REWIND: IVF, You VF, We All VF! w/ Kelly Stafford

Host of The Morning After podcast and proud mom of four, Kelly Stafford joins Heather to compare notes on their IVF journeys and address the stigma that still surrounds IVF. PLUS: Parenting advice and Heather's hatred of knock offs! Original Airdate: 05/30/2024

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, everybody, thank you for joining us this week. We're
actually going to run a repeat this week because Katerina
is graduating high school. Oh yes, the time has come.
I can't believe it. My child is graduating high school.
I don't know why, and I think maybe I've talked
about this before, but she's not my youngest kid, but
she's my baby. All right. Well, we'll have to take

(00:20):
a dive into this next week. I just wanted to
say to everyone, if your child is graduating, or your
sister or your brother, or your parent or your aunt
or your uncle or anyone's graduating, congratulations. It's also wedding season,
starting all the fun things. Wishing everyone the best, and
can't wait to connect with you all next week. Let's

(00:46):
talk with Heather dubro starts now. We have a lot
to catch up on. I have the fabulous Kelly Stafford here.
She really needs to not be linked to anyone she
happens to be married to, like this football guy whatever,
But she's the host of the Morning After. She's got
four girls. We're gonna break it all down. I can't
wait to talk to you about the whole IVF thing
because I have a similar story we want to talk

(01:08):
to all of it, but first we need to congratulate
my fabulous producer, Steve. He and Rebecca got engaged last weekend. Yeah,
you appreciated a great job. Okay, as long as you
as long as you approve I did. We had a
whole talk beforehand, Like you, they were gonna be at
the beach and he wanted her to look at the

(01:29):
ocean and I'm like, but is someone taking a photo
that her back is to the photo? You know what?

Speaker 2 (01:33):
I really think men need that because they don't think
about all of them.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
No, when it goes into it, he killed it though.
I love that. Good job, well done, thank you. And
the ring is beautiful, yes, gorgeous. We were just talking
about before we started about lab diamonds, not that he
bought a lab dimond. I'm just saying we were talking
about lab diamonds because Terry and I are having our
twenty fifth wedding anniversary and we upgraded my ring recently.
And it wasn't until after that he found out lab

(01:58):
diamonds were a thing. I know.

Speaker 2 (02:01):
And I just told you my story of when a
girl that I knew got engaged and her ring was stunning.
I was like, oh my gosh, your ring is so beautiful.
She has Oh it's lab grown.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
What does that mean? Like do you have to say that?
Is that like the new like oh my god, you
have the greatest body and they say they're in plantic. Well, yeah,
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
I mean, honestly, I don't think I would tell anyone
just because I'm like, yeah, it's diamond's beautiful, Thank you
very much.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
We're gonna move on. Okay, Well here's my question. Is
it a knockoff? Meaning? So I have a thing about knockoffs.
I despise a knockoff. I see it as copyright infringement. Okay,
And look, there's been times where I could afford a
lot of things, and there were times where I couldn't
afford a lot of it, right, And I didn't buy knockoffs.
I just waited or saved, and when I could afford something,

(02:54):
I took really good care of it. I mean, I
have literally the first thing I ever bought of, Like
I was gonna say a substance, but you know of
you know, luxury or luxury. Yes. Well, I got a
job when I was in high school. I got in there,
I was hired as an actress, and I bought this
Chanel belt with this little bag that hangs off of it,
and I still have it. Wow, this was a long

(03:16):
time ago.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
So first, so you, with your own money, went and
bought that real not fake.

Speaker 1 (03:20):
Yes, Now, can I tell you my side, Yes.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
I will buy a completely fake tennis necklace or tennis
bracelet because people think it's real.

Speaker 1 (03:29):
Well, yes, and I hate to tell them, but a
lot of it it's not. Yeah, And it's not that.

Speaker 2 (03:35):
It's not that I don't want the real thing, and
I know that my husband could afford that, but I
lose things. I get that, and I've lost already a ring,
I've lost a necklace.

Speaker 1 (03:46):
And so finally I was like, you know what, let's
just okay, here's what's weird. I don't have a problem
with that. And and to your point, I had these
really pretty diamond earrings and we were in Las Vegas
and I was trying on jewelry at a counter in
Chanel and I put them in my purse and I

(04:06):
forgot and I was going in and out of the
purse to get stuff and gone, gone, gone. And they
were insured. Oh that's nice. I got the insurance money
and I thought about it, and I thought, do I
really want to buy a plane pair of diamond earrings?
And so I went to Nordstrom and I bought for
sixty bucks a fake pair of diamond earrings. And I

(04:28):
will tell you, out of all of my jewelry, that
is my only fake, that's the fake one. That's the
fake one, because I'm scared about losing them. And also
with ear rings, like you kind of want different sizes
or different like colored juice like yellow gold or white gold,
and lots of options. There's lots of options, and I
wouldn't like do that. Yeah, I mean, but that's not

(04:48):
a copy. What I find a copy is if someone
has a fake pair of Van Cleef earrings.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
And I, to be honest, you're Van Cleef. Remind me,
I'm it's horrible. It's like the clover looking things. Okay, yeah,
but to me, that.

Speaker 1 (05:02):
Is someone's proprietary design. A pair of diamond studs or
a tennis bracelet or a tennis necklace, that's just diamonds. Okay.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
So you're talking about like when you're on the streets
of New York, Yes, and there's all the fakes.

Speaker 1 (05:17):
And the things.

Speaker 3 (05:18):
I don't go down that road.

Speaker 2 (05:19):
I don't go down that, but I but I will,
you know, every now and then buy some fake stuff
to put around my neck or my wrist because I'm
not a problem with that.

Speaker 1 (05:28):
I don't, you know.

Speaker 2 (05:29):
And it's and it's nothing that's like crazy big or
anything that very small and petiitue, but I just lose things.

Speaker 1 (05:35):
I know, I get it.

Speaker 3 (05:36):
I don't and you get you four kids, Like things
just disappear.

Speaker 1 (05:39):
And do you feel obligated to tell someone because like
I have, I definitely have costume jewelry I love and
I do have actually know I'm thinking of it, Like
I have some drop dangly things that could be real
but they're not.

Speaker 3 (05:52):
But like you're saying, it's not like a designer that
you're no, it's.

Speaker 1 (05:55):
Just like random stuff and so like, yeah, just random stuff.
But like I was at an event recently and I
was with a friend and he said to me, oh
my god, those earrings are stunning, and the way he
said it, I knew he thought that they were real.
And I was like, oh, they're fake, and he's like,
so what, They're so pretty?

Speaker 2 (06:12):
I'm like, no, I know, I don't know, you know,
And I do the same thing, but I will say
when people tell me, I'm like, don't tell me, yeah,
don't say.

Speaker 1 (06:18):
I say the same thing. Yeah, so weird's we've I
have a devil standard amongst myself.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
May that's a lot like I feel like maybe many
people do that where they like, You're like, don't yeah,
don't tell me that they're just beautiful.

Speaker 1 (06:29):
So do you feel like people like, oh, an explanation,
like it's a lab diamond.

Speaker 2 (06:33):
I guess I don't know, because well, I've only met
one person that did it that way and she immediately told.

