September 2, 2021 • 21 mins
Kurt and Scotty tell listener stories about autocorrect and a car accident and a neighborhood's Christmas mannequin!
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
We would you believe.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
It's not tell you my sillion pieces?
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Would you Bana Bana banana bananas by banana? Well well, well, well, well, well,
well we are back bananimals. This is a Bananas minniesode.
I am Scotti Landis, I.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Am Kurt Brown.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Oller.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
This is where we take your bananas stories, tell our
own bananas stories, and everybody has a good time. How
are you doing, Scottie?
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Oh, I'm so good. I'm going to go get on
a plane to see you in Denver in like two
and a half hours. So I'm pumped. I'm getting a
little weekend vaca with my friend.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
I'm excited. Fine, feeling good. Yeah, feeling very good. And
it again last night and uh I'm ready. I'm ready
to tape it and send it to bed.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Yeah, I know, I think a lot of people. There
are a lot of comedians that use the same material
for a decade. You know. There are a lot of
club comics that don't burn material. But it's yeah, all
my friends, including you, love to record specials so they
can get rid of that material and move on to
new stuff.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
It just gets depressing after a while, you know.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Like it's like because I think like the oldest joke
that's in here.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
I was thinking about it.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
There's two The oldest jokes that are in here are
five years old. Wow, which is like when I recorded
my last special. It's like the first jokes I wrote
after I recorded a special. So I've been doing them
for five years and it just gets like depressing. And
then there's a whole bunch of other stuff that's only
like it's like new, more new or very new. But yeah,
(01:53):
so this is like an accumulation of five years of stuff.
I just want to say good night.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
To heck Yeah. And Denver is such a good comedy town. Denver.
We love you. We love your green chili that you
put in your burritos, a lot of coffee. There a
lot of beer in Denver, big craft brew town.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
It's just it's a very cool city. I love that.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
I'm looking forward to having a night, well, having a night.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
You call it. You want to go first or second?
How you feel?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I want to go second power, but knock it out.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
I'm going to go for the you know. I kind
of compile the lists of these things and sometimes some
slip between the cracks. Sometimes I switched depending on what
yours is so I'm going These are a couple older
stories that I still love. This one was sent in
by Julia underscore bov b o v ee. Thank you Julia,
(02:42):
uh text texts gone wrong story for you listening to
you guys right now, and reminded me of a time
my sister got hit by a car. My sister, Meredith,
was walking across the parking lot of her high school,
careful not to mess up the anatomy diorama. She pulled
an all nighter to finish. Yeah, we already liked Meredith.
Meredith was carefully carrying a bone diorama for her anatomy
(03:07):
class across the high school parking lot at Auburn High
in Alabama. She legitimately pulled an all nighter to finish
this Crayola foam masterpiece with little toothpick label flags. I
mean Meredith's going full full diorama. She was so focused
on carefully crossing the parking lot that she didn't hear
(03:27):
too of her friends screaming to get out of the
way as an SUV slammed into her at full speed.
Oh no, oh no, My sister rolled up onto the
hood of the car, her diorama flying through the air.
Her friends rushed over to see if she was okay,
and she was coming to All she could ask is
was her diorama? Okay, it was not. Here's when it
(03:53):
goes just full movie. Two identical twins hop out and
stand up.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Oh man, circus is intent?
Speaker 1 (04:02):
There we go. Two identical twins hop out and just
stand over staring at her while her friends starts screaming
and calling nine to one one. The guy who hit
her was this douchey football player. I guess the twin
who wasn't driving was a super nice guy. So there's
one good twin, there's one evil twin. That's probably always
so ask yeah, that's probably always how it goes down.
(04:25):
So the guy that was not driving super nice just whispered, I'm.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Sorry, Oh what is this the weirdest story? It's such
a good Detta story. So she goes to the hospital
as high schoolers are wont to do, which makes me
think that Julia is a murderino because Karen will sometimes
say want to do students spread rumors over text all day.
As my sister recovers in the er, these texts turn
(04:52):
into her minor bruises and fractures into a much more
severe injury.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
So word of map basically we're playing telephone. One student
texted her to ask if Meredith had broken her leg.
Her friend went to reply that her leg was fine,
but autocorrect changed it from fine to gone. Her leg
is gone. Her leg is gone.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Oh wow, this is really escalated.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Yes, it's going crazy. So the rest of the day,
the entire high school was mourning Meredith, whose leg was
now gone. Not only did people think her leg was gone,
half the school just thought she was death. One of
her friends burst into tears in the first period and
could barely get through the day. And in case you
(05:41):
need an ending, Julia, thank you so much for this.
