His name… is Milton Hersey

Harley’s making music! Kevin’s snatching victory from the jaws of eBay defeat! Plus: Kev gets existential.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:29):
Welcome back to Beardless Dickless Me.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
I'm Kevin Smith and I'm Harley Quinn Smith.

Speaker 1 (00:35):
Okay, when last we left the show, the kid was
in charge of the last episode and a good time
was had.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
Thanks.

Speaker 1 (00:46):
It seems like a powerful It was great. There was
a quiz and I ate Stitt and ship like that
and I've been living under spoils that. But as you'll
all remember last show, I was clock watching, Oh yeah,
my auctions. And if you're a member of that Kevin
Smith club and you watch the show at that Kevin

(01:09):
Smith Club or listen to the after show Beardless stick
Was Plus, you would have heard the results. Because during
Beardless Stickless Plus, I found that I had been beat
sniped at the last second.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
As is the way on eBay, my hubris was such
that I was like, nobody else could possibly want these somebody.

Speaker 2 (01:32):
I feel like it was targeted.

Speaker 1 (01:33):
I do as well.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
I think somebody is trying to take away your joy.

Speaker 1 (01:37):
I think so, I honestly do, or more or somebody
who's like.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
Let me buy Kevin Smith a gift, That's what.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
I really I I really hope some fan was just
like I can't wait to give this to Kevin. But
I think one of two things, because I mean, of
course there could be other Rocky bull Wicle fans out there.
There must be, I will find them. But it could
be somebody who's selling it, going like it's only going

(02:07):
for that little let me bid it up, you know
what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
It was by five bucks though, right.

Speaker 1 (02:13):
Well, what happened was I was the top bidder, and
then as the auction ended I wasn't paying attention to
it because I was doing some fucking feckless podcast and shit,
instead of worrying about the important things of life.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
I'm so glad you love our time together.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
So I found that, Oh my god, like the person
sitting there, all they had to do is be like
and they probably entered a few to see what number
I had kind of gone to, and then they found
it won five bucks above it last night. Night before
last night, somebody tried to do it again. Yeah, but
I was paying attention this time, and they did no way,

(02:49):
and they did hammer and I saw the bid history
at the end, I had put in a much higher
number just in case. Thank god I did, because they
got within twenty five bucks of that fucking number.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
Oh my god, and then it.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
Ran out because they were hoping to snipe me like
they did last time. I'm not saying it's the same
fucking villain. It's snigly whiplash. But whoever it was going
to do it knew what they were fucking doing.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
How many people are are trying to auction for the
Rocky and Bullwinkle pieces.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
I'm just I'm just wondering, big world out there.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
I'm just kind of wondering.

Speaker 1 (03:21):
I think how many people are on the planet. It's
me and three hundred million people. It's all competing for
the same and that's it. So losing that auction. If
you if you heard, if you were watching Beardless Stickless
Plus or heard it, you would have seen like it
was almost somebody came in and said, I'm sorry your

(03:44):
wife is dead.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
I was sure mom would love that.

Speaker 1 (03:48):
Well, remember how fucking upset I was. I was so
like fucking like you were.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
You were very very bummed out this.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
And and to remind people, they're two pieces, and one
was like Bullwinkle and Rocky with the watch me pull
a rabbit out of my hat, which I'll be honest
with you, I just won last night somebody put another
one up and I won.

Speaker 3 (04:11):
That.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
That's why I think it might have been somebody trying
to goose the other sail. But the other piece ever
in the world, not yet, because the other piece, the
one I wanted more than anything else, was the piece
of Rocky the Flying Squirrel holding a check. Yes. So
I was like, oh my god, you'll never forget, especially
when you find out what happened. So I lost, and

(04:32):
I was like, fucking I wasn't gonna be able to
fall asleep that night. I was so upset by this ship. No, no,
everything's fucked, and I needed that that was the only
thing that was gonna make the difference. Then I happened
upon an idea. Now I'm not trying to buy this
piece because of its age. I'm trying to buy the

(04:54):
piece because of the character. You're gonna pay for age
because it ain't nobody doing Rocky Bowwinkle in the moder age.
Certainly on cells. They did a Rocky Bowl Coal show
fairly recently on Amazon that was animated. But everything's done
on computers, so it's very fucking rare that you're gonna
come across these old timey pieces to begin with, a

(05:17):
lot of them were just thrown out. Shit, you gotta
expect to pay premium. I was gonna be paying three
hundred dollars for this piece, which is cheap because it
was made back in the day. The check that was
in the frame was like nineteen seventy two or something.

Speaker 2 (05:29):
Shit down.

Speaker 1 (05:30):
This is an old piece and a cool idea like
Rocky was painted too hole to check like expressly for
that it's cute. On an earlier purchase on eBay, I
had bought this Bugs Bunny piece, which I fucking absolutely loved,
and it was sent here and it was very inexpensive,
especially for like the image it was from an old

(05:52):
like nineteen fucking forty eight or fifty two Looney Tune cartoon.
And the person on eBay who I bought it f
I'm like hit me up afterwards to be like, did
you like the replica? And I was like, replica. And
I looked at the piece and it looked it's a

(06:14):
hand painted sl it just wasn't made for the cartoon.
It was a guy who's just like, oh, I love
this frame and I can paint, so I'm gonna paint this.
Oh So I thought about that and then I reached
out to my man and I was like, hey, man,
do you take commissions? And he was like, yeah, what

(06:34):
do you have in mine? And I sent him the
picture of the item that I lost on eBay. Oh shit, now,
right away, this is a game changer, because again, I'm
not trying to buy this ship for the age. I'm
just trying to buy it for the image.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:51):
I know an insanely talented artist now who can mimic
and perfectly, and that's what he likes to do. I
offered him one of my comic book covers to do
quick stops because I love this guy's work so much.
But he was like, I don't do that. Like he's like,
I do stuff that exists. I do recreation. He does.
He's insanely fucking faithful, beautiful recreations. And so I said,

(07:12):
can you do this? My man did the research and
he's like, they've done it three other times. So I
did all three for you.

Speaker 2 (07:20):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
They'll be arriving on Thursday ready for framing. And I
put my own checks in there, you know what I'm saying.
So now somebody's out there going, like you boot liked it.
I'm not selling this oh this is for you. It
just for me in the house and shit like someone
from you and but they could have it. And I
told the guy man, I was like, I was like,
what do I owe you? And he tried to charge me.

(07:43):
I said, bro, I was ready to pay three hundred dollars,
so you're definitely getting three hundred dollars minimum and stuff,
and I gave him four. But I told him. I
was like, now, like now I could do I can't
have anything like now there's I found a way to

(08:05):
appease that fucking I gotta go to eBay and see
if there's a new Rocky and Bullwinkle print, because I
could just go to this guy and be like, can
you draw this and paint this? And he does it
and it's fucking beautiful. That bugs bunny piece. Man would
fool anybody, but he wouldn't try to fool somebody like
I looked at his listening and it says like recreation
right in it and shit. But I saw the image

(08:26):
and I love the image and stuff, so I was
drawing to it. So he sent all three. I I
you know, I needed one because I got a checked,
But I'm gonna find other checks to stay.

Speaker 2 (08:36):
Find no shit. Fuck yes, you hold the power.

Speaker 1 (08:39):
Now, you know what I'm saying. I was so proud
of myself. I talked about this for the next four days.
You're tune me out. She put in headphones, she stopped listening.
But I was like, do you understand how brilliant that is?
Like I fucking was able to, Like I snatched victory
out of the jaws of the.

Speaker 2 (08:56):
Thought your joy. You went out and you found your joy.

Speaker 1 (08:59):
And breddit more joy. What I did is I hired
an artist. I'm proud of your money into the economy.

Speaker 2 (09:05):
You turned the situation around. The last time I saw you,
it was sad.

Speaker 3 (09:13):
I'm upset.

Speaker 1 (09:16):
What else could I fucking fix?