Speaker 1 (06:38):
Me, well, so I heard. So some people say they
want lab diamonds because they're obviously they don't have to
be sourced in minds, they think they're more ethical and
they're better for the environment. They've seen blood diamond like
we talked, you know, yeah, but someone told me that
they're not good for the environment either the way they
do it in the lab. You know, I'm I'm gonna
I have no idea I have, but the environment stuff,
I'm doing my best. I just moved to California. I'm

(06:59):
really trying. Are we lucky that we are in a
position to have this conversation?

Speaker 2 (07:02):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (07:03):
Absolutely, God, Yes, grateful for all of it. Tell everyone
where you moved from. I moved from Detroit.

Speaker 2 (07:13):
I'm born and raised Atlanta and moved to Detroit when
I was nineteen, was there for twelve years, and then
made my way out here about going on three years now.

Speaker 1 (07:24):
Yeah. Yeah, so that must be hard to pick up
and move all the time. Harder with a family.

Speaker 2 (07:30):
Yes, Like when it was just me following the person
I loved without a commitment, dumb.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
Looking back, I would never let my daughters do that.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
Oh my god, that's so interesting. What did your parents say?
They did not want me going? And you were like,
I'm going. I love him. I was the baby.

Speaker 2 (07:47):
I just at this point I was like, you know what,
I'm gonna go with my life.

Speaker 1 (07:51):
I'm gonna get out of Georgia. But you were also
so young. I feel like if you were my daughter,
i'd be like, yeah, go have fun. It's not like, yes,
you know you were older. Look, if you're in thirty
seven and you haven't met your person and you want
to have children and maybe like that's a big thing,
you know that I would understand. But you were like
I was nineteen.

Speaker 2 (08:09):
Yeah, you were trying to be honest, I had not
finished school yet. So my dad was like, what the
hell no, and we battled it out for a little bit.
I love my father, and looking back at it, I'm like, yeah,
this is exactly what I would have I would do
and Matthew, with our own daughters, Matthew sat down with
him and made him, I guess, feel okay about it.

Speaker 1 (08:32):
So what did you do when you went what do
you mean when you were following him around?

Speaker 2 (08:36):
WHOA?

Speaker 1 (08:36):
Well, I went to nursing.

Speaker 3 (08:37):
School, so I answered.

Speaker 2 (08:39):
University of Georgia where I went didn't have nursing program anyways.
So when I transferred up to Michigan, found a school
that had a great nursing program, entered that, got my
first degree, and then went into the accelerated nursing program.

Speaker 1 (08:49):
So I was in school right when.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
I moved up there, did that, did the nursing thing
for a bit, and then got married.

Speaker 1 (08:57):
And it's happened. And that's kind of really, isn't it.
So I've talked about this before, but isn't it so
crazy going from a full time working person to a
full time stay at home mom. It's a big change.

Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah, And I feel like when it's like the you know,
the grass is greener on the other side, when you
are working and you can't stay home, you think it's
amazing to stay home. But when you're staying home and
don't have the career, you're like, I want the career.
And I think this is a big topic in our
world right now with women in careers. But I always

(09:34):
you know, when I did have the career, I loved it.

Speaker 3 (09:36):
I worked for a plastic surgeon. He was great.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
And then when I had my children, I loved being home.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
But damn is it hard? Man? It's hard. And Nope,
people do not tell you that, and people, you know,
especially I mean, I find with Instagram, especially all the
social and all the aren't we wonderful? And look at
how perfect? And I make my own butter and really,
so are you kids?

Speaker 2 (10:00):
Me?

Speaker 1 (10:00):
I'm done with the perfection.

Speaker 2 (10:01):
It's actually the reason I started the podcast was to
like basically talk about the hangovers that life gives you
and be real about it, whether that's from kids or
careers or alcohol, because that's usually with the morning now,
you know. But like it's basically to talk about that
because I was so tired of seeing the perfection and
I felt like it was really weighing on my mental health.

Speaker 1 (10:23):
So I was like, I need to like just get
it all out. Oh I love that you do this
because it was I mean and back in the day
when my kids were little, we didn't have any There
were no podcasts, there was no social media. There was
nothing that and women, and I think many women are
still this way, although I see it getting better. They
don't want to share. No, yeah, because everyone's family is perfect.
Tell me how the girls are.

Speaker 2 (10:42):
They are the twins just turned seven, and then I
haven't almost six and then almost four.

Speaker 1 (10:48):
You're in it, sister. It's the fun, right. I know
those are good ages though.

Speaker 3 (10:52):
You know what we're I think we're hitting like a
really good stride.

Speaker 1 (10:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:56):
Now that the three year old's almost four, she's kind
of doing her own things.

Speaker 1 (11:00):
Require a lot.

Speaker 2 (11:00):
We're out of diapers.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
Isn't that great? See? Like, I have a lot of
mom friends that were always so sad, sad when they
things ended. I was like very and you know with four,
like when the last one, well, I don't know if
this is your last one, but I knew it was
my last one. Okay, it's my too. I had my
tubes double nodded because that one was natural, and so yeah,
I knew that was the last one, and I was like,

(11:24):
I'm enjoying every moment and I am so excited to
let it go.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
I and I and I understand when moms like have
the tears at the graduations and are like different when
they're when they're but when they're.

Speaker 3 (11:35):
Like graduating from preschool, I'm like longer.

Speaker 1 (11:39):
Days at school they're getting. I mean, they're just I
don't know, I'm.

Speaker 2 (11:43):
Not one last drop off, and I'm sure I will
miss it, Sure I'll miss it, but right now I am,
unfortunately just like trying to survive, which I always tell
myself to slow down because I'll miss these times.

Speaker 3 (11:54):
But when you're in it, it's just like I got
to get to the next day.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
I just I don't know, maybe it's just me. I
don't miss that. You don't, Okay, I loved it. But
you know what's so cool is watching them evolve into
these little people. I mean, like, I was so happy
the last time I ever had to make a poster
for school? Is it our job to make the most
of the glue gun was gone? I was.

Speaker 2 (12:19):
I'm already done with the school projects. And they're only
in first grade. Dia rama kill me.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
But look, it's so fun to go to school and
watch the performances and do things and and all of that.
I think with four kids, it's a lot. Yeah, And
it's a lot to be present for everyone and yourself
and your partner for sure, and try to do it
all even you know half good. But what I will
tell you light at the end of the tunnel, like

(12:46):
they're so cool when they're older.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
I honestly I cannot wait where I'm a friend and
not a parent. Yeah, well, it does change my friends
and they are taking care of themselves, and I'm looking
forward to that time because I will say, right now,
it's just you're right, I am. I'm putting myself last,
and it's I did a whole podcast on that because
I realized just how much I've put myself last and

(13:08):
how it's really affected me and honestly my marriage too,
And so we've tried, we're working on it to be like, hey,
we have to date each other.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
Telling our kids that too, because because you're going.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
Out again, I'm like, yep, I mean, daddy need it.
You guys have our full attention all the time.

Speaker 1 (13:25):
We have to give each other attention.

Speaker 2 (13:26):
But it is I mean, it's hard to spread out
the attention amongst the four too. I always worry about
one slipping through the cracks.

