September 23, 2025 • 50 mins
Kurt and Scotty talk about a blind woman can see again through her tooth, a Pittsburgh nun chases down credit card thief, Ned the lefty snail needs a mate and a retired Ford worker’s wallet travels 150 miles in engine!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scott, are you ready for a crazy one? Oh?
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Yeah, laughing, uff and off.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
It's really good.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
It's like I only get paid if I say it.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
A decade after losing her sight, a British Columbia woman
can see again through her tooth.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
What yes?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Wow? Hold okay, well that is truly perplexing. I'm trying
to picture what it looks like.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Oh I cannot wait.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Okay, well, uh, let's sink our teeth into a brand new,
eye opening episode of Bernana's.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
World.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Would billion pieces you.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Britten s Bridada guys, gals, No, I'm buyinary pals. Welcome
to Bananas. I am sitting across from screenwriter and amazing
human being in general, a kind human being who is
(01:27):
competent and thinks of everything.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Scottie Landis Boy. That's I had so many technical difficulties
on our last zoom. I feel like you're just building
me back up in the best way I've sent across
from writer, comedian, great dad, great guy, great friends, the
kind of person that if you're planning a fun time,
the first name you put into the email and that
mass email it's Kurt Brown oler Uh.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Things are going well. It's a fry it's the fridy,
It's a Friday for us. Get ready for the weekend.
It's a long weekend coming up.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Are you excited? Yeah, I'm happy. I'm feeling great. Everybody
has kindly been texting me this week saying, well, you
got any plans this weekend? And I have zero plans,
So I think everybody was hoping that I would have plans.
Oh interesting, I don't have them, but I do plan
on going and getting some delicious Mexican food and drinking too. Margarita's.
(02:20):
That's my plan for Friday night.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
You know what my plan for Friday night is?
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Hit me, homie.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
I got three of my oldest and dearest coming up
to my town in New Jersey to hang out. Yes,
I'm very Sam, Damien, Patty and.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Bobby WHOA fun crew.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Fun crew. It's gonna be really amazing. I'm so excited.
We're going to start off with drinks out by this
lake near me, and then just the only bummer is that,
like the old there's an Elk's Lodge, like a punk
rock Elks Lodge right near me that has is an
amazing bar and it's closed for they're finishing the floors,
so that's the only the bummer. But I'm so excited
(03:01):
to see old friends in Jersey. That's so nice.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
You and I have an old friend who I won't
mention their name, but once I was like, you grew
up in Iowa. She's like yeah. I was like, how
is that for you? He goes, well, you know my
parents are crazy, which is a funny way to talk
about the state. Yeah. I go, what do you mean?
And he goes, well, when I was a little kid,
(03:27):
there was a lake and it was shaped like a heart.
Like it was from above it looked like a heart.
So it was called Heart Lake. And when he was
like seven or eight years old, he had started a
new school and he had some kids over and they're
running around their backyard and those kids were like, let's
go hang out at Heart Lake. And he walks over
to his mom, who was working in the garden, and
he says, Mom, can I go to Heart Lake with
(03:47):
these friends? And he said. His mom put down like
her spade and looked directly at him and goes, there's
a witch that lives in that lake. She lives underneath
the surface, and if you go to Heart Lake, she
will pull you in and drown you and then just
went back gardening. So he never went to Heart Lake.
So yeah, when you guys are sitting around raise a
(04:09):
toast for our mutual friend, I'll tell you have to
record whose mom told him there was a submerged witch
who pulled children into the Iowa Heart Lake.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Oh my god, no, I can't imagine. Also, Olive would
be like, yeah, well then let's find out about this.
Can we trap her?
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yes? What what is what's the garlic vampire witch equivalent? Salt?
I guess we'll salt around Heart Lake and then she
won't be able to cross over the threshold.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
There's these there's these an invasive species here called lantern
flies boo. But they're very beautiful. They're like, hey, they
have these brown wings, but when the wings open up,
underneath it's just red and black polka dots. It's really crazy.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Bad.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
They eat trees, they eat wood, and uh and so,
but when we first got here, we didn't know what
they were, and so they were just like these kind
of beautiful bugs. And Olive and Gus are obsessed with bugs.
Obviously they're children, and so they're very much like, oh,
let's make sure, oh, this one's hurt, like, let's make
sure we move it off the path or whatever. And
then one night they were out at dinner and somebody
(05:22):
was like, they're invasive species. We should kill them. There's
actually like a campaign to like, anytime you see them,
kill them because they're just.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Throwing all the woods.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
And then right like it was, the change was instantaneous
to murder all bugs. And then they just disappeared for
fifteen minutes, just stomping lantern bugs, lantern flies or whatever
the fuck they're called.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Oh man, and well now they hate them.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Now they hate them.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Do your kids so when they're little guys, you know,
there's the thing where kids are sitting in the back
seat or the back seats the car. They're in a
car seats and then like the parents will say, oh shit,
and then you hear the little kids a oh shit
for the rest of the week. Like do kids of
your when they reach the age that your children are,
do they still like listen to everything you say and
repeat after you are now they more in their own
(06:11):
world and own headspace and are listening to the radio
and whatever. Look me out the window.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
You imagine that they are more in their own world,
but they're still listening to absolutely everything you say unless
the TV is on. If the TV is on, they
are not listening at all. Like you could talk directly
to them, you could yell at them, and they will
not hear you whatsoever. I have to pause the TV
(06:36):
before speaking to them because it's useless. Otherwise I think
we were that way probably of course it's yeah, of course, and.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I have a that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
But but will Lauren and I will be in the car,
they're just chit chatting in the back, and then she
and I will be talking and then we'll say something
that's maybe a little you know, sensitive, or something about
the kids, and then Olive will.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Be like that.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
It'll be like really like, oh shit, that's right there
in the back and they can understand what we're saying.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
I have I've talked about this with friends in life,
and maybe you had this experience with growing up. I
have a few vivid memories, and we lived in two
different houses when I was really I guess three different houses,
but in two different houses. I remember sitting in our
living room area TV on, maybe sitting on the floor
and maybe crawl up in the corner watching TV, and
one of my parents would have been in the room
(07:30):
middle of the day and commercial break would start and
I'd go to talk to my parents and they had
left the room and I hadn't noticed. And I think
about that a lot, because it really was like time traveling,
where yeah, imagine all the things you miss in life
because you're so focused on something else. But I can
vividly remember turning to say something to my dad and
(07:51):
he's no longer in the room, or asking my mom
a question at the commercial break and she was already
cooking dinner. I could hear, I could smell it. But
something about that glow screen I will right in.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
I honestly think driving is very similar for me, where
I'll start thinking about something while driving and then all
of a sudden, it will be like five or six
minutes later, and I will have no memory of what
I what the drive was like me like I'm just
I just my brain takes over and I'm just going
on autopilot driving somewhere, and it'll be like a five
(08:25):
full minutes of me like going over something in my
head or like writing something in my head, and I
will have no memory of like driving to go to
their school or something, which is weird I think there's
a specific word for that, where like the autonomic systems
take over for driving, but I don't know what it is.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Well, that's fine as long as you get there. You know,
your airbags come standard. It's all fine. You get there.
Here it is.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Are you ready for this shit?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
I can't be more ready than to hear about teeth
that can see.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
It's amazing. So this was sent in by Jordan Myers.
Thank you, Jordan, Thank you Jordan. If you want to
send stories to us, you can on Instagram at the
Bananas Podcast and you can email us at the Bananas
Podcast at gmail dot com. This was in the CBC.
(09:21):
This was written by Jacquelin gilenew Business. After ten years
without sight of Victoria, BC woman saw her partner's face
and her dog's wagging tail this year for the very
first time, thanks to a tooth surgically implanted into her
(09:43):
eye socket. Gay Lane, seventy five.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Yeah yeah so they okay, keep going, I'll ask questions later.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Gyllene seventy five was one of three Canadians to undergo
the rare tooth in eye surgery technically called osteo oden
do caro toe prostethosis.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
In February eye tooth. They could have just called it
eye tooth. They would have saved everybody so much time.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Lane lost her site ten years ago due to complications
from an autoimmune disorder that caused scarring to her corneas.
In the weeks that followed the complex, two part surgery,
she gradually regained the ability to see. First, Lane said
she was able to see light. Then she could see movement,
and the wagging tail of Piper, her partner's service dog,
became perceptible. Eventually, Piper, the black labrador, came into focus
(10:31):
I did, as did bits of the world around her.
I can see lots of color, and I can see
outside now, the trees and the grass and the flowers.
It's a wonderful feeling to be able to see some
of these things again, said Lane. She met her partner
Phil after she lost her sight, and she had never
seen his face before. Nearly six months after the tooth
in eye surgery was completed, Lane saw him for the
(10:54):
first time. I'm getting goosebumps.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
I know, I'm sweet.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
I'm starting to see facial features on other people as well,
which is pretty exciting, she said Lane. She has not
seen her own face in detail yet, but hopes that
that too will come with time, aided by a new
pair of glasses she'll be receiving soon, and Lane can
now pick out her own outfits without the help of
a volunteer app service called be My Eyes, which she
(11:19):
had relied on to ensure her clothes match's.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yeah, I've heard of that. That's a great app. That's
a great service. That's so cool.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Now that's the story of Lane. Now what the book
is going on with this tooth?
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Here it is.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
While the surgery has been done in other parts of
the world, ophthalmologist doctor Greg Maloney, He's full of no baloney,
from Vancouver Mount Joseph Hospital, was the first to bring
this operation to canon. It is quote it's a complex
and strange operation, but it basically involves replacing cornea, said Maloney.
