May 8, 2025 • 24 mins
Justin Rutherford is appealing his case. Stacey and Tyler discuss how they're processing the news and what the last year has brought them.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
He'd always say to me, I wouldn't do what your
first husband did to you and just walk out on
you and basically leave you with nothing. And it's frustrating
to be told you'll never have to worry about that again, Stacy.
It's just that, like, how dare you? How dare you
promise so many things that you had to know deep
(00:23):
down you were never going to be able to follow through.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Hi, guys, it's Andrea.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
In just two weeks, we'll be back with a brand
new season of Betrayal. We'll be telling one story over
several episodes. I'll take you to Colorado where we'll do
a deep dive into a betrayal of family and community.
But before that, we wanted to give you an update
on our family from last season. In season three, we
told you the story of Stacy Rutherford and her son Tyler.
(01:08):
Stacy was a single mom when she met Justin. She
knew on their first date she would marry him, and
she did. He was funny, adored her children, and had
a bright future as a family physician. Together, they had
two more kids. Stacey loved Justin and the family they created.
After years of uncertainty, she finally fell grounded instability. But
(01:33):
Justin was hiding a dark secret for years. He was
sexually abusing Tyler, Stacy's eldest son. Once he was caught,
he tried to organize a murder for higher plot to
kill Tyler and prevent him from testifying in court. For
these crimes, Justin was ordered to spend decades in prison.
(01:55):
We'll hear from Tyler later in the episode, but first,
I wanted to share a conversation I had with Stacy over.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
The winter holidays.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
She called to let me know that there was an
update in Justin's case. Their family's legal battle wasn't over yet.
The last time you walked out of the courtroom was
for the murder for hire that happened last year, and
that was like, Okay, this is finally, like we can
close the book and move on with our lives.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Did you think that you were done with this?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Oh? I absolutely knew he was going to appeal. There's
no way he wasn't going to find some kind of loophole.
I mean, my sister and I've had tons of conversations
where she said to me, the law library is going
to know him. He's going to be there. He's going
to try to find a loophole. You just need to
prepare for this to be a regular thing for him
to try to find ways out of this.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Stacy eventually spotted a change on Justin's docketsheet and then
she got formal notification in the mail the appeal was happening.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
What is he appealing exactly?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
From what I understand, he is appealing the length of
the sentence that he believes it was too harsh, and
he's appealing his access to the children.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Originally, Justin was sentenced to twenty six years and ten
months to seventy years in prison, with twelve years probation
to follow his sentence. The judge also ordered that Justin
was to have no contact with Tyler or his two
younger siblings for the length of his sentence, even once
they became adults.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Are you prepared for that being changed?
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I wanted to give them that window of them being
little to them to get to eighteen, you know, to say, okay,
I can make an informed decision whether or not I
want to talk to my biological father or not. The
judge extended it past that eighteen for the length of
a sentence. For the length of his sentence and The
only thing that Tyler and I had talked about was
(04:04):
that they should be able to decide at eighteen if
they want to speak to him or not. As far
as him getting anything granted back to him, you know,
when they're children. At the end of the day, I
have custody of them. I'm the one that would have
to accept the phone calls from him. I'm the one
that would have to put money on my account for
(04:24):
them to speak to him. So I don't care if
his rights get given back to him to talk to them,
it still has to go through me, right, And I
don't have any desire for him to speak to my children. Yeah,
And you know, I will support them if that's something
that they want when they get of an age to
make those kind of decisions where they know everything that happened,
(04:48):
because I understand that they probably will maybe someday want
that right.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
I can understand and hold space for when they are adults. Yeah,
you know, as a mom, like wanting to look to
the future of your kid having agency as an adult
and being able to give them that agency, I can
understand that.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Stacy has not had contact with Justin since she learned
about his plot to kill Tyler. It's been over two years,
but recently she started writing letters to him as a
way of dealing with her emotions.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
I've done it a few times in the last few
months and never mailed anything.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Right.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
I would write it and I would hold on to it,
and then I would just throw it away.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
One of the ones that I threw away was pretty vicious,
and my sister was like, yeah, I don't think you
should send that because she might go to jail for
a threat. Because it was just in the moment, I
was very angry. I was having one of those days.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Like where is all this anger and emotion coming from recently?
