August 20, 2024 • 37 mins
In today's episode, Laura and Sarah discuss the challenges of long weekends home with young kids! These longs stretches of unstructured time can be really challenging when kids are young (babies / toddlers / preschoolers) and so Laura and Sarah share practical strategies to improve your little-kid weekend outlook.
In the Q&A, a listener asks: Having a 3rd kid! Do I need a minivan?
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I'm Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist,
and speaker.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
And I'm Sarah hart Hunger, a mother of three, practicing physician, writer,
and course creator. We are two working parents who love
our careers and our families.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about
how real women manage work, family, and time for fun,
from figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals.
We want you to get the most out of life.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
This episode is airing in mid to late August, not
right before Labor Day, but getting close on there. This
episode is going to be our long Weekend Little Kid
Survival Guide.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Why did we want to do this episode?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Well, long weekends our thought of is usually being relaxing,
but that is from the perspective of people who do
not have young children in their care over this longer
period of time when everyone is off their usual routines.
And I was thinking about this over July fourth weekend,
which is kind of the last long weekend that people experienced.
(01:18):
My kids aren't even that little anymore, but we were off,
so to speak, with childcare perspective since Tuesday at five pm.
And I remember at the end of Thursday thinking, wow,
it's not even the real weekend weekend yet. And yet
there has been a whole weekend of time between Tuesday
at five pm and the end of Thursday, and we
had three more days to go at that point. If
(01:39):
you do have little kids, this is just a note
of solidarity. People talk about how relaxed they are, and
long weekends with little kids are just not relaxing, right.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Sarah, Absolutely. I mean that feeling when everybody at work
is like, Oh, I can't wait to just relax, and
I have these plans and I'm going to do this
and that, and then thinking like, I have a two
year old and I have to fill up so many hours.
And for us, I'm not sure I have a specific
nightmare weekend to share, but let me just say that
many times when there are three day weekends, one of
(02:10):
us is on call, usually more often my husband on call,
because he takes more call than I am. So I
have the double whammy of like, yes, I'm hanging out
with kids during an extended period of time, but also
I'm doing it on my own. I know I'm not
the only one in that scenario, and some people do
that all the time, which is incredibly hard. But let
me just say, if I have like a three day
weekend coming up, even now with my kids being a
(02:31):
lot older, I'm not that excited about it when I'm
going to be doing it all on my own, And
we'll talk about strategies that I often employ to make
things better. So for me, the most difficult ones have
been the long weekends that also happen to be solo
parenting endeavors.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Yeah, and this episode, as we give you our solidarity
shout out for people who are planning long weekends with
little kids, we will also want to say that there
are ways to make them more manageable. Right that we
always think with best of both worlds that we can
come up with practical solutions that even if you know
(03:07):
it is a tough situation, like, there's no reason to
be miserable more than one might need to, because there's
lots of ways to at least have some fun, get
some time for you, hopefully make some memories, even if
you do have little ones and are filling a lot
of time. So the first part, we have kind of
(03:27):
a lot of different strategies here. But the first strategy
is to know that the long weekend is coming right, like,
don't get blind sided. So especially if your office, you know,
isn't closed as many hours as school or daycare might be,
you might need to make arrangements. But whenever the school
calendar is posted, you want to make sure that you
(03:48):
are getting whatever half days are coming up, what other
random teacher in service days, whatever days they happen to
be off for conferences, that you have those on your calendar.
Know about all your daycare closures, I know, make sure
if you have a nanny or regular babysitter, you know
what their vacation days are. And so when these things
(04:10):
are coming up, right, Sarah, you're gonna have two schools
worth of random days now.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Oh yes, and they all coincide, just kidding, like none
of them do it. So I would like to reiterate
that our very first tip is to plan. Yay, that
is our tip because it's so true, like knowing that
this three day weekend, whether it is because of a
holiday that you celebrate, a holiday that you don't celebrate,
or just a random school teacher planning day, is going
(04:38):
to go better if you have time to think about
what you want to do with those hours in advance.
And I have failed on this on occasion and kind
of learned the hard way when I'm like, oh, you know,
we'll just like stay home and do whatever, and when
you have toddlers, like I again, like we're trying to
avoid misery, and that has been That has been sort
of the low lights of my longer weekends. The best
(05:00):
ones happen when I've really taken the time to think
about what could we do to make this more fun?
Because often you will be able to come up with
some stuff and we'll talk about the specifics of that
in a second, but really it's true. The awareness means
a lot and is such an important first step here.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Yeah, I mean I feel like we have this discussion
about Christmas every year, Like wait, I have like two
weeks I have to cover or something like that. And
the earlier one knows that that is coming up, the
more mental time spread out over a longer period of time,
you can sort of devote to making sure that it
is more enjoyable. So first, know that they are coming up. Second,
(05:41):
this is the official make a plan one.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Right, yes, like actually put something in writing to actually
think through those actual hours and what you might want
to do with that. Now, your strategy has to do
with like having some anchor events. Can you talk about that.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Yeah, So, I when I'm planning out weekend or vacations
or anything like this, I think of each day as
having one anchor event, and that is something that you
say like, oh, like, well, what are we doing this day?
And it doesn't mean that that's the only thing you
do that day, but that's kind of what the day
is built around.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
So for instance, I mean.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Especially if you have little kids toddlers, it's almost always
better to do this in the morning, right, So get ready,
get up, go somewhere as soon as the children's museum opens,
or the zoom opens, or if you're going to visit
friends or something like that, go to the science museum.
But choose something that gets you out of the house
(06:36):
that you go do it, get the kids to have
ideally something that you don't find terrible as well, look
at the weather.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Plan it in. It's good to have kind of a
local bucket list of this sort.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Of thing, so if you know wherever you happen to live,
sometimes people just wind up going to the same thing
over and over again because it's there, and it's hard
to think of things when you're taking care of little kids.
But it might behoove you at some point to make
a local bucket list, like things that are within an
hour of you that your family or at least a
(07:09):
majority of members of your family find reasonably enjoyable, so
that you can pull from that list when you're planning
out your long weekend, as opposed to just sit in
and be like, jeez, what is there to do? There's
nothing to do. I don't know what do we want
to do?
Speaker 3 (07:24):
So yeah, knowing what that is ahead of time, one
hundred percent agree with the getting out of the house piece,
especially when kids are really little, because let's all be real,
what do the kids do in the house? They destroy that? Well,
my kids maybe not your kids, but my kids just
find stuff to like wreck, especially when they were younger,
sometimes still now, and they get bored and they get
(07:45):
antsy and they want screens, and like, do I want
to give it to them at ten in the morning,
Probably not, because I'd rather relax later, And you get
what I'm saying. So knowing ahead of time, like we're
going to one, we might as well give some concrete examples,
because you know, why not this might spark your ideas
the zoo a different smaller zoo, to a children's museum,
to the science museum, to the cool art place where
(08:07):
you spatter paint all over the place, to the paint
your own pottery place, to the bouncy house, whatever, you know,
just somewhere something. And bonus points if it is something
where you can do it recurrently and subscribe, like be
a member, because then you can kind of go in
a very low pressure way and just be like we're
going for a couple of hours and at least we're
(08:28):
out of the house. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
And again, if it's someplace that you personally don't mind
that much, that is always a benefit. I mean, I've
we've gone a lot to Longwood Gardens, which is a
little bit of a drive for us. But again, if
you're doing this in the morning, maybe you've got more
energy for it. But the flowers are pretty. And then
they have a children's area that the kids have wound
up in a lot. We have a ton of photos
(08:50):
of our kids at various different ages in this children's
garden that's inside the green house and has various things
that they can do, but you know it's something I like,
but then they don't hate it either, So I think
figuring out if you can hit both of.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Those is good for me. The best way to make
one of those community outings more fun is to find
a friend to go with me. So that's like another
really helpful thing. You're probably not the only one facing
the labor day doldrums. And the best is when I
can find somebody else who also has to solo parent
fairly frequently, because then it's like woo, Like we want companionship,
(09:26):
we want to hang out together, but it's maybe just
us and our kids. And how fun it is if
we can actually have a conversation and catch up while
our kids are running around. So even more fun for
me if you can also maybe turn that into a
social event, and that requires planning, Like people aren't going
to be free like when you ask them that morning
most likely, but even a week before to be like, hey,
(09:48):
it's this holiday and we're not going anywhere. Want to
meet up at the whatever museum at ten am on Saturday?