(11:54):
He was eating a big old thing of maloney.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
He said. The surgery never suck, he said.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
The surgery begins, Scott to hear it is by removing
a tooth from the patient's mouth. The tooth is then
implanted into the cheek for several months until it is
encompassed in strong connective tissue. Both the tooth and connective
tissue are then removed and a plastic focusing telescope or
(12:27):
lens is inserted into it, using the connective tissue as
an anchor. The tooth and the new lens are sutured
into the patient's eye socket.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Quote.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
We need a structure that is strong enough to hold
onto the plastic focusing telescope but is not going to
be rejected by the body. Lane said that the surgeries
and recovery were uncomfortable but not painful. It's been a
long wait, but it's well well worth it. Lane said
she is most excited to have her independence back.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Yeah, that's how do you even I mean, these there
are people in this world, Yeah, that are so intelligent
that it makes you realize that average intelligence is so
stupid because these hot these people like like I just
don't know how anything works. And the idea of putting
(13:23):
a telescope and then connecting that to the brain and
having it work, how like, how do we live in
the dumbest time in the smartest time? I know, it's
really so intelligent.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Also, what's interesting what I always find really interesting as well,
which is kind of the flip side of what you're
saying about medical stuff is that you kind of forget
that the body is legitimately a machine and that if
you just be like, well, we put a little lens
in a tooth and then popped it in the eye.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
There, we're cars, car, we're cars.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
And it's just like, well, you need light, and the
light to shine on the back of the retina.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
So this is the way you could do it.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Because it's like, oh, okay, it does sounds very jury rigged.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Really, this is a particularly sensitive area for me because
you know, like being men.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Yes, I am not man, I am devo.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Go ahead, that's right. Like sometimes there have been times
in my life where I should have been able to
cry and it just didn't happen. Certain amounts of pain, rejection, heartache,
whatever it is, there should have been times where, like
a normal person, I would have cried, even getting rejected
(14:40):
truly NonStop every week of my professional life. I know
a lot of writers, especially some of my women friend
writers who are like my podic got canceled and I
cried for two days, and I'm like you, that is
so nice. I wish I could be able to do that.
But the one thing that will make me cry even
just thinking about it are the you videos of children
(15:02):
getting glasses where they can see for the first time,
people getting the hearing inplant def people hearing for the
first time, even the glasses for color blindness. When they
show it and somebody looks around, those videos will make
me cry. Like if it's soldier coming home, dog greets
them great, love it, I'd smile. I click on anything
(15:22):
that's especially if it's a kid gaining sight for the
first time. Gaining hearing for the first time, destroys me
like instant waterfall level of tears. And I don't know
why that.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Is so fascinating. It's such a specific thing.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
I think if I ever felt like I really needed
to emote and get those things out, I could just
click through one of them. And I saw one of
an adult woman recently who heard for the first time.
Is that the cochlear implants that new technology and she
starts crying. Burst. I mean it burst open, like if
(15:57):
my face was a water balloon. It's like somebody shot
it with crossbow. It was like and so for some reason,
like if I had read this story or seen the
video of it, I probably would have burst to your
I don't. And it's specifically that it's not people like
getting an artificial limb that works, or being reunited with
their lost parent. It's not that it's specifically hearing and seeing,
(16:21):
and if it's a kid, forget it. I'm bad for
forty five minutes. That is so.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
I love that, and I love that you just told
me that I had no idea about that. The kid
thing is really specific, and it especially became very strong
for me after having a kid. I never really had
any like feelings towards children before having children, you know,
just like, oh, yeah, that's great, what a treat for you.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
But now we love when Uncle Kirk comes over. Yeah,
what a treat for you eating a little peanut butter
and jelly. But a little treat for you. I'm going
to go do drugs.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
But now that I have kids, if there is even
the hint in a television show or a movie that
a child is harmed or a child dies, I am.
I get so upset and like I just start hating
the movie or hating the TV.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Sure, I think that's normal.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
You know where I'm just like, you didn't have to
go there. You did not have to have this child
be heard in any way, shape or form.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
I feel that.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
I guess that's the way some people feel about seeing
like a like there's dogs and like there's like does
the dog get hurt or whatever? There's a web site.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Yeah, when we all went, we have a big friend
group of us went, including Kurt myself, and we saw
Guardians of the Galaxy three and we all and Kurt
and I specifically left and were like, what the fuck
is that just torturing animals for fifty minutes because it
makes you feel so bad against the enemy, and but
(17:56):
it was so unnecessary, It.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Was so and it was it went on four, so
it was the whole.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Movie was just animal torture.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Children to animals being tortured, and it was just like,
who the fuck greenlit this?
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Like that?
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I agree, like it is so insane if that movie
felt to me also, I was very drunk when I
watched it, but me too, that movie felt to me.
And I'm sure I said this after you that it
was heavily influenced by AI animes. Yeah, because a lot
of the butthole, the butthole thing that they go and
visit like that was just all gross AI shit. I
(18:34):
feel like that movie as a whole missed the mark
for me so much agreed.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Uh, there you go. That's our first movie review. I
think aver on bananas and uh, we're giving it nine
brown bananas. Yeah, here's a more feel good, well and
good time Harry sent this in. I think it's the
first time Good Time Harry sent this in. Also, congratulations
on getting that Instagram handle. That seems like it would
(19:01):
have gone really quickly. I think imagine Kurt all the
people who when a new social media whatever platform comes out,
race to get like beer at Instagram or farts at Instagram.
I'm sure a lot of good Time Harry's are out
there just trying to get on periscope. Pittsburgh nun chases
(19:27):
down credit card thief. This was in CBS Pittsburgh, written
by Barry Pintar, who is really good, really good at
typing things about news and stuff. A crime fighting Pittsburgh
nun has made the news again. Wow. In the past,
she's had a gun pointed at her face. But I
(19:47):
shouldn't laugh at that. It just seems so It seems
like it's out of a nineteen eighties comedy, A none
with a gunpoint in their face. In the past, she's
had a gunpoint at her face, after she chased down
a jewelry thief and has been face to face with
a man demanding money from her religious shop. This is
craw in Pittsburgh. This is in Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania too,
(20:09):
not that fake one. Now she's chased down a credit
card thief. When k d KA TV's Barry Pintar called
Sacred Heart of Jesus store in Bloomfield and asked Sister
Mary Madaline, it's not really an original name, but we'll
go with it, he found out that she had he
was already talking to her. Hold on, what does that say?
(20:32):
And asked for Sister Mary Madeline. He found out that
he was already talking to her.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Is it Sister Mary Madeleine or Sister Mary Magdalene?
Speaker 2 (20:39):
It's with a D.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
It's that's so funny to just take the g out.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
She doesn't want to wash anybody's hair, our feet with
her hair. She's not going to do that. He found
out that she was already talking to her. She said,
come on down, because she wants everyone to be zapped
by God. And zapped is in quotation, which means she
said it and loves laser tech, apparently fearlessly praying fearlessly, unafraid.
(21:05):
Sister Mary madeleine shy Schlaefer, Schleffer, Schleifer. We're gonna go
with Schlifer. We're going to call her Sister.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Mary through the whole rest of the podcast, going Schliper, Schleffer, Schleffer, Schlifer.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Dude, that's like that different story for different is a
defender of her faith A few stories. A few days ago,
a shopper in her store set down her purse and
then notice someone had stolen her credit cards. Sister Mary
went into action and chased down to thief and she
got the credit cards back. Whoa quote? What makes you
think you can go after all these people who are
trying to do bad things? Barry Pintar asked her. Because
(21:39):
Barry asked the hardest hitting question the questions I'd ask.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
A different question is why is that lady putting her
purse down and walking away from it in Pittsburgh.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Baby in twenty twenty five, forget it. You don't think
about that, Mary said. Sister Mary said, there's no why.
It just happens. It happened so fast, she said, the
crimes happen fast, as does her instinct. And she says,
these are children of God who can be changed. I
(22:08):
just think she was misled, she said, of the alleged thief.
So I think a woman stole the credit cards. There
was also a time where someone stole an expensive necklace
from her store. He was walking out of the store
and I started to follow him, and he turned around
and said, I don't want to have to shoot you,
and I said, listen, all I want to tell you
is that Jesus loves you. And then he went out
(22:28):
and I went out after him. She said. So she
actually got that back too. There were other times where
things like this have happened. Again, is this a Jessica
Fletcher from Murder? She wrote? Thing, is Jessica Fletcher the
serial killer in Cabot Cove? How does one small town
have this many murders? How does this nun stop this
many crimes? Is she planting credit cards in other people's verses?
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Also, I really love this idea of like a crime
fighting person who constantly is just saying like Jesus love
you and then like beating the shit out of them.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Yeah. I mean I had a roommate in New York
who got his CD car, CD stereo stolen and I
told him to put a Bible on his dashboard, and
he did, and he never had his car broken into
or had anything stolen out of it ever again. But
he put it visibly on the dashboard.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
So wait, why would that prevent thief see it and
then they get guilty. Yeah, because they're like, oh, I
don't want to steal from a priest or something.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Well, at the time, this was sort of the end
of the John Gotti era, so I was figuring that
there were probably a lot of Italian Americans who skew
heavily Catholic in New York. So I was just thinking
we were going to use the Bible to guilt them
into going onto the next car and stealing their stereo
again four nine years. No, he got it broken into
the first three months we were there, and then never
(23:50):
again once the Bible went on the dashboard. I love it.
It's the original club, the Bible's original club.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Also, that's a great place to hide drugs in your car.
Is a hol out Bible on your dashboard? Absolutely right,
speaking about drug dealers.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Think of yeah, don't be idiot's drug dealers Bible. Several
other things like this have happened in the past, so
why does she do it? Quote we're all his children
or hers children.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Okay, it's the one problem with Christianity.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
They're really about the man is in charge. We're really
all his children, whether we know it or not. You know,
sometimes there's a lot of cred on us, and we
have to get that crud cleaned off to be able
to see, she said Fairy Pennsylvania. Sister Mary is fearless.
Not in her own strength, she says, but in the
(24:42):
strength of who she represents. Obviously, there are people in
the world who are going through hard times, and you
come face to face with them, what do you say
to those people? Very hard asking questions, Pintar asked, I
say to them, Jesus loves you. God loves you, she replies.
And that, plain and simple, she says, is why she
does all she does in whatever situation. I love it.
(25:04):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
I think she's great.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
It is there is something about if you say anything
that you can change, Like it's hard to be vigilant stuff,
but it is amazing that sometimes if you go hey,
like I saw oh one time right near your old
place in Windsor Terrace. I was driving a work van
and I saw two kids about to beat up this
other nerdy kid, and I just went eh, like that,
(25:30):
and they stopped and they all walked away. Oh that's right.
