May 8, 2025 • 36 mins
Your Gen Z big sister returns to talk about her new novel HOTTER IN THE HAMPTONS as well as advice she DOESN'T follow, why we all need to make out more, Tinx's beef with AI, AND MUCH MORE!
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- Tinx’s book, Hotter in the Hamptons is available now at https://tinxworld.com/pages/hotter-in-the-hamptons
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Let's talk with Heather dubru starts now. I'm very excited
for my guests today. She's a New York Times best
selling author. She's host of It's Me Tanks on Serious Exam.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
She is so fabby.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
She's got a new amazing book out. You might know
her as Christina Najar, but we all know her as Tanks.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Welcome Dan, thank you for having me.
Speaker 4 (00:21):
It's so good to see you outside of Crags, which
is our usual run in spot.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
It's true, so it's nice to get to chat to you.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
It's so lovely seeing you in the flesh outside. Although
would be nice if we had a cocktail.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
It would, it would, it would. It's always better with
the cocktails.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
It's always better. But I'm really weirdly sober right now?
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Okay, how long have you like it's.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Just been a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
But I got to tell you something. I did this
like for a month. Have you ever done this before?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
What? Don't drink for months? Yeah? Yeah, I've done it
a couple of times.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
I used to do dry January and then the world
got too scary and I decided my commitment to alcohol
is unwavering. Yeah, I'm mine too, and I just but
you do feel after you push through the first two weeks,
you're like, oh, it's annoying because I do feel amazing.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
See I don't.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Oh okay, good, No, not at all.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
I think it's all bullshit. I'm not sleeping better.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Okay, okay, I don't. My skin does not look better.
I got nothing.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Then go back to it.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Oh, I'm totally going to telling my liver back to work, bit,
back to work, back to work, bitch. I want to
just jump off with the book. We're gonna talk about
a lot of things, but I want to jump off
with your book because Hotter in the Hamptons is really hot.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
And I have to tell you this is how much.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
I like it.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
I haven't finished it.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Oh, because when I really like a book and I
want to sit with the characters longer.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
I slow down.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
That's so nice, thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
No, it's totally true. So I'm saving like the Daneu ball.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Oh my god, I love it. Well. I won't give
any spoilers. But and also that's really great because I
wanted it to be easy to read.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
It's really easy to read.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
I know that's controversial, but people have been saying like, oh,
I read it in like two hours or three hours,
just one sitting like chilling in my house, and I'm like,
that's exactly how I wanted it to be.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
It's a pool side read.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
It's a beat no totally nothing, nothing too heavy there.
It's just it's supposed to be light and fun and
it's supposed to just be like a little bit of
fun by the pool, sipping your rose this summer.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
And it's exactly what it is.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
It's like, really, it's like the reality TV of romance novel.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
That's the highest compliment you could have given me.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
It's true. It's like guilty pleasure. Fabulous.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
And it's funny because I remember when I was younger,
me and my sister and my mom, we used to
like trade romance novels, right, and we would just reading
and be like, oh, this is a good one, or
except if like if like a guy had red hair,
I'd be like, no, I can't that can't yeah, I
can't read that one.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
I'm not a ginger, but everyone has their things that
pull them out of romance novels. For me, actually, part
of my inspiration for this book was like I was
reading a lot of romance and in every single book.
It was like and then she lived happily ever after,
and I was like, oh, okay, without giving too much away,
I was just like, Okay, that's interesting, or like the
main character was perfect. Like that kind of pulled me
(02:59):
out of it because I like a flawed Haro, I
like a flawed heroin. I like a Carrie Bradshaw, Hannah
w Rvath, like those are the girls that we're still
talking about because they're real and because they're flawed, and
we're all flawed. So that's that's interesting. And also I
have a hard time so far.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
I'm going to try again.
Speaker 4 (03:17):
I know that there's incredible fantasy, like with dragons and whatnot.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
For some reason, I have a hard time.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
Getting into that when I'm reading. So that was the
thing that pulls me out. Not red hair actually happened
to love Gingers.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Love Yeah, No, not me, but yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
Although my son is a little bit of a Ginger,
but I think Ginger guys are really hot.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
That's my hot take. Really, yes, I really like No.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I remember my sister giving me that it was out
They made a TV show out of it.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
The Outlander.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Outlander is redheaded? Is he yeah, we read. There was
like twenty seven books in the series. I read like
the first eight of them.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
But I remember my sister.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Giving me the book and be like, Jamie, it's hot,
but you have to pretend he doesn't have red hair.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
I was like, okay, not it pretend every time. So funny.
But you know, I found the book. I mean, it's
so good. It's a great read.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
It's fun, it's sexy and all that, but there's there's like,
you know, a gay vibe to it. Not gay, but
like there's a woman own woman vibe in it. And
I love that. I you know, have kids in the
queer community, and I also think this next generation of people,
which is probably your generation and younger, are much more
open and much more fluid, which I love.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
I love that.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
Yes, I think a lot of my following is straight women,
and my hope is that by reading this, if any
of them are having questions or fantasies or just wanting
to explore that, this nudges them to do that and
to feel comfortable and to celebrate whatever they're feeling.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
And then it's all okay, it's all okay.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
I mean I've said this many times.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
But one of theos also was like someone wrote to
me on my ame, which I do every which means
ask me anything.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Wait, do you to away?
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Can I just talk you for a second?
Speaker 3 (05:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Do you know You're the first person I ever.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Saw write then I didn't know what it meant, and
I was like, what is that, Imma, I'm.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Gonna go talk to you today.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
A lot of people don't know what it stands for.
And I've done it literally since I started being an influencer.
I did it every Monday and Thursday. I've done it
for almost five years.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
And a lot of people still are like, by the way,
what is amma? And I'm like, oh, it means ask
me anything. But like over a year ago, someone.
Speaker 4 (05:27):
Was like, oh, tanks, like I watch lesbian porn, Like
do you think that means?
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Like do you think that's okay?
Speaker 4 (05:32):
And I was like, yes, it's okay, but it's all okay,
it's all okay, it's all okay. And so that was
a big reason why I was like, you know, I
have this predominantly straight following, and I'm like.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
You know, let your mind wander, see see what happens.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Is any of this book autobiographical.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
Well, she's an influencer. I put a lot of my influencing. Okay,
she got the box theory in the yes, yeah, and
she's uh, you know, she's been canceled.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
I've been canceled.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
And one of the character I mean, for my people
who follow me really closely, they'll see the little easter eggs.
It's full of easter eggs from my life, people in
my life, and you know, so it's a mix.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
I love that. I think it's so fun.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I think it's absolutely great.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
And I also think it's good timing because romance novels feel.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Like there's been a surge back. Why do you think
that is? Do you think we just all need a
little escapism.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I think a lot of it is escapism.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
And I think, honestly, the world is a really scary place,
and it's quite hard to be like horny in this
time because you look at your phone and you're like, oh,
everything's really bad.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Depressing.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
It's depressing.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
I think we're all under a lot of stress. I
think that, like I think that all the constant onlineeness is.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Dampering our animal instincts.
Speaker 4 (06:46):
And then you read these romance novels and it's beautiful escapism.
It's a time and place to imagine and use your
imagination and it makes your ARNI, which is always a
good thing.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
It's always a good thing. You've coined so many kind
of concepts. You've got the box theory, you've got.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Rich mom energies. Which theory?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Have you sort of secretly retired because you grew it?
Speaker 3 (07:07):
That's a really good question.
Speaker 4 (07:11):
I used to say this thing, and I haven't fully retired,
but it just doesn't feel as relevant anymore about the
ick list.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
And I would say when you're starting to date someone, like.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Keep a list of all the things that ike you
out in case, you know, you break up, and then
it'll be easier. And I don't know, that just seems
a little gamy to me now and a little bit defensive.
And I don't know, maybe I've grown up a little bit.
I just I don't think it's necessary. You can always
keep one or two in your back pocket, but I
don't think that necessarily keeping a list is something I
would advocate for anymore.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Yeah, And also I feel like then you start to
focus on those things totally. There is the hate click.
I mean, I really do gliere and that once you
get the hate click. There's no coming back. But sometimes
the ick things.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
We need to get over it.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
We're a little I think also we've all gotten a
little to myself included ick happy where I'm like, oh,
you know, he looked at me the wrong way. It's like, okay,
we all need to get over it.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
So you, I mean, I love how you're like sort
of everyone's big sister, right, everyone's bestie. What's one piece
of advice that you have given publicly? Yeah, but you
secretly don't follow.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
Oh my gosh, I have so many things.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
And I always say like, don't always I go back
so as I say, not as I do.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
I'm always like, don't go back to your ex.
Speaker 4 (08:26):
And I've of course gone back to an AX once
or twice, three times two years, you know whatever, So
that I think, you know, I always say to the
girls like, we can't have any negative self talk. You
can't compare, and I fall into comparison all the time.
