iHeartattack Part 1

The beginning of the end. Kevin talks about Cannes, Harley talks about Spain, and both talk about the end of BDM as we know it.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:23):
Welcome back to Beard with the Stick. Let's me I'm Kevin.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
Smith and I'm Harley Quinn Smith.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
It has been a minute.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
It has been a red harf minute.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
Now. For the rest of the world, they're like, yeah, man,
it's been like two weeks, but for us, it's been
almost two months since we sat down to record. We
banked a bunch of shows because I was going off
on the Dogmenteur. Then after the Dogmenteur we came home
for a red hot minute or in the midst of it,
it was more toward the end of it, and then

(00:54):
went to can for five days.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
Then I went to Spain.

Speaker 1 (01:01):
Harley went to Spain. Then she came back and Danel
was like, I heart didn't want your show anymore. I
was like, wait what, But more about that later on.
So lots to catch.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
Up on, so much to cover.

Speaker 1 (01:22):
I am as we speak on tour with Jay for
the Oral Sex Tour Part two?

Speaker 2 (01:29):
Are you gonna spell it?

Speaker 1 (01:31):
A U R A L S C C T. I'm
going to Oklahoma City and then I'm going to all
the hot spots. Saint Paul, Minnesota. Uh, let's see where
else am I going? After Saint Paul Minnesota?

Speaker 2 (01:46):
Then I can Champagne.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
Sure, well that's later on. Don't don't fucking sorry, don't bury.
After there's Oklahoma, then there's same. Then there's two stops
in Iowa, Des Moines and Iowa City, Iowa City first,
then Des Moines, So Oklahoma City, Saint Paul, Minnesota, Iowa City,

(02:11):
Des Moines, Iowa, Madison, Wisconsin. Okay, get ready cats James
On abob coming, and then Lawrence, Kansas. And there's another
one in there that I'm forgetting escape me. But anyway,
I'm out on the road until like the twenty seventh

(02:32):
and stuff. He's gone gone, So I'm already I was
home for a second. Now back out into the world.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
But let's rewind so much to debris.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
It really is. And this is require a stiff drink.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
Yeah, cracker open liquid death. It's been a it's been
a busy summer. You could say.

Speaker 1 (02:55):
Hasn't even started yet.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
I actually, yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
That's your birthday, Harley's birthdays coming up.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
It's my golden birthday, twenty six on the twenties, all right.

Speaker 1 (03:08):
So we went to can That was absolutely lovely. I
had not been there, you know, in nineteen years. Last
time we went was with Clerks too. I hadn't been
there with Dogma in twenty six years, so we got
to go back. We walked the red carpet, we got
to hang out in the closet with the kid Burne,

(03:28):
Austin came, we went to the screening. It was like wonderful.
Actually sat and watched the entire movie with the audience
and stuff got inspired, like it was great. The whole
trip was fucking great. The tour was great as well.
Got to see people, two shows a night, sold out.
Just it was absolutely lovely. But when we were done

(03:54):
with can me and Jen took off, Like after the screening.
We were there for two more days. But the idea was,
since Harley was coming over with us, she'd never been
to Europe.

Speaker 2 (04:05):
That's not accurate at all.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
What was it.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
I've been many places in Europe.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
He'd be you'd never been to.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
Spain, and I had left I had not left the
country besides Canada in the past ten years in a
read a minute, and Austin had never left the continent
ever ever, So.

Speaker 1 (04:27):
These kids went with us. But then you know, the
idea was like, since they're going to be over there,
they'll stay longer, and so then they went off to Spain.
Me and Jen flew home. Now is when you tell
everybody all about Spain, or you can start with like
your can, Let me.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
Rewind a little bit to ken Can was absolutely beautiful
and delayful, not so suitable for vegans. But besides that,
no complaints, not about g Would you like to speak
about the old burger?

Speaker 1 (05:04):
We went into a fucking restaurant, man, and this is
one day I'm going to learn to like start looking
at prices before I pay. Granted, we were in France,
and naturally that.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
We're just looking for anything that you'd also.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
Anything, and we saw like a vegan burger and we
were like, oh my god, belga, so we order it
at This was the Majestic Hotel. It's one of the
fancy hotels along the strip, and they bring out a
vegan burger. It's an oat burger.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
My dad does not like oat being any.

Speaker 1 (05:39):
Of those, but he don't prefer but this was.

Speaker 2 (05:44):
This was also you could see the oats.

Speaker 1 (05:47):
It was like an oat meal burger.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
It was pretty much.

Speaker 1 (05:51):
A puck, but it wasn't a hard puck where it's
get a good bike.

Speaker 2 (05:55):
Very much, very much. Also many a mushroom in there,
and he don't like that.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
So I, you know, like, I'll have the dinner rolls
and some French fries. But the fucking oh burger was
how much? Sixty? We didn't know, no idea sixty.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
But after the check was brought to us a.

Speaker 1 (06:15):
Burger, even if it was the best beyond burger on
the planet, sixty was a little fucking ridiculous dollars sixty
for an oberger. I didn't even eat it was.

Speaker 2 (06:26):
He also we both ordered an oatburger, and I ate
a solid amount of mine. It wasn't it wasn't the
best thing of the road, but you know, a girl's
gotta eat. How he didn't want to be seen as
the person who didn't eat his oatburgers, so he dismembered

(06:47):
his oburger and put parts of it on my plate,
making it look like I did not eat my oatburger.
Because he couldn't take that.

Speaker 1 (06:56):
I was like, you know, the standard American all right, yeah,
you can't finish your.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
Appreciate an old burger. Sure we can't give credit where
credit is due, though, And that's the French fries.

Speaker 1 (07:12):
Which yeah, I mean, it's right there, but they were
if we don't get to fresh fry, right, everything else
is sheet.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
And that's true. Also while we were there in Austin
so appalled by because my dad and I were just
trying to We're just trying to find anything we could eat,
and it was truly not easy. We went to a
restaurant called New York, New York, which really appalled Austin that.

Speaker 1 (07:44):
That we were in France and we went to New York.
Oh my god, he might as well date your mother
because she's the same way. She was like, we're all
the way in here and we're gonna get a place
called New York ewer. I'm like, who gives a ship
what it's called? Like they have a full European menu
for Americans.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
We don't want what we're not looking for us cargo.
We're not looking for beef tartar.

Speaker 1 (08:03):
But it wasn't like they were like American and borl
gear like, it's just they called the place New York.
Had a big menu, diverse, lot of French food and shit.
But the old fucking standard, the standby is pizza, European pizza.
Mayn't go anywhere and get some pizza and ship vegan.
You get a red pie, like leave the cheese off

(08:23):
and like kiss, but it's I don't bump into that restaurant.

Speaker 2 (08:31):
I was really fine with her choice.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
Especially because they did have a meatless but it was
it called meat Reimagined. I think it was a very
French name, but it was essentially a beyond it and
it was really good. I had one as well, And
I'll tell you what we didn't follow up on because
we left like the next day. What maybe some people

(08:55):
don't know if they're not they don't eat vegan on
a regular basis. It makes you gassy because you're eating
a lot of protein.

Speaker 2 (09:03):
Did it make.