Speaker 1 (05:57):
I just think when you are going through everything first
being found out, you're like living on adrenaline and you're
just in survival mode. And then as soon as the
trial stuff starts, then you're dealing with all of that,
and I don't think you really have time to sit
(06:18):
down and deal with like everything, so you just put
first what needs to be put first. I think after
all the stuff was done with both of the court
cases and everything like that, things guy felt settled down
a little bit. But I think that's when all the
other shit starts to kick in, you know, the missing
(06:43):
things and hurting and then being angry.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
Stacey decided to mail one of her most recent letters.
In this letter, she mentions Nanny de Nanny's like a
mother to Justin, and she's the only one who's remained
in his corner. Stacy also writes about her financial situation.
Justin was the breadwinner in the family. With him gone,
Stacy's been left holding the bag, supporting her two young
(07:11):
children on her own. Here's the letter. Nanny asked me
the other day if you could have the kids signed
up for a charity that provides toys for children of
incarcerated parents.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
And I can't help but think.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
The last thing we need is more toys if in
the next few years we may not even be able
to afford a home to put those toys in. Yeah,
that's my reality these days, that's your children's reality.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
These days.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
I see no light at the end of this tunnel.
I remember you telling me I'd never have to live
like this again, and I'm worse off. So when you
heard about the kid's charity of toys of incarcerated parents,
it was your first reaction anger.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
I just I think I was more just like, what
what the fuck, like this is what we're worried about,
like him making sure that the kids have a gift
from him, and oh, but you know, isn't it nice
that you're allowing someone else to buy that for you
to give to them so that you don't have to
spend any of your money that you need to spend
(08:15):
on your lawyer for you know, a gift for your kids.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Justin has a private attorney, and this infuriates Stacy. He
somehow has the money to pay for his appeal but
has contributed nothing to the care of their children.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
I don't know, it just it rubbed me wrong, and
I was just salty for a little bit about it.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Right, It kind of just seems like he wants to
be able to contribute in this way, but he's not
understanding the larger impact that all of his actions have
put you and the kids in.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Like it just felt like you were shaking him with
this letter of like you don't really know how bad
things are because of everything that you've done.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
I am able to buy my kids things. It's not
like I'm totally destitute, but you're using a charity for
children who may not get a single thing when you know,
good and well, you have money in your account, so
you want to come in and be fun. Daddy, you know, ooh, look,
(09:16):
daddy sent us a present when you really didn't do
anything behind that.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
In December, right around the holidays, we caught up with
Stacy Rutherford, whose story we highlighted in season three. Recently,
she wrote a letter to her ex husband justin while
he remains in prison.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Stacy shared that letter with us.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
There's this theme in your letter where you talk about,
you know, you promised me that things were going to
be different, like it had already gone through a divorce,
I had already gotten pretty far on raising two kids
to end up in this place. That's a really intense
cycle to be thinking about.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Well, it's like I remember saying to him when we
were dating, jokingly, I'm not trying to be a single
mom again to two small children. I've done it. I
don't want to do it again. Okay, I'm just letting
you know that you're either going to be married to
me or I'm going to soak the life out of
you for child support, So just be prepared for whichever
(10:29):
one you want. And you know we would, he'd always
say to me I wouldn't do what your first husband
did to you and just walk out on you and
basically leave you with nothing. And it's frustrating to be
told you'll never have to worry about that again, Stacy,
You'll never have to, you know, worry about anything like this.
And to have more children, and I love them and
(10:51):
I wouldn't trade that, of course, but you know, I
wouldn't have necessarily decided to have two more children in
my life late thirties if I thought that I was
going to be raising them by myself.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
It's so interesting.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
It's like, no matter the amount of conversations and things
that you think that you're navigating and communicating, your brain
just doesn't go to this worst case scenario.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
You just don't go there.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Oh no, it's just that like, how dare you? Yeah,
how dare you promise so many things that you had
to know deep down you were never going to be
able to follow through.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
It's just it's I don't know. There's days that I
think to myself that I'm not the mom that I
want to be. I don't want my kids to remember
that I cried a lot, or that I was sad,
or that I was just angry all the time because
(11:57):
I've gotten I think, to a level of anger a
lot late, Like I just feel like I'm really angry
at the world and men and people, and I don't
want them to remember that I'm just angry. Yeah, I'm
just angry that so many of these things were taken
away from all of us.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
It's impossible to even ask this, but like, what are
you going to do about this anger? Well?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
To start, I have like not been the greatest lately
about my going to you know, therapy, and I've kind
of let myself get in a rut lately, like I
find myself, you know, declining plans all the time. You know,
I'm good, I'm just gonna stay home, or oh my
bro's already off, or you know, I am putting that
back on. But I also think to myself, is that
(12:49):
contributing to me? Do I need to force myself to
do these things?