Speaker 1 (13:32):
Yeah, well, you know, it's like everything else is squeaky
wheel gets the oil. Yes. What I found was when
they were smaller, I would take everyone everywhere, leave no
man behind. I would schlip all four of them every
we went, all the things I felt weird if someone
wasn't there. And what I found is as they got

(13:53):
a little bit older, well, I was very comfortable taking
all four of them, like, yeah, vacation by myself. Yeah,
like without I love them, no problem whenever. But when
they got to a certain age. Maybe I'm trying to
think how old Ace was when I started doing a
loan trips, but maybe ten, okay, and I would do
an a loan trip with each of them. And it
doesn't have to be a week long journey and all

(14:14):
this thing. It could be one night and it is
so good for them, it is so good for you.
And the other thing is, you know, I was always
worried about leaving them when we were when they were younger,
I wish we had left more because they don't remember.
They don't know. Do you remember nothing?

Speaker 2 (14:31):
You know what I will say, I'm very much like you.
I take off four where I go. Now Tyler is
a new addition. She's my youngest. When she was a
baby and younger, I did not take her because the
older three are so close in asia and easy. Now
she's she's old enough, I take them. Ever.

Speaker 3 (14:47):
But I was talking to Matthew about it because I
asked him.

Speaker 2 (14:51):
I said, I feel like you should take one daughter
on a date every now and then, totally, just to
connect with her a little bit.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
The thing is, you can't make it brutal. So if
it's like one it's a week, it's too much. We
have four dollars, that's four nine week. No, no, no, I
mean even like one each week each week, that's too much.
Do one a month? Yeah, then you gotta spread it out.
And then Michael, I handled it that well. I hate
to be like that, but it's just true. Yeah, I
are not you. I mean mine mine couldn't no, and

(15:18):
mine wasn't really good with the younger kids. Yeah. Oh well, Matthew,
this is great.

Speaker 2 (15:22):
Matthew's like, hey, when you're three and you start talking
to me, this is when we're gonna bond.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
Oh, Terry came to like twelve, I mean barely spoke
to them.

Speaker 2 (15:31):
It's like the as the next one, the age gets longer,
you know, it's like a six for you. Oh, I know,
but no, I this is something that we are actually
discussing now because I have one daughter who is struggling
more than the others, and you're right, the squeaky wheel
gets the oil, and so a lot of my attention
goes to her. Which I had a very similar situation

(15:54):
in my family, and I was kind of the one
that was left up for myself, and so I think
that I just want to make sure that doesn't happen.
But it's it's tough when you have one that struggles.

Speaker 1 (16:07):
And by the way, how about when you have one
that's really strong. No, it really doesn't need I have
one of those. And we got into it last night
a little bit because she's is really really bright, she's
very focused, she's like she's amazing. Yeah, so she doesn't
really require very much. But like I went into her
room last night and she's gonna apply to college next year,

(16:28):
and I go, he has it all handled, Like I
was on top of it. She's on top of everything.
And so I went to a room and I go, listen,
I know where you want to go to school, but
she might apply. There's different kinds of early applications these days,
but there's one place she might go early. And I said,
you know, not tonight, like tomorrow, like, can we just

(16:48):
talk about this maybe right? Maybe this is totally red.
And she went nuclear on me, and I was like,
ow she said. She was like she knew. She's like,
I don't need your help. I know, yeah, Like why
are you even saying this to me? You know? She
was not happy about the second And I'm like, you're
totally missing what I'm saying. I'm just I'm your mother. Yeah,

(17:09):
I love you. I know you got this handled. I
would just like to walk it through, have a conversation
about it, because you have to understand, like, and you'll
see this, like the twins are the first ones, so
that's the learning curve, right, and you're doing two at
the same time. That's horrible and they're very different. It's horrible. Yeah,
oh yeah, and don't even how the same sex thing.
I think is probably even worse mine. At least I

(17:30):
had a boy and a girl, so you could go, oh, well,
you know he's done as advanced because boys aren't. Yeah,
boys are a little stories. It's true. We love men,
but you know we do. But listen, I had a
full study in my house. They were parented by the
same parents. They grew up at the same exact thing. Yeah,
it's saw it all. Yeah, I study in your house. Yeah,

(17:52):
total case study. Anyway, So when they were going through college,
I was well, honestly, but as you were saying, like
the kindergarten graduation, that's the worst. I'm getting them into
kindergarten is the hardest thing on the planet, and I
swore to myself I would never do it again. So
when I came to college, when they got to high school,
I said, here's a private guidance counselor. You have resources.

(18:12):
I ain't fighting with you. Do well, have choices, don't
do well, don't have choices up to you. And I
just put it on it's too stressful.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
Well, I'm doing first grade homework and about to rip
my hair out.

Speaker 1 (18:23):
Well, I called it at third Okay, I you know it.
I'm glad to hear that. I'm gladutoring. Yeah, but when
you pay a school.

Speaker 2 (18:30):
Here's my thing. I we do send them to a
private school. I'm like, I'm paying a fortune for the school.
I'm not paying for a tutor on top of it.

Speaker 1 (18:37):
That's crazy. Well, then have them go to office hours. Yeah, okay, they.

Speaker 3 (18:40):
Don't offer it right now because it's first GRADEP.

Speaker 1 (18:42):
They might. I'm like, y'all.

Speaker 3 (18:44):
They they're like, oh, it's at seven in the morning.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
We live, oh, thirty five minutes away. I'm like, I'm
not waking my kids up at five thirty. Well listen,
come do two plus two.

Speaker 1 (18:52):
Okay, but when you get to the fourth one, yeah,
you won't care. With Ace, I was like, does he
know how to read? But it turns out like ten,
I feel like the last one's always figure it out.
Oh he's so smart, he's so smart. He's yeah, he's
done as motivated as Cat as the seventeen. But yeah,

(19:13):
he's very smart. But like, I just don't worry about it.
I'm like, I'll figure it out and I'll be fine.

Speaker 2 (19:17):
Any when you were saying you have so Cat's the
one that is like very dogether, yes, and I have
one like that to her name's Hunter and and I
feel like sometimes my attention goes everywhere else and I
forget about it.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
And I don't forget about her. No, I'm in the
same way, always settled.

Speaker 2 (19:32):
She plays by herself, she doesn't need anything anybody. And
I tell my husband that I'm like, I'm so worried
about the other ones that I forget. I have her
and she still needs like us and attention and love,
but it's hard, like I can't do it all.

Speaker 1 (19:46):
And then when he's in season, it's like, then you're alone.
I'm alone, and.

Speaker 2 (19:51):
And it's fine, we figure it out, but my I
will say, like my temper and like my stress goes
through the roof, and I'm I'm short with them, horrible,
but I'm like just trying.

Speaker 1 (20:02):
To make it through right now. So when you see
parenting experts, I'm not going to say the name okay, okay,
all right, because some of the parenting experts I want
to like choke. I don't. I don't know if the
way they speak. And then I pull her aside and
I say, Mary, let's discuss that. What was your intention?

(20:22):
Out of your freaking mind? Who can talk like that way? Time?
I'm sorry, no one.

