January 23, 2025 • 37 mins
A relationship is put to the test when Kelsey’s partner receives a terminal diagnosis.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
My mom was the first one to be like, does
this seem off at all to you? It was really
the first time someone said something that made me think,
what do you mean off? Like? I was immediately defensive.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
I'm Andrea Gunning, and this is Betrayal, a show about
the people we trust the most and the deceptions that
change everything.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
When I hear other people's horrific stories of things that
have happened to them, I now have a lens of
what a human experience to love so deeply that we're
willing to suspend disbelief that high is Like, I truly
believe that deception really comes from a deep desire to
be loved, and I can sympathize with a desire to
be loved.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
This is Kelsey's story of building her life around someone
else's lies. Lies that consumed Kelsey's twenties, derailed her early
career and destroyed her sense of trust. For many years,
she tried to hide from the deception she experienced, but
now she's ready to tell her story as a listener.
(01:19):
Note names and locations have been changed to protect privacy.
When she was a little girl, Kelsey's mom told her
the origin story of their family unit It was a
survival story.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
My dad was really abusive to all of us kids
and my mom, and so my mom was finally able
to get out when I was about three months old.
She packed all of us up, left my dad, and
drove cross country to my mom's hometown. That's where I
(01:57):
spent most of my life.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Her mom, in the three girls, started anew in a
small West Coast town, but the fear of her dad
was always looming in the background.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
He actually went to prison after my mom left, and
if he got out of prison, there was this fear
that my dad would find us one day.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Nearly everyone in their new town was Mormon, and their
family wasn't. Their dad was Cuban, so Kelsey and her
sisters stood out in a sea of blonde hair and
blue eyes.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I remember my mom would like brush out my hair
so I looked more white, and so I looked like
the other Mormon girls in town, and then essentially told
me not to talk about my background, which worked because
she was also I think, hiding us from my dad
in prison.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Her mom's survival story had another chapter for Kelsey's entire childhood.
Her mom battled breast cancer.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
It was finally getting away from my dad. But then
she had a bout of answer. She thought she's going
to die from.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
As a kid, Kelsey didn't know the details. She just
knew her mom was exhausted and was always going to
the hospital.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
And that was definitely on purpose. I think that she
wanted to be super careful, and even when I asked
her about it, I even remember her saying, this was private.
This is adult things. I don't want to scare you.
I'm protecting you from this information.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Kelsey's escape was the Girl Scouts.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
I had this tiny pocket of girlhood that was so fun,
like waiting once a week with my girlfriends to earn badges.
When I think about where I felt like I mattered most,
it was there.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Over the summer, she started going to Girl Scout Camp.
There she was allowed to just be a kid.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
I would go for weeks at a time. I just
loved summer camp. I was meeting women who were older
than me, who were models of what it was like
to really be yourself. Oh. I have the best memories
at Girl Scout Camp.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
The women who ran the camp were Kelsey's idols. She
wanted to be just like them.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I just thought they were so special. And cool. I
just thought, that's it. I'll be there one day.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
As she got older and entered high school, she started
dreaming about broadening her horizons.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
I'm going to do whatever it takes to get out
of the state I was raised in and really find myself.
So I got perfect grades and worked truly hard in school.
That This was also around the same time that I
fell in love for the first time, and I fell
in love with a girl in the grade above me.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Kelsey and her high school girlfriend kept their relationship a secret.
It was in the mid two thousands and they were
in a mostly Mormon community at the time.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
I think I was afraid of being gay, definitely afraid
of the implications of it.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
So she set her sights on going to college in
a place where she I could be out and be herself.
She was accepted to her first choice and made the leap.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I loved being on my own for the first time.
I came out and openly had a relationship and thought
that was so special. And I was doing really good
in school.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
But her family's finances took an unexpected turn, so after
the first year, Kelsey had to transfer to a new university,
one that she'd be paying for herself.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
I transferred to the public university. I was just pretty
isolated and it wasn't the dream for me, but it's
all I could afford.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
She worked to put herself through college, and she started
working summers as a counselor at her old girl Scout camp.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
It was life changing and I loved it.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
By her third summer, she earned an executive leadership role
at the camp, helping coordinate all the younger counselors.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
I was doing real programming work and I went to
I'm our camp that year early because senior staff meets
early before counselors get there.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Arriving at camp was a much anticipated reunion where she
saw all of her closest friends again.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
I had a lot of friends at camp, like I
had been really established there. This was the first work
experience I ever had when I was out, and for
the first time at camp we had other queer people.
They really diversified our pool of hiring that year.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
One of the new counselors immediately caught Kelsey's attention. Her
name was Morgan.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
I remember her walking into the office. She was very sporty,
so she had the classic Arii look, and then they'll
cut off hair, and she just had the most beautiful eyes.
I just remember thinking, ah, mostly because it was the
most radical thing I'd ever known for someone to cut
off their hair.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
When they first met, Morgan was shy. She kept to
herself and seemed guarded.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
I found her to be really mysterious.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
But she and Morgan had a close mutual friend In comment.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
My other camp friend really vouched for her and was like,
trust me, when she opens up, you're going to love her.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
And over time she did. It felt like she chose Kelsey.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
I felt really honored. I just felt like she kind
of opened up more to me. I felt really privileged
to be the one person that she was opening up to.
Like we would spend the weekend after training just talking.
Everyone's like, oh my gosh, I can't believe you got
her to talk to you. That's how shy she was.
And she was telling me like really intimate details about
(07:35):
her life.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Even though Morgan was only twenty years old, she'd been
through a lot.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
She had shared about some sexual assault, body dysmorphia, struggles
with an eating disorder. I just felt like I really
knew her.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Morgan confided in her, forming close bonds was a hallmark
of the camp experience. They would be spending every day
together for the next three months.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
In camp time, that's three years. It's a massive amount
of time that people don't normally get to spend in
a very intense environment where you're like growing and learning
and changing about yourself and funding things from kids and
teaching kids of remarkable things that change you. It really
is a lifetime together.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
At camp, there were no cell phones, no distractions from
the outside world, and in this bubble, Kelsey knew she
was developing feelings from Morgan, but she was in a
leadership role, and then.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
There was this camp relationships are famously passionate and intense
and destructive, which is why we avoid them at all costs.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
So they continued on with a supercharged friendship. It was
a connection Morgan needed at home. She'd been struggling with
an eating disorder.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
She had shared that she was really struggling with her
eating disord order at camp and eating with your campers
is such a huge part of the experience, Like you're
with your campers twenty four to seven, and we're really
rigid at camp about calorie intake and water intake.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
That kind of structure and vigilance around food was really
triggering for Morgan. In fact, it was having an impact
on her job performance.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
She had gotten disciplinary write ups from the camp director.