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Because am I just making it worse by staying home
and festering on the fact that I'm loan and isolating
and things like that. But I don't know, I just
I think that was part of writing the letter to him,
was I just I just want you to know this
is the kind of stuff that you have left me with.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
All of it feels like such an injustice and sometimes
you just need to like scream it from the mountaintops
and the person that really needs to hear it. You
just want to just like shove, you know, put it
out there and scream it so that they hear you.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
I mean, it did make me feel better at some
point to write it. It just happened to be the
one that I mailed. I don't know, I just must
have been impulsive that day because the rest of him
never made it.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Progress is not a straight line.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
And there's a lot of similar rhetoric in this letter
of where you were like in the beginning of a
lot of things, you know, and you're gonna make strides
and getting yourself to a different place and then come
back to these feelings that you have regarding this and
one day, I really do hope you find that whatever
(14:07):
feeling that you're longing for, you get it on your own. Yeah,
And I do believe that you will get there.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
It's just like you said at Ebbs and Flows, I
felt like it's really hung on lately. But I also
say to my sister too, sometimes like I look at
where I am now and I look at where I
was three years ago, and there is a difference. So
I can see change, and I can see that I
have happy moments and that I enjoy life and things
(14:36):
like that. I don't just sit around, you know, and
cry all the time. I obviously go have fun, but
I just have my moments, yeah, you know. And it
hits at just different times in this here. Lately, it's
been hanging on.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
After the break, we'll hear from Stacy's son, Tyler. Before
(15:11):
we go, we wanted to share an update on Stacy's
sun Tyler. Over the last year, he's been sharing a
lot of updates on.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
His own What's Up.
Speaker 4 (15:20):
My name is Tyler.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
I've made a goal with myself to post on TikTok
as much as I can.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
His goal is to be an advocate for male survivors
of trauma.
Speaker 5 (15:31):
I want to build a community for men out there,
especially men like me out there. I've had a very
traumatic life and went through some crazy things, and ever
since then, I've felt kind of lost. And I know
many men out there that I've went through the same
thing can feel that exact same feeling, even if you
haven't been through that exact traumatic experience or been sexually assaulted.
(15:55):
I want to reach out to men and make a
change in the men's space. Push this.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Let's build an.
Speaker 5 (16:01):
Awesome community together, guys.
Speaker 6 (16:03):
Let's do this.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Through betrayal and through Tyler's posts, his story has reached
a lot of people. We've received so many comments and
emails calling Tyler an inspiration for speaking up. My producer
met with Tyler and asked him how it feels to
get all that positive feedback.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
It's crazy.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
I expected a little bit, not maybe quite as much
as I've gotten, and it's heartwarming to read.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I know that I achieved.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
What I wanted to with the podcast when I get
something like that just to help someone else.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
For so long, Tyler thought he'd take what Justin did
to him to his grave.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
I think about it all the time, like my plan
to just never say anything because that's what was going
to happen. And I was doing pretty damn good at
it for quite a while.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
But when it came out that Justin had abused tyler friend,
Tyler's family was concerned that he too was a victim.
They kept asking him until he eventually disclosed to his aunt.
Many male victims of sexual abuse keep what happened to
them a secret for their whole lives. For example, Anthony Edwards,
an actor Tyler spoke with in season three, didn't disclose
(17:19):
for decades.
Speaker 6 (17:21):
I lived most of my life in fear because my
experience of having been assaulted as a kid set me
up for being afraid and not trusting in people, places,
or things. And it wasn't until I was fifty two
years old did I start talking about it and looking
(17:42):
at it.