Speaker 2 (20:27):
Has to like that's it, and listen yes, I feel
like you can. Maybe I can like listen to these
people and try to take some of it in. But
I was also raised by a mother who did it
very similar and I'm not saying it's right, but I
feel like I turned out okay, And so I'm sitting
there and going almost all this information that we have
like it is amazing, but also I feel like it's

(20:48):
a detriments.

Speaker 1 (20:48):
It's like, shit, I'm not doing this right. I'm not
doing this. I'm not doing this right.

Speaker 2 (20:51):
As a MoMA days, it's too like too much information
is too much, and sometimes ignorance is plus. I'm not
saying total ignorance, but but doing it the way you
feel that your kids react. Did you know your kids better?
I hate say it better than a teen experts.

Speaker 1 (21:06):
Of course you know, and it doesn't. And if you're
present and you communicate with them, because that's the most
important thing. And my biggest advice I always say is
to listen because as parents we always want to like
give our advice and give them more lessons and well,
you know, let me just listen.

Speaker 2 (21:22):
Yeah, I mean that's I could easily do better, because
I feel like sometimes I don't even have time to
listen to the whole drawn out story.

Speaker 1 (21:28):
Listen, sometimes they don't shut up. You have one of those, Yeah,
it's my it's my littlest Yeah, we got one of those. Yeah,
there's a filibuster never ends.

Speaker 2 (21:38):
Ever, it's always like Tyler, yes, Daddy's like just for
five minutes.

Speaker 1 (21:46):
She's like, okay, Daddy, No.

Speaker 2 (21:49):
We're playing the quiet game, Tyler, and you get game
five minutes.

Speaker 1 (21:53):
You got five seconds. It's different.

Speaker 2 (21:55):
But anyway, yes, yeah, I feel like I mean, maybe
it's with four you get all these dynamics that you're
trying to juggle and be the right parent for every
different job.

Speaker 1 (22:04):
You can't. You just got to go with it, and
you've got to I can't have steadfast rules about things.
And this is something that I've really learned over the
last few years, because all right, when the twins were driving,
bye and take your sister with you, Yes, off you go.
What's weird is kids these days you're not so hot

(22:25):
to get the mine work. Yeah, we'd like heard about this.
Some kids don't want to get it. I'm like, are
you kidding? When I turned sixteen, we were at that
DMV getting that license. Freedom. It's freedom. I don't understand
it at all. Why are they just getting an ubers? Yes,
because they've ubers. There's just different ways to get around. Now.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
Wait now, I wouldn't hate the safety aspect of an
uber when they're in high school.

Speaker 1 (22:47):
Yeah, but you know what getting in an ubers sometimes
can be concerning. Also, yes, what if it's not an
uber black? And are they together? Are they with other people?
I don't know. There's definitely safe ways to do it.
Kids do uber, but there's parameters to where, when, with whom.
All of that.

Speaker 2 (23:06):
I love that though, because I love that there's the
option for them, just because I mean I was not
a perfect child growing up either. I don't think there's
many out there that are perfect. And we make mistakes
and so to have that to rely on now I
think is somewhat beneficial.

Speaker 1 (23:22):
Yeah. And also can, like you know, make behaviors more common.
That's true. Yeah, although my kids, I mean, they're so good.
They didn't do half the shit I did. Honestly, I
hope that's mine. Yeah, no, really, it's shocking. But did
you get life through sixty yet?

Speaker 2 (23:38):
No?

Speaker 1 (23:38):
Oh, you got to get life through sixty? What is
that like? Through sixty? It's like this app, and you
always know where they are.

Speaker 3 (23:43):
Oh I'm based on their car, based on their phones phone.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
You can also get a metile like I'm serious to
put in their backpack or on their yeah, on their person.
It's crazy. But also you put your husband on there too.
You know where everyone is. If God forbids someone's in
an accident, you get find out right away, all of it.
And it's funny because I started it when the kids
were young, okay, and because I always thought like, and
they had phones kind of young, yeah, just because like

(24:11):
I don't I was to me that was like just
I wanted to make sure, yeah, I could get in touch.
I also don't think there's probably all ye that's on
phones now. No, it wasn't like that though, but they
always had phones and if they were with another family,
you know, or something, and I just wanted to know
I don't I yeah, I'm And so now we all

(24:31):
have it and we have like we have a group
chat all of us and everyone's on Life three sixties.
So what's also nice about it is like, you know,
if Terry's I don't know where he is, right yeah,
And I can look on Life through sixty and be like, Oh,
he's at the gym and I could see he's been
there for thirty minutes. Yeah, so I know he'll be
home for dinner. Yeah, I don't have to call him
what time be coming home. I'm actually gonna write this note.
It's the best. It's the best thing ever. Yeah, I

(24:51):
love it.

Speaker 2 (24:52):
I will like I always because my husband and I
track each other on our phones.

Speaker 1 (24:56):
This is better because it gives you details too. You
can see how fast they're driving. Oh really no, no,
lots of information, and they can call roadside assistants. It's
just just like a lot of like good things. Okay,
I love that anyway. So what I was going to
say was the twins had gotten their licenses and they
were gone, and then in the pandemic everyone came back
together and it was so cool and so interesting and

(25:19):
really reset the family in a very good way. So
now sometimes when I think everyone's dissipated and off track,
I have to recenter everyone kind of the same way.
And I'm sure this happens with your husband too, Like
is there a re entry when he comes home? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (25:38):
I mean yes, I will say right now, the daughter,
our daughter's being the aged as they are he snaps
out of it pretty quick, just because they run up
and it is now when they get older now, and
he's also not going to be in this career forever,
so right, there's that. But yeah, there's definitely a moment
of like taking a deep breath realizing, Okay, I'm now

(25:59):
went from a locker room movement to a household of
little girls, Like got to change a little bit of
his demeanor. So, yeah, I get what you're saying with
the re entry.

Speaker 1 (26:07):
Yeah it's hard. I mean, but it's hard for the
kids now because they're in college and then they come
home and all of a sudden, you're back at home
and it's not like I'm such a rule based, you know,
monger that they're you know, yeah, you're worried about that,
but it's still different.

Speaker 2 (26:22):
I like, I'm sure they're doing what we all did
in college and having a good time, and they come
home and it's like.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
Wait, you're It would be tough.

Speaker 2 (26:30):
I feel like for my girls when they go to college,
if they did the things that I did in college,
it would be tough for me to see it now.

Speaker 1 (26:37):
If I hear about it later.

Speaker 2 (26:38):
On, I'd be like, Okay, well, thank goodness, you're okay
and alive and whatnot. But if I had to see
it real time, yeah, at the home, I think that
would be really tough because then they leave and now
you're worried about that. Right.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
Well, my daughter does nothing, she doesn't drank, shesmunctionn't do
anything good for her, I know. And my son's like
like normal college, not insane, just normal. Yeah, and he's
close by because he's at LMU, so I see him
all the time. Oh that's nice. Yeah, is it nice?
It's great. Okay, there's such cool kids. It's so nice.
And like last night I was out with Terry and

(27:12):
Nick my oldest son, and my youngest son was great.
We'll talk about the IVF things. So I we tried
for like a year and everyone knows my story, but
basically did all the beginning things and then you know,
ended up going to IVF. And there were so many
I was an actress at the time, and there were

(27:33):
so many actors friends of mine that we all did
IVF and we were so pissed off that our union
health coverage wouldn't pay for it, because it's like, man,
you know, we all put our you know, families on
hold because of the careers and everything, and had kids
later and that's really true. Yeah, and then then there
we needed the IVF, but I had I did IVF,

(27:55):
but the twins okay, And then I wanted the experience
of having a singleton, so I had went back and
did I and only put one embryo in okay, and
had cat. Yeah, and then a few years later I
just got pregnant naturally. Isn't it funny how it works?