If she didn't get it under control, this was not
going to be the job for her.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
The idea of losing Morgan at camp was upsetting. Kelsey
felt a responsibility to help as both a friend and
a camp executive.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
And so she was really nervous about losing her job
because she really loved the work. I remember spending all
of my free time. I got books from the local
library and brought them up to camp and was reading
about eating disorders. Like I really became resource to stay in.
I was like, I'll help you stay don't worry. I've
got this under control. And I really felt responsible for that.
(10:07):
They were spending a lot of time together. Even when
they had days off. We would travel as friends, like
off to go to Walmart and get face wipes, or
to a local festival. We tried to get as much
time off from camp as possible. My outside of camp
time be king Morgan time.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
About halfway through the summer, they took a day off
together and drove to Kelsey's hometown.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
And I just think there was this little switch. One weekend,
we were just alone for the first time really together,
and then we kissed.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Now it was clear that the attraction was mutual.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
After that week, we started sharing like a journal. So
we had a notebook that we would write notes to
each other and then keep it in a cubby, and
then I'd write it put it away, and she'd write
it and put it away, and so we sort of
had this very sw romance at camp.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Near the end of camp, Morgan's parents came to town.
They were devout Mormons, and on that visit, Morgan wanted
to come out to them. Kelsey drove her to meet them,
to be there for emotional support.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
She met with her parents and I wasn't with her.
I was in the parking lot, but I remember seeing
them at a picnic bench. She came out to them
and it didn't go well. She got back in the car.
She was like, they believe I'm living in sin. They
think this is wrong. They think that any person who
(11:41):
had influence over me is of the devil, and that
I should separate myself from those people. She was really
really emotional about it.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Her parents' rejection brought the two of them even closer.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
It sort of deepened that connection. It was like, look
what we're fighting for.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
There was so much at stake, and Morgan was now
left on our own. They made their relationship official, and
when camp ended, Morgan couldn't go home, so they decided
to move in together.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
We were all like, what cow adult, We are well
for own space and our own beds. So it wasn't like, oh,
I live with my girlfriend now. It was very much
like we were just continuing the summer camp experience. I
think we were on that high of the summer flame.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
It was Kelsey's last year of college. At first, living
with Morgan was a novelty. Even mundane tasks were exciting.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Figuring out bus schedules, like everything was just really fun.
I also remember doing paintball fights and making cookies and
burning them for the neighbors. But soon reality set in.
I was working also a full time job while I
was in school because I had to pay for it.
I was doing everything to put me on the trajectory
to go to my master's program, and at this point
(13:02):
I was on track to be valedictorian.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Kelsey's priority was school.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
We just weren't getting this much time together and we're
like drifting a little bit.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
But right when the semester began picking up steam, Kelsey
started receiving emails from Morgan's family.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
I remember them very explicitly. One was from her dad.
One was from her mom, saying that it was an
abomination that I was poisoning Morgan, that I took her
away from the life of Christ. It didn't help that
the person Morgan was waiting for it to come back
from a mission had come back and they had really
(13:44):
hoped that she would marry him. Every time I got
a message from them, it was very nasty.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
The message was clear. They thought Kelsey brainwashed their daughter,
and they wanted her to leave Morgan alone.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Morgan's very sacred and pure. Stop this now before you
ruin that forever for her, like they deeply wanted to
make me hate myself, so I didn't feel deserving of Morgan.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
The messages were overwhelming.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
After a couple months, it got complicated very quickly. It
was just that feeling of thinking that I was destroying
someone's salvation.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
It was taxing, but Morgan was fixated. All she wanted
to do was talk about her parents with Kelsey.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
It's like I'm with you, I care about you, but like,
I can't process this with you all the time. I
think I started feeling like she needs to branch out,
like I realistically can't be everything for her.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Between the stress of school and the drama with Morgan's parents,
Kelsey's connection with Morgan was fading.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
That intimate connection felt like stayed at camp. In the
real world, it was kind of hard to sustain because
I had a lot of ambition. I was really excited
about starting my life somewhere new, and it just suddenly
was like, oh, this is kind of affecting my ability
to be president work in school, and I'm really rigid
about doing right by my career.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
So Kelsey made a tough decision.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Ultimately, I came home from school one day and said,
this is not what I want anymore, and I think
it's better if we break up. She said okay, and
then left. What she would do a lot when she
was trying to process something, she would go for a run.
So she went for a run and came back and
I was already asleep, and she was asleep, and we
(15:46):
went to bed.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
The next day, Kelsey came home from school to find
Morgan on their couch in tears. There was something she
needed to tell Kelsey.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
I sat down with her and she had explained that
she had been hiding something from me that she didn't
want to talk to me about because she didn't want
to burden me with it. But she just got really
bad news. I honestly thought at the time that it
was something with her parents.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
But it wasn't about her parents.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
That's when she shared that she had been living with
terminal bone cancer and she was in remission, but her
doctors gave her the prognosis when she was at the
doctor today that she had three months to live.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Just when Kelsey thought her relationship with Morgan was over,
Morgan came to her with devastating news. She had bone
cancer and she was Kelsey was no stranger to cancer.
She grew up watching her mother's breast cancer go into
remission and return again. It was a horrible cycle, and
to think another person she loved was going through this
(17:14):
was hard to fathom.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
I don't think I got it at first.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Morgan had known about the diagnosis all along, but she
was just telling her now that the cancer had returned
when she only had three months to live.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
I asked her more details. She said she was diagnosed
when she first went to college. She had an injury,
a bone break. They did some testing and they discovered
that she had cancer. She was fighting it for about
a semester, but she beat that bout and then had
(17:52):
overcurrence until that day.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
She was so flooded with grief for Morgan that the
breakup became an afterthought.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I remember feeling so deeply sabbed because my breakup with
Morgan was never about not loving her. I cared about
her so deeply. The thought of her dying was insane
to me and felt so unfair, especially to have this
prognosis with her family not being very close. I was
(18:26):
devastated for her. We were sobbing, and then we went
to bed and I remember holding her, thinking, no, no,
this is like my partner going through cancer. This isn't
oh my ex girlfriend from yesterday. This was someone I
love so deeply dying, Like this really is the end
of someone's life.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
The next morning, Kelsey woke up with a new perspective.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
It changed the way I framed our relationship. I felt
grateful that she was alive, and I was ready to
figure this out together.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
So she sat down at the kitchen table with her
laptop and a notepad to talk about what this would mean. Luckily,
Morgan had some answers.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
She's like, I already have a plan with my doctor.
