December 31, 2024 • 28 mins
Instead of feeling happy when she learns that her cancer therapy is working, Jasmin is confronted with grief. In an effort to understand her own situation, she tries to find people who can relate. And in a collaborative art piece, Jazmine (JT) Green gives us a snapshot of what it feels like to finally learn to inhabit a body that could feel like home.
“Embodied” is episode three of Little Devils – a show about the flaws that shape us. Little Devils is a TRZ Media Original and an independent production hosted by Jasmin Bauomy.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey, it's okay. We're taking a little end of your
time off, but in the meantime, we have a gift
for you, an episode from our friends at Little Devils.
Little Devil's is a brand new show hosted by Jasmine Bayomi.
It's a narrative series about the small flaws and hidden
stories that shape us. I know you're gonna love it,
and we'll be back with new episodes in just a
few weeks.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
What person's gonna want me when I have depression and anxiety?
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Hey, Jasmine, here real quick before we get started Little Devils.
This show feels so adventurous in many ways, and I
think that's because we're making it as an independent show.
It's made by just a small crew of very very
crafty story lovers, and these story lovers would like to
make more episodes. So if you want to join us
(00:54):
on this somewhat unpredictable podcast adventure, you can check out
our patreon to see how we can keep this going.
Just go to patreon dot com slash Little Devils. All right,
let's get into this episode. Sensitive listeners please be advised.
(01:18):
The story deals with heavy topics such as cancer, but
it's not a sad story. Let me preface this story
real quick. I'm fine now, but last year I went
through breast cancer treatment. When they did the first ultrasound,
(01:42):
I saw my enemy for the first time. It was round,
the size of a cherry, and it had what looked
like these two little horns, you know, like that purple
emoji on your phone. And I know it's cheesy, but
kind of like a little The doctors gave me some
(02:03):
drugs and a date for the surgery. I had a
month one month to take the drugs, and then the
day before the surgery they'd do another ultrasound to see
if the tumor responded to the drugs. So for that month,
I started doing this thing where I was having these
internal conversations with this tumor. It was mostly during shower moments.
(02:29):
I think, you little fucker, you think you can just
take a li will destroy Look, I know it's really
cozy in there, but you gotta go fucking hate you.
You do real mind this fuck you. I would target
all my fears and anger and rage towards this little
(02:51):
devil emoji cell cluster that was threatening to kill me.
The day before the surgery rolled around and they did
the ultrasound to see if the drugs worked and the
tumor had completely changed, had half dissolved, shifted shape, No
more little two horned ball. The drugs worked. I should
(03:22):
have been happy, believed even, but I walked out of
there devastated. This was great news, So why was I sad?
I googled where do cancer cells go when treatment works?
(03:45):
There was no way that they disappeared into thin air.
I wasn't going to fall for this little charade, this
disappearing act. The day after they cut out whatever was
left of it, This enemy I could hate on and
feel beneath my skin, this thing I could target all
my fears and anger towards. It was gone, But still
(04:11):
I wasn't cancer free yet. Suddenly everything felt vague and
uncertain again. From here on out, I was fighting against
an invisible enemy. I kept asking friends if they ever
(04:37):
felt that way, cancer friends, healthy friends, random people i'd meet.
There was this sense of disconnect between what my mind
knew I should feel versus what I was truly feeling.
And then I found someone. Her name is Jad just
(05:01):
like mine, and Jasmine could relate. I am Jasmine Bayomi
and this is Little Devils a show where I look
at the things that often remain unseen, the flaws, struggles, mistakes,
(05:24):
and beliefs that haunt each one of us, or, as
I like to call them, our personalized little devils. For
this episode, we've collaborated with audio artists Jasmine T. Green
on a piece made up of four chapters in which
she tries to make sense of her own complicated feelings
(05:45):
towards her body. This is embodied by Jasmine T. Green.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
Was a pool.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
When I was a kid, I had a very detached
relationship with my body. I felt that me and my
body were two separate beings that never really interacted with
(06:36):
one another. The first time I felt joy in my
body was when we moved into a different apartment complex
and in the middle of the courtyard they had like
(06:57):
a small playground, and then they all had a pool.