But I think that's why it's important for me to
talk about it so much, because it's something that we
all struggle with and we all deal with like looking
(08:48):
on our phones and being like, wow, I'm jealous of that,
or like, oh, I wish I was in this situation
or whatever.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
So that one I guess, you know.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
All right, Oh you know what I was curious about
your mom? Yeah, so you're so two things. First of all,
you're so open. You're open with your feelings, You're open sexually.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
You're just very open, and I love it.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
I think it's amazing and I feel like that's something
that I've created with my kids, but not how I
grew up.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Was your mom very open and communicative with you?
Speaker 4 (09:19):
We didn't talk about sex that much, but she was
very open with me, Like I felt as though I
could go to her with anything if I wanted birth
control or if I drank or something. And I really
credit her because I think it meant there was no
secrets between us. Yeah, like if I did something that
I thought was bad, if I tried weed or whatever,
I would tell her.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
And I think that that's obviously amazing for parents. So
I do credit her.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
Although we don't really talk about like sex, but I
think that's just I don't know why I'm so open
with it, Probably because I went to an all girls school, honestly,
and it's just kind of like.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
And then I was president of my story. So I
was just like around girls yapping about sex and that stuff,
and I loved it and it's fun and that.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Yeah, what does.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Your mom think now she actually read the book, She's
not going to read this one.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
We have decided, and I really am so glad she.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
We have a strict rule that she can't comment on
any of the sexy stuff I put on my ig.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Otherwise she gets blocked from my story and she doesn't
want that, so she just has to take it.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
Every time I mentioned a blowjob, she just swipes and
she moves on. Otherwise she will get her privileges revoked, revoked.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
I like that. And she has a couple of Yeah
she gets judgy.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
No, she's just like honey or whatever. But she hasn't
done that in a while.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
That's so good.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Yeah, it's good. It's a good rule.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
She's like, I mean, I'm an adult, Like I'm gonna
I'm fully baked at this point.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Yeah, I have news for you. You're never fully baked.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
But I will tell you with my mom.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Like very nineteen fifties and didn't talk about anything. And
sometimes she'll complain about something I talk about on the
pot and I'm like, don't listen, right, don't. It's like
opening my diary. If it's gonna bug you, it's not
my intention.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
Just don't just opt out.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Yeah, okay, we're gonna play a little game tanks unfiltered.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
We're gonna call it.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
No, we're gonna call it tanks off the record. Ok
here we go. You have to answer fast though, Okay, okay.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
You ready?
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Trend you'd send straight to jail.
Speaker 5 (11:18):
Oh, wearing the like the clips that you use to
keep your hair out of your face when you're doing
your makeup, like out people wear those out either wearing
I just we have other hair clips, Like it's we
don't need to use them.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
That's like did you ever see women who used to
wear curlers?
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Like to church?
Speaker 1 (11:39):
I know, and I would go if it's not good
enough to take them down to church, Like when do
you take the coin down?
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
I didn't get that celebrity crush. You've never admitted out loud.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
I talk about them all so much because I want
to manifest album probably Beneathio del Toro really hot.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah, I would agree with.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
That pop culture moment that lives rent to free in
your brain.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Tom cruise jumping on the sofa.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
That was crazy.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
That was crazy.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
That's really millennial core. But like I remember him doing
that and I was.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Like, whoa, he's happy, He's very happy. He's on drugs.
Most unhinged DM you've ever received.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
Asking for feet picks. For sure, I do have nice feet,
but I was shocked.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
I have hideous feet and I have a score on
feet Epedia. What is it called feet wi Yeah, that's
so weird to me.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
I know, so weird. It's so bad.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
In your book and in your life, there's this scene,
this theme of main character energy.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Right, do you feel like you're a main character?
Speaker 4 (12:43):
I do, and I didn't always, and I think so
much of Like what I try to do with my
platform is to encourage young women to be the main
character of their own life, because when you are chasing
a relationship for validation, you're putting another person higher up
in your life than you.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
And that's what I did my entire twenties.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
I was like, if I can just get a boyfriend,
i'll be valid and you know, I'll be so cool.
And that is literally saying some other random.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Character in your life is more important than you. You're
the star. Of your Netflix show.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
You choose who gets to come in for how many seasons?
You're the director, and you just need to make sure
that you're the main character.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
And so I am now. But for a long time
I didn't feel that.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Way, and you could really insert anything in there, not
just getting a boyfriend, but you know, when I fill
in the blank, get this job, at all those things
you can't wait.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
You have to be happy on the daily or else
one hundred person you do it.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
And I think that it's always helpful to think about
your life as a TV show.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
I always do, because you.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
Know, in a TV show, something big doesn't happen every day,
but they're still the main character, and you watch because
they're on their journey.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
And so sometimes you're going.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
Through a period where you're building, or you're grinding, or
you're working really hard towards something, and that's okay.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
You're still the main character. You're just the main character.
Who's you know in motion?
Speaker 2 (14:03):
What do you do that's very unmin character?
Speaker 3 (14:07):
What do I do that's un main character?
Speaker 4 (14:10):
I mean, I think anytime you're freaking out about if
someone likes you, that's not main character. You just have
to let it go. And I've gotten so much better
at that. But again, in my twenties, that was so
hard for me. I would spend weeks chasing guys and
you know, to what end like they don't like you.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I know.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
It's so hard, though, I feel like a lot of
that comes with age and time it done, and experience.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
I don't think a twenty year old can learn those lessons.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
I agree. I agree.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
I think that as much we should talk about it
so that hopefully they can learn earlier, at least than
I did.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
At least recognize it.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Even if you can't wholly embrace it, if you could
just recognize it, It's funny. My daughter, one of my daughters,
is eighteen and she is going to college in the fall.
She's going to Yale, and she's going to kill me
for talking about this, but she was just she just
called me and she's at Yale right now visitings and yeah,
it super exciting whatever, But she has a boyfriend and
(15:06):
she was crying to me, and she's really smart and
she like intellectually understands that they're eighteen and this is
not going to be still hurts, but she's like, oh,
we're going to have to break up in a month
and you know, all the things, and I'm like smiling,
but trying to.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
Know it's still appropriate and good for her for you know,
being so self aware and still feeling her feelings.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
That's really cool. I know, the best experience.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
But at eighteen, you can't, I'm saying, like in your twenties, yeah,
you can't, just not emotionally sure enough.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Oh she's going to college. That's so exciting.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
I know. I have two juniors in college. They're going
to be seniors in the fall. Crazy, and then she's
going to be a freshman. And then my youngest is
going into high school.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
So crazy crazy.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Why the Hamptons?
Speaker 3 (15:53):
I really had this so part.
Speaker 4 (15:56):
One of my most successful content pillars was a rich
moms and people.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Love luxurious places.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
I know, for me, I like to watch TV shows
set in luxurious places, whether it's Orange County, whether it's
New York whatever, And yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Just I like nice places. So I wanted to write
about have.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
You spent a lot of time in the Hamptons?
Speaker 5 (16:17):
You know?
Speaker 3 (16:17):
I used to hate it?
Speaker 2 (16:18):
And then why do you hate it?
Speaker 4 (16:20):
Because quite frankly, like it's a little bit confusing if
you just go into it yes, and you.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Have no like you don't know what to do, and
it's like going to Malibu.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
You need to be you need.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
To be set up, you need to be in the
in crowd.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
And then quite frankly, I made my own money and
I rented a house with my friend for my friends
one year, and I fell in.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
Love with it and I was like, Okay, now I
get it.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
Yeah, I was like staying before girls in a room
at a motel when I was like twenty three. Like
of course I didn't have a good time, Like not
because we were staying in a motel or whatever, but
I just I didn't get it.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
We didn't know where.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
It was a different five we had my parents had
a house there first. Yeah, twenty years. It's like when
you go to the Hampter, it's this.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Cool beechy community, but people have parties exactly, and so
you have to know people.
Speaker 4 (17:03):
You have to know people, or you have to go
with people and be enough of a unit of your
with your friends where you're like, I don't care if
I get invited to these like you know, fancy parties,
Like I'm gonna hang with my friends and barbecue and
sit in my yard and get drunk.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Which is what I do right, which is fun too.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
But it's also different because each each town in the
Hamptons has its own.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
So you need too.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
And there's Southampton, there's East Tampa just for.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
The LA people totally.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
That's where I run an East so then that's where
the book is set.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
So it's so great. All right, let me ask you
some We're gonna do some Hampton's questions. Oh, here we go.
Fun must order cocktail in the Hamptons.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Oh, I would say. Anything at Crow's Nest is so good,
like a Martie Crisp martini while you're waiting for your
table at Crow's Nest. It's just amazing.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Beach read that shaped you?
Speaker 4 (17:53):
Oh wow, A beach read that shaped me well.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
Most recently, I loved Buy Baby. I read that in
one day. I don't know if you'd call it a
beach reade, but it was fabulous. Kerala Leaving, I believe.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Author best power move on a summer.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
Date going in for a kiss, oh smooching?
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Would you always make the first move? Is it? No?
