This Could Be a Party on My Behalf

Kevin visits Momily and Harley gets a surprise! PLUS: It's the last studio show! See you LIVE in NJ!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:23):
Welcome bird, beardless dick lets me.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
I'm Kevin Smith, and I'm Harley Quinn Smith.

Speaker 1 (00:33):
I'm Chuckles. Me and Chuckles are fucking gathering together for
the second the.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
Last time ever home for home recording ever.

Speaker 1 (00:44):
Look at you to hold on to life. You're like
the home. There's more. You're what stage of death bargaining?
Is that what this is?

Speaker 2 (00:52):
I'm making a deal with the devil as we speak,
A can't It's gonna fucking it that you.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
Can't stop it. I'm ending well, you know who good
at our heart and they were the ones that came
up with the idea, let's end it. You know what,
from the fucking ashes, we will rise. It's like a
fucking phoenix. Wait until you see the next show.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
Kids, it's gonna be good.

Speaker 1 (01:18):
Oh you're gonna be like, I can't believe they didn't
do this first. Idiots, beardless dickless idiots. We really we were,
but we aren't there. This means that if you were like, hey,
I'm a dicklet what am I going to do? Who
will I be?

Speaker 2 (01:39):
Your identity is up in the air now.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
That's true. Just like how when we did vegan Abatua
back in the day we left them all a little lurch.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
We really did. We really left them hanging.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
And our vegan Abatua fans we referred to as abatuats
over that attz amongst ourselves privately, I'm home at least
sucking at Yeah, sadly if you're a dick lit or
maybe you're like, look, I'm a completionist, like I like

(02:14):
something that ends. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Like
sometimes like fucking I can get a comic book series
going back in the day and you're like, fuck, man,
like just should ended it like two years ago? Shit,
this is going out in our prime re not a
court and Ieheart but not Nightheart's Eye, but perhaps not
our advertising prime.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
We are we're going out right when we should.

Speaker 1 (02:39):
We are, and and it's led to something that will
be so much more satisfying. Oh yeah, like on so
many levels for you, the audience, for us. Yeah yeah,
like like literally literally you're like sitting there going what

(03:00):
is it?

Speaker 2 (03:00):
We'll tell you now.

Speaker 1 (03:03):
We have two more.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
Home shows, this one and then one more.

Speaker 1 (03:07):
We have one more home show. We're living the second lasm.
We're in it right now. Oh my god, tick around
my mind skills, let me come in. If you were
watching the show at that Kevinsmith club dot com, which
I'm going to promote the funk out of now used
to be a little more like, well maybe we should
give room diehard.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
No you weren't.

Speaker 1 (03:30):
You were like, it's like, go fuck yourself. If you're
watching the show, you could see me do my fucking
mime act.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
And it's pretty good, pretty solid.

Speaker 1 (03:40):
I'm just putting one hand up another now, just dancing
a dance. But yeah, man, it is the next home
show is the last home show. Say goodbye to this
fucking room. It will no longer be the podcasting room.

Speaker 2 (03:59):
And I'll going it again.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
Are you fucking serious? I don't say it like that.
The fuck ew I am. I gonna cry. You'll be
in here again. We're gonna use it for something else.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
This is my childhood home. I think I'll be here again.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
Good point. I was recounting with your mother at one
point today. Every once in a while I go down
like a family rabbit hole, talking about my family, and
her eyes glazed over and stuff. But I was talking
about know how I stayed home like with Grace and

(04:32):
Don until I was like twenty three. I didn't move
out until we made Clerks. I was living at my parents'
house when I made Clerks, And let's be honest, it's
the only way Clerks would have happened if I had
to like pay a rent out in the real world
like a real person and shit, Like one of my
you know, my peers, they moved on right, they went

(04:52):
to college, right, and so my college, you're kind of
done with college by twenty one, twenty two. So like
they were in the real world apartments, working like jobs
and shit, and I was still like fucking doing convenience stores.
And I remember people that I went to school with
would come in periodically to the convenience store and there

(05:15):
was you know, I never felt this, but clearly like
I was not doing well. I wasn't doing poorly, but
like these motherfuckers were like, you know, I working in
hotel management, I fucking have a plumbing business and shit,

(05:36):
And I was like, oh, I work at the quick stop.
Wasn't that? So it was I couldn't have made that
movie unless I was living home as long as I was,
which was longer than my siblings. They got the fuck
out right after high school, and shit, I mind living
with Momily and Popoly and so.

Speaker 2 (05:55):
Only seems like a good roommate.

Speaker 1 (05:57):
She wasn't. Mamily was.

Speaker 3 (06:00):
I adore Momily and I just got back.

Speaker 1 (06:03):
From a Momily trip. I'll tell you all about after
Harley tells you all about her surprise engagement party. But
Momily was I Momily is like my hero and she's
I love her death. That being said, I have conveniently
put away how challenging Momily was when I lived at

(06:29):
the house, because this was this you you you know,
you meet fucking sweet Momily who's like Harley Harley Cooky.
I lived with the Momily who was like I was like,
mom I'm going to see a movie with Walter and
Brian and it was like ten o'clock at night, and
she was like, all right, well, if you do, you're
gonna find your comic books on the floor when you
get home. No good reason, Momaly. Momily knew my weak spots.

(06:52):
And I was like, I just go out to Brian
Walter and be like, am I going to the movies
and the like yeah, right, get in the cars, like no, seriously,
my mom said that my comics will be on the floor,
and they they were like, you know, to be fair,
I was like they were Brian Walter, like two three
years older than me. Really, yeah, they we weren't in
the same braid or anything, so you know, and they

(07:13):
had different relationships with their mothers than I had with mine.
Not like fucking better or worse, just different. I was
under thumb, you know, the fucking you know, the relationship
I have with the landlord upstairs, imagine that. But she's
my mom. Well, I didn't make up the old adage

(07:36):
every boy marries his mother. Oh god, I tell that
to your fucking fiance man, Oh my god, Like wait
a second, so yeah, no shit, so mom only you
know she I lived with her until I was twenty three,

(07:57):
and as I pointed out to Jennifer, like Harley did
kind of the same thing. And that's when we got
into this hole. When did she move out? It was
twenty two, all right, So he beat me by a year. Yeah,
it's not contest, and neither is fucking trauma. You did

(08:19):
get out, like by twenty two, into your own house,
and twenty three I was still there and I moved
out before like we made clerks. But then I moved
out and I moved in with Scott's sister Kristen up
North Jersey for a while, and then we went to
Sundance and everything changed and stuff. And then after Sundance

(08:40):
I got my own like condo and stuff.

Speaker 2 (08:43):
Welcome post clerks condo, the.

Speaker 1 (08:47):
Post clerk's condo life. My life breaks down into two eras.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
Yeah, I know, BC before clerks ad ad after.

Speaker 1 (08:56):
Dante said, with such resident pride, like so clever father,
let me lay it out for them. I love this
witticism of yours. Instead, you're just like, oh, you're like
a Catholic kid doing a rosary, Hail Mary, full of Jesus. Amen.

