Shirt Tales

Harley becomes a clothing magnate. Kevin writes comic books. Plus: The return of Vegan Abattoir!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:23):
Welcome back to Beardless, dickless me.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
I'm Kevin Smith and I'm Harley Quinn Smith.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
Before we go any further, kids, just I know everyone's
going through things at any given moment, and everybody's wrapped
up in their own lives, and that makes sense. But
every once in a while, you just have to stop
and appreciate a motherfucker who will second before the show begins,
apply slather, look close across their lips. She cared enough

(00:54):
about you to be like, wait, goods it is I
would you fuck me?

Speaker 2 (01:02):
By fuck me?

Speaker 1 (01:03):
You fucking total.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
I like your buffalo.

Speaker 1 (01:12):
I've seen the movie quite a few times. Rocket, you
know Jay did it, and I know I know. Yeah,
my legs are so like I talk without talking.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
Same actually same. Anyways, I'm hijacking. I'm hijacking the show. Yeah,
what do you going? Remember when I said that the
shirts were coming tomorrow?

Speaker 1 (01:44):
What that looks? Fire Man, I'm a dicklet If you're
one of the fucking three people that subscribe to that
Kevin Smith Club, that Kevin Smith club dot com to
watch Beardless stick with me, you would see Harley holding
up a fire T shirt.

Speaker 2 (02:04):
It's for you.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
This one's mine.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
Yes, that will be thirty five plus.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
I remember asking about how soft it would be. You're like,
I didn't have enough money to get soft on the soft.
Yeah yeah, Oh look at this man, Well, fucking I'm
a dick lit beardless. Stick with me. That's what's on
the front. Nothing on the back, because that's how kids
like it.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
No, that's what was really.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
Don't sell double sided T shirts either, Fucking a man,
how many do you make?

Speaker 2 (02:36):
Unlimited supply? Limited supply?

Speaker 1 (02:38):
Is that one of them? Or is that like that
is one of them? Serious? I will give you money.

Speaker 2 (02:43):
No, but you can.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
That's you're going to start with your Instagram.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
Or what is it called subscribers.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
It's just called Instagram subscribers can come up the fancier
name than that. It's basically only fans but on Instagram and.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
Nips dot com non slip dot com. No, no, no,
it's nothing crazy.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
In that group alone, you could probably fucking get rid
of all your T shirts once. Let me tell you something,
Proud is one of one of Proud's days as a parent,
watching you move toward T shirts the first time you
made something weird.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
That's I'm telling you, weird, guys.

Speaker 1 (03:30):
T shirts are you know, they they're useful. People got
to wear something, and you know, if it's cool enough T.

Speaker 2 (03:39):
Shirts, someone's got to wear something.

Speaker 1 (03:44):
You know. That's and in this world, most people just
buy the T shirts they're presented because you have a thing,
and I mean anybody can do this, but because you
have a marketable platform, you can literally make a T
shirt of the thing you do and sell that T shirt.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
Yeah, and here we are.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
And one day, you know when I'll be even prouder
when you put your face on one of these shirts.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
I don't know if I'll every sew a shirt was
my face.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
That's the day that I'll be Look, so she is
my son. Thanks, Well, that's fucking tremendous. When's the father
Dave T shirt happen? It's gonna be very excited, is
your aunt Virginia? Fuck, she listens to the show. So's
Uncle Don and Grandma Grace. I'm telling you they're gonna

(04:33):
buy all the T shirts.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
Oh my gosh. Thanks guys. You can have one on
the house that's not on the house for grandma.

Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah, there you go. I'll wind up paying for that.
The yeah, man T shirt. Fucking we're gonna sell these T.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
Shirts Shopify and our website.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
Beardlessdicklessmeat dot com. Yeah, man, fucking this is this is
a step in the right direction.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
You didn't do this by yourself. I didn't. Who hell my
bandmate Nick oh.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
Nick Melancholie himself was just like, I'll put down my
sat infinite sadness long enough to help you make a
T shirt. It looks good, clever, it looks good though.
I like it. I like the drop shadow effect to it,
and it makes it official. Beardless dickless me. I know
you can't run from it. Now. We are at the

(05:28):
over the halfway mark of a year's worth of shows.
To be fair, we put up like ten fifteen at once,
but we are at like I think this is a show.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
Thirty damn look at us.

Speaker 1 (05:42):
I know, consistent, way more consistent than vegan abatoire.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
Yeah that is true.

Speaker 1 (05:47):
Did we surpass the vegan apptua? Oh? Yeah, are you serious? Yeah,
we need to add that as a department on this show.

Speaker 2 (05:55):
I would love that.

Speaker 1 (05:56):
I like the vegan aptour, enter the vegan abtoa with
a girl and her dad, and then we can do
the story. People want departments. They're like, look, we gave
you thirty twenty nine episodes to.

Speaker 2 (06:08):
Scattershot talk about whatever you want.

Speaker 1 (06:10):
Fucking you know, goddamn give me back my name. Fucking
little helf that like, fucking can't hand like that getting potter.

Speaker 2 (06:20):
Now we're looking for a little structure. They want stability,
they want departments. Okay, let's do it.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
I mean being appen to us one.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
I would love that.

Speaker 1 (06:28):
Uh, passion is another.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
Is another that we don't revisit enough.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
That's true. Did you write any down?

Speaker 2 (06:36):
I could problem passion ration?

Speaker 1 (06:40):
You just go one?

Speaker 2 (06:41):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying, passionate ration for the week.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah. I think we were overdoing. People were like, hey, hey, hey,
too much passion.

Speaker 2 (06:48):
I think we should have a rash your passion too much.
I think we should have a music section done and done.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
What do you mean, Oh, well, one way where we
listen to music and appreciate it.

Speaker 2 (06:58):
Like, yeah, let's just we We can be silent on
our podcast.

Speaker 3 (07:03):
Can't we do like silent disco? Or we just put
and now this is the part of the show where
we're going to listen to music. Everybody put in your
headphones and pick any song you want, and for the
next two minutes, let's just all be together.

Speaker 2 (07:18):
I like that section.

Speaker 1 (07:19):
Oh my god, You're like, there's always this weird two
minutes of the show.

Speaker 2 (07:24):
Where they stop talking, stop.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
Talking, and I hear them moving side as I hear
like material rustling here snapping. I don't even know what's
singing to. They never tell us what we could do
a music department.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
I like when we talkten.

Speaker 1 (07:41):
Listening to and show like that have a snappy name,
the passion I ration. What was the other one? Vegan
Abaga snappy name. Oh my god, Yeah, that show had
to die so the show could live.

Speaker 2 (07:52):
So true that show walk.

Speaker 1 (07:54):
Die forever like a phoenix. It arise as a department
within the show.

Speaker 2 (07:59):
Wow, I'm so happy that you want to resurrect it.

Speaker 1 (08:02):
I think it's a great name.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
It's the best name I I keep I always say that, you.

Speaker 1 (08:08):
Always say, what is a great name?

Speaker 2 (08:10):
Yes, just so smart. It's such a good name you
think of that. It's so smart. I asked you to
come up with a band name at the level of
Vegan Albatore.

Speaker 1 (08:31):
Why don't just take vegana killer band name. Oh, you're
worried that'll limit you, right, because you're like, well, we
want meat eaters to listen to meat eating money spins
to Okay, all right, I'm telling you man, Uh, what
was the one I said like a long time ago.

(08:52):
I said it on the podcast he did. Yeah, it
was a name for like a it's mister body.

Speaker 2 (08:58):
Of water of some sort, don't Darnadel's.

Speaker 1 (09:00):
Dardenell's is the one.

Speaker 2 (09:02):
I how do you say Dardenell's.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
It's a great name. It's like the Dandylions.

Speaker 2 (09:09):
It just sounds like Darnell, like the Dandy Worlds. That
was a band. I feel like I want something a
little a little more original than what the Dandy warld
Well that happened, that they were a real thing.

Speaker 1 (09:26):
I didn't know. Did you not know that we're a
real band? The Dandy world never heard? Then, apparently we
do need a music to work.

Speaker 2 (09:33):
I think we do one in which you will.

Speaker 1 (09:35):
Get fucking schooled on a regular basis as to the songs.
You don't even know. They didn't heard of their name?

Speaker 2 (09:41):
Nice? What is the what other departments can we come
up with? I mean, we got to have a little
a little bit of space to be us, to just
be us out of a department.

Speaker 1 (09:55):
So that would be that's just chip chat, So.

Speaker 2 (09:58):
Chit chat at the top the show.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
People like this too much of that already, then we
go home to your chip chat.

Speaker 2 (10:05):
We want departments fair enough, huh. I can give you
the disney Land updates.

Speaker 1 (10:13):
Can you come up a departments? Macy apartments doing fucking dummy?
Oh fucking.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
Departments? Oh my god?

Speaker 1 (10:32):
Why do you keep doing this? He doesn't sleeping the
same time as you do.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
Oh, he would hate that you said that. Why you
just exposed to him.

Speaker 1 (10:44):
He's one of those late night he's like burns the
candle at all ends and ship. Yeah, he's like wall
flanning spit that way, stay up till like five in
the morning, and ship it's not five, what is it
later than five? So he just stays up till like
seven or eight.