One year after, on her birthday, Meredith went to tweet
quote shout out to everyone who hit up the Birthday Girl,
which got autocorrected before she sent it to syphilis to
everyone who hit up the Birthday Girl. I couldn't have
gotten through the year without God by my side, and
(06:03):
that made me so happy. That's so good that everyone
the Birthday Girl and a bit of gonorrhea.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Yes, oh, I love that so much.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Good. Good details, well told, Julia.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Have you ever heard there's this American life that's so
amazing about a comedian who got sick. I think he
had doubt and didn't take care of it or something
and went into the hospital.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
And I won't and.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
You kind of know from the beginning, but he on
his Facebook page for some reason, like there was just
like an update about like how he was doing, and
then underneath that someone was just like rip, like they
thought he had died. And then the entire like Chicago
comedy community started eulogizing him on this Facebook. Oh no,
(06:58):
And then his parents kept coming going, He's not dead,
stop doing this. This is sick, you know, But no
one was reading the comments before. They were just seeing
the first one rip and would like write their whole
long eulogy.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
It is an amazing episode.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
And then they interview the guy about essentially having seen
his funeral, yeah, without having died, because he wasn't a cooma.
So we came out of the coma and he's like,
everyone thought I was dead, and look at all these
nice things everybody said about me. Yeah, it was pretty cool.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
This is probably more of like a dollopy type of
story or whatever, But I know that wasn't that the
case with the guy Nobel that the Nobel Peace Prize
is named after Oh really, Yeah, he created nitroglycerin I think,
and then it turned into dynamite and then the Nazis
used it, and so there was a false report. And
this is this is me thinking back fifteen years. So
I might be getting this totally wrong, but honestly, who
(07:47):
gives a shit. Ye maybe we are.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Not fact checkers. If you're coming here for your history lesson,
you're in the wrong place.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Oh that is right, but I'm pretty sure they there
was a misprint obituary for Nobel that said, like merchant
of Death dies at seventy six, and he read it.
He was still alive, and he realized that his legacy
was a legacy of death and destruction. So he gave
a ton of his money towards the Peace Prize and
to like innovations and science and peace. I'm pretty sure
(08:18):
that is true. And oh yeah, it's a great explanation.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Okay, great, Yeah, I mean I do know that he
was like it was driven by guilt because he had
created this nitroglycerin.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
And then yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Crazy, right I have Yeah, so I have two stories. Okay,
would you rather hear I'm gonna give you a dealer's choice.
Would you rather hear an autocorrect story or a hitting
somewhere with a car story.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Autograph?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Okay, good, so, because I was going to do this
so with other guests that ended up having to cancel.
But so about four years ago. You and I live
on the East side of Los Angeles. For those who
have never been to Los Angeles, it's extremely wide. So
if you're having to go to an audition like Kurt Wood,
or having to go to a pitch like he and
I sometimes have to do. A lot of times they're
(09:05):
across the city right A lot of times they're in
Santa Monica, and there's specifically there's this place called the
Water Gardens that sucks. Amazon's there, Hulu's right next to it.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
So one day, it's always at four point thirty on
a Friday afternoon, so it'll.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Take a full hour and fifteen minutes to get there,
and so I always leave two hours earlier, so I
leave early. One morning, it's like a nine am pitch
to Hulu, and I'm going over there and I get
a call from a friend and she's crying and her
husband told her that morning that he wanted a divorce, wow.
And so I'm driving to a pitch and so you know,
(09:41):
you try to stay focus. Plus i'm driving, but I'm
also there for my friends. So I'm going, it's fine,
You're gonna be okay, and she's she's just really really upset.
She didn't see it coming at all. And I was
like just trying to be a supportive as I can,
and I also wasn't trying to rush her off the call.
So I can get outside of Hulu and I'm parking
on a meter before going into the parking garage because
I didn't want to lose reception, and I'm like, I'm like,
(10:03):
oh god, I have like five minutes, and then I
have two minutes, and then I'm like I really have
to walk in the door now, and so I lose
reception going I'm like, hey, I got to go in
this pitch. So I'm texting with her on the elevator, going,
I'll call you back after. I'll call you back after,
and she writes to me she goes, does did everybody
see this coming? Am I crazy? And I go no, no, no,
(10:26):
and she goes, I mean, am I crazy? Like have
you guys like known this for a long time? And
I was felt so bad. And then I see my
producing partners and as I'm walking up, I text at
the end of the day, You're unstoppable. And I walk
in and I pitch, and my phone is blowing up
in my pocket as I'm pitching, so just buzzing, not ringing,
(10:47):
sot when you I've a.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Got I have a guess yeah, yes, I'm not gonna
say okay.