(09:23):
That's how we used to rifle to them clerks. Not
in my that's you. In my world, it's like mah
blah blah blah blah clerks, blah blah blah blah clerks,
blah blah clerks. There's a clerk over a clerk in

(09:44):
style and place, there's a clerks.

Speaker 2 (09:49):
Oh that's the quick stuff.

Speaker 1 (09:52):
Please. There's a boy genius director over stop base. There's
a boy outside of artists would change the world and
become an icon over at the convention.

Speaker 2 (10:16):
Convention all right, Oh my.

Speaker 1 (10:21):
God, real quick. I gave out an award. Don't laugh,
don't laugh. I don't know where this is going. I
gave out an award this weekend for an organization, the
young I got an invite that said, would you like
to present for the Young Artist Academy Awards, And I
was like, oh my god, of course anything for the Academy.

(10:43):
I'm an Academy member in good standing since nineteen ninety seven,
happy to do it. And young people they always need
a boost, next generation coming out, and it's being held
at the DJA. Of course it's an academy thing.

Speaker 2 (10:59):
Thank you. Even know my eyes.

Speaker 1 (11:01):
Interesting that they're not having it at the Academy, but whatever,
I'm sure DJ is just fine. It was not an
academy organization, like not you know, the Academy that I
belonged to with Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. It was
the Young Artists Academy that had an awards show that.

(11:25):
It was the Young Artist Academy Awards, or perhaps a
better way to put it would have been the Awards
for the Young Artist Academy. But of course you want
to be as you want to hone as close to
the glamour because it was. I'll tell you it was
delightful sitting in the audience. They put up a tutorial.

(11:47):
I don't know if they do this at the actual academy,
they should how to get your fucking award. There was
a little cartoon like drawings, not a full cartoon, but
drawings about like when you get up, make sure you
think your management to your parents. Sure, blah blah blah.
There are other people winning awards, so you know, do this,
keep it within a minute. And then I could stop
over here to get a photo and stuff like that.

(12:10):
And then there was some like, uh, you know, before you,
before you allow, before you agree to have your photo taken,
make sure they're wearing a Young Artist Academy badge. Oh wow,
which was a kind of like you.

Speaker 2 (12:23):
Know, okay, settle down, look out for.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
Lookout for pedals and ship Jesus, That's what it was.
They're like, hey, man like, because anybody could come in
and be like, oh, I'm a youn do a young star.

Speaker 2 (12:37):
Oh my god, I gotta be careful, you know what
I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (12:40):
So there was something and it wasn't like look out
for petals, but there was something that in the midst
of the intro was very like never no it was
never leave the premises with a stranger, which is something
I whenever I go to an adult function at the DJA.
They're not like, well, theme to the Director's Guild of America,

(13:02):
we hope you have a pleasant evening and never leave
the DGA with stranger.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
Maybe they should say it, you know what, you're wrong.

Speaker 1 (13:11):
I bet you A lot of people are like going
to bars like I hope I leave the DJA with
a stranger tonight. That's so true.

Speaker 2 (13:16):
Actually, it's just I would say it's a scary place.

Speaker 1 (13:20):
Though I have success in my career, but I don't
have love. I hope I meet somebody at the DJA. Sad.
That was my haunted Hollywood face, which you could see
if you were watching on that Kevin Smith Club, What
are you waiting for us? Two episodes left? They're like, that's.

Speaker 2 (13:34):
Why why now I know?

Speaker 1 (13:37):
But take the ride? Yeah, watch a year's worth. Man's true.
I was reminded by our biggest fan that she's still listening.
She was just like, I'm not the only person that
listens to your show. Kevin is Virginia. Oh, I know,
I think you are. To be honest, I believe we're
just doing the show for you at this point.

Speaker 2 (13:55):
I believe it's just a wonderful sometimes Mamally every once.

Speaker 1 (13:59):
In a while Virginia's around, she'll play for Mommily.

Speaker 2 (14:01):
And stuff, so occasionally too.

Speaker 1 (14:03):
Let' tell you something last night, Momily, you know, mom
ly seventy nine and whatnot. So there tends to be
some repetition. So, you know, we're seeing the news cycle
and uh, She's like, who's Jeffrey Epstein? And I was like, Oh,
he's a terrible man. Mine went to jail for all
this stuff. And what happened to that son of a bitch?

(14:25):
He committed suicide in prison, but some people believe that
he was killed. Good ten minutes later, what happened in
the son of a Bitch again? Is he still in jail?
He went to jail, mom but then he allegedly committed suicide,
but a lot of people think that he was killed,
you know, by whatever, the powerful forces that didn't want

(14:45):
information in Now she's like, oh, son of a bitch,
I'm glad he's dead. Watching more like, oh my god,
I can't believe this guy. Is he still in jail, Momily? Oh? Man?
So I was like, mom, so it's you know, it's
the age it happens where it's just like you.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
Gotta put a little sign up. That's like, I don't
forget he is.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
Which, to be fair, I don't want to be hanging
Jeffery Epstein's signs in my mom's Floridian home, you know
what I'm saying, seventy nine years old. But she was
so like interested in it that I was like, well,
the whole story. I think they laid it out in
like a Netflix mini series years ago, which I remember.
At one point I asked her Monds, like you want
to watch She's like, fuck, no, fuck that guy. So

(15:27):
I never watched it. So Mamila is like, let's watch it.
Which we started at ten o'clock at night, oh man,
and finally wrapped up at three in the morning. And
she was riveted.

Speaker 2 (15:41):
She was. She didn't fall asleep or nothing.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
That's that's what I was waiting for. I was as
soon as she fucking falls asleep, I'm gonna go back
to watching Rocky and Bullwinkle. Momy's like a full time
She kept like leaning forward and sh she would shake
off the sleep because it's it is a horrifying story.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
Oh my god, it's.

Speaker 1 (15:57):
So she was dialed the fuck in and so each
I'm one of the episode ends because like a five parter.
I was like, you do you want to keep going?
She's like, oh my god, how do we You know
she could not because they end each one. So we
watched that horrible ship till three in the morning and
then I was like, well, Mama, leave it six for

(16:17):
the airport and stuff, and she was like no. She
got very emotional.

Speaker 2 (16:21):
It was very fuch, momily. What what a roller coaster
of emotions of one night.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
All over the place. But I'm honestly shocked this morning.
She wasn't like we wrap that, mom, Yes, did you
tell me tiger wirewalf?

Speaker 2 (16:36):
Tell me what.

Speaker 1 (16:38):
That son of a bitch epsy. But it was a
lovely visit with my mom. I popped down to Florida
forty eight hours. I haven't seen her since Mother's Day.
And then I had like the dog metory and went
to can and ship like that, and then I tore
her with the jay. So I got to go hang
out with her and I took her to play pinball.
Last time. I took her to deezer Land, but play
video games.

Speaker 2 (16:57):
It's actually called that.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
There's a place called deezer Land and it's a car museum,
over two thousand cars from movies and shit like that
big like bugs, Bunny Mobile. It's kind of cool.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
That's pretty cool.