Speaker 1 (09:05):
I was on a twelve hour plane ride home. Oh god,
it was.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
God. The poor fellow flamegoers. It's already like that on
a daily basising.

Speaker 1 (09:19):
It into the seat, burying my ass just deeply into
the sea as I could. To be fair, I was
in like a lay back seat, so I had a
blanket over me so I could. But man, it was
Dutch oven city in there. But that's how I knew.
I was like, that was a real meatless, that was
meat reimagined. It made me fart just as much as

(09:40):
a beyond burger, perhaps more, perhaps somebody is now used
to be on burger and it doesn't like I don't
fart as much that burger man, because I was like,
what did I eat? And I was like, it's the meat.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
Reimagined, gas reimagine.

Speaker 1 (09:52):
Truly the whole fucking trip home. Man. Wow, but I
don't bump.

Speaker 2 (09:56):
Into that, right, Thank god, you were in first class.

Speaker 1 (10:00):
Truly and fucked those two little snots like New York,
New York.

Speaker 2 (10:04):
No, we're just looking for a fucking meal, little kid.

Speaker 1 (10:07):
It was. And also to be fair, like eleven thirty
at night, like it was really late.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
Yeah, and we're also, now, what are we supposed to
go get a sixty dollars o burger for a second time.

Speaker 1 (10:16):
I already got fucked in the daytime, so at nighttime
we want a little security, a little safety, like pizza
and meat reimagined, not to be confused.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
Yeah, And then also on the meat reimagined, we couldn't
eat the bun. Though the bun came, it was not
the tell. Yeah, the bun on the on the oat
bill gal was also.

Speaker 1 (10:46):
A little suze.

Speaker 2 (10:47):
It was a little sauce. And I did I did
have a bike because it did say vegan burger. Yeah,
but then I quickly had some questions and I stopped
eating the bun.

Speaker 1 (10:58):
But you're man at New York, New York chose unwisely
the fish seafood. Yeah. He chose like a lobster pasta
of some sort. Yeah. Yeah, And then you guys went
to Spain the next day, where he proceeded to throw
up and his guts out. Do you think it was

(11:19):
the fish dish at New York, New York. Maybe that's
why he's a little biased.

Speaker 2 (11:23):
No, he didn't throw up the next day. He got
real sick.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
What's that if you're like real sick, like sick, so
like sweaty and ship.

Speaker 2 (11:31):
Yeah, sounds like. So we'll get we'll get from the
from that, we'll get back to that, all right.

Speaker 1 (11:38):
Just we just want to remind the audience. Uh well no, uh,
you know, hold on, how do they say it later
on in the episode, how I Heart fired.

Speaker 2 (11:53):
Don't forget this is coming up, but you gotta wait.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
We'll get there, but you gotta waita in Spain, all right, So.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
No back in Canal. Still have some stuff to say
about can fair enough. It was a really wonderful experience
getting to see you get filled up with me. It
is with with self confidence. I think you being there
seeing like, yeah I can I can still do this.

(12:23):
Because before that, before we left, you were saying, we
gotta go because I'm never coming back for me, unless
it's for you or Austin, I'm not coming back.

Speaker 1 (12:34):
There's no I didn't think I would ever be back
in camp.

Speaker 2 (12:37):
But then you went, You got filled up with hope
and confidence. And then on stage you announced in front
of that very french man who runs the festival that
you would be returning with the dog Mosequel and he
said if it is good, and he was like it,
but it was. It was really very hard warming and

(13:03):
very wonderful for me to see you be filled with
confidence again.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
Oh that's very sweet. As soon as I got back
to the States, it was gone. No no, did What
was your takeaway of the Sasophones.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
Let's just say, well, it was gorgeous, beautiful, beyond great weather.
You were saying it was like Los Angeles, to which
I say, again, it looks like no, no, no, it
was a beautiful oasis at least.

Speaker 1 (13:34):
But to be fair, there were there were moments too,
like when we were at the party in the hills.
After the screening that, I was like, oh, it looks
like highlands. Oh my god, in the dark with the
view of the.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
Respect on the French ro Viera's name.

Speaker 1 (13:50):
Please man, there are parts of highlands that are very beautiful.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
I've been there. It ain't the same.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
It's it's a beach. It's the exact the same.

Speaker 2 (14:00):
My god, that is the Mediterranean scene.

Speaker 1 (14:03):
Sometimes we got a nice weather in Jersey, all right,
and so.

Speaker 2 (14:08):
It was. I had never been to the south of France.
I went to Paris like ten years ago. I've never
been to the south of France. It was like a
beautiful tropical oasis.

Speaker 1 (14:19):
The whole time you were like, hey, everybody walking them
down the closet, You're like, I'm an iHeart podcaster. And
then I came home, Hey, hey, step back.

Speaker 2 (14:33):
I got a podcast. I got a podcast on Heart radio.
Just die.

Speaker 1 (14:42):
You say you can keep your pumpdu.

Speaker 2 (14:46):
I got have the Hill and everyone at the company
loves us.

Speaker 1 (14:53):
We're never going to die. And people in the closet
were like, cissart.

Speaker 2 (15:00):
Yeah. Anyways, more on that later, but I will say
of Spain, I think Spain reconnected me to myself, to
my life's purpose.

Speaker 1 (15:14):
Once again, kid's never been to Spain? Yes, what was
your Were you scared to go with just you and him?
Like with me and mom there at least like there
was always somebody in case of an emergency or whatever
the fuck? But we guys, I thought it was rather brave.
You go to Spain by yourself.

Speaker 2 (15:30):
It's not scared but that. But that is to say,
Spain reconnected me to myself. That is, can you care?

Speaker 1 (15:37):
I mean what.

Speaker 2 (15:40):
Spain reconnected me to myself and grounded me in my
life and where I stand in this world. Can did
not do that? Can was like the spectacle of all spectacles.
It was the craziest thing I've ever witness. Oh my god,
Spain made me realize, not in a bad way, in

(16:02):
a really helpful, wonderful way, how small I am and
how big the world is. France was like, oh my god,
this is this is this is the I don't even
I never experienced anything like it. I feel like I've
seen some fancy things throughout my life.

Speaker 1 (16:20):
You kept saying, the whole trip, I mean, that's the thing.
Like at one point we were in well, when the
trip began, we were in Los Angeles.

Speaker 2 (16:27):
Al Oh, from the beginning, and.

Speaker 1 (16:30):
Then we had access to a lounge. I don't know
if it was Centurion Lounge or if it was the
first class of our fly.

Speaker 2 (16:36):
No, no, no, no, this was the Delta.

Speaker 1 (16:37):
One Lounge, Delta one lounge. We just took Delta one
from LAX to.

Speaker 2 (16:44):
We did not You and Mom did. Austin and I
sat in Row forty in the back of the plane.

Speaker 3 (16:50):
Yeah, Delta coach and Delta The trunk of Delta.

Speaker 1 (16:54):
Coach Delta is one hundred. We were at Delta one.
You were Delta one hundred.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
But the the lovely Delta one employee at.

Speaker 1 (17:05):
LAX, Wow, it's so nice that you still remember that
that happened. There was a lady at the desk who
was like, oh, if they want to come in, they
can comm in.

