October 8, 2024 • 37 mins
Laura and Sarah open with a brief discussion of the ways their kids have been exposed to service and volunteer work, and then Laura interviews MiaLisa Millares, mom of 3 and executive director of Doing Good Together, a national nonprofit based in Minneapolis that equips families with tools to raise kids who care and contribute. In the Q&A segment, a listener expresses (understandable!!) frustration about not being able to reliably obtain childcare, despite spending a lot of time and energy on the issue.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I'm Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist,
and speaker.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
And I'm Sarah hart Hunger, a mother of three, practicing physician, writer,
and course creator. We are two working parents who love
our careers and our families.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about
how real women manage work, family, and time for fun.
From figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals.
We want you to get the most out of life.
Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura. This
episode is airing in early October of twenty twenty four.
(00:48):
I am going to be interviewing Maya. Lisa miliaris of
Doing Good Together, which is a nonprofit based in the
Twin Cities that is focused on helping people raise kind
and involved kit so lots of information and resources for
how people can raise children who are empathetic, who want
to make a difference in the world, and also projects
(01:11):
and things for people who want to volunteer together as
a family. So, Sarah, I'm curious you guys do much
in the way of volunteering. Our kids have done projects
of that sort.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
I'll say our family has not done a lot of
that together, and I think it probably is time to
because you get in that mindset where, oh, I have
a little kid, but like we are at the point
where we could be doing more of that. But I'll
say the school where two of my kids still go
is pretty good with really encouraging projects that are meaningful.
Like the kids do this thing called market Day, which
(01:44):
teaches them a lot of skills, but then they donate
the proceeds to causes of their choice and they have
to research that and they actually like send in the
money and feel good about that, which is nice. And
then on a more experiential level, there's just a ton
of like cross age mentoring that goes on. And I
think this is very like Montessorian I guess to some extent,
is that like truly service in terms of like helping
(02:07):
those outside your sphere. I don't know if that's different
than what our guest talks about, but I love the
idea of like older kids going into a little kid
classroom and helping with reading or helping with projects and
things of that sort. And that's just sort of like
a natural part of what is expected from you. And
I really really love that.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yeah, I mean we haven't necessarily done something with all
seven of us, because, as she talks about it, it's
hard to come up with projects that little kids can do.
In many cases, small children just can't be welcome at
certain project opportunities because somebody has to watch them and
then you're not really getting to do whatever the project is,
or things or you know, equipment might be dangerous or
(02:45):
things like that. That's it. My children, like my older children,
have done a few things. Jasper volunteered with a vacation
Bible camp this summer at our church. He was helping
with one of the younger groups there. Ruth is going
to do that the next summer. Both of them have
volunteered in the four year old Sunday school class with
me as well. So this see what you're talking about
with doing the service for younger members of your community.
(03:10):
Jasper maybe doing a more extensive service project this fall,
which he's getting involved in. I can't really talk about
the details of that at the moment, but he's been
applying for that and it's been a lot of training
involved in doing that. So that's great. But I think
what was so cool about Miley Say's advice when I
(03:30):
did this interview is how you can get involved without
going to official events or organizations, which again has the
barrier of not necessarily even being able to take children
under age eight or so. She had tips for things
you can do at home, like projects you could do
as a family that would be helpful for places, just
(03:52):
ways to talk with kids about being more empathetic about
thinking about problems and to start this conversation. So that was,
you know, a lot of food for thought, and I
think people will come up with some useful tips out
of this interview. So hope you will give it a
listen and we'll go to Maya Lisa Miliaris. Well, Sarah
(04:13):
and I are delighted to welcome Maya Lisa Miliaris to
the program. She is the executive director of Doing Good Together,
based in the Twin Cities. So me, Liisa, could you
introduce yourself to our listeners.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Yeah, absolutely, so, as you said, my ames may Lisamiliaris,
and I'm the executive director of Doing Good Together. I've
been in that position for about three years and I'm
absolutely loving the work. It's just it's perfect because i
have three kids myself. My kiddos are twelve years old,
nine years old, and five years old, and so this
(04:46):
kind of work just folds into my life beautifully because
I'm always looking for really good ways to show kindness
and give back with my own family, and it really
gives me an opportunity to kind of do that work
with my own kids and also let others benefit from that.
So I've really been excited to find this position and
to continue this great work. And my staff is just
(05:07):
wonderful and coming up with great ideas. So I hope
that you'll be able to take some good ideas away
from this podcast.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Yeah, awesome. Well, why don't you tell us a little
bit about what doing Good Together actually does?
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Yeah, So our mission is really about empowering families to
be able to raise kids who care and contribute, and
so with that, we have four basic programs that we run.
Most of them are actually free for people to use,
so it's a really great resource and tool our website
to be able to just find ideas if you're looking
(05:38):
for this particular topic. Unfortunately, we run pretty well in Google,
so it shows up a lot. But our programs are
parenting with Purpose, So that's kind of our first program,
and the idea of this is that we want to
provide people with ways to incorporate kindness daily into their lives.
And so we have kind of a section there on
how do you do that? What does that look like?
(06:00):
Talk more about what that is kind of as we
go on, Laura. Then we also have a booklist, So
we've got booklists that are really categorized for busy parents
who want to try to really boost their kids reading
in mindfulness or empathy or social justice. So we have
a curated list that's available at the library or that
you could purchase on Amazon if you wanted to and
(06:21):
just be able to get that booklist. And we have
conversation starters. We all know that we're busy, and so
having this opportunity to just kind of like, hey, these
are some vetted books, here's some great conversations that we
can have after a long day. It just kind of
helps parents to be able to do that efficiently and effectively.
And then we have different kinds of projects that are
listed on our website and they're all projects that you
(06:43):
can do from home very easily with minimal time, but
a lot of impact. And there are ways to give
back in and it's kind of starter projects, right, like
ideas of how to do this in a very easy
kind of way to just fold into your family life.
Kind of our first program and I send out a
newsletter monthly that kind of tags to these different ideas
(07:06):
that we have, and we have quite a deep bench
of opportunities and ideas and things like that, because we've
been around for twenty years, so we're actually celebrating our
twentieth anniversary this year, so that's kind of exciting. Our
second program is family service fairs, So we actually provide
in a couple of places in person, So in the
Twin Cities and in Miami, we do these family service
(07:29):
fairs where kids and families come together, usually at a
community center or a school, sometimes even a private organization
that's looking to have something for their staff. We'll do
these popourri of different kinds of opportunities, and that way
kids get kind of an introduction to different ways to
give back that are meaningful and kind of crafty that
(07:50):
they can do with their parents and the really geared
for kids kind of four through twelve. So we do
that with in person, as I said, in the Twin
Cities in Miami, but we also actually do consulting throughout
the rest of the Nation on how to do that,
and we even have some DIY guides and how you
can do that yourself. So really kind of great ways
to kind of introduce volunteering in a meaningful way and
(08:11):
get kids to get the depth and breadth of different
types of opportunities because kids, just like adults, have their
specialty of what they want to do to give back, right,
so it kind of gives them an opportunity to have
that breadth of experience. Our third program is actually volunteer Opportunities,
So we actually put out a listing in ten different
(08:33):
metro areas of curated volunteer opportunities that exist for families
to go volunteer together. So, Laura, it is super easy
to find volunteering on your own, but when you want
to go with your kids, it gets more complicated, right,
you have to you know, there aren't as many opportunities,
So we curate that list to take the legwork out
(08:55):
for parents so they can know they get a nice
opportunity and there's a number of different choice is that
they have that they can choose from. It. It populates
Senior Inbox monthly, so we have that great program and
then we have a membership as our last program. Since
we've been around for so long, we have lots of
different projects that we've done with different organizations, with museums
or professional organizations that asked us to do special projects
(09:18):
or create a workbook, and so we usually co brand
that and put it into our kind of membership kit.