We're gonna start treatment. It's really unlikely that I'll survive
this treatment, but it's worthy of taking a shot. And
so that's what she did.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
During the day, Kelsey would attend class for her senior
year of college, and Morgan would spend the day at
the hospital.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
The next few weeks, she was doing treatment all the time,
like four or five times a week. She would leave
the house and come back really tired and struggle to
keep a conversation, struggle to stay awake. She was just
deeply impacted by the treatment.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Quickly, Kelsey took on a caretake her role.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
I started really doing some research and taking care of her.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
I was making meals once again. She was juggling the
way of school and being there for Morgan.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
I distinctly remember trying to complete homework and being like,
I can't finish this. She's puking somewhere, thinking like, get
your priority straight. This is someone's life, this is the
end of their human life, and you're worried about like
not finishing this math problem, Like why was I wasting
my time on these early morning classes for like my
own benefit when she only had a few months left
(20:26):
to live. I just suddenly felt selfish and stupid. And
that's really the moment that I reframed my entire life.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
For the first time in her life, Kelsey let school
take a back seat.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
I was letting go of a lot of things I'd
worked my whole life toward. But I was like, I
can do this for three months for somebody to enjoy
the last few months of their life.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Christmas was a few weeks away. With Morgan's family out
of the picture, they decided to celebrate with a family front.
An older woman named Joanne, who had been a mentor
to Morgan.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
For years, considered her like a second mom. We drove
out of state to visit her. This family friend was
with her when Morgan got her first diagnosis of having
bone cancer, and she was with her when she was
doing IVY treatments. To meet someone who was so intimately
involved with her treatment, I felt really bonded right away.
(21:21):
I remember her saying, I didn't even know what I
was doing. I just got kind of thrown into this
and I was like, I didn't know what I was
doing either. It was a.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Relief to talk with someone else who'd been involved with
Morgan's care. She was a great resource. For Christmas, Morgan
and Kelsey got each other something special.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
We got rings for our wedding.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Rings for their wedding. Morgan wanted to get married to Kelsey.
It was a legal and financial decision.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Her attorney had shared with her that when she died,
her health payout would be really big and it would
go to her parents because that's next of kin, and
that was really over for her, Like she had fought
so hard for her queerness and now suddenly in her
death as a queer woman, all this money would be
granted to her parents. But if she were married to me,
(22:12):
then I would get to decide where that money goes.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Morgan wanted the money to be donated to a library foundation.
Kelsey was honored to help facilitate one of her final wishes.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Of course, whatever you need to do, what you want
to do with the end of your life, so for
her this was a really meaningful way of honoring her life.
So we agreed that we would get married.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Kelsey felt a responsibility to make sure every day was
a good day.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
I tried to make our life so joyful and loving
and silly. And that's how we just tried to spend
our time. We didn't have very much left, but.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
The days were still difficult, especially as Morgan's health worsened.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
She would go to treatment and come back and throw up.
She was tired all the time. I remember coming home
from work and she'd have like fallen over. She seemed
very weak to me. And this is also how my
mom would describe her treatments going through breast cancer. Morgan
would like lose her hair. I'd come home and she'd
(23:21):
have taken a nap and she'd have hair on the pillow,
and I'd be like, oh my god, your hair.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
This only furthered Kelsey's resolve to support Morgan. She offered
again to go to the hospital with her, to be
by her side as she got treatment. Morgan said no,
she didn't want to be a burden.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
She was very very clear that this was her private
journey and that she had already burdened me enough and
she didn't want me to lose work or lose school.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
After all, it was Kelsey's job that kept them afloat financially.
As the weeks went on, the treatment seemed to be
slowing the progression of her cancer, and Morgan hit the
three month mark.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
By that time, we had gotten word that she'd beat
that bout of cancer. There was a lot of medical language,
but essentially it was like, we're doing good. Hold on,
not you'll live, but like, I'm feeling okay today and
for the next couple of weeks because I think this
treatment is working.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
For the past three months, Kelsey had been bracing herself
for the end, putting her all into caring for Morgan.
It had been exhausting.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
I still worked full time. I still finished my degree.
By the time graduation came around, I just like barely
made it. Like I barely emotionally, physically, spiritually made it.
I just remember being an empty person when my family
came for graduation. I just felt like nothing.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
In her last semester, she earned b's and c's, and
her dreams of being valedictorian were dashed. Instead of giving
the valedictorian speech, she applied to be an honorary student
speaker at commencement.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
I was able to stand alongside the valedictorian, which would
have been me and share my story about what happened
with my partner, like what it really meant for me
to give up my schooling in order to help someone
I loved.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
After she graduated, they finally had the time to plant
a small wedding ceremony. At the time, same sex marriage
wasn't legal in their state, so they had to travel.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
She didn't feel good enough to fly, but she did
feel good enough to drive, so that's when we booked
our trip for our wedding ceremony.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Kelsey drove them to California, with Morgan asleep in a
passenger seat. Along the way, they camped in national parks.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
There was something really beautiful and intimate. It felt like
the end to me. She just didn't seem all there,
but there's something about being in nature together, and our
dynamic started in nature. It was actually really beautiful the
whole trip. We took disposable cameras and it was very
(26:10):
fleeting and lovely. And I remember one of the nights,
just before we had our ceremony, we slept on the
beach of the Lost Coast, and there was something really
poetic about waking up. Morgan was still sleeping and I
got out of the tent and like looked out into
the ocean and just thought, like, if I can love
someone this big one day after Morgan's passing, someone will
(26:34):
be able to love me in this way.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Back the day before the ceremony, they both sat down
to write their vowels.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
We wrote our vows on like hotel nap kiss, like
my white dresses in the corner. I'm like sitting down
with this piece of paper, and I suddenly didn't know
what to say. It's like, vows are for promising to someone,
but I don't know how to promise something to her
in her death. Like it just suddenly felt wrong.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
Maybe it was nerves she couldn't help but overthink the
whole thing.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
I got a stopping into my head and so I
like kind of cleared my head of everything. And this
was the commitment she made, promising her that the memory
of her and who I knew her to be, and
like the love that people didn't get the chance to know,
especially her family, that would live on.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
They delivered their vowels and signed the papers.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Zequoia National Park, we drove into the woods and found
a really neat tree that was two trees that like
Corp screwed into one and there was like one little
spot where you could squeeze into, and so we squeezed
into these trees. Then signed the paperwork and we left.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Being officially married was a relief. It was the final
thing Morgan wanted to do before she passed away.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
We drove back from California and I was like driving
into the sun as it was going down, thinking, I
know in my heart that I'd done everything that I
possibly can for Morgan to feel love twell. I felt
like I had finished what I needed to do. I
remember her looking at me with a lot of love
and like she saw me as a wife. Like I
(28:29):
almost felt her relief, like Okay, got it, Everything's going
to be okay. I obviously interpret that differently.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Now, in less than a year, Kelsey and Morgan went
from being twenty one year old at camp to being
(28:55):
a married couple handling a terminal disease. Now they were
committed to each other for however much time Morgan had left,
Kelsey had been accepted into a master's program across the country.