Speaker 4 (10:54):
Yes, so I'll let your guests before I drop it.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
And so I've always said to people, you know, you're
really good at pitching in Los Angeles when your phone
is buzzing and you don't stop talking and you don't
get distracted. So I'm just hammering through the pitches, going, well,
we get out, shake hands, go get the valet, do
the whole dance. I pulled my car out, open my phone.
It's all from her miscalls and everything. And I had
texted to her at the end of the day, what's
(11:21):
your guests at the.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
End of the day, You're unlovable.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
So close, so close at the end. So she thought
everybody thought she was crazy for not seeing this divorce coming,
and wondered if all our friends did. So my last
message to her was at the end of the day,
you're unstable. She was like, what does that mean? Why
was no response for a forty five minute, just like
(11:49):
like dunked on her and then was like peace out.
I called her back after and she actually was like
mad for a second, but then laughter really hard. But yeah,
it was such I'm I mean, I was trying to
be like, you're you're unbeatable.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Such a nice thing to say.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
You're unstoppable. At the end of the day, you're unstable.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
So did everybody see this coming? Well, at the end
of the day, you're just unstable.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Whoopsie, Daisy. Years have passed. They're much happier now.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
All right, I got one. You're ready, hit me up, buddy.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
This was sent in by Sustainable sind Sydney. Okay, I
was about to say Cindy, but it's Sydney.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Like the place in Australia. Sustainable Sydney.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
I have a Banana's hometown story for you, involving pranks
and a mannequin. Okay, it's Friday and I'm tired, so
here we go. I grew up in suburban New Jersey.
Shout out, Kurt, thank you very much. There you go,
and my neighborhood always had fun traditions around the holidays.
A lot of neighborhoods around me would do one around
Halloween where you would pass a candy dish from home
(12:56):
to home filled with wrapped candy. The house that got booed,
that's what they called it would take some candy out
and put some of their own candy in the dish
and leave it on the next neighbor step in the
middle of the night when they couldn't get caught.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
So here's the best one.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
A similar tradition started about fifteen years ago when one
of my neighbors got their hands on a department store mannequin. Okay,
they named her Holly, and every year around Christmas time
she would start naked on someone's front lawn and you
had to add a piece of Christmas theme clothing or
Christmas decorations on her and pass her off to the
next house without getting caught.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Fantastic.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Let me tell you, it's a lot harder to be
sneaky with a mannequin that never wanted to keep all
her limbs on it than it was to be sneaking
around with the dish of Halloween candy. My family has
since moved out of the neighborhood, but I hope somewhere
around Christmas time there are hollies being passed around from
home to home.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
She sent a picture of the mannequin.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Is a mannequin leading up against the front door leg
It's dead, just with like a Santa's hat on.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Oh I like it. I love that.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Oh man, I want to start I want to start
something like that in my neighborhood cause I have like
a kind of a tight knit little kids kids neighborhood here.
Now there's like four families all with kids under four. Yes,
it'd be cool to like start something like that here.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
I think it's a great idea. I think you could
do it there. And I think the only thing that
will blow it is you'll have to make rules around
Ring cameras and all those sort of everybody's got surveillance now,
so it'll have to be something.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Everyone has surveillance.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
I heard this crazy thing, boy, that Ring Ring is
owned by Amazon, and then Amazon also has cameras on
their delivery trucks as well. So now Amazon has like
a complete surveillance state combined with the Ring and with
their trucks, and so it's like they are essentially like
(14:52):
they have all the all the information is like just
constantly recorded. It's so it's so crazy. Anyway, that's not
what bananas is about.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Not about worry about the world. Yeah, we're not about
the Ring State. No we're not.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
But I will tell you this, This will make you
feel better. Scotti knows this, of course, but my uh so,
my mom was given a concrete goose when I left
for college. Her friend Tammy gave it to her. And
the concrete goose is like a Southern and a Midwest thing, yes,
(15:24):
but no one in New Jersey did it for sure.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
It was very strange. And if you've never seen it,
it's like some people say, it's a duck. I have
always called it.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Again then when, but I don't know, because then when
we when I saw those that duck fashion show in
Australia that we posted about, I was like, oh, that
duck looks a lot like my goose.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
So maybe it's one of those tall necked DUTs.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
All birds.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
They're all birds to make.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
So so she had this and they there was a
cottage industry of people who make clothing for this fifty
pound concrete goose, and my mom just she loved it,
Like she loved to go to craft fairs and stuff
like that. So she would buy I like maybe I
think like sixty to one hundred outfits for the goose,
(16:10):
and she would change them every single day. It was
like the stand in for me when I left, you know.