Speaker 2 (09:18):
Amen?

Speaker 1 (09:19):
I'm just I'm gonna start looking at cancer because mind
to it, I can figure out. You know, all right,
I can't have you, That's what I'm saying. Maybe it
ain't Robert Smith. Maybe Kevin Smith is the cure. Oh
my god, thank you very much.

Speaker 2 (09:40):
That was that was too much.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
I don't know. I think that ship was wonderfully, wonderfully
wonderfully wonderfully pretty. You never talk to you anything for you?
How can what how can some British people sing and
their accent goes away, and then some British people it don't.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
It's a preference.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
Can you sing British? Have you ever tried singing British
with your new band? Were like, you scam me? You
know my song, It's on my playlist.

Speaker 2 (10:12):
Sometimes I've heard.

Speaker 1 (10:13):
From so many fucking people who are like, your daughter's
song is fire?

Speaker 2 (10:16):
Oh my gosh, why thank you?

Speaker 1 (10:18):
I keep waiting from me, ask me the question where
I'm gonna put them on you instead? Because I'm not
how to deal with this ship When people ask me
questions in real life, like what's chasing Amy about? It
was like, oh, it's about me and Joey Adams. So
if people are gonna be like who she's singing.

Speaker 2 (10:30):
About, I'm and be like, no one has asked.

Speaker 1 (10:33):
I tell people. I was like, appreciate she's singing about me?
I'm where are you right here?

Speaker 2 (10:43):
You scim wait what?

Speaker 1 (10:47):
Wait what? Because I'm so successful in Spark, because I'm
so charming, because I'm the best dad ever, I can
see just yours.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
You fucking hated me anyways, So.

Speaker 1 (10:57):
Song starts to fall. If you just listened to the
know was.

Speaker 2 (11:01):
Yours when I lived here? You fucking aided me anyways.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
Yeah, but that's that's now that you're gone, because I
don't well, that's not my story. You did live here,
but I didn't want you to leave. I want you
to live here. Now you're like please, I made the
other like fucking last month. I was like, you know,
you could sell your house, just move back into this house.
And hardly received that so well.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
I said thank you so much. She was I have
to politely decline.

Speaker 1 (11:25):
She went and grabbed a gas, poured it all over
herself and grabbed my back. And it's like you were
saying nothing, nothing, all good, enjoy your house.

Speaker 2 (11:37):
Hey, you're not an No, you're not Wait what are
my lyrics?

Speaker 1 (11:42):
I don't know, not.

Speaker 2 (11:43):
An angel, But you like to act that way you go.
That one's straight straight from the heart about you.

Speaker 1 (11:49):
You scared me. Robert Smith covering fucking star.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
Oh my god, I locked Cinnamon. I locked I locked Cinnamon.
The rappit Now I like send him in the bat that.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
He sounds way different than that.

Speaker 2 (12:07):
Maybe I'm trying to have to put your hair.

Speaker 1 (12:09):
Up like channel my Robert Smith?

Speaker 2 (12:11):
Can you can you style your hair like him? One day?

Speaker 1 (12:14):
Can you give me some can give me your hair,
maybe I can do it. Before we went, a queen
of fucking vanity here who spends like four thousand hours
doing her eyes?

Speaker 2 (12:25):
Do you see my eyes right now?

Speaker 1 (12:28):
Do I see that? Do I not? You've drawn a
lot of attention to them. It's like you've drawn arrows
that go here are my eyes. But before we went,
she was like, does myke what what do you call that?
I called it a kerchief? What are you wearing?

Speaker 2 (12:45):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (12:46):
Ki, well what would you have called it? If I
hadn't said kerchief? Head thing? You referred to it as something,
You used a different term of art that wasn't kerchief.
That made me.

Speaker 2 (12:55):
Feel scarf head scarf.

Speaker 1 (12:57):
Kerchief is old time. It's like Mama and a kerchief
and I am cap. We just settled down for a
long winter snap. Oh my god, you know that is
the night before Christmas? Oh really, the night before Christmas?
And all through the house not a creature was stirring night.
The children were nestled, all snug in their beds, with
visions of sugar plums danced in their heads. And Mama

(13:21):
and her kerchief and I in my cap had just
settled down for a long winter snap. Then there's a
home invasion. That's when everything turns. This family is in trouble.
We have to we have to cause somebody what's going on.
That home invasion is from His name is Santa Claus.

(13:43):
The food that built America. I love and I've spoken
about on Fat Men Beyond and your mother watch it incessantly.
It's on History Channel, it's on Disney Plus, it's on Hulu,
which apparently they're all owned by Disney. It is fat
It's basically all the fucking food brand names that you know,

(14:03):
their secret origin stories. So it's like doing comic books,
like fucking His name was Milton Hershey, So Campbell Scott
is the narrator. So we spend a lot of time
in this house now, so it's just me and your mother.
Got to pass the time somehow. We Campbell Scott constantly.
So you know, she'll be like, she'll like talk about well,

(14:26):
Lisa Romaine called. I'll be like, her name is Lisa Romayne,
and she will be responsible for a billion dollar industry
because that's him throughout all of it. He's a fantastic
fucking narrator. So I'm always doing that at her now.

Speaker 2 (14:42):
His name was Kevin.

Speaker 1 (14:45):
Yes, his name is Kevin Smith, and he's going to
irritate you like Campbell Scott, your mother loved, Oh my god,
talk about an audience of one. Oh my gosh. She
loves when I can Scott, I could make her laugh
like crazy, doesn't like.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
Much, but when she likes something, she.

Speaker 1 (15:05):
Says that she's always just like, you're the funniest fucking
person I know. But she doesn't like laugh at my stuff. No,
if I do other people's stuff and not just do
their bits, but like it's weird, like she's not.

Speaker 2 (15:19):
She likes an impersonation she does.

Speaker 1 (15:22):
She likes it, Honestly, she likes it if it's about her.
That's what it comes down to. So what I'm doing,
like his name is, She's like, that's the show we
watch together. On the end of that show, and that
joke is being done just for me. She loves when
i'm She'll be like, do a quick fifteen, just wants
to her team done at her and stuff like that.
She's out there. Oh, she's out there in so many ways.

Speaker 2 (15:46):
This isn't even beardless stickless. Plus this is the main show.
Oh I forgot we were safe the club. I love Jennifer,
we love you much love.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
She Look, I'm just gonna put on Front Street. Your
mother's a weird duck. Say it.

Speaker 2 (16:10):
You're telling me, buddy.

Speaker 1 (16:14):
I love that show, The Food That Built America. They
have spin offs, the Mega Brands that Built America, How
Disney Built America, the Toys that Built America. And I
was talking about on Fat Man Beyond, and people I

(16:34):
know work on that show, who I worked with on
Comic Book Man. So they reach out and they're like,
do you want to be on the show, And I said,
fuck yeah. So yesterday I was on the show.

Speaker 2 (16:41):
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
And yesterday I got to sit there and do the
thing that I watch people do on that show and
enjoy oh so much.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 (16:49):
Adam Richmond is the gold standard on that show. Wow.
He's one of the many people that talks and gives
you context, historical context for the stories and shit. And
I guess he's in the food world. He was an
actor or child actor, but I guess he was in
the food world or something. So if they bring him
onto The Food That Built America, But now he's on
all of them, like on the Mega Brands of Built

(17:11):
America and toys that built America and shit, and he's
wonderful on camera. He's he's a great host and engaging
and fun and shit like that. So yesterday I got
to do that.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
That's pretty mind blowing.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
In the span of a month, bro, it went for
this is this is the incredible, rare breathing that I do.
The first world I live in? Who are people like?
We got real problems? And Kevin Smith's biggest problem was
he missed a Rocky the Flying Squirrel check piece of art,
but he really made Yeah, I mean fucking this dude's
problems are like, he's like a sitcom, a living sitcom.

(17:44):
Everything gets solved in thirty minutes or less and shit
and they don't talk about it the next week. Te
So but what was my latest problem?