So if families want to become members they have kind
of a greater number of resources.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Awesome, that sounds like a lot of useful stuff. One
of your things talking earlier, said we're raising kids who care.
I'm curious how you would define like a kid who cares?
What does that mean on a practical level, If we're
looking at children ages four to twelve, what does it
mean for them to care?
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Yeah, that's a really good question. So for caring, there's
so many different pieces of it that kind of come
together to make the idea of a kid caring. Right,
So there's the pieces of it that are dealing with
their own personal ability to be mindful for themselves so
that they can then be kind to others. It can
(10:11):
be as simple as talking to someone on a playground
who maybe is looking a little sad or lonely. For
our littlest friends, right, it can be helping someone hold
a door. It can be helping someone by picking up
something if they drop it. It can be very simple
kinds of act that caring. It can also be going
further right, having that piece of empathy, that idea that
(10:32):
you can kind of flip your perspective one point eighty
and be able to see something from someone else's perspective.
And that's something that we know is kind of a
developmental milestone for kids, and that we as parents are
guiding and helping that along and trying our best to
practice that sort of empathy muscle with our kids as
we go. And so I think Karen can look a
lot of different ways. It's really interesting our theoretical kind
(10:55):
of underpinnings. And I don't want to bore you with
a lot of data, so I'll get you just a
sound by on this. But the idea is that there
was a study from Harvard a while ago. Basically it's
said that what parents want more than anything, they want
kids that care, they want kids that are good people.
They want them to care and to do good right.
But in that same study, it's said that kids believed
(11:20):
that their parents actually wanted more than anything high grades
and achievement. So is that interesting? There's this rhetoric gap
between what parents actually want most of all and what
kids believe that the parents want. And so when we
have a rhetoric gap like that, we have to stop
and think and say, well, why is that? I wonder
(11:41):
what that is? And of course I don't want to
diminish the fact that academics is very important for kids, right,
especially I come from Minnesota. Right, there's some great disparities
in academics. We want to be really careful about saying
how important that is. But at the same time it
has to go hand in hand with caring with kindness, right,
And so we have to think about what do we
do as parents that might shape that image to our children,
(12:04):
and how do we fix that? How do we shift
so that kids realize that being caring is really something
that we all do want absolutely.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Well, we're going to take a quick ad break and
then we're going to come back for some practical things
that parents can do on that front. Well, I am
back with Miley so miiliaris, who is part of Doing
(12:34):
Good Together based in the Twin Cities, with the mission
of helping to raise kids who care. We've been talking
about how we define that and empathy and all that.
So I'm very curious what one can actually do as
a parent on a practical level to boost empathy in children.
I don't know if this is something that people have
or not, if there are people who are more naturally
(12:55):
gifted on this front than others. I, with my broad observation,
maybe that that is true. But what can we actually
do to nudge our children maybe more toward the empathetic
side wherever they happen to be on the continuum themselves.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Yeah, I have a number of different things, so maybe
I'm gonna be like five. How's that? So number one
would be kind of make space for it, right, make
space for taking some time to be mindful with your kids.
And that can be as simple as if you have
time as a family to sit down at some point
for dinner or breakfast together, if that's a possibility for
your life, taking a moment at the start of that
(13:36):
to just take a breath together, right, to just say,
all right, we've had busy days, We're coming to this space.
Let's just stop for a second, and let's just take
a breath together. It can be that simple to kind
of change the tone of how we are. It's amazing
breathing can really help in that way. Next it would
be to kind of use that time to take a
moment in that space together to reflect a little bit
(13:58):
about your day and about gratitude, and even shift to
your older kids being able to kind of lead that
sort of a check in with your family, Right, how
are you today, how did everything go? Is there anything
you're grateful for? Or even turning it to a future
focused what are you going to do next week to
help people? What are you going to do to be
kind next week? So just that's shift to just take
(14:22):
a few minutes out of that time. Another great space
that I love to kind of advocate for working toward
empathy and having great conversations is the car. I don't
know if you have that situation as well, Laura, but
I spend a lot of time driving my children around
to various things, and so spending time in the car
being able to reflect a little bit during that kind
(14:43):
of dead time is really a great way to spend
time together and to really use our time wisely. So
I like doing that kind of reflecting on that, having
a gratitude journal that kids can reflect in on a
regular basis is a great way. So starting with kind
that self care and that gratitude piece I think is
(15:05):
a great trainer for empathy. Then I would say the
third thing would be kind of working toward reading, right,
So using those books to help kids expand their context
and to be able to really focus on whatever topic
it is that you're wanting, whether it's kindness or empathy.
Reading is just an incredible way for kids to be
able to engage and to be able to just get
(15:27):
a different context and to start thinking about things from
a different perspective. Followed by, of course, conversation and having
those little conversations with your kids about the book is
really helpful and that will help them to place the
care that you're giving. When you do some kind of
a volunteer piece, right, whether you're volunteering at home or
(15:47):
doing something as a family, or helping out with chores,
or even going outside the home and doing some kind
of a volunteer activity, those are really great ways to
kind of connect and be able to build that muscle.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Awesome. Well, let's talk a little bit about the projects
that you recommend. I mean, you mentioned that your website
has resources of things that are home based that families
can do to give back, get kids involved. I wonder
if you could give an example or two of what
that might look like.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
I absolutely can. So one of the things that's that's
a really great thing is my kiddos are beautiful artists.
I'm sure yours are two. They color and color and color.
My twelve year old when she was little, I think
I tried to save everything and it took me not
very long to realize that wasn't going to be a
sustainable sort of work for me. And so I've taught
(16:40):
my kids to kind of curate their art and had
conversations about what that is. But the artwork that isn't
kept for me. When they have a beautiful picture, I
love to take that already done project, right, something that
they've spent time and really given some thought into and
done a beautiful job, and to allow that to kind
of less someone else. Right, go into a community and
(17:02):
really really help with so like a nursing home or
assisted living facility. There are actually practical ways to do
this too. As a parent. You can set up a
little magic mail center where you have scissors and crayons
and markers, and we have even an already printable sheet
with addresses on where you can send to different nonprofits
that accept this beautiful artwork. So your kids can actually
(17:23):
take their own artwork and their own time that they're
already doing this and do something great with their beautiful artwork.
It's not extra time for the family, but it's an
opportunity to give back in a meaningful way that really
really helps everyone. Kind of in the situation another great neighbor.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Yeah, give me another one. Let's keep going.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Yeah, for sure, neighborhoods stewardship is a good one. So
kind of going outside with your family and having maybe
a walk to the ice cream parlor or wherever you're going,
and just taking some gloves and some bags and doing
a little neighborhood cleanup right helpful for all of us,
really makes you feel good. Simple project, you're already headed
in that direction, and you're doing some really good work
(18:05):
for the community. Simple and easy, very seamless, and kind
of part of your daily life. So kind of adding
to the things that already exist in your life to
add a spin of kindness and a twist of giving back.
