crying at sort of odd times. And so I'll see
if I can get through this. My husband's grandmother, so
(04:33):
it would be my son's great grandmother, I believe, built
made a Nativity set and built the crash the whole
bit ceramics, you know, painted them, and it's been handed
down and this year and see, if my husband were here,
we'd have it out. But this year I gave the
(04:55):
Nativity set. So it's my son's great grandma. I gave
it to him and he sent me a picture of
he and his daughter. So that's the next generation. Put
the Nativity set out, and you know that's that's really
it's it's sad and and and happy at the same time.
(05:15):
I think the way I deal with grief at the
holidays is is allow myself to be sad. You know
when I am.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
I'm going to say, allow yourself that moment or a
few moments. But grief also a lot of times this
time of the year, people.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Pass you saved. You've said that people pass Susan three
hundred and sixty five days a year. I don't know
why you say that, more so looking up Kathy, I
believe you. I've just never heard that it.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Is effect during the holiday season. Don't ask me why
God works in mysterious ways. I don't know, but it
is a fact, and it strikes people. We say it
the worst times because they're busy, but I think it
actually is shocking when something happens suddenly and it's not
a sickness that you've watched somebody go. But you've got
(06:05):
to get back because the holidays are here. You can't
just sit and just say forget the holiday this year.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
That's done. Time I did you?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
You did?
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Well, you still want to give thanks for you being here?
Speaker 1 (06:23):
No? No, now now I'm better, But oh don't kid yourself.
The first few years after my husband died, it was brutal.
I couldn't get through the holiday fast enough. I literally
and I allowed myself to think, No, I didn't I
did that first year. Honestly, I don't even remember, but
I know I didn't sell.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
I didn't have Christmas. So you didn't do dinner with
your children or anything.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Well, I know my one, my daughter went to her
boyfriend's home. I think my two, I don't remember. I
know that my daughter wasn't here. It's such a blank.
But you know, we're talking about grief when losing losing
a partner, but there's other kinds of grief. I think
(07:08):
that manifest during the holidays, and you know, people who
have been through loss of a child, people who have
had a divorce, you know, there are a lot. There's
a lot of grief to go around. So I don't know, it.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Could be anybody's sad during at a certain time, but
how you deal with it is important.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Well, how do you deal with free? How do you
deal with it your sadness? I mean, I know you're
not sad about your divorce because you guys are good friends,
But have you ever had that my.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Mom and dad aren't here more, and my brothers, both
of my brothers, I miss them and I talk about
it like they were, you know, still part of our family.
They are. As a matter of fact. Dicky was here
for Thanksgiving, and when we do the grace, I make
everybody say something they're grateful for. And normally we mentioned
(08:02):
all the names, and Dicky goes. So we mentioned I said,
they're getting.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Long live, don't have that much time.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
It's gonna get cold. But that's who's in my mind,
the people that aren't there.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Yeah, if I'm being honest, the holidays are not the
same to me because I don't have that special person
to share them with. However, I have young grandchildren and see,
(08:33):
although Christmas is not if you're a Christian, it's not
about the gift giving. Uh, that's not the meaning of
the season. But to see the magic through a child's eyes.
I will say last month, you know, I was in
New York for Thanksgiving and we went out the day
(08:53):
after Thanksgiving with God, with my son in law's whole family.
We cut the tree down. It was snowing, it was right,
We had hot chocolate, it was right out of a
Norman Rockwell painting. And I will say I loved it,
and I plastered a smile on my face. But but honestly, Susan,
I kept thinking, I was so sorry my husband wasn't
(09:13):
there to see his granddaughter who was so excited by
the snow and the Christmas tree and the Santa Claus
that was there, you know. So it's tough.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
You're right, You're right when you say it's about looking
at the little ones and them getting so excited. I know,
we I don't know when we're going to do this,
dis goosh, we drive around and look at the Christmas
lights and you know, you have snacks and chocolate. Yeah,
but it's it's it's all.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
It's it's about the traditions. And I think I think
you know my advice to anyone who is feeling grief
and sadness during the holidays, it's a very normal feeling
and allow yourself to feel it and just you know,
the new year brings a new year, and it's just
about that simple. Okay, we got to talk family. That's
(10:00):
where I was going. Family drama, because there is family drama.