Speaker 2 (17:52):
Oh? Well, you just love this show.

Speaker 1 (17:55):
I love the show and I talked about it and
within a month I was on the show.

Speaker 2 (18:00):
That's pretty that's pretty wild.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
When does the other shoe drop? Where they're like? And
then everything took a turn. When is my second act
of Behind the Music? You're not familiar with Behind the Music,
but VH one did a series do you know it?

Speaker 2 (18:13):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (18:14):
Behind the Music had a structure. I mean, these things
are basically behind the music for food, but behind the
music structure was always in the second act, shit was
going to go south. It was never like you know,
and they kept winning and they kept winning and fucking
and then they're still winning the end. There's always got
to be some sort of like shit took a turn.

(18:34):
And then seriously I thought, like with this black hat,
it wasn't doing it so much. Give me that ship.
Was that problem made problem you want stick? So Harley said, like,
because it's such a problem she was working with this
ship and she said, what is this R and CO?
What's R? That's the brand Dart Palmate. Palmade is what

(18:57):
I've been saying for fucking ever ever since this si
hair starts sticking out, I was like, I wish we
lived in the age of palm E that would put it.

Speaker 2 (19:04):
I use Palmade every day.

Speaker 1 (19:06):
So this is like a band, like a like deodorant
stick of Palmate.

Speaker 2 (19:10):
It's like a glue stick for your hair and you.

Speaker 1 (19:13):
Just put it on the fucking areas that pop out
of the hat. Yeah, what do you do it for? All?

Speaker 2 (19:17):
My My hair is super super broken from bleaching childhood.
Yea from my trauma. My hair.

Speaker 1 (19:27):
Lay on the parents. Fucking parents broke my hair. So wait,
you do it? Do you do it to keep it
down out of your kerchief? Like right now? To go
back to the term of art. Harley was like, does
this look stupid? It's like, what your fucking kerchief?

Speaker 2 (19:40):
No?

Speaker 1 (19:42):
What mean? So do you use this because you're wearing
that like you wouldn't use it? I use it every
day even if you're not wearing something on your head.

Speaker 2 (19:50):
Because if I don't, all these little hairs stick up
like me with my hat. Yes, that's why I called
them little hairs. And you were like, they're not.

Speaker 1 (19:58):
Little, yeah, she said right before once she was like
this would be good for your little hairs, and I
was like, fuck you, you got little hairs. You and your
little hairs? Dad? Not everyone saw clerk's dad, your hairs
are little.

Speaker 2 (20:16):
Someone.

Speaker 1 (20:17):
Then I go upstairs after you leaving, I'm like, can
you believe she said? Not everyone saw clerks. That kid's
head is in the s.

Speaker 2 (20:24):
Everyone obviously always tells me all the time that clerks
changed their life. Do they Yes? But I have a
friend of mine recently said it.

Speaker 1 (20:32):
Somebody said it to you that you like as opposed
to some rando. It's just like your dad's movie changed
my life. You're like, fucking know he also getting short
broken hair. So you're saying somebody in your life that
you couldn't just be like, that's nice and I'll go away.
Told you and you had to sit there and deal
with the fact that your father was influential and beloved.

Speaker 2 (20:52):
Wow, that hurts.

Speaker 1 (20:55):
That sucks. When I was a kid, people come up
to me and be like, your dad.

Speaker 2 (21:02):
I love his work.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
Post posts at the office, bitch, did he posts up
posts up? I'm like, yeah, everyone loves him. Anyway. Have
you seen my art anyways?

Speaker 2 (21:12):
Have you heard my song?

Speaker 1 (21:15):
So? Who fucking who said? What? Who was it? Well
we won't say who was confidential? Confidential? So what did
they say? How did it come up? I'm just out
of nowhere Middle Sex? Was it wasn't Austin? You know
what really me? Right now? You're like, well, that of course,
But I was just thinking about your dad.

Speaker 2 (21:38):
I was just thinking of clerks changed my life.

Speaker 1 (21:44):
Bringing up that's no moment. Don't use me as a weapon, moment,
stop using me. Web not so cute.

Speaker 2 (21:59):
Every night most sleeps in between Austin and I heads
and I used him as a pillow.

Speaker 1 (22:04):
When I was When you were a kid, I distinctly
remember you sang to me, don't use me as a
weapon against mom, and I said I have to, and
I hurled you at mother.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
For a second, I was like, damn, did I really No?

Speaker 1 (22:21):
No, that's something you say now because you're approaching your thirties,
You're like, you really weaponized me against mom? Like what? No?

Speaker 2 (22:28):
I was always on your side, Like I've blocked out
a lot. Did I block that out?

Speaker 1 (22:36):
People do that and divorced though they weaponize the children
against each other. That's why we stayed together. I won't
be choice for everybody.

Speaker 2 (22:48):
Oh god, oh lord.

Speaker 1 (22:52):
Anyways, please, there are people just listening to the show.
I think I tripped onto something. You're all jokes kids
the Therapy podcast.

Speaker 2 (23:08):
For those of you listening to the regular show.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
It's all fun and jokes, all fun and.

Speaker 2 (23:12):
Games, unless you want to go to the stus.

Speaker 1 (23:14):
We get fun of games. Now that I've fucking bragged
about how cool my life is and ship not to
say that I don't lose. I do lose on a
regular basis. For example, the movie we were talking about
making looks like it just fell apart.

Speaker 2 (23:26):
Really yeah, and sorry.

Speaker 1 (23:29):
It is not disconnected from the tariff troubles. Our money
was Canadian. How interested do you think Canadian money isn't
in doing anything American? Right now?

Speaker 2 (23:43):
I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 (23:44):
So yeah, so I can't bitch because and this is
not me complaining. Hopefully nobody goes like, comes with Ryan,
Does this sound like a rant?

Speaker 2 (23:52):
Do I sound He's too calm for a rant?

Speaker 1 (23:54):
Yeah, I believe me. I ain't upset, and I fucking
get it. And also like I'm at an age now
where it's like I can't get upset up a movie
it doesn't happen. I'm more amazed than a a movie
ever happens, you know what I'm saying. Like in moments
where I'm like, oh man, that finance it fell apart,
I don't get like, oh what I want Instantly I
go like, well, this is your fault because if you

(24:15):
were more successful, you'd have more money. Then you could
do whatever you want to and never go out and
ask somebody else for money. So in lieu of that,
just accept what happens. Whatever will be will be your
doors day. This shit case, aras Arah, you never saw
the movie The Man who Knew too Much starring James
Stewart and Doris Day.

Speaker 2 (24:35):
How do you know I didn't bet you a thousands.

Speaker 1 (24:38):
Because otherwise you would have cut me off knowing exactly
where this is going the third act. Doristday, of course,
was a singer in midst of it. For her to
be in this Hitchcock movie and not Grace Kelly and
stuff like that, like you'd be like, why well, because
the part requires big lungs. In the third act, in
The Man who Knew too Much, their son gets kidnapped.

(25:00):
They're abroad, and how they locate the kid, or how
the kid locates them is Throughout the beginning of the movie,
she sings the song Kasa with her kid k Sara.
You know it was in I was gonna say it
was in Heathers, but I don't even know if you're
familiar with others, what the fuck of course are I'm
happy then, I raised you're right. So before that I

(25:25):
got ka popularized in for my generation at the beginning
of Heathers, and I'm sure it's been used other places,
but first movie it choosed in is The Man who
Knew Too Much. So she's singing with her son in
the beginning, and then in the third act, the kid
is kidnapped and somewhere being held in the building, but
in order to find him, she's belting out k sasa

(25:51):
at the top for fucking lungs. So she's like da
and like her son is like, mom, you know what
I'm saying?

Speaker 2 (26:00):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
That's the third act. Hinges on Doris day over singing caseas.

Speaker 2 (26:07):
The guy who commented and was like can he stop
yelling is going to.