Speaker 1 (17:09):
They got a life size, realistic looking mater out front
from Cars. My mom's like, that car has eyes. I
was like, Mom, that's like the Pixar Mater. She's like,
from Cars, I.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
Love, Momblely that car has spies.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
She So we went there and played. They had an
old pinball room where you pay like fifteen bucks an
hour and you roll some fucking silver ball and shit.
But all their machines were kind of older on the
older side, which was fun to see some cool old machines.
But like, yeah, I was like tomorrow, Mom, we're gonna go.
We're gonna find a different place. And I found a
place called Arcade Monsters on International Drive. You used to

(17:47):
it looked like it used to be maybe a fucking
cheeky showgun steakhouse or something shit. But inside now she's
just fucking gutted and it's nothing but games, games, games,
and their thing is like not like David Busters, where
it's like go get a card and fill it up
and scam you pay one price thirty bucks. You could
stay all fucking day and do whatever you want. All

(18:10):
the games. Play any fucking game.

Speaker 2 (18:12):
Is it all pinball?

Speaker 1 (18:13):
It was everything? It was a video games. Momily was
playing a shooting game like it was a dead eye.
She was like, let's do it again. She loved because
the gun had recoil and shit, and you were breaking bottles.
It wasn't even like animals or something. It was like
you break bottles and can She would never shoot sucking
an animal and stuff, but her sister like wielded a gun.
She was a detective. Yeah, Butily just glad nobody ever

(18:38):
gave Momaly a gun. She was a dead eye. Thank god.
Played some of that ship, play some pinball?

Speaker 2 (18:42):
Did they have.

Speaker 1 (18:45):
Old timey fucking what is that game? Which they never?
Fucking I put money down and I never got that
fucking game.

Speaker 2 (18:54):
That's so that's crazy.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
I did. I put money down.

Speaker 2 (18:57):
He ordered an entire arcade game and it never for Harley's.

Speaker 1 (19:01):
It was a birthday gift, I believe.

Speaker 2 (19:03):
Wasn't it like Christmas? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (19:06):
And it was a game that we used to play
at Castle Castle Park and it was like, you know,
you fucking push aving and it pops a ball. It
was kind of like ski ball in a cage.

Speaker 2 (19:22):
And it's Jurassic themes, Yeah, Jurassic theme.

Speaker 1 (19:25):
And it had a very simple, constantly playing theme the
moment you started the game and went do so, I
put money down that free and I never got that.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
Fucking that's actually pretty concerning.

Speaker 1 (19:47):
The follow up on that.

Speaker 2 (19:48):
It's been three years.

Speaker 1 (19:50):
Times must be financially tight if you're looking for money
from fucking three years ago. But mamally played some games.
But the pinball game is good for because she needs
to like hold onto something. It's almost like fucking wheelchair
or walker height. So she was like, you know, fucking
working with this, my here to flippers and shit, And

(20:10):
you know she was she knew pinball, She knew pinball
before I fucking knew pimball and shit. But I never
played pinball with my mom growing up. We didn't play
video games with her, pinball or anything like that. One time,
when I was a kid, we had this like arcade
center three and one game thing where one was a
side was a driving game, one game was one side

(20:31):
of it was pong. It's triangular shape, and one was
a gun. He shot like old Western targets on screen
really like basic graphics. But you know, and I remember
her liking the Driving Game, but generally she didn't fuck
with any of that shit. So I got to see
her play pinball, and her pinball is hysterical because the

(20:51):
moment the ball launches, it is a NonStop monologue of
her going.

Speaker 4 (20:57):
No no no no no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no no no
no no no no.

Speaker 1 (21:02):
No no no no no no no no no.

Speaker 4 (21:05):
No no no no no, no, no no no.

Speaker 1 (21:09):
Monkey's uncle.

Speaker 4 (21:11):
And then you ready, mam, Yeah, launched the ball. No
no no no no no no no no no no
no no no, no, no no no.

Speaker 1 (21:21):
And then the one flipper on the right side, she
flips and leaves it up the whole time, and so
oh man, it was adorable. But she was like way
into it. And later on she was like, on the
end of the hand eye coordination, that's that's good for me.
I was like, you know, pinball's good for everybody.

Speaker 2 (21:43):
Was she well, not if she kept one of them
the whole time, but was she a double flipper?

Speaker 1 (21:49):
She was a double flipper, but he kept it. Yes,
the second flipper, the right Flipper just stayed up the
whole time. It was adorable. All right, never mind all that.
So that's why I was in Florida.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
But last weekend, the shock of a lifetime.

Speaker 1 (22:06):
I was partied to a deception.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
Oh my god. Yes, I still can't believe it to
this day now.

Speaker 1 (22:15):
For those who've been following the show and that I'm
talking to my sister, the you know Harley. Yeah, everyone,
in a while, Momily Harley got engaged. When was that?
What month?

Speaker 2 (22:27):
I think it was March? Well also just.

Speaker 1 (22:31):
I guess that people don't remember when they got engaged.
It's like wedding anniversarys.

Speaker 2 (22:35):
Also, just really quick side note. Remember when we were
gonna call the show Mamally's Homicide.

Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, excellent name. We'd still have a show. Our heart
wouldn't have canceled this if we were Momaly's Homicides.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
So true. Anyways, Yes, got engaged in March.

Speaker 1 (22:53):
So Harley got engaged in March, and we told the
story on the podcast. She did and it was romantic
and all that shit and lieu of giving her like
an engagement party. We took her in Austin to France.
They went to Cana and then we sent him to
Spain and ship so we were like, you know, trade off.

Speaker 2 (23:12):
It was amazing.

Speaker 1 (23:13):
Then Harley's besties were like, can we have a surprise
engagement party here? And I was like, they didn't ask
me to ask jen right, and I was I'm Jennifer
asked me. They want to They want to have Olivia
and may I want to have a surprise engagement party
for And I was like here She's like yeah. I

(23:35):
was like, all right, are we paying for it? And
she goes, no, we know not at all. And then
she got involved.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
It became missus party plan.

Speaker 1 (23:51):
So it became her party. I mean, the girls definitely did, but.

Speaker 2 (23:56):
She was like deeply she loves a party and.

Speaker 1 (24:00):
It was in her house, so of course, and so
you know, she was And to be fair, She's was
the one that was like, let's go get Nana and
shit like that. Like the moment like if they'd ask me,
I've been like, do I have to do anything? Like no,
I'd have fun. I'll keep it quiet, I don't say
anything and shit. But so we got we wound up
being more involved inasmuch as we were part of the

(24:21):
surprise and we had to get her here and there
was a sub defuse to get Harley here.

Speaker 2 (24:25):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (24:27):
So the you know, Jennifer was just like what do
we say? And I was like, just tell her that,
like I've got a I said, give me your phone.
I took her phone and then I just shot a
video where was like, kiddo, you got to come over
and take a picture with me and the pinball game.
Because what'd I say?