Speaker 2 (17:12):
It was so kind because you know, the person at JFK,
the Delta one employee at JFK said fuck, I'll get
out of here. But the lovely woman, I wish I
remembered her name at LAX, which there is a whole
different entrance for Delta one at LAX, which blows my mind.
It is on the arrivals level, not even the departures level,

(17:33):
so you go in and it's your own fucking little
check in desk. They offer you a pressed juice, they
offer you a coffee, They have a hot towel. Then
you go in and you go through your own private security,
and then you go through.

Speaker 1 (17:50):
Yes, you put your bags, you know, your carry ons
go through. Well, they take everything. They take your big
bags when you check them. But then when you go
you know, you're going through their own private airport security,
so you're not it's it's it was crazy, like, wow,
this is it was the height of luxury the whole trip.
This kid is the airport lounge, which at the end

(18:11):
of the day, yes, Delta one is a very beautiful
lounge at L A X, but it's still an airport lounge.
And the kid is like mclamor's play type anything, the
team anything, as I got fucking hot towels, all it
takes it like it's unbelievable. They've got a vegan snack?
What did they have that? A vegan?

Speaker 2 (18:32):
You go up in this place, which again Austin and
I only got to go in because of this really kind.

Speaker 1 (18:38):
Of remind when you were a kid, like instead of
taking you to chuck e cheese, like we we went
one day, we swapping once went to Chuck and Cheese
and there was a long line and you were a baby,
like yeah, like two or whatever. So we were like, cher,
I can know the difference between Chuck and Cheese and

(18:59):
the McDonald ball bath, and so we want to cross
the street to McDonald's to the playland there. And you
had a blast.

Speaker 2 (19:06):
I'm sure I did, but you did. But the germs
are I made it. I did go to Chuck e
Cheese all the time.

Speaker 1 (19:14):
You did, but it was it was like you know,
at the end of the day. It reminds me of
like we didn't even have to take you all the
way to the south of France or Spain. We could
have just taken the Delta one lounge hung out there
for eight hours. You would be like get.

Speaker 3 (19:31):
Today when you walk in, which also, okay, there's one
just going back one second. You can go into the
private check and they offer you a press juice. You
go to the private security. Then you take a private
elevator that brings you up so you don't see nobody
else in the airport, like the You're in your own
fucking bubble. And then the elevator takes you up to

(19:54):
the Delta one Lounge, so nobody there was asking for
my ticket. Therefore, seeing that I am in row the four.

Speaker 1 (20:02):
Hundred, you don't belong here with quality JFK. They did,
but you had to settle for the Centurion Lounge.

Speaker 2 (20:17):
Yeah, and it did its job. But at the Delta
one Lounge, they handed you a brochure and told you
everything that was in the lounge sleeping pods, massage pods, showers.

Speaker 1 (20:32):
We're not even we haven't gotten Spain yet, You're still
in America.

Speaker 2 (20:39):
Free food, free, alcohol, free, everything free, free, free, free, free.
It was.

Speaker 1 (20:45):
It was glamorous, and they she wouldn't stop talking about.
Do we did tea?

Speaker 2 (20:54):
It was the eluxury, It was the hide of luxury.

Speaker 1 (20:57):
It got to feelin that in the ethnic who did moms?
He Oh, we did see somebody famous smart from Hacks.
She was flying to New York and then I saw
she's doing a place, so maybe that's why she was. Well,
she was on our way there.

Speaker 2 (21:13):
I had some crazy Next.

Speaker 1 (21:15):
Time, I'm I'm just gonna buy a first class ticket
out any Delta one floor. I'm going over. We're gonna
go into the lounge. Just hang out for hours. You
have to let you sleep in the pod, use a
little internet, get some free It's the orange juice.

Speaker 2 (21:33):
I was so bummed, had no time to go in
the sleeping ball.

Speaker 1 (21:36):
Well we were like going, like, do we like go
out for her birthday and ship, Like Mom's going we
could take her a crossroads, taking a fucking delta one,
take me.

Speaker 2 (21:45):
Straight to the La Extill. Do one lounge. Baby.

Speaker 1 (21:48):
You don't even have to get dressed up. You can
dress up like in the in the trucker hat and
the thresher because once you bought the expensive ticket, they're
gonna treat you like gold and ship. And then we
did and fucking and the full refund you.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
And in your individual pod that with the seat that
went all the way down. Yes, and you're in your
meal and your blankets.

Speaker 1 (22:11):
And I'm gonna tell you this, but that being said,
it was you know, it's twelve to thirteen hours to
fucking get from Lax to niece, you know, with stops
or whatever the fuck, and and uh, it's a lot
of money to fly. But my god, I don't remember
like the flight, like I've closed my eyes and all

(22:33):
of a sudden they were like sir, we're landing. I
was like, oh, that's nice. Same coming back.

Speaker 2 (22:38):
I see who's that? Sounds like there's a puppy right there.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
Sounds like there's a dog outside somebody, somebody walking their dog.

Speaker 2 (22:51):
Bertie a.

Speaker 1 (22:55):
Pretty pretty Meanwhile, Lucky in the background like.

Speaker 2 (23:03):
He's okay, okay home anyway. So moving past the Delta
one Lounge.

Speaker 1 (23:11):
I don't know that you ever will path. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (23:17):
Remember Austin said it was the best meal that he's
ever had, the best breakfast he's ever had, was that
the Delta one Lounge.

Speaker 1 (23:31):
Yeah? Should we should we have our wedding reception l
A X. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (23:40):
The problem I wonder if you can have a membership
to Delta one Love.

Speaker 1 (23:47):
I know, what do you belong to? Sam Vincente Bungalows. Yeah,
get rid of that, get Delta one Lounge pass. You're
going out, Oh my god, you'd have to drive out
to l A to go.

Speaker 2 (23:59):
There there, ma'am. What times You're like, Oh, I don't.

Speaker 1 (24:03):
Got one of them. I'm just I'm here for the amenities.

Speaker 2 (24:05):
I'm just using.

Speaker 1 (24:08):
Like, don't you live here in town? Yeah? But it's
I'm so delighted. I never thought we would be talking
about it again, but I'm so delighted to see that
it lasted impact. Oh my god, I was like, this
shit happened like over a month ago, it feels like.

(24:29):
And my man was just like dripping with detail right here,
going like the juice was pressed, the towns was went
and hot, and there was a sleep pod if you
were tired, I tell you they figured it on out.

Speaker 2 (24:43):
Do you know think it's insane you can shower at
the airport.

Speaker 1 (24:47):
I don't think it's insane because I've flown quite a bit,
and in your higher end lounges there is always a
shower component, all right.

Speaker 2 (24:57):
Well from a study, coach flyer wasn't I wasn't familiar.

Speaker 1 (25:04):
Now you've got to, you know, fucking your aspiration should
be make enough money to always fly first class so
you can go to the Delta.

Speaker 2 (25:13):
All my money every year, we'll be spent until one lounge.
I'll have no car, I'll barely make my mortgage every month,
but I'll be at the Delta one loune.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
Not for nothing. But like while you're there, be like
kind an application there all the time.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
I honestly I witnessed I witnessed a nasty a nasty
goer of the Nelta Delta Delta one lounge.