Speaker 1 (26:11):
Be like, why do you got a case sas onto
my ear?

Speaker 2 (26:14):
But that guy did change his review from a two
star to a four star, so I see you, well done,
I see you. Yeah, thanks for the support, buddy.

Speaker 1 (26:24):
Look at you? Do you know his name? How do
you know it's a guy? Maybe it's in Virginia. Maybe
maybe it's our one lister. My sister stop scream. But
then when we tailor it to her, she's like, you
get two more stars. I bought a thing on ebaby okay,
and now you know, I guess like some people, you
buy a thing and then you leave good feedback like

(26:45):
this worked out or whatever?

Speaker 2 (26:46):
The fuck?

Speaker 1 (26:48):
I don't you know, don't I'm not again? I mean,
I guess I ebaye now a lot more than I
ever did, and shit, but like I don't know the
protocols and ship. And also it's like, do you know
what the good review is? I give you money, Like
that's what the money's for. That's the best review in
the world. There's been a guy in my messages who's like,
please leave me feedback, Please leave me feedback. Please leave

(27:10):
me feedback. It helps the seller. If you leave feedback,
it hurts the seller. If you don't leave feedback, Please
leave me feedback. Please leave me feedback. Please leave me feedback.

Speaker 2 (27:20):
That's me to our listeners, please yu.

Speaker 1 (27:24):
Finally I responded to this guy where I was.

Speaker 2 (27:27):
Like, oh, now, oh, you don't know.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
How I looked all over the place for this fucking
mystical feedback butt he's talking about, and ship con't find it.
So I said, send me a screenshot of where it is.
But what I'm gonna do now is I don't think
I'm going to turn the tables and just start like
making him teach me how to use Facebook.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
Oh my god, you mean ebit, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:54):
EBay, sorry, because I also do Facebook Marketplace, of course,
but in their transactions, the moment you're dealing with this
rate me thing comes up where it's just like you
know right away you're getting feedback, even for the transactions
over eBay, I guess is differently good. You gotta wait
till you get your thing. So now I'm just gonna
hammer him with questions like why do good things happen

(28:16):
to bad people? I'm just wanting can God make a
boulder so heavy he can't lift it?

Speaker 2 (28:21):
Such vallid questions.

Speaker 1 (28:23):
I'm gonna make it to make them work for that feedback,
because then when I leave the feedback, it's gonna be
like product was great, ship, it was okay. But this
motherfucker has the patience of a saint, and he taught
me a lot of things.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
Oh he has some answers for you.

Speaker 1 (28:38):
He doesn't. None of these people do.

Speaker 2 (28:40):
WHOA.

Speaker 1 (28:41):
I've been out there trying to find answers. Nobody got
the answer. There's only one answer that I figured out
for myself.

Speaker 2 (28:48):
What Well.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
When I was a kid, we'd say Jesus, But now
I say Bullwinkle.

Speaker 2 (28:53):
Amen makes me happy? Picks your hat again?

Speaker 1 (28:59):
God? And I was fucking I know I got I'll
do it when the cameras are off. I'm gonna do
it now. I spent my life in a fucking hat
and ship you think I'm gonna take it off now
in front of these foul folks. Let me tell you
that's gonna be a live pay per view event. We're
gonna sell tickets for it, and it's gonna make five
million dollars, and it's gonna be short and people are

(29:20):
gonna love it. He took yeah because basically, like you're
in Turn On, it's gonna be over in five minutes.
Me cheap. It's like a two dollars pay per view.
But who ain't gonna tune in for that? They're like,
what did he really never take his hat off? Like,
I don't know, I've seen I used to watch Comicbook Man.
He never wore hat on that show. But if you
sell it with a certain angle, I.

Speaker 2 (29:39):
Think you had a point. You should see this man
go through an airport security because he has to take
off his hat.

Speaker 1 (29:47):
You sometimes not all the time.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
But then you'll hold your head so no one can
see your head.

Speaker 1 (29:53):
I do. I mean, I don't know how people with
hat haad normally do it. But like once you take
your hat off and your hat stupid, like your hair
looks stupid the fuck.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
You know what I'm saying, Like, can you please take
off your hat? And you're like, I'm like.

Speaker 1 (30:08):
No, I'm traveling. And also it's like I'm TSA pre proved, like.

Speaker 2 (30:13):
That means I can wear my fucking hat.

Speaker 1 (30:14):
That means I'm an American. But I did say like
they put me through a program where like they're like
this guy checks out. I mean, I'm sure these programs
will probably be fucking killed over the course of the
next four years. But DSA pre program is pretty fucking good.
And also they make money off of it, Like they
ain't free. It's not like sign up for free. It's
like you gotta pay.

Speaker 2 (30:34):
You gotta pay for it.

Speaker 1 (30:37):
And those TSA pre lines are now more full than
not the standard lines. Those lines are still pretty dampful,
but like if you fly some airlines has like United First,
so they have their own lane. Those lanes are like empty,
whereas TSA pree is very full. This is coming from
somebody who travels an awful lot.

Speaker 2 (30:57):
I have a question, fire.

Speaker 1 (30:58):
Away, I'm here for answers, have been since the day
you were born.

Speaker 2 (31:01):
Thank you so much. I'm so glad you know the day.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
Well, I wonder preempting quiz that I'm sure I'm going
to be asked at one point, what was born?

Speaker 2 (31:12):
What color are my eyes?

Speaker 1 (31:14):
Brown?

Speaker 2 (31:14):
Nice? How much do you I was? I was looking
it up.

Speaker 1 (31:21):
I'm curious, Oh, looking it up?

Speaker 2 (31:24):
Looking it up?

Speaker 1 (31:24):
Said it real fast. So I thought you. I thought
you literally sounded like you were like I was licking
it up. What what are we talking about? What?

Speaker 2 (31:32):
Looking it up? Because I was curious how much flights
are from here to Japan? What do you think the
cost is?

Speaker 1 (31:43):
How much do you think of a father's love? Because
I'm like, you don't have money right now? And Americans
aren't really talking about Americans are welcome abroad at this.

Speaker 2 (31:53):
A few months down the line, maybe see.

Speaker 1 (31:55):
Some fucking cat cafe or some says ship Cat Island
or bunny Land. It's a catter bunny reason.

Speaker 2 (32:03):
Maybe there is a bunny Island, but more importantly, there
is Disneyland.

Speaker 1 (32:11):
I would actually, you know, honestly, like, I mean, this
is gonna sound now. We sound like those rich people
in the twenties that would have a morning radio show.
They'd be like, oh, we went to the opera last
night and this sounds first world, but I would. I
just saw a video recently of fucking the Winnie the
Pooh ride in Tokyo.

Speaker 2 (32:29):
Yeah you saw video though.

Speaker 1 (32:32):
Fucking nuts, and you didn't hit me up because I
assumed you as a Disney fan. Well, but they taught
me something I didn't know inas much as like you
look at it and you're like, wow, this is a
it's a dark ride where it's autonomous, so it's kind
of like the Mickey Run Nothing Now awesome. It's like
that where the cars aren't on a track, they just

(32:54):
kind of you know, drone around or whatever. The fuck.
So you're like, oh, this must have been made after
your Disney put in their Winnie the Pooh ride, because
the Winnie the Pooh Ride is cute, but it's very
like not animatronic figures, just statues that move up and
down and you know, twist and ship like that. But
you look at this fucking Winnie the Pooh ride in Tokyo,

(33:16):
who's like moving his mouth and fucking like ying his
shoes like toll on pants. He's They've made me so
so articulate, I can finally pull on pants. It is crazy.

(33:38):
And then they showed like rabbit being blown away on
the blustery day, and every part of them is moving.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
It's amazing.

Speaker 1 (33:45):
So I saw our video and I was like, you know,
normally I'm not I'm not. I don't like to travel,
but I'm forced to for work. But I was like, well,
that's the reason to go back to Japan. Bro.