So she has had this goose and would change the
outfit every morning before she went to work, which is intense.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
That's cool.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
Yeah, And then she got a letter dropped off Eva
and so she did it for years. She did it
for years and years and years, and she was just
like the crazy goose lady. And then she got this
like beautiful letter dropped off saying I drive this way
once a week with my mom taking her to chemotherapy,
(16:45):
and the only bright spot on the entire trip is
to see what the goose is.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Wearing that day.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Oh, thank you for the past two years. You've given
us a bright spot.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Nice.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
And I was like, this is it's the best. And
so my mom died also of cancer. I inherited the
goose this you did, and a little tiny one that
we call Ryan Gosling. And so then I shipped I
like drove across country with the goose.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
And now it sits on my front porch, and I've
been changing it's out.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
I haven't all summer.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
It's been one outfit, but I should change it right
after this.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
But if anybody's got a concrete goose out there, shout
out to me on the banana DMS.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
I would love to see your your goose cut.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Let's see how you dress it up. I love that. Yeah.
I remember when you did that, like you were taking
photos when you were driving across the country with the
goose places. And then when I talked to you when
you moved here and got here, you were like this
thing weighs like forty pounds and it was like way
harder to do than you weren't. Just like grabbing a
plastic figurine and being like, we're at.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
The Saint Louis arch No, and we stopped at this
place in Kansas. It was like middle of the country, Kansas,
and it was a rock formation in the middle of
a corn field that was just like a natural rock formation,
and one just happened to be like a very specific
oval shape that was very reminiscent of a of a
(18:11):
body part. And uh, and I was like, oh, this
will be funny. It's like the goose is being berthed here.
And so I placed the goose in this like slit, okay,
and then took and I literally and the wind was
whipping because it's Kansas, there's no trees or anything like that,
and it's coming through this little slit like pretty intensely.
And uh, and so I just go to take the
(18:32):
photo and as I touch the button, the goose gets
knocked over and it's neck snaps.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Whoopsie.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
I will post the photo when this comes out on
the main feed because I got it.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
I got the photo before it went it tipped over.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
So now the goose has like a what looks like
a crazy tattoo where I like gluted.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
He that's cool. I'll make it a little neck brace.
That's what I'll give you that for Chris neck brace.
Oh remember when Heather Lawless used to sometimes wear a
neck brace to do stand up at the Earth. This
was a really great comedian, old friend of ours, old
alt comic, and she would come onto these variety shows
often when she was the only female comic on the lineup.
(19:14):
Yeah there was during that shit era, and she would
just wear a neck brace and just talk about that.
She wore to keep her head up and like like, hey,
I'm just trying to keep my chin up and get
back out. God. It was the stupidest, funniest thing.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
And she has such a Southern accent and it's so
fun I remember she used to have a bit too
where she was like brushing her teeth but like raccoons
were trying to attack, yes, from below, so she's talking
but like fighting off imaginary raccoons behind her.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
It's so funny.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
She's so funny that story. We'll get into it on
another episode. But my buddy Brendan is from Germany and
he told me about a local tradition not unlike Holly
the Mannequin, only it involves wearing a shot glass around
your neck on a necklace and going to your neighbor's houses.
And I'll save it for the next minisode where we
have a big drinking thing or a German thing, because
(20:05):
it is a very good story and I had forgot
it completely until this moment. We get that.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
Well, we did it again. That's been our minisode.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Folks.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
Please send your your personal banana stories DM them to
us on The Bananas Podcast on Instagram, where you can
email the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Thank you Scotti, Thank you Curty B. I'll see in
Denver this weekend break both legs. It's going to be amazing. Hey, Bananas,
this has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Produced and engineered by Katie Levine.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
Theme music by Kahan.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
And all of our artwork is done by Travis Millard.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
You can follow us on Instagram at the Bananas Podcast,
where we post stories every day and things that we
don't cover on the podcast.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Listen, subscribe, and please leave us a review on Apple podcast,
Stitcher or wherever you get your podcast.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
And if you're interested in advertising on Bananas, please email
us at the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com. That's
the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com.
