December 3, 2025 • 36 mins
Today, we’re diving into all things finances and parenting! You’ve sent us so many questions about money, relationships, and raising kids, so we’re giving you a crash course on all of it. Kathy and Susan have had quite the journey when it comes to dating and making major life decisions with men, you won’t believe some of the things they’ve had to navigate. They’ve learned a lot along the way, and today they’re sharing those lessons with you.We kick things off with the holidays and reminisce about those early years of celebrating with young children, then, we get into the big stuff: money. What does talking about finances look like in a relationship? What should you know before getting married? We’re covering the essentials. And, of course, we wrap up with parenting advice — from parenting teens to bringing home a newborn and what comes next, we're here to get into it all! Tune in now for all this and more and be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks for
joining us today. We are so excited to be back.
How are you doing today, Susan.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I am here. I am happy still. I mean, I'm
getting a little crazy with the holiday sneaking up claws.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Are you organized? I gotta say for me, I'm really organized.
I've got most of my Christmas shopping done done. Yes.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Yeah, because you bought your son floors for his house.
I mean that's a note brainer. You don't have to
wrap it, you didn't have to go look for it.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
They look mighty nice, my dad, I bet you. I
ain't know. Let me just say to you, when you
have older children like we all do, it's easy because
you know what they love that five letter word money,
money or four letter word cash, they love it. But
I always try to get something. I can't say my
(01:02):
surprises because you, God forbid my kids listening to this.
I've got a couple of good surprises for my kids' grandkids.
I don't know about you, but I asked my children.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
They send me lists. The older grandkids.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Maybe this, No, this I meant for the younger ones.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Oh, they're so cute. That's my problem. I can't stop
buying for the little ones. Oh yeah, I got piles
like this.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Oh they don't ask. So my kids tell me what
their kids want and what they need, what they need,
what they want, And that's what I do.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
He's too small, you're two and a half year old's
not going to know. Do you remember looking through like
the Seers or the Toys r US pamphlets and they
would circle what they wanted.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Yes, I know. My seven year old though, she's definitely
old enough, and I asked her the other day. I said, Lenny,
what do you want for Christmas? And actually I loved
her answer. She goes, I don't know, Kiki, I don't
eat anything. And I just thought, oh my god, you're
going to get the world from me. I mean, I
loved that that answer. She's just for me. It's time spent.
(02:10):
I'm taking Linley with my daughter in law to see
the Nutcracker this year that my grandmother used to take me,
and we're going to go out for dinner afterwards. You know,
she might fall asleep watching it, but that I much
prefer to give my grandkids, and frankly my children too,
memories experiences, because that's what they're going to remember. That's
(02:33):
what's going to change how they grow, how they think.
And so I prefer to do.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
That traditions, if you will, it's something that you do special.
We go looking at Christmas lights every year. It's like
a whole night out with the hot chocolate. A little
bit you freeze your hands off.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
But not in Texas. Honey, you're wearing shorts and a
T shirt. Can I just say what, just for laughs
and giggles? What's the temperature where you are today?
Speaker 2 (02:59):
The HIGs chilli today, it's probably in the fifties.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Okay. The high it's going to be in the fifties. Yeah,
are high? Today's going to be eighty five?
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Okay, it is I remember living in Texas.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
I know it's crazy. All right. We are going to
dive intoy. We got a we're doing a whole nother
kind of topic today.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Yes, and we're so excited to talk to all of you.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Okay, so today today we're going to start off talking
about all things finances or finances depending on how you pan.
Oh boy, I mean, I don't even know what to
say because everyone says that what breaks up marriage is money.
(03:41):
Most difficult topic is money and children.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Money, can't buy happiness.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Yeah, all those things. You know, you got to get
on the same page. So what does go ahead?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I was going to say, what does talking about finances
look like in a relationship? And we'll questions should you
be asking at all stages of relationships or marriage?
Speaker 1 (04:07):
So again, it's very different. When I got married, I
couldn't wait to open a joint checking account and saving
the account. No, seriously, I paid all the bills. We combined.
You know, he had ten cents and I had a nickel,
and we combined that when we got married. Today's young couples,
(04:28):
I don't know. I know my kids do it differently.
Some of them have their own accounts, some of them
joined for you know, join their accounts. What's right, it's
what works for the couple. I think when you're younger again,
you're saving four homes, you're saving for vacations, you're saving
for kids college education. So all of those conversations have
(04:53):
to be had at our age. It's a whole different conversation.
It's a question.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Would you be asking, well, how do you want to
do the money right? Do you want to make us
a private account a joint account? Yet we each have
our own and we both put in X amount of
dollars into that account to pay the bills, the mortgage.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
So that's kind of like what I like, what I do.
What I would like is the man to say, Kathy,
you keep all your money to get your children. We
don't need it. I'll take care of you. I dream
about that, but in reality, I think I like your idea,
which is combining money for utilities, for trips, for everything.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Let's talk about Golden's only, since that's who we are
and we're getting into a relationship. Now are questions.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Okay, what's your first question?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I'm asking you because you're the finance girl here. You
did it way smarter than I did. I wish I
paid more attention.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Wait, let me just say I had a husband who
had an Harvard MBA. That helps. Okay, I learned from
I learned from a master. But let me say the
first question again. If I'm in a relationship, not dating,
but if I'm in a relationship with someone and we're
talking about a future.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
You moving in together or perhaps getting married.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Or monogamous relationship where we spend five days and we together,
whatever it is, and I don't care if you maintain
our own homes. I'm saying, if I am in that
series of a committed relationship, I am. The first question
I'm going to ask is how are we going to
manage our finances going forward? Are we going to live
(06:44):
separate but equal lives? Are you going? You know? Those
are the questions I want the That is the question
I want the answer to, because I'm not going to
contribute to his home. If you will, if it's not
my home, does that make sense.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
If you're living in it, even not if he owns it.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
No?
Speaker 2 (07:08):
No, I mean at this stage of the game, you
would think that the home is paid off.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I know many people have mortgage. Mortgage is not because
they need to, but because it's a financial decision for
tax purposes or whatever. My point is. And you know
this story too. I dated a guy, believe it or not,
it's the same guy with the dog who this was
doomed from the beginning, but very nice, generous guy. And
(07:35):
then I was We had talked about me moving in,
and we talked about what I would pay for and
what he would pay for, and he said, I want
to do some revisions at some remodeling to the house,
like make the closet, bigger, change the flooring, just and
I said, you know, I'll pay for that because I'm
going to be enjoying it and you own the home.
(07:59):
And he said that seemed fair. And about a month later,
we're talking about are we ever going to move in?
You know, what are we going to do? Kind of thing?
And he said, well, you know, I think you should
pay the real estate taxes on the house because you're
living here for free. Yeah. The face you just made
was face I made. I said, I don't own this home.