If your family doesn't have drama in the holidays, you
don't have a family. That's what I'm saying. What advice
do you give? I mean, I will tell you. I
have to tell you a quick story, because that's these
are the things that make our podcast. One year we
(10:21):
were had invited some friends. I can't believe I did this. Actually,
in retrospect, I can't even believe I'm admitting to it.
But two of my three kids, they were like teenagers.
They had meltdowns. I mean, doors were slamming, it was ugly,
and friends were coming for dinner and the table was
set and I can't even tell you. I called them
(10:44):
and said you can't come, never realizing they had no
food for like, I didn't think of that. You no,
you don't understand. It was drama with a capital d
R A M A and.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
I was between each other, the kids or it was.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
It was a family, colossal dramising and I just I
started crying and I said, I can't do it. I
went upstairs, put on my pajamas, got in bed. I
mean it was canceled it the day, oh about two
hours before they were coming. Oh, I know. And I
didn't think that's how bad it was, Susan, because you
know me, I would never do that I baked, we
(11:20):
had all the food ready. I don't even think we could.
I don't even know it was.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
It was the one to know what caused the drama.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
My kids, something happened. I'm very good at blocking things.
I don't remember, but I think I think the best
thing what do you do? Like? Does your family always that.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Says, what advice do you have for anyone that wants
to distance themselves?
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Do it well?
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Distance themselves from the drum.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
That means if you're don't go, don't go, don't go.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
If there's bullshit going on, stay away from it. I
don't want it to ruin my time. But if it
is in your immediate family, like your child, you can't
help it. You've got to be involved. Well, try to
settle it. But any words we have is not cooked.
They got to get through it. Whatever the drama.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Is, well, we didn't. We didn't.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
It was just canceled.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
We just canceled dinner and follow la la la Merry Christmas.
I know, I really felt badly about that. I think
that I think that what I do now, well I
don't have to any more because my kids are adults
and we haven't.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
But I melt down you have it at your own
damn house.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Well, what I would do the advice I would give,
not that anyone's asking. Tell you your your you know,
cousin Joe and Uncle Herbert, who's ever rolling in, Say
this is what we're doing, Like tell them ahead of
time what the expectations are. For example, don't be surprised
Uncle Joe when you come. I know that you know
(12:53):
a roast turkey is your tradition. But this year we're
doing steaks on the grail. Like, tell them ahead of
time so that there's no and try to warn people
if you will, set them up to set your holidays
up for success, set expectations early, which I didn't do.
You understand, but but now if I could go back
(13:14):
and do it, that would be what I would do.
This is what we're doing this year. I don't want
any complaints. I don't want any criticism. You know, we
might have a family meeting about it, Like, no, Mom,
we really want to have Okay, we'll do a turkey breast,
but we're not. You know what I'm saying, Like, do that.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
You're going to have this, it's what you want to do.
So I have a good question, kat Okay, do you
ever think it's too early to give a gift in
a relationship? Like how long should you be with somebody
to do a gifted giving? Say, for instance, if you're
dating just a couple of months, do you not give
(13:50):
a gift?
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Let me start by saying, I do expect a gift
from you, and we're not in a relationship. You got
one week, get it together? Better be in my mailbox.
I you know, I think again, that is a personal decision.
If I were dating a man for two months at Christmas,
(14:14):
in other words, if I'd started dating a guy in October,
here we are, I would expect some kind of gift
of Christmas. I would. However, I don't think there's any
hard and fast rules. I really don't. What do you think,
would you? You?
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Of course, I'm I'm a giver. I like surprising people
with it. And it doesn't have to be something of value, right,
but something that I'd just like to give, something to
put a smile on somebody's face. And it could be
seventeen dollars, right, you know, it could be five dollars.
It doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
I will tell you when people come to my home
with Christmas, they get a little gift. I love doing
that nice.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
I don't do that. There's too many Well, well, I
exchange with everybody that comes, so yeah, they're getting.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Well there's other ways. Arend that too. You can do
a whatever they call it, a blue Santa, white Santa.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
You know we're going to do draw so you don't
have to buy for our family's got really big.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
I mean, I think listen, you know, people, if you
want to know my tips for gift giving, it's if
you come from a large family, do what's it called.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
I can't think of the name, but I guess it's
a white elephant draw names.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
I always buy for the young children. But in our family,
I mean, I was one of seven kids, so once
we got to be adults and had kids ourselves, we
stopped all that and just gave for the kids. I
think that, you know, there's I love the idea of
of something that means something to the person. If it's
(15:46):
a craft, if it's a gift certificate for a facial,
if it's a uh for you know, you can do
things that aren't expensive. It's expensive to live in this world. Now,
give your kids a coupon for a night of babysitting.
You know, there's all kinds of things like that give you.
Your kids could give their parents. I'll mow the yard
(16:10):
for you, I'll rake the leaves.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
That never happens. The promises can be broken. Gifts, you know,
I think they should just offer.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Well, I'm just saying gifts are expensive.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
But I'm talking about relationships. Like if you're dating somebody,
doesn't it depend on how often you've seen it. If
it's a once a week at dinner or something, and
you're not getting together through the holidays. On Christmas, you're
going to be with your family, he's going to be
with his, so you're not really going to see each other.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
You're asking if I were in a relationship, Yes, I
would be buying a gift. That guy I dated for
a while a few years ago, we were dating over
Christmas and.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
I always buy a gift. Did you ever not receive
one in return? And how did that.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Take you for from a guy? No, because I've told
you other than my husband, who always gave me the
most thoughtful, lovely gifts, he was an incredible gift giver
and I love that. That's something I missed when we
would talk about, uh, what we're going to get the kids,
and yeah, you know all those little things that I
that that I don't get to do anymore with him
(17:23):
even talking about it. See, this makes me sad. This
is it just no, it's okay, I think, but I
think if you're in a relationship, I think it's Here's
what I wouldn't do. Here's what I wouldn't do if
I were in a relationship. Let's say, like you said,
a two month relationship, I'd have the conversation first with
my partner my day. Are we gonna exchange gifts?
Speaker 2 (17:45):
How do you approach that conversation?
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Oh, I would me. I would say, Joe, I would
like to exchange guests. I would like to get to
a gift this year. Are you you know I'm going
to Or I might even say I'm going to get
to a gift this here, just so you know, you
don't have to get me one. But I'm a gift
giver and I enjoy making people smile with gifts, and
(18:09):
I do. I usually give more gifts than I receive
at holidays. And if he said no, I have no
intentions of getting you a gift, I would still give
the gift, and I'd be on the data side. The
next day.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
I don't think anybody would saying I wish they would
bring it up.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
You wish the guy would bring it up.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Yeah, say do you want to do exchange? Because I
know a lot of married people that don't exchange at all.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Okay, you know you're begging the question. Here are you
and Frederic exchanging gifts?
Speaker 2 (18:39):
This? I don't know. I know I'm going to buy something.
If you're going to have the conversation, maybe you should
put a limit, an amount. I don't go over such
and such.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Okay for all your other friends, Susan limited to twenty
bucks for me? Sky's that? Okay? All right? Have you
ever so my father was Jewish, and you know I
have my Christmas trap. I have my menora, which I'm
having trouble with the candles. Thank god it's only one
at a time. Did you, with your husband or boyfriend
(19:17):
or anybody, have you merged traditions during the holidays?