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Done?
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Absolutely, We're going to take a quick ad break and
then we'll be back talking a little bit more about
the structure of a long weekend planned. Well, we are
back with our long weekend little Kid Survival Guide. We
(10:18):
strongly suggested getting out of the house in the morning
with your little ones to go do something in the zoo,
the park, the children's museum, whatever it is. You probably
then want to come home for lunch in a mid
afternoon downtime or nap for little ones. So this is
a great time for obviously the youngest ones to have
their rest or quiet time, for the older kids to
(10:42):
read or have some screen time, and then the supervising
adult can have a little bit of leisure time for
themselves as well. People are told to stay in their
rooms under severe penalty for coming out or something like that,
only at emergencies. You play your cards right. Ideally you
can get two hours or so to chill, right.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
Sarah, Yes, I mean it is hard when they're in
that post napping year. Maybe the older sibling doesn't nap
and then the younger one does. But figuring out a
way that everybody can just Usually if you've done something
active in the morning, this is easier because everyone is
more ready to just kind of chill and rest.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Yeah, and then make sure you have something for that
post nap slot. I think this is you know, what
separates the newbies from the veteran parents. But you know,
the kid gets up from the nap three three thirty,
it's like, well, you know, all this, all the normal
stuff is closing at five, so it's kind of a
pain to get there. Or oh it's kind of like
(11:40):
maybe they slept a little later. I don't really feel
like doing anything. But then you're stuck there from like
four to five thirty as people are melting down, and
it feels like you're counting minutes till everyone can be
in bed or something like that. And we don't want
to wish time away, So figure out something some intention
for that post nap slid. Doesn't have to be intense,
(12:03):
but something.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Like go to a playground, right, Yeah, I feel like
this is a time or at least for us, this
is like the really low key piece, Like the morning
thing is like the big anchor, but the post is
just like I mean, it doesn't for us even always
have to be leaving the house, but this is when
you whip out that activity from the garage that they
you know, haven't seen, or go for a walk around
(12:24):
the block or just like knock on the door of
a neighbor's house and say hi, like the it doesn't
low bar, but like something something.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Right because then when they've got something to distract them
from melting down until it's dinner, and then it's after dinner,
it's kind of like sliding into bedtime bathtime anyway, So
it's worth figuring out or a low key playdate, especially
if you have someone who doesn't mind a little bit
of flexibility on when it starts. So if the baby
wakes up at three versus three thirty, you know, it's
(12:54):
all good that you can go to that.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Or again, if you do have.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
A membership somewhere that's close by, even if it does
close at five, it's fine to go at four and
just stay for an hour because it's you remember, you
don't have to pay to go in.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
The member thing with kids is like the best anyway,
just because kids are so unpredictable and it just takes
the pressure off of every outing having to be awesome.
Like and also like if there has to be some
situation where a kid does something where you're like, well,
the consequences we have to leave, you can feel great
about that. If you're a member because you can come back.
You didn't waste your money then, right, Yeah, no, totally true.
(13:33):
The third suggestion and remember the first to be aware
of when these long weekends are happening, because they don't
always perfectly match up with holidays that we normally think of. Second,
have a good plan for something in the morning as
an ancor event, downtime, early afternoon post nap slot. Third,
plan in something fun for you. So we want to
get a break somehow.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
So that it doesn't feel like all, you know, you
have your work work during your regular time and now
you have your family care work. You want to have
something that's at least moderately fun for you. We just
had a whole episode about trading off, so that's always
a good idea.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Trading off is awesome. Or this was actually when I
think I was best about hiring a babysitter for short stints.
If Josh had a call weekend that was like over
a three day weekend and my kids were little to
the point where like I really couldn't ever just like
zone out and let them do their own thing, I
would be like, okay, fine, I'm getting a babysitter for
three or four hours. It didn't feel like a huge expense,
(14:31):
but it felt like enough of a luxury. And I
used to like use that time to go to bar
class back in the day when we lived in Miami Beach.
So I agree like having one little treat in there.
It doesn't have to be something huge. I don't even
know that it has to be every single day, but
like something that you're looking forward to that's just for you. Obviously,
if your partner is not working on call and in
the hospital, then this can be accomplished via trading off,
(14:54):
like we talked about recently.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yeah, I mean, and one way to think about this
is that you look at when each of you is
going to want to do your particular forms of exercise,
right that that's a very easy thing for each person
to trade off and say, Okay, this person is going
to do a run on Saturday morning and this one's
going to do a run on Sunday morning, and so
you both explicitly agree that you are trading off for
that time. But you know, little things you can do,
(15:17):
like even a post bedtime sort of treat for yourself
as you're thinking about your daily After I get the
kids into bed, I want to watch this show, which
is a favorite show of mine. Or I want to
take a bubble bath. People always have these nice bathtubs
in the primary bedroom bathroom and then they.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Never use them.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
So you know, if you have built this nice bathtub,
you should use it. Maybe it's having a glass of
something festive on your porch if the weather is nice.
Maybe it's that you got a new magazine in the mail.
I'm a big fan of magazine subscriptions because that's something
that you can do at home for entertainment, reading edition
(15:55):
of a magazine as it comes out. But that might
be fun. Or maybe it's a new book or a
new puzzle or something like that. Sarah, what are your
favorite kind of I know you go to bed pretty
soon after your kids go to bed, but what were
your favorite sort of naptime treats?
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Oh? I mean usually just reading, Like I love to
get my lovely livery hold whatever it is, or that
I'm like reading, or some other kind of book that
I have and just relaxed, lay on the couch, maybe
have a nice snack. But I was going to say that, like,
my like favorite source of fun on a three day
weekend is also just having a date night for those nights.
(16:29):
I mean, sometimes you need a break in the middle.
So Sunday night can be awesome for this, Like normally
a night that we wouldn't typically go out because thinking
about early wake up's Monday morning. But how awesome if
Monday is a day off to have that the night
be to get a babysitter and kind of like celebrate
the middle of the week, getting through the middle and getting.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Through the middle.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Yeah, which is again another reason to know that these
weekends are coming up in advance, because then you can
text whatever sitters you have to see which of them
is not traveling over a long weekend and might be
interested in coming for a few hours. And having that
and knowing you can look forward to that can often
be the difference between being like, oh, geez, this is
a lot of time versus, hey, we've got a lot
(17:10):
of you know, I'm going to the zoo and I'm
going out for an adult dinner, So I have a
little bit more energy for this zoo in the morning
because I'm also knowing that I'm going to be having
my margarita and guacamole at night or something like that.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Yes, like a little kid free conversation break can be amazing.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Yes, exactly, And make sure you acknowledge when this cool
thing is happening, like if you have built in a
little bit of a treat. It's helpful just to have
that mental narrative of like, oh, look, yes it's a
long weekend with little kids, but I got to go
on this nice run in the cool morning hours in
a pretty place. Or yes, it's a long weekend with
little kids and there's been a lot of meltdowns and
(17:49):
things like that, but I got to go out for
coffee with a friend. Or I got to read the
new whatever you read Southern Living. H you had a
brand novel, Yeah, the new Ellen Hill and Brand lovel
at night after an hour after my.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Kids went to bed.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
So acknowledge that it might even help to like list it,
because you know, a lot of time is just our
mental model of it anyway. And so when we see
these good things along, you know, side the fact that
your kid had a diaper blowout in the children's museum
while you were there, you know, it makes makes the
weekend feel a little bit better in general.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
Absolutely so.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Our fourth principle for our long weekend Little Survival Guide,
Little Kid Survival guide is that screen time is not evil. Now,
of course, we all would like to not have the
kids zone out for say, seventy two straight hours on screens,
but that's probably not happening anyway. If you're the sort
(18:48):
of conscientious person who is listening to a podcast about
planning your long weekends, you're probably putting things like going
to the children's museum and the zoo and the aquarium
and the playdate in there anyway, So they're not going
to be on all the time, which means that if
they are on during some of the downtime, it's fine.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Which I mean, at what age did your kids start
being reasonably entertained by screen?