Speaker 2 (24:47):
Like he said that I got it for a discount
because I told the guy that I would film a
video with you because he was our fans. I bought
it two days ago when I still haven't sent it,
so you need to come over now. But also days
before that, there was a plan to go to Crossroads
for dinner. Yes, and Mom said you have to come

(25:11):
see dad's new pinball machine.

Speaker 1 (25:14):
That was mom setting the setting the table.

Speaker 2 (25:16):
Yeah, and she never really we don't really make plans
that far in advance.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
I would say, were you suspicious?

Speaker 2 (25:24):
Well, I wasn't suspicious, but I was kind of like, they're.

Speaker 1 (25:28):
Going to sit me down and tell me they're getting divorced.
Oh god, what were you did you You weren't like
this must be an engagement party, but you were like,
why is she planning this while.

Speaker 5 (25:37):
In advance, well, I was just like hmm okay, But
then I thought like Nan and Pop would maybe be there,
so maybe it was just like planning it in advance
for them or something.

Speaker 2 (25:47):
I don't know. But then the day came and Christmas,
Austin and I were like, can we just see the
pinball machine after dinner?

Speaker 4 (25:58):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (25:58):
I don't text to Jen and maybe me as well
to be like, hey, like, can we just meet at crossroads?
Because to be fair, crossroads is closer to them than
then coming all the way to our house and then driving.

Speaker 2 (26:08):
It made no sense. A person who was always late,
it made no sense. I was like, if you want
me to be on time, I should just go to the.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
Restaurant, which sound logic so long as you don't know
there's a surprise engagement party waiting and that crossroads is
not the ultimate destination.

Speaker 2 (26:28):
I had absolutely no clue.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
I had no clue. That's when the subterfuge came in,
because it's like, we gotta get over it. And that's
when Jim was like, she's not coming. She says you
can come later, and so then I sent the video
and I was I was not like, you get your
bucking ass over it. But I was like, kiddo, I
gotta send this fucking video man, Like I've got the
pinball table a couple of days ago, and he's already
been waiting and Bubba and he's a huge fan of
Perialistic so we got to do this. And she just

(26:52):
sent back the very passive aggressive yes, your generation so much, just.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
Like because I was like, why are they being crazy?
I don't understand why? I just can't do this.

Speaker 1 (27:07):
Still at that point, you're not like, no, I still
was a party on my behind.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
No why, I no clue whatsoever.

Speaker 1 (27:15):
When you pull up, so you know, the whole house
fills up upstairs, got how many people twenty thirty people
up there, thirty thirty people, and you know everyone's fucking
in a party mood, right, they're already drinking, fucking getting
shit going, food's already out and whatnot. So there's a
lot of chatter. So I'm on the deck looking down
the street, up and down the street in case she

(27:36):
comes from the different direction and ship, keeping an eye
on for when you know, I'm playing chicky, I'm looking
at as soon as I see that car come up,
I'm like, everybody shit, forgot and everybody went quiet. Shit.

Speaker 2 (27:49):
We saw you on the deck and which were like
it and you and Mom were on the deck in
Austin and I were like, what the.

Speaker 1 (27:57):
Fuck is going see she shouldn't.

Speaker 4 (27:59):
Have been on well.

Speaker 2 (28:00):
We were just like, why are they being so anal
today about.

Speaker 1 (28:04):
The time and still you're not like no.

Speaker 2 (28:08):
I even saw Olivia's car parked in front and it
didn't even occur.

Speaker 1 (28:13):
I was, I was going to be my next question,
did you not notice not never mind Olivia's car.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
All the cars I did, I literally did.

Speaker 1 (28:19):
It was one spot open for you, I know, and
everything was jammed.

Speaker 2 (28:24):
I just I saw Olivia's car, but I was like, oh,
someone else has Olivia's car. And then I saw we
saw you on the deck and before we got out
of the car Austin, I looked at each other and
we're like.

Speaker 1 (28:37):
What I stayed on right now? Hell?

Speaker 2 (28:41):
It was so strange.

Speaker 1 (28:42):
Mom like quick Brandonside'd be like, get I knew she
was going to give it up.

Speaker 2 (28:50):
It wasn't given up.

Speaker 1 (28:52):
You seeing her up there made it even more like,
what the fuck's going on?

Speaker 2 (28:56):
I just saw you guys were being crazy about the time.

Speaker 1 (29:00):
So we got the dogs wearing these fucking collars made
of flowers. So cute, very cute, and so we had
them upstairs with us. So the kids come in downstairs,
and you know, it takes a red hot minute to
get up to the top floor, and then we're all
I set up a camera on the table. I put
up the video online and you could see them like

(29:22):
come up, and pretty early on you see the table
and you're like, what's going on.

Speaker 2 (29:26):
I saw the table and I was like, whose birthday?
And then I saw the phone and I was like, Oh,
what's going on here?

Speaker 1 (29:35):
I must have felt very like like a jigsaw.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
It was pretty crazy, like there's just a.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
Phone recording it on a table that's laid out perfectly,
and not a soul in sight. It's like, hello, welcome, stranger.
Sit at the table and followed the instruction, and then.

Speaker 2 (29:55):
Bird just passes by in a flower crown, and.

Speaker 1 (29:58):
Bird crept out from behind the wall like wear and
it looks like something out of a ring video or
something like that. Not a ring video, the ring, that
movie of Old and Ship where she just steps out
creepily in the hallway. It looks like a found footage,
like Haunted House video.

Speaker 2 (30:15):
It was. It did remind me though, of like when
we got engaged and Austin was like, oh, your family
doesn't know, and I was like, what my mom doesn't know?

Speaker 1 (30:29):
And this is the worst name. I face got face
this and the record. I would not have been like mad.

Speaker 2 (30:36):
You weren't who I was concerned about. It was the landlord.
But then but then we got here and we got
upstairs and you guys were all waiting and there was cake,
and that was.

Speaker 1 (30:47):
For your engagement.

Speaker 2 (30:48):
Yes, so it was actual engaged. It was reminding me
of that.

Speaker 1 (30:52):
And also you probably weren't thinking engagement party. Kids, it's
been since you've gotten engaged.

Speaker 2 (30:58):
My engagement party was freaking going to France.

Speaker 1 (31:01):
I didn't count on your bodies.

Speaker 2 (31:03):
Oh my god, it was so beautiful.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
You seemed genuinely shocked and touched.

Speaker 2 (31:11):
I was so touched. I was so shocked. I the
biggest shock of my life thus far. I would have
to say, I.

Speaker 1 (31:23):
Not the engagement party, honestly, I think this far. You're
like I was expecting that sooner or later, but no,
but this.

Speaker 2 (31:30):
Party was actually the shock of a lifetime and turning
the corner. At first I saw you a mom and
I was like huh, and then Olivia and Maya stepped
out and I was like ah. And then I turned
the corner and like fucking Jesner Milton's there, and I'm
like what.

Speaker 1 (31:48):
And then you turn the other corner and there's like
a fucking bed with an upside down cross hanging over
a candles all around it, and we're all like, fucking
It's like Rosemary's Baby.

Speaker 2 (31:58):
That's it, and that's what happened Wet the Devil, and
that was how the night went.