You're getting the appreciation of the improvements I'm making on
(08:23):
the home, and and I don't own a home anymore really,
And then if we're going down this road, the absolute
last dagger to the heart was when he said, oh,
by the way, if something happens to me to him,
you need to move right away because the house will
be going immediately to my daughter. It's like, we are
(08:45):
so done.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Yeah, wait, let me pay the taxes, the hympty untilities,
and then if you drop dead, I'm done.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
I'm buttonless. But even though you and are cutting up
about this, these are that's important questions that people I
think sometimes at our age jump in too quickly because
they say the kids are gone, you know, think about
we're retired, we can just move in together. Well, guess what,
when you move in with someone at any age, you
(09:13):
have to have the conversations about who's going to pay
for what, how are you going to divide the utilities,
all those things.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
When I had lived with a gentleman for just one year,
and I had said that on the way in, what
do you expect of me? I mean, how can we
do this? It's his home? And he said, no, I
don't want a penny from you. You could buy food,
you could do things. So I ended up buying a stove,
(09:40):
I bought a refrigerator. I did the food shopping, and
I started to add it in my head, thinking it
might be cheaper for me to go and get a
new condo. That was before I decided to come back
to the house that I owned, but I had somebody
living in it at the time. But Susie, it's very important.
(10:00):
When he said that, I thought, oh good, I could
save some money. And I did, I mean, but you know,
refrigerators almost three grand like right, okay, how mach rent?
Is that a couple month and a half? But you know,
what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
No, I know exactly what you're saying. And that's why
you know it's people say conversations about money are ugly.
That may well be comfortable, it may be uncomfortable, it
may be ugly, but they are conversations that have to
be had if you're going to have a good, healthy
relationship at any age.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Absolutely, unless he's you know, Rockefeller and doesn't care, then
you don't think, okay, no problem.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Well that's back to the guy that I was hoping
would say.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
All right, here's one for you. What does the jump
to a second career look like, and what does it
take to stick the landing? If you will? What happens
if let's see, I'm past that too, Like this is
a second career actually maybe my third. I don't know.
I've done a lot.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Yeah, I think for you and me, and we've talked
about this. When you and I went on the Golden Bachelor,
we went on to find love. You and I didn't
know what was anything else. We didn't know what a
brand deal was. We went on to find love. You
and I found each other and some other great girlfriends.
(11:28):
We did not find romantic love. Having said that I
would say. The answer to this question is luck. You
and I have been very lucky, and I am so
grateful that you and I have this podcast and we
get to talk to people, and we get to go
to events and meet people and see hear them talk
about us changing their lives and how happy they make
(11:49):
people all of that. But I think what it takes
to the land bouse.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Or your boyfriend or your living whoever you want to be.
He was changing careers.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
It's it's again, it's a conversation. Here's here's the bigger
question for me. I do and I've said this out loud,
I do not want to date a man who is
working full time, not now, not in my golden years.
So many people have second careers. You and I do
(12:21):
right now. But that's that's not the issue. It's how
do you stick it? How do you stay with it?
It takes a lot of planning, a lot of thought
it If you're with a partner, it takes a lot
of consideration and to their.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Needs, ask with our sees, communicate, talk about it. And
it's not always going to work out exactly like you
thought or the how you talked about it, but at
least the conversation happens.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
But I think that more and more people, you know, seventies,
the new fifty, all of that people are not retiring
at sixty, sixty, two, sixty five. They're working in careers
or starting new careers, which I think is great. If
that's great, But for me, if if the guy is
going to put the career ahead of our relationship, that's
(13:10):
not going to work for me. It's not Now. I
want a man who can give me the time and
attention that I want, and I want to be able
to give him the time and attention. So if he
rather be.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
At the stage, so that's what you want, that's what
it's about.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Right, Well, I agree. But I'm saying if if someone
that you and I are in a relationship with, if
they tell you I'm starting a new restaurant or I'm
starting to do whatever it is, what picks up up a.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Big one, for instance, a restaurant, they're never home either.
You got to go in with him and be a
part of that because you don't have a private life anymore.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Yeah, but here's the thing. A lot of and I've
known people my age who start in a relationship with
someone who's retired and then the person changes their mind.
One or the other changes their mind, and that is
a complete lifestyle change. So you have to be really
aware of what it is you want. And again I'm
(14:08):
sounding like a beating a dead horse here, but at
our age, we have lived enough life that we know
some of the pitfalls in a second or third then
end of life relationship.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Willing to deal with this, you know, because you know
what could happen, like, oh, gus, do I even want
to go there? And once again having that conversation and
being honest with your partner saying I don't know if
I could do.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
It, so let me ask you. I was asked this
on another podcast. I was on would you support your
partner financially.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
If I financially had enough for both of us plus
my children, yes, depending on what he was doing too,
if he was like to stay at home dads I
know people.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
There no no no at our age, not stay at
up dad at our age.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
To take from my kids to a certain degree, I
wouldn't just car somebody now.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Yeah. See I I when I was asked, it was
an emphatic no. And the they asked me why, and
I said, because I worked very hard raising my family.
My husband worked very hard outside of the home earning
those that money, and my money is going to my children,
(15:21):
and if he has doesn't have the money or it
typically means we're not going to have similar lifestyles. So
for me, you know, that's probably not going to work.
But I think it's Do you think it's important at
this age to date someone that's in your same ballpark? Yes?
Speaker 2 (15:41):
And such something I never even bothered to notice. Yeah,
you know, because I wasn't going on an interview when
I started dating somebody. What do you have for retirement?
Speaker 1 (15:51):
You know? But when do you ask that question?
Speaker 2 (15:55):
You start learning that as you go into the first
year and you start learning things, and then you oh god,
you know, and I would have a conversation about it
that it might not end well, yeah, that conversation because
they might feel a certain way. I don't know. But
you how do your finances change after you get married?
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Well, again, it depends whether you're at the top of
the hour. We talked about that. If you're going to
combine your total wealth, which I never will do, I'm
not sure young couples do that much anymore. I think
when we were younger, we did but I think that.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
To me, it was exciting when you got married young
and we put both our money together, we had so
much more.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Well we didn't, but I mean I put my husband listen.
I worked a full time job thirty five hours a
week and went to school university because I finished college
after I was married. I took fifteen hours and worked
a thirty five hour a week job. And while my
husband was in grad school, literally I went to work.