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Sarah? I think Genevieve was like the earliest because she
had the earliest opportunity to do.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
So because she's the youngest kid.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Usually does the youngest kid and a COVID toddler like,
so it was like, well, get used to it, child,
and still today like I'll be impressed. Like she was
watching some Spider Man that I have trouble following the plot,
and Cameron's like is loving it and she's like watching
it really into it, So I don't know, maybe I
shouldn't this kind of stuff, but yeah, she'll do fairly
(19:39):
sophisticated stuff. And I feel like it started around age
two wish maybe, yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
It was three, three, three and a half. I mean
it was interesting to me. We took a road trip
up to Cape cod when Henry was about three and
a half last year, and I remember that being kind
of hard to keep him entertain on that trip for
long hours in the car, with being very aware of
the fact that we were in the car with a
(20:06):
little kid for a long period of time. We did
the same trip about a year later, maybe thirteen months later,
and it was fine. Like he played Minecraft on some
device I think may have even been Michael's phone because
we didn't have his kindle working or something, but he
played it on like for hours in the car. That
(20:28):
there's something that like the your ability to focus on
an actual game, like just probably the executive function gets
there between maybe three and four.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
So that was an interesting thing to observe.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Yeah, And I feel like movies like Disney movies can
be captivating even earlier, like we definitely I think I
sat through like all of Frozen with Annabelle when she
was like two. Wow, and that can be a wonderful
break when your kid is sitting there wrapped by Elsa
and Anna, and I don't know, I don't even feel
bad about that kind of screen time, Like it's a movie,
it's I don't you know, Like I've read The Anxious
(21:03):
Generation too, but it didn't say anything about like watching
Little Mermaid being so terrible.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Well, I don't know, Little Mermaid might make me anxious.
I mean it's kind of a scary bad guy.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
But yeah, true, bad example to.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Know your kid on that.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
But yeah, I mean, and that could be you know,
a family activity too, Like if there is a new
little kid movie out and your kids are maybe even
four and up, that's something that you guys could go
do as a family on a long weekend. They often
are released over holiday weekends precisely because people are looking
for stuff to do during that time. But you can
stream anything these days, so thinking in advance of like, well,
(21:39):
what would be a cool movie for the little kids
to watch, Maybe even talk it up so they're excited
about it.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Wear a costume or something.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
It makes it more of a party with the screen
time versus just you know, zoning out while watching YouTube kids.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
No, that's a fun idea we I mean for a
long weekend. My approach is just the same as always,
which is like kind of delay it for as long
as we can in the day. My kids kind of
know they have to ask for it, and it's generally
not going to be granted until one or two, like
after lunch. So it's fine, we're out and doing stuff
in the morning, we come in, we have lunch, and
(22:17):
then we're past the nap stage. But let's say I
still had a napper. It would be pretty natural for
the napper to be napping and then my older child
maybe watching a movie or doing stuff like playing a
video game or something like.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Yeah, and if you don't want it to go to bedtime,
then at that point, that is again the upside of
having a post nap activity because people won't just and
to know what that is in advance, because people won't
just want to stop playing Minecraft at four o'clock to
go do something. It needs to be that there is
something arranged that you are stopping to go do, like, oh,
we're going to go play at Billy's house. Now, that's
(22:49):
why we're stopping, because in the moment, yeah, nobody's gonna
want to do that.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Totally. Yeah, a natural stopping point is great.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Let's take one more quick ad break.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
We will be back with more on our Long Weekend
Little Kids Survival Guide.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
So we are back.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
This is our long weekend Little Kid's survival guide. If
you are looking forward to Labor Day, or maybe not
so much looking forward to labor day because it's gonna
be long for you, these are some tips and strategies
that can help manage sort of lengthy periods of time
with little kids. We first were talking about being aware
that they are coming up. Second, having a plan that
involves an anchor event each day and something for the
(23:39):
post nap slot. Third, planning in something fun for you. Fourth,
recognizing that screen time is an evil, like you can
put it in in a way that can feel good
and make life feel sustainable, that the kids won't necessarily
be zoning out for seventy two hours, but having fun
with it. And finally, fifth hit the easy button where
(23:59):
poss So this might be a weekend where you use
Uber Eats or grub Hub for a meal or two, Sarah,
is this something that happens in your house? Oh?
Speaker 3 (24:10):
Yes, I use uber each, I use door Dash. I
am indiscriminate. They are all very helpful sometimes, and this
is the kind of weekend where I do that, And
especially when the kids were little, what an amazing thing
it was to be able to do that when we
needed to, and just I don't know, just making things
(24:30):
like not trying to like do all the laundry and
keep up with it every second of the day, and
also speaking of easy, like not expecting the house to
look awesome all day long, like deciding like, okay, once
we are at bedtime, I will spend twenty minutes getting
things to be like reasonable, and that's like all we're
gonna do. Just keeping those expectations really low, because I
(24:50):
do feel like, you know, you see these Instagram videos
of kids playing with a perfectly clear floor and like
one wooden toy out, And aren't you supposed to run
around after your children making it look like that all
the time so they can get their maximum enrichment out
of their Montessori selected playset. Well not at our house.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Yeah, well it just I mean, the housekeeping can expand
to fill the available time. So if you are trying
to relax and enjoy yourself over a long weekend and
you already have the little kids, so the messes are
being made constantly. I mean, you would be spending all
your time cleaning it up, so you need to put
a limit on it, Like don't spend the entire nap
time cleaning up the house, right, like maybe five ten minutes,
(25:33):
but do your fun thing.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
First, Like, don't do the cleaning first.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Go do whatever fun thing you wanted to do during
nap first, and then maybe do ten minutes of cleaning
toward the end when it you know, if it's about
ready to be interrupted, because it's fine if the cleaning
gets interrupted, because the toys aren't just going to come
out again, right, whereas you will never get that time back.
Same at night, like put a limit on it, set
a timer, do not spend more time than that because
(25:58):
you have a date with your magazine, your bubble bath,
and you want to enjoy yourself on this. With that,
I would say, don't assign yourself big house projects. I
mean people often think of like, oh, you know, the
weekends are where I need to get these big things done.
We're going to clean out the garage this weekend, Like
you are not, like you know, just maybe that stuff
(26:19):
happens after your youngest child is four or five. I mean,
you know, unless you're going to hire professional assistants with
various things along these lines, like you're just not going
to personally have time for a lot of the extensive
Homer projects when your kids are little and if you
are responsible for them, So that is what it is.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Just accept it.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
If you're not ordering in for meals, very easy meals
is also a great idea. Pasta is a meal.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
A lot of good jarred sauces out there. There are
a lot of good jars and things you can dump
in a.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Yeah, so you can get various like Asian type sauces
to you know, we've been doing like well some people
like taking masala or you know, rogan josh or you
could get like tie red curry or.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Something like that.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
You can get chicken that is pre chopped up, so
all you have to do is just like put it
in the pan and cook it.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Then you mix the sauce.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
In, you do one of those boil in a bag
things of rice and like you've got a meal and
maybe heat up some frozen corn and it's even a
healthy meal.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
So's it's like pretty easy to do some of these things.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Yeah, you have to maybe be okay with like some repetition,
But honestly, in that phase of life, I think a
lot of people would just embrace it like whatever is easy.