Would you like some more.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Awesome Well, let's pivot to more traditional volunteering because again,
it is a bit of a barrier for a lot
of families. I mean I've certainly done a number of
volunteer projects, but the number that would allow small children
there for various good reasons, right, I mean, whether there's
equipment or whatever that you know they can't make sure
(18:40):
that the kids are being watched, or something that just
is very limited. I mean I imagine that discourages a
lot of people from even trying.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
Yeah, you know, I think that that is a huge barrier.
And the thought that there's a lot of volunteer opportunities
where kids are not invited makes you have to kind
of get a babysitter and take extra time to go
do that. So we try to take that out of
the equation by curating those lists that really show different
opportunities that families can do together where you can include
your young children and you know, things like that include
(19:12):
things like meal drop offs or baking lasagna together, or
helping sometimes with food assembly. I know there are places
here in Minnesota where that food assembly can be as
young as five years old, and kids get that opportunity
to kind of work together outside and create a great
meal for lots of folks. We even have kind of
(19:32):
adopted pantry sort of options. It's a great one too.
This one's kind of a hybrid between at home and
going out. But each time you go shopping, you know,
bringing something that might be on a food list from
a pantry that's close by to your house, so that
you have that list printed because they really do need
specific food for those pantries, So making that a time
(19:54):
to call with your child and see what that list is,
and that way you have it when you go food shopping,
or when you do your order, intentionally putting an extra
can or two in there so that you're filling up
a bag to be able to build a relationship with
a foodshelf. Going to nursing homes is a great one
as well. Being able to bring kids with you can
really be a cheerful kind of shift for folks that
(20:15):
are really lonely and just a chance to just enjoy
each other's company. When it's something like that, it's hard
to tell whether you're really giving or receiving, right. I mean,
it's such a beautiful friendship and kind of relationship that
you can build with some of the elders in that
community that it can be a really wonderful experience for
(20:36):
folks together. Additionally, things like doing Valentines and creating a
great party for your kids where they're creating valentines for
a community to really brighten someone's day as a wonderful
opportunity as well. So lots of different things exist, and
our listings show tons of different opportunities, from environmental ones
to working with animals, creating dog toys and cat toys
(20:58):
and things like that for various communities. It just there's
lots of different ways to contribute to just finding them,
and we try to take the legwork out of that.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
And how would you recommend talking with kids about the
financial part of giving back? You know that honestly, many
people think of they're giving to the world both in
terms of what they can do with their time but
also with their money. And I know a lot of
our listeners are generous donors to various places. But how
should you start involving children in that?
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Yeah, you know, I often give talks with philanthropic organizations
and it's a great time to talk to kids about
philanthropy because when you build a child right who is
excited to give and excited to do kindness and can
save a little bit, you're actually kind of building a
(21:48):
better world in a sense because there's this opportunity for
kids to understand that philanthropic giving, and studies show that
it actually it takes a parent or a grandparent or
I love caring person to kind of show that philanthropic
kind of generosity. It creates someone who's actually going to
be a philanthropist in the future. So one of the
(22:09):
things that I like to do is to first talk
to kids and say that you know, everyone at some
point in their lives is going to need some help
in some way. Right, at some point in our lives,
we're all going to have a chance to be able
to give in some way, right, So it's important to
first know that we all need help at some point,
and we're all going to give at some point. And
(22:30):
I don't mean just money, right, like in a broad spectrum,
but then to kind of narrow that down and to
think a little bit about how we spend our money.
So there's ways to kind of section off. When kids
have some money that they might want to save, you
can kind of take and put it in different categories
so that this is spend and this is saved, and
this is donate, right, So that's a great way to
(22:51):
do to do that. But then I like to have
the kids actually create a little giving box, something that
can be an upcycled sort of little project, a box
or a container of some kind, and make it really beautiful,
and then work with your kids to figure out what
is their passion because you know, we all like to
give to various and different causes, right, we really want
(23:13):
to focus on what's important to us, right, donors, adults,
owners as well, and so trying to find your kid's passion.
What is it that they're really passionate about. Are they
passionate about helping kids? Are they passionate about helping elders,
about the environment, about animals? Whatever it is? Right, and
help them to figure out what that is, and that
can be done through reading and talking with them and
(23:35):
giving them some of the experiences, and then have them
save their money in that little way to give back
so that they're able to kind of take their change
and make an impact in some way. So I think
that's a really really simple and easy way for parents
to kind of help.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Awesome, Well, we're going to take one more quick ad
break and we'll be back talking a little bit about bullying,
which is another topic that is on a lot of
people's minds. Well, I am back with Maya Lisa Miliaris,
(24:15):
and we are talking all things doing good together, So
my Lisa, maybe we can talk a little bit about
bullying because that's obviously a topic that where the rubber
hits the road when it comes to empathy. And maybe
some tips for our listeners about how to talk with
their kids about the topic, not so much that the
kids are a bully themselves or are being bullied, but
(24:37):
if they're aware of it happening, how they can help
create an environment that's more supportive of everyone.
Speaker 3 (24:42):
Yeah. No, I think it's a really big topic right now,
and I think conversation is really the key, and I
think a good conversation is always grounded in literature. So
I love the idea of reading books about bullying. And
we have actually a great book list on bullying if
you want to check it out to be able to
kind of start that conversation because books are just such
a natural, organic way to have a good conversation with kids.
(25:05):
And then you can follow up that conversation with questions
like have you ever felt excluded? How did it feel
you know, have you ever noticed someone else who was excluded?
Did you say anything to them to try to make
them feel better? You know, how can we make others
feel included? What does inclusion look like? Right? So getting
them really thinking about the idea of exclusion, because we've
(25:27):
all felt that at some point in our lives, right,
at some point, kids, little kids can even identify with
that at some point, right, And so being able to
have that kind of identification and a conversation about that
really helps to ground it in something that they know
and be able to get them thinking about how kindness
can make a difference. What can you do to be
kind to someone else? How could you show kindness to
(25:49):
someone who maybe is feeling excluded or is looking like
they need a little bit of help. And then of
course always talking to kids about the safety of talking
to an adult as well, it is imperative in most cases,
and bullying as well.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Awesome, excellent tips. Well, we always end with a love
of the week. So this is something that you are
just personally enjoying right now. It is I'm sure it's
becoming fall up there in the Twin Cities in Minnesota.
I'm in Pennsylvania, so a little south from you, guys,
but it's definitely beginning to be fall here. I was
(26:24):
driving to the kids school this morning and saw just
a little bit of color on the leaves. And so
the weekend after we were recording this, we were actually
going apple picking. And there's just something about apple picking
that makes it feel like fall. So apple picking is
my love of the week this week. So how about you.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
Oh, that's amazing. Actually, I've been into all things pumpkin
because I kind of jump into October a little bit earlier.
I love I love Halloween and pumpkins and all things pumpkin.
So pumpkin anything, pumpkin lattes, pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin and bread.
That's what you're gonna find at our house this week.