Speaker 1 (25:44):
What do you mean somebody in the Delta one lound
not an employee, no no, but somebody was traveler, a
fellow traveler.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
A fellow travel Delta wanner.

Speaker 1 (25:53):
They were no, no, another.

Speaker 2 (25:56):
One another, a woner was nasty to some who was
working at this one. Oh no, no, no, I considered.
I considered saying.

Speaker 1 (26:07):
Something getting up and carrying out.

Speaker 2 (26:10):
No, I wouldn't say that was being a bitch to
the waitress. Yes, he was maing a fucking bitch to
the waitress.

Speaker 1 (26:20):
What what was the Let me let me be the
judge here, let me see how bitch is bitch? What'd
you do?

Speaker 2 (26:24):
I mean? I can't fully remember the whole thing. It
was kind of in a daze because of the amazement
in my eyes at the Delta one lounge.

Speaker 1 (26:31):
But was the you can blink the answer? Was it
your mother?

Speaker 2 (26:41):
No, my mother is a lovely person. Anyways, moving on? Um, No,
this was this was a Karen of the sorts just
complaining about Karen of the sky, some fucking Karen of
the sky, fucking bitching about at like six am.

Speaker 1 (26:57):
With zero appreciation for the one that you have ohed.

Speaker 2 (27:02):
I was like, lady, how could you have a single
complaint when you're in the Delta one lounge. You're being
a bitch.

Speaker 1 (27:08):
She's lost her way.

Speaker 2 (27:09):
In the Delta one lounge and you're one, You're a
fucking wonner, and you really got something to say at
six am, she does all look bad. She was upset because,
if I recall correctly, because the Mimosa slash champagne service
started at seven, you could not get alcohol before the
time of seven am, and we got there at like

(27:30):
six thirty, and she was upset and she was.

Speaker 1 (27:32):
Like, I have to board soon and I want booze now. Yeah,
I mean no, I mean all of that just sounds bad,
especially when it's just like I, well, my mamose.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
Piano, bitch. Anyways, So that was the Delta one Lounge.

Speaker 1 (27:52):
We haven't even gotten the fucking.

Speaker 2 (27:54):
Then can Can was lovely, an absolute spectacle, the city itself,
the South or the South of France as a whole gorgeous.

Speaker 1 (28:07):
You. Harley and Austin naturally had their own hotel room
separate from me and Jen. But they had their own
hotel like they were separate from we.

Speaker 2 (28:14):
Were not staying at the Hotel Martinez. Mart is the
one where every famous person in town stat.

Speaker 1 (28:24):
That they were saying, yes, who was there besides sound Well,
I mean.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
Who else matters?

Speaker 1 (28:32):
I saw Dakota.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
Fanning, I saw I believe you saw el Fanning.

Speaker 1 (28:36):
I saw Elan Yes, she really just gone with I
saw a fan I.

Speaker 2 (28:43):
Saw Carl Delvine. Do you know who that is?

Speaker 1 (28:47):
Eyebrow actress she's got I mean we all do, but
she's got a very striking eyebrows.

Speaker 2 (28:52):
I remember she's an actor. She's very as a girl's girl.
I believe, I don't know we're talking about the same person.

Speaker 1 (29:02):
Really, I think was she in suicide squad?

Speaker 2 (29:07):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (29:08):
Then yes, all right, here's the thing, hear these fuckers
come back, ruh. I know we've talked about it. But
there is a lady with a big hat that walks
down the hill at six in the morning talking on
her fucking headphone, and she must be talking to somebody

(29:29):
on the East coast, because that's the only other motherfuckers
would be awake enough to see this conversation. Always with
the hat pretty fucking big, like like the fucking like
this light, but bigger. Jesus Christ ridicularly you don't given
your mother knows you. There's the hat lady. So hat
woman rolling down either down fucking the street or up

(29:51):
the street, and again six in the morning.

Speaker 2 (29:54):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
So that I said to him, like, you're out of
your mind. No, that's oh ratchet, no way, I'm not
doing that. Like top of her fucking lungs. I get
up and I tiptoe around this house like a fucking
hippo ninja because God forbid we wake smoug.

Speaker 2 (30:18):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (30:20):
And meanwhile this hat woman and fucking all I hear
from the closes curtains is and I'm like, you pieces
ship you will sleeping giant o.

Speaker 2 (30:35):
God.

Speaker 1 (30:37):
Yeah, chickens laugh man, she laughed. Every once in a while,
I want to yeat, but then I feel like a
fucking Karen to be like, you know, people are still sleep.
And then I'm like, she'd be like, you just yelled
at me, asshole. So then I would have to go
downstairs and can you imagine, Yeah, but could you imagine,
like she's walking down the street talking to full volume.
I come out of the house and walk right up

(30:58):
to her like that. That. I was raised differently by
both my mother and your mother.

Speaker 2 (31:03):
Excuse me the big hat.

Speaker 1 (31:05):
She can't even hear they excuse me because she got
the headphones out and ship. She lives in her own
fucking world. But believe me, I'd be in that world
if all of a sudden I came out of the house.
I'm not even talking like I I'm smoking out of
the house. I'm like, but if I was just outside
the house, because I can hear all the way up
the hill and standing on the curb just as she
was coming down Tony she that would be perceived as

(31:28):
it's threatening.

Speaker 2 (31:29):
I mean, now I wouldn't suggest that.

Speaker 1 (31:31):
But yeah, then what carry a pigeon?

Speaker 2 (31:34):
Hold up a sign? Can you be quiet? My wife
is sleeping and she's mean when she wakes up.

Speaker 1 (31:41):
It's a lot of letters. She'd have to do this shit, peer,
can't I just write, bitch? Shut up?

Speaker 2 (31:48):
Hey? Hat fucking.

Speaker 1 (31:51):
The long hat. It's a super elongated hat. Every once
in a while, she has dogs with her, but they're
little annoying dogs.

Speaker 2 (31:57):
Oh are they not the cute ones?

Speaker 1 (31:59):
No, they're the ones. My dad.

Speaker 2 (32:02):
A special taste in dogs. Oh oh my god, what
a snack for walk.

Speaker 1 (32:07):
Total snack the curly haired kind. Yeah, you know the
little white ones like, look, you love a dog, love
a dog, but we love animals.

Speaker 2 (32:17):
We're vegan.

Speaker 1 (32:17):
But pound for pound man like, if a dog weighs
less than a cat, is it a dog anymore? Shacky
checking in my less than a cat? She might fucking
heavy cats, but Shakey has some girth through Cheky was
a good twenty pounder. Man.

Speaker 2 (32:34):
Have you picked up move lately?

Speaker 1 (32:36):
Heavy? He's like, well you think they call me move
as fine as a cot? Help me work out a
box in about yard, Grandpa? Like me, I don't know
anything about box. Take me on a run, Grandpa. Come on, grandpa, God,
trade me like you Mickey and I was Rocky. No,
come on, grandpas won't be rockty.

Speaker 2 (32:56):
Oh my god, you.

Speaker 1 (32:59):
Yell me like he's Mickey cut me big. That's when
I'll say, trade me, Grandpa, it's too fat from a
good I never do get girlfriend? Oh he will.