And that's so true about the big projects. I would say,
any big project or any work project. I mean, I
enjoy working on the weekends now. When my kids were toddlers,
I couldn't do much of it because the only time
would have been either if I was going to like
(27:50):
have a block of childcare, which on occasion I did,
but if I didn't, then it would be nap. And
I don't want to use my nap for that because
it's such an incredibly limited time that is my only downtime,
and so so to spend that time like organizing something
like just doesn't it doesn't make sense and feels kind
of unsatisfying. So I really do agree, like take the
pressure off, You're gonna feel better about just like leaning
(28:13):
into it and being where you are versus having these
lofty aspirations that are just not really possible and then
feeling guilt about what didn't happen.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Absolutely, but then a quick message of hope that it
gets better. So a message for people, I mean, obviously
We've both have lots of kids, and so we've been
in the little kid years for a long time, including
many years well we've had this podcast going. But we're
starting to kind of age out of it, and I
have actually started to enjoy my weekends a lot more
(28:48):
now that it is possible to relax without making prior
arrangements to relax. I guess is how I would put it.
It was never impossible to relax. I just have to
be like, Okay, Mike got the kids now, and now
is my relaxing time. And then I'll take them and
then it'll be his relaxing time, or we have a
sitter and now we have the relaxing time. But once
(29:09):
Henry is able to do something like play Minecraft, it
introduces the possibility that you can in fact sit on
the couch with a magazine and if he's absorbed enough
in it, then you probably won't be called up for
at least a little while, and you can start to
do more things, especially now that I have older kids
who can be babysitters, Like if I want to go
(29:30):
somewhere for forty five minutes, they can, right, And that's fine. Again,
don't have to make huge prior arrangements to how it happened.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
So it's definitely gotten a lot easier.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
I agree, And there's almost like a subtle realization when
that shift's like, huh, it's Friday night and I don't
have like the slight feeling of dread that maybe did
tend to come on back in the day, and that
feels really really nice. I will also say it's when
you don't have to It's like that period of parenting
(30:05):
that's just absolutely constant reactivity than the less somebody else
is on your kid. You have to be responsive to
their needs absolutely immediately. It's pretty long. I mean it's
like a number of years, Like a two year old's
not going to wait. But once they get to the
point where like they can do some things for themselves
and even if you're caring for them, their needs are
just less urgent. It just becomes so much more relaxing
and fun, and they are more likely to want to
(30:27):
do things that I find like legitimately fun and that
is super cool, like when we want to go to
movies that are you know, maybe I mean, well, I
took my five year old to Spartable Me for no.
I mean some might not want to take their younger
kids to a movie like Barbie, but like we did,
and like I love that movie, Like I legitimately enjoyed
myself and the kids liked it, and like that's a
(30:47):
big milestone.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Yeah, it is.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
It is.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
So it does get better.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
So shout out to anyone who is planning a long
weekend with little kids.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
We see you solidarity.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
But in a few years it'll be feeling more relaxing,
and then you can be the one telling your colleagues
about your relaxing long weekend and providing encouragement to the
colleagues who have the two year old and who are
going through it themselves. So this week's question, should I
buy a minivan? So this listener is expecting kid number
(31:19):
three and never thought of themselves as a minivan person,
but you know suburbs and kid number three, So should
they buy one? Sarah, you resisted the minivan.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
Yeah, I mean, I don't think you need a minivan,
but I do think it's helpful to have a car
bigger than I said Dan. So we've been extremely happy
with a like mid to larger sized suv. We have
a three to row Highlander and actually we have the
hybrid version, so a little bit less gas guzzling. I
love that car so much. I love driving it. I
(31:51):
love how my kids fit in it. I love how
much we can fit in the back. I've never actually
driven a minivan, to be fair, but like they don't
look like they be like that fun to drive, and
I actually enjoy driving the suv. So I don't know, Like,
I guess i'd just say, you don't have to have
a minivan, Like I think there are other larger cars
that do a lot of what a minivan does. But
I know people love their minivan, so it's definitely a
(32:13):
good option as well.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
I mean, so when we had kid number three, I
didn't want to buy a minivan, so I wound up
with an Accura, which we still have and you know,
Jasper will mostly be driving it now. Is an suv,
a three row suv, but it's kind of hard to
get in the back row.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
It was only for.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
When we had to use it as a seven passenger
of a person kind of thing. But then when we had Alex,
it was like, okay, well we need the family minivan
just to have the ability to have like two car
seats and then two other kids in the car at
the same time.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
And I gotta say they're pretty cool.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
I mean, now again, I didn't get rid of my
accurate so I was not the one driving the minivan
all the time. Our nannies have been the one mostly
driving it, and then we drive it on weekends or
family trips or you know, family activities things like that.
But they're pretty cool, Like there's a reason everyone has that.
Like I was picking Ruth and a friend of hers
(33:11):
up at camp the other day and I parked in
the carking lot and then I walk up to the
car and I start like pulling on the car, and
I'm like, why is it opening? Like when I have
my keys in my pocket, why is this not opening?
Because it was somebody else's Toyota Siena that was parked
two down from mine, because everyone else was the Toyota Sienna,
and the lady.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Was like right behind me.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
She's like, well, god, she didn't see me, but she
saw my kid trying to get in the car, and
she's like, I didn't think I had to take another
kid home. I mean maybe my daughter inviting somebody else home.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
So it was just like all fun and games but
I mean the sliding doors are great because your kids
cannot hit another car in the parking lot. With a
sliding door, you can get into the back seat quite easily.
You can't get around the laws of physics. I mean,
you still have like this somewhat crunched no matter what
(34:02):
car you're in. But I feel like minivans feel like
they are spacious but are not quite as huge as
some of the bigger three row SUVs, and so with
that the gas mileage might be slightly better too.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
So you know, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
I think you don't have to buy one, but they
do have their upsides. And you know, if you think
you might wind up with a fourth kid, it might
be worth going ahead and switching to being a minivan family.
Speaker 3 (34:35):
Yeah, I could see that. And I'll also say that
you can get away when your kids are little with
probably not even like an suv like we did have
I think all three kids in the well. No, we
did buy the suv and Genevie was born, but we
were able to fit all three car seats in a
Toyota Prias. And if you have to do it, you
do it.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
Yeah, there are some car seats that are designed to
be a little bit thinner, and so you can fit
it now. I will point out then that you have
three children crammed on top of each other in the
back seat, and if they are not perfectly behaved, they
may be arguing and fighting and have easy access to
hit each other in the back seat.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
I'm just throwing that out there as a reason that
you might wish.
Speaker 3 (35:16):
To have a very theoretical, theoretical possibility.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
I am not saying this would ever happen for us
or anyone else who is listening to this, but I
love it. Something to keep in mind, all right. Love
of the week, Sarah, what is your love of the week.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
My love of the week is that we were able
to get a like I don't know that there were
really good back to school deals on laptops, and we
were able to get an Apple laptop for Annabel for like,
way less than I thought you could get one for.
So look for the tax free shopping, look for the
back just if that's the thing in your state. Florida
has that. Look for the back to school deals because
(35:55):
that was exciting.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
That was exciting.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Yeah. No, if it's something you needed to get and
you get a significant discount, that's always great. I guess
my love of the week is solo swimming. I'm sure
I've said this before, but usually when I'm in the pool,
i am lifeguarding for other folks, So it is really
kind of nice to just relax. Speaking of the long
weekend with little kids, to be in the pool without
(36:18):
that responsibility as a great way to feel the sense
of bliss long weekend, even if it's just for a
little bit of time. So this has been best of
both worlds. This has been our long weekend little Kid's
Survival Guide, hopefully some strategies that people can use. We
will be back next week with more on making work
and life fit together.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the
shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
And you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com.