(17:08):
I worked three and a half days a week, got
the thirty five hours in and planned my course sload
around that. And so I would come home, we would
eat dinner, we would both go in the other room
that had two desks, and we would sit and study
for four hours, go to bed, get up, and do
it all over again. Smart. So I have to say,
I don't have a lot of.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Paid your dues. You paid your dues.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Well when I was a lot younger, but now I
don't know. Does that make me sound hard, Susan, because
I don't want to date someone and let me finish
before you answer, I don't want to date someone who
is not in my financial realm in the similar situation,
because I think for me that bleeds over into other
(17:53):
areas of our life, our values. I don't know, do
you agree with that or not.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
I don't know if it's just the values, but I
understand because if you have more, would they expect you
to carry things or something like this, or being used
for your money or you know, it could be any.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Of these things, and that happens.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
But I think it's difficult to meet somebody and decide
whether or not he does have it or not, is
he prepared for retirement or not the conversation, but then
you're not going to have a conversation until you're past
the fifth day and you have slept together, and.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Well another reason to not sleep with them until you know,
a month of Sundays time.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
But I find it hard because I always let my
heart lead.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
I'm going to break that.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
I might maybe in my next life, Capy, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
God Now, in the next life, I would to see
you coming, I'm going to turn around and go the
other way.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
But you know, when you do have the conversation, and
then you feel like you're getting ugly, like when money
comes into it. And I've experienced this and mentioned some
things like your work ethics aren't up to par for me, like,
shouldn't you be hustling right now, Susan?
Speaker 1 (19:12):
But wait for everyone who's listening. Susan's idea of hustling
is like Susan's idea of a house being clean, you
can eat off the floors. Her idea of hustling is
working five jobs and getting two hours of sleep.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
So, because that's who I am.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
I not understand, but that that's exactly My point is
that your expectation that someone else have same work out
what I think it is.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
What if I want something, I'm going to work even
harder because I want to get it. I spoil myself,
So I'm going to work for it now. I don't
expect anybody else to buy it for me. Whereas people
that don't work as hard and don't have as much
of an income and their lifestyle is different than MI
in there, you know, and that works for them. But
(19:57):
when two of you meet, that becomes a little bit
I don't want to call it an issue or a problem,
but it's a concern.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Yeah. Well, you know this guy that I who shall
go nameless. We call him East Coast Guy. He was
a very wealthy man, and you remember me telling you
that was a bit of a concern for me because.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Well, you said you didn't need any of his money.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Well not only that, men that are really wealthy wheel power,
I think sometimes with their money. And I didn't want
to be caught under that, you know. I didn't want
to feel like he would spoil me with anything and
give me but.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
With you do what he wants, like right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
And I want to at this age, I want a partnership.
I don't want to walk ahead of someone. I don't
want to walk behind someone. I want to walk with them.
And I make jokes, but when I say, you know,
when if we go to Europe on a trip, I
want us both to be able to fly business class.
You know, I'll pay for my tickets defensive, I know, but.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
I just looked into it for Bella and I and
I go, I couldn't do one. But I can't leave
her in the back of the plane.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Yeah, well you could. Actually she's thirteen.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
I would never do that. Would you do that taking
your granddaughter for pass over? Okay? I was going to say,
now we're going to talk you and.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
I No, I would not. I would. I would rob
the bank and fly as both business classes. But I'm
just saying I think that, uh, to sum this topic up,
I think finances or finances are very look very different
when you're young and when you're golden. But you know what,
the issues around finances are huge. Whether it is our
(21:45):
age or a thirty something, that the issue is real
and you better figure out how you're going to manage
your finances because it is a real problem that can
develop in a marriage or a relationship.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
I know my son and daughter in law came into
some money for a legal matter, and I don't want
to overstep, but I became actually annoying to my son, Yeah,
because I keep telling them, I hope, Christopher, you put
some money away to invest. You are fortunate that this happened.
(22:21):
They're living grand. They redid their house and there I
see thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars and they're
so happy. And I get it, but make sure because
when it's gone, it's gone.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
So are they saving some have you gone that?
Speaker 2 (22:37):
You know? Mom, don't worry about it. I got something
put away, but when I heard the amount compared to
what they have, I was not thrilled and I had
a step back.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
It's his life, it's his life, and her life, you know,
speaking of our children's lives. We've done some talk about parenting,
but let's you just you touching on the question. It's
a great segue. Okay, how do your responsibilities obligations to
your child change or children as they get older? Exactly
(23:08):
what you just said. When your son, if he'd gotten
that money was younger. Hey, sonny boy, you know he
attends going to the church. It's going to go in
the bank. You can have ten cents to spend.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
I'll give you a thousand dollars to go buy yourself
something of the rest of history.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Exactly. So, so it does totally change as our children.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Uhtally and our obligations and we don't have as many obligations. However,
when they're both working hard and this has happened too,
Oh my god, Mom, I just can't take it anymore.
I can't cut the break. My refrigerator just went, or
my washer and dryer. I'm in the position where, no,
don't worry about it.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
So you and I have both done that. We've both
helped our kids. But not all parents can not all.
But but that's not an obligation to help our children.
I think that is the difference. We have the resources
that we can help our children, but we are not
responsible for them. We are not obligated to help them.
My one of my sons. You don't you think we
(24:13):
are obliging.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
I don't think I'm responsible, but I feel obligated to
help my children because I can and if they have
something happen. Not Although I have lent money to my
kids and said you.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Have to pay it back, have they Yes, they used to, Yeah,
but yes they have. I have not lent my children money.
I think that as I look back on my own life,
I think sometimes we are handicapping our children when we
do too much for them. We are our children, you know.
(24:49):
In my case, I have a child who could work
more hours during the day to earn more money. And
the other day we had this phone conversation and I
can't It was one of those I can't cut a
break deals, can't catch can't catch a break, you know,
tires went out on the car and then came downstairs
and there was a hole in the windshield on the
(25:10):
car and had you know, a five hundred dollars deductible
and and what I heard out of the mouth of
this child was of my child. I can't believe all
the bad things that are happening to me. And I said, no, Actually,
this is called life. Everyone has. It's called saving for
(25:30):
a rainy day. It's called that. This is what happens
on the way to retirement. Life happens, and you have
to save for those rainy days. You have to save
for the tires that go out, the air condition of
that blows. I mean so many different things.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Do you ever get the text in all caps F
M L. Yes that I didn't. I know what it meant.
And when I finally realized, well, my daughter frequents that message,
like what happened? Now? What again?
Speaker 1 (26:03):
You know? Everyone has to do for their children. And
in retrospect, you know, anyone who's interested in Kathy's opinion,
I think it's very difficult. It was for me to
sit back and watch my children suffer by not being
able to make ends meet and having to find another
way or do without to make ends meet.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
And again I lost you.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
I'm saying that as a parent, yes, do as I say,
not as I did. I sat back and helped my
children more than perhaps I should have. Letting your children
suffer a little bit. The consequences of their actions. Letting
them figure a way out of the corner that they've
(26:50):
backed their way into is a great learning and mature
maturing event for them. And I don't want to rob
my kids of that because that's what makes them strong, intelligent,
successful adults. You know, it's not susan our successes that
define us. It is our failures failure that define us
(27:12):
and make a stronger, better humans.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
If you could give your old self advice about parenting
teenagers specifically, what would you say? I would have done
it totally different.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
I know, I got to say, I you and I were.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Different with raising kids. You were much more strict and
telling me the story about your son and you said,
well leave you're out.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Yeah I had, uh, But that's that leads into the
point I just made my son. One of my sons,
uh was you know? He had he had to learn
by the school of hard knocks. And when push came
to shove, I said, this is my home and if
you don't like it, you can leave, and he did.