We would you believe.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
It's not tell you my sillion pieces?
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Would you Bana Bana banana bananas by banana? Well well, well, well, well, well,
well we are back bananimals. This is a Bananas minniesode.
I am Scotti Landis, I.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Am Kurt Brown.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Oller.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
This is where we take your bananas stories, tell our
own bananas stories, and everybody has a good time. How
are you doing, Scottie?
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Oh, I'm so good. I'm going to go get on
a plane to see you in Denver in like two
and a half hours. So I'm pumped. I'm getting a
little weekend vaca with my friend.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
I'm excited. Fine, feeling good. Yeah, feeling very good. And
it again last night and uh I'm ready. I'm ready
to tape it and send it to bed.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Yeah, I know, I think a lot of people. There
are a lot of comedians that use the same material
for a decade. You know. There are a lot of
club comics that don't burn material. But it's yeah, all
my friends, including you, love to record specials so they
can get rid of that material and move on to
new stuff.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
It just gets depressing after a while, you know.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Like it's like because I think like the oldest joke
that's in here.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
I was thinking about it.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
There's two The oldest jokes that are in here are
five years old. Wow, which is like when I recorded
my last special. It's like the first jokes I wrote
after I recorded a special. So I've been doing them
for five years and it just gets like depressing. And
then there's a whole bunch of other stuff that's only
like it's like new, more new or very new. But yeah,
(01:53):
so this is like an accumulation of five years of stuff.
I just want to say good night.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
To heck Yeah. And Denver is such a good comedy town. Denver.
We love you. We love your green chili that you
put in your burritos, a lot of coffee. There a
lot of beer in Denver, big craft brew town.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
It's just it's a very cool city. I love that.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
I'm looking forward to having a night, well, having a night.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
You call it. You want to go first or second?
How you feel?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I want to go second power, but knock it out.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
I'm going to go for the you know. I kind
of compile the lists of these things and sometimes some
slip between the cracks. Sometimes I switched depending on what
yours is so I'm going These are a couple older
stories that I still love. This one was sent in
by Julia underscore bov b o v ee. Thank you Julia,
(02:42):
uh text texts gone wrong story for you listening to
you guys right now, and reminded me of a time
my sister got hit by a car. My sister, Meredith,
was walking across the parking lot of her high school,
careful not to mess up the anatomy diorama. She pulled
an all nighter to finish. Yeah, we already liked Meredith.
Meredith was carefully carrying a bone diorama for her anatomy
(03:07):
class across the high school parking lot at Auburn High
in Alabama. She legitimately pulled an all nighter to finish
this Crayola foam masterpiece with little toothpick label flags. I
mean Meredith's going full full diorama. She was so focused
on carefully crossing the parking lot that she didn't hear
(03:27):
too of her friends screaming to get out of the
way as an SUV slammed into her at full speed.
Oh no, oh no, My sister rolled up onto the
hood of the car, her diorama flying through the air.
Her friends rushed over to see if she was okay,
and she was coming to All she could ask is
was her diorama? Okay, it was not. Here's when it
(03:53):
goes just full movie. Two identical twins hop out and
stand up.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Oh man, circus is intent?
Speaker 1 (04:02):
There we go. Two identical twins hop out and just
stand over staring at her while her friends starts screaming
and calling nine to one one. The guy who hit
her was this douchey football player. I guess the twin
who wasn't driving was a super nice guy. So there's
one good twin, there's one evil twin. That's probably always
so ask yeah, that's probably always how it goes down.
(04:25):
So the guy that was not driving super nice just whispered, I'm.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Sorry, Oh what is this the weirdest story? It's such
a good Detta story. So she goes to the hospital
as high schoolers are wont to do, which makes me
think that Julia is a murderino because Karen will sometimes
say want to do students spread rumors over text all day.
As my sister recovers in the er, these texts turn
(04:52):
into her minor bruises and fractures into a much more
severe injury.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
So word of map basically we're playing telephone. One student
texted her to ask if Meredith had broken her leg.
Her friend went to reply that her leg was fine,
but autocorrect changed it from fine to gone. Her leg
is gone. Her leg is gone.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Oh wow, this is really escalated.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Yes, it's going crazy. So the rest of the day,
the entire high school was mourning Meredith, whose leg was
now gone. Not only did people think her leg was gone,
half the school just thought she was death. One of
her friends burst into tears in the first period and
could barely get through the day. And in case you
(05:41):
need an ending, Julia, thank you so much for this.