Speaker 2 (10:58):
Yeah, sometimes, so he sleeps during the day sometimes. Yeah,
he just like, I don't know, the nighttime just really
is when he comes alive for Yeah, he loves to
work during the nighttime.

Speaker 1 (11:14):
I'm the look work at all times, but i I'm
I'm like getting up early because everyone's.

Speaker 2 (11:19):
Asleep, and that's how he feels about it. But yeah,
but everyone's asleep kind of makes sense.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah, I wrote another comic book script recently, and it
was for I can't say, but I'll narrow it down
to the big two.

Speaker 2 (11:40):
WHOA.

Speaker 1 (11:41):
But I enjoyed getting up at five in the morning
to like work on it, wake up. I was happy
to wake up and do it. And then I did
another draft of MOUs Jaws, the best draft of MOUs
Jaws yet closest to the source material, and that was
pretty fucking fire. That's what I do in the wee hours,
and I get up and I right, yeah.

Speaker 2 (12:03):
I can usually count on your away. He works like it's.

Speaker 1 (12:11):
Like I just watched you when you sleep, staring at you,
like to watch eight hours go by like speed through
the camera. He just barely fucking moves and turning in
the bed.

Speaker 2 (12:23):
Terrifying. He's just like, oh my god, absolutely terrifying.

Speaker 1 (12:28):
Set your alarm on your phone, t wake yourself up periodically,
so you just be like, you just.

Speaker 2 (12:33):
Got to make sure a RESTful night and sleep. I am.

Speaker 1 (12:39):
So that means, so you go to sleep, and then
when you wake up, he's going to sleep.

Speaker 2 (12:44):
He would hate that. We're talking about why why is
it a thing? Because it's just a thing.

Speaker 1 (12:50):
He's like, it's my private sleep.

Speaker 2 (12:52):
Schedule sensitive about it really because it's because he knows
it's weird.

Speaker 1 (12:57):
I mean a lot of people do that, particularly in
this town.

Speaker 2 (12:59):
I know, I'm not exactly super in support of it.

Speaker 1 (13:05):
You would, They're like, come to bed, Yeah, He's like,
I can't. I'm wide awake. I there are times where
your mom goes to sleep and I just come back
downstairs here, like because sometimes I'll sleep during the day,
like fall asleep for a few hours, and then when
she's like I'm the coan pay it's like eleven o'clock,
I'm like, well, I'm wile away, and so I'll go
downstairs and right doom scroll through fucking yeah videos and ship.

(13:30):
But I try whenever I start doom scrolling and I'm like,
you know, I go make something this will make you happy,
I'll just start writing. And sure, that's what he's doing.
He is.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
He's writing. He's doing crypto things, is he Yeah, he's.

Speaker 1 (13:48):
Well, apparently crypto's back in a big bad way.

Speaker 2 (13:54):
He's he's just doing a little nerd Austin things, just
like learning about technology things like that.

Speaker 1 (14:04):
He likes to, Uh, does he ever try to explain
this ship to you?

Speaker 2 (14:07):
Yeah? Sometimes, And then I'm like, I don't care, really, yeah,
can hear back? But I know, let me carry you
with Fresh Peaks the Ladies Disney release.

Speaker 1 (14:21):
He's like Jesus if I didn't like suck so.

Speaker 2 (14:26):
Much, Hey, awesome partner.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
You just literally to tell me about the things he
cares about.

Speaker 2 (14:37):
And about crypto. Shut him down? Shouldn't high give me
the crypto balls? Do you want to hear about crypto?
I mean spell the NFT. Okay, thank you, nice job

(14:58):
and scene to why what what are you going to say?
Would you like to hear about crypto?

Speaker 1 (15:06):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (15:07):
Well then take a seat.

Speaker 1 (15:09):
But if I was like if that was my boyfriend,
and if.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
Mom was like if suddenly got about.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
Who is from the South, I.

Speaker 2 (15:20):
Don't tell you about crypt it was fatal.

Speaker 1 (15:27):
She suddenly got into.

Speaker 2 (15:29):
Crypto, Yeah, Mom. One day it was like suddenly.

Speaker 1 (15:32):
She was like, uh, to the moon. Bro, Oh my god,
we're going to the moon.

Speaker 2 (15:38):
Oh God, don't even bring him. What do you mean
we're going to the moon, don't don't.

Speaker 1 (15:43):
I bought into a mean coin. My god, it has
a debuted fucking huge called the Hawk to a coin.

Speaker 2 (15:54):
MoMA. I'd be like, damn.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
They figured out how I'm going to financially contribute to
this family. It's with the Hawk to al coin. I
think one of us will be paying the bills now, insane.
I would definitely listen. I would definitely be like, tell
me about this hawk.

Speaker 2 (16:17):
And how do you know about this?

Speaker 1 (16:19):
I would just assume like she must be sleeping with
some thirty five year.

Speaker 2 (16:23):
Old Hawk to a Coin.

Speaker 1 (16:27):
I was like, yo, missus Smith, you're you're gonna get
rich on.

Speaker 2 (16:32):
The Hawk to a coin.

Speaker 1 (16:33):
And she's like, you could call me Jen. We're sleeping together.

Speaker 2 (16:37):
I'm joking about this.

Speaker 1 (16:40):
Kind of some downstairs writing fucking scripts from the Big Two.
I'm like, and then this superhero says this, what's that
thumping upstairs? Oh? If you were watching the show Kids
at that Kevin Smith dot com, you would see Harley
holding up a bell jar full of macaroni cheese.

Speaker 2 (17:03):
Yeah, my mom made me a little mason jar full
of mac and cheese.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
MASONR. I guess that's that's it, right?

Speaker 2 (17:09):
What do you call it?

Speaker 1 (17:10):
Bell jar? Does ball on top of.

Speaker 2 (17:12):
It does ball? But I think that's the brand. But
it's like a maze.

Speaker 1 (17:15):
I think I think I'm conflating that with the bell jar,
and really the ball it's ball jars. But what was
the other thing you said?

Speaker 2 (17:25):
It was a Mason jar. I think that's probably more
of the name, right, I think that's what I would say.

Speaker 1 (17:31):
Yeah, I think that's predominantly that the.

Speaker 2 (17:33):
Mom packed me a little lunch.

Speaker 1 (17:35):
She did she include a note.

Speaker 2 (17:39):
There is actually a note. Let's read the note that mom,
enjoy with your lunch.

Speaker 1 (17:45):
This is a note from Harley's friend Olivia, and it
came oh well, based on the handwriting, I'd say while
they were in single digits. Dear Harley, you are such
a great friend and we are going to have so
much fun in South Carolina. I think you're gonna fit
right in with my family. I also think that you

(18:05):
will like them very much, and I'm sure that they
will like you too. We will probably do lots of
fairy related things.

Speaker 2 (18:14):
Oh yeah, I was fucking.

Speaker 1 (18:17):
Jennifer's like, what are we gonna do today? I'm like,
we will probably do lots of very related things.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
I can't wait.

Speaker 1 (18:25):
XO XO XO XO, love Olivia. PS. Sorry if I
spelled something's wrong. She didn't. Oh, she said, sorry if
I spelled something's wrong. She did. When she wrote spelled,
so it was only a her apology. Wow, where she
dropped the ball. This is not the note I'm talking about.
When I was a kid, Mamally would put together my

(18:46):
lunch and she would write a note like on a
paper towel with like a marker, and like I remember
opening them in school and being like and hiding it.

Speaker 2 (19:00):
Well, that's a sweet Mamally.

Speaker 1 (19:02):
Of course, now that's apparent to see. But like when
I was a kid, I was like, I want people
know that a brother that loves me so lame? I mean,
is I have saved since then? Like you know things
that she's written me and stuff in the elevator at
the movie theater. There's a thing that she wrote that

(19:23):
said tiger and joy of mom, and I cut it
out and put it up on the elevator. So I
think that's important words to remember and stuff.

Speaker 2 (19:31):
Isn't it crazy how when you're younger it's like embarrassing,
but then you're like later in life, like damn.

Speaker 1 (19:38):
You want to your young self, sit your young self
down and be like, don't.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
Be an asshole, don't stop being such an ass But you.

Speaker 1 (19:45):
Have to go through that. It's like that fucking Harry
Chapin songs like Cats in a Cradle.

Speaker 2 (19:50):
Wow, you know boy just like me? Do you know
that's the Cats and the Crew? Sup?

Speaker 1 (20:00):
But do you know what it's about?

Speaker 2 (20:03):
I guess, I guess.

Speaker 1 (20:05):
It's got a banger of a chorus. The Cats in
the Cradle, in the City of a Spoon, Little Boy
Blue and the Man in the Moon. Do you know
the next words when you're coming homes h son, I
don't know when, but we'll get together then and you
know we'll have a good time then. So it's like

(20:27):
three are they called stanzas?

Speaker 2 (20:29):
What is it when it's like a like a line?

Speaker 1 (20:32):
No, but like what's not the chorus?