(27:03):
So that's the thing of the week for me.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
Awesome, Awesome. My co host Sarah often does a Trader
Joe's Pumpkin run in October where they just go and
buy like everything pumpkin and Trader Joe's and try it
all out and see how it goes. I don't know,
there's gonna be like pumpkin samosas, pumpkin oreos. I don't
even know. Theya.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
You can turn pumpkin into everything. I love it.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
You can do pumpkin and everything all right, Well, Mylei,
so you could just tell us again, how can we
find Doing Good Together or related resources for people maybe
who aren't in the Minnesota area.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Absolutely so, right on our website doing Good Together dot
org is the best way to look at our resources,
and we have tabs that are really simple and easy
to use, so parenting with purpose, and volunteering and read
with empathy. So find those tabs and click on it.
You can sign up and get our newsletter. Most I
see ninety five percent of our resources are free an online,
(28:01):
and you can always become a member if you'd like
as well.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Awesome sounds great. Well, Mialisa, thank you so much for
joining us.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
Thank you for having me really really grateful to be
part of this conversation.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Well, we are back. Lots of great tips from Miya
Lisa about how you can raise children who care, kids
who are empathetic both for the larger world, for their families,
for their communities, for being involved with making sure other
children feel included at school, all those wonderful things. So
today's question is actually a version of a comment that
(28:36):
was left on my blog, And this came after we
had our seven year anniversary a best of both Worlds
and talked about how we're trying to encourage people to
believe that they can have the best of both worlds,
that they can have a thriving and wonderful career, that
they can have a happy family life, that there's no
(28:56):
contradiction between these two. And then we had this comment
from somebody who was broadly wanted that and was having
some practical issues with that. So, Sarah, maybe you can
read this slightly compressed version of the comment.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
Sure. So, this person writes, the one thing missing from
today's segment on childcare is the acknowledgment of how hard
it can be to find and that sometimes not having
enough of it isn't due to lack of choice or guilt,
but really just reality, Or isn't due to choice or guilt,
but just the reality of not being able to find it.
She writes, I'm fully embracing the need for childcare, but
finding someone to take my money is really challenging, and
(29:32):
quite frankly, is making me question whether I can have
the best of both worlds. She writes that her schools
before and aftercare opened with a wait list, so no
new family's gotten in and this is their second year
in a row for that to happen. She also posted
for an after school babysitter in four Facebook groups, reached
out to many many others, friends and family, et cetera,
(29:53):
but could not find anyone. There are some local grandparents
that can help, but not on a regular basis. So
right now what they're doing as cobbling together some days
with a neighbor. But it's very challenging due to kids'
sports schedules, and the mental load of having to keep
it all straight is a lot, and it's all falling
on the person who wrote this comment. So she wrote
(30:13):
this is to say that trying to figure all this
out and maintain full time working hours as school starts
has proven impossible. She wants it to be a success
story of how we can make it all work, but
right now it feels out of reach. Oh so so
so hard.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Yeah, well, I mean totally understand it is hard. It
is hard. There is the logistics of getting childcare. I
know that when we were looking for daycare before Jasper
was born, I actually went and visited a couple places
(30:48):
and got myself on the list when I was about
four months pregnant so that he could go when he
was three months old, and that was about the time
frame that people were looking at to get spot, to
get an infant spot in these places. Which the problem
is then some people, some well meaning people, tell young
(31:08):
women having their first baby, well, why don't you just
wait and see how you feel like if you want
to go back to work, And it's like, well, if
you wait to see how you feel, if you feel
like going back, you will not have a spot if
you want, you know, daycare for young children, and so
the choice is going to possibly be made for you.
So that's not really great advice. This is not this
(31:29):
particular listener's issue, but one thing we do always want
people to check is to make sure that you are
paying both a little bit above at least the going rate.
So figure out what truly people are getting paid for
nanny jobs in your area, and then make sure whatever
you're offering is going to be a bit over that
(31:49):
in order to get more people who are interested in
because obviously some of this is just an economics issue
that if you pay enough, you can almost always find somebody.
The problem is the amount you might have to pay
may make no sense for what this is if it's
a certain sort of job market wherever you happen to be.
(32:11):
So you know, we understand that this is this is complicated,
and yeah, it's unfortunate. Sarah, what would your thoughts on this?
Speaker 1 (32:19):
I was just reflecting on how this must vary so
much by community, and I feel bad that it sounds
like there are pockets out there where there just are
not solutions because where I happen to live, and I
actually I can imagine this because even on like a
micro level of communities like where we used to live,
I don't think there are quite so many options. But
(32:39):
like where we happen to be, there you could always
do like the JCC has aftercare and the dance place
has aftercare, and there's like there's such a market for it.
And I guess two working parents is so common here
and part of the culture that I think there's like
been economics that have grown to support that even if
you're not hiring an individual. And so the sad truth
(33:02):
is that it may be very geographical and if you
live somewhere where almost everyone has a very highly paid
like full time nanny and there's usually only one person
working in many families. I could see how maybe you
wouldn't have the growth of these kind of industries and
then you're stuck. Or it's sort of like just the
community's grown very very fast and the area hasn't been
(33:25):
able to keep up with that kind of demand. Because
you said there is a program, and yet it's sold
out in like two seconds.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
So this is so, so, so hard.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
And I'm hoping that with creativity you'll be able to
come up with some ideas I agree with, like making
it a really really attractive place to work, not even
just the going rate, but what you're offering for vacation
time and benefits, and like maybe if you only need
someone for X hours, but you're willing to pay for
why hours that a little bit higher number that might
(33:54):
be helpful. And then even thinking about whether if there
are a lot of other peop people in the same boat,
could people get together and create some kind of group situation.
But all this is like a lot of work, and
I just want to acknowledge that this does totally suck.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Yeah, I feel like in my family, I do a
lot of the management of childcare providers and such, and
I don't think my husband understands the amount of effort
and time I put into making sure that everyone is
happy so we can keep people for years and years.
But it is definitely still something that has to get
(34:31):
done and it is work, and we yes, definitely want
to acknowledge that and also just want to have school districts.
You know, we often warn people that school is not childcare,
you know, on this program, like it's not set up
to be that, and that's what people are sometimes surprised
that it doesn't match working hours, and some districts feel
no obligation to do anything about the fact that working
(34:52):
hours are different from what their school is offering. But
I would hope that people who are presum in the
business to serve children would be doing their best to
get the funding to establish you know, or working with
contractors to establish more before and after care programs and
to offer more slots in order to meet the demand
(35:13):
of the ones of the kids who are there. Because yeah,
this is a problem a lot of people have, and
it's there needs to be the industry of solutions and
ideally lots of options. As Sarah was saying, like you
could go to the JCC, you could go to the y,
you could go to maybe a church offers something. Maybe
you know there's a gym near you that has an
aftercare program or whatever, or that there's two different things
(35:37):
that are going on at school, and so you could
choose an after school club track or just a more
of an everyday games and stuff track. That's what it
should look like, and I'm very sorry that in your
community it doesn't. So we're giving a real empathy and
we hear you. We hear you, and we hope you
come up with a solution. Just I would say one
upside is eventually the kids are older, you know, and
(36:01):
this becomes less of an issue. For kids who are
say twelve and older. Often there are more activities after school,
like at the middle school level, so they could go
join us sport and stay after every day till four
forty five and take the activity bus home, and then
you no longer have that issue and they can stay
by themselves too, so you do aid age out of it. Eventually,
(36:22):
Fingers crossed you find a solution that works all right.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
Well, hopefully we offered some soul as to that complicated question.