Speaker 2 (19:22):
So I had friends that were Jewish, and I try
to acknowledge theirs and do their thing, but not in
my house. Everybody that has come here has all been Christian,
same or not the same tradition.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Yeah, well, we, like I said, I grew up in
a almost completely Jewish neighborhood, and so I would go
to my friend's house and and on Honukkah, and you know,
they most of my friends did not have Christmas trees.
They a few of them did. They call them Honkkah bushes,
(19:58):
which I loved. But my dad, my my mother was
Christian and my father was Jewish, so he loved Nobody
celebrated Christmas more or loved Christmas more than my dad.
But again not the not the true meaning that Christians
have signed the tree the presence.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Well, isn't Honkah? Do you get a gift? I think
seven days?
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Well, people do it differently. It's it's festival the lights.
It goes on for seven days. Usually people will get
the biggest gift the first night. Some people get the
first night and then they get little gifts the rest
of the time.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
But it's not like us that you have forty five
presents under the trees for all the kids.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
We didn't do it that way. But you know I don't.
I don't have the book of Jewish Holidays open on
my lap here how they celebrate, but usually it's the
big gift is the first night and then.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Just little gifts synagogue.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
The first night Honkkah is not a religious holiday. It's
it's festival the lights. It's a it's it's not It's
not like Russia, Chana, young People, or any of the
serious high Jewish holidays. It's a fun Jewish holidays. So
it's not It's very different from Christmas, which is one
of the obviously one of the Christian's highest holidays. And
(21:15):
where did how did we get onto this religious track
we got to?
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Okay, well, we're mixing traditions. Like I don't know, most
of my friends all have the same and everybody I've
ever dated, I think, celebrated Christmas. So I didn't ever
merge the traditions. It's our tradition. Okay, here's a good one.
(21:41):
The seven fishes, Like the Italians really celebrate Christmas Eve
with the seven fishes. And I used to do it.
My grandmother did, My mom skipped. It was always my nana.
And then I started to do it and the kids
didn't like the fish. They didn't And you know I
was in too and inviting people, friends and neighbors and all. No,
(22:04):
what was appreciating it.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Yeah, I've heard it's a lot of work. Yeah, I
will tell.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
You I believed in it. It was something about good
luck for the year. So Lottie, my girlfriend, and Ray
do it every year.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Well, good tell him. Tell Lottie I need some of
her luck, please. I will say. The simple traditions that
we have merged. My husband loved certain kinds of pies,
he liked certain kind of dressing. I grew up with
a different dressing. And the turkey, and so those kinds
of things. What we did. We initially made both of them.
(22:40):
Over time we sort of got away from having to
have his or mine. We would one year do his,
one year do mine. That's how we sort of merged it.
And then our kids. As the kids came along, they
really they really were like, Mom, we really want your
eggnog bread, don't really care about your cranberry nut bread
(23:01):
kind of thing. So that's not making that. Yeah, time
we don't like it's talking, so that you know, that's
how that's that's how our traditions changed. But I got
what is your favorite dish on Christmas food? What is
your favorite food dish? To make turkey? Pardon me not
(23:22):
to not to make to eat.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
I like everything, but I don't like turkey. So I
struggle on Thanksgiving and I make a twenty five pound
beautiful bird and then I thank god I don't have
to eat it again until next year.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
And so what's your favorite dish? What's at the ham?
Speaker 2 (23:39):
I like them, I love ham, but my scuttle soup.
And then we have the Ravioli's. But this year I'm
breaking it up and I'm not telling anybody. They will
have a heart attack.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
The tradition.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
We're doing stuff shells this year.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
I like pop over for those.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Yes, yes, I have the meat to go in the gravy.