Speaker 1 (32:02):
Harley meet PL's above and Austin's like, what about me? Bro?
What am I doing here to the Devil? My daughter?
Austin's like, we so, I'm off the hook here?

Speaker 2 (32:16):
What does that mean?

Speaker 1 (32:17):
Run By Tonight? She lose very seventies movie.

Speaker 2 (32:24):
I have seen it.

Speaker 1 (32:27):
Well, yeah, I mean, are.

Speaker 2 (32:28):
You saying Rosemary's Baby?

Speaker 1 (32:30):
I referenced Rosemary's Baby, and absolutely, I'm definitely liberally taking
from it. But the whole scenario, I was saying, it's
a very seventies Nobody would make that movie today. There's
a time in the seventies when they were like the
fucking Devil. Everyone's like nowadays.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
Nowadays, like the Devil walks.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
Yeah, devil's like the Double. Fucking Someone told me to
hold his beer and then showed me what true evil was.
I feel kind of silly. I thought I was the
literal prinds of darkness.

Speaker 2 (33:07):
But good God, worse than the Double.

Speaker 1 (33:09):
Anyways, So your party lasted till like one in the morning.
We were there for the surprise, and then we fucked off.
Downstairs they had the whole I saw a lot of
toilet paper.

Speaker 2 (33:24):
Because there was a a wedding trailet paper bride where
they call it toilet paper bride or.

Speaker 1 (33:31):
Tissue paper wedding dress. Is the toilet paper bride was
the name of that story that came.

Speaker 2 (33:36):
I can't say.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
Who got dressed up.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
They rapped was in partners of two, So who you
partnered up with? Austin and I were the judges.

Speaker 1 (33:46):
So you didn't have to mummy up. No observed who
won the cut and little cocks? Just that? What? Who
who won?

Speaker 2 (33:59):
I believe our friends Ben and Taylor one and then.

Speaker 1 (34:04):
Taylor as in fucking.

Speaker 2 (34:06):
From the the tenth wy farted.

Speaker 1 (34:09):
It'll happen and smells you love walky. You gotta take
all of her? Oh oh, oh god, I hope it
stays over there because I don't want to think about
walking in that way.

Speaker 2 (34:21):
That was it's not like trash.

Speaker 1 (34:24):
Well, she had a pupcake like rotten back to uh.
I mean, she don't eat what's on the ground. We
went back to the farmer's market and we went back
to the dog bakery. Al'tost taste it right, So she
had three three pupcakes. Two of them are brownie style.

(34:47):
Can She's like, he's smelling my Barnes. Don't embarrass her.
She's such a she's older, she's like the dogs at
this point.

Speaker 2 (34:58):
It's true. The bird look a bird.

Speaker 1 (35:01):
Somebody asked me. They were like, oh, they were like, oh,
they're you know, whenever they see him together, like a's adorable.
And I always explain that it's mother and daughter.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
You're very proud when you when you get to lay
that out because they're like, what's going on here?

Speaker 1 (35:14):
You know?

Speaker 2 (35:14):
One so small.

Speaker 1 (35:16):
They never asked that, They asked mom and daughter. They
just assumed that, oh, well, daughter means puppy. So she's
still a puppy. No, no puppy. She's just really small,
which I'm like totally cool with.

Speaker 2 (35:30):
She's a miniature German shepherd was.

Speaker 1 (35:33):
A miniature doction. We got ourselves a miniature German shepherd
because let me tell you something, the little farther behind you,
she's a maximum German shepherd. There, fucking she is just like.

Speaker 2 (35:48):
Could not could not be more.

Speaker 1 (35:51):
She's like gooden dog.

Speaker 2 (35:55):
Wucky wucky walky. So anyways, a party was gorgeously decorated.

Speaker 1 (36:03):
It was the theme was wuck be a waited to die.

Speaker 3 (36:08):
Waited ton.

Speaker 1 (36:12):
Wk if you ever were a birdie to begin with waited?
Why was it card or Vegas themed? What what was
that all about? I was puzzling me and your mother.

Speaker 2 (36:28):
I had I think it's just a cute theme. But
I did, like a week before be like we should
go to Vegas, and so it could have been it
could have been that interesting.

Speaker 1 (36:41):
I would have been like, just make a bunny themed.
She likes bunny, she likes fucking cat. Just bunny and
cat theme.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
Honestly, it occurred to me that.

Speaker 1 (36:54):
Make sure you got vodka yellow shots, because she likes
to get fucked up.

Speaker 2 (37:00):
I can't even have jello.

Speaker 1 (37:04):
Well, no gelatin could be made.

Speaker 2 (37:07):
Without jelis hoof, there's no.

Speaker 1 (37:10):
There's no vegan gelatin yet.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
There is I believe there is how we get rich.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
If you see a whole fill it. Because let me
tell you something about jello. Fifty sixty, maybe one hundred
years they've been selling this shit. People still buy it.

Speaker 2 (37:24):
People have no idea what it is.

Speaker 1 (37:26):
They eat ll oh, it comes from pigs.

Speaker 2 (37:29):
Hooves, right, it comes from so many different horble horrible thing.

Speaker 1 (37:33):
But they can't replicate this in the being vegan style yet,
Like what what I mean?

Speaker 2 (37:37):
It's like, I mean, there are vegan gummy candies, so
and those gummy candies usually contain gelatin, so there has
to be some sort of I don't think I've ever
seen a vegan.

Speaker 1 (37:49):
Jello though, watch Wiggle see it jiggle cool and fruity jello,
brant gelatin.

Speaker 2 (38:00):
We can't promote that on our show.

Speaker 1 (38:02):
Do whatever we want. Now we're at the end of
this fucking rope. Oh yeah, well, I'm not saying go
buy it. But although that song will make a lot
of people my age go like, you know what, I
want some Jello, I feel like I'm no, fucking jello
is for losers. There I said it, and that's what
got has thrown off. I heeart. Shit. Jello is when
you can't commit to a real dessert, you might as

(38:25):
well just ee whipped cream straight out the can, huff
it while you're out.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
Seen you do that many times.

Speaker 1 (38:29):
Of course it's tasty. You're talking to the son of
a man who drank a peanut butter straight out the jar.
You do that also because he did it. Here's my
male role model. I said, if dad, If dad could
do it, it couldn't have for me.

Speaker 2 (38:41):
Milk out of the carton, juice out of the carton,
peanut butter out of the Do you not drink.

Speaker 1 (38:47):
Your juice out of your carton when you're in your fridge?
Me poured into a glass? Yeah, this man, isn't that's
your kicking in here? Like fuck fancy? What was it
like getting on one of the first lifeboats off the Titanic?

(39:09):
Richie rich Wow?

Speaker 2 (39:12):
Wow, wee wow?

Speaker 1 (39:13):
Did juice out of a glass like you're at Denny's
or some said, ship, I just can't uncork that put
it back in.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
I couldn't. I I'm not problem with protect them. Maybe
Austin guys, have you ever kissed? No?

Speaker 1 (39:35):
My god, this marriage is doomed, doomed.