Speaker 3 (18:18):
I don't, but I think it's fun too, Like we
need to make out more. Yes, all of us do.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Yeah, I so agree with that.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
People don't want to make out. I'm like, you guys
need to be making out more like it's fun. I
need to tell Terry that, yeah, you should make out
with Terry Moore. Yeah, no, I agree, Yeah, I totally
agree with that. What would your Hampton's house be named?
I don't know, the fun palace. That sounds a little
like an orgy dome, but we'll go with it.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
You have built such a huge brand online and I mean,
you're so open about everything, but I mean some of
it must be curated in you know, a certain aspect.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
But what do you not show people? What do you
purposely not show people?
Speaker 3 (19:05):
I don't talk about dating anymore.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
I used to share all of my dating stories, like
in real time, you know.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Oh guys, I went on a date with mister Blah,
you know.
Speaker 4 (19:14):
And I got to a point where I felt confused
about what was story and what was real, as in,
sometimes I couldn't like parse out my feelings and think,
what is actually how I feel and what is what
I'm going to tell my followers. Not that I was
changing how I felt or or you know, creating a narrative,
(19:35):
but it just it got too confusing and I felt
like I needed to keep that separate. And also the
type of person that I'm looking for, I don't know
if they would want to be splashed on the internet
in their early stages.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Yeah. So people you date, do they listen to you?
Do they follow you? Do they?
Speaker 4 (19:52):
I mean I think sometimes I kind of asked them
not to because it's like I don't go to their
work and look at them and watch them while they work.
Speaker 6 (19:58):
Yeah, but that's got to be a hard it's for sure,
and it's people love dating content, but I just I
got to a point where I was like, I don't
think I should be going on a date, and then
the next morning telling the girls like, this is what happened.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
Because it affects how I feel about the other person
because I get feedback, you know, they'd say, oh, that
sounds weird what he did, and then I'd.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Be like, oh, wait, that is that weird? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (20:20):
Yeah, maybe the guy hears it and he's like, oh,
well why did she say that? You know whatever, it's
just too messy despite it being great content.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
So and also I would imagine, I mean, I haven't
had a first date and run a year, but I
would imagine also, you know, when you first start dating someone,
you're both awkward, you're both figuring out, you're showing a
version of yourself. Yeah, and if you start critiquing it
and right, you know, really delving into it, you might
hurt something that's good something.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
Yeah. And also you don't want to show all your cards.
And that's what I was doing.
Speaker 4 (20:54):
Sometimes i would be literally telling the girls on the radio,
and I'm so close with my community that I talked
and like, I talked with my girlfriend. So you know,
you're saying the most as nine shit, You're like, well,
I liked it. And then he touched his hair this
weird way and it reminded me of my acci dah
d d. It's like, you sound insane, right, So I'm like,
I should just like keep that for my girlfriends and
I'll tell.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
But that's your community.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
They are your girlfriends, and that's why you feel so comfortable,
and that's why they like here.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
I could do a shield where only they, only my community,
could hear it and go to the wider internet.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
I would it would be that would maybe.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
You need maybe you need you have like one like
behind the paywall, one one behind them like super super Yes,
I sot do you know the girls from pop Apologist? Yes,
they're so cute. Yes, and they do. They did something recently.
You should do this. They did something recently where they
wanted to talk I can't remember what it was, but
they wanted to talk about something like very specific and edgy,
(21:48):
and they said, Okay, we're going to talk about this thing.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
You have to pay for it, and it's only going
to be up for three days.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
Smart. Okay, do that? Very smart? I like that.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
Would you ever do a retreat? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (21:58):
I think I would. I think you should be great too.
Speaker 4 (22:00):
Yeah, I would love to do some sort of like yeah,
knowing me, it would be like a party retreat. I'd
be like, okay, guys, we're visa. Yeah, by the way,
I would come to that.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
What about like the future do you think are you
someone that's got like a five year plan a ten
year plan. Do you sort of live in beta mode
or you?
Speaker 4 (22:21):
You know, I think that you always have to be
planting seeds and looking ahead.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
But I don't have a five year plan.
Speaker 4 (22:28):
I think I'm really focused on producing good work and
continuing to grow my community, and I just.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Want to be happy.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
I know that sounds silly and it's not for me,
but I just want to be happy, So as long
as I try to focus on the present as much
as possible and think like, Okay, am I enjoying this work?
Speaker 3 (22:46):
Am I enjoying my podcast? Am I enjoying creating content?
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Like?
Speaker 3 (22:49):
What changes should I make?
Speaker 5 (22:50):
Like?
Speaker 4 (22:51):
What am I interested in? And just try to follow
my curiosity.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Do you have days where you feel like, oh, I
just don't want to post.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
Yeah, I do.
Speaker 4 (22:59):
And I've been highlighting this new thing where I don't
post on the weekends because I read that book The
Anxious Generation, about you know, online and what it does
to kids' brains specifically, but it's doing it to our
brains as well, and I just want to make sure
that I'm using social media and it's not using me.
(23:20):
So I'm kind of figuring out what that looks like
and we'll see. But yeah, of course some days I'm
like and I thought there was a time when I
was like, I'm going to post every day till the
day that I die.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
And I'm like, now I don't feel that way. I
don't feel that way.
Speaker 4 (23:35):
I want to be really present And this is sound
so silly and small, but like now when I go
to a concert, my phone stays in my back, not
taking pictures of it. I'm not taking pictures of my
friends singing, like I'm at the concert and I'm listening,
just little changes like that.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
I'm kind of I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
No, I think that's so short. I remember it was
a year or two ago. We were at We've Got.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Land at Idahouse and we go there.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
We're usually there for July fourth, and we're there and
all the kids there. It was like, you know, some
holidays are.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Great, some are med. You know whatever, man, you just
moved through it. But this was a particularly special, fun holiday.
Everyone was in a great mood. Everyone's hanging out, whatever
it was.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
And I pulled up my phone to start taking a
little video of the fireworks, and Terry looks at me
and goes, no, one wants.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
To see a video of your fireworks.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
I agree with her, and I go, okay. I didn't
get mad. I was like, okay, I was probably like
twelve dr exsit and by the way, okay, yeah, put.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
My phone away, and I thought, but it was funny.
Someone I was with put this beautiful carousel up that
had the family photos and the thing, and there was
like a little video of the of the the.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Fireworks, and I was like, oh, that looks so cute.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
But it didn't bother me, right right, No, it doesn't
bother me. It's just for me. I just want to
be in the moment.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Now, that's what I'm saying. It didn't bother me that
she put it and then I didn't have it. No,
it didn't bother me. My whole thing is when I
was much younger, like in.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
My twenties maybe early thirties, I would want pictures of everything.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
And this is before we had social media, so this is.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Like taking pictures, developing the pictures, all of that, and
it would be like walking in the door and this
moment and let's not miss this moment. And I got
to the point where I thought, this is so much work.
And I didn't have sort of self actualization at the
time to use the words present, but I realized in
some capacity I wasn't being present.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
So I shifted to I need one.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Photo, that's it, from every event, just one because if
I have one photo, then my brain goes to, right,
that was the night that you know Tinks tripped backstage, Yeah,
that's the night that Heather drank too much.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yeah, you know, and just the one fellow, not plenty.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
How else do you say present?
Speaker 4 (25:53):
I always I remind myself every morning. This is something
my mom does, and she taught me. She goes, this
is the only day you get of today, And it's like,
I really say it, and I'm like, this is the
only day I get of this day, and I'm you know,
it could be good, it could be bad, but it's
the only one and I'm right here, like I'm right
in this moment.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
I am very petty person.
Speaker 4 (26:16):
I'm always thinking about the past and the future, and
I've worked really hard to try and bring myself to
present day.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
And I'm a lot happier because of it. And it's
a choice.
Speaker 5 (26:26):
You know.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
We're anxious, we have a lot going on.
Speaker 4 (26:27):
We worry about the future, we go over the past,
but at the.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
End of the day, all we have is now, We're
in this moment. This is the thing. This is the thing.
Are we happy now? Are you being a good friend?
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Now?
Speaker 4 (26:38):
Are you being a good wife's, sister, daughter, mother, whatever?
Like That's what I try to think about all the time.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I know, that's like what we were talking about before.
It's like if if you're waiting for X to happen,
then you aren't enjoying every day. And what's the point.
So you give advice to so many people?
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Who do you go to for advice?
Speaker 3 (26:58):
I have a couple of friends that I think are really.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Sent I like that word. They're sensible.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
Yeah, I think like common sense. Ain't that common? It's
really not.
Speaker 4 (27:08):
And you have to think when you're going to someone
for advice, do I like their life? Do I think
that they're in a good place in their life?
Speaker 3 (27:15):
That's you know.
Speaker 4 (27:16):
I think sometimes we have this tendency and I've done
it too, where we go to all of our friends
we rehash the same thing over and over again.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
Think quietly to yourself, like, whose life do I think
is really in order?
Speaker 4 (27:26):
Not the richest person, not the hottest person, the person
where like they're really their life is.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
Kind of good. Go to that person for advice. And
I have a couple of great friends who I go to.
They're fantastic.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
What about your mom?
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Yeah, I go to her for some stuff too. I do.