Speaker 2 (33:54):
You haven't even seen nothing yet. They have. They have
Tokyo Disney C, which is a whole other theme park
like Disney California Adventures.

Speaker 1 (34:05):
C Sea, so it's underwater, it's.

Speaker 2 (34:09):
Under surrounded by water. They have a Journey to the
Center of the Earth ride which you go through like
a volcano. It's amazing. They have a whole like Little
Mermaid experience.

Speaker 1 (34:21):
Why don't we have any of this here in America?

Speaker 2 (34:24):
I asked myself that all the time.

Speaker 1 (34:28):
Wow, I mean, so should we go? I would yes.
The short answer is yes. They also have a long
answer is not for a while.

Speaker 2 (34:42):
Oh yeah. I guess how much a first class ticket
is did.

Speaker 1 (34:45):
Japan first class? Yes?

Speaker 2 (34:49):
Oh my god, no, that's it's less than that. But
how much it's like eight thousand dollars.

Speaker 1 (34:57):
Round trip a round trip. Because I have seen plane
tickets like I remember when they flew us to like
can back in the day, and like tickets were very expensive.

Speaker 2 (35:06):
I haven't left the country in a minute, and it's
now that's I gotta go.

Speaker 1 (35:12):
Well, yes and no, like there used to be like, well,
let me just go to Canada right now. The American
profile and not too high in Canada either.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
I get it. And that's fair. Yeah, and that's fair.

Speaker 1 (35:25):
I think you have to read about these places for
a while until until uh, cooler heads prevailable. I don't
know how to put it, but put.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
The San Rio theme Park.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
Also they also have that. Yeah, and there's a bunny Island.

Speaker 2 (35:42):
Yes, there's all these amazing things just waiting for me
over there.

Speaker 1 (35:48):
I just got.

Speaker 2 (35:49):
I just got.

Speaker 1 (35:50):
Also, so what.

Speaker 2 (35:54):
What's oh?

Speaker 1 (35:58):
Tell me no work for it? Yes, you can't. Just
your generation just expects the answers to be handed.

Speaker 2 (36:09):
I don't want to be wrong.

Speaker 1 (36:11):
You know the problem is your generation never had to think,
because you could always be like godzilla.

Speaker 2 (36:17):
Hey, that came straight out my head.

Speaker 1 (36:19):
It did. I was impressed. I was sitting there going
like and naturally I turned it into a compliment to myself,
where I was like, I'm a good dad.

Speaker 2 (36:25):
Yeah, and she's throw a stupid generation.

Speaker 1 (36:29):
Fucking dumb generation. But still my kid's brighter than that.
Let's just stop for a second to appreciate and point
out because we have a good time on the show.
But like this is serious. That fix for the Rocky
check piece of art is brilliant.

Speaker 2 (36:48):
I'm happy for you.

Speaker 1 (36:50):
And it's not even like only a rich man could
do that. You could. All you have to do is
find an animator, find somebody who can paint on a cell.

Speaker 2 (36:59):
That is true, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (37:01):
Very smart if you're not about the antiquity of it all,
and if you're not mass producing it. Again, I ain't
making this to go fucking selling street corners. It's gonna
be hanging up in my fucking house with a Clerks
check in it, like the check I sent to Sundance.
Rocky the Flying Squirrel is going to be holding the Sundance.

Speaker 4 (37:22):
Mind blow right, That's like that is like fucking His
name is Milton Hershey, and he will put a check
in the hands of Rocky the Flying Squirrel.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
But for now he's said that he lost the eBay
auction because I.

Speaker 2 (37:38):
Really was you were you were really bombed.

Speaker 1 (37:41):
Which could be a good sign I'm trying to fucking
figure this out. Could be a good sign that all,
obviously all is not right in the world, but things
are okay enough in my world where my biggest concern
wasn't like I've lost a loved one to a fire
or oh my god, there's an asteroid hurtling at us.

(38:03):
I was like, I lost that fucking auction.

Speaker 2 (38:06):
Your life's pretty fire, pretty good, not bad.

Speaker 1 (38:08):
I should shut up and just enjoy it. That's why
I don't go online and say anything, because then people
be like, your fucking life is good, and they're not wrong.

Speaker 2 (38:17):
I mean, your life is pretty it is pretty fantastic.
Look at you, Look at you.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
This is what they do on the fucking show On
the Food That Built America. They'll you know, his name
is Robert Kraft, and he's gonna invent the fucking cheese
that makes us all that. So he'll say something and
be like, perhaps cheese, and then the actors to stand
there for a good fifteen to thirty seconds, just as

(38:44):
the camera pans around him or Dolly's back and forth,
because Campbell Scott, the narrator, is gonna be fucking saying
like his name is Robert Kraft, and he will build
a all this shit over him. But the job in
this instance is to say a line and then act,
but don't say anything, just stand there and act.

Speaker 2 (39:04):
Wow. That's that's tough.

Speaker 1 (39:08):
That's that's its own unique fucking skill set, like the
same way people like Broadway actors, you know, act on Broadway,
like acting for the movies and ship like that, acting
for the for the that Built series. That's the term
of art I found out yesterday. It's called the that
build a verse. Oh acted that kind of actor as

(39:28):
my utmost fucking respect right now? Oh yeah, oh yeah,
I could be that guy. But I'm in SAG, which
is weird because I don't talk in movies.

Speaker 2 (39:39):
Mm hm oh yeah. So you couldn't do it well,
but you were still involved. You still got to do it. Wait, also,
what I.

Speaker 1 (39:48):
Got to do it? I got to be interviewed as me,
but I talked about I want to be on camera.
I want to play Milton hershey his name is because
I could do this ship.

Speaker 2 (39:56):
I would love to see how it read. Oh please,
I'd love to see it.

Speaker 1 (40:02):
I could be like an old timey Titan. That was
another one the Titans that built America. His name was
Pierre DuPont. Do you know what he did? No, created
General Motors, also created a lot of fucking armaments for
World War One, and then after war he was basically
Tony Stark, like, he creates weaponry for World War One,
that's how it gets rich. And then after the war
he's like, all right, never doing that again, man, profiting

(40:23):
on human misery, No fucking way. And he creates General
Motors and shit. But then World War two breaks out
in FDR is like, I need you to build fucking
war machines and shit like that. I need everybody to
do what they were good at and shit, and people
that owned factories weren't. Like the government took him over
and just like this is needed for the war effort.
We're building planes here, now we're building parachutes and all

(40:44):
this shit. So this motherfucker. They were clever motherfuckers like Milton.
His name was Milton Hershey. Milton Hershey goes to the
government because the government's like, we got to take all
this over, you know, to build whatever the fuck for
the war effort. Milton Hershey's like, you know what you
want to put in the ration kits for all the
soldiers travels well, doesn't spoil our Hershey Bars. And so

(41:05):
the US government goes, oh, all right, yeah, he's got
a point. So number one, they have a government contract
for buying all these hrshey Bars that are going into
kits that are going over seasonship. But he doesn't have
to shut down his fucking plan. So all throughout the
war he's still megan chocolate, fucking chocolate. And when you
come back from World War Two and you survived, you

(41:26):
were like, we were fighting fucking Nazis, Like we were
fighting the ultimate fucking evil. On every day, I could
have been fucking killed, and the only joy in my
bleak world was opening up my ration kit and eating
that Hershey bar or eating a bag of M and ms. Yes,
Eminem's existed during World War two, and Mars, the Mars

(41:46):
Company did the same thing Hershey did. They were like, well,
you don't want to shut us down because Eminem's travel
real well, and we could put them in packs and
they can go over seats. It's a cheap form of
energy while you're in the field, and show like that.
So when you come back from World War two and
you've survived and you've defeated the fucking Nazis, the most horrible,
fucking human beings that ever existed. Good triumps over fucking evil.