I had always like dreamed of being in water, but
I remember that summer. It was one of the first
nice days of the year. It was very bright, very sunny,
(07:21):
and like they opened up the pool and I was
so excited to go there with my brother and sister.
And I go into the pool and from a pure
physical sensation floating in the water, almost being the same
(07:47):
temperature as the water. There was something about the way
that I felt this. It was a different kind of
disconnect with my body. I felt to be part of
(08:08):
the water that I was in, where I felt like
my body expanded beyond itself and became a part of
another living thing. Whatever I felt in that moment is
like I want to live.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
In this.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
I just wanted to stay in that water and smell
that quaarine and just like have it take over me.
I felt that like, Okay, this is like what I imagine
(08:53):
sort of a calm, like the calmness of like a
brain that was finally empty. It feels like the voices
in my head are becoming drowned by the water to
the point where they do disappear. And the only thing
(09:18):
that I feel in my head is hearing nothing but
the water and the surrounding noise and thinking solely about
the sensation of the water on my body. I'm not
thinking about any other things that are flittering in my mind. Well,
(09:42):
it's so beautiful about that feeling is that for so
long my body has felt like a prison I could
not escape, and my mind felt to be something that
had no bounds or limits. Or when I could imagine
(10:04):
I only want to be with you, with you, I
was a kid that got overwhelmed very easily. I cried
whenever it was time to leave a place. I cried
if there was something that changed in my normal environment.
(10:27):
I cried when like something happened in the video games
that I played. My parents knew that I was like
someone who needed stimuli in order to like calm myself
down and entertain myself. So this week and I loved
sound and music particularly, and they got me a cassette
(10:48):
of Hootie and the Blowfish their first album, I guess
you could say, and they got me a boombox. I
used to play like just one song and repeat. I
think it's called like I Only want to be with
You or something like that. The first song on that one,
(11:09):
and I remember I had like hit play and let
it go. The main refrain was like I only want
to be with you. I want to be with you.
Probably remember the rest of the album. I just like,
really like that was like the first song. I was
like I loved it, and I would hit it, hit rewind,
play it again, hit rewind, play it again. I would
(11:32):
just kind of just like put my hands on the
on the dresser and just kind of just like with
shimmy to the song. Whenever I did it, it gave
me an immense comfort, Like it just felt like I
was just like in my body, Like it just really
(11:54):
felt like a moment where I was just like, oh
my goodness, Like it's kind of impossible. It's almost impossible
to dance and be self conscious. You just have to
just like feel what it is that you're going to do.
(12:15):
And that was always something I envied people who like
had that really seamless connection between their body and mind
in a way that it didn't feel like one was
hindering the other. That symbiotic relationship that those had with
(12:40):
themselves with something that I desired. I watched a lot
of music videos growing up. Everyone seems so happy when
they're dancing, and it's like, I want to be happy,
and I love music just as much as like these
(13:01):
people love music, And up until I like began my
gender transition, I without a doubt felt that like there
was this difference between like the private performance of myself,
(13:22):
especially when dancing, and like the public version of it.
And it felt to be very much like dancing was
something that I did very much in private, Like in public,
I would never dare show any outs of like rhythmic
(13:47):
interaction because of, you know, a generalized fear of that
being read in a way that was not welcome in
a masculine body or performance or presentation. I noticed this
(14:08):
was something that had happened kind of like a couple
of years prior to me coming to terms with the
fact that I needed to make this change in my life.
But I felt this like utter need that whenever I
was alone, and usually that would only happen when I travel,
(14:32):
and I will enternto a hotel or an airbnb, and
I would just turn music up really loud, like on
like a computer or something, and then I would just
dance like for the entirety of the song and just
like let my body just do what it wanted to do,
(14:55):
and just kind of feel like what does it feel
like to embody like myself sort of like uninhibited, just
in the gaze of like myself. And I loved what
I saw, and I'm like amazed and shocked of like
(15:16):
my body doing things and moves, and I was just
like I never knew these worksiness was possible in me.