He was intult by the way. He was twenty one
(28:06):
back from college and I said, if you don't like it,
you can leave, and he did, and he today is
a responsible, absolute unbelievable husband, father, and human being. But
I think it is because he had to suffer the
consequences of his behavior. And I think I don't understand.
(28:26):
I had three kids. I have three children. They all
had summer jobs. They all had chores, run the house.
I was, I plead guilty. I was a very strict parent.
They did their homework, we had study time, they didn't
watch TV during the week. They were only allowed to
gain Yeah, well, but they had to earn their spending
(28:50):
money for college. We were lucky enough to be able
to afford their tuition. But I said, you have to
earn all your own spending money, which they did. And
yet not all my kids are the same. You know,
occasionally I'll get this you know woe is Me conversation,
and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
I'm so hard on those mom My kids were hard
on them, and I totally was not. I was the
cool mom My boys and Dickie and I would have
arguments they couldn't get summer jobs because they played baseball
and they were athletes.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
So did they have jobs around the house to work? Oh?
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Yeah, they had things they had to do here, yes.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
But they never had to earn any money. No, No,
that base baseball.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
They could have been major League Baseball players. They did
something stupid and took a walk on the wild side,
and that cost heartache as well as finance like you
could not believe, and they got in trouble. And I
could go on for days over this. It was sad
and heartbreaking, but we just prayed at the end of
(29:54):
it they'd come out healthy. But they are. Again, if
I were to say, well, I'm not going to pay
for a law we have to pay the bill for
the lawyer like you, that's a call for a parent
to say, no, you're on your own.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
No, no, no, I wasn't talking about that. I was
talking about things like, you know, I'm sorry that you
missed your car payment because you were out parting with
your friends. So you know, I'm going to make the
car payment. You're not going to see the car for
a month. I mean that kind of stuff exactly. Okay,
so we go from raising kids. We just got to
go back real quickly before we end this segment too.
Do you remember giving birth to your children and coming
(30:31):
home with a new baby.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
I mean, you come with a book of rules and
book of my How do I do now?
Speaker 1 (30:39):
I have to tell you my neighbor next door. Her
mother was a foster mother, so she had, you know,
slung sixty literally sixty five babies. So when I had
my first born and I came home and I thought,
what the hell do I do with this thing? I
mean literally I had no idea what I was doing.
I had. I was nursing, my breath got infected, my
(31:02):
episiotomy got you don't even want to know. I was like,
no one, no one has a second child, No one
does after what I.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Went through, And then come home with two babies at
one time, with the topper running around, You're like, what
the actual?
Speaker 1 (31:16):
So so I have to tell you my chiropractor, who
I love, who's taking care of my back right now.
They just had their first baby, and I've been going
twice a week because of my back. I was saying,
how's it going. The baby's like, you know, eleven weeks old.
He said, we finally get some sleep. Oh my god,
he said, his wife. Tell me if this rings a
bell to you, His wife is constantly checking as the
(31:38):
baby breathing, the baby's crib is in their room because.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
Especially if they slept for a first time more than
two hours.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Something's wrong with their nose to see if they're breathing,
he said, he goes, I don't know. She called me
the other day and said the babies crying, and He's like, yeah,
I mean, can you remember those days? You remember?
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Did you have any colices?
Speaker 1 (32:01):
No?
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Oh, Cathy?
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Why Caitlyn just screamed. Maybe that was called my third child?
My first two. I thought parenting was easy. They slept
through the night at six weeks, literally slept through the
night from ten to five. At six weeks, Caitlyn and
Ian screamed from seven to eleven every night. Things haven't
really changed much either, But then she had one. No,
(32:25):
she's gone, and you know what happened. I got really
smart when she had a child. But I'm saying, just
real quickly, did things change for you and your husband
and your whole And I'm not talking just what husband.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
He wasn't even involved. I didn't even want to like
do his laundry anymore. I'm thank come on, I got
a baby.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
This has taken all my crazy how it just consumes
you everything baby.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
And it's like, is no advice you can give to
young ones? And I have said this, make sure you
still keep a date night. Make sure you you know
well when they first born, they know, not firstborn, but
with raising kids, it's so important and I think it
ruins so many marriages.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
I A, you have to make time for your partner,
I will say, I will say that you're right, it
can really you know, the husband typically gets very jealous.
At least that was my experience. My husband didn't.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
They're not getting sex as often as they used to,
and you're like, really, you know what kind of day
I had that She was screaming, she pewked all over
the car seat, I had a clink. Now you want
me to pull down my pants and have sex? I
don't think so.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
All I can say is when my husband, when I
can distinctly remember him coming at me the first time,
I don't know how how many weeks I know, I said,
you get away, Like my eyes almost jumped out of
my head, like get the hell away from me. And
I remember thinking, I remember I said this this thing
(34:00):
that came up from the hospital with me, like who
has the second one? I would distinctly remember when my
son turned fourteen months old, saying to my husband, you know,
I might consider doing having a second child. Like might.
And of course, you know, my oldest son was probably
years he was three years nine months before I had
the second one. It was like, how do people do this?
(34:22):
Eighteen months apart? Stuff? I don't know. Children change your
life in such wonderful ways. And and then other people
I know don't have children, they don't regret it. I
think I would regret not having children.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Well, that's because we wanted to be mothers. There's people
that don't want that, and I respect it. You know,
they might not be good parents or something if they
know that already.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
But I, you know, just say I have to have children.
Who's going to take care of us when we get old?
But it doesn't like that's going to happen either.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
God forbid. But like you said earlier, these things that
build us and things that happen in our li life,
that's how we're built, that's how we become who we are.
So we're really blessed to have gone through it.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
And that is the final answer to what we would
do differently. You just said it. The things, the things
that we struggle with in life are the things that
build our character and make us who we are and
make us who we are. So if you're a parent
of a teenager, don't feel badly. Stick to your guns.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Absolutely, and any of you out there that are relating
with us and laughing right now with your cup of coffee,
we get it. We get it.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
And if you talk one hell of a coffee talk,
I'll say the difference is with the differences young parents
sitting have coffee talks. You and I having this conversation
at our stage in life, we're having wine talks that watch.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
I'm going to go get a haircut actually, and you
know what that does it for today's episode of Bachelor
Happy Hours Golden Hour, I've enjoyed this so much.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
So if I think and thank you, thanks to all
of you for joining us. Be sure to follow a
Bachelor Happy Hour as we have new episodes coming out
every week. You don't want to miss them. If you
are at all interested in Susan's and my opinions about life,
and we have many of them, this is the place
to hear about.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Them, and you know what to do. If you want
us to talk about what you want to talk about,
make sure to submit your questions to us, and you
can go to Bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour, or
hit us up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour. We're
always here for you.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
We are listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on
the iHeartRadio app, or wherever you listen to your podcasts.