(42:11):
Your memories of being alive are tied to things like
what you had on you when you almost died. My
friend had his head blown off right next to me.
We were sharing a hershey Bar together. You come home
with that, not just the fight, Like hershey Bar doesn't
just taste good to you. It tastes like fucking freedom.
It tastes like everything you fucking fought for. So you

(42:34):
come home and like you are brand loyal forever, like
I love hershey Bars, and your kids eat hershey Bars,
and then fucking you know people you're talking to people about,
Oh I love hershey Bars. People like hershey Bar. I
haven't thought about it in a while. And after World
War Two, sales explode on everything that soldiers took over
and had in their mess kids or had in their
their provisions during the war. So many industries are built

(42:57):
on the back of World War Two, and there's like
innovations and science and ship like it's it's incredible. Damn
I know you didn't.

Speaker 2 (43:08):
She got real real fast, you know.

Speaker 1 (43:11):
But it's like, right, now it's just easier to watch
ship about what used to happen in America. Don't you
have a quiz? Oh?

Speaker 2 (43:21):
Yeah, but you were in Austin's dream last night.

Speaker 1 (43:27):
Why do you want to know? I do? Did he
wake you up?

Speaker 2 (43:32):
Yeah? He was like Harley, Harley, yeah, Harley Hi, he
snor is so crazy. Yeah, he snorts through his mouth
and he's crazy and he's like literally like that and
it's crazy. And I'm always trying to film it because
I'm like, no, you don't understand. But yeah, you were

(43:56):
in his dream last night. He asked me to tell you.

Speaker 1 (43:59):
Did you say what happened?

Speaker 2 (44:00):
Yeah? The current president. This is why I didn't want
to bring it up, because I don't want to bring
off this man. The current president was running for a
third term, and you were like, I, I'm not going
to have it. So you decided to run for president
and you beat him, and you.

Speaker 1 (44:19):
Were Austin's dreams. I ran for president and beat Donald Trump. Yes,
to stop the third term.

Speaker 2 (44:26):
That's what's in Austin's deep subconscious mind.

Speaker 1 (44:30):
I think I could pull that off.

Speaker 2 (44:32):
But then I was thinking, and I was like, if
you were president, I want I think things would be
going pretty well.

Speaker 1 (44:40):
That's smart enough to be president. But I think I
would try smart people, and I would hire very smart
people and show like that.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
I think you don't give yourself enough credit.

Speaker 1 (44:49):
For what I think I give myself too much credit.
I think I'm living off this clerkship for a long time.

Speaker 2 (44:53):
Yeah, but you downplay how how knowledgeable you are about
like government and politics and stuff.

Speaker 1 (45:01):
I don't downplay as much as I'm just not that interested.
Now I have to pay more attention than I ever
did historically, a lot.

Speaker 2 (45:10):
You know, a lot, And I do think you could
be president. No way, no way man as in his
deep subconscious.

Speaker 1 (45:19):
So weird to think that, like at his most vulnerable.

Speaker 2 (45:25):
You are the president.

Speaker 1 (45:26):
Yeah, I'm living rent free and even in his dreams
and ship.

Speaker 2 (45:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:33):
I don't know if that communicates whether I was a
good or bad director, you know what I'm saying, Like
I'm sure you know Shelley Duvall fucking drama about Stanley Kubrick,
but not in a positive way, like oh my god,
I dreamt I was still making the Shining.

Speaker 2 (45:52):
So sad.

Speaker 1 (45:52):
Maybe that's why Austin woke up. Andy's like, I'm not
rightan David. Oh, thank god he got it. So it's
just another dream.

Speaker 2 (46:03):
Yeah, no, you just have. You've had a big impact.

Speaker 1 (46:07):
On it on Austin. Yeah, I would say, so I
had a daughter.

Speaker 2 (46:17):
Yeah, I had a daughter.

Speaker 1 (46:20):
I was gonna say, and then he had her. But
you know what I'm saying. But regardless, yeah you had.

Speaker 2 (46:26):
You had a very big impact on him, even.

Speaker 1 (46:28):
Before you start talking about like and action.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
Yeah, yeah you're my dad.

Speaker 1 (46:37):
I am you are Wait a second, I am your dad.

Speaker 2 (46:40):
Thank god he's not the one that was like Clerks
really changed my life?

Speaker 1 (46:45):
What did you say when the person said that? And
again when a stranger says it fine, but like, this
is somebody who's in your life you have to see
on a regular basis.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
Somebody in my life says that it's different because I'm like, oh, fuck,
really you too?

Speaker 1 (46:58):
You like not you too? And what is the about?

Speaker 2 (47:01):
It just makes me very distrusting, Like, oh, you're not
in my life for the right reasons?

Speaker 1 (47:06):
Is that right?

Speaker 2 (47:07):
You're in my life to get to someone else? Can
because that has happened anytime.

Speaker 1 (47:16):
Like co exist and not necessarily add up to that equation.
Can't somebody like you? But then also like what I've
done without that being That's the thing.

Speaker 2 (47:29):
Though, is how do I know? It makes me distrusting?
So how how can I trust? How can I trust
that you are genuinely there for me?

Speaker 1 (47:41):
You have you people?

Speaker 2 (47:44):
You know?

Speaker 1 (47:45):
Are you talking about that at these people?

Speaker 2 (47:49):
These people?

Speaker 1 (47:51):
How do I know?

Speaker 2 (47:53):
How do I know? How am I supposed to know?

Speaker 1 (47:56):
Saying it like Whitney? How do I know?

Speaker 2 (47:59):
How do I know?

Speaker 1 (48:00):
If you gotta keep going think of me. I'm trying
to phone to Shuck. Can't be falling in love? Soup
bit sweet? I'm asking you if you know about I
can't believe I know this many lyrics to that song.

(48:21):
I can because I'm a Whitney houstonologist. Yes, I know
a lot more about when she's from New Jersey.

Speaker 2 (48:29):
Well, there you go.

Speaker 1 (48:30):
We look out for our own. We're both part of
the New Jersey Hall of Fame, which you were born
in New Jersey, so technically you could also become part
of it.

Speaker 2 (48:38):
Oh my gosh, could.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
You imagine like we're inducting you because of that song
you sang star Hey?

Speaker 2 (48:44):
Why is that such a crazy notion? Maybe?

Speaker 1 (48:50):
Oh yes, if this was happening in the future, perhaps yes,
But like, if it was happening today, I'd be like,
you should be suspicious of that.

Speaker 2 (48:56):
Really, Oh, they're going to be like, we're going to
induct you into the Hall of Fame because your dad.

Speaker 1 (49:01):
Made Can you get your dad.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
A really big impass?

Speaker 1 (49:06):
So what if it's somebody like what about Austin? So
what if Austin's like your dads were cool?

Speaker 2 (49:13):
You're like, oh, Austin didn't know. I wasn't familiar with
your work before, Right, it makes him safe. Yeah, And
now of course he's seen stuff and he and he
loves it. But he when I met him, he wasn't like.

Speaker 1 (49:30):
What you're saying is he was an idiot. Now he
has common sense.

Speaker 2 (49:33):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's exactly what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (49:37):
Yeah, he's a little outside our demographic.

Speaker 2 (49:39):
In the same night, this guy also brought up Dogma.

Speaker 1 (49:43):
The guy going back to the guy who said I
like your dad, yes, brought up Dogma. Yes coming soon.

Speaker 2 (49:53):
That's what I said, because him and nobody.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
Knows what what did he? What did this person say
about the.

Speaker 2 (50:01):
That also had a really big impact this person age.

Speaker 1 (50:05):
Why why would you know? I guess like I like
rock and bowl Winkle and that pre exists me.

Speaker 2 (50:10):
This person started written a college paper on tusk.

Speaker 1 (50:16):
I made all three of those movies.

Speaker 2 (50:18):
You had a big impact on this man.

Speaker 1 (50:21):
Wow, ok ay, and so did this. This wasn't like
this is something that didn't out until later orred you
tell you on day one.

Speaker 2 (50:32):
He told me on day one about about the Tusk paper.