Speaker 2 (33:11):
Won't tell him he can?

Speaker 1 (33:13):
He can't? Is he fixed? He is never going to
have a girlfriend. You ever have that discussion with.

Speaker 2 (33:21):
Relationship?

Speaker 1 (33:22):
Where's my nuts? Mommy? Mommy?

Speaker 2 (33:25):
I woke up in my.

Speaker 1 (33:26):
Nuts were mummy that uh my nuts have not returned?

Speaker 2 (33:33):
Do you know that I have a photo of linuses.

Speaker 1 (33:36):
I don't want to hear it. Why would you have thats.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
Because I was at the time, I was friends with
someone that worked at the villa.

Speaker 1 (33:44):
I don't.

Speaker 2 (33:46):
Photos.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
And also as a vegan, how can you justify the
whole like getting them fixed? Thing? Oh?

Speaker 2 (33:53):
Because it's extremely important because there are so many homeless
animal in the world.

Speaker 1 (34:00):
Yeah, why would your animals?

Speaker 2 (34:02):
Because what if my animals have more more kittens and
then I have to try to distribute them and find
homes for them.

Speaker 1 (34:09):
That's the responsibility as a cat.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
On that's taking away a home from a cat that
could have been adopted by said people who took my kittens.

Speaker 1 (34:18):
Because there's already kittens in the world.

Speaker 2 (34:20):
You're saying, yes, there are already so many homeless animals
in the world.

Speaker 1 (34:24):
Mommy, us real weak sauce for wise, I can't get
laid just because there's kiddies in the world. Mummy, wrapped out, Rascal,
let me have some sex, Billy, where's my balls? Give
me the I care have them?

Speaker 2 (34:36):
Baby? Can you glutle them back on the world.

Speaker 1 (34:38):
You must have been a dog nearby just in case.

Speaker 2 (34:42):
Just because of need the one day moment That was
the ultimate example of why you should fix your pets.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
Want to pass on the jeans because he's like, well, no, no, Bill, oh,
Bill the babbit.

Speaker 2 (34:54):
Why Bill became an infinitely better man once he had
his balls removed.

Speaker 1 (35:03):
Better or you know, more controllable.

Speaker 2 (35:07):
He was sucking all my cats. He was humping them,
humping all my cat.

Speaker 1 (35:12):
I mean that's on Bill and then it's up to a.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
Cat and all over the place.

Speaker 1 (35:18):
Oh, he don't do that either.

Speaker 2 (35:19):
No, when he was when he was fixed.

Speaker 1 (35:22):
Once she took his balls, he stopped shooting and pissing
and stopped humping.

Speaker 2 (35:26):
And now he's a very respectful man. Except he does
bite me when I feed him crunchy bears. But that's
only because he's very excited.

Speaker 1 (35:33):
No, it's only because you took his balls.

Speaker 2 (35:36):
About the crunchy bears. But no, I think he's British.

Speaker 1 (35:41):
May mother, Yeah, may I have my testicles back?

Speaker 2 (35:47):
Please? Have a ways? Can I cannot? Please? How do
you do it?

Speaker 1 (35:52):
That's your British mother? Matha mother, May I please have
my testicles back? Please? That was Masa, Masa, may I
have my test Oh?

Speaker 2 (36:13):
Yeah, that's Bill.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
Oh Bill, watsh's bulls? Back Bill's bulls. Oh my god,
where they are? Oh so much more to cover.

Speaker 2 (36:29):
But here's a reminder. We were fired from my hard radio.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
Yeah, and you're gonna hear the whole story next episode. Whoa,
that's right, it's Cliffhanger. You spent so much time sucking
Delta One's dick, my god, as if they were a
fucking sponsor of the show.

Speaker 2 (36:47):
For evident, we should wrap up Can Real Quick?

Speaker 1 (36:49):
Uh, all right, go ahead, wrap it up.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
We We'll just wrap up Can Real Quick.

Speaker 1 (36:55):
I'm done. I finished CAN forty minutes ago. So do
what you buy? All right?

Speaker 2 (37:00):
Yes, to talk about Can Real Quick. I have never
seen anything like it.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
It was even fancier than the Delta was actually.

Speaker 2 (37:09):
Fancier than the Dozen one launch. Your hotel had a barricade.
It was so fancy. You needed a badge identification to
get into the hotkeys a hotel for a festival pass
to get into the hotel, and there was a barricade
with photographers and fans waiting outside the hotel.

Speaker 1 (37:30):
Stood outside the hotel all day long, waiting for somebody
famous all day.

Speaker 2 (37:34):
And then the spiral staircase and went up eight floors.
Every model walked down and used as a run win.

Speaker 1 (37:41):
Yeah, everybody took pictures on the stairs. It was very fancy,
very fancy.

Speaker 2 (37:44):
It was the fanciest thing I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 (37:46):
We went there because we stayed there years ago, back
when we were here for there for the clerks too,
And I remember that was the same year that X
Men Last Stand was there. Ian McKellen played Magneto. I'm
in the lobby of the Martinez trying to use the

(38:07):
Wi Fi because you couldn't access in your room in
those days and stuff. And Ian McKellen comes in in
a bathrobe and nothing else. And then it comes up
to the you know, checking desk, and he's just like,
I've been locked out of my room. Wow. And they
were like, oh, one second please. He turned around and

(38:30):
looked at me and smiled.

Speaker 2 (38:33):
Cool.

Speaker 1 (38:33):
Story, it's famous, Scandalf, motherfucker. Gandalf got locked out as
your important. The story is, it's not really Gandalf because
he couldn't magic is fucking door open? That's what I said,
hegandal why don't you imagine give fucking door open? But
he was gone by that point he didn't hear me.

Speaker 2 (38:48):
Yeah, it probably best, yeah.

Speaker 1 (38:50):
Right, because what if it was magic, and he was
just like, you shall not passs. Did you ever see
the Lord of the Rings movies? I'm not even saying
you have to. Like normally, sometimes I'll say do you
ever see this? And you're like no, I'm like, oh,
but people love them, ring I think.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
I should see them. I mean, I recently took The
Lord of the Rings, the first book from your library.
Why looks like a cool cover, good luck?

Speaker 1 (39:20):
Yeah, thick read.

Speaker 2 (39:21):
It's actually thinner than one would think. Yeah, better than
a Harry Potter.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
Yeah, but Harry Potter I found to be more user
friendly because the kid's book, whereas Lord of the Rings
is like scholarly work.

Speaker 2 (39:38):
Remember how Billy your vintage copy of the Silence of
the Lambs.

Speaker 1 (39:42):
I remember how my daughter I lent my doctor a
cherished copy of a book, one of the only books
I've ever read in this world, held onto my same
copy in every home I've ever lived, and I gave
it to her and she stopped bring it back, and
I A rabbit's gonna rabbit. It ain't Bill's fault, It's

(40:03):
the fault of the person that's like, here, Bill eat
my father's book.

Speaker 2 (40:09):
But when we did leave for Europe. Austin did put
a magazine under the bed for Bill?

Speaker 1 (40:14):
Yes, you stay off the fucking books you eat this
Bill was like by the end of day one, done
with the magazine. Gotta leave my phone book. Do you
know what a phone book is?