Until next time, have a great week.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
Absolutely
Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks for
joining us today. We are so excited to be back.
How are you doing today, Susan.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I am here. I am happy still. I mean, I'm
getting a little crazy with the holiday sneaking up claws.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Are you organized? I gotta say for me, I'm really organized.
I've got most of my Christmas shopping done done. Yes.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Yeah, because you bought your son floors for his house.
I mean that's a note brainer. You don't have to
wrap it, you didn't have to go look for it.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
They look mighty nice, my dad, I bet you. I
ain't know. Let me just say to you, when you
have older children like we all do, it's easy because
you know what they love that five letter word money,
money or four letter word cash, they love it. But
I always try to get something. I can't say my
(01:02):
surprises because you, God forbid my kids listening to this.
I've got a couple of good surprises for my kids' grandkids.
I don't know about you, but I asked my children.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
They send me lists. The older grandkids.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Maybe this, No, this I meant for the younger ones.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Oh, they're so cute. That's my problem. I can't stop
buying for the little ones. Oh yeah, I got piles
like this.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Oh they don't ask. So my kids tell me what
their kids want and what they need, what they need,
what they want, And that's what I do.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
He's too small, you're two and a half year old's
not going to know. Do you remember looking through like
the Seers or the Toys r US pamphlets and they
would circle what they wanted.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Yes, I know. My seven year old though, she's definitely
old enough, and I asked her the other day. I said, Lenny,
what do you want for Christmas? And actually I loved
her answer. She goes, I don't know, Kiki, I don't
eat anything. And I just thought, oh my god, you're
going to get the world from me. I mean, I
loved that that answer. She's just for me. It's time spent.
(02:10):
I'm taking Linley with my daughter in law to see
the Nutcracker this year that my grandmother used to take me,
and we're going to go out for dinner afterwards. You know,
she might fall asleep watching it, but that I much
prefer to give my grandkids, and frankly my children too,
memories experiences, because that's what they're going to remember. That's
(02:33):
what's going to change how they grow, how they think.
And so I prefer to do.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
That traditions, if you will, it's something that you do special.
We go looking at Christmas lights every year. It's like
a whole night out with the hot chocolate. A little
bit you freeze your hands off.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
But not in Texas. Honey, you're wearing shorts and a
T shirt. Can I just say what, just for laughs
and giggles? What's the temperature where you are today?
Speaker 2 (02:59):
The HIGs chilli today, it's probably in the fifties.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Okay. The high it's going to be in the fifties. Yeah,
are high? Today's going to be eighty five?
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Okay, it is I remember living in Texas.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
I know it's crazy. All right. We are going to
dive intoy. We got a we're doing a whole nother
kind of topic today.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Yes, and we're so excited to talk to all of you.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Okay, so today today we're going to start off talking
about all things finances or finances depending on how you pan.
Oh boy, I mean, I don't even know what to
say because everyone says that what breaks up marriage is money.
(03:41):
Most difficult topic is money and children.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Money, can't buy happiness.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Yeah, all those things. You know, you got to get
on the same page. So what does go ahead?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I was going to say, what does talking about finances
look like in a relationship? And we'll questions should you
be asking at all stages of relationships or marriage?
Speaker 1 (04:07):
So again, it's very different. When I got married, I
couldn't wait to open a joint checking account and saving
the account. No, seriously, I paid all the bills. We combined.
You know, he had ten cents and I had a nickel,
and we combined that when we got married. Today's young couples,
(04:28):
I don't know. I know my kids do it differently.
Some of them have their own accounts, some of them
joined for you know, join their accounts. What's right, it's
what works for the couple. I think when you're younger again,
you're saving four homes, you're saving for vacations, you're saving
for kids college education. So all of those conversations have
(04:53):
to be had at our age. It's a whole different conversation.
It's a question.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Would you be asking, well, how do you want to
do the money right? Do you want to make us
a private account a joint account? Yet we each have
our own and we both put in X amount of
dollars into that account to pay the bills, the mortgage.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
So that's kind of like what I like, what I do.
What I would like is the man to say, Kathy,
you keep all your money to get your children. We
don't need it. I'll take care of you. I dream
about that, but in reality, I think I like your idea,
which is combining money for utilities, for trips, for everything.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Let's talk about Golden's only, since that's who we are
and we're getting into a relationship. Now are questions.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Okay, what's your first question?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I'm asking you because you're the finance girl here. You
did it way smarter than I did. I wish I
paid more attention.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Wait, let me just say I had a husband who
had an Harvard MBA. That helps. Okay, I learned from
I learned from a master. But let me say the
first question again. If I'm in a relationship, not dating,
but if I'm in a relationship with someone and we're
talking about a future.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
You moving in together or perhaps getting married.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Or monogamous relationship where we spend five days and we together,
whatever it is, and I don't care if you maintain
our own homes. I'm saying, if I am in that
series of a committed relationship, I am. The first question
I'm going to ask is how are we going to
manage our finances going forward? Are we going to live
(06:44):
separate but equal lives? Are you going? You know? Those
are the questions I want the That is the question
I want the answer to, because I'm not going to
contribute to his home. If you will, if it's not
my home, does that make sense.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
If you're living in it, even not if he owns it.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
No?
Speaker 2 (07:08):
No, I mean at this stage of the game, you
would think that the home is paid off.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I know many people have mortgage. Mortgage is not because
they need to, but because it's a financial decision for
tax purposes or whatever. My point is. And you know
this story too. I dated a guy, believe it or not,
it's the same guy with the dog who this was
doomed from the beginning, but very nice, generous guy. And
(07:35):
then I was We had talked about me moving in,
and we talked about what I would pay for and
what he would pay for, and he said, I want
to do some revisions at some remodeling to the house,
like make the closet, bigger, change the flooring, just and
I said, you know, I'll pay for that because I'm
going to be enjoying it and you own the home.
(07:59):
And he said that seemed fair. And about a month later,
we're talking about are we ever going to move in?
You know, what are we going to do? Kind of thing?
And he said, well, you know, I think you should
pay the real estate taxes on the house because you're
living here for free. Yeah. The face you just made
was face I made. I said, I don't own this home.