Speaker 4 (27:43):
Mother daughter is like, you know, she's my mom, She's
always gonna comfort me. She does have good advice, But
I don't not for everything.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Yeah, my kids tell me everything.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Sometimes they tell me too much. That's a sign. That's
an amazing sign that they they're obsessed with you, and.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
They sometimes they tell me things.
Speaker 3 (27:59):
I'm like, you're like wailing.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Back, we'l back.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
I don't think I need to know that.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
But thank you.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
I love it for sharing nice though sake.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
I'm a little obsessed with AI right now.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
I hate it, Okay, tell me why I'm scared of it.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yes, I'm terrified.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
I don't now people are like putting. I'll give you
an example. Today someone wrote to me and said, thinks
I put my text messages in chat cheapt.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
And it told me to break up with my boyfriend.
Speaker 4 (28:26):
Now did it give a reason why they analyze the text?
Speaker 3 (28:32):
Now? It may be that she needs to break up
with her boyfriend. But I just really want.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
Us to all hold hands and say we're going to
take advice from a robot on a personal lived experience,
like I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
Also, another thing that really ticks me off about.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
AI is like everyone, it's coming for everyone's jobs. Why
hasn't it cured any of the diseases, any of the
bad ones?
Speaker 2 (28:54):
It's going to?
Speaker 4 (28:54):
Well, I would love to see that, because so far
all it's doing is like making weird cartoon versions of
all of us, which is very fun.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
But I would love it.
Speaker 4 (29:03):
To just cure some more diseases and then maybe we'll talk.
Just do that first, or figure out how to get
microplastics out of us?
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Yes, get rid of all the bad stuff first.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
I don't know why it needs to do all the
like the writing, and it's like it's coming for all
the writers' jobs, and I'm like, oh, could it cure
cancer first?
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Then maybe we just need to why don't we What
we should do is we should go on chatchypt and
ask it that, why are you coming for all the
creative jobs when clearly our.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Society could use something.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
We could help figure out how to get plastic out
of the ocean, for God's sake, and then go for
the marketers jobs.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Lord, So if everything went quiet, right, no podcast, no
social media, no way.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
I what would you do on a random day?
Speaker 3 (29:49):
Oh my gosh, is it like the end of the
world or it's just.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Well no, because then there would be nothing fun to do.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
I go to the beach. I love the beach.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
You just a beachy girl?
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Yeah, I would go to the.
Speaker 4 (29:59):
Beach or I go to the pool, listen to music,
read a book, hang with my friends, drink, drink.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Really I love to drink me too. I'd have a
big old cocktail by the pool with my friends.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
You're a Martini girl.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
Martini, but by the pool. I love rose. Yeah, I
love it all. I love it all, honestly.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
It just like I've really tried alternative substances, Like I
have a lot of friends who don't want to drink,
so they'll like microdos shrooms, and I've talked about.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
It a ton, but it's just I like enjoy alcohole.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
I love it. I love the way it makes me feel.
I love the ritual of it.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Do you drink every day?
Speaker 3 (30:36):
No? No, I turn not to. Especially since moving to
New York.
Speaker 4 (30:40):
It's like really hard because there's something fun to do
every single night there, I know, And it's like it's
right there.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
Someone's like, oh, I'm literally downstairs in your apartment.
Speaker 4 (30:48):
You want to go to an operol And I'm like, yes, yes,
I really do, Yes I do. And then you run
into more friends and they're like, oh, we're going to
this party. You should come, And then all of a sudden,
it's three am and you've had sixty five drinks.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
But I try to drink only like four nights week.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
That's so good.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
So we You know, you go through phases in your life,
like you know, when you have little kids, you don't
not really drink you that much, and then they start,
you know, you go through all these different phases. For us,
when we moved back to LA a couple of years ago,
I mean, all of a sudden, we're out every night, right,
and then I and you don't realize because when you
go out, you have like a routine.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
You order this drink and you whatever.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
And finally, as editor, I'm like, we are drinking every
night for now two years. That's why I took a
little break, because I was like, nice, can I take
a break.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
It's good to prove to yourself that you can.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
Yes, but still not sleeping great or any of that.
Speaker 3 (31:35):
So fuck that through it.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
How do you think you'll stay? Wait? Where did you
grow up?
Speaker 4 (31:39):
I grew up in London, right, and then I moved
to the States to go to college. Then I lived
in San Francisco for four years. After that, New York
for two, LA for five. Now back to New York.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
And how are you liking being back in New York?
Speaker 3 (31:49):
I love it. I mean I'm spoiled. I have the
choice to come back.
Speaker 4 (31:52):
I have my house here, and honestly, I love going
back and forth. Nice, I do you know a month
in New York, I come back here for a week
A dry to.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
All that shit.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
You have to come to my pilates class.
Speaker 4 (32:04):
I would love to, and you know, do all the
healthy LA should I drink a couple of green juices,
I get back on the plane and go back to New.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
York, get a cocktail and exactly, Oh my god, it's
so funny.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Well, you know, I'm from New York, and so I
always say, like from New York. I, you know, got
transplanted to LA and then dragged down to Orange County
and I'm just trying to claw my way back.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Like my dream is to have a place in New York.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
And we almost bought one at the Pandemic, but Terry
doesn't understand maintenance fees.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
They're crazy.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
They're crazy.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
And so we found the perfect place and everything was
all depressed, and so I found this perfect place and
he was like.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
How much is it a month for the mate?
Speaker 3 (32:44):
No, it's nuts.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
It's nuts.
Speaker 4 (32:46):
It's absolutely diabolical. You're like, you pay to buy it
and then you have to pay.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
A mortgage on top of it, on top of your mortgage.
Speaker 3 (32:55):
Insane, it's insanity.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
But I think that at least one of my kids
is going to end up on the East Coast.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
So fun.
Speaker 4 (33:02):
That is like the best because then you'll be there
all the time and have an anger there.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
I love it. It's the best. There's nothing like the
energy of Manhattan.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
The energy is insane.
Speaker 4 (33:11):
It's so it's inspiring to be around all those people
who choose the choice to be there every day, despite
it being dirty, expensive, hard living. Everybody in that city
actively chooses that choice, and that's why it's the most
inspiring place in the world.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
It is.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
And I have to say, like the juxtaposition of New
York and la and how wildly different, but also they
have very distinctive energies and so much creativity and all
the things, but so different.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
So different, so different. No, it's it's nice. I mean,
the ideal is like a little ping pong back and forth.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Oh, it's great. What do you fly Delta? You do?
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Yeah? I like Delta really I know Delta or Jet Blue,
but mainly.
Speaker 4 (33:51):
Really, you haven't flown American No, I did, actually recently,
I was it was okay, it was okay, Okay, we're
gonna have to talk about that. I know, I know
I'm in the mine work people people don't get it,
but I just like, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
I like Delta.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Okay, we're gonna have to.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Have a Did I hear that your book is being
optioned for a TV show?
Speaker 3 (34:09):
Yes, with the Foster sisters, Aaron and Sarah.
Speaker 4 (34:12):
They're so smart, they are so cool. I really I
can't believe it. I'm so lucky. They're the perfect How
did tell me?
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Take me through that?
Speaker 4 (34:21):
So when the book got announced, it got sent around
and we really had hoped and dreamed.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
I mean, I never thought it was going to happen.
I had imposter syndrome.
Speaker 4 (34:29):
I was like, no way, But it was always a
dream of mine to turn it into a show. And
we got a couple amazing offers, and when I heard
that they were interested, I.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Was flabbergasted because they are the coolest.
Speaker 4 (34:41):
And yeah, I can't wait. I can't wait to learn
I'm going to be an executive producer. So I really
can't wait to roll up my sleeves and learn. So
if you had to play a character, I don't, I
wouldn't want to.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
I wouldn't want to. And I have a secret list
of my dreamcast, but I don't want to jinx it.
So just yeah, no, no, don't pray. Okay, Yeah, I
love that.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
When is that? Is that imminent?
Speaker 3 (35:03):
It's where the ball is rolling.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
I'm learning so much about how it all works, but
the ball is rolling.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Yeah, it's great. It's surprising.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
I mean in Hollywood you know this, but it's like
hurry up and wait totally. So it's like let's go,
let go, let's go, let's go, and then.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
It just sits yep, and then it's like, oh, it's
so crazy.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
True, I'm learning that. I'm like new to it. But yes,
you hit the nail on the head.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
I am so excited for you. It's great, you guys.
It's hotter in the Hamptons. I mean, I'm telling you,
I have a long plane ride coming up, and I
was like almost sad that I even started it because.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
I want to thank you.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
I might reread it, but I'm saving the end as
one does. Yeah, congratulations on all your success. You're amazing
and I to be honest with you as someone with
you know, teen to.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Young twenties kids.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
I love that they have someone like you to talk to,
to look up to, to aspire to your you know,
as your other rich mom, I will tell you you're
doing great.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
Thank you so much. That means a lot. Thank you
for having me.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
Thank you for being here. Tell everyone how to find you.