All I yelled was hey, really loud and like deep voiced,
and it prevented, at least for that hour, that pipsqueak
getting his neck wrung.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
That's so, it is really crazy how little it can
take sometimes, right, Like an intervention does not have to
be a lot. It just needs to be like snapping
people out of whatever thing they get into where they
like I can't see or they can't hear.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
You know, yeah they're not invisible. But anyway, it's good
for your sister Mary. Again, it seems like crimes are
circling you in every direction, so maybe you need to
speak to him or her or it and go can
we just cool it in Pittsburgh, just try to sell knickknacks,
religious knickknacks.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
My god, the amount that I used to go like
I would the idea of going to church to me
used to be like it felt like going to the
gym or something like, oh, look at what a great
thing I'm doing for myself.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Sure, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (26:33):
And I remember it like going because you could go
to church at my high school, so you could go
early and go to the chapel and they would have
a mass before classes started, so you'd get there early
and go and instead of having breakfast, you would go
to like a twenty five minute long mass. And I
would do it. I would do it like I think.
(26:53):
Remember once I was like I'm just going to do
this every day for a month. And I did it
like every day for a month and nothing, there was
no change, there was no change the habit. But I
felt like I was like exercising some sort of some
part of me. And uh, that is that.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Is it's meditative. It's a meditation.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
Is the meditativeness of it that that I kind of liked.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
There's no threat, there's it's a safe place, it's a
supportive place. I understand the basics. I understand this sense
of community and thinking about things larger than yourself or
reflecting on things.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
That is the thing that I miss about it. That's
the thing that I miss about it. I miss not
being constantly talking about a sense of purpose higher than
the ones that we are given in normal society, like
make money, you know, go on vacations, those sort of things.
That's that is the one thing I do miss from it.
I just don't like all the other trappings of the weirdness,
(27:52):
you know.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Right, Oh of course I know. I mean it's uh,
you can't quite take all the good with the bad.
But I you know, Similarly, when I was at Sacred
Heart and I was in middle school, I went to
Catholic school, they did a thing where they would be like,
hey guys, and twenty minutes before every school day, we
in this classroom, we say the whole rosary, and if
(28:17):
you want, you can lead it, and so same as you.
For whatever reason, I still had good boy syndrome. I
was still trying to make the powers that be happy.
So one day I went in there and they were like,
who wants to do it? And I was like, oh,
I'll lead the rosary. Do you remember how many beads
are on one hundred rosary? It's well, maybe there's different
(28:37):
kinds because the ones we used were fifty nine, and
then the small beads, which are the hail mary beads,
they're fifty three. So before a school day, I led
fifty three hail Mary's. And then you get to the
knots and I think those were the our fathers, and
I think the big beads were the glory bees.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Maybe I thought the big beads were the were the
our fathers.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Okay, yeah, the larger beads are their fathers. And then
when you start working your way down the little beach
to the Crucifix, then you have to say the apostles creed,
oh Lord. And I did that one day, and I
remember pretty quick, probably small bead three or four, being like,
oh shit, oh shit, I'm about to I should have
brought a big glass of water because I was saying
(29:23):
our father. Just to get through another fifty nine beads.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Oh maya, this is busy work, busy worth for your brain.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
Well, now, if somebody's like, do you want to lead this?
And I'm like, venmo me two hundred and fifty dollars
and I will lead us through this, no sweat. But
I was just doing it like you. Was I getting
anything from it? No? No, we just had good boy
syndrome at the time.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
I'll tease this into some thumbs up, real good boys,
okay boys. Ned the Lefty Snail has a one in
forty thousand shot at a mate q A National Search
love this guy slow jams.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
Here we go. Thumbs ups. Sarah Costa wants the thumb
up her three best friends, Joe, Aaron, and Brianna. She
also wants a thumb up herself. Yay. They jumped into
their own educating business. It is called meaning fuel Ed.
They are for educators. They're trying to make schools better
for children and for teachers.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
So they also launch their own podcast. It is called
Pop Pop by meaning fuel ed, so that it's meaning
like meaning fuel like gasoline fuel and then ed at
the end meaning fuel ed, and they shore there. Basically,
it's a it's a platform. It's a podcast where they
share thoughts and laughs about all the craziness that teachers
(30:47):
have to deal with these days. So, if you have kids,
if you want, if you're a teacher, if you just
want to commiserate, or are just curious about what the
age is going on in the school system, check out
Pop the pod on meaningfueld ed. Thumbs up Joe, Aaron, Brianna,
and Sarah. That's a very nice one. Oh hell yeah,
thumbs up. Oh. Amy wants to thumb up herself. Pro
(31:11):
I guess this is Professor Amy r PhD for getting
a promotion. Eleven years of additional education and training post
undergraduate allowed Professor Amy r PhD to apply for early promotion,
and now she is an associate professor. So congratulations. One
more year and she will be up for tenure or
(31:33):
the tenure track, I guess, But for now she just
has a slightly fancier title and a near reasonable salary.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Yay.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Thumbs up, Professor Amy r PhD.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Thumbs up.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Calli wants to thumbs up doctor Clayton Moral and the
entire staff at VCA Meadow Vale Vet Clinic and doctor
Lane Martin at CODA Pets dot Com. She's thumbing these
people way way up for all the love and care
they provide. CALLI wants to give a big pause up
to Gus, the cat who went to the Big Cosmic
Banana in the sky. In true Gus fashion, he fought
(32:07):
like hell. He even tried to outsmart sedation. He was
a orange cat, which he has a one cell brained
orange cat while Calli sang to him in his final moments.
Gus was handsome, ridiculous, brave, silly, and not very smart.
I would not change a thing about him, so thumbs
up to all the vets who you know we have
(32:29):
we dedicated a bananas to vets, and I don't think we're.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
In twenty twenty five. I don't think we have. Let's
dedicate this one to vets.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
All vets out there. You love animals. It's a high
stress job and you also have to deal with their owners,
which probably is the worst part of the job, except
for Calli, who's great. And to lift the mood a little, Kurt,
we are gonna you and I the Banana boys are
thumbing bran up. She is a long time Bananal. It's
sent many great stories over the year. But she DMed
(32:57):
us this and I saw it. I am currently getting
induced into labor. We have been waiting all day to
take to listen to today's Bananas episode in the delivery room. God,
so I can laugh and laugh and loft this baby
into the world. So she sent that then I didn't
hear anything. So I responded the next day. I was
like just checking in, no need respond, we know this
(33:19):
is a very big, crazy moment in your life. And
she did respond brand responding, and she says the baby
Bananamal is home and healthy. The podcast definitely helped distract
during the pushing, and she said even the doctors liked it.
So bananas in a delivery room while a baby was born.
I think that makes us uncles. I think we are
(33:40):
Banana's uncles to this beautiful baby Bananamal, congratulations brand, that's amazing.
Thanks for including bananas and lofts and laughs and laughs
into your thumbs us thumbs up to you and send
yours in anytime. Let's maybe take a little break for
dead pets. God, so no birthdays, no anniversaries, under fifty
(34:06):
years of marriage, and maybe let's just take a little
hiatus from pets going to the big cosmic banana in
the sky. Maybe this it's going to be a big
fall for all of us, so let's just take a
break until twenty twenty six, speaking.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
Of speaking of This was sent in by Maria Simpogna
the poona Maybe thank you, Maria. This was in Washington
Post ned. The Lefty Snail has a one in forty
thousand shot and a mate q the National Search. This
is written by Vivian Hoe Best in the biz. In
(34:43):
a world that swipes right for love, one lonely snail
in New Zealand is looking for a match that can
swipe left, and Kiwi's across the country are now searching
for love in the dampest of places thanks to a
magazine's campaign, Meet Ned, the eligible bachelor. Ned likes leafy green's,
moisten environments and hanging upside down on plants, and while
everyone on the apps will insist there one in a million,
(35:05):
Ned truly is a rarity among gastropods. Ned has a
left spiraling shell, meaning that the distinctive hard coded whirl
faces to the left rather than to the right, as
is those for most snails. Only about one in forty
thousand snails have left coiling shells. So when Giselle Clarkson
(35:25):
came across Ned relaxing on a bit of bock choys
in her garden last week in Warrierrapa on New Zealand's
North Island, she thought at first she had stumbled upon
a new species. Sure, this is an interesting sentence. When
you see something thousands and thousands of times and suddenly
it looks different, it's quite uncanny. So that is very interesting. Like,
(35:45):
she's just seen snails so often that seeing one with
it going left just yea hit.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
I never would have noticed.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Me neither at all. Maybe we don't see snails enough,
and Clarkson usually leaves the snail in her garden for
the birds, But after realizing what she'd found, she decided
to name the silivery fellow, Ned, after Ned Flanders, the
Oakley docally left handed neighbor from The Simpsons. I did
not know that Ned Flanders was left handed. She made
a home for the snail out of a fish bowl
(36:15):
adorned with some broccoli and silver beet seedlings from her garden,
as well as a mossy rock and some tree bark.
Sounds like paradise, I know, Sign me up, I want
to move in. Ned's rare shell may have kept the
birds at bay, but it also meant Ned will probably
be forced into a life of celibacy. While snails are hermaphrodites,
they both have male and female genitalia and reproductive organs,
(36:39):
nice both partners exchanging sperm during the slimy affair. The
spiraling of the shell for lefty snails means that their
bedroom bits are reversed and unable to match up with
those of a righty partner whoa also bedroom bits. Is
the first time I have ever heard that moniker. I
like that bedroom bits. Oh my god, I'm gonna say
(37:02):
it all.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
I'm gonna use that in the bedroom. Would you like
to go?
Speaker 1 (37:07):
Would can our bedroom bits have a meeting in the bathroom?
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (37:11):
Scientist Angus Davison, who studies snails at the University of
Nottingham and England, like in the situation to buses approaching
from opposite directions, the driver of a London double decker
can pause and chat through the window to another driver
as they pass each other. But that wouldn't work with
the driver of a bus from New York whose wheels
on the other side. Should Ned hope to mate one day,
(37:33):
it will have to be with another very rare left
coiled snail.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Sounds exciting.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
That sounds like snail. Is a snail just dying to fuck?
Is that something that's happening with snails or do they
not care?
Speaker 2 (37:49):
I think so. I think they're the hornballs of the floor.
Oh you do?