Speaker 2 (28:09):
Crazy? I, So I have a similar I did the twins.
They're identical. So I put two in and so twins
was not a surprise. I was so grateful, but they
were like, wait a second, they look identical, so let's
make sure there's not a third in there because one

(28:30):
egg split.

Speaker 3 (28:31):
I always joked that the third one was a boy,
and he.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
Was like, I'm out here, and so had that and
then after that got pregnant, like shortly after that's my third.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
Crazy, you were like me, you had like three hundred three?

Speaker 2 (28:46):
Yes, yeah, and it was but you know what, it
was great.

Speaker 1 (28:50):
It's kind of like two is so insane that when
you add the third one, it really didn't matter. Right
when I.

Speaker 2 (28:56):
Feel like when you get them that close together. It's
kind of like you're doing all the same.

Speaker 1 (29:00):
And still got diapers.

Speaker 2 (29:01):
And yes, yes, I but I remember telling Matthew because
we were given a very low chance, and and I
talked about this online. But they did the procedure where
they try to go through the Philippian tubes and see
if there's any blockage the.

Speaker 1 (29:13):
Historo cell pingogram. I'm gonna tell you something. I love
that you know the name. I do know the name
because I thought it was the most violating procedure. I
want to explain this a little bit. Okay, do it?
So they so you have to go through all these tests,
and you know what the men get to do. The
men get to go into a room with a velvet
sofa and pleasure themselves with a porno. And do you

(29:36):
know what we have to do? Like everything else, every test,
every folk, every invasive, everything, but that histor cell panogram.
So they go in there and they try to see
if there's a block in the tubes. I can't believe
I remember all.

Speaker 3 (29:49):
This, but I can't believe you remember the name, because.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
I you know, it's weird. I just said it to
my sister the other day because she went she did
ivay also when we were talking about this, I don't
know why, Yeah, but so they go through the tubes.
But what's crazy is you go to this place and
this for me, it was a dude yep that did
the exam. And it's not an obie. I had a
resident first resident. I had some guy who thought he

(30:15):
was like changing the oil in a car. It was
the roughest, I mean. And they're laying there spread legged, yeah,
spread eagle, and they're just like swabbing you and sticking
things in you and shooting die in you without like
as if you're not a human. Yeah, And it's so painful,
and I feel I literally felt violated. It's it was

(30:37):
the most painful one I went through. And why does
no one tell you? I don't know. But I also
think it's the doctor.

Speaker 2 (30:43):
Like so I had a doctor like ran into mine
and told the residents to stop because I was like bawling,
and he was trying to put there was so much
blockage that nothing was getting through, and so him pushing
was just like so painful.

Speaker 1 (30:57):
So painful.

Speaker 2 (30:58):
And but at the end, you know, I've tried to
be tried to tell myself this more now is not
why did it happen to me? But why did it
happen for me? I truly believe that he pushed some
of the blockage out for that per hunter to come.

Speaker 1 (31:13):
Into the world like that.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
And I'm that's like my positivity trying to get out there.
But I will say I walked out in that waiting
room and my husband's a sleep so, like you were saying,
the men, just you know.

Speaker 1 (31:25):
Mine didn't even go glad. He was there asleep by myself,
I like doubt him. And he woke up.

Speaker 2 (31:32):
He said, my face was just like swollen, my eyes
were blood.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
I had tears, and he was like, what the happened?
But this is weird because you had the experience. I
had the experience, and so did my sister. So I'm
telling you other women are having this experience. If anyone
out there is going through fertility and they say you
have to need a historo cell pingogram, you make sure
to tell them to be gentle and make sure you
know who's doing it. I found that a lot of
the things with fertility. So because my husband's a doctor,

(32:00):
he was like, oh, you know, let's go. We went
to hell Dancer. It's fantastic Okay, partner's Mark Surrey. They're
a big practice in Beverly Hills and he when Terry
was in med school, rotated under doctor Dancer. Okay, he
was fantastic and he's so sweet. He's so nice, and
he was great and he really explained everything really really
well to me. But I had other people tell me

(32:21):
when you go in for fertility, it is a factory.
They have new people every day, they're moving people in
and out, and you really have to be your own advocate.
That's true. What I realized. I hate that too. But
what I realized with it because you want to be
able to go in the doctor and say fix me, yeah,
do this. Yeah yeah. What I realized about the fertility
thing was, I mean they basically are reinventing the entire

(32:46):
thing every time they have a new patient, because what
your issues in your body and what's going to work
for you is different than me than her, than her,
than him than him, for sure, right yeah, yeah, I
never thought of it like that. I mean they do.

Speaker 2 (32:58):
I had a great doctor in Michigan who like was
bedside manner was amazing, and I think that's huge when
it comes to uh infertality.

Speaker 3 (33:05):
Doctors yes, just you know that they can kind.

Speaker 2 (33:08):
Of coach you through it, but also be like a
shoulder to cry on, because there's a lot of tears
that happen and they have to be patient with that.

Speaker 1 (33:15):
And so I had an amazing experience.

Speaker 2 (33:17):
I have a friend who had a horrible experience with
a doctor, and like you said, like I feel like
that was more and they all are. They all are factories,
but you would hope that some of them take just
a little more time and have a little more patience
with people. Because the one my friend went to, I'm
telling you what, they spent like ten minutes with her,
sent her to the clinic to get all these tests,

(33:38):
and brought her back, told her what was wrong, and
within five minutes she was like, I guess I'm doing IVF.

Speaker 1 (33:43):
It wasn't like explain, you know.

Speaker 2 (33:45):
So she was like, I've listened to the podcast that
you did way long ago on IVF and it helped me.
But like, I do think that, unfortunately, infertility is getting
kind of a rep of like a bad rep of
doing that just like turnover, wanting people to come in
try and fix you as quickly as they can. When
that wasn't my experience at all. So I hate that.

(34:06):
I hate that it's that wasn't mine either. Everyone says, well,
playing God, and I'm like playing God it drives me
crazy because I'm like, hold on now, I want kids
and I can't control what I was putting in my
body when I was younger, Like we didn't know, no
one knew what was going on.

Speaker 1 (34:22):
And who knows if that's why it's happening.

Speaker 2 (34:24):
But I truly believe that God put IVF on this
earth for a miracle.

Speaker 1 (34:28):
See exactly, Like I hate that playing God thing, Like,
so didn't God create these people that are brilliant scientists
that came up with all of.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
This and another like I wanted to be like what
about Like it's a fibrillator, what about saving someone's life
who's in cardiac arrest?

Speaker 1 (34:43):
Like that's medical intervention. Well that's the whole thing, you know.
So it's the problem is is that people have their
own opinions about everything, everything and what's acceptable and what's
not acceptable. And I think if there's people whether they're
single or they're in a relationship, and they can have
biological children for whatever reason, and this is a way

(35:07):
to do it, Thank you.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
Yes, I agreed. I totally agree. I just wish it was.
And I think you too, are just more.