That it's spaghetti sauces. You guys told it, but it's
gravy in my house. And I'll have a pork and
sausage and meat balls, and then we have the Your meal.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Is signed different. Your meal is so different from ours.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
It's a traditional Italian Christmas. You have soup, your escuirrol soup.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
But your husband was not Italian.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
That's what we did cheese. So the man I have
to do a side of homemade spaghetti. He'd have his
own spaghetti.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Unbelievable, think the same. That's so funny. Our tradition was
doing the same. Like I no Christmas and Thanksgiving the
menu was almost exactly the same. But as you know,
I love to bake, and so every year I made
home my homemade pecan pie, homemade pumpkin ice cream pipe.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
That's all the fun, good stuff that desserts. But what
was the main meal.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
I'm telling you, always turkey, And I think one year
my husband a couple of years towards the end, he
did a crown roast. A crown wrote what to call
the crown row, you know, being crown roast, and I
mean because he loved to cook, and we did that
a few times. I honestly think traditions are meant to
be broken, and I know that sounds crazy. I like
(25:17):
bringing in some new surprises every year.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Well you still have your traditional stuff. Tradition to me
is everybody being here on that day and everybody having
the soup and the pasta, the Italian part, and that
whether it's a ham or a turkey, that's tradition. That's
how we do it.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Okay, So how you do it? I'm going to ask you,
and I want to say, you know me, I'm always
joking around here, but I want a serious answer for
this one. Susan, if if Frederic, if he lived you know, wherever,
I mean doable, not in Saint Martin, if he lived
close enough, and he said, I want you to come
(25:57):
to Christmas at my house with my two kids, with
my two children this year, and and and and we're
I'm making it up now, you know, I live on
the island. Whatever we're gonna have, you know, shrimp barbecue,
I don't know. Would you do that? Would you?
Speaker 2 (26:14):
I would never leave my children on Christmas. I would
do it on Thanksgiving or Easter or New Year's but
I won't leave on Christmas.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
You'll you would not. Oh, interesting, it's a big day here.
It's a big Oh are you kidding me? It's a
big day here. It's oh it was well, not me.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
I'll leave the day after you.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
So I would. I would celebrate if I found the
person who loved me and I loved I would absolutely
if he said it means a lot to me to celebrate.
I'm assuming he has kids. I'm making this up, obviously, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
But we're we're golden.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
His kids are what I'm talking about. I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
Would you ever travel for Christmas and not be with
your children, with your significant other or with somebody you're
in love with. Would you just take a vacation and
just not be there on Christmas?
Speaker 1 (27:01):
You mean leave without a reason to leave? Just I
think I'll go to Egypt your vacation. No, no, no.
But but if I were dating someone seriously, not just
a casual date. But if I were dating someone seriously,
and he said, Kathy, I would love for you to
come to my home. I'm making it up. Don't have
the guy. But maybe maybe I'm manifesting it in Naples
(27:23):
because my children are coming this year, and I.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Would love you maybe in every other year.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
Yeah, I would do that. I would do that. But
but where I was going with that is, would you
be willing to give up? Then you're not having the
s girl, the soup you're not.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Oh yeah, whatever they're serving I'm eating, So you'd be
okay with that?
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (27:42):
And I come home and do mine. I think a
lot of people do one or the other like every
other year. Like this year, we'll do your place for
Thanksgiving mine for Christmas. In the following year, we'll switch
it up like that.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
I just do Is there I'm being honest? Is there
something wrong with me? Maybe I'm just in La La
land if I met the guy that I was that
I just couldn't wait to wake up next to. And
he felt the same way. Sometimes I think I'm like
living in a dream world.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
But I and you call me a hope bless romance.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
No, I'm hopeful romantic. You're hopeless. There's a difference. I would.
And you know, I have all my my stuff decorated,
and I'm my kids. You know, I've already started the baking.
I've got a few more things left to cook, a
couple of pies that you know I can't do till.
You know, just before I would, I would so do it.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
And and well, how would you tell your children that
I'm going Well.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
You got to remember, I said if it were a
serious relationship. So so theoretically I've known this guy more
than two months, you know, I would say. You know,
I don't know why I always used the name Joe,
but you know, uh, Joe has asked me to come
to his home on the you know, on the ocean
in Hawaii. Let's think big hair. And so I'm gonna
(29:01):
go to Hawaii for Christmas, and kids, let's pick a
day and we'll celebrate Christmas before I go or after
I got After I come back and we're going to
FaceTime on Christmas. My kids would be fine with it. Yeah,
they were well because because here's the thing, you're all
your kids like you're the hub. Everyone comes to your house.