Speaker 1 (37:52):
Oh, okay, thank you very much. Okay, as long as
you think that they're horny. Thus began the National Campaign
to find Ned a mate. Clarkson and illustrator and Arthur Author,
who has done work for New Zealand Geographic teamed up
with her colleagues at the magazine to mobilize the curious
to comb through their gardens and yards for potential lefty
lovers for Ned. The chance of finding a mate for
Ned is one in forty thousand, but that doesn't mean
(38:14):
it's not worthwhile, No, James frank Ham, publisher of New
Zealand Graphics, set in an email their campaign is not
the first attempt at snail matchmaking.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
This is wild what.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
In twenty sixteen, Davison launched a similar effort in Britain
after a retired scientist discovered a left coiled snail and
a compost heap in London. Davison, who studies the genetics
of snails, named the unfortunate gastropod Jeremy, after Jeremy Corbin
and then the left wing leader of the country's Labor Party,
and put out an international call for more lefties.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Um okay.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
The campaign resulted in two potential suitors for Jeremy, one
named Lefty that was found by a snail enthusiast in
Ipswich on the eastern coast of England, and another Tomiu,
found by a restaurant tour in Majorca Spain who was
raising snails for culinary purposes. In a telenovella twist, Lefty
and Tomiu ended up jilting Jeremy and mating with each
(39:11):
other instead. The lesson to take from Jeremy is that
it's tough out there. Clark And said, just because your
physically compatible doesn't mean you're going to.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
Hit it off. Sparks, aren't they tell me about it?
Speaker 1 (39:22):
But Jeremy eventually joined the Lefty Tomyu coupling, forming a
thropple and fathering an estimated dozen or so babies with
Tomyu before dying in twenty seventeen. And for Clarkson and
the team at New Zealand Geographic, the campaign to find
neta Mate goes beyond matchmaking New Zealand Geographics just to
find connections between Kiwis and their environment. Recently, many of
these connections have been strained and the solutions seemed remote.
(39:45):
But NED has got readers rummaging around their garden at
night under torchlight, looking for life in the dark wet
forgotten corners of their homes. It keeps going on, but
that's where we're going to end it.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
I never thought about this. It does seem like that
wouldn't be that heart of a thing. Like even the
metaphor of two city buses going the opposite way. You're like,
so you can't. They can't ram into each other like
you could. That happens all the time. There's no head
on collisions with a right swing and snail and a
left swing and sale. Also, I guess this is probably
(40:20):
one of those things where this is the absolute best
the Internet can do, is trying to get this lefty
snail have a partner.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
I agree with that, you know that it's actually the
perfect summation of the Internet because it's kind of interesting,
it's like cool and kind of like sweet, and the
thing that they're doing it for could not give a
shit less. It is unaware of its existent and an
(40:47):
enormous amount of effort is being made over a thing
that is not even aware that it should be doing.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
I agree completely. But yeah, I think nails or little hornballs,
because I think if you were living in your if
you had your home attached to you and you still
just set out every day to crawl around, you're looking
for something. You're looking for more than backchoy. You're out there,
you're trying to make connections, to meet people, and if
you're hermaphrodite and you're both ejaculating into each other, it
(41:18):
seems like plenty of reason to get up in the
morning and go very slowly to look for a partner.
But also, can't we nip this in the butt? And
if we do get this snail a partner and they
produce twenty lefty snails, like, don't we just take those
twenty and make it forty and then make it eighty
(41:41):
and then pretty soon there's this isn't an issue anymore.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
But also what's the purpose of that as well? Like
just to have a bunch of inbred left handed sales.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Yeah, there's no purpose to any of this, that's the thing. Also,
I think I'm done with s card Go. I've had
it enough time.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
And I guess what, I just had it yesterday at
boss Off.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Oh that's a good restaurant.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
It's a great restaurant. And uh yeah, I'm done. Yeah,
can be done with escargo.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
There's there's no upside. I've only had like two great
ones ever, and one was it was in a puff
pastry and so so good. But what I always discovered
now it is like if you're if the presentation is, hey,
this is all garlic and olive oil and parsley, and
so all you're eating is butter and garlic, I'm interested.
(42:34):
Give me a cruton in there. I don't need that
to be a living thing. Agreed. I agree.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
That's how I felt. I was just like I was
just mopping up the and for some reason the oscargo
we had the snails were really far up in there.
It was really hard to get them out.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
Easy to pass on that. No more RASCargO, No more octopus,
No more OCTOPI too smart, too cool?
Speaker 1 (42:58):
Uh, send us home in a sweet little package, Scott.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
Yeah, this is a nice one actually, because it's so
it's very bananas. It's giving bananas. As the youth would
have said. Nine months ago, Detroit's MP sent this in Detroit.
MP sends good stories. Thank you. This was in USA Today,
which is widely known as the most colorful newspaper and
every hotel lobby you've ever been to, written by Jamie LaRue,
(43:23):
thank you.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
When USA Today came out and they had infographics and
people were like, this is the dumb newspaper. Do you
remember that?
Speaker 2 (43:29):
I do? I do?
Speaker 1 (43:30):
And now it's just like, thank God, USA today exists
because there's everything is so much dumber than USA today.
USA today is now up high in my trustworthy news sources.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
Yeah. That's like I've always had that theory with weird
Al Yankovic because he existed before the Internet. But now
everything's so weird that now he's just regular Al Yankovic.
Like he was weird so early, but he's still alive
and doing great, so now he's just Al Yankovic. Just
the world got weirder. Retired Ford worker so got that,
retired at the Ford factory, got it. His wallet travels
(44:05):
one hundred and fifty thousand miles in a Ford Edge
engine and is found. Wow, Richard Gilford.
Speaker 1 (44:12):
You're an engine.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
Yeah, okay. Richard Guilford remembers Christmas twenty fourteen like it
was yesterday because he because it was the now retired
Ford Motor Company assembly plant worker he lost his wallet
that day on the job and accepted he would never
see it again, and he didn't, at least not for
more than a decade. Guildford, who's fifty slicks fifty six,
(44:36):
lives in Petersburg's Michigan fifty slick he's fifty slicks. He's
fifty six, and the dude doesn't do us cargo. He
lives five miles south of Dundee, which also means nothing
to us. He retired from Ford in January twenty twenty four,
but in twenty fourteen, he was repairing the electrical system
of vehicles at a Michigan assembly plant in Wayne when
(44:59):
unbeknounced to him his wallet's unslipped out of his shirt pocket,
landing amid the transmission system of a twenty fifteen red
Ford Edge suv. The wallet would end up going on
a one hundred and fifty one thousand mile odyssey across
multiple states before a mechanic in Minnesota last month discovered
(45:22):
that the obstacle was preventing him from putting the vehicle's
airbox back in place. He discovered a man's leather wallet.
So basically, a mechanic in Minnesota's trying to fix this
transmission and he can't get this thing to work, and
there's another dude's wallet in there from twenty fourteen.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
Did he I mean like, also, was it just cooked
from the heat.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
Nope, it's so preserved. And even the ID which is
on the article is just Siguy's license. So he messaged
Gilford in the middle of the night with a picture
of and said, did you lose your wallet years ago? Lol?
I found it. It's in the engine of a car.
It's in Minnesota. Guilford told Detroit Free Press for eleven
years that Walt has been riding on top of a
transmission held in there by an airbox. I won't boris
(46:07):
with all the details, but let me get to the
very last paragraph here. I mean, it is a long article.
I would say it's a five page article as a
result of which could have just been there was a wallet.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
Did this thing for a long time?
Speaker 2 (46:23):
Yeah? Story baby yu bah blah bah bah. Yeah. So
an eighty eight year old man owned it, owned the
edge of when one hundred and fifty one thousand miles.
The man died the day after Vulk, the other mechanic
found the wallet.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
Oh my god, that is crazy. The wallet was keeping
him alive.
Speaker 2 (46:40):
Yeah, it was. It was. It was powering him by
removing that. He killed that fool. It was like his
achilles heel.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
You never know, you never know what's actually keeping you alive.
Speaker 2 (46:53):
Folks. All right, that's right, Gilford said. Everything in the
wallet is in good shape, considering the journey and endured.
Guildford said Cabella's ensured him it would issue him new
gift cards. He had gift cards in it, and he
says some things in it were hot and crisp. Think
of how hot that car must have got. Gilford said,
it doesn't look like it ever got wet, just hot.
(47:13):
That little corner kept the wallet safe, completely dry, and
completely preserved. I want the wallet to stay as it
is now. It is a memento, Yeah, it really is.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
It needs to be put in a glass box and
put up on a shelf.
Speaker 2 (47:26):
I think the Ford Motor Company should buy it from
him or do it as a loan out put in
the factory. My our friend Emily Foster got married in
an old Ford Model T factory. There was a lot
of cool stuff there. Very funny to see people get
married in between a line of old Ford Model t's.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
But if there was just a wallet there, yeah, I
would love it. Come on, Ford, do the right thing.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
Ford, step up and do the right thing for once. Actually,
real quick, did you see Ford figured out a new
way to assemble cars again? No, dude, this is crazy.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
What do they do?
Speaker 2 (48:02):
It's gonna save so much money. Car Fords are gonna
get least expensive. They assemble the car in three different things,
so three different pieces, so it's like the front, the back,
in the middle, and so they have access to everything
really quickly. And then at the end they put the
three segments together to build a car, so you're able
to change things out faster. But basically it speeds everything
(48:23):
up and Fords are going to be cheaper. Wow, because
yet again Ford figured out a new way to do
an assembly line. I was reading that going again so stupid.
I was just like, that's how I would have done it,
because I would have been like, first you put out
two pieces of bread. On left piece of bread, you
(48:43):
put cheese and condiments lettuce and tomato. On the right.
You put the meats, then you close them together. Like
I'm such a dumb ass.
Speaker 1 (48:55):
Anyway, Well, I'm happy layers are going to get cheaper
because cars are dom expensive right now.
Speaker 2 (49:03):
No crap ola, Thank you so much for.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
Listening to bananas. Everybody.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
We love you, bananamals. Thanks for building a supportive community
where you're allowed to be silly and weird and just
a little dumb. Uh, where the Banana Boys weren't exactly
right They're the best in the biz, and so are you.
Bananas that sounded like a left handed snail. Bananas is
(49:30):
an exactly right media production.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
Our producer and engineer is Katie Levine.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
The catchy Bananas theme song was composed and performed by Kahon.
Speaker 1 (49:37):
Artwork for Bananas was designed by Travis Millard.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
And our benevolent overlords are the great Karen Kilgareff and
Georgia Hardstart.
Speaker 1 (49:44):
And Lisa Maggott is our full human, not a robot,
part time employee.
Speaker 2 (49:48):
You can listen to Bananas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
or wherever you get your podcasts, and please feel free
to rate and review as many times as you can.