This has been the Best of Both Worlds podcast. Please
join us next time for more on making work and
life work together. Out of a Man
Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I'm Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist,
and speaker.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
And I'm Sarah hart Hunger, a mother of three, practicing physician, writer,
and course creator. We are two working parents who love
our careers and our families.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about
how real women manage work, family, and time for fun,
from figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals.
We want you to get the most out of life.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
This episode is airing in mid to late August, not
right before Labor Day, but getting close on there. This
episode is going to be our long Weekend Little Kid
Survival Guide.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Why did we want to do this episode?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Well, long weekends our thought of is usually being relaxing,
but that is from the perspective of people who do
not have young children in their care over this longer
period of time when everyone is off their usual routines.
And I was thinking about this over July fourth weekend,
which is kind of the last long weekend that people experienced.
(01:18):
My kids aren't even that little anymore, but we were off,
so to speak, with childcare perspective since Tuesday at five pm.
And I remember at the end of Thursday thinking, wow,
it's not even the real weekend weekend yet. And yet
there has been a whole weekend of time between Tuesday
at five pm and the end of Thursday, and we
had three more days to go at that point. If
(01:39):
you do have little kids, this is just a note
of solidarity. People talk about how relaxed they are, and
long weekends with little kids are just not relaxing, right.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Sarah, Absolutely. I mean that feeling when everybody at work
is like, Oh, I can't wait to just relax, and
I have these plans and I'm going to do this
and that, and then thinking like, I have a two
year old and I have to fill up so many hours.
And for us, I'm not sure I have a specific
nightmare weekend to share, but let me just say that
many times when there are three day weekends, one of
(02:10):
us is on call, usually more often my husband on call,
because he takes more call than I am. So I
have the double whammy of like, yes, I'm hanging out
with kids during an extended period of time, but also
I'm doing it on my own. I know I'm not
the only one in that scenario, and some people do
that all the time, which is incredibly hard. But let
me just say, if I have like a three day
weekend coming up, even now with my kids being a
(02:31):
lot older, I'm not that excited about it when I'm
going to be doing it all on my own, And
we'll talk about strategies that I often employ to make
things better. So for me, the most difficult ones have
been the long weekends that also happen to be solo
parenting endeavors.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Yeah, and this episode, as we give you our solidarity
shout out for people who are planning long weekends with
little kids, we will also want to say that there
are ways to make them more manageable. Right that we
always think with best of both worlds that we can
come up with practical solutions that even if you know
(03:07):
it is a tough situation, like, there's no reason to
be miserable more than one might need to, because there's
lots of ways to at least have some fun, get
some time for you, hopefully make some memories, even if
you do have little ones and are filling a lot
of time. So the first part, we have kind of
(03:27):
a lot of different strategies here. But the first strategy
is to know that the long weekend is coming right, like,
don't get blind sided. So especially if your office, you know,
isn't closed as many hours as school or daycare might be,
you might need to make arrangements. But whenever the school
calendar is posted, you want to make sure that you
(03:48):
are getting whatever half days are coming up, what other
random teacher in service days, whatever days they happen to
be off for conferences, that you have those on your calendar.
Know about all your daycare closures, I know, make sure
if you have a nanny or regular babysitter, you know
what their vacation days are. And so when these things
(04:10):
are coming up, right, Sarah, you're gonna have two schools
worth of random days now.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Oh yes, and they all coincide, just kidding, like none
of them do it. So I would like to reiterate
that our very first tip is to plan. Yay, that
is our tip because it's so true, like knowing that
this three day weekend, whether it is because of a
holiday that you celebrate, a holiday that you don't celebrate,
or just a random school teacher planning day, is going
(04:38):
to go better if you have time to think about
what you want to do with those hours in advance.
And I have failed on this on occasion and kind
of learned the hard way when I'm like, oh, you know,
we'll just like stay home and do whatever, and when
you have toddlers, like I again, like we're trying to
avoid misery, and that has been That has been sort
of the low lights of my longer weekends. The best
(05:00):
ones happen when I've really taken the time to think
about what could we do to make this more fun?
Because often you will be able to come up with
some stuff and we'll talk about the specifics of that
in a second, but really it's true. The awareness means
a lot and is such an important first step here.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Yeah, I mean I feel like we have this discussion
about Christmas every year, Like wait, I have like two
weeks I have to cover or something like that. And
the earlier one knows that that is coming up, the
more mental time spread out over a longer period of time,
you can sort of devote to making sure that it
is more enjoyable. So first, know that they are coming up. Second,
(05:41):
this is the official make a plan one.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Right, yes, like actually put something in writing to actually
think through those actual hours and what you might want
to do with that. Now, your strategy has to do
with like having some anchor events. Can you talk about that.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Yeah, So, I when I'm planning out weekend or vacations
or anything like this, I think of each day as
having one anchor event, and that is something that you
say like, oh, like, well, what are we doing this day?
And it doesn't mean that that's the only thing you
do that day, but that's kind of what the day
is built around.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
So for instance, I mean.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Especially if you have little kids toddlers, it's almost always
better to do this in the morning, right, So get ready,
get up, go somewhere as soon as the children's museum opens,
or the zoom opens, or if you're going to visit
friends or something like that, go to the science museum.
But choose something that gets you out of the house
(06:36):
that you go do it, get the kids to have
ideally something that you don't find terrible as well, look
at the weather.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Plan it in. It's good to have kind of a
local bucket list of this sort.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Of thing, so if you know wherever you happen to live,
sometimes people just wind up going to the same thing
over and over again because it's there, and it's hard
to think of things when you're taking care of little kids.
But it might behoove you at some point to make
a local bucket list, like things that are within an
hour of you that your family or at least a
(07:09):
majority of members of your family find reasonably enjoyable, so
that you can pull from that list when you're planning
out your long weekend, as opposed to just sit in
and be like, jeez, what is there to do? There's
nothing to do. I don't know what do we want
to do?
Speaker 3 (07:24):
So yeah, knowing what that is ahead of time, one
hundred percent agree with the getting out of the house piece,
especially when kids are really little, because let's all be real,
what do the kids do in the house? They destroy that? Well,
my kids maybe not your kids, but my kids just
find stuff to like wreck, especially when they were younger,
sometimes still now, and they get bored and they get
(07:45):
antsy and they want screens, and like, do I want
to give it to them at ten in the morning,
Probably not, because I'd rather relax later, And you get
what I'm saying. So knowing ahead of time, like we're
going to one, we might as well give some concrete examples,
because you know, why not this might spark your ideas
the zoo a different smaller zoo, to a children's museum,
to the science museum, to the cool art place where
(08:07):
you spatter paint all over the place, to the paint
your own pottery place, to the bouncy house, whatever, you know,
just somewhere something. And bonus points if it is something
where you can do it recurrently and subscribe, like be
a member, because then you can kind of go in
a very low pressure way and just be like we're
going for a couple of hours and at least we're
(08:28):
out of the house. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
And again, if it's someplace that you personally don't mind
that much, that is always a benefit. I mean, I've
we've gone a lot to Longwood Gardens, which is a
little bit of a drive for us. But again, if
you're doing this in the morning, maybe you've got more
energy for it. But the flowers are pretty. And then
they have a children's area that the kids have wound
up in a lot. We have a ton of photos
(08:50):
of our kids at various different ages in this children's
garden that's inside the green house and has various things
that they can do, but you know it's something I like,
but then they don't hate it either, So I think
figuring out if you can hit both of.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Those is good for me. The best way to make
one of those community outings more fun is to find
a friend to go with me. So that's like another
really helpful thing. You're probably not the only one facing
the labor day doldrums. And the best is when I
can find somebody else who also has to solo parent
fairly frequently, because then it's like woo, Like we want companionship,
(09:26):
we want to hang out together, but it's maybe just
us and our kids. And how fun it is if
we can actually have a conversation and catch up while
our kids are running around. So even more fun for
me if you can also maybe turn that into a
social event, and that requires planning, Like people aren't going
to be free like when you ask them that morning
most likely, but even a week before to be like, hey,
(09:48):
it's this holiday and we're not going anywhere. Want to
meet up at the whatever museum at ten am on Saturday?