Speaker 3 (35:13):
Affordable for people because I mean we're lucky enough to be.

Speaker 1 (35:17):
Able to get billboarded. Yeah, and like I was saying,
you know, a lot of insurance does not pay for
this stuff. Yeah, like none of it. It's expensive. I
don't even know what what is it? Do you have
any idea what a round of IVF costs.

Speaker 2 (35:28):
Well, So I actually just did a I just did
one for somebody through my podcast, and it was I
believe came out to about like seventy.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
Seventy thousand, and that's not including probably that included all
the meds and included meds.

Speaker 2 (35:44):
Now, they I believe they did have some coverage. I
don't want to get into details, but they did have
a little bit of coverage, but it was around seventy
I believe.

Speaker 1 (35:53):
That came from the podcast. So yeah, I mean it
costs money.

Speaker 3 (35:58):
It costs money, and then it doesn't work, and then
it doesn't work.

Speaker 1 (36:01):
That's what people don't realize.

Speaker 2 (36:02):
Like a lot of times we were lucky enough where
it worked, but a lot of times that's not the case.

Speaker 1 (36:07):
I did a bunch of rounds of Iui, first, did
you do any of that? I was not a candidate.
You went right, you went right to yeah. But you
know what's so crazy about it is that you know,
you feel like and you were really young. I was
thirty four when I had the twins, so I was
I guess we started at thirty two or so trying
and you think, oh, this is going to be easy

(36:29):
because you spend a lot of time trying not to
get pregnant. I know, right, you trying to avoid it
there for a long Yeah. Why the hell was I
so worried all the time? Right? Like, had I known,
that would have taken a lot of anxiety and I
could have spent a lot less on epts, right, please,
I know it's crazy.

Speaker 2 (36:51):
It really is like once you and it's wild to
me that you say thirty two and people are talking
about how that's old.

Speaker 1 (36:58):
Well, they just advancing internal age. They put on your thigh.
I know, I was like, wow, wild shame.

Speaker 2 (37:04):
But I will say because my producer is younger than
I am, and we've actually had this conversation because I
feel like it's good younger.

Speaker 3 (37:11):
Women are trying or like, you know, getting ahead of things.

Speaker 1 (37:14):
Freezing eggs, eggs.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
One hundred ple, like making sure their fertility is okay,
even if, like you know, with pcos and.

Speaker 1 (37:19):
All these things. So I think it's awesome. I think
the fact that I do feel like.

Speaker 2 (37:24):
That generation is very hands on and like going to
get things done, and so I love the I love
that they're doing that. I think it's pretty awesome. It's
just taking control of what you can wh I agree.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
And I love that they talk about everything. Yes, because
you know, when I was growing up, no one talked
about anything. I didn't even know what a period was.
My parents were very like nineteen fifties, right, So no,
I forget about menopause or hormones or any of this stuff.
And the truth is, and I wish I had known this,
you know, twenty years ago, is that you're supposed to

(37:54):
start having your hormones checked at thirty thirty five, oh,
to get a baseline. Yes, because what happens is you
have all these kids and you're like, it was exactly
what we were talking about before. I'm sure tempered sometimes
I'm tired of this and that and what you tell
yourself and you said this before. Yeah, because it's a
lot of kids to handle and I am doing all

(38:15):
this stuff and he's at camp. But bah bah, guess what,
it's also your hormones. And there is a biological answer
to a lot of this stuff. Oh jeez, I need
But what we do is and I did this, also,
what we do is we go, Oh, I'm just tired
because I'm up with it in the reep all night
and I had to. I'm driving forty seven hours a
day and making twelve lunches and going to all these things.

(38:36):
And that's why I'm so tired. And that's why I
don't feel like having sex. And that's why. Guess what,
it's hormones. Yeah, and you know what.

Speaker 2 (38:43):
You say this, And I'm thinking to myself, like I
should go get this done, and I should go get.

Speaker 1 (38:47):
This done, and I'm like, in what time?

Speaker 3 (38:49):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (38:50):
And I think that's the other thing too, like taking
the time out for yourself to go get these things
checked that aren't necessary, that you don't think are necessarly
affecting you, even though they could be.

Speaker 1 (38:59):
That's tough. Well, maybe you do a thing for yourself,
Like you're saying your husband would take the girls out
right one in a time, give them a once a
month thing. But why don't you start with giving yourself
a once a month health day, whatever that means to you,
going to the doctor's appointment, getting a massage.

Speaker 3 (39:15):
You see a lot of doctors.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
You've seen that meme where the mom is like sitting
in the car and they're like, self care is sitting
in the car in my driveway. I do it all
the time, all the time. I did it outside this
podcast studio all the time. Why do you think that
is it's quiet? I don't know. It's like soothing to me.

Speaker 2 (39:32):
Get to I get to regulate the temperature how I
like it.

Speaker 1 (39:36):
Yes, it's sort of safe because it's cozy. Yes, yeah,
and it's.

Speaker 2 (39:40):
Just and I know I'm home, but I'm not inside yet,
so I can just like exactly but not be there.

Speaker 1 (39:45):
It's home adjacent. So you can sit in the car
and it's like you're home. So you don't really feel
good because you write.

Speaker 2 (39:50):
Out yeah, oh my gosh, Okay, I haven't seen the meme,
but I'm so glad to hear that. Everytime I feel guilty,
I'm like, I just don't I just want to like
sit here for a second. It's the best listen to
whatever I'm listening to you know what it's like.

Speaker 1 (40:02):
It's like when you're younger and you're in your parents'
house and you're naked, you're changing. You know, no one's
coming in. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. No one's
gonna come in if you're naked, so like you're just fine,
You're good. Yeah. It's the same thing in the car.
No one's gonna bug it. You're just in the car. Yeah.
And if someone tries, you're like, what's a seconds? I
don't roll down? No one dow. I'm like, I'll be
in a minute.

Speaker 2 (40:21):
I mean, I'm telling you the mountain, the mounta times
my husband's come out.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
And the like are you dying? Like I guess I
am this, I am now. It's a lot. How do
you manage all the anxiety and stress that?

Speaker 3 (40:36):
Oh I don't do it well? To be honest, I'm.

Speaker 2 (40:38):
Working on it. It has been a definitely something like
learning and progress or whatever that I don't know.

Speaker 1 (40:45):
I can't think of the phrase, but.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
I've I've tried a lot of different things, and to
be honest, the the one that I think actually has
helped is just communicating my stress to my partner, which
is horrible to say.

Speaker 1 (41:03):
But does it help though, you know what?

Speaker 2 (41:06):
I think just being able to say it kind of
clears my head some now.

Speaker 1 (41:11):
Whether it's going to help the long run, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
But you know, I don't know, to be honest, I
don't know if I'm really dealing with it.

Speaker 3 (41:19):
I'm just trying to get through right now. And that's
not healthy.