But I'm just like damn, like your girl got it,
and it very much feels like okay, like this is
what I was trying to find, and there was no
(15:38):
longer this like separate version. But I felt that like
I could not express that rounding the edges. Gentleness didn't
(16:06):
come until a complete, for lack of a better phrase,
like breaking point many years later. In those years, I
(16:29):
had a lot of things happen in my life. I
had two pulmonary embolisms.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
My body.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Was dead for a bit until my partner was able
to essentially shake me awake, with which dislodged the clot
and I had lost my grandmother and realized that, like
(17:05):
when I went home for her funeral, had this overwhelming
feeling I'm like, I am living a double life. I
had a panic attack in the middle of the night
and I like removed all of my clothes and I
like stood in the mirror and I like looked in
the mirror and I said, I'm trans and I was like, okay.
(17:33):
And from that moment is when I started the process.
I'm just going to start saying yes to what it
is to like what I feel, and just see where
that takes me. I mean, transitioning is a whole life process.
(17:57):
There's a common misconception that happens it is it's like, oh, yeah, so, like,
when are you done transitioning. It's like, no, it is
a lifelong process, and it's not necessarily that I'm chasing perfection,
but I'm chasing harmony. Before I felt very much like
a pentagon with like very sharp edges that like wishes
(18:24):
it was a wheel, And it's like, imagine like a
car with like pentagon shaped tires, and how difficult and
impractical it would be for this car to accelerate, but
it continually tries and attempts to accelerate. I still very
much am a pentagon, but the edges are slowly becoming
(18:53):
rounder and still impractical to some degree, but are smoothing
every day. No more status. I still have many of
(19:14):
the same issues I have in my life prior to transitioning.
I still deal with a lot of anxious thoughts, and
I still am processing a lot of trauma from my childhood,
(19:38):
and I still have a lot of work I need
to do regarding trust. However, there's no longer that hum
(19:58):
of working through a all these things while also being
in a body and doing the mental gymnastics that it
takes to hold all that. It's like when you're flipping
through on a radio and you're trying to find the station,
(20:21):
but you can't find it exactly. Before it was like
landing on like a couple tips before the station where
you can hear it there's started, and I don't say
I can know.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
You get used to the static and like you have
to join it up. But now it's like I'm locked
in directly on the station and it's crystal clear. It's
an FM. Some of the songs I still don't like,
(20:55):
but I can fully hear them, and I can fully
pay attention.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
And now like I'll just be out anywhere and if
I hear something that just moves me, I will just
like move my body, I will move my head. I'll
just like let my body just do what it has
a natural feeling to do. And like every time I
go out, I dance uncontrolled, like I love to dance,
(21:24):
I love to move like all these all these needs
of just like movement. I just so like it feels
like being a kid again. My private confidence self has
definitely integrated with my public self much more, and that
(21:47):
is taking a bit of getting used to not only
for myself, but I think for others too, where are
not used to me approaching space and taking up space
in that way. You know, I'm nearly six foot and
(22:09):
I've got long limbs, and I take up space even
when I try not to. And before I felt like
that level of discomfort. But when I went out dancing
last week, that discomfort went away. I took up space.
(22:32):
I used my full body, whether it was moving my
hands in the air and wrapping my arms around myself
and squatting and shaking my butt and bending over and
just you know, utilizing my shoulders and my hands and
(22:53):
my hair and my everything. Like every tendril of my
body was act evated in this movement versus before where
it felt to be this sort of isolated zone of
movement that I was allowed to engage in. And on
the side of like positive embodiment, there's just the nature
(23:18):
of just like knowing that my body is feeling closer
to how I've always seen it to be, so there's
a different way that it moves, Like having a booty
now having thighs now leads to this very euphoric experience
(23:41):
of like when I shake my hips, there is like
there is a momentum that is exciting, the mental embodiment
of just being like I am here as a woman
in the space. That's what freedom felt like.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Thank you, Jasmine T. Green for sharing your story and
thank you for listening. Jasmine has several other exciting projects
and podcasts. One of them is Girl Versus Horse, and
there's another one called Because the Boss Belongs to Us.