Speaker 4 (17:44):
It was one of the worst feelings to get it
forced out of me, but like now, I'm so happy
I did, because I know how bad I feel sometimes
and I can't imagine how crazy my mind would be
trying to cross that's all this at fifty two, I
still feel the pain of holding it in for seven
(18:06):
eight years, however long letting it out at sixteen, and
that's like, that's young. I'm still a kid compared to
these guys holding in sixty years.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
I can't imagine.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
No.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
I also wanted to hear about Tyler's career. When we
last talked, he was considering going into the military, but
it's always been clear to me that fitness is Tyler's
first love. He even did a TikTok about it.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
The gym is a great release from everyday stress or
release from life. In the last few years, I honestly
have felt kind of lost, and I just feel like
I'm always scrambling to find myself. And the one place
where I feel like I can really find myself is
in the gym. The gym is my safe space and
(18:59):
I go to feel safe.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
When I was with Tyler last he took me to
the gym and we had a great time, so I
was excited to learn.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
I just recently pulled the trigger on a personal trainer
certification just because like, fitness is my one passion, i'd say,
and I just love to make money off of it.
Hopefully I'll be finishing that soon and can get a
job as a personal trainer.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Earlier in this episode, Tyler's mom Stacey, told us that
Justin is appealing the length of his sentence and his
ability to contact his children. We asked Tyler what he
made of Justin's appeal.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
I'm not surprised, honestly, but I mean, that's all prisoners
are going to do. That he can continue to try.
Ain't shit gonna work. I mean, I really don't see
anything happening. Worse comes to worse, he wins some sort
of appeal, and I have to go to trial. And
now that I'm older and I've grown to balls to
(20:09):
talk out to millions about my story, He's really screwed
himself at this point, and I think if we go
to trial, I'm just gonna put him away for even longer.
So I'm not worried about any of that. Really, he
can keep trying.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
At this point, Tyler feels sorry for Justin.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
I was talking to my mom last night about his computer,
and I was like, I wonder whatever happened to his computer?
Speaker 3 (20:38):
Tyler's referencing the fact that Justin encrypted his computer when
he knew the authorities were onto him.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Tyler still thinks about that years later.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
She was like, Oh, they got into it a few
months ago, And I was like, you mean to tell
me our government it took them three years to get
into his computer. I was like, that there alone just
tells me the potential he wasted. The fact that you
were smart enough to crack down a computer so hard
(21:10):
our own fucking government could not get into it for
three years.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
How did he do that?
Speaker 4 (21:16):
The fact that you did that and then put yourself
in jail. I mean, I think we would have been
one of the richest families in the world if he
would have not touched me, Like, if he could have
just not been a pedophile, we would have been so successful.
I tell Mom all the time, he really fucked shit up.
Smartest person I know. I'll still say to this day.
(21:38):
By far, I'm not saying in all senses. Don't think
I'm putting him on a high horse. I'm just saying,
with as much as he did, I can still admit
he was pretty damn smart.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
At the end of the chat, we asked Tyler what
else he wanted people to know.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
I want people to know I'm not I'm not down
in the dumps, but I'm also not perfect. I'm not
at the end of my road. I'm still probably not
even seventy five percent away down. I'm probably around the middle.
I'd say I'm probably around there. I don't know. It's
it's hell a lot of the time, it really is.
(22:18):
I Mean, I wake up and I feel like shit immediately.
I just know the right things to do to stop that. Now,
I just got to get there. I just want people
to know that I'm not perfect, and anyone else out
there that's going through some similar stuff, you just gotta
(22:39):
keep working on it. I mean, I know it sucks,
it really does. I'd love to not have to constantly
work on myself and just not have this trauma and
be quote unquote normal, But it's part of life and
you just gotta deal with it, so got work hard
to be happy.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal team,
email us at Betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal
Pod at gmail dot com. Also, please be sure to
follow us at Glass Podcasts on Instagram for all Betrayal content,
news and updates.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
We're grateful for your support.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
One way to show support is by subscribing to our
show on Apple Podcasts, and don't forget to rate and
review Betrayal. Five star reviews go a long way. A
big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is
a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group,
in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced
(23:41):
by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fason, hosted and produced by
me Andrea Gunning, produced by Caitlin Golden. Our iHeart Team
is Ali Perry and Jessica Crincheck. Special thanks to Stacy Rutherford,
Tyler and the rest of Stacy and Tyler's friends and family.
Audio editing and mixing by Matt save Echio editing support
(24:02):
from Tanner Robbins. Betrayals theme composed by Oliver Bains. Music
library provided by Mybe Music and For more podcasts from iHeart,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get
your podcasts.