You're getting the appreciation of the improvements I'm making on
(08:23):
the home, and and I don't own a home anymore really,
And then if we're going down this road, the absolute
last dagger to the heart was when he said, oh,
by the way, if something happens to me to him,
you need to move right away because the house will
be going immediately to my daughter. It's like, we are
(08:45):
so done.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Yeah, wait, let me pay the taxes, the hympty untilities,
and then if you drop dead, I'm done.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
I'm buttonless. But even though you and are cutting up
about this, these are that's important questions that people I
think sometimes at our age jump in too quickly because
they say the kids are gone, you know, think about
we're retired, we can just move in together. Well, guess what,
when you move in with someone at any age, you
(09:13):
have to have the conversations about who's going to pay
for what, how are you going to divide the utilities,
all those things.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
When I had lived with a gentleman for just one year,
and I had said that on the way in, what
do you expect of me? I mean, how can we
do this? It's his home? And he said, no, I
don't want a penny from you. You could buy food,
you could do things. So I ended up buying a stove,
(09:40):
I bought a refrigerator. I did the food shopping, and
I started to add it in my head, thinking it
might be cheaper for me to go and get a
new condo. That was before I decided to come back
to the house that I owned, but I had somebody
living in it at the time. But Susie, it's very important.
(10:00):
When he said that, I thought, oh good, I could
save some money. And I did, I mean, but you know,
refrigerators almost three grand like right, okay, how mach rent?
Is that a couple month and a half? But you know,
what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
No, I know exactly what you're saying. And that's why
you know it's people say conversations about money are ugly.
That may well be comfortable, it may be uncomfortable, it
may be ugly, but they are conversations that have to
be had if you're going to have a good, healthy
relationship at any age.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Absolutely, unless he's you know, Rockefeller and doesn't care, then
you don't think, okay, no problem.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Well that's back to the guy that I was hoping
would say.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
All right, here's one for you. What does the jump
to a second career look like, and what does it
take to stick the landing? If you will? What happens
if let's see, I'm past that too, Like this is
a second career actually maybe my third. I don't know.
I've done a lot.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Yeah, I think for you and me, and we've talked
about this. When you and I went on the Golden Bachelor,
we went on to find love. You and I didn't
know what was anything else. We didn't know what a
brand deal was. We went on to find love. You
and I found each other and some other great girlfriends.
(11:28):
We did not find romantic love. Having said that I
would say. The answer to this question is luck. You
and I have been very lucky, and I am so
grateful that you and I have this podcast and we
get to talk to people, and we get to go
to events and meet people and see hear them talk
about us changing their lives and how happy they make
(11:49):
people all of that. But I think what it takes
to the land bouse.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Or your boyfriend or your living whoever you want to be.
He was changing careers.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
It's it's again, it's a conversation. Here's here's the bigger
question for me. I do and I've said this out loud,
I do not want to date a man who is
working full time, not now, not in my golden years.
So many people have second careers. You and I do
(12:21):
right now. But that's that's not the issue. It's how
do you stick it? How do you stay with it?
It takes a lot of planning, a lot of thought
it If you're with a partner, it takes a lot
of consideration and to their.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Needs, ask with our sees, communicate, talk about it. And
it's not always going to work out exactly like you
thought or the how you talked about it, but at
least the conversation happens.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
But I think that more and more people, you know, seventies,
the new fifty, all of that people are not retiring
at sixty, sixty, two, sixty five. They're working in careers
or starting new careers, which I think is great. If
that's great, But for me, if if the guy is
going to put the career ahead of our relationship, that's
(13:10):
not going to work for me. It's not Now. I
want a man who can give me the time and
attention that I want, and I want to be able
to give him the time and attention. So if he
rather be.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
At the stage, so that's what you want, that's what
it's about.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Right, Well, I agree. But I'm saying if if someone
that you and I are in a relationship with, if
they tell you I'm starting a new restaurant or I'm
starting to do whatever it is, what picks up up a.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Big one, for instance, a restaurant, they're never home either.
You got to go in with him and be a
part of that because you don't have a private life anymore.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Yeah, but here's the thing. A lot of and I've
known people my age who start in a relationship with
someone who's retired and then the person changes their mind.
One or the other changes their mind, and that is
a complete lifestyle change. So you have to be really
aware of what it is you want. And again I'm
(14:08):
sounding like a beating a dead horse here, but at
our age, we have lived enough life that we know
some of the pitfalls in a second or third then
end of life relationship.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Willing to deal with this, you know, because you know
what could happen, like, oh, gus, do I even want
to go there? And once again having that conversation and
being honest with your partner saying I don't know if
I could do.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
It, so let me ask you. I was asked this
on another podcast. I was on would you support your
partner financially.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
If I financially had enough for both of us plus
my children, yes, depending on what he was doing too,
if he was like to stay at home dads I
know people.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
There no no no at our age, not stay at
up dad at our age.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
To take from my kids to a certain degree, I
wouldn't just car somebody now.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Yeah. See I I when I was asked, it was
an emphatic no. And the they asked me why, and
I said, because I worked very hard raising my family.
My husband worked very hard outside of the home earning
those that money, and my money is going to my children,
(15:21):
and if he has doesn't have the money or it
typically means we're not going to have similar lifestyles. So
for me, you know, that's probably not going to work.
But I think it's Do you think it's important at
this age to date someone that's in your same ballpark? Yes?
Speaker 2 (15:41):
And such something I never even bothered to notice. Yeah,
you know, because I wasn't going on an interview when
I started dating somebody. What do you have for retirement?
Speaker 1 (15:51):
You know? But when do you ask that question?
Speaker 2 (15:55):
You start learning that as you go into the first
year and you start learning things, and then you oh god,
you know, and I would have a conversation about it
that it might not end well, yeah, that conversation because
they might feel a certain way. I don't know. But
you how do your finances change after you get married?
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Well, again, it depends whether you're at the top of
the hour. We talked about that. If you're going to
combine your total wealth, which I never will do, I'm
not sure young couples do that much anymore. I think
when we were younger, we did but I think that.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
To me, it was exciting when you got married young
and we put both our money together, we had so
much more.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Well we didn't, but I mean I put my husband listen.
I worked a full time job thirty five hours a
week and went to school university because I finished college
after I was married. I took fifteen hours and worked
a thirty five hour a week job. And while my
husband was in grad school, literally I went to work.
(17:08):
I worked three and a half days a week, got
the thirty five hours in and planned my course sload
around that. And so I would come home, we would
eat dinner, we would both go in the other room
that had two desks, and we would sit and study
for four hours, go to bed, get up, and do
it all over again. Smart. So I have to say,
I don't have a lot of.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Paid your dues. You paid your dues.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Well when I was a lot younger, but now I
don't know. Does that make me sound hard, Susan, because
I don't want to date someone and let me finish
before you answer, I don't want to date someone who
is not in my financial realm in the similar situation,
because I think for me that bleeds over into other
(17:53):
areas of our life, our values. I don't know, do
you agree with that or not.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
I don't know if it's just the values, but I
understand because if you have more, would they expect you
to carry things or something like this, or being used
for your money or you know, it could be any.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Of these things, and that happens.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
But I think it's difficult to meet somebody and decide
whether or not he does have it or not, is
he prepared for retirement or not the conversation, but then
you're not going to have a conversation until you're past
the fifth day and you have slept together, and.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Well another reason to not sleep with them until you know,
a month of Sundays time.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
But I find it hard because I always let my
heart lead.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
I'm going to break that.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
I might maybe in my next life, Capy, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
God Now, in the next life, I would to see
you coming, I'm going to turn around and go the
other way.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
But you know, when you do have the conversation, and
then you feel like you're getting ugly, like when money
comes into it. And I've experienced this and mentioned some
things like your work ethics aren't up to par for me, like,
shouldn't you be hustling right now, Susan?