(25:00):
Jasmine also makes a podcast about mental health called basket
Case and as if that's not enough, she also makes
music under the name Command plus Jasmine. That's Cmd plus
ja Z M I N. We'll link all of them
(25:20):
in the show notes. Little Devils is a trz Media
original and you're currently listening to the pilot season, so
if you want to see what's next in our little
bag of stories, make sure to follow the show wherever
(25:42):
you listen to podcasts. There's a bunch of ways that
you can support it, and they're totally for free. For one,
you can rate and review Little Devils wherever you listen.
That would already mean so much to us. And then
you can check out our Patreon to see if you'd
like to become part of the community around Little Devils.
That's Patreon dot com slash Little Devils, and we have
(26:07):
a bunch of perks for our members, like you're going
to get something in return, for example, calls with me,
then the opportunity to read the credits for example. In
the future, you could even become part of the process
of making the show and could become a test listener
for future episodes. That's just the name a few of
the perks. They're pretty awesome. You can also email us
(26:29):
at Little Devils at t rzminusmedia dot de e and
you can find us on Instagram at Little Devil's Show.
And of course you can find me on Instagram that's
at Jasmine Bayomi. That's j as m I n b
(26:50):
a u O M Y no Z's no E's. Little
Devil is hosted, reported, and co created by Me, Jasmine
Byomi and a small but mighty team of people. This
episode was co created and co produced by Marta b
and Dweshik and edited by Tim Howard. Mix and sound
(27:13):
design is also by Marta Midweshik and in this case
Jasmine T. Green. Robin Druma is our executive producer. Our
beautiful theme music is by Phoebe mcindoo and mastering by
Yosha Khrunovit. Fanny Krabola illustrated our cover art. Thank you
(27:36):
to everyone who supported, listened, and spent time giving feedback
about the episode. We could not have made this without you.
So many thanks to Hannah Abst, Hannah Medeshik, Jan Bumahmann,
Johanna Gilia and Zara Karshai.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
A little bed baa
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Whim whi
Hey, it's okay. We're taking a little end of your
time off, but in the meantime, we have a gift
for you, an episode from our friends at Little Devils.
Little Devil's is a brand new show hosted by Jasmine Bayomi.
It's a narrative series about the small flaws and hidden
stories that shape us. I know you're gonna love it,
and we'll be back with new episodes in just a
few weeks.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
What person's gonna want me when I have depression and anxiety?
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Hey, Jasmine, here real quick before we get started Little Devils.
This show feels so adventurous in many ways, and I
think that's because we're making it as an independent show.
It's made by just a small crew of very very
crafty story lovers, and these story lovers would like to
make more episodes. So if you want to join us
(00:54):
on this somewhat unpredictable podcast adventure, you can check out
our patreon to see how we can keep this going.
Just go to patreon dot com slash Little Devils. All right,
let's get into this episode. Sensitive listeners please be advised.
(01:18):
The story deals with heavy topics such as cancer, but
it's not a sad story. Let me preface this story
real quick. I'm fine now, but last year I went
through breast cancer treatment. When they did the first ultrasound,
(01:42):
I saw my enemy for the first time. It was round,
the size of a cherry, and it had what looked
like these two little horns, you know, like that purple
emoji on your phone. And I know it's cheesy, but
kind of like a little The doctors gave me some
(02:03):
drugs and a date for the surgery. I had a
month one month to take the drugs, and then the
day before the surgery they'd do another ultrasound to see
if the tumor responded to the drugs. So for that month,
I started doing this thing where I was having these
internal conversations with this tumor. It was mostly during shower moments.
(02:29):
I think, you little fucker, you think you can just
take a li will destroy Look, I know it's really
cozy in there, but you gotta go fucking hate you.