Speaker 4 (36:09):
I'm at Tanks t I n X on all platforms
and you can listen to my podcast It's.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
Me Tanks wherever you're at your podcast yay. Thank you
so much for having me
Let's talk with Heather dubru starts now. I'm very excited
for my guests today. She's a New York Times best
selling author. She's host of It's Me Tanks on Serious Exam.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
She is so fabby.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
She's got a new amazing book out. You might know
her as Christina Najar, but we all know her as Tanks.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Welcome Dan, thank you for having me.
Speaker 4 (00:21):
It's so good to see you outside of Crags, which
is our usual run in spot.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
It's true, so it's nice to get to chat to you.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
It's so lovely seeing you in the flesh outside. Although
would be nice if we had a cocktail.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
It would, it would, it would. It's always better with
the cocktails.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
It's always better. But I'm really weirdly sober right now?
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Okay, how long have you like it's.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Just been a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
But I got to tell you something. I did this
like for a month. Have you ever done this before?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
What? Don't drink for months? Yeah? Yeah, I've done it
a couple of times.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
I used to do dry January and then the world
got too scary and I decided my commitment to alcohol
is unwavering. Yeah, I'm mine too, and I just but
you do feel after you push through the first two weeks,
you're like, oh, it's annoying because I do feel amazing.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
See I don't.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Oh okay, good, No, not at all.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
I think it's all bullshit. I'm not sleeping better.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Okay, okay, I don't. My skin does not look better.
I got nothing.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Then go back to it.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Oh, I'm totally going to telling my liver back to work, bit,
back to work, back to work, bitch. I want to
just jump off with the book. We're gonna talk about
a lot of things, but I want to jump off
with your book because Hotter in the Hamptons is really hot.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
And I have to tell you this is how much.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
I like it.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
I haven't finished it.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Oh, because when I really like a book and I
want to sit with the characters longer.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
I slow down.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
That's so nice, thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
No, it's totally true. So I'm saving like the Daneu ball.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Oh my god, I love it. Well. I won't give
any spoilers. But and also that's really great because I
wanted it to be easy to read.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
It's really easy to read.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
I know that's controversial, but people have been saying like, oh,
I read it in like two hours or three hours,
just one sitting like chilling in my house, and I'm like,
that's exactly how I wanted it to be.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
It's a pool side read.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
It's a beat no totally nothing, nothing too heavy there.
It's just it's supposed to be light and fun and
it's supposed to just be like a little bit of
fun by the pool, sipping your rose this summer.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
And it's exactly what it is.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
It's like, really, it's like the reality TV of romance novel.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
That's the highest compliment you could have given me.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
It's true. It's like guilty pleasure. Fabulous.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
And it's funny because I remember when I was younger,
me and my sister and my mom, we used to
like trade romance novels, right, and we would just reading
and be like, oh, this is a good one, or
except if like if like a guy had red hair,
I'd be like, no, I can't that can't yeah, I
can't read that one.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
I'm not a ginger, but everyone has their things that
pull them out of romance novels. For me, actually, part
of my inspiration for this book was like I was
reading a lot of romance and in every single book.
It was like and then she lived happily ever after,
and I was like, oh, okay, without giving too much away,
I was just like, Okay, that's interesting, or like the
main character was perfect. Like that kind of pulled me
(02:59):
out of it because I like a flawed Haro, I
like a flawed heroin. I like a Carrie Bradshaw, Hannah
w Rvath, like those are the girls that we're still
talking about because they're real and because they're flawed, and
we're all flawed. So that's that's interesting. And also I
have a hard time so far.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
I'm going to try again.
Speaker 4 (03:17):
I know that there's incredible fantasy, like with dragons and whatnot.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
For some reason, I have a hard time.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
Getting into that when I'm reading. So that was the
thing that pulls me out. Not red hair actually happened
to love Gingers.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Love Yeah, No, not me, but yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
Although my son is a little bit of a Ginger,
but I think Ginger guys are really hot.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
That's my hot take. Really, yes, I really like No.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I remember my sister giving me that it was out
They made a TV show out of it.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
The Outlander.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Outlander is redheaded? Is he yeah, we read. There was
like twenty seven books in the series. I read like
the first eight of them.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
But I remember my sister.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Giving me the book and be like, Jamie, it's hot,
but you have to pretend he doesn't have red hair.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
I was like, okay, not it pretend every time. So funny.
But you know, I found the book. I mean, it's
so good. It's a great read.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
It's fun, it's sexy and all that, but there's there's like,
you know, a gay vibe to it. Not gay, but
like there's a woman own woman vibe in it. And
I love that. I you know, have kids in the
queer community, and I also think this next generation of people,
which is probably your generation and younger, are much more
open and much more fluid, which I love.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
I love that.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
Yes, I think a lot of my following is straight women,
and my hope is that by reading this, if any
of them are having questions or fantasies or just wanting
to explore that, this nudges them to do that and
to feel comfortable and to celebrate whatever they're feeling.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
And then it's all okay, it's all okay.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
I mean I've said this many times.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
But one of theos also was like someone wrote to
me on my ame, which I do every which means
ask me anything.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Wait, do you to away?
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Can I just talk you for a second?
Speaker 3 (05:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Do you know You're the first person I ever.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Saw write then I didn't know what it meant, and
I was like, what is that, Imma, I'm.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Gonna go talk to you today.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
A lot of people don't know what it stands for.
And I've done it literally since I started being an influencer.
I did it every Monday and Thursday. I've done it
for almost five years.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
And a lot of people still are like, by the way,
what is amma? And I'm like, oh, it means ask
me anything. But like over a year ago, someone.
Speaker 4 (05:27):
Was like, oh, tanks, like I watch lesbian porn, Like
do you think that means?
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Like do you think that's okay?
Speaker 4 (05:32):
And I was like, yes, it's okay, but it's all okay,
it's all okay, it's all okay. And so that was
a big reason why I was like, you know, I
have this predominantly straight following, and I'm like.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
You know, let your mind wander, see see what happens.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Is any of this book autobiographical.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
Well, she's an influencer. I put a lot of my influencing. Okay,
she got the box theory in the yes, yeah, and
she's uh, you know, she's been canceled.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
I've been canceled.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
And one of the character I mean, for my people
who follow me really closely, they'll see the little easter eggs.
It's full of easter eggs from my life, people in
my life, and you know, so it's a mix.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
I love that. I think it's so fun.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I think it's absolutely great.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
And I also think it's good timing because romance novels feel.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Like there's been a surge back. Why do you think
that is? Do you think we just all need a
little escapism.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I think a lot of it is escapism.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
And I think, honestly, the world is a really scary place,
and it's quite hard to be like horny in this
time because you look at your phone and you're like, oh,
everything's really bad.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Depressing.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
It's depressing.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
I think we're all under a lot of stress. I
think that, like I think that all the constant onlineeness is.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Dampering our animal instincts.
Speaker 4 (06:46):
And then you read these romance novels and it's beautiful escapism.
It's a time and place to imagine and use your
imagination and it makes your ARNI, which is always a
good thing.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
It's always a good thing. You've coined so many kind
of concepts. You've got the box theory, you've got.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Rich mom energies. Which theory?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Have you sort of secretly retired because you grew it?
Speaker 3 (07:07):
That's a really good question.
Speaker 4 (07:11):
I used to say this thing, and I haven't fully retired,
but it just doesn't feel as relevant anymore about the
ick list.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
And I would say when you're starting to date someone, like.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Keep a list of all the things that ike you
out in case, you know, you break up, and then
it'll be easier. And I don't know, that just seems
a little gamy to me now and a little bit defensive.
And I don't know, maybe I've grown up a little bit.
I just I don't think it's necessary. You can always
keep one or two in your back pocket, but I
don't think that necessarily keeping a list is something I
would advocate for anymore.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Yeah, And also I feel like then you start to
focus on those things totally. There is the hate click.
I mean, I really do gliere and that once you
get the hate click. There's no coming back. But sometimes
the ick things.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
We need to get over it.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
We're a little I think also we've all gotten a
little to myself included ick happy where I'm like, oh,
you know, he looked at me the wrong way. It's like, okay,
we all need to get over it.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
So you, I mean, I love how you're like sort
of everyone's big sister, right, everyone's bestie. What's one piece
of advice that you have given publicly? Yeah, but you
secretly don't follow.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
Oh my gosh, I have so many things.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
And I always say like, don't always I go back
so as I say, not as I do.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
I'm always like, don't go back to your ex.
Speaker 4 (08:26):
And I've of course gone back to an AX once
or twice, three times two years, you know whatever, So
that I think, you know, I always say to the
girls like, we can't have any negative self talk. You
can't compare, and I fall into comparison all the time.
But I think that's why it's important for me to
talk about it so much, because it's something that we
all struggle with and we all deal with like looking
(08:48):
on our phones and being like, wow, I'm jealous of that,
or like, oh, I wish I was in this situation
or whatever.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
So that one I guess, you know.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
All right, Oh you know what I was curious about
your mom? Yeah, so you're so two things. First of all,
you're so open. You're open with your feelings, You're open sexually.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
You're just very open, and I love it.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
I think it's amazing and I feel like that's something
that I've created with my kids, but not how I
grew up.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Was your mom very open and communicative with you?