Speaker 2 (40:25):
I do?

Speaker 1 (40:26):
Do they still have them?

Speaker 2 (40:27):
No?

Speaker 1 (40:28):
You don't have a phone book?

Speaker 2 (40:29):
Well why would I? And please tell me why?

Speaker 1 (40:33):
I mean they just used to send him like you
didn't buy it. They just sent it to you when
you had a phone line. It was just something you got.

Speaker 2 (40:39):
I don't get a phone book.

Speaker 1 (40:42):
I guess they don't do that anymore.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
I don't think so. It would be a big waste paper.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
I mean, well that doesn't stop fucking industry ever. But
that's crazy I think about it. They used to be
a big thing. Like ever hear the new phone book?
Like are we in it? I'm famous?

Speaker 2 (41:00):
There are two more things to touch only two more
things to touch on from Canadon people were like.

Speaker 1 (41:05):
Fuck camp, what do you mean you're getting fired? No,
that's a whole story to that.

Speaker 2 (41:10):
Two more points to canon. Okay, One, we were there
when the entire south of France lost power. That's true,
and that was a little crazy.

Speaker 1 (41:18):
That was wild man. We were walking them down the
quaset and everything was off. You couldn't buy anything because
like they couldn't.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
Somebody intentionally set a fire to a power n bank
of the sort, yeah, and there was no power in
the whole city and Austin Mom and I spent the
whole day at the beach, but somebody didn't want to join.

Speaker 1 (41:40):
I'm not a beach guy, so I went back to
the hotel were you scaled watch? I had Rocky and
bowl Winkle downloaded.

Speaker 2 (41:47):
So, because when you're in the South of France, the
best thing to do is watch cartoons and not be
on the beach.

Speaker 1 (41:55):
I mean, I'm not a beach person. I grew up
in a beach town. Like I could have gone to
the beach every day in my life.

Speaker 2 (42:02):
You believe the Mediterranean, see it's a little different.

Speaker 1 (42:05):
I mean, no, a beach is a beach. And also
when have you ever known me to be like, let's
go where, let's enter the food chain, like this motherfucker
here just went to like North Carolina and then the
next day they were like biggest shark ever seen in
America in North Carolina, like fucking twenty minutes from where
she was swimming. I've never like the only time in

(42:27):
our lifetime together, unbelievable. I was in Hawaii when you
were a kid. That was the last time I went
in the ocean.

Speaker 2 (42:37):
Will you ever go in the ocean again?

Speaker 1 (42:38):
No? And believe me, I don't feel like.

Speaker 2 (42:41):
What if I was drowning?

Speaker 1 (42:43):
Oh my god, that don't fucking put me.

Speaker 2 (42:45):
If I was drowning in the ocean, would you come
and get me or would you let me go?

Speaker 1 (42:49):
I mean, they'd say, like most drowning, you know, I'm
not a strong swimmer, So if I got in there,
chances are you're going to fucking drown me because oh god,
And I'm like, I ain't strong enough.

Speaker 2 (42:59):
To so you'd let me drown?

Speaker 1 (43:02):
I mean, what are you doing in the ocean anyway? See,
why don't you make it easy on all of us?
And you don't go in the ocean? Wow? Am I
anywhere near the ocean when you're in it? Oh? No?

Speaker 2 (43:13):
Maybe we're in the South brance and the power of
the entire city goes out or the entire.

Speaker 1 (43:17):
South's mother, she was there, she should have been diving
in and stuff like that. I can't I can't do it. All. Fuck,
I pay for everything. I can't be expected to be
on shark watch as well, especially if you're going to
be at the beach, Like that's a choice, and right
then and there, going to the beach is one thing
going into the ocean that is entering the food chain.
Like you, it's not even infinitismally increasing your chances of

(43:41):
being fucking eating alive, it's increasing them by massive amounts.
So yeah, I mean, but that being said, if I
saw you fucking drowning, I would definitely try to go
in and say you probably drowned myself. But you know what,
if you weren't alive anymore, maybe I wouldn't want to
be either, period. How about that? You know what I'm saying?
But fuck ew, that was a real like you know,

(44:03):
fucking I don't like that. It's so fun. I like
hypotheticals that are like, yeah, you're hypothetical. Is like if
I was going to fucking die, would you save my
life over man watering? Yeah, of course, but like fucking
but that is not me choosing to go in the
ocean because I'm like, look at me, I mean a

(44:26):
body of water. When I own my own pool, it's
like going to drive go carts, like I got a
driver's license, Im gonna drive a big boy car. What
am I going to go in the ocean for it? Man?
I got my own ass pool, and even if I
were someplace where I'm my own ass pool, I'm going
to shower. That's why I control the water, my God,
I gotta control the elements.

Speaker 2 (44:47):
Man, and he doesn't want to go in the Mediterranean
Sea because he has a shower. We have shower at homeower.

Speaker 1 (44:58):
We have ocean at home, and it's the shower.

Speaker 2 (45:04):
We have ocean at home.

Speaker 1 (45:06):
Dad, Do you want to go in the ocean. We
have ocean at home.

Speaker 2 (45:09):
What is it the shower?

Speaker 1 (45:11):
Your father's talking about the shower. Leave it be, not
even the pool, leave it be. Just don't ask, please,
that's kind of baffling.

Speaker 2 (45:19):
You're telling me last thing to touch.

Speaker 1 (45:21):
Only show that never ends.

Speaker 2 (45:28):
Last. Because it was very important to mother to musall
the whole trip, the whole trip in the fact, that
was important.

Speaker 1 (45:39):
Yes, your mother, not mine.

Speaker 2 (45:42):
Mine.

Speaker 1 (45:43):
My mother wanted to go too. She kept saying, didn't
want to go Tiger.

Speaker 2 (45:46):
I wish I could go.

Speaker 1 (45:48):
No she can't. That's why I'm like, what are you
talking about? But she was like, I want to go
with Can. That sounds fun.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
Can with momiy would be awesome.

Speaker 1 (45:57):
Well, no, it wouldn't. Mommy, Lee can't can barely walk
get her up the stairs the palais. We would have
to like put our arms up carry her up the
goddamn stairs. Then I got a chair lift on the palais, man,
So I would have been a night.

Speaker 2 (46:11):
Getting up the spiral staircase.

Speaker 1 (46:14):
Yes, elevators out, we gotta go the stairs, Oh, tiger,
I'll just stay down here. I'll just go in the
ocean and whatever happens happens. Mom only no, please, yeah, no.
She was talking about like, oh, I would like to
go to your hat. How does it happen?

Speaker 2 (46:36):
It's getting out of hand this evening. What's happening is
getting out of hand this evening.

Speaker 1 (46:41):
I'm telling you, I'm just gonna shave the front of
my head please, and I never have to worry about
it again. But it is cute. More I am in
public and doing shows like during the Dogmator, there is
a lot of fix your hat, really yeah? And I
was like, oh, listener, I saw a lot of Tickla
shirts out in the audience, really yeah, And speaking of
beer the Stickless Man.

Speaker 2 (47:01):
We're fired.

Speaker 1 (47:02):
More on that later. You want to see it live
for the first and last time, our very last episode
of Beardless Tickless Me.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
Will be live.