You do real mind this fuck you. I would target
all my fears and anger and rage towards this little
(02:51):
devil emoji cell cluster that was threatening to kill me.
The day before the surgery rolled around and they did
the ultrasound to see if the drugs worked and the
tumor had completely changed, had half dissolved, shifted shape, No
more little two horned ball. The drugs worked. I should
(03:22):
have been happy, believed even, but I walked out of
there devastated. This was great news, So why was I sad?
I googled where do cancer cells go when treatment works?
(03:45):
There was no way that they disappeared into thin air.
I wasn't going to fall for this little charade, this
disappearing act. The day after they cut out whatever was
left of it, This enemy I could hate on and
feel beneath my skin, this thing I could target all
my fears and anger towards. It was gone, But still
(04:11):
I wasn't cancer free yet. Suddenly everything felt vague and
uncertain again. From here on out, I was fighting against
an invisible enemy. I kept asking friends if they ever
(04:37):
felt that way, cancer friends, healthy friends, random people i'd meet.
There was this sense of disconnect between what my mind
knew I should feel versus what I was truly feeling.
And then I found someone. Her name is Jad just
(05:01):
like mine, and Jasmine could relate. I am Jasmine Bayomi
and this is Little Devils a show where I look
at the things that often remain unseen, the flaws, struggles, mistakes,
(05:24):
and beliefs that haunt each one of us, or, as
I like to call them, our personalized little devils. For
this episode, we've collaborated with audio artists Jasmine T. Green
on a piece made up of four chapters in which
she tries to make sense of her own complicated feelings
(05:45):
towards her body. This is embodied by Jasmine T. Green.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
Was a pool.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
When I was a kid, I had a very detached
relationship with my body. I felt that me and my
body were two separate beings that never really interacted with
(06:36):
one another. The first time I felt joy in my
body was when we moved into a different apartment complex
and in the middle of the courtyard they had like
(06:57):
a small playground, and then they all had a pool.
I had always like dreamed of being in water, but
I remember that summer. It was one of the first
nice days of the year. It was very bright, very sunny,
(07:21):
and like they opened up the pool and I was
so excited to go there with my brother and sister.
And I go into the pool and from a pure
physical sensation floating in the water, almost being the same
(07:47):
temperature as the water. There was something about the way
that I felt this. It was a different kind of
disconnect with my body. I felt to be part of
(08:08):
the water that I was in, where I felt like
my body expanded beyond itself and became a part of
another living thing. Whatever I felt in that moment is
like I want to live.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
In this.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
I just wanted to stay in that water and smell
that quaarine and just like have it take over me.
I felt that like, Okay, this is like what I imagine
(08:53):
sort of a calm, like the calmness of like a
brain that was finally empty. It feels like the voices
in my head are becoming drowned by the water to
the point where they do disappear. And the only thing
(09:18):
that I feel in my head is hearing nothing but
the water and the surrounding noise and thinking solely about
the sensation of the water on my body. I'm not
thinking about any other things that are flittering in my mind. Well,
(09:42):
it's so beautiful about that feeling is that for so
long my body has felt like a prison I could
not escape, and my mind felt to be something that
had no bounds or limits. Or when I could imagine
(10:04):
I only want to be with you, with you, I
was a kid that got overwhelmed very easily. I cried
whenever it was time to leave a place. I cried
if there was something that changed in my normal environment.
(10:27):
I cried when like something happened in the video games
that I played. My parents knew that I was like
someone who needed stimuli in order to like calm myself
down and entertain myself. So this week and I loved
sound and music particularly, and they got me a cassette
(10:48):
of Hootie and the Blowfish their first album, I guess
you could say, and they got me a boombox. I
used to play like just one song and repeat. I
think it's called like I Only want to be with
You or something like that. The first song on that one,
(11:09):
and I remember I had like hit play and let
it go. The main refrain was like I only want
to be with you. I want to be with you.