Neither of them expected Morgan to be alive for that
next chapter.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
We're legally married, and now it's a little complicated because
I don't know how to bring up like how am
I supposed to navigate the next few months.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Morgan's successful treatment meant she had more time she could
take a break from treatment, but her cancer was still
deemed terminal. No one knew how long she really had left,
not even her doctors.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
It was very much like, this is what we've been told,
and we're lucky to have this little bit of extra time.
It was suddenly another continuation, another chapter of live like
you're dying.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Kelsey didn't know what this meant for her plans to
start graduate school. She barely got through her last semester.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
I was really conflicted. I was like, oh, no, this
is everything I've worked for and I can still go.
I still got in and I can still do it,
but I can't because it's gonna be with Morgan. And
I'm grateful that she's still alive. I'm truly grateful, but
I also feel like I've lost myself and I don't
know how to gain it back if she's still here.
Like I hadn't planned for it.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
She was worried about juggling her master's program and supporting
Morgan at the same time. She didn't even know if
she could handle that, but she decided.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
I said we would do this, and we're married now,
and so now we're going to travel across the country
and start my masters together.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
They rented a U haul and began the cross country drive.
Along the way, they made a pit stop to see
Joant Morgan's mentor.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
She was sort of our middle point between the West
Coast and the East Coast, And when we got to
her place, I immediately sensed that there was some sort of
tension between them, like maybe an argument had been had
and I didn't know about it. It just felt like
we were kind of dancing around something that was unsaid.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
It was clear something had come between Joanne and Morgan.
Joanne said she wanted to talk to Kelsey in private,
but they just couldn't find the right moment. At the
end of their stay, I.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Could tell that she was holding back from saying something,
but she just said, Okay, good luck, and that was it.
So there was sort of this like mystery about this
odd dynamic. We had walked away from it, and that
made me nervous. I distinctly remember being in the U
hall and Morgan being asleep next to me and thinking
(31:45):
we're about to move to a new state. I don't
know anyone in. She doesn't know anyone in. We have
no friends or family, and the one really close family
connection that she has she sort of just had a
rupture with. It was really the first time I thought like, oh,
this is really just us now.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
When they arrived in their new city, they had to
face the reality of living alone. Kelsey found a job
in hospitality while she started her master's degree, but Morgan
was too sick to work.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
And the reality of affording grad school, working full time,
going to school full time, paying for both of our lives,
and also paying for cancer treatments medicines was really a
tremendous burden.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
Kelsey was only twenty two and she was the sole provider.
Morgan found new doctors, and now that they were married,
Kelsey was paying for more of Morgan's care.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
I would say like twenty five percent of every paycheck
was going to Morgan, and so after a couple months
of being on the East Coast, it was like thousands
and thousands of dollars we were pouring into anything related
to her health.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Became hyper fixated on financials.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
I remember specifically googling what it actually costs if someone dies.
She wanted to be cremated, and I just remember looking
at this fifteen hundred dollars price tag thinking I'm never
going to get what I need to cremate her.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
But she found it hard to have open conversations with
Morgan about it.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Because she didn't want to talk about death. It was
just like every tiny little thing was overwhelmingly my responsibility.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
It had been a year since Morgan shared her diagnosis.
Even though Kelsey was now paying for Morgan's care, she
still wasn't privy to the details of it.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
I wasn't even sure how to broach the topic of like,
can we go together to your doctor to get an
update on what we can look at? Can we reassess
your medications?
Speaker 2 (33:54):
But Morgan didn't want to talk about it. She wanted
to do everything alone, and that worried Kel's what.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Happens if I don't know where you are, how do
I get like your health wreck? Like there was suddenly
some logistics that didn't really have the answers to the.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Lack of information was becoming a real problem for Kelsey.
It became a wedge in their relationship.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
This is where things started shifting in our dynamic where
it's like I need real concrete answers, what is your
current prognosis, Like how is your body doing? Where is
the cancer in your body?
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Without any answers, she was getting frustrated. She felt like
she couldn't help Morgan if she didn't have all the information.
That year, they spent Christmas with Kelsey's family.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
We flew home. Morgan was so sick that she could
barely even talk. She was lethargic. She's sleeping all the time,
she was throwing up. Whatever new medication, whatever new treatment
she was trying, was really taxing. Like I remember taking
photos together that trip, and she's sleeping in all of them.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
This was the second in time they thought it was
their last Christmas together, and it was the first time
Kelsey's mom was getting to really spend time with Morgan.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
My mom had pulled me aside at some point during
this holiday, and she was the first one to be like,
does this seem off at all to you? And it
was really the first time someone said something that made
me think, like, what do you mean off? I was
immediately defensive.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
Still, Kelsey's mom insisted that something didn't add up. She
was starting to feel skeptical about Morgan's story.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
My mom, who obviously has experience of cancer, was like,
it just feels off, Like when she's around us, something
feels off.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Before this moment, Kelsey had never doubted Morgan's diagnosis. For
nearly two years, her entire life revolved around Morgan's health.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
I had felt like a bad person for even feeling
burdened by cancer. I had never considered doubting it at all.
But this is when I started to feel doubtful. And
that was when she started breaking bones.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
On the next episode of Betrayal.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
I got a Facebook message She's like, I've been down
a rabbit hole about Morgan. I have proof there's a
lot more to the story. And that's when it really
blew open.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal
team or want to tell us your Betrayal story, email
us at Betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal Pod
at gmail dot com. We're grateful for your support. One
way to show support is by subscribing to our show
on Apple Podcasts and don't forget to rate and review
Betrayal five star reviews. Goal Line a big thank you
(37:01):
to all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production of
Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group and partnership
with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by Nancy
Glass and Jennifer Fason, hosted and produced by me Andrea Gunning,
written and produced by Monique Leboard, also produced by Ben Fetterman.
Associate producers are Kristin Mercury and Caitlin Golden. Our iHeart
(37:26):
team is Ali Perry and Jessica Krinchech. Audio editing and
mixing by Matt del Vecchio, Additional editing support from Tanner Robbins.
Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Bains. Music library provided by
Mob Music and For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
My mom was the first one to be like, does
this seem off at all to you? It was really
the first time someone said something that made me think,
what do you mean off? Like? I was immediately defensive.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
I'm Andrea Gunning, and this is Betrayal, a show about
the people we trust the most and the deceptions that
change everything.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
When I hear other people's horrific stories of things that
have happened to them, I now have a lens of
what a human experience to love so deeply that we're
willing to suspend disbelief that high is Like, I truly
believe that deception really comes from a deep desire to
be loved, and I can sympathize with a desire to
be loved.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
This is Kelsey's story of building her life around someone
else's lies. Lies that consumed Kelsey's twenties, derailed her early
career and destroyed her sense of trust. For many years,
she tried to hide from the deception she experienced, but
now she's ready to tell her story as a listener.
(01:19):
Note names and locations have been changed to protect privacy.
When she was a little girl, Kelsey's mom told her
the origin story of their family unit It was a
survival story.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
My dad was really abusive to all of us kids
and my mom, and so my mom was finally able
to get out when I was about three months old.
She packed all of us up, left my dad, and
drove cross country to my mom's hometown. That's where I
(01:57):
spent most of my life.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Her mom, in the three girls, started anew in a
small West Coast town, but the fear of her dad
was always looming in the background.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
He actually went to prison after my mom left, and
if he got out of prison, there was this fear
that my dad would find us one day.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Nearly everyone in their new town was Mormon, and their
family wasn't. Their dad was Cuban, so Kelsey and her
sisters stood out in a sea of blonde hair and
blue eyes.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I remember my mom would like brush out my hair
so I looked more white, and so I looked like
the other Mormon girls in town, and then essentially told
me not to talk about my background, which worked because
she was also I think, hiding us from my dad
in prison.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Her mom's survival story had another chapter for Kelsey's entire childhood.
Her mom battled breast cancer.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
It was finally getting away from my dad. But then
she had a bout of answer. She thought she's going
to die from.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
As a kid, Kelsey didn't know the details. She just
knew her mom was exhausted and was always going to
the hospital.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
And that was definitely on purpose. I think that she
wanted to be super careful, and even when I asked
her about it, I even remember her saying, this was private.
This is adult things. I don't want to scare you.
I'm protecting you from this information.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Kelsey's escape was the Girl Scouts.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
I had this tiny pocket of girlhood that was so fun,
like waiting once a week with my girlfriends to earn badges.
When I think about where I felt like I mattered most,
it was there.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Over the summer, she started going to Girl Scout Camp.
There she was allowed to just be a kid.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
I would go for weeks at a time. I just
loved summer camp. I was meeting women who were older
than me, who were models of what it was like
to really be yourself. Oh. I have the best memories
at Girl Scout Camp.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
The women who ran the camp were Kelsey's idols. She
wanted to be just like them.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I just thought they were so special. And cool. I
just thought, that's it. I'll be there one day.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
As she got older and entered high school, she started
dreaming about broadening her horizons.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
I'm going to do whatever it takes to get out
of the state I was raised in and really find myself.
So I got perfect grades and worked truly hard in school.
That This was also around the same time that I
fell in love for the first time, and I fell
in love with a girl in the grade above me.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Kelsey and her high school girlfriend kept their relationship a secret.
It was in the mid two thousands and they were
in a mostly Mormon community at the time.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
I think I was afraid of being gay, definitely afraid
of the implications of it.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
So she set her sights on going to college in
a place where she I could be out and be herself.
She was accepted to her first choice and made the leap.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I loved being on my own for the first time.
I came out and openly had a relationship and thought
that was so special. And I was doing really good
in school.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
But her family's finances took an unexpected turn, so after
the first year, Kelsey had to transfer to a new university,
one that she'd be paying for herself.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
I transferred to the public university. I was just pretty
isolated and it wasn't the dream for me, but it's
all I could afford.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
She worked to put herself through college, and she started
working summers as a counselor at her old girl Scout camp.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
It was life changing and I loved it.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
By her third summer, she earned an executive leadership role
at the camp, helping coordinate all the younger counselors.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
I was doing real programming work and I went to
I'm our camp that year early because senior staff meets
early before counselors get there.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Arriving at camp was a much anticipated reunion where she
saw all of her closest friends again.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
I had a lot of friends at camp, like I
had been really established there. This was the first work
experience I ever had when I was out, and for
the first time at camp we had other queer people.
They really diversified our pool of hiring that year.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
One of the new counselors immediately caught Kelsey's attention. Her
name was Morgan.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
I remember her walking into the office. She was very sporty,
so she had the classic Arii look, and then they'll
cut off hair, and she just had the most beautiful eyes.
I just remember thinking, ah, mostly because it was the
most radical thing I'd ever known for someone to cut
off their hair.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
When they first met, Morgan was shy. She kept to
herself and seemed guarded.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
I found her to be really mysterious.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
But she and Morgan had a close mutual friend In comment.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
My other camp friend really vouched for her and was like,
trust me, when she opens up, you're going to love her.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
And over time she did. It felt like she chose Kelsey.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
I felt really honored. I just felt like she kind
of opened up more to me. I felt really privileged
to be the one person that she was opening up to.
Like we would spend the weekend after training just talking.
Everyone's like, oh my gosh, I can't believe you got
her to talk to you. That's how shy she was.
And she was telling me like really intimate details about
(07:35):
her life.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Even though Morgan was only twenty years old, she'd been
through a lot.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
She had shared about some sexual assault, body dysmorphia, struggles
with an eating disorder. I just felt like I really
knew her.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Morgan confided in her, forming close bonds was a hallmark
of the camp experience. They would be spending every day
together for the next three months.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
In camp time, that's three years. It's a massive amount
of time that people don't normally get to spend in
a very intense environment where you're like growing and learning
and changing about yourself and funding things from kids and
teaching kids of remarkable things that change you. It really
is a lifetime together.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
At camp, there were no cell phones, no distractions from
the outside world, and in this bubble, Kelsey knew she
was developing feelings from Morgan, but she was in a
leadership role, and then.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
There was this camp relationships are famously passionate and intense
and destructive, which is why we avoid them at all costs.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
So they continued on with a supercharged friendship. It was
a connection Morgan needed at home. She'd been struggling with
an eating disorder.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
She had shared that she was really struggling with her
eating disord order at camp and eating with your campers
is such a huge part of the experience, Like you're
with your campers twenty four to seven, and we're really
rigid at camp about calorie intake and water intake.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
That kind of structure and vigilance around food was really
triggering for Morgan. In fact, it was having an impact
on her job performance.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
She had gotten disciplinary write ups from the camp director.