Speaker 1 (47:12):
We'll be the live episode.

Speaker 2 (47:14):
That's Moncastle Cinemas.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
You're like, wait, why is it the last episode. Well,
that's a whole other story that we'll tell you.

Speaker 2 (47:19):
Next week because we were fired.

Speaker 1 (47:20):
Yeah, but I mean that's a long and short of it.
But this is much more interesting than that. But really
it's not more interesting. It's much more baffling than that.
And I'm sure Daniel might hear this and be like,
wait a second, pre you do that second episode, let's
have a conversation. No wow, when Daniel's.

Speaker 2 (47:34):
Not his Danel, Daniel's lovely.

Speaker 1 (47:36):
Lovely dude. But yeah, but we're going.

Speaker 2 (47:38):
To speak on it. We're going to speak on it.
We're going to be honest with the dick list.

Speaker 1 (47:42):
We are going to stand on business. As they say
on the internet.

Speaker 2 (47:45):
Listen, we were fired.

Speaker 1 (47:49):
At Beardless Dickless Me live at Smadcastle Cinema's Kids July fifth.
I think it's seven o'clock a night, or a o'clock
or something like that. Beardless, Stickless me live for the
first and last time, if you could totally expect to
see some give Me Back My Name Woman.

Speaker 2 (48:10):
If we sell it out, Yeah, we can screen the
entire performance of The Crucible featuring myself as John Proctor
aka give Me Back My Name Woman.

Speaker 1 (48:24):
They're going to see some of it there. But when
would we show that afterwards?

Speaker 2 (48:27):
If you want to stick around and watch an hour.

Speaker 1 (48:30):
There's already a thing going on afterwards. Oh, yoga hosers
at eleven o'clock.

Speaker 2 (48:35):
Who stay around It's at eleven pm.

Speaker 1 (48:38):
Yeah, and that's a midnight move.

Speaker 2 (48:40):
A nighttime hosers screening.

Speaker 1 (48:42):
And nighttime hosers. So you and I will be doing
Beardless Stickless Mate live for the first and last time.
Then when the show's over, like an hour later, we
intro Yoga hoss and if you want to sit there
and watch it, and we can sit there and watch it.
But five dollars show that show's five Yeah, che I mean,
yogas is a tough sell, so I always got to

(49:03):
lower the price. But so far we have already sold
more tickets to this yogos Are screening than the other
three aborted screenings in the past. Beardless stick with me
is out selling it, but it better. But yes, those
tickets are on sale right now. Kids. It's c smod
dot com s E E S M O D right

(49:24):
right there in Atlantic Islands, New Jersey. If you're on
the East coast anywhere, this is worth making the trip for. Man,
You're gonna watch something beautiful be born and then die.
The death, the birth beardless and death that beardless.

Speaker 2 (49:38):
Stick with me, you can get you can get the
very last stick lit shirts.

Speaker 1 (49:43):
Is that right? You're bringing them?

Speaker 2 (49:45):
Oh, I'm bringing them. You better.

Speaker 1 (49:47):
Uh, doors close and doors.

Speaker 2 (49:51):
Open to be continued.

Speaker 1 (49:54):
Oh yeah, get your tickets now though, kids, ce smod
dot com Beardless Sickless Me Live. It's Moncastle Cinemas, July fifth,
Man with a yoga hosers screening afterwards and stuff for
the yogos are screening. It's five bucks if you just
want to see the movie. If you pay ten, you
get a yogazers pen.

Speaker 2 (50:15):
Well, well, we cool.

Speaker 1 (50:18):
Next week Harley will talk about Spain, M Harley and
Espana de Donda or aka de dondas La Patia's.

Speaker 2 (50:30):
The only thing you know how to say.

Speaker 1 (50:32):
And we will tell the story of.

Speaker 2 (50:37):
iHeart I Corazone so true.

Speaker 1 (50:42):
I heartbroken, so much, to so much to say, so
much to talk about. So many more adventures, well really
very few. We are now on the countdown. Kids. There
was only four or beardless dickless means left.

Speaker 2 (51:02):
After this, only four more. You better saber them all.

Speaker 1 (51:06):
Just think and think like this ain't a sad thing.
This is a good thing, one last thing for you
to have to listen.

Speaker 2 (51:11):
To, you know what, so true until the next thing,
the next thing be good.

Speaker 1 (51:17):
This, though, is your chance to be there. Man, when
history is fucking made.

Speaker 2 (51:22):
History is mate. What day is it?

Speaker 1 (51:25):
July fifth?

Speaker 2 (51:27):
July fifth, I'll be twenty six, I'll do my golden year.

Speaker 1 (51:33):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (51:34):
So magic is gonna happen.

Speaker 1 (51:36):
It's gonna be big, man.

Speaker 2 (51:37):
It's a really important day for for the dick looks
of the world.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
You can come get fucked up by much by obey.

Speaker 2 (51:47):
You're not allowed to do that.

Speaker 1 (51:49):
You can bring alcohol into the theater, yeah, if we
have if we say, like, oh, the screening is like
b yob really we can't sneak it into the theater.
But if you're like, hey, I brought this alcohol and
I would like to drink it here, I don't think
we'd be like, I'm sorry, you can't do that.

Speaker 2 (52:04):
You should ask Ernie.

Speaker 1 (52:06):
I will, but like we don't get enough people coming
in for Ernie to be like, I'm sorry, you can't
drink that in here. I think Ernie'd be like, oh
my god, yeah, bring all your drunk friends please. Yeah.
I think especially if we're doing it, like you know,
when we do comedy shows and shit like that, it's
very much like Meetwyobe because we don't sell booth, so yeah,

(52:26):
you can come get fucked up on your own dime.
This's weird though, Like we had a screening of Dogma
the day it opened because I was on the East
Coast and doing press and I did the Morrison Gallery
photography thing for the Dogma Heart and uh then I
went down to s Podcastle and we had a screening

(52:48):
and two people were really drunk and we had to
I didn't, but the police had to be called. Oh,
because you can't tell. You can't like you know, obviously
you can you can't lay hands on a per but
you can't force people to go if you're like, okay,
time to go, and they're just like sitting there drunken
ship And the next thing you do is.

Speaker 2 (53:06):
Please, let's not embarrass ourselves at the at the funeral
for Beardless stickless me.

Speaker 1 (53:11):
Yes. So when I say get fucked up, maybe.

Speaker 2 (53:13):
Like responsibly tipsy?

Speaker 1 (53:14):
Please drinking at the beginning of the show. Yes, in
the end some people came in drunk for the dog screen.

Speaker 2 (53:20):
Let's please keep it classy at the Beardless stickless funeral.

Speaker 1 (53:23):
True. This is the death of something, something beautiful, and
you'll be there to see it. Man. Tickets at seaspont
dot com. So much more story to tell, only four
episodes to do it. The countdown is on, kids, Oh
my god, beardless dickless uh death, Beardless stickless death awaits

(53:43):
four episodes left to go, man, and that last one
is going to be a doozy. You could be there
lived the end is nighe that's right man. The iHeart
is going to stop beating they start beating up.

Speaker 2 (54:01):
I like that, not like physically, but just emotionally.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (54:06):
Oh it's okay.