He'd always say to me, I wouldn't do what your
first husband did to you and just walk out on
you and basically leave you with nothing. And it's frustrating
to be told you'll never have to worry about that again, Stacy.
It's just that, like, how dare you? How dare you
promise so many things that you had to know deep
(00:23):
down you were never going to be able to follow through.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Hi, guys, it's Andrea.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
In just two weeks, we'll be back with a brand
new season of Betrayal. We'll be telling one story over
several episodes. I'll take you to Colorado where we'll do
a deep dive into a betrayal of family and community.
But before that, we wanted to give you an update
on our family from last season. In season three, we
told you the story of Stacy Rutherford and her son Tyler.
(01:08):
Stacy was a single mom when she met Justin. She
knew on their first date she would marry him, and
she did. He was funny, adored her children, and had
a bright future as a family physician. Together, they had
two more kids. Stacey loved Justin and the family they created.
After years of uncertainty, she finally fell grounded instability. But
(01:33):
Justin was hiding a dark secret for years. He was
sexually abusing Tyler, Stacy's eldest son. Once he was caught,
he tried to organize a murder for higher plot to
kill Tyler and prevent him from testifying in court. For
these crimes, Justin was ordered to spend decades in prison.
(01:55):
We'll hear from Tyler later in the episode, but first,
I wanted to share a conversation I had with Stacy over.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
The winter holidays.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
She called to let me know that there was an
update in Justin's case. Their family's legal battle wasn't over yet.
The last time you walked out of the courtroom was
for the murder for hire that happened last year, and
that was like, Okay, this is finally, like we can
close the book and move on with our lives.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Did you think that you were done with this?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Oh? I absolutely knew he was going to appeal. There's
no way he wasn't going to find some kind of loophole.
I mean, my sister and I've had tons of conversations
where she said to me, the law library is going
to know him. He's going to be there. He's going
to try to find a loophole. You just need to
prepare for this to be a regular thing for him
to try to find ways out of this.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Stacy eventually spotted a change on Justin's docketsheet and then
she got formal notification in the mail the appeal was happening.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
What is he appealing exactly?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
From what I understand, he is appealing the length of
the sentence that he believes it was too harsh, and
he's appealing his access to the children.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Originally, Justin was sentenced to twenty six years and ten
months to seventy years in prison, with twelve years probation
to follow his sentence. The judge also ordered that Justin
was to have no contact with Tyler or his two
younger siblings for the length of his sentence, even once
they became adults.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Are you prepared for that being changed?
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I wanted to give them that window of them being
little to them to get to eighteen, you know, to say, okay,
I can make an informed decision whether or not I
want to talk to my biological father or not. The
judge extended it past that eighteen for the length of
a sentence. For the length of his sentence and The
only thing that Tyler and I had talked about was
(04:04):
that they should be able to decide at eighteen if
they want to speak to him or not. As far
as him getting anything granted back to him, you know,
when they're children. At the end of the day, I
have custody of them. I'm the one that would have
to accept the phone calls from him. I'm the one
that would have to put money on my account for
(04:24):
them to speak to him. So I don't care if
his rights get given back to him to talk to them,
it still has to go through me, right, And I
don't have any desire for him to speak to my children. Yeah,
And you know, I will support them if that's something
that they want when they get of an age to
make those kind of decisions where they know everything that happened,
(04:48):
because I understand that they probably will maybe someday want
that right.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
I can understand and hold space for when they are adults. Yeah,
you know, as a mom, like wanting to look to
the future of your kid having agency as an adult
and being able to give them that agency, I can
understand that.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Stacy has not had contact with Justin since she learned
about his plot to kill Tyler. It's been over two years,
but recently she started writing letters to him as a
way of dealing with her emotions.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
I've done it a few times in the last few
months and never mailed anything.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Right.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
I would write it and I would hold on to it,
and then I would just throw it away.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
One of the ones that I threw away was pretty vicious,
and my sister was like, yeah, I don't think you
should send that because she might go to jail for
a threat. Because it was just in the moment, I
was very angry. I was having one of those days.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Like where is all this anger and emotion coming from recently?