If she didn't get it under control, this was not
going to be the job for her.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
The idea of losing Morgan at camp was upsetting. Kelsey
felt a responsibility to help as both a friend and
a camp executive.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
And so she was really nervous about losing her job
because she really loved the work. I remember spending all
of my free time. I got books from the local
library and brought them up to camp and was reading
about eating disorders. Like I really became resource to stay in.
I was like, I'll help you stay don't worry. I've
got this under control. And I really felt responsible for that.
(10:07):
They were spending a lot of time together. Even when
they had days off. We would travel as friends, like
off to go to Walmart and get face wipes, or
to a local festival. We tried to get as much
time off from camp as possible. My outside of camp
time be king Morgan time.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
About halfway through the summer, they took a day off
together and drove to Kelsey's hometown.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
And I just think there was this little switch. One weekend,
we were just alone for the first time really together,
and then we kissed.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Now it was clear that the attraction was mutual.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
After that week, we started sharing like a journal. So
we had a notebook that we would write notes to
each other and then keep it in a cubby, and
then I'd write it put it away, and she'd write
it and put it away, and so we sort of
had this very sw romance at camp.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Near the end of camp, Morgan's parents came to town.
They were devout Mormons, and on that visit, Morgan wanted
to come out to them. Kelsey drove her to meet them,
to be there for emotional support.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
She met with her parents and I wasn't with her.
I was in the parking lot, but I remember seeing
them at a picnic bench. She came out to them
and it didn't go well. She got back in the car.
She was like, they believe I'm living in sin. They
think this is wrong. They think that any person who
(11:41):
had influence over me is of the devil, and that
I should separate myself from those people. She was really
really emotional about it.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Her parents' rejection brought the two of them even closer.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
It sort of deepened that connection. It was like, look
what we're fighting for.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
There was so much at stake, and Morgan was now
left on our own. They made their relationship official, and
when camp ended, Morgan couldn't go home, so they decided
to move in together.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
We were all like, what cow adult, We are well
for own space and our own beds. So it wasn't like, oh,
I live with my girlfriend now. It was very much
like we were just continuing the summer camp experience. I
think we were on that high of the summer flame.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
It was Kelsey's last year of college. At first, living
with Morgan was a novelty. Even mundane tasks were exciting.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Figuring out bus schedules, like everything was just really fun.
I also remember doing paintball fights and making cookies and
burning them for the neighbors. But soon reality set in.
I was working also a full time job while I
was in school because I had to pay for it.
I was doing everything to put me on the trajectory
to go to my master's program, and at this point
(13:02):
I was on track to be valedictorian.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Kelsey's priority was school.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
We just weren't getting this much time together and we're
like drifting a little bit.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
But right when the semester began picking up steam, Kelsey
started receiving emails from Morgan's family.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
I remember them very explicitly. One was from her dad.
One was from her mom, saying that it was an
abomination that I was poisoning Morgan, that I took her
away from the life of Christ. It didn't help that
the person Morgan was waiting for it to come back
from a mission had come back and they had really
(13:44):
hoped that she would marry him. Every time I got
a message from them, it was very nasty.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
The message was clear. They thought Kelsey brainwashed their daughter,
and they wanted her to leave Morgan alone.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Morgan's very sacred and pure. Stop this now before you
ruin that forever for her, like they deeply wanted to
make me hate myself, so I didn't feel deserving of Morgan.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
The messages were overwhelming.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
After a couple months, it got complicated very quickly. It
was just that feeling of thinking that I was destroying
someone's salvation.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
It was taxing, but Morgan was fixated. All she wanted
to do was talk about her parents with Kelsey.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
It's like I'm with you, I care about you, but like,
I can't process this with you all the time. I
think I started feeling like she needs to branch out,
like I realistically can't be everything for her.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Between the stress of school and the drama with Morgan's parents,
Kelsey's connection with Morgan was fading.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
That intimate connection felt like stayed at camp. In the
real world, it was kind of hard to sustain because
I had a lot of ambition. I was really excited
about starting my life somewhere new, and it just suddenly
was like, oh, this is kind of affecting my ability
to be president work in school, and I'm really rigid
about doing right by my career.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
So Kelsey made a tough decision.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Ultimately, I came home from school one day and said,
this is not what I want anymore, and I think
it's better if we break up. She said okay, and
then left. What she would do a lot when she
was trying to process something, she would go for a run.
So she went for a run and came back and
I was already asleep, and she was asleep, and we
(15:46):
went to bed.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
The next day, Kelsey came home from school to find
Morgan on their couch in tears. There was something she
needed to tell Kelsey.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
I sat down with her and she had explained that
she had been hiding something from me that she didn't
want to talk to me about because she didn't want
to burden me with it. But she just got really
bad news. I honestly thought at the time that it
was something with her parents.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
But it wasn't about her parents.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
That's when she shared that she had been living with
terminal bone cancer and she was in remission, but her
doctors gave her the prognosis when she was at the
doctor today that she had three months to live.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Just when Kelsey thought her relationship with Morgan was over,
Morgan came to her with devastating news. She had bone
cancer and she was Kelsey was no stranger to cancer.
She grew up watching her mother's breast cancer go into
remission and return again. It was a horrible cycle, and
to think another person she loved was going through this
(17:14):
was hard to fathom.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
I don't think I got it at first.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Morgan had known about the diagnosis all along, but she
was just telling her now that the cancer had returned
when she only had three months to live.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
I asked her more details. She said she was diagnosed
when she first went to college. She had an injury,
a bone break. They did some testing and they discovered
that she had cancer. She was fighting it for about
a semester, but she beat that bout and then had
(17:52):
overcurrence until that day.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
She was so flooded with grief for Morgan that the
breakup became an afterthought.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I remember feeling so deeply sabbed because my breakup with
Morgan was never about not loving her. I cared about
her so deeply. The thought of her dying was insane
to me and felt so unfair, especially to have this
prognosis with her family not being very close. I was
(18:26):
devastated for her. We were sobbing, and then we went
to bed and I remember holding her, thinking, no, no,
this is like my partner going through cancer. This isn't
oh my ex girlfriend from yesterday. This was someone I
love so deeply dying, Like this really is the end
of someone's life.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
The next morning, Kelsey woke up with a new perspective.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
It changed the way I framed our relationship. I felt
grateful that she was alive, and I was ready to
figure this out together.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
So she sat down at the kitchen table with her
laptop and a notepad to talk about what this would mean. Luckily,
Morgan had some answers.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
She's like, I already have a plan with my doctor.