Speaker 1 (54:08):
Yeah, you'll see. There's so much to talk about and
we'll get there. Kids. Uh, there it is. There's your
beer the stickles mate. If you've been like going, you know,
I never watched the show. I only listened to it. Well,
chance that kevinsmithclub dot com kids, you could sign up
and you can see what we're talking about round. You
can watch our expressions as we talk about everything.

Speaker 2 (54:30):
You can watch my dad yan when I talk.

Speaker 1 (54:33):
I mean, I am tired. I that you're boring, but
I don't get to sleep as much as you do,
especially and you go to sleep at like weird hours
and then stay asleep until weird hours of the day.
I sleep about four hours a night.

Speaker 2 (54:47):
That's concerning.

Speaker 1 (54:51):
So it's not believe me you're great, but like that's
I'm sitting in one place getting comfortable and yeah, my
body's still with you.

Speaker 2 (55:00):
It's okay, I'm not.

Speaker 1 (55:03):
It wasn't okay. He brought it up in front of everybody.

Speaker 2 (55:06):
I mean to him, pea.

Speaker 1 (55:08):
Everybody's just like I thought he was a good dad.
Apparently not.

Speaker 2 (55:11):
I have to say the last thing about Can. Yeah, okay,
and then it's over, okay, and then this episode is done.

Speaker 1 (55:17):
Yes, I'm here for it.

Speaker 2 (55:21):
When you were at Can premiering talk about williamendem in
whatever year that was, nineteen ninety nine.

Speaker 1 (55:28):
I presume, yes, nineteen ninety nine.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
Mom was there with you, Yes, pregnant with me. Yes
this time. Yes, twenty five years later, you were back
with the same movie. But I was born and I
was an adult. I was twenty five, and I was
there with my fiance, and it meant a lot to mother.
It did.

Speaker 1 (55:52):
Oh, let's believe me. That's the whole reason we went.

Speaker 2 (55:54):
It meant a whole lot to mon though it was.

Speaker 1 (55:57):
I was happy to go, believe me. But it left
to my own brothers, I would probably have not. I've
been like, Oh, that's great, give me the certificate, send
it back. That's all I cared about, was the thing
your frame that says you were there. And uh, Jennifer's like, no.
When I went for a dogma, she was in my
belly as I walked up the stairs. Now she could

(56:19):
be out of my belly and walk up the stairs
with us, And so I was like, all right. She
was very into that notion.

Speaker 2 (56:25):
It was very special for her, for us, all.

Speaker 1 (56:28):
Yeah, but very special.

Speaker 2 (56:30):
She cried a lot, did She cried a lot in.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
A good way and the way of like my father
yawns in front of me.

Speaker 2 (56:39):
That's what I'll be crying about later tonight.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
Cried about in therapy this week. Motherfuckers crying. You just
yawned right in front of me. And one of the
last episodes of for the Cock.

Speaker 2 (56:51):
That's what I talked about about this week.

Speaker 1 (56:56):
Anyway, Just one Sometimes fathers are just tired. Yeah, just
one note?

Speaker 2 (57:08):
Can speaking.

Speaker 1 (57:19):
Uh July fifth, see all of this energy live in
our homeland included where both of us were born. Not
the movie theater, but in.

Speaker 2 (57:31):
New Jersey, very very close in a very special screening
of a very special performance of the Crucible.

Speaker 1 (57:41):
That's right, man, you're going to see pieces of give
me back. My name is Stephen, who is our tech
genius over there. He's our vegan friend who always gives
me ship about whenever I'm like, you used to be happy,
now I'm vegan, He's like, man, I'm tired of that
vegan joke.

Speaker 2 (57:57):
Me too, Steven.

Speaker 1 (57:59):
And even in like Birds of a Feather he is
He's like, hey, man, I got this sandwich. Hey I
got this Like he explores, brings desserts down and stuff
like that. And he also stops at my favorite trying
Papa ganage. They do the MDLS.

Speaker 2 (58:16):
Oh I know, I know them modles.

Speaker 1 (58:19):
But any event, Stephen was like, uh, can you send
me the DVD? So I could start inputting it into
the system.

Speaker 2 (58:26):
Did you send it?

Speaker 1 (58:27):
I'm gonna but he's so excited. It was his idea.
He was like, dude, give me the crucible. Oh God, yeah,
I do. I have it. I had a copy like
stuff that I shot on my phone years ago, but
mom has the school shot.

Speaker 2 (58:42):
It is production horribly embarrassing.

Speaker 1 (58:45):
Can't be by.

Speaker 2 (58:48):
You have never seen anyone more passionate.

Speaker 1 (58:50):
You're going to see acting. Acting comes down to a
job of choices. You're going to see some choices, some
choices won't Oh, she cooked in the audience.

Speaker 2 (59:04):
Ate the audience. I think the audience was like, it's
just like.

Speaker 1 (59:09):
Jesus, interesting flavor. Guess I can eat, spit it out
the audience. Hardy cooked and the audience moved it around
on the plate, put some on the other people's plates.

Speaker 2 (59:24):
You with the Opra girl, you wouldn't.

Speaker 1 (59:26):
Even eat the bun. No, you'll see it's there's some
good ship. But it's gonna be fun to put it
up on the big screen, projected on one of the greatest,
one of the best projectors in the state of New Jersey.
Oh God, high precision, and they're going to see every
poor of acting.

Speaker 2 (59:41):
Every vein popping out of my head because some passion
this was on that state.

Speaker 1 (59:48):
Yeah, you fucking you showed old Farley what he was missing.

Speaker 2 (59:51):
Oh yeah, look at me, mister Farley, look at me now.

Speaker 1 (59:54):
After that performance was directed at get me back my name?
I mean what, man, I.

Speaker 2 (01:00:04):
Forget us about.

Speaker 1 (01:00:06):
There? It is, kids, there's one of five, well now four? Yeah, beardless,
stickless means left. Ever, it's like watching the fucking last
of a dodo.

Speaker 2 (01:00:20):
Die, like the species. Oh man, yeah, man, you.

Speaker 1 (01:00:23):
Want to watch something something beautiful die.

Speaker 2 (01:00:26):
I also played the Dodo bird in a school production
of Alice in Wonderland. Fun Fast.

Speaker 1 (01:00:33):
You trying to get a job drop like? I also
did this role, and I also play this play. I
played not practice makes she makes it, and she made
choices of the Dodo bird as well. I think I
have pictures that I don't have to photo do that
for the best. No, it's durable. Yes, kids, beardless stickless

(01:00:56):
me is ending and you could be there, and you'll
be there as it dies. You will. Krypton's about to explode. Kids,
Put your babies and rockets, send them off to other
planets where they'll be safe. There beardless dickless me for
this week your little ticklets for beardless diickless me. I'm

(01:01:18):
Kevin Smith. Go have a beardless dickless day, because you
only do it four more fucking times. This has been
a podcast production, some podcast podcast using our mouths on

(01:01:40):
you since two thousand and seven. Hey kids, did you
like what you just heard? Well, guess what. We've got
tons more man thousands of hours of podcasts waiting for
you at that Kevinsmith club dot com. Go sign up
now