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Done?
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Absolutely, We're going to take a quick ad break and
then we'll be back talking a little bit more about
the structure of a long weekend planned. Well, we are
back with our long weekend little Kid Survival Guide. We
(10:18):
strongly suggested getting out of the house in the morning
with your little ones to go do something in the zoo,
the park, the children's museum, whatever it is. You probably
then want to come home for lunch in a mid
afternoon downtime or nap for little ones. So this is
a great time for obviously the youngest ones to have
their rest or quiet time, for the older kids to
(10:42):
read or have some screen time, and then the supervising
adult can have a little bit of leisure time for
themselves as well. People are told to stay in their
rooms under severe penalty for coming out or something like that,
only at emergencies. You play your cards right. Ideally you
can get two hours or so to chill, right.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
Sarah, Yes, I mean it is hard when they're in
that post napping year. Maybe the older sibling doesn't nap
and then the younger one does. But figuring out a
way that everybody can just Usually if you've done something
active in the morning, this is easier because everyone is
more ready to just kind of chill and rest.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Yeah, and then make sure you have something for that
post nap slot. I think this is you know, what
separates the newbies from the veteran parents. But you know,
the kid gets up from the nap three three thirty,
it's like, well, you know, all this, all the normal
stuff is closing at five, so it's kind of a
pain to get there. Or oh it's kind of like
(11:40):
maybe they slept a little later. I don't really feel
like doing anything. But then you're stuck there from like
four to five thirty as people are melting down, and
it feels like you're counting minutes till everyone can be
in bed or something like that. And we don't want
to wish time away, So figure out something some intention
for that post nap slid. Doesn't have to be intense,
(12:03):
but something.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Like go to a playground, right, Yeah, I feel like
this is a time or at least for us, this
is like the really low key piece, Like the morning
thing is like the big anchor, but the post is
just like I mean, it doesn't for us even always
have to be leaving the house, but this is when
you whip out that activity from the garage that they
you know, haven't seen, or go for a walk around
(12:24):
the block or just like knock on the door of
a neighbor's house and say hi, like the it doesn't
low bar, but like something something.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Right because then when they've got something to distract them
from melting down until it's dinner, and then it's after dinner,
it's kind of like sliding into bedtime bathtime anyway, So
it's worth figuring out or a low key playdate, especially
if you have someone who doesn't mind a little bit
of flexibility on when it starts. So if the baby
wakes up at three versus three thirty, you know, it's
(12:54):
all good that you can go to that.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Or again, if you do have.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
A membership somewhere that's close by, even if it does
close at five, it's fine to go at four and
just stay for an hour because it's you remember, you
don't have to pay to go in.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
The member thing with kids is like the best anyway,
just because kids are so unpredictable and it just takes
the pressure off of every outing having to be awesome.
Like and also like if there has to be some
situation where a kid does something where you're like, well,
the consequences we have to leave, you can feel great
about that. If you're a member because you can come back.
You didn't waste your money then, right, Yeah, no, totally true.
(13:33):
The third suggestion and remember the first to be aware
of when these long weekends are happening, because they don't
always perfectly match up with holidays that we normally think of. Second,
have a good plan for something in the morning as
an ancor event, downtime, early afternoon post nap slot. Third,
plan in something fun for you. So we want to
get a break somehow.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
So that it doesn't feel like all, you know, you
have your work work during your regular time and now
you have your family care work. You want to have
something that's at least moderately fun for you. We just
had a whole episode about trading off, so that's always
a good idea.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Trading off is awesome. Or this was actually when I
think I was best about hiring a babysitter for short stints.
If Josh had a call weekend that was like over
a three day weekend and my kids were little to
the point where like I really couldn't ever just like
zone out and let them do their own thing, I
would be like, okay, fine, I'm getting a babysitter for
three or four hours. It didn't feel like a huge expense,
(14:31):
but it felt like enough of a luxury. And I
used to like use that time to go to bar
class back in the day when we lived in Miami Beach.
So I agree like having one little treat in there.
It doesn't have to be something huge. I don't even
know that it has to be every single day, but
like something that you're looking forward to that's just for you. Obviously,
if your partner is not working on call and in
the hospital, then this can be accomplished via trading off,
(14:54):
like we talked about recently.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yeah, I mean, and one way to think about this
is that you look at when each of you is
going to want to do your particular forms of exercise,
right that that's a very easy thing for each person
to trade off and say, Okay, this person is going
to do a run on Saturday morning and this one's
going to do a run on Sunday morning, and so
you both explicitly agree that you are trading off for
that time. But you know, little things you can do,
(15:17):
like even a post bedtime sort of treat for yourself
as you're thinking about your daily After I get the
kids into bed, I want to watch this show, which
is a favorite show of mine. Or I want to
take a bubble bath. People always have these nice bathtubs
in the primary bedroom bathroom and then they.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Never use them.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
So you know, if you have built this nice bathtub,
you should use it. Maybe it's having a glass of
something festive on your porch if the weather is nice.
Maybe it's that you got a new magazine in the mail.
I'm a big fan of magazine subscriptions because that's something
that you can do at home for entertainment, reading edition
(15:55):
of a magazine as it comes out. But that might
be fun. Or maybe it's a new book or a
new puzzle or something like that. Sarah, what are your
favorite kind of I know you go to bed pretty
soon after your kids go to bed, but what were
your favorite sort of naptime treats?
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Oh? I mean usually just reading, Like I love to
get my lovely livery hold whatever it is, or that
I'm like reading, or some other kind of book that
I have and just relaxed, lay on the couch, maybe
have a nice snack. But I was going to say that, like,
my like favorite source of fun on a three day
weekend is also just having a date night for those nights.
(16:29):
I mean, sometimes you need a break in the middle.
So Sunday night can be awesome for this, Like normally
a night that we wouldn't typically go out because thinking
about early wake up's Monday morning. But how awesome if
Monday is a day off to have that the night
be to get a babysitter and kind of like celebrate
the middle of the week, getting through the middle and getting.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Through the middle.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Yeah, which is again another reason to know that these
weekends are coming up in advance, because then you can
text whatever sitters you have to see which of them
is not traveling over a long weekend and might be
interested in coming for a few hours. And having that
and knowing you can look forward to that can often
be the difference between being like, oh, geez, this is
a lot of time versus, hey, we've got a lot
(17:10):
of you know, I'm going to the zoo and I'm
going out for an adult dinner, So I have a
little bit more energy for this zoo in the morning
because I'm also knowing that I'm going to be having
my margarita and guacamole at night or something like that.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Yes, like a little kid free conversation break can be amazing.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Yes, exactly, And make sure you acknowledge when this cool
thing is happening, like if you have built in a
little bit of a treat. It's helpful just to have
that mental narrative of like, oh, look, yes it's a
long weekend with little kids, but I got to go
on this nice run in the cool morning hours in
a pretty place. Or yes, it's a long weekend with
little kids and there's been a lot of meltdowns and
(17:49):
things like that, but I got to go out for
coffee with a friend. Or I got to read the
new whatever you read Southern Living. H you had a
brand novel, Yeah, the new Ellen Hill and Brand lovel
at night after an hour after my.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Kids went to bed.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
So acknowledge that it might even help to like list it,
because you know, a lot of time is just our
mental model of it anyway. And so when we see
these good things along, you know, side the fact that
your kid had a diaper blowout in the children's museum
while you were there, you know, it makes makes the
weekend feel a little bit better in general.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
Absolutely so.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Our fourth principle for our long weekend Little Survival Guide,
Little Kid Survival guide is that screen time is not evil. Now,
of course, we all would like to not have the
kids zone out for say, seventy two straight hours on screens,
but that's probably not happening anyway. If you're the sort
(18:48):
of conscientious person who is listening to a podcast about
planning your long weekends, you're probably putting things like going
to the children's museum and the zoo and the aquarium
and the playdate in there anyway, So they're not going
to be on all the time, which means that if
they are on during some of the downtime, it's fine.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Which I mean, at what age did your kids start
being reasonably entertained by screen?