One year after, on her birthday, Meredith went to tweet
quote shout out to everyone who hit up the Birthday Girl,
which got autocorrected before she sent it to syphilis to
everyone who hit up the Birthday Girl. I couldn't have
gotten through the year without God by my side, and
(06:03):
that made me so happy. That's so good that everyone
the Birthday Girl and a bit of gonorrhea.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Yes, oh, I love that so much.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Good. Good details, well told, Julia.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Have you ever heard there's this American life that's so
amazing about a comedian who got sick. I think he
had doubt and didn't take care of it or something
and went into the hospital.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
And I won't and.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
You kind of know from the beginning, but he on
his Facebook page for some reason, like there was just
like an update about like how he was doing, and
then underneath that someone was just like rip, like they
thought he had died. And then the entire like Chicago
comedy community started eulogizing him on this Facebook. Oh no,
(06:58):
And then his parents kept coming going, He's not dead,
stop doing this. This is sick, you know, But no
one was reading the comments before. They were just seeing
the first one rip and would like write their whole
long eulogy.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
It is an amazing episode.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
And then they interview the guy about essentially having seen
his funeral, yeah, without having died, because he wasn't a cooma.
So we came out of the coma and he's like,
everyone thought I was dead, and look at all these
nice things everybody said about me. Yeah, it was pretty cool.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
This is probably more of like a dollopy type of
story or whatever, But I know that wasn't that the
case with the guy Nobel that the Nobel Peace Prize
is named after Oh really, Yeah, he created nitroglycerin I think,
and then it turned into dynamite and then the Nazis
used it, and so there was a false report. And
this is this is me thinking back fifteen years. So
I might be getting this totally wrong, but honestly, who
(07:47):
gives a shit. Ye maybe we are.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Not fact checkers. If you're coming here for your history lesson,
you're in the wrong place.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Oh that is right, but I'm pretty sure they there
was a misprint obituary for Nobel that said, like merchant
of Death dies at seventy six, and he read it.
He was still alive, and he realized that his legacy
was a legacy of death and destruction. So he gave
a ton of his money towards the Peace Prize and
to like innovations and science and peace. I'm pretty sure
(08:18):
that is true. And oh yeah, it's a great explanation.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Okay, great, Yeah, I mean I do know that he
was like it was driven by guilt because he had
created this nitroglycerin.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
And then yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Crazy, right I have Yeah, so I have two stories. Okay,
would you rather hear I'm gonna give you a dealer's choice.
Would you rather hear an autocorrect story or a hitting
somewhere with a car story.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Autograph?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Okay, good, so, because I was going to do this
so with other guests that ended up having to cancel.
But so about four years ago. You and I live
on the East side of Los Angeles. For those who
have never been to Los Angeles, it's extremely wide. So
if you're having to go to an audition like Kurt Wood,
or having to go to a pitch like he and
I sometimes have to do. A lot of times they're
(09:05):
across the city right A lot of times they're in
Santa Monica, and there's specifically there's this place called the
Water Gardens that sucks. Amazon's there, Hulu's right next to it.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
So one day, it's always at four point thirty on
a Friday afternoon, so it'll.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Take a full hour and fifteen minutes to get there,
and so I always leave two hours earlier, so I
leave early. One morning, it's like a nine am pitch
to Hulu, and I'm going over there and I get
a call from a friend and she's crying and her
husband told her that morning that he wanted a divorce, wow.
And so I'm driving to a pitch and so you know,
(09:41):
you try to stay focus. Plus i'm driving, but I'm
also there for my friends. So I'm going, it's fine,
You're gonna be okay, and she's she's just really really upset.
She didn't see it coming at all. And I was
like just trying to be a supportive as I can,
and I also wasn't trying to rush her off the call.
So I can get outside of Hulu and I'm parking
on a meter before going into the parking garage because
I didn't want to lose reception, and I'm like, I'm like,
(10:03):
oh god, I have like five minutes, and then I
have two minutes, and then I'm like I really have
to walk in the door now, and so I lose
reception going I'm like, hey, I got to go in
this pitch. So I'm texting with her on the elevator, going,
I'll call you back after. I'll call you back after,
and she writes to me she goes, does did everybody
see this coming? Am I crazy? And I go no, no, no,
(10:26):
and she goes, I mean, am I crazy? Like have
you guys like known this for a long time? And
I was felt so bad. And then I see my
producing partners and as I'm walking up, I text at
the end of the day, You're unstoppable. And I walk
in and I pitch, and my phone is blowing up
in my pocket as I'm pitching, so just buzzing, not ringing,
(10:47):
sot when you I've a.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Got I have a guess yeah, yes, I'm not gonna
say okay.