Speaker 1 (41:22):
No, but I did the same thing, so it's like
a little fat like you like one hundred years from now,
Like I know it's true, so it's interesting to sort
of look back, I did the same thing. Yeah, there
are ways to cope that I think that are better.
I think putting aside the guilt and making that time
for yourself is so important. And if you don't have

(41:43):
the resource, you do, but if you didn't have the resources,
having you know, your mom come or a friend come,
or trade off with friends so that everyone has their
one day a month and their thing and whatever. I
think it's so important.

Speaker 2 (41:56):
Yeah, you know, and I think the like, honestly, what
you guilt, that's huge, the guilt you feel, like the
guilt I always feel if I am away from my
kids because I think again, society has stressed so much
like to be the perfect mom and to always be there,
to always.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
Ampion if you're there twenty four seven, it's like you
have to get to a spot where you go if
I'm here twenty four to seven, because I feel guilty
but I'm not being effective and it makes my temper go.
How is that helpful? I agree with you, it's not.
I never drank so much as when my kids were
like I don't know, little, not little little, but like

(42:34):
your kid's age.

Speaker 2 (42:35):
Yeah, I would say, you know what, I would say,
I don't drink as much, but I will do an
edible because I know you to like.

Speaker 1 (42:42):
De stress myself. Yeah, that's good. My friend Jessica Swag,
she's an author and podcaster. She's really cool, but she's
really in the mushrooms. You can listen to our podcast
as she talks a lot about mushrooms. A lot of women.
I know Micrudo's mushrooms. Now instead of drinking, I mean,
instead of edibles to me, edibles, I just get too like, I.

Speaker 3 (43:00):
Ah, I think I'm really good on him, which is
horrible to.

Speaker 1 (43:03):
Say, but no, that's good. You gotta find your thing.

Speaker 2 (43:05):
Yeah, and I will say, like I am a very again,
like I'm a high stressed parent and that might be
the fact that my husband's not around some but I
also feel like that's everybody, Like someone's got to.

Speaker 1 (43:16):
Work it easier sometimes honestly, well, you know what, I
don't have to save face in front of it.

Speaker 2 (43:21):
Like I know he doesn't really agree with all of
my parenting techniques, and when he's not there, he can't
say anything. Nope, And you know what, And I tell
him all the time, like we have damn good kids.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
They're good.

Speaker 3 (43:31):
And I'm not saying it's not you, it's not you,
but it's not you.

Speaker 1 (43:36):
I love you and you're welcome and you're.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
Welcome reason they're so good when you take them to
eat and you can do all four with one person.

Speaker 1 (43:44):
It's not because if he can handle all four, yes
he can. That is impressive. Yet he loves, you know,
and he loves it. He again, like I feel like
it was someone of his calling.

Speaker 2 (43:53):
Everyone says he's calling to be a quarterback, but I
think it is calling to be a girl dad.

Speaker 1 (43:57):
Because he's so good with it.

Speaker 2 (43:58):
And it's like he's just so much masculine at work
and he comes home and he's just lets that all
go and.

Speaker 1 (44:04):
It's so cute. Do they understand what he does? They do?

Speaker 3 (44:07):
Yeah, So my little one not really.

Speaker 2 (44:10):
She just whenever she sees like a jersey.

Speaker 1 (44:13):
With a nine on, she's like daddy.

Speaker 2 (44:15):
I'm like, it's not daddy, but she recognizes the nine,
recognizes the nine. She'll count nine minutes for years. My
old my older three. Yeah, and they love going to games.
And at first I wasn't taking into all of them.

Speaker 1 (44:29):
Because there's a lot of stress.

Speaker 2 (44:30):
I have someone on the field that I also worry about,
and so I would kind of like pick and choose games.
Now they're begging me to come to all of them
and I'm like all right. And the only time I
would let them use their iPads were at games are
on a flight, because I'm like, those.

Speaker 3 (44:43):
Are two times where you can't bother people.

Speaker 2 (44:45):
So for the first year while we were here, they
were very excited for their iPads, but the last year
could care less about the iPads, which I love. They
sat and they watched the game. That's really huge, and
I know, and my husband's like great.

Speaker 1 (44:57):
Right when I'm like nearing the end.

Speaker 3 (45:00):
Daughters are starting to understand about it's so funny.

Speaker 1 (45:02):
What do you think about the Taylor Swift effect on football.
Oh my gosh, girl, I've never.

Speaker 2 (45:09):
The amount of people that care what significant others do
now is wild to me, right wild, because to be honest,
we kind of do the same thing everyone else does.

Speaker 1 (45:19):
We write some of your nurses, some of you singers,
some are summers.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
You know what, we're podcast just moms, like right, And
I say just moms in like the most endearing way
because I feel like it's the toughest part of it all.
But it's very interesting. Like we've had people or people
come to.

Speaker 1 (45:37):
Me and be like, we want to do real.

Speaker 2 (45:39):
Like not really be like a a documentary on like
the Women of Sports.

Speaker 1 (45:44):
I'm like, what are you gonna watch me and take my.

Speaker 2 (45:46):
Kids to school and make their lunches come to my podcast?

Speaker 1 (45:51):
Like we're not that interesting? So I know everyone feels
that way about that. Yeah, well I find it.

Speaker 2 (45:56):
I find it congo Now maybe the younger girls, because
I'm older in this game, they probably have a little
more jazz to them.

Speaker 1 (46:03):
See, I think it's great. This is what I think.
I think that if your partner then opens up a
door for you to have an interesting next step, Like
did you ever think you'd do a podcast. You went
to nurse your nurse. No, did you ever think you'd
have a podcast?

Speaker 2 (46:22):
No?

Speaker 1 (46:22):
No, absolutely not. Look at this, find this great opportunity.
I married a doctor. He's on television. Now, Okay, how weird? Right,
that's awesome. Though. I think it's great. I think, you know,
you know, some people were you know, people are mixed
feelings about, you know, the Taylor Swift effect of the
whole thing. But I think it's great. And I think
if it opens up avenues for the partners of players, awesome. Well,

(46:47):
and this is what I'll say too.

Speaker 2 (46:48):
People don't realize that a lot of players are not
in one place for a very long time. So to
have like a career as a significant other of any profession.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
You have to be tras. You have to be able
to do that.

Speaker 2 (47:00):
Also part of the part time because to say, okay,
I'm in Minnesota here he plays for the Vikings, but
neither of your families are.

Speaker 3 (47:08):
There, so off season you're probably not staying. If you
have kids, you're.

Speaker 2 (47:11):
Probably going and going to back home where you might
end up after the career is over. So that's part time,
part time, And so there's all these things that go
into it. Now, I will say I love empowering women
that are significant others of these people to use it.

Speaker 1 (47:27):
Yeah, because I do think there's a guilt involved.

Speaker 2 (47:30):
I had a huge guilt even starting this podcast was like,
the only reason people are listening is and that might
have been the case when I started.

Speaker 1 (47:37):
So what that's like saying this is the same thing
as the nepo baby argument. You know, people go crazy, Oh,
it's nepotism. I'm like, yeah, but if you were a welder,
your kid would probably become a welder because that's what
you do, and you would introduce them, you know what
I mean. It's like, so what it opens the door.
You still have to be good at what you do.
If you were a terrible podcaster, no one would listen

(47:58):
and it would be over you.