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Sarah? I think Genevieve was like the earliest because she
had the earliest opportunity to do.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
So because she's the youngest kid.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Usually does the youngest kid and a COVID toddler like,
so it was like, well, get used to it, child,
and still today like I'll be impressed. Like she was
watching some Spider Man that I have trouble following the plot,
and Cameron's like is loving it and she's like watching
it really into it, So I don't know, maybe I
shouldn't this kind of stuff, but yeah, she'll do fairly
(19:39):
sophisticated stuff. And I feel like it started around age
two wish maybe, yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
It was three, three, three and a half. I mean
it was interesting to me. We took a road trip
up to Cape cod when Henry was about three and
a half last year, and I remember that being kind
of hard to keep him entertain on that trip for
long hours in the car, with being very aware of
the fact that we were in the car with a
(20:06):
little kid for a long period of time. We did
the same trip about a year later, maybe thirteen months later,
and it was fine. Like he played Minecraft on some
device I think may have even been Michael's phone because
we didn't have his kindle working or something, but he
played it on like for hours in the car. That
(20:28):
there's something that like the your ability to focus on
an actual game, like just probably the executive function gets
there between maybe three and four.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
So that was an interesting thing to observe.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Yeah, And I feel like movies like Disney movies can
be captivating even earlier, like we definitely I think I
sat through like all of Frozen with Annabelle when she
was like two. Wow, and that can be a wonderful
break when your kid is sitting there wrapped by Elsa
and Anna, and I don't know, I don't even feel
bad about that kind of screen time, Like it's a movie,
it's I don't you know, Like I've read The Anxious
(21:03):
Generation too, but it didn't say anything about like watching
Little Mermaid being so terrible.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Well, I don't know, Little Mermaid might make me anxious.
I mean it's kind of a scary bad guy.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
But yeah, true, bad example to.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Know your kid on that.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
But yeah, I mean, and that could be you know,
a family activity too, Like if there is a new
little kid movie out and your kids are maybe even
four and up, that's something that you guys could go
do as a family on a long weekend. They often
are released over holiday weekends precisely because people are looking
for stuff to do during that time. But you can
stream anything these days, so thinking in advance of like, well,
(21:39):
what would be a cool movie for the little kids
to watch, Maybe even talk it up so they're excited
about it.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Wear a costume or something.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
It makes it more of a party with the screen
time versus just you know, zoning out while watching YouTube kids.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
No, that's a fun idea we I mean for a
long weekend. My approach is just the same as always,
which is like kind of delay it for as long
as we can in the day. My kids kind of
know they have to ask for it, and it's generally
not going to be granted until one or two, like
after lunch. So it's fine, we're out and doing stuff
in the morning, we come in, we have lunch, and
(22:17):
then we're past the nap stage. But let's say I
still had a napper. It would be pretty natural for
the napper to be napping and then my older child
maybe watching a movie or doing stuff like playing a
video game or something like.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Yeah, and if you don't want it to go to bedtime,
then at that point, that is again the upside of
having a post nap activity because people won't just and
to know what that is in advance, because people won't
just want to stop playing Minecraft at four o'clock to
go do something. It needs to be that there is
something arranged that you are stopping to go do, like, oh,
we're going to go play at Billy's house. Now, that's
(22:49):
why we're stopping, because in the moment, yeah, nobody's gonna
want to do that.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Totally. Yeah, a natural stopping point is great.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Let's take one more quick ad break.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
We will be back with more on our Long Weekend
Little Kids Survival Guide.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
So we are back.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
This is our long weekend Little Kid's survival guide. If
you are looking forward to Labor Day, or maybe not
so much looking forward to labor day because it's gonna
be long for you, these are some tips and strategies
that can help manage sort of lengthy periods of time
with little kids. We first were talking about being aware
that they are coming up. Second, having a plan that
involves an anchor event each day and something for the
(23:39):
post nap slot. Third, planning in something fun for you. Fourth,
recognizing that screen time is an evil, like you can
put it in in a way that can feel good
and make life feel sustainable, that the kids won't necessarily
be zoning out for seventy two hours, but having fun
with it. And finally, fifth hit the easy button where
(23:59):
poss So this might be a weekend where you use
Uber Eats or grub Hub for a meal or two, Sarah,
is this something that happens in your house? Oh?
Speaker 3 (24:10):
Yes, I use uber each, I use door Dash. I
am indiscriminate. They are all very helpful sometimes, and this
is the kind of weekend where I do that, And
especially when the kids were little, what an amazing thing
it was to be able to do that when we
needed to, and just I don't know, just making things
(24:30):
like not trying to like do all the laundry and
keep up with it every second of the day, and
also speaking of easy, like not expecting the house to
look awesome all day long, like deciding like, okay, once
we are at bedtime, I will spend twenty minutes getting
things to be like reasonable, and that's like all we're
gonna do. Just keeping those expectations really low, because I
(24:50):
do feel like, you know, you see these Instagram videos
of kids playing with a perfectly clear floor and like
one wooden toy out, And aren't you supposed to run
around after your children making it look like that all
the time so they can get their maximum enrichment out
of their Montessori selected playset. Well not at our house.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Yeah, well it just I mean, the housekeeping can expand
to fill the available time. So if you are trying
to relax and enjoy yourself over a long weekend and
you already have the little kids, so the messes are
being made constantly. I mean, you would be spending all
your time cleaning it up, so you need to put
a limit on it, Like don't spend the entire nap
time cleaning up the house, right, like maybe five ten minutes,
(25:33):
but do your fun thing.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
First, Like, don't do the cleaning first.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Go do whatever fun thing you wanted to do during
nap first, and then maybe do ten minutes of cleaning
toward the end when it you know, if it's about
ready to be interrupted, because it's fine if the cleaning
gets interrupted, because the toys aren't just going to come
out again, right, whereas you will never get that time back.
Same at night, like put a limit on it, set
a timer, do not spend more time than that because
(25:58):
you have a date with your magazine, your bubble bath,
and you want to enjoy yourself on this. With that,
I would say, don't assign yourself big house projects. I
mean people often think of like, oh, you know, the
weekends are where I need to get these big things done.
We're going to clean out the garage this weekend, Like
you are not, like you know, just maybe that stuff
(26:19):
happens after your youngest child is four or five. I mean,
you know, unless you're going to hire professional assistants with
various things along these lines, like you're just not going
to personally have time for a lot of the extensive
Homer projects when your kids are little and if you
are responsible for them, So that is what it is.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Just accept it.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
If you're not ordering in for meals, very easy meals
is also a great idea. Pasta is a meal.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
A lot of good jarred sauces out there. There are
a lot of good jars and things you can dump
in a.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Yeah, so you can get various like Asian type sauces
to you know, we've been doing like well some people
like taking masala or you know, rogan josh or you
could get like tie red curry or.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Something like that.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
You can get chicken that is pre chopped up, so
all you have to do is just like put it
in the pan and cook it.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Then you mix the sauce.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
In, you do one of those boil in a bag
things of rice and like you've got a meal and
maybe heat up some frozen corn and it's even a
healthy meal.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
So's it's like pretty easy to do some of these things.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Yeah, you have to maybe be okay with like some repetition,
But honestly, in that phase of life, I think a
lot of people would just embrace it like whatever is easy.