Thank you for sending that in. We love hearing your
honest thoughts, so keep them coming.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
And this has been best of both worlds. We'll be
back next week with more on making work and life
fit together.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the
shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram,
and you can.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has
been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join us
next time for more on making work and life work together.
Op
Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I'm Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist,
and speaker.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
And I'm Sarah hart Hunger, a mother of three, practicing physician, writer,
and course creator. We are two working parents who love
our careers and our families.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about
how real women manage work, family, and time for fun.
From figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals.
We want you to get the most out of life.
Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura. This
episode is airing in early October of twenty twenty four.
(00:48):
I am going to be interviewing Maya. Lisa miliaris of
Doing Good Together, which is a nonprofit based in the
Twin Cities that is focused on helping people raise kind
and involved kit so lots of information and resources for
how people can raise children who are empathetic, who want
to make a difference in the world, and also projects
(01:11):
and things for people who want to volunteer together as
a family. So, Sarah, I'm curious you guys do much
in the way of volunteering. Our kids have done projects
of that sort.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
I'll say our family has not done a lot of
that together, and I think it probably is time to
because you get in that mindset where, oh, I have
a little kid, but like we are at the point
where we could be doing more of that. But I'll
say the school where two of my kids still go
is pretty good with really encouraging projects that are meaningful.
Like the kids do this thing called market Day, which
(01:44):
teaches them a lot of skills, but then they donate
the proceeds to causes of their choice and they have
to research that and they actually like send in the
money and feel good about that, which is nice. And
then on a more experiential level, there's just a ton
of like cross age mentoring that goes on. And I
think this is very like Montessorian I guess to some extent,
is that like truly service in terms of like helping
(02:07):
those outside your sphere. I don't know if that's different
than what our guest talks about, but I love the
idea of like older kids going into a little kid
classroom and helping with reading or helping with projects and
things of that sort. And that's just sort of like
a natural part of what is expected from you. And
I really really love that.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yeah, I mean we haven't necessarily done something with all
seven of us, because, as she talks about it, it's
hard to come up with projects that little kids can do.
In many cases, small children just can't be welcome at
certain project opportunities because somebody has to watch them and
then you're not really getting to do whatever the project is,
or things or you know, equipment might be dangerous or
(02:45):
things like that. That's it. My children, like my older children,
have done a few things. Jasper volunteered with a vacation
Bible camp this summer at our church. He was helping
with one of the younger groups there. Ruth is going
to do that the next summer. Both of them have
volunteered in the four year old Sunday school class with
me as well. So this see what you're talking about
with doing the service for younger members of your community.
(03:10):
Jasper maybe doing a more extensive service project this fall,
which he's getting involved in. I can't really talk about
the details of that at the moment, but he's been
applying for that and it's been a lot of training
involved in doing that. So that's great. But I think
what was so cool about Miley Say's advice when I
(03:30):
did this interview is how you can get involved without
going to official events or organizations, which again has the
barrier of not necessarily even being able to take children
under age eight or so. She had tips for things
you can do at home, like projects you could do
as a family that would be helpful for places, just
(03:52):
ways to talk with kids about being more empathetic about
thinking about problems and to start this conversation. So that was,
you know, a lot of food for thought, and I
think people will come up with some useful tips out
of this interview. So hope you will give it a
listen and we'll go to Maya Lisa Miliaris. Well, Sarah
(04:13):
and I are delighted to welcome Maya Lisa Miliaris to
the program. She is the executive director of Doing Good Together,
based in the Twin Cities. So me, Liisa, could you
introduce yourself to our listeners.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Yeah, absolutely, so, as you said, my ames may Lisamiliaris,
and I'm the executive director of Doing Good Together. I've
been in that position for about three years and I'm
absolutely loving the work. It's just it's perfect because i
have three kids myself. My kiddos are twelve years old,
nine years old, and five years old, and so this
(04:46):
kind of work just folds into my life beautifully because
I'm always looking for really good ways to show kindness
and give back with my own family, and it really
gives me an opportunity to kind of do that work
with my own kids and also let others benefit from that.
So I've really been excited to find this position and
to continue this great work. And my staff is just
(05:07):
wonderful and coming up with great ideas. So I hope
that you'll be able to take some good ideas away
from this podcast.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Yeah, awesome. Well, why don't you tell us a little
bit about what doing Good Together actually does?
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Yeah, So our mission is really about empowering families to
be able to raise kids who care and contribute, and
so with that, we have four basic programs that we run.
Most of them are actually free for people to use,
so it's a really great resource and tool our website
to be able to just find ideas if you're looking
(05:38):
for this particular topic. Unfortunately, we run pretty well in Google,
so it shows up a lot. But our programs are
parenting with Purpose, So that's kind of our first program,
and the idea of this is that we want to
provide people with ways to incorporate kindness daily into their lives.
And so we have kind of a section there on
how do you do that? What does that look like?
(06:00):
Talk more about what that is kind of as we
go on, Laura. Then we also have a booklist, So
we've got booklists that are really categorized for busy parents
who want to try to really boost their kids reading
in mindfulness or empathy or social justice. So we have
a curated list that's available at the library or that
you could purchase on Amazon if you wanted to and
(06:21):
just be able to get that booklist. And we have
conversation starters. We all know that we're busy, and so
having this opportunity to just kind of like, hey, these
are some vetted books, here's some great conversations that we
can have after a long day. It just kind of
helps parents to be able to do that efficiently and effectively.
And then we have different kinds of projects that are
listed on our website and they're all projects that you
(06:43):
can do from home very easily with minimal time, but
a lot of impact. And there are ways to give
back in and it's kind of starter projects, right, like
ideas of how to do this in a very easy
kind of way to just fold into your family life.
Kind of our first program and I send out a
newsletter monthly that kind of tags to these different ideas
(07:06):
that we have, and we have quite a deep bench
of opportunities and ideas and things like that, because we've
been around for twenty years, so we're actually celebrating our
twentieth anniversary this year, so that's kind of exciting. Our
second program is family service fairs, So we actually provide
in a couple of places in person, So in the
Twin Cities and in Miami, we do these family service
(07:29):
fairs where kids and families come together, usually at a
community center or a school, sometimes even a private organization
that's looking to have something for their staff. We'll do
these popourri of different kinds of opportunities, and that way
kids get kind of an introduction to different ways to
give back that are meaningful and kind of crafty that
(07:50):
they can do with their parents and the really geared
for kids kind of four through twelve. So we do
that with in person, as I said, in the Twin
Cities in Miami, but we also actually do consulting throughout
the rest of the Nation on how to do that,
and we even have some DIY guides and how you
can do that yourself. So really kind of great ways
to kind of introduce volunteering in a meaningful way and
(08:11):
get kids to get the depth and breadth of different
types of opportunities because kids, just like adults, have their
specialty of what they want to do to give back, right,
so it kind of gives them an opportunity to have
that breadth of experience. Our third program is actually volunteer Opportunities,
So we actually put out a listing in ten different
(08:33):
metro areas of curated volunteer opportunities that exist for families
to go volunteer together. So, Laura, it is super easy
to find volunteering on your own, but when you want
to go with your kids, it gets more complicated, right,
you have to you know, there aren't as many opportunities,
So we curate that list to take the legwork out
(08:55):
for parents so they can know they get a nice
opportunity and there's a number of different choice is that
they have that they can choose from. It. It populates
Senior Inbox monthly, so we have that great program and
then we have a membership as our last program. Since
we've been around for so long, we have lots of
different projects that we've done with different organizations, with museums
or professional organizations that asked us to do special projects
(09:18):
or create a workbook, and so we usually co brand
that and put it into our kind of membership kit.