Speaker 2 (20:35):
The verse? The verses.

Speaker 1 (20:37):
So there's like three sets of verses that tell the
story and the courses in there, of course, and uh.
In the three verses, it tells a story about a
very busy father who is always on his way to
work and the kid is like, hey, can we do this?
And he's like I'd love to, but like, uh, you know,

(20:57):
I've got I got something to do. So wait, what
is he goes, mom, Yeah, fuck, I forget the words,
but it's basically his kid going like, hey, you want
to do something. He's like, no, I can't, and then hey,

(21:18):
you want to do something? No I can't, and then
the kid like grows up.

Speaker 2 (21:21):
He's gonna cry. Lord, he was crying. She was trying
to keep it together. Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (21:36):
It's so heroic. And I've known this song was heartbreaking
since I was kid. When I was six years old,
this was heartbreaking song. But in the song, like it
gets to the last.

Speaker 1 (21:48):
You know, fucking the old he's an old man and
he calls his kid and he's like, you know, it's reversed.
It's essentially reverse. It's a morality tale because then his
kid is it's just like, you know, i'd love to
it's sure, it's been sure nice talking to you. Dad.
He's like, I've got the kids, got the flu, and
I've got this, but it's been nice talking to you.

(22:09):
And he's like, as I, I don't love the phone.
It occurred to me. My boy was just like me, oh.

Speaker 2 (22:18):
Every time I'm late to me, Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (22:23):
Here it is a heartbreaking fucking song. And I think
every everybody you know, it's just that's something you can't like.
I heard that song my whole life. And although to
be fair because that song haunted me from childhood. I
was always like, we have to do things, like you know,
I was way more present because of that fucking song,
not because my own man, Like I never gave a

(22:44):
shit that moment. Man worked at night and shit like
I was sleeping. When did I give a ship? So
it's not like I felt he missed anything. And I
don't feel like he ever really missed anything, Like if
we just cool play, he would be there on the
Saturday night. He wouldn't be there on the Friday night show,
and he wouldn't be there on the Sunday night show.
But you go statur tonight. So I don't feel that
like I don't have some sense of like man, oh

(23:05):
man like didn't spend enough time with me. But that song,
like from a young age, I was that like it's
such a well told story that even a child can
understand the lesson in that song.

Speaker 2 (23:19):
Oh, I need to have like a tally board of
like when you cry. It should be when I cry
on one side when I cry when and then on
the other side when you cry, and we'll see who wins.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
Well we get by the end of the ear by
the end of fifty two episodes. We'll see you pride more.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
Yeah, probably me. You make me cry a lot.

Speaker 1 (23:42):
I find everything touching.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
That's so true.

Speaker 1 (23:44):
It is you.

Speaker 2 (23:48):
It is good. It's got to be you put that
the hell down. You can put that the fuck down.
The cats and the cradles, What is.

Speaker 1 (24:04):
The fucking what are the words? The words? When he's like,
he's like, you mean, like the kid keeps going like,
let's do ship, and he's like, cats is it in
the cradle? Oh my god, I just had I just
wrote cats first? Fuck it? You think the phone's listening.

Speaker 2 (24:25):
Yeah, you said that.

Speaker 1 (24:27):
With Are you serious?

Speaker 2 (24:31):
Oh? Absolutely? Have you never talk about something and then
literally a second later see an advertisement for it?

Speaker 1 (24:39):
Got me? Coincidence?

Speaker 2 (24:42):
You keep on telling yourself that buy But this.

Speaker 1 (24:45):
Is how religion starts, people being like, oh, it's prettydestination.

Speaker 2 (24:48):
Let's see. I'm gonna say I'm going to talk. I'm
going to say the word diapers, diapers.

Speaker 5 (24:54):
Diapers, diapers, diapers like that you put on a basis, Yeah, diapers, disposable,
disposable diapers, perhaps Pampers, perhaps another brand Jamper is not
my brain.

Speaker 2 (25:05):
Just not my brad diapers. I like to keep it generic, Okay,
generic diapers. All right, let's see what happens. Just wait
a second, but I guarantee the later you're gonna get
a diaper's commercial.

Speaker 1 (25:20):
Serious.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
Oh my god, yes, it's not even subtle.

Speaker 1 (25:24):
My child wrapped just the other day. Somewhere somebody's going like,
oh my god, they're gonna sing again. He came to
the world forward, but there were planes to catch and
bills to pay. He learned to walk while I was away,
and he was talking for I knew it. And as
he grew he said, I'm gonna be like you. Oh

(25:47):
my god, that's why it's he more harp bringing in.
He's like, my boy was just like Mane I forgot.
Oh such good writing.

Speaker 2 (25:58):
Oh shit, more shadowing, the ending of the fucking.

Speaker 1 (26:03):
Son genious, I mean, Harry Champing covert. It was what
are the other Harry Chambers? What is the mean?

Speaker 2 (26:12):
People has? What Google says?

Speaker 1 (26:16):
What is the meaning behind the song Cats in the Cradle?
If you can understand English, you can understand this song.
But for those who came in late kensh Box called
it a tender story of a father and this his son,
and a perfect representation of how Roles changed the relationship

(26:37):
over the years, stating it was a lyrical delight. Record
World said that the song deals with the preoccupations plaguing
parenthood and it bridges the generation gap by point. Won't
you get the rest?

Speaker 2 (26:52):
He started to tear up.

Speaker 1 (26:54):
Oh my god, it's fucking but beautiful. It's told verse
by verse through Harry Chapin, Carpenter, Harry Chapins. N Was
it just Harry Chapin or is Harry chap Why do
I keep adding Carpenter? Like, why does he keep saying
that I don't know Harry Chapin? What else did this

(27:18):
my vergine? I mean these are fire lyrics.

Speaker 6 (27:22):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (27:24):
Uh, my son turned tent just the other day. He said,
thanks for the ball that come on, let's play. Can
you teach me to throw? What said? Not today? Oh
my god?

Speaker 2 (27:35):
Again, I was like, this song was huge. One was
a kid and he was a kid. I was like, no,
play with the ball.

Speaker 1 (27:42):
He's gonna become a serial killer. That's the sequel song.
That a sequel song is like my father ignored me,
so you're gonna die in a van in the dead
of night.

Speaker 2 (27:57):
I'm glad I know about about your things about this song?

Speaker 1 (28:00):
Now, Oh my god, yeah, you could play.

Speaker 2 (28:04):
Can I move this? What's your face?

Speaker 1 (28:10):
I mean, governess? Yes? Can you teach me to throw?
I said, not today. I got a lot to do.
He said, that's ok And the kid is always understanding.
He's not like this piece of ship.

Speaker 2 (28:24):
It's like, I demand your attention. Yeah, what a piece
of ship? That kid?

Speaker 1 (28:32):
Raise me?

Speaker 2 (28:34):
Hey, I know.

Speaker 1 (28:37):
Fuck the bar is so high with this kid so demanding.
Richie rich over here, play with me. Thanks for the ball?
Will you throw it to me?

Speaker 2 (28:44):
What the fuck? I already got your ball on.

Speaker 1 (28:47):
You do the rest.

Speaker 7 (28:52):
You said, I got a lot, that's okay, And as
he walked away, I got a lot to do. He said,
that's okay, and he walked way, but his smile never
did it said I'm gonna be like him. Yeah, you know,
I'm gonna be like him.

Speaker 2 (29:08):
Oh God, that's that's beautiful.

Speaker 1 (29:10):
Do you think that motherfucker like, of course he knew
what he was doing, But do you think he knew
when he sat down to be like, I'm gonna write
the ultimate guilt anthem? It really is fire. People are
gonna want to sing along, and some of them are
not gonna look beyond the chorus to understand that this
is a song of.

Speaker 2 (29:29):
Fucking when you really listen, sadness.

Speaker 1 (29:32):
Like there's a morality tale here, like it really is.
That's crazy. And if he did, I mean, did he
know He's like, and then when I get to the end, bitch,
oh my god, they're gonna be a dry eye in
the fucking house because I'm gonna bring the words back,
the same words he kept saying. The Dad's gonna be like, Wow,
that kid was right, and the dad's gonna realize it

(29:53):
was too late. He lost he missed the window, telling you, bro,
that's why I remember I always talked about like when
we Madio goes, I was like, this is made up
for the I needed five million dollars to make up
for the one time that I carried across because of
that fucking song. When we played Hide and Seek up

(30:14):
in the bedroom for like an hour, kit, and you know,
it's like we've ran out of places to hide, like
fucking hours. Like you know, by the time we were
on our fifteenth sixteenth game, it's like there are that
many places to die.

Speaker 2 (30:28):
Yeah, so I'd hide you find me fair enough, I guess.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
But then you know again, I was like, all right,
and then we finally got to a place and I
was like, oh, partly like there's nowhere left to hide, Like.

Speaker 2 (30:40):
There's so we're left.

Speaker 1 (30:42):
Yeah, I'm exposed.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
I stand naked before you people. Are you petal? Fuck?
Oh my god?