Speaker 2 (48:00):
And I appreciate that because that's honestly I was talking
talking to my sister aut this because it's always just
been a guilt, like never finding your like my place.
You know, when you're married to someone who everyone in
a room, you're in a room and everyone's trying to
get to him, right and they kind of come to
you to get to him, and you feel that and that's.

Speaker 1 (48:17):
Why kind I hear life in a way.

Speaker 2 (48:18):
Yeah, and so everything that like what is mine or
what's you know, what have I done for me? And
then you finally do something and people are telling people,
which is social media, it's all whatever to you know,
oh the only reason she even has this. And but
I do feel like sigiffingt others of the I wouldn't

(48:39):
say even athletes of people in the line, like people
who are not in people probably feel this like imposter
syndrome of like, oh, I don't deserve this because the
only reason I'm getting this is because of who I'm
married to or who I'm with. So it's tough to
kind of like get through that, and I'm I'm still
working through that.

Speaker 1 (48:57):
But I love I love watching all these.

Speaker 2 (49:00):
Women and I don't care if it's sports illustrated if
you're in the hell, yeah, like that's and I just
want to support because I feel like I'm older in
this world and i'm which.

Speaker 1 (49:11):
Is ridiculous because you're so young.

Speaker 2 (49:13):
Well, if not in this world, I'm probably one of
the oldest ones, if not the oldest.

Speaker 3 (49:18):
But empower the young girls because I was young and
lost myself.

Speaker 1 (49:22):
Yeah, you got it. You got to find your own way. Yeah,
and that's true of anyone, even like if you were married,
if your partner is in the corporate world and all
of that, an attorney or a doctor or whatever, it is,
the same thing's gonna happen.

Speaker 2 (49:34):
It doesn't have to just And also like and you know,
you have a career and all of a sudden, you
have kids and you don't have that career anymore, and
you have to.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
Have to deal with that too. That's the toughest. Yeah.
I mean a lot of us went through that, and
that is very difficult. And I went through the same
thing that you're talking about. But I love that you're
doing this. I think it's amazing.

Speaker 2 (49:50):
I you know, and I just want this is the
goal of this podcast is just to read some positivity, because.

Speaker 1 (49:56):
I you're creating community and that's what's important. And I laugh.
I talk all the time.

Speaker 2 (50:01):
My personal Instagram page is filled with hate.

Speaker 1 (50:04):
I post something. People are fighting with each other over
stupid shit. It happens to be. Oh, I'm like, why,
what's the point?

Speaker 2 (50:11):
And then on the podcast page of it, positive people
like just lifting each other up, and that's like what
I want because I just feel like this world we
come down in each other so.

Speaker 3 (50:20):
Hard, so quick, that I want a community where we can.

Speaker 1 (50:23):
Just not do that. Yeah, so what do you do?
You guys talk about what you're gonna do, what your
next chapter looks like, and where it looks like.

Speaker 2 (50:30):
You know what.

Speaker 1 (50:30):
I think we'll be here. I think he's just day
in La. I do think you like La? I like
you got the bug? Okay, yes, you know.

Speaker 2 (50:38):
For the longest time we were gonna go back to Georgia.
He's from Texas, went to Georgia, so we have a
lot of mutual or like all a bunch of friends
still live there and my family's there. But the more
we spend out here, honestly, it's kind of nice to
have your own thing, you know.

Speaker 3 (50:54):
I was.

Speaker 2 (50:55):
I grew up born and raised Georgia, went to University
of Georgia. Honestly saw my life never leaving Georgia. I
didn't even know where Detroit was on the map. I
miss geography, so that's my own fault. But I'm not
really good at that.

Speaker 1 (51:05):
Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, I was like, where's the trade
and I was like, oh, it's way up. I know,
we're California Florida, New York, Texas. So anyways, I don't
even know where I.

Speaker 2 (51:16):
Was going with that, but oh yeah, we've fallen in
love with being here and made some really you know
what's great about la is no one really cares about him,
which is nice. It's like we can feel because there's
so many other.

Speaker 1 (51:31):
Pe could just be a couple in a family. Yeah, no,
I understand that. Yeah, and blend in. And because it's
not like one superstar in a small town. Yes, it's
like and everyone's a superstar. Yes.

Speaker 2 (51:42):
If we went back to Georgia, Texas, Michigan, any of
those places I talked about, my girls will be would
be known as his daughters. And I've already dealt with
the being the girlfriend, the wife, the you whatever. I
want my girls to know that they are like their
own people. They're not just his daughter. So like here,
they can do that a little more.

Speaker 1 (52:03):
That is fantastic.

Speaker 3 (52:05):
Well, I mean it's taken me a very long time
to figure it out, but getting there. So, but that's
what I want for them.

Speaker 1 (52:12):
And tell me how you and Hank know each other?
And oh ye at the podcast, Yes, Hank's my co host.

Speaker 2 (52:20):
He is from Michigan, I met him while I was there.
He's one of my best friends. He has an adopted
daughter with his ex partner now and honestly, he's such
a joy. And the reason I fell in love with
him is he knew nothing about football.

Speaker 1 (52:35):
So he was not trying you.

Speaker 2 (52:38):
Yeah, and my husband, like everyone adores hank and if
you listen to the podcast, he is such a time.

Speaker 1 (52:43):
He's so funny.

Speaker 2 (52:45):
He is older than I am, so he talks about
that as well.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
But it's funny because you would never if you met us.
I feel like you wouldn't put you together.

Speaker 3 (52:54):
Well, you wouldn't think we were that separate in age.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
Like, it was funny. My producer was like, yeah, you
have a what did you call it, Kira.

Speaker 2 (53:02):
Oh, I don't know, some kind of friendship where it's
like multi generation, multi generational.

Speaker 1 (53:06):
Intergenerational, intergenerational, what is that intergenerational?

Speaker 2 (53:10):
Something like that, And I go, what does that mean?
She goes, well, you and Hanker from different generations ship.

Speaker 1 (53:15):
We are well so are my husband and I and
it's fun we talk. I mean, obviously he has a different.

Speaker 3 (53:23):
We're completely different. He's in a single parent.

Speaker 2 (53:27):
Household right now raising his daughter and now he does
have a daughter. He's gay, and you know what, he's
just a light here. And when I say breeze spots,
that man makes me feel good about myself all the time.

Speaker 1 (53:39):
I love that. So so I brought him one for that,
you know, to.

Speaker 2 (53:42):
Make me feel get No, but he's he's such a
good dynamic on the podcast, and he was very jealous
of me sitting down with you today.

Speaker 1 (53:49):
Well, you'll have to bring him next time. All right,
Well he's in Michigan still. Oh, I'm trying so hard
to get him here. Yeah, tell him to come out.
Is he doing We'll call him. Okay, Well, you're fantastic.
I'm so glad we met. It's been fantastic having you
on the show. Tell everyone how to find the podcast,
how to find you on social the nice people on
social yes, yeah, or say nice things.

Speaker 3 (54:09):
Only if you're gonna come at it with positivity.

Speaker 2 (54:12):
No, it is the morning after I think like dot
Kelly and Hank. Is the podcast page my personal If
you want to fight with people, it's.

Speaker 3 (54:20):
KB Stafford eighty nine.

Speaker 1 (54:22):
And the podcast is wherever you get your podcast. We
are also a podcast one podcasting. All right, thank you
so