Speaker 4 (10:54):
Yes, so I'll let your guests before I drop it.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
And so I've always said to people, you know, you're
really good at pitching in Los Angeles when your phone
is buzzing and you don't stop talking and you don't
get distracted. So I'm just hammering through the pitches, going, well,
we get out, shake hands, go get the valet, do
the whole dance. I pulled my car out, open my phone.
It's all from her miscalls and everything. And I had
texted to her at the end of the day, what's
(11:21):
your guests at the.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
End of the day, You're unlovable.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
So close, so close at the end. So she thought
everybody thought she was crazy for not seeing this divorce coming,
and wondered if all our friends did. So my last
message to her was at the end of the day,
you're unstable. She was like, what does that mean? Why
was no response for a forty five minute, just like
(11:49):
like dunked on her and then was like peace out.
I called her back after and she actually was like
mad for a second, but then laughter really hard. But yeah,
it was such I'm I mean, I was trying to
be like, you're you're unbeatable.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Such a nice thing to say.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
You're unstoppable. At the end of the day, you're unstable.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
So did everybody see this coming? Well, at the end
of the day, you're just unstable.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Whoopsie, Daisy. Years have passed. They're much happier now.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
All right, I got one. You're ready, hit me up, buddy.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
This was sent in by Sustainable sind Sydney. Okay, I
was about to say Cindy, but it's Sydney.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Like the place in Australia. Sustainable Sydney.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
I have a Banana's hometown story for you, involving pranks
and a mannequin. Okay, it's Friday and I'm tired, so
here we go. I grew up in suburban New Jersey.
Shout out, Kurt, thank you very much. There you go,
and my neighborhood always had fun traditions around the holidays.
A lot of neighborhoods around me would do one around
Halloween where you would pass a candy dish from home
(12:56):
to home filled with wrapped candy. The house that got booed,
that's what they called it would take some candy out
and put some of their own candy in the dish
and leave it on the next neighbor step in the
middle of the night when they couldn't get caught.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
So here's the best one.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
A similar tradition started about fifteen years ago when one
of my neighbors got their hands on a department store mannequin. Okay,
they named her Holly, and every year around Christmas time
she would start naked on someone's front lawn and you
had to add a piece of Christmas theme clothing or
Christmas decorations on her and pass her off to the
next house without getting caught.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Fantastic.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Let me tell you, it's a lot harder to be
sneaky with a mannequin that never wanted to keep all
her limbs on it than it was to be sneaking
around with the dish of Halloween candy. My family has
since moved out of the neighborhood, but I hope somewhere
around Christmas time there are hollies being passed around from
home to home.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
She sent a picture of the mannequin.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Is a mannequin leading up against the front door leg
It's dead, just with like a Santa's hat on.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Oh I like it. I love that.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Oh man, I want to start I want to start
something like that in my neighborhood cause I have like
a kind of a tight knit little kids kids neighborhood here.
Now there's like four families all with kids under four. Yes,
it'd be cool to like start something like that here.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
I think it's a great idea. I think you could
do it there. And I think the only thing that
will blow it is you'll have to make rules around
Ring cameras and all those sort of everybody's got surveillance now,
so it'll have to be something.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Everyone has surveillance.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
I heard this crazy thing, boy, that Ring Ring is
owned by Amazon, and then Amazon also has cameras on
their delivery trucks as well. So now Amazon has like
a complete surveillance state combined with the Ring and with
their trucks, and so it's like they are essentially like
(14:52):
they have all the all the information is like just
constantly recorded. It's so it's so crazy. Anyway, that's not
what bananas is about.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Not about worry about the world. Yeah, we're not about
the Ring State. No we're not.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
But I will tell you this, This will make you
feel better. Scotti knows this, of course, but my uh so,
my mom was given a concrete goose when I left
for college. Her friend Tammy gave it to her. And
the concrete goose is like a Southern and a Midwest thing, yes,
(15:24):
but no one in New Jersey did it for sure.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
It was very strange. And if you've never seen it,
it's like some people say, it's a duck. I have
always called it.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Again then when, but I don't know, because then when
we when I saw those that duck fashion show in
Australia that we posted about, I was like, oh, that
duck looks a lot like my goose.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
So maybe it's one of those tall necked DUTs.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
All birds.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
They're all birds to make.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
So so she had this and they there was a
cottage industry of people who make clothing for this fifty
pound concrete goose, and my mom just she loved it,
Like she loved to go to craft fairs and stuff
like that. So she would buy I like maybe I
think like sixty to one hundred outfits for the goose,
(16:10):
and she would change them every single day. It was
like the stand in for me when I left, you know.