Speaker 1 (19:12):
But wait for everyone who's listening. Susan's idea of hustling
is like Susan's idea of a house being clean, you
can eat off the floors. Her idea of hustling is
working five jobs and getting two hours of sleep.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
So, because that's who I am.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
I not understand, but that that's exactly My point is
that your expectation that someone else have same work out
what I think it is.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
What if I want something, I'm going to work even
harder because I want to get it. I spoil myself,
So I'm going to work for it now. I don't
expect anybody else to buy it for me. Whereas people
that don't work as hard and don't have as much
of an income and their lifestyle is different than MI
in there, you know, and that works for them. But
(19:57):
when two of you meet, that becomes a little bit
I don't want to call it an issue or a problem,
but it's a concern.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Yeah. Well, you know this guy that I who shall
go nameless. We call him East Coast Guy. He was
a very wealthy man, and you remember me telling you
that was a bit of a concern for me because.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Well, you said you didn't need any of his money.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Well not only that, men that are really wealthy wheel power,
I think sometimes with their money. And I didn't want
to be caught under that, you know. I didn't want
to feel like he would spoil me with anything and
give me but.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
With you do what he wants, like right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
And I want to at this age, I want a partnership.
I don't want to walk ahead of someone. I don't
want to walk behind someone. I want to walk with them.
And I make jokes, but when I say, you know,
when if we go to Europe on a trip, I
want us both to be able to fly business class.
You know, I'll pay for my tickets defensive, I know, but.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
I just looked into it for Bella and I and
I go, I couldn't do one. But I can't leave
her in the back of the plane.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Yeah, well you could. Actually she's thirteen.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
I would never do that. Would you do that taking
your granddaughter for pass over? Okay? I was going to say,
now we're going to talk you and.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
I No, I would not. I would. I would rob
the bank and fly as both business classes. But I'm
just saying I think that, uh, to sum this topic up,
I think finances or finances are very look very different
when you're young and when you're golden. But you know what,
the issues around finances are huge. Whether it is our
(21:45):
age or a thirty something, that the issue is real
and you better figure out how you're going to manage
your finances because it is a real problem that can
develop in a marriage or a relationship.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
I know my son and daughter in law came into
some money for a legal matter, and I don't want
to overstep, but I became actually annoying to my son, Yeah,
because I keep telling them, I hope, Christopher, you put
some money away to invest. You are fortunate that this happened.
(22:21):
They're living grand. They redid their house and there I
see thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars and they're
so happy. And I get it, but make sure because
when it's gone, it's gone.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
So are they saving some have you gone that?
Speaker 2 (22:37):
You know? Mom, don't worry about it. I got something
put away, but when I heard the amount compared to
what they have, I was not thrilled and I had
a step back.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
It's his life, it's his life, and her life, you know,
speaking of our children's lives. We've done some talk about parenting,
but let's you just you touching on the question. It's
a great segue. Okay, how do your responsibilities obligations to
your child change or children as they get older? Exactly
(23:08):
what you just said. When your son, if he'd gotten
that money was younger. Hey, sonny boy, you know he
attends going to the church. It's going to go in
the bank. You can have ten cents to spend.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
I'll give you a thousand dollars to go buy yourself
something of the rest of history.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Exactly. So, so it does totally change as our children.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Uhtally and our obligations and we don't have as many obligations. However,
when they're both working hard and this has happened too,
Oh my god, Mom, I just can't take it anymore.
I can't cut the break. My refrigerator just went, or
my washer and dryer. I'm in the position where, no,
don't worry about it.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
So you and I have both done that. We've both
helped our kids. But not all parents can not all.
But but that's not an obligation to help our children.
I think that is the difference. We have the resources
that we can help our children, but we are not
responsible for them. We are not obligated to help them.
My one of my sons. You don't you think we
(24:13):
are obliging.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
I don't think I'm responsible, but I feel obligated to
help my children because I can and if they have
something happen. Not Although I have lent money to my
kids and said you.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Have to pay it back, have they Yes, they used to, Yeah,
but yes they have. I have not lent my children money.
I think that as I look back on my own life,
I think sometimes we are handicapping our children when we
do too much for them. We are our children, you know.
(24:49):
In my case, I have a child who could work
more hours during the day to earn more money. And
the other day we had this phone conversation and I
can't It was one of those I can't cut a
break deals, can't catch can't catch a break, you know,
tires went out on the car and then came downstairs
and there was a hole in the windshield on the
(25:10):
car and had you know, a five hundred dollars deductible
and and what I heard out of the mouth of
this child was of my child. I can't believe all
the bad things that are happening to me. And I said, no, Actually,
this is called life. Everyone has. It's called saving for
(25:30):
a rainy day. It's called that. This is what happens
on the way to retirement. Life happens, and you have
to save for those rainy days. You have to save
for the tires that go out, the air condition of
that blows. I mean so many different things.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Do you ever get the text in all caps F
M L. Yes that I didn't. I know what it meant.
And when I finally realized, well, my daughter frequents that message,
like what happened? Now? What again?
Speaker 1 (26:03):
You know? Everyone has to do for their children. And
in retrospect, you know, anyone who's interested in Kathy's opinion,
I think it's very difficult. It was for me to
sit back and watch my children suffer by not being
able to make ends meet and having to find another
way or do without to make ends meet.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
And again I lost you.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
I'm saying that as a parent, yes, do as I say,
not as I did. I sat back and helped my
children more than perhaps I should have. Letting your children
suffer a little bit. The consequences of their actions. Letting
them figure a way out of the corner that they've
(26:50):
backed their way into is a great learning and mature
maturing event for them. And I don't want to rob
my kids of that because that's what makes them strong, intelligent,
successful adults. You know, it's not susan our successes that
define us. It is our failures failure that define us
(27:12):
and make a stronger, better humans.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
If you could give your old self advice about parenting
teenagers specifically, what would you say? I would have done
it totally different.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
I know, I got to say, I you and I were.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Different with raising kids. You were much more strict and
telling me the story about your son and you said,
well leave you're out.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Yeah I had, uh, But that's that leads into the
point I just made my son. One of my sons,
uh was you know? He had he had to learn
by the school of hard knocks. And when push came
to shove, I said, this is my home and if
you don't like it, you can leave, and he did.