Speaker 1 (30:48):
I was like, it's my soul I was talking about. No,
I didn't play like I did not go another round,
and like I remember like that you were so disappointed
because like you know, kid'll do anything like dogs, you
can do it fucking a thousand times. And I really
felt like I dropped the ball on that one. So

(31:09):
years later I made yogasers. I was like, this gives
me another chance of players. Probably you know, could have
just been like, hey, let's go to David Mustards. Saved
everybody a lot of time and money, but.

Speaker 2 (31:19):
Now we have something to show for it. And you know,
you know, I don't know what Nasferatu would have been
like had not yoga hosers walked before KNOWSU ran.

Speaker 1 (31:30):
That's right, Colleen, which one you were, Mackenzie? She was
Colleen collect Colleen C.

Speaker 2 (31:37):
Yeah, Colleen C lived.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
So that na Seratu lady could fucking rise in the
dead or whatever. What is her character's name. She's like
the Mina hark hark Harker Harkness of this story. But
I don't know what her characters.

Speaker 2 (31:54):
I can't remember.

Speaker 1 (31:56):
I looked up on a billboard the other day and
I was like, oh shit, they like whole fucking he's
marketing around her because the other guy's got a mustache.

Speaker 2 (32:02):
Looks silly, especially because I see a picture of them.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
Yeah, I finally did, and I was likest the mustache.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
Dude.

Speaker 1 (32:11):
It was a choice. It was not the choice I
would have made.

Speaker 2 (32:15):
But like my one criticism of.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
Its just like you know, it's missing a Bert Reynolds
like mustache.

Speaker 2 (32:23):
He doesn't got any hair, So it's like why.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
It was kind of crazy, especially because if you're remotely
familiar with Nostraatu at all, and I have been for
many years, we got a look in our head like
only because not the one I made up is I've
been presented with what Nosaratu looks like to be like
it's but with it's like Malibu Stacey, but there's a

(32:50):
new hat.

Speaker 2 (32:51):
It's crazy, But fuck me, it didn't bother anybody else.

Speaker 1 (32:55):
People they're like, I like the fash made like a
hundred million bucks.

Speaker 2 (32:58):
Yeah, I mean it was an awesome movie.

Speaker 1 (33:01):
I but yeah, fucking everybody needs to get off yoga dick.
Now you know next year it'll be ten years.

Speaker 2 (33:11):
Oh my god, don't say that.

Speaker 1 (33:13):
Does that make you feel older? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (33:15):
Makes you feel old.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
You were such a fucking poppy ward child.

Speaker 2 (33:19):
Oh my gosh, sixteen I'm gonna have av one review.

Speaker 1 (33:22):
One review said this was tantamount to child to be.

Speaker 2 (33:27):
No, it did. It did casting here in the movies
that this is ten amount of child to be. I
was honestly about to just start crying and panicking. That
was ten years ago, but then I took you out
of it. That took me out of it for a second.
But now I'm going back down the road. I'm crying
ten years next year.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
So right now it's nine years. That's great. Why does
it feel like yesterday to you? Ah, crying out and
the cradle of a spood? Ten years ago you were
in the movie.

Speaker 2 (34:02):
Now your career is going down the trim.

Speaker 1 (34:10):
Now your friends in a movie with a bustage.

Speaker 2 (34:16):
Oh my god. Yeah, I don't know. You're fucking so young.

Speaker 1 (34:22):
You're fucking twenty nine, twenty six years, you're twenty five.

Speaker 2 (34:26):
You got your whole life out of you and you're
being nostalgic for sixteen. Oh my god, it was.

Speaker 1 (34:37):
This is this is Harley at sixteen, like I want
to quit school and this is me she probably should, right,
And this is Jennifer Are you fucking high? And this
is me?

Speaker 2 (34:49):
Yeah? Yes, increasingly so, why do you ask? Oh my god? Yeah?
That was what a what a.

Speaker 1 (35:02):
What a golden era when I think of high school,
like I was just in Jersey fairly recently went back
for you know, the Malrets thing and the Wicked Singalong,
and I'll be back there February ninth for another Wicked
Singalong and February twenty third for cop Out fifteenth out
of fifteenth anniversary screening tickets. It's podcasts at cinemas dot com.

(35:24):
But we should mention before we go further. You and
I when this episode drops on Thursday, if you're in
Los Angeles, you can go to oh Yeah, Dynasty Typewriter
and see me and Harley on Love It or Leave It, Yeah,
which I you know, just had a panic attack about
before we began in the show because they sent over

(35:45):
to like, hey, this is the stuff we're going to
talk about. I'm like, I'm talking about any of this thing,
Like honestly, they may they might have they they might
as well have sent me like first we're going to
talk about golf, then we're gonna talk about football, then
we're going to talk about the ball of bass, then
we're gonna talk about like fucking you know, Olympics. Like

(36:06):
it's just I'm out of my depth, like you know,
and I had to call the producer and be like, bro,
I I'm not smart. I can't talk about these things
like I'm talking. I can only really talk about Kevin
Smithy type things. And then I realized that I have
cle cleaved, like carved a lane for myself where I
could just sit in it and do what I want.

(36:28):
And I saw somebody on Twitter recently, or maybe it
was on Twitter, but it was via letterbox or something
like somebody reviewed the four thirty movie and they were like,
oh my god, fucking who knew that Kevin smith can
still make a good movie. This is this was great
in the way that all of his recent movies, you know,

(36:48):
have been these nostalgic wanks. And I'm like, man, like,
I remember when I was making these Q movies. You know,
By the time I got to Jameson about striking back.
People like like, oh, they're all connect and ship. I
was like, oh, I guess I should stop that. Then
I did a bunch of ship that wasn't They were like,
oh my god, do those movies again. Then I was
doing interconnected movies again. And then somebody's like a nostalgic

(37:14):
You can never.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
Can never please them all.

Speaker 1 (37:16):
No, not in the least any nine years ago. Oh god,
we were on a we were on a set probably like.

Speaker 2 (37:25):
Right now, that's crazy, that's really so crazy.

Speaker 1 (37:29):
How are you going to celebrate the tenure? I hope
we can sell out a screening on that ten year anniversary.
Rose will come.

Speaker 2 (37:39):
I don't know. Maybe I bet she would.

Speaker 1 (37:42):
Man Like she was in the neighborhood.

Speaker 2 (37:44):
Yeah, she was in New York. I'm sure she would.
She's like all over the world.

Speaker 1 (37:50):
She's like, I love to go to the Yogo just
ten year anniversary screening in your little theater in New Jersey.
But I'm saving the world for Chanel. She's monumentally busy.

Speaker 2 (38:08):
But that's what I mean.

Speaker 1 (38:11):
I'm certainly not comparing myself to your young friend. But
people always assume that I'm busy, and I'm not. You
know what I'm saying, Like I always have time to do.
You are pretty busy, I know, but I got'ta make
time to do, ship if it matters.

Speaker 2 (38:26):
That's true. Going on over there, just a little sniffling.
Now it was years ago? Puff puff.

Speaker 1 (38:38):
Puff?

Speaker 2 (38:39):
Why so loud.

Speaker 1 (38:43):
Puff your there's just nine years ago? Where's my youth?
Cud puff? You stole my youth? You motherfucker with young
and beautiful?

Speaker 2 (38:53):
You told them from me.

Speaker 1 (38:54):
I got a fucking d You're right, ship, Oh my.

Speaker 2 (38:59):
God, as hates this episode of Beard listicless.

Speaker 1 (39:03):
Mate, No wow, So like your fucking boyfriend don't listen
and my girlfriend don't listen?

Speaker 2 (39:11):
Yeah? Literally, what does that say? I don't fucking know.

Speaker 1 (39:15):
Maybe we're just not as interesting as we think. Probably
you know what that you know what it says? You
know here, I'll know exactly.

Speaker 2 (39:21):
I don't think I'm interesting. I don't.

Speaker 1 (39:23):
I think you're interesting. Your dad doing the show because
you're interesting. I think your points are funny, I hope,
and I like making.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
Funny all every single time we did That's true, every
single time we do an episode. The whole time, I'm like,
why would anyone want to hear me? Talk.

Speaker 1 (39:42):
I don't know, maybe they're like smart this dumbass probably
maybe make them feel good about themselves, you know what
to do that for you, or maybe you're just their
cup too, Like yeah, man, I like the way she thinks.
Hey man, didn't you give fucking the person that was
like shitting on you had a reversal of fortune and

(40:03):
this was the person listening your hair?

Speaker 2 (40:07):
And what was they said? My laugh is is hard
to listen to.

Speaker 1 (40:13):
Is that the same and is that the same person
that was? Like then then hey man, you should be
fucking happy if somebody robbed your house.

Speaker 2 (40:22):
But essentially like, what do you mean you're mad that
you should goddamn liberal let him rob your house? Yes,
that was that was quite the stretch right there. But
then they apologize because they listen and we've talked about
them for there it is.

Speaker 1 (40:40):
There's squeaky Will gets the grease.

Speaker 2 (40:42):
Literally have now gotten three mentioned in three episodes.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
I know, but yeah, he's like, look and I'm sure,
but you know exactly. You mentioned me a nice ship.
You mentioned me.