Speaker 4 (09:19):
We didn't talk about sex that much, but she was
very open with me, Like I felt as though I
could go to her with anything if I wanted birth
control or if I drank or something. And I really
credit her because I think it meant there was no
secrets between us. Yeah, like if I did something that
I thought was bad, if I tried weed or whatever,
I would tell her.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
And I think that that's obviously amazing for parents. So
I do credit her.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
Although we don't really talk about like sex, but I
think that's just I don't know why I'm so open
with it, Probably because I went to an all girls school, honestly,
and it's just kind of like.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
And then I was president of my story. So I
was just like around girls yapping about sex and that stuff,
and I loved it and it's fun and that.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Yeah, what does.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Your mom think now she actually read the book, She's
not going to read this one.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
We have decided, and I really am so glad she.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
We have a strict rule that she can't comment on
any of the sexy stuff I put on my ig.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Otherwise she gets blocked from my story and she doesn't
want that, so she just has to take it.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
Every time I mentioned a blowjob, she just swipes and
she moves on. Otherwise she will get her privileges revoked, revoked.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
I like that. And she has a couple of Yeah
she gets judgy.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
No, she's just like honey or whatever. But she hasn't
done that in a while.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
That's so good.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Yeah, it's good. It's a good rule.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
She's like, I mean, I'm an adult, Like I'm gonna
I'm fully baked at this point.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Yeah, I have news for you. You're never fully baked.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
But I will tell you with my mom.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Like very nineteen fifties and didn't talk about anything. And
sometimes she'll complain about something I talk about on the
pot and I'm like, don't listen, right, don't. It's like
opening my diary. If it's gonna bug you, it's not
my intention.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
Just don't just opt out.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Yeah, okay, we're gonna play a little game tanks unfiltered.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
We're gonna call it.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
No, we're gonna call it tanks off the record. Ok
here we go. You have to answer fast though, Okay, okay.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
You ready?
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Trend you'd send straight to jail.
Speaker 5 (11:18):
Oh, wearing the like the clips that you use to
keep your hair out of your face when you're doing
your makeup, like out people wear those out either wearing
I just we have other hair clips, Like it's we
don't need to use them.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
That's like did you ever see women who used to
wear curlers?
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Like to church?
Speaker 1 (11:39):
I know, and I would go if it's not good
enough to take them down to church, Like when do
you take the coin down?
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
I didn't get that celebrity crush. You've never admitted out loud.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
I talk about them all so much because I want
to manifest album probably Beneathio del Toro really hot.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah, I would agree with.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
That pop culture moment that lives rent to free in
your brain.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Tom cruise jumping on the sofa.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
That was crazy.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
That was crazy.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
That's really millennial core. But like I remember him doing
that and I was.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Like, whoa, he's happy, He's very happy. He's on drugs.
Most unhinged DM you've ever received.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
Asking for feet picks. For sure, I do have nice feet,
but I was shocked.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
I have hideous feet and I have a score on
feet Epedia. What is it called feet wi Yeah, that's
so weird to me.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
I know, so weird. It's so bad.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
In your book and in your life, there's this scene,
this theme of main character energy.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Right, do you feel like you're a main character?
Speaker 4 (12:43):
I do, and I didn't always, and I think so
much of Like what I try to do with my
platform is to encourage young women to be the main
character of their own life, because when you are chasing
a relationship for validation, you're putting another person higher up
in your life than you.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
And that's what I did my entire twenties.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
I was like, if I can just get a boyfriend,
i'll be valid and you know, I'll be so cool.
And that is literally saying some other random.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Character in your life is more important than you. You're
the star. Of your Netflix show.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
You choose who gets to come in for how many seasons?
You're the director, and you just need to make sure
that you're the main character.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
And so I am now. But for a long time
I didn't feel that.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Way, and you could really insert anything in there, not
just getting a boyfriend, but you know, when I fill
in the blank, get this job, at all those things
you can't wait.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
You have to be happy on the daily or else
one hundred person you do it.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
And I think that it's always helpful to think about
your life as a TV show.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
I always do, because you.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
Know, in a TV show, something big doesn't happen every day,
but they're still the main character, and you watch because
they're on their journey.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
And so sometimes you're going.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
Through a period where you're building, or you're grinding, or
you're working really hard towards something, and that's okay.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
You're still the main character. You're just the main character.
Who's you know in motion?
Speaker 2 (14:03):
What do you do that's very unmin character?
Speaker 3 (14:07):
What do I do that's un main character?
Speaker 4 (14:10):
I mean, I think anytime you're freaking out about if
someone likes you, that's not main character. You just have
to let it go. And I've gotten so much better
at that. But again, in my twenties, that was so
hard for me. I would spend weeks chasing guys and
you know, to what end like they don't like you.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I know.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
It's so hard, though, I feel like a lot of
that comes with age and time it done, and experience.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
I don't think a twenty year old can learn those lessons.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
I agree. I agree.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
I think that as much we should talk about it
so that hopefully they can learn earlier, at least than
I did.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
At least recognize it.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Even if you can't wholly embrace it, if you could
just recognize it, It's funny. My daughter, one of my daughters,
is eighteen and she is going to college in the fall.
She's going to Yale, and she's going to kill me
for talking about this, but she was just she just
called me and she's at Yale right now visitings and yeah,
it super exciting whatever, But she has a boyfriend and
(15:06):
she was crying to me, and she's really smart and
she like intellectually understands that they're eighteen and this is
not going to be still hurts, but she's like, oh,
we're going to have to break up in a month
and you know, all the things, and I'm like smiling,
but trying to.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
Know it's still appropriate and good for her for you know,
being so self aware and still feeling her feelings.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
That's really cool. I know, the best experience.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
But at eighteen, you can't, I'm saying, like in your twenties, yeah,
you can't, just not emotionally sure enough.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Oh she's going to college. That's so exciting.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
I know. I have two juniors in college. They're going
to be seniors in the fall. Crazy, and then she's
going to be a freshman. And then my youngest is
going into high school.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
So crazy crazy.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Why the Hamptons?
Speaker 3 (15:53):
I really had this so part.
Speaker 4 (15:56):
One of my most successful content pillars was a rich
moms and people.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Love luxurious places.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
I know, for me, I like to watch TV shows
set in luxurious places, whether it's Orange County, whether it's
New York whatever, And yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Just I like nice places. So I wanted to write
about have.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
You spent a lot of time in the Hamptons?
Speaker 5 (16:17):
You know?
Speaker 3 (16:17):
I used to hate it?
Speaker 2 (16:18):
And then why do you hate it?
Speaker 4 (16:20):
Because quite frankly, like it's a little bit confusing if
you just go into it yes, and you.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Have no like you don't know what to do, and
it's like going to Malibu.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
You need to be you need.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
To be set up, you need to be in the
in crowd.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
And then quite frankly, I made my own money and
I rented a house with my friend for my friends
one year, and I fell in.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
Love with it and I was like, Okay, now I
get it.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
Yeah, I was like staying before girls in a room
at a motel when I was like twenty three. Like
of course I didn't have a good time, Like not
because we were staying in a motel or whatever, but
I just I didn't get it.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
We didn't know where.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
It was a different five we had my parents had
a house there first. Yeah, twenty years. It's like when
you go to the Hampter, it's this.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Cool beechy community, but people have parties exactly, and so
you have to know people.
Speaker 4 (17:03):
You have to know people, or you have to go
with people and be enough of a unit of your
with your friends where you're like, I don't care if
I get invited to these like you know, fancy parties,
Like I'm gonna hang with my friends and barbecue and
sit in my yard and get drunk.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Which is what I do right, which is fun too.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
But it's also different because each each town in the
Hamptons has its own.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
So you need too.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
And there's Southampton, there's East Tampa just for.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
The LA people totally.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
That's where I run an East so then that's where
the book is set.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
So it's so great. All right, let me ask you
some We're gonna do some Hampton's questions. Oh, here we go.
Fun must order cocktail in the Hamptons.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Oh, I would say. Anything at Crow's Nest is so good,
like a Martie Crisp martini while you're waiting for your
table at Crow's Nest. It's just amazing.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Beach read that shaped you?
Speaker 4 (17:53):
Oh wow, A beach read that shaped me well.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
Most recently, I loved Buy Baby. I read that in
one day. I don't know if you'd call it a
beach reade, but it was fabulous. Kerala Leaving, I believe.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Author best power move on a summer.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
Date going in for a kiss, oh smooching?
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Would you always make the first move? Is it? No?
Speaker 3 (18:18):
I don't, but I think it's fun too, Like we
need to make out more. Yes, all of us do.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Yeah, I so agree with that.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
People don't want to make out. I'm like, you guys
need to be making out more like it's fun. I
need to tell Terry that, yeah, you should make out
with Terry Moore. Yeah, no, I agree, Yeah, I totally
agree with that. What would your Hampton's house be named?