We love those five stars.
Speaker 1 (50:00):
My never no
Scott, are you ready for a crazy one? Oh?
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Yeah, laughing, uff and off.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
It's really good.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
It's like I only get paid if I say it.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
A decade after losing her sight, a British Columbia woman
can see again through her tooth.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
What yes?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Wow? Hold okay, well that is truly perplexing. I'm trying
to picture what it looks like.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Oh I cannot wait.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Okay, well, uh, let's sink our teeth into a brand new,
eye opening episode of Bernana's.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
World.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Would billion pieces you.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Britten s Bridada guys, gals, No, I'm buyinary pals. Welcome
to Bananas. I am sitting across from screenwriter and amazing
human being in general, a kind human being who is
(01:27):
competent and thinks of everything.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Scottie Landis Boy. That's I had so many technical difficulties
on our last zoom. I feel like you're just building
me back up in the best way I've sent across
from writer, comedian, great dad, great guy, great friends, the
kind of person that if you're planning a fun time,
the first name you put into the email and that
mass email it's Kurt Brown oler Uh.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Things are going well. It's a fry it's the fridy,
It's a Friday for us. Get ready for the weekend.
It's a long weekend coming up.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Are you excited? Yeah, I'm happy. I'm feeling great. Everybody
has kindly been texting me this week saying, well, you
got any plans this weekend? And I have zero plans,
So I think everybody was hoping that I would have plans.
Oh interesting, I don't have them, but I do plan
on going and getting some delicious Mexican food and drinking too. Margarita's.
(02:20):
That's my plan for Friday night.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
You know what my plan for Friday night is?
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Hit me, homie.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
I got three of my oldest and dearest coming up
to my town in New Jersey to hang out. Yes,
I'm very Sam, Damien, Patty and.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Bobby WHOA fun crew.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Fun crew. It's gonna be really amazing. I'm so excited.
We're going to start off with drinks out by this
lake near me, and then just the only bummer is that,
like the old there's an Elk's Lodge, like a punk
rock Elks Lodge right near me that has is an
amazing bar and it's closed for they're finishing the floors,
so that's the only the bummer. But I'm so excited
(03:01):
to see old friends in Jersey. That's so nice.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
You and I have an old friend who I won't
mention their name, but once I was like, you grew
up in Iowa. She's like yeah. I was like, how
is that for you? He goes, well, you know my
parents are crazy, which is a funny way to talk
about the state. Yeah. I go, what do you mean?
And he goes, well, when I was a little kid,
(03:27):
there was a lake and it was shaped like a heart.
Like it was from above it looked like a heart.
So it was called Heart Lake. And when he was
like seven or eight years old, he had started a
new school and he had some kids over and they're
running around their backyard and those kids were like, let's
go hang out at Heart Lake. And he walks over
to his mom, who was working in the garden, and
he says, Mom, can I go to Heart Lake with
(03:47):
these friends? And he said. His mom put down like
her spade and looked directly at him and goes, there's
a witch that lives in that lake. She lives underneath
the surface, and if you go to Heart Lake, she
will pull you in and drown you and then just
went back gardening. So he never went to Heart Lake.
So yeah, when you guys are sitting around raise a
(04:09):
toast for our mutual friend, I'll tell you have to
record whose mom told him there was a submerged witch
who pulled children into the Iowa Heart Lake.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Oh my god, no, I can't imagine. Also, Olive would
be like, yeah, well then let's find out about this.
Can we trap her?
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yes? What what is what's the garlic vampire witch equivalent? Salt?
I guess we'll salt around Heart Lake and then she
won't be able to cross over the threshold.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
There's these there's these an invasive species here called lantern
flies boo. But they're very beautiful. They're like, hey, they
have these brown wings, but when the wings open up,
underneath it's just red and black polka dots. It's really crazy.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Bad.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
They eat trees, they eat wood, and uh and so,
but when we first got here, we didn't know what
they were, and so they were just like these kind
of beautiful bugs. And Olive and Gus are obsessed with bugs.
Obviously they're children, and so they're very much like, oh,
let's make sure, oh, this one's hurt, like, let's make
sure we move it off the path or whatever. And
then one night they were out at dinner and somebody
(05:22):
was like, they're invasive species. We should kill them. There's
actually like a campaign to like, anytime you see them,
kill them because they're just.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Throwing all the woods.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
And then right like it was, the change was instantaneous
to murder all bugs. And then they just disappeared for
fifteen minutes, just stomping lantern bugs, lantern flies or whatever
the fuck they're called.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Oh man, and well now they hate them.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Now they hate them.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Do your kids so when they're little guys, you know,
there's the thing where kids are sitting in the back
seat or the back seats the car. They're in a
car seats and then like the parents will say, oh shit,
and then you hear the little kids a oh shit
for the rest of the week. Like do kids of
your when they reach the age that your children are,
do they still like listen to everything you say and
repeat after you are now they more in their own
(06:11):
world and own headspace and are listening to the radio
and whatever. Look me out the window.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
You imagine that they are more in their own world,
but they're still listening to absolutely everything you say unless
the TV is on. If the TV is on, they
are not listening at all. Like you could talk directly
to them, you could yell at them, and they will
not hear you whatsoever. I have to pause the TV
(06:36):
before speaking to them because it's useless. Otherwise I think
we were that way probably of course it's yeah, of course, and.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I have a that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
But but will Lauren and I will be in the car,
they're just chit chatting in the back, and then she
and I will be talking and then we'll say something
that's maybe a little you know, sensitive, or something about
the kids, and then Olive will.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Be like that.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
It'll be like really like, oh shit, that's right there
in the back and they can understand what we're saying.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
I have I've talked about this with friends in life,
and maybe you had this experience with growing up. I
have a few vivid memories, and we lived in two
different houses when I was really I guess three different houses,
but in two different houses. I remember sitting in our
living room area TV on, maybe sitting on the floor
and maybe crawl up in the corner watching TV, and
one of my parents would have been in the room
(07:30):
middle of the day and commercial break would start and
I'd go to talk to my parents and they had
left the room and I hadn't noticed. And I think
about that a lot, because it really was like time traveling,
where yeah, imagine all the things you miss in life
because you're so focused on something else. But I can
vividly remember turning to say something to my dad and
(07:51):
he's no longer in the room, or asking my mom
a question at the commercial break and she was already
cooking dinner. I could hear, I could smell it. But
something about that glow screen I will right in.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
I honestly think driving is very similar for me, where
I'll start thinking about something while driving and then all
of a sudden, it will be like five or six
minutes later, and I will have no memory of what
I what the drive was like me like I'm just
I just my brain takes over and I'm just going
on autopilot driving somewhere, and it'll be like a five
(08:25):
full minutes of me like going over something in my
head or like writing something in my head, and I
will have no memory of like driving to go to
their school or something, which is weird I think there's
a specific word for that, where like the autonomic systems
take over for driving, but I don't know what it is.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Well, that's fine as long as you get there. You know,
your airbags come standard. It's all fine. You get there.
Here it is.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Are you ready for this shit?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
I can't be more ready than to hear about teeth
that can see.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
It's amazing. So this was sent in by Jordan Myers.
Thank you, Jordan, Thank you Jordan. If you want to
send stories to us, you can on Instagram at the
Bananas Podcast and you can email us at the Bananas
Podcast at gmail dot com. This was in the CBC.
(09:21):
This was written by Jacquelin gilenew Business. After ten years
without sight of Victoria, BC woman saw her partner's face
and her dog's wagging tail this year for the very
first time, thanks to a tooth surgically implanted into her
(09:43):
eye socket. Gay Lane, seventy five.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Yeah yeah so they okay, keep going, I'll ask questions later.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Gyllene seventy five was one of three Canadians to undergo
the rare tooth in eye surgery technically called osteo oden
do caro toe prostethosis.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
In February eye tooth. They could have just called it
eye tooth. They would have saved everybody so much time.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Lane lost her site ten years ago due to complications
from an autoimmune disorder that caused scarring to her corneas.
In the weeks that followed the complex, two part surgery,
she gradually regained the ability to see. First, Lane said
she was able to see light. Then she could see movement,
and the wagging tail of Piper, her partner's service dog,
became perceptible. Eventually, Piper, the black labrador, came into focus
(10:31):
I did, as did bits of the world around her.
I can see lots of color, and I can see
outside now, the trees and the grass and the flowers.
It's a wonderful feeling to be able to see some
of these things again, said Lane. She met her partner
Phil after she lost her sight, and she had never
seen his face before. Nearly six months after the tooth
in eye surgery was completed, Lane saw him for the
(10:54):
first time. I'm getting goosebumps.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
I know, I'm sweet.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
I'm starting to see facial features on other people as well,
which is pretty exciting, she said Lane. She has not
seen her own face in detail yet, but hopes that
that too will come with time, aided by a new
pair of glasses she'll be receiving soon, and Lane can
now pick out her own outfits without the help of
a volunteer app service called be My Eyes, which she
(11:19):
had relied on to ensure her clothes match's.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yeah, I've heard of that. That's a great app. That's
a great service. That's so cool.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Now that's the story of Lane. Now what the book
is going on with this tooth?
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Here it is.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
While the surgery has been done in other parts of
the world, ophthalmologist doctor Greg Maloney, He's full of no baloney,
from Vancouver Mount Joseph Hospital, was the first to bring
this operation to canon. It is quote it's a complex
and strange operation, but it basically involves replacing cornea, said Maloney.