Speaker 1 (05:57):
I just think when you are going through everything first
being found out, you're like living on adrenaline and you're
just in survival mode. And then as soon as the
trial stuff starts, then you're dealing with all of that,
and I don't think you really have time to sit
(06:18):
down and deal with like everything, so you just put
first what needs to be put first. I think after
all the stuff was done with both of the court
cases and everything like that, things guy felt settled down
a little bit. But I think that's when all the
other shit starts to kick in, you know, the missing
(06:43):
things and hurting and then being angry.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
Stacey decided to mail one of her most recent letters.
In this letter, she mentions Nanny de Nanny's like a
mother to Justin, and she's the only one who's remained
in his corner. Stacy also writes about her financial situation.
Justin was the breadwinner in the family. With him gone,
Stacy's been left holding the bag, supporting her two young
(07:11):
children on her own. Here's the letter. Nanny asked me
the other day if you could have the kids signed
up for a charity that provides toys for children of
incarcerated parents.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
And I can't help but think.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
The last thing we need is more toys if in
the next few years we may not even be able
to afford a home to put those toys in. Yeah,
that's my reality these days, that's your children's reality.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
These days.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
I see no light at the end of this tunnel.
I remember you telling me I'd never have to live
like this again, and I'm worse off. So when you
heard about the kid's charity of toys of incarcerated parents,
it was your first reaction anger.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
I just I think I was more just like, what
what the fuck, like this is what we're worried about,
like him making sure that the kids have a gift
from him, and oh, but you know, isn't it nice
that you're allowing someone else to buy that for you
to give to them so that you don't have to
spend any of your money that you need to spend
(08:15):
on your lawyer for you know, a gift for your kids.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Justin has a private attorney, and this infuriates Stacy. He
somehow has the money to pay for his appeal but
has contributed nothing to the care of their children.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
I don't know, it just it rubbed me wrong, and
I was just salty for a little bit about it.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Right, It kind of just seems like he wants to
be able to contribute in this way, but he's not
understanding the larger impact that all of his actions have
put you and the kids in.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Like it just felt like you were shaking him with
this letter of like you don't really know how bad
things are because of everything that you've done.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
I am able to buy my kids things. It's not
like I'm totally destitute, but you're using a charity for
children who may not get a single thing when you know,
good and well, you have money in your account, so
you want to come in and be fun. Daddy, you know, ooh, look,
(09:16):
daddy sent us a present when you really didn't do
anything behind that.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
In December, right around the holidays, we caught up with
Stacy Rutherford, whose story we highlighted in season three. Recently,
she wrote a letter to her ex husband justin while
he remains in prison.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Stacy shared that letter with us.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
There's this theme in your letter where you talk about,
you know, you promised me that things were going to
be different, like it had already gone through a divorce,
I had already gotten pretty far on raising two kids
to end up in this place. That's a really intense
cycle to be thinking about.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Well, it's like I remember saying to him when we
were dating, jokingly, I'm not trying to be a single
mom again to two small children. I've done it. I
don't want to do it again. Okay, I'm just letting
you know that you're either going to be married to
me or I'm going to soak the life out of
you for child support, So just be prepared for whichever
(10:29):
one you want. And you know we would, he'd always
say to me I wouldn't do what your first husband
did to you and just walk out on you and
basically leave you with nothing. And it's frustrating to be
told you'll never have to worry about that again, Stacy,
You'll never have to, you know, worry about anything like this.
And to have more children, and I love them and
(10:51):
I wouldn't trade that, of course, but you know, I
wouldn't have necessarily decided to have two more children in
my life late thirties if I thought that I was
going to be raising them by myself.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
It's so interesting.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
It's like, no matter the amount of conversations and things
that you think that you're navigating and communicating, your brain
just doesn't go to this worst case scenario.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
You just don't go there.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Oh no, it's just that like, how dare you? Yeah,
how dare you promise so many things that you had
to know deep down you were never going to be
able to follow through.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
It's just it's I don't know. There's days that I
think to myself that I'm not the mom that I
want to be. I don't want my kids to remember
that I cried a lot, or that I was sad,
or that I was just angry all the time because
(11:57):
I've gotten I think, to a level of anger a
lot late, Like I just feel like I'm really angry
at the world and men and people, and I don't
want them to remember that I'm just angry. Yeah, I'm
just angry that so many of these things were taken
away from all of us.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
It's impossible to even ask this, but like, what are
you going to do about this anger? Well?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
To start, I have like not been the greatest lately
about my going to you know, therapy, and I've kind
of let myself get in a rut lately, like I
find myself, you know, declining plans all the time. You know,
I'm good, I'm just gonna stay home, or oh my
bro's already off, or you know, I am putting that
back on. But I also think to myself, is that
(12:49):
contributing to me? Do I need to force myself to
do these things?