And that's so true about the big projects. I would say,
any big project or any work project. I mean, I
enjoy working on the weekends now. When my kids were toddlers,
I couldn't do much of it because the only time
would have been either if I was going to like
(27:50):
have a block of childcare, which on occasion I did,
but if I didn't, then it would be nap. And
I don't want to use my nap for that because
it's such an incredibly limited time that is my only downtime,
and so so to spend that time like organizing something
like just doesn't it doesn't make sense and feels kind
of unsatisfying. So I really do agree, like take the
pressure off, You're gonna feel better about just like leaning
(28:13):
into it and being where you are versus having these
lofty aspirations that are just not really possible and then
feeling guilt about what didn't happen.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Absolutely, but then a quick message of hope that it
gets better. So a message for people, I mean, obviously
We've both have lots of kids, and so we've been
in the little kid years for a long time, including
many years well we've had this podcast going. But we're
starting to kind of age out of it, and I
have actually started to enjoy my weekends a lot more
(28:48):
now that it is possible to relax without making prior
arrangements to relax. I guess is how I would put it.
It was never impossible to relax. I just have to
be like, Okay, Mike got the kids now, and now
is my relaxing time. And then I'll take them and
then it'll be his relaxing time, or we have a
sitter and now we have the relaxing time. But once
(29:09):
Henry is able to do something like play Minecraft, it
introduces the possibility that you can in fact sit on
the couch with a magazine and if he's absorbed enough
in it, then you probably won't be called up for
at least a little while, and you can start to
do more things, especially now that I have older kids
who can be babysitters, Like if I want to go
(29:30):
somewhere for forty five minutes, they can, right, And that's fine. Again,
don't have to make huge prior arrangements to how it happened.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
So it's definitely gotten a lot easier.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
I agree, And there's almost like a subtle realization when
that shift's like, huh, it's Friday night and I don't
have like the slight feeling of dread that maybe did
tend to come on back in the day, and that
feels really really nice. I will also say it's when
you don't have to It's like that period of parenting
(30:05):
that's just absolutely constant reactivity than the less somebody else
is on your kid. You have to be responsive to
their needs absolutely immediately. It's pretty long. I mean it's
like a number of years, Like a two year old's
not going to wait. But once they get to the
point where like they can do some things for themselves
and even if you're caring for them, their needs are
just less urgent. It just becomes so much more relaxing
and fun, and they are more likely to want to
(30:27):
do things that I find like legitimately fun and that
is super cool, like when we want to go to
movies that are you know, maybe I mean, well, I
took my five year old to Spartable Me for no.
I mean some might not want to take their younger
kids to a movie like Barbie, but like we did,
and like I love that movie, Like I legitimately enjoyed
myself and the kids liked it, and like that's a
(30:47):
big milestone.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Yeah, it is.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
It is.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
So it does get better.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
So shout out to anyone who is planning a long
weekend with little kids.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
We see you solidarity.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
But in a few years it'll be feeling more relaxing,
and then you can be the one telling your colleagues
about your relaxing long weekend and providing encouragement to the
colleagues who have the two year old and who are
going through it themselves. So this week's question, should I
buy a minivan? So this listener is expecting kid number
(31:19):
three and never thought of themselves as a minivan person,
but you know suburbs and kid number three, So should
they buy one? Sarah, you resisted the minivan.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
Yeah, I mean, I don't think you need a minivan,
but I do think it's helpful to have a car
bigger than I said Dan. So we've been extremely happy
with a like mid to larger sized suv. We have
a three to row Highlander and actually we have the
hybrid version, so a little bit less gas guzzling. I
love that car so much. I love driving it. I
(31:51):
love how my kids fit in it. I love how
much we can fit in the back. I've never actually
driven a minivan, to be fair, but like they don't
look like they be like that fun to drive, and
I actually enjoy driving the suv. So I don't know, Like,
I guess i'd just say, you don't have to have
a minivan, Like I think there are other larger cars
that do a lot of what a minivan does. But
I know people love their minivan, so it's definitely a
(32:13):
good option as well.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
I mean, so when we had kid number three, I
didn't want to buy a minivan, so I wound up
with an Accura, which we still have and you know,
Jasper will mostly be driving it now. Is an suv,
a three row suv, but it's kind of hard to
get in the back row.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
It was only for.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
When we had to use it as a seven passenger
of a person kind of thing. But then when we had Alex,
it was like, okay, well we need the family minivan
just to have the ability to have like two car
seats and then two other kids in the car at
the same time.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
And I gotta say they're pretty cool.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
I mean, now again, I didn't get rid of my
accurate so I was not the one driving the minivan
all the time. Our nannies have been the one mostly
driving it, and then we drive it on weekends or
family trips or you know, family activities things like that.
But they're pretty cool, Like there's a reason everyone has that.
Like I was picking Ruth and a friend of hers
(33:11):
up at camp the other day and I parked in
the carking lot and then I walk up to the
car and I start like pulling on the car, and
I'm like, why is it opening? Like when I have
my keys in my pocket, why is this not opening?
Because it was somebody else's Toyota Siena that was parked
two down from mine, because everyone else was the Toyota Sienna,
and the lady.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Was like right behind me.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
She's like, well, god, she didn't see me, but she
saw my kid trying to get in the car, and
she's like, I didn't think I had to take another
kid home. I mean maybe my daughter inviting somebody else home.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
So it was just like all fun and games but
I mean the sliding doors are great because your kids
cannot hit another car in the parking lot. With a
sliding door, you can get into the back seat quite easily.
You can't get around the laws of physics. I mean,
you still have like this somewhat crunched no matter what
(34:02):
car you're in. But I feel like minivans feel like
they are spacious but are not quite as huge as
some of the bigger three row SUVs, and so with
that the gas mileage might be slightly better too.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
So you know, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
I think you don't have to buy one, but they
do have their upsides. And you know, if you think
you might wind up with a fourth kid, it might
be worth going ahead and switching to being a minivan family.
Speaker 3 (34:35):
Yeah, I could see that. And I'll also say that
you can get away when your kids are little with
probably not even like an suv like we did have
I think all three kids in the well. No, we
did buy the suv and Genevie was born, but we
were able to fit all three car seats in a
Toyota Prias. And if you have to do it, you
do it.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
Yeah, there are some car seats that are designed to
be a little bit thinner, and so you can fit
it now. I will point out then that you have
three children crammed on top of each other in the
back seat, and if they are not perfectly behaved, they
may be arguing and fighting and have easy access to
hit each other in the back seat.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
I'm just throwing that out there as a reason that
you might wish.
Speaker 3 (35:16):
To have a very theoretical, theoretical possibility.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
I am not saying this would ever happen for us
or anyone else who is listening to this, but I
love it. Something to keep in mind, all right. Love
of the week, Sarah, what is your love of the week.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
My love of the week is that we were able
to get a like I don't know that there were
really good back to school deals on laptops, and we
were able to get an Apple laptop for Annabel for like,
way less than I thought you could get one for.
So look for the tax free shopping, look for the
back just if that's the thing in your state. Florida
has that. Look for the back to school deals because
(35:55):
that was exciting.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
That was exciting.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Yeah. No, if it's something you needed to get and
you get a significant discount, that's always great. I guess
my love of the week is solo swimming. I'm sure
I've said this before, but usually when I'm in the pool,
i am lifeguarding for other folks, So it is really
kind of nice to just relax. Speaking of the long
weekend with little kids, to be in the pool without
(36:18):
that responsibility as a great way to feel the sense
of bliss long weekend, even if it's just for a
little bit of time. So this has been best of
both worlds. This has been our long weekend little Kid's
Survival Guide, hopefully some strategies that people can use. We
will be back next week with more on making work
and life fit together.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the
shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
And you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com.
This has been the Best of Both Worlds podcast. Please
join us next time for more on making work and
life work together. Out of a Man
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