So if families want to become members they have kind
of a greater number of resources.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Awesome, that sounds like a lot of useful stuff. One
of your things talking earlier, said we're raising kids who care.
I'm curious how you would define like a kid who cares?
What does that mean on a practical level, If we're
looking at children ages four to twelve, what does it
mean for them to care?
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Yeah, that's a really good question. So for caring, there's
so many different pieces of it that kind of come
together to make the idea of a kid caring. Right,
So there's the pieces of it that are dealing with
their own personal ability to be mindful for themselves so
that they can then be kind to others. It can
(10:11):
be as simple as talking to someone on a playground
who maybe is looking a little sad or lonely. For
our littlest friends, right, it can be helping someone hold
a door. It can be helping someone by picking up
something if they drop it. It can be very simple
kinds of act that caring. It can also be going
further right, having that piece of empathy, that idea that
(10:32):
you can kind of flip your perspective one point eighty
and be able to see something from someone else's perspective.
And that's something that we know is kind of a
developmental milestone for kids, and that we as parents are
guiding and helping that along and trying our best to
practice that sort of empathy muscle with our kids as
we go. And so I think Karen can look a
lot of different ways. It's really interesting our theoretical kind
(10:55):
of underpinnings. And I don't want to bore you with
a lot of data, so I'll get you just a
sound by on this. But the idea is that there
was a study from Harvard a while ago. Basically it's
said that what parents want more than anything, they want
kids that care, they want kids that are good people.
They want them to care and to do good right.
But in that same study, it's said that kids believed
(11:20):
that their parents actually wanted more than anything high grades
and achievement. So is that interesting? There's this rhetoric gap
between what parents actually want most of all and what
kids believe that the parents want. And so when we
have a rhetoric gap like that, we have to stop
and think and say, well, why is that? I wonder
(11:41):
what that is? And of course I don't want to
diminish the fact that academics is very important for kids, right,
especially I come from Minnesota. Right, there's some great disparities
in academics. We want to be really careful about saying
how important that is. But at the same time it
has to go hand in hand with caring with kindness, right,
And so we have to think about what do we
do as parents that might shape that image to our children,
(12:04):
and how do we fix that? How do we shift
so that kids realize that being caring is really something
that we all do want absolutely.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Well, we're going to take a quick ad break and
then we're going to come back for some practical things
that parents can do on that front. Well, I am
back with Miley so miiliaris, who is part of Doing
(12:34):
Good Together based in the Twin Cities, with the mission
of helping to raise kids who care. We've been talking
about how we define that and empathy and all that.
So I'm very curious what one can actually do as
a parent on a practical level to boost empathy in children.
I don't know if this is something that people have
or not, if there are people who are more naturally
(12:55):
gifted on this front than others. I, with my broad observation,
maybe that that is true. But what can we actually
do to nudge our children maybe more toward the empathetic
side wherever they happen to be on the continuum themselves.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Yeah, I have a number of different things, so maybe
I'm gonna be like five. How's that? So number one
would be kind of make space for it, right, make
space for taking some time to be mindful with your kids.
And that can be as simple as if you have
time as a family to sit down at some point
for dinner or breakfast together, if that's a possibility for
your life, taking a moment at the start of that
(13:36):
to just take a breath together, right, to just say,
all right, we've had busy days, We're coming to this space.
Let's just stop for a second, and let's just take
a breath together. It can be that simple to kind
of change the tone of how we are. It's amazing
breathing can really help in that way. Next it would
be to kind of use that time to take a
moment in that space together to reflect a little bit
(13:58):
about your day and about gratitude, and even shift to
your older kids being able to kind of lead that
sort of a check in with your family, Right, how
are you today, how did everything go? Is there anything
you're grateful for? Or even turning it to a future
focused what are you going to do next week to
help people? What are you going to do to be
kind next week? So just that's shift to just take
(14:22):
a few minutes out of that time. Another great space
that I love to kind of advocate for working toward
empathy and having great conversations is the car. I don't
know if you have that situation as well, Laura, but
I spend a lot of time driving my children around
to various things, and so spending time in the car
being able to reflect a little bit during that kind
(14:43):
of dead time is really a great way to spend
time together and to really use our time wisely. So
I like doing that kind of reflecting on that, having
a gratitude journal that kids can reflect in on a
regular basis is a great way. So starting with kind
that self care and that gratitude piece I think is
(15:05):
a great trainer for empathy. Then I would say the
third thing would be kind of working toward reading, right,
So using those books to help kids expand their context
and to be able to really focus on whatever topic
it is that you're wanting, whether it's kindness or empathy.
Reading is just an incredible way for kids to be
able to engage and to be able to just get
(15:27):
a different context and to start thinking about things from
a different perspective. Followed by, of course, conversation and having
those little conversations with your kids about the book is
really helpful and that will help them to place the
care that you're giving. When you do some kind of
a volunteer piece, right, whether you're volunteering at home or
(15:47):
doing something as a family, or helping out with chores,
or even going outside the home and doing some kind
of a volunteer activity, those are really great ways to
kind of connect and be able to build that muscle.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Awesome. Well, let's talk a little bit about the projects
that you recommend. I mean, you mentioned that your website
has resources of things that are home based that families
can do to give back, get kids involved. I wonder
if you could give an example or two of what
that might look like.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
I absolutely can. So one of the things that's that's
a really great thing is my kiddos are beautiful artists.
I'm sure yours are two. They color and color and color.
My twelve year old when she was little, I think
I tried to save everything and it took me not
very long to realize that wasn't going to be a
sustainable sort of work for me. And so I've taught
(16:40):
my kids to kind of curate their art and had
conversations about what that is. But the artwork that isn't
kept for me. When they have a beautiful picture, I
love to take that already done project, right, something that
they've spent time and really given some thought into and
done a beautiful job, and to allow that to kind
of less someone else. Right, go into a community and
(17:02):
really really help with so like a nursing home or
assisted living facility. There are actually practical ways to do
this too. As a parent. You can set up a
little magic mail center where you have scissors and crayons
and markers, and we have even an already printable sheet
with addresses on where you can send to different nonprofits
that accept this beautiful artwork. So your kids can actually
(17:23):
take their own artwork and their own time that they're
already doing this and do something great with their beautiful artwork.
It's not extra time for the family, but it's an
opportunity to give back in a meaningful way that really
really helps everyone. Kind of in the situation another great neighbor.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Yeah, give me another one. Let's keep going.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Yeah, for sure, neighborhoods stewardship is a good one. So
kind of going outside with your family and having maybe
a walk to the ice cream parlor or wherever you're going,
and just taking some gloves and some bags and doing
a little neighborhood cleanup right helpful for all of us,
really makes you feel good. Simple project, you're already headed
in that direction, and you're doing some really good work
(18:05):
for the community. Simple and easy, very seamless, and kind
of part of your daily life. So kind of adding
to the things that already exist in your life to
add a spin of kindness and a twist of giving back.