Speaker 2 (39:39):
It's been almost six years. I'm just waiting.

Speaker 1 (39:41):
There are fuckers that get to the altar without having kissed,
never been kissed.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
Could you imagine what if it was a horrible kiss,
which like that would suck.

Speaker 1 (39:55):
Most first ones aren't like fucking you know, nailed to
learn the other person ship? What happened at the party?

Speaker 4 (40:04):
That?

Speaker 1 (40:05):
Did you guys play Spin the bottle side of thing?

Speaker 2 (40:08):
Still, we actually did not play Spin the Bottle.

Speaker 1 (40:13):
You look at me like, I'm like, come on, dad,
But meanwhile you said your generation fucks with Rocky Heart
Picture Show. Spin the Bottle predates Rocky Heart Picture Show,
just like.

Speaker 2 (40:25):
The engagement party. I don't know if we're like playing
a game that centers around kissing other people. You know,
I just told you I haven't even kissed Austin before.

Speaker 1 (40:40):
I mean, is it because it takes the attention away
from the No, because you were dressing up motherfuckers for
in wedding gowns and you weren't the center of attention,
You were just a judge. I could see a fucking
game Spin the bottle being at home in an engagement party.

Speaker 2 (40:54):
I don't even know.

Speaker 1 (40:55):
If I somebody could find their next the next engagement
could have happen and I would support it, Olivia and
Maya had asked me, I would have been like, spin
the bottle, mandatory, mandatory, bigired kissing game, Oh my huge.
At parties you get arrested.

Speaker 2 (41:20):
Mayan Olivia are like, I don't know why, but your
dad really suggested that you that we all play spend
the ball.

Speaker 1 (41:26):
He told us a twenty minute story about how he
never got to play Spin the Bottle at a party,
so played it. It would be in some way him
completing a circle of life even though he wasn't playing
and stuff. He also suggested dental damns and said we
should do Reynolds wrap when we kissed strangers. He had
a lot of rules really played out in his heads.

Speaker 2 (41:47):
Started to weep and then he walk away.

Speaker 1 (41:50):
It would be crap. It'd be really creepy if he
didn't crab walk away. I think he was working a bit,
but it was a little too honest to just be
a bit. He's working out a bit, yes, but he's
also working out his life also.

Speaker 2 (42:06):
I think he just dumped some trauma on us.

Speaker 1 (42:08):
I don't I feel pretty dramatized.

Speaker 2 (42:10):
I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
What is I guess that when do is that high
school parties they play spin the bottle.

Speaker 2 (42:17):
Yeah, definitely, it's not like an adult thing.

Speaker 1 (42:19):
I would say, no in the fucking like, are you
guys all like liberal and bed hoppy and shit like that?

Speaker 2 (42:26):
All right, we're not you guys.

Speaker 1 (42:28):
You're in a relationship, but like, aren't most kids your
age like not committing to engaged partners and whatnot? Yes,
what do they call that when you're not in a
non committed relationship? Is that what it's called or is
there a better term of art for it?

Speaker 2 (42:43):
Someone who's in a relationship with multiple people.

Speaker 1 (42:46):
Open relationship so you can well open relationship, not meaning
like you're married and you can fuck other people? What
is it called when you're dating more than one person?
Polyamorous but not like I'm fucking all of them? Like, oh,
and they're not like this one's boy, this.

Speaker 2 (43:00):
One's girl seeing multiple people at once.

Speaker 1 (43:03):
Yeah? Is there a name for it? Dad, take it
back now, absolute dad. It was a term of art
from our childhood.

Speaker 2 (43:18):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (43:20):
What is the name of somebody that like, just I'm
not again.

Speaker 2 (43:26):
Not exclusively dating seeing other people?

Speaker 1 (43:29):
Just I saw it on Instagram. They called it a
thing where it's number of people. I mean hooking up
as an old term, but like there was a term
that was like this is what it's called now when
you're like I guess maybe it was like you were
in or No. It wasn't a deceptive thing. It was
just like I'm.

Speaker 2 (43:49):
Not closed off.

Speaker 1 (43:52):
I don't know, I forget what it is, but it
shows you exclusive. Well, I mean I know that term,
but that's not it. It was something else. It was
like a new name for those that won't commit to
a single partner, but not like.

Speaker 2 (44:10):
On committal commitment issue.

Speaker 1 (44:12):
It was I've never seen it before and it didn't
immediately make sense where I was like, oh, of course
that's what that would be. It was something that had
to be explained in the article and I.

Speaker 2 (44:21):
Was like, uh, I don't know. So anyways, we did
not place in the bottle?

Speaker 1 (44:29):
Then what did you do?

Speaker 2 (44:30):
They created a Bingo card based on the guests at
the party. Okay, so each little thing was like, who
is did I have a space? You did? Actually you did?

Speaker 1 (44:44):
Oh my god, you should get texted me about to
run upstairs and play Hi everybody.

Speaker 2 (44:50):
Clarks Yours was Harley's co podcast.

Speaker 1 (44:57):
Host I Got a.

Speaker 2 (44:59):
Man, Got a Maine Jane.

Speaker 1 (45:02):
Got a man.

Speaker 2 (45:07):
And Pa and mom.

Speaker 1 (45:09):
Fuck so everybody got a shout out. M hmm, what
were their shout outs? I get podcast partner, not my child,
my childhood and adulthood hero.

Speaker 2 (45:21):
An, icon iconic father, iconic director appeals to the people
of the nineties.

Speaker 1 (45:33):
One might say h iconic anyway.

Speaker 2 (45:39):
Pop Paus was ex ex police officer X cop.

Speaker 1 (45:44):
He's like, thanks for reducing me down to my.

Speaker 2 (45:46):
Job and also appreciate who the hell was this popfriend?

Speaker 1 (45:54):
Like, no, Pop's her fucking grandfather? Like whoa Byron?

Speaker 2 (45:58):
Nana's was used to live in Hawaiian I have moved
to Hawaii? About Nana, Well, she moved there when she
was a teenage.

Speaker 1 (46:08):
She did totally. But it is something she did, like
literally fifty something years ago and stuff.

Speaker 2 (46:12):
I can't remember what I could have went with.

Speaker 1 (46:14):
Let's see what would have gone with for a clue,
For Nana made Thanksgiving dinner four times a week for
twenty years. Damn it wasn't quite twenty There was There
were so many what's for dinner Turkey and mashed potatoes.

Speaker 2 (46:39):
And I was like, yeah, she really she did it
up for you.

Speaker 1 (46:42):
She did. And when we all ate meat like it
was like big bird and stuff. But then she started
getting smaller, like like a just a turkey breast because
I was the only one, like a.

Speaker 2 (46:54):
Thanksgiving and then you turned to the vegan side.

Speaker 1 (46:58):
Do you remember the one Thanksgiving when I had the
turkey press and you were like, oh.

Speaker 2 (47:02):
Do I remember? Do I remember me?

Speaker 1 (47:06):
My name? Father?

Speaker 2 (47:08):
I was so mad and disappointed. I was like, you
can't give it up for one day while I'm here.