I don't know, the fun palace. That sounds a little
like an orgy dome, but we'll go with it.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
You have built such a huge brand online and I mean,
you're so open about everything, but I mean some of
it must be curated in you know, a certain aspect.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
But what do you not show people? What do you
purposely not show people?
Speaker 3 (19:05):
I don't talk about dating anymore.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
I used to share all of my dating stories, like
in real time, you know.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Oh guys, I went on a date with mister Blah,
you know.
Speaker 4 (19:14):
And I got to a point where I felt confused
about what was story and what was real, as in,
sometimes I couldn't like parse out my feelings and think,
what is actually how I feel and what is what
I'm going to tell my followers. Not that I was
changing how I felt or or you know, creating a narrative,
(19:35):
but it just it got too confusing and I felt
like I needed to keep that separate. And also the
type of person that I'm looking for, I don't know
if they would want to be splashed on the internet
in their early stages.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Yeah. So people you date, do they listen to you?
Do they follow you? Do they?
Speaker 4 (19:52):
I mean I think sometimes I kind of asked them
not to because it's like I don't go to their
work and look at them and watch them while they work.
Speaker 6 (19:58):
Yeah, but that's got to be a hard it's for sure,
and it's people love dating content, but I just I
got to a point where I was like, I don't
think I should be going on a date, and then
the next morning telling the girls like, this is what happened.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
Because it affects how I feel about the other person
because I get feedback, you know, they'd say, oh, that
sounds weird what he did, and then I'd.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Be like, oh, wait, that is that weird? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (20:20):
Yeah, maybe the guy hears it and he's like, oh,
well why did she say that? You know whatever, it's
just too messy despite it being great content.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
So and also I would imagine, I mean, I haven't
had a first date and run a year, but I
would imagine also, you know, when you first start dating someone,
you're both awkward, you're both figuring out, you're showing a
version of yourself. Yeah, and if you start critiquing it
and right, you know, really delving into it, you might
hurt something that's good something.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
Yeah. And also you don't want to show all your cards.
And that's what I was doing.
Speaker 4 (20:54):
Sometimes i would be literally telling the girls on the radio,
and I'm so close with my community that I talked
and like, I talked with my girlfriend. So you know,
you're saying the most as nine shit, You're like, well,
I liked it. And then he touched his hair this
weird way and it reminded me of my acci dah
d d. It's like, you sound insane, right, So I'm like,
I should just like keep that for my girlfriends and
I'll tell.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
But that's your community.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
They are your girlfriends, and that's why you feel so comfortable,
and that's why they like here.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
I could do a shield where only they, only my community,
could hear it and go to the wider internet.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
I would it would be that would maybe.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
You need maybe you need you have like one like
behind the paywall, one one behind them like super super Yes,
I sot do you know the girls from pop Apologist? Yes,
they're so cute. Yes, and they do. They did something recently.
You should do this. They did something recently where they
wanted to talk I can't remember what it was, but
they wanted to talk about something like very specific and edgy,
(21:48):
and they said, Okay, we're going to talk about this thing.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
You have to pay for it, and it's only going
to be up for three days.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
Smart. Okay, do that? Very smart? I like that.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
Would you ever do a retreat? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (21:58):
I think I would. I think you should be great too.
Speaker 4 (22:00):
Yeah, I would love to do some sort of like yeah,
knowing me, it would be like a party retreat. I'd
be like, okay, guys, we're visa. Yeah, by the way,
I would come to that.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
What about like the future do you think are you
someone that's got like a five year plan a ten
year plan. Do you sort of live in beta mode
or you?
Speaker 4 (22:21):
You know, I think that you always have to be
planting seeds and looking ahead.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
But I don't have a five year plan.
Speaker 4 (22:28):
I think I'm really focused on producing good work and
continuing to grow my community, and I just.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Want to be happy.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
I know that sounds silly and it's not for me,
but I just want to be happy, So as long
as I try to focus on the present as much
as possible and think like, Okay, am I enjoying this work?
Speaker 3 (22:46):
Am I enjoying my podcast? Am I enjoying creating content?
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Like?
Speaker 3 (22:49):
What changes should I make?
Speaker 5 (22:50):
Like?
Speaker 4 (22:51):
What am I interested in? And just try to follow
my curiosity.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Do you have days where you feel like, oh, I
just don't want to post.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
Yeah, I do.
Speaker 4 (22:59):
And I've been highlighting this new thing where I don't
post on the weekends because I read that book The
Anxious Generation, about you know, online and what it does
to kids' brains specifically, but it's doing it to our
brains as well, and I just want to make sure
that I'm using social media and it's not using me.
(23:20):
So I'm kind of figuring out what that looks like
and we'll see. But yeah, of course some days I'm
like and I thought there was a time when I
was like, I'm going to post every day till the
day that I die.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
And I'm like, now I don't feel that way. I
don't feel that way.
Speaker 4 (23:35):
I want to be really present And this is sound
so silly and small, but like now when I go
to a concert, my phone stays in my back, not
taking pictures of it. I'm not taking pictures of my
friends singing, like I'm at the concert and I'm listening,
just little changes like that.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
I'm kind of I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
No, I think that's so short. I remember it was
a year or two ago. We were at We've Got.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Land at Idahouse and we go there.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
We're usually there for July fourth, and we're there and
all the kids there. It was like, you know, some
holidays are.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Great, some are med. You know whatever, man, you just
moved through it. But this was a particularly special, fun holiday.
Everyone was in a great mood. Everyone's hanging out, whatever
it was.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
And I pulled up my phone to start taking a
little video of the fireworks, and Terry looks at me
and goes, no, one wants.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
To see a video of your fireworks.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
I agree with her, and I go, okay. I didn't
get mad. I was like, okay, I was probably like
twelve dr exsit and by the way, okay, yeah, put.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
My phone away, and I thought, but it was funny.
Someone I was with put this beautiful carousel up that
had the family photos and the thing, and there was
like a little video of the of the the.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Fireworks, and I was like, oh, that looks so cute.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
But it didn't bother me, right right, No, it doesn't
bother me. It's just for me. I just want to
be in the moment.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Now, that's what I'm saying. It didn't bother me that
she put it and then I didn't have it. No,
it didn't bother me. My whole thing is when I
was much younger, like in.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
My twenties maybe early thirties, I would want pictures of everything.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
And this is before we had social media, so this is.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Like taking pictures, developing the pictures, all of that, and
it would be like walking in the door and this
moment and let's not miss this moment. And I got
to the point where I thought, this is so much work.
And I didn't have sort of self actualization at the
time to use the words present, but I realized in
some capacity I wasn't being present.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
So I shifted to I need one.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Photo, that's it, from every event, just one because if
I have one photo, then my brain goes to, right,
that was the night that you know Tinks tripped backstage, Yeah,
that's the night that Heather drank too much.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yeah, you know, and just the one fellow, not plenty.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
How else do you say present?
Speaker 4 (25:53):
I always I remind myself every morning. This is something
my mom does, and she taught me. She goes, this
is the only day you get of today, And it's like,
I really say it, and I'm like, this is the
only day I get of this day, and I'm you know,
it could be good, it could be bad, but it's
the only one and I'm right here, like I'm right
in this moment.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
I am very petty person.
Speaker 4 (26:16):
I'm always thinking about the past and the future, and
I've worked really hard to try and bring myself to
present day.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
And I'm a lot happier because of it. And it's
a choice.
Speaker 5 (26:26):
You know.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
We're anxious, we have a lot going on.
Speaker 4 (26:27):
We worry about the future, we go over the past,
but at the.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
End of the day, all we have is now, We're
in this moment. This is the thing. This is the thing.
Are we happy now? Are you being a good friend?
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Now?
Speaker 4 (26:38):
Are you being a good wife's, sister, daughter, mother, whatever?
Like That's what I try to think about all the time.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I know, that's like what we were talking about before.
It's like if if you're waiting for X to happen,
then you aren't enjoying every day. And what's the point.
So you give advice to so many people?
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Who do you go to for advice?
Speaker 3 (26:58):
I have a couple of friends that I think are really.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Sent I like that word. They're sensible.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
Yeah, I think like common sense. Ain't that common? It's
really not.
Speaker 4 (27:08):
And you have to think when you're going to someone
for advice, do I like their life? Do I think
that they're in a good place in their life?
Speaker 3 (27:15):
That's you know.
Speaker 4 (27:16):
I think sometimes we have this tendency and I've done
it too, where we go to all of our friends
we rehash the same thing over and over again.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
Think quietly to yourself, like, whose life do I think
is really in order?
Speaker 4 (27:26):
Not the richest person, not the hottest person, the person
where like they're really their life is.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
Kind of good. Go to that person for advice. And
I have a couple of great friends who I go to.
They're fantastic.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
What about your mom?
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Yeah, I go to her for some stuff too. I do.
Speaker 4 (27:43):
Mother daughter is like, you know, she's my mom, She's
always gonna comfort me. She does have good advice, But
I don't not for everything.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Yeah, my kids tell me everything.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Sometimes they tell me too much. That's a sign. That's
an amazing sign that they they're obsessed with you, and.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
They sometimes they tell me things.
