Bent

This week, we celebrate opening day by tying every fly in the Wal-Mart trout starter pack on at the same time, ripping a spinner that could battle a salmon shark through the bridge hole, bumping a plastic hell bug in the last resort run, and turn a drinking straw into a limit catcher.

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This week, we destroy the lives of old people in the name of great smallmouth fishing, purchase tying thread off a guy that likely stole it in an armed robbery, debate whether fish would rather have Uncle Ben’s or Rice-A-Roni jammed in their body cavities, and tell you why you should just buy whatever fly rod you can afford.

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This week, we travel the globe in Jeff Bezos’ version of the Tuggy sandbox, explain the importance of casting to where the fish are, arm ourselves with knowledge to ward of a plague of smallmouth bass, and cast handmade swimbaits into branches just slightly out of reach. 

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This week on “Trout Vest Aficionado,” we shame a young man for his lack of clinch knot skills, pat Timmy on the back for a super duper shad, discuss the graphic violence in “Old Man And The Sea,” and smash big tunas with the butterfly effect.

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This week, we channel our inner Bob Vila to make everything from college loan payments to the finest spearing decoys, better taxidermy choices to weaponized brook trout, and an ice fishing miracle certain to help you lose more fish to unnecessary tangles. 

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This week, we boop the nose of a bait-stealing otter, tell you how to tie a little deer-hair cocktail umbrella that won’t impress anyone, help you choose knives or chains to deal with a buddy that blew up your honey hole, and spin the perfect mouse pattern for ruining someone’s wedding.

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This week, we set up our shanty in the red light district and go fishing for urban legends, discuss toxic fumes in a pop-up that aren’t just the usual farts, watch a victorious angling achievement get turned into public humiliation, and cast ballots for braid or fluorocarbon for beginners. 

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This week in our beer-fueled Stupor Bowl, we: explore the twisted economics of using Converse All-Stars as flats boots, recommend the Blue Goo when all else fails, tell you everything you didn’t know you wanted to know about burbot, and explain how fishing revenge might be best served via a half time commercial. 

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Today on “Lifestyles of the Sad and Fishless” we: Get airborne with Mike Iaconelli and land in the drama pool, say goodbye to the ugliest jerkbait ever made, discuss the verbal abuse-to-tip ratio on charter trips, and help you make a living worm dunking in Washington.

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This week on “Failing For Dollars,” we suggest a career move that’ll make you rich off other people’s hardwater idiocy, pose newborn babies with long-dead trout, take a bite out of a half-cocked shark quiz, and make room in your freezer for a few spools of fluorocarbon.

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This week in the Amity Island classifieds, we place an ad for 500 unwanted armoured catfish, sell you on stocked steelhead and make a little dough, buy horrible 90s movies on VHS and feed them to mako sharks, and have a casual encounter with our lack of US Naval history. 

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This week on “Frayed Family Ties,” we: teach your child how to earn an iPod with a knife and a thirst for cod blood, go float-n-fly dunking for suspended fishing licenses, make a case for a knot that apparently only dorks use, and grab a drink at a trouty bar with its own theme song.

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This week on “Fishin’ With Omicron Wilson,” we: take our mittens deep into Brown Town and wipe the place up, slide over a few rock bars in Mad Max’s fishing sled, make it rain gizzard shad, and answer your burning question about eating delicious trophy breeders.

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The week, we close out 2021 with a drunken roundtable about severed ears, vow to give the Tasmanian Devil a crack for truck trout, tell our wives we’re mud shark fishing as a cover for a nudie bar crawl, and regret to inform you it’s time to take that Bass Pro hat out behind the barn.

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This week, we celebrate Christmas Eve by telling you the best knock-off spinner to jam in your stocking, where to find bass that are all lips and hips, why Santa is qualified to represent the LBC, and why he’s not qualified to be a successful flats fisherman. 

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This week on the weigh-in stage, we give Brandon Palanuik a huge fake check just so he’ll hang out with us for a little while, Carl Jocumsen talks about the art of stump grinding, we find the real Batman (but he’s not big enough to keep), and raise a glass to a huge win for the Everglades. 

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This week on “Breaking Bad Knots,” we: take a deep dive into the dam malfunction that shook the fly world, let the air out of a client’s dream trip without them knowing it, explore the sexy past of a now mundane lure, and bait you with Bubble Tape and Razzles.

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This week, we head to Canada to learn where leeches come from, confirm that muskies are still “fun as frick” to catch even when they’re too easy, find out that your mullet looks better with perch than bowfin, and get mad at sharks for ruining your rookie season in bonefishing. 

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