(11:54):
He was eating a big old thing of maloney.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
He said. The surgery never suck, he said.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
The surgery begins, Scott to hear it is by removing
a tooth from the patient's mouth. The tooth is then
implanted into the cheek for several months until it is
encompassed in strong connective tissue. Both the tooth and connective
tissue are then removed and a plastic focusing telescope or
(12:27):
lens is inserted into it, using the connective tissue as
an anchor. The tooth and the new lens are sutured
into the patient's eye socket.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Quote.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
We need a structure that is strong enough to hold
onto the plastic focusing telescope but is not going to
be rejected by the body. Lane said that the surgeries
and recovery were uncomfortable but not painful. It's been a
long wait, but it's well well worth it. Lane said
she is most excited to have her independence back.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Yeah, that's how do you even I mean, these there
are people in this world, Yeah, that are so intelligent
that it makes you realize that average intelligence is so
stupid because these hot these people like like I just
don't know how anything works. And the idea of putting
(13:23):
a telescope and then connecting that to the brain and
having it work, how like, how do we live in
the dumbest time in the smartest time? I know, it's
really so intelligent.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Also, what's interesting what I always find really interesting as well,
which is kind of the flip side of what you're
saying about medical stuff is that you kind of forget
that the body is legitimately a machine and that if
you just be like, well, we put a little lens
in a tooth and then popped it in the eye.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
There, we're cars, car, we're cars.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
And it's just like, well, you need light, and the
light to shine on the back of the retina.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
So this is the way you could do it.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Because it's like, oh, okay, it does sounds very jury rigged.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Really, this is a particularly sensitive area for me because
you know, like being men.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Yes, I am not man, I am devo.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Go ahead, that's right. Like sometimes there have been times
in my life where I should have been able to
cry and it just didn't happen. Certain amounts of pain, rejection, heartache,
whatever it is, there should have been times where, like
a normal person, I would have cried, even getting rejected
(14:40):
truly NonStop every week of my professional life. I know
a lot of writers, especially some of my women friend
writers who are like my podic got canceled and I
cried for two days, and I'm like you, that is
so nice. I wish I could be able to do that.
But the one thing that will make me cry even
just thinking about it are the you videos of children
(15:02):
getting glasses where they can see for the first time,
people getting the hearing inplant def people hearing for the
first time, even the glasses for color blindness. When they
show it and somebody looks around, those videos will make
me cry. Like if it's soldier coming home, dog greets
them great, love it, I'd smile. I click on anything
(15:22):
that's especially if it's a kid gaining sight for the
first time. Gaining hearing for the first time, destroys me
like instant waterfall level of tears. And I don't know
why that.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Is so fascinating. It's such a specific thing.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
I think if I ever felt like I really needed
to emote and get those things out, I could just
click through one of them. And I saw one of
an adult woman recently who heard for the first time.
Is that the cochlear implants that new technology and she
starts crying. Burst. I mean it burst open, like if
(15:57):
my face was a water balloon. It's like somebody shot
it with crossbow. It was like and so for some reason,
like if I had read this story or seen the
video of it, I probably would have burst to your
I don't. And it's specifically that it's not people like
getting an artificial limb that works, or being reunited with
their lost parent. It's not that it's specifically hearing and seeing,
(16:21):
and if it's a kid, forget it. I'm bad for
forty five minutes. That is so.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
I love that, and I love that you just told
me that I had no idea about that. The kid
thing is really specific, and it especially became very strong
for me after having a kid. I never really had
any like feelings towards children before having children, you know,
just like, oh, yeah, that's great, what a treat for you.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
But now we love when Uncle Kirk comes over. Yeah,
what a treat for you eating a little peanut butter
and jelly. But a little treat for you. I'm going
to go do drugs.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
But now that I have kids, if there is even
the hint in a television show or a movie that
a child is harmed or a child dies, I am.
I get so upset and like I just start hating
the movie or hating the TV.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Sure, I think that's normal.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
You know where I'm just like, you didn't have to
go there. You did not have to have this child
be heard in any way, shape or form.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
I feel that.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
I guess that's the way some people feel about seeing
like a like there's dogs and like there's like does
the dog get hurt or whatever? There's a web site.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Yeah, when we all went, we have a big friend
group of us went, including Kurt myself, and we saw
Guardians of the Galaxy three and we all and Kurt
and I specifically left and were like, what the fuck
is that just torturing animals for fifty minutes because it
makes you feel so bad against the enemy, and but
(17:56):
it was so unnecessary, It.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Was so and it was it went on four, so
it was the whole.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Movie was just animal torture.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Children to animals being tortured, and it was just like,
who the fuck greenlit this?
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Like that?
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I agree, like it is so insane if that movie
felt to me also, I was very drunk when I
watched it, but me too, that movie felt to me.
And I'm sure I said this after you that it
was heavily influenced by AI animes. Yeah, because a lot
of the butthole, the butthole thing that they go and
visit like that was just all gross AI shit. I
(18:34):
feel like that movie as a whole missed the mark
for me so much agreed.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Uh, there you go. That's our first movie review. I
think aver on bananas and uh, we're giving it nine
brown bananas. Yeah, here's a more feel good, well and
good time Harry sent this in. I think it's the
first time Good Time Harry sent this in. Also, congratulations
on getting that Instagram handle. That seems like it would
(19:01):
have gone really quickly. I think imagine Kurt all the
people who when a new social media whatever platform comes out,
race to get like beer at Instagram or farts at Instagram.
I'm sure a lot of good Time Harry's are out
there just trying to get on periscope. Pittsburgh nun chases
(19:27):
down credit card thief. This was in CBS Pittsburgh, written
by Barry Pintar, who is really good, really good at
typing things about news and stuff. A crime fighting Pittsburgh
nun has made the news again. Wow. In the past,
she's had a gun pointed at her face. But I
(19:47):
shouldn't laugh at that. It just seems so It seems
like it's out of a nineteen eighties comedy, A none
with a gunpoint in their face. In the past, she's
had a gunpoint at her face, after she chased down
a jewelry thief and has been face to face with
a man demanding money from her religious shop. This is
craw in Pittsburgh. This is in Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania too,
(20:09):
not that fake one. Now she's chased down a credit
card thief. When k d KA TV's Barry Pintar called
Sacred Heart of Jesus store in Bloomfield and asked Sister
Mary Madaline, it's not really an original name, but we'll
go with it, he found out that she had he
was already talking to her. Hold on, what does that say?
(20:32):
And asked for Sister Mary Madeline. He found out that
he was already talking to her.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Is it Sister Mary Madeleine or Sister Mary Magdalene?
Speaker 2 (20:39):
It's with a D.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
It's that's so funny to just take the g out.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
She doesn't want to wash anybody's hair, our feet with
her hair. She's not going to do that. He found
out that she was already talking to her. She said,
come on down, because she wants everyone to be zapped
by God. And zapped is in quotation, which means she
said it and loves laser tech, apparently fearlessly praying fearlessly, unafraid.
(21:05):
Sister Mary madeleine shy Schlaefer, Schleffer, Schleifer. We're gonna go
with Schlifer. We're going to call her Sister.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Mary through the whole rest of the podcast, going Schliper, Schleffer, Schleffer, Schlifer.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Dude, that's like that different story for different is a
defender of her faith A few stories. A few days ago,
a shopper in her store set down her purse and
then notice someone had stolen her credit cards. Sister Mary
went into action and chased down to thief and she
got the credit cards back. Whoa quote? What makes you
think you can go after all these people who are
trying to do bad things? Barry Pintar asked her. Because
(21:39):
Barry asked the hardest hitting question the questions I'd ask.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
A different question is why is that lady putting her
purse down and walking away from it in Pittsburgh.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Baby in twenty twenty five, forget it. You don't think
about that, Mary said. Sister Mary said, there's no why.
It just happens. It happened so fast, she said, the
crimes happen fast, as does her instinct. And she says,
these are children of God who can be changed. I
(22:08):
just think she was misled, she said, of the alleged thief.
So I think a woman stole the credit cards. There
was also a time where someone stole an expensive necklace
from her store. He was walking out of the store
and I started to follow him, and he turned around
and said, I don't want to have to shoot you,
and I said, listen, all I want to tell you
is that Jesus loves you. And then he went out
(22:28):
and I went out after him. She said. So she
actually got that back too. There were other times where
things like this have happened. Again, is this a Jessica
Fletcher from Murder? She wrote? Thing, is Jessica Fletcher the
serial killer in Cabot Cove? How does one small town
have this many murders? How does this nun stop this
many crimes? Is she planting credit cards in other people's verses?
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Also, I really love this idea of like a crime
fighting person who constantly is just saying like Jesus love
you and then like beating the shit out of them.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Yeah. I mean I had a roommate in New York
who got his CD car, CD stereo stolen and I
told him to put a Bible on his dashboard, and
he did, and he never had his car broken into
or had anything stolen out of it ever again. But
he put it visibly on the dashboard.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
So wait, why would that prevent thief see it and
then they get guilty. Yeah, because they're like, oh, I
don't want to steal from a priest or something.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Well, at the time, this was sort of the end
of the John Gotti era, so I was figuring that
there were probably a lot of Italian Americans who skew
heavily Catholic in New York. So I was just thinking
we were going to use the Bible to guilt them
into going onto the next car and stealing their stereo
again four nine years. No, he got it broken into
the first three months we were there, and then never
(23:50):
again once the Bible went on the dashboard. I love it.
It's the original club, the Bible's original club.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Also, that's a great place to hide drugs in your car.
Is a hol out Bible on your dashboard? Absolutely right,
speaking about drug dealers.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Think of yeah, don't be idiot's drug dealers Bible. Several
other things like this have happened in the past, so
why does she do it? Quote we're all his children
or hers children.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Okay, it's the one problem with Christianity.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
They're really about the man is in charge. We're really
all his children, whether we know it or not. You know,
sometimes there's a lot of cred on us, and we
have to get that crud cleaned off to be able
to see, she said Fairy Pennsylvania. Sister Mary is fearless.
Not in her own strength, she says, but in the
(24:42):
strength of who she represents. Obviously, there are people in
the world who are going through hard times, and you
come face to face with them, what do you say
to those people? Very hard asking questions, Pintar asked, I
say to them, Jesus loves you. God loves you, she replies.
And that, plain and simple, she says, is why she
does all she does in whatever situation. I love it.
(25:04):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
I think she's great.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
It is there is something about if you say anything
that you can change, Like it's hard to be vigilant stuff,
but it is amazing that sometimes if you go hey,
like I saw oh one time right near your old
place in Windsor Terrace. I was driving a work van
and I saw two kids about to beat up this
other nerdy kid, and I just went eh, like that,
(25:30):
and they stopped and they all walked away. Oh that's right.