Speaker 2 (40:56):
I am literally literally Harley said it to me, and
I was like.

Speaker 1 (41:01):
Well, that's the best possible outcome right there.

Speaker 2 (41:04):
Yeah, I don't want to talk about him.

Speaker 1 (41:08):
That's it too much. Some reason I assumed it was
a girl.

Speaker 2 (41:12):
No, I don't. Maybe maybe I assumed it was a
guy because of his name, But I don't want to
say his name because I'm not going to.

Speaker 1 (41:19):
Be a name that could go either way. Don't put
down the desk. Oh my god, like a child putting
stickers on things. You should yeah the uh, all right,
let's do the vegan APATOI part of the show the department.
Now all right, now you enter the vegan aptoire. Welcome,

(41:39):
where a girl and her dad talk about vegans. I
just before Harley got here, I made, let's two or
six eight Beyond burgers on the grill, went out, fired
up the grill.

Speaker 2 (41:55):
They were delicious.

Speaker 1 (41:56):
Thank you. Put my special spies and stuff.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
Upon it makes them so good.

Speaker 1 (42:02):
Black and the salt stuff.

Speaker 2 (42:06):
It is crazy.

Speaker 1 (42:08):
I know most vegans are real vegans would be like
beyond burgers noting height of veganism, bro, But it's crazy
how many bomburgers we consume.

Speaker 2 (42:17):
This family, this family really loves a beyond burger.

Speaker 1 (42:21):
Your your mom who never was never a burger person. Yeah,
historically she's just like I. I can get perfect man.
She can keep me coming.

Speaker 2 (42:35):
They powered me.

Speaker 1 (42:36):
She has been pulling boxes up out of the garage
because we sent another U haul back east to Jersey
for Ernie to like kind of go through for the
next s Mackshire, and that freed up a lot more

(42:56):
room in the garage, so she was able to get
to things that she thought were like lost. She was like,
I can't find this stuff, and you get real emotional,
and then we found all. She's like, oh guy, including
the barn bed that used to sleep in.

Speaker 2 (43:10):
Oh my god, that was the coolest bed of all time, Harley.

Speaker 1 (43:13):
You know, when I was a kid, the height of like,
oh you must have parents, those kinds of parents that
love you was the racing car bed.

Speaker 2 (43:21):
Oh yeah, those seemed cool.

Speaker 1 (43:23):
A bed that was shaped like a racing car. And
you know, most seventies eighties parents were like, no, you're
gonna do that, like my parents. I was gonna get one.
My parents are, you know, like you're not even a
car kid. That's true, you know what I'm saying. But
they were also like, no, your bed matches your brothers,

(43:45):
because me and Uncle Don shared a room, so their
philosophy was it would look weird. That he's sleeping in
a bed and you're sleeping in a car.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
Like but so I never heard enough.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
Looks their money whatever, and it's not like you know,
And if I.

Speaker 2 (44:02):
Had a car or a race in bed, I would
have been a bed of main There's no Harry Chapin
to this, you know.

Speaker 1 (44:09):
But the racing car bed was definitely for me, for
Jason Muse, for anyone who we grew up with. Certainly
a sign of affluence. M hm cut to Harley is
a youngster, she needs to sleep.

Speaker 2 (44:33):
I got somewhere in in uh.

Speaker 1 (44:36):
I don't even think they're there anymore. But it was
over by the Beverly Center. There was this kid's furniture store.
And were you with us when we went in for
the first time? Did you pick it out? Or I
think it was just me and like I went in
originally because I knew like I would get someone would
fight me on. But we committed and bought this what

(45:01):
we call the barn bed.

Speaker 2 (45:02):
It was really a marvel of a piece of furniture.
It was. It was stunning. It was the bed of
a single child. It was it was dreams were made
of Like if my ceilings at my house now would
would take this. I would probably have it in my house.

Speaker 1 (45:22):
Yeah is it sixy sleeping in the barn bed? No bed,
it's a fucking cow looking at me.

Speaker 2 (45:35):
There was there were three level. There were three levels.
Imagine if you've seen.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
The old version of Sweeney Todd on Broadway with the
big block that they would turn around, that's kind of
what Arley's bed looked like. It looked like it was
shaped like a barn, painted like a barn that fake
animals on. Everything was designed for it to be like
this is a barn, including barn doors that could open
and closed. Oh yeah, like so you'd be shut in

(46:03):
like a time.

Speaker 2 (46:05):
That's so true. So it was what an absolute like.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
Marble, and it wasn't honestly like it wasn't like cheap,
but it wasn't that expensive all things considered, and it
lasted forever and still exists. So it had a slide
out trundle on the bottom that could slide back in,
so if you had a guest over man the main
bed itself was in the barn proper and so as

(46:32):
previously mentioned, it had born door barn doors that swung
open and.

Speaker 8 (46:35):
You get in the bed and lit windows had little
windows as well look out because on the side you
could look out the window like so once you were
in the barn, you weren't entunbed, like, oh my god,
you have to fucking join that Kevin Smith club if
you if you're sure, even if you burn and sure, right,

(46:56):
you just joined just to watch us and drop out.

Speaker 2 (46:59):
This fucking kid.

Speaker 1 (47:02):
It was like the moment jj Abram's Mission Impossible where
Felicity's fucking brain blew up because somebody.

Speaker 2 (47:08):
Stuck it like a minigrade eighteen then and she was like,
oh my god, Ethan, she just did that. Her eye
went all and ship and you were like a little
fly flew by. That was a reaction to it was loud.

Speaker 1 (47:24):
Good lord. The beautiful feature on this barn bed though,
was at a third floor, so there was a mini
staircase under which there were drawers to put clothing and
a storage facility and.

Speaker 2 (47:37):
A little dog a little doggy house.

Speaker 1 (47:39):
A little doghouse. Then you walked up these little stairs
and somebody could sleep in the.

Speaker 2 (47:45):
Bunk up top.

Speaker 1 (47:47):
Yeah, it is pretty cool, fucking cool, and we got
years out of it, like you know, until you're I
don't want to have six on this anymore.

Speaker 6 (47:55):
Oh, yeah, it when you were I guess probably by
the time you were, like in high school would have been.

Speaker 2 (48:06):
But I think sometime in middle school, is that.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
What it went away? Yeah. But we got a good,
like fucking I would say, I don't know, like easily
five to eight years out of that bed and then
you know, got dismantled and put into storage. And then
last year we emptied the storage facilities and put them
all the contents here in the ground. Now we had
access to the barn bet again.

Speaker 2 (48:30):
Wow, and so put it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yea, yeah,
your mom please put.

Speaker 1 (48:38):
Your mom was like, can we put up a bar bet?
I was like no. As she goes you don't want to,
I was like no, I thought you meant could we Like,
I don't know how to build things, but we can
hire somebody, so true, build this barn bed again for
us and stuff like that. Put it together the first time.
But there's a bed in Harley's what used to be
Harley's room now and uh, I think that bed is

(49:00):
going with nobody goes in there, nobody ever uses. So
I think we're going to in which may be one
of the saddest you know, fucking reach backs or the
empty nest parents.

Speaker 2 (49:12):
That we are.

Speaker 1 (49:13):
We're going to reconstruct Harley's childhood bed.

Speaker 2 (49:21):
You're like, you want to sleep over, We put.

Speaker 1 (49:24):
Your bed back up. Austin can sleep in the top, one.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
Can sleep in the trundle.

Speaker 1 (49:31):
It's true, man, the cats could have the cats and
that's not vegan though, portion we can't stick to our departments.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
What was the thing that you ate lately that you
really liked?

Speaker 1 (49:54):
I over bought two things recently, not them be consumed.
I when I was in Jersey about a fuck ton
of chocolate Twizzlers.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
That's who knew those were vegan? Yeah that's crazy.

Speaker 1 (50:13):
Yeah, I've always I thought you knew that, but yeah
I did not. Is when you go to the movie theater, man, twizzlers.

Speaker 2 (50:20):
I know twizzlers are, but I won't assume the chocolate
kind are. And they use Hershey's chocolate. That's pretty wild.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
Yeah, but it ain't milk chocolate because this just cocoa.

Speaker 2 (50:32):
I just did it.

Speaker 1 (50:36):
It didn't come by So I was, you know before
a couple like last month I saw them on Amazon.
I was like, oh fuck, I love I haven't had
one of those in a while. They don't sell them
out here. They saw regular Twizzlers and other kinds, but
not chocolate. So I ordered them through Amazon and they
were fucking The tastes like a happy childhood. So when

(50:57):
I was back East, I went into food town on
the street then a fucking just like like you would
sell milk, eggs or fucking floor cleaner, Like, yeah, yeah,
we got chalk. You have no fucking idea what you
got here? This is gold back bottom hole.

Speaker 2 (51:17):
How many I brought?

Speaker 1 (51:19):
I think twenty six pound of Twizzlers?

Speaker 2 (51:23):
Are you Oh my god? You brought them back from Jersey.