We're gonna start treatment. It's really unlikely that I'll survive
this treatment, but it's worthy of taking a shot. And
so that's what she did.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
During the day, Kelsey would attend class for her senior
year of college, and Morgan would spend the day at
the hospital.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
The next few weeks, she was doing treatment all the time,
like four or five times a week. She would leave
the house and come back really tired and struggle to
keep a conversation, struggle to stay awake. She was just
deeply impacted by the treatment.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Quickly, Kelsey took on a caretake her role.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
I started really doing some research and taking care of her.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
I was making meals once again. She was juggling the
way of school and being there for Morgan.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
I distinctly remember trying to complete homework and being like,
I can't finish this. She's puking somewhere, thinking like, get
your priority straight. This is someone's life, this is the
end of their human life, and you're worried about like
not finishing this math problem, Like why was I wasting
my time on these early morning classes for like my
own benefit when she only had a few months left
(20:26):
to live. I just suddenly felt selfish and stupid. And
that's really the moment that I reframed my entire life.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
For the first time in her life, Kelsey let school
take a back seat.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
I was letting go of a lot of things I'd
worked my whole life toward. But I was like, I
can do this for three months for somebody to enjoy
the last few months of their life.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Christmas was a few weeks away. With Morgan's family out
of the picture, they decided to celebrate with a family front.
An older woman named Joanne, who had been a mentor
to Morgan.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
For years, considered her like a second mom. We drove
out of state to visit her. This family friend was
with her when Morgan got her first diagnosis of having
bone cancer, and she was with her when she was
doing IVY treatments. To meet someone who was so intimately
involved with her treatment, I felt really bonded right away.
(21:21):
I remember her saying, I didn't even know what I
was doing. I just got kind of thrown into this
and I was like, I didn't know what I was
doing either. It was a.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Relief to talk with someone else who'd been involved with
Morgan's care. She was a great resource. For Christmas, Morgan
and Kelsey got each other something special.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
We got rings for our wedding.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Rings for their wedding. Morgan wanted to get married to Kelsey.
It was a legal and financial decision.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Her attorney had shared with her that when she died,
her health payout would be really big and it would
go to her parents because that's next of kin, and
that was really over for her, Like she had fought
so hard for her queerness and now suddenly in her
death as a queer woman, all this money would be
granted to her parents. But if she were married to me,
(22:12):
then I would get to decide where that money goes.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Morgan wanted the money to be donated to a library foundation.
Kelsey was honored to help facilitate one of her final wishes.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Of course, whatever you need to do, what you want
to do with the end of your life, so for
her this was a really meaningful way of honoring her life.
So we agreed that we would get married.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Kelsey felt a responsibility to make sure every day was
a good day.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
I tried to make our life so joyful and loving
and silly. And that's how we just tried to spend
our time. We didn't have very much left, but.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
The days were still difficult, especially as Morgan's health worsened.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
She would go to treatment and come back and throw up.
She was tired all the time. I remember coming home
from work and she'd have like fallen over. She seemed
very weak to me. And this is also how my
mom would describe her treatments going through breast cancer. Morgan
would like lose her hair. I'd come home and she'd
(23:21):
have taken a nap and she'd have hair on the pillow,
and I'd be like, oh my god, your hair.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
This only furthered Kelsey's resolve to support Morgan. She offered
again to go to the hospital with her, to be
by her side as she got treatment. Morgan said no,
she didn't want to be a burden.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
She was very very clear that this was her private
journey and that she had already burdened me enough and
she didn't want me to lose work or lose school.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
After all, it was Kelsey's job that kept them afloat financially.
As the weeks went on, the treatment seemed to be
slowing the progression of her cancer, and Morgan hit the
three month mark.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
By that time, we had gotten word that she'd beat
that bout of cancer. There was a lot of medical language,
but essentially it was like, we're doing good. Hold on,
not you'll live, but like, I'm feeling okay today and
for the next couple of weeks because I think this
treatment is working.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
For the past three months, Kelsey had been bracing herself
for the end, putting her all into caring for Morgan.
It had been exhausting.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
I still worked full time. I still finished my degree.
By the time graduation came around, I just like barely
made it. Like I barely emotionally, physically, spiritually made it.
I just remember being an empty person when my family
came for graduation. I just felt like nothing.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
In her last semester, she earned b's and c's, and
her dreams of being valedictorian were dashed. Instead of giving
the valedictorian speech, she applied to be an honorary student
speaker at commencement.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
I was able to stand alongside the valedictorian, which would
have been me and share my story about what happened
with my partner, like what it really meant for me
to give up my schooling in order to help someone
I loved.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
After she graduated, they finally had the time to plant
a small wedding ceremony. At the time, same sex marriage
wasn't legal in their state, so they had to travel.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
She didn't feel good enough to fly, but she did
feel good enough to drive, so that's when we booked
our trip for our wedding ceremony.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Kelsey drove them to California, with Morgan asleep in a
passenger seat. Along the way, they camped in national parks.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
There was something really beautiful and intimate. It felt like
the end to me. She just didn't seem all there,
but there's something about being in nature together, and our
dynamic started in nature. It was actually really beautiful the
whole trip. We took disposable cameras and it was very
(26:10):
fleeting and lovely. And I remember one of the nights,
just before we had our ceremony, we slept on the
beach of the Lost Coast, and there was something really
poetic about waking up. Morgan was still sleeping and I
got out of the tent and like looked out into
the ocean and just thought, like, if I can love
someone this big one day after Morgan's passing, someone will
(26:34):
be able to love me in this way.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Back the day before the ceremony, they both sat down
to write their vowels.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
We wrote our vows on like hotel nap kiss, like
my white dresses in the corner. I'm like sitting down
with this piece of paper, and I suddenly didn't know
what to say. It's like, vows are for promising to someone,
but I don't know how to promise something to her
in her death. Like it just suddenly felt wrong.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
Maybe it was nerves she couldn't help but overthink the
whole thing.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
I got a stopping into my head and so I
like kind of cleared my head of everything. And this
was the commitment she made, promising her that the memory
of her and who I knew her to be, and
like the love that people didn't get the chance to know,
especially her family, that would live on.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
They delivered their vowels and signed the papers.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Zequoia National Park, we drove into the woods and found
a really neat tree that was two trees that like
Corp screwed into one and there was like one little
spot where you could squeeze into, and so we squeezed
into these trees. Then signed the paperwork and we left.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Being officially married was a relief. It was the final
thing Morgan wanted to do before she passed away.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
We drove back from California and I was like driving
into the sun as it was going down, thinking, I
know in my heart that I'd done everything that I
possibly can for Morgan to feel love twell. I felt
like I had finished what I needed to do. I
remember her looking at me with a lot of love
and like she saw me as a wife. Like I
(28:29):
almost felt her relief, like Okay, got it, Everything's going
to be okay. I obviously interpret that differently.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Now, in less than a year, Kelsey and Morgan went
from being twenty one year old at camp to being
(28:55):
a married couple handling a terminal disease. Now they were
committed to each other for however much time Morgan had left,
Kelsey had been accepted into a master's program across the country.