Speaker 1 (47:16):
The Lord punished me. I had a massive heart attack.

Speaker 2 (47:19):
So you know what, I'm not gonna say you deserved it,
but you.

Speaker 1 (47:25):
Can see that the Lord works in mysterious ways. And
the Lord too is just like, You're right, Harley, watch
this flicking. I'm sorry, that's so sad. Of all the
things that probably gave me that heart attack, turkey not
even on the list, I would imagine.

Speaker 2 (47:42):
I mean, it's on the list, for sure, but.

Speaker 1 (47:44):
You sure it's not an artery cleaner.

Speaker 2 (47:47):
Beef is above it. All meat contributes to artery blockage.

Speaker 1 (47:52):
Even foul chicken, your turkey, your squab. You know what
squap is? Squab? Do you do? You know what squab is? Technically?

Speaker 2 (48:08):
Not technically, but I mean it's a.

Speaker 1 (48:11):
It's a poultry dish of so it's a bird. But
do you know what bird it is? Because squab is
a fancy name for a very common pigeon. Yes, squab
is literally fucking pigeon. Could you imagine.

Speaker 2 (48:26):
What's the difference between a pigeon and a turkey?

Speaker 1 (48:29):
Not a lot to some connoisseur, is absolutely fucking nothing.
To me, though, a pigeon sacred.

Speaker 2 (48:34):
Skyrats I don't think of them.

Speaker 1 (48:37):
Is that. I think of them as the heroes of
World War One. Pigeons carrier pigeons. That's how we got
messages back and forth, and she liked that they were
a big part of the war effort.

Speaker 2 (48:47):
I love a pigeon. A skyrot is not a diss.

Speaker 1 (48:50):
Love a pigeon if you want to. But you damn
skippy better salute a fucking pigeon.

Speaker 2 (48:59):
You damn skippy better show your respect.

Speaker 1 (49:02):
No fucking daughter of mine is not going to salute
a pigeon. Can you imagine you on your Bengo card.
It's like constantly salutes pigeons due to childhood trauma. I
was like, I got another mention.

Speaker 2 (49:16):
I go to New York with some friends and I
can't saluting the pigeons. My friends are like, why are
you doing this?

Speaker 1 (49:23):
They're like, we were going to go to the met gala,
but she just would not leave Central.

Speaker 2 (49:28):
Park until she saluted every pigeon.

Speaker 1 (49:30):
In the library steps and wherever we went. You have
no idea how many pigeons are in New York until
you go there with someone who insists on saluting each one.
Why was she saluting them because of World War whatever?
Her fucking silly bill, dad whatever, Fox said something to her,
Oh my god, what more can you say about the party?

(49:53):
Who hooked up? Any hookups? Would anybody be like, did
anybody hook up who hadn't hooked up at the before?
They all they were all there as couples.

Speaker 2 (50:02):
Not no one actually hooked up at the party. There
could have been romance in the air.

Speaker 1 (50:09):
Here. I'll tell you a story about I know another
listener to the show because he was very fucking unhappy
when he heard that the show was coming to an end,
and then I told him to plan afterwards. He was like,
that's fine. Brian Lynch, Brian Lynch first kissed his wife,
who like runs fucking lucasfilm. Now she's the one who
makes like the Mandalorian, Ahsoka and stuff. Carrie carryback. He

(50:31):
for their first date was here at the house and
their first kiss was like on the on the by
the outdoor fireplace. Really yeah, and they got some there's
a fucking human being because of that ship.

Speaker 2 (50:45):
Because of your fireplace.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
I'm gonna take all the credit.

Speaker 2 (50:49):
For your chim and I.

Speaker 1 (50:51):
I didn't put him together, but I like made the
bed that they felt comfortable enough to be like, that's true.
And so she works for Lucasfilm. He works for fucking
Illumination that the the Minions people. I think, I think
I'm out a taste of each of their.

Speaker 2 (51:12):
And may I please have a film financial Empires?

Speaker 1 (51:15):
Yes, no, I keep the film just I think? Is
that too much to ask?

Speaker 2 (51:20):
Illuminations?

Speaker 1 (51:21):
So much?

Speaker 2 (51:22):
Joy Minion franchise?

Speaker 1 (51:25):
If the parents don't see, I'm going right to Henry,
like listen, kid, parents kiss who is my house?

Speaker 2 (51:33):
He saw me to salute a pigeon and give him
ten percent of your company?

Speaker 1 (51:36):
Who is this? And your better salute pigeon. He's over
in England, Brian and Carrie, I guess she's over there
working on Ahsoka whatever. So he went over with Henry.
He's like fucking super dead. Like if you ever look
at his instagram, he is constantly just like like it. Honestly,
looking at his Instagram makes me go like, I really

(51:56):
shut shifted my own child.

Speaker 2 (51:59):
You did a great job, thank you.

Speaker 1 (52:01):
But he's such a good debt and he took the kid.
He's over in England for a few months. And ship,
could you imagine, Like, I know we took you places
like you went to Philadelphia or Cilhiladelphia as you called it,
or Vancouver, but to go to fucking London. I mean,
I know we took it to London too, but for
like to be Henry's age, I'm going to London.

Speaker 2 (52:21):
That's pretty cool.

Speaker 1 (52:22):
We're cognizant and ship not just like walking around quacking
that she went to France. Crack quack quack.

Speaker 2 (52:31):
That was something I did.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
My video of it. Quacks around. That was the frightening thing.
It was terrifying, Harley, Why are you flacking quack? Why
are you fucking quack?

Speaker 2 (52:56):
Your face when I asked you, no, no cool keys.

Speaker 1 (53:04):
You can see that face. If you're watching this podcast,
the second to last home show on that Kevinsmith club
dot com. If you're watching it on iHeart. You can't
watch it listening to an iHeart. You probably tuned out
after the second fucking batch of commercials.

Speaker 2 (53:24):
I wonder why they fired us.

Speaker 1 (53:27):
I don't know there were enough commercials in the show.
I've listened to it once and I was like, holy shit,
you can always see it at that Kevinsmith club dot com.
Where are we doing after show? So the after show
is also coming to an a beardless stickless.

Speaker 2 (53:41):
Plus, it's all coming to an end.

Speaker 1 (53:43):
Let's say you're a beardless Stickless Me listener and you're like, what,
there's an after show. Yeah, that's where all the cool
shit happened.

Speaker 2 (53:49):
That's where the tea is.

Speaker 1 (53:51):
That is spin the bottle of this show. That's the
real party is happening. What are you gonna do in
this all goes away? When you never have to come
to this fucking room anymore, I.

Speaker 2 (54:03):
Think I'll just go upstairs for where we do the
next thing?

Speaker 1 (54:07):
Probably sorry, giving shit away? Sorry? Yeah, man, fucking it's
coming to an end. Kid's Beardless stickless Me. You want
to come see it end live in person?

Speaker 2 (54:20):
Well it's gonna be an epic farewell.