Speaker 3 (27:59):
I'm like, you're like wailing.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Back, we'l back.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
I don't think I need to know that.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
But thank you.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
I love it for sharing nice though sake.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
I'm a little obsessed with AI right now.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
I hate it, Okay, tell me why I'm scared of it.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yes, I'm terrified.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
I don't now people are like putting. I'll give you
an example. Today someone wrote to me and said, thinks
I put my text messages in chat cheapt.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
And it told me to break up with my boyfriend.
Speaker 4 (28:26):
Now did it give a reason why they analyze the text?
Speaker 3 (28:32):
Now? It may be that she needs to break up
with her boyfriend. But I just really want.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
Us to all hold hands and say we're going to
take advice from a robot on a personal lived experience,
like I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
Also, another thing that really ticks me off about.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
AI is like everyone, it's coming for everyone's jobs. Why
hasn't it cured any of the diseases, any of the
bad ones?
Speaker 2 (28:54):
It's going to?
Speaker 4 (28:54):
Well, I would love to see that, because so far
all it's doing is like making weird cartoon versions of
all of us, which is very fun.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
But I would love it.
Speaker 4 (29:03):
To just cure some more diseases and then maybe we'll talk.
Just do that first, or figure out how to get
microplastics out of us?
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Yes, get rid of all the bad stuff first.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
I don't know why it needs to do all the
like the writing, and it's like it's coming for all
the writers' jobs, and I'm like, oh, could it cure
cancer first?
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Then maybe we just need to why don't we What
we should do is we should go on chatchypt and
ask it that, why are you coming for all the
creative jobs when clearly our.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Society could use something.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
We could help figure out how to get plastic out
of the ocean, for God's sake, and then go for
the marketers jobs.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Lord, So if everything went quiet, right, no podcast, no
social media, no way.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
I what would you do on a random day?
Speaker 3 (29:49):
Oh my gosh, is it like the end of the
world or it's just.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Well no, because then there would be nothing fun to do.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
I go to the beach. I love the beach.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
You just a beachy girl?
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Yeah, I would go to the.
Speaker 4 (29:59):
Beach or I go to the pool, listen to music,
read a book, hang with my friends, drink, drink.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Really I love to drink me too. I'd have a
big old cocktail by the pool with my friends.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
You're a Martini girl.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
Martini, but by the pool. I love rose. Yeah, I
love it all. I love it all, honestly.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
It just like I've really tried alternative substances, Like I
have a lot of friends who don't want to drink,
so they'll like microdos shrooms, and I've talked about.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
It a ton, but it's just I like enjoy alcohole.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
I love it. I love the way it makes me feel.
I love the ritual of it.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Do you drink every day?
Speaker 3 (30:36):
No? No, I turn not to. Especially since moving to
New York.
Speaker 4 (30:40):
It's like really hard because there's something fun to do
every single night there, I know, And it's like it's
right there.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
Someone's like, oh, I'm literally downstairs in your apartment.
Speaker 4 (30:48):
You want to go to an operol And I'm like, yes, yes,
I really do, Yes I do. And then you run
into more friends and they're like, oh, we're going to
this party. You should come, And then all of a sudden,
it's three am and you've had sixty five drinks.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
But I try to drink only like four nights week.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
That's so good.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
So we You know, you go through phases in your life,
like you know, when you have little kids, you don't
not really drink you that much, and then they start,
you know, you go through all these different phases. For us,
when we moved back to LA a couple of years ago,
I mean, all of a sudden, we're out every night, right,
and then I and you don't realize because when you
go out, you have like a routine.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
You order this drink and you whatever.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
And finally, as editor, I'm like, we are drinking every
night for now two years. That's why I took a
little break, because I was like, nice, can I take
a break.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
It's good to prove to yourself that you can.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
Yes, but still not sleeping great or any of that.
Speaker 3 (31:35):
So fuck that through it.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
How do you think you'll stay? Wait? Where did you
grow up?
Speaker 4 (31:39):
I grew up in London, right, and then I moved
to the States to go to college. Then I lived
in San Francisco for four years. After that, New York
for two, LA for five. Now back to New York.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
And how are you liking being back in New York?
Speaker 3 (31:49):
I love it. I mean I'm spoiled. I have the
choice to come back.
Speaker 4 (31:52):
I have my house here, and honestly, I love going
back and forth. Nice, I do you know a month
in New York, I come back here for a week
A dry to.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
All that shit.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
You have to come to my pilates class.
Speaker 4 (32:04):
I would love to, and you know, do all the
healthy LA should I drink a couple of green juices,
I get back on the plane and go back to New.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
York, get a cocktail and exactly, Oh my god, it's
so funny.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Well, you know, I'm from New York, and so I
always say, like from New York. I, you know, got
transplanted to LA and then dragged down to Orange County
and I'm just trying to claw my way back.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Like my dream is to have a place in New York.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
And we almost bought one at the Pandemic, but Terry
doesn't understand maintenance fees.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
They're crazy.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
They're crazy.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
And so we found the perfect place and everything was
all depressed, and so I found this perfect place and
he was like.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
How much is it a month for the mate?
Speaker 3 (32:44):
No, it's nuts.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
It's nuts.
Speaker 4 (32:46):
It's absolutely diabolical. You're like, you pay to buy it
and then you have to pay.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
A mortgage on top of it, on top of your mortgage.
Speaker 3 (32:55):
Insane, it's insanity.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
But I think that at least one of my kids
is going to end up on the East Coast.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
So fun.
Speaker 4 (33:02):
That is like the best because then you'll be there
all the time and have an anger there.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
I love it. It's the best. There's nothing like the
energy of Manhattan.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
The energy is insane.
Speaker 4 (33:11):
It's so it's inspiring to be around all those people
who choose the choice to be there every day, despite
it being dirty, expensive, hard living. Everybody in that city
actively chooses that choice, and that's why it's the most
inspiring place in the world.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
It is.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
And I have to say, like the juxtaposition of New
York and la and how wildly different, but also they
have very distinctive energies and so much creativity and all
the things, but so different.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
So different, so different. No, it's it's nice. I mean,
the ideal is like a little ping pong back and forth.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Oh, it's great. What do you fly Delta? You do?
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Yeah? I like Delta really I know Delta or Jet Blue,
but mainly.
Speaker 4 (33:51):
Really, you haven't flown American No, I did, actually recently,
I was it was okay, it was okay, Okay, we're
gonna have to talk about that. I know, I know
I'm in the mine work people people don't get it,
but I just like, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
I like Delta.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Okay, we're gonna have to.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Have a Did I hear that your book is being
optioned for a TV show?
Speaker 3 (34:09):
Yes, with the Foster sisters, Aaron and Sarah.
Speaker 4 (34:12):
They're so smart, they are so cool. I really I
can't believe it. I'm so lucky. They're the perfect How
did tell me?
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Take me through that?
Speaker 4 (34:21):
So when the book got announced, it got sent around
and we really had hoped and dreamed.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
I mean, I never thought it was going to happen.
I had imposter syndrome.
Speaker 4 (34:29):
I was like, no way, But it was always a
dream of mine to turn it into a show. And
we got a couple amazing offers, and when I heard
that they were interested, I.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Was flabbergasted because they are the coolest.
Speaker 4 (34:41):
And yeah, I can't wait. I can't wait to learn
I'm going to be an executive producer. So I really
can't wait to roll up my sleeves and learn. So
if you had to play a character, I don't, I
wouldn't want to.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
I wouldn't want to. And I have a secret list
of my dreamcast, but I don't want to jinx it.
So just yeah, no, no, don't pray. Okay, Yeah, I
love that.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
When is that? Is that imminent?
Speaker 3 (35:03):
It's where the ball is rolling.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
I'm learning so much about how it all works, but
the ball is rolling.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Yeah, it's great. It's surprising.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
I mean in Hollywood you know this, but it's like
hurry up and wait totally. So it's like let's go,
let go, let's go, let's go, and then.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
It just sits yep, and then it's like, oh, it's
so crazy.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
True, I'm learning that. I'm like new to it. But yes,
you hit the nail on the head.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
I am so excited for you. It's great, you guys.
It's hotter in the Hamptons. I mean, I'm telling you,
I have a long plane ride coming up, and I
was like almost sad that I even started it because.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
I want to thank you.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
I might reread it, but I'm saving the end as
one does. Yeah, congratulations on all your success. You're amazing
and I to be honest with you as someone with
you know, teen to.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Young twenties kids.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
I love that they have someone like you to talk to,
to look up to, to aspire to your you know,
as your other rich mom, I will tell you you're
doing great.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
Thank you so much. That means a lot. Thank you
for having me.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
Thank you for being here. Tell everyone how to find you.
Speaker 4 (36:09):
I'm at Tanks t I n X on all platforms
and you can listen to my podcast It's.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
Me Tanks wherever you're at your podcast yay. Thank you
so much for having me
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