Speaker 1 (51:31):
I had brought a suitcase full of ship to the
podcastle I had to bring the suitcase home, so I
was like, I got plenty of room for Twizzlers. Oh
so I brought back to Twizzers. I also brought back
grand Grandma. Mamily has been trying to give me for
the last ship a few months since I've been out

(51:52):
there visiting and whatnot a set of boxing gloves that mine.

Speaker 2 (51:58):
Oh yeah, I've been hearing about the I got him.

Speaker 1 (52:01):
I brought those home in the suitcases well well, which
also came with a bunch of articles in the newspapers.
About him boxing.

Speaker 2 (52:10):
It was crazy, really cool.

Speaker 1 (52:11):
Yeah, it's fascinating and they're sitting there reading about this
guy fucking like throwing hands in the thirties.

Speaker 2 (52:16):
Is your grandpapaly my mom's dad.

Speaker 1 (52:20):
But my mom was adopted. But you know, whatever, the well,
I'm just saying, like he is, uh, you know, the
blood is thicker than the water.

Speaker 2 (52:31):
Oh, I am aware.

Speaker 1 (52:33):
It was real, Like there's a real blood thing fucking
in our in my house. And I think that had
a lot to do with my mom being adopted. But
for those who came in late, my father once made
a mistake on Christmas Eve. I'm saying to my mother
my father's brother was going to come visit. And it

(52:54):
was like nine ten o'clock on Christmas night, night of
Christmas and my father answer the phone, which he never did,
and he to see him talk on the phone was
like a nathma. He got phone. My mom was like
so puzzled, like who is that? And he's like, oh,
that's Wayne. He's going to stop by. He's in the area.
He's gonna step by, and my Mom's like, no, he's not.
And my dad's like, well, yeah, Wayne is my dad's

(53:17):
younger brother. And my mom goes, no, the kids are
all on their pajamas, Christmas is over. He can't step by.
And God's like, well he's this is my brother. Yeah
he's gonna stop but yeah, of course he can stop by.
And you know, Mom pushed the issue, you know, in
terms of like no, because mom, you know, dad was
the breadwinner. My mom ran the house, you know what

(53:38):
I'm saying. My dad worked for mom essentially. And then
my dad made the fucking incredible mistake error unforced era
error of saying, well, blood is thicker than water grace
in reference to his brother. Now, my dad meant it

(53:59):
like Wayne is my brother and he's my blood. We're
just married for Heaven's sake, which is insulting enough. However, Mom,
being adopted, took that even fucking harder. And I didn't
even know that when I was a kid. I didn't
find out she was adopted to I was like eighteen.
One day she told me.

Speaker 2 (54:16):
I was like, what really?

Speaker 5 (54:18):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (54:18):
And I wish she hadn't told me because it really
did change my perspective.

Speaker 2 (54:21):
Why.

Speaker 1 (54:22):
I don't know, man, I don't I think because I
was raised in a real blood, it's thicker than water
cut of house, which is weird because Judy one of
my favorite fucking relatives on the planet. We're not related,
you know what I'm saying, Like, Judy fucking helped raise
you when you were born, and she helped raise me
when I was a kid, but her mom were childhood friends. Yeah,

(54:43):
so you know it's not like, you know, I can't.
I can't get over somebody whose family that's not blood.
But for some reason, and I'm not saying it was
a good thing, and it is heartbreaking for me because
I was very close with my grandmother, my mom's mom,
who I lived with for a while after my grandfather
passed away. When my mom told me she was adopted,
suddenly I was like, I don't have to go to

(55:06):
any of these people's houses anymore, Like we're not related
to relatives and stuff.

Speaker 2 (55:10):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (55:11):
And that I didn't. I didn't. I didn't feel too
bad about extended family, but I did feel bad that
I ever felt. I didn't feel that in full to
my grandmother, but I did feel like a chasm for
some reason, like and my mother, nothing changed except suddenly

(55:34):
I was like, well, wait.

Speaker 2 (55:35):
A second, that's interesting. Yeah, I don't know, and it.

Speaker 1 (55:39):
It has to come from that whole blood is thicker
than water thing. But yeah, it's a very clear distinction
with me and not a bias. But it's just like like, oh,
those relatives that were not related to I mean, look,
you always have relatives you're not related to, you know

(56:00):
what I'm saying, usually by marriage and shit like that.
But this was a case of like I grew up
around and with people that I assumed were blood relations family,
and you know, granted, of course family can be family
doesn't have to share blood. But this was a different time.
This was like, that's again, blood is thicker than water.

Speaker 2 (56:20):
It's so crazy it is. I would never No, I
didn't get any get any of that.

Speaker 1 (56:28):
One of your closest relationships with anyone in the world,
let alone a relative, is with somebody that has no
relation to us blood wise, you know what I'm saying,
Like Pop, that's like, for all intents and purposes, blood wise,
genetically speaking, Pop is a stranger. Like there were times

(56:53):
when I would walk around the most.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
Important stranger in the world.

Speaker 1 (56:56):
I mean, that's it. It's the story of family right there,
Like fucking here's a guy who's not fucking blood but
like I put him right next to me in terms
of like somebody who shares blood with you, who is
constantly looking out for your best interest. Oh yeah he's
and you know, shamefully, I would have to admit there

(57:16):
were times where Pop probably put you before I put
you because I was like having to work or do
a fucking thing instead. Pop was pasted his career and
he was in retirement, so you know, he had this
and still remains has a fantastic relationship with kid. We're
so close, super close, but by my childhood metric. And

(57:38):
again I'm not laying this on anybody, going like because
this is what I was told, But it was just
the that the blood is thicker than water stayed with me,
and that sentiment like I didn't finish the story, my
mom got so fucking pissed, he went and put a
fist through the fucking wall.

Speaker 2 (57:53):
Yeah, and it stayed.

Speaker 1 (57:55):
That hole stayed in the wall for over ten years,
if not fifteen.

Speaker 2 (58:03):
It really matters what you hear when you're a kid.
It really what's yours?

Speaker 1 (58:08):
What is your blood is thicker than water?

Speaker 2 (58:10):
Oh my god, you like fucking hold my beard.

Speaker 1 (58:15):
But our mind is very clear, like a very specific
moment in time, a thing that was said, not even
about me, like I wasn't engaged in the conversation, but
it was watching the two people I trust most in
the world have this kind of that was a huge moment, idiological,
you know, and not like. And my parents also never
they might bicker, but they were never, like, never really fought.

Speaker 2 (58:39):
As if you put a hole in the wall too,
I'd be like, that'd be a core memory. Did you
see her put a hole in the wall?

Speaker 1 (58:44):
Heard it? We were all in the living room. My
mom stormed ashes. I'm like, I could see the rage still,
like I was a child, and I could still see
her face, like if she could have, she would have
fucking right hooked the.

Speaker 2 (58:58):
Damn And my mom was tough, man.

Speaker 1 (59:00):
My mom was a tough little bit like she was
raised by my grandma and her fucking sister was a
nark detective, first female NERD detective. And she was in
a rape squad like my mom was. That's what it
was called. No, I know, but I know it's tough word. Sorry,
grape squat. My My mom was was a fucking tough individual.

(59:24):
Why am I saying this?

Speaker 3 (59:25):
Though?

Speaker 1 (59:26):
I got lost in my point.

Speaker 2 (59:27):
Because I was just her putting a hole in the wall,
and you heard it, yes, So.

Speaker 1 (59:34):
The rage on her fucking face at blood is thicker
than water, Like I if she if we weren't in
the room, she might have fucking through hands like.

Speaker 2 (59:42):
She she was.

Speaker 1 (59:46):
Beyond incense. Stormed out of the room and then wow,
I just heard that, and fucking everybody froze, and my
dad goes to the kitchen angle and my brother and
sister like you. Yeah. My mom went into the bedroom,
slammed the door, and I went in around the corner,

(01:00:09):
and I was looking and I saw the bedroom doors
closed and bathroom door was open, so she was definitely
in the bedroom. And then I looked at and the
plaque that's right, and she the plaque that used to
hang here in the house of like the baby plate
when I was born. How much I weighed and ship
Donald's I believe it was was on the ground. She

(01:00:32):
had hit the wall so fucking hard that this like
came off the nail and fell on the ground. So
that was the first thing I saw. But then I
looked over and the wall that was right outside our bedroom,
she had put her fucking fist like through it and
I came back out, I was like, the wall, that's
so crazy, and that it's it ain't like this house

(01:00:53):
where it's like, you know, we got a lot of
space in this house. So if you want to fight
with somebody, meaning if you want to avoid something, buddy,
you can go to another angle of the house and
you know, I'm not like you won't see him for weeks,
but like you don't have to run into them. Jackson
Street was pretty fucking small. So could you imagine having
a fucking blowout fight with your husband or your wife

(01:01:16):
while the kids are there?

Speaker 2 (01:01:18):
That? Yeah, that's close quarters. Oh did you think about
Momiy when you punched a hole in the wall one
time when I was on cop outside? Yeah, did you
think about Mommily?

Speaker 1 (01:01:31):
As I was like, Momiy is stronger. She put her
fist through a wall in a house, which granted is
like sheet rock and shit like that. But I was
a trailer like so when I put my fist to
the wall, so to speak, it was like balsa wood.
That big deal.