Speaker 1 (54:24):
Come see Beardless Dickless live at Smockcastle Cinemas on August third,
of the day after my birthday, Me and the kid
doing the show live for the first and last time ever.

Speaker 2 (54:35):
I'm trying to get oh sorry, that's.

Speaker 1 (54:37):
Modcastle Cinemas dot com or see smat dot com. You're
trying to get.

Speaker 2 (54:41):
Well, please buy tickets. I'm trying to get Austin's mom
to come because she has the most contagious laugh of
all time.

Speaker 1 (54:51):
Must so you'll hear her about everybody else. Could you come.

Speaker 2 (54:55):
And us pretty left round?

Speaker 1 (54:58):
Please? What are you preparing things to talk about? You
gotta be writing ship down. Oh yeah, it'd better have
a binder full of material.

Speaker 2 (55:05):
Man, Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (55:07):
Otherwise fucking we're up there fucking and you start tanking
the show, They're gonna be like, no, we know why.

Speaker 2 (55:13):
I'm gonna crab walk away and then walk back out
here I heartlet and then walk back in clock cock
quack and.

Speaker 1 (55:21):
There's crack back. I'm like, why, why's it happening again?
There is no way to crab walk off because there's nobody.
So you crab walk to the end of the room
and people are still like we see you.

Speaker 2 (55:36):
To crawd walk down the aisle down, yes.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
All the way past them. And when you do that,
people like Harley, can you sign this? And you're like,
I'm crab walking? Please come on man?

Speaker 2 (55:46):
Can we exit the show that way though?

Speaker 1 (55:48):
Crab walk?

Speaker 2 (55:49):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (55:49):
Yeah, some things you can do it fast, yeah, Otherwise
you're fucking stuck.

Speaker 2 (55:54):
What do we race?

Speaker 1 (55:55):
You know what you should be offering to like after
the show, I'll sign people ship so key, come peace.
Say we got a heady number, I'd say over one hundred,
and I'll get more on day up. I'll tell you
that much or a day before, because in my live show,
I'm gonna be like, come on, come on, please give

(56:16):
me a file? All right? Where can I Where can
I advertise that I haven't advertised yet. I'll put it
up on The Atlantic on its Facebook page.

Speaker 2 (56:23):
Put a sign on Birdie and walk around.

Speaker 1 (56:27):
Like Birdie wears this little vest now backpack so it's
got harnesses on each side like saddle bags. So she
could totally wear a sandwich board a girl and her
dad on one side with an exclamation board and then
on the other side beardless, dickless me August third Pdcastle.

Speaker 2 (56:46):
Cinemas, We're like, who is this dog that says beardless, and.

Speaker 1 (56:51):
Anybody, anybody is this anybody's dog? She's walking up and
down first aven Holmest gut by car.

Speaker 2 (56:57):
You're crap walking away.

Speaker 1 (56:59):
I don't know who's like.

Speaker 2 (57:01):
She seems to really think you should come to this show, though.

Speaker 1 (57:03):
You crab walk instid of a bitch. Come get your dog? Yeah, man,
come see us live. Those listening at home are like,
why I'm listening to the show right now, And they're like,
why would I want to see this live? Because sometimes
a train wreck is a good fucking time.

Speaker 2 (57:20):
So true.

Speaker 1 (57:21):
Steven is endeavoring Steven as Forecastle, our vegan brother is
desperate to get your cinnamon videos. He wants to play
them before the show, and he also needs the get
me back my nerve Oh of course, which I think
your mom has on disc. I have it, you have it?

Speaker 2 (57:42):
I have it?

Speaker 1 (57:43):
Have you uploaded it? Why don't you have your boyfriend
slash finance. He's good with shit like that. Haven't put
up online? So Steven will grab it, okay, because otherwise
I won't be getting there until like August. First, dog
is second. Then he has to fucking process. Hey, Steam's
got life too, and I know don't.

Speaker 2 (58:05):
Want to dispect.

Speaker 1 (58:06):
I mentioned this, but he's also vegan. I mean, don't
disrespect the time of a fellow vegan. Do I have
any sound coming? Hello? All right, well let me see
God damn it? Have you?

Speaker 2 (58:22):
Has it not been recording sounds?

Speaker 1 (58:24):
It has, but I can't like it's not fine? Man?
Whoa that? Just hey man? It's me? Well you know what.
That's not Will because he's always like turned down stuff.
Bill's like, why am I getting blamed? Yeah? For real,
I didn't see any bar. Now I'm seeing full bar
and he's probably like, you talk let me see your bars?

Speaker 2 (58:46):
Hey, Hey, yeah, I imagine you now I was low?
Do you know that? I don't think anyone knows what
Bill looks like. I've never I've never showing a picture
of Bill.

Speaker 1 (59:01):
I'd say it get asses and sees it? This my
castle show?

Speaker 2 (59:04):
You want to see be?

Speaker 1 (59:06):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (59:07):
Would you like to see how handsome Be.

Speaker 1 (59:09):
Would bring video video of Bill? Don't shoot it the
way you kids shoot it vertically, horizontally be on the
big screen.

Speaker 2 (59:19):
You know what. Also in the after show, I might
just show show the people what they want and show
a picture of Bell.

Speaker 1 (59:28):
Get out of here, some show nipple My daughter shows
Bill see it on the after show. Beardless dickless pluse,
do you have a good time, kids? Because this ship,
this train's coming into the station. Flight's coming in for
a landing.

Speaker 2 (59:48):
But the train is coming just into a wall and crushing.

Speaker 1 (59:53):
One. Two beardless stickless mees left ever one home show
and then after that lie that's Marcastle Cinemas August third, and.

Speaker 2 (01:00:04):
Let us tell you it is never coming back.

Speaker 1 (01:00:06):
We won't.

Speaker 2 (01:00:07):
We won't never, no way, we will never be bringing
it back.

Speaker 1 (01:00:10):
We're gonna viking funeral this ship. Man.

Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
Oh yeah, we're gonna burn it to the.

Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
Ground, burn burn bird from the ashes will rise.

Speaker 6 (01:00:20):
Something beautiful, something new will arise, something better will arise.
I was brought two messences. What's the other song?

Speaker 1 (01:00:32):
There's a lie over at the freaking start. Please, there's
a lie burning in the fire. Please. Yeah, there it is.

(01:00:56):
There's your beardless stickless me for this week.

Speaker 2 (01:01:02):
You can hear WUCKI rolling around on the floor press.

Speaker 1 (01:01:04):
When they start saying it's time to go, time.

Speaker 2 (01:01:07):
To get out of here.

Speaker 1 (01:01:08):
Uh there it is, kids for beardless dicklass, ma'am Kevin Smith,
go have a beardless dick lass day. See the after
show Beard listen was pleasant.

Speaker 7 (01:01:17):
Thanksmith club dot com.

Speaker 3 (01:01:28):
This has been a podcast production, some podcast podcast using
our mouths on you since two thousand and seven. Hey kids,
did you like what you just heard? Well, guess what.
We've got tons more man thousands of hours of podcasts
waiting for you at that kevinsmith club dot com. Go

(01:01:48):
sign up now,