Would you like some more.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Awesome Well, let's pivot to more traditional volunteering because again,
it is a bit of a barrier for a lot
of families. I mean I've certainly done a number of
volunteer projects, but the number that would allow small children
there for various good reasons, right, I mean, whether there's
equipment or whatever that you know they can't make sure
(18:40):
that the kids are being watched, or something that just
is very limited. I mean I imagine that discourages a
lot of people from even trying.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
Yeah, you know, I think that that is a huge barrier.
And the thought that there's a lot of volunteer opportunities
where kids are not invited makes you have to kind
of get a babysitter and take extra time to go
do that. So we try to take that out of
the equation by curating those lists that really show different
opportunities that families can do together where you can include
your young children and you know, things like that include
(19:12):
things like meal drop offs or baking lasagna together, or
helping sometimes with food assembly. I know there are places
here in Minnesota where that food assembly can be as
young as five years old, and kids get that opportunity
to kind of work together outside and create a great
meal for lots of folks. We even have kind of
(19:32):
adopted pantry sort of options. It's a great one too.
This one's kind of a hybrid between at home and
going out. But each time you go shopping, you know,
bringing something that might be on a food list from
a pantry that's close by to your house, so that
you have that list printed because they really do need
specific food for those pantries, So making that a time
(19:54):
to call with your child and see what that list is,
and that way you have it when you go food shopping,
or when you do your order, intentionally putting an extra
can or two in there so that you're filling up
a bag to be able to build a relationship with
a foodshelf. Going to nursing homes is a great one
as well. Being able to bring kids with you can
really be a cheerful kind of shift for folks that
(20:15):
are really lonely and just a chance to just enjoy
each other's company. When it's something like that, it's hard
to tell whether you're really giving or receiving, right. I mean,
it's such a beautiful friendship and kind of relationship that
you can build with some of the elders in that
community that it can be a really wonderful experience for
(20:36):
folks together. Additionally, things like doing Valentines and creating a
great party for your kids where they're creating valentines for
a community to really brighten someone's day as a wonderful
opportunity as well. So lots of different things exist, and
our listings show tons of different opportunities, from environmental ones
to working with animals, creating dog toys and cat toys
(20:58):
and things like that for various communities. It just there's
lots of different ways to contribute to just finding them,
and we try to take the legwork out of that.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
And how would you recommend talking with kids about the
financial part of giving back? You know that honestly, many
people think of they're giving to the world both in
terms of what they can do with their time but
also with their money. And I know a lot of
our listeners are generous donors to various places. But how
should you start involving children in that?
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Yeah, you know, I often give talks with philanthropic organizations
and it's a great time to talk to kids about
philanthropy because when you build a child right who is
excited to give and excited to do kindness and can
save a little bit, you're actually kind of building a
(21:48):
better world in a sense because there's this opportunity for
kids to understand that philanthropic giving, and studies show that
it actually it takes a parent or a grandparent or
I love caring person to kind of show that philanthropic
kind of generosity. It creates someone who's actually going to
be a philanthropist in the future. So one of the
(22:09):
things that I like to do is to first talk
to kids and say that you know, everyone at some
point in their lives is going to need some help
in some way. Right, at some point in our lives,
we're all going to have a chance to be able
to give in some way, right, So it's important to
first know that we all need help at some point,
and we're all going to give at some point. And
(22:30):
I don't mean just money, right, like in a broad spectrum,
but then to kind of narrow that down and to
think a little bit about how we spend our money.
So there's ways to kind of section off. When kids
have some money that they might want to save, you
can kind of take and put it in different categories
so that this is spend and this is saved, and
this is donate, right, So that's a great way to
(22:51):
do to do that. But then I like to have
the kids actually create a little giving box, something that
can be an upcycled sort of little project, a box
or a container of some kind, and make it really beautiful,
and then work with your kids to figure out what
is their passion because you know, we all like to
give to various and different causes, right, we really want
(23:13):
to focus on what's important to us, right, donors, adults,
owners as well, and so trying to find your kid's passion.
What is it that they're really passionate about. Are they
passionate about helping kids? Are they passionate about helping elders,
about the environment, about animals? Whatever it is? Right, and
help them to figure out what that is, and that
can be done through reading and talking with them and
(23:35):
giving them some of the experiences, and then have them
save their money in that little way to give back
so that they're able to kind of take their change
and make an impact in some way. So I think
that's a really really simple and easy way for parents
to kind of help.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Awesome, Well, we're going to take one more quick ad
break and we'll be back talking a little bit about bullying,
which is another topic that is on a lot of
people's minds. Well, I am back with Maya Lisa Miliaris,
(24:15):
and we are talking all things doing good together, So
my Lisa, maybe we can talk a little bit about
bullying because that's obviously a topic that where the rubber
hits the road when it comes to empathy. And maybe
some tips for our listeners about how to talk with
their kids about the topic, not so much that the
kids are a bully themselves or are being bullied, but
(24:37):
if they're aware of it happening, how they can help
create an environment that's more supportive of everyone.
Speaker 3 (24:42):
Yeah. No, I think it's a really big topic right now,
and I think conversation is really the key, and I
think a good conversation is always grounded in literature. So
I love the idea of reading books about bullying. And
we have actually a great book list on bullying if
you want to check it out to be able to
kind of start that conversation because books are just such
a natural, organic way to have a good conversation with kids.
(25:05):
And then you can follow up that conversation with questions
like have you ever felt excluded? How did it feel
you know, have you ever noticed someone else who was excluded?
Did you say anything to them to try to make
them feel better? You know, how can we make others
feel included? What does inclusion look like? Right? So getting
them really thinking about the idea of exclusion, because we've
(25:27):
all felt that at some point in our lives, right,
at some point, kids, little kids can even identify with
that at some point, right, And so being able to
have that kind of identification and a conversation about that
really helps to ground it in something that they know
and be able to get them thinking about how kindness
can make a difference. What can you do to be
kind to someone else? How could you show kindness to
(25:49):
someone who maybe is feeling excluded or is looking like
they need a little bit of help. And then of
course always talking to kids about the safety of talking
to an adult as well, it is imperative in most cases,
and bullying as well.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Awesome, excellent tips. Well, we always end with a love
of the week. So this is something that you are
just personally enjoying right now. It is I'm sure it's
becoming fall up there in the Twin Cities in Minnesota.
I'm in Pennsylvania, so a little south from you, guys,
but it's definitely beginning to be fall here. I was
(26:24):
driving to the kids school this morning and saw just
a little bit of color on the leaves. And so
the weekend after we were recording this, we were actually
going apple picking. And there's just something about apple picking
that makes it feel like fall. So apple picking is
my love of the week this week. So how about you.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
Oh, that's amazing. Actually, I've been into all things pumpkin
because I kind of jump into October a little bit earlier.
I love I love Halloween and pumpkins and all things pumpkin.
So pumpkin anything, pumpkin lattes, pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin and bread.
That's what you're gonna find at our house this week.
(27:03):
So that's the thing of the week for me.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
Awesome, Awesome. My co host Sarah often does a Trader
Joe's Pumpkin run in October where they just go and
buy like everything pumpkin and Trader Joe's and try it
all out and see how it goes. I don't know,
there's gonna be like pumpkin samosas, pumpkin oreos. I don't
even know. Theya.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
You can turn pumpkin into everything. I love it.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
You can do pumpkin and everything all right, Well, Mylei,
so you could just tell us again, how can we
find Doing Good Together or related resources for people maybe
who aren't in the Minnesota area.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Absolutely so, right on our website doing Good Together dot
org is the best way to look at our resources,
and we have tabs that are really simple and easy
to use, so parenting with purpose, and volunteering and read
with empathy. So find those tabs and click on it.