Speaker 1 (50:37):
He's like, oh my god, that's your dad. I wrote
a paper on tusk.

Speaker 2 (50:40):
He knew that it was just bad, but.

Speaker 1 (50:42):
Never went further, like fucking clerks.

Speaker 2 (50:45):
Never never dropped the clerk exchange my life because I
get in mind. No, I think I I think I
actually said get in line because because uh, the amount
of people who have said clerk change their life. You're
you're just lining up, buddy, you hold my beard. I
was going to say, just hold my beer.

Speaker 4 (51:08):
Guy.

Speaker 1 (51:08):
For I love hearing it naturally.

Speaker 2 (51:10):
I mean, I love hearing it from other people that
you've made like a huge impact on them. But when
I'm like with a close friend, I'm not expecting it
from I'm like, oh, okay, he's.

Speaker 1 (51:20):
Like, your father also had a huge impact on me.

Speaker 2 (51:25):
Like fuck, When other people.

Speaker 1 (51:29):
Say, does it change the dynamic of the relationship going further,
going forward.

Speaker 2 (51:35):
I did ask, do.

Speaker 1 (51:37):
You not come around anymore? Please?

Speaker 2 (51:40):
I did ask, do you only like me? Because my
dad serious?

Speaker 1 (51:44):
You put it on Front Street?

Speaker 2 (51:45):
I did put it on Front Street, and he of
course said no, But also was he gonna say?

Speaker 1 (51:51):
I remember? That is an awkward conversation I have because
I always used to have that conversation with my friends
in high school? Are you friends with me because of
my dad?

Speaker 2 (51:59):
Hey?

Speaker 1 (52:00):
They're like, yeah, we want the mail to come a
lot fucking fast.

Speaker 2 (52:03):
You're joking, budd, It's real, It's it's uh, it's weird.
I've lost friends because I found out they were just
using me.

Speaker 1 (52:13):
To get to me.

Speaker 2 (52:14):
Mm hmmm. Kevin Smith one bitch in particular.

Speaker 1 (52:18):
You know who? Why on earth do you think that
people see me as a conduit to success. I'm the
other guy. I'm where you go when your career is
winding down.

Speaker 2 (52:28):
That is not true. Oh yeah, that is not true.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
You know you're on your way, like I stop. Who
did I meet with when we were putting the movie together,
when we thought we were making it until fucking it
all fell apart? I met with an actor and this
actor has been in a bunch of things. Young actor

(52:57):
like maybe older than you, but way younger than me,
and a lot of mainstream franchises in a very popular
streaming show and stuff. And one of the first things
out of my mouth was it's like, why are you
being punished? And she and the actor was like, what

(53:18):
do you mean? And I was like, why you're doing
good in your career? Why did they send you to
meet me? Like I'm who you meet on your way
out the door.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
You gotta not feel that way about yourself. But it
takes me sad. It makes me.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
Sad one's place and that's not.

Speaker 2 (53:34):
Your place, And it makes me sad that you think
that not me.

Speaker 1 (53:38):
Keeps me humble. Yeah, but it's like never getting rich,
like having enough money to be comfortable and ship. But
I never got rich, so I always had to keep
like working. Like you know, people are like, man, he's
fucking full of himself. He worked. He looks to do
a lot of things literally, because I fucking live hand
in mouth. Every time you see me doing a thing.
It's not like there's always a check attached to it.

(53:59):
But I do so many things because I don't have
a job job, and I'm not fucking independently wealthy and
fucking you know, a lot of people assume that, like, hey, me,
you sold clerks, like yeah, fucking thirty one years ago
and for like two hundred thousand dollars, Like it's not
like fucking you know, oh my god, he's set for
life and shit like that. So I work like I

(54:22):
have to work all the time. That's why I'm always
kind of fucking out there. And shit, why am I
saying this? How did this come up?

Speaker 2 (54:27):
Because you were being self deprecating?

Speaker 1 (54:29):
Oh yes, so because I'm always fucking working. I know
what my value is and stuff like, and I've got
no problem with that. And the older I get, the
fucking less attractive my brand is right Like, fucking I
age out and hopefully the audience stays with me for
the rest of the ride. But if they don't, it's
been a really fucking fantastic run until then.

Speaker 2 (54:52):
This is getting very sad. This is making me very upset.
Why Because I wish that you saw yourself the way
that so many other people do.

Speaker 1 (55:00):
I think that I'm trying to you know, I've been
analyzing over and over why Rocky and Bullwinkle now and
or again because I was into Rocky and Bullwinkle when
I was younger. I think it might have something to
do with like watching or looking at something that I
can identify with, Like I never made a cartoon as

(55:22):
brilliant as Rocky and bowl Winkle and Ship, but like
Jay Ward, I've had my own thing going on so
much so that you know, not only did I make
a thing, but I got a store that's centered around
fake characters from that thing, just like fucking the Dudley
do Rite Emporium and stuff, and you know, recently in
my you know, kind of reconnecting with Rocky and bowl Winkle,

(55:47):
like I've now had time to look at what I've missed.
And the closing of the Dudley do Rite Emporium, I
saw it as I was driving by. I was like,
oh my god, it's closed. But you know, if I
was like an active fan at that point, like I
would have went in and bought fucking everything and shit.
So I'm doing a lot of like reading online about
the last days and fucking people putting up like oh,
I went, these are the pictures I took and shit

(56:09):
like that, And I think I think it's important that
I see how things and like at one point, jay
Ward Productions shut down Sunset Boulevard nineteen sixty one to
put up that statue. They had a bullwinkled day fair,

(56:31):
closed down five streets, including right on Sunset and you
know you fucking there's band plane and shit like that,
all to put up this statue. Nobody knows that anymore
except me and a handful of people, and shit that
doesn't matter anymore. Like that statue still exists. You can
drive past the bow Winkle statue. It's moved locations. But

(56:53):
like jay Ward and all his friends like stomped on
the terror and they had their time, and then that
time ends. And so I think it's important for me
to look at this shit because I'm like, oh, that's
one day. That's me, Like one day the stash will close.
Like it's amazing we've been open for as long as

(57:14):
we've been open. I think we're year twenty eight now,
and there's a part of me that desperately wants to
make it another nine years so we can get to
thirty seven, because what a great punchline that will be.
But only while I'm alive, because when I'm dead, ain't
nobody gonna remember, Like fucking they were open for thirty
seven years. People who would care about that information will
also die like me, So seeing what happens to something

(57:37):
that was way more popular than I ever was, like
all that shit was main fucking stream. They were on NBC, ABC,
fucking Bowl and Glader goddamn balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving
Day parade. But all things end, you know what I'm saying,
And so looking at this stuff, and I think it

(57:58):
has something to do with understand it that. You know,
I'm not talking about my life, but I'm talking about,
like how many years do I get out of this?
Like it has been thirty one years, sooner or later
it ends, it has to maybe I end first, no,
or maybe it ends, but it stops. And the thing

(58:20):
that I've spent an inordinate amount of my life doing,
which is Kevin Smith, Like I go back to doing
it just because I'm Kevin Smith, not because I can
make money off of being Kevin Smith. And I think
it's some form of like the Buddhist you know, being
a Buddhist is about preparing your entire life to have

(58:43):
a good depth. That's it. It's basically about preparing for
the final transition so that when you die, it's calm,
peaceful and it's not chaotic, and because you're passing into
you know, another existence, and so forth and so on.
I think this is a Buddhist version of understanding that
one day, and I understand every day on a regular basis,
like it becomes more and more clear that my heyday

(59:07):
is over, and I'm not like alarmed by that. Like
I had my moment I stomped on the terror, I
closed down Sunset Boulevard, so to speak. Many times over
the course of my career and stuff. You know, fucking
when we did the Dave's laser signing in the valley
back in the day, fucking news showed up because thousands

(59:27):
of people showed to get a Dogma copy signed, and
the news came in and were like, who are you?
Like I had all that, all those moments, and they
were great. But even people like Tom Hanks, who's had
ten thousand times the amount of moments that I've had,
at a certain point nobody remembers, like all the people
who would have given a shit pass and other things

(59:51):
become far more important than life. And so for the
longest time, throughout most of my career, I've lived with
my head up my ass thinking that everybody felt the
way I felt and that we're all on my journey.
But I'm just on my journey, and for a while
it was fucking magical, and I can It's not like
it's over now, but like I think, part of the
Rocky and Bowlenkle thing at now, at this point in

(01:00:12):
my life, is about understanding that everything has its time
and I keep it going. I know who I am,
and I know what I'm capeb love, and I know
I can fucking you know, fucking hey, there's this Jane's
Alibab meat Archie book coming out. Fucking interest is up
a little bit and keep people, keep it alive. But
you know, it's not like if I ever make another

(01:00:34):
one of these is gonna make fucking more money than
the other ones.