All I yelled was hey, really loud and like deep voiced,
and it prevented, at least for that hour, that pipsqueak
getting his neck wrung.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
That's so, it is really crazy how little it can
take sometimes, right, Like an intervention does not have to
be a lot. It just needs to be like snapping
people out of whatever thing they get into where they
like I can't see or they can't hear.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
You know, yeah they're not invisible. But anyway, it's good
for your sister Mary. Again, it seems like crimes are
circling you in every direction, so maybe you need to
speak to him or her or it and go can
we just cool it in Pittsburgh, just try to sell knickknacks,
religious knickknacks.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
My god, the amount that I used to go like
I would the idea of going to church to me
used to be like it felt like going to the
gym or something like, oh, look at what a great
thing I'm doing for myself.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Sure, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (26:33):
And I remember it like going because you could go
to church at my high school, so you could go
early and go to the chapel and they would have
a mass before classes started, so you'd get there early
and go and instead of having breakfast, you would go
to like a twenty five minute long mass. And I
would do it. I would do it like I think.
(26:53):
Remember once I was like I'm just going to do
this every day for a month. And I did it
like every day for a month and nothing, there was
no change, there was no change the habit. But I
felt like I was like exercising some sort of some
part of me. And uh, that is that.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Is it's meditative. It's a meditation.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
Is the meditativeness of it that that I kind of liked.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
There's no threat, there's it's a safe place, it's a
supportive place. I understand the basics. I understand this sense
of community and thinking about things larger than yourself or
reflecting on things.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
That is the thing that I miss about it. That's
the thing that I miss about it. I miss not
being constantly talking about a sense of purpose higher than
the ones that we are given in normal society, like
make money, you know, go on vacations, those sort of things.
That's that is the one thing I do miss from it.
I just don't like all the other trappings of the weirdness,
(27:52):
you know.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Right, Oh of course I know. I mean it's uh,
you can't quite take all the good with the bad.
But I you know, Similarly, when I was at Sacred
Heart and I was in middle school, I went to
Catholic school, they did a thing where they would be like,
hey guys, and twenty minutes before every school day, we
in this classroom, we say the whole rosary, and if
(28:17):
you want, you can lead it, and so same as you.
For whatever reason, I still had good boy syndrome. I
was still trying to make the powers that be happy.
So one day I went in there and they were like,
who wants to do it? And I was like, oh,
I'll lead the rosary. Do you remember how many beads
are on one hundred rosary? It's well, maybe there's different
(28:37):
kinds because the ones we used were fifty nine, and
then the small beads, which are the hail mary beads,
they're fifty three. So before a school day, I led
fifty three hail Mary's. And then you get to the
knots and I think those were the our fathers, and
I think the big beads were the glory bees.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Maybe I thought the big beads were the were the
our fathers.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Okay, yeah, the larger beads are their fathers. And then
when you start working your way down the little beach
to the Crucifix, then you have to say the apostles creed,
oh Lord. And I did that one day, and I
remember pretty quick, probably small bead three or four, being like,
oh shit, oh shit, I'm about to I should have
brought a big glass of water because I was saying
(29:23):
our father. Just to get through another fifty nine beads.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Oh maya, this is busy work, busy worth for your brain.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
Well, now, if somebody's like, do you want to lead this?
And I'm like, venmo me two hundred and fifty dollars
and I will lead us through this, no sweat. But
I was just doing it like you. Was I getting
anything from it? No? No, we just had good boy
syndrome at the time.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
I'll tease this into some thumbs up, real good boys,
okay boys. Ned the Lefty Snail has a one in
forty thousand shot at a mate q A National Search
love this guy slow jams.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
Here we go. Thumbs ups. Sarah Costa wants the thumb
up her three best friends, Joe, Aaron, and Brianna. She
also wants a thumb up herself. Yay. They jumped into
their own educating business. It is called meaning fuel Ed.
They are for educators. They're trying to make schools better
for children and for teachers.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
So they also launch their own podcast. It is called
Pop Pop by meaning fuel ed, so that it's meaning
like meaning fuel like gasoline fuel and then ed at
the end meaning fuel ed, and they shore there. Basically,
it's a it's a platform. It's a podcast where they
share thoughts and laughs about all the craziness that teachers
(30:47):
have to deal with these days. So, if you have kids,
if you want, if you're a teacher, if you just
want to commiserate, or are just curious about what the
age is going on in the school system, check out
Pop the pod on meaningfueld ed. Thumbs up Joe, Aaron, Brianna,
and Sarah. That's a very nice one. Oh hell yeah,
thumbs up. Oh. Amy wants to thumb up herself. Pro
(31:11):
I guess this is Professor Amy r PhD for getting
a promotion. Eleven years of additional education and training post
undergraduate allowed Professor Amy r PhD to apply for early promotion,
and now she is an associate professor. So congratulations. One
more year and she will be up for tenure or
(31:33):
the tenure track, I guess, But for now she just
has a slightly fancier title and a near reasonable salary.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Yay.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Thumbs up, Professor Amy r PhD.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Thumbs up.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Calli wants to thumbs up doctor Clayton Moral and the
entire staff at VCA Meadow Vale Vet Clinic and doctor
Lane Martin at CODA Pets dot Com. She's thumbing these
people way way up for all the love and care
they provide. CALLI wants to give a big pause up
to Gus, the cat who went to the Big Cosmic
Banana in the sky. In true Gus fashion, he fought
(32:07):
like hell. He even tried to outsmart sedation. He was
a orange cat, which he has a one cell brained
orange cat while Calli sang to him in his final moments.
Gus was handsome, ridiculous, brave, silly, and not very smart.
I would not change a thing about him, so thumbs
up to all the vets who you know we have
(32:29):
we dedicated a bananas to vets, and I don't think we're.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
In twenty twenty five. I don't think we have. Let's
dedicate this one to vets.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
All vets out there. You love animals. It's a high
stress job and you also have to deal with their owners,
which probably is the worst part of the job, except
for Calli, who's great. And to lift the mood a little, Kurt,
we are gonna you and I the Banana boys are
thumbing bran up. She is a long time Bananal. It's
sent many great stories over the year. But she DMed
(32:57):
us this and I saw it. I am currently getting
induced into labor. We have been waiting all day to
take to listen to today's Bananas episode in the delivery room. God,
so I can laugh and laugh and loft this baby
into the world. So she sent that then I didn't
hear anything. So I responded the next day. I was
like just checking in, no need respond, we know this
(33:19):
is a very big, crazy moment in your life. And
she did respond brand responding, and she says the baby
Bananamal is home and healthy. The podcast definitely helped distract
during the pushing, and she said even the doctors liked it.
So bananas in a delivery room while a baby was born.
I think that makes us uncles. I think we are
(33:40):
Banana's uncles to this beautiful baby Bananamal, congratulations brand, that's amazing.
Thanks for including bananas and lofts and laughs and laughs
into your thumbs us thumbs up to you and send
yours in anytime. Let's maybe take a little break for
dead pets. God, so no birthdays, no anniversaries, under fifty
(34:06):
years of marriage, and maybe let's just take a little
hiatus from pets going to the big cosmic banana in
the sky. Maybe this it's going to be a big
fall for all of us, so let's just take a
break until twenty twenty six, speaking.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
Of speaking of This was sent in by Maria Simpogna
the poona Maybe thank you, Maria. This was in Washington
Post ned. The Lefty Snail has a one in forty
thousand shot and a mate q the National Search. This
is written by Vivian Hoe Best in the biz. In
(34:43):
a world that swipes right for love, one lonely snail
in New Zealand is looking for a match that can
swipe left, and Kiwi's across the country are now searching
for love in the dampest of places thanks to a
magazine's campaign, Meet Ned, the eligible bachelor. Ned likes leafy green's,
moisten environments and hanging upside down on plants, and while
everyone on the apps will insist there one in a million,
(35:05):
Ned truly is a rarity among gastropods. Ned has a
left spiraling shell, meaning that the distinctive hard coded whirl
faces to the left rather than to the right, as
is those for most snails. Only about one in forty
thousand snails have left coiling shells. So when Giselle Clarkson
(35:25):
came across Ned relaxing on a bit of bock choys
in her garden last week in Warrierrapa on New Zealand's
North Island, she thought at first she had stumbled upon
a new species. Sure, this is an interesting sentence. When
you see something thousands and thousands of times and suddenly
it looks different, it's quite uncanny. So that is very interesting. Like,
(35:45):
she's just seen snails so often that seeing one with
it going left just yea hit.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
I never would have noticed.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Me neither at all. Maybe we don't see snails enough,
and Clarkson usually leaves the snail in her garden for
the birds, But after realizing what she'd found, she decided
to name the silivery fellow, Ned, after Ned Flanders, the
Oakley docally left handed neighbor from The Simpsons. I did
not know that Ned Flanders was left handed. She made
a home for the snail out of a fish bowl
(36:15):
adorned with some broccoli and silver beet seedlings from her garden,
as well as a mossy rock and some tree bark.
Sounds like paradise, I know, Sign me up, I want
to move in. Ned's rare shell may have kept the
birds at bay, but it also meant Ned will probably
be forced into a life of celibacy. While snails are hermaphrodites,
they both have male and female genitalia and reproductive organs,
(36:39):
nice both partners exchanging sperm during the slimy affair. The
spiraling of the shell for lefty snails means that their
bedroom bits are reversed and unable to match up with
those of a righty partner whoa also bedroom bits. Is
the first time I have ever heard that moniker. I
like that bedroom bits. Oh my god, I'm gonna say
(37:02):
it all.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
I'm gonna use that in the bedroom. Would you like
to go?
Speaker 1 (37:07):
Would can our bedroom bits have a meeting in the bathroom?
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (37:11):
Scientist Angus Davison, who studies snails at the University of
Nottingham and England, like in the situation to buses approaching
from opposite directions, the driver of a London double decker
can pause and chat through the window to another driver
as they pass each other. But that wouldn't work with
the driver of a bus from New York whose wheels
on the other side. Should Ned hope to mate one day,
(37:33):
it will have to be with another very rare left
coiled snail.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Sounds exciting.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
That sounds like snail. Is a snail just dying to fuck?
Is that something that's happening with snails or do they
not care?
Speaker 2 (37:49):
I think so. I think they're the hornballs of the floor.
Oh you do?