You can sign up and get our newsletter. Most I
see ninety five percent of our resources are free an online,
(28:01):
and you can always become a member if you'd like
as well.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Awesome sounds great. Well, Mialisa, thank you so much for
joining us.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
Thank you for having me really really grateful to be
part of this conversation.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Well, we are back. Lots of great tips from Miya
Lisa about how you can raise children who care, kids
who are empathetic both for the larger world, for their families,
for their communities, for being involved with making sure other
children feel included at school, all those wonderful things. So
today's question is actually a version of a comment that
(28:36):
was left on my blog, And this came after we
had our seven year anniversary a best of both Worlds
and talked about how we're trying to encourage people to
believe that they can have the best of both worlds,
that they can have a thriving and wonderful career, that
they can have a happy family life, that there's no
(28:56):
contradiction between these two. And then we had this comment
from somebody who was broadly wanted that and was having
some practical issues with that. So, Sarah, maybe you can
read this slightly compressed version of the comment.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
Sure. So, this person writes, the one thing missing from
today's segment on childcare is the acknowledgment of how hard
it can be to find and that sometimes not having
enough of it isn't due to lack of choice or guilt,
but really just reality, Or isn't due to choice or guilt,
but just the reality of not being able to find it.
She writes, I'm fully embracing the need for childcare, but
finding someone to take my money is really challenging, and
(29:32):
quite frankly, is making me question whether I can have
the best of both worlds. She writes that her schools
before and aftercare opened with a wait list, so no
new family's gotten in and this is their second year
in a row for that to happen. She also posted
for an after school babysitter in four Facebook groups, reached
out to many many others, friends and family, et cetera,
(29:53):
but could not find anyone. There are some local grandparents
that can help, but not on a regular basis. So
right now what they're doing as cobbling together some days
with a neighbor. But it's very challenging due to kids'
sports schedules, and the mental load of having to keep
it all straight is a lot, and it's all falling
on the person who wrote this comment. So she wrote
(30:13):
this is to say that trying to figure all this
out and maintain full time working hours as school starts
has proven impossible. She wants it to be a success
story of how we can make it all work, but
right now it feels out of reach. Oh so so
so hard.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Yeah, well, I mean totally understand it is hard. It
is hard. There is the logistics of getting childcare. I
know that when we were looking for daycare before Jasper
was born, I actually went and visited a couple places
(30:48):
and got myself on the list when I was about
four months pregnant so that he could go when he
was three months old, and that was about the time
frame that people were looking at to get spot, to
get an infant spot in these places. Which the problem
is then some people, some well meaning people, tell young
(31:08):
women having their first baby, well, why don't you just
wait and see how you feel like if you want
to go back to work, And it's like, well, if
you wait to see how you feel, if you feel
like going back, you will not have a spot if
you want, you know, daycare for young children, and so
the choice is going to possibly be made for you.
So that's not really great advice. This is not this
(31:29):
particular listener's issue, but one thing we do always want
people to check is to make sure that you are
paying both a little bit above at least the going rate.
So figure out what truly people are getting paid for
nanny jobs in your area, and then make sure whatever
you're offering is going to be a bit over that
(31:49):
in order to get more people who are interested in
because obviously some of this is just an economics issue
that if you pay enough, you can almost always find somebody.
The problem is the amount you might have to pay
may make no sense for what this is if it's
a certain sort of job market wherever you happen to be.
(32:11):
So you know, we understand that this is this is complicated,
and yeah, it's unfortunate. Sarah, what would your thoughts on this?
Speaker 1 (32:19):
I was just reflecting on how this must vary so
much by community, and I feel bad that it sounds
like there are pockets out there where there just are
not solutions because where I happen to live, and I
actually I can imagine this because even on like a
micro level of communities like where we used to live,
I don't think there are quite so many options. But
(32:39):
like where we happen to be, there you could always
do like the JCC has aftercare and the dance place
has aftercare, and there's like there's such a market for it.
And I guess two working parents is so common here
and part of the culture that I think there's like
been economics that have grown to support that even if
you're not hiring an individual. And so the sad truth
(33:02):
is that it may be very geographical and if you
live somewhere where almost everyone has a very highly paid
like full time nanny and there's usually only one person
working in many families. I could see how maybe you
wouldn't have the growth of these kind of industries and
then you're stuck. Or it's sort of like just the
community's grown very very fast and the area hasn't been
(33:25):
able to keep up with that kind of demand. Because
you said there is a program, and yet it's sold
out in like two seconds.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
So this is so, so, so hard.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
And I'm hoping that with creativity you'll be able to
come up with some ideas I agree with, like making
it a really really attractive place to work, not even
just the going rate, but what you're offering for vacation
time and benefits, and like maybe if you only need
someone for X hours, but you're willing to pay for
why hours that a little bit higher number that might
(33:54):
be helpful. And then even thinking about whether if there
are a lot of other peop people in the same boat,
could people get together and create some kind of group situation.
But all this is like a lot of work, and
I just want to acknowledge that this does totally suck.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Yeah, I feel like in my family, I do a
lot of the management of childcare providers and such, and
I don't think my husband understands the amount of effort
and time I put into making sure that everyone is
happy so we can keep people for years and years.
But it is definitely still something that has to get
(34:31):
done and it is work, and we yes, definitely want
to acknowledge that and also just want to have school districts.
You know, we often warn people that school is not childcare,
you know, on this program, like it's not set up
to be that, and that's what people are sometimes surprised
that it doesn't match working hours, and some districts feel
no obligation to do anything about the fact that working
(34:52):
hours are different from what their school is offering. But
I would hope that people who are presum in the
business to serve children would be doing their best to
get the funding to establish you know, or working with
contractors to establish more before and after care programs and
to offer more slots in order to meet the demand
(35:13):
of the ones of the kids who are there. Because yeah,
this is a problem a lot of people have, and
it's there needs to be the industry of solutions and
ideally lots of options. As Sarah was saying, like you
could go to the JCC, you could go to the y,
you could go to maybe a church offers something. Maybe
you know there's a gym near you that has an
aftercare program or whatever, or that there's two different things
(35:37):
that are going on at school, and so you could
choose an after school club track or just a more
of an everyday games and stuff track. That's what it
should look like, and I'm very sorry that in your
community it doesn't. So we're giving a real empathy and
we hear you. We hear you, and we hope you
come up with a solution. Just I would say one
upside is eventually the kids are older, you know, and
(36:01):
this becomes less of an issue. For kids who are
say twelve and older. Often there are more activities after school,
like at the middle school level, so they could go
join us sport and stay after every day till four
forty five and take the activity bus home, and then
you no longer have that issue and they can stay
by themselves too, so you do aid age out of it. Eventually,
(36:22):
Fingers crossed you find a solution that works all right.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
Well, hopefully we offered some soul as to that complicated question.
Thank you for sending that in. We love hearing your
honest thoughts, so keep them coming.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
And this has been best of both worlds. We'll be
back next week with more on making work and life
fit together.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the
shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram,
and you can.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has
been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join us
next time for more on making work and life work together.
Op
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com