Probably remember the rest of the album. I just like,
really like that was like the first song. I was
like I loved it, and I would hit it, hit rewind,
play it again, hit rewind, play it again. I would
(11:32):
just kind of just like put my hands on the
on the dresser and just kind of just like with
shimmy to the song. Whenever I did it, it gave
me an immense comfort, Like it just felt like I
was just like in my body, Like it just really
(11:54):
felt like a moment where I was just like, oh
my goodness, Like it's kind of impossible. It's almost impossible
to dance and be self conscious. You just have to
just like feel what it is that you're going to do.
(12:15):
And that was always something I envied people who like
had that really seamless connection between their body and mind
in a way that it didn't feel like one was
hindering the other. That symbiotic relationship that those had with
(12:40):
themselves with something that I desired. I watched a lot
of music videos growing up. Everyone seems so happy when
they're dancing, and it's like, I want to be happy,
and I love music just as much as like these
(13:01):
people love music, And up until I like began my
gender transition, I without a doubt felt that like there
was this difference between like the private performance of myself,
(13:22):
especially when dancing, and like the public version of it.
And it felt to be very much like dancing was
something that I did very much in private, Like in public,
I would never dare show any outs of like rhythmic
(13:47):
interaction because of, you know, a generalized fear of that
being read in a way that was not welcome in
a masculine body or performance or presentation. I noticed this
(14:08):
was something that had happened kind of like a couple
of years prior to me coming to terms with the
fact that I needed to make this change in my life.
But I felt this like utter need that whenever I
was alone, and usually that would only happen when I travel,
(14:32):
and I will enternto a hotel or an airbnb, and
I would just turn music up really loud, like on
like a computer or something, and then I would just
dance like for the entirety of the song and just
like let my body just do what it wanted to do,
(14:55):
and just kind of feel like what does it feel
like to embody like myself sort of like uninhibited, just
in the gaze of like myself. And I loved what
I saw, and I'm like amazed and shocked of like
(15:16):
my body doing things and moves, and I was just
like I never knew these worksiness was possible in me.
But I'm just like damn, like your girl got it,
and it very much feels like okay, like this is
what I was trying to find, and there was no
(15:38):
longer this like separate version. But I felt that like
I could not express that rounding the edges. Gentleness didn't
(16:06):
come until a complete, for lack of a better phrase,
like breaking point many years later. In those years, I
(16:29):
had a lot of things happen in my life. I
had two pulmonary embolisms.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
My body.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Was dead for a bit until my partner was able
to essentially shake me awake, with which dislodged the clot
and I had lost my grandmother and realized that, like
(17:05):
when I went home for her funeral, had this overwhelming
feeling I'm like, I am living a double life. I
had a panic attack in the middle of the night
and I like removed all of my clothes and I
like stood in the mirror and I like looked in
the mirror and I said, I'm trans and I was like, okay.
(17:33):
And from that moment is when I started the process.
I'm just going to start saying yes to what it
is to like what I feel, and just see where
that takes me. I mean, transitioning is a whole life process.
(17:57):
There's a common misconception that happens it is it's like, oh, yeah, so, like,
when are you done transitioning. It's like, no, it is
a lifelong process, and it's not necessarily that I'm chasing perfection,
but I'm chasing harmony. Before I felt very much like
a pentagon with like very sharp edges that like wishes
(18:24):
it was a wheel, And it's like, imagine like a
car with like pentagon shaped tires, and how difficult and
impractical it would be for this car to accelerate, but
it continually tries and attempts to accelerate. I still very
much am a pentagon, but the edges are slowly becoming
(18:53):
rounder and still impractical to some degree, but are smoothing
every day. No more status. I still have many of
(19:14):
the same issues I have in my life prior to transitioning.