Speaker 1 (37:52):
Oh, okay, thank you very much. Okay, as long as
you think that they're horny. Thus began the National Campaign
to find Ned a mate. Clarkson and illustrator and Arthur Author,
who has done work for New Zealand Geographic teamed up
with her colleagues at the magazine to mobilize the curious
to comb through their gardens and yards for potential lefty
lovers for Ned. The chance of finding a mate for
Ned is one in forty thousand, but that doesn't mean
(38:14):
it's not worthwhile, No, James frank Ham, publisher of New
Zealand Graphics, set in an email their campaign is not
the first attempt at snail matchmaking.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
This is wild what.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
In twenty sixteen, Davison launched a similar effort in Britain
after a retired scientist discovered a left coiled snail and
a compost heap in London. Davison, who studies the genetics
of snails, named the unfortunate gastropod Jeremy, after Jeremy Corbin
and then the left wing leader of the country's Labor Party,
and put out an international call for more lefties.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Um okay.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
The campaign resulted in two potential suitors for Jeremy, one
named Lefty that was found by a snail enthusiast in
Ipswich on the eastern coast of England, and another Tomiu,
found by a restaurant tour in Majorca Spain who was
raising snails for culinary purposes. In a telenovella twist, Lefty
and Tomiu ended up jilting Jeremy and mating with each
(39:11):
other instead. The lesson to take from Jeremy is that
it's tough out there. Clark And said, just because your
physically compatible doesn't mean you're going to.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
Hit it off. Sparks, aren't they tell me about it?
Speaker 1 (39:22):
But Jeremy eventually joined the Lefty Tomyu coupling, forming a
thropple and fathering an estimated dozen or so babies with
Tomyu before dying in twenty seventeen. And for Clarkson and
the team at New Zealand Geographic, the campaign to find
neta Mate goes beyond matchmaking New Zealand Geographics just to
find connections between Kiwis and their environment. Recently, many of
these connections have been strained and the solutions seemed remote.
(39:45):
But NED has got readers rummaging around their garden at
night under torchlight, looking for life in the dark wet
forgotten corners of their homes. It keeps going on, but
that's where we're going to end it.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
I never thought about this. It does seem like that
wouldn't be that heart of a thing. Like even the
metaphor of two city buses going the opposite way. You're like,
so you can't. They can't ram into each other like
you could. That happens all the time. There's no head
on collisions with a right swing and snail and a
left swing and sale. Also, I guess this is probably
(40:20):
one of those things where this is the absolute best
the Internet can do, is trying to get this lefty
snail have a partner.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
I agree with that, you know that it's actually the
perfect summation of the Internet because it's kind of interesting,
it's like cool and kind of like sweet, and the
thing that they're doing it for could not give a
shit less. It is unaware of its existent and an
(40:47):
enormous amount of effort is being made over a thing
that is not even aware that it should be doing.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
I agree completely. But yeah, I think nails or little hornballs,
because I think if you were living in your if
you had your home attached to you and you still
just set out every day to crawl around, you're looking
for something. You're looking for more than backchoy. You're out there,
you're trying to make connections, to meet people, and if
you're hermaphrodite and you're both ejaculating into each other, it
(41:18):
seems like plenty of reason to get up in the
morning and go very slowly to look for a partner.
But also, can't we nip this in the butt? And
if we do get this snail a partner and they
produce twenty lefty snails, like, don't we just take those
twenty and make it forty and then make it eighty
(41:41):
and then pretty soon there's this isn't an issue anymore.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
But also what's the purpose of that as well? Like
just to have a bunch of inbred left handed sales.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Yeah, there's no purpose to any of this, that's the thing. Also,
I think I'm done with s card Go. I've had
it enough time.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
And I guess what, I just had it yesterday at
boss Off.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Oh that's a good restaurant.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
It's a great restaurant. And uh yeah, I'm done. Yeah,
can be done with escargo.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
There's there's no upside. I've only had like two great
ones ever, and one was it was in a puff
pastry and so so good. But what I always discovered
now it is like if you're if the presentation is, hey,
this is all garlic and olive oil and parsley, and
so all you're eating is butter and garlic, I'm interested.
(42:34):
Give me a cruton in there. I don't need that
to be a living thing. Agreed. I agree.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
That's how I felt. I was just like I was
just mopping up the and for some reason the oscargo
we had the snails were really far up in there.
It was really hard to get them out.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
Easy to pass on that. No more RASCargO, No more octopus,
No more OCTOPI too smart, too cool?
Speaker 1 (42:58):
Uh, send us home in a sweet little package, Scott.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
Yeah, this is a nice one actually, because it's so
it's very bananas. It's giving bananas. As the youth would
have said. Nine months ago, Detroit's MP sent this in Detroit.
MP sends good stories. Thank you. This was in USA Today,
which is widely known as the most colorful newspaper and
every hotel lobby you've ever been to, written by Jamie LaRue,
(43:23):
thank you.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
When USA Today came out and they had infographics and
people were like, this is the dumb newspaper. Do you
remember that?
Speaker 2 (43:29):
I do? I do?
Speaker 1 (43:30):
And now it's just like, thank God, USA today exists
because there's everything is so much dumber than USA today.
USA today is now up high in my trustworthy news sources.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
Yeah. That's like I've always had that theory with weird
Al Yankovic because he existed before the Internet. But now
everything's so weird that now he's just regular Al Yankovic.
Like he was weird so early, but he's still alive
and doing great, so now he's just Al Yankovic. Just
the world got weirder. Retired Ford worker so got that,
retired at the Ford factory, got it. His wallet travels
(44:05):
one hundred and fifty thousand miles in a Ford Edge
engine and is found. Wow, Richard Gilford.
Speaker 1 (44:12):
You're an engine.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
Yeah, okay. Richard Guilford remembers Christmas twenty fourteen like it
was yesterday because he because it was the now retired
Ford Motor Company assembly plant worker he lost his wallet
that day on the job and accepted he would never
see it again, and he didn't, at least not for
more than a decade. Guildford, who's fifty slicks fifty six,
(44:36):
lives in Petersburg's Michigan fifty slick he's fifty slicks. He's
fifty six, and the dude doesn't do us cargo. He
lives five miles south of Dundee, which also means nothing
to us. He retired from Ford in January twenty twenty four,
but in twenty fourteen, he was repairing the electrical system
of vehicles at a Michigan assembly plant in Wayne when
(44:59):
unbeknounced to him his wallet's unslipped out of his shirt pocket,
landing amid the transmission system of a twenty fifteen red
Ford Edge suv. The wallet would end up going on
a one hundred and fifty one thousand mile odyssey across
multiple states before a mechanic in Minnesota last month discovered
(45:22):
that the obstacle was preventing him from putting the vehicle's
airbox back in place. He discovered a man's leather wallet.
So basically, a mechanic in Minnesota's trying to fix this
transmission and he can't get this thing to work, and
there's another dude's wallet in there from twenty fourteen.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
Did he I mean like, also, was it just cooked
from the heat.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
Nope, it's so preserved. And even the ID which is
on the article is just Siguy's license. So he messaged
Gilford in the middle of the night with a picture
of and said, did you lose your wallet years ago? Lol?
I found it. It's in the engine of a car.
It's in Minnesota. Guilford told Detroit Free Press for eleven
years that Walt has been riding on top of a
transmission held in there by an airbox. I won't boris
(46:07):
with all the details, but let me get to the
very last paragraph here. I mean, it is a long article.
I would say it's a five page article as a
result of which could have just been there was a wallet.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
Did this thing for a long time?
Speaker 2 (46:23):
Yeah? Story baby yu bah blah bah bah. Yeah. So
an eighty eight year old man owned it, owned the
edge of when one hundred and fifty one thousand miles.
The man died the day after Vulk, the other mechanic
found the wallet.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
Oh my god, that is crazy. The wallet was keeping
him alive.
Speaker 2 (46:40):
Yeah, it was. It was. It was powering him by
removing that. He killed that fool. It was like his
achilles heel.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
You never know, you never know what's actually keeping you alive.
Speaker 2 (46:53):
Folks. All right, that's right, Gilford said. Everything in the
wallet is in good shape, considering the journey and endured.
Guildford said Cabella's ensured him it would issue him new
gift cards. He had gift cards in it, and he
says some things in it were hot and crisp. Think
of how hot that car must have got. Gilford said,
it doesn't look like it ever got wet, just hot.
(47:13):
That little corner kept the wallet safe, completely dry, and
completely preserved. I want the wallet to stay as it
is now. It is a memento, Yeah, it really is.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
It needs to be put in a glass box and
put up on a shelf.
Speaker 2 (47:26):
I think the Ford Motor Company should buy it from
him or do it as a loan out put in
the factory. My our friend Emily Foster got married in
an old Ford Model T factory. There was a lot
of cool stuff there. Very funny to see people get
married in between a line of old Ford Model t's.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
But if there was just a wallet there, yeah, I
would love it. Come on, Ford, do the right thing.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
Ford, step up and do the right thing for once. Actually,
real quick, did you see Ford figured out a new
way to assemble cars again? No, dude, this is crazy.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
What do they do?
Speaker 2 (48:02):
It's gonna save so much money. Car Fords are gonna
get least expensive. They assemble the car in three different things,
so three different pieces, so it's like the front, the back,
in the middle, and so they have access to everything
really quickly. And then at the end they put the
three segments together to build a car, so you're able
to change things out faster. But basically it speeds everything
(48:23):
up and Fords are going to be cheaper. Wow, because
yet again Ford figured out a new way to do
an assembly line. I was reading that going again so stupid.
I was just like, that's how I would have done it,
because I would have been like, first you put out
two pieces of bread. On left piece of bread, you
(48:43):
put cheese and condiments lettuce and tomato. On the right.
You put the meats, then you close them together. Like
I'm such a dumb ass.
Speaker 1 (48:55):
Anyway, Well, I'm happy layers are going to get cheaper
because cars are dom expensive right now.
Speaker 2 (49:03):
No crap ola, Thank you so much for.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
Listening to bananas. Everybody.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
We love you, bananamals. Thanks for building a supportive community
where you're allowed to be silly and weird and just
a little dumb. Uh, where the Banana Boys weren't exactly
right They're the best in the biz, and so are you.
Bananas that sounded like a left handed snail. Bananas is
(49:30):
an exactly right media production.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
Our producer and engineer is Katie Levine.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
The catchy Bananas theme song was composed and performed by Kahon.
Speaker 1 (49:37):
Artwork for Bananas was designed by Travis Millard.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
And our benevolent overlords are the great Karen Kilgareff and
Georgia Hardstart.
Speaker 1 (49:44):
And Lisa Maggott is our full human, not a robot,
part time employee.
Speaker 2 (49:48):
You can listen to Bananas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
or wherever you get your podcasts, and please feel free
to rate and review as many times as you can.
We love those five stars.
Speaker 1 (50:00):
My never no
Host
Scotty Landes
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