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Because am I just making it worse by staying home
and festering on the fact that I'm loan and isolating
and things like that. But I don't know, I just
I think that was part of writing the letter to him,
was I just I just want you to know this
is the kind of stuff that you have left me with.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
All of it feels like such an injustice and sometimes
you just need to like scream it from the mountaintops
and the person that really needs to hear it. You
just want to just like shove, you know, put it
out there and scream it so that they hear you.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
I mean, it did make me feel better at some
point to write it. It just happened to be the
one that I mailed. I don't know, I just must
have been impulsive that day because the rest of him
never made it.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Progress is not a straight line.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
And there's a lot of similar rhetoric in this letter
of where you were like in the beginning of a
lot of things, you know, and you're gonna make strides
and getting yourself to a different place and then come
back to these feelings that you have regarding this and
one day, I really do hope you find that whatever
(14:07):
feeling that you're longing for, you get it on your own. Yeah,
And I do believe that you will get there.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
It's just like you said at Ebbs and Flows, I
felt like it's really hung on lately. But I also
say to my sister too, sometimes like I look at
where I am now and I look at where I
was three years ago, and there is a difference. So
I can see change, and I can see that I
have happy moments and that I enjoy life and things
(14:36):
like that. I don't just sit around, you know, and
cry all the time. I obviously go have fun, but
I just have my moments, yeah, you know. And it
hits at just different times in this here. Lately, it's
been hanging on.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
After the break, we'll hear from Stacy's son, Tyler. Before
(15:11):
we go, we wanted to share an update on Stacy's
sun Tyler. Over the last year, he's been sharing a
lot of updates on.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
His own What's Up.
Speaker 4 (15:20):
My name is Tyler.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
I've made a goal with myself to post on TikTok
as much as I can.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
His goal is to be an advocate for male survivors
of trauma.
Speaker 5 (15:31):
I want to build a community for men out there,
especially men like me out there. I've had a very
traumatic life and went through some crazy things, and ever
since then, I've felt kind of lost. And I know
many men out there that I've went through the same
thing can feel that exact same feeling, even if you
haven't been through that exact traumatic experience or been sexually assaulted.
(15:55):
I want to reach out to men and make a
change in the men's space. Push this.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Let's build an.
Speaker 5 (16:01):
Awesome community together, guys.
Speaker 6 (16:03):
Let's do this.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Through betrayal and through Tyler's posts, his story has reached
a lot of people. We've received so many comments and
emails calling Tyler an inspiration for speaking up. My producer
met with Tyler and asked him how it feels to
get all that positive feedback.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
It's crazy.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
I expected a little bit, not maybe quite as much
as I've gotten, and it's heartwarming to read.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I know that I achieved.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
What I wanted to with the podcast when I get
something like that just to help someone else.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
For so long, Tyler thought he'd take what Justin did
to him to his grave.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
I think about it all the time, like my plan
to just never say anything because that's what was going
to happen. And I was doing pretty damn good at
it for quite a while.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
But when it came out that Justin had abused tyler friend,
Tyler's family was concerned that he too was a victim.
They kept asking him until he eventually disclosed to his aunt.
Many male victims of sexual abuse keep what happened to
them a secret for their whole lives. For example, Anthony Edwards,
an actor Tyler spoke with in season three, didn't disclose
(17:19):
for decades.
Speaker 6 (17:21):
I lived most of my life in fear because my
experience of having been assaulted as a kid set me
up for being afraid and not trusting in people, places,
or things. And it wasn't until I was fifty two
years old did I start talking about it and looking
(17:42):
at it.