Neither of them expected Morgan to be alive for that
next chapter.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
We're legally married, and now it's a little complicated because
I don't know how to bring up like how am
I supposed to navigate the next few months.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Morgan's successful treatment meant she had more time she could
take a break from treatment, but her cancer was still
deemed terminal. No one knew how long she really had left,
not even her doctors.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
It was very much like, this is what we've been told,
and we're lucky to have this little bit of extra time.
It was suddenly another continuation, another chapter of live like
you're dying.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Kelsey didn't know what this meant for her plans to
start graduate school. She barely got through her last semester.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
I was really conflicted. I was like, oh, no, this
is everything I've worked for and I can still go.
I still got in and I can still do it,
but I can't because it's gonna be with Morgan. And
I'm grateful that she's still alive. I'm truly grateful, but
I also feel like I've lost myself and I don't
know how to gain it back if she's still here.
Like I hadn't planned for it.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
She was worried about juggling her master's program and supporting
Morgan at the same time. She didn't even know if
she could handle that, but she decided.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
I said we would do this, and we're married now,
and so now we're going to travel across the country
and start my masters together.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
They rented a U haul and began the cross country drive.
Along the way, they made a pit stop to see
Joant Morgan's mentor.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
She was sort of our middle point between the West
Coast and the East Coast, And when we got to
her place, I immediately sensed that there was some sort of
tension between them, like maybe an argument had been had
and I didn't know about it. It just felt like
we were kind of dancing around something that was unsaid.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
It was clear something had come between Joanne and Morgan.
Joanne said she wanted to talk to Kelsey in private,
but they just couldn't find the right moment. At the
end of their stay, I.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Could tell that she was holding back from saying something,
but she just said, Okay, good luck, and that was it.
So there was sort of this like mystery about this
odd dynamic. We had walked away from it, and that
made me nervous. I distinctly remember being in the U
hall and Morgan being asleep next to me and thinking
(31:45):
we're about to move to a new state. I don't
know anyone in. She doesn't know anyone in. We have
no friends or family, and the one really close family
connection that she has she sort of just had a
rupture with. It was really the first time I thought like, oh,
this is really just us now.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
When they arrived in their new city, they had to
face the reality of living alone. Kelsey found a job
in hospitality while she started her master's degree, but Morgan
was too sick to work.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
And the reality of affording grad school, working full time,
going to school full time, paying for both of our lives,
and also paying for cancer treatments medicines was really a
tremendous burden.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
Kelsey was only twenty two and she was the sole provider.
Morgan found new doctors, and now that they were married,
Kelsey was paying for more of Morgan's care.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
I would say like twenty five percent of every paycheck
was going to Morgan, and so after a couple months
of being on the East Coast, it was like thousands
and thousands of dollars we were pouring into anything related
to her health.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Became hyper fixated on financials.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
I remember specifically googling what it actually costs if someone dies.
She wanted to be cremated, and I just remember looking
at this fifteen hundred dollars price tag thinking I'm never
going to get what I need to cremate her.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
But she found it hard to have open conversations with
Morgan about it.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Because she didn't want to talk about death. It was
just like every tiny little thing was overwhelmingly my responsibility.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
It had been a year since Morgan shared her diagnosis.
Even though Kelsey was now paying for Morgan's care, she
still wasn't privy to the details of it.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
I wasn't even sure how to broach the topic of like,
can we go together to your doctor to get an
update on what we can look at? Can we reassess
your medications?
Speaker 2 (33:54):
But Morgan didn't want to talk about it. She wanted
to do everything alone, and that worried Kel's what.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Happens if I don't know where you are, how do
I get like your health wreck? Like there was suddenly
some logistics that didn't really have the answers to the.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Lack of information was becoming a real problem for Kelsey.
It became a wedge in their relationship.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
This is where things started shifting in our dynamic where
it's like I need real concrete answers, what is your
current prognosis, Like how is your body doing? Where is
the cancer in your body?
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Without any answers, she was getting frustrated. She felt like
she couldn't help Morgan if she didn't have all the information.
That year, they spent Christmas with Kelsey's family.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
We flew home. Morgan was so sick that she could
barely even talk. She was lethargic. She's sleeping all the time,
she was throwing up. Whatever new medication, whatever new treatment
she was trying, was really taxing. Like I remember taking
photos together that trip, and she's sleeping in all of them.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
This was the second in time they thought it was
their last Christmas together, and it was the first time
Kelsey's mom was getting to really spend time with Morgan.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
My mom had pulled me aside at some point during
this holiday, and she was the first one to be like,
does this seem off at all to you? And it
was really the first time someone said something that made
me think, like, what do you mean off? I was
immediately defensive.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
Still, Kelsey's mom insisted that something didn't add up. She
was starting to feel skeptical about Morgan's story.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
My mom, who obviously has experience of cancer, was like,
it just feels off, Like when she's around us, something
feels off.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Before this moment, Kelsey had never doubted Morgan's diagnosis. For
nearly two years, her entire life revolved around Morgan's health.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
I had felt like a bad person for even feeling
burdened by cancer. I had never considered doubting it at all.
But this is when I started to feel doubtful. And
that was when she started breaking bones.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
On the next episode of Betrayal.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
I got a Facebook message She's like, I've been down
a rabbit hole about Morgan. I have proof there's a
lot more to the story. And that's when it really
blew open.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal
team or want to tell us your Betrayal story, email
us at Betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal Pod
at gmail dot com. We're grateful for your support. One
way to show support is by subscribing to our show
on Apple Podcasts and don't forget to rate and review
Betrayal five star reviews. Goal Line a big thank you
(37:01):
to all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production of
Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group and partnership
with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by Nancy
Glass and Jennifer Fason, hosted and produced by me Andrea Gunning,
written and produced by Monique Leboard, also produced by Ben Fetterman.
Associate producers are Kristin Mercury and Caitlin Golden. Our iHeart
(37:26):
team is Ali Perry and Jessica Krinchech. Audio editing and
mixing by Matt del Vecchio, Additional editing support from Tanner Robbins.
Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Bains. Music library provided by
Mob Music and For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Host
Andrea Gunning
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