Speaker 2 (01:01:49):
But I was I'm never that person.

Speaker 1 (01:01:51):
I'm not like a physical person. No, frustrated.

Speaker 2 (01:01:57):
I was just wondering if Momley crossed your mind that
I remember telling you.

Speaker 1 (01:02:01):
I was like, ma, I got so angry. I put
my fist to the wall three times. She goes, tiger
only did it once.

Speaker 2 (01:02:07):
Yeah, because she had to. You were three short.

Speaker 1 (01:02:12):
Yeah, I put bang, bang, bang, put three holes in
the wall. And Megan was out there and she was
just like you all right. So I just punched a
hole through the wall three times and she's like all right, yeah, man,
So these boxing gloves, like it's crazy because I'm looking

(01:02:35):
at him. And they got a guy his name was
John Schultz. Uh, and he taught me out to tie
my shoes. I've spoken about it before, Like he died
when I was like nine, but like he was, he
always called me captain.

Speaker 2 (01:02:52):
Hey, cap, you call everyone captain.

Speaker 1 (01:02:55):
Yeah, that's true. Maybe I got it from him, maybe,
but he uh yeah. By the time I met him,
mus long past fucking boxing and ship like that. He'd
been like a janitor in the Newark court system for
like a long time.

Speaker 2 (01:03:12):
So he uh.

Speaker 1 (01:03:15):
He came off like, you know, scary. He'd come off
like nice and huggable, like pop. He came across like
a like an old man from in his seventies. In
the seventies, they were a different breed, not like a
cute cut, not pop user friendly pop.

Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
Yeah he's so cute, yeah, pops.

Speaker 1 (01:03:37):
Pop's like a nerf ball. He just wanted to toss
for which is fucking shocking because you know, Pop fucking
had a horrible job where he saw incredibly horrific things.

Speaker 2 (01:03:50):
But he's just the cutest little guy.

Speaker 1 (01:03:53):
He's mister I'm telling you he's nerve because he's mister
bounced back as.

Speaker 2 (01:03:56):
Well, like he really is. He's an incredible He.

Speaker 1 (01:03:59):
Would crush my people, like doesn't crush.

Speaker 2 (01:04:02):
It's truly incredible.

Speaker 1 (01:04:04):
But uh so, my grandfather was not. I remember one
time I walked around the block with him from my
grandmother's house to my house at tonym on Jackson Street,
and he said he was going in and like, and
they never really came around the block to our house.

(01:04:24):
We always went around to their house, but I said,
I'm gonna say out here, staying on the front steps,
and so he goes inside, and for some reason, like
I was like all right, and I left and I
walked around the block to Grandma's and I knew this
was that, Like I didn't tell anybody or anything like that,

(01:04:47):
so I immediately got into the bathroom. I went into
my grandma's house, went right into the bathroom. She goes,
where's your Where's where's Grandpa? I was like, I don't know.
I went into the bathroom, and ten minutes later he
came fucking blowing through the front door in that place,
going is Kevin in the here? And my grandmother was like,

(01:05:09):
he's in the bathroom and goes Jesus whic like, and
he wanted to fucking strangle me, because, as you would
imagine once you're past, you know, the panic of I
lost my grandchild, like he was right here, like I
wanted to And my mom must have been like, where's Kevin?

(01:05:30):
And my grandfather was like, he was just he was
with me, what do you that whole fucking run around
the block, assuming that I went there, hoping that I
went there. You know, it ain't like today where you know,
if that would have happened, you find a kid like, oh,
thank God, give me a hugging ship. Motherfucker was ready
to put me through a wall because I fucking terrified him.
And you're like, and my grandma was like, you're not,

(01:05:52):
don't go near him. He didn't do anything wrong. He's
like he left and didn't tell anybody like that's that
is wrong, Like, oh.

Speaker 2 (01:06:00):
Man, that's terrifying for them.

Speaker 1 (01:06:04):
I mean for me, I was scared to get yeah,
but like.

Speaker 2 (01:06:06):
Sounds terrifying for you too though, but more for them,
like could you imagine that?

Speaker 1 (01:06:10):
Motherfucker's Like I like that they entrusted me with this
kid for two minutes, and like it's not even like
whether or not he like loved me or was into
me as a fucking human being who gives a shit.
It just meant I'm never going to hear the end
of it. For my wife, like she's gonna fuck it.
He called her head names for all the time. He

(01:06:30):
called their Kaiser. Now, in your world, Kaiser is like
Kaiser permanente. But back in World War One, the Kaiser
Kaiser Wilhelm was like the head of Germany is the
reason we got into well where they got into World
War One. Kaiser's were bad things. They were like fucking yeah,

(01:06:51):
you didn't want to be a Kaiser. So my grandfather's
nickname for my grandmother was Kaiser.

Speaker 2 (01:06:56):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (01:06:57):
So he would just be like, oh, Kaiser, shut up,
like constantly, oh my god, referring to her germanness, even
though he too was German.

Speaker 2 (01:07:05):
He was Schultz Wow, and she was went w and
dt getting some insight into your childhood again. He uh.

Speaker 1 (01:07:14):
I mean, I'm sure I've talked about this before, but
like him being a boxer, and I read these articles
and it's crazy how they talk about like how good
he was at it. And it's also crazy that you're
reading something from the thirties and it's not that different
from how they cover sports today.

Speaker 2 (01:07:31):
That's pretty crazy.

Speaker 1 (01:07:32):
Yeah, But them talking about this youngster from fucking the
iron Bound section of North and how he handled himself
in a fight, it's crazy because I'm like, this guy's
journey makes my journey possible. Like never mind, the whole
fucking blood is thicker than water. If this boxer hadn't failed,

(01:07:54):
maybe he's never around New jerseybe they move outageurs.

Speaker 2 (01:07:59):
And so.

Speaker 1 (01:08:01):
My mom, who was like, you know, brought to my
grandparents by the Catholic charities, doesn't go to that family.
That family who you know, My grandfather and my grandmother
bought a little bungalow down the Jersey Shore and they
would go there on the weekends and stuff, and then
eventually moved down there and my parents were visiting with

(01:08:22):
my sister when she was a kid, and my dad
walked around the block with my sister and saw a
house for some I was like, oh my god, we
could live near your parents if you want, grace, and
she was like yeah, And so then we go to
twenty on Jackson Street. All because that guy fought well,
but not well enough to sustain it as an entire career.

(01:08:43):
Because I guarantee you if that man continued his life
as the man in the Arena as they say, he
wasn't gonna be fucking adopted, no no kid from the
Catholic charities. You know what I'm saying is that's when
I read those articles, I'm like, this guy had he

(01:09:04):
and he he had no idea I was coming. And
even when he met me, even when I walked around
the block and he was like, oh my god, even
when he taught me at a time my shoe, he
had no idea that I was going to become the
man in the arena, that I would spend my life
chasing like the words in the paper, like he did,
like needing validation provided by anyone other than ourselves. You know,

(01:09:27):
maybe he did it for a different reason, you know,
but ultimately you're trying to fill some fucking hole. So
he he must have been. I mean, I'm sure part
of it was the money, right, like should I'd rather
make money fighting than doing anything else. In the passion, yeah,
passion for the fight game. But then he gave it up.

(01:09:50):
This is something I talk about all the time, and
I can't believe we haven't spoken about it. I spoke
about it with nominally that that guy had pretty good record.
And then my grandmother story goes and the family history
of my grandmother was like, you know, he can't do
this anymore. You have a daughter now, like their first kid,
my A Virginia was born while my grandfather was boxing

(01:10:13):
on the road and he was in Virginia when he
found out that my grandmother had the baby. So he
was like, let's name it Virginia. So he got home.
My grandma was like, you're done fighting like your dad now,
Like I can't. You weren't here, and the kid was born,
like god, this is it, and you know, the story
was like he was like okay, then gave it up.
Now having been the man in the arena for thirty

(01:10:36):
fucking odd years now, thirty one years. There's nothing in
the world that would make you willingly give up the
roar of the crowd if you were built for that,
which clearly he was as he gravitated towards the fight came.
So as a kid, you know, I buy that story,

(01:10:56):
like fucking she told him not to fight anymore and
that's his wife, so stop. But as an adult who
had a career, you know, definitely not like my grandfather's
but like also in a public eye where part of
your job comes with accolade, and when it comes to
that sort of shit, like you know, fucking people in sports,

(01:11:18):
like oh my god, the crowds go nuts. Like I'm
happy when I'm at a comedy club. I can make
a room laugh. But like fucking punch a dude in
the face and dropping the canvas and talking, you know,
primal and ship like that.

Speaker 2 (01:11:31):
Pretty impressive.

Speaker 1 (01:11:33):
What would make a man give all that up? His child?
Mm hmm, I had one. I didn't give it up
so true where you were, Yes, my.

Speaker 2 (01:11:48):
Boy, it was just like me.

Speaker 1 (01:11:51):
What would make a man give all that up? It
ain't fucking his wife going like you got to stop
fighting out you have a kid. I have theory.