Speaker 4 (17:44):
It was one of the worst feelings to get it
forced out of me, but like now, I'm so happy
I did, because I know how bad I feel sometimes
and I can't imagine how crazy my mind would be
trying to cross that's all this at fifty two, I
still feel the pain of holding it in for seven
(18:06):
eight years, however long letting it out at sixteen, and
that's like, that's young. I'm still a kid compared to
these guys holding in sixty years.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
I can't imagine.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
No.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
I also wanted to hear about Tyler's career. When we
last talked, he was considering going into the military, but
it's always been clear to me that fitness is Tyler's
first love. He even did a TikTok about it.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
The gym is a great release from everyday stress or
release from life. In the last few years, I honestly
have felt kind of lost, and I just feel like
I'm always scrambling to find myself. And the one place
where I feel like I can really find myself is
in the gym. The gym is my safe space and
(18:59):
I go to feel safe.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
When I was with Tyler last he took me to
the gym and we had a great time, so I
was excited to learn.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
I just recently pulled the trigger on a personal trainer
certification just because like, fitness is my one passion, i'd say,
and I just love to make money off of it.
Hopefully I'll be finishing that soon and can get a
job as a personal trainer.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Earlier in this episode, Tyler's mom Stacey, told us that
Justin is appealing the length of his sentence and his
ability to contact his children. We asked Tyler what he
made of Justin's appeal.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
I'm not surprised, honestly, but I mean, that's all prisoners
are going to do. That he can continue to try.
Ain't shit gonna work. I mean, I really don't see
anything happening. Worse comes to worse, he wins some sort
of appeal, and I have to go to trial. And
now that I'm older and I've grown to balls to
(20:09):
talk out to millions about my story, He's really screwed
himself at this point, and I think if we go
to trial, I'm just gonna put him away for even longer.
So I'm not worried about any of that. Really, he
can keep trying.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
At this point, Tyler feels sorry for Justin.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
I was talking to my mom last night about his computer,
and I was like, I wonder whatever happened to his computer?
Speaker 3 (20:38):
Tyler's referencing the fact that Justin encrypted his computer when
he knew the authorities were onto him.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Tyler still thinks about that years later.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
She was like, Oh, they got into it a few
months ago, And I was like, you mean to tell
me our government it took them three years to get
into his computer. I was like, that there alone just
tells me the potential he wasted. The fact that you
were smart enough to crack down a computer so hard
(21:10):
our own fucking government could not get into it for
three years.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
How did he do that?
Speaker 4 (21:16):
The fact that you did that and then put yourself
in jail. I mean, I think we would have been
one of the richest families in the world if he
would have not touched me, Like, if he could have
just not been a pedophile, we would have been so successful.
I tell Mom all the time, he really fucked shit up.
Smartest person I know. I'll still say to this day.
(21:38):
By far, I'm not saying in all senses. Don't think
I'm putting him on a high horse. I'm just saying,
with as much as he did, I can still admit
he was pretty damn smart.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
At the end of the chat, we asked Tyler what
else he wanted people to know.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
I want people to know I'm not I'm not down
in the dumps, but I'm also not perfect. I'm not
at the end of my road. I'm still probably not
even seventy five percent away down. I'm probably around the middle.
I'd say I'm probably around there. I don't know. It's
it's hell a lot of the time, it really is.
(22:18):
I Mean, I wake up and I feel like shit immediately.
I just know the right things to do to stop that. Now,
I just got to get there. I just want people
to know that I'm not perfect, and anyone else out
there that's going through some similar stuff, you just gotta
(22:39):
keep working on it. I mean, I know it sucks,
it really does. I'd love to not have to constantly
work on myself and just not have this trauma and
be quote unquote normal, But it's part of life and
you just gotta deal with it, so got work hard
to be happy.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal team,
email us at Betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal
Pod at gmail dot com. Also, please be sure to
follow us at Glass Podcasts on Instagram for all Betrayal content,
news and updates.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
We're grateful for your support.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
One way to show support is by subscribing to our
show on Apple Podcasts, and don't forget to rate and
review Betrayal. Five star reviews go a long way. A
big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is
a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group,
in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced
(23:41):
by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fason, hosted and produced by
me Andrea Gunning, produced by Caitlin Golden. Our iHeart Team
is Ali Perry and Jessica Crincheck. Special thanks to Stacy Rutherford,
Tyler and the rest of Stacy and Tyler's friends and family.
Audio editing and mixing by Matt save Echio editing support
(24:02):
from Tanner Robbins. Betrayals theme composed by Oliver Bains. Music
library provided by Mybe Music and For more podcasts from iHeart,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get
your podcasts.
Host
Andrea Gunning
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