He was intult by the way. He was twenty one
(28:06):
back from college and I said, if you don't like it,
you can leave, and he did, and he today is
a responsible, absolute unbelievable husband, father, and human being. But
I think it is because he had to suffer the
consequences of his behavior. And I think I don't understand.
(28:26):
I had three kids. I have three children. They all
had summer jobs. They all had chores, run the house.
I was, I plead guilty. I was a very strict parent.
They did their homework, we had study time, they didn't
watch TV during the week. They were only allowed to
gain Yeah, well, but they had to earn their spending
(28:50):
money for college. We were lucky enough to be able
to afford their tuition. But I said, you have to
earn all your own spending money, which they did. And
yet not all my kids are the same. You know,
occasionally I'll get this you know woe is Me conversation,
and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
I'm so hard on those mom My kids were hard
on them, and I totally was not. I was the
cool mom My boys and Dickie and I would have
arguments they couldn't get summer jobs because they played baseball
and they were athletes.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
So did they have jobs around the house to work? Oh?
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Yeah, they had things they had to do here, yes.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
But they never had to earn any money. No, No,
that base baseball.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
They could have been major League Baseball players. They did
something stupid and took a walk on the wild side,
and that cost heartache as well as finance like you
could not believe, and they got in trouble. And I
could go on for days over this. It was sad
and heartbreaking, but we just prayed at the end of
(29:54):
it they'd come out healthy. But they are. Again, if
I were to say, well, I'm not going to pay
for a law we have to pay the bill for
the lawyer like you, that's a call for a parent
to say, no, you're on your own.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
No, no, no, I wasn't talking about that. I was
talking about things like, you know, I'm sorry that you
missed your car payment because you were out parting with
your friends. So you know, I'm going to make the
car payment. You're not going to see the car for
a month. I mean that kind of stuff exactly. Okay,
so we go from raising kids. We just got to
go back real quickly before we end this segment too.
Do you remember giving birth to your children and coming
(30:31):
home with a new baby.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
I mean, you come with a book of rules and
book of my How do I do now?
Speaker 1 (30:39):
I have to tell you my neighbor next door. Her
mother was a foster mother, so she had, you know,
slung sixty literally sixty five babies. So when I had
my first born and I came home and I thought,
what the hell do I do with this thing? I
mean literally I had no idea what I was doing.
I had. I was nursing, my breath got infected, my
(31:02):
episiotomy got you don't even want to know. I was like,
no one, no one has a second child, No one
does after what I.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Went through, And then come home with two babies at
one time, with the topper running around, You're like, what
the actual?
Speaker 1 (31:16):
So so I have to tell you my chiropractor, who
I love, who's taking care of my back right now.
They just had their first baby, and I've been going
twice a week because of my back. I was saying,
how's it going. The baby's like, you know, eleven weeks old.
He said, we finally get some sleep. Oh my god,
he said, his wife. Tell me if this rings a
bell to you, His wife is constantly checking as the
(31:38):
baby breathing, the baby's crib is in their room because.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
Especially if they slept for a first time more than
two hours.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Something's wrong with their nose to see if they're breathing,
he said, he goes, I don't know. She called me
the other day and said the babies crying, and He's like, yeah,
I mean, can you remember those days? You remember?
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Did you have any colices?
Speaker 1 (32:01):
No?
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Oh, Cathy?
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Why Caitlyn just screamed. Maybe that was called my third child?
My first two. I thought parenting was easy. They slept
through the night at six weeks, literally slept through the
night from ten to five. At six weeks, Caitlyn and
Ian screamed from seven to eleven every night. Things haven't
really changed much either, But then she had one. No,
(32:25):
she's gone, and you know what happened. I got really
smart when she had a child. But I'm saying, just
real quickly, did things change for you and your husband
and your whole And I'm not talking just what husband.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
He wasn't even involved. I didn't even want to like
do his laundry anymore. I'm thank come on, I got
a baby.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
This has taken all my crazy how it just consumes
you everything baby.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
And it's like, is no advice you can give to
young ones? And I have said this, make sure you
still keep a date night. Make sure you you know
well when they first born, they know, not firstborn, but
with raising kids, it's so important and I think it
ruins so many marriages.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
I A, you have to make time for your partner,
I will say, I will say that you're right, it
can really you know, the husband typically gets very jealous.
At least that was my experience. My husband didn't.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
They're not getting sex as often as they used to,
and you're like, really, you know what kind of day
I had that She was screaming, she pewked all over
the car seat, I had a clink. Now you want
me to pull down my pants and have sex? I
don't think so.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
All I can say is when my husband, when I
can distinctly remember him coming at me the first time,
I don't know how how many weeks I know, I said,
you get away, Like my eyes almost jumped out of
my head, like get the hell away from me. And
I remember thinking, I remember I said this this thing
(34:00):
that came up from the hospital with me, like who
has the second one? I would distinctly remember when my
son turned fourteen months old, saying to my husband, you know,
I might consider doing having a second child. Like might.
And of course, you know, my oldest son was probably
years he was three years nine months before I had
the second one. It was like, how do people do this?
(34:22):
Eighteen months apart? Stuff? I don't know. Children change your
life in such wonderful ways. And and then other people
I know don't have children, they don't regret it. I
think I would regret not having children.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Well, that's because we wanted to be mothers. There's people
that don't want that, and I respect it. You know,
they might not be good parents or something if they
know that already.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
But I, you know, just say I have to have children.
Who's going to take care of us when we get old?
But it doesn't like that's going to happen either.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
God forbid. But like you said earlier, these things that
build us and things that happen in our li life,
that's how we're built, that's how we become who we are.
So we're really blessed to have gone through it.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
And that is the final answer to what we would
do differently. You just said it. The things, the things
that we struggle with in life are the things that
build our character and make us who we are and
make us who we are. So if you're a parent
of a teenager, don't feel badly. Stick to your guns.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Absolutely, and any of you out there that are relating
with us and laughing right now with your cup of coffee,
we get it. We get it.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
And if you talk one hell of a coffee talk,
I'll say the difference is with the differences young parents
sitting have coffee talks. You and I having this conversation
at our stage in life, we're having wine talks that watch.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
I'm going to go get a haircut actually, and you
know what that does it for today's episode of Bachelor
Happy Hours Golden Hour, I've enjoyed this so much.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
So if I think and thank you, thanks to all
of you for joining us. Be sure to follow a
Bachelor Happy Hour as we have new episodes coming out
every week. You don't want to miss them. If you
are at all interested in Susan's and my opinions about life,
and we have many of them, this is the place
to hear about.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Them, and you know what to do. If you want
us to talk about what you want to talk about,
make sure to submit your questions to us, and you
can go to Bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour, or
hit us up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour. We're
always here for you.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
We are listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on
the iHeartRadio app, or wherever you listen to your podcasts.
Until next time, have a great week.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
Absolutely
Hosts And Creators
Joe Amabile
Susan Noles
Serena Pitt
Kathy Swarts
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