I still deal with a lot of anxious thoughts, and
I still am processing a lot of trauma from my childhood,
(19:38):
and I still have a lot of work I need
to do regarding trust. However, there's no longer that hum
(19:58):
of working through a all these things while also being
in a body and doing the mental gymnastics that it
takes to hold all that. It's like when you're flipping
through on a radio and you're trying to find the station,
(20:21):
but you can't find it exactly. Before it was like
landing on like a couple tips before the station where
you can hear it there's started, and I don't say
I can know.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
You get used to the static and like you have
to join it up. But now it's like I'm locked
in directly on the station and it's crystal clear. It's
an FM. Some of the songs I still don't like,
(20:55):
but I can fully hear them, and I can fully
pay attention.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
And now like I'll just be out anywhere and if
I hear something that just moves me, I will just
like move my body, I will move my head. I'll
just like let my body just do what it has
a natural feeling to do. And like every time I
go out, I dance uncontrolled, like I love to dance,
(21:24):
I love to move like all these all these needs
of just like movement. I just so like it feels
like being a kid again. My private confidence self has
definitely integrated with my public self much more, and that
(21:47):
is taking a bit of getting used to not only
for myself, but I think for others too, where are
not used to me approaching space and taking up space
in that way. You know, I'm nearly six foot and
(22:09):
I've got long limbs, and I take up space even
when I try not to. And before I felt like
that level of discomfort. But when I went out dancing
last week, that discomfort went away. I took up space.
(22:32):
I used my full body, whether it was moving my
hands in the air and wrapping my arms around myself
and squatting and shaking my butt and bending over and
just you know, utilizing my shoulders and my hands and
(22:53):
my hair and my everything. Like every tendril of my
body was act evated in this movement versus before where
it felt to be this sort of isolated zone of
movement that I was allowed to engage in. And on
the side of like positive embodiment, there's just the nature
(23:18):
of just like knowing that my body is feeling closer
to how I've always seen it to be, so there's
a different way that it moves, Like having a booty
now having thighs now leads to this very euphoric experience
(23:41):
of like when I shake my hips, there is like
there is a momentum that is exciting, the mental embodiment
of just being like I am here as a woman
in the space. That's what freedom felt like.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Thank you, Jasmine T. Green for sharing your story and
thank you for listening. Jasmine has several other exciting projects
and podcasts. One of them is Girl Versus Horse, and
there's another one called Because the Boss Belongs to Us.
(25:00):
Jasmine also makes a podcast about mental health called basket
Case and as if that's not enough, she also makes
music under the name Command plus Jasmine. That's Cmd plus
ja Z M I N. We'll link all of them
(25:20):
in the show notes. Little Devils is a trz Media
original and you're currently listening to the pilot season, so
if you want to see what's next in our little
bag of stories, make sure to follow the show wherever
(25:42):
you listen to podcasts. There's a bunch of ways that
you can support it, and they're totally for free. For one,
you can rate and review Little Devils wherever you listen.
That would already mean so much to us. And then
you can check out our Patreon to see if you'd
like to become part of the community around Little Devils.
That's Patreon dot com slash Little Devils, and we have
(26:07):
a bunch of perks for our members, like you're going
to get something in return, for example, calls with me,
then the opportunity to read the credits for example. In
the future, you could even become part of the process
of making the show and could become a test listener
for future episodes. That's just the name a few of
the perks. They're pretty awesome. You can also email us
(26:29):
at Little Devils at t rzminusmedia dot de e and
you can find us on Instagram at Little Devil's Show.
And of course you can find me on Instagram that's
at Jasmine Bayomi. That's j as m I n b
(26:50):
a u O M Y no Z's no E's. Little
Devil is hosted, reported, and co created by Me, Jasmine
Byomi and a small but mighty team of people. This
episode was co created and co produced by Marta b
and Dweshik and edited by Tim Howard. Mix and sound
(27:13):
design is also by Marta Midweshik and in this case
Jasmine T. Green. Robin Druma is our executive producer. Our
beautiful theme music is by Phoebe mcindoo and mastering by
Yosha Khrunovit. Fanny Krabola illustrated our cover art. Thank you
(27:36):
to everyone who supported, listened, and spent time giving feedback
about the episode. We could not have made this without you.
So many thanks to Hannah Abst, Hannah Medeshik, Jan Bumahmann,
Johanna Gilia and Zara Karshai.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
A little bed baa
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Whim whi
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