Speaker 2 (01:00:37):
Did.

Speaker 1 (01:00:37):
I mean now, the business being what it is like,
it's amazing anything gets fucking made. So I think it's
I think it's that. I think it's about growing up.
I think because my adolescence has been prolonged for thirty years,
thirty one years, I have entitlements that aren't like, hey man,
I expect fucking things to be done for me because

(01:00:58):
I'm Kevin Smith, but I have entitlements as much as like,
oh well, this is what I always do, so I
will keep doing that. Why would I stop? And sometimes
you don't get the choice. My whole career has been
about trying to make it so that I get to
choose when it ends that I go out on my terms.
That like, nobody could ever stop me from self expressing
or making my art. But that's a young person's game.

(01:01:20):
The older one gets I guess harder to accomplish and stuff.
So I think if I could really bring everybody down,
that's why I like Rocky and Bullwinkle. It's teaching me
how to accept my own demise, both professionally and personally.
One day, I think that's my Buddhist track. That makes sense.

Speaker 2 (01:01:38):
Yeah, I don't want to cry and give you a hug,
but yeah it's okay.

Speaker 1 (01:01:43):
But that's the thing. It's like things ending and death
and blah blah blah. Most people are against them, but
Americans are very particularly against them, because it's like no
prosperity and we move forward and like bigger and better,
and that's easy to believe in your youth. And those
are the tenets by which you live your life, but
the older you get, the more you realize. Particularly my case,

(01:02:05):
and like I've always known I was blessed and fortunate,
and I never took that for granted, But now even
more so, I'm like, the fucking chances that any of
this came to pass are fucking infinitesmal. And yet somehow
the universe threaded that needle for you could just be

(01:02:28):
that professionally speaking, as good as it ever got has
definitely passed. Now I can ameliorate like a thousand different ways,
be like but now I do this, now I do this,
now I do this and stuff. But perhaps it's all
diminishing returns at a certain point, because you know, people
are like, well, I mean these people do this. I'd

(01:02:50):
much rather watch this, I'd much rather listen to this,
And I'm okay with that, man, Like I'm not like,
oh fuck, and I'm not raging at the dying light.
I'm not like one of these fucking people who are like,
make it the way it used to be. I don't know.
I understand like I made something cool happen, and I

(01:03:11):
had a lot of fucking help and the universe was
on my side and everything worked out if I'd done
a year before a year after, nothing would have happen
and stuff. And I've been able to make it go
for three fucking decades. So the day that it stops,
I think I'm ready to be like, I get it
so long and thanks for all the fish. I think
I can make, as the Buddhist say, a good death

(01:03:33):
of it, so to speak, both professionally and personally. And
I think that's the key. So much of our time,
our subconscious time, is spent worrying about the end. I
don't worry about it so much anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:03:46):
Wow, that's a really beautiful self reflection, I think.

Speaker 1 (01:03:51):
So I do Is it worth writing that with somebody?
Buy that in a book? See? Isn't that? That's the
real shame of me is that at the end of
the day, every original thing that I have now goes
towards my industry. Like I used to just be a
person that would have beautiful thoughts and they would just
be that. But the moment I hear like that's valuable,

(01:04:11):
valuable things could be sold, and instantly I think, if
it's not worth saying out loud unless there's some way
for me to turn that into a thing.

Speaker 2 (01:04:21):
That it's pretty interesting. I don't know what to say
about that one.

Speaker 1 (01:04:27):
Well, that came from podcasting. Here's the podcasting, Like I
still do it with you where I'm like, well, don't
talk that. Wait until where I'm like that does happen.
The show went a lot of interesting places today. Sure
you don't want to do your quiz.

Speaker 2 (01:04:40):
The show went a lot of interesting places.

Speaker 1 (01:04:42):
It's a very existential show, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:04:45):
I think I think the quiz can wait. I think
I think that was I'm very I'm very proud of you.
I'm very proud of you.

Speaker 1 (01:04:55):
The show would end and be like, bro, it's a
comedy show.

Speaker 2 (01:05:00):
I'm very proud. I'm gonna cry, are you?

Speaker 1 (01:05:03):
But I can't. And you've got a thing to do
after this. You gotta learn to schedule this ship differently.
I go ahead, man, that's how we sell tickets. She's crying.
Her name was Hartley Quinn Smith, and she was moved
by her father's reflection.

Speaker 2 (01:05:22):
It's just I don't know, I'm just I feel like
you look a lot more in word now than.

Speaker 1 (01:05:30):
You used to since I went crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:05:33):
Yeah, and it's like very nice to see you dig that.

Speaker 1 (01:05:37):
Yeah, it's very touching that makes me happy. Man, I'm
getting a reaction out of you. A good reaction is
paramount to me, Like I care about your opinion, Like
I think you're cool, not just because you're my kid,
but I'm like, well, she knows what's up and she
got a good head on her shoulders. So you sang

(01:05:58):
that like would have more impact than momily saying it,
because Momay has to say nice things about me at
all times. But you sang it. It's like, well you
don't have to because you're the chick who has to
deal with people. Were like fucking love clerks, and you're like,
I know.

Speaker 2 (01:06:13):
So for you to be like, amen, you're doing good,
I'm very proud of you.

Speaker 1 (01:06:19):
Well, you're one of the smartest people I know, because
you know you want. You've been in therapy for years,
so you get it. You understand why. Yah. Yeah, You've
done the work and continue to do the work and shit,
so being seen by somebody like you makes a difference.
So thank you for that, because for a while there
I was like, Jesus, we should cut all of this out.

Speaker 2 (01:06:40):
No, it's really it's really beautiful to hear you talk
that way.

Speaker 1 (01:06:50):
Thank you. A weepy girl in her dad. That's what
bears stickless me is.

Speaker 2 (01:07:01):
It took me so long to do my makeup.

Speaker 1 (01:07:04):
I was even trying kids before she loses it all.
We should get out of here. There's a bear the
stickless me for this week. Man for Beardless stickless Me
Kevin Smith. We still have to do an after show
trying to save you. Oh, I'm seeing it. Good thing.

(01:07:28):
We got a great shot on you. That's gonna be
the thumbnail. Oh god, the agony. I don't like people
tune in. They'll be like, why the fuck is she
so upset and then they find out like, oh, it's
because she loves her dad. This world thrives on rage.
We're not giving them enough rage. Next episode we'll tell

(01:07:48):
you about all things piss us off. Yeah, no, I
can't do it. Nothing really pisses me off that much
because I can always see like some fucking positive side
or again, like fucking bitch about things. Don't make things better.
Just go make art, kids, Go make art, make yourselfs happy,
but don't make somebody unhappy in the process. Fuck, there

(01:08:10):
it is, there's your beardless stickles me, stickles Kevin Smith.
Shut up. This has been a podcast production some podcast

(01:08:36):
podcast using our mouths on you since two thousand and seven.
Hey kids, did you like what you just heard? Well,
guess what. We've got tons more, man thousands of hours
of podcasts waiting for you at that Kevinsmith club dot com.
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