(29:23):
Everyone used to come to my house when my husband
was alive. We did the party of the Christmas china,
the crystal, the silver, the whole nine yards. We did
all the cooking. Occasionally my daughter, I think, would bring
a side, but they were younger. Right now, now you
go there last year. I honestly my memory is bad
(29:43):
since my husband died. I struggle to remember each year.
But like this year, we're going to my daughter's and
she's got the china. She's oh, she loves Christmas. She's
she got that for me. She loves the decorated, so
she's got the menu all made out. I know what
I'm bringing, My son knows what he's bringing, and I
(30:05):
kind of it's like passing the baton, which is you?
Speaker 2 (30:08):
And I waiting for one of one of my children
to do this and it's not happening. But my daughter
in law, my Christopher's wife, I was surprised when she said,
you're coming Thanksgiving, right because it's just a norm right now.
And she goes, Mom, no, they just had a new kitchen,
put in, new bathrooms, they redid their whole house. She goes,
(30:30):
I'm doing my first Thanksgiving and she goes, I didn't
think you would come, And I said I would come.
I said, I won't do Christmas. She goes, well, we'll
be at your house all day Christmas. And I understand,
but I would come. I've been doing it my whole time.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
I know. But you know what, Susan, my advice that
you're not asking for is start thinking about passing the
baton so that your children can start building those memories
with their children. That that's it.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
I'm going to go next year. So I had to
tell other people that come to my house for every holiday,
my sisters and their people, and I said to them,
you know, I was kind of torn when she said that,
And my sister said, don't be that's your family. Ye
go next year, we'll go out. Nobody cooks.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
I swear, I swear the the stork to you.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
Do you know what I think about? Though, that's the
time that all my nieces and their significant others, and
my sisters and my brother in laws are all in
one house. That's what I look forward.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
Okay before we end this, when we're going to wrap
it up here in a second. But I just thought
of one of the biggest It just occurred to me. Truly,
you this is where you live, where you grew up,
your your I mean a few miles from where you
grew up, all your kids lived there. What's up for
your daughter, your your sisters lived there. I grew up
(31:59):
outside of Boston, Massachusetts. I grew up in Newton, Massachusetts.
I got married when I turned twenty, and except for
a few years when I went home with the kids
and my husband for Christmas in Boston, I have not
My Christmas was my family, that is, my husband, my
three children. No. I just realized that's a big difference.
(32:21):
And then my in laws may God rest their weary
souls would come. They would rotate among their three children,
and so every third year they would come and spend
Christmas with us.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
But they wouldn't stop in the morning or anything like
if you weren't going to the parents' house, we go
for like a question.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
No, No, the parents didn't live here. That's what I'm saying.
The parents, That's what I'm saying, we lived in Houston,
we lived in Austin, we lived in Georgia, we lived
in different places, so we made Christmas our tradition. I
don't know where that so I get it. It's a
little more difficult for you, and I'm sure for lots
of families it's more difficult.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
It is, But you know what, we could talk all
today about this. It's coming very firm soon, so we
really got to get going and that will do it
for today's episode of Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks
everybody for listening.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
Thanks so much for everyone for joining us today. We
hope that you are almost ready for your holiday. Whenever
holiday you're celebrating, get ready because you don't have much
time left anyway. Be sure to follow Bachelor Happy Hour
as we do have new episodes coming out every week that.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
You want and we want to hear how the holiday went.
Make sure to submit your questions to us, and you
remember how to do it bachelornation dot com, slash Golden Hour,
or hit us up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio
app or wherever you listen to podcasts.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Have a great week, happy holiday,
Hosts And Creators
Joe Amabile
Susan Noles
Serena Pitt
Kathy Swarts
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.