Speaker 2 (01:12:02):
I bet it has something to do with anal. I
think my grandmother was fantastic and anal. Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (01:12:09):
I think it was like the fucking forties, which she
was a German girl who was like, I'll let you
do it to style you font. I mean, she'd actual god,
and he was.

Speaker 2 (01:12:21):
Just like, Oh, what's better than the fight game?

Speaker 1 (01:12:24):
Is this? I think? So I'd really like to go
back in time and have a conversation.

Speaker 2 (01:12:29):
I just wondering about Adson.

Speaker 1 (01:12:32):
Just as like some rando, I just be like, did
you give a fighting for anal? My grandfather was a
vicious man who fought in traffic.

Speaker 2 (01:12:40):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (01:12:41):
He would stop somebody was delegating him. He would stop
a car on the freeway, get out and grab a
fucking hook from under the seat, like one of those like, uh,
I know what you did last summer hooks there used
for fishing fish, and he would go. He would He
was a fucking boxer. The man was naturally fucking aggressive,
so he had a hair trigger and had no problem

(01:13:03):
fucking getting ready to fuck with anybody even when, like
I knew him when he was like in the seventies
and shit like that. That I was kind of scared
of this guy, always ready to throw it down.

Speaker 2 (01:13:13):
Sound scary, Yeah, he was terrifying actually.

Speaker 1 (01:13:17):
But to be fair, like I remember him always trying.
Like you got to remember when we came into their lives, me,
my brother, and my sister. Like my grandmother was, you know,
now an older woman. She spent most of her young
life raising kids and then raising her kids kids because

(01:13:38):
like my Virginia was off at work and stuff, and
Uncle Jerry was off at work. So she had Virginia,
Rosemary and Gerard, my aunt, my uncle Joe's kids. She
raised them from time to time as well, and like
all these people report her as being like, you know,
I what a stern heart ass, Like I fucking hated

(01:13:59):
fucking going to Grandma because she just what a nut batter.
And we didn't have that version of grandma. My grandma
love the funk out of was because she was like,
I'm done, like I don't have to raise these kids
like now I just get to have fun with these kids.

Speaker 2 (01:14:15):
And then one day you just stop talking. Don't do that.

Speaker 1 (01:14:18):
I didn't know that's I did not stop talking to her.
I just didn't feel quite as compelled to, you know,
to go over all the time, but also came hand
to him at a time with it.

Speaker 2 (01:14:32):
When I would go over and.

Speaker 1 (01:14:35):
You know, sit down with her and she, you know,
she'd lost her eyesight, so she like couldn't do any
of the things she'd doing like cooking or crushang and stuff.
And you know, I'd be like, how you doing, Graham,
and She'd be like, well, I keep asking him to
take me, but he won't do it. Jesus, I keep

(01:14:58):
begging him take me. I'm still here. And that became gosh,
very difficult to like, you know, be like Graham, you know,
come on. But what everyone she knew and loved was
dead or dying off. She couldn't see anymore, so she

(01:15:21):
couldn't even be the independent person she had been since
her husband died like twenty years prior and stuff. She
couldn't go out do anything anymore. So she she got sad.

Speaker 2 (01:15:36):
That's really sad.

Speaker 1 (01:15:38):
Yeah, this is a woman who was always like so
crazy full of life.

Speaker 2 (01:15:44):
Yea, yeah, oh my god, this is such a sad one.

Speaker 1 (01:15:51):
Nobody is ever going to listen to the show anymore,
and they shouldn't.

Speaker 2 (01:15:59):
All right, Uh, yeah, it got very real that dude, I.

Speaker 1 (01:16:06):
Suspect gave up boxing because my grandmother was just hella,
wicked in bed, willing to do things that no other,
you know, woman in that age would do. That's why
I think anal because anyone with anyone, but they've always
had sex. But I think I think she was like
I brought something back from Jersey, from Daspozland, and you're

(01:16:27):
gonna like get kid Dixie. That was his name, k Dixie,
kid Dixie. Oh yeah, weird because he wasn't from the South.
Dixie is usually associated with South. But yeah, it was
Kid Dixie Schultz.

Speaker 2 (01:16:42):
Wow, that's a that's a pretty solid name right there.

Speaker 1 (01:16:46):
Yeah, it was a boxing name. Maybe that maybe there's
your band name, Kid Dixie. I was, and it has
this like it'll make people be like, oh ship man,
I love Dixie music and then hear it like you
take some music, but they already roped in at that point.

Speaker 2 (01:17:03):
Yeah, so true. Yeah, you know you have a point.

Speaker 1 (01:17:08):
I'm just saying. So that wraps up the vegan average one.

Speaker 2 (01:17:15):
We're doing really well at the categories.

Speaker 1 (01:17:18):
So terrible. See, I've had podcast co hosts for years,
like Ralph is very good at departments because when he
was on k Rock Radio is all about departments. So
Ralph keeps like Hollywood Babylon like on the rails and
constantly have stuff for each department.

Speaker 2 (01:17:32):
I'm just along for the ride. So as long as
you you're driving.

Speaker 1 (01:17:36):
Nobody's driving. This is like one of them cars that
just drives itself.

Speaker 2 (01:17:44):
Apparently. I mean, it makes a lot of sense, But
that's just a thing that happens in major cities the
way most d Yeah that's not everywhere yet, Yeah, that's
and it's just become a regular thing where there are
just cars that are driving themselves and tell us for

(01:18:06):
years that it's coming. It's truly shocking. Every single time
I see one one yeah happens, it's terrifying.

Speaker 1 (01:18:12):
What unnerves your mother is the little delivery. She can't
stand them. She's like, eh, there's another one. I was
like this one. She's like, oh my god, I can
oh my there was one that was stuck in the
middle of a a crosswalk and I finally saw some
compassion for my god, we got to help it. We

(01:18:35):
are not going to help get out of an object
that's being controlled by somebody in a basement because they're
they're not They're not like AI.

Speaker 2 (01:18:47):
They're not you know, people are driving them. Yeah really yeah,
they're like.

Speaker 1 (01:18:52):
Drones, the land drones essentially, So there's some somewhere someone
just sitting there watching it and ship like that. So yeah,
you know, wow, it takes kind of the oh look
at the little robot out of it and just makes
it because I never feel that about a drone. I'm
not like the same thing for for the delivery droid.

Speaker 2 (01:19:14):
There's the delivery droid.

Speaker 1 (01:19:16):
This guy controlling it.

Speaker 2 (01:19:18):
Wow, it's the Wizard, that's for real.

Speaker 1 (01:19:22):
The way when when you follow him all the way
back to the convenience store and ship like that. Whenever
he's delivering from the little delivery droid, you meet the
fucking wizard and he's like Harley Quinn.

Speaker 2 (01:19:35):
I'd like to raise y'ah ah because I think everyone deserves.

Speaker 1 (01:19:43):
A chance to birdie commercial all right before we fucking
cry anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:19:55):
Yeah, Will got so many redo the departments next time,
getting better, figured it out, Figure it out. We figured
out departments.

Speaker 1 (01:20:06):
Don't forget kids, love it or leave it so true
at Dynasty Typewriter Thursday night meaning this third meaning tonight.
If you're listening to this on Thursday, if you listen
to this on Friday. You fucked up.

Speaker 2 (01:20:21):
You fucked up your chance to go see us. I
love it or leave it, and I'm going out on
the road.

Speaker 1 (01:20:28):
Man. Uh the uh Jane's a Bob Woral Sex Tour
from February second to February fourteenth, all over Man Tickets
at c SPoD dot com. Next up. By the end
of this year, you and I do live shows. Okay,
do a tour. Oh my god, fucking bust life and

(01:20:50):
show tour of the bus will be called the dicklet
Oh my god, one, oh my god. Yes, if you
get fucking popular enough to bus, we each get our
own horrible carbon footprint. But still, but hey, all right,
there's your beardless Nicholas Me.

Speaker 2 (01:21:11):
What that episode? Yeah, it's like that, like that, you gotta.

Speaker 1 (01:21:19):
Go out there and fucking don't. Don't don't.

Speaker 2 (01:21:23):
I can't say we weren't honest.

Speaker 1 (01:21:24):
Yeah, don't let her. Don't take heed the words of
Harry Chapin kids, Harry Champing carpenters. I think there's a
Merry Chapin Carpenter And that's why I'm like, I don't know,
Harry Chapin. I can't believe I threw another.

Speaker 2 (01:21:39):
Name, Kevin Smith Robers was.

Speaker 1 (01:21:43):
A fucking he was a poet, a prophet. Wow, yeah,
other songs too. I mean you could get away with
like that's his clerks, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 (01:21:54):
Like, absolutely, it's his clerks.

Speaker 1 (01:22:09):
And the.

Speaker 2 (01:22:15):
My's delusional. How let's go.

Speaker 1 (01:22:20):
You're the microphone? Is your beardless dicklas this week for
Beardles Kevin spit you have a beardless dickless day. This
has been a podcast production podcast podcast using our mouths

(01:22:45):
on you since two thousand and seven.

Speaker 2 (01:22:51):
Hey kids, did you like what you just heard?

Speaker 1 (01:22:52):
Well, guess what. We've got tons more, man thousands of
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