So she has had this goose and would change the
outfit every morning before she went to work, which is intense.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
That's cool.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
Yeah, And then she got a letter dropped off Eva
and so she did it for years. She did it
for years and years and years, and she was just
like the crazy goose lady. And then she got this
like beautiful letter dropped off saying I drive this way
once a week with my mom taking her to chemotherapy,
(16:45):
and the only bright spot on the entire trip is
to see what the goose is.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Wearing that day.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Oh, thank you for the past two years. You've given
us a bright spot.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Nice.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
And I was like, this is it's the best. And
so my mom died also of cancer. I inherited the
goose this you did, and a little tiny one that
we call Ryan Gosling. And so then I shipped I
like drove across country with the goose.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
And now it sits on my front porch, and I've
been changing it's out.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
I haven't all summer.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
It's been one outfit, but I should change it right
after this.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
But if anybody's got a concrete goose out there, shout
out to me on the banana DMS.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
I would love to see your your goose cut.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Let's see how you dress it up. I love that. Yeah.
I remember when you did that, like you were taking
photos when you were driving across the country with the
goose places. And then when I talked to you when
you moved here and got here, you were like this
thing weighs like forty pounds and it was like way
harder to do than you weren't. Just like grabbing a
plastic figurine and being like, we're at.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
The Saint Louis arch No, and we stopped at this
place in Kansas. It was like middle of the country, Kansas,
and it was a rock formation in the middle of
a corn field that was just like a natural rock formation,
and one just happened to be like a very specific
oval shape that was very reminiscent of a of a
(18:11):
body part. And uh, and I was like, oh, this
will be funny. It's like the goose is being berthed here.
And so I placed the goose in this like slit, okay,
and then took and I literally and the wind was
whipping because it's Kansas, there's no trees or anything like that,
and it's coming through this little slit like pretty intensely.
And uh, and so I just go to take the
(18:32):
photo and as I touch the button, the goose gets
knocked over and it's neck snaps.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Whoopsie.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
I will post the photo when this comes out on
the main feed because I got it.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
I got the photo before it went it tipped over.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
So now the goose has like a what looks like
a crazy tattoo where I like gluted.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
He that's cool. I'll make it a little neck brace.
That's what I'll give you that for Chris neck brace.
Oh remember when Heather Lawless used to sometimes wear a
neck brace to do stand up at the Earth. This
was a really great comedian, old friend of ours, old
alt comic, and she would come onto these variety shows
often when she was the only female comic on the lineup.
(19:14):
Yeah there was during that shit era, and she would
just wear a neck brace and just talk about that.
She wore to keep her head up and like like, hey,
I'm just trying to keep my chin up and get
back out. God. It was the stupidest, funniest thing.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
And she has such a Southern accent and it's so
fun I remember she used to have a bit too
where she was like brushing her teeth but like raccoons
were trying to attack, yes, from below, so she's talking
but like fighting off imaginary raccoons behind her.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
It's so funny.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
She's so funny that story. We'll get into it on
another episode. But my buddy Brendan is from Germany and
he told me about a local tradition not unlike Holly
the Mannequin, only it involves wearing a shot glass around
your neck on a necklace and going to your neighbor's houses.
And I'll save it for the next minisode where we
have a big drinking thing or a German thing, because
(20:05):
it is a very good story and I had forgot
it completely until this moment. We get that.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
Well, we did it again. That's been our minisode.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Folks.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
Please send your your personal banana stories DM them to
us on The Bananas Podcast on Instagram, where you can
email the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Thank you Scotti, Thank you Curty B. I'll see in
Denver this weekend break both legs. It's going to be amazing. Hey, Bananas,
this has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Produced and engineered by Katie Levine.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
Theme music by Kahan.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
And all of our artwork is done by Travis Millard.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
You can follow us on Instagram at the Bananas Podcast,
where we post stories every day and things that we
don't cover on the podcast.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Listen, subscribe, and please leave us a review on Apple podcast,
Stitcher or wherever you get your podcast.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
And if you're interested in advertising on Bananas, please email
us at the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com. That's
the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com.
Host
Scotty Landes
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